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French fries, it's like I was just fucking for. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I'll reheat my toaster oven and it'll be eaten very quickly.
And don't worry about the quality of your French fries.
Now it's all ruined, I'm recording now it's all ruined, but I did have therapy a couple of days ago and spent a majority of it. Cleaning up my wires, I know she ain't here, is not no longer here, but I feel like she would be proud of me, as I'm saying. Well, it's a fucking mess again.
Anyway, welcome to. Lizzie Phillips is doing her best. I am busy, Phillips joined as always by my partner in crime.
So far, not so many crimes have been committed.
I mean. We've broken rules a few maybe. Oh, we are rule breakers. That's true. My partner in breaking my partner and my friend, why am I going to cry, I'm going to cry right now, don't cry.
Don't get started so soon. Can I kiss you, though? I really missed. I missed you, too. I missed you, too. I do.
I really miss everything, Casey. I know. I know.
I'm not even promising. I'm going to obviously this week, you know that because. Oh, but I am just I look at the fucking wall.
I hit a wall. I don't know.
Well, I mean, all of us have hit walls at different points. Yeah. This past year, you know. But yeah.
I feel like. Now it's just going to be me crying, I just feel like I just feel like a couple of days ago I just fucking really hit it.
And yet hearing about all these people that I know in Los Angeles who've gotten vaccines through different ways and I am like indignant and righteous about it, but then also really jealous and, you know.
Yeah, I mean, I feel you. I feel you. I was saying I saw people in New York that I know getting vaccines. And I'm like, what Werrimull tell me.
I know. I know. I know. But I was like, oh, that person works from home and my husband works with the public. And I was so I was feeling really bad about it. And then I was like, I can't feel bad about it. And then like by a fluke, my husband got vaccinated.
So I heard that is the nicest, greatest thing I said.
Yeah, I'm really relieved too.
What are the chances that Matt made it through all of this without getting sick? Man, it's wild.
He's been super, super cautious.
Our friend, Dr. Seema, right from the jump was like he should be wearing a mask.
Here's what he should be doing in his job. She was really, like, helpful and very early in this pandemic, gave us the groundwork. And obviously, like, we trust her so much. She's an epidemiologist.
She gave us the groundwork to just have a set of rules that you could follow to sort of calm yourself down in the eye of this, like, wild storm that we were all going through. And he really just stuck with that and took good care of himself. And also was very lucky because I know a lot of people that took every precaution still wound up getting it. But yeah, just this week, somebody, like, messaged me at midnight saying they had appointments first thing in the morning that weren't taken and that they were already they'd already thawed the vaccine and it was going to go bad.
And so they were giving priority to people that worked with the public, with the public, rather than throw them out.
And so my husband was able to go and get a vaccine.
Oh, my God. I mean, I'm so happy. Yeah. For those of you that don't know, Cassie's husband Matt works in retail and has been in like food.
Yeah, food. Retail.
I mean, grocery. Yeah. Business. Yeah. Yeah. And has grocery management managing industry and the line outside and telling people to put their masks on and getting people yelling in his face and telling him that he's a pussy and he's like, yeah, I know you really want your cat cookies but you got your gun. I need to put the fucking mouth guard. And also during this pandemic. Our friends saved a man who was overdosing in the bathroom at the grocery store, in the bathroom or just on the street, in the bathroom, in the bathroom, and gave didn't even didn't even hesitate and saved the man's life overdosing.
That's who cases married to. That's the kind of person we're talking about when we talk about Matt, who's also like a genius writer and like a brilliant mind and a kind person and a fucking funny as all get out human and a great father and a really nice partner.
Sorry, I'm zipping up these chords again because I can't I can't allow them to take over my life.
He is he's he's a good egg.
And also just, you know, when we talk about, like, the brokenness of the country, like he was a college professor and it's at a certain point we like crunched the numbers and we were like, this is like costing you money.
Like this is, you know, he loves teaching and but it's nearly impossible to be like a college professor.
I imagine he's great at it, even if you like, go to school and get all the schooling. So at some point he was just like, I might just like start working at a grocery store, like, so that we can have a study insurance and blah, blah, blah. So, yeah.
And I mean, I don't know I don't know that I could have done that.
I don't know.
I wouldn't have known the first thing about being able to like survive such a pivot.
Talk about a pivot. Yeah, but that's him.
He's he's just you know, he's the best. He is the best. Well, I actually have to say, like. I know I started off crying, but that just made me happy to talk about Matt getting that vaccine and yeah, how he has been so vigilant and steadfast through this pandemic for the last year and continued working and kept you and the boy safe.
And I just feel like that's really made me happy.
Oh, he'll be very honored that you cried twice. Two times.
Well, what? Well, you know, this is our first show without. Baby Santero with us, which is sad, but we're going to be filling in. You guys have been so wonderful to sending in suggestions, people that you'd love to see guest.
I have to say, I really felt honored by the suggestions because you guys have lofty goals for us.
People were like, get Oprah. I, I'm like, oh, yeah, sure, I'll come up. Of course we should 100 percent reach out.
I mean, listen, we I, I reached out to Oprah and her team to surprise you one time and she did say yes.
So, you know, so maybe people are and she just she surprised me. Yeah. So, you know, she that was she doesn't surprise a girl once in a while.
But you know what, also, I was just thinking Tina Fey is co hosting the Golden Globes this next week and Sunday. Did you know that that's happening? I did. Now Golden Globe. I did no Sunday.
So I, I kind of did and agreed and.
But we were I was watching something I don't even know, and there was an ad for it with her and poller, and it made me laugh out loud when Tina like looks at the camera and she's like the stakes of never been lower.
And I was like, yeah, that's about right. It's like, definitely. But maybe I should ask Tina Fey if if she that's like that's like on the level. Yeah, it's Oscar. Let me be honest, Tina, if she'll co-host with us, you know.
Tina and her husband and their one of their children were in a in the car on a long drive, and they listened to our episode in which we went off on the John Krasinski tests on SNL.
Oh, really? How did she feel about that? Yeah, she it was really interesting. I'd love for her to talk about it if she felt like she wanted to, you know what I mean? Like, I want to talk for her.
But we beat Jeff, her husband, Jeff, who I've been working with on Girls by Bob and Tina, like both talk to me about it at great length. And like, we're really glad that they had listened to the show.
And it was I was I was happy. Oh, that's good. That's nice.
See everybody listening. You're like one degree of separation from Tina Fey, who's also listening sometimes. Occasionally. OK, sometimes. Well, we're going to start off, though, I think superstrong with these guest hosts, I believe.
Maybe we may have this person, maybe young. Out of proximity and convenience, and he's our Tony Randall, he is our Tony Randall.
Please welcome. It's me, Ray Padilla, high, high and high Raymonde, for those of you who don't know, is Biz's assistant. Yes, and we worked together on Busy Tonight.
That's the first time I ever was able to get an assistant because someone else was paying for it.
And and it was really nice. And then when the show was over, I was like, I can't now go back to not having Ray take my dry cleaning and make sure I show up for appointments on time and keep things straight for me.
And bring me as fresh celery juice from time to time, and Ray was like, well, I have nothing else going on currently. So let me ask you a question.
Do you. Is that your celery juice? Me. Yeah, I actually really like the taste of it. Oh, OK. Because I was going to say I wonder if there's ever anything that like if you didn't like celery juice and Ray brings it to you, like psychologically, would you associate bad juice with Ray? You know what I mean?
Because I was also a celebrity assistant and I felt like a lot of the tasks that I had to do weren't my boss's favorite. And then I was convinced that, like, my bosses were like associating me with, like, things they didn't love to do.
I don't think I make make Ray. I don't think I ask Raymond to do things that are unpleasant or that I don't want to do.
I think that all things being equal, you know me, I always would prefer to do everything myself. Yes. That's just who I am. That's true.
But I do feel like I've realized the value in having someone who I can ask to do the things that I would like to do. But I have a hard time carving out time to do like, for instance, you know, I'll see things like for my mom or whatever, OK?
For instance, the last episode of Girls Five, I had all of the girls sign a script for my mom because like since I was a kid, my mom likes to collect them. It's just like a sweet mom thing, whatever. And I know it means a lot to her now, previously.
In my life before BBR, before Raman's, that script would have sat somewhere right until probably twenty, twenty three when finally my mother would be visiting me, maybe help me move even, and she would find it and she would be like, oh, busy was this for me.
And then I would say, yes it was I'm so I never sent it to you. I'm so sorry I got overwhelmed. Yeah. And I went to the back burner. So Raila's that's what for those of you at home who've never had a help.
A helper, that's the kind of stuff that like Ray helps me with in the day to day and then sort of larger, bigger picture stuff is like he helps me keep all the brand stuff straight, like when I'm working and when I'm doing photo shoots and doctors appointments and like, helps me, you know, do all that stuff like schedule thing, just keep it together, keeps it together.
I won't say which.
I've been a celebrity assistant to two people who've both been on the podcast. I won't say which one. I'll try to keep it as as anonymous as possible because who knows, maybe this person doesn't want me telling.
I mean, I get one. I'm going to guess. I'm sure you'll guess it. One of the people that I worked for hated being photographed so much that it was always like, this is one of the things where I would say, you have a photo shoot. I would think that that person associated me with the bad news that there was a photo shoot to do.
And so it was daylight.
I was talking one time.
I was like, there's a photo shoot. And this person was like, oh, photo shoot. Oh.
So like, I didn't want to do it. And I was like, hey, listen, it's happening at the desk. So you could keep your sweatpants on and only wear fancy clothes on top.
And then that boss was like, oh my God, you're a genius. Go to my business manager on Monday and tell him that I'm giving you a David Letterman and they really meant it.
Yeah. You deserved all the praise for the you deserved it for the idea of staying in sweatpants and sneakers.
And now we know because of covid and the Zoome. Yeah, I mean that we can all wear sweat pants all the time.
I was super ahead of my time on on what could happen on the bottom twenty five years ago. Raymond, can you hear Ray? I want to talk to Ray about a pivot because. Ray is an L.A. bitch. The real L.A. baby. Mm hmm.
And I am here now and it has been a pandemic. And when I was doing Girls five EVA, it became just like so clear to me that I really needed someone to help here, especially because we don't have really, like help for the girls here.
That's just all. Mark and Sarabeth is here to kind of help, but like she's also writing her next album. So that's you know, we all have our own things that we're working on. And and so it was just like very clear that I needed Ray to help me.
So after Ray finished helping me with everything in L.A.. I was like, dude, here's the deal, like, I can't continue to have you be in L.A. because there's nothing for you to do there.
I really do need you here and it's totally up to you.
I would love it if you could come out here for a bit and see, help me, you know, be my assistant here and see what it's like and whatever if you're down for it. But if you're not, I get it and will figure out how to part ways and maybe you, like, work for me part time and handle schedule stuff or whatever.
Like, I don't know, like we'll figure it out. And Ray was like, what did you think?
Well at first it was a no. Yeah, it was a major. Now it was a big no. It was because you asked me before the holidays too hard for Ray to wrap his head around it.
Yeah, it was just a lot of like, well, where am I going to be for Christmas and what am I going to do? And it was just a lot. And then over time it just became clear that it was I was going to have to come.
Well, if you wanted to. Yeah. Yeah. Working.
Yeah, working. Yeah. Yeah.
And so, Ray, I found this apartment that's like a subway. I think it might be an illegal sublet. I don't know.
Yeah. Where I have to be on.
OK, well Ray's raise basically squatting and something we found.
I found him a friend of mine has a friend of mine has a really cute like little studio that Ray is.
Staying in and he packed his bag and really, I have to say, the journey, the pivot of West Coast to East Coast, Ray. In the midst of a pandemic, dead of winter, in the dead of winter, the coldest winter on record yet on the East Coast, the most snow in New York is seen in like 10 years. Seriously? Yeah, it snowed fucking yesterday. Yeah.
Your Instagram stories yesterday were killing me. It was insane. It was snowing slush.
It was. And I'm I'm not a meteorologist, but I didn't think it could snow when it was above 32 degrees because that's the point at which water freezes. Oh, it was.
And it was a full blizzard. It was. And I was in sneakers because when I left the house, it was warm and not maybe going to rain.
We had met our realtor and walked there. And while we were walking, I saw I was wearing my like Alex Mills.
I was trying to remember what you were wearing when I was walking.
No, I was wearing, like, my faux fur coat. I, like, arrived like I looked like a cartoon character.
Like melted. Yeah. Like my like my faux fur had, like, melted. Yeah. Like drenched.
Drenched. I was soaking wet. It was so gross. Like a wet teddy bear.
I looked like Gina, I looked like a wet little Gina. And yeah, it was not great.
It was not a great weather day yesterday.
It wasn't. And. It's just like you can never prepare at all here. And I had a friend who sent me a text. It's like, here's the thing. You're actually in a dystopian society because you can never regulate your temperature in New York at which you're comfortable. Never.
And you like there's so many people, even though half a million people have left, there's still so many people here. And there's trash everywhere and it's dirty. And so it's just like it's just like feast or famine, you know what I mean? Kind of just figure it out.
Also, though, what's become clear to me, like, remember those pictures of all the people in the park in New York last year, like after the winter and after the real, like, terrible covid.
Spike had happened and they were like on the downside and things had relaxed a bit. And there was this, like picture of everybody in the park. Yeah. And then people were like, the perspective was off and you couldn't tell how close people were.
I fucking get it.
Like I understand now after only living here for six months and recently been here for two, I like fully understand that as soon as I see a beam of sunshine I am going to run and stand in it.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean listen, I was dying and that I was saying to busy that like New York is really hard.
It's really hard. Here's what's hard about it is like all of my times in New York, I was always working for someone who had like a pretty amazing life, you know what I mean? And like, just living it up and being like, what's not to love about New York.
Like, I I eat the best food and I go to the best places and my apartment is fucking fantastic. And I was saying to busy like if you're if New York is your struggle city, it's a real struggle, you know, like it's really and some people are built for it.
Some people really thrive when they're, you know, just having their salad days there, their honeymoon days in New York. But I mean, it was hard for me. I felt very isolated, even like after years there, I found New York to be really isolating.
And, you know, just hard for me personally. It's interesting.
I mean, we are here in such a weird time and nothing's nothing's normal, right.
For anyone, but. I don't know, like there is I am I'm very uncomfortable here. Yeah, like super uncomfortable in all the ways, like L.A. is my home. Yeah. Well, you know, I moved there literally a month after I turned 18. Yeah. I've lived there longer than I've lived anywhere else. I know it like the back of my fucking hand. I'm a walking Thomas guide a duck.
Guys, homicides were these big book maps that you had to buy in the late 90s and early 2000s and probably mid 2000s before like GPS and like smartphones wanted because you never knew how to get anywhere in L.A. It's so confusing. So you had these Thomas guides and you would look up an address and then flip through to find the right page.
And then you have to, like, figure out how to get there. So I had a Thomas guide even harder than MapQuest. I mean, it was so fucking hard.
You imagine me at 18 years old trying to get from West Chester, which is right by L.A., where I went to Loyola Marymount University to like Deep Valley, like Van Nuys, first in some fuckin strip mall for an audition for some pilot like that. No man, you know, independently produced or whatever. It was a goddamn nightmare. But I do know every street in L.A., like by heart, and I can get anywhere I can do it in my sleep.
I could do it blindfolded like it's my home, you know, and I'm home.
Yeah. It's my house. Like, imprinted on you.
It's imprinted on me for sure. Like the memory palace right in your city is my memory palace.
But so I feel really uncomfortable here. Like I don't know where the fuck I got lost in the West Village. Well last week. Oh you did.
Mostly a grid but then at either end it, it tapers and it's not a grid, it's a bunch of like streets and streets that crisscross and all triangles.
And then people act like you're a fucking idiot when you don't know where you're going. And it's like, well, but it's a grid like five blocks ago. And now it's just like, I don't know where I am. I used to get lost in the village all the time.
When I lived there in the village, I was very annoyed at myself getting lost. But, you know, because I have like a great sense of direction. Or do I. Yeah. Or is it just that I lived in Los Angeles for fucking whatever, however many years.
Twenty to three years.
And I just knew it, I just had it memorized.
I don't have a great sense of direction. And it took me years to figure out that like even streets go go east and odd streets go west and I mean years like nobody tells you, I didn't know it.
If you don't I don't know that until just now. And East and west for sure. But even. Yeah, in New York.
Odd West. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. But like, nobody just took a pause and we're like, well because we just thought of an address and we were like, yeah, I just thought of the street we're on.
Yes. Yeah right. Yeah.
Nobody tells you they're just so eager to jump down your throat if you accidentally call Houston Street Houston, you know, because you've only been there for five minutes. So, you know, it's just one.
Speaking of which, I really miss Houston's.
Oh wait. They have Houston's in Manhattan, don't they. There is one, but it's like where is it? It's actually not far from here. I would pass it on my way home. I feel like it's like on Madison and like but I can't imagine they had it together to eat outside.
I think that they have they had takeout, but they weren't doing fries for takeout.
And just like, why are these restaurants being so precious about their French fries? It's like I just fucking fried. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.
I'll read it in my toaster oven. Yeah, it'll be eaten very quickly.
And don't worry about the quality of your French fries. There are a couple of places here that are like.
We can't guarantee the quality, so we're not doing this item from our menu. I was like, yeah, it's a pandemic. I don't give a fuck. Like just everybody gets it that like some foods don't travel well, like we yeah.
We've also quality interrupted or 10 months ago. That's what I mean. Nine months ago, quality ceased to exist. I'm like happy to take some soggy ass fries, Houston, get it together anyway.
So Ray has been pivoting in his journey here. And I have to say, I find the Instagram story content to be worth it in a lot of ways.
What's the pivot? What do you what do you think? If you guys aren't following Ray, it's me, Ray Padilha. I really highly recommend because every day is some fresh hell for Ray. Yeah, you were attacked by guys. My son Lincoln says that raised Instagram is one of his favorite shows.
Oh. I've been really looking forward to every episode because just like the Nike's in the slush yesterday, it's because every day, like you said, like I'm similar to you.
I moved to L.A. when I was 18 and I've never left. It's my home, Sam. It's my home.
My friends are there like it's everything. But like coming here, everything is new.
Yes. Despite having been here many times, many despite having spent like weeks here before, which is like I used to have a 10 day limit because it's just too hard.
It's so fucking hard. It's so hard.
But it's like every day is a journey and it's even harder now because it's like you're not cybering. Like you're really. Yeah. You know, you know, we were we were talking to the kids about it because I was like guys. If this wasn't a pandemic, like an Uber would pull up, it would take us directly to the place, we would hop out, we could get a cab like we could scooch around the city, we could take the subway, like we could just be we would be out and about.
And there's culture. We'd be seeing Broadway shows on the weekends. Like it would be what? Well, I mean, that's fancy.
But listen, I tőkés line my kids don't care where we sit or, you know, even in the best of times, I found those things always like very taxing. Like I just said, I don't have everything is taxed. Yeah.
It just like taking the subway trains. It's a lot. It's a lot. One time the subway was so crowded that my nose ring got stuck in a lady's hair.
And I had to get a stranger. That's just foul. That's disgusting. Her hair from my nose ring.
Yeah. So it's literally disgusting. Also, another day, another time on the subway. This is my all time favorite subway story on the subway. Just stopped so short a crowded subway.
And this lady, like, she went down like she wasn't holding a pole. No, she just like she just snatched it. Every single person like trying to save herself before she she was going down. Yeah. The disgusting subway. And then this businessman just looks at her down on the floor. Then he looks at his pants, he picks off a press on nail off his pants and hands it to her on the floor.
Is this yours?
No. No. Oh, my God. That's like a scene from a movie that's like an Amy Schumer bet.
Now, that's comedy. You can't write. That's not that funny for you.
I'm like, that's just like hopefully he's going to offer to help her up, but he wants to make sure he returns her leave.
I just like it's interesting, though, I've never here's the thing like. Yeah, I've been here for work a ton.
Yeah. I've, I was here once. The longest I was ever here was like two weeks when I was doing those Broadway workshops back in the mid aughts.
And and that was, that was hard. That was February. And like it was definitely it was a schlep and I felt like I really got to see what the Broadway life was like.
And I said, take me back to television, stand by. But I don't know, I guess in this moment in time because of.
Just so many, so many, so many things, right? Yeah, we're here, we are here. And I have to say, I really I talked to Bird last night and.
Was just like Birdie's like killing it here and part of me thinks it's because Bertie's head has always been hot and really cold here, I'm surprised he told me that one time that their head is always hot.
Britta's head is always hot since birth, but he has the hottest head of anyone I've ever met for Christmas, one time I gave birth like a sleeping mask that had little gel.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I did that. You could put it in the freezer.
And he was like, this will be great because my head is always hot, always hot. And I feel like Berdy being hotted. This is when Burty was like a baby.
Toddler baby would say, I'm hot and I'm too hot and I'm just so hot. It must be so hot and my head is hot. It would get really agitated by being so hot.
It yeah. Burty can't handle being overheated.
So this place is definitely cooling them down. Yeah. But also then allowing.
Them to thrive. Yeah, and OK, I have to tell you this, because this has to do with you, too. So I'm like academically, I mean, we know birds is a goddamn genius, right?
Like, smart, smart, obviously a very, very, very intelligent person.
Yeah. But I will say that sometimes school has been challenging because for lots of reasons, you know, in the last several years, but they're really like doing great at the school they're in.
And so they read Pride and Prejudice and had to do a book report thing on it, which involved like the making of a collage. And then they had to write like a page about the collage and their project and their thesis on whatever the they were saying about the about Pride and Prejudice.
I never read it. I don't know. I mean, it's think I don't even think I ever saw the movie.
Well, honestly, the point being the point being that Byrd decided after they put together this incredible collage.
To write out longhand their paragraph in like calligraphy typescript nice and then use the wax seal, that was a Christmas present from Casey.
And sealed like like pasted it to the collage and then sealed it shut on the collage, and the teacher was so impressed that he took it to show another teacher immediately and then asked if he could keep it to show future students.
Wow, an example. Good job Bertoia's.
I know this is that's always the best New York Habsburgs we all have. I will say I once did a great book book.
One time I remember like I remember it like I did like that level book report once.
Oh my God. It was four called Sastry.
That is one of Olivia and Burns. That's one of my favorite books in the entire world. No Wairarapa. No, I'm not even joking.
You my favorite English teacher ever, miss Melanie Gallo.
God forgive me for, like, blowing up Miss Melanie Gallo spot, but I was in AP English in high school and there was a year where I think she just made it so that every boy dropped out of it.
I don't know how it wound up being a class of like nine girls.
And she just made it like she's she's a schiro. Yeah. Yeah. She cast some type of spell and every boy was like, I got to focus on football. I'm running for class president. I can't handle this AP class. So anyway, it was a class of like nine girls and she just made it like a very feminist space.
And one of the most amazing things that she would do is she would just when she was like walking up and down the aisles when we were working, she would drop a book on your desk and.
Oh, yeah, you know, you've talked about that before. So that was I love her. Yes. That was the book that she dropped on my desk where she was like, I just finished this.
I think you like it. And called Sassy Tree, one of my favorite.
I, I did a really good and I boully fifth or sixth grade.
So I never did a book report, but I did win a handwriting contest.
You won a handwriting contest. And my parents should have known then that I was a homosexual, but they didn't.
When did they find out I'm late in life like. Twenty five wait, but you're like only 30 are you're not even 30. No, I'm not even 30. What is your 30th birthday? I hope everybody gets the fucking vaccine. Then what are we going to do? It's this year, 2020.
Yeah, 2010. We won. We won. Wait, you guys, I just. It's 22 years. I just time traveled. Did you hear that?
It's yeah. Now, I told my parents we're late. But anyways. I know. Good book report. Great hand writer. Now I can't do it. I gave up that that you gave up handwriting.
I gave up being a great handwriting parsha.
Interesting. My dad had really beautiful handwriting and he was a street cis man.
So it's a lost art. It's a lost art.
Well, I guess let's go through what we're all doing our best out this week. Casey, how was your week? Was a good I mean, we kind of talk got vaccine. That's exciting. Mako's vaccine, that's exciting. Here's what happened in my week. This is like the, you know, Santero what always talk about like a main character on Twitter.
This has been the main character of my week, is that, you know, I'm not some like Suzy Homemaker, like trying to do tasks around the house. I never have been that. My husband has always taking care of that stuff. But now, like the shoes on the other foot a little bit, he's not working.
And I'm working from home when I'm working and I'm not working right now. My last project and your job.
Then I thought your job ended. Thank God I pooped out. Sorry. Yeah. I mean, I might come back, but we'll see.
We'll see. But we also don't care. Sorry.
Well I mean, I do care in that I love to get paid if I you know that's that's a good thing. That's a positive thing.
But so anyway, you know, so I'm trying to like help out around the house and my husband has shirts that he has to wear for work, certain shirts.
And, you know, and I hate ironing. So I bought this like Japanese item that is like like a press.
It's like a shirt. It's not a press. Exactly. I believe it's called like a shirt ironing dummy.
And so what it's like if you follow me on Instagram, you see it's like, you know, those like wind dancers that they have outside of car dealerships, like.
Yes. Of you guys blow up guys, which I'm terrified of because they're giant and I don't like anything giant. An inflatable horse. They're Bertie's favorite guy, of course. So this is their entire life. This is like a small version of that.
It's like a torso that blows up with warm air, but it's the size of a human, headless, handsome man. This is terrifying.
Yeah, I don't like that.
So you put a shirt on it and button it all up and then you turn it on and it has like a ten minute timer and it blows up and heat with hot air and it dries the shirt on. Ringley which is so nice.
So I was like, OK, but now wait, I'm back on board. Yeah, I'm back on board. Yeah.
So he what's he like become a member of our family. We've had him for six months, we call him shirt guy.
You get him out when you have a bunch.
I follow you on Instagram and I haven't seen too.
What are you talking about. And I haven't seen shirt guy on mats. I haven't seen Shakaya not. You're not getting into your rhythm I guess.
I don't know. Well for sure that my algorithm sucks. Yeah. Yeah. Who knows. But anyway, so this week shirt guy died and I was like oh god.
And I was just like shoot. Let's like unscrew and maybe like a wire came loose or whatever.
So like let's unscrew the blower part of the body and it was like melted, like there was a fire inside of shirt guy.
And so I was very like, oh my God, that's very intense. It was so intense. And I was like, oh fuck. Do I just buy another shirt guy? I don't want to spend another eighty dollars. I know that seems like a bargain, but like if it burns out after six months, I don't know, I don't know.
I'm like weirdly I, I don't, I don't like things like that. Yeah. No I thought not a great. So anyway it's we've got great value as far as I'm concerned.
We in like do you ever mourn things like I kind of was in mourning for shirt guy. I was like obviously felt sorry for myself because I don't want to iron, but also like I felt like someone that I kind of knew, like I felt like my buddy passed away and, you know, and I think that really speaks to the pandemic.
So anyway, I rigged up shirt guy with a blow dryer and it kind of worked OK, but I'm definitely going to burn my house down and also like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I think I have something for you. What? Do you remember years ago that I worked for LG? I did like those commercials for like. Oh yeah. So they are part of the deal, Ray is looking at me like I've lost my fucking mind. Look at you. I wish you guys I wish this was like not a podcast.
So you just say the like the look of just like kind of disgust.
But he's looking like I'm about to get an assignment to dig out some bullshit.
Yeah, that's exactly what he was thinking. He's like, motherfucker, I'm going to have to find this thing. God damn it. But I know where it is. You do know where it is. I know where it is.
OK, so any way they like gave me as a part of my life to deal with that. Yeah. They gave me some LG appliances. Yeah.
For my home and they gave me this one thing that I could never fit in our laundry room in L.A. And so I just had it in its box, still in our garage. And I was like, someday I'll figure out like where to put this if you don't find nothing like giving it away.
I know well, my what because I but I also was like sort of in my head planning that at some point I was going to like, redo a lot, like redo the laundry room and have like a bigger setup.
You guys, let me tell you something about that. I have learned about myself. Do you know what I is most important to me in a house? Because I've learned this because now we're like, you know, we have this house.
I mean, knock wood like girls five gets picked up again. So I'll have to be here for work probably in the fall, like early fall. Yeah. Look at race space now. That's my hope.
Well, Grae's, here's what I'm going to say. I am going to say, you know, when like vaccine and springtime. Yes, Ray is going to thrive.
It'll be a whole different search. It's a whole new thing. And I maintain the stories are still more interesting. So it's good for content. And I was like, you know, someone has a personality who wants to work as an actor and a writer and a performer. I don't think that my forcing you to make this pivot is the worst thing for your career.
No, I wouldn't say that. Yeah, I could see you putting up, you know, a one man show at Joe's Pub at some point in the future.
Sure. I don't know what that is for sure. You well know what that is when everything comes back? Well, if you run a duck in New York City, better start learning what Joe's pub is, OK?
So anyway, my I they gave me, like, the L.G. thing was like they were so nice and they were also like, you can gift one to someone. So I gave one to my parents too. Yeah. Like the stuff that they, you know, and my mom loves it and uses it, she's like it's the greatest thing. It's called this is not an ad guys. I did the ad. Yeah. Already been paisano. I'm not getting any more money from this.
I'm just helping my friend out because it's in a box in my storage unit in Los Angeles now. And I feel like we can get it over to Casey, the LG Stihler. So it's like it's like a closet. It looks like a little closet.
OK, you guys could probably find room for it and you put. Garments in it. It's not cheap. It is not cheap. Wow, this is I'm a nice friend. You are.
And I said, I know, but I am. But also, this is like this is not shirt guy. Yeah. Is like a level off. Yeah. I mean, like at any level what part of shirt guys appeal for me was the cost. How severe of you? Love, love, love, love, love, love. Yeah, OK, so yeah. So you like it's a it's a laundry companion. Oh. Asthma and allergy friendly certified sanitizer.
Oh my God.
Oh my God. This is perfect for you.
He can put his shirts in it as soon as he gets home from work and it sanitizes them. You like it's like a little closet thing and you hang it up, you hang your clothes up in it and close the door and press the button. And then it like refreshes your clothes, gets rid of wrinkles, gentle, fast drying. Oh, I mean it like does all of those things.
It is the size, it is the the height of a mini fridge, you know, like it's you know, like the height of like a it's the height of a regular sized fridge. Yeah. But it's like the width of a mini fridge. OK, it's like a tall, skinny thing. All right. And we just I just couldn't fit it in my house. Right. But it's still in its box that we have it in our storage unit because I was just going to like wherever I built my laundry room next.
I was going to put it. But yeah. You know what, Casey?
I think you guys should have it.
That's so nice of you. Yeah. And then, like, I can just sweat shirt guy retire and, you know, and live out the area.
I think you could give him a proper burial.
I mean, you sure you needed him so you could go gather other shirt guys from all those gas stations and really have a ceremony?
I think you said a memorial.
I think you should return from whence he came. The Earth.
I don't know if you came from the doctor did not. Well, wait for one of those electronic junk turnon days.
Yeah. And you can just go you can pick proper.
I'll send you guys a video of short guy so you can know him. You can memorial.
I'd love it. Yeah. And mourn him.
We'll find that. I'll find that thing and we'll figure out how to get it to your house and then that'll be like I have to figure out where to put this fucking thing. OK, Ray, what are you doing your best at this week's.
I think I'm doing my best at like just trying to experience, you know what I mean?
I think that, like, when I moved here, I said, I'm just going to surrender. To the situation, the pivot. Yeah, surrender to the thing and just go with God, and so I've been trying to like, go out like there are times where you could just sit in bed all day and wallow and cry. But I forced myself.
Let's just be clear, because of covid, Ray, you're not like saying you're going out and hitting bars. No.
You know, like like walking you like just like double man outside. Oh, you're blind.
Yeah. Just going and leaving my bad. I'm like, yeah. Just to clarify. I mean, I'm leaving my bed walking the streets aimlessly like Nicole Kidman in that show. The Undoing, you know, in different coats, just walking aimlessly. And that's what I mean, like I'm doing the best. I like actually trying to see stuff, you know, like yeah. People are like you should go to the store, walk by and oftentimes everything's closed, you know, but you can still walk around and get a feel for things.
You know, you can also make an appointment to go to museums sometimes. Yes. Here you should do that. I could. But yeah, like the Whitney I think has times, you know, they stagger. Everybody's masking. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever you feel, Savitri.
You know, I was at one point I actually was an art history minor in college and I worked at um. Yeah. One summer. What museum.
The Skirball. I love the school. Oh yeah. But it didn't, it was I didn't make it through the internship.
You know, that's not surprising to me because you were like upset that the exhibits didn't come to life at night. Yeah. And also driving from Elex up to the Skirball and it's a bad drive.
It's the four or five like it. It's a horror.
And so I quit. No one likes that. And I was spending all the money I was making on tuna sandwiches from the cafe, you know what I mean.
Were they good tuna sandwiches? They were, they were phenomenal. I think it's like Petina Catering. Yeah. Yeah. Superball So it just it was cause I got a..
I got it. I worked one.
I mean this is not at all comparable, but when I was in college I worked exactly two shifts at Bloomingdale's in the like makeup department in Santa Monica, know the one at Century City, the old century city, Bloomingdale's.
And then. I left for a break on the second day and I never went back and I never got paid and I just.
I pissed the fuck out, everybody has a story like that, I had a job at CNN and I didn't make it for like a week. Oh, wow, I only made it three days. And then I was like, I will not be returning on Thursday.
I love that your job was CNN deals for you. Also, in hindsight, I'm going to tell you something that my mom told me.
Those who loved to shop should never work retail because you would have spent more money than you ever made. That's true.
And so I was great at California Pizza. Kitchen was my best job. Yeah, that makes truly that makes sense. Yeah. I was the best at restaurants as a teenager.
My husband also. You don't have Friendly's. You guys didn't have Friendly's out in L.A. That's it's a very East Coast thing and I think they're dwindling now. But my husband went into the freezer. It's an ice cream restaurant. He went into the freezer and changed out of his Friendly's uniform, into his street clothes, and then just left his uniform and walked out of Friendly's. Oh, my God, that's fucking hilarious.
Emily Beebee worked at a frozen yogurt place when we were in high school.
That was like so did I. Well, the one that she worked out was like off brand and like, not cool.
Oh, and one and one time and one.
She was working there and these guys showed up and they were like, hey, we're here to fix the machine. And she's like, oh, I didn't know that, OK. And they took it. And they're like, oh, we can't fix that. We have to take it. And they took it.
And then the owner came in and we're like, where is the machine? And she's like, these guys came to fix that. But then they said they couldn't do it. So they took it and she and he was like, they stole it.
But there was no one to fix the machine.
And then and so that Emily was like horrified and not to be able to the store to be robbed.
But then it turned out that the guy was like they they were being repossessed because I was behind on payments because it was like a very uncool yogurt shop.
They weren't it was an underdog yogurt shop. And Emily Beeby, Cindy Lou, who herself totally bought the Grinch, was just come in to fix the tree.
Oh, God, she's going to listen to this. I was going to say, how did it go?
I introduced Ray to some New York friends this week. Did you have any nice chats?
So that would have I would have said that that was what I was doing my best at, but it hasn't. I have scheduled the virtual happy hour thing, which like if I were in L.A. like this, I roll every year. Either way, I'm like popular. I would never sign up for a virtual hobby here. I'm trying to, like, embrace the situation and like make friends and like, there's a possibility it could be here longer than I anticipated.
How long did you anticipate it will be said? Eight weeks.
You still here? It has it been eight weeks?
Yeah. Yeah. So we haven't cross that threshold. Just feels like eXistenZ. No, it doesn't. I just I know that in my head that it could be longer, like realistically we can talk about whatever you need. Yeah, no, no, no, I'm not I'm not complaining, but I just I am trying I am trying to make friends because I'm like, oh, I could see myself being here longer. Yeah. And if that's the case and I want to live a life that I need to make friends and actually see that was so nice of you because you were texting me, checking in and you were like, how is it?
And I was like, actually it's not bad. I just wish I had like one friend, like, oh it's I don't want to cry.
It's just like, you know, it's hard. Like you and I are both, I think, similar in the sense of like we're like a collector of people. Yes. Yeah, we both are.
And I L.A., like you have a very strong friend group and I have a very strong friend group. And not that I was seeing a ton of people in L.A., but I lived with two of my best friends and I had a pod of six. So it's like to go from talking to your friends every day to literally only communicating with your boss about work stuff. It's really hard. I mean, I am the best.
Yeah, but just to be fair.
Yeah, no, I just mean, like, I'm not going to call a lot of people listening to this show, Ray, are actually like they would love to be able to really know what I mean. I mean in the sense that like I'm just, I'm just putting it in perspective. I do love to talk to you, but like there's things that I don't want to like.
Know what course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just so like Casey was like, what do you need?
And I said it would be helpful to have, like, one friend. And then she was like, you have a lot of girlfriends in L.A., don't you know? And I was like, yeah. And she's like all in addition to when I was like parties because my cup runneth over with straight white female friends.
I don't anymore.
I can't talk about their boyfriends, the whole thing or the bullshit that girls talk about dating apps. So I was like, actually, you know, and like homosexuals. What about Lewis? Yeah, Lewis man is a friend of ours.
He was a writer for BuzzFeed. He's a theater writer. But anyway, he's a friend. He used to come to Thanksgiving dinner at my house in Connecticut, but he lives in New York City. He's a good person for you to meet. But I'm busy. I introduced Ray to like all the people his age that worked out.
Watch what happens live at one time or another via. Oh, that's my Instagram. Yeah, Instagram. So, yeah. And so I did set up a bunch of stuff like an old me, L.A., me would have been like, yeah, no, like I'm good. Like I have my crew, I know who I'm going to Jones on third with to get a Chinese chicken salad. Like I don't need a new person. Yeah. Me in New York is trying to embrace the change.
OK, I can't wait to hear this week.
They're all the nicest, nicest, nicest people. Yeah. Interesting because I think we're all sort of like. Figuring out new ways to have friends, you know, even if you were here, like you had your six people, but like if you wanted to change it up and meet more gay guys, you'd be doing it in a totally new way where you're.
Am I really like logging on to my computer to talk to, like, a new friend?
That seems so weird, but it's so weird. Yeah, it's true. I mean, I've met people since the pandemic, like through the podcast or whatever, and they're like, oh, let's, let's zoom like let's set up a zoom. And I'm like, oh my God, this is so weird.
But OK. And actually I'm really appreciative because that was my biggest thing prior. That was like my goal for 2020 before everything happened was actually to like make a stronger community like gay people. Yeah.
And I only hang out with straight people that I've been friends with forever and I love them. But like a little bit I'm like, I actually don't have someone to talk to about, like what I'm going through, you know, something that you want to understand. And it's like this weird thing to where it's like it is hard to make for in my opinion, it's hard to make gay friends because gay men always think you're hitting on on them. And it's like, yeah, no, dude, like, I actually don't want to sleep with you.
I just want to like Kiki and like, talk about stuff, you know, that makes sense. And so this could be different and it could be a really exciting change, but it just hasn't happened yet.
Yeah, but you're trying it on possibility. Yeah, it's definitely a possibility. And like you said, it's interesting to being here because I have like had a few interactions, like I got my hair done, obviously, like Mastan, whatever, I had to get a haircut. And he was like. You know, I just I can just feel it like this is your change, like this is what you need, like you're going to thrive.
But I also, you know, you smoke, which. Yeah. And I truly feel I really do feel like you are going to Mark and I were talking about it.
Not that we sit around and talk about you, Ray, but sometimes we do.
And and we were talking about it and I we were like had both probably, you know, probably more musicHe vibes.
But Mark was definitely in agreement. Yeah. That like we saw Sunshine and Spring and Ray, like in New York City, like thriving. Yeah, definitely do it.
I just have to you have there's you have to make it through this now you and you have to like make the friend. Yeah. I mean you're going to make the friend. Yeah. I feel like I can feel it. I can feel it too.
But like you said, you do hate your walls or you're just like walking on the high line crying every night, you know, just like what did I do. Yeah. Well and then your then you just get up the next day and you're like, well I did it and we're doing it.
I mean, I the wall I had this past week was so intense because it was coupled with my toenail being ripped off by a doctor who pressed play on Vanessa Carleton's thousand miles.
Yeah. Got the name of the song from White Chicks. I think it's a thousand miles. A thousand miles. Yeah. Pressplay on that right before he started ripping my toenail for Unpunctual had already been numb.
Yes. Because he, like the nurses, told him who I was and then he like couldn't help himself because he's just like a funny guy.
Uh huh, uh huh.
So I was like I and then he was like my they don't want they didn't want me to do this, but I you know, I can't help it. I'm just a funny guy. And I was like, you should listen to your nurses.
They I don't like your because they know I don't like I have a friend.
I won't reveal who I have lots of friends who've been on doctor shows. So this is not anyone they can tell the story at some point if they want to. But I have a doctor friend who went in for like a colonoscopy.
You know, that's like a very vulnerable position taken literally and figuratively. Yes. And and had to get a colonoscopy for like some health reasons.
And so it was like doubly sort of scary. And as the anesthesiologist was putting them under, they were like.
God, you're the doctor from, but that was the last thing my friend, remember, gone and came to, like as you're like prone on your side. Yeah, just ready fetal about to get a thing up your butt, up your butt. Intimate. Yeah.
And this person's like you're I mean, it's terrible anyway.
So the toenail being ripped off to a thousand miles in the scheme of things I guess is what I'm trying to say, like not that terrible. Also kind of funny and also only me. Like only me. Sure. That this would happen to you right here because I'm so approachable.
Guy is because I'm so normal. People are just like she'll think it's funny and because I am just who I am, I'm like, that is funny.
I swallow it, push it down, push it down until it boils up and boils over and rage that I've been trying to calculate how how much of what percentage of our lives do women spend fake laughing at things that aren't really funny.
Oh my God. I mean 30, 50 years. I was I'm at 50 already.
I think my life 50 percent. Right. Although I can be real salty.
You know, obviously in my old age I got real salty. I think that my people pleasing went out the window for sure. Oh, I don't know, I think I've gone through phases, I think I've probably been salty at parts and then also not salty. It just depends. Like sometimes I just feel so bad for people like.
Yeah, like I am your situational pleaser. I'm a situational pleaser. Correct. But also I'm like I'm a doree maker. Yeah. My own, my own mind. Yeah. And so, like, I will take someone who I have no basis for anything and like I will build an entire story for their life and what they've gone through and their struggles and their whole thing. And then before you know it, I'm like literally like tear down my grocery store.
And the guy like shoves me out of the way to get something.
I'm like, please take that last loaf of bread, you know, like, I'm like, can I get you can I help you?
Like, I get very emotionally attached to strangers. Yeah. Like, in a way that's really maybe not beneficial sometimes to me and my mental well-being.
I mean, maybe sometimes you let almost strangers move in with you. Well, that's one hundred percent has happened multiple times. Multiple times. Multiple times though. And and you're the most approachable. Yeah. It'll happen again. Like, I don't fucking know. You don't I mean, like I like randomly like a postman came to my house months and months and months are like last year I was supposed to be endemic, but like last year I like I ended up talking to this postal delivery person and then just was like, what's your Venmo?
And I just Venmo them like a serious amount of money because I was just like, well, I don't know, I just fucking liked the person and thought and I was just like, this fucking is a grind man. It's a fucking grind. And like, I don't know, whatever. Don't hit me up on Venmo, you guys. I'm serious creeps me out, so, yeah, it's not just that it's sad, it's like it's like I do.
I give so much. I do try to give away a lot. And and if I start doing it in that way, then it's going to be it's like a it's a real disaster for me waiting to happen. So I can't do it that way. But it is so nice that you did that for one. Yeah, my son has been I won't say what company has been doing deliveries for, but on the East Coast, he's been doing deliveries because his restaurant that he worked at closed.
Every time I talk to him, I'm like, how's work going? And he says, like, here's what I can say about it. I haven't slipped and fallen on ice yet. So it's like as long as that doesn't happen, I feel like like it's a positive. And so I talked to him the other day and I was like, how's it going? And he's like, well, it finally happened like, oh my God. Called for a delivery.
It was ice cream and the person had ordered ice cream and it was a really steep driveway that hadn't been shoveled. And the person was standing in their door watching. And he's like and I totally wiped out and, like, flung the bag across the yard and it really hurt. And I was just about to, like, make a self-deprecating joke about how I just wiped out in front of the person. And it was embarrassing. And the guy opened the door and he was like, if you can hurry up, there's someone trying to pull into my driveway now.
People are such dicks. Yeah, I asked what he got tipped and he was like, I didn't I couldn't even look because I'm sure it wasn't good.
But anyway, so but that is so while that's just like saying or so. Yeah.
Karmically, it was very nice of you on your way for that one delivery person. No, no. I try to do stuff like that.
All the you know, as much as I can. Mark had a real night the other night, like a tough emotional evening.
And I was like, I need to take a walk. And I was like, yeah, I get it. Go take a walk.
And and then when he came back, I was like, what do you do? And he's like, I don't know. I ended up like. Talking to this guy, the homeless guy, for like 30 minutes, and then I just like went to an ATM and got a bunch of money and gave it to him was like that.
But like that's like the kind of thing. They had a really intense conversation, I guess, I think nice.
You get that here, New York is, you know, I mean, yeah, my Samsun that that wiped out on the ice that has been doing deliveries to, like, support himself.
So that was one thing like even when he was a baby, he was always just one of those people that was engaging with everybody on the streets of New York in the subway. And it's really interesting at a really early age, I noticed that he would always when there was a unhappiest person on the subway or whatever that would approach us, he would always ask, hey, what's your name?
And it would just like change the whole like it would just dynamic the whole person's like, yeah, countenance. And I was like, what makes you do that? And he was like, well, I want to know their name. Like, everybody wants someone to know their name. I'm like, that's, you know, like that's the most important thing. That's like one of the things that keeps us alive is like knowing that somebody knows our name and cares what our name is.
And I think he would totally get Mark going out and talking to someone and emptying his bank account. I mean, I I feel like it's interesting, I, you know, inherited from Barbara Phillips, I talked to everyone.
Yeah, everywhere all the time.
And it is the thing that, like I remember as a kid, like, why do you have to know the grocery lady checkout person?
So I'm like, why do you have to talk to them about their kids, the bus or at their favorite restaurant at like my parents' favorite restaurant.
When she passed away, like my mom, they were like, you know, like my mom like knew her.
Yeah. They, you know, like my mom was like there.
And I feel like it was a thing that as a kid I was so like always rolling my eyes that but it just really permeated my being. And it is who I am as an adult. I'm interested in talking to everybody. And like, I don't understand when people like don't look people in the eye, you know what I mean? Like, if you're in a store, if you're at a gas station, if you're in a bank, a fuckin movie theater, like, how do you not you guys never go into movie theaters again, by the way.
That's just enough. Why? That's an aside.
You know, what did you while doing? Did you hear what they're doing here? Now you can rent out an entire theater for like one hundred dollars and like to watch a movie. I have deja vu. Deja vu.
We already talked about the I think we've talked about the ability to rent a movie theater. One of the chains started doing it a few months back.
Have we? I have I know this is crazy deja vu right now, OK? I don't know what's happening. There's a glitch in the Matrix.
OK, wait, so my here's OK, so my response was intense.
Hopefully it's going to take care of some shit, you know what I mean? Like, it'll grow back better. This has been I've been struggling with this turn out for years now. Yeah. And she had to go. She just had to get the fuck. She had to go. Yeah. She was evicted. Yeah. You surrendered. I surrendered and it was real gross.
And Casey, I know you hate feet, but it was listen. Shockingly disgusting. Yeah. I mean, I find it shockingly disgusting with all their toenails on.
So I can't even tell you how I'm feeling right now.
But it but it really like honestly now it like is fine. I don't know. I'm not I was like scared of it but now I'm like. Yeah, just your life. I don't know, it's fine, it's just my this is my toe nail. It's not a big deal. And so many people have deemed me so many people and they're like, oh, my God, I had my toenails removed.
Oh, my God. My daughter was two years ago.
So that to me it's very common, I guess. I don't know. Then I got I just like the yeast infection or something.
We I don't know what's wrong with my vagina, but I'm going to the gyno, OK, today. All right. I'm going to find out.
And everyone's like, it's from the poll. It's not from the poll clothes.
You guys, you don't wipe your vagina. Who said it's from the poll?
So many people well, how many people know you have a yeast infection? Well, I talked about it on now 100 stories, but yeah, yeah, OK, all right. I like posted on my Instagram stories that I was using Monistat. Oh, see, I missed that one. There you go. Algorithm, algorithm. Keeping it away from you.
But like I thought yeah, I thought I was used to perfection, but like fucking now and then I didn't doing too much online research. And I'm convinced that, like, maybe it's menopausal. I don't even fucking know. And then I'm like, if it is menopausal.
Oh, boy, what a journey. Yeah. I was at 41. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I'm definitely you know, I would want to be I'd want to be. You're moving back to L.A.. Yes. If you're going through menopause, I'm not going through menopause.
I'm what you are. But it could be anything including and this is and this is my this is my admission. About things I couldn't put inside me, I am vigilant about sterilizing my diva cups like yours.
So if you are a diva, if you're a listener who doesn't use, like, traditional tampons or like period underwear or pads or whatever, if you're if you're a cup user, then, you know, I hope that, like, before you use your cup every month. And aft, and when your period is done for the week or for days or whatever, however long you believe, I don't know, I'm like five days. You sterilize it in boiling water like you would like a baby's pacifier, or also it's like this is exactly the same thing, just different orifices.
So you sterilize it. So like you boil water and you put it in this period. I was like, it's been in the back. I'm sure it's fine, I didn't have time. I was just like, ran it under hot, soapy water. And you guys, I'm worried I got like a bacterial infection from it or something, and because I and I feel like it's my fault and I didn't I didn't do the proper thing or or the soap I used, I didn't, like, get I was going off.
And then I had, like, a reaction to the soap.
Anyway, I feel dumb. Well, you shouldn't feel dumb. Well, and also it's like the worst thing to have being itchy because you can't scratch it really, you know, no, I'm not like a toddler.
And it's like, you know, it's like you're not going to look inside yourself to scratch, you know, also these nails.
Yeah. Absolutely not.
So, like, if you have an itchy elbow, no big deal to scratch it, but itchy vagina, you just have to sit down live.
Can't do it with that. I know. Anyway. And then I became convinced too that I have that like Candida thing, which is yeast. And that's why I have yeast. You know, I don't know what it is.
So it's so much better now. But I'm going to go to the gyno today anyway and just just check it out and see what's happening.
Did you get the a.k.a. the like juice things? I don't know what that is, but I did get that those shots.
Yeah, like the oil and the shots that you take for I don't know what that.
Well, is it the Black Kuman. Yeah, well, New York's not a real black human itchy vagina juice place like they're like go to the guy gyno.
That's that's not a real organic place. Yeah, I know.
And like and even like the juice bars, you go in there and it's like not I got a fight with the lady at the grocery store.
No, you did not. Yeah. Because I was like, where's the organic yogurt that you asked me to get? And she's like, who needs organic yogurt? I was like, literally everyone should be eating organic yoghurt.
She's like, No, ma'am. I was like, oh, OK. No, ma'am.
I was like, OK, well, I guess I'll just get this one. Like, what do you want? Like, it's just insane. Even at Whole Foods, they have things that aren't organic.
And I'm like, this isn't right. Not right. It's not right.
If you if I'm buying Nilla Wafers out of Whole Foods, I'm not a real Wholefoods mom. And that's just what I'm going to say.
Listen, OK, so I don't think that's anything that I'm doing my best at. Yeah, I mean. Although I will say when you texted me that you were letting the doctor rip your toenail off, you're not going to let him rip until I was really surprised because the old you would have been like you would have texted me and I'll be like, should I let this guy rip my tongue off? No, I don't know him. I've never seen him before.
I don't know anyone that's seen this doctor. Let's just do the minimal treatment and see what happens. And you and New York were like, I'm just gonna let him rip it off. We're going to just try something different. You know what, Ray? So you've been surrendering? That's what I think that that's what I think our theme of being here as two people who really loved L.A. and really had a home is like you've surrendered.
I surrendered. That's right. And you know what? I didn't ask anyone. I didn't text Mark. I didn't text anyone. I just was like I talked to the doctor.
I was a little bit like he's a dude and the other doctor who just started in the practice was a woman and has the same last name as one of my very close friends from high school.
And also just she's a woman, so I trusted her more.
So I looked at her and I was like, What do you think? Like, tell me what? Tell me the real.
And she was like. Yeah, it's honestly, it's just going to be easier if you do it this way and it'll like be done and and it's like a pain for the next couple like two days, but then it'll be so much better.
And I was like, all right, let's just do it. I just fucking went for it. Mm hmm.
When he did hit play on a thousand miles, I did question my friend for a second, but I was like went through with it.
I will see. There's something I did in the water in New York that I like. For as tough as New York is, I do find people there to be much more decisive. And just like everybody is constantly moving forward on things and nobody's really like.
Seeing how things are going to go, you know what I mean? So I think that it must be something in the water because that just made you like I'm just going to move forward with this. Like, there's no point in waffling on this. Like, let's just get it done.
Well, there's definitely something in the water here because it tastes like arsenic.
I had a friend who did I tell you what happened on set on girls by that time?
The props guy like we, you know, only episodes, we didn't get to the point where I could, like, slip him a 20 and he'd put real wine in my right cup, like we got like Cougar Town. That was our vibe.
But so it was normally like if it was it was just like water that was like he put some drops of color in it or, you know, whatever, and.
And I was I had a scene where I was like drinking white wine, I was like, oh, this is just like, what is this? This is so gross. This tastes disgusting. I think it's like the drops you're putting in it like that other than that.
And he was like I was like, maybe it's like, is the glass not cleaned? Like, I know you clean the glasses, but like it smells moldy, it's like bad.
And he's like, give me give me one second.
And he laughs and he came back, looked exactly the same, handed it to me. He's like, try that. I tried it. And I was like, oh yeah, no this is fine.
Did you get a new glass.
And he's like. No, I asked the for your essential water that you and I put that in instead of the like water from the tap water that had the filtered tap water that we had been using.
He's like, you are literally one of two people I've ever worked with that could taste the difference in the water, it looks like.
Yes. I'm from L.A.. And it is weird, though, because it is one of the things that people who grew up here are from here, whatever, are very proud of the water here, and we're like the greatest water in the world.
And New York is the last word. And the people and they're like, it's all water pizza.
Yeah. Yeah. OK, listen, should we get to our interview? We didn't go over with anyone. Oh, I didn't see what I was doing my best. I don't know.
That's what I want to hear. Did the I think I think that was it just simply did it.
Just embracing, just surrendering, embracing, embracing it all and being open.
I mean, I don't know. I've had a hard week. I'm not going to lie. It's been a hard week, but I feel like. I don't know, I do feel grounded in that idea of like, let's just fucking go with, you know, let's like try to just keep going with the flow. I had a real witchy moment the other day. Because Mark had said this, that he was like that after that night, the next morning woke up and we were talking and he was like, you know, last night it was like I was having such a hard time sleeping.
And I just, like, kept saying over and over in my head, we're still here. Like, we're just still here, you know, like we're all still here. We're just all still here. Yeah.
And and I was like, shuffling these gratitude cards that I have, which are kind of cheesy, but I also do sort of like them.
And I do pull them out from time to time. And I'm like, oh, that's a good one. Yeah, I was like absent mindedly shuffling them while he was talking to me and I literally pulled one from the middle that said, we're still here. And Mark was like, what are you doing, why how did you do that magic trick? Why did you do that to me? That's weird. Stop doing magic tricks. And I was like, that wasn't a magic trick, genuinely.
My gratitude card. Let's pull gratitude cards today. All right. And then we'll talk to Josh Gandelman. Yeah. Do you want to pick a gratitude card first or shall I? I think you should go first of yours.
OK, let's say gratitude card number.
Lou, a few times we really felt understood. OK, all right, right, and you pick yours. It says there are people who have loved us even though we didn't totally deserve their affection or devotion.
Mm hmm. Oh, I feel like that's an interesting thing.
Interesting. It is shady. OK, my first thought was who has loved me? I have never. I felt that well, not like obviously for my family and friends, yeah, like. Yeah, OK, Casey, are you sending your vibe? Yeah. Everyone messes up their life quite a bit. Mm hmm. What are these why is this? I mean, I don't know. I like them.
That's a guy like me because you know that I hate making mistakes. Yeah.
And the best I do without ever do for me when I make a mistake is to say, like, it's OK, we'll fix this mistake, you know? So that's a good one for me. You know, I had a birdie had a real situation this past weekend that was like fucking. Oh, it was terrible and I can't really fully talk about it because I didn't get their permission and also maybe maybe this is just like more about me because I feel like I was a good parent, you know what I mean?
Yeah. Let's be honest. Busy. Like, let's let's where are we centering this?
Is it about the experience or is it about the fact that I think I thrived in the moment of crisis and really killed it? And you know what the truth is? I just I do feel like I've killed it.
But here's what I want to say. My number one best thing that I said during. Said situation with my kid. Yeah, everybody. Does things that they know they're not supposed to do, that's being human. The trick to being a good person, a good human, is what you do right after that. Like, and how you let it affect you or how you move on or how you take steps to rectify what's been done, you know, and like I do feel like that's the thing.
Everybody is going to make mistakes and everybody human instinct is to like. At one time, at one point or another, you're going to do something that you know you shouldn't be doing or shouldn't have done like, you know. I shouldn't open that closet. But, you know, I don't know why, yeah, like Bell, I was thinking Beauty and the Beast for some reason. No, no.
Beauty and the Beast, guys, she's not supposed to go to the West Wing, but that's where the library is anyway.
It's all in the aftermath is all. My point is, that's my that's great parenting advice to say to your children. Being a human, every human is going to make a choice at some point that they know better, but. What we really need to make sure that we do is in the immediate aftermath, do the right thing. Or work toward it unless. Unless that's good advice. You know, making an explosive device for a gender reveal party, in which case.
You guys didn't even get to that, let's talk about it after. Well, we can talk about let's talk to Josh and Josh. Calm down. After a divorce.
Yeah, a delightful, a delightful, a delightful human. We enjoyed our talk very much. Josh is a comedian, he's a writer for DS and Métro. He has the Make My Day podcast. He has a really fun book out. And he took time out of his busy schedule of staying home constantly to talk to us. And he really loves his wife. It's cute. Yeah, it's a delight. Anyway, listen to our discussion with Josh.
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Josh, I want to say that we're so thrilled to have you on, you're such a professional. Oh, my gosh, thank you. At this, that's very kind of specific thing. I appreciate your saying so.
You also are when you say, well, we're I mean, we're trying.
Are you in Los Angeles and you're in Los Angeles.
In New York. I'm in New York, but I moved here. How would you like it? How do you like this this version of it?
It's very strange. Yeah. I've spent a lot of I mean, obviously, I've spent a ton of time in New York over many, many years of my life, but I've never lived here ever. I really like it so much. But also it's very cold.
It is very cold. I'm from the islands at the Massachusetts. I'm from the Boston area in Massachusetts. So I'm like used to I grew up, I used to the cold and believing that I don't deserve better than that, I can't see also from the Massachusetts area.
I lived in New York for many years in Connecticut and worked in New York.
You guys, Casey can really speak to this because you've made a leap in life transition to the West Coast. What do you think about the weather situation? Oh, I like it. I was definitely, like, ready.
I'm I'm don't want to shovel snow years old.
And so I was ready to to give that up, to give up that life. Josh, do you ever think you'll do it? I think I'm certainly open to it. My wife is more interested in it. She hates the winter and is like, right. You can never experience it again. And so I'm I'm happy to move to it, to have children. We don't we have we have a small one small fat pug that's fantastic named. Named, busy, busy.
Well, I know you have a dog named Busy, I know you've done your research. I don't presume to know your wife, like, tweeted it a while back.
Yes, a year ago.
Who knows what time one year feels like nothing and everything. And this time two years ago, I was Hutten man for sport and now we can't get close enough.
Which is the most dangerous game you were on?
Oh, sorry. I thought that was like a real thing.
No, no, no, no.
Well, it was that movie, the Damon Lindelof. Lindelof. That's all right. Damon Lindelof know that the movie that they wouldn't release on because of.
Because the hunt. Yeah.
Because it was to country was very politically charged. People made it into you and then they. Yeah.
There's also a movie for many, many years ago, an indie movie that starred the girl that was in the picture, Lois Lane, Lois Smith's daughter, what's her name, shoot Brooks Mafia.
Brooke, her mom is like legendary publicist Lois Lois Smith. Yeah. Really?
Yeah. She was Brosius Hubbell.
She got her daughter into the pit. Yeah, well, she she she was in this indie movie back when I was in my early twenties and very into indie movie. Yeah. You know. Yeah. And she was in a movie called Series seven. Yeah. That was about like a dystopian near future where people were forced to like it was like a reality.
It was a reality show. Yeah. It was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Reality show future.
But it was really it was actually very ahead of its time. Yeah. I saw it.
She was, was she pregnant and it. Yes, she's like a pregnant woman wanting to yeah, to win a reality show. Yeah, wow. I remember I saw it back then.
I don't I don't remember much, but I remember that it was in that sounds like a distressing mash up of The Hunger Games and Teen Mom.
Yeah, kind of the other. I had it on VHS, guys. I had VHS for a long time. Me too.
Josh, how's it going? How's your podcast? It's been so fun. I really enjoyed making it. I would like to come on. I would love for you to come on. You would be an ideal guest.
Well, I'm in right now. I'm not working so much on my other show, the TV show that was exhausting.
The Tina Fey. Are you are you still going? We're wrapped for the season. They did sort of because, you know, covid thing we did, we only did eight episodes.
I think they were like, maybe we can make it through eight. That's incredible. Yeah, yeah. And the only thing kind of major that happened that, like, fucked us up a little bit was that I got strep throat.
Oh, no. Did you were you worried when it happened that you're like, oh no, I got the thing.
And then it wasn't a hundred million percent. Yes. Every time it was any time I have like like I sneeze and I'm like, well this is curtains for me and.
Yeah. Oh, great. I'm blinded. Hold on. That's fine.
Josh, you're getting a real delux look at how we never officially start the podcast or the interview. You just I just start typing and then.
I'm not here to judge you on a podcast, I'm just here for the conversation. Josh, I have a question. Do you enjoy doing other people's podcasts? Do you enjoy this space? You've certainly had a great deal of experience and success.
And I would say I do. I love it. I mean, I this lately, you know, in this past year, so much of my time getting to, like, hang out and collaborate with friends and like, goof off has been doing podcasts. We get such a a defined space where it's you know, at first it was like all my college friends would go like, hey, let's get on a Google Hangout together and be like 15 people.
And you couldn't have a conversation. But like when someone says, hey, come do my podcast, I, I go from my living room where I was watching Seinfeld reruns of my wife. And she now has she has a work event. And I came into the office. I'm like, this is such a treat to get to have a phone conversation. Yeah, I love it. What about you?
I mean, no, I mean, I love no one likes to talk more than me, just like literally like the thing that I have hung all of my hands on talking. But I do find that some people like.
Get really like. Well, they talk about it like that in that it's an arduous thing that they have to do what I think that's bullshit. What oh, what a low stakes thing to feel burdened by, you know what I mean?
Because you could always just not do a podcast if you if you feel that badly about it.
But also, we don't like people. Do people think you make like so much money doing podcast, which I do not. Right. You know.
We know. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. You know, you say you've heard you've heard my podcast. You're like nobody's right.
But you know, we know. No, we just know from our own experiences. It's also funny because it is very low stakes, but I think everybody's just transferred their ire about, like scheduling anything to like the easiest, you know what I mean? Like, I like it because I probably never I would probably say, oh, yeah, let's do a Google Hangout and then never really do it. But because this is official and there's a calendar for it and like you're coming here, then I will get on it because I feel like I have a responsibility.
But it is not hard to get on this zoom, but I kind of sometimes maybe think that people are like it's the same as like having agreed to go to a cocktail party. But now it's just like you just have to go in the other room.
Sure, sure. Sure. Yeah. But you know what's interesting, like I am now, because I don't know, Josh, how what your how much of me you're familiar with.
But I really did do so much of the Instagram storying. Yes. For so long. Yeah.
But today literally I was like, oh, I wish we were just doing the podcast today. I have like things I want to talk about. And then I looked and I like literally haven't posted an Instagram story in like eight hours or something like that. Like, I'm not interested particularly in going to the.
Stories, sure, and like giving it up, yeah, yeah, but doing the podcast just once a week, Casey, I feel like look, I wasn't planning on talking about all the.
Women's Health Birth started writing about this week, but it was like I had just gotten a pap smear, Josh, so at the forefront of my mind.
Anyway. I feel like I want a daily radio show. We do agree that ideas XM, the other thing the other thing about Instagram, I feel like I haven't looked at anything new in weeks.
Like there's so little that I'm like, oh, I get to take a picture this to remember it. It's like my apartment. I take so many pictures that are just my wife holding our dog, cradling the dog like a baby.
You took a really good the like the best picture of Marus and the dog recently.
Thank you. It's very funny because when she holds the dog around the middle and their faces are like roughly parallel, the dog looks she's a 24 pound pug. She looks person sized because Maris is so she's petite. And so when you only see, like, the dog's head and torso and Maris's head and torso, they look like the same size as the biggest pug or the smallest lady.
The other day you took one where Maris was holding, like you said, busy around the middle.
And she was just like the dog was ramrod straight and just looking like the little dog posture, like looking up at the at the ceiling.
And it was just it was a work of art, I have to say. She's so funny.
Josh, I need to talk to you about this, because this is very important to us here, because he Phillips is doing her best. But I know you are from the Massachusetts area. Yes, from the metropolitan area. I don't know the East Coast. That's right. Is like my first this is my first day. There's too much. All the states are small and wrinkly.
I'm from the American Southwest where it takes you 10 hours to get to the nearest state. And even then you it'll take you an additional many hours to get to a city.
We would go to New Hampshire as a teen. We would go to New Hampshire for fun. Yeah, no sales tax. We would go with fireworks. I mean, I don't understand.
I don't understand the liquor liquor laws.
Oh, God. Yeah. I was like the other night when we were wrapping our show, I had gotten some cocktails and had them in my room, by the way, covid no fucking wrap party.
So basically it was just like the four actors were like since we all had tested negative and we all had had our masks off anyway. I guess the four of us all just sit in a room and have drinks, which, by the way, was delightful.
Yeah, sure. Because I love those girls. But one of us wanted wine and I was like, well, there's a grocery store across the street just like someone go run and buy a bottle of wine. And they're like, that's not how New York works. I was like, oh, my God, you guys, what's happening? It's what's happening.
The liquor laws, I think, were drafted on the Mayflower and applied forever forward, a very patrician, old fashioned.
And the fact that there's like it's too many states, I don't like it. It's like we're having Yoki, right? You're like, I'm not going to have a cutlet or something. I'm going to have a bunch of little state nagging little little nuggets.
I prefer a palm. A chicken parm. Yeah, I understand.
Or even just a chicken cutlet.
Like I was saying earlier, that he doesn't feel like he deserves better weather wise.
That is I like also applies to the liquor laws on the East Coast. Like people are just like we don't deserve to have easier ways to get liquor.
Well, everyone also the other thing that's confusing to me here is the weed thing. Like I don't understand at all why it's not legal or like even medicinally in New York, like, that's so wild to me. But if the produce that we've been eating is any indication of the quality of weed, you would be growing here.
Maybe we don't legalize it because it's not.
You're getting like someone's older brother.
High school grade is not going to be good.
Yeah, because just ogo certainly pickled produce in New York.
I feel like once a year Cuomo is like, all right, you can have weed in the future, but as long as you stay in the basement, if you're going to do it, do it under my roof and then it never goes further than that.
When I first got here in September, though, there were like all of these giant ARV's, like on Broadway that had like weed in them.
But I didn't understand what was happening, if that was legal, what they had, like they were like rap, you know, like rapped with like they were like for twenty, blah, blah, come inside, get your weed.
And I was like, this does not seem like the thing that I'm going to do, but seems like seems rattrap.
Yeah. That seems like a trap.
Well, for a second I thought maybe it was like it had been legalized and I just didn't know. It's probably a trap anyway.
Being from the East Coast, being from Massachusetts, I saw on your bio a picture of you wearing full Donkin. Oh, yeah.
Gear. Yes. And you're a fan. Big Duncan fan. Yeah, I guess.
Do you have thoughts on whether or not Ben Affleck owns a piece of Donkin? At this point?
I've heard rumors that this I can't speak to the like photography of it, but I heard rumors that the Duncan thing is like sincere and it's not a financial stake. That's not true. That it's just his East Coast preference, really, which I Josh, I've been telling busy of, as I've been saying.
Yes. How deep it goes with with us from Massachusetts.
That's how much we love Dunkin Donuts, even though, you know, like, it's not magical or whatever. But it's like. But Josh, it's comical. It's so funny.
Well, you you posted you're very kind of post that that piece I wrote about Ben Affleck a couple of months ago and. Yeah. Feels I want to believe, like there are some things there are some celebrity couples, you know, or any couples that you just see the way you're like, I just want to believe this love is real. And that's how I feel about Ben Affleck and Dunkin Donuts.
I just want to believe so badly that this love is real and isn't just set up by his PR or like he has some kind of minority ownership in a in a franchise or something.
I just like I just thought that because remember when Duncan was having, like, a kind of rough time a couple of years ago and then they changed their name to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they lost the donuts. Yeah.
And I kind of was like, there's got to be some version of this where like a few years ago Dunkin was going down. And maybe it was the Affleck brothers, I don't know, sure, but definitely Ben got in there and was like. And, you know, he owns part of Dunkin. It could be a case of like Duncan had a rough time a couple of years ago, it was like maybe Ben realized how close he came to losing something that he loved and he just like recommitted himself to.
This was also when Ben Affleck was having, I think, a rough time. And I did. And I like that he really he recommitted himself, you know, he said his life back on the right track with by rekindling his relationship with Dunkin Donuts.
But also like when as Ben Affleck not.
I know. I know. I want him to be. Well, yeah. Yeah, I root for him.
Are you? And because we're from Massachusetts, I think it's like we're kind of required to root for him. But also, like, I just I'm rooting for him.
Yeah, well, I feel like his his anguish is so well documented. And I almost heard about this. I think I wrote about it in my book that, like, I'm just his character in Gone Girl. Like people were like he's just playing himself. He's like, no, that's good acting. We should give him credit for doing a good job in this movie, because when you watch a movie and you're like, I think that's just how that guy is, that means they're playing the character believably, right?
That's right. But at the same time. I don't know, he exhausts me. I can see that. Oh, I can see that.
We'll have to send you Josh I made for Sentara and Casey, I made masks with Ben Affleck wearing a tiny mouth. I love that. I'm going to send one to you. Thank you. Thank you so much.
I appreciate that. I have a dunking, actually. Just drop it off at your house tomorrow.
It's been a long time since I've had visitors like, look, if you want to come and murder me, at first I would just be like, hey, do you want something to drink first? Because I'm playing video. So lonely.
Has it been what's it been like for you, Marrison?
I have had fortunately having each other has been really wonderful. I had a birthday about a month ago and it really shook me up where I was like, because normally we we live right across the street from our favorite bar and we I, I just invite people and I get a little drunk and buy everybody drinks and just feel, feel like a king and it makes me so happy. And then this year we had it was a long weekend around around my birthday and you know, it was very nice to spend time with kids, but I was like, oh, this is like when we would see our friends.
And so it's been I've had, like overall a very gentle experience of this pandemic. I've been working basically the whole time. I've I haven't been alone. We haven't been in each other's hair. We have like enough space that we can both do our jobs at home. But like, it's I'm starting to feel like, OK, as as as gentle as that's been, I am still going to complain all the time.
So my my dog wakes up between 2:00 and 3:00 every morning and I walk her between 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning and it's so high maintenance, she's so high maintenance, she's a little round diva, she's so cute and so grumpy.
She's thirteen and a half baby.
I know she's we call her the little baby and then we called her that. We got her when she was eight. And then Maria Bamford called her special little baby. And we were like, that's like our dog.
That's great too. But yeah, it's she's so I was just like walking at 3:00 in the morning. I have a mask. I don't wear it unless I see a person like across the street and I'll put it on her to be a gentleman.
And I was just like, what a stupid, horrible reality this is. Yeah, insane.
I had a I almost had a Melda just today because somebody tweeted and I've seen this a thousand times. Somebody will tweet, what's the first thing you're going to do? And this is all over and it's the thousandth time that I've seen that. Yeah, but just for whatever reason today it made me have a meltdown because I was like, it's never gonna be over.
There is not going to be a first thing.
I was I the other thing that got me was when I saw the picture of O.J. Simpson getting the vaccine and I was like, I get why from a public health perspective, O.J. Simpson would be a vaccine.
Brierty He's he's an older man. It's you can't just you know, you can't just be like, well, he lost the civil lawsuit. He doesn't get the vaccine right now.
It goes. But I was like, oh, I'm so far from getting this vaccine and O.J., it's just like we're doing it. Oh, hey, guys. Casey, I sent it to you.
Right, the like waiting list. I mean, there's no fucking chance for any of us because we're in New York and L.A., respectively. But do you know about, like, the two different waiting lists to, you know, what did you do for waiting lists?
Casey, I sent it to you.
I don't think you did. No, I didn't see it, Casey. I did. Busy.
I just look now in the last thing that I have is a conversation about Armie Hammer. But if he gets a vaccine before me, I'll be very lucky. I don't think I'm going to qualify until they have it over the counter.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not really literally never getting a job.
I'll take some plan B, and that's what's right. I don't want to have a baby or coronavirus. Yeah, you're not ready for it either.
Josh, I was I was telling busy that you were speaking of birthday parties that you are at my husband's birthday party in New York City at Salvacion Taco. It's great when our other mutual friend Daniele had like she had signed like a book deal that day.
And she came in like a queen and she was like, double the margaritas. And Matthew and I got really drunk.
And then our teenage son had to drive us home from Manhattan.
And I remember that Eli. Yeah, he lectured us the whole way. He was like, you were sloppy drunk in front of your friends.
It was so embarrassing. Oh, my. Really flip the script. When I was in high school, even when I was a driving age, I had a friend whose parents would like drunk driving home from stuff. You could just let us drive. It's legal, but it's that Massachusetts thing of like, I don't deserve better, whether it's like where the parents will drive no matter how drunk we are.
Oh, my God, that's insane. Oh, I have the thing.
Like, my mom picked me up once from a party because I was too drunk to drive home. And I, like, really believed my mom when she was like, you won't get in trouble, just call me and I'll come get you or whatever. And she did. She came and got us. And I don't remember if I got in trouble, it actually doesn't matter, because the truth is I just got home and had a hangover the next day and like went back and got my Honda Civic and like, there you go.
That's a happy ending. I was it was a happy ending.
She might have lectured me, but like, you don't remember because you were drunk. I was the designated driver responsible. No fun friend until I was like 25. Oh, my gosh. I'm the no friend friend that's also drunk.
What about all the cocaine you do? I feel like people are. Wow. OK, this is called busy. This is very dope.
This is rumor and insinuation and outright lies. Like everyone I know was always, always talking to you online about your cocaine. About my cocaine problem. Yeah. Which is of course non existent and was invented by Matt covid clifftop Statham's.
Right. But that tracks. I do. I too have never had a cocaine problem.
I truly but I did use Zicam a lot once when I was in my twenties when I thought I was getting a cold and I was on a TV show and they brought the set doctor to check me out and he was like. We need to talk about the cocaine, and I was like, what I've never done, I've never Josh, I did so many drugs in high school, but they were all it was all like. It was all ecstasy, basically.
It was like that, was it? It was like ecstasy and weed, acid and mushrooms, but not an alcohol bodyweight.
But so I but I've never seen Lipitor. Wow. Lipitor or whatever.
What was the one what was the one that made people have like the anal leakage. That was the straw. That was that, that was just the things they put in those chips. Yeah. Those big. Yes, I loved them.
A really good friend of mine who is like a very powerful television executive shat herself before an important meeting because she ate Olestra chips. Is that true? That is a pound. Yeah. She had to tie her, like, power suit jacket around her waist.
And I was like, you still smell like shit.
Oh, my God. She was like, well, I'm going to be standing far away. Hopefully no one will know.
Did it work? Did they sell the pitch? Yeah, did she sell it? I don't know, that's a good question. I don't I don't remember.
I just remember that she pooped herself because then after that, you've got to start shitting your pants before every big meeting for luck. For good luck. Yeah.
It's like it's like a bird shitting on you.
But it's yourself. Yeah. I don't think that, guys.
I don't think that holds the bird thing. You know, the shitting yourself. Oh yeah.
I don't really know if there's anyone listening. That's like did that work. I would recommend Dondre.
Well Josh, we liked speaking of shitting yourselves before our big meeting, of course, an obvious segue.
We do like to talk about Pivot's in life.
Yes, we're here on this show, I like one thing that I like to know from people, and you're like a very accomplished writer.
I mean, you've been how many Emmys do you have? Like, forty seven Emmys.
I think I have for that. Four Emmys. Four Emmys is the equivalent of 47. You know what I mean? It's.
Yes, I do know. Yeah. In that like I feel like I'm so fortunate to have been in that position where I'm like I don't, I don't I'm, I'm great. I feel like I don't have to, like, chase that thing ever.
I which I, I got all of my succeeding out of the way in my early 30s and now it's just doing really well and I'm fine with it.
Well I feel like every show that you've been on has been successful. I feel like you have a book that's very successful. I feel like your podcast is very successful. Sounds like your marriage is very successful.
You're getting better. It better at my marriage and in comedy. Really? Yeah, I think so.
Well, I feel like I'm I feel like I'm a good husband. I think mazing. I'm so delighted my wife is the best. And I have Maris, whose husband he's a writer and it has done all sorts of things with books and publishing and but like as a writer herself has published a book. Yeah. I just like and so I love being married. So that's I am so and this year I think like when a lot of people are kind of like put to the test of like, oh God, like my I'm with this person all day or like I'm by myself all day.
I it's truly the best thing I've had going for me is like waking up every morning being like, oh, we get at least we get to do this together. Oh, I'm not going to cry.
You are a good husband. I wouldn't you are a good husband. We think we can be together ten years.
We've been together seven years. Married for four this may. That's wonderful.
I can't believe it's been four years already. I know it. Time flies. I know it really flies, for this was the first time, like a week ago I was like, how many years is to myself?
I was like, how many years is it on our anniversary? Because the first three as I went through three, but then I was like four, I can't be more than four.
So maybe I'm not that good a husband. How did you guys meet? We met. Oh, this is I mean, this could be my fifth story. OK, good. We met at a party she was throwing and we knew of each other. She had a very successful blog for years that became a book called Slaughterhouse Nine to Uno, which is great. It's so fun. It's still up if you want to look. It's like images from movies and TV and then quotes from books that she's reading or has read in the past.
It's like very fine genius. She's she's so brilliant. Anyway, she was throwing a party for the fifth anniversary of her blog. And then my a mutual friend who we both just met like a month ago was like, oh, I just met you two, do you know each other? And was like, well, we know of each other. We've like tweeted once or twice. And she was like, you got to come to this party.
Since coming home to Manhattan from a show, as your standup shows doing in Brooklyn. And I was like, you know, it's it's on my way. I'll stop in. I, I had been single for like just a month, but I was like I just started a new job. I just started working it last week tonight with John Oliver.
I was doing there like one of my favorite shows, by the way.
Oh, I mean, they do such a great job. I think, you know, I just like everyone I know that still there is like, so wonderful and brilliant. And, like, I just I feel so lucky to have gotten to be there. I worked for five years and it was just a wonderful like so like such a clinic and writing and also just like work I was really proud of. So I go to this party and we we met and just like immediately got along, just like I was like, oh hi, I'm Josh.
She's like, oh, I'm married, this is my party. And I was like, great. And we just started chatting. And she said, what's new? And I just booked a gig in Sweden and I'd never been to Europe before. And they said, I'm going to Sweden. I just found out I'm going to Sweden in a couple of months. I've never been here before. I'm so excited. And she was a little tipsy and she said, well, I want to go to Sweden.
And I, I said, the only cool thing I've ever said in my whole life, which is I said to her, I'm sure, yeah, I mean, we should talk about that. But first, why don't you give me your phone number, let's say, out in the United States first to make sure we don't hate each other. And so I got her phone number, but our friends saw us getting along famously and they were like, well, we should clear out like we got it.
We should let let this happen.
So then, you know, she had a little Basan and I escorted her home to to Brooklyn and then got in a second cab all the way up to Harlem, where I lived at the time. Oh, my God. And wow, it was a long hike.
And then forty dollars later, yeah, it was my whole first paycheck from my first TV job I went to you went to this and so and that's how we met and we, I texted her the next day, I said the second coolest thing, these are the only, the only times I've ever been like, oh, that's kind of a suave thing to say. I texted her. I was like, hey, really great meeting you last night.
Let's hang out soon before it's weird that we haven't hung out yet because, you know, you meet someone, you're like, let's hang out. And then you don't you're like, I guess never. Yeah. And I didn't want that to happen. So we had a like early breakfast, like a sober breakfast that Saturday before I had to drive out of town to do gigs. It was like a nine a.m., a nine a.m. first day. Wow.
Yeah, that's crazy.
It was bonkers, but I was really like I really liked her and like meeting her and really didn't want it to get to that point of like, oh, next week I've got a thing on Tuesday, got do late and it's like this is like the thing.
Listen, Sex and the City did a lot of fucked up things and had a lot of bad ideas.
The show not just sexual intercourse with the city women, not just Sex Sex Inside of City, but the one thing that those dudes and then my husband and his partner wrote the movie version of it, but that he's just not that into you idea is so fucking true because like what you just said, you were like, I felt this thing. And so I was like, I know I'm going out of town to do gigs. You met her at nine in the morning for a sober fucking breakfast.
You knew you weren't going to get laid.
JOSH Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was cool. I like, look, I know what I'm like.
There was no way I was blowing that off. Nothing in the one hour. But you just like, wanted to see her again.
You wanted to spend time with her and you made it fucking happen. Yeah. I mean, and you love her the best.
I'm a real believer in. I do agree with you because I think that's like a compassionate thing to like, that's compassionate advice, right? Like he's just not that into you.
I don't think it's a hard truth, but it's not like the rules where it's like change your whole thing up and then you're suitable to be loved. This is like if someone is not demonstrating that they want to treat you well and that they they value your time and enjoy spending time with you, then maybe it's not worth the effort of pursuing. And I think that's like legitimately excellent advice.
Everybody does like a lot of mental gymnastics writer friends because nobody wants to nobody wants people to feel bad because we all want people to be like we you are like the best thing that's ever happened and like we see it.
And so, like, obviously he wants to see you, but he had to, like, go to stand up. So, like, that's why you couldn't see him again. But the truth is, like, even if the guy's going to do a gig, he's going to meet you at nine a.m. for breakfast if he wants to see you. And I mean, part of that is like I'm a deeply on cool person in terms of like being reserved about stuff, like I'm just like, oh, if I want to be friends with someone, I'll be like, hey, it was really cool to meet you.
Do you want to come to this thing or do you know what I mean? Like, I just feel like there's no I felt so little benefit in, like, playing it cool, but also because people don't buy it, they're like, you're definitely playing it cool. That's not cool.
Well, you know, that feeling your coolness as a woman with blond hair and a vocal fry, I have often had my excitement been misconstrued as stupidity.
But like, really what you are describing is the same thing that I've always wanted to put forth into the world, which is just like.
It's either like there's not enough time in the world or there's too much time, but either way I see this thing, you seem like let's do it.
Like, let's yeah, let's be excited about stuff. Like if we like, let's like talk about how much we like it.
And, you know, listen, I love that as like I was like a force for conversation and energy. Like obviously there's stuff that's bad and that needs to be talked about and change. But there's also like, man, I just heard this album and it's so good and I want to share it with people. And that's like the energy that I want to be bringing to, like my friendships and to social media and the energy you're talking about before of like you're the best you deserve the best things, even if that's the situation you're in.
Is it right for you? Even if this guy isn't interested in you, even if this job didn't pan out like I believe in you, I'm psyched for you and like I'm ready to go to the mat for for you as a friend, did you have a hard time dating or finding people that you like genuinely felt that thing for before?
That's a good question. I was I I was in relationships a lot like, you know, a year and a half or so at a time. But when I dated, like, pre, you know, when I was like, oh, I should go on dates like the period where I was like online dating, which was pretty tinder post normalization.
So the brief period where, like, you were just on OK, Cupid. And that was the thing I would I went out on like a bunch of dates in the stretch and I didn't feel it. It was like and I knew it and it wasn't like it. It wasn't like bad or animosity. But I would go out and have like a drink or an appetizer with someone and just be like, no, because I know when there's somebody that I want to spend time with and it wasn't even like that.
I wasn't like so magnetic that they were like, we I have to be with you. And I was like, but I can't do just that, like really. Like I and I, I knew I think I knew that it wasn't worth like chasing down like barking up the wrong tree. Right. Like chasing down people that I wasn't enthusiastic about spending time with because I have a lot of I have a busy life, I have lots of friends.
It's just not worth like I was never motivated to be like I think if we went up three more times, I could hit it, though, you know what I mean? I was just like, no, this isn't that's not a I don't want that's not like how I'm going to spend my time.
And it's not like a courteous thing to do to this person that I just know well that that says a lot about just how you are, you know, as as a person like you just you're motivated by different things. I think I feel comfortable saying that about you, that I know you well enough to say that I think that you're motivated by different things than we usually expect guys to be motivated by. And and it really works in your favor.
I think I think you I mean, there have definitely been times where I'm like, oh, you know, I don't know how many times I want to see this person, but I would like to kiss them now, like obviously like that is.
And I think that's that's fair. But I think generally I was not, like, dating to hook up. I was like dating to, like, meet someone that I wanted to spend time with outside of that additionally, you know, so I would like go on one date and would just be like, you know, this it just feels like the idea of like spending additional time, like with the goal of sex feels like, oh, like just that.
But that's not that's not. That's like so many unfun hours to forward and to, like, convince this other person of something.
You know what just occurred to me? This literally just occurred to me is that like dudes have always, like, known how to masturbate.
And like women, girls aren't like taught about self pleasure. And so they, like, get this whole thing wrapped up in it where it's like what you just described is exactly right.
And if somebody had taught me how to fuckin make myself cum when I was a teenager, not taught me, but yeah, I was going to say, no, there wasn't like a guy that came to my house like it so much.
But it's like it's like ingrained in our culture. Sure. I mean, yeah. Roles especially like my generation. And then maybe even like kind of your generation too.
We weren't sort of like told that like sometimes the easier route might be a vibrator. Sure. Yeah. And it's like I think there was so much like culturally even until very recently, where it's like there it was so binary of like dudes or horny chicks don't want to give it up. And it's like that's not, you know, like I think everybody agrees with varying degrees.
That's that's my phrase. It's not Greece. Right. It's OK. That's perfect. It's not just like we're not just like snapping our fingers, singing a song about how like you are.
Balzar, I know the girls are like, I just want some ice cream.
But it's like even in Greece there were like some of the girls were like, no, I'm like I'm trying to, I'm trying to fuck, I'm trying to get out.
Yes. Yeah. One thing about sex is like what is it, what is it analogous to.
Like, OK, so sex is like it can be procreative but usually not. Right. So it's analogous to like a nice night where you're like, we're going to get nachos tonight. Like it's like a nice way every night and a half hour.
But could you imagine if people went through all of the games and like rigamarole trying to get nachos that they did to get sex? Like, can you imagine if you had to pretend to be a different person, right. For like a month to, like, butter someone out to convince them to give you nachos? That would be insane.
Just like maybe we can go bowling.
But that's like all the stigma attached, like specifically because of religion and shit like and and specifically because of like the patriarchy with women and their bodies and like what it means to have desire and like want to fuck.
Right. It has to be like the only way that like.
Religiously, women are taught that it's OK, is that if they're going to procreate with someone that they love deeply so like you have to again, mental gymnastics come in, come into play because you have to do a lot of flips and turns to be like, I guess I'm going to love this person forever because I just want to fuck you right in your head.
But you have to like a four for when it feels like I mean, again, of my I was like brought up even where even guys boys were like, this is like a big serious thing. And I feel like just like now hopefully there's a little it's a little better overall, but I feel like I would have grown up with so much healthier attitudes of people like, hey, this is the thing that comes with like some responsibilities and some risks.
But it's like a collaborative fun thing that two people in my experience do, that two people do together and and like when you both want to and it's like cool and fun and you'll have a good time.
And if you want to do it by yourself, like, that's fantastic. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Save yourself some time. Consolidate the clean up. Yeah.
Did you guys, do you guys watch SNL? But did you watch the Zello commercial? Yes, yes. I mean, that spoke to my soul and I felt.
Very seen and oh, yeah, yes, it's a very it's very charged, very charged and comedian Ted Alexandrite, I think I think I was going to say, yeah, Ted, who's so funny, has like a great standup up from a couple of years ago about it. That's like that. And it's like it's such a great observation, just like that part of the relationship where you're like, check this out. This is odd, right?
Did you see his Instagram post where he was like, yes, everyone's writing to me. I did see Night Live stole my bed. They have 24 hours to send me one dollars.
And he was like and then he was answering questions and people were like, what if they invite you to host SNL? And he was like, well, no, because I don't think that's going to happen.
I'll just take the one million dollar TED rules.
I remember being a fan of his idea to get this off on a tangent, the first being a fan of his. And then like soon after I moved to New York, getting booked on some little show that he had also agreed to do. And I was like very excited. I was like, oh, I'm going to get to watch this guy that I've seen on TV a bunch. And he couldn't he missed the show like he because he was arrested protesting at Occupy Wall Street.
I was like, oh, that's a real dude right there. Like, Guy walks the walk. That's hilarious.
What do you feel about that thing, though, Josh, as a standup and like somebody who's prolific on the social media, like, I have the whole thing, that's like I get a little irony about the idea that, like, only one person has an observational joke about a specific thing. Like it's like, are you fucking kidding me? Like we all have children and try to get them out the door with their shoes on, you know what I mean?
Like, whatever it is. Yeah. So like, what do you think about that thing? I mean, there are clearly like the aggregate sites, right.
Like barstool sports or whatever that suck and just rip.
Right. And all that like Buckcherry stuff where they're just like, oh, we'll just take you and drop your name out and post your joke.
Right. Like that's clearly theft.
But what do you think about, like, going after, I don't know, sort of that like intellectual joke property of other.
I feel like it's tough. I mean, like especially with a show like SNL where it's like so many I know so many brilliant, wonderful original people who work there.
And so I think if it was a bit of mine, I would feel bad, you know what I mean?
And people would be writing me being like they did your bed.
And I would be like and I think Ted's response, like they owe me one million dollars, is like the perfect way to play it, where it's like I'm a little irked at this, but I'm not going to, like, make a sincere fuss and like, cancel SNL because they stole my bet. It happened there. There's a bit that I can't do because it was the the it came up in the pilot. It's an old bit of mine old story that's not relevant to my life.
But it came up in the pilot of Master of None, the Aziz Ansari show, where he he buys plan B for a woman that he slept with.
And he goes, this one's my treat adviser at the pharmacy. And I had like a law. It was like a nine minute story that kind of built you that. And I was like, well, anybody who watches TV will be like, you stole that me. So it's like I got to I've got to leave it behind. And, you know, and I don't think they took that from me. I just think that's like a thing that too funny people might have died.
Right. That's my question. Right.
On the one hand, it's very painful to have something that you came up with go viral in the hands of someone else when you said it. Yeah. Either two days before or two years before. That's kind of a bummer.
But then on the other hand, it's also like, well, I mean, something that I said did go viral.
It's just that my name's not like attached to it. So, I mean, I guess that means I'm on the right track. Like, it's kind of like a confirmation that that, you know, that you got to go in on a little bit, but in a sad way.
Are there ever things on the late night show where you're like, do you guys do checks? Like, does anyone put a thing through Google to see if anyone's tweeted a joke? Do you know what I mean?
Yeah. I mean, I've like definitely I mean, in the last week tonight writers room, we would we would all kind of like check each other and like if something sounded familiar, we'd look it up with Jesus and Mary because we don't write as many like monologue type jokes because the guys are. So Rafie, like, if something sounds familiar and they're like, oh, I've heard something like that before, we'll make the call. Like, is it similar enough that we leave it in the cut or is it, oh, you know, this was someone else.
Does a joke like this will cut it. I think it's like trying to be scrupulous about that, about that stuff is like important because I don't I know it would be painful for me to see if, like, a bit that I do appeared on a show and somebody I knew could have prevented it from happening easily.
Yeah, I think it's like I, like, have. Thought of whenever I think of like an observational funny tweet, I always Google it first.
Yeah, because I'm like their chances are someone's fucking set up. Yeah. You know, like me. Like if and a few times it's like happened where it's like, oh yeah, yeah. That was like so-and-so said that thing and like who even knows if like I read it at some point and it went into my subconscious like that's the other thing. Right. Yeah.
I think these things, these things happen from time to time and like being mindful of it and like being careful to not do it when you, you know, being like, scrupulous about it is really I think that's like being a good comedy citizen. Yeah.
Good comedy. Yeah. I like that. So many people are not though.
John, how do you get to be so nice. Oh gosh I, I, I try, I, my sweetheart parents and I and I'm bad at being mean.
It's the sort of you try to go right.
Didn't you try being like it being like a little meaner one time for an experiment. I've tried a couple of things, like it just doesn't come out right. The results are not good. How do you mean? What do you mean? You tried being like? I just I'm so curious. I just feel like whenever I whenever I'm like, hey, knock it off. The results are people are always just like so would be like, no, dude, fuck you.
And you're right.
It's like I feel like I'm always like I don't I feel like I get better results. Like in addition to it being my natural disposition, you can be like pretty easygoing and polite and stuff. I also like am not super successful. I'll be like, hey, get out of my way. And people are like, no, I'm going to stay here and I'll be like, all right, I'll walk around. I get that.
But like I mean, who does that, though? I mean, like, OK, what if you're going to give you I'm going to give you some. How tall are you, Josh?
I'm like five. Eight. I'm a little taller. Five, nine, five, ten, nine, ten.
Oh, you're secretly tall. I'm, I'm definitely taller than my personality.
People say same with Mark Silversides. Is that true? The thing about my husband, he is deceivingly tall. People always think that he is much shorter than he is.
I think people. You're generous leave. I mean, if I. I think people put me on five or six a lot and I think people think I put out a five or six energy and there's no problem with being five, six. But it's just like I met years ago, a woman I was dating, I met her parents and they were like, you're taller than we would have thought.
What makes you think I'm like a like a pocket sized man?
Oh, you know, you just like it is your I don't know.
It's that you're nice. How did you know that you wanted to do stand up. I was I really liked it. Like I think in high school I really got into it like Chris Rock and George Carlin and Mitch Hedberg. And I started doing it because I did it like a couple of things on campus my freshman year at Brandeis. And then the summer after I had a friend, like a friend of my childhood friends had started doing open mikes. And my buddy Dan was like, well, Joe's doing it.
You should do it, too. Like you said you want to do, aren't you doing? If Joe can do, you can do it. And so I got bullied into my career, essentially.
I mean, it's amazing. Yeah, it's great. But what happened to the other guy? He is a lawyer. Well, so we both know we both made it.
I guess he's great. He's so funny. I think he's so much funnier than I am. It's just like a guy. But it's I'm doing stand up is like such a you just have to, like, keep showing up.
Well, what did you like what did you think in the early days like you wanted the rest of your life to be? Did you see yourself on did you see do you think you were going to be on SNL? Did you like want to just do standup on, like, cruise ships? Like, I don't know.
I thought I was going to I thought standup was like a fun kind of sidelight and that I was going to, like, write literary humor. That's like what I thought I was going to write, like, funny literature and. I mean, like like I'm more pretentious, like I thought it was going to be like a short story writer and then like now I realize there's like eight of those in America. Like what? Like David Sedaris.
You going to be even more highfalutin, even like I guess I'm describing a person that doesn't really exist.
Yeah, like like funny short fiction, which is like so few people do that like I guess like what Simon Rich's books are. I didn't realize at the time there are fewer people who write literary humor like novels and short fiction than there are working stand up comedians.
And like it's not even close, like there's a hundred working stand up comedians within 10 miles of Boston and maybe five literary. When I graduated, I was doing a lot of standup. I was teaching preschool and my dad got Spanish right.
I taught elementary school Spanish for a couple of years, which I was wildly unqualified for.
Well, you are. You flew in. No, no, no, no, no, no. I was a Spanish minor in college and I was still in school when this is happening. And I was teaching like kindergarten, Spanish, basically eighth grade. And I and my I worked for my mom. My mom was the director of of a small school.
So there were all the speak Spanish.
Oh, she doesn't speak Spanish. I pulled one over on her, but I did. Well, I mean, when you're talking about kindergarten Spanish, you only have to teach them so many words.
Yeah. Numbers one through twenty colors, like a couple of little sentences. And then I mean, the school is so small that, you know, the seventh and eighth grade combined class probably had nine kids in it. The kindergarten class probably had 12 kids in it.
So really total I could there's only the total amount of kids I could have fucked up with. My bad teaching was like 100 in total.
All right, let's go over the years. And yeah, so I did that. I did that my last two years in college. And then I taught preschool full time when I graduated. And do you have to have any sort of special skills to teach pre-schooler? You've got to be you've got to be patient when children cry. I don't like teaching preschool. Loved it. This was going to be my other pivot that I was going to talk about.
Talk about it was the talk about it.
So I taught I taught for four years preschool and all my basically all my previous work experience before other than comedy is education. And like I worked at summer programs for kids and I was the like I ran the nursery at a Unitarian church on Saturdays during her Sundays during church services. I would like hang out with the three year olds while their parents went to church.
And I did that too. And Catholic. Yeah. Not a bad job. No. And I early or I was a morning person.
Anyway, my dad is a classic early morning person, I think, because a teenage morning person, just a nerd. We've talked about this. I was the designated driver and so we so I taught preschool for four years and it was great. But while I was doing it, I was like, I want to write, I want to do standup. My dad, this is so kind of him. But he was like, I know you've been performing a lot and I know you've been writing a lot for for your standup.
But have you been working on, like, other stuff? Like, I have my degrees like English and creative writing, short fiction. And he was like, have you been writing and like submitting stuff? And I was like, not really. And he was like, well, you know, like I was like, I really what I need to do is like find places that I think my writing would be a good fit for and like read a bunch of literary magazines and like this is like the advice I got.
And my dad was like, well, how much does it cost? And I was like, I don't know, probably like ten bucks apiece. And he gave me forty bucks and was like, we'll figure out like where you think your writing is a good fit for and like really go for it. And it was so sweet like because it wasn't, he wasn't like I'm going to bankroll you till you make it kid. He was just like, oh this is the practical thing you need to be doing.
So like if this is the impediment, go do it. And it was like so lovely of him. And so I so I taught preschool for four years while doing standup. And then the pivot then the pivot point was I had started doing more and more standup like further and further from home. And it was like, all right. I think I think I have a chance at doing this as a job and and I can't do it if I stay in Boston.
So so I left teaching full time and moved to New York and I kept I was like a part time standardized test tutor, but like, I haven't been in a classroom since, I guess like twenty eleven.
How did you get hired on last week. Tonight. Was that your first.
I had. That was my first. Well I did a tiny bit of work for Billy on the street the summer before that, just like a teeny tiny like I sent them like a sheaf, a sheaf of jokes like the way you would like hand to Sid Caesar and success or whatever.
And so I did a tiny bit for that. But my first full time job was doing the digital and social media stuff last week tonight. And then I moved over to write for the show and I applied as a writer. I kind of got the opportunity to start like applying for TV, writing jobs because of a viral parody Twitter account that I co-wrote that the modern Seinfeld.
I was going to say the Seinfeld. Yeah, I yeah. And so and which was like a very silly fun thing. And it got me in contention for these jobs. And so I was doing like I did like a year of standup, little freelance magazine writing, tutoring, and then just like applying to twenty writing jobs, like doing, you know, like a five nine page submissions for writing jobs like I just almost twice a month. I mean, that's a hustle.
Yeah, yeah, it's tricky, it's like a it's a lot to to generate and I think it's different than like in a scripted show where usually. Right. If you have a script that's really great, you can show it to someone to be like, I wrote the script. And then if they say no, you can turn around, show it to another person and be like, I wrote the script and maybe they'll hire you. But with late night that the tradition has been like unique native materials for life as a show of everything, you know.
Yeah, yeah, it is true. I mean, when we were hiring for our show, like we read Casey and I read everything and we took submissions from everywhere.
Basically we were like, Instagram hit us.
Yes. Up, whatever, hit us up.
And it was a lot to get through. And you could definitely tell the people that were like trying to just like. Recycle bits, sure, you know, right? Yep, definitely feels like it's for someone with the first name James like.
Yeah. I mean, one of the many this does not feel like it's for a woman. You.
No, I mean, and I would I would try to like, fudge it every once in a while to wear like, you know, oh, Conan has those characters that that interrupt from the audience and like Seth Meyers sometimes does that. So maybe, you know, like adapt it just like find, find and change all Conan to Sath.
It may surprise you that this one sneaks through and they go, oh my God, what other Conan do you know?
It's like busted. Not that many other Conan's roaming around.
What's like your dream moving forward? What do you want to like? What do you want to do?
Oh, my gosh. Well, I've had I just feel I feel so lucky to again, to have worked. I went for last week tonight and I've been at Jesus and Mary for the last like two plus years. And I feel so lucky to have gone for like one dream job to a different dream job. And I think like in the future, you know, like I hope just stay here for a while. But like in the future, I would like to like be a part of the creating and collaborating on stuff kind of from the ground up with a show, whether it's something that I create or like someone that I really like and respect.
And that comes to me and it's like we want let's let's do something together. Like that is a really exciting thing for me to consider. And hopefully I'll get I'll get to do that.
I think you. Well, what about turning make my day into a show show?
I would love to do that. I love I love doing the podcast. It's so much fun. It's so silly and like really and truly does like fulfill the the premise of the podcast, which is like I bring on a guest to cheer me up and and it like I've loved every recording, just being like, oh that was so fun.
Like what a great time the bassist and the idea behind it, just that like everything sucks. And so you wanted. Yeah.
To have something nice I like. Can I tell you what I like best about it. Josh please. Most of them are like thirty minutes. Absolutely, they whipped by like we're in, we're out, we laugh, we have a nice time, your soothing goodbye.
It's so silly though. That's like the thing is like 30 minutes. If it were longer, if it were like 50 minutes, it would be like eating just like a plate of whipped cream. It's like I have to stop at some point. Right. It's too much.
But it is really like I do have to say, I'm not a huge podcast bitch. Like, I'm just not. But I'm getting more into them because I'm like listening to people's because I'm trying to do better at my own.
You know, I'm a very I'm a perfectionist, Josh, so I have to like, see all the things that are out there and know how I can be better than those things. Jack.
Yeah, but Cretien different but yours because yours is like essentially like a game show. Kind of. Yeah. And I love that. It's like just this little quick fun, sweet bite.
I really appreciate that. It is like so fun to make. And it's the idea of like I it was originally going to be more of a panel show like but then we were about to launch the week before the pandemic really hit America and everything was about to launch the week before.
Everything and everything that was ever about to launch was that week. Yep, absolutely.
And we said we were going to start doing this panel show and then it was like, well, now we can't have a panel in the same room. So my producer Rich from Radio Point was like, what if you did it like with one person? And at first I was like, well, what's a game show with one contestant? And then I was like, Oh, well, a game show with one contestant is like almost perfect. It's like kind of perfect for the the vibe of the show anyway, because I can it just means the one contestant always wins.
And then I added on this element where each contestant sets the new all time high score every every week that the new all time high score, which is like it puts me in a real prison of math to have to do like on the fly.
But I don't do all the additions because I forget what I say, like on the podcast. So our producer will will do the addition and then she'll like whisper a thousand points, over a thousand points, the highest score.
What are you up to now.
The highest we've recorded is twelve hundred points and the first one was like thirty six. The first episode. Who is so a killer.
Who's, who's wonderful. She's awesome. Are you going to let her come back on to try to, to try to.
I think I have to be. What I didn't consider this like caused me so much anxiety when someone pointed it out because I was like, oh, every guest is the highest score so everyone will be happy. And they were like, but what about the people from the beginning who scored thirty points and was like, God damn it. So I think I'm going to have to have to bring them back on.
Well, I hope the killer's training to come back and crush everyone, and I think he should be to come.
But here's the thing that I'm just going to respectfully ask of you. Please like to be the last guest.
I need to go out on top. I need to have the highest score.
Josh OK, OK.
Honestly, I respect so, you know, it's over, you know, you call your girl.
Hello. Hello. I feel like it's so funny. Like, do you want to be on my last ever podcast? Listen, I close my laptop like Sam Malone and cheers for the last time.
Did you, like, go to the Cheers Bar in Boston when you were a kid?
There was a touristy one because there's the real one. There's the Bordewich pub that the that it's modeled on.
And then there was a cheers in Panama City. Yeah.
And there was a comedy club there briefly. And so I've been in there, but it's like it's like very it would be like asking, you know, like, oh, you're here in New York. Do you go to the Red Lobster in Times Square? It wouldn't be Red Lobster.
It would be the TGI Fridays. You know, T.J., Friday started in New York. I think it's Aparecida one, right? Because that's wasn't cocktail based. I think I heard that somewhere that that the like fler bartending is is like starting in like a TGI Friday's on Upper East Side.
So my husband's parents, I like one in law lottery. They're like the greatest people of all time and they're both New Yorkers.
A couple years ago over Thanksgiving, they told us the story of how they had met at the opening night of the original TGI Fridays and everyone's mind was fucking blown.
It is like a show you put up ages. Did you have friends? You put a picture of them on the menu. I agree.
Well, Mark's mom was a flight attendant and she lived in an apartment that she shared with like nine other. I mean, they weren't at the time called flying.
They were called stewardesses that she shared with nine other stewardesses who all had alternating schedules.
So it was like just a crash pad. She didn't know any of the other women that lived in the house. This is incredible.
Like, they told us this whole story. And I was like, you know, Mark's the screenwriter. I'm like, dude, this is your fucking movie. Like, do this. This is insane.
And he was just like, I, I don't know, I, I enjoyed that television show the flight attendant very much.
Oh, I love you. Good. I, yeah. I really like Kaley Cuoco is great. She's great. I think it it is is like really fun and exciting and does not take itself very seriously, which is a problem I have with, like a lot of, like, limited series, which is like, oh, you want me to think you're so prestige and. Yeah, yeah. I feel like it would have added a dimension to the show if she lived with nine other women on alternating schedules that she never saw.
I think it would have up to the tension and the excitement about shale that is.
Yeah, that's true. I hope so. She lives in her apartment is like I was like on one salary.
Pretty nice. Yeah, it's pretty nice place. That's always the thing in television, isn't it?
And it's also a thing for people for Massachusetts. Right. Josh must be nice. Must be nice.
I know you think you're better than me, Cuoco. Oh, and you're single salary. A one bedroom apartment. All right. Must be nice.
This big shot flight attendant. Sorry, did you watch this? Busy.
While we enjoy this, every conversation that Josh and I ever have face to face, it will end with this with. Must be nice. Must be. We must be nice. Yeah.
I feel like I should that we're not looping in Jen Kirkman to join us.
Oh she would. She's like ah her accent is so good. So good. So it's hardcore.
She shut it down and the kid shot it down like a dog.
You see, like there's a lot of must be nice conversations in the Affleck household. Oh yeah. They're the kings of it I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure. I wonder if I wonder if Casey ever calls them and says, I saw those two giant Dunkin iced coffees that you were carrying in the delivery zone. That must be nice.
I got to get my car. I get to drive through the drive thru in Malibu.
Dude, you shoot me as I go to the family. All right. But for me and my hardest, Addison was played.
I feel like Massachusetts is so rarely done. Well, mad props to Leonardo DiCaprio. He's really the only one that does it. Well, who's not from the area, I believe.
Where's Leo from originally? Do we know? Are we sure he's not from.
I don't think so. Yeah, they would claim loud. Oh, they would I. I was in high school when Titanic came out.
People would that the girls in my grade would have been like, you know, he's from Concord because we have Matt LeBlanc.
We are very proud of Matt LeBlanc. Friend Matt LeBlanc is from who is the you know who else we got, Josh?
Oh, who will I mean, will claim Amy Poehler. Yes. Will claim Adam Sandler and Sarah Silverman. And they're from there from New Hampshire. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. It's true. It's to be like, fuck. Yeah.
I was just telling a story about knocking myself out at Kennedy Lake Park the other day on Twitter.
Really? Yeah. In the to self out.
Oh no. Were you thinking about it because of the weekend's Super Bowl performance.
Yes, yes. I was like that looks like me trying to get through the club. So this is crazy.
This makes my whole week because I saw that meme and I almost tweeted like me at age at age 12, and they can be like Park Hall of Mirrors. I'm so this like my whole, but I like goosebumps on my arms.
You say that I knocked myself out blood on the glass and my Uncle Tony had to come in and get me.
My Uncle Tony had like only seven fingers, but he was still a hero and and then put in the hall of mirrors.
He had fourteen.
And then I watched the teenage Kenobi Lake Park employee Windex my blood off of the wall.
We this is like it's the closest amusement park to, like North Shore, like suburban Boston. Yeah. And and the theme is New Hampshire.
It's just like we got one.
It's just like. Yeah, that the theme is you got out of Massachusetts for an afternoon.
I it's like a carnival that that was too tired to keep moving and it just stayed in.
My God, it still exists. I think it does.
I'm so sorry. Busy to hijack your broadcast just to talk New England nonsense.
I mean, it is nonsense. Oh nonsense.
It doesn't make sense why no site New England love amusement parks so much when they hate amusement.
You know, aesthetics. It's fun. It's so funny and they're not. The thing is, they're not chasing amusement parks. They're like. Now, you don't want to go, you want independent, you were talking an independent film earlier, you want to go to a mom and pop restaurant, you don't want to go to an announcement.
But there really are so many of them on the eastern seaboard.
Yeah, well, why? I don't know.
I don't know. It's like but I think it's. Oh, you think you're better than me with your talking mouth and yet your dog's not like we're getting our own pack.
We don't care to be late. We're calling going to be like back.
It's I, I have more than one.
Can't give you a story because it was it's like the only place could use like an hour away. I have to look it up now. Oh my gosh.
I also the what's the thing that goes around in the Turkish to the wall. Yeah. I also vomited in the Turkish twist and vomit in the Turkish twist does something spectacular.
I've been I've seen you think I would say that the Turkish twist, it just goes in front of you and stays there for a second and then mostly goes on.
The person at my eighth grade graduation, I kid kept holding his arm straight out and then letting the G forces pull it back to you, like, bonked in the kid in the stomach. And then he did it so many times that the other kid was like, oh, you got through it. It's got. And he kept doing it and then he puked on him on the side.
OK, here are the attractions here, the attractions that are open, the alpine swing, this looks like straight out of literally nineteen seventy two. Yeah. The antique cars. Yes. Also the autobahn. Fun also looks like I mean the blue heron. Lake Cruise. That looks terrible. Yeah.
You know, just like a weird houseboat. Yeah. It's happening here.
Boats, just boats. Boston Harbor Patrol, Boston.
What does any of this is. Oh my God. They do have an Instagram and I'm following it. Oh I didn't know that. I'm following that.
Yeah. I'm going to smash that. I'm gonna smash follow.
I'm can I just grab it looks literally and say, oh it's good.
I think you should go there.
We hope they have a weird they have a terrifying mascot named Molly. Oh he's like a big grey mouse wearing a pink dress. Molly ball on my god.
Oh my God. I'm just an Irish Catholic M.O.s. All right, to get well, I'll meet you at Carnaby Park, Lake Park. It's a combination. It's like a party in the woods. Excuse me.
It looks totally bonkers and I cannot wait to go there with you guys.
So we brought a keg in the woods and we just built an amusement park around here.
Again, this is delightful.
And I have to go, I guess, put my children to bed soon.
I got to take a nap before my dog breaks the like, we get the like, take your dog for a walk between 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning. I'm just going to say it.
It's it's really weird. I'm like, I, I know I'm someone's weird guy. I think there's a weird guy in the neighborhood who's always walking that dog like a hundred feet at 2:00 in the morning.
And it's like, I don't think he's dangerous, but do you I mean, I can't even imagine what would happen if you had children, though. Like you'd be like you'd do anything.
I would be you'd be the weird guy with the more I would be so stupid taking my kid out for a walk at 2:00 in the morning. Yeah, we're going to be outside.
This was such a treat.
So nice. I need your advice. I can bring you a man. I'll text you if you're no doubt you text me or I said, will this vaccine info's.
I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to bring you a vaccine and a better life in a big Duncan.
Nice cup. You say you've got to keep it cold. They didn't say you can't put two sugars in it.
Well, it was a delight to have you listen to Josh's podcast, Make My Day, get his book.
Thank you. And also check him out on Twitter and say hi to him because I bet he'll say hi to you.
That's probably true. It is. Thank you, Casey. Thank you very. This is such a treat. Thank you for having me on. I had so much fun. Bye. All right, bye. Damn, I wanna come forever. Guys, do you know that women are four times more likely than men to say that sex was, quote, not pleasurable in the past year? I believe I mean, that tracks for me, I get that luckily damn products are here to help.
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He's a delight.
A true delight. He is. It's funny how much we talking the word delight talking about him, but he really just is. There's no other there's no better word for Josh than know.
Listen. We started to talk about it right before we went to our interview, but these gender reveal parties have got to stop, guys. They have to stop. We have to do something.
I mean, in case you don't know, a father to be recently died as a result of an explosive device that was being built for a gender reveal party. I mean, I don't even understand you guys, what's wrong with a fucking cake? You know, gender is a construct, yeah, fuck yourselves. So, like, we we don't need it, but B, why does it always have to be an explosion to reveal the gender that we don't need to know?
I really don't get it. I really don't get it like I always wanted to know what I was, what I was having. Yeah, I always wanted to know what I was having. Yeah.
I was one of those people, like, I was not like waiting for the birth to find out, like, that's not my vibe.
Right. But at the same time, I was fine with just like in the ultrasound room.
Like what, what is it. What do you see. Right.
And also that was gender reveal enough. Yeah. And the birth is like a gender reveal. But also what we're learning is now that we know better and we're doing better, birth isn't even a 100 percent indicator of gender that's know that that person that's being born will tell you later what their gender is.
I think we move gender reveals to a funeral, you know what I mean?
Like, when I die, whoever's doing my funeral can be like ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Casey was a girl. If you didn't know like that just.
And then no one has to die. Nobody has to die dead. And then. Yeah. And then, like, blow me up if you have to explode something because I'm already dead.
But like, please, I feel like that's like NorTech. Don't they blow. Was that like what. What is that.
Are they like put you on a bomber and they like explode and they explode. You maybe, maybe they like or maybe not explode but maybe set on fire. I don't know. I'm just guessing it's pretty violent.
Like that's also another thing. It's pretty violent to explode anything. Why do you want to herald the birth of a gentle baby by exploding anything? And now this people because people are fucking wild.
How many while how many babies in our country now are going to have to grow up knowing that their gender reveal party killed someone?
Well, at least 10, at least 10, it's a lot, 10 more than we needed. Yeah, and this poor baby on the way is now going to enter the world with down one parent because of an explosive device.
It's just it's and and the trauma that they'll all suffer for the rest of their lives because of what happened.
Yeah. And then, like, I mean, it's like I feel like Zach Braff is going to make a movie about some shit like this, you know? It's interesting that you say that I had a meeting with these very now famous director people. Yeah. And they kind of like pitched me a intense drama.
About. Kind of like along these lines, more like about like a YouTube family. OK, like pushing the envelope and like using their kids. And yeah, it was really interesting. I was very into it then. They are like the perfect people to do it, but they did other things instead.
But OK are very popular and got them nominated for things I never worked with the way.
You know what else we have to talk about what the Ted Cruz's wife's group chat that took him down. It's my favorite thing about and then he went on a podcast today to say that to claim that the people that leaked in the group chat were assholes.
And I'm like, I mean, no, he did not. Wait. What? Yeah, he went on, I miss that, you know, conservative podcast.
And he was like, how about not being asked about the people that that leaked the group chat?
And I'm like, here's a couple of things. They might be assholes a little bit, but in an asshole contest, they're definitely not winning, like over you, Ted Cruz.
No, but I mean, like, doesn't he know that he is the biggest asshole of all time, obviously.
I mean, I feel like he must he has to know. But here's the thing, everybody. We encourage you all to get into group chats and to take your most private secrets to the group chats. But Heidi Cruz, if you're listening, your neighbors on your street, just because you all have each other's phone numbers and you have a group chat that is not a secure friend group chat, I feel bad for Heidi. Well, I feel like she doesn't know what a friend is.
Well, the obvious, obvious, yes, yeah, I mean, she's married to Ted Cruz, yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, he's not even a friend to her. No, he's not. No. But I just I feel bad for Heidi Cruz because either she's, like, completely oblivious or she truly believes that because someone lives next door to her and gave their phone number to her, that they're like tight.
Well, it's obvious that she is oblivious because she let her husband dress like that, going to the airport for.
Also, she's obviously oblivious to, like, share the fact that she's traveling to Mexico during. A crisis, a crisis in tragedy and also still a pandemic, still a pandemic still, it isn't ideal, a pandemic.
Help people, yeah, a crisis, yeah, or as we are obviously oblivious, at least give the appearance of being helpful and also a lot of fucking nerve traveling to a country that he has allowed to have been shit on for the past four years by our president.
I mean, it just the. If you were trying to do something wrong, you couldn't have chosen more a more perfect series of wrong decisions, as Ted Cruz did in this situation. Correct.
Including him trying to blame his daughter, his daughters, who I don't even understand that they're like 12 years old.
Dude, I feel sorry for those kids. They're going to. Fucking hate that guy so deeply, I mean, I think, you know, he's somewhere you seen that clip of him trying to. He's like trying to kiss them, hug them up. And his daughter's like, it's like, OMG, no.
Now, like, OK, wait. Here are some other things. Ted Cruz is trash.
Oh, Shailene Woodley got engaged to Aaron Rodgers.
Did you know that? No, I saw that. Well, I saw that he referred to Aaron Rodgers again. He is pretty. He looks like Jake Gyllenhaal, kind of. He's the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers. But who did he date that was famous? Olivia Mann. He was Olivia Munns boyfriend.
I love the quickness with which Ray answered these questions.
This is why I remember he was such an asset. You busy tonight, right? Because he always knew all the sailing on.
It's just such a weird pairing. I don't know. We don't know. We don't know. We don't know. He is another actress. Yes. There's no lines about him though. So there are blind's about how a lot of blind. I mean, you don't know that because you don't care about reality TV drama. But his brother was like on a reality show and he's not a reality star.
I think they openly do not communicate like, oh, I know that.
No, I do know that. I love that. I love that fact. The brother was on The Bachelor. Yes. Yeah.
And they and they won't speak to ever speak to him. Yeah, I remember that. Oh maybe he is.
I don't know. That's interesting. Yeah.
There's just a lot of it's he's so much older than. No I think they're only like. It's less than 10. I don't know how old Shailene Woodley is like to me. She could be a teenager still.
She she doesn't like to to her like he's thirty seven and she's twenty nine.
OK, that's a big girl.
I mean, that's. Is that the same a take your SATs. Isn't that what Mark and I are? It is, it is, yeah, I'm asking a question I know the answer to yes, but not OK. Everybody yesterday was in my house, was scandalized by the Lucy hail, spotted making out with Skeet Ulrich photos.
I just felt like I had traveled back to the 1990s. Well, their age difference is very sizable because ski is fifty two. Yeah. And she's thirty. One 30 to another, one who will always be young. She seems a lot younger than she is. She is. And Mark and I were weirdly on opposite sides of this one.
Oh, really? I yeah.
In which I was like, oh, whatever. It's not a big deal to me. She's in her 30s. I don't know when you're in your 30s, you're like a full grown adult.
Yeah. And he's like a young 51. He looks like he does like he looks very young.
And I don't know, I think it was a big deal and everybody was like, all right, well, I'm going to reserve my face like a 20 year age difference.
I disagree with you only because if you look at his track record of who he's been dating, he's in a spiral.
He's been dating models.
He's been flying to Miami. See, Raymond has all but I don't know that he's been on vacation. Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark was firmly in its growth camp. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if it's gross, but pretty soon.
And like someone like Lucy, who I've you've met right at the gym, Jeremy Grant cycle, I don't know, maybe she used to come in a lot and she seemed like she had a good head on her shoulders. I can't imagine her dating some like 50 year old man who's dating all these 20 year old women.
Let me just say this. They were just kissing like they're not getting married or whatever. Maybe she just wants to have sex with SkyBridge.
That's what I'm saying. She's a grown woman.
I'm going to I'm going to reserve my horror for Scott Disick dating young Amelia Hamlin. Wait, what? That's been going on forever. I don't know what that is. Yeah, he's been dating once. They've written it on it. Lisa Renner's daughter for months.
How old is she? She's, you know, she's nineteen. She's a teenager. Yeah, I think she's a teenager. Yeah. Yeah. But as a teenager, she might be twenty now, but when they started at nineteen, 1919. My gosh.
And and how old is he my age.
I believe he's in his late thirties. So basically my age. Yeah. Thirty seven. Which is what I asked if I looked like yesterday. What do you guys think. Do you think I could pass for thirty seven. Yeah. Yeah 100 percent. Yeah. Thanks. I'm not but I think yeah.
Casting wise you could go down to like thirty four y y and get out of here.
Ray Manzarek. I mean no I just mean like you know you like get the casting thing in the age range is like thirty four to forty four.
Yeah. I was just told I was too old for a job that I kind of wanted. Oh what was the age.
Whatever it doesn't matter, I hate that, I hate that you know what, ageism. Mm hmm. Whatever.
The other thing that happens is that I have since I've been acting, since I was since I was a teenager.
A lot of times people are like, oh, yeah, she's but she's too. She couldn't. She's too old. But it's like they just think, yeah. Do you know what I mean. Like they think I've been around forever, which is true.
But I'm also not whenever people say to Lindsay Lohan's age, people are always shocked at how young Lindsay Lohan is. But it's like because she's been famous since she was like ten.
So how old are you? She's like, is it that or is it the fillers, the fillers? Yeah, let's be OK.
You know, I think it's because of how long Lindsay Lohan's been famous. So we've known of her for like, however many years, 20 something years. So you just automatically assume that she's a certain age. But it turns out that she's, you know, same with Britney.
Like, I would think that Britney is like 56 years old, but she's not she's like barely 40.
She for Lindsay Lohan's 34 years old, she's thirty nine. And I would yeah, if I would have guessed, I would have said Lindsay's older and like I've seen her in person. I don't think it has I don't think looks or even like an indicator of age anymore because we have so much at our disposal to look like.
If you look at Bea Arthur when she was 40, she looks like one hundred nine years old compared to like what a 40 year old looks like today, just because we have, like, different things at our disposal. I think even the average 40 year old woman looks like much younger than, like, our eyebrows.
Yeah, like dyeing our eyebrows.
I think even even like the the average, you know, 40 year old school teacher in 2021 who's not a Hollywood actress or whatever, looks much younger than a 40 year old teacher in like nineteen eighty two.
I think I remember going to Mark's high school reunion and, you know, he went to high school outside of D.C. and Maryland. Yeah. And I remember it was just like very clear the people who moved to big cities and people who didn't like it, like the people who moved to New York or L.A. or who were working like in D.C..
Living in D.C..
Yeah. Just looked so much younger than the people who, like, stayed in the town and were, like, living that life. Yeah. You know, I mean, it's interesting.
I think I don't know if I ever think of it as necessarily looking younger. I just think of it as looking like maybe more polished. I mean, if you've ever seen, like, a makeover on The Today show, you see like a lady who, you know, is her husband is a good nominee, bringing up a good point, nominates her for a makeover.
And she comes in here, you know, gets like whatever whatever done. And all of a sudden so I don't know if it's necessarily like strikes me as younger, but just like more polished.
And it's really funny because how many times have you, like, thought that you look pretty decent and then like a hair and makeup person, like gives you a once over and then you're like, oh I look like one thousand times better than I just did when I did my own hair and makeup.
It's kind of wild. I occasionally have post up like a thing on Instagram and then have been surprised by like Dems or comments where people are like, are you OK?
So you look, you don't look well. And I'm like, oh, Jesus. Oh, Lord.
I mean, it's really I'm fine. It's rough.
I thought I looked good. This is like a pic that I was proud of this. I was proud of it. I loved it. Hair and makeup is total.
It's artistry, it's witchcraft. It's like what people can do nowadays with hair and makeup. And also the smallest thing, like can just really make someone you and ask, are you feeling OK? Like I remember I wanted when I lived in New York City and I was working and had like a little disposable income. I told my husband that I wanted to get fillers, like, under my eyes because they were getting more hollow now that I was in my forties and my I loved my dermatologist in New York City because I would always say, like, can I get fillers?
And she would say, absolutely not. Like, I won't allow you to do it. And then one time I finally did ask after I had turned 40 and she was like, yeah, maybe. And then I was like, OK, then I know she's like legit.
So I said that I want to do it.
And my husband was like, no, I don't I don't want you doing anything to your face. I love your beautiful face and it's perfect how it is.
And I mean, this woman used like a half a vial of filler under my eyes. And even my husband was like, I have to admit, it does look pretty good. It makes like a huge difference.
And then I was like, even, you know, even the purest of heart. That guy had to admit that my eye fillers looked a little better than before. Listen, here's the thing with all of that shit, I don't do it because of my contract with L.A.. Yeah, again, guys, not not just this is these are the things I care about. Truth brands I work with, but I can't get I can't get Botox or fillers or anything because that's part of their whole deal yet.
But I have always taken very good care of my skin. I always drink a lot of water. I get facials. I like you know, I'm lucky enough to be able to afford like. To get lasers on my skin from time to time, I've done PRP, which is like where they inject your blood platelets into you, like I have done other stuff that's not like the filler, nothing artificial artificial way of going.
Yeah, I haven't ever done the artificial way of going. Yeah. That being said, with people that I'm friends with and those that I know that have always, always, always, always, always.
Last's. Is the way you need to go, looking like the tiniest amount is the way the.
It works if you get it, because once you go over the edge, you'll never come back. That's. Ship sailed.
You can always do more if you think what you did wasn't enough, but you can't really pull it back once.
It's you never pull it back.
That's a big rigmarole. Once you're. Yeah. And once you get, like, the dysmorphia about your face, your face ceases to look like your face. Yeah. Then it's chasing a dragon that you don't even remember what it looks like. Yeah.
You know, that's my advice for you today about fillers. And also just like I personally.
Personally, even if Casey.
Is trying to push them on you, you know, I sure even if Casey is telling you what you're hearing from Casey in this moment, that you really need to get fillers, I'm not contractually obligated to not get fillers.
So I'm like, put it in.
I'm just I just don't I feel like I feel like personally, we could all benefit from us, from everyone just taking a break from the injectables in the in our faces.
I mean, and when I say our I mean not mine because I mean I mean the rest of you stop it.
Yeah. I mean, listen, I think it ages people honestly. And not only does Botox. Botox faces, I think it makes. I just don't like it. I think it's I canceled my pole dancing, by the way. Oh, great. I couldn't take it today. It was. It's too hard, guys. It's so fucking hard.
Well, and if you're dealing with the personal situation down there, I mean, you're just you're not feeling it today.
I did go. I went on Sunday. Yeah, you did. I powered through. Yeah.
E and all or whatever I can do to get out of Tirrell vaginosis and all. We'll find out. I'll let you guys know. Until then, hit me up. Reach out to us at busy doing her best at Gmail dot com.
Thanks for listening, guys, I hope I hope this week wasn't a disappointment without Centura. I feel like we did a good job. We did OK. You know, obviously, I miss her so much.
Yeah. And we've been talking to her.
And, you know, Casey, it's just so funny, your visits, like, I hope we did great and, you know, we did OK.
Just juxtaposition people never. You know what what what people want to hear, I believe here.
And we love L.A. and so it'll never be the same without her. But we're not trying to replace. So we're not really sure.
It's not a we anyone who's ever had a stepparent knows how that goes.
And the thing is, it's different for everybody. Everybody's experience of new versus old is is different. So, you know, we can't tell you how to feel about Santería not being here.
What I will say is that Chinta was like, I got to take a break from the podcast because I'm so busy. And I just texted her more than ever. So I'm really not helping the situation.
So we like our group chat is our group chats off the charts now.
And I also truly again, I know we've talked about this and we talked about it with U.A., but I really respect like her ability to know when things might like are too much.
You know what I mean? I've never known it. I've never been able to identify it for myself until I'm literally like, you know, overrun with Candida.
Mm hmm. Because I am burning the candle at both ends proverbially and maybe literally. Maybe that's what's causing the yeast. I don't know. Yeah.
You're like you've heard the phrase like your eyes are bigger than your stomach when you're, like, filling up your. Yeah, that's biz's like biz's eyes are bigger than her stomach when it comes to doing things. That's right.
And especially when it comes to doing my best. Thanks, everybody, for listening. Like in comments, subscribe now stop by and recommend the podcast to your friends. We need more listeners. Apparently our numbers aren't great. So great. I love you.