LeAnn caught me picking my nose and eating at one time was like, the fuck are you doing? And I was like our past the honeymoon phase. Oh yeah. It was like it wasn't like discussing it with you. You do that regularly.
Have I don't eat them all the time. I have a lot more than I'm comfortable.
You're so disgusting. You're you're the most disgusting person I am. I'm fucking disgusting.
Hundred percent on today's podcast is brought to you by established titles.
You can become a lord today at established titles dot com. How does this work? Well, in Scotland, land land owners have long been referred to as lairds, the Scottish term for Lord and with the female equivalent being lady.
All you need is at least one square foot of land.
Establish titles. Lordship and Ladyship title packs are based on this historic land ownership custom. I, for instance, am now a Lord and I would prefer that you guys refer to me as such. Burke is not. It'd be nice if you could remind him. That's one of the advantages you get going to establish titles and becoming a lord or a lady. You're better than your friends. Felt great.
You know that I became one title pack started just as low as forty nine ninety five and come with a personalized certificate. Looks beautiful. It looks official because it is so right now.
Established Titles is offering our listeners ten percent off their lordship and Ladyship title packs with the discount code bears press go to establish titles dotcom to become a Lord today and enter Bears at checkout to get ten percent off. That's established titles. Dotcom use the discount code bears' to become a Lord today.
A problem with them being here. What are you what's the problem? The cleaner. Why? Because I don't like anyone in outer space. I know that people come in the space, but I think I'm OCD. I think I'm really OCD.
And you have major anxiety issues. Yeah, like a second they walked in. I went like, what are you guys here. Yeah. Yeah. And they're all masked and gloved.
But I'm like and then by the beer. All by the beer, like they're by the beer that bothers you 100 percent light. Because they're like wiping down the food and stuff. Mm hmm. Oh, this fucking virus might have fucked my brain up. Like legit, you have a buzz going to I do have a religious buzz, has this virus changed your the way your brain's working? Do you think you could just go into a stadium of people and just sit the way we used to sit like this elbow to assholes and just right now.
No, no, no, no.
Say they have a say. They go vaccines out there and vaccines out there. I think I would still be cognizant of flus.
Yeah, you're probably that probably always be a thing in your head, being like everyone will be a little more or a lot more germophobia than they were, I think, to a degree.
Let's talk about the changes that have happened with society. Like I haven't been to the grocery store and I have not been to the grocery store. How fucking crazy is this? Like I made Lango every time and Lianne's type up blood and I'm type O, so I'm less susceptible to be like super sick and Lee-Anne is more, but I just can't go and she just does not fucking think about it or care. I haven't been to the grocery store in one hundred and thirty eight days.
Jesus. I haven't been out really like I I did the tour and stuff and I do this, but I do not go out like I don't I have never been I've haven't been to a bar 138 days. I haven't been to. It's even more now that you're seeing this shooting this a little bit before it drops it. It's been more.
Yeah, that's why I was at a grocery store yesterday. You know, I had a problem when we first started doing the show during covid when you were getting iced coffees until you. What was the problem? I didn't like it. But because I remember we first started this, we were like the very first week, we were like, all right, here's the deal, guys. We can make a little money. Everyone can work through this thing.
It'll probably be a couple of months. All right. And you're like, but we just got to stay safe. Everyone's got to stay safe. And we were like, all agreed, stay safe. And I remember taking that so to heart, like I leave the house for this. That's it. I didn't go home and go home. And then you shut up with an iced coffee. I go, where the fuck did you get that from me?
Like Starbucks. I went, uh, like I started melting the fuck down.
Really, this is why I haven't fucked a lot of people, is because I'm terrified of disease. I'm terrified. We talked about this. We talked about this earlier is that I wish I could be the dude that tried to kiss a ton of girls. I regret that. I'm not I don't regret now because I guess maybe that's a shift in personality and like, I am who I am. Yeah. But, you know, our first date, LeAnn asked me out because I was afraid I didn't want to be aggressive.
Yeah, well, that's just how you are, though, man. Yeah, but I was ashamed of it my whole life. I get that. I mean, not because I wasn't ever like that, like that aggressor type either.
Do you think that's why we ended up with women we ended up with or do you think that's why we're married? Well, that's why, because it seems like it seems like like both of us aren't like when I picture you in Bush, I don't picture you guys super sexual and like you and like like come here.
Even though we'll talk like that, like, I think people go, that's not happening. Right. But like, do you think that's why we ended up with the women we ended up with is because we are not we've never been like that kind of guy.
I mean I mean, I'm sure it plays a part in who we are. Definitely plays a part in who you end up with.
So, you know. But what does it say about our women?
That they're not into the type of guy who's like like that, I guess. Don't know. Yeah, I mean, but the thing is, like now, all these years later, I am more more of a pig. Oh, yeah. Oh.
If they start letting wives me to us, I am fucked. Yeah. My wife would be like, oh, oh fuck face.
Like how about we suck this dick bitch if they're like you can't take your dick out in front of your wife for no reason at all. Try my pants.
I'm like. She turned on by you think, no, not physically, no, no, I think lifestyle wise, I think she thinks she made the right call. I think physically there's no part of her that looks at me naked and goes, oh, yeah.
What do you think when she does have sex with you? It's always a penance or something. Or do you think that she feels that she is thrilled by it in some way? I think it's like. Do you ever see this movie, Snowpiercer? Oh, that's the guy who did the same guy, that parasite, right? Yeah, I think so. The Korean guy.
Yeah, so they used to give them bars of meal and they didn't know what it was, but they loved it. Am I right by that. About that. Yeah, they used to give them bars of meal like that was how they ate, was like a bar of meal and they loved it. And then they found out it was cockroaches and they were like, what the fuck have you been feeding us? Yeah, I think that's how LeAnn looks at my body is like it's sustenance, but it's not the thing I wanted.
But do you think she does? She has sexual favors or sex acts are solely for your benefit or do you think she's like.
I, I think she likes it. Yeah, I think she likes it. Like, I think I'm really good at oral sex. I heard someone say the other day, Whitney, come and say, just so you know, what you do to your chick isn't what I like and like. That's not an issue that has to be said on our podcast. But she said, you know, just, you know, what you do that pleases your girlfriend doesn't please me.
I heard that. And I had never been more solid and not leaving my relationship in that moment.
I was like, I will never leave like LeAnn because I can make LeAnn come. But I yeah, that's all I can do. Right. I'm a one. Got her down. I got hurt. I'm a puppet.
Act like I can do people that like puppets, but if you don't like puppets you really won't like what I'm doing.
Right. And I ain't even learn how to do that to LeAnn until like well into our marriage.
You told me that that you were you were doing it in an unpleasing way for me to put my lips around entirely and go, oh, I was a little joke. I know.
But now you actually dance around, right? Oh, just spit on it and go, you're stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't I don't feel like when Whitney said that I thought I was a part of my brain that I actually thought, man, I've been hitting batting practice with Nolan Ryan. Right. If I took this out into a fucking different league, like if I played fucking Korean baseball. Yeah, I'd be Babe Ruth.
You think so? Yeah. You think if like if you like, she died, you got hit by a bus.
Keep going. Keep or don't know how to explain more. I do. She's just gone. She's a bus accident motorcycle. His her motorcyclists are now going to reconstruct her body. A different story, but it's her. She's that. Pull the plug. She's dead and the wife's been hit by a come on motorcycle. Come on motorcycle. Her bike flies off a cliff.
It's run over by a couple of trucks. All right. She's totally dead. An elephant steps on her chest. Yeah, you're out there again.
Do you think you're making chicks come left and right? Like initially?
I was initially I was like. I was like, uh, like. Like where do you see what Captain Tingle's brings your way? Yes. And now I know that's not the fact. And now because of what Whitney said, because of exactly what Whitney said, where she said, oh, wait, what makes you think that you wouldn't you wouldn't be able to adapt to what the next woman like?
I don't listen. So I just said this at the end of the day when I used to have sex with them, meaning when we started, this is really intimate.
Hey, someone want to grab a couple more beers on the fridge? Eight minutes in and we're already here. So when I first started having sex with Man, I never read her body. Like, I just I did it as hard as as fast as I could so that I could get ready for my turn.
So, like, whatever I did, I did hard and fast and quick and like, come on.
Like, imagine if they said, hey, man, run three miles and then you get a milkshake and you're like, well, why am I going to walk? Let me just run it real quick as opposed to going like let me find the pace of my body or some shit like that.
So. The other day, oh, so that's all we got left. OK, that's fine, that's fine, that's fine. Thank you. So. The other night to the day we were hanging out and hooking up and and I've done this a lot, I say recently, like not like I mean, like our last four years maybe.
Yeah. But like, do you ever have sex and like, read the rhythms and then go like.
OK, all right, let's go at this pace. This is what I'm hearing you, I'm listening to you.
Oh, you're yeah, that was a heavy breaker being present, being president. I was never present. I was never present. Yeah, ever. Ever. I was just like sex or sex. I'll do my part. You do your part and they'll see. But hits and when we were younger hit a lot at the same time. But then there was this period after she had kids where it just was like, get get it over you, do you?
And then let's get it over with and go to Target, you know. Yeah. And I think that's where it was. And the other day I was like, oh, I just started reading your body. And I was I said, this was yesterday. Actually, Tom, yesterday. I said, You're so funny. I'm just trying to read your body really good. And she's turning fifty.
So like, part of me is like, I don't have the time to put in with another woman.
Yeah. Like to learn how to read when you want to be his body.
What can you imagine trying to read Whitney's body were like Whitney's already confusing as fuck when you be around her just as a person, can you imagine trying to read her body and be like, I'm getting so many fucking signals so I don't even want to step into like a fucking.
Let's go to the comics. Let's go read comic female comics. Who would be the toughest to read?
OK, I live with one. All right. So no, no, no.
She's she's actually she's very direct. Very easy to read. You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She tells you what she wants. Well, it's just like I don't know, it's hard to read. I just think it's hard to read.
But I know what you're saying because not everyone's like that, that it was like no. So some women will tell you like it's like imagine if you had to order from a menu and the guy's like working, what can I get you to eat?
You know, like, I don't know. And the guys like you guys like steak and she goes. You're like, oh, you like steak like. He's a pastor. He also is pastor, his pastor, like our pastor, and he's like, OK, he's like, oh, you're like Nazi food.
Oh, but wait a minute. Look, I guess there's a really good bit. By the way, that was a pretty good bet. It's a pretty good bit. And that's a good way of explaining it, actually. But here's here's the thing. I want to ask you.
Your your theory was that, you know, it took you a long time to read what was going on. And you're like, I'm just upset. My thing is, if you were single, if you were out there. Yeah. What about what you do naturally, just automatically pleasing the next woman?
I would hate to meet that woman. Really? Yeah. At a chicken wing eating contest. Just. Oh yeah. I mean, you like the same shit. Do we get sick who want to kill another foget. Do you want to fuck in the bathroom. And I'm like you know I do is go on pound for pound a pound a pound a pound a pound about it. Yeah. That woman doesn't eat. I hope she doesn't exist. I don't know what the next woman would.
They call me Marge.
They call me Bert knows. Now LeAnn is the only woman in the world that is patient enough for me.
Yes. I would never marry me. Oh. Oh my God.
You imagine like if you were single though there would be the honeymoon phase of like someone like me and you being like this guy is great.
But then when they like, got to know you, well, it's just once you get past the it's a weird thing when you especially when you talk about like it. There is this gray area, in my opinion, when you talk about like consent and like lying to a person because you definitely present yourself to a person to have sex with them is one way.
I'm Bert. I'm really an advertisement. Is that right? And then once once they get past that and they catch you sniffing your finger, that you put your asshole and they're like, what are you doing? And you're like, huh? And they're like that in your asshole. And you're like, Yeah.
Ha ha ha. Well, why would it be in your asshole if you felt like inside your ass, like a greasy asshole to rub it and then go, wow, I'm taking that to the face?
Oh, yeah, I definitely done that.
Leon caught me picking my nose and eating it. One time I was like, the fuck you doing? And I was like, our past the honeymoon phase. Oh, yeah. What was it like discussing what do you do that regularly have. You eat your bird all the time. I do a lot more than I think you'd be comfortable with in bed next to me. You don't ever just go.
This will make me physically sick. This will make me sick. And you just like in the mornings, I don't eat them all the time. I have a lot more than I'm comfortable.
You're so disgusting. You're you're the most disgusting person I am. I'm fucking disgusting. I am definitely disgusting. You clip your toenails and you take them under the table.
Still, yeah, yeah, yeah, now it's funny, but at first it was just because I didn't, you know, flush your turds, I know that's not fair.
We got a bad day. I've explained this to you. There's a woman who died free. What?
You haven't heard this note. Say it again. So there's a woman who died free diving. Now, I used to always watch my turds. Always watch my turtles. OK, get flushed, get up, leave. Right, right.
There's a woman who died free diving type in free diver, female death.
Right. What happened was she went down to the bottom. Her adream probably. I think it was. What year, what year do you think it happened recently? I saw in the documentary what happened was. When you free dive, it's all about just follow that when you do anything that's an adventure wise or intense, it's just follow the instructions that were given to you.
So when you free dive, you grab onto this club, it pulls you down to the bottom.
At the bottom, you have to grab the flag, give a thumbs up, pull the clip and go up just so they know, OK?
And so what happened is she got down to the bottom, grabbed the flag, gave a thumbs up, blew a kiss to the camera, and it threw her off because she did one extra thing.
She threw her off and she forgot to pull the clip. And so she sat there for like an extra 15 seconds, which fucking 15 seconds of free dives and kills you. And then finally, finally, finally pulls the clip and starts going up.
But now it's too late. She's already dead. Everyone knows she's dead. And it's because she did that extra kiss. And that's why I don't flush. Is that well, hear me out. Is that when I shit. I've been trained to do two things. Shit flush. Get up now I sit shit, push the button and spray my asshole wipe. And I just forget if I've already done the three things that I've been taught to do to make sense.
Hear me. So you're saying find this, find this woman, you're going to find her and then that explanation will explain because I've had an extra one extra hitchen on my staff. So you're saying that you are forgetting, though? I'm forgetting because it says. It's not her, it's not the person alive, I'm sure now that person is in an attempt to break that's in 2002 she died. Sounds about accurate, but so because she added one more thing at her bottom and blew a kiss to the camera type in the the blowing kiss.
Don't kiss. That's it. Streator, is that her name? I think about that every time I rolled out some. OK, I think about that every time, because I've only got I've opened my whole rhythm for shitting my entire life has been very simple shit. Sit down, sit down, shit. Wipe, flush. Now it's shit button wipe. And I've done too many things already and my brain's on the next thing. So that's why the tears are.
And that's why I forgot to flush it, because same thing as a free divers that I've done too many. I love that you can connect those two things.
Yeah. I think a lot of people would say I think, I think a lot of times people hear this and they're like, what the fuck's wrong with them?
But I would argue that 50 percent of the people much like the toothbrushing episode we went through. OK, surprise. You know, I think that's the majority of our show, is that half the people like me have people like, you know. Do you think you think 80 percent of the people like you, 20 are like me?
It's half and half. It's not half an hour. It's half and half. It's not happening. It's half an hour. It's not happening.
I tell you right now, if there's guys and girls watching it, I'm the guy. You're the girl. We're talking about a hundred fucking percent. What are you talking about? I'm every dude and you're the girl. That's like, no, I get up and I brush my teeth right away. Dude, first of all, your toothbrush thing is absolutely fucking disgusting.
I think it's accurate. No, and it's sick. And people that do it are disgusting. Gross people like you. OK, what I'm saying about the flushing, it's not a guy versus girl thing. It's like you took a shit. Most people find it to be pretty standard to flush their shit. And I bet there's a lot of dudes who just got Toshie dotcom or. Yeah. Or your buddies who are going, yeah, man, I have actually been forgetting to flush a lot too, because I because I much like a free diver.
I've experienced too many things. Now my rhythm's fucked up.
I got fucking thirty five years of of shit wipe flush shit wipe flush. Now I'm going to flip shit wipe bolkus.
Oh my. Got them off and then you're walking around going shit out of shit.
Yeah. I think this makes total sense. OK you if you brush your teeth today.
Yeah I did. I actually did. I actually did. When uh after I worked out, after I showered right before I came here.
Only because I started when you wake up that morning mouth doesn't bother you at all. Not at all.
You know what I'm talking about. No, no. I call it mouth. You don't you don't think your mouth tastes different when you wake up in the morning?
I mean, if I'm going to have sex with the man on notice it, but. Right, right. What do you notice? What do you notice? It's like a little more like like like little like. Yeah. Have you. Gamier. And you're a little more like dark you will that bacteria ruin a little mirror. Yeah. The bacteria has been building overnight. Yeah. Yeah. And then uh I like to water pick first mouthwash.
I don't even think of mouthwash. Rinse is nice in the morning use. It's not real. What are you talking about. It's fake news. No point doesn't do anything.
How long you think mouthwash stays in your mouth. I don't know. That's a great thing to Google. How how long does the scent of mouthwash stay in your mouth? What do you think?
50 seconds. What you think you think mouthwash stays in your mouth all day long?
No, but you said 50 seconds. I'm going to say you do mouthwash, right? And then what? You go if you're eating food later. You doing mouthwash and then having a cup of coffee, correct? I wake up, brush my teeth. Yeah. Oh, shit. Ari Shapiro, let's find out from him. Let's talk to a real man, OK? All right. Ari Shapiro, you're on two one cave with Thomas Grimberg shirt to get some clothes.
So real quick, how long do you think the scent of mouthwash stays in your breath?
That's another question. Scent of mouthwash stays in your breath. Gargle, spit out, yeah, yeah, yeah, is it an all day adventure or is it like roughly 50 seconds? There we go. All right, see, I told you, Tom thinks everyone's like him. And I know everyone's like, let me ask you. OK, here we go. Let me ask you let me ask you a question.
When you wake up in the morning on a standard average morning, you wake up.
Do you take a leak? Yeah, yeah, yeah, OK, do you brush your teeth within the first, I don't know, let's say ten minutes, like just waking up or food before you you do not. When do you brush your teeth?
Eat. Do you eat first. You eat first. No, I'll try to I try to do it right before coffee, because I had this idea that if you brush your teeth and have coffee, it's more likely to stay. Uh huh. I know there's no science behind that.
So what do you do to. I think before I go out. Yeah, but if I'm staying in the apartment all day long, I might not. Right? Do you think that's a good thing? I'm saying I have a life where you guys don't have where I might come in contact with zero people the entire day.
OK, so even if so, if you're alone, though, like if you were going to be just, hey, am alone for a month, you don't like to, like, clean your mouth. No, I do.
I do almost every day. I would say that's an exception.
I would say do you brush your teeth twice a day. No, of course not. Yeah, yeah, you can curse.
Yes, yeah, yeah, OK. Yeah, everybody wanted that once a day. I think what might be lacking, I haven't heard the whole conversation and I don't know if this is the right time to bring this up, but like we've all talked about your breath at it, so.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know that. I know that.
I'm just not sure, I don't know a grain of salt, you know, know, I appreciate that the whole thing came up because Burt was saying something about like Jews and their mouths and I didn't know that.
Ari. Yeah. I've heard reports says about Russia very late. It's problematic.
OK, thank you. OK. All right. Bye bye bye. Not the best teammate to have in this argument.
No, Mac Weldon is better than whatever you're wearing right now. Maxwell is a premium men's essential brand that believes in smart design and premium fabrics. Well, he does indeed offer industry leading underwear. There's so much more than just an underwear company. They really are a one stop shop for all types of men's basics. They're basics include socks, shirts, hoodies, underwear, vesper polo's and four way active shirts really are the longest lasting, highest quality items on the market.
They believe in dressing excuse me. McGlowan believes in smart design, premium fabrics and simple shopping. It will be the most comfortable underwear, socks, shirts, undershirts, hoodies and sweat pants you will ever wear. They have a line of silver underwear and shirts that are naturally anti-microbial, which means they eliminate odor.
And I only just Machiavellians underwear, socks and shirts look good. They perform well too. It's good for working out, going out, going on dates, just everyday life.
The folks at Macworld have created their own totally free loyalty program called Welden. Blue level one gets you free shipping for life. And once you reach level two by spending two hundred dollars, Mac and we'll start giving you twenty percent off every order for the next year. This is nuts. Yeah. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get into level two because I like discounts and once I reach level two by spending two hundred bucks, I get twenty percent off every order for the next year.
Count me in.
I'm level two right away.
Right away for twenty percent off your first order, visit Macworld in dotcom bears and enter the promo code bears once again. Twenty percent off your first order visit Mac Welden Dotcom Slash Bears and enter our promo code bears'.
This podcast is brought to you by Rakan Earbuds. Whether you're working from home or just working on your fitness like myself, earbuds are a must. You need great earbuds. Everyone needs a great pair earbuds. But before you drop a hundreds and hundreds of dollars on a pair, you need to check out the earbuds from Rakan. I have two pairs. I rotate them on top of my treadmill and they are phenomenal. You already know they're half the price of any of the premium earbuds on the market and they sound just as amazing and that is me testing them against all the other earbuds I have.
You cannot tell the difference. They sound just amazing. Their newest model, the everyday E twenty five earbuds are their best ones yet with six hours of play time, seamless Bluetooth perring, more bass, more compact design. They are super tiny. They fit right in your little hole and no one can see them. The earbuds are so comfortable and perfect for conference calls or bingeing podcast like two one cave there. Unlike all the other wireless options, unlike some of the wireless options break on.
Earbuds are both stylish, discrete, with no dangling wires.
Those dangling wires suck, by the way. Here's the deal right now, it's time to get your late the latest and greatest from Rakan, get 15 percent off your order at Byrock on Dotcom Egberto that's by Rakan dot com slash bears for 15 percent off retcon wireless earbuds by Rakan Dotcom Bears. Not though I mean on your planet.
Let me ask these guys. Hey, I forget.
Did you guys weigh in on the brushing. I don't I don't think you asked us, do you brush your teeth when they call you Ellen behind your back? Not to give me their honest answer.
I mean, I'm not going to lie for the longest time. I'd say this is a new like a new thing that I brush my teeth like right when I wake up like I've done in the last year. But like, I would wait till after coffee to brush my teeth.
OK, well, that's fair. And it's interesting because it gives you a room for improvement, because if you brush your teeth later in the day, the way I do, like later after meals or maybe even after a workout or maybe like after a meeting, I've done that. Like, you go like when you do brush your teeth first thing when you wake up. God damn it. That feels good, right? Yeah. You're like, that's amazing.
Like, why can't I do that every day? But it's like flying on a flight sober and having a cup of coffee. You're like, that was amazing. I'm not going to that every time. But it did feel amazing. I feel like the caucus is different when we have headsets on. Can someone do a mash up of the different types of conversations we have? Do you like it more with or without a very. It's a lot more intimate with on on.
Yeah. Hmm. Interesting.
If there's one female comic that you had to say didn't brush your teeth. Wait a minute. Why didn't you buy those earwax removal kits? We were texting about that. You were supposed to get those. Yeah I was.
Tud we type in earwax removal kit Instagram type an Instagram. Yeah, that's it, because. There was one that was like, you know, what I do is I sponsor, I send them to Leighanne, I message them till the end and I go, Hey, will you buy this for me? Yeah. And then she never buys them.
This is definitely not it. Nothing. Oh, I would pay money to have my ear filled with wax if someone could remove it.
None of her clothes that go back to the search engine block. Yeah, um, uh, Instagram promoted, promoted. Simsim million. No, not drops, that's amazing that you can't find it, but it's all over your your feed. No, no, no, not what's in your ear. Oh my God. Now, he's no, I don't mean to attack you. Nadav, I'm saying that it's just gross that that's a website. Um hmm.
Dr. Bougere. Anyway, we have to look for it, that would look really cool. I find it I send it to I always text it to him. Oh really? I texted you. I find it right now. But that was a while ago. I just got text to me. I texted you right now I go to my Instagram or Krischer, one point four million followers. Follow me if you can send me something at seven, seven, seven or seven.
North Hollywood, California, nine one, six or three. And I'll open it and put on my Instagram. I just got like this. Tell me what it's OK to go here. Bang, bang, bang.
Tell me you're finding it right now. Saghir Tom, you sent me a while.
It's it's going to be right here. How are you deleted all your messages? No, I don't. I delete my messages on my phone. These are interesting, like there's no way I have this now that I'm looking at it, I'm like, oh, here we go, Tommy, I got it pro.
We're pro, pro, Daudier. Nadav, I'm sending it to you. What's your what's your Instagram very Nordoff show there. That's not it. That's not it. All right, it's getting sent to you right now, it's on your Instagram put, it's already sent to his Instagram. Pull up your Instagram right now and then you can pull it out there, right? But I would love to do I did earwax removal in Vietnam, and it was one of the most rewarding things I've ever done.
How much did it come out as far as you can find it? Have you seen it now? You've never seen it. Fuck this little bullshit company. Let's get it.
Oh, yes. Yeah, right. Hey, hey. By a couple of those.
OK, can you buy a couple for real Nirav. Sure. OK, now Unadopt go to YouTube. Bert Krischer on YouTube. Krischer and and pull up earwax removal. It's like one of my top videos really. I did earwax removal in Vietnam. They do these. It's amazing. They clean the inside of your ears. Go to popular videos. Click on popular videos on the there you go right there and just open that little tab. And then there you go to the left.
Earwax removal. Yeah, just mute it. Why can we can we not play my own videos?
Well, I don't know. I guess we can. I imagine you probably have music in yours, too. Yeah. Just leave a muted. So we just scroll ahead. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Let me see your fingers. Keep scrolling. Keeps growing. This is on the street corner in Vietnam. You did it like there. They clean the insides of your ears out and it is fucking awesome. And so they do this guy, they can get a haircut and an ear cleaning and they take these dentist tools and they go into your ear.
They shave all the hair inside your ear. They pull all the wax out of your ear. It is if Nadaf, like you can hear on a new level after it.
So this one guy, they go into his ears. Right. And they're they're going in there with needles. Where do you see what they pull out? Take a look at this. Right. Yeah, do you see that little nugget? Yeah. Well, they're pulling Hershey kisses out of his ears, look at this, this is all the stuff that came out of his ears and he all of a sudden was like, I can hear so much better if we can get a Vietnamese woman in here to look at that.
Look at that. And that came out of his ears. That came out of his fucking ears. Look at the look on his face right now where you can realize is you can hear, right? Yeah, dude, some people create more wax and other people azouz trail. We should get his ears done. He creates a lot of wax. You do? Yeah. Oh, my God, Tommy, I can get these actual.
Did you get them to you too. Yeah. Yeah. I've really clean ears, ok. I don't really produce that much wax by my ears nonstop every time. All day long. All day long.
This Saturday a lot like I brush my teeth and it crazy that I look skinny in this and I was fat and now I'm just fatter.
Wait, you look better on the video than I do now. Yeah. Yeah I know, but I thought I was fat then and now I'm fat. You look great in it. I look like Russell Crowe right now.
Yeah. Which Russell Crowe. Russell when he played Roger Ailes. No, like Russell Crowe. Stop this right now.
Google Russell Crowe. Tell me I don't look like Russell Crowe. There we go. You look kind of like Russell Crowe, I feel like Russell Crowe, Russell Crowe looks like Dan Harmon. I don't mean anything bad about Russell Crowe or Daniel right there.
That's you on the left were right there. Yeah, I know. I look like fucking Russell Crowe.
Ugly that used to see that. I used to be a huge compliment to say Russell Crowe. I now look at him in Gladiator. Yeah. When he was in Gladiator.
Is he gaining weight for a role or is he just done? No, I think he goes I mean, he's obviously a little older and heavier, but how old is Russell Crowe?
You think I've got to be older than him right now? He's older than you, I think. No, I would think he is.
What he's got to be 50 to get over under. Over under. How old do you think he is?
I don't know. Um, fifty five. Fifty six now.
Fifty two. I bet he's got to be younger than Joe. OK, 56. Wow, he's older than Joe. What if he still drinks a bit, he'll be fun to party with? Oh, yeah, I'd be really OK. Gerard Butler, Butler, Tom Cruise, Joaquin Phoenix. That's a fucking fun part.
Night party. And everyone got 100 percent real truth serums. You think they would. Do we should plan a guys weekend, ultimate guys weekend? OK, OK, so how many guys in a guys weekend private jet? How how many? How many? It would be five. Yeah, you could put it like, no, you're the jack. I don't know anything about Jack. Right.
That's a big jet. OK, so it fit a lot. So let's pick the weekend. Let's pick let's pick the place first. We live at L.A. so we'll all do a movie starts right. OK, or whatever. But we live in L.A. G five. Sure. How many seats are five. Nineteen. So I'm saying it's way too many here too I think too. OK, so all right.
So that G to Ed G to 80. Sounds great. Seats ten.
OK, so me and you and we need eight other dudes. Guys weekend. Let's do seven. We have room to move around. OK, let's do five so that we're not over.
That's even that's even better. OK five five total or five more. Five more.
Five more. Yeah. Guys weekend private jet. First off, where do we go.
You don't want to go somewhere like you want to go to Hawaii, you know, when you're like, I wish my family was with me and I'm going to be a wine outdoorsy, OK?
Montana, I believe. Wyoming, yeah, Wyoming. We hunt pheasant, we ride horses, fish, fish, drink, drink hardcore. We got like a chef. Come in. OK, we go to Wyoming so we're going five to one or whatever you said. Yeah, we need five dudes in Wyoming. You want one. OK, let's let's name the characters. We're looking for them. We'll find the celebrities fit in.
OK, I think you want like like a honestly like a warren, like an athlete, you know, like the like talks like shit you need, you need an athlete. Yeah. We need to bring an athlete. It's got to be once we already got. Yes. OK, Sean. Yeah. So it's our brand. All right. OK, so we got Warren, you know, we got to think who's going to get along with Warren.
And he can because, you know, he's going to be aggressive on like crazy fucking people and they're going to be like, get their feelings hurt. They haven't been around black football.
You can't have Tom Cruise can have Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise has no fucking black friends. We don't know that.
I think he's a black kid. Right? I don't know.
I'm not trusting Tom Cruise remorse. I'll be honest with you really at all.
We're going to be like, hey, Warren, how are you doing? And then Warren's like, oh, shit, we're going to do that all weekend. And he's like, What are you talking about, Warren? Do you like motorcycles?
And then horns, like, why do we bring him kind of a good looking kid. Yeah. Jesus Christ.
So OK, so we're not doing Tom Cruise, OK?
Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, he's not L.A. bases, OK?
He flies any parties with us. We definitely want Matthew McConaughey, me you to have Matthew McConaughey. There's we need three more people. Is Matthew going to do all that weird shit he does.
Like you got to keep the high officials right here to stay. Oh, a little bit. How much fun would it be, though, when we all go to sleep and then you always get better?
I mean, you got to cut that shit off with the fucking high line fuck. Meet me in the middle shit. Oh, play.
That's the best. Part timers were laying in our bed in our bunks late at night and Warren comes in the room. He's like, You guys awake? We're like, Yeah, what's up? And he's like, comes up to our bunks. He's like, what's up with this shit fucking stuff?
And we're like, Oh, that's a movie, you guys. I didn't see that movie.
We're like, Oh, it's a character he did live in. What the fuck? And we're like, Oh, you didn't see school days or whatever. And he's like, nah. All right.
So Matthew McConaughey will put on a on a burner. Yeah, OK. Let's go wild card. Here's what we need for sure we need a real young like there's got to be the young kid that's on the trip, like, cool enough to hang, but he's got it 15, 20 years younger. Shila move. Really? Yeah, he'd be fun.
See, I like that for the weekend. Fuck a weekend. Shit. Shit. How old is he though. It doesn't matter. I'll take him.
Really. Shyla Bouffe is fucking perfect for our fucking trip war sapp. Thirty four years old, Warren is going to love Shila bluff. OK, all right. So we got Seya. We got me. We got you. Warren Matthew McConnells on the back. You ready for you ready for a you ready for a sneak attack one.
Yeah, ok. Bill Hader oh, I like that, I like that, right, because he's a little nerdier. Yeah, yeah. Like he's like everything everything's precise, right? Yeah.
And like he's going to he's going to be more quiet than you think.
He's going to be quiet or the better word that he's going to come in with like all the killer lines. Yeah. You didn't see coming out of this is my impression of Bill Hader at dinner with us.
Ready. Ready. Warren gets up, goes to the bathroom. He goes, well, I guess he's ordering for all of us.
And that is my impression of Bill. OK, you get up to go to the bathroom. He's like, are any of us going to talk? Are any of us going to talk? OK, so Bill Hader. Shila, move me, you, Warren Sapp.
OK, we have two more now. Three more. No, two more. Two more.
So get the type first then the person. What are we missing.
We do need someone I think for this trip who has experience with the outdoors, you know.
I mean, hold on. Don't let's not get ahead of ourselves, OK, we need a fat guy. The two, so no, so that we're not the fact. Oh, right, so we need a fatter guy. Yes. Not a fat fat her guy. OK, I'm with you. OK, fatter guy, fatter guy, fatter hitting Josh Gad. OK, because I think he's it like and then like, you know me and you mean you can connect quicker, quicker with Warren because we'll just start picking on him.
Well, he's already lost weight.
It says he can't pass on Josh Gad. Fuck Josh Gad.
All right. We need someone. I think we need someone like comfortably over three bills, you know, doesn't carry it. All right. I got extra time in Fat Actor Fat musicI.
Can we come up first thing like, oh, 50 fat celebrities, page six.
OK, wait, why don't we take Russell Crowe? He's in New Zealand and Shit Australia. Well, these are all women. Yeah, why are these 50 fat actors and they're all women and now it's all you can do better page six, OK.
He's dead. He's actually dead. Who do we bring, Chelsea Handler. What? Oh, just to, like, be like bitchy and stuff. I'm not bringing Jason Alexander. William Hung's not coming. No way. Oh my God. Mike Tyson. Hold on.
Hold on. Are we bringing Mike Tyson on this trip? You know, that turns us in a totally different trip. Yeah, because you don't want war to be the only person of color and then be like, is it just me? OK, Steven Seagal, no one ever gets a hold of you that would change the dynamic way too much Fat Joe. He's on a lot of weight. I don't want to be in the point where Fat Joe's saying the N word a lot and you're like, hey, man, you're Puerto Rican.
Like, you lighten up on that. It's like, uh.
Rosann, William Shatner, now William Shatner, I love this fat celebrity, do another search for a celebrity.
This is a pretty big, fat people. I really would like to have Russell Crowe, but I feel like some kind of guy wakes up, this does his own thing.
Jesus Christ fucking I mean, actors who have been shaped like I want current fat fuckin celebrities, fat celebrities.
Not current, you're going to get ones in an ocean current. First, celebrities, male celebrities, top male celebs. This is not all right, let's go back about this. Put the word list in. Can you write that down? The names we've picked already? We've got we've got Bill Hader. We've got. Warren Sapp there, who are these successful fat people, how about that one obese celebrities find? These are not they're just famous, he would be fine on the trip, who Steve Ballmer owns the Clippers.
He was a oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want you to whine, OK? I don't want him and I don't want Dick Cheney. Keep going. Going.
I don't want to hang out with these fucking people who could be fine. Keep going. Keep going. I don't think he's going to be president. I don't think he'll be a blast. She's dead.
No, he's lost too much weight, but I think he'll be fine, Harold Hamm, who see, I don't have any idea. I don't want Charles Barkley to be fun. OK, hold on. Do we kick out now? We had taken Mike Tyson. I would definitely have. Charles Barkley said to Mike Tyson. Yeah, right. I think it puts people at ease a little bit more. Charles Barkley puts OK, Charles Barkley or Shaq, they both would be a lot of fun.
We're going to Charles Barkley. You know what? Shaq is going to be fucking cramped up in the plane. Yeah, taking up five seats. Yeah, way too big. Our feet are sticking into the cockpit.
We have Warren Sapp, Shila, both Bill Hader take Tyson out. We have yeah. We have to I have to say this, but I feel like this list is not that diverse. We need we need you know, we need it.
We need a headliner. We need a real solid. I know what we're missing, though.
Well, it's it's the you have to think of the archetype first, OK? We got to have our our the what's it called. The patriarch. The like the Billy Crystal Wright.
The older Anthony Hopkins. You know, like the older guy who's like, all right, I was like, you go ahead and chop that firewood, you know, and like we're all we're all younger than this guy, OK? He's been out there before. He's been to the ranch.
So he tells us he's curly for four hour. Yeah, he's he's yeah. He's the guy who's going to kind of call the shots, so to speak.
Not like a boss, but he's just, you know, he's grandfather of the group. So who are we thinking? I mean, it's got to be somebody who's got a musician.
Sure. Yeah, sure.
Is it is it over 60 at least. Got to be at least 60. Maybe 70.
How about now, as I say, Eddie Vedder, two young. Yeah, but you want something like that, that's like a man musician, Garth Brooks. No. OK, all right. Past Willie Nelson, Leonard Cohen, Bob Dylan, Van Morrison, Neil Young.
Willie Nelson would be fucking fun, though. He smokes weed, which he would like so fucking.
Yeah, we get fucked up and he would just be playing the whole night. So interesting, I feel like I feel like it's Tommy Lee. No, no, no, Tommy Lee Jones would be a good fit.
What about a president? A president like Bill Clinton?
Yeah, he would be. He had folks like he would tell so many stories one time. And there's one big joke in this nipple. Yeah. I had a girl like him on or, you know, sucking my toes. I said, but clean yourself up to a napkin. What kind of big chunks of dough, huh? All right. Uh, yeah.
He would be so fun on a guy's trip. But, you know, the only thing that sucks, though, is you take it as a fucking joke.
No, he he would be like Secret Service would be everywhere and be like I mean, are they cool or what about George W. Bush? But like and we got to fall off the wagon, we put Ben Affleck on this I list all Ben Affleck, Ben Affleck, Ben Affleck, Ben Affleck, isn't it Affleck? I think you think of the insurance company the way you're saying it. Affleck as Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck.
I don't think it's Ben Affleck. Thank you. You're saying it's stupid how to pronounce Ben Affleck? OK, got. And that's a weird pronunciation, I don't have another beer, I think, yeah, to pronounce names dotcom. Ben Affleck, oh, I'm not saying it like that, Ben Affleck, it's the name. Looks like I'll be taking your insurance card. Ben Affleck, it's not Ben Affleck.
Casey Affleck would be good to go.
Casey Affleck, the AFLAC, if I think I think I'm saying it the old world way. What's the old world is when they came to this country and before Ellis Island and the guy was like, I'll just call it Aflac.
And he's like he's like it's been Aflac.
And they're like, it's Aflac. Get in line. Very I'm very progressive. I have always been on the right side of history. Yeah. Yeah.
This episode of Two Very Grave is also brought to you by Squarespace. There are so many things you can do with Squarespace. And first of all, let's just lay out that you need a website to be one of these people that goes like, oh, I don't I don't know.
You can just post something on Facebook that's not a website. Get a website like an adult. You actually need one no matter what you do. I don't care if you if you cut grass. I don't care if you sell pictures of your feet. I don't care if you take photos of crime scenes, you should put it on a website.
And that's what Squarespace gets you. You can publish content. You can sell products, you can promote your business. You can announce an upcoming event.
And it's easy to use. My wife is one of the dumbest people in the world. And she made one. She made one. She made mine bird. She made it by herself.
Easy templates, easy templates, world class designs, an easy way to sell things 24/7. Award winning customer support. Go to Squarespace dot com for a free trial. And when you're ready to use the offer code bears to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain that Squarespace Dotcom enter the code word bears'.
This episode of Two Bears is brought to you by Wub. You guys know we're obsessed with our woops. I love that. I have something that gives me insight into my sleeping, my strain, my recovery. And it has this amazing capability that it just remembers how your heart performed during an activity and just knows automatically, oh, you play tennis, you box, you listed. It just knows it's incredible. And of course, it has a strange coach and sleep coach kind of give you that that push.
Hey, today you should you should. You're ready for frustration. Hey, you should try to get to bed by this time. I love all that insight. I love the way it breaks it down. All types of people are using woop, you know, every day, blue collar people, pro athletes, special forces, all types use it and you can use it to. For our listeners, WOOP is offering fifteen percent off with the code bears at checkout.
Go to whooper w h o p dotcom enter bears brc at checkout to say fifteen percent. Sleep better, recover faster, train smarter.
Optimize your performance with woop. Wait now we still need, we need our senior member. I'm having a hard time with it. I'm actually not in love with our ah ah. How about male celebrities over. You're not in love with our five. I'm not in love with our five. I'll tell you I'm in love with Charles Barkley is throwing me off a ticket because I feel like we're losing someone great for Charles Barkley. I think we're losing a Matthew McConaughey and Ben Affleck like a real Johnny Depp of Denzel Washington.
Wouldn't you take Denzel Washington over Charles Barkley?
Sure. 100 percent right. Michael Keaton is a fucking great pick.
You want you want to do the can tell a story by the fire fire spot. And not just I mean, I love Charles Barkley. Different trip is a different trip. OK, OK. No, I made up with you, man. Schwarzenegger.
Harrison Ford. Yeah. Or Schwarzenegger. Either one. Right.
I'm not a Schwarzenegger. Well, I don't like his brand. He's watered it down. Harrison Ford is exactly what I'm talking about, has a ranch in Wyoming, he'd be like, oh no, this is the wrong streambed.
Harrison Ford is who we want. Harrison Ford is who. I got it. I got it. I got it. I fucking got it. Bruce Willis. Yeah, have a lot of fun, Bruce fucking Willis, yeah, Houser's Bruce Willis has got to be sixty five.
66, you got it, 65, Bruce Willis. So Bruce Willis is the guy who fuckin laughs at all of Warren stories, right? Yeah. Points his finger to Qalibaf and goes like this fucking kid, right? I was like you. Yeah. Bill Hader says a joke. And Bruce Willis goes like this, right? OK, and when we tell a story goes, is it just me or do these guys look like me when I was younger?
So we can offer our breasts. Charles Barkley.
I apologize, Warren, that you're going to be the only brother of color. But we got Bruce Willis, Bruce Willis, Bill Hader, by the way, I would definitely throw in Denzel Washington to this group. But what do we need? What are we missing? I feel like we're missing. Like we're you know, we're missing is a firecracker.
Yeah, a guy that's like, hey, guys, let's jump off this rock. I think that's you, OK, by the way, we kick ourselves out of this group.
Yeah, just do guys trips.
Terry Bradshaw, maybe a lot of fun. Brett Farve. Yabe Fine, Ken Stabler. Five would be a lot of fun, Barbara, be so much fucking we don't want another athlete, we don't want another athlete, we've got one athlete, we've got a lot of actors.
Do we want a humanitarian? See, I would actually argue that you want like. What do you want? I think you want like the kid that Shi'ah now, he's not the kid them in you. Are you talking like you're like fucking 13, 13 years old?
No, I'm saying, like, you know, 20 is like the kid. He's the kid of the group, man, because we're all like much older, you know, Zac Efron now, he's too like Gorz establishment stuff. I was beaming.
You need a little like little lost kind of, you know. I mean, he's like, oh, OK. Well, let's kick the fuck Qalibaf both off.
He's my kid. OK, so not. No, I can little mouse x. No, I don't know who I saw him on the shop, you know, I mean, when they're like, hey, man, we're we need some more water bottles. And then they're like, oh, I can't I know who's there.
And we'll say, is name at the same time on the count of three. OK, one, two, three. Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart. He's the kid. Yeah. He's like fucking 42. Over 10. He's the kid now. He'll be like, come on, Kev, pretend like when he first started standup, little Kev. And I'm like, I'm the richest person here. And we're like, Little Kev.
Come on, look at. He just put in young actors with God, that is, he is or I mean, I love you to death in the dark, but God damn it, you are a fucking whore. I'd completely agree with doing we bring like a like like Elon Musk with us.
And then just that to that makes it a fucking interesting trip, too. And then like he's like you ever seen like a hydrogen bomb dropped? And we're like, well, he's like, look over there.
We're like, oh my God, just imagine this just this moment, like, fuck, this is going to happen, bro. Yeah. Oh yeah. And so we're going to Wyoming.
We I say we I say we leave this up to the group to decide the last person. I think we've got a pretty solid fucking group. I'm not going to lie to you. Shiozaki, So you can't have Denzel and Bruce to take them. It's like the same Prototyp I would take Bruce off. Yeah, no, no, but I feel like I feel like Denzel is one Stila dude. I feel like Bruce has got a little bit of rancher inor and I'm a little bit of whiskey.
I saw Denzel one time. He had a tennis racket in his car and it was like real like that's not who I thought you were. What, like he was in a Porsche driving down.
Actually, I had a tennis racquet in my car. Let me rephrase that. I was driving the tennis and I saw him in a Porsche. I just was like, I didn't see you in a Porsche.
This is so this this makes him not part of the trip.
I don't know what's wrong with the Porsche. So it's just not Denzel, what has to be bothered me, it was like he's too big of a man to be in a Porsche.
OK, what do you like if you if you saw Denzel in the car, like what car do you see him?
Except, like, I think I see him, like with my clothes, my eyes.
I see him in like something he built himself now. Yeah.
No, I see him in like a big body sitting like a class, you know, or like. Yeah.
In Denzel for him and Denzel Washington car. Not training they are, that's going to definitely give you one type of car, Denzel Washington car. OK, watch this.
Yup, that's a little Porsche is an Aston Martin there. There's an Audi here. What's this? OK, top left one, Denzel Washington car collection.
Oh, you know why you need Denzel? Because he hit him and Bruce do the same. Serve a Rolls Royce. That's what I picture him in incident. Him and Bruce give the same services that that's what their wives do. Yes, I'm saying.
But I mean, I think you've got to go Denzel did OK if you go to as well, can you add Matthew McConaughey to that volcano? Because one that you want the juxtaposition of what?
I can see Denzel like pulling me aside, being like no friend. All right.
No, Denzel with Denzel pulled me aside. You know, he'd be like your friend, right? I go, What do you mean?
He's like three days in a row and a little whiskey a day.
Just got to keep an eye on him. I'm like, yeah, no, I got this. I'm ready to do a Denzel impression. Oh, OK. Well, I thought, OK, Tommy, Tommy and yes, Denzel.
I can play a clip from a Denzel movie real quick, just so I can get it in my do training day to do training day, just a clip from it and then play to my earbuds so I can I can hear.
There we go. There we go.
I know what. We're definitely losing Daniel. Daniel, after my impression of a. I don't know, you might really appreciate what you're doing. Oh, you motherfucker. OK, OK, OK, get ready. Yeah. Oh, that motherfucker. Thank you. Keep going.
We're going to piece this together. So we're going to do is we're going to flip it together. This is my impression, Denzel. I'm going to be together based off this one speech. And this is a speech he's given to Tommy about me.
OK, OK. Oh, that motherfucker.
Let me go ahead. OK, all right.
OK. All right. I'm putting cases on all you bitches. I bet there's cases on that bitch, huh? You think you can do this shit, Jane? He thinks he can do this shit, but keep going. You think you can do this to me? He thinks he can do that to me. You motherfuckers will be playing basketball in Pelican Bay. OK, ready? Yeah, that motherfucker is going to be playing basketball in Pelican Bay.
Denzel, what are you talking about? Keep going when I get finished.
What you shoot program nigger.
Nothing that won't keep going. No, no, no.
Stay in character to program for twenty three hour lockdown. Twenty three hour lockdown. What are you talking about, d on the man up in his face. By the way, this is no longer about me, this is me reciting a speech. Oh, I figured that out a while ago. All right, let's speed it up. All right. Let's stop because of that.
Has this been an entire episode about us figuring out a guy's trip? I think so. It feels like let's pivot and do something interesting.
OK, um, Joe Pesci would be a great person to bring.
What is Joe Pesci look like right now? Oh, Joe Pesci.
Whoa, whoa. How old is he?
He's got to be like 80, I guess, higher, actually 82, I would guess, bordering 90 here.
He replaced a jazz album. He's beautiful. He's a beautiful singer, a legit like a legit, beautiful thing.
He can do hair well. He's a hairdresser for real. Yeah, he was fashion. That's your dress. This is what Paci started as. It's interesting that there's a phase a group of Italian men who were hairdressers. And it wasn't like it was just like, yeah, it's a great j7.
Yeah. God, he's got a great life. Fuck, yeah. He plays golf every single day, every day, every single day out here, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so. I'd love to. I guess we're not going to be friends with them now after he kind of tries how we looked, but we didn't trash how he looks or I was in my head so. Oh and I'm sure you heard it. He's a good looking dude.
Yeah. All right. Give me, uh, what was the other thing on the list we needed to talk about today? We never got a call back from Whitney about getting worked up again, and, yeah, I kind of expected that to. Uh, you know, Whitney is really coming off very arm's length with us, and she's definitely not interested in whatever this is. No, you don't think she is for real? I think she actually is interested in what you are saying out there who?
I don't think she is thrilled. I think she knows about it.
Do you think if she knew about it, she just like you don't give a fuck real. Yeah. See, that bums me out about her.
Well, I mean, I'm just guessing that bums me out about her.
I think she'd be someone that would I would assume Jennifer Aniston will watch it and giggle and go, who are these guys? And then someone with a fucking brain on their heads will be like, actually, they're pretty too funny. Pretty funny comedians. They have a podcast called Debridement that's bigger than fucking friends ever. It was. I know.
But that's what that person would say to her. Right. Right, right. And then she got bigger than friends. And they go by a lot. Yeah.
By at least three times just minutes ago with her. Matt. Yeah. Yeah. And then she would go to it. Tell me more about them. All right. OK, I'll tell you what. OK, you be Jenan and I'll be I'll be the assistant. OK, ok. And I'm going to be like OK. And I'm going to sell to logit like I would sell us ok. And you'd be jenan. OK. OK.
Oh oh you're not make so much noise.
I'm reading over my portfolio. I'm sorry. This guy have you seen these two guys from two bears. OK, from what. You're going to love this. Is that a gay porn? No, no, no, no. It's a comedy podcast. You know, podcasting. Oh, yeah. Isn't that big in, like, the Middle East or something? No, no, no, no. Michelle Obama just got one. John McCain's got one.
Duck Shepherd's got one. OK. Yeah.
Uh, Amy Schumer's got one. OK. Yeah. Yeah. Remember, it's like the radio. You almost did a little milano's. Now listen, take a look at this clip, OK? This is Tom Sawyer and Bert Krischer. OK, two very funny guys.
They got a bunch of specials on Netflix and they're doing this segment that I know you're not going to get it at first, but they're pitching to come to your house and have brunch. Oh, I'm good. No, no, no. It's a joke, obviously. Oh, OK.
OK, so I want you to watch it.
So the thing is that I was thinking, you hear me out, OK? I think you should do something with them. It's funny.
It'll be it'll be funny like South Park when they first started happened. You know, I have a schedule right now, but they come over, we'll shoot it right when they come to my house. Do you remember when you didn't want to do Instagram and I put you on Instagram and all of a sudden you had a million followers before the first time was over?
Yeah, but OK. And gentlemen, do you remember when you said, I want to get back with Brad? And I was like, don't do it, trust me, it's the wrong move. He's going to take that girlfriend fucking search party. Now, listen, Jen, listen to me. I've told you everything you need to know. You should do something with these two guys. They're funny. They know who you are. They are big fans.
And I got to be honest with you. Yeah, I think they can help you greenlight a movie that you can direct. You've always wanted direct evidence, you want friends, you like, I want to direct I want to be the first female director. Look, I mean, it's true, you don't have really steered me wrong, but to have, like, two guys I've never met come to my house to have brunch. I'm just saying you can bring somebody here for safety if security.
Yes. I think just someone needs to pitch it to her. Right. And I know I wasn't the guy right then, but someone just needs to sell it to her. Right. And this is what needs disconnect.
Whitney is too far Hollywood for. We've got to bring her back to our level because she's right now, it's like it's like, you know what?
It's the beauty about Russell Peters. What we love about him is that he goes, let's call Faizullah right now. That is very true. Yeah, that's very aggressive in Hollywood. He's fucking straight up Canada. Yeah. I love takes a call. Let's talk on the air.
That's what we want out of these guys as we were waiting to do. Yeah. We want women to be like, hang on, let me get her on the phone. Hey guys.
And she's like, I'm working right now. I don't think so. Hang on. I get her on the phone, get her on the horn.
So salaries when he can sell us so. Well, no, she could. Yeah, and she won't. Right. But this is what's wrong.
But I don't blame Whitney for not doing that. Why not? Because she's like, you know, it's a relationship and she's like, I don't want to waste this energy. Nope. OK, how how many bridges am I willing to burn for you? A million more in Sapp, right. How many times I call that motherfucker Camron. How many times how many times have I said I'm willing to destroy a relationship for you? Yes. Yes.
That's called a rider die motherfucker. I think your wife knows about that.
I think I understand. I'm not argue with you.
I'm saying that Whitney might not feel the same way.
And that's what we need to change about her because. Because would you burn a bridge for Whitney when he calls you, like, hey, if you get me in touch with the dead? Yeah, sure. Of course. Of course. OK, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So how are we going to break Whitney down, call again from your phone? No, Tom Coburn called Whitney. I know, but I told you that I already called earlier.
I called earlier. I did. Yeah.
Yes, I did. He didn't. Yes, I know you didn't call.
Real quick, real quick. Look, look, look. I'm not lying to you, man. That's why I don't want know if I can bombard. Bombard her about what? Hello. I'm on a rough day for her at all. Oh, on. I bet you I bet she's got Jennifer Aniston's phone number in her fucking phone. She does. She does the most important, having a phone number if you don't use it.
She might want to, like, save it for when she needs a favor. Outgoing call. See messed with different numbers. I got a burner phone and I'm a texter real quick. Oh, man, are you sure you don't have a second to talk, Jen M.. She's probably like, fuck you, Burt. A. You think because your podcast blew up and now she feels like she doesn't need us? I bet voguing you. That's right.
Let's call Roeg and tell her to call Whitney. And then, like I said, let's wrap up.
No, we just started. No, we got to go. We've done an hour. Yeah. All right. Real quick, let's run through all the stuff we want to talk about. Rogan Possuelo, an interview. Did you watch it? No, it's great.
Blah. Two of them are on mushrooms and they talk about it right up front is fucking awesome. By the way, this is now four weeks since it happened, so maybe it's not a burning news. Yeah. OK, you want to surf.
I do want to surf. I'm trying to find this dude so I don't know if this will work or not. This dude messaged me that he does these like privates at Willow Springs, the racetrack. He messaged me. No, no, no driving. Oh, all right. Race horses that you could work that out, too, if you want to run less race horses.
Whoever messaged me, if you listen to this podcast messaged me again. I can't fucking find it. I wanted to go to Willow Springs with this dude.
I would love to raise horses against you, OK? Have you ever ridden a horse? I've ridden a horse at full gallop. I've had a I mean, not like a race, but like I've been on a horse that's running. Yeah, sure. I've run at a horse at full clip. Yeah, it's symbiotic. You like it. It feels like it's like fucking when you know how to do it. And this is this. Because what happens is when you get up, where's Whitney when you need this, because Whitney knows about riding horses.
You talk about Whitney a lot today because it's just today I've never far apart.
So when you ride a horse, you go into a thing. You go from like a little trot to a canter. Right. And A is like really awkward. It's really like it's like it's like to watch in two. Never mind two people fuck that, don't know how to fuck, I was about to use nine different analogies that you can no longer use now about two people who can afford watching them fuck and they cannot because they have some type of birth defect.
No, no. I was going to say because they're fucking high school or whatever, like you can't say anything anymore, OK? It's like watching two freshmen's fox. Just I don't know what you're doing. What are you doing that hurts. And so then you go to a canter, to a trot, I think, and then you go to a gallop and then you go to a full fucking sprint. And when you do, there's a thing that happens where you can see the horse's neck no longer like to.
The horse is like this, but when the horse runs his neck does this and you and all the awkwardness is taken out and you are just standing on your feet and the horse's body is running and you're kind of just on your feet by yourself, just going holy.
It's the great task fast on a horse run like five hundred miles an hour. I don't think so. I'm going to guess. I'm going to ask OK, I don't like. OK, close your eyes. I'm going to say.
Thirty five miles per hour. My guess was actually around 45, but I was gonna say 45, but I knew that's how I speak in hyperbole.
Yeah, the answer is higher. Fifty five. That's why I've run at 55 miles per hour. You have not you have OSAT on a horse at fifty five maximum sprint.
I wrote a line one time 50. Can you imagine trying to run from a line and it can go 50 miles an hour. That's like running away from a car. How fast can a line run 50 miles per hour to the Cizre? FAQ, How fast can a human run? Well, there's oh, yeah, what am I talking about? I have a treadmill, nine point five. Mm. Know what human can run twenty eight miles per hour.
That's I, Usain Bolt, the fastest human on earth kind of stuff. But I mean. How fast how fast can the average human put that and I'm going to say, you ready? Fifteen miles per hour, that's the average. I'm going to get on the. Yes. No, it's not 28 miles per hour. Let's see. Look, look what it says underneath the. No, underneath is 20. It is 20 miles per hour fast for a human.
What does it say when you drop it? It's fast for him, but that said, most athletes. God, how are you so bad at this? This video? OK, that's a joke answer. God, it's like his brain is like a fucking whole other wavelength. I almost it's like remember earlier was it this episode that we talked about having sex with LeAnn and just finding her rhythm? And I remember. I don't remember. I was.
This was. It is. I think so. And maybe we started with that and I think so. And then and that's what Nadav and I feel like. I feel like I'm I'm learning his rhythm. So like when he does that, he scrolls past it. I go, that's OK. That's no longer my nipple. That's my belly button. But that's fine. Oh, yeah. And you just kind of find his rhythm. And then I'm the person who's, like, been daddy.
I'm like, look, the only solution is you got to split their head open with a hammer.
All right, let's listen big. All right. Should we just kill our drinks? Yep. Should we see if one of the here in a dorm is Lee-Anne here? I don't know yet. I'll tell you right now. I'll go on Life 360. Oh, not even close. All right, we've got to go. All right. Tubers will cave to cave. I love you, I'll be to do it by the time some one goes topless while the other wears the shirt.
Tom tells stories in bird snowmachine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep your. Here's what I. Because there's always. No scrapes, a bit of booze, amateur photography, dirty jokes, raunchy humor, no apologies. Here's what I recall. So there's one case.