Bramble's. Oh, hey, guys, welcome back to Anything Goes, it's me, am God, Declan's crawling all over me. This is why I lock you out of the room when I record because you're really cute but really fucking annoying. So get off of me. Thank you.

OK, anyway, so a few episodes ago I like teased that there was this embarrassing story that I wanted to tell, but I like kind of wanted to make a whole episode about it or like at least. A decent portion of an episode about it, like basically dedicate an episode to it, and it's my first kiss story. Listen, I've been putting this off forever. Forever. I remember when I did a Q&A once, like one of the first videos I made on my channel.

It was a long time ago. I like one of the questions that I got asked for the video because it was a Q&A was like tell your first kiss story.

And I, like, made up a joke or whatever. And like I said, I'd never kiss somebody or something, whatever.

And I've been waiting until it was very far behind me before I could, like, talk about it, because it's just like it's kind of fucking funny.

Like, I've it's funny to me now, but it was like a crazy emotional roller coaster.

And I just want to, like, talk about it and like, tell you the whole story and whatever. And we can laugh together, we can cry together, whatever, and then, you know, see where it takes us. OK, so I'm going to take you back to freshman year for some context. I was a late bloomer, didn't go through puberty until I was 16.

Very short. Look to very young, kind of unfortunate looking, to be honest, really, like not sure who I was, I didn't really have a solid backbone leg was kind of just all over the place, kind of a mess. And. I was really. Just trying to find my identity, like I don't think that I had a firm. Thought or belief about who I was like, I don't think I knew who I was and, you know, I was always trying to be cool and like, fit in in all of that dumb stuff.

And, like, that was my main priority. And so the fact that I had not had my first kiss was like very embarrassing because everybody else was like dating boys, kissing boys, whatever. And I was like, not there. Like all my friends, they all had boyfriends or like had had their first kiss and all that. And I was like very left out. Some of them hadn't, but like most of them had. And so I was behind.

It felt like so. It's a New Year's Eve party. And. I went to an all girls school, so we went to a party that one of the guys through that went to the all boys school because there's all girls school in all boys school and they, like, do events together, whatever.

So one of the boys from the All Boys school threw a party and I was invited. And I remember I show up and I meet a bunch of people that I'd never met. And I remember. Somebody was like, have you ever had your first kiss? And I was like, no. And they were like, Oh, you should kiss blank. We're going to call him James.

His name is not James, but I'm just going to call him James because that's easier.

Like you should kiss James. And I was like, well, I've never met James, like I just met James tonight, like, I don't think I should kiss him and they're like, no, no, no, let me set this up. Let me set this up. And I was like, oh, my God, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, it's like 8pm at this point, everybody's like socializing, having fun, like everybody's flirting with each other.

And I'm just this timid little freshman that just, like, didn't know what the fuck was going on. I was so scared of boys at this point. Like boys to me were so foreign. Like I didn't know anything about boys. Like I was such like a mystery to me. And like, they scared the shit out of me at that point. And I was so intimidated, not to mention, according to my friends, this kid, James, like, has kissed a lot of girls.

So I was like, this is super scary to me. Like, I don't want to do this. I'm not ready, whatever. And so one of his guy friends came back up to me and were like, yeah, James would kiss you.

And I was like, OK, like, I don't know. I don't know if I want to do that. I don't know. I don't know.

I was freaked. And so I remember like 20 minutes go by. I, like, hide in the bathroom for probably at least ten of those minutes. And then for the other ten, I'm like out walking around just trying to avoid him. And then eventually he's like, come outside with me. And I was like, no, I'm 15 at this point, but I literally look ten. So you have to like, think about where my self-esteem was at.

I looked a decade younger than everyone else at this party, even though I was in the same grade like it was. I felt so small and like so weak compared to everybody because I felt like a weak link because I, you know, went through puberty so late. And so I just like always had that in the back of my head that, like, I was I felt younger than everybody else or something because I was so underdeveloped and like, it really got to my head and it always made me feel like guys didn't like me and stuff like that, which was true.

But whatever. So we go outside and he's like, sit on my lap. And I was like, OK, so I like sit down on this is TMI. Now I kiss him, he kisses me. I was cool with it. I was like, whatever. I'm like shaking the whole time, like shaking, not to mention sixty degrees outside, very cold. I hated the experience. I remember the first thing I thought I was like, this feels like too cold.

It feels like a slug touching my mouth like I hate this. I never want to do this again. Like I hate this. I hate this.

And I felt like weirdly guilty and like dirty about it afterwards. But then he was like, let's actually go into this other room, so. We go into like this other room and like he was like talking to me and then this is when she gets embarrassing and this is when I'm not sure if this story can go on the Internet.

So we're, you know. We're doing our thing, whatever, very PJI, nothing crazy or anything, obviously, I was fucking 15 and like, scared of literally being within 10 feet of a boy who was very innocent, but, like, very still weird to me and. This story will haunt me for the rest of my life. Declan, fucking stop, you're making loud sounds and making my first kiss story that's literally only going to last like five minutes of this podcast, which stresses me out because I thought that I was going to be able to drag this one on and apparently I won't.

So I'm getting all stressed out. Declan, get the fuck out of my way anyways. And he touches my butt for like a second, and it startled me. And I fucking laugh. And he looks at me like I fucking killed his entire family and he's like, what? And I was like, oh, I don't know, I just tickled me. I said, Tell me.

I was like, I'm crying a little. My eyes are watering and wearing makeup right now. My fucking makeup is running on my face. He was like, well, what happened? And I said, it tickled me. Oh. My God, immediately after that, he literally, like, left the room. I think I can barely remember this, it was all a blur because I was so, like, anxious about the whole thing that I kind of blocked it out of my memory.

But I do know that that is exactly what I said. And I am so fucking mortified.

Oh. OK, so let's fast forward so we exit the room, whatever, everything's fine. I'm feeling disgusting at this point. I feel dirty. I feel like I just did a bad thing. I feel bad about myself. I feel like really shitty. And I also realize, like, OK, I don't really actually have feelings for this guy. I don't even know him like this feels really wrong to me. I never want to kiss this kid again, or at least not for a very long time, because I don't know him like that.

And I feel like I just did something that was like, not good. So I was feeling this like terrible guilty feeling. And mind you, it was a New Year's Eve party. So at midnight, everybody was going to have their New Year's kiss, OK?

And I'm just, like, praying that he didn't want to do that with me because I'm like, listen, buddy boy, I don't think either of us had a good time, so. Is this really what we wanted? Yeah, I was like, hopefully this kid doesn't want that so few hours pass and then it gets closer to midnight and one of his friends comes up to me and says, James wants you to be his New Year's kiss. And I'm like, and I literally looked at my friend and I'm like, no, I can't do that again.

I feel really weird right now. I feel like a different human being. I feel like a different woman. I feel like I'm rebirth and not in a good way, like I cannot do this. And so. I hide in the bathroom at midnight, and supposedly James was very upset about this, but I'm really sorry, James, you know who you are. Your name is not really James. You're probably never going to hear this. We actually became really good friends after that, and it was always something that we laughed about.

So I'll get there, but. Yeah, I didn't want to do it again, and then here's what's funny, so, OK, great, I'm at her first kiss. Ha ha ha ha. Whatever part of me is, like, relieved because I got it over with. I know what it's like now. Next time I have to do that, it's going to be fine.

Whatever. The next day I was a mess, my dad and I used to go on hikes all the time and. We went on a hike together the next morning and I wouldn't talk and he was like, what's wrong? And I was like, no, nothing, nothing like whatever, nothing. And then he kept asking me and then I started crying and he was like, what's wrong?

And I was like, I had my first kiss. And I'm pretty sure he was like, why are you crying about it? And to be honest, it was so weird because I felt like that was the first time I truly felt myself like growing up. And I felt like I had kind of leveled up in maturity from it. And the feeling really, really fucking frightened me and. I hated the feeling and so. It made me break down.

I didn't feel like myself. I also felt like there is this like stigma in our society. That. Makes us believe that, like when you grow up and you start to do those types of things. It's like dirty or like bad or like gross or whatever, like, I don't know why that is, and for some people it's not that way. But like for me, I always felt like this weird dark energy around, like kissing boys or kissing girls, whatever.

I mean, depending on what you're into like for me, like the thought of kissing a boy was like really like. Wrong, almost, it was like, oh, my God, you're not supposed to be kissing people, like that's dirty and like that's such a bad way to look at. You know. Being romantic with another person like that's not the right way to be looking at it, it's actually a really beautiful and special and important thing that as humans can do, that obviously sometimes can be bad or, you know, a mistake or, you know, sometimes it can be with somebody that you don't like whatever and like all that like, you know, it's not always great.

But when it's with somebody that you love or even with somebody that you just think is cool and like even if it's just a one time thing, like sometimes these things can be so amazing and fun and like, make you feel good and be like just like a good experience.

But like for me, I felt like extreme guilt. I almost felt like I was like I was like I felt bad for my parents almost for no reason. They've never even remotely instilled something in my head that was like, oh, I'm like kissing boys is bad. And I don't do that like. They never did that, so I don't know why I had this, like, mental block with it, it made me feel really, really weird.

And for a really like at least a month after that, I felt like really bad about myself. I think the other problem was that I didn't really know that or like him. So like that made me feel bad, too, because I was like, I just. My first case was with somebody that I didn't even know and like, that's kind of shitty, you know what I mean? Luckily, we became friends after that.

Then it was like funny and fun.

But like, you know, in the moment it seemed like the end of the world to me that I had kissed a guy that like, I didn't really even know it all and that I'd met that evening. Like, that was so not me, you know what I mean? And I think throughout our lives, we will do things that like don't feel like us. Right. Especially with that sometimes if you like, go through a tough breakup, you might like go and like do shit that you regret.

You might like kiss a few people that you regret. You might like get into a relationship that you'll regret. You sometimes like you'll do shit like that that's like not true to you. And you'll realize that later. That's all part of your growing right leg. That's all part of growing. And that's really important. And it's really important not to feel guilty about that stuff because I felt so guilty about kissing James. But yet there was nothing wrong with me kissing James.

I agreed to it. I wanted to do it. I regretted it after because it made me feel weird. But that's OK. And we move forward and I have no regrets. That was a part of my past and like, I don't regret it any more at all. And it was like not even something I really regretted. Then I more just felt bad about it for whatever reason.

And that's just so unnecessary. So I don't know. I just think that that was such an interesting story and kind of embarrassing, kind of funny, whatever. If somebody ever grabs your butt and you're like and then you start laughing on accident, just tell them that your butt is ticklish.

That just also leads me into something else, like I really don't know what it is about me, but it's actually funny because a lot of people. On the Internet, I've seen people say this to me, they're like, I cannot picture Emma like dating someone or like being in a relationship and stuff like that. And it's so funny because since I was younger, I felt the same way about myself. There's something about me and my personality where, like, I just can't.

It's I don't really play the normal role in a relationship like I'm very I don't feel like I'm the normal person in a relationship because, you know, I don't necessarily have the stereotypical, like feminine like roles in relationships, which is like all just a stereotype and stupid.

But like, I tend to be a lot less affectionate sometimes. And like, I don't talk about my feelings a lot. Like I'll talk about my feelings about everything except for my feelings toward the person that I like or that I'm dating or whatever. And like that's something I'm learning. But like, I don't I struggle with, like, not being tough on the outside. And I think that normally stereotypically, like with, you know, a lot of relationships like that, you see in movies and in shit like that, it's like, you know, the guy is like the one that has this tough skin and like whatever and doesn't want to be affectionate and shit like that, even in real life, the same way or whatever.

But then with like girls, they're the ones that tend to be, you know, the ones that are all sappy and all that. And like sometimes it's reversed. But that's always like in the movie portrayed to be like rare and like different. And like for me, I tend to be not like that. Like, I don't fit that at all. Like I'm somebody that like I'm kind of trying to put on this front. And I have this tough show on my outside and like.

That's not normal and or no, it is normal and it's fucking fine, but like it's not the stereotypical like way that things work in movies and shit like that.

And I think that that's why, like me, like kissing a boy was like, weird, because I was like, I don't like like to be like sappy and vulnerable or like romantic at all. Like that just makes me feel weird and uncomfortable and like, you know, like me, accepting compliments has always been a struggle, like shit like that, like it just makes me so fucking uncomfortable. And so I think that's why me having my first kiss made me feel like that.

And so it's just so interesting. But whatever. Anyway, I have more things I want to talk about, but hope you enjoyed my first kiss story.

And now onto the next thing that I want to discuss. OK, so here's the next thing I'm going to talk about, and it's the fact that I have absolutely no mental capacity to hang out with anyone right now.

And it's funny because somebody the other day asked me, they were like, I am a. Like, what do I do if, like, I accidentally distance myself from my friends and then, like, you know, they all get their feelings hurt kind of, and then I want to, like, be friends with them again once I'm feeling better, like, how do I like, you know, reintroduce those friendships or whatever?

Well, let me tell you, I'm kind of struggling with a similar thing right now because I had, like, this whole the my last few weeks for me have been really crazy. No. One anxiety through the roof don't know what's going on at all with that. That's been really bad on and off. I mean, it's constantly bad on and off, to be honest.

Like, I think my anxiety gets really bad when, like, things change in my life and stuff like that and like things start to get crazy and like either like there's so many different factors. But like within the past few months, like I moved in, like I've met so many new people and like shit like that in a lot of that makes me freaked out. Like I'm I very much need stability. So like, you know, when things start changing rapidly, like I get super anxious.

So that's been one thing. Hi, anyways, so that's been making you really anxious and just like overall general anxiety, Superbad, and then on top of that, like, I've had a lot of unfortunate things happening to me, like, for example, my plumbing broke. Not to mention like I've had like, you know, there's been a lot of. Like projects that I've been working on that have been like, you know, moved around and stuff like that, which means my schedule is always like TBD and shit.

And so it's just like super confusing.

And. So basically, it's been really hard for me to hang out with people that aren't like the two people that I hang out with that are like my family, like besides that, like, I.

I literally. Can't and every time I do, I get really anxious. Or I'm like putting myself out in a sense where like I'm hanging out with people, but like neglecting something that's on my schedule, which is always bad because that makes me really anxious as well. It's just been really hard for me to, like, be social outside of, like my family and my best, best, best friends that are basically my family. Like besides that, I'm really struggling to, like, be around people and like find time for that.

And I think the problem is that normally in the past, I would like clear my schedule for everybody and, you know, not prioritize myself and my schedule and my work and all that. And so I was constantly like putting myself out and not getting shit done because I was always clearing my schedule for everyone else.

What I've realized is as painful and uncomfortable as it is to like kind of be unavailable to people at times, sometimes you have to do it. And I'm struggling right now not to feel guilty about it. But what I've realized is that there's no reason to feel guilty about that. It is normal. Sometimes we need it. And if people take it personally when you get your shit back together. You can explain to them what's going on, and the thing is, is that it starts to pile up, right?

You start to like, realize, oh my God, like, I haven't talked to this person in a while. Oh, my God. I haven't responded to this person like blah, blah, blah. And it just all piles up. And I think especially right now because, you know, like the whole covid situation is like obviously in L.A., it's pretty bad still. But like in a lot of places, you know, things are starting to open back up.

And like you can see your friends again in like school is like starting and all that shit.

And so, like, there's more opportunity to monetize the fuck. There's more opportunities to be around people right now. And I think we're all used to this like. Isolation and then now all of a sudden, everybody wants to hang out again, and for people who are like me that like are iffy on socializing, it's like really anxiety inducing.

And I mean, if you guys are feeling the same way, I just want you to know, like, I'm feeling it, too. You're not alone.

And it's tough because I have to warm up to being social.

Like, I can't do it right away. I mean, not to mention I've become a little bit more awkward since I've gotten out of quarantine and all that. And like, I started to see people again, like I'm awkward. I've lost a lot of my social skills and I'm struggling to, like, really learn them like. And I knew that this would happen to I used to be so outgoing and, like, socially accepted it news because I was going to all these events all the time.

And I was constantly like seeing people and all that. And so I got really good at like having these like being comfortable in these social situations. But I feel like I've kind of taken a few steps back because of all of this. And, you know, it's taking me a second to get back into it. And I feel bad sometimes because, you know, sometimes I can't hang out with people. And then in addition, like my the weird things have been happening in my life that have made it so that I don't have free time and like, unfortunate events like, you know, me, my friend getting a fever and me being like, wait, are you sick?

Or like, whatever. And then I'm not being sick and like shit like that. But like, there's little things that are going on that, like, make shit worse right now and make it harder to like. Schedule everything. You know what I mean, and like be around people that you haven't seen in a while like or like my plumbing, like I literally had to stay in a hotel for a few days and like, I couldn't hang out with anybody during that because I was trying to work for my hotel.

And it was like this whole chaotic mess.

But so that's not even me, like, consciously not hanging out with these people. That was like I couldn't. But then when I had the free time, I was like, God, I don't know if I can text them right now because I really don't know if I have it in me to be around people. And so if you're feeling the same way, just know that I think that this is very normal, I think everybody's feeling like this and.

I don't know, we'll get through this together, but it's fucking tough anyway. I think I'm done with all my stories and all that today.

I think we'll get into questions now because why not?

So on the Twitter, I asked you guys for questions about embarrassing stuff just because I thought my kissing first kiss story was really. Embarrassing, so I wanted to keep that theme. OK, everybody's asking me for an embarrassing date story. But y'all, I hate to be the bearer. Oh, wait, no. Do you know what I just remembered one. I just remembered one. OK, I was a freshman in high school. And I went on a double date, so it was me, and then it was like we were all a group of friends.

So it's like me, the guy I was kind of talking to and then his best friend and my best friend at the time, and they were dating and they had been dating for a long time. Super established couple. Me and him had just started talking. I was very uncomfortable around him. It was not good. I was really scared of him. Blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. OK, and we go to the movies.

And we all sit down and I'm like, so nervous and tense, mind you, like, I'm not comfortable with this kid by any means, like being alone with him was like out of the question. I mean, like, no, OK. And. So basically. We get to the movie theater, we sit down and we realize no one else is in the theater, so we're like, awesome, this is so great. We start watching the movie, whatever.

And like halfway through the movie, he whispers in my ear and he's like, should we kiss right now?

Literally like that fucking vine or whatever.

Are we able to kiss right now or take charge, whatever the fuck, I'm so old and he literally says that my ear and I'm like, OK. And then he just starts like. Kissing me in the middle of this movie and we're like right next to this other couple, our friends, and they're just like awkwardly watching us kiss.

Mind you, this was the first time I'd ever kissed him either as well. And it was so awkward. I mean, mad props to him for having the balls, I guess. But I also think part of him was maybe trying to, like, show up the other couple because he's like best friends with the other dude.

And like, he might have been, like, trying to show off being like, yeah, look at us, whatever. But like we weren't any we weren't even remotely like that. Like we didn't we barely fucking knew each other at that point. Like we were not close like that.

And I was so scared of him and it was just so awkward and like and I felt like it went on forever. And I was just like, I don't know, I I'm not good about PDA, really.

Like I mean, I don't mind it like a little like handholding and whatever is like fine or like we'll kiss on the cheek or whatever, but like fully making out in a fucking movie theater like could not be me but it was me and it was in front of our best friends. And I remember after they were like my girlfriend was like. That was crazy, and I was like, yeah, and he was like. How do you feel about that?

I was like, I don't know and like it was actually also funny because during it I kind of wanted to get her attention because I was kind of embarrassed.

And so I, like, kicked her leg a few times during it, trying to be like, oh, my God.

Like, this is so awkward. Like getting her attention so that she knew that I was like. Kind of like uncomfortable with it, not like uncomfortable, that's the wrong word, but like kind of like embarrassed by it. And then later she told me that she thought I was kicking her because I was having a good time.

No.

So anyway, that was that.

Super embarrassing. OK, a lot of you guys are saying tell us embarrassing meeting stories like things that have happened to me during meetings. I think the most embarrassing meeting I've had. In retrospect, this wasn't embarrassing, but like. I think it kind of was in the moment, so when I was like looking for an agent in L.A., I. Met with quite a few, and I didn't really like any of them, and then I had one more meeting with an agent, but at that point I was going to discourage and I was like, I don't even really want an agent.

Like, I just don't feel like they get me or my vibe or whatever. So I'm just going to wait on it. But I had one more meeting and I was like, you know what, I'll take it. I almost canceled the meeting.

Really glad I didn't, because I ended up signing with this woman and she's my fucking favorite person in the world.

But I had one more meeting and I show up and I had fake tan that was like fucked up all over, OK, because I had forgotten. But then I had, like, wash my hands after and like, it just dripped down my arm and it was so bad and I drooled on my face. So the fake tan on my face had like this gross, like, circle of discoloration. It was really bad. My hair had not been brushed in probably a week and was up in a bun that you could see the knots in it.

And I was wearing sweatpants and a cropped shirt and like flip flops or something. And I met this woman who I had no idea. I had never spoken to her before at Filles. And we had a meeting and I was once I met her and realized that she was so cool, I was like, oh my God, I totally just fucked up. I showed up looking so unprofessional and disgusting. That is so embarrassing. But luckily we ended up clicking amazingly, I signed with her and she is amazing.

So shout out to my agent. She's amazing, but I literally looked like shit and it was very, very mortifying anyways.

Oh, my God, you guys are asking me some crazy shit, somebody said, how can I avoid getting my words mixed up when talking to somebody? OK, this is embarrassing and this happens to me all the time. I think it's like taking a deep breath and talking slowly and not overly focusing on your words. I find myself like focusing on my words and how I sound when I talk, and that just fucks me up.

So don't do that. And I think that you'll be fine. Oh, my God, I have another embarrassing story that I just remembered one time I was a long time ago, I was dating somebody. And oh, God, this hurts, this one hurts. I was dating someone and I was hanging out with them in like a bunch of other people and there was like a bunch of other guys there and some of them looked like they were all kind of around the same height.

And like kind of a similar like build, like they were all very similar like him and all of his friends were very similar. OK, and I walk into a room and from the back I thought that it was the guy I was dating. So I, like, put my arm around him like his waist. And I look up. And it's not him and it's his friend and I. Oh, it was so bad, I thought it was so bad.

Luckily, we all laughed about it after and it was like fucking funny but like, no, that was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And, like, he looked at me like I was fucking crazy. And I've never it was so weird to like to touch somebody like that that I'm not dating. I felt like guilty. I was like, oh, shit.

Like, that's wrong. That's wrong, wrong. And so I felt bad. But anyway, so that was kind of funny, but. Somebody said, most embarrassing experience in a public bathroom. OK, so one time I went into a public bathroom, as one does, and I was peeing, doing whatever, and a fart slipped out as it does. I didn't think anybody in there was in there that I knew.

But I was on a set for a project that I was filming and I let out a little fart. It was whatever. And I thought that the other person in there was like not from the set, like I thought it was someone else. And so I wasn't really so concerned about farting and all that because I just didn't see anyone come in the bathroom with me. So I thought it was fine. I walk out to wash my hands and in fact it was, I believe, the photographer and or videographer who had then heard me fart.

It was the most uncomfortable handwashing experience of my life.

I didn't look up. I literally was like, hi, and then didn't look up again from the sink again. We live, we learn. I'm just never going to fart again. So that's good news. Oh, my God. Another embarrassing boy story. I have another one. I they just keep coming to me but I keep forgetting. So, OK, it was a guy that I was dating a really long time ago again and. I was sitting on their counter like their kitchen counter.

And like, I was not at a place where I could fart in front of this person yet, I don't know if I ever even got there with that person. I don't think so. I don't think I was, like, comfortable enough with myself to fart in front of anybody. I still am not. So whatever, but. Basically, I'm sitting on their counter and I'm talking to them in all of a sudden my legs are up, right?

Like in like I'm sitting in a ball kind of. And apparently that position is not good because a fart literally slipped out, like without my knowledge. And it startled me. And he lost his fucking mind. He laughed at me for so long as he showed up, whatever. It was so fucking embarrassing, I. It was embarrassing because I didn't know that it was coming, so it startled even me and I like did know how to react, farts are not that embarrassing if you know that they're coming.

If you could be like, OK, I need to fart Barbie, like, turn around or plug your ears or plug your whatever, like, get out of here.

That's like fine and funny. But like, if you fart and you don't realize that it's about to happen and then it just happens and you're like, oh shit, what do I do that is not OK. That is dangerous. Not good. So that's exactly what happened to me with him. It was so embarrassing, whatever. It was funny though. I mean we laughed about it, but like I. Got so red in front of him and it was just not good.

Somebody said, what's your worst period story?

I've told this before, but it's basically I'll keep it short and sweet. I was at in and out burger white chairs. We have a whole meal there. We get up. I realized that I had blood all over the white seat that was made out of like plastic acrylic. And one of the guy friends I was with asked me what that was on the chair, and I said it was ketchup and that we needed to go get into the Uber.

He was luckily not super well read on the vagina. So I think that we were totally good on that one and that he didn't know what happened. But anyway, I told that story before. So sorry you've heard it, but.

Yeah. Oh, I have another good story.

I can't say who this is. I don't think so. This was when I met. OK, so somebody asked me for awkward celebrity story slash. Something of that sort. And I just remembered one, so I was at an event and I see someone who.

I've had a crush on for a long time. All right, had a crush on for a long time, I don't anymore, but like I did at the time, this was quite a while ago, but still very embarrassing. Had a crush on this person for a long time.

And I was like, I need to talk to them, like at least just for a moment. And so, like, I was kind of obsessed with them, to be honest, like definitely obsessed with them, like definitely a huge crush of mine. Like the crush didn't go away for a long time. I mean, I, I don't know. I mean. Having crushes on celebrities is super fun and all that, but when you actually meet them, it's like a totally different scenario here.

Basically, I like talk to my agent and I'm like, I really want to meet that guy right now, please.

And she was like, OK, let's make this happen. So. It was a work party, OK? And so she. Talks to some of her other agent friends and was like, Emma wants to meet so and so can we make that happen? And they were like, yeah, yeah, for sure. And so but at this point, I'm like, fuck, it's going to look like I orchestrated this whole thing. And I'm the biggest fan when in reality I just want to be asked out on a date.

So what the fuck? Long story short. I get introduced to him. And it's so awkward because it's like, what do you say, right? It's like it's like he's I'm pretty sure his team was like, Oh, she really wanted to meet you.

And I was like, no, no. Hey, hey, hey.

No, I didn't. No, no, no, no, no, no. I did not want to. You guys asked me if I would meet him because you guys wanted me to meet him. This had nothing to do with me.

No, no, no, no.

He like totally made me look like this, like die hard fan. So then my job at that point was to make myself seem so fucking chill that like there was no chance that he could think that I was any kind of fan or that he was like my celebrity crush for like multiple years.

Like, there was no I was like, no, I'm about to act as cool as I fucking possibly can.

We actually had a decent conversation, but.

It was so awkward because I felt like he was I mean, I think our conversation was fine and I don't really think it was that awkward in retrospect. He was so nice and cool, like whatever. But, like, I really like it. I'm just so mortified knowing that that kid knew that, like. I was introduced to him as like a fan and that like I wanted to be like I wanted to seem mysterious, I wanted to seem cool, I wanted to seem different, not like other girls, but now it was like, oh, yes, she really wanted to meet you.

Here you go. Oh, God. I just wanted to seem cool.

It's like I wanted it to be like a fan fiction where it's like I just like went up and he was just smitten by me anyway. Didn't happen. And for better, honestly, you know, that crush was fun and it was long lived, but it died. She she passed away. That crush did, but. It was actually funny because then I saw the same guy at another event like a few days later, and he was like talking to a girl.

And I was sitting at this like in like within ten feet of him.

And I was like, fuck, like I was so upset. It's like, God damn it. But then that's kind of when the crush ended.

Honestly, I was like, I don't know. I was like, I'll just let him have his fun and talk to women and live his life and do his thing, you know what I mean? Like, I won't get involved, whatever. I'm just the little fangirl over here.

But I did, like, really make an effort to make it look like I was having fun sitting 10 feet away from him while he was having, like, some deep conversation with this other woman. I was trying to make it look like I was very like life of the party vibes to see if I would catch his attention. So I know don't do that. Super embarrassing. He probably thinks I'm the most annoying, fucking creepy person he's ever seen, because also the fact that we were at two events that, like, lined up the same, it was.

Yeah, super mortifying. So poor guy.

He really thinks I'm a stalker and I'm not.

But it was very awkward, though, because it was like he was trying to talk to this woman, his other woman. And I'm like sitting at this table, like, right near him. And I was like, fuck, I hope he doesn't think that I'm like watching him. He wasn't thinking anything. He really didn't even fucking see me anymore.

So embarrassing. But that was like super humbling experience. I was like, God, yeah, whatever. It was fun. It was fun. Malazan. Somebody said, have you ever went out with a ripped shirt, jeans, and you didn't realize until later? Yes, this happened to me recently. So the other day.

So I have my favorite pair of jeans right now and it changes once a week.

But whatever my hair jeans right now, they have a rip right on the vagina like. Right.

OK, so if you look at jeans, right, there's like a little cross seem like right on the right in the middle of your pants on the bottom like in between your legs. There's like that little square that's like where all the seams align, the one that's going like one way and then the one that's going perpendicular. Or would that be. Yeah. And like there's that little seam in the middle. Well, I have a hole right. Like around that area, which is basically where my vagina is.

And so I wore those pants all day. And then it was funny because I was sitting in a chair and I looked down and I see like my leg kind of popping out of that spot because of the way that I was sitting.

And I was like, oh, my God. And I freaked out about it for about two hours. So anyway, somebody said, how do you recover from an embarrassing moment? Honestly, for me, it's humor. It's just like making as many jokes about it as possible.

Like the other day I was getting out of somebody's car and I hit my head and I literally just was like, am I just start making jokes, just start making jokes, lighten the mood before it even can go bad. So I just, like, lighten the mood as much as fucking physically possible.

The key is to try to not to get read, like I try to make jokes about it before I get right, because I get read when I get embarrassed.

And that is the worst. The worst. OK, I really have to go to the bathroom soon, so I need to wrap this up, but I'm going to answer a few more or just think of some more stories like I must have more embarrassing stories like they never end.

I'm trying to think of anything that's happened to me recently.

OK, to be honest, I think the most embarrassing thing that I do is exist around guys that I like. Really.

I mean, I'm so like not I don't get embarrassed often, OK, like I do. But like, it's pretty rare.

I embarrass the fuck out of myself only in front of guys that I like, like so clumsy around them, like stutter my words all the time, say weird shit. Like it just doesn't make sense to me why that is that way. Why am I like that. Only when it fucking matters. Like I could trip and eat shit in front of my best friend and I wouldn't give a fuck.

But why does that only happen around guys that I like? I don't get it. And that's literally how it is. I it's like the most embarrassing shit happens to me then. And like no other time, like even it dates back to like Summercamp. I remember when I was a kid, like I remember I had a huge crush on this kid named Jeremy at summer camp and we were sitting next to each other in the circle. I fucking fart next to him fully loud on accident, similar to what happened with my boyfriend a few years later after that, like.

On the counter, that one that I told earlier, like farted in front of him, so embarrassing. I mean, luckily I was like five years old, so it didn't really matter.

But like, shit like that or like my one favorite iconic story of me, like wearing a pair of rocsi pants to school because the guy had a crush on, like, fucking he liked surfer girls. And so I wanted to be a surfer girl for him. Like, why do I act a fool like that? It's just so mortifying. I need to really reflect on that. But anyway, that's it for today's episode. I hope you guys enjoyed that story and all of that amid a lot of fun hanging out with you guys today.

And I hope you're all having an amazing day, week, all of that.

And I love you all and keep it real. And I will talk to you next week and let me know what you want me to talk about in the future episodes. Ask me questions, do whatever the Twitter is at Ajai podcast and leave us a little rating on Apple podcasts. Give us a little five stars. US meaning me. It's literally just me and my fucking microphone, but whatever. And Declan, but still and Frankie also said maybe there's four of us, but whatever.

Leave us a little review.

If you like the podcast and you check in and whatever really helps me out and lets me know that I'm doing the right thing. And if I'm not, let me know what you want me to fix. Actually don't. I'm really bad at criticism anyway. Love you all. Talk to you soon LA.