Hey, guys, we have new merchy.

Merchy Merch.

This is like a fear loathing kind of a vibe.

This is like a shout out to the Beastie Boys album. They come in a ton of different colors. Yeah, ton of different varieties. We've got crew necks, hoodies, long sleeves, all sorts of fun stuff for you. Go to badfriendsmerch.com to get that now. Badfriendsmerch.com. I am running, running new jokes to put together my new hour. I'm in Houston, Tampa, Phoenix, Nashville, Dallas, San Francisco. I'm just doing a bunch of clubs to put together the new hour. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. Andrewsantino.com.

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Hi.

Hi.

It's good. Wow, long Beach. I know this guy. But that was good.

I loved Long beach.

That was such a.

Did you not have so much fun?

Not just fun. It was just kind of magical. There was sometimes there's magic.

There was magic in the air.

Yeah. And I'll tell you this proud moment. What's your proud moment?

Proud boy moment.

Yeah.

I think a proud boy moment last night was all of our agents and managers showing up simultaneously and talking. And they talked actually for the first time in a long time.

There was hugs going on, talking. I was like, what's going on?

Hugs.

A couple of hugs. Not a lot of hugs.

And then I had all, what? What about the goop? That was the win.

I was going to let you get there. I didn't want you to get cut off by one of the producers. I wanted you to get there organically. But that's okay.

I know. We were going to get there, too.

The proud moment last night was for the fans hearing backstage, people go, goop, goop, goop, goop. The Goop did 5 minutes, 1010 minutes. I don't even know. I mean, he.

Yeah. And you told me because I told.

Him what I say.

Can we just talk?

Go ahead.

So you came up to me, the Goop can only do. Just bring them up and then take them out.

Well, here's why.

I know. I understand why.

Started 25 minutes late. The fans. I was like, oh, people are going to get ornery. Right? And also, this is my production brain. The seats were, there was no middle row. So if you were in the middle and you had to get up to piss, you had to get up and be. Excuse me.

Yeah.

For like 60 seats. So I was like, man, people are going to be antsy to get the show going. So we started late. Then we had two of our friends, who are store employees go up first. So now the show is. Now we're getting deep into the show. And I thought, all right, if Goop goes on now and drags his feet, we're in some trouble.

But when I talk to him. I know, but here's what happens. You tell me, maybe the goop shouldn't do it or maybe just say hi.

Because he was so nervous about it.

He goes, I don't want to do it. Thing about the goop, dude, he came through. Not just came through. Guys like the goop, dude, they say, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sweaty. You know what I mean? I eat skittles. I have all these conditions.

Yeah. Diabetes.

Yeah, right. He goes up there and he hits a home run. And I realize that night, I go, he's one of those. Yeah, he's a liar. He walks around going, I don't know nothing, but you know, everything.

Yeah, he does.

Right? He's like my brother in that way. My brother acts shy and stuff, but then he can do it.

He can do all of it.

Yeah, he can do all of it. My point is that goop, you're a liar. I bet you muddy, too. He taps ass. Yeah, he taps ass probably five times a night. We're not aware. We think he's five. Five different women.

Wow.

And men. Wow. And one gerbil. Yeah. And that gerbil dies. Well, painful death.

You get a new one just inside himself. What, he hangs himself?

No, he's in his asshole.

He just grabs a butthaire and just brings it inside. Yeah, the goop crushed last night.

He crushed. And then who else crushed?

Ramsey and Angie. Two employees of the store did great on the show. They opened the show, then the Goop, then Jet Ski and Bobby and me. And the crowd was on fire.

And then Angie today, she goes, thank you for the greatest moment of my. Was the. She said it was the best moment of her life. You have to understand, these people that work the door, what they get, the belly room, the or, every once in a while, they don't get thousands and thousands of people cheering them on. And so it was a magical moment for her. And then some celebrities showed up. We want to name who, but some celebrities showed up.

We could say that's not a big deal. Our friends Rob McElhaney and Caitlin Olsen.

Yeah. From always. Sunny showed up.

Yes.

Super sweet and kind they absolutely love the show.

Rob texted me this morning.

Yeah.

And he was like, how fucking fun.

Oh, wow.

So happy for you guys. He was like, how fun. And I told him, I said, I'm giving you a heads up. This is not a typical standup show. Because they were like, hey, we want to come to that show. And I said, it's not going to be what you think. It's going to be weird. There's going to be standup. There's going to be bits from the show. It's going to be kind of unique for our audience, for the bad friends. Bad friends audiences. They know what's coming. And he was like, it was perfect.

So they were both six. Oh, my God, they were so sweet backstage.

Oh, dude, who else did we have Dunn founded back there? We had your boy Gene Hong. We had a lot of cool people come. And then what happened? Then the agents.

I know.

Can we get some money before we leave?

Oh, this is what they did. They flew into my dress. Well, they first went into your dressing room.

Yeah, they all went into mine. Yeah, your agents came into my. I know.

All my agents went to. I heard the flapping and the insect antenna buzzing around. Right.

We're making fun of agents because they're just kind of buzing.

Yeah, they're buzing. Yeah. They're always like, so they came into my room.

They're biz buzing by you.

And they were like, this is our new one. So they had a new agent.

Yeah, they did bring somebody new.

You're right. And there's a.

She's your girl now.

Like it's some sort of sacrifice or something. And then I go, who is she? She's like, she's the one. And every year there's a one.

There's a one.

They promise me the world. And guess what?

None of it happens.

I don't even get the world.

I get, like, you get, like, ohio. You don't get the world. You get Ohio.

Ohio. I get a couple of gigs, a couple of lines, and some things, but they're always like, yeah, it's coming.

You're the next big.

It's not.

Nah.

And you know what? When you realize that, that's okay, it's great.

Yeah. I feel more at bay. I feel more at peace with the world. It is what it is.

It is what it is, dude.

Also, last night, pulling the australian kid from the crowd was great. Oh, he was fantastic, dude. What a sweet boy. And it's nice to know we got fans. Dan, Anda.

He didn't kiss me, though, I was.

A little annoyed by that.

Annoyed? Yeah.

Pissed me off.

That would have killed, because here you.

Were, face to face. You're a handsome guy. He's a handsome guy. Why not make the moment more special? Why not make the moment a little bit more special and give a little one little smooch? That's all you wanted.

Yeah, but you kept, like. I was like, I can't force it.

I know.

There's thousands of people watching.

Three, actually. Yeah, that'd be bad. A lot of witnesses, your honor. We have all the witnesses.

Yeah, it was a beautiful theater, too. What a beautiful.

That's where Richard Pryor shot Richard Pryor live in 1979.

Wow.

Do you know that sometimes I'm like, wow, this is crazy. But zoom in, if you don't mind, at the bottom. This was in the hallway on the way to the stage.

I saw it.

And it says, on December 10, 1979, Richard Pryor filmed Richard Pryor live in concert right here on the Terrace theater stage. Hailed as the single greatest stand up performance ever captured on film, this film not only had raw humor on police brutality, sex, race, marriage, but also helped kick off the stand up boom of the 1980s. Performing in the same stage as Richard Pryor is both an aspiration and a profound honor, symbolizing the completion of a comedic journey. Break a leg out there. I thought that was, what a beautiful thing. And I read that literally before we started the show.

Wow.

Because I kind of saw the poster. You see posters as you pass through these hallways and you think, oh, they showed, like, Elvis had performed there. They said the Beatles. They had all the posters in the basement.

Yeah.

And it is amazing. You're like, we're sharing these days, but this just hit me in the chest for some reason. It was like, wow, this dude filmed there, chose there.

The Beatles performed there. Beatles and the Rolling Stones, probably.

Beatles, stones, Elvis. Dude, the basement was. The amount of people that performed there was shocking.

Yeah.

And I think we forget sometimes we're in that same venue.

We're not Elvis.

First of all. We are Elvis.

No, we're not.

We are our Elvis.

Yeah, Elvis. Yeah. Okay.

We're Elvis with a butthole.

Elvis didn't show the audience their butthole.

Yes, he did. That's why he would shake. He was loosening.

Like, I 69 the fucking australian guy last night with my ass out.

Yeah. Elvis didn't have the balls to do that.

Yeah. And I'm like, 69 this guy, this australian guy. He's freaking out. And I look and I see my manager looking at me going, and I'm like, I'm sorry.

There is a tape I heard. Google this. Elvis talking to girlfriend from war.

What?

There was a recorded phone call of Elvis talking to his girlfriend over the phone from war. No. It's funny, she's, like, pissed off because she's like, what's going on out there with all the other girls? And he's like, there's no other girls, baby. She's like, yeah, this is it. This is it. Okay, play this. I don't think anything about not calling you.

Because you don't think of me? No. Because you don't miss me. Well, that's what it seems like to me. Elvis.

See, he's dealing with it.

They haven't changed.

They haven't changed.

Throughout the time, cavemen did this. You know what I mean? Wow. They haven't changed.

She says, at some point, I'm not a baby. I'm a grown lady. She says, at some point, I want to smack you and beat the shit out of you.

Yeah.

She's like, I want to hurt you and hit you, but you hear this whole Anita wood conversation, and I swear to God, I had the same thought. I thought nothing was different. We have this fascination that back then there was, like, a glitz and a glamor to it, where it's like, my love, I miss you so much.

I can't wait to get.

She's like, I miss you, too. I can't wait to feel your embrace. And so she's like, I want to hit you in your fucking head, Elvis.

Yeah.

And he's like, you ain't going to do that. You ain't going to do that.

Yeah.

It's exactly what happens today. But things different.

He had power that we don't have now.

Well, he was a global.

He could literally walk into anywhere. Hey, baby, listen. And they were like, okay. I mean, there's no other. That's how much fame he had.

Yeah, sure.

This is when the Beatles would show up and people would faint. Who faints?

Now, if somebody fainted for you, I'd love every single second of it.

No, I would be concerned. I go, are you okay?

Get him to the hospital.

No, I'd leave him there. No kidding.

Well, anyway, we shared the stage with some of these great legends last night, and we only have four shows left. And boy, oh, boy, is it four. It's only four left.

We're doing well.

Australia in the United States.

Oh, yeah.

No. Yes. We are going to Australia in November. The dates are going to be announced finally. We are doing it.

We are going, I bet you money in 2025 will go back out.

No.

Yeah. I bet your money.

Okay. I'll bet you anything you've got. Because it would take two of us to say yes.

Okay.

And I'm not going to say, yeah.

Really?

I think I want to reformulate. I think I want to work on my hours. Okay.

2026, then 26 will be out, and that's the last one. And then we're done for good. Yeah, it would be fun. Done for good?

Fuck that.

You know that's not true. You and I forever doing this until we can't do it anymore.

I don't know, man.

Fuck you. What do you got?

Fuck you, dude.

What do you got going on?

We don't know. We don't know what? Stardew Valley.

Stardew Valley.

Haunted chocolate tears. Oh. Can I say another thing about you?

Yeah, go ahead. I know what you're going to do.

What am I going to do?

You do it to me. During the meet and greets, if a fan says anything to me, about anything I'm interested in, which they almost never do, but if a fan says, hey, Santino, can I ask you a question about XYz?

You always go, get the fuck out of here. No, but then, am I wrong?

Carlos, you're there every time. He's there every time, and he knows.

Go ahead. When they bring up golf, you get really mad because it's about your dad. Yeah, because I have trauma associated with it.

That's not true. Don't do. That's such. That's not why you get mad, because it's not about you.

I want to tell you what you did last night, and it's fucking wrong. I'm glad you brought it up, dude.

Go ahead. You brought it up, you dummy. Dummy?

I'm going to tell you, when it's.

Not about you for 3 seconds, you talk about golf.

It's fine. I'll just roll my eyes. That's what you did. But it never happens, is the thing they always talk about. Your stuff. Yes.

Thank you, Carlos. Thank you.

Oh, really? No, that's true, though. No. Can I just say what?

You do not like the truth. You don't like the truth?

Yeah.

Every fucking nerd comes up, I have.

A Star wars shirt that I made with our faces on it, blah, blah, blah.

And then I just sit there and smile and I'm not rude, and then you go, who's your favorite?

Gilly.

Whatever.

No, I just let you do it.

But then last night, you were fucking ho ho. Humming on about fucking farming?

No. A girl comes up to me and she goes, there's going to be a new. Not DLC, but a new update for Stardew Valley. I go, well, maybe I should start a new main farm then. You should. And then we start talking about, like, I go about the melons and how the gigantic melon forms. When you crop the same kind of seed, sometimes with cauliflower melon, a gigantic one forms and you have to chop it down with an ax. Okay, that's fine. But then what you. Whoa. That's fine, but this is what you. Fuck you. And this is what you did. Look at how big it is, right? But then for four or 5 minutes, you go, melons, you fucking nerd.

Yes.

And you rub it in my face. Even after, like 10 minutes go by, you'll go, fucking melons, dude. Chopping down with ax. Fuck you. And I'm like, dude, I don't say that about when you talk about golf.

Yeah, you do. When anybody says anything nice to me.

You go, oh, shit. The fuck about sports. You're racist. The way you just did my. That's fucking racist, dude.

Have you.

Did you see that?

Have you not been watching this show? Are you not on this show, dumbass?

You didn't do it in a comedy way. You did it in a fucking racist way, dude.

Really, dude?

Again? Look at that. Really, dude.

Well, the lights are hitting me, Brian.

All right. Anyway, fuck you, dude.

Fuck you anyway. Loser.

See, I'm not a loser, dude. I'm a winner. I'm tired of people.

Whatever you need to tell to yourself, dude.

Yeah, I'm a winner.

Nerd.

Yeah, watermelons get so big.

Did you cut them down?

No. Can I just explain to you what happens? And I think we're miss right when you plant melons in it.

Yeah, dude.

No, just let me finish. I think you're misunderstanding.

You in your underwear with, like, food on your belly, just being like, look.

At how big the watermelons.

Fucking your idiocracy. You're literally what Mike Judge wrote about. Yeah, like, just numb, stuffed with junk food, watching a melon.

The melon is big.

You know what's so funny?

I'm about to walk, dude. I'm about to walk, dude, you really got me on the fence.

I like some of the nerd shit. You and I share a lot of nerd shit in common, actually.

Well, then, there we go. What the fuck's the problem, dog?

But let's be honest, okay? All jokes aside.

Yeah.

You know, I love when you connect with the fans. I don't like it when you're mean to me about what I like with the fans. That's my retaliation. Because if a fan goes, Santino, I'm wearing a bulls jacket, and you immediately make fun of them. I don't make fun of the fans for liking your. Stop. I don't make fun of the fans for liking your stuff. I make fun of you when they're gone. Am I right, Carlos? You see it, Carlos. Firsthand. You see it firsthand.

Look at the way you paused.

No, he knows.

No, he's trying to.

No, here's what you. Because you're such a fucking manipulative bully.

Look at what he's doing now. Andrew is right.

Thank you. I know it is.

You get mad at this. I know. But does it carry over into two or three other. Well, this is a whole new argument.

Yeah, it's a whole new argument. Exactly. You're making a token.

I let it go quickly.

Yeah, but you.

I'll say you let it go quickly. Yeah. He does not.

But you bully.

He sees it.

But you bully the fans, and I don't bully your fans.

Oh, you don't bully my fans?

No. We just went over this 2 seconds.

Ago, Lego, and they go, we got you, gummy bear. You're like gummy bears.

No, I've never.

I know you. I just made that up. I just made that up. I just made that.

Thank you.

See? Yeah, you're right. I made that up.

Let's get back. I don't even know why we're fucking.

I'm not fighting with you. Can I just say, I don't want.

To fight with you. I love you.

I don't know, man.

I'm supportive as fuck of you.

And I know you are, but I'm just have. Here's one thing that happened with one of your fans. He goes, this has never happened with any of my fans. He looked at me, he goes, I just want a photo with Andrew. And it happened in Atlanta. Do you remember that? And it hurt my feelings. Okay, well, none of my fans would do that.

Here's how selfish and unaware you are. If you want to get into this many, many, if not multiple times, every time you've named one shitty instance multiple times. Do we have fans in the meet and greet multiple times. They beeline to you. They're so excited. They say hi. They don't even look at me. Or say hi. Or say hi. Well, if they knew the real you. But they don't even say hi or look at me. And I just politely do the thing and take the.

Oh, let's move on. Let's go.

Oh, you don't like that? Oh, you don't like when it's real?

Yeah. No, because you want to go.

I handle it professionally.

I have nothing else. Yeah, you don't.

Thank you. I handle it professionally and I move on and I move forward. Let's talk about something more fun that can get you and I, because as best friends, I don't want to.

I don't know, man.

Shut up. Don't do that.

What are you doing?

Don't say I don't know.

I do know.

Say I love you right now. One, two, three.

I love you. Oh, you son of a guy.

Say it.

I won't. Not right now. Say I love you at the end.

No. Say it. Why? Say it or I won't. Move forward.

You're acting like such a baby today.

Say I love you.

I won't. I don't like when people tell me when to say it.

Say I love you.

You know I do, right?

Say it.

Do you not know?

I do. I don't know it right now.

Right. There are times where I love you. What's that laugh?

I don't know it right now.

Okay, I'm going to say around the room, Andreas, I love you. McConnell, I like you. Carlos, I like you. I don't get love.

No, not lately.

Not lately. Andrew. Cheers. That's so much better. Cheers is know you're putting a glass up to the world. They clink it. They did it at Lord of the Rings during.

Well, you're sober, so let's not do a cheers.

Okay. Let's do a lighter.

Do people, when they smoke crack. When people smoke crack, do they cheers pipes with other people smoking rock?

That's so funny.

Do they do a little blink and then lose teeth?

Yeah.

Say I love you right now.

Why?

Say it.

I love you.

Say it for real.

I swear to God, I just said it.

Look at me in the face and say it for real. Otherwise we will end the show tonight.

Well, you're acting like I'm such a baby. You know what? Can I say something? You need to grow out of this.

It is so funny when he says you're acting like a baby knowing you're the biggest baby. You're the biggest baby. I know.

All right. I love you, man.

Love you, too.

Love you, dude.

All right, let's do something real.

I love everything, dude.

No, you don't. McCone. Let's talk about McCone.

Oh, boy.

This fucking idiot. Get up to the mic, you dumbass. This moron.

Oh, my God.

Duck down so you can talk in the mic. Yes. Keep your head like that. So, this moron, we're leaving Sacramento, right? It's a 30 minutes ride from the hotel to the airport, okay? We get to the airport, plenty of time. It was not too early in the morning. It was fine, right? We had a noon flight. Plenty of time. We get there, McCone, in a moment of panic, says, I left my car keys in the hotel, right? And I said, dude, what are you going to do? And he goes, well, I don't know. I'm calling around to people, and I'm trying to figure out how I can do my week without my car because I have an extra key key. My roommate can bring it to me, but it won't unlock my car because I need the digital WHOOP, WHOOP. Because somebody tried to break into my car with a screwdriver. This guy's whole life. It's Kramer. He's Kramer, right? So then I said, okay, dude, then you need your original car key. Otherwise, you're not going to be able to get into your car, and who knows if they're going to ship it. Blah, blah, blah.

My assumption, Andrew Santino's assumption, he's already contacted the hotel about his key.

Of course you would, obviously.

Thank you, Bobby. This fucking moron didn't do that.

No.

He decides, I'm just going to take a car to the hotel, because I'm pretty sure it's there. Not checking his own backpack on his person. Wait. Not checking his own backpack on his person gets off of our flight, doesn't take our flight books. Another flight pays for a flight to go to LAX instead of to go to Burbank. And what happens? Dumbo? Okay, well, first of all, he found the keys in his bag.

I know that were in his bag the whole time.

I have a new backpack. I'm not familiar with all the crevices.

How deep they go.

I was rifling the whole car ride.

And I couldn't find it.

Well, then, you know what? If it's too many crevasses, we need to get you a one bag crevasse, which is a purse. We're getting you a purse for the next tour, and all your stuff is going in one bag. Is this fair?

Yeah.

You're getting a purse. That's fair.

To be honest, Bobby, when he heard.

The story, said you sometimes lose keys in your backpack.

Me? No, him. Bobby. Oh. That night, before Bobby left Long Beach, I went back in the room and I said, jesse, there's a charge in.

One of the rooms.

Is that yours? And she said, no, it's Bobby's. I think he's about to leave.

Can you. Grabby's can't air this podcast. We can't air this podcast because I'm about to go off now.

Light him up.

All right. Hey, guy, light him up. Let me say something, guy.

All right, light him up.

Did I leave?

Did he leave? You were about to leave.

No, wasn't.

You were like, oh, my God.

Don't talk to me like that on your bob. All right, number one, I was out of here smoking a cigarette with friends. I haven't left yet.

You had all your.

Can I say this, too, you shitbox? You fucking rr. Okay, my car was right there. Yeah, what happened? Is this. Oh, my keys are back in there. What's the big deal? Did I go to the airport and forget it?

No, you didn't. You didn't have to because I was there.

No, you weren't there to save me.

What?

No, you weren't. You didn't save shit, dude. And here's another thing. You didn't save your job. You're fired, you piece of shit.

See you later.

How could you talk to me like that? Honestly, you white fuckers.

Dude, it is the whites.

It's the whites. You would not talk to Andrew that way.

No.

Be honest with you.

No.

And let me say something. The little relationship that you and I had is now separate. It's gone. It didn't exist. Fuck you, dude. And let me say that I was nice to your fucking parents.

Yeah, right.

Your farmer parents. Like, hey, man, you know what they. This is what outside of the woods looks like. I'm like, yeah, welcome.

Well, the one thing you did like about his dad was he talked about those big watermelons. He was like, big watermelons out there?

Yeah.

Got to cut them down.

Is that a stardue value? It is. Yeah. Okay, stop.

Come on. It's a fun. Stop that fun. Anyway, get back off the.

So get back with the. Oh, let's go back to this Andreas. Fuck you too, dude.

Oh, I like.

To make Mccone feel better. I go, yeah, sometimes I lose my keys in my bag just to make him feel better. Right, but you just used it against me. Look like fool.

No, just to how sympathetic you are.

See that in the mic?

What did he say?

I don't even know, but I think it's a fucking bad thing.

Yeah, me too. It was just to show how sympathetic you are. I thought you said pathetic.

I think you said pathetic too. And I was about to go rage.

Yeah, man, I was hoping. I was like, dude, this is going to be get good.

Yeah.

Might break a neck.

Morgan.

Morgan.

2024 now. So let's talk about something important.

Yes.

If you get injured by a person, place or thing, and you deserve to get paid, right?

Yeah, you do.

Life can be crazy sometimes, Andrew. And one of the biggest negligence can result in another settlement.

And that's why if you're in an accident, not calling a lawyer means you can lose out. You could be leaving millions of dollars on the table. Okay. Who knows? I was t boned in my own neighborhood. I've told you this story and it would bum me out. I didn't know where to turn. I wish I had Morgan and Morgan because they're America's largest injury law firm. They over 100 offices nationwide, more than 1000 lawyers with over $20 billion recovered.

Keep going, man.

For over 500,000 clients.

Yeah, Morgan.

Morgan has a proven track record fighting to get you full and fair compensation.

Submitting an injury claim with Morgan Morgan is so know building an otoman out of clay is hard.

That's exactly true.

But submitting an injury claim with Morgan Morgan is easy.

Juggling with knives on fire is hard. Yeah, but submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan is easy.

If you ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win.

For more information, go to fortheple.com bad friends or dial poundlaw, pound five two nine from your cell phone.

That's for the people, fool. F-O-R the people.com slash bad friends. Or poundlaw, pound five two nine from yourself.

This is a paid advertisement.

Zach. I'll tell you what, pal. Doc. Doc has changed my life. Yeah, because let me say, I don't even know where to go for Dr. Stock.

Me neither. I never know.

Yeah, you could call friends. They don't know. Nobody knows.

No.

And also, I don't know the doctors. Right. I want reviews.

You need to know that people have gone to them before. And you.

It's my health. It's my life's at stake.

Yeah, and we need a good life out of you.

Yeah.

If you're concerned, if you're looking for something new, if you've moved like me, I moved into a new neighborhood. Zocdoc is the place where you can find a book. Doctors who will make you feel comfortable and actually listen to you. We're not talking about a few. We're talking about tens of thousands of doctors, all with verified patient reviews so you can make sure the vibes are vibing before you meet IRL. That's in real life. As the kids say, you've got more options than you know. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online.

Yeah, just check out Zocdoc, the place where you can find and book doctors who will make you feel comfortable, listen to you and prioritize your health.

That's exactly right. All these docs are verified reviews from actual real patients. The typical wait time to see a doctor booked on Zocdoc is between 24 to 72 hours. That's it. You can even score same day appointments. If you're looking for a new doc, you got to use Zocdoc. Tell them where to go, bob.

Go to zocdoc.com bad friends and download the Zocdoc app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today.

That's zocdoc. Zocdoc.com badfriends. Zocdoc.com badfriends.

McCone, let's just start some boundaries. I want to start some boundaries with everyone in this room right now. Okay? You're fine.

Thank you. I love you.

I love you, too, man.

Thank you.

You're welcome. Dude, I'm glad that we're back.

Get rid of these guys.

No, the boundary is this. I think I've been too nice. I pinch your ass, don't I? Pinch your ass in a loving way. What's so funny, man? Loving way.

Just the ass pinching.

Yeah. I don't do it like a rub, like a sexual. I just pinch it. I know. I go, you're cute. What a cutie Spanish, right? You McConnell. Dude, I swear to God, dude, it's going to take a while for you to get back. Take it back what you said, but.

Don'T say anything, but take it back. But don't say a word.

Very good. Good, Carlos. I don't know what you did. You did good. Thank you, man.

Carlos has stepped up a lot, by the way. Goop, the goop, when he got off stage.

Let's talk about the goop.

Did you see what he came up to me? And I said, goop, man, you did so good. And he goes, thank you, Andrew. And then he pulls out of his pocket a pack of sour Skittles.

Yeah, he did.

And I said, is that your little celebration Skittles? And he said, not till I don't have to talk anymore, because I don't want my mouth to get cut when I'm still here.

He just lied to you.

Why? He ate them there.

No.

What?

The Skittles were a fallback plan.

What do you mean?

To his act.

Is that real?

Yeah. He goes, I'm bringing Skittles up here, because if I'm bombing, I can eat the Skittles. And I go, it's a prop.

He goes, yeah, I really love that guy.

Right? And since he killed, he didn't need to use it. So. We lied to you, dude.

Wow, dude, that's two lies out of the.

Oh, yeah, two lies, dude. Hold on, Lance.

Oh, my.

Oh, my God. I can't believe it. I thought you were kidding that you got Lance, and I was like, okay.

Look, we have to tell. I'll tell our audience. We have a guest on the show today who I met at the comedy store. I'm kind of a fan of a new fan.

Never really met him.

You guys have never met.

I'm a fan. I have the albums.

All right, come. Lance, can you please come in here and take a seat down there? Great to see you, man. It's great to see you live.

Which one? Blue.

A blue is fine. Yeah, blue.

Blue is good.

Blue. Unless you want pink.

You like pink?

Blue is good, right?

Yes.

Good.

Put on your headphones there, Lance, if you don't mind.

You have water?

Yeah, we have water, man.

Yeah, man. Demands pretty quick.

I know.

It's just standard is all.

Probably a water right by your foot there, Lance.

Okay, cool.

Wow, thanks, man. I fan, too, dude.

You've seen it? Yeah.

No, for real? No. You win a lot of stuff.

Yeah.

What have you seen him in that?

You like new sex city? That one? Yeah, that one.

What else?

You don't have to put those on if you don't want.

No, I put them on. I pro, man. I do podcasts. I know how. Yeah.

Do you have your own podcast?

Yeah.

No, I don't. I used to back in the day, but then I got close on a Hollywood job, so. Delete, delete, delete. Paper trail.

You seem pro Israel to me.

Whoa, bro. Out the gate, dude.

What?

Out the gates.

Oh, God. The gym.

Let me thrive before. Cancel. All right, give me a minute.

Outside of our show in Long beach, there was a pro palestine march, and half of the fans said they couldn't get through the traffic.

I know.

To get in. Were you down there by any chance?

Perhaps.

Dude.

Yeah.

I don't want to ruffle those feathers. So I've seen you at the comedy store. You're a pretty funny guy.

Thanks, dude.

You're on your way up. You've only been doing it for how long?

I mean, I'm there on my way up.

You think you're, why am I here?

If I'm on my way up, why am I here?

Well, I mean, I'm doing this as.

A little bit of.

No, I know. I'm just saying I kind of arrived. This is pretty cool, right?

This is cool.

This is cool.

But how long have you been doing stand up?

I don't like his energy right now.

It's a little aggressive.

It's a little aggressive.

Yeah.

But come back in maybe.

What?

Redo. Come in.

Yeah, redo it. Redo it.

Man, I'm so comfy right now.

All right. What land? Stay there.

Then maybe I marinate on this. And then if I want to redo, I redo.

All right, you could redo it.

Yeah.

Okay. What if I come in? It's even cockier.

Let's see if we can do that. Maybe cockier.

Oh, I can go cockier.

Yeah, go cockier.

That was me reining it in, Bobby.

Okay, let me see what that was.

Me being humble coming in.

I want to see what you do. You're probably dancing.

Me no filter. Yeah, me no filter coming in.

We don't want a filter. We want you to be okay.

Straight you are.

Okay, here we go.

You ask, I put a limiter on it. But you go go full Lance on it.

Ladies and gentlemen, our guest Lance canstopoulos is here.

Where the fuck do you want me to sit?

All right, Lance, maybe you sit down in the blue chair.

Yeah.

Wow.

So my childhood, growing up, it was tough. Do you have a power raid? I went power raid this time. I was being humble. Going, water.

We don't have power. Sorry. Where did you grow up, Lance?

I don't really say where I grew up, okay? I'm not doing like a one man show. Who give a shit? Tell some jokes.

Yeah.

Wow.

And then my dad told me, who give a fuck? What's funny? Yeah, I don't care about your bio. I don't want a spotlight of you on stage. And then this happened to me.

So when you see comics, you don't like them when they get personal and talk about their own lives.

No, I go, who give a fuck.

From the back, right?

Because I'm up next. Everyone crying, right?

So you like to talk.

Just jokes, people eating chicken fingers, chingers. Freudian slip.

Where'd my fucking wander go? He just called me a chinger, dude. And I don't like it.

I love it.

Did you hear it? Yeah.

Chinger.

Yeah, I'm not a chinger, dude.

I spill a little. That is.

I'm a chinga.

Yeah, that's like mexican stuff.

Yeah.

Anyway, chingo or chinga.

Chinga tomare.

It's probably a food.

Yeah, it's a good food. Lance, how long have you been doing stand up, Lance?

Not long, dude. Maybe, what, five year, or do you.

Have any material out? Do you have specials?

I don't have material. I just show up because I do comedy store. You guys do comedy store? People go up there and they go, I've been having problem with my girlfriend lately, and I see this motherfucker talk about hip problem with his girlfriend. He onto, like, girlfriend number three doing same joke because jokes still work. So he doing pretend. Pretend extemporaneous.

Who are you saying this about specifically?

Every comic.

Really?

Every comic on stage saying, this just happened to me, or I. You ever noticed this? Every night they do it, Bobby Lee, Bobby. Bobby Lee do it. Yeah, sorry, you know, go ahead, dig. No, you do. You do. But I just show up. I go up, I start dancing for a minute. They play club music. I dance for a minute, set the tone.

I've seen it.

Yeah. And then it's fun. And then I just do q a from the audience. I go, anybody have any questions for.

Do you. There's a rumor, and you can squash this if this isn't true.

I'm not gay.

I know. Well, can we just form our.

I just want to squash.

Form our own opinion.

Okay. Yeah, but do you have beef with Bill Burr?

Somebody said you have, like, big beef with him.

Not big beef, slight beef.

Do you want to tell us what happened? I mean, it's a great way to kind of get it out.

Just. I fist bump, and maybe he moving too fast to not see the bump.

Oh, so you punched him?

I didn't punch. No, I do respect fist bump. I like what he's doing. I like how he trash women sometime.

The rumor is sometimes he doesn't trash women. Dude.

The rumor is you hit him a little bit. What?

Like, I punch him?

That's what's going around the store. People are saying that you assaulted.

When I say trash, I mean, respectfully, when they need to be knocked down a, like, yeah, not Andrew Tate, although that's cool. Sometimes I don't like all his video, but some video, you go, you got a point. I would never at a party be like, hey, everybody, check this out. But when you're in your car, you go. Yeah, you bring up a point.

Are you a citizen here in the United States or know I'm here.

Could you vote in theory?

Would you vote in November?

I would love to vote.

Who would you vote for?

You think the pause says everything?

Yeah.

It's tough, though, because Biden or Trump, pretty much, right?

RFK, basically.

Yeah.

Nikki Haley's probably not going to run.

You going to do RFK?

I have no idea.

Who do you think you'd vote for, Lance?

It's tough because Biden, not great. Trump, not great. RFK is a new option right now, but he too small time. Maybe you could run America. Not ready, because, I don't know, to get a haircut or anything. I don't want to.

You don't have to cut your hair.

But as a president, what laws would you enact?

Okay, so if you're in a drive through for in and out and your car is in traffic.

Yeah.

No, you go to jail.

Wait, what do you mean traffic?

You have to be in the parking lot of in and out. Yeah.

Right.

Cars are okay.

You know what I mean?

What you're saying is this. Now, again, so sometimes the one on.

Sunset, all of them, sometimes there's so many fat people who need in and out so bad, right?

And they clock up sunset orange.

What I'm saying is, look, it's not going to happen to you today. All right? Go to Burger King. When they willing to be in traffic with and they about to die. They about to get t boned by car because they're so fat and want to be in a drive through.

Yeah.

I would get rid of those people.

Okay? That's a good law. First order of business, your administration, that's the first law that we.

I would drop a bomb on the traffic, okay? If you are inside the parking lot, you're safe. The shrapnel won't get you.

I got to know, can I be your vice president? Because I have a law.

Please. What is your law?

Right. Chick fil a, you open on.

Yeah, yeah.

I know you're christian, right? And I know you have moralities and a value open on Sundays. You live in America. Yeah.

Like hindu people can operate it on that day.

Right?

It's so brilliant.

Job creator.

Right?

That's so brilliant.

Yeah.

And if you love Jesus, you stay home and you have atheists, you have Wiccans and stuff operate.

You have a warlock.

Do you have any redheaded people where you come from? Have you ever associated with redheads at all? Or even, do you know anything about asian people.

Very rare. I mean, I don't see a lot of you. See, we see you. Yeah.

What do we do there? From where you're from?

Laundry stuff.

So, like, here?

Oh, here.

No, but from where you're from, this magical place where you're from, you see people that look like me. What do we do there? Yeah.

Some laundry. One guy have GameStop. He was doing laundry, but he made enough money to follow his passion of video games.

Wow. He still has a GameStop out there. Okay, good. Yeah.

What did you do before you did stand up?

What I do just OD job stuff. Task rabbit. Building furniture. A little modeling here and there.

You were a model?

Yeah, some model stuff. Athleisure. So I wear the jogging suit and.

Then for, like, what, for Lululemon or one of those.

Or lower know. Yeah, not Lulu. Lulu was like pinnacle.

Yeah.

But cheetah was pretty good. Get for me.

Like, champion.

No, champion. Really good, too. No, cheat, like cheetah sweatpants.

Oh, cheetah sweatpants.

Yeah, cheetah sweatpants. Pretty good. High Sierra. High Sierra. Yeah. One time. There's a small time gym. You ever see people, like a wallpaper on the gym of a guy doing a squat? I was a squat guy.

Oh, wow.

Just to show form. Yeah.

So how long have you been in the states?

A while now, man. I'm pretty assimilated. I know lingo. I know stuff.

Give me a saying.

What lingo?

Ick.

You know? Ick.

Ick is a good one.

Yeah. Girls have.

Yeah. Yeah.

What is that?

You know, like a chick's fat or something. Yeah, it's like an ick. It's one of my icks.

That's one of your icks?

Yeah.

I don't.

Give me a list of Lance's icks.

Weird face.

Well, who. Does anybody in here have a weird face?

No.

Pretty good face. He's a little weird, but they have glasses. Nobody. He's good. Pretty good faces. Yeah. Here, you're hiding. Can I see your face a little more? Holy fuck. Yeah, but pretty standard face.

Good.

Yeah. You have a lot of accessories going on, like mustache.

He's like, biting a little bit of my face.

You have great face, man.

Oh, you've always talked to you.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Like, very castable. I could put you in everything. I picture you handing a beer to your white best friend.

Right?

Yeah, sure. But like a commercial, too. Like a Michelob ultra, right? He kind of have a long jog.

So let's do that commercial. So he is the white Friend.

This is the commercial. Right?

Right. So he's doing something.

You ran 5 miles before. Get your heart rate up, but you're still a fit guy. You still like beer even though you run a lot.

Right. And at the very end of the commercial. Yeah, here I show.

Yeah, perfect.

Thank you.

Yeah, the smile may be a bit much. It seemed like you have, like, mental. Well, is that your natural? Because it seemed like you have mental problems when you smile like that.

All right, so just direct me. So that was too much direct.

Yeah, the smile.

Ready? So he just won.

So your wipes. You've done your run, but you still want a beer.

I love a beer. I'm so tired from that run.

Here comes your boy. Okay. Why are you looking at me?

Yeah, give him a line at least. Yeah, a line will probably help the rhythm.

I think that would help me.

This should quench your thirst and get you fucked up.

Okay. Right?

Yeah.

Oh, man, what a long run. I'd really love a beer.

This should quest your thirst, get you really fucked up.

Yeah, well, he kind of bobbles the line up top.

Can you adr it or no? I'll do it again. Right.

You mouth it, I do the line for you. Oh, okay. I do ADR on the spot. Here we go.

I'm really tired of that run. I love a beer.

This should quench your thirst. It'll get you fucked up. Print it. Check the game. Wow, that was pretty good.

That's pretty good.

Thank you. Films from when we were in our youth. All the films that were dubbed over.

Yeah.

These will get your thirst.

Yeah.

Are you a fan of cinema?

I love cinema, dude. Like, my dream, we meet at comedy store and you see me rip and shit.

You do? Okay.

I do. I mean, the building shakes.

It does shake, yeah.

You saw it shake?

I've seen shake. Yeah.

There's this heckler video, and there's football.

It was an earthquake. At the same time.

No. Give me credit. Come on.

All right.

Yeah.

And I didn't know how you got that camel up on stage. That was amazing.

Yeah.

Get a full blown camel on stage.

It's a tough closer every time.

Yeah.

I go, good luck following that.

Yeah, well, the amount of water that comes out of that thing is absurd.

It's absurd. And then to have it disappear.

Yeah. It's a little, kind of.

I don't want to give away his act on the show.

I know, but it's still incredible.

I don't even do that bit that much anymore.

The camel pit. Yeah. All right.

You don't?

Not anymore. Really?

I've seen you do it five times.

Where do I store.

No, you don't do it at the store anymore. But you.

Carnigan hall. We saw you do that. You close with the camera.

Yeah, but then David Copperfield was like, I do a similar thing. And so I have to stop.

And to juggle three koala bears is. I mean, I've just. I just don't.

And they're alive, and they all have herpes because koalas, they all have dodge. You have to dodge their lips when you're juggling them.

Incredible work.

Thanks, man. Thank you. But, yeah, I want to get into cinema like, I want to be in action movies. That's my dream.

Whoa.

I would do a rom.com to whatever I got to do to build my way up.

Well, let me see. How about this? I'd like to see your cast ability, because we are making a movie right now. Why don't you show me if you're the love interest for Bobby? Bobby's a sweet little lady, and you're obviously you. I'd like to know you flirting with her at a bar to try to see if I could put you in our movie. We do have a scene where we have a scene. We need a guy that's flirting with this girl, and they end up getting into a big fight scene physically. But let's just see you flirt and see if it works.

Sure. So we're at a bar.

Yeah. You're at a bar. It's in New York. It's in the village. It's kind of a hip, cool, young bar. She's a NYU grad student.

Okay. How old is she?

Grad student? She's 23.

23.

23 years old.

And tight pussy. Tight pussy.

It's pretty tight. Yeah, from what it looks.

Well, it's. You know.

Hold on.

I'm sorry. I don't want people to talk about my pussy.

No, it's tight. It is tight. It is tight. It's tight.

All right.

Why wouldn't you want it to be tight? Why are you throwing away tight pussy?

Okay, fine. All right, let's Go.

And her name is? Camille.

Camille.

And let's see how this takes place. Go ahead. And action. Rocket money.

I have so many subscriptions to a million different things. I'm losing money all the time, constantly. And I need one app or website.

To put it all in one place. Yes, well, luckily, Rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. I can't tell you before I used this how much money I was spending. It was embarrassing and stupid. I would sign up for something and I'd totally forget about it. That happens all the time. And now you can see all your subscriptions in one place. And if you see something you don't want, Rocket money can help you cancel with a few taps.

I've always struggled with finding time to manage my finances, Andrew.

I know.

And at the end of a busy week, the last thing I want to do is spend time budgeting all of my expenses or tracking down customer service teams to cancel old subscriptions.

Well, luckily, there's Rocket money. Rocket money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your own wanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com badfriends.

That's rocketmoney.com badfriends.

Rocketmoney.com badfriends bespokepost hey, guys.

Hey, guys.

You want to give gifts to people? You got to go through. You got to get a box of awesome.

You got to get a box of awesome. Make this year your most awesome yet with a box of awesome from bespoke post every single month. The box of awesome is filled with carefully chosen gear from the best small brands around the world. Let's see what we got.

Yeah, I'll try to tell you what I got. I'm going to tell you what I got.

I got alchemy.

You got alchemy, dude.

I got alchemy for making some cocktail.

Got claw. I got claw, dude.

Oh, and look at these little ice.

Look at what I got.

Incredible.

I got knives.

It comes with so much fun stuff.

Look at these knives.

Well put jewels will go crazy with those down.

To get started, you take a quiz@boxofossum.com. Your answers will help them pick the right box of awesome for you. It's free to join. And they release new items every month across a ton of different categories, plus.

Each box of awesome. You're supporting small businesses. That's what we love to do. 90% of everything that comes in your box of awesome is from a small and up and coming brand. It's free to sign up. You can skip a month or cancel at any time. Ain't no pressure, but it's great for you or great for gifts for someone else. Get a free mystery gift with your first monthly shipment. When you sign up@boxofossum.com and enter the code bad friends at checkout.

That's boxofossum.com. Code bad friends for a free mystery gift with your first monthly shipment.

Boxofossum.com. Code bad friends.

Camille, right?

Yeah. How'd you know?

Just your reputation. Procedure.

Oh, really? You mean at law school?

Yeah, and everywhere.

Oh, thank you. What's your name?

My name is Lance.

Lance. Oh, I think I've heard of you, Lance. Can't stop us.

Hopefully all good.

Holy shit.

Yeah. So I need legal help, okay. I hit a guy with my.

Yeah?

Yeah. What would you do? It was totally my fault, but I needed to not appear.

So I'm sorry. Did the police show up? The authorities?

I ran. You ran Iran.

So there's probably a war now for.

Your arrest, perhaps, but I'm trying to get ahead of it.

Okay, but aside from that, did he die?

Maybe. Okay, well, didn't really stick around to find out. All right, but let's table what I've told you.

Okay?

I want to fuck you tonight.

Oh, wow, what a turn.

Are you okay?

No, I'm sorry.

Can we get her some water?

No, I got water right here. What a switch, though. That was really fast.

I move fast.

I know you do. You went from. You're a wanted fugitive, allegedly. And then you want to fuck?

Yes.

Okay, well, let's deal with the first problem first, and then maybe I'll think. Do you like loose pussies?

They're not ideal.

Mine's very. I've had five kids. What?

It's loose.

It's pretty loose. Bye.

Hi, I'm John Quinones from what would you do? We just did a scene from what would you do?

Yes.

And you failed.

I did, yeah. Okay.

You were going to have sex with Lance.

I was, yes.

Bad.

Okay.

Why bad, girl?

Why?

He's a fugitive. He murdered. He murdered people.

Shut your mouth. Do you want to be added to the list?

Wow. Great.

Lance, I apologize. Very good.

Very good.

Your skill set is pretty incredible.

Yeah, I feel my range is pretty. I can do high octane, like get on the motorcycle, but then I can bring it down and tell you I like tight pussy.

Are you a single guy?

Yeah, I'm always single.

You've never been in a relationship?

No.

Sometimes it's weird that way where they kind of want that, and then I get very busy.

What do you get busy?

Doing? Work.

What are you doing? Working.

Writing. Acting.

When's last?

Just nebulous stuff where they can't keep tabs. I don't work in the. Yeah. When you're an artist, you go, oh, I'm my process. And then they have to respect the process.

You do have to respect.

And then if they get really upset, I just say, baby, you're my muse. And then they, like. Because they have no talent themselves.

Right?

So they are, like, to know that my jokes and my art come from me being bad to them is alluring to them. That's why, know, Picasso had so many chicks and stuff.

I just don't think you have a lot of range.

What the fuck?

Yeah.

What do you mean?

I don't think you have a lot of range. And I just want to do a different movie scenario, if I may.

Yeah.

Okay.

Like, dear Daniel Day Lewis.

No, I'm not Daniel. We're on a different planet, and we're an alien species. Right?

So CGI.

Yeah, it was some CGI, but I'm an alien creature. It's like Star Trek nine, right? All right. And you're playing an alien.

Okay.

And we're at the same scenario. We're at a bar. Okay, so you're coming to me. I have a drink, right? Holy fuck. He has it.

Wow.

Dude. He has the raid. So good. Dude, that sounds like a camel.

Did that get you horny?

Yeah, it did.

Wow.

But you would have to do subtitles because that was gibberish. Like, I didn't speak a real thing.

And I wasn't either. Fucking.

It sold me on it.

Yeah, it sold it.

Lance, let me ask you.

These are the real language.

You seem to be connected to the universe that we live in. You know, a lot of people that I know, although a lot of people don't know you. Well, what are some comedians, if we name comedians? Because I know I said you had.

A little bit of beef. Nah, slight beef. You're trying to stir pot between biggest guy in comedy and me right now.

No, I'm not doing it. People said that you and Burt, who do you.

Where you say, like, it's trending or something? It's just a fist pump.

Know everyone.

A miscommunication.

All right, let me name some comics and see if you have an association with them at.

Okay, yeah.

Is that. How about. How about Jesselnik?

Jesselnik? Yeah, I know of him.

No beef with him.

No beef.

You like him?

I like his style.

You think he's cool.

He wears Jean jacket, too. I get it.

What about Spade? You like David Spade?

Love Spade. Longevity, right? Great chicks. Great with chicks.

What about Fahim? You know, Faheeheem Anwar. You like him?

Nah, he's okay, I guess.

Why did you pause? Why?

He.

All right. He kind of. You know what I'm talking about.

He has a great special coming out.

That's great.

He does. He's putting in a special right now.

Yeah.

Where is it going to be?

What do you mean, where is it going to be?

What's the home? Netflix?

No, it's going to be on YouTube. It's called House money, February 20 eigth.

Can't anyone upload on YouTube?

Yeah, but let's not talk shit. You don't have a special on YouTube?

I don't need to. Every time I go on stage, it's special.

Okay, I highly doubt that.

Not for real. Ask audience. Just the building.

I know, but I'm saying you can't take shots of people that have been in comedy for a long time that are doing shit and you haven't proven yourself yet.

I mean, maybe not on a large scale, but anybody who know comedy and shit know Lance is know on the rocket ship success.

I don't know. We've asked a lot of don't. I would say some people know who you are, but I think you need to be humbled a little bit.

All right.

Yeah.

I take your note. I take your note.

But you know Fahim, right?

I know. Av. Right.

So you've talked to him about the house money, have you?

No, we haven't talked about this.

Maybe. I don't know.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah. It's a great special. Right?

I've never seen. It's that February.

Watch it. I'll watch it, too.

You friends?

I love brother.

He's my oldest friend in comedy. I met him when we both came when I was out here, and we started together. So that's why I don't want you to disrespect.

Sure. I hope to have a YouTube special someday, too.

Listen, I see that you're being kind of.

No, I'm being.

I don't like it. I want one. Disrespect my friend. Okay, you're on our show. I don't like that kind of.

Sorry.

Well, I mean, Behem.

Anwar is one of the best comics on planet Earth.

I believe he used to open for you.

He used to open for me. And he is a sweet kid. You could see his talent from just the first time you see him.

Sounds like he's dying.

No, he's not dying. Yeah.

Does he have an illness? Does he have an illness? He's the sweetest kid. The left side of his face is.

And we're just proud of the guy we are.

Well, that's cool. When I do a special someday, you give me this type of thing, maybe.

We'll see. I mean, look, if you kind of stay in your lane. That's what we like to say here on the.

Stay in my lane.

Yeah. Don't step on toes again. Let's not step on toes.

Yeah. Their hierarchy, their respect. Because I'm so new to stand up. I'm only five years in, and I don't realize that. It's like the mob. You got to pay your dues. You got to kiss certain people.

Kiss the ring.

Yeah. You can't talk about certain people certain way. They're sacred cows.

It's just rude.

Yeah, Rude is rude.

It's rude. Yeah.

But in hip hop, you take shots at people, then you become fucking.

Yeah, but were you ever a hip Hop artist?

No.

I love it, though.

You do?

Yeah.

Big fan of hip hop.

Who do you listen to right now?

I mean, Kanye.

Oh, that's a tough no good. Well, no, his talent is there. I just think publicly, he's having a tough.

Sure, sure. But, I mean, you could play his music to the most jewish person, and he's still. Even with the curls and the fucking.

Wow.

Yeah, Yeezy's still comfy.

What, you learned how to dance? Is that improvised?

It's improvised. I'm glad you asked.

Glad I did, too.

Yeah. Music.

Come on.

And then I kind of black out. Like, I go into a fugue state or something, and I'm not even dancing. I'm a vessel for whatever the music is.

This is how you get laid.

Typically, typically, no words. Just if we're at the club or a rave or something. And the music come.

Yeah.

Then after I'm done, you know what?

I'll be honest. I think I dance pretty good. Maybe can you critique some of my moves? Sure. All right.

Oh, my God.

What is this? So I would just do maybe some dancing, maybe. See?

Get ready for the beat to drop, Bobby. Oh, shit.

It.

The drop before the drop. Check his. Check his vitals, everybody. Oh, yeah. Put it in the air. Holy shit.

Wow.

One thing I will say.

What do you think? What do you guys think?

He feels it.

Not good. No, I think it's very good also.

What? I like.

Real. No, I took a risk.

No, it was a really good risk.

Curious. What were the sounds you making?

My emotions. That's pure emotion.

I think the risk was cardio.

It actually hurt.

Yeah, I could tell.

The emotional pain. Yeah, my body hurt.

Lance, do you think you can upstage him.

I mean. No, upstage. Bad word, because that was uniquely Bobby.

Thank you.

When you go to a club, not one other person will be doing that.

Right.

They should.

Well, if you open up a class and you want to. You want to impart that to other people.

Well, that was purely improvised.

Improvised, yeah, I could tell.

Well, what song would you prefer to.

Get down to choose? Do you have more royalty free music?

Yeah, that's what he's.

Yeah, because I don't like popular stuff other than Kanye.

Right. All right, let's hear something else. Let's see if it gets you down. This? Turn it up.

That's pretty good. Yeah, crank it up. Do I stand?

Yeah, put the water down.

It's harder than.

Oh, shit. Turn it up. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Every day. Oh, that's the real. Oh, that's all you. Oh, shit. Oh, wow. Dude. Yeah. Wow. In my face. Wow.

I'm horny.

Yeah.

I magic miked you at the end.

You magic my mouth. Yeah.

So, thank you.

That was incredible, dude.

But, yeah, that wasn't prepared.

Mine out.

Nah, leave it.

Mine suck.

No, yours was good.

I was like.

But you make cool noises.

I thought it was really.

If I was sucked, man. I didn't dance at all, dude.

No, you did.

No, but you do. I love all that.

But what's great about yours, because I was doing a lot of movement.

I'm a disaster.

No, dude.

It's like a mess.

No, you're like knives in.

I'm a fool. I'm a fool.

You're knives in right now.

I thought it looked good.

It was good.

Compared to.

Bobby.

What the fuck?

Bobby here. Difference. I was moving around a lot. Yeah, but you had suspense.

Yes.

Oh, I see.

Stationary suspense. The movement without moving, and that's important. But I was okay, because I was.

Doing a lot, right?

I was doing a little, but a lot.

Yes, you're doing a lot.

Little. Littleness.

You're doing a lot with a little.

Yeah.

Also, if I do that at the club, I get sweaty very fast, and then my chances of fucking go down.

Right.

You're not going to be sweating as much doing what you do.

But. Can I say something? I'll be real, too. When I was watching a dance, I could feel my pussy tighten.

Yeah, but you're not in my market.

Audience saying that my pussy was out real tight. Did you not?

I think the whole market got tight. Yeah, whatever your market is, that market got tight.

Yeah. I was just like a virgin.

Okay, so that's good.

Yeah, it's a good thing. Yeah, for you.

Because sometimes when pussy get too tight, then it's like you don't want it.

So tight you can't get in anyway.

Right?

Okay.

I understand.

All right.

Consent. Consent. No, you know what I mean?

We understand what you're saying. Yeah.

It goes without saying.

Consent. Yeah, I dig consent.

No, we know. Yeah, but when you say it so much.

But I just like to reiterate that. Yeah, I.

For that exactly.

Goes without.

Let's just move on.

Right? Yes, we agree.

We agree to disagree. Anyway. Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

Do you dance?

I don't.

Okay. Yeah, I could tell that.

But I can try.

Yeah, please.

I would love. Because we both kind of bore our soul right here.

Yeah, I can.

You're going to stand or punch?

I'd have to feel the music, I guess.

Oh, I guess. Yeah.

You will go clubbing us sometime together?

Maybe.

Yeah.

It o good. Yeah. It's got Rick. Yeah. It's so good. It's so good. Oh, my God. It's less is more, right? Oh, my God. Come on, clap. So good.

That is pretty good.

Almost as if he didn't dance.

I thought it was building up. You move people to tears.

Move to tears.

I don't want to be. I'm a little embarrassed. I just don't ever really dance much, but.

Yeah, it was interesting because it's like build up, but that it. You think it's building up to a drop? No. Yeah, like you're all build up, which is great.

That's great.

Yeah. Do you have any notes? I mean, I'm just trying.

There's no notes.

No notes.

Okay.

Kind of angry at the beginning. Kind of upset. And hitting the table.

Yeah. It was almost like you got bad news in the morning.

Right.

Or got told he had to stay late.

And your uncle Jack died. Right. And you're just kind of like.

What?

My uncle Jack died?

I've never danced in front of people. That's the first time I've ever know.

To be honest with you. I'm embarrassed about mine.

Why?

No, yours good.

No, mine was too much. It was the opposite of his. I went all climax. There was no build up.

But that's okay. Sometimes you don't need foreplay.

I mean, I wish I could learn how to do that style.

I got to be honest. That's unteachable, that kind of stuff.

That's what I gathered. Yeah.

That'd be great. If you do open up a class.

Like dance class.

Yeah. With a rolling chair and a Desk and all these hot chicks are learning.

I would just have to have some business investors to get that kind of thing off the ground.

Do you have the time to do that, even? You seem kind of busy with.

No, I have a lot of time. I don't have much going on.

I think I got it.

Yeah, that's part of it. I kind of want to learn, too.

Yeah, let's learn it.

Learn it and then.

Do you do this a lot?

Just kind of to get me into mode?

Yeah.

No, that's your signature move.

Yeah, my instinct, he just shoots, like lightning bolt. Yeah, I try to do what you do, but I just. My instincts goes there.

It was too much.

I think you're right.

No, I like it.

I couldn't stay in that pocket.

It's very.

It's a discipline. What you did was a discipline.

It's all I've ever known.

That's all you need to know.

That's all I need to know?

Yeah, that's all you need.

Stay deep in the.

Wow, dude.

With that kind of stuff.

Incredible, dude.

I really can't go further.

That is amazing, dude. Thank you guys for sharing your dance.

Thank you, dude.

Thank you.

Yeah. Oh, my God.

I feel like you came in here really hot, heavy, and I think the bonding is stronger to be real.

When I knew you part of it, I scared.

You're scared of us?

I'm scared, too.

Well, yeah, you put on a bravado to protect you from being injured or hurt person.

Anyway. Fahim special.

Oh, yeah. You want to plug a special.

What's it called again?

I have no idea.

Money.

A house money. Everybody watch Fahim special. House money. It's on YouTube, February 20 eigth. And it's going to be great.

That's our boy.

He's our boy.

And I want to thank Lance Canstopoulos for coming.

Thanks.

Thank you so much.

Very learned.

So much.

Yeah.

Can you say this to the camera, Lance? Thank you for being a bad friend.

Oh, I would love to. What camera do you want?

That one right in front of you. That's facing you.

And what's my line?

Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

But look in there. Yeah.

Do here.

Yeah.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

You know what?

Let me do pretty good.

I'll do the voice and you do the.

Okay, so, like, repeat France.

One, two, three. Thank you for being a boyfriend.

Let me try. Ready? One, two, three. Thank you for being a bad friend. Man. Let's try again. Yeah, go ahead.

Me again.

Yeah.

Thank you for being bad friend?

You don't have to say man at.

The end, but I'll do it again.

Yeah, go ahead.

Thank you for being bad friend? Wow.

Let me try one more. Okay.

Thank you for being a bad friend? Good.

You do one.

Thank you for being a bad friend?

All right, I'll do one. Ready? Thank you for being a bad friend?

All right, that's good.

Now one more. Come on. He's going to keep doing this all night.

Ding bing bing bing bin.

Ready?

Yeah.

Thank you for being a bad friend? Okay, good.

All right.

Thank you, Lamb.

Thank you, guys.

Thank you.

I love you so much.

Yeah. Woo.