Transcribe your podcast

Hey, bad friends.


Bad friends. We are on tour. We're only doing a couple dates this year.


This is it. Atlantic City, New Jersey.


This weekend we're in Atlantic City. Then we go to Salt Lake City.


Temecula, Reno, Sacramento, Long Beach, Windsor, Ontario.


Canada Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada.




Ended 420 in come on. See us go to bad for those tickets. Bad friends. And here's the deal with these shirts. This is a competition. You asked for it. We want to see who's going to sell more shirts, me or the bobo. Okay. You can buy these right now for only two weeks. That's it. For two It's also going to be in the description, right. And you can buy these. Whoever sells more shirts is the winner.


You're going to win.


And the loser has to do what? What does the loser have to do?


The loser has to massage the other person in a real masseuse table with a little donut head naked.


Butt naked head. 30 minutes full body massage with oil.


The whole thing.


That'll probably be available on our Bad friends, if you want to see us get massage naked, the loser has to be butt naked for a full body mass.


I just want to let you know it'll be funnier if Andrew has to massage me. You know that. It's funnier that way. So buy them years.


No, it's not. And by the way, by the way, we're both going to lose because the masseuse has to be naked and so does the person getting massage.




Yeah. It's a body on. Go to To get these shirts for two more weeks. That's it.


You two are bad friends.


Who are these two idiots?


White dude and an asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something.


We're bad friends.


Who'd you open for when you were young?


I was just seeing on there. Bobcat.


Bobcat? You opened for him?


Booker leave? Yeah.




That police academy movie with him and he brought me on. Oh, gross. Is somebody here?


God, we were having such a lovely conversation. Yeah.


Reminder. Nothing you do, always do reminders. Now you don't. How many reminders?


Check your phone.


Jesus Christ, man.


Yeah. It's my fault. Sorry. Whose fault is it? My fault. It's your fault. Sorry, Bobby. Wow.


I had no idea.


How could you not? We couldn't stop talking about this.


I forgot.


You scheduled this. You scheduled this? I drove here from Ohio at seven.




No, Ohio.


It's insane.


Insane. Say hi to David.


Thanks for coming. Such a big fan. I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you. I know you're. I see angry David.


Dare you. Yeah.


Are you furious?


He should be.


No, 32 movies.


Oh, fuck.




I've never seen you like this. Listen.


77 commercials.


Yeah, I understand.


Listen, let him finish.


One book and a holding deal. Bobby, what did I text you this morning? I go, wake up, today is your super bowl. And you didn't answer. Who canceled on me Friday and said, is there any way you could do it Monday? Is there any way, Bobby, for you, I'll do it Monday. I'll move everything around 130 and you go, yeah, let me turn off my phone and all my.


So now he's been here for 44 minutes.


He's like, well, guess what, though.


No, I got time for one more question.




Put your hair in a fucking scrunchie. We're doing this.


Okay, chug that Red Bull right now.


God, just.


I'm not even fully.


What's in your mouth? Are you dipping right now, too?


Yeah, I'm not fully in the.


Give him something to spit in.


I'm not fully in this realm.


Sometimes you don't have time to paint your nails. You just got to get down.


I want to hear more about this for one more second. Bobcat was the first guy to take you on the road.


We're talking about comedy. Maybe you should sit this one out. Bobcat was on police academy with you. And so I got that part as my first part. And then you stole the movie and we did.


Can you shut up? Can you honestly shut up?


Compliments. It's bad.


I mean, at least an Emmy something.


Anyway, so I did that one. And then we were up there in Toronto. We went to yuckyucks and shit. He would bring me around just because I was a comedian. So he would let me go. He goes, can this guy go on? And then, for those of you don't know, your crowd is what, four to eight year olds?


I think we tap out at six.


Bobby's big gesticular gestures, funny hair. And they watch it with the sound off. Anyway, so I went to the yuckyucks and then they go, if Bobcat. If you go on, we'll put him on. So that's how it works. And then I came back. We stayed friends. I opened.


For now, when he's off stage, was the voice regular?


How are you no, I think that was an act. He was a nice guy, though. And then I watched him do well. Then he got this movie, hot to trot, about a talking horse. And I remember that. Oh, my God, he had so much heat on him. And it all went. I was there for the whole ride. It was terrifying.


And you watched him crash and then you skyrocketed. What a weird. Did he ever call you after you got superficial?


No. We stayed friends for a while until I got a certain level.


Bobby, I do like you looking at.


Your phone and throwing it like crazy. Like, oh, you mean you reminded me on my phone?


Why would you do it on the.


That's where everyone does everything, Bobby. He's like, no, I was saying you should throw like.


You don't send pigeons anymore to fucking.


Wait, can I just say something real quick?


Yeah, go ahead.


Two things. Number one, this is great.


I'm sorry should have been the first thing out of your I'm sorry is.


The number one today. I already said I'm sorry.


No, you didn't. No, you didn't.


You yelled at this poor guy.


I'm sorry.




Obviously. I'm sorry. No, it's not obviously.


Oh, my God.


What kind of games are we playing now?


Dude, this is like when my dad. When my dad used to hit.


You know what?


When my dad used to hit me. And he'd be like, obviously I didn't.


Mean to hit you.


Can I just say something? All right, I made a mistake. I'm sorry. But can I tell you something?




All right, there's good news here on this road. I'll tell you why. I'll spin it, check it out right? Now. From now on, though, guess what? I owe you for the rest of my life.


That won't get me literally nothing. I mean, Jesus Christ, talk about nothing.


I know, but you don't know that. Have you ever had a Korean. Have you ever had a Korean owe you a flavor?


A flavor?


A flavor? I just woke up.


Are you an ice cream dealer?


Fuck them. Have you ever had a Korean owe you a favor? You haven't have it, Dave. No, and our favors are tremendous. Gold bars. You know what I mean? Free Nobu. You know what I mean? Pussy.


First of all, gold bars.


You like pussy? Okay?


These two immigrants don't know what's going.


They're here getting three credits.


All right? Also, secondly, I want to say is.




When you did the young comedian special.


Oh, boy. A real question.


No, I'm not doing a question. I'm giving you a compliment.


Oh, thank you. Okay. Thank you.


By the way, you look like Wolverine, and I love it.


Do I look good today?


Yeah, you look good.


Yeah, I really could.


You look like Wolverine if he was sick, but Wolverine nonetheless. It's a little gray to that. No.


Okay. Your hair, gray at all.


Just strands.


Is it dyed? I don't care if it is.


No, I swear to God, there isn't just strands.


I do like your.


Thank you so much.


I wish you had a mullet again.


I like that look, I'll go back.


To it because that's the favor that you owe.


That's the favors.


No, that's it.


The favors go on forever with him now because he's. They never end. It's like a God stopper. It never ends. Congratulations, David. Congratulations. You get favors for the rest of your life. Congratulations. You win. Now, let me say something.


I have a real question for Andrew.


Oh, fuck.


Is this podcast usable, or will this be, like, a practice?


It's for Patreon. It'll be probably. Relax.


I don't like crazy Bob.


It's going to be the biggest episode in planet Earth. It's going to be smart attic. I don't know what that's called.


It's going to be smart attic with.


Your friends, your three friends.


It's going to be fucking smartless.


Yeah, smart attic.


First of all, this is definitely not beating smartless.


It will, this episode.


Not unless you tone it down someone else's ass.


It might go crazy.


This does.


Well, I like because I see it pretty funny.


Well, we like your show. The problem is you guys are respectful and business like and on time and professional.


I was telling when we get there 45 minutes early, this sounds crazy. Just hear me out. On the day of, like, a shoot of a podcast, this ragtag operation held in a fucking strip mall in the middle of nowhere.


You're going to give him money? He's going to give you money.


I go to use a bathroom. I go, you have a bathroom here? Oh, here's a key with a cinder block on it.


There's a shell down in Panga.


I go, guys, where is the money going? I know we make money.


It's right there. Pay them.


Inflatable chair and all this other dog shit. Look at that money. Did you just set last night or a couple?


Hey, thanks for coming, man.


Normally, I wouldn't accept, but today, get some lunch.


Get some nice lunch. Now, let me say something.


I didn't even do a full set.




I'm not Brian Monarch.


Yeah, I was running a Brian monarch.


Yeah. Can I just say, so you did this HBO young cameo special. I was a kid, young high school. And you did a promo, though, for it. And I remember the promo. It was an interview. Right. And you said something at the end and I'd never heard this. And then people have said it before, but you said something. You go, hold me. I don't know why he said that. Right. But I remember laughing super loud as a kid.


Yeah. Weird things like that.


Let me see it right there.


First one, when I was on my first Johnny Carson, I think in the middle, I go, ooh, I had a sweater on. I go, somebody went to the gap. Anyway, so in the middle of my set.




So people thought that was interesting because it was so weird to say on a regular set, on my first set on tv. So I know what you're saying. I'm not giving myself a compliment. I'm saying I like to throw in. I think I said, hold me.


Yeah, it was a segue or like, was a throwaway or something. But I remember going, it was so random.


That's an old. It wasn't in that. Look at you. I know, look at that belt that tucked in.


This is the Seinfeldian era of tuck it in.


This is way before the untucket store.


Look at how cute he is.


And I button it to the top for fucking. God knows why. You don't have a stylist. None of these old shows. Anyone telling you anything.


I forget who else is on this lineup with you?


Rob Schneider.




Drake Sather, who is fucking great. He unalived himself since then.


God, you're such a hip cat.




You know that?


I want to make sure you can use it.


I know, that's great.


And don't use words like cat because he's a little older. That's crazy.


Sorry, am I older than you? You could be anywhere. And don't tell me from 20 to 90. Honestly.




Are you?


We're kind of close. Like five year difference probably.


Oh, we are?




You look good, though. Thanks, man. And it was Jan Caram. Warren, not Hutchinson. Warren Thomas who passed away.


Did not on alive.


He did not.


God did that. Sometimes.


God does tough disease.


Anyway, that was very influential in my comedy.


Thank you.


That moment of him saying, yeah, because.


I remember going, I liked the act. You know what I mean? But I was like, I loved it. But I was like that right there made me laugh so loud because so weird and random to me at that time that I was just like, oh, and also, you were so young. You look like you're my age. I was just like, this is a kid doing, you know what I mean? Like, on HP. This is insane.


That's how I felt about sports. And when I saw Nick, he was like, we're not too far off in age. And when he did his Comedy central half hour, and he was that young, what was he? Or something? Was he really? He had the youngest half hour.


Oh, these guys actually do something.


Yeah, they do.




He had the youngest half hour. I think he was the youngest guy to get a half hour on Comedy Central. 22 years old, youngest comic guest star on Comedy Central presents. But I remember seeing it and being like, that's me. That's a kid like us. It does do that thing fire, because.


If you're 22, you're like, that guy's doing better than me, and I have to do more.


I got to do something. I was still in college. I mean, he was already.


It's not a race, guys. That a race.


Oh, you're not running.


That's for sure, because you're losing.




No, I'm kidding. No, Bobby, when we did that HBO thing, they go, you have 30 seconds. We're just going to film you. You say whatever you want. It was so weird because we all were like, what are you going to say? They go, we're going to do you separately. You say anything you want for 30 seconds. So everyone you didn't know till you watched it. And I remember my manager goes, I saw the one you did. Do you want to redo that?


Do you like that one?


Well, I didn't know what to say. He goes, well, yeah, obviously. And here's what I said. Just picture. You have 30 seconds and your new comic. And here's what I decided to say. I go, I went to Kmart the other day, and I got a flat tire. This isn't even a bit. I go, I got a flat tire. So I went, and I was hungry, so I went in the back, and there was a little dirty rotisserie with hot dogs in it. And I said to the lady working there, are these all beef? And she goes, I don't think so.


This is funny.


And that was it. And they go, that's the one. I think it's funny. It is, because it really happened. And I go, I should have done more that type of humor because it was a little offbeat than just regular joke, joke, joke. But when I got on SNL, and then, oh, a couple people remember when I got on SNL, I couldn't figure out how to write a sketch or do a week at update piece without just being. Do jokes from my action. And I think it was Conan O'Brien was there and he goes, you have to do like a concept, like a whole feel of a bit. And then the idea will sell some of the stuff without being like, punchlines. And it took so long. So the first one that actually worked like that, where I was a receptionist and I was going, oh, and you are. And it was more like an attitude. And when I was getting laughs on stuff that wasn't like a punchline, then I really was like, another thing went off like, oh, you can do it like this, right? So I started learning, oh, that's how you write sketches that are just the idea that everyone's rolling with.


So do you remember that one where I'm like sort of a condescending receptionist, a greeter?


Yeah. Right.




I pretend I don't know who anyone is and I go, it's a little crazy right now. And then that worked. And then they put it up in the front. Oh, look at that picture me. Looks good. Look at the bottom. See where I have a coat on?


Yeah. He wants the one of the newer one from vanity. It actually says, sorry, david Bowie. David Spade turned on a request from.


You also kind of look like Tom Radiohead a little bit.


That was for this sketch where Bowie. I couldn't get it on. And then Bowie was on the musical guest with Tin machine. And I said, I'm going to write Bowie.


I love the one album leader, Tin Machine. I love it.


Okay. As I just push him away.


Yeah, I love that.


It feels so good. I say, oh, I put Bowie in at the end going, I'm David Bowie. And I'm like, I'm sorry. And he's like, I was in. I've actually done. I'm not much of a music guy, just talking down him. So then they go, oh, David Bowie, read the sketch. He wants to talk to you about it. I go, about his three lines. I go, oh, sure. So they gave me his fake name. They said, call this hotel.


Do you remember his fake name?


I do not.


God, I wish I remember. I want to know his alien. Cool.


I had it written on a piece of paper because he called me and they said, call him back. And then I called him.


Oh, my God.


They put me through.




Can you imagine?


I can't imagine.


26, 20 and I haven't gotten the sketch on it.




He goes, david, I'm reading this reception and I'd met him at the young comedian special. Oh, see, look, now we're budies. So I'd met him before, but not this. This was after. So I say, oh, yeah. I said, oh. He goes, this is so funny. I run into these people all the time, any way I can play your part? And I go, oh, well, did you read it, Dave? He goes, that's way. And it was my lesson in, like, quit just plugging people in to make you look good. You know, you do a sketch and the host comes. The host has to do something because when they go in the meeting, they go, I like that one. It's really funny. But what do I do? And they're like, yeah, get rid of it. And you go, the sketch killed. And then you figure out later, make sure Alec Baldwin does something. What does he have to. Yeah, because he wants to score or whoever the host is. So I go, well, it was kind of one of the sketches where Wayne's were like, I want to do it more than once. And he's, uh, I'd love to do it.


And they were like, if David Bowie play, we'll put it on for sure.




And I said, no, because I go, I want to try. Meanwhile, it had the stink of it. It didn't get on. And then, so when you put it and read through again, it's tougher because they don't get on. All right. And then it just fades away. So I still didn't do it. And everyone's like, I probably would have let him do it. I was like, it's so good. Anyway, I got it on about four months later.




And he was weird about it. That's what I.


Who did you get it on with?


I think I went with Roseanne. No, Mc Hammer was the first one, and it was the last sketch in the whole show. And then the next was Roseanne, and it was the first sketch, and that was the best one it ever worked.




I did it one more time, but the Roseanne one was the best one.


Did you ever have one that you like, Lauren removes it, but then plugs it back in last minute right before dress or whatever?


They don't do that because they have to build the whole set. So if it doesn't get on a read through, you're fucked. But they might take a weekend update and say, hey, did you want to do that? We have a light weekend update and throw you in. Yeah. Do you have anything? But Sandler would sometimes write a song after read through if anything happens during the week and you can throw something in and then if it's very topical. That's the beauty of it.


Now, when you had your regimen of SNL, you'd have to be to places on time, right?


And like, I'm looking at Bobby already drifting off.


He's like, I'm not drifting off.


Is there one of these where you had fun?


No, I've had enough. First of all, number one, I've had enough of it.


I don't give a fuck.


I know you're. Don't.




That's fine. You do what you do. Go down your path.


I'm already down it.


I'm not trying to be controversial. You guys talk, I'll dip. I'm slowly waking up. I realize what's going on.


Just be on the show.


I'm on the show. I'm listening to everything you're saying. What are you talking about, pal?


He told me, I love you, dude.


I made a mistake. I'm sorry.


We are buddies.


We're buddies. It's not like he's somebody that I've gone to do many dinners with him. We've gone out many times. I know him for years. And as a friend, I'm allowed to make a mistake. I made a mistake. But I don't like being fucking persecuted.




Persecuted. I don't like being in a corner. I don't like. These are years of years.


Is this us being friends?


Yeah, that's a son in Hawaii.


Is that me?


That's you, dude, with Chris Wintanki Watowski. Yeah.


Wrong. That's from the wrong missy.


Yeah, it was from the wrong missy.


Tour de force for Bobby.


Do you remember that day?


Oh, yeah, that day.


Let's talk about.


It was the worst day of my life.


You know about it?


That was the worst day of my life. But it turned out to be the.


Oh, that movie was such a fucking monster. I love great, great. But I looked like shit the whole movie, and that killed me.


Wait, why? What do you mean?


I had to shave. I actually voluntarily shaved. I was from Portland, and I should have, like, darker hair and fucking shave and not look like myself, and I look so bad. And then they gave me a clip in wig of darker hair.


They didn't want to dye your hair.


It was a bigger pain in the ass.


Why didn't you just want to dye your own hair?


I did. And then added more. I go, I don't need this. Anyway, once we were locked into it anyway, we did the whole movie. Lauren was great. That's Sarah shock. And that's. Look at Bobby. Fresh face Bobby.


God, look at how young you look right there for some reason. That was, like, two years ago. But you looked so young.


Me? That was five years ago.


Really? No, that old.


When did you turn? Before COVID Dead inside. Oh, Covid.


That was before COVID right? Yeah.


It aired during COVID Yeah. So we did it right.


Yeah, I looked like shit now. No, that's what you just said. I looked young and fucking springy back then.


Why do you look like you got up on time back then? Like you were humming along schedule.


Oh, do you remember that? I sent that in.


That was funny.


Yeah, that was fun.


I was just talking to, like. I was like, Bobby didn't do lights out that much, but how many times you do it? Theo didn't do it at all.


Once or twice. But I did send a couple of videos. Yes, to a couple of videos.


That was funny.


Three times. I think I did three times. Two or three times.


It was very funny.


Can we talk about what happened at the wrong happened? Oh, do you think it did that or no? So I had one line.


You were greeting us. Another problem with that scene was not your fault. But we walk in, and Sandler's kids play the kids there, and they walk in, and then they're talking loud. And Lauren goes, hey, kids, shut the fuck up. She screams at him. So it's hard to follow that bit because it was really funny. And then we get to the front desk and you go, good evening, Mr. And Mrs. Tim.


Yeah, but mine wasn't a bit. It was just a line. Right? It was a joke. There.


You were written in because you're Bobby Lee and everyone loves you. It's like what people say. You're just funny, but we didn't give you a great funny part.


Yeah. So I said the line, which is fine, do the line right now. I don't remember it, but I remember this. I did the line, and I remember stop. And then it was horrible. Sandler walking up, and he goes, I don't know what you're doing, man.


God damn.


What do you mean? He's like, yeah, I just don't know. I mean, it's know. It's real.


It's a good Sandler Impression, too.


And I go, that's what he sounds like. Okay. When he's not fucking, thank you so much. I don't like what the fuck you're doing right now. So, anyway, I do it again. And then there's another problem. It's like, you're not clear about this, this and that, and it just kept going. And as it went. I just started sweating. And I remember David looking at me going, I'm sorry.


I was trying not to laugh because I go, if he fucking fucks this up again, we were laughing.


I didn't fuck it up. I don't think. Did I fuck it up?


They just go, you go, good evening, Mr. I'm like, is he trying to sound like a real person? It's making me sick because I'm so used to being a goofball. You being goofball?




And you were being so straight, I couldn't take.


But it's weird to put him in such a straight role.


It was sort of, I tried to.


Be real about it, but he was like, what are you doing?


I go, no, you're great. And it was just an Od situation. Then we got the giggles because it was taking forever, and Adam was there.


One line took forever.


He's not there all the time, and he's drinking coffee in the back.


I was so stressed.




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So then I left that set like in a fury.


Mr. And Mrs. Morris, say, good evening, Mr. And Mrs. Morris. Let's see you do it right now. Action.


Good evening, Mr. And Mrs. Morris.


That's perfect.


That's what I did. That's what I fucking did, dude. All right?




Didn't think, know. I know. So I get in the van, I'm depressed. I go to fucking the hotel.




You're right. And what happens? I go upstairs, I'm at the bar, eat, eat, eat. And there's a guy next to me at the hotel. Now, this is that day. He's an asian dude. It was Gene.


Oh, Gene Hong. That's right.


Right? And he looks at me and he goes, hey, you Bobby Lee, right? I go, yeah. He goes, I produced Magnum PI. And he goes, I'm going to write you in.


That led to a bunch of episodes.


Fucking four years of work.


Oh, see, and you know what? So Sandler wasn't mean to you that day. You wouldn't have gone on that little eating binge, your little sad boy binge, and you wouldn't have met Gene if.


I hadn't gone in general, because I remember one line, and David was like, just do a favor. I go, it's one line, but I did it for, you know, I do it because it's David. Right.


It was good to have you there.


It was great. Anyway, it did so much for me. Thank you so much for having me on there. I apologize for being late.


Let's not go to Novu that night because we went to eat while you were in town.


No, you and I went to that restaurant we went to, the strip steak.


Oh, yeah, that was strip.


Yeah, yeah. But after that. No, that night we didn't go eat.


What hotel was that at?


I was embarrassed to be with him. I go, what if.


Sandler gives notes on how he's eating steak? Yeah. You're eating it like a fucking robot.


Yeah, just eat it.


No, it's tough.


The four Seasons, it was that beautiful.


Do you like girls with tattoos?


It depends not on the facial structure of the face, but, like, on the neck and who has that?


No, there's some, like, the bone.


I don't like the bones.


Like, you know, there's this new service. You can flirt with girls that are locked up right now, doing time, and there's some face tat chick that are just stunning.


Really? Yeah.


Go to this. I see them online all the time on TikTok. They show these girls that are still in prison. There's a dating app for girls. They're going to get out soon, right?


They'd have to be out within under a year.


Yeah, I think it's like six to eight months.


It also depends on the crime.


Here you go. Meet No, the crime doesn't really matter. They're absolving their sins. That's where it's from.


It's like, oh, my God, look at all of them. All right.


Some featured ladies Twitter. I follow.


Where it's just mug shots, mugshots of beautiful women who got arrested.


Are there body shots or just the face?


They usually just do here from up.


Call them on the.


Okay, here we go. What do you see?


Okay. Samantha bullchild. Tough name.


Is she your type?


She's out in cow chilla, California. Cow chilla is a name of a place we have here.




My name's Sammy.




Oh, chowchilla. That's even worse.


It's chowchilla. Yeah.


I enjoy meeting new people. I'm interested in your culture, what you can write in.


Killing you to get to know people kill you.


Date of birth? 8380. So, you know, they tell you, stats go down. Height, 59. Wait, don't worry about it.


So she said no, I love TikTok, frijoles and killing. Yeah. Give me another one, because I'm not really into the mexican thing right now.


Why not? You're over it?


Yeah, I'm over it. That phase is done.


He does go through big phases.


This is white right here.


Yeah, this is white.


You like?


Good. Now what does she do, this girl?


Say what they did?


Let's see if they say what they did. Okay, so hold on, hold on, hold on.


What does it say?


Their maximum release date would be 2028.


Too long.


What did you do, young lady?


Sorry. That's a red flag when you're in for more than.


Yeah, that means the crime was pretty bad.


She's a masseuse.


Yeah. Okay.




You know what? She can hit the ground running when she gets out.


Right. Back to work.


Go to the four c's.


I do want to know what they did. Yeah.


I need what they did. That's what this site needs, what they did.


If you like.


Girls have tattoos with sayings on them.


You don't have tattoos, do you, Dave?


I do have two, but they're just stupid.


What are they? You started. What is it?


What is this one? This one I got on Saturday Night Live is a joke. You could even pull that up. Sean Penn gave me a tattoo. There you go. It was just a joke. And then he gave me another one about five years ago because I wanted him.


Life's a garden. Dig it.


No, that's not it.


I know other people. That's very funny. So you have a calvin and Hobbes?


Yeah, because he couldn't do the one we picked, and so we just had to pick one out of the cartoon.


I hate it when people go, Matt, you're on that tv. It's like SNL.


I go, who says that? No one's ever said no.


People have said that. Mexicans have said that.




That's SNL. Four Mexican.


I know, but our biggest star was, like, Nicole Ritchie.


She was on Mad TV.


And we would get people, like, before. There were so, like, one time we got Ryan Reynolds, but we didn't know who he was.


Think how crazy it is in living color.


Had bigger stars we would get.


But then we would get, like, Marilyn Manson. Green Day played. We had the strokes play.


That's cool.


So we had cool band, younger bands, but it's like I would look at their show and go, I mean, it was a completely different program. It was a completely different level.


But everyone knows mad tv, so that's kind of good. It was very well known. I've heard of Italy. I don't know if it was like churning out superstars, but Artie Lang was on. Were you on?


I like movies.




What's wrong with that?


I don't mean the class of guys I was in on to work from Ad TV.




Key and peele.


Oh, key and Peel is correct.


Yeah, but they weren't on as long as you were. Right.


But they were on for five years.


You did seven.


Who's, who cares?


Matt Bronger. There's Matt.


Matt Bronger was on it. Yeah.


We had Arden Mirren. Who's in the middle? Who's that girl in the middle?


Rockwell on the right.


Nicole Parker.


That's Nicole. Ari Parker.


Bobby, are you eleven? Is that you?


Yeah, I'm in the bottom. That was my 8th year.


That was the last 8th year.


That was the last year, yeah.


Who's the person at the top?


Eric Price. Like Keegan did it. Still one last year. Johnny Sanchez.


I know, I see Johnny so funny. He looks so young there.


So young. Let's move on.


That is a good class. Bring up Spade's class.


Look at your fucking. Do you ever play asian characters on there?


Look at this cat. Look at Spade. You were on with nobodies. David Spade was on SNL with fucking literal nobodies. Who are any of these people? I recognize none of these fucking humans, dude.


Holy shit. I mean, this is honestly Al Franken.


This is like when. This is like when the fucking, when we were doing the men's basketball Olympic team. This was the dream team. Then they'd have to play like fucking Sweden or some shit.


The women's side.


That was a good year.


This is dream team shit.


Where's Mike Myers, though?


Mike's probably taking the picture, right?


Can you take this?


He's like, well, I wanted mean, dude. What a fucking. You were in the gut of. Some of you did. It's unbelievable.




Today is actually a sad anniversary of Chris.


Today? Wait, is it really today? Get the fuck out of here.


Someone on Twitter told me, I think.


No way.


I knew it was close to Christmas.


You know why I thought, you know what's so weird about this? This is one of those things. December 18. Holy fucking shit.


That's today.


Oh, my God. That is today.


You were on set one and you.


Were fucking late today. The disrespect is on Farley's.


I slept in for him.


Oh, yeah. This actually makes a lot of sense.


That's nice.




You know why? This morning when I got up and I was getting coffee and I was scrolling, I did see someone posted a new photo of Chris with a crown hat on with a cigarette in his mouth. Have you seen that go around, man? It's such a fucking cool photo. And it made me. That's. I just thought it was just know someone posting that photo. Look at this fucking photo. Look at how awesome that photo is.


He was actually good looking. Dude, he took some cool fucking pictures.


I mean, that is fucking powerful shit. I don't know. He just had, you know. I don't know.


When you found out, you told me you were on set, right? I remember that. You told me that you were on the sitcom. What's that?


I opened up to you one day.


Yeah, you did.


I was on. Just shoot me. Just shoot me. Yeah, a couple of people remember. Thank you.


You want to just shoot me?


What's that, your vape pen?


Yeah. He's a vape kid.


Drug dealer, runs it in.


He's like this. You did see the Minnesota junkie there? He's our little house slut.


Oh, yeah. You don't have to tell me which one's which. I saw that dude dragging the cinder block. But I do have to.


I want to say another good thing about you. And I just want to say, because I just now I'm fully awoke.


Oh, thank.


Wait, I just woke up.


God bless.


Thank you.


I'm fully here, so I want to say this. Okay, here we go.


48 minutes in.


Yeah, the show's over. Yeah, I know. I just want to say this honestly, David, look at me. I'm so ashamed that I woke up late. I fucking forgot. I'm so sorry, and it'll never happen again. Number one, I owe you favors forever for the rest of your life. Number two, but I do have to say, even before I even knew you, you were just one of the nicest guys. Dude. In the scene. Because it's like, I remember you would, like, randomly take photos with me and stuff, and I didn't know you that well. You were always available and really cool.


These compliments are sort of mid level.


You always had nice shoes.


No, you're also stylish.


Okay, now we're getting.


I remember one time I was wearing a Montclair jacket and you put your finger around you go. Someone's doing well with your finger around the Montclair logo. Right. That's the thing I was hitting on you. I remember little moments with. That's. That's. That goes a long way.


Pull up, Montclair. Nothing to do. Pulled up. The word Momentclair is no fucking bullshit, by the way. No bullshit.


Bobby. Is it true?


And I have a question for you.


Okay, go ahead, Montclair.


It's called turning the tables. I do an interview, show myself. Is this getting lower? Like my dick, as it goes. I took it to Variety class. You don't have to come fix it.


Go fix it, Matt.


All right.


Come on, Jim Varney.


Fix it if you can.


My God. Dude.


You're fire. Dude. That was so dumb what you just did.


He broke the fuck he's going to break that.


The tv show. Got it, guy.


Sorry. David Spade. David Spade. That a boy.


He's like, I saw a dusty slay video. Anyway, what was I even telling you?


You were going to about to give him a compliment. He wanted to give you a compliment.


No, it wasn't that. He was telling another story.


What did I just say? I just started something no one fucking remembers. It was literally 18 seconds ago.


You did because he kept complimenting you.


I go this and that and you.


Said, I'm going to compliment you.


No, I want to turn the tables.


On you because I do all.


Thank you.


I do an interview.


Fucking guy.


He finally pipes up.


Date that visa. Give him another six months.


Oh, he knocked up a chick here and I did. Yeah.


Okay. Are you going to remember? Are you fucking high? I got to put up a haze. Fuck. Can't handle it, man. Can't handle it. I'm a millionaire. I can't handle it. Everything's going right in my life.


All right.


Jesus Christ. Anyway, so is it true you don't know how much money you have? Because I thought, this is very interesting.


I don't.


Because I have an accountant and I go in once a month and I go over it and I thought, Bobby, I could probably guess not how much money you have, but you do very well. But I think that would make me more anxious to not know because obviously you can afford whatever you want. You're not going crazy.


It makes me more anxious to know.


I know how much he has. Because I have better communication with his accountant.


Because what?


You realize guys have the same guy?


No, because I went in. Because my therapist goes, you got to go in because you want to know what's, you know. You got to be responsible and know what's going on in your life.


So he's not stealing from you. Yeah.


So I went in there, and when he told me what I had, I got really upset. Right. Because I thought I had more than that.


That's the problem. When I go in, it's always less than.


Yeah. So I'm like, I'm never going to know again. I don't ever want to know. I want to think that I'm rich.


His business manager also is no less than 94 years old and lives at the.


He's like, this vice.




Are you touring anyway?


I'm on tour right now. I don't like to talk.


Let's bring up some dates.


Announcing it. Yeah. This is why I think I'm. Why I'm here. I want to push.


Are you going to record a new hour?


That's such a fucking big decision.


Okay, so you're playing the Riv in Chicago, my hometown. Love.


That's my first one in January.


Dude, I love the riff. That's such a. Have you played that before? So when this is out, you'll be in Spokane, Washington.


I'm moving the more theater. So I'm going to be in Spokane. I have Santa Rosa, Seattle.


We played Balboa. Love.


It was tough this year because I did not as many as, like, Nate or Theo, but I did a lot for me because I fucking did it. Too late. I should have been doing this always. I feel like I was always in a show or movie, and I couldn't. No one was doing theaters.


I mean, now, every now, five years.


Ago, it was all, like, skydived. A week at the improv, sold it out. So you can make some money if you go down to Irvine. It's a bigger improv. I would do those. But, man, to go to a theater tour is tough. This is the first year.


Well, so now you're going to Austin in March. Are you going to do Joe's club or.


No, I just do the Paramount. I might go over there and do pop up. No. What's that thing?


Oh, yeah, yeah. Kill Tony.


I don't really know them, but I think I might go see if I can try to do that.


Yeah, you should.


And then just do something different. And I'll see Adam Eagle. Maybe I'll go there and watch. See him?




And. Yeah, I don't know. It's all fun. Then I do the Venetian with Nikki Glazer. We do that.


Oh, yeah.


And you're doing Netflix as a joke. Festival, too.


You could probably do the Venetian. Both.


We're playing the Cosmo. Four, five. Wait, what?


I'm sorry.


What is it? 420. We're playing the Cosmo.


Is that small?


Should still be open.


It's closing down right now.


It is? Where?


They're going out of business show.




Are you being real?


And they're giving away the tickets. Yeah. If you jump in the Bellagio fountain, you get a free ticket to our show.


That was good to bring your merch.


Are you being real, though?


No, man.


Cosmo is good. Don't worry about it.


Are you guys known to close down here?


We're fine.


We'll be fine.


We'll be fine.


You guys do good? No, we do very good. You guys had just done it.


We do a bunch of shows.


We do. Like, what could your show be? You do it with this one and then the other unnamed podcast that we don't talk about here. Do you hate it, Andrew?


No. I think it's a total waste of his time, but I think it's fine that he does it. Finally, a real answer. It's a remarkable soft white underbelly is what it's called.


Yeah. Can I tell you what happened, by the way?


It's great if you've never seen soft white underbelly.


Can I tell you what happened to.


Me, you heroine addict?


Are you sure you don't want to save it for the other one?


No. Shopify. When we started podcasting, man, an online store was the first thing armed from our minds.


Well, because we didn't know if we were going to sell.


We didn't know. We didn't know. But now that we do, we do shopify, dude.


Well, here's the deal. You got to use Shopify. You have so easy. It's the only way to do it now. And I got to tell you, a lot of people are like, if you have a global commerce platform that you want to help sell whatever product you've got, they can help you scale every single side of your business. It makes it so easy to put stuff on there to organize payments and what's coming in and what's going out. You don't have to worry about doing merch from your garage anymore.


Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell every stage of your business from the launch, your online shop stage at the first real life store stage, all the way to the did we just hit a million order stage. Shopify is there to help you grow.


Whether you're selling scented soap or offering outdoor outfits or what have you. Shopify helps you sell everywhere, from their all in one e commerce platform to their in person PoS system. Wherever and whatever you're selling, Shopify's got you covered. Shopify helps you turn browsers into buyers with the Internet's best converting checkout up to 36% better compared to other leading commerce platforms. Shopify powers 10% of all ecommerce in the United States, and Shopify is the global force behind allbirds, Rothies, Brooklinen, and millions of other entrepreneurs of every size across 175 countries and sell more with less effort, thanks to Shopify magic, your aipowered all star Plus, Shopify's extensive help resources are there to support your success every step of the way. Because businesses that grow grow with Shopify.


Sign up for a one dollars per month trial Badfriends. All lowercase, go to badfriends now to grow your business. No matter what stage you're in. badfriends. Can I just tell you what happened? Why we had to move the thing? Just real quick or. No.


Yeah, please.


What's that?


Well, I was going to go to lunch when this is over. First fucking hour I was here.


It is insane to eat a banana. But you had to do it quickly because nobody wants to see you eat.


Well, I did it because I knew he was blabbing away. There's no fucking. Turn the camera off me for a while. I'm just trying to stay alive. Month survivor here. Fucking walking in this dead mall.


Remember that one time I drove you to Sarah Silverman's house? That was cool.


Did you? Yeah.


Remember she had a party I wasn't invited to? I wasn't invited to. So I just dropped you off and I'm like, bye, and I left.


I don't think I get a plus one.


Yeah, like, I've done things, man.


You drove him Sarah's house? Yeah. I've been to that rooftop party.


Everyone goes, you've never been. Next year you should go.


I don't think she likes me.


Yeah, she said that?




It is fun, though.


Everybody likes you, budy.


I know, but I wanted to go up. I just felt like the vibe wasn't like, I can't go. Can I go?


I went to a holiday party last night.


Who was if? For those of you at home, last night was a Sunday. And last night I knew of two Christmas parties on a Sunday is so weird. Don't you think that's weird?


See, I found it weird, too. Pete Holmes lives up and away from here. And we made the long drive. It was nice. And it's one of those moments where I realized it's a Sunday, it's too far. It's a far Sunday, Ohio party. Yeah, fuck off. Yeah, but it was. No, it was actually wonderful. It was great to go see. I wanted to go see them up there, and I never go up there, so I wanted to go see.


How far is Ohio from here?


Now we're in 25.


Did you spend the night last night?




Oh, wow. I didn't know. Yeah, sorry.


Is there a hotel up there or do you stay.


This house, Ohio Valley Inn is right there. There's a hotel right there. It's nice.


Bobby, do you think you'll get married? This is what everyone asked me, and I hate it.


I don't think, um, you think you're too damaged.


You were sort of married to, you.


Know, I look at.


Finish it for me, Kalila. Yeah. And then how long did that go?


You're still doing the podcast together.


You love that.


It's an interesting move.


I don't know what the fuck you're doing. I have no idea what you're fucking doing, and I don't like it.


Parents fight.


I don't like what you're doing. I don't like. Don't. I think this thing, what you're doing right now, I made a mistake. It's been like this whole. Right? Be honest.


Really dying.


Back me up here. It's good though, this whole time. Just back me up for a second. All right? This whole time, back me up.


Asking for you to be on his side before making the Valid argument. Go ahead.


So you're yelling at them, and they've been hitting you up for the last 3 hours to come down here and you're.


Oh, I'm not done with them. I'll tell you that right now. I'm not done with them. I'll tell you that. It's day after, right? They are assholes.


Bobby, I'm almost done.


I don't even want to even go there with you, but I don't even want to go into arena with you because I will fucking bring out my fucking swords. Okay, let me say something. All right, so let me say something.




This whole fucking podcast I've been looking over, and you do this.


You do this thing, like, give us his moves. What does he do when he's fucking with you?


He tries to smile, but his eyes are rage. So this is what he do. He goes. And I know that luck right there, it's in your eyes. The fury is in your eyes, dude. And what I'm saying to you is just let go. Soften your eyes.


It's a quarter inch from Bobby's mudda.


Yeah, don't talk about my eyes, buddy.


Soften your eyes.


Talk about soft.


And let's be positive now.


Dude, I don't critique your eyes. Don't critique my.


Right. I'm sorry.


Thank you.


Do what you want to do with your eyes.


Thank you.


You're right.


I want this camera to be directly straight. I'm just fucking making faces. By the way, David is too good for our chair.


He said our chair was bullshit. Yeah, he doesn't like our bullshit chairs.


I didn't like your fucking raft. A blow up chair. I'm sorry. This place makes millions. I know. You got orange paint. You did that, so start cutting corners up. Orange paint.


Let's bring up the set from their show, from him and.


Oh, yeah, mine's stupid.


Let's say no.


We want, like, a real show.


Oh, fuck off. Very real show.


Well, we don't really have people in that much.


Let's see the images.


We never have video. That's our problem.


Why not?




Why don't you do it?


We're trying to do one with just me and Dana this year.


Oh, that's right. I kept telling you guys to do it.


It's so crazy. They just didn't want that. And I was like, it's like having a Newspaper, guys. We should have video. That's why you can't find video.


Also, two tv movie stars should be a fucking.


And I can't believe it does well even without. Because you know what? It was smartless. You could point to. They don't do it. And Conan didn't do it. And guess what? This year, Conan did it.


Smartless is a little different than you guys.


Smart is different. Yeah, but we have people.


There you go.


There's just us. Look how adorable.


Where are you guys being held captive?


That's in my basement.


Jesus fucking.


Did you come there? Bobby, you've been to my house many times.


Over the games. We saw fights. I've been to know.


I will give you a compliment. Santino was pretty funny. I saw his act.


I see his act.


My friends like you. They always go, do you see this guy? He's very funny. Bobby, you do a nice job. And I saw you the other night, and you act like there's. This is what people tell you. You act like you're just thinking about this on stage. You are that's why there's no. No, you did good. You were over there and I watched you.




I saw you the other night.


We shot with improv.


Yeah, and you always are funny.


Always funny.


Okay, here's the next thing you have to do for me. Next time we do a gig together, you tell whoever it is, give me your.


Okay, okay. How many times do we have to do that, though?


Just once.


One more time.


Just once.


So I'm going to have them give you my money. It'll be funny.


That'd be kind.




Bobby, you sure you want to do this? But tell him he needs it and then I'll go. He won't know. He doesn't even know how much he has.




Yeah, he'sick.


We'll start a rumor that he'sick.


So you bought some drugs off me?




He's sick.


Yeah, he needs help. He's like an ozenpic.




No, that wouldn't make you. Ozempic is for weight loss.


I know.


He's on oxygen.


That's what I bought him from.


That banana's hitting sugar. I'm in it now. I'm in it. Tenteen, once you get Bobby. I'm in it.


I'm in it.


You can start filming the most unusable podcast I've ever done in my life. Where's your list of questions? Where's your list?


I have some. Do you do any prep?


Any prep?




No, dude, we had Dan Aykroyd. I was like this look. And I'm like, look at this.


Go ahead.


He's a legend.


You motherfucker.


You're a legend too. But we're friends.


I like his idea.


You don't hang out with Dan Aykroyd, do you?


Says legend. I go like this. I'm one too. I go, no. Danny Ackroyd is one of the all time greats of SNL. So of course I want to go. There's too much from Ghostbusters.


Yeah, too much.


And he also loves fucking paranormal shit.


What about Mike Myers, though?


Mike Myers is great.


Don't you think he might be one of the most prolific post SNL guys?


Sure. And the movies he didn't do. He didn't do sprockets. They wound up not doing that. He didn't do coffee talk.




I just think about fucking beyond Wayne's world and then Shrek. Shrek is absurd.


Oh, yeah, Shrek, right?


To get into that franchise.


Oh, my God.


Can you pull up Google guys? Do you fight over who punches the keys, or is it.


No, it's Carlos. Only Carlos.


See if you can find Farley doing Shrek.


There was not right. He was supposed to be Shrek.


I finally found video where he was doing it.




That's it right there.


Rare footage of Chris Farley. A Shrek.






I mean, listen. He did it sort of his own voice, I think.


Now, come on, what do you want?


Is that really.


I don't have time to set it to music. Oh, this is another one of those onion things. No, this is one of those. Drop it and leave me alone.


He's doing his exact voice.


Well, why don't you want to talk about it?


I think Mike did.


Why are you answering? I like that.


That's so wild.


So wild.


Do that.


He had four days left, I heard five days left of that.


No way.


And they asked Johnny, his brother, to finish it. But Johnny was too, like, oh, so.


He had already done the movie and then he passed.


Yeah. And Johnny could have finished it because he can do his voice. How are you? And then Johnny said no, because he was too torn up.


What a different world that would have been.


But listen, Shrek as scottish or whatever, I wouldn't have picked that. But it was a very interesting, weird Mike thing to do, and it paid off.


It worked so well.


But how would you tell Mike, let's do just a couple, normal, like on a regular. That's funny. Do a couple like that and then a couple. The ones we're going to use for someone to take. I got a trick. I want to try something. All right.




But just do the script once and then do whatever you want. But Mike obviously was great and that's all.


That took a lot of balls, though, for somebody on the production team to go, maybe the scottish thing is going to work.


And how about how weird it is? Mike's great and you trust him. It's still like, what if everyone goes, what the fuck? Why is he scottish?


The question is never posed.


No one ever.


You never go, how come nobody else is scottish?


Even Cameron D is the other character. I'm like, where are you from? Castle.




Where is Scotland? Where are we?




Is it something that you tell the producers I'm going to do, or do you just do it on day?


Well, you know, someone like him, I would imagine just.


Yeah, I'd be read through. Well, we all read throughs with him, and he just does different things and different read, like something in a sketch, and he wants to make something of it, and everyone does there, so someone will put a spin on something you don't even see coming. But you can get mine more laughs out of it that weren't there.


Did you ever make a choice that they didn't end up using that you really liked?


One time I was Hitler's assistant in a sketch. And so they go like this, and I go, yes, mine. Tierra. And every time they kept coming, but it kept getting a laugh. Yeah, I'll get right on that. Mine. The line is just something mind, like, Lauren looks over. So then you're like, oh. Because if you're fucking up, like smiggle sketch or Jack Candy, you know, they're going to be like a read through going, what the fuck are you doing? Because it's too scary.




Because everyone in there is a great writer.


Did you get nervous? Because I remember just even my show, I would get so nervous before looking.


Over here and you look. Is that where you're looking when you keep looking away from me?


Here, he looks at the guys. He always looks at the guys.


Look at the guys.


But you look all the way over there. Or do you look here?


Why does it matter?


Because you're not looking at me.


I'm looking at you now.


When I look, I'm looking at you now. When you did SNL. And I go, oh, yeah, it's his nervous tick.


I have a nervous tick.




Thanks for bringing that.


Fucking better do it again. Do it again. See?


Oh, God damn.


Now do the lip sync. Do the lip sync.


Go ahead. When I did SNL. See, I have time for one more.


You get nervous before table reads because that's a lot of pressure, right? Because what you do, of course, you read a lot of sketches. Not all of them is going to get picked.


Well, in fairness, I wasn't in that much, so if I was in something, there's a lot of little birds in that fucking nest. Give me a little crumb. Everyone wants to be in more. Yeah, I'd see. Love it. Sad. He's like, I'm only in three things. I'm like, do you even count? Like, who gives a fuck? When I first got there, I saw him and I go, do you really even care? I just think you're hilarious. Yeah, I just see you in a sketch. I go, oh, this is funny. He's funny. But they do. And I go, I'll never be like that. And fucking four days later, I was like, oh, no. It was exactly what I said. I wouldn't do freak out. Could not be more stressed in my whole life than that.


Wow. It was too hard the whole time.


Too hard. But I wasn't really gaining ground. It was just. And of course, the jealousy is off the charts. Wow. Setting off jealous meters in Japan, I just see everyone killing it. I'm like, it's just hard to keep your head, keep your friends, pull for everybody and not go, what about me?


Well, that book live from New York, did you read that?




It's fucking crazy.


It's just a weird thing. You're on the bachelor where they're all nice at the beginning, and then it gets whittled down, and then they have to hate each other. Not hate each other, but you go, how much can you pull for a guy? Because I'm out. So you have x amount of sketches?




And this happens today. I talk to people, they go, I'm trying to keep my head together, but they give this one so many, and it's like, it's not fair. And you just go, I know, but believe me, I've been there. But if you're good, usually, and you need some people picking sketches on your team because you have to have an alliance in there to help you because there's so many good ones, if you're not, like, writing with the person or whatever, they might just go, we'll pick all the ones we like, and there's just not enough. Even if some are good, they don't make it. Frustrating place.


I'm glad I never got to do it. I would have killed.


In retrospect, you don't really need it. Like back then when there was only a handful of things to do.


Oh, yeah.


But it did help me get everything else. I did okay on there, but once I got on, just shoot me. That was a sitcom and that. It's sort of more fun because it was more relaxing. They were helping me write. I would add stuff, but it was pretty much them. And I'm like, you just show up and read these jokes. It's such a fucking miracle. It was so different.




And then doing more sitcoms. I'll probably do another one. I did like doing it.


You would do another sitcom?


I probably would.


I don't know, a multicam or a single.


I don't know. Because singles are good, but they're hard. Like movies. If it's good, I would do whatever was best.




But there's two I'm talking about right now. And I go, they're both pretty good ideas, so I might happen.


That'd be great.


Really unpredictable.


You really are.


Yeah, you are. Not at all. I'm winding down?




You want me to go?




What do you mean?


How many of these do you have today? How many of these?




No, this is it, right?


Do you always have a guest or do you.


No. We've had money in our lifetime. Maybe six guests.


We don't do a lot of guests.


We usually do.


Just, we've been wanting you for so long.


But is that why it was such a colossal fucking hassle to have me come on? I used to call him. I go, he goes, can you come on? When I see him in real life. And then I hit him the next day, hey, where are you? Like, Wednesday through Friday, anything next week? Nothing. Crickets two weeks later. Oh, yeah, I can't do it. Then I'm like, right, yeah. Okay, but when you go, okay, well, let's do it. For sure. Definitely. And then I go, all right. What about when I'm back from the road? And he's like, yeah.


And the real reason I was late is because I wanted you guys to have a little rapport.


That's smart.


Yes, you did. Thinking.


Because I didn't come in here for a little bit, because, like, on mine.


I actually love that. I love that you stayed out there because I don't like seeing the guests before too much.


Because then it feels like, well, you guys didn't talk.


No, we did.


I went out for a while because I go, the first thing I was going to say is something jokey, and I'd rather just save it.




The problem was we were waiting on the co host, so I was doing a lot of due diligence trying to get the co host here.


Andrew was professional. He got here early. I go, oh, they're not here. And he goes, well, Andrew's. And they're right behind the desk.


So then I get in the mental space of like, fuck is Bob gonna. And then because David walk in the room and he goes, I'm probably going to leave soon.


Because today it felt like I was on a sitcom. With Hudson.




With Jenna Fisher. Just let me finish.


Just plugging sitcoms.


Let me finish. Let me finish my story.


I did a show called.


I know.


But I remember one day I woke up in my house and there was a man in my living room.


Oh, I remember that.


Right? And I go, there's someone in my living. I walk out there and it's a guy that works on the show. He goes, it's ten. I go, so he's like, call times at six. And that feeling of, holy shit. You know what I mean? And just getting in the car, like.


That feeling I have every single day when I'm late for something, every time at that comedy show, I go, mom, after Bobby's here, they go, oh, he's not coming. I go, Jesus, perfect.


Today felt like that. You said, come on, man. The way you said, say that again.


Come on, man.


Oh, my God.


That was sad. We started on a sad note.


When I say, come on, man, like that, it's like, I'm not upset. I'm just disappointed.


Here's my last text.




I'm going to go say bye to Santino.


Oh, my God. You know what? We did it. I don't give a fuck. We have it in the can. It was a good podcast, so fuck it. Yeah, it was great.


It was very good.


It was great comparing it to, hey, Santino. And then I go, by the way, the whole drive here, he doesn't go on way or anything. He's just like, you texted me. I'm like, what's better than your phone to get to you? What's easier? Because most people, it's phone.


Yeah. You don't like to call.


You're like, and then the old, I used to joke about girls when they go, I'm the worst texter. Like, you text them. And then four days later, oh, my God, I just saw this. I'm the worst at this. I'm the worst texter. And you go, it's always a lie. No. One doesn't know how to text. And then you included. And then I answer. I make her sweat about a minute, and then I answer. And then another five days goes by, and she's like, oh, my God, I'm so bad at this. And then we go to dinner, and the whole night, she's hunched over her phone like this. You're getting the hang of it.




So true.


Well, you leave a lot of voicey voice. Yeah, that's good.


You have voice text.


It's called a gift.


Yeah. I have so many voice texts saved.


You got to save.


I save them.


You got to save them. They're good. You got to save.


I'll tell you a horrible story. And then I got to go.




I used to have a voice recorder. Like, old people. Like, beep. Leave a message on the phone.


Answering machine. Answering machine. Thank you.


Do you have those in, where do you live?




So I go, they make them over there. They get all the way over there. So I have this, and then I got one that's electronic or something, because it was getting, they were phasing out, but when I moved to town, I was doing just shoot me. So it maxed out at 35 messages, and I had 33, and it was Farley, Norm Sandler, and everyone doing fucking bits. Because when they call, yeah, you, Sandler. They just do a fully committed, fully formed, hilarious run on bit. And so many of you. Good.


Wow. Dave Spade.


What are you rolling? Doobie just goes on and on. The stupidest shit. And I go, I want to make an album something one day. And then the old girl that worked with me went through my office. She goes, I moved your desk. And I go. And I ran in there and she goes, don't worry. I put your foam machine over there. Unplugged it.




And it was zero.


And I go, no.


And I went to the store, and they're like, oh, there's nothing.


Oh, my God, I'm so mad.




Wait, it's not the girl that you brought today?


No, that one I haven't beat up.


Because I would have beat the shit out of. That's insane.


No, she's great. It was just one of those things where you just go, there's nothing you can do. Like, holy fuck. But there was so many funny ones.


Well, thank you so much for coming to our program. I really appreciate it.


Shut up.




Sick feeling.


Yeah, drive safely. And good luck with the.


I might blow dry my hair for you. Yeah.


I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I'll make it up.


The Farley ones. The Farley ones. That obviously hurts the most because the other ones you could talk to again.




Do you have other stuff saved from him that no one will ever hear or see?


You know, it's funny, I was just saying the other day that I haven't looked back to my norm messages because. Just texting. Because Farley wasn't in a text era. But even Brody Stevens, I don't delete him from Twitter, Instagram.


No, I still have all those texts.


Too weird. And there's texts and messages, but I can't read them. It's too heavy. But Farley stuff, you know, I have his coat from Tommy boy, I have his security shirt from Wayne's world that he wore in that scene, and a watch that Lauren gave him. I still have some stuff around the house, but it's not super sad. I showed it to Ackroyd because he did Tommy boy with us. Oh, yeah. I almost didn't even remember that.


Wayne Zelensky.




Zelensky. That's right. Wayne Zelensky.


All right.




Auto parts so you don't have to.


We do the work so you don't have to.


Yeah, something like that.


But you did save a bunch of.


I did some stuff, but it's too tear jerkery to go through it. Yeah, like you ever do this.


I know this is dark, I know we're going down this road, but if I've lost somebody sometimes for some reason, I'll just call their phone. I'll just call their fucking phone with some weird hope or something. I don't even know why I do it, but I call the phone until the number gets disconnected or changed.


Too heavy.


I know. I don't know why, but I do it. I've done that for years.


What if you answer?


Hello, I think about that. Like, what if someone.


What would you do?


You'd freak out.


No, I'd be like, you owe, you owe me $50 and you're going to fucking die.


What do I do with the bad friends?


Fucking keep it.


Is this your merch?


Yeah, it's our merch. We sell bad.


David, thank you so much for coming.


Give it up for David Spade.


David Spade. A round of applause. Give me a hug, man. And remember to take your chair back too. Oh, wow.


Rude. Rude. Rude. Very rude.


Listen, I'll take it. I thought this was the keychain.


Death woo. Death woo. Death woo.


That's a real gun. That's a real gun. No, I'm kidding. It's not a real gun. If you're going to shoot anybody, shoot one of these fucking idiots. Who would you shoot? If you were going to shoot someone in this studio other than me, who would you shoot other than Bobby? Yeah, Bobby first.


I was the first to go. Any scenario.