Hey. The last leg of our tour, and we, you know, and these are gonna be our best shows.

These are. We're in Windsor, Ontario.

Windsor, Ontario. Ontario.

Niagara Falls, Ontario. Naka, Tucson, Arizona. And then we finish on 420 in the United States. In Las Vegas. Las Vegas, Nevada. But we added Abu Dhabi. We're coming to the United States.

Eti Arena.

Etihad Arena, May 21.

We can fill the Eti at Ri arena.

Let's hope so. Go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets. Badfriendspod, dot.com for tickets.

So, got new merch tickets.

That's the Beastie boys.

Beastie boys.

Show them, kiddo.

I love it. These sweatshirts with the Beastie boys, the.

Fear and loathing shirt. Go to badfriendsmerch.com. Badfriendsmerch.com. I'm doing six dates. Andrew Santino is doing six dates to run my new hour in the club.

October 4, I'm doing cobs.

He's doing cobs. I'm doing six clubs.

October 4, I'm doing cobs.

I'm actually doing cobs.

Yeah. October 4, I'm doing it, though.

I think I'm doing in June, but go to Andrew Santino.com for those dates. I'm doing Houston, Nashville, San Francisco, Tampa. Go to Andrew Santino.com for all of those dates. See you soon.

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

White dude and an asian dude. You two are disgusting. We're bad friends.

Her attitude's already stinky. She has a stinky attitude already, dude.

You'Re telling me she stinks already? Put the mic as close.

I think she physically smells good, but I think her attitude is stinky.

What are you guys doing?

Hand it to her. Nice. Dude. That's a celebrity, dude.

Is she.

Yeah, she is. Oh. Whoa. Dude, to wear these, you don't have to.

No, but it helps.

Don't do that here.

Your own.

Don't do that.

You don't want to. Fuck. It's fine.

Don't do that here, then.

Throw it down. Or just put it wherever.

Just hold it, please.

Hold it.

Thank you.

I love these slacks.

The buttons on the side are cool. Is this fashion?

What? Grandma's couch is this made out of?

I was waiting for that.

Well, I got you pants, by the way. I got you a gift.

Where do you find, you don't buy those. But where do you find them?

I got you a gift. For real? Because I know you like fashion.

Oh, I got gifts.

No, you don't, too.

I have a ring.

So non thoughtful. That's a ring that a fan gave you.

But you like Korean.

Korean what?

Korean rings.

What is that?

That ring is from the.

From the war. Korean war.

Korean war.

Okay.

Yeah. You know we had a war, right?

This is fun.

I got you pants.

Yeah, you did?

Yeah.

You've never got me pants.

You know what I got you.

If you say career, it's going to really bother me.

Dude, you said it.

No, that's what you feel.

I didn't say it.

You said it. I had one before. Not great. Yeah, but I had one. Oh, you know what, Nicky Snicker Nicki has really gotten your head. My friend Ricky Snicky has really gotten to his head.

One on Amazon.

Yeah, number one on Amazon.

I did get you a gift. These are for you. These are pants.

What are they?

These are yeezys. Yeezy pants. I bought you yeezy pants. I'm not kidding at all. He saw they're yeezy pants. Go ahead and open them up so she can see. Open them up for her so she can see. Look at that. Hold that up. What do you think?

Thank you so much.

You like those?

I love them.

Those are vultures. Those are yeezys.

Why are they so big?

They're her size.

I don't think they are.

Pretty sure they are.

Are those for moammer? Not that he's big, but I'm just saying. Okay. Yeah.

What were you saying?

Your attitude right now is different.

Go ahead and introduce our guest, Bobby Altoid.

Oh, it's so funny.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Bobby Altoff.

Altoff.

Are you jewish?

No.

Do you want to be?

What type of question is.

That's a silly one. Yeah.

You aren't jewish?

No.

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

Have you done a 23 andme? Do you know your history, your genetical makeup?

Do you think you might have owned your family?

Might have owned slaves, maybe? Is that what you're going to ask?

Yeah. What do you think? Bobby Altoff is of jewish descent.

He made being jewish cool again. Did you guys just make this up?

Yeah, we wrote all these articles yesterday before you came in. Interesting.

Yeah. On the.

Why does it say I'm of jewish descent?

Are you?

No.

What's the deal? Why are you so adverse?

I'm just confused. I did do 23, and me, I'm not. Can we stop looking me up? Or whatever you're doing?

I'd love to hear about your upbringing.

Oh, great.

May I ask some questions?

Sure.

Was there a lot of flowers growing up? Like, did you see wilderness? Did you see nature? Do you mean, like when you walked outside, did you see. Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet. Birds.

What are you trying to get at?

I want to know if you lived in the city or if you lived. Grew up in the suburbs or the farm.

Take it down.

You. Right? You think so?

Take it down just a little bit.

I don't know, dude. She's provoking me. Dan.

Too high right now.

All right, let me ask you another question. I mean, the same question, but in a different way. I want to keep it down.

Yeah, keep it down.

I keep it down. Bobby. Altoid. No. Altoff.

That was so funny the second time. And the first time. Are you going to see it again?

Look at her. She's going.

She's ready for you.

Can you ask your question?

My work speaks for. Does it? Does. So, Bobby.

Yes.

Do you not have a question? It sounds like you don't have.

No, I do. Did you grew up in the suburbs or the city?

Like, kind of on a farm? A little bit.

Exactly. That's what thought.

Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah. So your dad was a farmer?

No.

Okay.

I grew up on two acres.

One or two acres?

Two acres.

Okay. I don't want to know the specifics, but is your dad a doctor?

No.

What does your dad do?

He builds houses.

Architect.

No. Contractor.

Oh, contractor. My bad.

Yeah.

Handyman. Contractor. Architect.

Did your mother work?

Janitor. Custodian.

President.

Fix it boy.

Blue collar.

Not a collar at all, in fact. Probably t shirts, if I'm being honest.

No collar.

No collar. No collars.

Did your mother work?

No.

What did she do?

She would be really mad if she heard me say that, though.

Because she raised you.

She did.

And that's work.

And it's work.

A lot of work, I think. A lot of work.

To raise her? I think so, yeah.

To raise me or people in general? Just me.

You, specifically.

Is momming a job?

Of course. What?

Well, you have that job, right?

I do, yeah.

You're a mommy.

Why do you talk like.

Did you feel like work?

Is she a mommy?

I can't believe people enjoy listening to you guys.

And vice versa, if I may. No, I'm kidding. We know why you're popular. We like you a lot. We consider you the third bad friend. And we also are huge fans of yours. And also, can I just say, know, we normally probably wouldn't do other people's. And I do a lot. I do a lot.

But you do everybody's.

I do everybody's. But when you asked, you and Mark.

Normand are in the race for who can do it.

Yeah, but when you asked, I was like, well, can I ask you a question, though? Because you asked me way before, like six months before I actually did it. So what the fuck happened? You text me and you go, or you dm me. You're going, can you do my podcast? I'm going to come over Friday. Friday comes around, you're a no show. And then I don't hear you from you for six months later.

It wasn't a no show. I said, I text you and said, sorry to me.

That's no shows.

That's not okay.

You were a show. You texted me.

I didn't just like, ghost you.

I know, but it was an hour before. Yeah, an hour before you. Yeah, before you came to my. Yes, an hour before you came to my. I was like, I'm not coming.

Do you want an apology?

No, I want to know what happened.

Tyga had to do it that day.

You got bumped for Tyga.

May I ask you a serious question? Who did better numbers?

I mean, the audio downloads Tyga did. Tyga's audio downloads are going to be better than yours for sure. Okay, go to click on her profile picture. Her photo. There you go. Videos. Yeah, videos go down to Tyga. All right, so Bobby's at what? What does it say? 1.8 million right there with his leg spread. 1.91.9.

Thank you, Pete.

Where's Tyga?

Right there at 5 million.

Okay. He went.

He did.

That hurt so bad. The whole thing hurt. But the TikTok views were pretty good for me. Yeah, I saw a clip that got like 55 million or something.

Yeah, we did have a clip that did that.

So for six months, then you're like, okay, I'm going to do Tyga. And then for six months, you were gone.

Yeah.

In that six months, you didn't think of me. No, I did, but you were like, probably not.

I actually thought you were really mean, and I wasn't looking forward to meeting you, but Rick Glassman assured me that you were nice in real life.

There's a guy you should always listen to.

Yeah. What's your opinion now?

Not much has changed. I don't know. You scare me a.

Your pre. What was your opinion of me before you met me and then after?

Truly, I had no opinion of you before.

Good people generally don't.

I had heard of.

I'll be honest, people don't have an opinion to me before.

Generally don't. And then when they meet you, they kind of do. And that's a good thing?

Yeah. Well, yours is usually negative.

No, it's positive.

She just said she thought you were an asshole, and then she met you and it was confirmed.

But she had an opinion. I think it's better to have an opinion than not having opinion before.

You should have less opinions, is how I feel it.

You're acting strange today, dude.

What is it you think?

You didn't sleep well or something?

Did not.

I know.

I can tell. By yourself all night? I was worried about this interview.

Yeah, me, too.

All night I woke up four times to pee thinking, what are we going to do? What are we going to talk to this fucking goon about?

Yeah.

And I didn't get any sleep. And now, what was your opinion after we met?

You're lovely.

Am I? Yeah, we got on pretty well. Let me ask you.

Wait, no, stop.

I want to move on.

Can I ask one more lot and then we'll move on?

Because yours haven't been. There's been no good questions out of you so far. Am I wrong?

Can we back this up or no?

I like the flower question. Yo, that one was a fucking home run. Way to go, Pete.

Thank you.

Pete. Question.

Yeah, I liked it. Yeah, it's called nature's beauty. You don't know about nature's beauty, dude.

You'Re on fire today.

All right, go ahead. So your opinion of Andrew after you met him, is your opinion stronger about him than your opinion about me after that we met?

Is the love you have for me more than the hate for Bobby?

I don't think that came out. It came out weird.

Is that how you meant it?

Is the love for me bigger than the hate for Bobby?

That's how I meant it.

Yeah.

It's like a tie.

Good. Yeah, that's good.

That's good. Where'd you go to get that? Creation. Yeah, okay.

Anyway, what are you plugging, creation. Fuck is going on with you today? What is going on with you?

Even you saying this right now, you would never ask what's going on with me.

I don't like it. Whatever.

Yeah, whatever you're doing right now, stop it.

I had a bad.

You're trying to brag in front of her or something.

I'm not.

Yeah, you're changing your thing. You know what I mean? I'm like, ow, that hurt.

Is this normally how your podcast goes?

Yes.

You talk to each other while your guest watches?

Yeah, let's not compare podcasts.

Yeah, let's not do this. Yeah, there we go.

Your little girls.

You're a little girl.

Your two kids.

Oh, no.

I mean your children. Yeah. I have a real question. Okay, slow down, dude.

I'm this close.

To what? To what? Honestly? To what? Leaving?

Not leaving, but, like, really having it. I'll hoe down with you.

Okay, let's hoe down then.

What? You got to sleep better. I know you had a good set last night. You're delusional, dude.

Bobby.

Yes.

Put your phone down. Right?

Yeah. Do you know what's so funny?

What is your question?

No, I have a question.

Yeah.

With your little ear sticking out like that. You know you look like a wood elf.

Thank you.

From the movies.

You're going to look up what that is?

Yeah. You really look like a wood elf right now.

Show it to the fans there.

That's a nice look.

What would her wood elf name?

Huh?

What would her name be?

There we go. That's she. Her.

Thank you.

Bingalo. Bingalo Stevens.

Bingalo Stevens.

Yeah. Yeah. Your wood elf name is Bingalo Stevens.

Thank you.

And you live in the deep forest.

Sounds good.

Yeah. In that mythological world, what do you think I would be? A troll?

A little troll.

I'm a little troll. Or a big troll?

Big troll.

Okay. Fuck you. Fuck you, dude, I have to ask.

I want to know. This is a question because I think about this a lot. My budy has three girls. When the girls reference their father, what do they call him? Dad dad or daddy Daddy. They say daddy?

Yeah.

I just feel like I don't. If I ever have a daughter, I don't want. Do you want your daughter to call you daddy?

That's not weird. Don't make it weird.

You could do papa pop.

That's weirder.

How is papa papa or poppy weirder than daddy? Daddy's only weird because daddy's what Puerto Ricans call everybody.

Don't spake me, Daddy.

See?

No, it's weird.

It's weird.

It just sounds weird. You know what I mean? I'll do my homework, Daddy. Doesn't it sound weird?

I don't like Daddy.

Yeah, I don't like Daddy either.

It grosses me.

Yeah, why is it. Why?

But then how come it transfers over into adulthood?

People do that to everything.

Go do it again. Do it to something else. Nice try.

Thank you.

Yeah, nice fucking try.

Someone. No one goes.

No adult male goes, mommy, you'd fucking throw up on site. If I walked into a friend's house and he was like, mommy, can we have mama sita. You're in America?

Yeah. Also, shut up right now, dude.

No. See what I'm saying, though? Daddy transfers into adult language.

Apa is korean. How does Appa sound?

Appa's great.

Yeah.

Apa and Oma.

I'll do my homework. Apa, you're ruined it already. What do you think?

I know you don't do your homework, so I think that's it. You're definitely getting spanked. Anyway, it's Apa and Oma, right?

Yeah. Dude, you're so bilingual. That's high six Japanese. But anyway, did you know what kind of asian I am? Wait, you don't know what kind of asian I am? Do you care? No.

What's your favorite ethnic food?

Mexican.

Oh, you like it?

What dish do you get? What mexican dish do you get?

Tamales.

Basic.

Do you think the word basic would apply to you, genuinely, or. No?

No.

Because it's not a negative connotated thing. Basic is kind of nice. I'd say I'm basic.

Yeah. I would say the same.

Thank you.

I'm complex.

You are.

You are.

You are. You know what?

I am diverse.

I'm two shifts away from the Rubik's cube being solved, and you're. When all the colors are fucking all over the place, which is beautiful. It's not a bad thing.

I disagree.

Okay?

I'm already solved. All the colors are on all the right sides.

Absa fucking lootly.

Yes.

Do you really think you're a cohesive thing? Yeah, but then I mix up my nightmare, right? You fuck it up every morning, but.

In the morning, it's back to the same colors, right?

That's like a movie.

Yeah.

Right? Like every day you fuck up all this shit, and then overnight it's somehow everything fixes it. You know why? Because everybody else is doing it for you.

Someone comes in the room, I swear to. I'm telling you right now, dude, you're this close of having a fucking hoe down. You're this close. And we haven't had a hoe down in a very long time, dude. And I'll get my cowboy hat, and I'm willing to go down.

Dude, go get it.

He ha.

Dude, focus on the guest.

Okay, let's go.

She's on her phone again.

Oh, my God. She's bored. She's not bored.

Oh, she is.

No, you're not.

You know what? You are more than welcome to leave at any time.

I don't want to go.

If you want to go, go.

Please don't. Actually will I don't want you to.

If she wants to go, let her go.

We did hers.

Who cares?

She does ours.

If you want to go, I don't want to keep you here. If you don't feel like.

If you don't have any more questions.

I have a million of them. I have a million questions. All right, she's ready to go. May I say, let her go. This is the first time I've ever seen it, but I think that you're a decent human being. Looking human being.

Decent looking human being.

And all of it. I mean, in the insides as well.

Thank you so much.

Were you really saying it? What were you saying? What you were saying.

You know what? I'll be honest with you. I was like, I don't have any questions. So then I went with my instinct, right? And it came out weird. You're basic. Look good and good.

Good on. What's on Bobby Altoff's Spotify top songs?

Like kids music.

Like what? Like Miss Rachel.

That kind of stuff makes Spotify music?

She doesn't have any jams.

Not on Spotify.

How about Peppa Pig?

They don't listen to their music.

You know what, Bobby? Let's create a child song now. I'll do a line, you do a line, we'll go all the way down the line.

Sounds good.

Yeah. Red balloon in the sky with the.

Butterfly me sliding down the slide at the park this afternoon I'm going to pass. We'll try it again.

Yeah.

I'm not giving.

No, no, go ahead, Bob.

Well, how about open your heart before you get. When we get to you not make a decision now.

Okay.

You know what I mean?

Yeah. Okay.

And the red train going down the track.

Who's that man standing outside my window? We can just keep doing it.

Yeah.

Go ahead.

It's the mailman. But he's got a funny eye.

Why is he staring at me for so long?

Today he doesn't have mail, but two hatches in his hand.

Interesting. And no pants on his legs.

I call him billy, but he goes, I'm not billy today.

I'm a murderer.

You guys rehearse that?

Yeah, we fucking rehearse it.

It's called improv.

What are you doing?

Sorry. Too much.

That's enough.

It was too much.

No, I like it.

Yeah. Did you take improv classes?

I should.

I think you should. I think we should teach her now.

No, I don't want to.

No, because I'll tell you why. What I noticed when I did hers. In my mind, I'm like, she doesn't know improv.

Yeah, she does.

Yeah. So I'm like, if we could teach her, then know.

What's Bobby's comfort zone? Where do you feel the most happy?

Sleeping.

I love that.

How many hours a day?

Not many.

Because of the children?

Yeah.

Let me ask you something.

Yeah.

Because I know a guy who saw his nanny hit the kid.

Oh, wow. On the thing in the face?

Yeah. It was abuse. Wow. And the cop showed up a couple of days later.

A couple days?

It's LAPD, bud.

Yeah.

They got stuff going on.

Yeah.

Unless it's a gang war. It's like a kid hit. Big fucking deal.

Big deal.

If I took that call.

But if you saw that, obviously, what would you do? You'd be enraged.

Yeah. I'd fire.

You'd fire her? But would you call the.

She slapped my kid.

Yeah. That's it.

That's it?

Yeah.

You're not going to go physically assault her?

You're not going to have a hoe down?

You're not going to make a ring a ding ding to somebody who should not, would not be named and have that woman disposed of for slapping my kid? Yeah.

No.

In the sea you go. You cross my kids. In the sea bloom.

Is that another song?

Yeah.

In the sea, you hit my kids.

No, you don't have my kids in the sea.

Okay.

If you hit my kids, you drown in the sea.

Okay, my bad.

If you hit my kids, I will.

Drown you in the sea. Pacific Ocean. We got to be specific.

Why?

Because I think the specific is a.

Bigger ocean, but it's not a sea. Pacific Ocean isn't a sea.

Exactly. Oh, Mediterranean sea.

So far.

Indian Sea. No, that's far. How about the bay? Mexico Bay?

Sure. It's not a sea either.

Yeah. Can you please.

It's back on her phone.

Back on your phone.

You guys keep talking to each other. What am I supposed to do? Just stare at.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah. We'll do whatever you want. Be free. We're just so glad you came.

What's that tattoo on your left arm there?

My children holding hands.

Will you have another one?

I was going to say, will you regret that tattoo? Because they're going to get bigger. They're not going to look anything like that. That's going to be embarrassing. These are my kids.

Yeah. No, I think it's a fond memory. They're already bigger than this. They have these outfits. I saved them.

You saved those outfits?

Yeah.

Because they're, like, forever etched on my body.

Do you have any on your legs?

No.

Okay.

Yeah.

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Shopify.com bad friends. Anyway, I remember you saying that a lot when I was with you.

I was disgusted.

She didn't say that once, did she?

Not.

Not on ours.

Yeah, because I think I disgusted you. Yeah, many times. He did not disgust you.

Well, he wasn't, like, putting his toes out.

Oh, my toes are disgusting.

Taking his shirt off.

I didn't take my shirt off. How dare you?

I think you did.

I did. Yeah, I think I did. Yeah, I did. But I apologize for that. But it was hot. We're playing tennis, and you tried to.

Hug me without your shirt on.

You don't hug, right? You don't hug.

I hug.

No.

I know your children, but not.

You don't hug other people?

Not really.

Like, if we gave to give, when you say goodbye, you wouldn't give a hug, would you?

I would.

No, you wouldn't.

I do.

Would you hug me?

I don't hug.

That makes perfect sense.

Yeah. She doesn't hug.

Who in the room would you hug? So that's pete on the left. That's McCone in the back, and that's fancy in the.

I'd say something about McCone right now, I think.

Who would you hug? You wouldn't hug.

Interesting thing about McCone, right?

Like my family.

What? What's going on?

Remember McCone thought he had a shot with Poppy?

Oh, yeah. Get on the mic. You want to say something? I don't know if you want to approach this at all, but I know you're.

He literally thought he had a shot with you. So silly.

Well, you're single. Yes.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

And I don't know if it's sensitive, and I don't want to be rude and disrespectful to that. And I mean, I'm being genuine.

Okay.

But this guy, he's their intern, this moron. He says to us, he goes, I think she's really pretty. And I said, okay, great. And then he said, I think when I go with you to the thing, I'll try to chat her up. And I said, okay, good luck.

Silly, silly man.

And then he said, what do you mean, good luck? You think I don't have a chance with her? And I said.

I said, absolutely not.

Absolutely. Well, Bobby said, absolutely not. And I said, do you think you do? And he said, I think maybe she'd like me.

No. You started going, I have the gift of gab.

Gift of gab. That's what he said.

He said, the gift of gab. It's a Minnesota term. And then also, he was, like, very cocky about it. And then when I saw him after it, he's like, nah, I didn't have a chance.

Well, he didn't say one word. Yeah, you want to say a couple of words now?

You're a foolish man. Go ahead.

Step up to the mic and say what you need to say.

I thought, you know, we're two movers and shakers. Young. Oh, my God. Think that you're even in this.

Let him do it.

Let him do it.

Get up on the mic so she can see you and say what you need to say.

Go ahead.

The hair is coming back in. I was bald for a bit, but.

She can't even look you in there. Feel a little more confident again.

But no, she's intimidating. That's your pitch.

That's the pitch.

That's the pitch.

It's so weak.

You guys said that this one was a latest man. I did not.

Yeah, they say that, not me.

I don't say. Bobby, is this the kind of guy that you would date in your next round of life? No.

Exactly.

And why, though? Just give me some reasons. Just come curious.

I feel like he's, like, 20.

Well, you're same age.

I feel like I'm 40. He's not my same age.

You're the same age. But go ahead. What else? What are some other.

He has no money. Let me guess.

Can I guess?

He has absolutely no money.

Okay, let's get past that. Beyond the age and the money thing. What else?

I feel like those are two pretty.

Big things, but let's add some more for fun. Yeah, for the sake of the show.

I mean, is he attractive to you?

He have a mullet. Did I see one?

He has a mullet.

He has a mullet.

Yeah, for now. For now.

Okay, there's another.

Is he attractive and like a kid? So if he calls you mommy, that's okay.

That's disgusting.

Well, although, can I say something? Because I have a friend visiting me, and this friend of mine, she goes, I know you're going to get mad, but I have to say that I think Makona's cute. And it literally, last night, I literally lost my mind. Yeah.

Is this a girl that you're.

Yes. I literally lost my mind.

That would gross me out.

It grossed me out.

So he's not cute, though.

At didn't, I have to have no opinion.

Well, look at him right now, real fast. Do you see anything you like over there?

I don't want to.

Can we set you guys up on a date?

No.

Please?

No.

Okay.

Pretty please?

No.

Okay, good.

Well, you know, I'm single, Bobby. I'm considered the Korean. Timothy Chalmelain.

Timothy Chalamet.

Chalamet.

You're not really a chalamet.

What am I?

More like a tu Wong fu. Bring up Chalamet.

Yeah.

Look at how fucking beautiful that kid is. That's not you. Wait, do that face. Oh, yeah, I see it. I see it.

You see it?

Yeah, I see it.

Actually, look at him. Okay.

I really love and I really appreciate you. I love you feeling what you just felt, because I really need you to stay where you are sometimes because he's getting real ahead of himself.

Yeah.

Is he?

He's late to everything.

Yeah.

I paid for him to come out to New York. I pay for his life. I mean, and I love him. He's family to me. I said, come out to New York for the premiere of my movie. Let's ask Bobby what she would have done in the circumstance. My mother is in town. I flew my mom out for the premiere of this movie. Kind of a big deal.

You didn't fly me out.

Why would I?

Friends.

Oh. Do you want to come to a premiere of something?

No.

Okay, well, fuck, dude. So I flew my mom out. I said, you have one job. You have to meet me at the premiere, and I want you to film me and my mom getting out of the car together. It's a special moment for me. One job. Did you get that footage? Did you get the footage? Is a big yes or no.

I can't believe this.

Brooklyn at the time. No. Did you get that footage? Were you there before me to get me getting out of the car? I got on the yes or no? Were you there before me to get me and my mom? The one thing I asked you to.

For you.

Did you film me and my mom getting out of the car? You were getting out of the. Did you film me and my mom getting out of the car? No, thank you. What would you do in that circumstance if that was someone you hired on your team for one special moment in your life who you paid to do a thing and really no other responsibilities? He could have done anything he wanted for the fucking four days in New York. Go Hardy. Do whatever he wants. One thing. What are you doing? That circumstance. And by the way, whatever she says, you heard it. Out. Go.

Thank you, Bobby.

He's been waiting for that for.

That was super good, right?

Wouldn't that hurt your heart?

Yeah.

Bobby, when you're ready to date. What are you looking.

Um.

Let's have, like, a little checklist here. So can we ask you some questions?

Sure.

All right. So what if he had his own children? That's fine.

Yeah, I guess.

Okay. That's fine. Blended family, like the pretty punch.

I can't really say no now that I have kids, right?

You can do whatever you want.

But what if they were like, stay home forever kids, if you know what I mean.

No, I would prefer if they didn't have kids.

They have helmets. What? They're stay home forever kids. You know? I. What mean? They're just like, whizzing around.

Okay, what's your next question?

All right, so that's number one. Number two, what if he is like, I don't have a job, but I have money. Is that okay?

No, he needs to work.

Yeah.

What if he just wants to stay home and take care of the kids?

Yeah.

And he wants you to live your.

I mean, they're whizzing around his room, in his house.

He needs to have his own life.

Okay.

How short can he be?

At least 6ft tall.

So it has to be over 6ft.

6Ft is like the.

When people are like you, you're just cutting out so many people.

I think it's fair.

No, it's not fair. It's not fair at all.

I think men understand.

I want to be able to wear heels.

Right.

And you still can and not be.

Because when I go on dating sites.

How tall are you?

Five three and a flat.

There's no way are you actually.

Yeah, I am. I am. And it's like when I go on dating sites like Raya, some of the things.

Wow, that's a shot.

It's a shot to my gut.

You know what you meant when you.

Said what I meant? I genuinely was wondering.

They let you on that.

Yeah.

That's not what I said. Anybody.

Wow. It's really going down. That even hurts more that anyone can get on it.

I feel like I've seen that. Anybody. You could just need like a referral code or something.

A bunch of referrals by fancy people.

Thank you. Okay.

Will you use the apps at some point or you think you're not going to do that?

I'm okay. You'll never waiting to stumble upon the level.

All right. But sometimes the app will go, I'm not looking for anyone under 6ft. And it hurts me. But anyway, let's keep going.

That's fine. Just date people under 4ft.

I like taller women.

Not. There's women who like short guys. That's just not for me.

Okay, short king. Fair enough. Yeah.

There's a lot of women that like short.

Yeah. You wouldn't have dated Napoleon, and that's a shame on you. He ran the thing.

He ran the thing.

France.

I don't even know who that is.

Both of you guys have no idea who Napoleon is. He ran the thing.

Dynamite.

Yeah, there he is right there, dude. Napoleon dynamite.

He was the same height. That's Bobby.

Yeah, but killing the game. Look at him. Look at his dick. That's not that big. Yeah, you're right. All right, let's go back to the checklist. May I? Okay. What if he was blind in one eye and in a fiery accident, his ears would just burn off. So you just see, like, holes on the side of his head. But he covers it with hair. Right. But when you look at it, you can see the insides. You can see the workings of the ear. What do you mean? What is it? I'm asking you question. Let's go back to that. What if he was a religion? Like, he was like, zoroastrism? You know what that is? Okay. Nothing.

All right, so he has to be over 6ft tall.

Yes.

Ask her about color.

What color?

What is wrong with you guys?

What color?

What color, you guys?

I'm done.

What about Asian? Are you okay with asian men? How many are over 6ft? How many asian?

You know what, dude? Honestly, not much. But anyway, it's actually true. That's true. Interesting. I would love to see your feet.

Thank you.

Jiminy Crickets.

Jiminy crickets. I fucked up.

Why would you say that out loud?

I was looking at her boots right now. I go, like the boots, but I'm like, what's underneath it? And I go, probably nice feet.

You're not saying that a gross way, are you, bud?

Not a sexual. No. All right. I don't find her sexually attractive.

How big are your feet?

Why?

What size shoe do you wear?

Yeah. That's not a six. Yeah, I bet you have long toes. Are they long toes? Do you paint them, Bobby?

Long toes?

Yeah. Do you paint your toes?

I don't paint them myself. No.

But I bet you get gels.

Yeah, like you remember.

I know. I do remember, dude. That day I'll never forget.

Oh, I forgot.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Do you get, like, little lint between your toes?

Will you save someone? Send it to him?

No, this is weird. This is what you do to me. Then I'm going to leave here and tell people you. So what weird.

You say, Bobby was weird.

It's so crazy, because it's like, why can't you ask these questions?

You can.

Yeah. I'm curious about your feet. I'm sure they're lovely, and I'm curious to see the condition. They're mean, Pete, am I wrong? No, not at all. Exactly.

Do you have a foot fetish?

I might have one, yeah. Because I've been showing people mine.

That's not what a foot fetish is. That's not the same thing.

And I think mine are so nice.

Look.

Yeah.

You like what you see?

I don't want to see.

Do you drink or use drugs?

Are you the police? What are you asking me that for?

Maybe.

Who's asking?

Why are you asking?

Did you have something traumatic happen in your life growing up?

No.

Okay. You're attacked by a wild animal.

Is that how you get information out of people?

Yeah.

You just, like, guess until you maybe get it?

Yeah.

Were you in a cult? Were your parents in a cult?

No.

Did you go to church every Sunday?

Yes.

What church? Can we say that the religion.

What kind of religion?

Yeah, what kind of religion?

Christian.

Well, let's get into Jesus.

Catholic? No, just broad Christian. The church was called Christian Church. Nondenominational. Yeah, that's a cult. You know what, dude?

Shut the fuck up.

That's enough.

Enough. Are you.

It is a little bit, though, but in a good way.

I can see you at a pew on your hands and knees.

That's catholic. They don't do that.

They don't do pews. I can see you, see you in the wooden bench.

Okay.

On a wooden bench. Right. And then when the song comes, you know how they do the song? You pick up the book a little from the. I could see you immediately grab the book and really, you don't even need the book. You have it memorized. Jesus Christ, you're my lord, and I.

Think you guys are going to go to hell.

And, my friend, why would we go to hell? For praising Jesus, mocking him. Really?

Really.

I think we're showing love and respect. Do you still go to church?

No.

When was the last time you went bl'zebub?

What?

I love you, Satan. Netherworld. Bl'zebub.

Cool.

I do both. Like, I go both ways. And that confuses you. That's right. But that's the ying and ying of me.

I'm texting.

Don't.

Don't text Luke.

Who's Luke?

Her manager.

Why? Like, I cut this. Bobby. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Bobby.

Look at him.

Bobby.

Begging. Yeah, begging.

Please don't leave. Please don't tell your manager that this was an uncomfortable situation. I really apologize. Thank you so much for being here. Bobby, thank you so much for being here.

Very good.

I'm kidding.

Any other questions?

Well, this was nice.

I love you so much. I really do. I care about you. Okay, before we end, I know what we're going to do. All right. Because I feel like we're in a hole. Okay.

Not we.

Me.

I'm humming.

I'm humming, too.

Okay. You're good.

Like a bird.

Yeah.

Right. So what I want to say is, let's go down the line. Not a song. Don't worry. Right. But we express how we really feel about each other before we go. Okay, that's good. And only positives. No negatives.

Okay.

Right. Should I start?

This is your bit.

It's not a.

Is your.

It's an exercise.

This is your exercise.

Okay. It's like a gratitude list. Can you look at me? Okay. So, Bobby, here's how I feel about you. Okay? I'm honored to work with your. I was so grateful that you asked me to do it because you're hot and the kind of. No, like, in terms of the numbers, like, you're hot out there, not in. Attractive. Know. I mean, you're attractive, but. I know. I feel like it. I feel like I'm drowning in sadness.

All the way to China. This one's going.

I know. Let me start over. All right. I was really grateful that you had asked me. I thought we worked well together. It got really good traction. It helped me out a lot. I just think that you're like an anomaly, a very talented person. And I think that in this time of age, we just need somebody like you out there. I think you're so important, and I think that you're a good mom. Thank you and I want to see your feet. That's it. That's good, right? Is that good? Other than you? I go to you now.

Okay.

Yeah. You're my best, and you're the best. And we're going to Austin tomorrow together.

Tomorrow?

Yeah. Yeah. It'll be fun.

Yeah.

And I just like working with you. And I trust you immensely.

God bless.

And I love you so much. Go ahead. Now, your turn.

Okay, Bobby.

Be real, dude. Be authentic, Bobby. Good. Here we go.

You know.

It'S happening. No, because you're feeling it. And that's what I love.

It's organic.

It's so organic.

I'm letting it rip. Bobby, you know what? Go in the front room, just so I can have, like, a moment. Have a cigarette. I really want this to be. I want it to count. I'm sorry I made you come here and do this. I'm sorry. I know you said you didn't want to do it, and you said there's going to be a waste of your time, and you don't like Bobby, and he makes you uncomfortable, and you said it over and over, and I'm sorry. Okay. Do you accept my apology?

No. Okay, that's a wrap. How do we get out of here?

Macon will help you out.

Yeah. Can I do it? Morgan. And Morgan, it's 2024, so let's talk about something important. If you get injured by a person, place or thing, you deserve to get paid. Do you not agree with that?

Totally agree. I've been injured before by a thing which was a car, a person which is you, and a place which is Detroit, Michigan.

Yes.

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Did you see Dune two?

Yes.

Did you ask you? Yeah. Did you see it? Did you like it? Would you like it?

Did I see Dune two?

Yeah.

I didn't see Dune two, and I'll tell you why I want to rewatch Dune one before I go again.

That's what I did the night before I went to see.

My cousin just did that. That was a smart idea. He got stoned. He watched Dune one, and then he went to the theater and watched Dune two. So that's what I need to go back to do.

Yeah. Tell you, this man, Elvis, he really's got it.

Presley, he's in it.

No, Austin. Austin. Oh.

What's going on? Can I have a bragging point? Let me brag. You better brag. No, I got a better bragging point.

Than what is it?

Austin Butler played Elvis.

Yes.

Well known, right?

Yeah.

When we toured Graceland. You didn't come with us. You refused tour Graceland. When I toured Graceland, the teenage. Know someone like that.

You've already told this story before.

Not on this show.

I love it.

I'm going to do it again.

Can I tell it?

Teenage kids were like, sertino.

Yeah. Bad friends.

Loved it.

Yeah.

The woman goes, I'm sorry, I don't know who you are.

Yeah, the guide.

I said, that's okay. Most people don't. She goes, well, they seem to know who you are. She goes, that's really surprising. I've given a lot of celebrity tours this place and a lot of people just don't really recognize anybody. I said, like who? She goes, Austin Butler, who played Elvis. I walked him through this entire property. Not one person stopped him. I said, take that, Austin Butler.

This is before the movie came out?

No, of course not. That's insane. It came out. It was already way out. I think as a guy, he might be unrecognizable. He looks like a very. Like a chameleon.

I want to say this, but look at that guy.

You might not know.

That's him, bro. He was so good in dune, too.

I'm sure he was.

Yeah. He played Frey.

Fade rauta, fade rautha, fade rotha.

Harkonnen.

Harconin. Correct.

That's right. Yeah. Let me have a chance to say it. Okay. Fragile.

Look at how much better he looked at. Look at the first picture down on the second row. I mean, what a first picture. Look at how handsome he is.

So handsome. But as Frey, because Sting played that part, remember in the David lynch, dune.

And Sting was like, every breath. That's a police song, isn't it?

Yeah.

Still him.

It's very good.

But what's the difference? Do you like sting more or the police more?

Oh, the police by far.

Isn't that weird, though? Why did I not like Sting after the police?

Because he went really family kind of. His songs were very, like, poppy and. No, it was just. Yeah. Like. What's that one song that he sings? I don't even remember. Field of.

Oh, he sings streets of Philadelphia.

No, not that. The field one. What's the field of one?

Kidding.

Give me the lyric. I think I can sing it. No. Fields of gold nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah nah of rapture, or whatever it is.

You remember me?

Yeah, that's it. When the west wind blows upon the ways of rapture.

That's right.

Yeah. Fields of gold. That's. That's that song.

What's your favorite police song?

Oh, God, I like it. Get on the ground. Get on the ground. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Why can't we do that?

Bad boy, bad boy, bad boy.

That was a great song.

It was a really good song. But my favorite police song was maybe I'm going to sing the hum and let's see if you know it. Ready?

Yeah.

My favorite police song.

Yeah.

No.

Stanley Tucci.

That song is about us. You know that, right?

Yeah. Roxanne's a good song.

Song that I'm singing is called man in the suitcase. It's literally about our life. Why must I be the man in the suitcase?

I like. Is it me?

Man with the strangest face?

The police were great.

So good.

So good. And then, you know what I listened the other day that I hadn't listened? The cars love so many good songs. The cars. Shake it up, shake it up. That's so good.

It is really good. I haven't seen anything because I've been watching Shogun.

Everyone's talking about Shogun.

Shogun is so good.

Yeah.

But also I watched curb. I watched through curb. Richard Lewis, staying up to date on curb. Yeah.

Amazing. I heard Shogun's great.

There's only one problem.

I'm not in it.

Not enough wine.

Oh, okay. I don't think there's anything in Shogun for me, though.

I don't think so, either.

Why? I can do good. Yeah. Is that what it is?

You've got the role.

Yeah, I got it.

You got the role.

Why can't I die?

I mean, that's what they'd make you do for sure.

I know, but I can die in a dramatic show.

Of course.

Let me just do it. Right. I'm sleeping. I'm sleeping. Some samurai comes up to me, go to bed. I'm like, is he sucking my dick?

He's not.

No, I know.

No way.

Then I go, oh, I feel a pinching in my stomach.

Oh, it hurts.

Yeah. In your mind, when you're sleeping, you would hear that noise. You check, no dick sucking because my sides hurt. I look down, why tongo? Why tongo? We grew up together in the valley, the river we at by the creek. Is it too much?

I don't like this.

Why?

I don't know what it is. Let me finish it. Okay.

That's why you don't let me finish my scenes.

Not if they're falling apart.

No.

I'm like the fucking conductor who's like.

Bale, but you're directing it, right? So just cut it. Right?

Cut.

Yeah, reset. Exactly.

Dude, let's go back to one.

And as an actor, I'll probably still do an asian accent even when I'm not shooting, just to be in the role. Could I add lib?

Yeah. Ad rib.

I can add rib. Yeah. Are you ready?

I'm so prepared.

Say action. Or do I just go?

I have to say it. No. Like a good director. Take your own. Action.

I really.

Yeah.

Oh, you cut.

You're getting stabbed.

I know.

I don't think you owe you when?

Oh, yeah. Because the Ou was this so stupid, dude. Sometimes.

Whoa. I'm the director.

Yeah, I don't care, dude.

Fired.

No, don't fire me.

You're fired.

I like to tell you why you're wrong. The first two is realization ou. Yeah. And then ou is I open my eyes because I'm fucking sleeping.

Yeah. Oh, you're napping.

Yeah. And I'm going, ou, right?

Betrayal.

Betrayal. Oh, that's the line. Betrayal.

Betrayal as you die.

Yeah. Okay, ready?

Action.

O, you, betrayal.

No, it's a little too.

I'm not done.

Too excited.

I'm not done already. All right, I'll take my own. Oh, you, betrayal. Tony.

Oh, it's Tony.

Yes.

And it's Tony Soprano.

Yeah. Well, let's fuse the two worlds. I got to do it.

I got to do it.

Yeah. Sorry.

I got to stab you.

Showgun. Let me. Do. You do stab showgun.

Sorry, I got to stab you. What do you want me to do?

Yeah, let me stab you. Oh, you do now? I'm the director. But it's Showgun. Ready? Scene 46. Shogun. The Rapture scene. Action. Cut.

Was it not believable that I was getting stabbed in my sleep?

Yeah, but you're not an irish guy.

How was I irish? I look this way?

No, but you're supposed to be. Wouldn't give me that. Japanese guy. Okay, yeah, we don't do that. All right, so anyway. God damn this guy. I should have auditioned this guy, man. I swear to God, I shouldn't have offered. Anyway, rapture scene, scene 36, take 15. And action.

You stubborn me.

Oh, ferret. It's caught.

I mean, yeah, call the academy.

What do they say? They go, you know what I mean? What does the director say? Print that. Print that. Print that fucking dead on dead.

You know when you go on a set and they have that red light and it says, do not enter. When light is on, we're rolling. Always do. Always. I do it every time. I'm not going to stop. What are we talking about? Let me in. Let me in. What the fuck is going. There's food in there.

I don't understand what you're saying.

When they're rolling on a stage, they put red lights up to make sure that you know that they're rolling to not enter. Oh, dude, I go in every time I'm hungry. Craft service is there. I'm hungry.

Not only that, it's like I always tell, because there's always wardrobe and people waiting there.

Yeah.

Because they don't want to cross. I cross and I go. You know what I always say? I go, I'm quiet.

Yeah, just sneak.

I slowly. And those doors are so heavy. There's padded, too.

Yeah, they're fine. They're so fine that no one's going to hear.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God. I wanted to show you because. Because we're going to Abu Dhabi. People know one of the princes, Prince Jazz bought. No, just write Saudi Prince billion dollar jet. Some guy just bought a billion dollar outfit of this jet. Look at this fucking thing. It's going to blow your mind. Maybe it's. Yeah, that's it. The first picture. The first one. Saudi. Print that one. Look at the fucking photos of this thing. Al Wahi.

A billion dollars.

Yeah. So 500 million private Boeing jet and then outfitted it with another. I don't even know. It says it in the article. I mean, dude, the fucking bedroom. We got to get one of the princes while we're over, that'll let us on their plane for a billion dollars.

He should have gotten an Airbus.

Okay, you know what? It's a 737 max. Exactly. They're on recalls.

That's a beautiful room.

That's you and me. Imagine that next to each other.

But let me say something. How many princes are there? Because every time I think about the Middle East.

Google it.

How many people say, there's so many princes?

There's got to be. You're my little prince. So does that count? How many princes are there in the Middle east? The number of princes is estimated to be at least 7000.

Wow.

Most of the power and influence being wielded by 200 or so.

We got to get to the 200. I think the rest of them, the 6800, we don't need. What are you talking.

Why not?

We want to get to the 200, princess. We don't want to be like, oh, that's the. You know what I mean? The prince of this mountain.

You got to start somewhere, budy.

Okay. I'm a prince.

Imagine you.

I'm prince.

Which one are you?

Jasmine. Prince Jasmine. I am Prince Jasmine.

You know Prince Alid Salib?

I do not know, but I've seen him at the convention.

Thank you.

Let me keep going with the bit. I'm Prince Jasmine. Right. And I'm going to tell you, I just became prince. There was only 6999. Prince.

Okay, prince.

I'm 7000 prince.

Prince Jasmine, do you.

Hello, I'm Prince Jasmine.

Do you have a private jet that we can go on?

Oh, yeah. How big is southwest?

Oh, you own a southwest plane?

No, I am number a one, two and three.

Yeah.

We get to go on first. Wow.

Before business, it actually would be called Far East. Far East Airlines.

Yeah, far east.

Anyway, what's your airline called in the Middle East?

Oil.

Oil. Air.

Oil. Air.

Well, deliberate.

Yeah. And can I tell you how we got our money?

How did you get your money?

We don't have oil. My family.

Really?

Barrel.

You own one barrel?

Several oil barrels.

I hope you'd have a lot of barrels.

No. Twelve.

Oh, you own the physical barrel.

The barrels. Oh, right.

So we get a piece, by the way, a barrel. Prince is so funny.

Yeah. Barrel, piece.

Everyone's like, your money must have come from oil. He's like, the barrels.

That's what I'm saying.

And they're like, yeah, but not the oil inside. Like, we manufacture barrels. We are the barrel barons.

We have technology that we take sand and to put in the mud.

Oh, you make sand? Mud.

We have the technology.

You make sand.

You know how? Very simple. Water.

Get out of town.

Yeah.

Barrel princes, actually. A very good idea.

Thank you.

It'd be funny to be like the brokest.

You be a prince now.

Of the princess. If you're the brokest of the princess.

You be a prince now.

It's like your money must.

Hi. Hello. Well, at this Hyatt, this is where the prince convention is. Interesting. What is your name? Oh, I'm sorry, I should know.

Yes.

I offended you. You're Prince Jabbawaki. I read about you.

Thank you.

Yeah. And you dance? I will dance, yeah.

But mostly, yeah. I count money. I've made a lot of money.

Yeah.

Do you know how?

Can I guess?

Sure.

Rugs, kind of. Yeah.

Go toupees. I own the biggest toupee company.

Oh, you do?

Yes.

But magical one.

Head rugs.

Head rugs. But they're magical toupees.

Yes. They will get you pussy magically when you put.

Wow, that's a great prince. The Prince Beryl and Prince Toupee guy should. They should hang out.

By the way, I'm sure the people listening to this in fucking Dubai are now like, fuck these guys.

Fuck these guys.

Yeah.

But when we go to Dubai.

Abu Dhabi.

Abu Dhabi. Dabi, I've been there before.

Oh, you've been Abu Dhabi?

Yes. I did a show there once.

United Arab Emirates.

Yeah. We get business, right?

Yeah, it's business. We're going for business, not pleasure.

No, because it's a business class. I can't do a fucking coach on that.

Well, I hate to break it to you, my friend, but no, we're not flying business class. We're flying regular. And we have to stop, like, three times. We have to stop, like, in Japan.

Are you fucking kidding me? Right?

We have to stop in Japan.

Then let's not do it.

We stop in Japan, in Delhi, and then in, for some reason, we stop, like, somewhere in Eastern Europe. Then we get down there.

I don't think we should do it then.

It was a good. I got it on expedia. It was like $38 a person each way.

Wow.

It was worth it. No.

I've been to airports in different parts of the world where you see, like, chickens and roosters on the field.

Dude, when we were in fucking. I don't even know if I told you this. When we were leaving Sicily, we were in this fucking airport. It wasn't open. We had to wait outside. The first flight was 10:00 a.m. These motherfuckers showed up at like, 956.

Wow.

And the guy was like, okay, come, come open the gates to the fucking airport. And I turned and I was like, to my dad, I was like, should we not get on this fucking.

Was it one flight straight to America or.

No, it was a flight from Sicily to Rome.

That's where the good one.

They opened the fucking airport. I'm not kidding. Security was closed.

Wow.

And I was like, is this a good idea? This guy showed up, like, five minutes before we're taken off. What's the food like in Abu Dhabi?

No, Sicily.

Well, it's a lot of fish. It's a lot of seafood. Southern Italy is a lot of seafood. A lot of mediterranean style stuff. If you like seafood, go down there. If you're not a seafood guy, I highly recommend avoiding it because there's always someone in your group who's like, I don't really like seafood. You're like, well, fuck, dude, that's all they have down here.

But is there a pizza place?

Of course. Yeah, you're going to get pizza.

Is there, like, a roundtable?

Yeah, there's a jack in the box. You know what's so funny? There probably is a jack in the box down there. No, there is a pizza place down there, but there's.

I know, obviously it's Italy, but no.

There'S not a corporate pizza place.

There's no roundtable.

I'll tell you. In Rome, there's like a domino's or a pizza hut in Rome has stuff like that. They have McDonald's. They have all that fucking. It's Rome.

It's Rome. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't built, but it was built.

On the shoulders of Pizza hut.

Because let me ask you something about pizza, because you gotta get a pizza.

Pizza, pizza.

So there's different kinds, right?

Of what?

Detroit?

Yeah. Detroit style. Chicago.

It's like a squared type of. Yep. And then you have deep dis. Chicago, where it's deep. Deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep. And what I'm saying is that. Do people go, was there a guy in Detroit is like, I don't like it. Circle.

Yeah, I'm sure he was an immigrant, moved there and decided to change.

I want to do.

Huh?

That's interesting to me.

I love that.

Yeah, I do, too.

You know who these kind of people are? People like Bobby Lee. People who break the mold, people who go against the grain, who swim upstream, who don't just do what everyone's doing. They challenge the ideals that are put out in America right now. Play some really inspirational music. They challenge the ideals of what's happening in the world, because most of them.

Are antiquated by the boom, bada bing and bada boom. Bada bing. I'm here making pizza.

Well, welcome to the city.

How you doing?

You want to open up a restaurant?

I have a fucking idea, my friend.

What kind of restaurant?

I'm from Italy.

Oh, you're from Italy?

Yeah.

Where are you from?

Where are you from?

Where are you from?

Alphabet.

Applebee's, Outback.

Yes.

You're from Applebee, Italy?

Applebee, outback in the garden.

He's from Chile, Italy.

How you doing? Bada boom, by the bone. Okay, I'm pizza place. Are you fucking kidding? I'm right over here, man. I'm over here, man. You're over here? I'm over here. How you doing?

All right. How you doing?

Fucking pizza man. All right. I'm going to tell you something about welcome from my family, okay? We take a very large pepperoni. Very large.

Is this sebastian meniscalco? Is that what you're not.

No, I'm a fucking Dan.

Sorry, sir. You take it.

Yeah, right, got it? Check this out, my friend, right? And then we put the breading on it. It reversed, right? So I put chunks of bread on this gigantic pepperoni.

So it's like a calzone.

No, but it's. No, because the pepperoni is exposed. It's fucking exposed, my friend. Like your guts. If I fucking kill you in the desert, I'll fucking expose your guts in the fucking vultures.

I don't want any harm, pal.

Fucking piece of shit.

I don't want no problems.

Fucking jab you with a fucking.

So, you're proposing a pizza with just bread. I like it.

Yeah.

Here's a million with the pachis.

With the cheese inside the bread bits. Check it out, my friend. And then, you know what? You think? I know what you fucking see right now to me. Right now, my friend. I'm going to tell you something, right? Portobello mushroom.

Very good.

A gigantic one, so it captures the juices, right? So you put the pepperoni right in the portobello. Gigantic portobello, right? And you forgot to fuck the bread chunks with the cheese inside the fucking fucking thing, man. The fucking onions and pepperoni, pepper and the fucking sausages. Fucking recall the cheese. What do you think, my friend? Are you going to buy it?

I think you're never going to make it.

That's fucking rude.

What?

That's fucking rude.

No. Anyway, he doesn't believe in your business. It's flawed.

It's flawed. I know. Halfway during, I was like, I don't know even know where I. Yeah, but you keep going.

It was awesome, but it was very confused.

You just keep going sometimes.

You keep going.

Yeah. The world stops.

You know what? And can I tell you something?

What?

I'll stop the world and melt with you.

Let me ask you something about stop.

The world and melt with you.

What a great song.

So good.

So good. Let me ask you something. When we go to Austin, what day is our thing?

Friday.

Friday.

We leave tomorrow night.

Yeah. Friday.

Friday. We have to do a thing during the day.

Saturday, nothing.

Well, Saturday, I guess we can say it because it'll have already happened when this comes out. We're doing pop in special headliner shows at Rogan's club. Two shows.

I didn't know that.

We are.

You were not going to do stand up? Yeah. Oh, that's great.

You didn't know it. You proposed it to me. You said you wanted to do new material shows there. Do you not remember that?

I want to do that?

You literally said, let's do new material. It was your proposal.

Let's do it.

That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. You were like, I didn't know that. I called Adam. There he is.

Exposed.

Very good.

Fucking rip on with my fucking family. Fucking heirlooms.

How good did it feel to watch her berate Macon, though? Did that feel good at least?

Dude, when I brought that up, though, loved it.

Best part.

Did it love it. In the beginning, though, it was like, what the fuck is he doing?

No, I knew exactly what you're doing.

I was like, yeah, you don't have a shot.

You can't even play anything.

Officers. I'm like, I don't even. You don't have a fucking shot. My plan.

Hey, listen to the Don when he's talking.

The Don is here.

Your name would be? Don Wong.

Don Wong, my friend.

Hey, the Don Wong would like.

My friend, my other friend. Go ahead, tell him about it.

I really hate this impression. Fucking terrible.

Why?

It's terrible.

I love it. It's so bad. So bad.

This guy.

You don't like it? You don't like it?

I like it, dude, honestly, though, no joke. A mafia movie where it's very serious and deep and dark and they bring him in the room and they meet you doing that? Fucking lose my shit. If it's like, a dead serious, where it's like, everybody, we call the meeting because we want to have a conversation. The Don would like to talk to you. Someone else is like, what did I do to the don? I didn't do nothing. Look, he just wants to speak with you for five minutes. Opens the door, it's you with a hot rod, bright orange hat on. Like this. You look just like this.

Yeah, no mama doing. When will we have this meeting? When we have this meeting. You fucking between my family.

Thank you for being a past friend. It.