You two are bad friends.

Who are.

These two idiots?

White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. I don't know you.

Two or something. We're bad friends. We're waiting coming. Welcome, welcome.

And listen, last night, Andrew was on fire. We did Adam Ray's show. He was on. He was so quick. It was like, Oh, I want to tell that. But he beat me to it.

We had a couple of good jokes. No, you did. Adam Ray did a... He thought it was.

Quick, Andrew.

Doctor... Oh, my God, dude, he's already starting with you right now.

You know what? Dude, he is. He's quicker than me. I'm slow, dude. No, you're not. Slow burn, dude. I'm just starting. I'm speeding it up. You know what, dude? One day, dude, I'm going to be the champ of speeding it up. You'll see.

Let's introduce our guest. Not yet. No, please don't. Let's let him sit for another minute.

Yeah, because he's been bothering me.

Our guest?

No, just he in general.

What's been going on?

Over the years, I've been seeing him around. I feel like he gets offended easily and stuff. He's just like, Come on, Bob, and this and that. But I love him as a performer. I really do. I think he's just so interesting. What a vibe.

You want to introduce him or you just want to leave it hanging like that?

Taylor.

Williamson. You do not know his name? I do. I just said it. I got so nervous.

Taylor Williamson.

Yeah, we couldn't get Taylor Tomlinson, but we got Taylor Williamson on the show.

I said to.

Get Tomlinson. Yeah, you said that there's the wrong one.

It's a little too soon for that one. Is it too soon? Can I tell you? She's so talented. She is. We have nothing in common. We're from San Diego, but that's it. But there's a one way rivalry I have with her because I get tagged every time she gets a Netflix special or she's hosting a TV show. Congratulations, Taylor Comody. I'm like, I think you meant Taylor Thomasson.

Oh, no.

I got brought up as her recently.

You know how they say dogs look like their owners?

This one does not.

To me, it does.

Let me see.

His belly is like his head.

Well, they both said, I asked you before the show, you both have the same trauma, right? What happened to the dog that happened to you?

We both have abandonment issues and neglect. That's funny. We were both in a hoarding situation in a car with 20 dogs. Really? Really. Both of us, we grew up.

Like that. This is Betty.

This is baby Betty.

Baby Betty. You knitted her sweater.

I knitted this with my own hands.

Is she on fentanyl? Why is she nodding off? Yeah. She's nodded off four times already.

Honestly, don't take this the wrong way. Is she from Bakersfield? She's from Los Angeles area. I don't.

Know where.

-yeah, Bakersfield.

When she's up and rambunctious, I want her to sleep, I put on your show and she falls asleep.

Very.

Quickly. -okay.

-see what you're doing right now? -insult does not work. -see what you're.

Doing right now? What happened? You don't do that.

No, I'm a fan.

I.

Love.

How we tried to. I love it.

It didn't sound.

Like that. You know what the side of you that I love, dude?

Keep doing it. I'll let you-Listen, so Bobby, a couple of years ago, I see him in the hallway at the comedy store with this guy, and he's randomly very nice to me. When I was 18 years old, he.

Helped me-Can I just say one thing real quick? Please. I just realized, Hitler did that with his mustache, but he did it with his eyebrows.

Oh.

Wow. Wow. It's really...

Wow. Are you telling a Jewish guy that he has Hitler eyebrows? Is that your comedy during this time?

Yeah. Anyway, go ahead.

I still don't understand. You're saying my.

Eyebrows.

Were-it's an observation.

I like it.

Anyway, let's move on. -these are natural.

-that's great.

Those are natural eyebrows? Yeah. I told you.

Oh, you did. We had a bet.

I said that before the show, I said, I bet you those are natural eyebrows. There's no way you cut them that way. No, I said those are natty. That's all natty, baby. Those are God-given. Go ahead. Sorry. Jewish God-given, no less. I didn't know you were Jewish. We did not know you were Jewish. We would not have had you on the show.

My mom told me to start menching and it helped my career these days. It'll help me get attacked.

Say it how she would have said it, though. How would your mom say it?

Hey, Taylor, you should say you're Jewish.

What? She's shy? Is your mom your dad?

Actually, a single mom, yeah. Oh, really? If I got punished, she would say I'm a mother and a father.

You were abandoned?

Yeah, a.

Little bit. What happened to...

Yeah. He's around. We wish him well. He's a nice guy. What do you mean? What do you mean? He has a good LinkedIn profile.

But he wasn't in the house.

When you... He was in his house.

What does he do?

He was an insurance agent and then... Yeah, no more of that. But if you need insurance, you're...

I don't think I'm going to look up for your dad. I want to support you, not your father. Your father wasn't there for you, it.

Sounds like. I support him. You know, divorced parents. How old? I make a comedian. When I was really little, like a baby.

One for me. Oh, yeah? Yeah, pre-one. I think it was just before I was one, they split. That's what you and I have in common.

Oh, wow. There you go. There's one thing.

Just.

Two.

Divorced parent, children of divorced parents. With a puppy? I do have a dog, but my dog is not as aloof as yours. She's more alive.

But your mom found another man.

She did. She found a great guy.

Did your mom find another man? She did. What's his name?

David.

I thought he.

Just made that up.

He was nervous to say that. Well, I mean, it's.

Just weird. David?

I just like we're giving out names.

Yeah, we are. You can just make it up if you don't want to. Yeah, yeah. But we're leaving that in the... Is it Raphael? We're leaving that in now.

Let's do what you want to do again and we'll just cut that out.

Yeah, what's your mom's new guy's name?

Dave?

No, you...

God damn, Dave.

No. Godsame, Caleb. He's not used to the podcast then. It's different. What breed of dog is Betty?

Thank you for asking. I did that she's a rescue. I'm a great person. I did the DNA test. Allegedly, according to the thing I said, she's a 50%. Do you want to take my guesses?

Chihuahua, for sure.

Yeah.

Maybe a little bit of... I see some pit. Maybe some strong pit. It's some pit in there, too. Maybe some American bulldog. Yeah. Okay, so it's a chihuahua... Have a knees or no, chihuahua.

Do you want to look up close?

No, from here it's good. Yeah. I feel like nothing's going to change. She's not a magic eye. It's just a dog.

A magic eye?

You don't need to get closer to see what the image is. You don't know what a magic eye is?

Is that those things and then you press the.

Button and-No, look up Magic Eye. Magic Eye was a thing. It was like a scrambling of an image. And if you got closer and pulled away slowly, look, there's Magic Eye. If you got closer and you pulled away, you got to see the image that was layered within that. It's actually incredible technology. Do you remember Magic Eye?

Well, is that the one where it's on glass and then you have to see through the glass and then the image comes 3D?

I mean, I just explained it seconds ago, but yeah. No, no, no, no. I mean, moments ago. If we were... You're fine. Two seconds.

It's different than what I'm.

Talking about. No, if you got close as you slowly pull away your eyes, readjust, there is an image within that image.

But is it 3D, though?

Well, dude, yeah.

Okay, well, then because the ones that my mom has one. It says, I love New York.

But she doesn't want people to really know, so they have to figure it out.

Yeah, it says, I love New York, but it's this thing, and she doesn't realize that she just thinks it's that.

That's so funny.

It's so beautiful, the color. I go, No, but it's a thing.

Art. It's good art, right?

It is good art. I stare at it and I went away. You see the buildings and I love New York, and I go, Mom, look. No, it's red. It's good. You know what I mean? Are we talking about.

The same thing? Yeah, when Asians do Magic Eye, do you have to get closer, you think? Or because your eyes are strained more often than ours.

Maybe you see it best. It's longer. I need a longer panoramic.

Yeah, the panoramic.

I need a panoramic. I need a panoramic.

I need a panoramic. Panoramic. Can I ask a question?

No.

Is that true or are you being funny? Because I'm actually curious.

This guy. This fucking first time, last time on the show. Can I.

Tell you what this guy does? I'm fine with that. Yeah.

He would love you.

He would love me, too. This guy, when I was 18, he helped me get in the com. He started a big deal for me.

He helped you get in?

He helped me get in. And he was very kind. But then every three years, he comes out to me, he says, The sweetest, kindest thing, which means the world to me, because I admire you so much as a comedian. But in between, he's weird to me the whole time. Yeah. That's love.

How am I to you?

You.

Touch-be honest.

Be honest. We don't talk that much, but you're always kind.

How do we say hi?

We have a kind exchange.

What did I touch? What did.

I touch? You touched my butt.

A lot. Yeah, I do touch your.

Butt a lot. A lot. You've apologized for it, then you do it again.

I do it every time.

Why do.

You touch his butt? I've got a great little tush. He does. I've got a great little tush. Thank you. But it doesn't make you uncomfortable. But I do apologize because I go, He probably doesn't want me to touch his touch. But I do a little tip-tap as I go by in the hallway because it's a nice tush. You look like you come quick.

Oh.

Yeah. Do you come quick?

No, actually.

Are you seeing what.

You're seeing right now? Wait, you last in bed?

Yeah. I'm circumcised. I'm actually circumcised.

-we're all circumcised.

-yeah, what.

Does that mean? What does that mean? I've talked to people about this. Isn't it circumcised making it.

Harder to-Well, they say if you've got the sleeve, it's more sensitive. You've been clipped, you have a helmet. We all have a helmet, buddy. We're all clipped. We've got helmets. This is part of a war. It's war.

You.

Need a helmet. Wait, a helmet? Wait, I don't understand. What is a helmet? Helmet means you're uncircumcized, no?

Circumcised, man.

Circumcized means you have a helmet.

Well, it doesn't look like a helmet. I mean, what does your head of your penis look like? Does it.

Look like right now?

No, it isn't. Well, you can, yeah.

Are there two parts to it? Or is this one solid kit?

Do you have a sleeve covering up the.

Head of your penis? My penis is in one piece. Let me show.

You something. Does your dick look like this? Or does it look like this?

I'm not kidding. I thought that was the helmet because it covers it.

Buddy, this is the helmet when it's out in the open. This is if you got a cloak on, you have a sleeve. You're sleeves up. This is uncircumcised they got sleeves.

But that's not the helmet.

No, it's not. No, man.

The helmet protects it from beginning of hurt.

It's a hoodie. It's a hoodie.

It's a hoodie. Do you see Assassin's Creed? Yeah, he's out slashing, slashing, right? Then when he's fucking, he takes it off, helmet.

Helmet.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, no, you know him. Anyway, fuck.

Let me just- The Gentiles have a helmet, too. It's just covered up by a hoodie. They take up the.

Hoodie-but aren't Jewish people just... I don't know.

They circumcise.

They do circumcise.

They.

Do a brist. They do a brist. You're circumcised.

You have a helmet. Then you got brist in front of a bunch of people. You got your dick snipped in front of people, right?

I didn't.

You didn't do an old-school brist they did it at the hospital?

Can I tell you something? Carlos told me what I should do to be a good guest.

Oh, that's a good guy to listen to. Oh, my God.

He's like, Just bring good stuff.

You're failing.

I'm failing? It's okay.

No, you're doing great.

It's funny. This conversation came up. We don't have to do this. But I thought it'd be fun if we played two truths and a lie and I shared things.

I think we'd have a great time.

I think we should do it.

Do you truth.

And a lie? I think it's fun because wait, let me just set this up. I'm some fucking...

The more I listen to you, the more I realize you're Jewish. By the way, you jump through conversation. All Jewish people go, It. They say it and then they say it. And then they go... And then they say it, Slow down.

I'm not in a hurry here.

I know we're here.

When you're backwards, do you make a noise? Oy. Can I tell you?

I sincerely started doing that. Yes. And ironically, I'm making you-How old are you now? I'm 37.

Yeah, dude, wait till you hit 40, it gets worse.

Do you say oi when you're 40?

Yeah, I am Jewish. As soon as I hit 40.

I.

Turned.

Jewish.

Oh, Mosles.. Are you single?

I'm in the questionable.

What does that mean? Oh, you're in a relationship. You're seeing somebody.

I've been seeing somebody.

Right?

Yeah. And she's a comedian or?

No.

A layperson?

Layperson. A human?

Human, yeah. Then how did you meet her?

I met her... I met her at the improv many years ago. We connected a couple of years ago, and she was really special and stuff. She lives in a different city. We're dealing some stuff.

What state? I wanted to get specific.

Georgia. Atlanta. Yeah. Have you ever been into men? No. Only women. Only women. Have you tried?

I haven't tried. Have you thought about it? Honestly, I've thought about it a lot because I've been offered it tremendous amounts of times. I've been offered wonderful things in exchange for participating. What?

A condo?

Money?

Honda Civic. I was going to buy him a Honda Civic.

Have you gone on a condo?

I have a house.

What? That must have been a rich guy.

I just have... You think I blew somebody.

For the house?

No, no, no. I paid American money.

Well, but the money was acquired by-By fucking the blowing guys.

-by fucking the blowing guys. I blew a guy, but...

That's great.

The only reason I ask is because when I first met you, I did think you were gay, and I don't mean that as an insult.

No, up until I was like 26, people were like, You're gay, you just don't know it yet. And somehow it just stopped. It stopped abruptly.

People cut it out.

But I did America's Got Talent when I was 27 or whatever.

It just became- You were fantastic on that show, by the way. Oh, thank you. I do remember seeing you doing that and thinking, Oh, this is him proving himself nationally because you were quite young on the show. Thank you.

Wait, like I mean, actually said. I got you in the comedy store before that show?

That was 10 years before, buddy.

I did that.

You and Maz and John Caprula.

Yeah, but let's just give him the credit, not those guys.

Yeah. I gave all the credit to you. Interesting. But you helped me get. Like, Mitsy watched me.

Oh, really? You look great.

Good looking kid. Who's that woman?

Heidi Clune. Oh, great. I've kissed her on the mouth.

Didn't that feel weird with a fucking Nazi sitting next to you? Did that not fuck up your ancestors?

Oh, you did kiss her. Look at her.

Oh, my God. There's a real mouth kiss in there somewhere.

Oh, wow. You would have kissed her a bunch. Now, what was this about?

Yeah, what's that?

And there's Ginger. I know Ginger. Wait a minute. What's this about with you and Heidi Clune? Did you have a thing, dude?

You kissed a lady.

No, you don't just kiss a fucking on-air personality without a backstory.

On the show, we had a whole thing. She was mean to me, and then I got her to like me. Then now, almost 10 years later, people come to me and go, How's Heidi doing? It's like a shtick.

Yeah, I.

Know what's a shtick. I bought a house off of a goofing with Heidi. Are you asking if I made.

Love to her?

No, dude, I'm not. You bought a house off of the AGT money?

Yeah.

What do you mean?

I'm very talented, and I get it.

No, I know. We get it. That's why you're on the show. Dude, don't do that.

I'm very confused.

Listen, you're on the show for a reason. We see you around. You don't have to do that. What I'm asking you is did you buy a house based on the money that you got from AGT? Yeah. Wow. How much did you get from AGT?

Touring.

And stuff. Touring, he's saying from this.

Career.

Thereafter.

Okay, well, then that's not the same. They paid you-.

Yeah, they.

Pay no money. Carlos, you didn't tell me what to do when this happened.

Wait.

A minute. But what I really want to know, you're skipping through it. You and Heidi had to... I know this is a shtick, but also you're kissing. Yeah, yeah.

Listen, she came after the finale. I'm very lucky that I got to have on these competition reality shows. You don't get to have a storyline, it's just performance and make feedback. I got to have a storyline throughout the season because.

Of-what was the storyline?

It was just a sad... I'll tell you some stuff.

He beat homosexuality.

When.

I was young, they all thought I was gay. Can I tell you my- Heidi, get over here. Give me a kiss. This was the definitive proof. This is when I actually shifted gears. Interesting. I go, Guys, not gay.

On my season, there was two opera singers who their story was, We're gay and our parents don't love us, but we're still going to sing for our family. Everyone has their storylines. I was like, I got bullied. Let's talk about it. They were just like, You're a cute comedian and you want to pay your bills. I was like, What?

Yeah, you're cute. That's fine. You don't need something deep. You're cute and you're fine. You grew up healthy, right? You didn't have crazy.

Shit happen. You didn't have that storyline, like I was bullied and stuff?

I tried to say I got bullied. I was like, Let me give you.

Excited to- But everybody got bullied, so it never really worked. He got bullied. I got bullied. These two guys definitely got bullied. I don't think anybody in our business didn't get bullied. In fact, the more I hear stories, Jennifer fucking Lawrence is probably like, Oh, they made fun of me when I was young. I think even hot people in our business were bullied. Everybody was bullied because you would have to be a person to think that you're going to make people feel entertained for living.

I mean, I.

Believe that- It could be a little looney.

I believe bullying is, for me, and I don't endorse bullying.

I do.

I know you do.

Keep on bullying, baby.

But I believe that without the bullying, I wouldn't be where I'm at today. It pushed me. It's like every time I'm in a situation where someone says no, or I get fucked over or this and that, my whole thinking is, I'll show you. I use it as energy. I'll show you.

He did. He does that.

It's like revenge almost.

Like Marvel wrote movies just about Bobby.

Well, I'm Korean. I think Koreans, we love revenge movies.

Everybody likes revenge. I know, but- Sort of.

The Spanish. But Koreans, their movies, the theme, revenge is always a thing.

Well, because of the history.

Yeah, like fucking Old Boy is revenge.

It's a great movie.

Yeah. So my point is-.

Gives you a thick skin.

Who won your season?

This guy, Kenichi, Japanese.

We love Kenichi. Did we have him on the show? Can we get him on the show?

You know who I love? Kenichi and I like Wa. Kenichi and.

Wah, dude. -very good.

Kenichi and Wah is great, dude, together.

Oh, Kenichi, the magician.

No, that guy won?

Yeah, he's the guy. -that guy's the past. -have you seen the head thing?

Yeah, I saw it.

-he's great. -clip, yeah, he's great. -yeah, but once you see it, once you've seen it. -yeah, but can you take your head off? -you're writing new jokes. It's like once you've seen the head go down. -he's taking his head off of his fucking torso. It's not coming off. I checked it out. That's real, dude. It's a rig, dude.

No, it's not. He's taking his fucking head off his torso.

That's fucking big. -so this guy won. Look at that. This guy won. Now he's enact in Vegas, I imagine?

He's in Japan. He lives.

In Japan. In Japan, Vegas?

Yeah. He made a lot of money doing private. That's the thing with the dancers, you can only do seven minutes before you go, You can't do an hour of show.

In Japan, every other person can do that. It's not even a big deal when he's in Japan. I had a guy. He goes, I can do it, too. I do.

Think the whole goal used to be getting in a Vegas show, right? Wasn't that the whole thing? To get a residency in Vegas?

Shinlim did it.

Yeah.

He won there. He's still there. He's our boy. Yeah, Shinlim did it. He came on the show. Oh, yeah. Gave us some magic, and I got to tell you, enjoying you much more. Wow. Much, much more. Also, we have a rapport, so it's different.

Wow, thanks. My favorite compliments are like, I like you better than whoever.

Oh, I could say that about you about so many more people. Well, don't let me get started. The list will never end.

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Can I ask you? I don't want to be mean.

What are you doing? My hair?

I'm not just asking.

Him if my hair is thin.

Are you doing his... Are you going his face? No, you're not like his face? Oh, his hair?

We're not doing my hair. Like fucking make a decision. Like commit to... Either do not... Yes or no, but don't do this.

What are you trying to say, man?

You're trying to say I have thinning.

Hair and-No, I'm just saying what are you doing?

What's.

Up? Happy Thanksgiving. I'm on a happy Thanksgiving. That's how I.

Do it in Korea. What are you trying to say? Why don't you.

Hash it out? I love you and thanks for.

Being here. Listen, I got bullied as a kid so I have thick skin and I can handle it. You can take it. Please ask me direct question.

I got you. Go direct if you're going to ask him. Okay, okay.

What I'm saying is that... Let me try.

What? Nothing. I feel you trying to load up.

Yeah, I'm trying to load up. It's like when I see a Q-tip, right? It's either I wantBecause sometimes I take the cotton off.

Cotton off, yeah.

It hits parts of my ear differently. I don't think Q-tip is the.

Right analogy. This is insane. You're not even supposed to put Q-tips in your ear, by the way. I know, isn't that funny? You're saying you take off the safety part?

He tickles inside of his ear.

I.

Tickle. Yeah, I do. You put the wire.

The hardened paper part, the stick, he puts that in his ear. The stick part, yeah. We had him on the bus. He just loved it.

Let's pass on that. What I'm saying is just what you're doing right now is it's balding, right? But you have a few hairs and you're just trying to like...

Does it bother you?

It wasn't until I saw it now and there's a little... You know in the Bible-The Red Sea.

-the parting of the Red Sea. That's the one I was-So you're Moses.

Yeah, that's happening, and it's distracting me a little bit.

I'm.

Sorry. No, it's okay. I'm just.

Wondering why-Do you want to put.

Your-please don't be mean.

Please don't be mean. You can let him defend himself.

I'm not defending him. I'm sorry that.

It's-no, I'm asking you.

I want you to be comfy.

I'm so comfortable.

No, you said he's making you uncomfortable.

For a second, I was just wanting to ask you a question. I can live with it.

Do you want me to turn around?

No, I don't want you to turn around. I love you. You know I love you, dude. Because I've been wanting to ask you and I go, Because what Carlos is doing, he's full.

Have you seen Carlos without his hat? How long have you known Carlos? Do you go back on him?

I've known him probably 15 years.

Carlos, we've talked about this on Instagram.

This is.

How he gets late.

He's the man.

Yeah, you don't like that?

He's.

Beautiful. No, the hair.

But his hair isn't like that.

I would have fucked him before I was 26.

Yeah, tell Heidi Clum got a hold of you.

Anyway, let's move on. I'm happy to talk. No, I don't need to. Was that inappropriate?

No, I can tell you.

Can you ask?

You didn't want to ask?

No, not really. I mean, it didn't hit me. I don't really look.

At it. Does it hit you now, though?

Look at it now. Well, now that you've made it uncomfortable that you've mentioned it, no, I'm still not thinking about it. It's not on my mind even a little bit. Okay.

I think it looks good. You know what? Yeah. That's good. Okay.

But as.

Someone who has so much hair like you, I get that you look at other people's hair and you judge everyone because you have such long, luscious hair. That's not what I'm doing. What the fuck? Am I wrong? That's not what I'm doing. Am I wrong? You're right. You have long, luscious hair. You see other people's hair, you immediately mock them.

You're a bully. I was going to say this is a bully. Because one time I was looking at this guy, it's funny because you are being a bully, actually, and here's why. Because I was talking to this guy once and I was looking down at his hairline and it was like, He has a thicker hair. While I was actively thinking, Oh, my God, he has so much hair. He looks at me, up at me, goes, You're so tall.

It's.

Funny how normal, healthy people, we see kind people, I'm sorry. We see what we wish we had that someone else has. But you go, I have all of it, and you.

Have none. That is what he does.

Is that what I'm doing? Yeah. You know what? Can I.

Say something? Take your beanie off now just to show them how much nice hair you have.

I know. Thank you. That's like 40 grand to.

Hair right there. Thank you. Thank you.

At.

Least. Thank you.

For- I did.

A consultation. -you've shown a light at my frailties and my character defag. I want to apologize deeply. No, I love you. No, I'm just saying this, okay? You know what? God forsaken and God blessed you.

This looks like a scene from Old Boy. Yeah.

You've given me deliverance. You have. I've seen the errors of my ways, and I will correct myself.

That's very nice.

I apologize. Listen, we're all evolving and we're all doing the best we can with what we were given, and I appreciate this exchange.

Does the dog sleep in bed with you?

Yeah. Really? I was not going to be that person.

Is that a point of contention with the person that you're dating?

No. Honestly, it's wild. If you told me at 37, I'm going to be the guy with the tiny dog, I take places unironically, I'd be like, What.

The fuck happened? No, there's nothing wrong with that. This is animal-friendly room here.

We love animal-comfortable. My girlfriend's so comfy. She has a dog in the bed. In Atlanta.

Yeah. I just get scared of rolling over on my dog. That's what I get fucked up about because I'm a big heavy- Who are you a bigger guy? Well, I'm just a... All right.

Not fat.

I'm just making fun of his hair and I'm fat now. No, I'm just thinking you're taller. You want to knock out everybody in the room.

What?

Knock out everybody in the room. Yeah, man, I'm having trouble right now. I got high cholesterol. Yeah, I get it, man. I'm on fucking... What am I on? Oh, you're gain weight. You're gain weight. I did. What am I on right now? My cholesterol medication.

What's it called?

Osempic? No, I'm on Levitra. Is that what it's called? No, Lipitor. Levitra is the donor pill. I'm on Lipitor. I'm on Lipitor. This is my new thing. Honestly, it's pissing me off. Why am I taking this? My cholesterol, I did get a little fat. I got a little fat.

Does it affect you when you take Lipitor?

I mean, not really. What are the side effects? I mean, maybe let's see if I got any of those because I just started fucking taking it.

Anger.

Anger? Hunger? You're saying hunger? No, anger. Nice try, bitch. Diarrhea, normal. Joint pain, normal. Headache, get real. Stuffy or runny nose, appetite increase, nausea, constipation. This is normal shit. This is basically they gave someone a placebo. They said all these things that usually happen to regular people. They have to write it down in the book as possible side effects. No, I haven't had any of this stuff. The only thing I have had, I'm not going to lie, when I first started taking it is the moment I would eat. I mean, the moment food would be... You know in the cartoon when it splashes in your belly? You know what I mean? You feel like go down your throat, splash in your belly. My body immediately was like, Get it out. Get it out. I'd have to go right to the bathroom. But it wasn't nasty. It just had to come out. You know what it was? It was like the train got in the station, the other train needed to leave.

Can I tell you something? No joke. My dog has that.

Is your dog on Lipitor?

After she eats, she has this look of.

Like, Uh-uh. Got to go. Yeah, I got to go. I don't know what it is, but honestly, it's not gross. It's just one train has got to go for the other one to get back in the station.

You know what it is? It's a Jewish thing.

I know I'm Jewish. I know it is.

You became Jewish.

She's Jewish. Yeah, dude, my wife is Jewish. I get it, dude. She's Jewish. I know. She is Jewish. Bob is the only one that's not Jewish in this room. Yeah, not Jewish. By the way, let's congratulate right now. Speaking of dogs, South Korea unveils its plan to ban dog meat by 2027. Why is the law? Well, you got to get time. Let it catch up. Yeah.

They got freezers.

Full of it.

Yeah. I imagine dogs and cages like five years.

How are we going to make it?

No, they're not going to make it. They got fucked.

No, five years. What do you mean? It's 2027? Yeah, they have to phase it out. Buddy, it's 2024 and an inch. Tomorrow is 2024.

Right, so three years.

Three years. It's not that bad. Oh, he doesn't...

Yeah, that's... What?

It's so funny. Oh, God.

Math.

Math. Math. An Asian who's bad at math? I didn't say that. It's just nuts. It's just crazy. It's rude. It's like when a black guy can't play basketball, you're like, What's going on?

Yeah, I don't know.

You can't even shoot? I don't know much. Korea unveils that plan to ban the dog meat.

But see those dogs right there waiting to get eaten?

They might. Well, one of them-They're fucked. They're fucked. Yeah, that's a dog meat farm. Yeah. This is a dog meat farm? Yeah. Wow. I know. Zoom in on who wrote the article. Min-ju Kim. Oh, my God. Well, Min-Ju, I hoped you saved some of those dogs when you got that nice photo of them. By the way, that zoom in on Minju Kim. That looks like Bobby in a wig. Is that not you? That's-that's insane. -that's you. That's insane. That's you.

God, I feel so bad for those dogs.

This is what's crazy because we're a big dog show over here. Everybody in here has pets. Well, except Carlos, did your dog die yet?

No. He's a lie.

I know you told me I have to give him to Bobby if I.

Fuck up again.

Did you fuck up again? No, I didn't. I have him on, what is it called? He's on probation because he fucked up. When he first got a dog, we were all supportive, and then he fucked up. What did you do?

I just messed up an.

Airport pickup.

For Bobby.

Does.

That involve the dog? No, not at all. Oh, I don't care. I thought you can say he injured his dog.

No, he has done dumb shit with the dog. He's left the dog. He's left the dog places. He left it in a Jeep for four hours without the AC on or anything. Really?

Carlos.

No, not really.

I thought he was actually mad. I know, I liked it. Oh, my God. No, but we did say if we find out that he's not behaving correctly with the dog, like if he's doing dumb shit, like not feeding it and forgetting about it, leaving it places, we're removing the dog.

From him. I think everyone should have that.

Yeah, you have to hold responsibility for your person.

You're so talented.

Thank you. I'm the second most talented person in America, literally.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no.

No, no, but I'm just saying you're very talented.

Thank you.

That means a lot to me. I think the times when I made fun of you and stuff.

I never made fun of you.

No. The times I make fun of you is I was trying to... Because a lot of times at the comedy clubs, You know what I mean? You're just like... You know what I mean?

You're very inside yourself, which I think is why I tap you on the tush just to scare you a little bit. You turn into Kramer when I tap you on the butt. I think it's just to shock you because you look so like-But.

We've also talked about things that are going wrong. You always come up to me with things that are going wrong and things aren't happening.

What's going wrong.

Right now? Yes, you have. I have once. That's what I'm saying. Do you want to know the advice you gave me?

Okay, yeah, go ahead.

This is Bobby Lee's career advice from a few years ago, right before COVID. I was like, I'm really stressed. I'm hard. I'm whatever things that didn't work out. I'm just some pilot, whatever. I don't know what to do. I feel like a dead end. He goes, sincerely and loving, no shtick. I know you care about me so much. He gave me his heartfelt advice. He says, Taylor, stop trying to do anything. Stop hustling. Stop pushing yourself. Because when I stop doing those things, that's when everything happened for me. He gave me examples of his famous friends who have helped him because he's very talented. They've known him for many years. I'm just like, Bobby, I think this is not.

Good advice. I don't think it's good. It is good. No, I think it's a bad-It's very good. I think stop trying to do everything.

No, last night, no.

Okay, can I say-Stop doing anything.

I hear how it works for.

You and I respect you. I'll do respect. May I talk? With all due respect, okay? -do less. Am I what? I'm doing too much? -do less. Do less. Okay.

Don't hit him so hard. -you're right. -he's here. He's brand new. Because he'll keep striking.

Okay, you're right. Because he's really ripping me apart.

Right now.

I know. We'll relax. Not at all. You've attacked me a couple of times.

I don't find that to be true. I found the opposite to.

Be true. I got to tell you, if we put up an attack board, I think it's tied. It's got to be two to two.

It's two to two. I tell you one time I've attacked this gentleman.

Well, you just pointed at him. That was rude. You did it again. You keep doing it. The three, four, five.

This I don't like.

He doesn't like down. This is diminutive.

This is rude. I took Japanese classes. This is rude, but this.

Is polite. No, this is like, here's.

Some food. Can you speak Japanese?

Koshi.

Oh, Koshi. Koshi, Koshi.

And poco. Do a sentence. Let me hear if I can translate it.

Ogenki deska.

Ogenki deska means good day.

Not too far.

How are you? How are you? Yeah. People say for how are you? Or Good day. It's the same thing. No, I know this is a fact. It's the same way we say, What's up? We're not really asking you what's up. What's up? Is like saying, Hey, how's it going? Or, It means 50 things.

You have an Asian fetus.

Me?

No.

Are you putting.

Pieces of that? No, you have an Asian fetus.

Of course, he does. You thought his girlfriend was white?

In Atlanta. Are you out of your- Is your girlfriend White? No. What is she?

She's Asian. She's half Filipino. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it.

You want to learn the language, huh? Get into their minds.

You get into their mind, you get in their pants. Yeah.

She doesn't speak Japanese.

It doesn't matter. How much do you weigh?

That's what you want. That's your ultimate goal.

I think I'm 165.

I knew it, yeah. Well, anybody under 170, a white guy under 170 who's tall, cannot date a white girl. They all like Asians. Any tall, you're listening right now. If you're a tall white guy, I'll tell you.

I'm.

Six. Yeah, see? Any guy that's over 5'10, that's less than 170 pounds, 100% has an Asian girlfriend.

Or wife. Small vaginas, long, oodone-like penis.

She does not have a long oodone-like penis.

No, you. No, you do. He's saying.

You do. I know she doesn't.

You've seen it, though.

Your penis?

Can I tell you what? I have too many thoughts right now. Are we flirting.

Right now? No, I'm not flirting. No, I'm just coming to revelations.

I fit all the check marks, but I can tell you why I study Japanese and it ruins it.

No, no, no. I'm going to calm down. I'll let you fit. I'm going to calm down. I like it. I don't want to take away your sand that much. I'm trying to calm down.

I don't.

Want to take away your sand that much. You're not taking it away or anything, my friend. Touche. But what I'm going to say is... I'm just trying to be calm and in the pocket because he gets me all rolled up.

I know.

He gets you jazzed up. What I want to say is I don't need to know the reason because I already know the reason. Okay, that's right. Do you understand?

I.

Understand. Right. I do, too. I've been to countries and I've seen dudes like you, expats like you, you know what I mean? Yeah. And you have that energy. It's fine.

Have you been to Singapore or Malaysia? No. You've never been to Asia?

Thailand. You've been-.

Oh, you've.

Been to Japan.

How long? Well, when he was on the hunt.

That's where you hunt. Once a year you go on a hunting trip with your buddy.

He goes on the street.

Your wife buddies? Yeah.

We're.

Here!

Konichiwa!

Konichiwa! Yeah.

And what did you say? What was the first thing? Mugugai pan?

Closed. It's Ogenki deska.

Ogenki deska! Ogenki deska.

Deska, what does that mean?

It means how are you? How are you?

That's him yelling from the roof of the roof. What's his name?

What's his name? What's his name? What's his name? What's his name? What's his name? What's his name? What's his name? What's his name? What's his name? I don't know.

Yeah, you do. Well, we can Google it.

You really don't? I don't know.

On.

This topic, I asked him if he could do the podcast. I texted him, and he didn't write back. I understand that's your style, and I understand. I didn't take it personally. But then I saw you in the hall and you're like, I know you asked me to do my podcast. I don't know if you can handle it, man. I'm like, I think I can. Then on this topic, he goes, I'm going to ask you questions you can't handle. I'm like, I don't know. He goes, I'm going to ask you, do you lick pussy? I was like, I think I can answer that.

Do you?

Yeah.

That's a pretty easy answer.

You think he loves it?

He does. Yeah, he does.

I feel like he gets nervous, though. Do you get nervous when.

You're down there? What's fun about this interview? I don't have to be here. You know the answers already.

Yeah.

All right. His hands are shaking. I love it. Anyway, let's go back to what I was going to say about my advice.

I hear you. But I've done 20 years of just working really hard on my stand-up and being funny. I got on your show because I asked. I've have a special coming out because I self-financed it and made it myself. What's it called? Live at the Comedy Store. Creative? Hanika-release. We're doing a Hanika-release.

Oh, that's good, dude. That's great. So you released the special in 12 parts? That'd be fun to do.

It's eight, but that's funny.

But 12 is good. 12 is better. 12 is better. It's a.

Better number. Because Jews are back.

Make.

It a dozen. Let's make it the 12 Nights because the oppression we're experiencing. I like this. More presents. Yeah. It's live at the comedy store. It's a special, my best jokes ever told, and I'm so proud of it. Fuck yeah.

Is your first special? Second. Second special? Yeah. But the first one, you didn't self-finance the.

First one? No, other people financed it.

This is out of your pocket.

Yeah, it's very freeing like.

Doctor Squatch. Let me tell you something, Andrew. I valet my car a lot.

You always.

Valet your car. Right. The valet guy at the wee spa said, Dude, you always smell so nice.

Then you do.

I go, Dr.

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I do, but the scents are very amazing. It's cool, fresh, aloe soap, delicious, pine tar, fresh fall soap, bay rum soap I like when I'm out going to my rave.

You're sober so you.

Can have- Wood-barrel bourbon soap is when I go to.

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You do it with food and restaurants, right?

Why not a doctor?

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I'm not all the time.

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Com/badfriends. Badfriends. I want to know more about you instead of this fotter. I want the fans to know more about you.

When is the first time you fucked?

I say 20.

What? You say 20, but it wasn't?

Whatever. I fucked. Fucked. Just 21.

Then.

Why 20? I got on crack- I did a little bit of something when I was 20.

You dipped it in?

Yeah, one of those deals.

What is it called? Let it soak.

You let it soak. You soaked it in. I didn't even. I just did. By the way, every woman I've ever dated has been or have been hooked up with whatever, has been like, Condom, I don't need it. All the stereotype of a man is like, Guys, you're like, Oh, I forgot it. We don't need it. Every woman I've ever... You know what I'm saying?

No, I don't know what-I don't know what.

You're saying. Go ahead. Here's why. He looked-I don't know what you're saying. If I'm a girl, you look clean.

-thank you. -yeah, that's what I'm saying. If I was a woman, I'd be like, No.

-this guy's fine.

-yeah. Thank you.

Also, I wouldn't be afraid of you getting me pregnant. I figured.

You'd-decent.

Genetics. No, no, no.

I feel like they would be... They're swimmers, but they're not going the right direction. Right. Okay. Yeah, they're going.

Back in. Do you think I'm infertile or.

Just-no, you have a lot of sperm, but they go back into your penis. Okay. All you get is the liquid part. Okay. Yeah, but they're back in. I think.

They get nervous. They get out there and they're like, Oh, no. They go right back. Thank you. I think they get a little tepid.

I also think that your testicles are cozy.

You have.

Such.

Warm balls. Yeah. Warm balls.

I love this. We're the opposite of bullying. Yeah, but.

Daya, let's go back. I don't know what their name is.

What's the bigger testicle? Right or left?

I don't know. Are they different sizes?

They sure are. One hangs lower, for sure.

I just learned they moved recently.

They go wherever they want recently. Were you never in cold weather.

But you can hold them and then they're like, Oh, those are Mexican jumping beans?

Sorry, Carlos.

No, but that's what they're calling. That's what they're calling. I know. Thank you. Sorry.

By the way, somehow Mexican jumping beans sound so racist. Yeah.

They said not what they're calling.

It just sounds like something Trump said.

I was at the airport.

They're Mexican jumping beans right over the wall. Over the wall, they go. Bing, bang, Bing. It sounds like he said that. Mexican jumping beans.

But is that not what they're called?

No, they are.

Yeah, they are. I was at the airport in Tucson, and they had them for sale. I haven't seen those in 20 years.

It's like one of Tehua. They probably got rid of them for a while.

They're little insects in the bean, right? Yeah, and they're trying to get out.

Yeah, they're slowly dying.

They're tortured animals. They're just like sea monkeys. They're just like creatures you're torturing.

Well, what creatures are we okay with torturing then? I guess let's make a standard.

I don't like this, but lobster. People are down for just like...

Dude, do you know about lobster, though? They're evil. Oh. Yeah, they're Satanic. Oh, good. They're claws. Fucking this is what they're doing.

The whole time. Yeah, they're doing this, and then they're molesting the crabs.

Six, six, six, six, six, six, six.

That's how they hurt them on the water. They found the crab. The crabs are like, Dude, they're victims, dude.

Yeah.

It doesn't make it okay, but someone hurt, hurt people hurt. Someone did that to them, and now.

They do it to us. To the lobster? Who did.

It to the lobster? I don't.

Know, but I don't know.

Squids?

Oh, yeah, those.

Fucking dickheads. Those fucking assholes.

You know who we liked the least on this show? Dolphins. Dolphins can fuck right off perverts.

Pigs. They're pigs. Honestly, do you like dolphins? No. Be real.

If.

You're in the ocean, and you saw a dolphin next to you, what would you do?

In the ocean, I would be scared, honestly, if I saw a dolphin next to me. If I made the ocean and I- They're.

Not going to do anything to you.

Yeah.

What are you scared of? I'd be like, Is that a dolphin or a shark?

First of all. Well, he just told you it's a dolphin.

Well, if it's a dolphin, don't worry, I'm a.

Dolphin, bro. They don't say that.

They don't say that. They go, Keke.

Keke, keke. And then they start.

Fucking-are they just chilling next to you so you can get a.

Good look? They'll swim by you.

I know they're chilling. They're not like...

I.

Don't want to be.

Next to a dolphin in the water. But if I was recently at a friend's house who was doing well for himself and he has a house by the beach and we saw.

Dolphins and- Daniel Tash, we get it.

Oh, yeah, Danny. Yeah, I know Danny from Florida.

Yeah, Danny from Florida? That's what we call him. You call Daniel Tash, Daniel from Danny from Florida?

So you went to Danny's house?

Was that Danny from Florida?

From.

Florida's house? When he calls in the radio shows.

That's what he calls. Okay, so you went to his house?

Danny from Florida. I was at a friend of Max's house.

But Max has money and he lives on the beach in Malibu? Yeah. Wow. That's cool, man.

That's great. But the problem, though, is that in 10 years, the house is going to be gone and you.

Can't do it. Who cares? We'll be dead.

In 10 years. 10 years.

Oh, good. I didn't know that.

Did you not hear Joe Biden address the country yesterday? What did he say? We'll be dead in 10 years. He was like, 10 years in March are going to fall apart. Did he.

Say, I'm going to be dead in 10 years?

I couldn't make it out what he was saying, but I did think he was saying the world's over. Did you translate any of that stuff?

No.

But he did mention something.

About Taylor, too.

About this Taylor? Yeah, Biden. What did he say? No, he said that we're all going to die, but specifically Taylor, Williamson. Yeah. That's all fucked up. Do you see the picture of his cake on fire? Did you see that photo?

Well, no, let me see it. Let me see it.

This is classic Joe Biden. This is our President. That's just crazy. That's crazy, though. 81 candles. It's on fire. It's crazy. It's not, Happy birthday, Joe. You're on fucking fire. Should I blow these out? No, dude, you'll die.

That's a joke. How is that real?

Here's the problem with this guy. So many, I could go on for hours. He's really genuinely so unaware. It's not even his fault anymore. They're parading this guy around like fucking...

I.

Mean, genuinely, they're parading this guy around and he has no clue what's going on. They literally posed him for that. They put his arms like that. He's like a zombie.

You think he.

Was posed like that? 100%. I bet my life on it. That's so he doesn't fall. Or-this guy, the Earth is spinning fast for this guy.

But when you put your arms out like that, the candles were probably normal, and he could have done that with his dark, Brandon.

Oh, wow.

Laser eyes. Yeah, dude.

That's cool if that's.

True, honestly. Now, have you ever met a lizard person, a politician of any strength or power? Have you ever been in a room with any lizard people?

Not lizard people. I've been some USO to her, so I've met the chairman and the chief of staff. That's pretty good.

I know.

Yeah, close. I spent fourth of July with General Millie.

What?

Millie Bobby Brown. Yeah. When did she get generalized?

No- I didn't know she got generalized. Congrats, Millie Bobby Brown.

Is he nice, General Millie?

He's so badass and cool. I think he's a Massachusetts guy.

Is that him right there?

He's a-Yeah, that's a badass dude. He's famous because Trump... We're not supposed to know who these people are. But he's famous because Trump is always hating on him because he kept democracy intact.

Yeah, that's cool, though. Look at all those fucking things on his chest. Look at the little flags. Those are all the countries that he bombed?

Yeah.

Is there one for swimming or something? Yeah. Is it canoeing and stuff? The or no? The very top.

One is for swimming. If you can hold your breath in an Olympic pool down and back once, it'll be the first one. You get the top one? That's the.

First one. Can you zoom in a little bit?

I'll tell you what all.

Those are. Yeah, tell me what all those are. The top one's swimming, right? Right underneath that to the left, the green.

And yellow. It doesn't chicken wings in under a minute. Really? That's what it is. I had no idea. My uncle is in the military. He tells me all this fucking shit.

It's wild. Oh, I know the ones on the right.

He broke.

Three boards with the.

Karate chop. Yeah, Karate chop.

That's Karate chop board. I have one of those.

It's the one underneath that-No, not that impressive.

I know. I mean, I have one. My dad has one. Well, my whole.

Family has one. Do you have a Karate chop medal?

No, I got to Yellow Bell. My mom started taking Karate, single mom, cool but single mom style. She took it. I was taking Karate at the same time. She was taking Karate. Then... She took because I was taking it. Then I failed the Orange Belt test, and she passed the Orange Belt test out to fuck Karate.

No, really? Wait, did she keep going? Is your mom a black belt now?

No, she stopped after I stopped.

After she fucked you up, she quit. That's so funny that your mom stopped after she beat you. You have Yellow still for the rest of your life and your mom has Orange. Yeah. Man, that's so cool. Your mom's the shit. Is she available to come on the show at some point?

I mean-What does she.

Do for a living?

She's a brilliant artist. She is? She was famous in Japan and the. That's why I started taking.

Japanese lessons. What's her name? Can we showcase.

Her art? I would love to. Unfortunately, her online presence isn't killer. Someone else has her name. If you look up Suzanne Marie Art Delmar.

You'll find her. Suzanne Marie Art Delmar. Down in Delmar, does she have a shop?

Yeah, that's one of her... The second one, that's some of her art.

Okay, let's see.

Her art's been in a bunch of movies and stuff. Oh, okay. Shows and stuff.

Whoa, that's beautiful.

That's beautiful. Let me see if we can zoom in.

On that. She was a legit superstar in the 90s. I can tell you. I was in Japan a few years ago, and I walked by an art gallery and I went inside and in Japanese, these people don't speak English. I was like, Bukuno Kasa and Suzanne Marie-desk, my mom is Suzanne Marie, and they were all freaking out.

Because she was like-I think they were freaking out because you spoke Japanese.

Oh.

You.

Know.

Perman. Perman speak Japanese, too.

This creepy old Japanese guy who's probably 70, he was like, Oh, Suzanne Marie, very tall. I was like, Okay.

Wait, that's fucking great, actually. She's so-Is that oil?

I don't know what it was made on. I don't know.

Do you watch her work, Ever?

I know. You don't fucking know what medium of art.

She uses? Oil, she uses acrylic.

Where does she live? San Diego?

Yeah. Del Mar, we know.

Do you go down there and visit her? Yeah. You don't see her studio?

She's not doing as much as she used to. She's not older. She's been doing.

On some other stuff. But she's still with your stepdad? Yeah. You like him? Yeah. What does he do?

He's a doctor.

Oh, she did good.

Yeah, he said Del Mar.

Oh, Del Mar.

Nice. I've been living in Delmar.

If he's- Do you ever go to the Del Mar Fair?

-teaching.

Fourth grade. I've been to Del Mar Fair.

I love the.

Del Mar Fair. It's a nice part of San Diego. It's very nice. I like it up there. Del Mar is beautiful.

Yeah, I'm lucky. It's funny. I grew up a single mom style, a little townhouse, and artist style. Some of you are like, We have money. Some of you are just like, We're broke. What are we doing? But all my friends are filthy rich.

Yeah, that's got to be wild to grow up in that world where you are the poor artist's scumbag child and everybody else's.

Finance kids. I remember my buddy got a BMW M3 for his 16th birthday.

For his fucking birthday?

Oh, yeah. Wow. Jesus. And he has a job at the... This is what they do because one of them marries... The dad marries a normal kind woman who's not rich. That's their generation. Now women have jobs. It's beautiful. Am I canceled? But then they get jobs in the movie theater because my mom told me I have to get a.

Service job. They have to just work a regular job. They have to just.

Work a regular job. They have to just get jobs as M3 to make $5 an hour at the.

Movie theater. Keep them humble in some way. Right. It's a balance. I get that. That makes sense, though, because you had money coming. You worked at the fucking coffee shop or whatever. That's fine.

I worked at Post-Talanx. Did you really? Yeah. Three years, Postalinex.

God, that's so funny.

Can we go back to your.

Mom's art or not? I could hold an envelope and tell you how much it weighed and how many stamps it needed.

That's so pathetic.

That's my mom's art.

Can I buy it? How much.

Is a piece? You're so sweet. I would love to connect you.

She's been-But.

How much is it? I don't know. Guess.

It says $600.

Oh, that's $600?

This is a siragraph. It's not an original.

I'll do the 600.

Okay. This doesn't go to her, but this is some creepy guy who has her stuff from a long time ago. Then I won't add it to cart. Yeah, don't buy it from this. I don't like these people. However they are, they're just scumbags who own her stuff from a long time ago.

Oh, really? They're reselling her art? Yeah. Well, this show is going to help. I guess don't buy any of the fans that are interested. Please don't buy anything unless it's going to be direct. If you want to buy direct for Taylor's mom's art, his phone number is right here on the screen. We're going to put it up right on the screen, Taylor's direct cell phone number. Call him and ask him for the link to his mom's art.

Thank you. Honestly, there's another Suzanne Marie respect to her, but it's not my mom. The one that's mostly on the internet, not my mom. She just didn't adapt to social media and all that, but she's just more of a private collector. She's a big thing at Hebrew University. If you ever go out there, she does a lot of things for private collectors.

If you can't get a hold of Taylor from the phone number we just put on the screen, we're going to also put up his home address right now. I'd like you to go by his house, say hi to him, give him a handshake, and tell him that you'd like to buy some of his mom's art. Keep going.

Thank.

You. Yeah. So she teaches art at.

Hebrew University? Her work has.

Been-let's go back to your past.

I think her art-Can we go back to your past? Her art is in the movie Bachelor Party where it falls off the wall. Oh, really? Yeah.

Tom Hanks. Yeah.

That's a great movie.

I love that movie.

She has the art piece that falls off the back of the wall.

Barry Diamond's in that movie.

Barry Diamond? I've opened for him.

Rest in peace.

Let's move on.

He's not dead. Is he not? No. Oh, wow. Some people just think are dead. Yesterday, I thought, Is John Goodman dead? No, he's still alive. I know. I know. But do.

You know who just died? Who? Jimmy Carter's wife. Rosalind Carter.

She did? She was 94. Oh, no. He's 99, still alive.

What's he up to, JC?

Just every second, I want to.

Stay alive. He's just.

Staying alive. Staying alive, dude.

That rest in peace. I saw a video today of a guy who's 103 years old. They said, What's the secret?

I mean, it's just go. No?

No, you got to ride it out. Oh, you got to ride it out? Until the wheels fall off.

Yeah.

Now, with that picture of him with the thing of his eye, I remember this happened. Who fucked him up? Was he at a bar and just got fucking... Imagine, Jimmy Carter.

Oh, I know what it is. Look, he looks Japanese there. Stop Asian hate. That's what happened, dude.

Did someone attack Jimmy Carter thinking he was Asian? Fuck you, you old Asian piece of shit. Does he.

Look like, Oh, he's in the sky.

He's staring right at an eclipse, and they tell you not to look at it, but there he is looking right at it.

These aren't the best photos.

Of him. The internet does this, man. When you get older, they put up so many fucking rude photographs of you. This is why you're supposed to die young, dude. Marilyn Monroe is the best example. She died at 36 years old. There isn't a bad photo.

Of the girl. And the guy, James Dean.

James Dean. Oh, yeah. Same guy. Yeah, same thing. Steve McQuain. You know what I mean? There's no bad photos. Look up Steve McQuain. There's no bad photos of this fucking guy. When you die young, they can't take a bad photo of you. Look at that fucking guy.

Dude. He was like seven either, no?

No, he looks great.

No, when did Steve McQuain die? Didn't he die young? On the younger side, he died of cancer, right? When did he die? How old was Steve McQuain? 50. Yeah, he was a young guy. That's younger. That's-how young is he? -he's 50 years old, man. 50 is so fucking young. What's that? He died in Juárez. Yeah, Juárez, Mexico, right?

In Cilaral. You cannot get a bad photo while you're 50?

You know what, dude? I know what you're fucking doing right now. I don't even know. He's targeting at you all day today. Look at Bobby Lee. See if there's any bad photos of him. You're trying to talk shit. Look at these images. Handsome, cute, cool, funny, sharp.

Okay.

You look like Sarah Jessica Parker in that one picture.

Yeah, you do. Cool shirt. Look at that, though. Not one bad photo, Andres. You jerk.

You can't even tell the.

Difference between me and Steven. No, you can't a little bit. Yeah, good photos. So recant what you said. Take it back, Fancy, please. I was just asking. No, you know what you were doing. You're shooting your shot.

Honestly, dude, I want to be real. Is that a picture of you? I'm going to fucking let it go, dude. What is your fucking problem with me today, dude? I was going to let it go, but what the fuck is your problem with me today, dude? You've been attacking me since fucking I got here. I've only been nice to you. And also, can I say something? I've been giving you.

Hugs, dude. Yeah, he has been hugging way more.

Have I not been hugging you? Your fucking ugly.

Pork body. Oh, my God. Hey, be nice.

You look like.

A seafly. No. I don't know what a seafly. I don't know what you said. You said shrimp shumai.

I'm so sorry that you went through that.

What food won't you eat?

I don't eat a lot of foods.

I'm a picky eater. I can tell. I can tell. He's got that fucking picky white eater guy. Yeah.

Let me ask you something. Would you eat fried butterfly wings?

That's a good question.

I wouldn't want to. I would prefer not to. Are you.

A meat eater?

I don't eat meat. How about this?

But you eat white meat.

I eat chicken and turkey.

How about this? Yeah. I'm at a restaurant. I'm a waiter. I put down a nice plate of sautéed monkey farts. Yes. You would eat it.

What region are they from?

Papua.

New Guinea. Oh, my God. You're not going to eat that? I'll eat that. Pass it my way.

Papua New Guinea has the best.

Fried monkey farts.

Yeah, you have the best. Delicious. Sautéed monkey farts, not fried.

A little bit of garlic?

Yeah. I would eat it because I feel bad that it's going to waste. The monkey.

Farts are dying. Oh, your preservation.

Yeah. It's probably not a lot of food there. Can I.

Guess what your favorite meal is? It doesn't seem solid. Your favorite meal? Yeah. I want to say pizza for some reason. You feel like you like pizza.

Mac and cheese.

Mac and cheese. I never liked Mac & Cheese. I get the vibe why.

You asked. You never liked Mac & Cheese. That's a claim I don't think I've ever heard a human say before.

-porridge.

-a.

Little porridge boy. You're a pot pie guy. -are you a pot pie guy?

No, I don't like those consistencies.

Give me consistency and I'll tell you what you eat.

-beans.

-that's it.

Okay. Wait a minute. Do you just eat beans? Yeah, I.

Don't like beans.

You.

Don't like beans? No. Give me a consistency you like, and then we're going to try to guess.

I mean, it's not all I eat, but I.

Guess like-You're a big Chick-fil-A guy, aren't you? Yeah, see, I got it. Did I get it? I got it. Fuck, Chick-fil-A? It only took me a few. What?

Did you see in my car?

I didn't look at your car to know where you parked. That was a natural guess. You do look...

You know my Chick-fil-A bit? I have a bit about Chick-fil-A.

Oh, really? Really. Let's not hear it. No, I.

Don't want to.

Hear it. The waffle fries? They got you. I like that. How many little Nuggets are we getting? What pack? 20?

They're all good. If I'm usually driving and I would get the sandwich because.

I'm driving. A Sammy drive.

If I'm not driving, the strips.

But.

Then the Nuggets are probably the.

Most delicious. I understand. You have a child-like appetite.

But I've gotten better at it, though. I can go on dinner with a lovely lady or a business thing, and I can pretend I don't want fish sticks.

Will you push around the salad, though? You're not going to eat the salad.

I don't love salad.

I know. I can.

Tell you. I'm a beautiful woman. I meet you online. You broke up with a girl from Atlanta. I'm a Japanese.

What's your name?

Kiko. Kiko.

Tanya. -konichiwa.

-no, Tiko.

T-i- Tiko Tamya. Tiko Tamya.

You're half Japanese. No. I don't think Tiko is.

A name. No, it's my internet name. I'm an influencer.

First of all, dude, let's not disrespect Tiko Tamya. Yeah. She's pretty well known.

All right, go menace. I'm sorry. I don't know that.

-you're American.

-i'm an American. I respect that. I'm so sorry for assuming that you should speak the language.

Anyway, anyway. Anyway, Tewa. Anyway, Tewa.

I don't have the accent, though, even though you're born in.

San Diego. She's an.

Influencer, dude. I'm an -You're a influencer, dude. All right? Yeah. I hawk seaweed snacks on my TikTok. Yes. Anyway, where are we eating? What restaurant are you going to take me? Well, then when you do that, let me say something. I love that noise. You did that with the waffle fries and the fucking chicken sandwiches, right? Is that the noise your penis made when you kissed Heidi Clume?

It may actually-Did you get hard? -tryxley?

No. Okay, so anyway, back to me.

Respect to.

Her, though. What's my.

Name again? Tiko. What's my last name? Tiko Komai. Komai. Tiko Komai.

Anyway, where are we eating?

I'm not sure. I'm like, I-.

Were you to make reservations?

I take you to maybe a nice vegan Thai food restaurant. Interesting. I saw Ed Bagley Jr. There once.

Okay.

Ed Bigley Jr. That's a good one. That is good. I love him. I met him once.

He's super sweet. So a vegan Thai joint.

Maybe. I'm not vegan, but somewhere interesting conversation.

But have you been there before?

Yeah, I scoped.

It out. Have you eaten there before? Yeah. Is it good? Yeah. Okay. Where's it at?

I'm not looking to plug this. I mean, there's one in the Studio City area.

Okay.

You should go.

Do you think that's a good date? No.

This sounds like a bad date. I don't like it.

You're not-Okay, what do we do afterwards?

I don't know. I've been in the relationship thing. I'm just trying to think of a single life. What do you do? Maybe, I don't know. I go to a bar down the street. What bar? Ventura has a lot of bars.

Tiko, you're sober.

Yeah, I'm sober.

Maybe I just take a night because I'm not in a hurry. I'm an older guy now. I have a dog.

To go home. I want to smash.

Then maybe I go.

Listen, let's-Where are we going to smash?

I have a dog now, so I don't know. I guess I've got to-Man, I hope you.

Stay in this relationship.

Yeah, no, no, no. Can I tell Wait.

So this is going to.

Be tough.

I don't even know where to start. Where do you start? I would say come to my place.

No, you're talking to me.

So don't- Tiko.

Yeah, so where are we going.

To go? I would say Tiko. I've had a great... After dinner? So check's paid, we're staring at each other. Are you paying? Are you staring at me? Are you paying? Yeah.

Oh, thank you for paying. Yeah. Where are we going?

Where are we going to smash? Oh, God, Tigo, look how much you tipped. Sixteen %.

Wow. That's pretty gross. You know when I saw that?

A little juice.

A little bit.

-he's a little bit. He's a.

Slightly over than your mom. Yeah, 16?

She likes it when you're a bad boy.

I love it. -it's a bad boy. Now, are you telling me that?

No. You can hear it. You have hearing, right? I have.

Poor hearing.

I had a tumor. What do you think that is when you hear that?

I had a tumor as a child, and I can't hear in this ear for ever.

Are you being serious? Yeah. You can't hear out of your left ear that well? I have.

A very poor hearing in my left ear.

Where was the tumor?

He laughs.

At the.

Sad parts of my life. It's just so sad. But I'm sad.

You have a tumor.

There now? The tumor has been removed, but I have a titanium thing that allows me.

To hear. You can't hear...

I can't hear whispers. Every whisper is sweet.

You don't hear it? What if I say it? I go... Then I know you didn't hear it. I go, Well, I just... My vagina just made a noise.

But can I ask a question.

On this? No, go ask.

Ask me.

I like to- Ask me. Ask me.

Tiko. Tiko. Ma'am, was it attractive to you that I tipped so little or that it's a lot to you? Which part was hot to you?

Well, usually guys try to impress, and they'll pay like, I dated Bobby Lee once.

That guy, he tips like 30 %.

Yeah, 30 %. And it's like too much. It's like, Look at my big dick, right?

And he has one. Yeah. That's why he.

Does stuff like that. Right? Excuse me.

I don't-.

Excuse me?

He does.

We're talking about Bobby Lee. Yes, the comedian.

Big dick. Okay. I'm happy to hear it.

What did you hear? What did you hear?

I'm just going to tell you what I heard. I wrote.

It down. No, what did you.

Hear, really? I'm telling you what... This is true. Yeah. We did a photoshoot, me and Betty with Jen Rosenstein today, the photographer. I love Jen Rosenstein. She told me to say, because I told you I was worried you're going to be mean to me like you told me you would be. She says for me to tell you, Be nice to Taylor or his dog is going to bite off your tiny peepie.

She's not a comedy writer, is she?

I'm just.

I didn't-You know who she's married to, right?

Yeah.

My ex-girlfriend. Yeah.

But I-That's a bad shot. No, don't No.

I'm calling Jet.

All right.

Call her up. I'm going to call her.

Call her up. That's fucked up. No, I want you to call her up.

Are we done with the.

Roleplay, though? No, we're not done. Please.

No, we're going back to that. Are we done with the roleplay? You're just getting started, baby.

I assume it's large. I don't like stereotypes. Hi, Bobby.

Hey, Sarah. How are you? I'm good. How are you? You know who Taylor Williamson is? I do, yes. We're having him on the pod right now, me.

And Andrew. He's on the show.

Right now. He's on the show right now.

How are you, buddy? So are you.

Hi, buddy. So are you.

Your wife- Yes.

-wrote a letter to me, claiming that I have a small penis.

Tiny peep.

Tiny peep. What the fuck is going on around here? What did.

She write? She wrote a letter?

She dictated it.

Toi've been temptated to me. She dictated to Taylor and says that if... Well, tell me exactly what he said.

She said for me to tell Bobby, Be nice to Taylor or his dog is going to bite off your tiny peep.

It's going to bite off my tiny peepie. Interesting. Now, it's very interesting. Are you telling your wife that I have a tiny peepie?

No, we've never talked about your genitalia, my love. Ever. Let's talk.

About it. Yeah. You've seen my genitalia, right? Yeah, you're good. I'm good. Thank you.

Yeah, that's what that...

Listen, you.

Know I have complete we are not we don't function the same. That is her own autonomous opinion based on whatever is going on. She told me that story when she got home that she told Taylor to say that to you. I was like, Did you really? And she's like, Yeah. I was like, Okay.

Okay. Well, she needs consequences.

No.

No, no, no, no. Yeah, she needs consequences or there's going to be a problem between you and I. There needs to be consequences. She needs to be reprimanded. Bobby. Where's Jen at?

She's not here. Okay.

I need consequences, I'll talk to you soon. All right, love you. I love you. Bye.

The guy puts the hammer down.

That's great.

I'm.

Tiko. Tiko's back.

Tiko's back. Tiko's back in the scene.

Tiko, please tell Bobby that my dog also won't bite on you.

We're not talking about Bobby. What I want to say is we're going to go to your place and we're going to smash. Sure. Okay.

Yeah. Tiko. Is this the first date, by the way, Tiko?

Well, you would know, right? Have I met you before this? Right. Right. So then, ding-ding, it would be our first fucking date, right?

He must be dating a lot of Asian girls.

Yeah. How many fucking-.

He just looks so much.

Like each other. Anyway, we're going to go to your house and smash. Okay. No condom.

I can't.

You can't wear condom?

I can't do no condom.

Wait, stop. I want to break out a character real quick.

Go ahead. May I? Yeah.

Why not?

If I was a monogamous thing, I would.

Be happy. How many times have you won a condom? Every time?

In my relationship, I have never not... I mean, the beginning. I'm not going to have no condom sex with a stranger.

Good for you.

I listen to Love Line.

It's great. It's great.

It's great. I didn't.

Have condom. Carlos?

Learn.

Have you? Had sex without a condom with a stranger? Yeah. Every time. Yeah.

I've gotten STDs with my skin.

Let's go to commercial break. Oh, my God.

It's just like the tunnel. I've had stuff on.

My-what do you mean skin?

My body.

You've.

Had STDs? -my trunk.

You've had sex with a girl and then you had STDs on your skin? -yeah.

-on your chest? Yeah, there's skin stuff that you can get from towels and stuff. It's not that exciting.

What? Are you into sports at all?

As a fan?

Yeah. Are you a fan of sports? Do you watch sports?

My thing is I always like pro wrestling. That was the thing.

Nice. Yeah. So not real.

Yeah.

Okay. Well, no, it's like a play.

You like the theater.

Who's.

Your favorite pro wrestler? There he goes.

I mean, these are great questions I wasn't prepared for, and they change over the years. You don't meet your heroes, you meet them, and you're like, Well, he's off the list. I don't know. Gerald Brisco, I become friends with Gerald Brisco, who's an amazing... He's like the W. B. Hall of Fame.

Or something like that.

Nice.

Do you still go to events?

I go less now, but I've been spoiled. We get invited to things. I've been to so many.

Yeah, big ones.

I've been out to wrestling this.

Year in L. A. Oh, really? Oh, you did?

I was supposed to start working for Fox Sports. I was going to be a daily show correspondent for Fox.

Do you go? You have a little he man in your pocket. Right. He's got a Yoda, Pez dispenser. Are you just ready? I don't-He's just ready to go.

I don't understand.

Do you like boxing?

I'm not a fan of these. I know it's not good for my comedy career, but I'm not a big MMA fan.

No, we're not a big MMA guys either.

-we never said that either.

-you guys.

Aren't from real life. Well, I know people.

-we've been to the fights. -yeah, we've been to the fight. But it's not like we're not big. I'm not a fight. You couldn't ask me. I don't know the.

Ins and out. I think you could take Edson Barbosa in a fight.

Thank you. I know that's the third time I've heard that today.

Okay. I'm going to show you. There's a new boxing league that I'm really into. I want to show you guys, and I'm going to get opinion because I'm a huge fucking fan. This is one of their premiere fights that they just had. And you tell me who you think won. Okay. Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

Couple of points.

That's pretty good. What do you mean? What was that? You both are.

So for people that love the show, they've been asking us for years, What's Doc up to? Dude, how crazy is that?

That's a great double punch.

Double punch. Yeah.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. The black guy has landed a punch.

It's so unfair because the other guy's got a full upper body. Yeah. Oh, but there it is. Oh, there we go. Oh, a little tip tap. A little tip tap. Yeah.

Is that a pacifier in his mouth? Yeah. He's just a.

Widow baby fighting. No, dude, it's a mouth guard. It's pacifier, you lunatic. All right, he's knocked that guy down no less than 12 times in this clip.

God, it's incredible.

It looks like a brain.

See, he gets up the same way I do because of my bad back. I can't be. I can't really bend. God, he's fucking killing that guy. But look, he won.

He won. He won. He won. He won. It's so funny.

He won. No, we're laughing at the brutalizationin there.

But the other guy laughed after he saw.

You lost. Yeah. Somehow, some piece of me thinks it was a plant. But man, the way he go to the very first second, the way he charges him, look how hard he charges this guy. He could have really fucking heard him.

Yeah.

I mean, man.

That's.

Insane. That's a little much.

It's a lot.

Anyway, I'm into this now.

Yeah, but it looks like the guy in the blue, though, is a little person just from the waist down almost. Yeah. He has a torso. I think what.

Happened is, well, when he was getting born, he halfway came out and then his mom sneezed and then...

I see how that works. I see.

You're.

Just... I can't do it. Sorry.

That.

Is funny. That is funny. Then it's funny, 30 seconds later, when he.

Visualized it. No disrespect to these guys. We love the hustle, the tenacity.

Yeah, it's amazing. We're not really into any of that. We don't fucking... He loves soccer. Oh, yeah. That's his number one. Football, football, football. We love soccer in this room because of him. We support soccer.

But you don't like any sports aside from W. W.

Professional. I like them. Can I back around my little cousin? He's 10 years old. He's being scouted.

By L. A. G. Keep plugging your family, man. We're buying your mom's art. We got to fucking... I mean, holy shit.

Your son's being... Who?

Your cousin? Who? My cousin is Elliot. He's like a little soccer prodigy.

Wait, L. A. G. Alex, he is scouting him? Yeah. And he's 10? Wow. No, 10? Yeah. 10?

Yeah, they know.

At 10?

Yeah, they know at 10. He's gone out to the stadium.

He's white?

Yeah. How old was Messi when he went to Barcelona? How old was Messi when he went to Barcelona?

Probably 14, 15.

Yeah, but I know that the Arsenal Academy, the team that I like- Thirteen. He was 13. That's not a stretch. I think the Americans are doing that now. But he was also doing it. He didn't just show up at 13. He goes, Can I do it? I know.

But I get it. He had done it for five years.

I know, but I get it.

He's saying, I get it when it's basketball and football because these guys are just bigger than everybody. But at 10, you really can't tell who's... They're all the.

Same size. He's from Argentina, too, so they had to fly him out. They're flying him out. You're living here or staying at the academy, right? He must be killing at seven, eight years old. They can tell.

He must be just murdering everyone around him.

Jackie Chan did that. His parents said him away. What? Jackie Chan was sent to go to be a martial artist.

You think he doesn't know about his own uncle?

Relax. Relax, dude. I know what my uncle did. What a fucking asshole.

Wait, where's Tuki?

Oh, he wants her back.

Where's Tuki?

Where does she go?

Oh, Tiki. Tiki. Is it Tiki?

I could say where is Tiki in Japanese? Do you want to.

Hear it? No. Yeah, go ahead.

I.

Am here.

is such a long way of saying where is she? Yeah.

In my special, I.

Have joke. Is there slang?

Yeah. I only learn formal speaking and do the way you talk to a grandma.

How do you talk? You like that? Proper. How are you?

How are you? Proper, yes. Thank you for asking. I'm having a nice day.

Because most guys, if they're with a woman for the first time and she goes, I don't want a condom, I think I would just gamble.

Would.

You? She's hot.

Sure, yeah. Right?

And she's like, Yeah, we just.

Don't have one. If it's toke then yeah.

Toke. If it's yeah, then.

You would. Then I understand. Then it makes sense to me.

That voice is the voice.

For me. Yeah, that's what sells everybody. When this episode comes out, we do want to remind our friends and family of the Bad Friends people to go watch a live from The Comedy Store, a Taylor Williamson special. Yeah, go check it out. Not Taylor Tomlinson. Respect. Taylor Williamson. Don't watch her stuff anymore. That's what Taylor says. Don't watch her. I've never said that. Watch me. He says that stuff a lot. She's your arch.

Nemesis, you said. I'm making a joke. She's wonderful.

Okay. Are you friends with her?

It doesn't sound.

It.

We're friendly.

No, you're not. I would love to be friends with her.

When she walks by, you give her a hug.

Oh, you give her a hug.

Oh, your hug.

Status with her. She's open for me and San Diego.

Wow.

How does.

That feel?

How does that feel? Oh, no. She's now a talk.

Show host. It's wonderful.

She's so talented. Selling out huge theater.

Theaters, yeah.

I'm on tour, by the way. You want to hear.

Where I'm going? No. Did you know that she was going to blow up when she opened for you?

It didn't even exist when you were younger the superstar that she has.

I.

Knew she was really special. I didn't know that she was.

Going to be there. Well, we know that you're really special.

Do you want to hear what the city is I'm going to?

Okay, go ahead. Just let them do it.

Play music over this. Go ahead. Yeah. Loud, though, so you can barely make out the days and the dates.

Thank you. Calgary, Fort Wayne.

Turn the mic off. That's so good. Now, where are you going?

Calgary? Stop me anytime. My website is my calendar.

Stop. Calgary is good.

Go to his website.

Haileylips. Com is my calendar.

Yeah, go to haileylips. Com.

They'll find you, baby. I'm touring around America, and I'd love to have people come.

Watch me. We're going to come watch you. We want our fans to come watch you. What did you just pull up? Was that him? Was that his website? No, it's Bob. Man knows his Asian Nazi facing federal charges of illegal gun purchases. I want to bring this up. What the fuck are you doing, man? You know what, dude? We talked about- I stopped. -we had a.

Famous- I quit after that article.

No? Well, it looks like you didn't. You're still on the move. East Texas man with a pension for dressing as a Confederate soldier and singing, Dixie, online now faces multiple charges as related to illegal gun purchases.

I think he's.

Korean, too. He is. We talked on this show years ago.

About him, right?

About, Wouldn't it be funny about having an Asian Confederate soldier? Yeah. This guy is it.

Wow. Should we.

Have him on? I think he's amazing. We're going to have him on. He's whistling, Dixie with a Confederate flag, and he's staunch. He's very racist. Yeah. All right, let me tell you something. We've had such a good show with our guests who we love very much. Bobby said to me, We got to get Taylor on the show. I said, Absolutely.

Did you say that?

I don't think so.

No, let's be honest.

For being honest, yes, of course I did.

You said, Really? I go, Yeah, don't you think? Then you said, Yeah.

Yeah, actually, you know what I... He said, I want Taylor on the show. I go, Really? My instinct was, and you'll know why this is not an insult. I thought, Is he going to be able to handle you.

To you? Why me?

You're Trouble. What are you fucking talking about, dude?

Trouble in all China? Is that what you're going to say? You were going to say that trouble in China. But I did. Fuck you, dude.

But I did say that.

Fuck you, dude. I was going to.

Say that.

Yeah, fuck you, dude. I thought because you're a comic, you can handle anything. I don't try to be Dominion of you being able to handle stuff, but I thought sometimes Bob can be heavy and sometimes guests don't know how to do it. I'm sorry. We've had guests before that just don't feel comfy because we have fun and go goofy and he goes wild. Then sometimes they're like, I don't even know how to feel. But I thought, No, Taylor can handle it. He's funny enough and quick enough. The hair stuff?

Dude, you were in the pocket.

What does that mean?

You were like, I'm sticking with my guns.

Well, listen, I'm a-.

And I love it.

Can I tell you? I'm a fan of both you and the standups, and I enjoy your show. This show makes me laugh when I watch it. Do you really watch it? It was up on my YouTube algorithm. Really? I watch.

Clips all the time. Name me a moment.

Carlos talking about getting milked in the...

Okay. I'll say his fault.

Guy watches the show.

Wow. I don't know if I watched everyone, but I watch it. Also, I'm curious how people participate, but I get it. You have a vibe and get the vibe if you go on there, don't go on it. You're doing-I got.

The vibe. You got the vibe.

You brought the vibe. I had to come back because I.

Got-you came and attacked me a lot. I loved it.

Thank.

You. Yeah, you're welcome.

But you've warned me, too. You said, I don't know if you can handle it, and I prepared myself to handle it. Yeah, you did. I brought too much ammo, by the way, so you got to have me back because I have this two-truth and a lie thing that would be so much joy for.

All of you. I know. We will do that when you come back. When you do come back, we'll have Chick-fil-A for you. How's that sound, kiddo?

Does.

Daddy happy now?

Badda?

Thank you for being a bad friend.