Oh, Sacre.

Sacramento.

Sacramento, California.

We're on tour, and we've got a couple of dates left. Sacramento, California.

Sacramento, Long Beach.

Long Beach?

Windsor, Ontario.

No, Windsor, Ontario. Canada. Then where else in Canada?

Niagra.

Niagra Falls, Ontario, Canada. Then Tucson, Arizona. Where do we finish the tour? Vegas. 420 in Vegas.

I can't wait for that one.

Badfriendspod. Com is where you're going to get those tickets. Badfriendspod. Com. We also have BadFriends, merch. Com. Merch. Com. Also, one exclusive content. Bony Bony is up there putting a bunch of stuff up from the tour. You also have bonus content available on the Patreon. Go to petron. Com/badfriends.

Congratulations to everyone involved.

Congratulations. See you. Go to badfundspod. Com.

Thank you. You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends.

Before we begin, I want to say this, okay? Okay. Me and Andrew had many discussions about this, right? We just thought, when your name came up to do it-Home run. Not home run. We laughed for four hours straight. Just the thought of you makes us laugh. I just wrote this song for you. Oh, yeah. La, la, la. Craig a gulp. I like your eyebrows. One is thicker than the other one, which is weird. No. Yeah. Really? No.

Okay. Rosie cheeks. He's got Rosie cheeks.

I got rosacea.

Curly hair. What?

Yeah. No, just let us finish the song.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let us finish. Do you have rosacea?

What's rosacea?

I get red. I guess I ate something spicy once, and between that and this dress-up, horribly funny, I just turned red for three months straight.

Yeah. Your whole body or just your face?

Just my face.

I ate something spicy once. Yeah. It was impossible. That's impossible. You ate salsa one time?

Well, it was Mexican salsa from... Hey, hey, hey. Hey, Jesus Christ. Carniuria, carniasai, carnianaria.

We have Mexicans here.

Whoa, two.

Do you want to introduce him and tell the fans who he is?

Let me do a little history.

Yeah, do a little bit of a history.

I don't know how he got my number. I don't know how that...

Stop. I know.

Stop.

Amazing.

God, your cheeks, dude. I just want to grab them. I want to grab them aggressively, right? I just want to go on your face. I really do. Anyway... Go ahead. Dude, did you steal those from Santa? Those cheeks? Dude, those were so rosy. He stole them from Santa. Holy shit. Have you seen the photos of Santa?

Say, Ho, ho, ho, real fast.

Ho, ho, ho.

No, that's not Santa.

I will tip over if you make me laugh, I realized.

All right, stop. I'm not done with the intro. Thank you so much for doing this, by the way. I love you so much. My point is this. I don't know how you got I have a number, but for years ago, you started calling me to do your shows. He does a show called Horably Funny.

It's a wonderful show.

It's a wonderful show. It's probably the best... Bring a Room, is that? It's not a Bring a Room. No, Promoted Show.

Outside Booker Promoted Show.

In LA, we have about four or five guys that are outside promoters, and they have their... Well, they use the same people, let's be honest.

Yeah, they do. It's you and me.

I know. You always get Arsineal, but he gets Arsineo all the time. Who, who, who, who. Then who hasn't aged? He looks the same as he did when you did...

He really does. It's a little creepy how young he looks.

He looks young. Anyway, he's the best promoter. But every time we're backstage, and I look at you, you're always in a puddle of sweat. You're just a bundle of nerves, and you don't know how to relax. I ask you questions back there.

You make him so nervous.

I know. What? Do you make him nervous? No. Who makes you more nervous? Me or Andrew?

Bobby. There's no one that makes me more nervous than you back there. Andrew shows up 15 minutes early. He's peaceful and just doesn't-Wait, wait, wait. You're great. He's peaceful? It's like he's meditating.

Oh, so he's like, Namaste. Yeah. And I'm Chaos.

I had to wrestle Orny Adams so that he doesn't go on stage because you didn't want him watching you.

Wait a minute. Orny Adams didn't want to watch Bobby? No.

Bobby didn't want Orny Adams to watch him.

Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah.

You know why?

Why?

He's judgy.

Oh.

And I don't like judgy.

Oh, you don't want him to see your material then say something?

No, I just don't want him to be there. I love him as a human. Oh, right. I just don't want him to watch. No watch to you.

Does he want to watch you? What does he care about watching you?

He likes to watch me. And I said no. But anyway, out of all the comics you hire, I'm the one that starts to say it to the most. Is it because I'm the only one that really asks you questions about life?

Well, that, too. But Honestly, you also make me the most happy. Whenever I text and you actually respond, I get the zoomies. Like a dog? Yeah. I don't know what to do with myself.

You run around.

It's like the part in Black Swan where I just hold my phone against my chest and drop to my knees. It seems. Is that the right movie?

It seems sexual. No. You're not sexually attracted. No. Wait, what do you mean no?

Too many knees.

Not at all.

He's not attractive at all?

No, he's very attractive.

Yeah, but I'm not your type.

No, it's not that. It's just I'm very grateful and lucky to be working with you. You're worth every text. I text you so many times to get a response, and I just- You're that, Andre?

I'm worth every text. Yeah.

Every non-response, when you finally do respond? Yeah.

I was getting a little personal-We have different experiences with that.

I'm going to put that on your tombstone. What?worth every text.

Not me. I am really worth every text. Yeah. You know that.

I don't know. Yeah, you do, though.

I don't know. Don't act shy and cold.

I'm prompt. I'm on time. I'm always nice. I always say, Hey, thank you. Then I leave immediately after my set. I get out of the green room. I don't take any air. You take a lot of air.

May I?

That sounds like this show. I'm late? Never.

Then what the fuck?

Well, it's...

I'm always early is what he's saying.

I know, but am I?

You're always early, too. But it's getting you there. It's getting you there Getting me there?

What do you mean?

How many times has he canceled? How many times he canceled?

On me, believe it or not, zero.

Wow. You think it's zero?

Who's canceled more, him or me?

No. He has. No, it was an accident, But it was- But he has.

I've never canceled. He just said it was an accident. No, it was like a miscommunication of booking.

It doesn't matter. No, I've never canceled. No, he hasn't canceled.

I've never canceled.

But he had been booked, and he wasn't there.

No, that's not true.

I knew early, and I did it. You did it.

You did it.

You did it.

Say your name properly.

It's Greg Agap.

Agap? I call you a goop. We call you the goop over here. The goop over here. No way. Well, your new name for this show is the Goop, the Goop Dog.

I think it's the Goop Dog.

Well, you're Goop. You're Goop Dog.

I love dogs.

You have Zoomy as a dog.

I love dogs. One day, I will be able to take care of one, but for now, I'm just taking care of me, which is hard.

What do you mean? What do you mean?

It takes a lot to take care of me.

He has fucking a thousand animals. He can take care of animals. You're fine. You can.

My For You page is all puppies and Bobby Lee. What?

Is that on your dating profile as well? Do you say that to people? My For You, my FYP is Bobby Lee and puppies.

They're the things that make, I think not just me, but lots of people very happy.

I agree. Look, both these things are wonderful. Stop kissing his ass. It's enough.

I had enough of it. Okay, so how about this then? Okay. What are you? I'm-ethnicity, why?Lebanese and...

No. Okay. My mom-What?

Why is that? I've always wanted to know. I never know. I don't know.

Okay, I don't know either, but like-Yeah, you do know. Yeah, I do know.

Okay, so why'd you say that?

Okay, My mother was born in Lebanon. Your mother. My father was born in Syria. They lived in Lebanon. I'm Romanian, so I'm just as lost as you are.

Wait, you're Armenia, your mother's. So Syrian and Lebanese. That's what you are. You're Syrian and Lebanon. Yeah.

Can I ask a question? Serious question. I feel like if you were raised in that area and you were still there, that you maybe wouldn't have survived.

No. No, I'm too bougey for that.

No, I just think something wouldn't have happened.

I feel like they would have got you.

You would open up a paper bag on the side of the road, something would happen. Something would have got you.

Boom.

I didn't say that.

No, honestly, I'm glad I'm not there. You love kebabs. I'm glad I'm not I feel like you're like a kebab. I'm a vegetarian. Are you just a sleeper agent?

Are you a sleeper agent? When you do Zingers, you got to come clean. You got to come clean.

You got to come clean with them. Say it clean.

You can't stumble on a. You have to say, Are you a sleeper agent? Or give it to Carlos.

Yeah, write it down and then give it to him. Anyway.

Wait a minute. You're a vegetarian. Are you single?

Single vegetarian?

Can I just say that? I don't know what I mean.

Are you a single vegetarian?

I stopped eating meat because of Miley Cyrus. All right.

I want to say something- Why? Did she say... Hold on. Did she tell you not to eat meat anymore?

Well, I was really high at a Miley Cyrus concert twice, and she just said, We need to stop eating our friends. I'm like, When? Once in New York City at Terminal 5, and then at the Wiltern Theater in LA. Then I just replaced... I replaced all the meat for cheese, and then I gained 60 pounds. Goop dog. I went from not eat From bread to just eating bread? Yeah.

You went from meat to cheese, and you gained 60 pounds. Yeah. In what span of time?

Probably two years.

Oh, that's not that bad. Okay.

Then I just keep going.

How long have you been a vegetarian?

Since 2015.

Right. Can I just ask you something? I don't want to be mean. I don't want to do it.

Ask.

Ask. You must eat a lot of vegetables.

No, I don't eat any vegetables. I love chips. I love Chippies.

Oh, I see.

That's what You're a vegetarian.

You eat no vegetables at all. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night because I thought I heard a bag of Doritos.

But that's vegetarian.

You're more of a carbotarian.

I literally... I buy the vegetables.

You're a carbotarian. Dude, that's just so good. That's the best I've ever done.

You're a Carbetarian. That's okay because you're not eating meat. I agree with this, by the way. I understand this because meat can affect people very negatively. It gives people cancer. I eat meat, but I'm trying to cut down on bad boy meat, like hamburgers, bad boy meat. Red meat, bad boy meat. I'm trying to eat fish and chicken.

I thought you were going to say fish and chips.

You can have my chips. I'll just eat the fish.

You don't eat fish either?

I can't touch it. I can't cook it, but I'm open to it more because you can't pet fish. But like, cows are so dumb.

You could pet a fish if you caught it. If you caught a fish, you can pet it. You don't want to.

Scaling. What about I I don't want to pet a fish.

What about people that have a fish as pets?

I actually don't. There are places where you could pet starfish. That's gross.

That's gross. Pretty gross, yeah. Okay, so I need to... Hold on. Before we move forward, what is your meal day consist of? Because then if you don't eat vegetables and you don't want no meat, no veggies, where's protein coming from? It can't be from Doritos. Cheese. Cheese that only has a limited amount of protein in it.

I literally... If I could have chips for every meal, they have every flavor in chips.

What was breakfast today?

Today Today, I was going to die since yesterday. Today, I've had a bagel, and I don't usually eat bagels, but it has cinnamon and raisins in it, so it's sweet. I like sugar.

Give me one day of meals. Yesterday, breakfast, lunch, dinner.

I like eggs.

You had eggs in the morning.

I always Uber Eats or DoorDash. I don't cook because I hate it.Right here.

I do the same. Every meal.He's.

The same thing. I'm the same.

I don't even feel bad anymore. I don't even look. You know what? I think it's more cost-effective. It is. It really is because I order groceries once a month, and I literally just throw them right away. I have lots of vegetables in my fridge that I'm going to be throwing away in a week, but I won't even open it. Wait.

In the morning, you have eggs, just eggs?

Yeah.

Then what happens at lunch?

It's DoorDash time. Chips.

Doordash time.

There's lots of pizzas. Mexican food is easy to switch. There's just...

What's your favorite dinner to have?

It used to be barbecue, But I do like barbecue sauce. You could put barbecue sauce on salad and still get the-So you're putting barbecue sauce on romaine lettuce? Yeah. There's beyond chicken. No. Chicken Impossible? That sounds like a TV show.

It is. Chicken Impossible. Do you know what you've ever had for dinner? Do you know what you've ever had? What have you had for dinner last night? What was dinner?

Last night. I like-It's not what you like.

What did you have? Do you know what you did?

Honestly, I've been freaking out about today for-Oh, it's been a while? Yeah.

Well, let me say this. Let me cut you off.

Here.

First of all, we love you to death. I think you're a stand-up guy. You're so fun, and you're very nice, and you put together great shows, and you're great to work with. You're responsive, you're smart, you're sweet, you're cool.

You're the best outside promoter I've ever worked with.

No. Outside of that, you're just a great guy. Great guy. I'm saying this, I'm being genuine. We love you. We have you on the show because we love you. Don't be nervous. We just want to have with you, but we adore you. You're such a wonderful human being. Your energy is... You know, if someone says you have an aura around you, you have all the colors. You're the entire fucking rainbow.

There's some colors missing. Huh? There's some colors missing.

Which ones?

I mean, he's not aggressive.

That's the color. No black. There's no black, but there's no black on the rainbow.

Oh, right. That's true.

Yeah, there's no black. You're a fucking rainbow.

The rainbow colors, you have all of them.

You have all the rainbow. Thank you.

Can you feel that in your soul? Because you're a good human being.

That's way too kind and way too overwhelming.

I made it worse. No, no. I thought I was going to make it easier.

No, no, no. One of my favorite things to do ever is have an edible, and then I like to turn off the lights, and then I like to eat sour Skittles in the dark with my eyes closed. Sometimes I suck too hard. But I have tasted the rainbow, and it's pretty awesome. But then you have to know when to stop because if not, you'll get cold sores in your mouth. But that's my favorite thing to do. Anything could be playing in the background. Taste the rainbow tonight. But it has to be sour.

You get high, you eat Skittles, you get cold sores.

Yeah. And If you don't stop. You have to know when to stop.

This is you tasting the rainbow. Yeah, it's amazing. What do you mean don't stop? Just a regular bag of Skittles is not that many Skittles.

I know, but first I started with the regular Skittles, which come in the mini bags, and then I started eating the Skittles. Then one day, I'm just like, It's still early. Let's do a second bag of Skittles. Then I woke up the next morning and I couldn't move my mouth. But it was too sore. I couldn't even have water. No one to stop.

How are you alive?Taste the rainbow.How do you live?Let's do the new phrase.Oh, my God. Hey, new phrase for Skittles.Taste the rainbow, know when to stop.No.

When to stop.In moderation.In moderation.

Everything in moderation. Do you do that nightly? Really?

No, I had to stop because honestly, my mouth was going to fall apart. Now, special treats.It's.

A special night.How old are you?

I'm going to stick with 27 because honestly, people… That's what I've been saying since I was 27. Yeah.

How many years have you been saying it?

Ten? I'm 27.

You're 27? Yeah.

You really don't want to tell us your real age.

Wait, why does that matter?

Why?

I'm 40. Bob's 52. I'm 52.

I could get away with just more if I was younger.

What do you mean get away with? What do you look at me get away with? Have you committed crimes? No. What do you think you're getting away with? You're a young-looking guy. You look healthy. You have nice skin, good hair. Let me see your teeth. Smile. Has Skittles taken care of some of those? Yeah. Have you lost a few?

No.

Let me see. Are you looking at your teeth?

I don't smile with teeth.

Let me just show me. No. Show me your teeth.

Just show me teeth.

Go like this.

No. Why? Why? My dentist.

This is like me trying to get my child to brush their teeth at night.

No. This guy used to do stand-up.

How long did you do stand-up for?

Actually, I was freaking out so much today. My brother sent me a video of me doing stand-up. I feel like that part of me has died. But I thought I would hate it watching it, but I liked it a lot.

I'm sure you were so funny.

It was the work ethic that I carried on into horribly funny.

Yeah, but your work ethic as a producer is incredible. If you You just did that as a… How long did you do… How many years did you do comedy?

I started in, I think, '16, probably.

Okay, and then you went for how long? A couple of years?

Yeah, and then I started Horribly Funny in 2017 at the Lyric Hyperian, which… You're… Okay. Yeah. Then I did The Lodge Room. Then when I finally got Horribly Funny into the Comedy Store full-time, that's when I had to stop comedy because I was I burnt myself out.

How many years is that? Two?

No, probably math.

2016, 2017, 2018. Which of these years did it start? One more. 2019. Maybe one more. 2020. Right before the pandemic? Yeah, probably that. You did about four years of stand-up, give or take.

Yeah, probably three to four years. Okay.

Is your family here in Los Angeles? Oh, no.

They're literally all dead. But except my brother. Stop, bro.

Bro, bro, bro. That was out of pocket, dude.

Stop it. That was not funny.

Carlos. It was just the unexpected. Obviously, they're dead.

That's how I get to eat Skittles in Doordad. I'm literally like…

Your mom and dad. Is that family lineage is still alive? Mom and dad are gone.

Dad died last November. This November.

Oh, shit. Oh, my God. How?

You guys aren't going to like it. I guess it was a mixture between heart complications and COVID and something else. I think it was another thing that was mixed into that. Was he a vegetarian? No. I'm going to die soon, too. That's why every-No, no, no, no. Don't say that. I freak out too much, though. You got to say that.

That's why I brought you on to the show, okay? Because we want to help you navigate. We want you to relax and just have a different outlook and just approach things a little differently.

You're not going to die under our law. You're not going to die under our law. Have you been to the doctor recently?

I could never, actually. I've gotten away with not going to the doctor.

You've never been. I don't know if you're getting away with it. No.

Well, here's the thing. When we were young, our The family doctor said that our mother was sick because we were fat. Oh, my God. That's so fucking… Was this a doctor here in the States? It was an Romanian doctor, which is equivalent to a dog doctor.

She's dead, too. He's dead, too. She's dead, yeah. She's dead. All right, so hold Back it up. Your father passed away, and we're very sorry about that in November. Were you close?

Bobby's dad is dead as well. My dad died. Were you guys close?

We could have been closer. But basically, my upbringing was super weird. Family moved from... Not weird. It's not weird. They moved from Lebanon. We lived in... There was four apartments in a house. My whole family lived there, 13 people. And slowly, they started dying. It almost looks like we did it on purpose or something. Nine of them are dead or 10 of them. It's just me and my brothers and a cousin left. But also before one of the Horribly Funnies, one of my aunts died in my arms, and then I had to go literally the same night. Theo Vaughn was on that night, and Natasha Legereau and Mosha Caster. I'm so sorry. No, I was- It's insane. It's crazy. I'm lifting her head up. It's going back down.

Oh, so she literally died in your arms.

How old was this woman?

God knows how old anyone is.

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Wait a minute, Greg. Hold on.

Were you at her house?

We all lived together.

Okay, so she calls you. I think I'm dying. Yeah. Really?

It was my brother calling. I think she's dying.

Let's play it out. Ring, ring.

Hello?

Sweetie?

Yeah.

It's your aunt. Hello? I'm dying.

Okay, I'll be right there.

Right. You go up there. I go down there. I'm leading.

She used to live up there now. It doesn't matter. Does it fucking matter? It does because she could have fell down. All right. After it happened.

Forget it. Anyway, and then you walked into her place?

No. Luckily, she wasn't feeling well. My brother said, Hey, I'm going to go for one minute. Can you keep an eye out on her until I get back? We're going to take her to the hospital. Of course, with my luck, I'm talking to her, making her laugh, and then her head just fall down. Then I'm like, Wake up or I'm going to call 911. Then I keep bringing up her head and it keeps falling her down. What?

Then, Wake up or I'm going to call 911.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Is it the building? Does it have asbestos in it? Is everyone dying because of the building?

Black mold.

Is the building dangerous? I don't know, but maybe- You still live there.

I live there. Still. I live there alone. We got to get you out. No, I like it. No, you're out, dude. I got to get you out.

You live in a four-floored apartment by yourself?

No, they wouldn't let me live in the house by myself. I moved to one of the apartments who Who's they? My brothers. Okay.

How many brothers do you have?

Two.

Your mother passed away how long ago?

She had MS. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I don't remember.

Your mother passed away a long time ago.

Your father just died. Probably 10 years.

Are your brothers and you close?

Yeah.

Okay, so they're the ones that get you through.

Yeah. But did they think that you're the...

Next? Next?

No. What I'm saying is, are your brothers worried about you?

Yeah, but they also know that they're not going to be able to get me to go on walks. Sometimes they trick me. They tricked me into going to the park the other day.

How did they trick you?

Skittles?

No, coffee. But I can't have coffee either. I have to do decap and Why? Because of this. Because I had to... I didn't want to... Because I didn't want to freak people out backstage with being nervous.

Oh, wait a minute. But coffee makes you nervous.

Yeah, everything makes me nervous.

Well, how can we get you not nervous?

I guess I This is an invasive question, but I feel like we love you and we're getting closer.

Can you come a little bit more? If you come, will that-I'm on Lexapro. You can't come?

No.

I've already asked some questions like that.

Because I think maybe coming will help you chill out.

I think you're asexual.

I'm just not interested in putting myself out there.

But you like pussy.

Yeah, I just don't like that. I just don't want to...

Be hurt. You don't want to be hurt.

You are a rock star.

No, I'm not. Yes. I'm a comedian.

I think people ask, I have options. As a promoter, half my job is to keep my pants on. The other half is to book great shows with great comments.

I don't think that's the first half. I don't think so. I think the first half would be book a good show.

Book a Good Show. Book a Good Show, keep your pants on, and we're ready to go. But I'm out of shape. I don't take care of myself. I don't like compromise.

It's a self-esteem issue.

Oh, that to start with. But also, when you do the math, at the moment, I'm really happy alone. At night, I sleep considering a dog, and I'm just like, I just don't want anything breathing in the house, which sounds bad, but I just don't want responsibility. I don't want liability. I don't like sharing things. It's not going to work with me. I think I've made myself too comfortable.

Okay, but as a 27-year-old man. Now it's- It's because we know it's a lie.

Andrew, ask a feature of that.

Do you ever masturbate?

I think you need to come.

Greg, I think you need to come. I mean this.

You're backed up. I think you're backed up.

You don't need to go out. Look, you don't need to have… Being single, there's nothing wrong with living single. Hey, I'm single, dude. Yeah. There's No one judging that. But I'm saying for your mental and physical health of your brain and body, you do need to come. I think you need to come a little bit, once in a while. Like a doctor. Oh, no.

Wait, because it burns?

No.

When you come, does it burn?

You don't enjoy it. You don't like it. Honestly- You know what? I take it all back. I want you to do whatever makes you comfortable. I do think your jitteriness may be relieved by a little bit of tension relief.

I really don't know.

Okay, let's move on then.

I feel uncomfortable. No, we don't want to make you feel uncomfortable at all. I'm just curious because I want you to be more relaxed in life because I feel like when I walk in the back room there, you're going to have an aneurysm. I feel like you're so nervous that I'm like, You got to chill.

Everything's okay.

Andrew- You've done such a good job.

I went to Pauley's Christmas party. I go up, I look through the window just to see who's there. I see Harland, some bunch of people. I see this guy sitting on the couch. Like with his both hands like this, and I stayed up for three minutes. He wasn't talking to anybody. He was just sitting there with his rosy cheeks. Then when I came into the party, you didn't move from that position at all. You were there for hours.

Yeah, but I was talking to Harland and some of the other comics before. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was there early. I was there early because I had to leave early.

Oh, that's right. I remember.

What are your hobbies?

I go to a lot of festivals, lots of concert.

Music. Music. Yeah.

Okay, great.

What do you like? What music do you like?

I love Miley Cyrus. I love The Killers. I love Imagine Dragons. Everything people don't like, like Imagine Dragons.

What do you mean? Who doesn't like Miley Cyrus?

Who doesn't like The Killers? I love-Samtown is one of my favorite albums of all time.

I love that. Miley Cyrus, The Killers, Imagine Dragons, Who else?

Nelly Pertado.

Love, I'm Like a Bird.

Yeah. I love pop and rock music. I'm Like a Bird. I only fly away. I don't have a sing.

I don't know am I? Come on.

Skola is homeless. I don't know.

What bird would you be if you were a bird, bud?

I was scared of birds, actually. My brother had a bird who was too friendly, and he would-What do you mean too friendly? I remember breaking my box spring in half because the bird would chase me. This is probably when I was 24. Just a couple of years ago. Yeah. Then I just threw a comforter at the bird. It's just like... But I didn't get it. What?

What bird A street bird was it?

A street bird.

A street bird?

A street bird? Like a finchee got a small-The brown one.

The little one. The brown one.

Little tiny one.

Yeah, the one you would see on the street. Right. That little tiny guy was chasing you around the fucking apartment.

You broke a spring ball and you threw a comforter.

Yeah, I was more 20 than 20. Wait a minute.

You mean a pigeon? Is that what you're- No, it was one of those cute birds, but it's just like, do what birds do. How did your brother have it in the home? Did he get it from outside and brought it in?

It was.

Look at some of these birds.

Like that? Kind of like that. Yeah. More brown.

More brown.

Does that image make you scared when you look at that? Does that look like that looks dangerous?

Chris? It's great when it's there, but if it was here, it's too close.

Too close. It's too close. All right. Put away the birds. Yeah, birds in the studio.

When was the last time you went to a zoo?

Last time I went to a zoo is probably because This is where his Anthropology class made me, and a baboon started jerking off in front of me, and I don't want to go back.

Wait, stop.

It was dramatic?

Yeah, I wrote that in the Anthropology paper, too.

That a baboon started jerking off.

The easily amused baboon. I mean, easily aroused baboon.

Was he staring at you when he was doing it?

It was anger in his eyes. I'm just like, I'm writing this paper as quick as you're jerking. I got to get out of here.

You haven't been there since high school?

No, I was in community college for eight and a half years. I liked it a lot. I loved it. You didn't want to transfer? No, so many years. That's so much.

That's so eight. What community college?

Glendale Community College.

Gcc, baby. Yeah. Home of the Fighting Dragons. Home of the Fighting Dragons. What did you study at GCC?

Mass communications, but journalism and photography is what I was.

Journalism and photography in a mass communication umbrella. And eight How many years of this? Did you finish?

I couldn't finish. Just kidding.

I finished. You finished? Yeah. Okay.

What do you get when you finish? I don't know.

You get to wear a red dress and a tassel. You get to have tassels.

But you haven't used the… You got a degree, right?

I wasn't going to go back to school. It was more of people…

I think you did a lot of school. I wouldn't have to go back after eight years. You could be a doctor.

I'm practically a doctor of…

What do you think you're a doctor of? You have a doctorate in what?

Ticket master, I think. I look at seating charts way too much.

Of what?

Of everything, yeah. Wow. I love seating charts.

We got to get him a job at Live Nation or something.

We could just-Following the blue dots?

No, what I'm just saying, don't you think you want to move on from doing local comedy shows and move your way up. I think you'd be a great promoter in a bigger scale.

But I guess, honestly, I love the Comedy Store. It's always going to be there.

What's your dream, Greg?

Honestly, it just keeps changing with everyone that dies. I don't know. My dream, I guess, I don't tip over today. Yeah, you won't. But Stabro survived, and I'm going to survive.

Tell me what you think a dream of yours might be, or what is a goal in life that you'd like to achieve?

It was getting back to the Comedy store.

You're there, baby. You're there now. That's it. You're doing it. There's nothing else that you feel like you want a little bit in life?

Before it was doing comedy and going on the road I got to open for Pauley a few times, which was really fun, but then I just stopped. You know what we got to have this guy?

He's got to open for us. You got to do one of our shows. Yeah, you got to do one of our shows. You're coming to open for us. In Long Beach? I think in Long Beach. You're going to come down to Long Beach and open for us.

They don't have tickets anymore.

What do you mean? We're sold out?

Yeah, you have single pizza.

You're performing.

You're performing. You don't mean the backstage? You'll be honest. You're not going to be in the audience.

No.

Yes. No. Yes.

No. Yes. Why? Why not? You'll have to. We would love it. We would love it. For us? How about this?

Honestly, anything for you, Bobby. Poly has asked me to do the podcast before, and I said, No, I can't.

Yeah, but here's the deal. You're going to come with us Long Beach. Be backstage, side stage. You'll be with Carlos and Fancy and the crew. If you decide at some point, you'd be fun to go say hi.

He's not going to do it. We have to make him do it.

No, you can't force him to do anything.

If it's not too soon, I wouldn't need time. Why? Because I'm more of a Britney Spears type performer where it's robotic.

We can get pyro and all sorts of shit for you. Do you want a snake up there? Knives? Let's get you a knife. February 24th, you're going to be doing Long Beach with us. You're going to at least come and hang out.

It's a month away. It's a month away.

A month away?

Yeah. Well, how about this? We'll get you transportation down there. We'll take care of you.

I was going to come anyway.

You have your own show, horrible funny. Why don't you just put yourself up there for five minutes? Yeah, why not?

Honestly, I would die, though.

No, you wouldn't. I promise you, you won't die. I promise you, he could die.

He was given his family's track.

Who's going to be on deck? It's always worried about, who's going to be on deck? What if someone cancels last minute? All right, okay. But no, honestly, it would be an honor.

I want to get some scoop on… You're a promoter, right? I'm sure there are comics that you book that are nicer than others. The Goop Scoop. I want the Goop Scoop.

We want the Goop Scoop, baby. We have a title card up there.

You don't have to name names, but let me ask you a question. Are there comics kinder than others? Absolutely. Okay. Are there comics that you book that you don't really like that much?

That That's not necessarily true because that's the problem. I only book comics I like.

Oh, that's great. Oh, that's good. Because you always book Arsineal, and you love him. Yeah. He's great. Yeah. He kills. He kills.

Is there someone that you don't really like that's not that nice to you that you book? You can say it, and we're going to blank it out. You're not going to. Yeah.

That's how we are.

Look at me. Look at me right now. We would never... I'm dead serious.

We would never do that. We never. We'll do something. We're never going to fuck you.

We would never do that. That's insane. We He guessed you on our show. You're on our show. We would never.

I've never seen Jeselnick on your shows.

He has done.

Okay, well, then he's one of them.He's done it.

Anthony Jeselnick is one of my favorite comics. Actually, he was supposed to do the show that you did January eighth. He asked to do it, and I said we already finished your book.

I've never seen Nikki Glazer on your show.

Nikki Glazer has done the-Okay. All right, guys. We need to sign a petition to get Nikki Glazer back to the West Coast.

No, she loves St. Louis, man. No. Okay. Well. Okay.

Yeah, I love Nikki Glazer.

Has Eliza done your shows?

Yeah, Eliza is a regular.

Nikki could move back to the West Coast. You've got a little bit of room in that place of yours, I think, right?

Yeah, we could house.

You could house. House comics.

Who hasn't done your show, and we'll bleep it, that you don't like that much.

There's got to be something. Cover your mouth when you do it, and we'll bleep it.

We'll bleep it, I promise.

I swear on my- No.

You know what comic I don't like?

Yeah, that hasn't done your show.

That has done it or hasn't done it, that you're like, Yeah.

You're not going to bleep it.

I swear to you. We swear. Why How can we fuck you?

Look at me. That's my producer.

Our producer. We are not going to fuck you. I promise you. We would never.

Mouth stuff, too.

We won't fuck you. Cover your mouth if you say it.

I'm not a big fan of.

Yeah, okay. He's not going to do it anyway.

I know.

That You're the only one? Have you heard that?

No, he won't respond. I had him when we were in the belly room, but he's not responding as far as-You have his number. No.

All right, say who's been the meanest to you, who's been the rudest, or the most disrespectful, or just not nice to you.

I guess you're going to bleep.Yes.Yeah.

We promise.

Well, I guess it was hard to work with him.

Yeah, that's a bummer.

But it's also not a surprise.

But if he's on a little later, then even if it's natural causes.

He's probably a type of guy that doesn't say hi to you and talk to you.

Yeah, it was hard because the first time, and the only time I really messed up was when I was working My job before I had before this was a marketing operations project specialist.

Too many words.

Yeah, it used to be marketing production traffic coordinator. It was so many words.

What was this for?

A health care company.

So what were you doing for them?

Traffic Production Project Coordinator.

What are you doing? We know the title.

Traffic Production.

What were you physically doing? You showed up and you clocked in. What the fuck did you do?

I get breakfast. That's okay. The All right, you got breakfast for people.

How long?

No, for me. Then I go back up. Then I worked on this project management tool system.

You did programming?

I wouldn't say that because I can't do that. What did you do? It was programming for dummies. Instead of building something crazy, you just click and drag, and then all of a sudden, the app has that tool. Okay, cool. Oh, cool.

You were building something on the internet.

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For more information, go to forthepeople. Com/ Bad Friends, or dial poundlaw, pound529 from your cell phone. That's For the People, F-O-R-thepeople. Com/badfriends or poundla, pound529 from your cell phone. This is a paid advertisement. What would be your dream job now? If I said What is your dream job, Greg? Are you doing it? Is it booking?

I love doing this. Honestly, I stopped dreaming, but maybe I have to start again.

You don't have to dream, but I'm saying what would be a job that you go, You know what would be really fun to do? I would enjoy blank.

A festival booker. I love festival lineups.

See, that's That's what I'm saying. That's what we need to get him to do.

Live Nation.

Coachella needs help.

You'd be great at that.

Coachella needs help. Why? You think the lineups are not good?

Oh, my God. They're bad? They're bad. I'm looking for any excuse to go eat two edibles and roll around in the desert, but it's not happening.

Okay, I'll throw some names out. See if you would book it. How about this? Lana Del Rey, great. The last album was great.

She's headlining First Night. Are you into it?

No, because have you seen her Is she a bad performer?

He's a bad performer. He knows. How about Pesopaluma?

He looks more friendly and more dangerous than Bad Bunny at the same time.

Okay, how about Lil Uzi Vert? You like Lil Uzi?

I don't know that one.

Yeah. Okay, let's say Andrew and I were like, We're managers. We manage a bunch of bands, and we're calling you, and you're booking Coachella.

You get Night 2, Greg.

Who you got for us? No, we were pitching him.

Hey, Gup, we're managers. Sorry about that. Hey, Gup, it's us. Hey, Goop. Hey, Goop. It's Santino and Bob. What's happening?

Hi, WME or UTA?

No, we're just Santino Lee.

Santino Lee, manager. Santino. Hello. Hi.

Hey, Gup. Hey, Gup. Listen, We got some bands for you. We're booking night two. You're booking night two. Can we throw you some bands? Can you say yes or no?

We got Limp, the Limpster. Limp Biscuit. You can't do it like that because they're our clients. That's our clients. It's going to hurt us. You got to come up with some excuse and be smart about it.

I would contact Carlos. He's booking Sunday, and he's doing lots of throwbacks.

Okay, cool. By the way, good deflection. Very good. Because we can't take it on Saturday. Okay, so We've got a couple of throwback stuff, but I guess we'll give that to Carlos. You only want New Age stuff right now, right? No.

We got Adele.

Adele. Yes, welcome.

You like her? You want Adele? Yeah. She headlined?

She She could have the whole thing. Yeah.

Okay, good. We don't manage her.

We don't anymore. She dropped.

We were just testing. Okay.

Yeah, we don't manage her. We have Selena Gomez. She'd like to perform. What do you think?

Okay.

You're not into this?

Headliner or probably second or what do you think? Second. Oh, second? Yeah. Second in the night or second to last?

No, a second to last and second in the lineup.

Okay, good. That's two different things. Two different things. That's fine.

We'll figure it out.

Second to last in the night.

Let's put her…

We got We got Selena Gomez. She's going to come sing. Yeah. Wonderful.

We've got Neil Diamond. No, I don't know him. We got Neil Diamond.

He already has a show on Broadway.

Coming to America. It's a matter of Come into America. You know? No.

No?

Your parents didn't then sing that when they came over?

Did you sing Paris?

Sweet Caroline.

I have a Glee song. That's Leah Michelle, and she's welcome.

She's welcome. All right, so no Daneel. No Daneel. Even Sunday?

Yeah, Carlos is booking for that.

Carlos is a fucked up.

Give me your ideal lineup at a festival. One night, just give me one One Night. Don't look at that.

Don't look at that.

Get that on.

Four acts.

Four acts, five acts. Five acts, One Night.

Opener. Go.

This is so hard. I would have to get back to you.

No, do it now.

No. You do it now. My Miley's definitely there.

Or it's a Miley 1. We don't know yet the arrangement, but Miley-No particular order.Miley. Yeah.

The Killers are a great festival act.

Killers. Killers.

Yeah. Shit. Shit. I have to-Who's on your Spotify playlist right now?

Who's on your Most Listened?

No. Oh, Keisha. Keisha is a good time.

Okay, Keisha, three. They're good. When you say good time, though. What does that mean? What does that mean?

Just have a few drinks.

You'd like to have a few drinks and you like to have a little bit of Eddie's. Do you do other ingestibles?

No, because once I have an addictive personality, obviously. Yeah, and so I have to- Have you done Acid? No.

Molly?

No. No, Molly. I would love to, but I know that would be last week. Weed. Have you ever Oh, yeah, you do weed. Yeah, but I suck at it.

You suck at it, yeah. Any nose beers?

Oh. No. I thought I had something in my nose.

No, it was cocaine.

You have cocaine? Never done cocaine. No.

I'm open to it, but I know that-You're open to it. But I wouldn't. Don't do it.

I wouldn't. Your heart would explode.

Yeah. I won't make it. I'm not a doctor, but it's not good.

All right, so how about this?

That's your ultimate lineup would be Miley, Killers. What did we say? Keisha. Keisha. That's pretty good. It's a good little lineup. You think you could facilitate a festival? If you could reach these people's managers, you could get something together? You could be the new Firefest.

I love Firefest.

Did you go to Firefest?

I have an actual wristband from Firefest, an artist band.

You went to Firefest. You got fed the Baloney sandwiches and all that stuff?

No, I was a fan afterwards. I bought all the merchandise that were in crates in the ocean. I bought an artist to expand. Do we do the group fest? I was an early follower.

We come up with a complete thing, the Goop Fest. I think we should do Goop Fest. We don't do a fucking island. Where do we do it on?

We don't do it on an island?

No, like a toll or a peninsula. We'll do it in a peninsula.

Or an Isla.

The Peninsula Hotel is nice. What?

We're not going to do it at the hotel.

Yeah, what hotel?

The peninsula he's talking about.

Yeah. A mountaintop? They didn't went on a mountaintop? We should.

Kanye already did that.

All right, so where do we do the Goop Fest?

Where does Goop Fest take place?

Antarctica.

Frito Leys' factory.

Okay, at the Chippie's factory.

At the Chippie factory.

Okay, We'll get a hold of Frito. Guys, reach out to Frito Le. See if we can do the Goop Fest presented by Frito Le. I can follow up with Andreas.

With Carlos.

Carlos is going to be doing that.

We're going to be at the Frito Le factory.

What town is that in? It's in Perry Plant, Georgia. If you live anywhere near there, just know GoopFest is coming to you in the next couple of years at the Frito Lea Perry Plant factory. Now, let's get images of what this is going to look like because we just want to map it out a little bit of the physical plant. No, just go to Images, Baby boy.

Yeah, let's go to Images, Baby boy.

Let's see what they look Let's see what there. This is-Beautiful. That's where GoopFest is going to be taking place.

It seems so hot.

That's no different. Oh, yeah, Georgia is hot.

Look at that.

Yeah, but we'll do it in the winter. We'll do it in the fall.

Oh, we can't do it in Georgia because they allow guns. We can't.

Whoa, wait, stop.

Yeah. They stopped doing festivals.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop. What's up with guns?

They allow them in Georgia in festivals.

I know, but you don't like?

It's so scary. Guns. You press the button and you get…

You've never held one.

I used a One of those things, the cut wood ones, and I shook.

Hold on. A cut wood gun?

No. I guess two different things. Anything with power scares me.

Like a power tool?

Yeah, I use the table slice it. Oh, man.

A table saw.

Yeah. I think I My teacher was like, Let's get him away from this. He's going to cry.

You don't like things that cause harm?

I don't like things that cause harm, but also things that shake.

Things that shake?

Or vibrate.

What does that mean? I mean, it was just You don't like any vibration or shaking?

Yeah.

You don't have tools at home?

No, I have a brother.

He's a tool. Oh, no, he has tools. He has tools. Got it.

Interesting. Wow.

At night, when you go to sleep, what time are you going to bed?

I go to bed at 8:00, and then I wake up at 11:00, and then I eat melatonin gummies, and then I go to sleep for another hour, and then I wake up again.

You have sleep apnea?

Is that when you make weird noises? Yeah.

Sure. It's when you can't really breathe in your sleep.

No, I'm good at that, but I'm not good at staying asleep.

It's potentially serious, though, sleep apnea. Do you think we could get you a machine? Can the bad friends buy you a machine to maybe get you through the night? I want to get you through the night.

You need one of those.

No, that's the Batman movie one.

That's not Bane. No. Do you do know that if you don't get any good sleep at all, it has neurodegenerative properties. You could start losing your mind if you don't get any sleep.

I get too excited I get to sleep sometimes.

But we got to get you to sleep, dude. If you're sleeping three hours a night, that's fucking terrible. That's all you sleep is three hours?

Some days it's better. It's just like there's so many dogs on TikTok that need watching.

Yeah, I agree with that.

We need to take you to Tulum over the summer. We need to go on a beach.

No, I did that.

No, you haven't. Not with us.

I did. I spent 10 nights in Cancun, and it felt like I died and I was in purgatory.

I know, but my point is not with us. Cancun is not fucking Tulum.

I need entertainment, I guess you're the-No, we're the entertainers.

When you go on vacation, you went solo?

I always go solo.

It's not always-Have you ever been on vacation with family or friends or anybody?

Well, I don't like... Yes. My idea of a vacation is I book 9-12 nights in New York City, and then I see 16-18 shows.

Oh, you're one of those.

Do you go to a show a night?

Sometimes four.Solo?Yeah..

You've seen Wicked?

24 times, then I stopped counting.24.

Times you've seen Wicked?24 times you've seen Wicked? Wow. Book of Mormon.

I love Book of Mormon.

How many times have you seen it?

I've seen it over 10 times, but also the best part about Book of Mormon is watching the audience watch Book of Mormon.

God, dude, I got to tell you something. I've never seen it.

Have you?

It's fucking incredible, first of all. Book of Mormon? Yes, it's amazing. Second to this. I saw Lion King. You're the most interesting motherfucker I've ever met in my entire life. No. Dude, I've 24 times a Wicked. You can keep going? Yeah, but you don't That's wild. You're in love with it. No, it's awesome.

You sing. You probably sing with it.

Do you sing along?

I'm an emotional person. Sometimes you could hear the emotion in these women's voices, and they all have different riffs. So I follow the riffs.

I see. You truly love performance. That's why you're saying about musicians that you don't like is because they put on a bad show.

Yeah.

You don't have any patience if they mail it in, quote, unquote.

You like a tight show.

I love a tight setlist. Yes. Setlist is so important.

What have you seen the most on Broadway? Wicked?

I see a lot. I was really into the one that was out about the Filipino dictator, Here Lies Love.

How many times you see that?

That one, I flew back Thanksgiving weekend because it was closing. Before I buried my father, I had to go bury the show and say goodbye to that as well. That's right. But the whole venue is like a little nightclub. You take your candies and then they don't let you have drinks because you could spill. But the whole place is like a dance floor and different VIP sections, and the show happens all over. It's about Imelda Marcos. Yeah, we know. It was so awesome.

It's one of those shows where you're sitting there and there are actors all around you.

All around, yeah.

Wow. Yeah, it's interactive. Interactive.

Well, the The Lion King, I did.

Well, yeah, there's a giraffe that walked down the aisle.

Yeah, there's a giraffe that walked down.

I did that. Like a wedding.

You scared the shit out of me, dude.

There's a company called Sleep No More. Do you know Sleep No More? Yeah. Have you seen a Sleep No More? I've been there. Which one have you seen? Which one?

I love the McKitcher Hotel. I'll see anything the McKitchert Hotel does. Do you know what this is?

No. Sleep No More is incredible. It's a theater company that basically puts on live interactive places. Eyes wide shut. No, they're not all the same. There's a bunch of different stories.

You wear the mask.

You wear the mask as as a viewer, and you literally walk around from room to room while the play goes on in front of you. We went to London, we went to see one called The Drowned Man. Did you ever see Drowned Man?

I didn't see The Drowned Man.

Oh, my fucking God. Dude, you literally moved through a factory. In London, it was in Shoreditch, I think it was. New York has it permanently. New York has it permanently now. What? It's in New York, Sleep No More has it. You go floor to floor, Bob, and you pick up the play in pieces where it's happening. This, or people are viewing the play while it's taking place. They could move. They could leave the scene whenever they want, go to another You don't have to stay in one spot. Wow.

How do you follow along?

You can follow one actor, you can follow a group.

If I want to see the whole movie, what happens?

You stay for an hour or two and you start to loop.

You might get the end of the fucking show in the beginning.

Every time you go, you'll see something different.

Pretty rarely because there is no beginning and end. It's a big loop, so you don't really know what part of the loop you're in. The story is continually growing and changing. You could hypothetically start in the middle, and the second middle could be the end to you.

It's closing They keep extending it, but it's closing now March 31st. I'm going to see it the last Thursday of March.I.

Highly recommend you.In.

La, you mean?

No, in New York. I'm planning my next New York trip.

It's one of the greatest things I think I've ever seen in my life. I'm going to watch it then.In my life.

Can we go together?

Yeah. I would love to go with you. They separate people, though. It's funny.

They do.

They open an elevator door, they let someone walk out, then they close the elevator door.

If you and I go, like I went with my wife, they separated us on purpose. They usually want you to be alone, and you can get touched and kissed and hugged pulled into rooms. Did you get touched?

I've gone a lot of times. Sometimes they just drag you, and then sometimes they just do some weird stuff.

I've been kissed. Yeah? I got kissed. On your mass? Well, she moved my mass and she kissed my cheek and then kissed right by my lips.

She must have known you were.

Did you get a little hard? No.

A little hard.

Did you get it a little hard? Did I get a little hard, Greg?

As long as it doesn't last more than 24 hours, it's good.

Have you had a boner for 24 hours one time?

No, but if I do, I know what to do.What do you do?What.

Do you do?

I think then I have to go to the-Wake up or I'm going to call 911. Or go to sleep or I'm going to call 911.

That's right. Go to sleep or I'm calling 911. Wow. You've had a house full of unfortunate death, and you're now making your way into the world as a single man who's owning his own business. You've succeeded tremendously because the show is extremely successful. You get awesome comics. It's always sold out. You've achieved a lot amongst It makes heartbreak.

He pays the most.

He pays good money for the… Yes, he's fair. You pay the most. He's fair. I do my best. He's fair and true and just.

But you get a nice chunk, huh? Yeah.

I have to pay for Adele. Adele needs a lot of money.

How much money do you think you spend a month on shows? Is it all your checks?

I'm smart with my money, but the thing is, after every Horribly Funny, I go and I don't come back until the next Horribly Funny.

Usually. Where would you go? To New York?

See, my next thing, I was just in I'm in Las Vegas for New Year's, and I saw Post Malone, Christina Aguilera, Demi Labato, and-Bunch of bangers. Kelly Clarkson.

In one show?

No, four different shows. Sometimes, you just have to Can we even go to the next one a little early? Oh, I see. But after this Horribly Funny, I'm going to Las Vegas again. I'm not a big fan of his, but at this point, I'll see anything within reason. But I'm going to see Bruno Mars, Adele. There has to be other people.

Usher is in Vegas. Have you seen Usher?

I haven't seen Usher.

You have no- Bruno Mars is a great entertainer.

Yeah, he is a great entertainer. But yeah, just-So every dime you make goes to live entertain. It goes right back into entertainment. I love festivals. I love VIP experiences at festivals. Treat me well in a parking lot. I don't even understand what that means. Because all these festivals are basically in a parking lot, and they charge thousands of dollars Dude, imagine him in Woodstock when it went wrong. I would be calling my mom. I know.

There's no water.

No water. You're trapped.

People get trampled to death.

I actually had friends call and ask if I was at Fire Festival. Really? Yeah. But no, I wasn't. The lineup wasn't good, or I would have been.

Okay, here you go. You're at Firefest. You're trapped. It is a déserted island at this point. What is your final meal going to be? If they say, Greg, we can't We're going to get you out of here. We're going to give you your final meal. What's your final meal?

I thought about it. Even if I knew I was going to die, I wouldn't go back to eating meat just because out of being kind.

That's your moral?

But also, it's not religious, so it's not weird. But Miley Sires is a religion.

She's the fucking best. Tell me what your final meal would be.

Probably all the chips.

What do we talk? What flavor? What's your-I love barbecue.

I love all the Doritos family, really.

Are we talking spicy nacho?

Slicy nacho? Then half the fun is afterwards when you're getting it off your fingers and then you fall asleep.

When you lick your fingers as your favorite. Your last meal would just be chips.

Do you like the Mexican ones where this is limón? Limón.

You know what? What are they called? Takis? I don't know. Yeah, you like the Takis. Most of them are stale. I like them. They're hard to find. I don't go grocery shopping outside. I don't do anything. I just get everything But they rarely have them. They finally have them, and it was stale. Then I got them once in Las Vegas, and it was stale there, too.

Where do you stay in Las Vegas?

I like to stay somewhere different every night. Wait a minute.

If you're there for how many days? Three, four days?

Last time, I was supposed to be there for seven nights, but one of the nights, I decided to book a two-floor suite, and then I forgot.

How much money are you making?

I fell down a spiral staircase, but it was glamorous. Then I was just sitting down and looking up. I'm like, It's funny to have a two-floor suite and not be able to go up the stairs. Sure.

You change hotels every night? Yeah. Why would you do that to yourself?

Because I'm a person who... I guess, what's that word?

Nomadic? Restless. Restless?

I guess close. No, it's when... Nostologic and have different memories in different places. It's a good It's a way to experience different things, and it's also a way to get yourself back into a different place you were in a different time in your life.

Nostologic. Yeah, we are. How many... Wait a minute. How many Horrible Funnies do you do a month?

Two.

Only two a month? Yeah. Only two shows.

Two shows. There were some months where they were trying to get me to double up.

You don't double up?

I did. Some months worked, and sometimes it doesn't, but a 10:30 PM show on a Monday.

Because I'm trying to do the math. I Okay.

I charge more than other promoters.

I know. But I'm just seeing how much you make. Yeah, that's a lot.

But yeah, it goes back to the community. Just, yeah.

Entertainment. Entertainment. That's great. Live entertainment. What part of the city do you live in?

Los Bellies.

Sorry?

Los Bellies?

Los Files. Los Files. Los Feliz. Los Feliz. Los Feliz. I really didn't know what you're saying.

Los Feliz. Yeah.

Not Bellies.

No.

Say Los Feliz. Los Files. I Los Felices.

Los Felices. Los Felices. I went to Los Felices Elementary School, but it's always been Los Felices.

Wait, you're from there?

I was bullied there.

You were bullied there? Yeah. Who bullied you there?

Everywhere. An Romanian school was the worst.

Well, Let me tell you something. All these cocksuckers that bullied you, all these fucking pieces of shit that thought they were better than you, where are they? And look at you now. Successful business owner.

You guys have been the cuteest kid imaginable.

Actually, I'll send you a picture. There's a picture of me dressed the same with a microphone, the same as I would do if you drink sin, just singing. But I'll send you a picture for fun.

You're telling me you went to elementary school there, then where was high school?

John Marshall High School.

John Marshall?

Right on. Yeah, and I was not in the yearbook, and I didn't go to prom because Avril Lavigne had concerts.

Well, that's a good reason to skip.

Oh, so you've always been like this?

Yeah.

Wow. What's the first show you've ever seen, Greg?

My first big show was Wango Tango, but my first solo artist was Nelly Fertado at the Wiltern Theater.Wow.The Burnin' the Spot light part.It was a cosmic? It was the… There were bubbles, too. There was. Yeah, there were bubbles.

You love bubbles.

I love lights.

I can tell.

I love lots of lights.Light.

Show, big light show.Yeah.

But I don't like EDF.

You take bubble baths?

No, I don't… It's hard to get this in and out of things.

You take showers then? Yeah. Okay.

What do you mean it's hard to get this in and out of things?

It's a lot. Like, literally, this chair deserves an award.

It has to be a lot of that chair.

It has to be your legs if you guys are-You might be sitting in the bubble.

I want to go to a spa with you. Would you go to a spa with me? Korean spa. Yes. No. Why? I'm not going to look at your dick.

What? Wait, wait. No. I won't look at your dick. Okay.

But can we go to WeSpa? After a horribly funny, You and I will get in my car. We go to Weespa.

We go to the-I'm not being real. I swim with my t-shirt on.

No, you can keep your t-shirt on. You can keep whatever you want. Yes, he can. He can keep whatever he fucking wants.

When we go, you got to get naked, put your shit in the fucking locker, and then you can put it on.

He doesn't want to get naked.

It sounds like bullying. Just kidding. You think I'm being-No, not you.

You could look at mine.

I guarantee you yours is bigger than Bobby's.

Hey.

What? Am I Out of bounds? We can do a comparison.

It's something to consider. Hey, good job.

Consider it.

We'll consider going to the spot.

Then we go upstairs and we'll do the fucking clay room.Clay room?Clay room? Yeah, we land We're in the clay, and we'll be fully clothed, and we can reminisce. Don't you want to reminisce with me?

I like reminiscing. Can we do this somewhere else?

Yeah. We can do wherever you want. Okay. Where's your favorite restaurant to go to? Can we take you out for a nice dinner?

I need to take you guys out to a nice dinner.

No. Where would you like us to take you?

We can go to Hope. Have you been to Hope?

I haven't been to Hope, but that's a street in downtown, right? Yeah.

I mean, there's a restaurant that it's called H-O-I-H-O.

Ihop.

No. Yeah, right. They're healthy, organic, positive eating.

Oh, that sounds like- It's a vegetarian place, and I heard it's great.

Do you eat at vegetarian restaurants?

No, I wouldn't eat at a vegan restaurant, which is crazy. Even though I don't have much options to begin with. But yeah.

Yeah. We'll get you out to somewhere special. No.

No, seriously, I need to take you guys out. No. But if you guys are down February fifth, it's Eliza, Margaret Chow, Esther, Rick Glassman.

You can't have two Margaret Chows on one show. It's too hard.

Two Koreans.

No. No, yeah, one at a time. That's what they say. One at a time?

Dude, Margaret the other night.

She's the I love her.

But she had her dog, and she goes, Hold this when I go on stage. I'm literally sitting there with the dog, and it was trembling.

It's the sweetest dog.

I know, but it doesn't know me.

Yeah, but it also was a little scared.

It does licks.

It does licks. She did extra time, I felt like. I was holding this dog, and I didn't want anyone because other people walked up to me and went, You want me to hold it? I go, No, I can't. It's Margaret's dog. She asked me.

What time was it? That's how I thought to… I protect that dog with my life when he's on the- I know, me too.

Do you hold it?

At first, yeah, but if it's not on going anywhere, I'm just more like playing…

What's its name?

Lucia. You could say it. Lucia? Lucia.

Lucia. Lucia. Yeah, that one.

That's what Lucia did. I said it over here. Oh, you did it? But then Lucia turned to me and looked at my face and it went like, Mom, she thought I was…

No.

She thought I was Then I kissed her in the mouth. The dog. Then the dog thought I was Margaret.Well.The same face.Same face.

Yeah. Greg, it's been more than a pleasure to have you on the show. No, thank you. I mean it. Would you do it again? Yeah. We'd like to have you back more up. Would you do it again? I think the fans are going to love you.

You're such a lovable human being. But next time, this was your introductory.

Okay. Introduction.

Introduction. The next time, you won't talk so much. We will just be a sidekick. But with Jessie, what Jessie does. You could just interject. We'll sometimes throw it to you. So it wouldn't be as much pressure.

Okay. Did this feel like a lot of pressure?

It was actually pretty awesome. You felt great. It was awesome. Yeah, but I was so nervous.

But did we make you feel comfortable?

Absolutely.

Wonderful.

I thought you did great.

I think the old me would have really been more.

I'm glad we got you. Why don't you sign off to the fans there in your camera? Go ahead and tell Tell him. Say what you need to say.

Oh, no. This one right here. Thank you for being a bad friend. Yeah.

That's great.

Yeah.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

That's great. Do it again.

Thank you for being a bad friend. I think I did too many A's. It's fine. It's fine. Thank you for being a bad friend. I think he killed his family.

You think he killed his family?

Because he said he doesn't I didn't want to ask him because I didn't want to have a heart attack, but he said that he doesn't like anyone breathing in his house. He likes to be alone in a big place.

Can you imagine he was holding his aunt and he was like, Hey, Auntie. It's crazy.

Yeah, it's crazy.

Died in his arms. In his arms. That's awful.

You know what, dude?

That's awful.

What are you laughing at death for, man?

Carlos, you're a piece of shit, man. Carlos, are you still sober right now? Yes, I am. How's it been going?

Ten days.

10 days clean right now. Yeah.

You look great. You look bright-eyed. Thank you.

I appreciate that. You look prepared to take on this trip that we're taking this weekend. Hell, yeah. Are you going to avoid it? Are you going?

Yeah, I'm going. I can't wait. No, and I'm not drinking I have no plans to drink.

But you are coming. It's going to be great.

You were super nice to my friends the other night.

Which ones?

The friends, the females.

The crew that you had? Yeah.

They were such big fans, and they were so nervous to meet you.

They were so nice.

Yeah, and then they were like, You were so kind.

Well, my pleasure always. You're storming around the castle, the Comedy Store, looking like a king there. You had a harem of women.

Just friends.

Yeah, but it was a harem of young women friends. Meanwhile, the rest of the people-30 something. Come on. Young ladies I'm not saying it inappropriately. I'm saying they're young ladies. 30 something. I'm making it weird. Yeah. Why did you make it weird?

I'm not making it weird. I love that show, 30 something.

First of all, not a one- You heard 30 something? Not a one of them was 30. They were all 27. Why are you making By the way, when Greg kept saying 27, what are we talking?

My guess.

Thirty something?

He could be 60. I don't know.

I think he's in his late 30s. Mid-30s, I think. Mid-30s. I think 34. 33.

I didn't want to also… Because he… I don't want to push it. But it's like when I told Andrew a couple of weeks ago that Greg, Greg. Greg or Greg? It's Greg.

Greg. G-r-a-i-g.

Yeah, Greg.

Greg. Greg. Greg. You told me his name was Greg.

I've been calling him Greg.

No, it's Greg.

Greg. G. Okay. Yeah.

No, but he told us…Yeah.