Transcribe your podcast

By the way, her tongue didn't stick all the way out of her mouth, ever tell you that? No. Yeah, her tongue was connected to the bottom so she couldn't get it out of her mouth. So she had kissed like this. How do you normally kiss with my tongue out of my mouth? Like that's how you kiss? Yeah, I go into the mouth and then what do you do with it? I fucking back it back and forth.


Show me a pain. It. Like that or, you know, like tongue in the mouth, like in the mouth, are you like the tongue? Oh, I like big fat tongue in the mouth. Hundred percent.


So I used to wear headphones all the time. You have guests and like on your mom's house, we're always playing clips. So I'd be like, yeah, hey, I'm throwing your headphones. And you know that like some guests would be like, oh, I'm good. I'm like, well, you won't be able to hear it.


And then they're like, OK. And they put it on and they'll like, hold it like this, like to their ear. And then they go down. I go, Hey man, that's not the last clip. Like there's more clips coming. And he's like, and then they'll put it on for a second. He's like, yeah, I saw.


I'm like, just put them on. What's the fucking problem? Do you want to hear the dumbest thing I've ever done. What I'm doing? I honest I hate to say it now.


I didn't know it then, but I was doing Fox News to promote some travel. Tell me you didn't know you were doing it.


I didn't know what it was like. Like now you say Fox News. Everyone's like, oh, did you wear a hood? And but what I was doing Fox and it was the first time they ever sprinkled my hair in, you know.


Oh, lady goes, hey, we want to break your hair. And I was like, Huh? She goes, I do it too. What's the guy? Glenn Beck. Because I do the Glenn Beck looks good. Trust me. You have some holes in your hair. It'll fill it out. So I was like, sure, she did it. And I was so obsessed with my hair, looking at it in the TV, like looking at myself on screen, like I always do.


If I'm on screen, I'll look at myself that I was I didn't do the soundcheck. And so we put in headsets and I didn't pay attention. The sound check. I was like, yeah, I'm good. But I didn't know that there was a reverb in me. So the guy says, Hey, Burt. So tell us about the new season of Flip. And I'm like, well, and as I go to talk, my voice is a second behind my voice in my headsets.


So it's like, well, well, I can cancan and I'm like so distracted. It's like a fucking idiot. I really casually take the headsets out, right.


So I don't hear it. Yeah. I then also don't hear his question because he is via satellite from somewhere else.


So you use like. I do like that, I answer it perfectly and I'm like and I can't wait for the next season and I sit there and I'm like, Oh my God, he's talking in those headsets.


I know you're the last one. He says he's like a lot of fun. Right? And I was like, oh, a lot of fun. It's so much fun.


I did. I did. I had a sinus infection and did radio. Yeah. And it was one of those morning stations where they're just like, you know, you're in and then the guy who's working the other clubs coming in. Right. So you're in there for like 20, 30 minutes. So I had a sinus infection and I was so plugged up that like, I couldn't breathe and I couldn't hear so I couldn't hear a thing because my ears were completely just plugged up.


Do you remember when you ruptured an ear on a plane?


No, I didn't. I didn't rupture in here on a plane. But my doctor told me if you fly.


Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You going to keep going.


And the same doctor, when I said, well, what can I do? He goes, sit on the left window. And I was like, why? He goes, because your left ear is super plugged up. So if your eardrum ruptures, it'll go all over the window. And I was like, what the fuck? That was his advice.


Can you imagine sitting next to someone and having their ear rupture on the side of your face? Oh, my God. And just being like. What was that use these guys like? Sorry, it's my ear. Keep going. So I see. I am in this radio station and I and I know I'm sick and I tell him I'm not feeling they're like, all right, sit here, put these headphones on, I put them on and there's, you know, different people talking.


I can't hear it. So I crank it all the way up.


But that just sounds normal to me. That's how plugged up they are. Well, as I'm leaving, another guy sits down and he he goes, whoa.


They said he does a segment and then he sees me, like in the in the break room, he goes, Hey, man, you're hearing problems.


You know what? Because you're hearing problems. And I go now.


And he goes, I just sat in your chair after you left. And that was the loudest setting I've ever like. That doesn't hurt your ears.


And I was like, oh, I can't hear normally I can.


Only thing I've ever had so much of that is I walked in, I did radio with Zane Lamprey and I was fucking day drinking like early morning. He called me at like ten and he was like, I'm doing 24 hours straight, come over and have beers with me. And I was like, great. I skateboarded over to his studio.


Dude, he had the sickest setup. He had this back before anyone had studios and offices. He had the sickest setup. And it was like at a bar and it was so much fun. I got fucking wasted. And I was like, I go pick up my kids, I'll be back and I come back and.


A new guy is sitting at the mic I was at, and they're just like, dude, what the fuck, man who shit on this bike? And they're like, I have no idea. It smells like shit smell. And I'm like, I don't know about it all.


And they're like and they're all just one of the guys like I think it was. Birds breath Oh my God. Are you drinking beers in the morning and brush my teeth? I smoked a cigar. Oh my God.


I just got you know, what I did last night? I went for my jog. I did a two mile jog, tried to get to five and 1/2 miles. I did a two mile jog and I brought a cigar with me and I just jogged out two miles. And then I lit a cigar and walked home and it was fucking awesome.


So psychotic, that is. It was such a great treat. It was an original thought.


It was originally it was trying to bring cigars with you who I wanted to I wish I was boozing hard. I wish I could, you know, I drank. I drank. Saturday night. OK, Saturday night, that's believable on Saturday night, I drank some, like, beers by it. It wasn't fun like it wasn't. So I didn't drink when quarantine's started to drink for like 60 days, right, and I didn't lose anyway, but I didn't drink for like 60 days, maybe less than that, maybe like 45, 50, 30, definitely over 30.


But I don't. But maybe forty five in a row. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When I first started. OK, and so March. April. Yeah.


And then I had my first buzz and it was a big buzz on my back and the new house in the backyard during sunset. And it was the greatest buzz I've ever had. And I had all these realizations of why I'd never quit drinking because I was like, if you quit drinking, if you go, I have a problem, I'm going to quit drinking. You don't get this feeling. You don't get this feeling, that feeling filled with shame.


You're like, oh, I fucked up. I really fucked up. So I said, I'm never going to quit drinking and do these. I'm going to do these were runs where I don't drink for a while and then I drink because this buzz is the best.


Brand new buzz. Brand new buzz. So that's a really inspiring take, a great reason not to drink.


So I haven't drank since New Year's Eve right with you. I didn't drink New Year's Eve. And then it's the eight seventeenth or whatever, sixteenth. So fifteen for 15, 16 days.


And and I go up to watch the sunset and I bring two beers and I drink fast so it hits me.


Nothing happened. And I was like uh and then I was like and then, you know, for me I don't know. But I'm curious. I'm curious. A lot of things that people think the way I do for me, I can tell the beer buzz is over, the enjoyable is over. When I get on my phone and I just start searching things out.


Is that, by the way, this thing is. Killing me, it is to the detriment of, I think, all my happiness.


How do these people I so admire people that aren't really into social media, even though it benefits me if they are, I, I actually.


You know, I mean, like like I meet people and they're like, I don't have a thing, you're like, how do you how how did you avoid? Like, I feel like we have to have it because of our jobs.


Terrible business.


But man, that I hate that I am in that cycle of I open it and I check an email, I check emails.


Are there any emails. It's 20 emails. Is one of the last things I checked. Yeah that's. Yeah but it's like emails, texts and then it goes like Twitter, Instagram.


I never checked Facebook, I haven't checked Facebook and I take that I got a lying. I was on Facebook last night for the first time and I had to get my password reset my passwords. I didn't know it and had and I don't even have it on my phone anymore. I had to do it online. I had to do it on safari. Yeah. And so I logged into Facebook for the first time and then immediately got sucked in like shit, God damn it.


The one that sucks me in the most is Instagram.


I think I love so and I love the form.


I love, you know, it's photos and we've we've never really talked about this. So I'm curious, what does your searches show up? Because all mine is, is Puerto Ricans getting their haircut. What?


That's all.


All I have is Puerto Ricans getting their haircut just like you mean like fucking bitch every time every fucking picture is some Puerto Rican getting their haircut. That's horrible.


And I'm fucking obsessed with it.


It's like your home, OK, when I go to my search, is Puerto Ricans getting their haircut? OK, people grilling me, people grilling me and golf shots.


Oh, and boats capsizing.


Yep, OK, so. I understand the golf because because of I did that, I did that golf show with, uh, with fuckin.


Michael Collins, I think my name is my drawing a blank right now. Michael Collins is like the can you Michael Collins, America's Caddy. I think I'm almost 100 percent certain that Michael Collins Michael Collins turned me on to Michael Collins. I did a show with him and then he turned me on to Bryson DeChambeau. Yeah. And a bunch of golfers.


So I got really into, like, watching great golf shots. Yeah. And like, this junket is like a thing. So I can understand golf. I don't know why.


And by the way, I love watching Puerto Ricans getting their hair cut. Yeah. No, yeah. I learned great.


I love it like so much because I love when they come in looking like fucking werewolves and then they're like, oh, I'm going to cut those lines.


The lines are so defined and clean.


I know it's a good OCD thing for sure. Is that what did do you why have you watched it? I've seen I've seen a bunch of barber stuff is great.


I've watched it about, oh, when mine is like looks like it's a it's a lot of cars like cars and cars.


Oh yeah. Cars, some basketball stuff. Yeah. By the way that's ironic. Yeah. A lot of basketball stuff.


Um some football. Yeah.


It's like it's basically all that means a lot of grilled meats and and like anything grilled and then surfing. Apparently there was the biggest waves to ever hit Hawaii were this week. Really. Yeah. And so I have to be unbelievable bro.


Pull up Nathan. Florence, Instagram. Where do you see this guy that is I don't know how these guy is. This guy like this is this is a guy.


So I wish I had all the names. Nathan's my friend go to go to the one with far, far, far. Right. All right. Yeah. I want take a look at this guy. He is. Look at this. And good night, Irene. And then he comes over the falls. Oh, my God.


How long do you think how long do you think you'd have to train to be able to attempt to do that? Like if you're like I want to do, you know, I've been thinking about I think you'd have to do year like years of, like, baby waves. Right. You're so funny. You say that. I actually I've been texting or jamming with that with Nathan Florence. And he's always like, man, get out here. We get you on some waves.


And I'm always like, I I really do believe I could be towed into a big wave right now and get in and get out, not fucking get into the into the like the the barrel.




But I think I could be towed into a big wave and I probably would stay longer than I need to because I, I can definitely wakeboard you would stay a lot longer than you need to because the wave would dictate that and I will send a an entire production crew.


If you're willing to go.


I'm going to do that. Nathan hit me up dude. Kaylani I think that's his name. K a I, I think I'm. Kayako, go to his Instagram, where do you see the we Wavves this motherfucker caught this guy had the best guy, dude, this guy and I don't know I don't know him.


I only know I don't really know how well you look at this. This is look at this fucking guy. He had the best weekend of waves. He is in every video I've seen.


And this guy charged it so fucking hard all week.


And I must have watched a million videos of him. Look at him still on that wave. And then he I'm obsessed with it out there. And waves are still going to be breaking right there because that's where that waves breaking. Dude hit another one of his videos. This guy is a fucking look at. I mean, just absolutely fearless. Yeah, oh, yeah, it's getting towed in, right? Yeah. Fuckin a dude, there's one video that I watched.


I don't know, like I don't really know who's I'm watching. I'm just watching these. I get by the way, if you can make your living doing this, this has to be the greatest life to make.


I don't know. But I mean, he gets you get sponsors, you they compete in events. But just let's just say you're making a good living and you're like, what do you do?


I surf for a living.


See, the real unbelievable these guys, you know, I follow. So Nathan has a blog. This guy, Jamie O'Brien, head of as a blog.


This is guys, this is Chi Chi Leny.


I think I hope I'm saying your name right.


I'm sorry if you're watching this, but this guy had the best week in Hawaii because every video you saw, he was in it. He was in everyone. And he was like, I mean, everything I clicked on, he was in. And and so this guy, this is how it breaks down.


OK, let's do a deep dive on this, because this I would be curious to watch a documentary on this onwe on blogging because, you know, for me, the first person I ever, ever saw on a blog was this guy, Mr. Ben Brown. Mr. Ben Brown was this British guy who lived in South America, South Africa, and just had a blog and was just a really great photographer. And then I found Katie Neistat, you know, Katie.


And I said, That's right. Yeah.


Casey Neistat was he's got a huge YouTube presence. Yeah.


I mean, Casey Neistat, fucking impressive. What's interesting, I'd say this to Casey, and I hope it doesn't come out shitty, but like I think he'd say it is the vlog kind of cannibalized his life a little bit. And I started blogging because of him.


But you would see. And you couldn't there was no there was no, like, temperature to take. For him to like judge how far and how close to get to the flame or not to get to the flame, you know what I mean? Yeah. So like, he was getting recognized by, like, everyone in New York and he was loving it.


But in a weird way, the blog became more about like more about watching someone get famous, if you like, because he likes to deal with CNN.


And then he started a podcasting company.


So it's almost like watching a guy blow up was what the vlog was about was what originally when I found it, it was about watching him organize his office, do this, kind of watching him organize his office. One of the most engaging videos I've ever seen in my life, more so than half the shit I've seen on Netflix. It is was fucking amazing. And then you start getting these surfers like Jamie O'Brien, Nathan Lawrence, all his friends, they all have blogs now.


And but it's it's seamless because these are guys who are recording themselves every day, doing some of the most crazy, insane shit that I want to see charging fucking 40 foot waves out in the ocean.


Like I've watched this guy, Nathan Lawrence, just simply paddle out. Yeah. And I'm smiling because he is smiling, like paddling out at Waimea. Just he's smiling, doing it. And then I'm watching him. All I'm seeing is the camera from the board and I'm smiling. I'm going I'm going to be a fun day.


I'm not surfing the fucking way. Right. But you're that exciting. I mean, he got flipped. He was like, oh, watch me get caught inside, which is like a bunch of waves are breaking in your Courtney inside.


And he was like, I ended up holding my breath, like, I'm not going like, what the fuck?


It's so I mean, I'm I'm obsessed with it. Yes. But it's very natural. And I want to make a very long story short. I will move to Hawaii for a month. Mm hmm. I will train with them and I will charge I will be towed into a big wave.


One hundred percent. And you think this is going to happen when I march?


That's really soon I could do a march, I guess, be probably 215. Yeah, I'm are going to get to 215.


I'm trying I'm due to I've definitely had a fucking like apparently I've gotten rid of all the alcoholic bloat. Wait.


And by the way, I like to say, if we're going to get rid of words, if you don't like being called what you don't like being called. I don't like being called an alcoholic. I like that. OK, but I'm going to fucking finger pointing a word. Yeah. Words like you don't have control of everything. Yeah, I do. So don't call me that word.


How do you like that. OK, how about that. Call me the N-word or. No, don't even call me the N-word.


But to be to be fair, you said I just got rid of the alcoholic bloat. Oh yeah. I was hoping that I can say that about myself. OK, the way I know what you're saying.


OK, so by the way, we don't have to get into it. Uh, uh, but I think I think if I.


OK, do you like my tracksuit bra. Oh.


I almost texted you. I was certain certain when I saw this, I was like, he's going to show up in his tracksuit, so I'm going to show up in the tracksuit. I was I was so certain you would show up in it. I didn't know that you got expedited shipping on yours, but you you had yours, too. I got mine. I got mine. I didn't I was going to hold on to it. So I was like, maybe he wants to save it.


I thought a special day.


Do you see where yours came from? England. Not mine was yours come from Ukraine. We did not come from the Ukraine too. I don't fucking know. I don't know. Sewing brothers is in England, right? That's what it says.


But the. I'm sorry. I'm saying the packet like so I see a package on my package. I'm like what did I get from the Ukraine? And it was shoved into a box like they were fucking shipping people. Here's the thing.


So I see the Ukraine and then I open it and I just see a little bit of fabric and I'm like, what's in here? What the fuck is in here? Like, I thought something was going to be wrapped like a hand, you know, I was going to be wrapped in a like a blanket or something. Yeah, yeah. It freaked me out.


And then I was like, oh yeah, that's right. I go, Berts definitely going to show up in his tracksuit, so I'm not going to say anything.


I'll show up in the tracksuit box.


I got mine, I got mine and immediately put it on.


Yeah it is so it's so well-made. Right. Yeah it's great. It's is it the same one. Exact same. God damn it.


Exactly. Do not wear. I didn't you know I almost put it on then I thought I don't want to spoil it because if I go and I like that's definitely my personality is to steal the thunder from a joke and be like I'll own this.


And I was like if there's anything I was certain of is that you would be wearing this today. I swear to you, I would have bet my life on it real quick before we get any further. It's moving. It's out there. Oh, we are watching the big game, the final NFL game of the season, February 7th, 3:00 p.m. Pacific, 6:00 p.m. Eastern. That's before kickoff. It's going to be Bert Krischer, myself and Hall of Famer Warren Sapp.


He'll be here in studio with us. We're going to watch the entire game. We're going to drink, smoke, eat great food. We have some prepackaged stuff that we're shooting. I have to. Oh, good. I have a lot of ideas.


Hey, here's the deal. If you're not into football and you're like, this might not be for me, don't worry.


Me either. Burt's here. Don't worry. It's going to be fun. I want to find out. I want to find every time I ask boring a football question.


Berbee Like, do you do you ever think about like how come some guys dicks are small in the locker room and then he'll be like, what? And then you'll have a good time.


I want to I want to ask one who the most unintelligent person he ever played with is. Oh, he'll probably be the lowest IQ. And then I want to go through a list of people he played with, and I want him to guess the right cues and then we'll see if we, like, put him on a scale. Here's the other question. I was thinking this could be a fun game for me and you right now. Yeah. Let's go through football players, OK, that got fucked by by signing with the team because they shouldn't have lived in that city.


Like I'm going to say this, Farve might have been the perfect guy to go to Wisconsin, even though he's a Southern guy.


And you think maybe he would have been great for the Saints for some reason?


Branding wise, he was perfect to go there, right, right. Tom Brady was was great in New England, but but he could have been better somewhere else, you know, like. Right. Perfect example.


Randy Moss got fucked by going to the fucking Vikings. Randy Moss, his personality should have been somewhere better. It was like the Vikings were like, you know, he just he was he was always a fish out of water there. It wasn't like home to him.


Right. He's a West Virginia guy. And he has like I mean, he even he speaks with like a Southern drawl, like.


But he loves hunting and fishing. And so I'm saying. So southern southern cities would have been like titans.


The Titans would have been great for Randy Moss. You know, he would have loved because and then also think like like I was trying to think like. Because Philip Rivers just retired today, right? Yeah, yeah, and I was like I was like, you know, he kind of I always thought he was perfect for San Diego. And then someone's like, oh, you know, he's a redneck, you know, Philip Rivers.


Oh, yeah. And I was like, oh, shut up.


So he didn't belong in order to is is Jerry Maguire is you know what it is? It's Bill who's the guy played for the bills. Jim Kelly. Jim Kelly was like, fuck that.


By the way, almost everybody that goes to Buffalo was like, fuck that.


That town so embraces all their sports and their players. And like you play for the team, they embrace for every every fucking guy that goes there is like, I got to get the fuck out of here.


What's great is they loved Jim Kelly after he was like, fuck that, I'm not going there. Yeah. And then he came in with sloppy seconds, like, I guess levels are the NFL has done so. Yeah, I'll play for you guys like we love you.


I mean, I remember Willis McGahee being like most places. Cold and shit to do. Do you think Warren was perfect playing for Tampa, or do you think you would have been a better dolphin?


Oh, that's a good question. I think it was pretty perfect in Tampa. I mean, what do we loved fishing. Yeah, he loves the outdoors. Outdoors and. Yeah, I mean, it's a great and it's home for him.


He's he's a Florida guy. Troy Aikman. Perfect cowboy. That's a good one, right? Yep. OK, perfect cowboy. So let's take let's take a Hall of Famer.


Give me a list of Hall of Fame.


Oh, by the way, we didn't mention the euro for the show. The Earth's changed its live stream. That's why Image Studios Dotcom live stream. That why Image Studios dotcom tickets are on sale. You can also go to our BIOS Instagram. You can go to our stories swiper. We have the ticket and everything.


Everything's up there. It's going to be super fun. Yes, super, super fun. And it's going to be I literally I have been I have been talking to catering companies about like catering.


Oh, OK. I tell you, I actually wanted to do a cooking segment, like a mash up of something's burning, OK? And do and and do like the big game nachos. Oh perfect. Or something like that. It's a good idea that we I think it's going to be a fun time and I'm going to get fucking wasted because I haven't drank. I will only drink what I'm gonna drink from Winston Churchill Day this Sunday. OK, but I've been barely drinking.


Here's my question.


And you really it is is the goal. You want to see two one five on the scale that's like where we're headed or see two and five would be fucking amazing. Yeah.


To perform at your best, you need to feel your best from head to toe.


Features has solely focused on engineering innovative high performance socks for almost 20 years. I didn't even realize they've been around that long.


They created a sock with a custom like fit to prevent the issues with conventional socks. No more bunching, slipping friction and blisters. I got to tell you, CustomMade is exactly what features feel like. They feel like you have bespoke socks on. There's like it just it's compressed exactly where it needs to be compressed. It fits great. Like it doesn't slide off. It doesn't have, like, something like bunching up on your toes. It's absolutely amazing.


They're specially great for like you're going for a workout. Going for a run. I fucking love their socks. I fucking love their socks. And I ran a thousand miles last year and I'm on track to run two thousand miles this year.


SeeWhy Features has quickly become the number one running sock in America for listeners of two bears, one cub. You can receive ten dollars off your first pair of features when you go to features dotcom cave. That's Fitty. You are s dotcom cave for ten dollars off your first pair of features.


Do you really know what's in your multivitamin? I take multivitamins all the time. Sugars, GMOs, synthetic fillers, artificial colorants. Not to mention byproducts like. Sheep's wool, gelatin from hooves and hides, what the fuck, these are all ingredients you might find in your multivitamin, but not in ritual ritual isn't your typical mine multivitamin ritual as clean, vegan friendly and made with key ingredients, nutrients to form in forms that your body can actually use no shady ingredients?


Let me tell you what. I take multivitamins nonstop. I especially with all the touring I've been doing and all the stuff going on in our world right now, I've been loaded up.


I called rogard one time. It's like, those are horseshit. Here's what I love. Ritual's a multivitamin reimagined. It's formulated with key ingredients, including vitamin D, which we all need. It's made traceable. So you always know where the ingredients or the nutrients come from. Thanks. Dirigibles, one of a kind visible supply chain. It's designed with different life stages in mind for men, women, teens my age, my wife's age.


And it makes healthy habits easy. You deserve to know what's in your multivitamin. And that's why Ritual is offering our listeners ten percent off your first three months visit ritual dotcoms bears to start your ritual today.


But you know what? I had a full bloom. Do you? When you have a cheat day where you go like me, like yesterday for Krispy Kreme doughnuts, cheeseburger, like I just fucking went ham. Do you gain like five pounds?


I mean, you can OK, OK, OK, because I have a list of things that I wonder what regular people do. Yeah. Versus but like go hang on, let's start with Waki, you know, OK, when you wake up as a regular person like no booze whatsoever, do you does it take you a little bit to wake up. I'm a very slow riser.


Oh God dammit. I thought I fucking Alzheimer's. The only time I ever, like showed up out of bed is for a flight.


Like when I get, like, nervous, I get like anxiety about the flight, so.


You know, especially if they're like Karl, be there at 5:00 a.m. or something, I'm like, all right. And then when I hear that go off, I'm just like I sit up and I get ready to go. But on a regular day like today. Yeah, I mean, it's it's slow. I always wake up.


I mean, I didn't because when I'm drinking, I think my wake up is a little more panicked. Let go. Let's get the fuck out of bed asshole. Cause you were drinking because I was drinking. I'm a little punitive. So I wake up and I'm like, hey man, you want to go hard? Last night you went hard, but you're getting up. Now we're getting on the treadmill and I got I in bed today and I'm just like.


Fell back asleep and then opened my eyes. Also, it's eight thirty, I'm supposed to be on the treadmill eight and I'm like, OK, wait, so when do your eyes open? Eight, like four at eight o'clock. I started, like, when you go to sleep about last night, I can tell you about my woop. OK, by the way.


Hey, Woop, let's make a thing where I can change the sleep because sometimes it tells me I got no sleep. I'm like I had a great night's sleep. I'd like to like last night. Forty two percent. They're saying bullshit. I slept eight and a half hours. God I went to bed at. We're to tell you where you know Ben. It'll tell you if you look in sleep, it'll show you when it started, when it entered time in bed, right.


Nine hours in bed and how much time to sleep? Eight hours and 22 minutes. So you went to bed like just before midnight, like eleven forty. I went to bed probably like 11, 30. I've been listening. I've been really obsessed with the with history lately.


We'll talk about that. I like that you referred me to the Dictators podcast, which is really good. So fucking really good. It's so to. Let's talk about history in the second. Let's get back to what regular people do.


OK, so so waking up takes a while. You get up and then all of a sudden it's like you're like, I'm not going to be able to work out today, like I'm fucking still asleep.


Do you do this where I tell myself when I wake up, resist sucking Hockaday, resist sucking cocks today. Resist. The like the urge to check your phone immediately, oh oh oh, because our our instinctively do it. But then sometimes I'll tell myself even just can you wait two minutes just to like. You know, the present in the room I won, I actually noted one of the most depressing things in the world is waking up, not realizing you're kind of getting on your phone.


And then Instagram goes, you've been on your phone, you've been on Instagram for 30 minutes. And you're like it says, I have an alert that says you've been on for 30 minutes.


And I'm like, what the fuck? And I don't even cut Puerto Rican guys his hair. Yeah, I really think I could cut a Puerto Rican guy.


I think the amount of videos you watch now, I almost I'm almost certain I could cut a Puerto Rican. I'm almost I'd actually bet money I could kind of Puerto Rican guy's hair better than a Puerto Rican guy. The average Puerto Rican guy could cut a Puerto Rican guy there.


Well, I know you, by the way. I don't know. Sure, these guys are all Puerto Rican. I'm just keep saying that. I can tell you for sure.


They're not they're not they're not all Puerto Rican.


But it is it does paint a picture when you say it. Send me to East Harlem.


I guarantee you, Spanish Harlem, I will fuck up dudes there. I could set up shop right now and know how to cut hair and and put, like, fucking designs in it.


He wants another normal person thing that you're wearing.


OK, so. Last night, it's windy, yet windy where you were. Yes. Does it do normal people go like do their heart, skip a beat and they go, oh, we should get fucking hammered right now, like just every time the wind blows?


I don't think so. I don't think so. But some people will say that they feel that way. But I don't think most people feel that way.


And then what a write down Ryan Sickler in there, too. And then what's the difference between. That and what makes someone broken with like. Because I'm trying to judge, like, is it normal because it's like beautiful, it's windy, and then I go, oh, cigar and a cocktail will be nice right now. That's not mocktail. And then I go, I don't want to work out tomorrow. You want to feel healthy tomorrow, don't drink.


And then I was like, go for a jog and get a cigar. And then I was like, go for a jog. And then I was like, you know, we can't really jog with a cocktail. And then so then I did the jog in this car. But do you how often do you think about having a drink or getting high or trying a drug like throughout the day?


I do think about eating an edible every evening, and I do a bit, I don't do the hangover after inedible.


No. You don't wake up, you just it just put you to sleep. Yeah. It just helps I have upped my doses, really? Yeah, I might try on Sunday, I'm a drink in the morning and then I'm going to try to go on the treadmill that that day. And then I might try an edible Sunday evening. It's good. I'm going to do the kind Christina does because I don't like I think yours will make me fucking tremble.


No, no, no, no. They won't just have an indico if you're trying to go to sleep, are trying to sleep, just have an Indica. It's just it. But here's the thing is, if I find out I like it, you know, I'm going to do it like crazy. So what I do it every day is that now is I find for you.


I mean, I do it like I go, OK, everything's done. I'm going to get in bed, watch TV a little bit, and I want to go to sleep in a couple hours. So I do it then.


See, I can I even with Xanax, I fight that feeling like the other night I had. I so I drank Saturday night, Sunday, I just feel off, like just feel off and then my anxiety kicks in in a weird way where I go, OK, I got a fucking coronavirus.


My legs kind of hurt because I was because I'd run eight miles a day before I had slept good. My legs hurt, my back hurt. I just didn't feel right. And I was and I was hungover, I was hungover and I go take a Xanax and this will all go away. And then I fight with myself. I go, don't take a Xanax, don't need a Xanax to feel better, sit and wallow in the fucking misery and go to sleep like.


And then I am fighting with myself all night long.


Do you think regular people do that or. Yes. So I think that's very common. Really. Yeah, I think it's very common. And I think your instinct to not indulge in it is a good one because you're basically then just feeling the feeling and the feeling will end, right?


Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think it's a very normal, normal thing that you're thinking and feeling.


I'm curious. I would love to know. I would love to do have an app that I could that was just on my phone. Right. And every time I thought about drinking, I touched it. Right. Yeah. And then to see how many times a day I think about drinking and how often do you think about drinking?


A lot. You do a lot. I think about it a lot. Like I think about I think like having a drink. Yeah. And I'll tell you why. And it and it fades the longer I don't drink. Yes.


I would get depressed. This sounds almost psychotic. OK, I get depressed if I have stuff to do to do during the day because I don't have the possibility of just getting wasted whenever I want.


This happens regularly. This happens like when we're on tour and I have shows that night, I almost sometimes Melida, I get depressed knowing that I have something to do at the end of the night and I can't drink until the end of the night. I've got to get my work done. Yeah, I will get depressed like I will. I'll go, like, not for the whole day, but I'll have like a pit in my stomach for a second world go.


You can't get wasted. You have to work today like that.


That doesn't bum you out. Yeah. I want to get rid of it. Oh you do want to get it.


Yeah but but I it the further away from drinking I get the less it happens. Right. Because I just go on, I just get to get shit done tonight. But, but when I'm in the throes of partying and the biggest trap is touring I think.




When there is no better feeling in the world than knowing you have nothing to do that day. Yeah. You wake up on the bus, you're going to a lake, you're going to take the boat out and someone's lit a joint or someone has already opened a beer and it's like fucking 10:00 in the morning and you're like, ah, like that.


I love the touring where it's Saturday night and the shows are over and you know that the next day you don't have to get up early. So you're like, like the night is is is free. It's yours. And all night. Yeah. You have a full night, you're not going to get up at 6:00 to catch a flight and you go and guess what, there's like a great bar across the street from the hotel or whatever.


And you're like now. Now that's an enjoyable experience to me.


I got I got melancholy last night. Got I can't wait to go on tour.


I doubt thinking about getting on tour, Tom, about going on tour. I got melancholy about my I someone sent me because Cody Rhodes got a tour bus and people started tagging me and you and like and like different tour bus champs.


And so I got melancholy at my first tour bus and just the feeling of getting off stage and going to a bar and walking in and there being like five hundred people there and being like, yeah, and everyone like you want to drink and forget like that.


And then being like, I'm done getting on the tour bus and drive in the next city. I miss touring so much.


I say I like I mean, I've talked about it some, but. I miss it more than I've articulated. Oh, it's been just over a year for you, like touring. I mean, I did do OKC and Huntsville the last couple of, like, club shows. Yeah. And I have I'm going back on the road next month and I have club dates throughout through June. I think I'm supposed to go on tour to late August or September.


You know things. I don't know what's going to happen. Yeah. But sometimes I'll think about being on tour and it's like a fantasy, like I escape and starts like I'll it's like a full fantasy where I'm like, I can't wait. I can't wait to get back.


And it's people are, you know what else happens? People tag me. I'm sure it happens to you too on this date like a year or two ago.


And you're like, oh yeah, that was like Toronto or that was you know, that was a. All right.


Whatever what cities, what cities. And not to slight cities that you're what if you could do like a three city tour for city tour in the in America where you got and like I'm just saying you don't get like. The runs would be like Orlando, Miami, Tampa, the runs Atlanta. I'll give you a couple options, OK?


I know I would pick OK if I was picking like a three city run. Three city run right now. Oh, no, no.


I would do Madison, Milwaukee, Chicago. Oh, wow. I love that run. That's a great run. Yeah, Chicago theater. Yeah. And then and Milwaukee, the Riverside and Madison, I think the Orpheum or something like that. And I tell you, one of my favorite ones. Ever. Yeah, ever. Portland, Seattle, Vancouver, it's the best, the best. I'll tell you what I do. Portland, Seattle, Calgary, Vancouver, because I love that ride through the Rockies.


Yeah, the that northwest. That is one of my favorite three city runs. The Portland, Seattle, Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, Seattle. Vancouver is a gluttonous three city run because it's not that far between each and they are such amazing cities. All right. Hold on, hold on. Let's now list I'll tell you my my favorite MD. Yeah. Anything including Indianapolis. You want Indy. Indy. Is it just any of those little chunks Indy can get folded into so many of those little like runs?


Yeah. And they all always Indy always had like a snowstorm show up.


Mm hmm. I have some very fond memories of Indianapolis. Florida is always a fun. I don't think I've done a Florida run.


Really. I did one Florida, I've only done one Florida run, it was like Tampa, Orlando, Fort Lauderdale. Oh, really? Yeah, that's I know it can't be right. Tampa, Orlando, Jacksonville, no, no, no. Oh, maybe I've done a couple in Jacksonville, Orlando, Tampa. That's a good one to. Yeah, I miss it, man. I really miss it a lot. I can't wait. I cannot wait to go back.


I know it's going to be so much fun.


It actually feels like. Like I've been. Kept from my life, like my normal life, so I'm like, I'm looking for it. It's like getting out of prison or something, you know, you're like, I want to I want to be allowed to go back to what I want to do.


I want to do everything is like a placeholder. I would like to do I want to do some clubs to get even though I'm like I start I have a new album.


I want it to be better. Like, I want to just scrap it, build a new hour and then take those one hour I have and then fold it in. Yeah. And make it really good. I'm so excited for writing a new hour and that crazy. Yeah. Like I've been writing jokes. I just ran one by Nadaf. Sodomy doesn't sound as bad on paper as it is in actual life. Was like I don't, I don't get it.


And I was like no. If someone was like having a sodomized your front yard, you're like, oh, make sure to get all of it like.


But like, I don't write jokes like that, but I've been writing jokes like just because I don't like straightforward, I mean just writing punch jokes just for fun.


What was the other one I wrote. Oh I fucked like a Tesla and it's an easy one, but like I love those.


How do you feel. Like a Tesla fast. I'm quiet and better be a plug around.


It's so like but I like those quick ones and then I and then what's interesting about comedy, you know, it's funny, though, by the way, about a joke like that, what you could do, like some huge theater have like this epic show and someone leaves and they go, oh, I love that Tesla.


And you're like of the whole fucking hour, the whole fucking leg of the stories and all that, like the insightful stuff or the whatever kind of like, you know, really on in there, like that test because it's memorable. Yeah. Oh, that's one Zaillian remembers. Yeah. I've been obsessed with writing lately.


What I did is that there's a little I don't know, I took those poster boards in high school or grade school.


You do your artwork on and then get sent in in the teacher. I put them on my table, my desk, and I just write jokes all over it. And then I go through and I pick out the ones that are any good and then move it to the next one. And so that I have some jokes that so I should have a poster board full of jokes. But was it.


Oh, and then here's the one that I, I, I don't do these well I don't do these types of jokes.


Well but they're. So I watched. A bunch of stand up the other week with the girls, right? Yeah, because because. Yeah, because Netflix did the best the best of the year. And so you were on it. It was your bank joke, I think. Yeah. My period party was on it. That's why we watched you, because I was there. We watched a bunch of great clips and then we started watching a bunch of great standup and then the girls started asking me about writing comedy.


And it's funny, I don't.


Dedicate time to actually write comedy, but lately I've been I have been so started breaking down how I write jokes for them, for them, and when I do a great hour, the best it is the way, the best way.


And what it is is if you for me, if I write a ton of different types of jokes and can plug them in wherever there's dryness in the act, like I have like four good stories, four big stories, but have shit in between to connect the tissue. And so they were like and it was funny because you know this, but like you'll come up with a premise and then. And no one will like it, but you have to commit to it to get there.


So like the premise I came up with, we're watching something about serial killers. The Night Stalker is great.


You finish it. Yeah, it's phenomenal. It's what did he do? Like, he was a though.


When you think. It's not cool. I mean, I think he was all misogynistic a little bit.


Yeah, it was. Did. He had great cheekbones, he he did have great cheeses with a good set of teeth. I wonder if he would have still been a serial killer.


Yeah, his teeth were really bad. I wonder if his teeth are the reason he is to. Oh, my God, they talked about it.


It looked like a jack o' lantern. No survivors. I would be like this dude's like when when they were first meeting, like talking to detectives, like his breath was unbelievable.


His he had rotting, rotting teeth and an impacted teeth.


Yeah. The that is a fucking amazing. And he died of cancer.


Yeah. 53 years old. Yeah.


Which means he was doing this shit what.


In his 20s. I mean, that's a. I said I was saying to the girls, we were like they were like, Ilocos, how come we have serial killers anymore? I said, Oh, we got school shooters. We read them out. We get them early, they become a school shooter, and then they never end up in circler. And they're like, Dad, what is this? Is that, like, a bit? And I was like, I'm going to work on it in my head.


And they're like, it's not funny. I go, no, it's not funny right now until I make it funny. Right. And they're like that. It's not it's not like that's not funny. School shootings aren't funny. And I was like, oh, you're not allowed to tell me like. And then. And then you realize. That's like. Committing to like small grains of thoughts. Mm hmm. And going, I'm going to work this through into a bit.


And one day people will laugh, but it's got to be shitty first, right?


Like, it's got to be like it's got to not work. It's got to not work. Yeah.


Like it's got to anything that works out of the gate is either like one of those magic things or it's too common, way too common.


But if you struggle with it and like bam with it or just really dig a hole and you're like fuck but you stay trying to figure it out, those are the ones that really leave an impact that I had.


I told a joke on here one time that I had Nadav edit out, that I then took on the road and that was one of my favorite jokes. And it's the Confederate statues joke, but it was nine different ways of racist before it got good. Yeah. And you kind of got to sit there and go, I understand. I'm not doing this right. Yeah.


You got what you do is you're like it's like you're trying to solve a puzzle or a riddle and you're like, what about this? And everyone's just like, no. And but you're like, yeah, but I, I know that I'm going to like guess right at some point.


At some point I'm going to figure, I'm going to get I'm going to get a a curveball right in there. Yeah. I like I'm obsessed with history right now.


I'm obsessed with it, yeah, because and I'm and these are all just thoughts, but like there is a there's such uncertainty in today's world that we live in where.


I remember there was a. A young man that died, that was the passed away, it was in my news feed, I don't know the kid, but he was androgynous and there were saying he thought it was a she. But then I was like, oh, I'll never find out if it was like I will never find out what this is, what who this person is like.


I can't even talk about it now because the world we live in, there's no certainty. There's very everyone likes to have you on uneasy ground because when you were on a firm standing ground, you were an asshole. Right. And so now it's better that they have you kind of. But there's something really cool about history where you're like, oh, no, Japanese people, eight Americans like.


It's horrible to say, but that is true. That is true.


That they can't deny that they were eight American soldiers. They ate their livers. They cut chunks off their back, threw them in a pit so the meat wouldn't swallow.


But it's so horrible to say. But it's history like you can't deny it. Sure. Isn't that crazy? That. Jimmy, yeah, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy was an island right by Iwo Jima.


Japanese all killed and consumed five American airmen.


Wow, look out for flyboy's. Yeah. And those were like George Bush's friends.


And so what, these, uh, were pilots that crashed.


Look, he says this. They're all friends of future. The only one to evade capture was future President George H.W. Bush. Only she ran our country and Japanese people aid his friends and he never knew what it was like being shot down.


Bombing raids, a tiny island 700 miles north or south of Tokyo. Eight were captured the night to. The only to evade capture was future U.S. president, then 20 year old George H.W. Bush.


After the war was discovered that the captured airmen had been beaten and tortured before being executed, airmen were beheaded on the orders of the lieutenant general.


What is it, Yoshio, by the way, now that you've listened to the real dictators are going to fucking love to hear this, because remember that guy? Have you listen to the one about the Japanese guy, Toto? No real dictators. It proves what a fucking ineffective contact guy was, what a here's the deal this you heard about in an area.


I read this book. I read this book. And by the way, they're talking about these. There were tons more. Here's what happened. This book called Flyboy's. It is fucking amazing.




And and but what is fascinating about this is I can't defend cannibalism, but I guess I can in this is that these guys that prime minister of Japan at the time, the one that instigated the attack on Pearl Harbor, who started World War one or two in the most aggressive way with the U.S., like what a fucking mic drop? Like, what a fucking oh, I'm sorry. You're like that is such a sucker punch. Like, literally, you're sitting there going, oh, shit, there's a fight over there.


And some guy just coming, Jacques's you enjoy like what he's like now you're in it bitch. And you're like, yeah, what the fuck.


That guy was a absolute moron, right. An absolute moron who couldn't even kill himself right at the end. Couldn't even kill himself. Right. Missed his fucking heart. Really fucking jackass.


And what's great about history is knowing you can't get in trouble for saying this because it's true.


That's what I love about his dreams. Why you're embracing this is what I'm loving about. History is a, you can't deny that fucking Lenin and Stalin were fucking mouth breathing, window licking morons who are just as bad as those guys are storming Capitol. That's all they were. That's were they were they were revolutionaries. They didn't have it figured out. Storrie Lenin did the same shit. The Tsar Nicholas did the same fucking shit and killed the Jews and kill the Jews.


By the way, I'm talking way too loud right now. Yeah, but like, that's what like you were really enthusiastic about that last part.


I'm obsessed, you know, Czar Nicholas, like, fucking started killing Jewish people and they're like, what the fuck are you doing?


The revolutionaries came in, the Bolsheviks took over the government. We're going to do better. And the first thing to do is start killing Jews also.


And you're like, what the fuck the.


They don't they didn't change anything about that government at all other than they're like, yeah, we just won't call the rich people, the elites. They're just be us like it.


I don't know what I'm obsessed with history. And it's giving me like a warm blanket.


This episode of Two Bears, One Cave is brought to you by policy genius. I think I speak for everyone when I can say Thank God it's a new year. It's got to be better than last year.


If trying to save some cash is on your mind, think about reshaping your home and auto insurance rates with policy genius. You could save up to 1055 dollars per year with help from their licensed experts. It is a really simple process and I thank them for doing it this way. You go to policy genius dotcom. Answer a few quick questions about yourself and your property and then they do the rest. They compare rates from over. Thirty top insurers from progressive to nationwide find the lowest quotes they're licensed.


Experts will look for ways to maximize your savings and then if it's time to switch over, they switch you over.


You don't have to do it. I love them for that. If you're a homeowner, make twenty, twenty one the year you save up to one thousand fifty five dollars by simply reshaping your home and auto insurance. Just head to policy genius Dotcom to get started right now. Policy genius when it comes to insurance, it's nice to get it right.


This podcast is brought to you by viewer. I love your show. We all know that I'm running two thousand miles this year and I ran a thousand miles last year. Here's my deal. I like to get up, work out in the morning, and then I like to put on active work clothes. But I don't want my clothes to suggest, Oh, this guy is going for a workout. I want to look nice, I wanna look good and nice, but I want to be in clothes where if I decide I want to, I can just hop up on the treadmill and fucking pound out or grab a kettlebell while we're watching a movie and do some kettlebell squat or just dunk or just dunk.


That's what I love about Vieri. It is a new perspective on performance where if you are sick and tired of the old traditional workout gear, get yourself some viewer. They're all designed to be worked out and it doesn't look like it. So you feel comfortable and you feel like you can actually hang out in the real world, go and be around people and I actually sleep in them. They're that great. They've got woman performance, joggers, men's core shorts, which I fucking love, and the Pontac Ponto shorts.


They're great for like literally lounging around the house or hopping on the treadmill.


Vieri is an investment in your happiness for our listeners are offering 20 percent off your first purchase. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at your clothing. Dotcom slash bears. That's V uteri, clothing, dotcom slash pear's. Not to mention you will receive twenty percent off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any U.S. order. Over seventy five dollars and free returns. Go to your clothing dotcom slash bears and discover the versatility of your clothing.


Speaking of cannibalism, were you also obsessed with that Armie Hammer story?


Can I tell you who? See, this is OK. What a perfect transition now, because good looking guy, great actor. Here's what's amazing, I'm not comfortable talking about Armie Hammer with my thoughts, because once again, we go back to the world we live in now where I don't know if what I'm saying is right or wrong. Got you.


But but the history stuff I can say I can talk definitively about history. But with Armie Hammer, when I read it, I was like, oh, it's a little it's really fucked up.


What is the actual see that the voter. What's to say in that. Yeah, in that link when you click it.


Once his returns were to return to America so they can figure out joint custody. OK, but like, OK, so and now here's the other thing is I don't know everything about this Armie Hammer thing.


Was it just that he was doing checks? Well, here's the thing. That's not cool. I think about so. Whoever leaked the DMS, yeah, they just leak his side of it and you can tell that there's a back and forth. Oh, they just they almost like, scrubbed their sides. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, I got it. So it's just all his stuff like in a row. But you can tell that like when you read it, you go, oh, he's responding.


Right, because he goes, I want to see, I want to see everything. I want to see your brain. Well, I would definitely bite it. I can't read the part one hundred percent.


I'll try to or try to fuck it. Not sure which. Probably both. If I fucked you in a vegetative state, I believe you feed you, watch you and keep fucking you.


I actually had a joke where I said, but if you go to like, that's a good joke.


If you go to like the other ones, there's some that are like clearly a there's clearly an interaction going on, you know, keep going.


These. Wait, how.


I'm like Bessey, like it's like even the way that reads, OK, when he says so hard and it makes me confused as to why is that even possible so hard thinking of holding your heart, Mike, but also.


Fuck, that's scary. I never like that. You know, that like there's an interaction, it's not just him writing fucking one thing after another, you know, if it is him, just like if she was like, what's up?


And that's that's it, then you're mentally you're like, holy fuck army.


But there's a there's there's even more I mean, like, you know, uh, you blocked this account, but the last thing he wrote, you blocked me.


But look at the thing. He goes, no, but when you said it, like, that's a response. Yeah, but you're not seeing the other what is being said.


I wish I had someone. I wish I had like a deer. Like what? Like, he's not just saying that. So here's my question.


If that is, by the way, I don't really think he's killing people in need. No, I think it's his kink and it's his fantasy. His kink in fantasy is to like, look, you know, here's the thing.


It's not a chill one. It's not it's not like a cool. But I still think that it's fantasy stuff.


I don't like what is what is different from that as to like BDM and like like being someone's slave. And it's totally different. You know, I think it's different. No, no. I mean, it's different, but it's like at what point do we draw the line where you're allowed to have a kink but some king can't play? Oh, right, right, right. Well, at what point do people start going, don't tell anyone because like I remember getting a video I'm really talking about today.


I remember getting a video from someone and they were like from that Mistress' I did the thing with one of the videos and it was so creepy. It was a kink where people liked walking upon bodies in the forest. Uh huh. And finding them in, like, panty hose, like laid out in the in the leaves.


And I was like, oh, my God. Like, you just found an unconscious girl or like a dead body. Right. And then I don't know if they back off on it or whatever. Yeah, well, I never watch past just a body and leaves, but I.


I'm open minded enough to say, I guess as long as you're not hurting people, and that's that's generally, I think the the point of view on all these is like as long as there's consenting people and no one's and this is just that it's fucked up.


Right. I mean, that's what it seems like. It's like I'm cool judging people. I'm being fucked up.


Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that seems to be the thing. But like like you're saying, though, I think the way that, like, you indulge in this, if you're him, is if like the the woman is like, you know, pouring fake blood on herself, you know, and like like. Yeah. Bleeding and or you get like a deer liver. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.


Hold in your hand and yeah. That's fucking weird. This is so weird. But like I've never had as much pushes him. So, like, I'm sure he gets tired of regular pussy and he's like needs to be right. I mean, I'm guessing I don't I'm trying to defend a guy who's not defending every one and then stitch you back up.


This is a really intense.


Yeah, because I won't let you die. It'll be a waste of a perfect life. I would not use that word. Tell me the fantasy. Can you imagine all the warm blood all over my cock as I fuck you in the ass? Drink it up, my fucking drinking. I fuck you. Oh, look. I mean, blood is all over us, OK? Maybe I should have read all these before. I was like fucking me rubbing blood all over both our faces.


I mean, I guess. I mean, it's just as fantasy though, right? I don't know.


What's the next one say. Wow, Hedera is just how completely OK.


Oh wow. Why would can I tell you I would fire the guy just for the fucking fact that he's doing this to people.


It's pretty it's pretty aggressive.


I've never deemed anybody. It's pretty aggressive.


Brand new tattoo. You mark, you shave your head, keep your hair with me, cut a piece.


This is so fucking intense. Like, OK, I'm starting to get it now. I'm starting to get it.


You're hard to get a piece of your skin off make. You could get it for me. I mean, I feel like that he would love flyboy's.


He would love the book flyboy's. I mean, feel the times can be endless. Who's slave master relationship is as strong as we'd win. When I tell you to slit your wrists and use the blood as lube for anal, it's aggressive.


I mean, but it's so thought out. Let's call my dominatrix and see if she can defend it. OK, do we do it? I don't like the woman. I let's see if Mistress Isabella. Oh, this is your personal. Yeah. And she's a little more. I don't mean to be shitty but she's a little more she can get into.


Got you. The I hope this is still a No. Is not I can already feel it. What if she's like, shut up, slave. Hold on one second. Who's this? Hey, hey, is this you, it's Bert, I'm on a podcast. I'm in on a podcast with Tom Sawyer and we wanted to talk some.


I'm. Hi. Yeah, it's Isabella. OK, good, good, good, good. Hi, Isabella. Hey.


Hi. So can you unpack the Armie Hammer stuff for us? What do you know what's going on with Armie Hammer? No, how do you not know that is? Oh, so he got to watch TV, I'm renovating a mansion right now. I don't even turn on my TV. What's going on?


OK, so he has got a cannibal fantasy.


I'm going to give the phone to Tom because Tom knows that better. OK, all of a sudden, here's Tom Seglora.


Oh, hi, Isabella. Hi. Hi.


So we we're talking about this story that is kind of viral about Armie Hammer is a well-known actor like early 30s.


He's been in a bunch of shows in the Lone Ranger, OK? And so somebody leaked his DMS on Instagram where he basically just it's a it's a full, like, cannibalism fantasy. Right. So he's just creepy. Is the one being cannibalized?


No, he wants to you know, he's like, I want to cut you up. I'm going to eat your heart.


I'll you know, I'll make you cook a piece of yourself and then I want to fuck you while you're you know, while I'm eating you and I don't want to use the blood on.


Yeah, well, drink your blood and use the the blood as lube. And I'm saying because this is like a you know, everybody talking about this, that, that I think this is all just fantasy. Like it's his fantasy. Right?


He's just and it got leaked. But like what is like do you run into the cannibalism fantasy a lot?


I've had the cannibalism fantasy from the other perspective, from someone wanting to sacrifice themselves for my well-being, someone wanting to give up their body for nourishment for me as a sacrifice, you know, it's a holy sacrifice to give your life over to someone else and then say that they are nourishing themselves from it and able to continue life. I've never had it the other way around. I had to I had to be that person. And one of the fantasies that I've encountered where it was one hour of dialogue while a man was sitting in a cage and I had to tell him how I was going to roast him like a pig.


And I was going to feed my whole village, a female warrior, and his meat was going to taste so good because he's so fat. We've been fattening him up. And it was like I had to be that person who had to, like, come up with those things. Right. Right. And it wasn't my thing. So it was like a complete improv thing. Yeah. And all of those things were like, you know, you smell you sure fire your skin burning and.


Well, it's funny hearing you say it and all that, but hearing you say it, it sounds right. Yeah. It's kind of nice.


Now we're both like, hey, let's, uh, let's get some people in here and ask her, where do you draw the line? Where do you draw the line with with fantasy and like. Oh, yeah, yeah.


So this is because this is kind of the discussion is like where's the line with fantasy and stuff? Like because I was thinking that, you know, if this guy was he's right.


And all this crazy shit to someone that like the safe way to indulge in it is like, you know, but he wants it to be obviously exciting and thrilling and close to real is like fake blood or like, you know, animal body parts. But like is they're like, how do you draw the line on someone who's like, I have a cannibalism, you know, fantasy in my mind. Do you just set up those parameters?


It might be a hard sell. I mean, it's a hard sell for men to say, I like dressing like a woman. Sure. I can imagine if someone says I have a cannibalism fantasy or a while I'm having sex with you. I want to think about devouring your skin and flesh and cutting you open. That would probably scare some people.


I would think so. So I would think that he would have to approach it with really trusted people. So it's funny that his things get leaked because obviously he wasn't trusting the right people. Absolutely.


But, you know, I think it's hard for a lot of people to open up about these things, but that's definitely a unique one.


And it can be something as easy as. If getting props and playing it out in your head without ever going to the line of hurting somebody. Yeah, or even like even consensual mutilation, there's cuttings or things like that that happen within the community community. Scarification, piercing. Yeah. Bloodletting. All those things can happen within a bonded pair in the community is not something you'd want to do with a stranger or someone you just met because so much trust involved.


Sure. But a fantasy can still remain a fantasy without it being harmful to anyone. It's just a matter of the individual person. And where that sociopathic line is drawn of like knowing what consent and what's not consent.


Do you think you should cancel someone based on their fantasy wholly buyable? But I feel for him that he was able he thought he was able to trust somebody to open up about these things and then someone like raking over the coals for it.


Yeah, because that that actually that's the fascination. And he's actually crossed boundaries and hurt people. That's another story. Right. It's something that was consensual between him and the person who was having this dialogue with or this relationship with.


And it's very unfortunate that this weaponized against him.


Yeah, I agree. I agree with here. I'm going to pass you back to Bert, but thank you very much for your insight, Isabella. Hey, it's always good talking to you. Thank you very much. I'll see you for our regular session on Thursday.


All right. Well, I'll see you don't even buy it.


Thanks a lot. Take care. OK. Talk to you soon. Bye bye. I love having a mistress on my devious mistress on my. Yeah. I mean, that was so great.


So so her take was I bet he does feel betrayed.


Of course he does. What a shitty. I would love to hear the while he was he was like, do you see who the woman who leaked it was? Not they're not. I don't think it's out there, man. Yeah, she kept herself anonymous. Yeah. Yeah, that's but it's also fucked up his job, he was about to go do it, pull out of the movie. Yeah. Now he's publicly shamed, but I bet you.


Um, does not have the app, I bet you he's going to get so much buzz from this. I mean, there were women that wanted to fuck Richard Ramirez. Yeah, I know this, too, just like, yeah, I have this crazy fantasy.


You guys are nice to me. Chicks are going to be like, eat me if I can bash my brains. I bet there's a lot.


And, you know, he's going to get the want. It's almost like throwing up. Well, what's the other one says after video goes viral now that we go graphic.


And what is this? Is this a different story? Now, it's been a few days, attempts at humor, let's see it, food stamps, humor is the name of a great special.


What is it? Can you tell me what it says? Armie Hammer recently issued an apology after the current controversy over its alleged DM's and NSW video allegedly posted by the actor on his private Instagram account.


OK, you've got to find that video. It's it's it's the videos about this chick you used to fuck.


He called her Miss Kaiman. I think it's Cayman Island, what really? Oh, no, it was Miss Cayman Island, I think he's just. Um, uh. You know, are you being serious about it? Yeah. Is Miss Kaiman, he called some woman Miss Came and I guess Cayman Islands. I don't know. I you know, I really never knew who Armie Hammer was, to be honest with you. You know, it sucks for him is like I knew he was in the Lone Ranger, but he wore masks.


I really never saw who he was. Yeah, but like, this is the first time I saw the video. Oh, yeah.


OK, put my headsets on the second one second. Yep. I will tell you. OK, go ahead. Hold on, hold on, let me turn it out. Let me see, OK. Press pause. Give us Armie Hammer, FOX a lot, apparently.


Yeah. See here. OK, let's see, I don't hear anything. So this ad blocker that is fucking it up when we try to film is interesting is is it seems to me. Sex is getting everyone in trouble. Do you like what what do you mean, like as everything we know, people's dicks get them in trouble more than anything. Yeah, like that is the number one thing getting people in trouble right now in our cancer culture, it's people's cocks, guys dicks and following their dick and not having the like.


What is it about me? I mean, I was saying the other day I was like, I've only fucked girlfriends.


I I'm a no fuck strangers, you never had sex with a stranger? No. I mean, I had I have why I take them back, I fucked one girl that I spent the day with and from Liverpool, but I think she just did it because her sister wanted to spend the night at my house. I think she was like, he's cute, Ofakim. We have a place to stay. And I was just I would have let her sleep in my bed for free, but she fucked me anyway.


By the way, her tongue didn't stick all the way out of her mouth. Ever tell you that? No. Yeah. Her tongue was connected at the bottom so she couldn't get it out of her mouth. So she kissed like this. How do you normally kiss with my tongue out of my mouth? Like that's how you kiss? Yeah. I go into the mouth and then what do you do with it? I fucking pack it back and forth, show me a pain.


It. Like that or the like tongue in the mouth, like in the mouth, are you like the tongue? Oh, I like big fat tongue in the mouth every time. Now, Lee-Anne kind of has been I don't know if it's because. She's more of like a just like, yeah, can I tell you that I went out with this girl I was dating in? I guess I'll just say it's been long enough, but 20 years ago, so I was in Boston and I started dating this girl, you know, just whatever, like casually right in the shower with coffee.


And she's working at a place down the street. And then, you know, whatever, next time we go out, we kiss.


And she she led with tongue. So if you just went to go, you know, kiss, her tongue would be out. And I was like, that's weird. And then it's like, OK, registers in your mind. Then like second kiss her tongues out. And I'm like, what the fuck is like. So even on like a well I'll, I'll pick you up later.


Kiss like that. Her tongue would be out and I was like, I don't know if I could do this.


Like she would leave it like, like, like if she gave you a peck her tongue would be in your mouth.


It's like she would scream before knocking on your door like. And I started. I started. I was I was like, I don't think I can. I mean I go not this is just this is going to be impossible.


Like, oh yeah. That would be tough. I got I got told when I was in ninth grade that I didn't know how to kiss and the girl reset my kissing. Really, she said, you kiss really bad. And I went real Marlene tomorrow. You know, I was like, yeah, she was. I can show you how to kiss and then we can kiss. What were you doing?


I have no idea what she show you. We can always call her, but I have no idea.


But but she actually was like she stopped and said she she taught me how to kiss. And then I now kiss like Marlene to my own life. That's great.


Oh, that's like the greatest thing when someone says, hey, you smell. Yeah. Like what you like, you smell, you stink and you're like, oh fuck. I maybe I need to shower. Yeah. I'm just telling you my body Obbie one time we were at a bar and he goes, your breath smells. And I was like, what are you being an asshole. He goes, No, I'm your friend. Right. I'm trying to tell you your breath smells and if you're trying to go with the chick any gum or something.


And I was like, that's being kind of hurt my feelings. He was like, I can lie to you or I can tell you the truth. Right. No, he hooked you up.


I think that that is actually Marlene is like that's a compassionate she helps you so much by doing that. Like, I should have told that girl you're fucking you're going to upset everybody with this tongue shit you're doing with every kiss.


I should have told her. It's funny. I've only just like if I've only dated, I've only fucked people I've dated and I've only I got to be honest, I haven't killed that many people I have kissed.


I would probably maybe I had sex with mostly strangers for real. Yeah. Oh I can tell you the parents names of everyone.


I thought I definitely couldn't tell you the names of the people I fucked. Definitely not like how many people have you, but I don't know, and it's not a crazy number, it's that like no, it's more than that. My number is six six, but it could be seven. I, I can't remember. Here's the thing.


I think if you were like if your number is like. Nine, ten, whatever, or less, you know, the exact number, my number is not crazy, but I'm like I remember if it's like 15, 17, you know, like eight like it's in that. So it's it's not much more.


Try to track it, try to track it right now. Like, like, like give me I'll I'll lost your virginity at what age 17. 17. Me too. Yeah. Yeah. I'll make a I'll make a little shout out to that girl. She was a fucking saint.


OK, girlfriend. Next one college girlfriend for me that number was 18, by the way. Two girls in between there that I dated that I didn't have sex with because I was so bad at it. I didn't want to show anyone how bad I was.


Yeah, yeah. And then next girl, dated for five years, cheated on me. And then the next one was, uh, girlfriend that I dated when the Rolling Stone article came out. And moved to New York dating her. How did you find out the one cheated on you? I think it was it was doctor told me really, really, I don't like it because it sounds shitty, but it's not shitty to her because I'm cool with it.


I'm fine. You know, maybe I had something going on in the doctor's like, hey, man, I think you're getting cheated on. I was like, now he was like, I'm pretty sure he's like, did you are you fucking other people? And I went, and he goes, You don't have to lie to me. I said, no. And he goes, OK.


I remember him saying very clearly, when you go to Yoni's, that was the name of the bar.


Do you and your dick split up to cover more territory? And I was like, what? You got to excuse me. When you go to Yoni's, do you and your dick split off and then meet up and in the night you it's like, oh, I got laid and I was like, no, I'm with my dick all night long as then you're getting cheated on. And he was like, unless you're lying to me right now, you're getting cheated on.


And I was like, that's impossible. And he goes, OK. And I was like and then I was like, and then I then I found out literally days later I was getting cheated on, oh, days later I was like I was like just so crazy.


Like, I how did I get this from riding horses or something. Riding horses. I thought, you know, I thought I got. What did it look like? What did it feel like? It was it was the clap. It was so fucking painful. So painful.


What's it like when you get to that? You call her or do you see her in person? I was confused. I honestly thought I got it from drinking because I was like, you know what?


We went on a hike in Switzerland when we were in Europe and I drank from a trough. I bet I got it from that because we didn't bring water on the hike and we got up to, like fucking 7000 feet. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm fucking dying of thirst. There's a trough that horses were drinking out of and we drank out of that trough. And I was like, I just got it from that. And then the doctor was like, No, I'm telling you, you did.


And there was a wide wait for test results. And I told the doctor, I trust me, she didn't cheat on me. I didn't cheat on her. I guarantee you, I got it from this trough. And he goes, You definitely didn't get it from trough. And then the test results came back and it was the doctor and he was like his I came in, have you confronted her about this? And I was like, No, he's like, you should.


And I was like, and then I think I went I went out of town for something. I went out of town on like a trip and I was taking the medication. But I was like, I don't know what this doctor's out of his fucking mind. Yeah. And then I came home and she pulled me aside. She's like, I cheated on you while you were in Russia.


And I was like, oh, and this is but this is before you even tell her what happened, said it to her. But I was like I but I almost like defending her to herself. Yeah. And and then she was like she came out and she just said she had kissed the guy and I was like, hold on. And then all of a sudden I was like, I'm going to do the math real quick. And then I was like that.


And then it escalated. The next time I talked about it, it was they had definitely done more than kiss. And then all of a sudden I was like, OK, I just got to fucking deal with this. It was really hard. It was a second person I never had sex with.


And you told her you're on medication? Yeah. And I was like, you should get tested. And she was like, I'm I'm fine. You must have got it. You must cheated on me. And I was like, OK. And then I said to her what the doctor said to me. I said, When when I go to Yoni's, me and my dick do not support Capital Territory.


And so I was it was it was really hard to deal with, like super hard to deal with. And then. And and I think it's the reason I didn't fuck around was because I like I just was like, everyone's got everyone's got diseases. You know what it is?


It's trauma. It's trauma. Like, you were traumatized by the your second person you slept with. Yeah. Had this happen to you. So it it fucks you up forever. Yeah, exactly.


Oh yeah. It fucked me up forever. I remember, you know, it's so funny. The same thing happened with the fucking coronavirus, with Dr. Drew, the same thing happened now that you say trauma, you are so fucking right about this.


Yeah, so I had it's why I did it's why I never graduated to hard drugs because I OD'd when I was 19. And it's so traumatic to O.D. that you go like I was on a path to like trying like I was trying harder drugs. But when you OD you're not like. All right, I got to get back on the horse like you just, ah, you're terrified. You know, like in the same way of like a that happened with me with marijuana.


And like when I was 14, I smoked way too much marijuana and got way too high. And then I was terrified of marijuana. Yeah. And to this day, I actually I won't take an edible. So I'm like, I don't want to deal with what I dealt with when I was 14. I just have to give you a chill.


You'll be fine. After Tom's injury, I reached out and said we need to create a sponsor and man, they have delivered. Welcome to Super Special. So if you don't know what Kratom is, Cranham is an herb related to the coffee plant. That is a complete game changer for millions. If you tried CBT and you feel like it did nothing, well, maybe you didn't like it. You should try kratom. It might be a better option.


Kratom, in all honesty, is is just great for energy support. A lot of people use it for instead of coffee or a pre workout or just to manage stress. Some people take it at the end of the day and chill out. I know a dude has got a very popular podcast that takes it right before he does every single episode. And I want to say his name so bad, but I don't think anyone knows he does because he thinks it's more.


But it's just great him, dude, it's just great him. It's Burushaski. Supercapacitors keeps Cranham the way nature intended it to be. No games, no gimmicks.


It's reliable. Third party lab tested and approved under American Kratom Association Quality Standards Program. Only natural kratom, no other ingredients. One more thing. If you're buying creative at your local store, big mistake. You will save yourself tons of money by getting kratom with super special. So if you want to try Cranham and get 20 percent off, go to get super leaf dotcom bears. Enter this code bears for twenty percent off. That's get super leaf dot com slash bears and use the promo code bears for twenty percent off.


All right.


Pigskin fans, the moment you have been waiting for all season is right around the corner.


And Draft Kings, the official daily fantasy partner of Super Bowl 55 is bringing back their golden ticket giveaway with up to fifty five million dollars in prizes up for grabs. All you have to do to get your share of these huge prizes is enter draft Kings Free Super Bowl prediction challenge.


Once you submit your picks, you will get a free instant prize, up to 25000 dollars.


And if you have the most predictions correct, you could win the top prize of one million dollars.


Download the app now enter the free prediction challenge and ask answer questions like who score last and boom.


Get ready to make it rain. Download the draft Kings App now and use promo code Bears' to enter the free 55 million dollar Super Bowl predictions challenge.


Everyone gets an instant prize up to twenty five thousand dollars just for playing. So use promo code Bears' now and enter the free fifty five million dollar Super Bowl challenge only a draft kings the official daily fantasy partner of Super Bowl. Fifty five terms and conditions eligibility restrictions apply Seeb draft kings dot com for details.


So this is so funny. You say it's trauma that's so funny.


So when I, I had, you know. One, one I, maybe I, maybe I in my life, I've got of my six, so I had four girlfriends to one night stands but there were people I knew. Yeah. And know the Liverpool check and then this other girl. Yeah. And I can I on this one I convinced myself I got an STD, I convinced myself, I believed by the way this is hardcore secret time.


I'm sure I talked about this on other places but I convinced myself I had genital warts. I convinced myself, I mean, convinced myself, no proof, convinced myself I had genital warts. There was a there was a discoloration around the center of my dick that I couldn't really I never really noticed before. It's what we now call a circumcision scar.


The year like I have invested, I lost it, I fucking had probably the first only mental legit mental breakdown I've ever had in my life where I just was like I was fucked. It was horrific. It was horrific. But I've never I've never really dealt with, like, mental issues. Too bad. But men, this one time was, like, horrific. I went to a doctor and the doctor said it's nothing. Actually, Doctor said, what are you putting on your dick?


I said a lot of stuff. I'm smoking vinegar.


I'm spraying, connecting on it every day two or three or four times a day, taking some scissors to it to clear it up.


And the doctors, I can't stop doing that. Well, you put a lot of stuff that's like so getting vinegar every day.


And so so he so so I stop fucking with my dick and everything goes away and I'm like, OK, it's dormant in my head and I'm like, it's dormant.


So I. I then. Meat lamb is the next person I have sex with I at the end and I start dating LeAnn and maybe there's one other person there that day to this girl from the show and an Italian. I'm just giving you a heads up like I've I've always thought I had genital warts. I said warts, right. And say herpes today. I don't know anyway. And she was like she was like, OK, I'm looking at you look totally fine.


I was like, I know, but I'm just giving you a heads up saying, OK, I don't know what to tell you. But like you're telling her, you're telling her I have one before we have sex.


You're like, I have. I was just telling her, yeah, I'm going to be in a front, by the way. That's what's wrong with me is I believe when it comes to all the coronavirus, yet I believe in being upfront about with everyone, about everything. And so and that doesn't play so well these days. And so I sell her and she's like, you're fine. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm looking at you.


You don't look, I said, I know. I know it. Maybe I don't how I look. And I tell her my OCD tell my problem. She goes, OK, fine.


So we I go to a doctor again. I show my doctor, this doctor, my doctor. And she's like, you're fine. You don't have anything. We go to have a baby. We have a baby. We have Georgia.


We get tested. Both get tested for all venereal diseases, including genital warts, because that's one that causes cervical cancer and HPV. And the lady says and I say, I just you know, I think I might have. And she goes, no, we've tested your blood. You don't have it. And I said. I don't believe you. She's like, no, I'm sorry. We've tested your blood and Liane's but you don't have it. And I'm like, OK, so when when we when Drew tested positive for Coronavirus.


Yeah. That same trauma showed up, that same fucking and it's the back and forth of the doctor where I believed I believe myself and not him. Drew calls and says you might want to get tested or Nadav calls and said you might want to get tested. Drew's got coronavirus and then I call Drew Drus, I guess. So I get tested. I don't believe it. I don't believe that you're negative and I don't believe it. We get away two days, get tested again.


Don't believe it. Get to see test. Still don't believe it. Tom, I didn't fucking believe that test to this day.


I don't believe that test.


I mean, on my on my soul, I don't believe that for whatever fucking reason, it's trauma. And I never realized it was trauma until you just said it.


It's being fucked up by that one experience. Yeah. Fucking ruined so much just logic, not listening to largesse because I believed someone and was proven wrong and I was like, that will never happen again.


Yeah. That is I mean that is like ground, that is straight up trauma. How much more trauma do I have in my life and what like why do I drink. Like what the fuck is wrong with me.


I mean it could be all related, men could be all tied. So you're telling me that when you did drugs that one time and you had an overdose, that right there said it in your head, you're like, well, here's the thing.


Like, you know, when you say it in a sentence, it might not have the same impact.


What I'm saying is that the experience and the experience of overdosing is not just like the moment that it that you're hospitalized.


It's like you go back to that to like what your mental state was going into that day and how you approach going out and partying and and what I was doing.


And then. Ending up, you know, in a coma and being in the ICU for days and like coming out of that, recovering from it, having to face everybody, you know, I'm 19 years old and they're just like, are you a junkie or something, you know?


And you're like, no.


So it's so it's so traumatizing to go through the experience that, like, when I when I finally went back to school, I'm a freshman in college, I didn't drink alcohol for a year of full more than a calendar year.


And you don't really drink that much alcohol? No, I don't.


But but at the time in school, you know, beers and whatever at parties was very, you know, very common. I was just like, I'm not going to touch anything for a while, like for myself. And I just don't want to, like, have any trouble, you know? So then like a year or so later, I had, you know, I went back to, like, having beers or whatever and smoking.


I felt comfortable smoking weed. So I would I would smoke weed, but. When, like, you know, people would start like taking anything, whether it is like a pill, even like mushrooms, I'd be like, nope, cocaine.


I was like, no, like I'm not trying anything because, like, this shit was enough, you know, it was enough, dude.


It was enough of an experience. And I'm high off weed. This is fine. So I just stayed like that forever, you know.


So how much of your life that you think is defined by your trauma?


I mean, we have different traumas, right? Like I'm saying, like, that's not my only trauma, but like, tell me more traumas. Are you in therapy?


How did you figure this out? Yeah, I mean, I thought that that the the overdose one was pretty obvious, you know?


Yeah, like as I knew, I knew also that, like, I remember one time I saw a guy because he was a big winner in Florida, like to always go to 7-Eleven.


Like, were they just like everywhere, like where you live? Sort of everywhere. Everywhere. And I saw this dude at 7-Eleven and I'm this is like a year afterwards, not even a year, maybe less than that.


And I saw this dude who I'd partied with and he goes, he's outside and he goes, Hey, man. What's going on with you and I go when he goes? Used to be so much fun. And like now you don't like to think it was when I heard you talking about it and he was like, well, yeah, but I mean, like you're here, like, let's fucking party.


I was like, OK, but, like, you don't understand that I'm going to do a little differently.


Like, I'm not going to take the same thing. Yeah, that that. Yeah, yeah.


Oh I've never overdosed. That that would make total sense that you're like him and there's clearly I found there's a limit and I don't want to get near that. Yeah.


You're just like I don't want to get near the limit, you know. Like after this injury, I'm never going to take the stairs again, bro, so this was trauma. Oh, shit, this is total trauma.


Of course it's oh it's not only not only is it for sure trauma, I was like operated on by, like, literally a trauma surgeon. And I was in the trauma like they were just like you have trauma injuries.


So I'm really I'm sure it'll be long lasting, you know, like so OK, I'll probably sweep through every NBA finals going forward, you know, so.


By the way, I you know, I never really I, I kind of like an idiot, I've always kind of like just head butted any type of therapy stuff. And I was like, well, I thought you enjoyed therapy. I enjoy therapy by I lie a lot in it.


And I don't like because I'm because I can't tell the truth sometimes because I'm on face time. On faith. Just like like sometimes I'll al-qadi. Good stuff. Yes.


Just because someone got a hold of the video, I'd be like fucking horrified. Horrified. Oh yeah. There's a guy that can grab my screen and post all my second session. Yeah. So I kind of brand them friendly.


So I've had the same thought during therapy online.


Yeah, of course I've done that to too Robin. Like he's like everything's going to be like, good God, will you ask him.


Yeah. He's like are you going to say to me. I'm like I mean everything's cool man.


What I whatever we talked about in therapy last week was so arm's distance that I was like I was like, yeah, man, I don't know. I can't really tell you. I don't challenge. Feigen ran today. Oh we were talking about, we were talking about.


Oh I know what we're talking about. We were talking about not celebrating success, like not celebrating success. So like so I have a hard time every time I have.


Doneness, but I destroy things, right, so go big show every Thursday night, 9:00 p.m. Central, go big. CBS is on TBS was the precursor. Bruce Krischer yeah. Was the highest rated show that TBS has had in three years.


Whatever. Yeah. So immediately I hear that good news and then I and I instinctually start destroying it and start going.


I'll probably get fired like in my head. I can't just sit back and go nice man. Nice. Yeah. Good job. Or get the best of the twenty. Twenty. Yes. Stand up stand ups and you go well yeah but they had to put me in because you know, like you don't. I can't the cabin was highest, it did really well and I couldn't I can't celebrate success. I kind of start destroying it my head and then my therapist is like, why do you do that?


I said, only losers celebrate success. Real, real winners go whatever and then move forward and try to create new stuff and work harder. And he was like, no, that's not how that works. And I was like, maybe that's coming. Like, I was like literally like that sounds like loser talk.


Like I and so but now that you're talking about trauma, I'm going to talk about trauma.


I bet I have so much fucking trauma. And I've heard about people like I remember when we were younger and I don't believe this anymore. But I remember I don't believe that anymore. But when we were younger and you'd make like a rape joke in a comedy club and someone would get up and leave and you'd be like, I mean, like, what the fuck? Like, you're going to walk out on the show and then now you realize, oh, you just brought up her trauma.


Yeah. Yeah. And she you're bringing up I realize that now, but back then you'd be like, yeah, it's just a joke. Like that's the way we looked at it.


And now it makes it very clear because there are things you can say to me where I'd be like, by the way, I had the same as you celebration problem.


So I at least tell me about. Keep going. So, like, every time I have whatever any good news. OK. Hey, here's the show news. Your show is a huge success. Or like you got another special.


You booked a movie career. Like Benchmark's right. I'll get it. And then I'll be like, great. And then Christina will go like. Hey, so that's a pretty big deal, you know, like you just got another special or you just booked this movie or something and I'll be like, yeah, it's great.


And she's like, no, we should celebrate. And I'm like, what do you mean?


She's like, we should like this is a moment in life that people would celebrate. Yeah. Celebrate.


And I'm like, what do you want to do? She's like, I don't know. But like, what do you think we should like celebrate that you did this thing and this is an accomplishment and I'll be like completely muted and I'll just be like, I guess she's like, aren't you excited about it?


I'm like, yeah, I think it's great. She's like, you know, where's the like the excitement?


I'm like, I don't know. I just guys who haven't been in the end zone before do that shit. Yeah.


I guess you know. Yeah. I feel like that's so much like what.


Like I every time I've got done shooting a special everyone's wanting to part of their balls off and on like. And I don't really think I'm going to bed early. I feel good, I didn't drink tonight. Like I like the only time I've really celebrated after a special was after the the Philly one. I ended up. I didn't even do it on purpose, Lee-Anne bought a bunch of shit and got a bunch of joints and like my cousins were there and she was like made sure that I partied because every other special after that I've done it and then been like that to bring in more guests on tour this year.


I mean, I'm just going to bring people that I like on tour. Oh, so you're saying, like, I actually feel like I want to be around more people that I enjoy the company of. Huh. And that I don't do it like I did it on tour a few times last year.


So give me like explain to me. Like who? Like I brought out a neighbor of mine and a friend of mine who's not a comic or just to be on tour with you just.


Yes. Oh my God, that's fucking brilliant.


And every time I did it, I was like, this is the best. Because so you bring someone just like a friend, just come hang out and then they're on tour with you. They're like having the best time.


And you're just like, yeah, like I bought you a flight and hotel and hey.


And also you bring people who you truly enjoy. So you're like, I'm going to the gym.


Do you want to come? Sure, I'm going to get coffee yet.


And they're they're not like a burden, you know, you want them there, then it's like we're go to the show, you get off stage and there's your friend. And I'm like, this is the best. So I'm planning on doing that. That is all tour. I've never heard of that in my life. And that is one of the most brilliant. It's fun. That's one of the most brilliant. Oh my God.


It's almost I've already invited people like I was like, you already know you're it.


Well, I have some, but I go like just for I knew you're talking about theaters or just clubs too. No, no, no. I can't do clubs, theaters and I like way too much. I'm going, hey man, you you got to make sure you tip or twenty bucks like never mind not the clubs but in the theaters it's like it's a whole different gang.




And I think it's actually better like for my own well-being I end up having, I end up enjoying the time more by hanging out with people I enjoy.


And then it's like and then you get, you get to go like, hey, show's over, let's go to dinner and you're going with your friend. You know, I'm definitely doing that.


That is the that is the most brilliant idea of best original idea I've ever heard.


And I like you can coordinate it where you go. Like I got my California friends, you know, like coming and then you go you call your high school friend and you go, hey, I'm doing this run. Uh, you're coming. And then, you know, I mean, your college friend, whatever.


So you're constantly just around the people you want to be around.


Oh, I'm doing this for every every place I'm going. I'm calling up a friend. Yeah, you're going. Hey, you want to come on tour with me? Yes, it's the best.


Oh, Tom, that is so fucking genius. Because, you know, my personality in that is I will I will have a better time making sure they have a great time. Exactly.


But but ultimately, what does that do that makes you happy?


Because it feels good to make sure somebody that you care about is having a good time. Right.


It's like it's like the best part about like giving a gift. Right. You get a gift, you give it to someone.


You don't realize that the thrill is really for the gift giver. You think it's like the person receiving the gift, but it's really the thrill of giving the gift. And it's the same thing when you bring your your friend from Tampa on the road and you show you'll live there being like that.


Felt so good to show my friend a good time.


You know, that is that is I will be bringing friends on every single one of my tours. It's the best because I'm already comfortable. Everyone living in the tour bus. Yeah. And and and how much fun will everyone else have? You have your one.


I have a friend who's like so like what kind of shit do I get hooked up with. I'm like what he's like.


I mean like I do so much of that hook up every single free and you're like, yeah, I'll pay for it.


He's like, I wanna see some like ball or shit, Jesus Christ, why are we even.


I took the girls with me when we got Mac are our new bullmastiff. Yeah. I brought the girls with me on tour to go to.


I know we know it's not an ad read fucking wrap it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a fucking meeting so I took the girls with me to Arizona. Yeah. And I put them on the bus and we all get on the bus. We have like nine guys on the bus and then George and I and. The excitement they had in their eyes of like getting in their bunks and and like pulling into our first like, you know, you get outside of L.A. and everyone's like, we've got to go to a gas station.


We're all boozing. And George and I, like, walk up from the back and they're like, hey, guys, is it OK if we go to the gas station?


I'm like, are you kidding me?


This is the greatest part of the trip. What do you guys want? We get to buy whatever the fuck we want at the gas station and they're like, let's get gains.


And you're like, we're going to getting gains. Like we just bought so much candy. And then LeAnn wakes up the next morning, she guys who bought every box of donuts.


The most fun thing is, is like when you're on a bus and you have a friend who doesn't tour and you stop it like a flying J, you know, truck stop and you're like, let's buy glitter hats and fucking tasers.


Yeah, we played Taser tag and then. Yeah.


Oh, I am already. Can I tell you what I'm doing when I get done this and we get in the car, I get in the car, I'm calling up everyone to go on toward me. Yeah.


I'm telling you it's it ain't like I did it on a few weekends last tour and every time I did it I was so happy that I did it.


And then I was like, what this time with this time off, I want to go and I want to go on one of your tour dates and pretend I've never done stand up. I'll be the character that's never done. Stand up and I'll be like, So wait, what is this?


And you know, all the time you got to pretend that I don't know, really.


It's fucking sound. Check it. Hey, speaking of friends, I've got to say, Ryan cyclers podcast is so fucking good. It's great. He is such a great interviewer. I listen to him and Philippe yesterday with LeAnn, like just randomly because I guess Philippe is going through some some some stuff with his you know, his daughter's not doing so well.


I did not know that it's pretty. It was. But it was a an amazing interview. I just started listening.


I saw the you know, the caption I was like, oh shit, what's going on with his daughter? And then I started listening from the beginning. What's great about this podcast, which made me think my podcast is shit, he gets right into it. He gets right into.


Yeah. And he's such a he's such a natural. Like he's a great interviewer, storyteller and interviewer and he's really engaged.


And it was like his I know he didn't do much of a pre interview because like I'm just but it was such a great fucking interview that I'm sitting there going, God damn it, man, he did a great job. Yeah.


I had to go, honey, do it's he's he's so funny and so, like, endearing, you know, as a as a host, like you just want you want to hang out with them, you want to make them laugh, you want to spend time with them.


He was that was so good. And I was like, God, I got to do the honey do I got to wait until fucking coronavirus numbers are fucking lower. Shout out to a.k.a. Alpha Kappa Alpha, first female vice president. Yes, a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha at Howard University did not know that Alpha Kappa Alpha. Kamala Harris, is that how do you know that? Um, of course you would.


I knew that because I because I think through Red Grant, I think because red is still very big with his Greek family, him and Finesse Mitchell are still very big with like Greek life, really. And yeah. And I think I saw a post one of them must have put up or someone put up. Abboushi is Kamala Harris being an Alpha Kappa Alpha. And here's what I think is cool about that. Is that being in a fraternity. Yeah.


You know how often white fraternities, white male fraternities have touted presidents. Sure. As members of their fraternity put in put in popular male popular president fraternity or something for fraternity president, not fraternity presidents going to come up. American president. Fraternity and fraternity will figure it out. Eighty five percent have been in fraternities, that's all justices of the Supreme Court have been members of fraternities, U.S. presidents since World War Two have been initiated into fraternities, uh, George W.


Bush, H0 Bush, Bill Clinton, Ronald Reagan, Gerald Ford, Franklin Roosevelt. And so it's it's such an interesting fact of things you've seen in white male fraternities that I think. I think anyone that's Greek really gets a kick out of the fact that Alpha Kappa Alpha has the first female vice president. Yeah, especially I mean, obviously first female vice president, but more importantly, that she's a woman of color. I think it's just fucking badass.


Yeah, I always forget that you were in a fraternity and then I'm like, oh yeah, of course.


But in my fraternity letters for for Christmas, I brought an atheist sweatshirt, a bottle of Katie's sweatshirt. She was like the when the fuck am I going to wear Katie's sweatshirt? So I'm 50. But I was like, throw it on. You like it? Hey, look, I'm sorry, Mom.


Yeah, she's older than is already. Mom, I'm fucking older than the sorority bomb lady. She's in a different fucking vaccine group today.


She's got to get vaccinated with the old people and come armed.


Oh, my God.


Oh, that was a good episode. I was. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you for listening. Live stream. That's why major studios dot dotcom for tickets for the big game February 7th.


I'm sure myself and Warren Sapp, I'm going to tell you, I'm no slight on the men working in the in the booth this week. Yeah, I miss. Nadal's laugh, Nada's laugh You miss it a lot, people don't know. Nadav is no longer with us. It. I yeah, I, I miss him, so if you're watching this, uh, I hope you're laughing. By yourself in Jerusalem. Up there also, more importantly, stored at Waimea Studios, Dotcom has all the merch, the air security stuff.


Flew off the shelves. I have reached out about because I got so many messages about the new era hats, the ones that that went, and I I told them I would place a massive order, but everyone hit me up about those hats and I told them I would place a huge order.


But last time we got delayed nine or 10 months on the order or something like that, I'm like, is it going to be that long? We can't wait that long. So we'll see. Um.


All right. That's it. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Love you, buddy. Love you too, buddy.


Buddy. Tom Solomon goes topless while the other wears the shirt. Tom tells stories in bird snowmachine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep up with. Here's. Well, because there's always. No scrapes, a bit of booze, amateur pathology, dirty jokes, raunchy humour, no apologies. Here's one more call to focus on Katie.