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[00:00:02]

Hi, my name is Albert Brooks. I feel confused that I'm asked to do something. I was asked 40 years ago by some disjockey on K-H-J, dawn in the morning, and I guess nothing's ever changed. I'm confused about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

[00:00:33]

Oh, my God.

[00:00:35]

We bought the rights from that disjockey.

[00:00:39]

Hi, I'm Rob Reiner, and I feel almost honored to be Conan O'Brien's friend.

[00:00:48]

That's so close to being just a real statement from both of you.

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Fall as well, hilly-ow, back to school.

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Ring the bell.

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Brand new shoes.

[00:01:01]

Walk and lose, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are going to be friends. I can tell that we are going to be friends. Hey, there. Welcome to Conor O'Brien Needs a Friend, joined by my two friends. I consider you friends. Oh, that's nice. No, it took a while.

[00:01:22]

Five years.

[00:01:24]

Yes. Fifteen. Sona, how long have you been with me? I actually just messaged you recently because I found 15 years ago on December third, I found out I got my job because it's my best friend, Christina's birthday. I emailed you. She emailed me. It was very sweet. She said it was 15 years ago that she met. She was going to be my brand new assistant because I was moving out to Los Angeles to host The Tonight Show for 40 years. The plan went off without a hitch. But we had the interview, and then you were told that you were hired. And then we met at a coffee shop on San Paseante in Brentwood. I remembered in the meeting that, for some reason, you were sitting on a couch that I think was a very low couch and had a soft cushion. So people were asking me, Who did you end up hiring? I said, It's this woman, Sona. She seems really bright and she's highly recommended. I hired her. And they're like, Well, what would she like? I said, She's got dark hair. She's really short. Because I just remembered thinking you were really short because you sunk into the couch.

[00:02:28]

So then I meet you at this coffee shop and you are tall, pretty tall. But your hair was up. You had your hair bun up, so it made you over eight feet high. But you came in and I remembered Sona had a notebook and she was writing everything I said down very seriously. And we had a professional exchange for the last time. It was so hilarious. And I will say I did more to corrupt things immediately than anyone. You did all of it. I did all my cone and stick. And very quickly you said, I'm not going to listen to anything this guy says. Nothing's serious. He's a fool. But I always go back to that first time. Sonia walks in taller than I had remembered. That's the first thing that struck me. Notebook writing everything down, and then on her own initiative, because I was moving my whole family out from New York, she made a book for me, like a professional book that she had bound that said, Here's what helpful things to know about LA. And it included, When it first rains in LA, there's a lot of sediment because it doesn't rain regularly, so drive more carefully.

[00:03:34]

The secret menu for in and out? Yeah. No, seriously. That's good. No, seriously, it was filled and it was a book that you could have published that you just made on your own. And I remembered thinking, This person is fantastic. And then I immediately corrupted you. And it reminds me of on The Simpsons, I didn't write this joke, but someone wrote this joke where Barney's really smart and he's studying hard for the L-S-A-T or something. And then Homer Convinces him to have a drink of beer and he has it and he immediately turns into Barney. And he's like. And you see- I'm Barney.

[00:04:15]

Well, he's Homer.

[00:04:17]

I realized I infected you with the Conan stupidity and then that was all gone. And then it went from, Hey, Sona, when is my car going to be out of the shop? Boohoo. Conan doesn't have his car. Fancy talk show host won't have a way to. No, Sona, I know. I'm just curious when it's going to be out so I know that I don't have to take an Uber. I don't have to take an Uber. Boohoo. I think you're giving me too much credit. I think your kids actually said the most accurate thing, which is, You melted half my brain. I said something about Sona and they went, You melted half her brain. These are little kids. I said, Well, what about the first half? They went, That was already melting. I'm like, I think that is the best description of my relationship with Sona. Now, Gorley came to me more fully formed as a human being. And I've tried to damage you, but you seem more resistant. Oh, I'm predamaged.

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You're predamaged? Yeah, I think I'm- But you seem like you have it together.

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Oh, no. Falling apart.

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Okay. You make falling apart look pretty good. You can clean up real nice. It is funny how these little memories come along and you time travel back to, Oh, right. I was an adult who was a TV host who was meeting an assistant, and we were a professional, seconds before it all went to Cuckoo Town.

[00:05:40]

Right, you got in just in time. I want someone.

[00:05:43]

To do a deep dive of people before they met you and after they met you and how much you ruined them. Well, you know who's been amazing is my wife. My wife, Liza, is so adept at parying my madness and handling it. And you know that thing I do where I'm just saying crazy things and Sonom will say, What did you say that for? And I'll say, Don't let him bother you. I talk about myself in the third person. And I managed to get people around me going What do you mean him? And I go, He's just… It'll be who? And I'll be like, Conan. Conan's just in one of those… It's just Conan doing his Conan thing. And they're like, No, you're… It's so great because I do that around Liza. And she's like, . Okay. So anyway. She's completely unfaced. She is not having it. You make all of us unhireable. Yes. I think you do it on purpose. Blake can't work anywhere else. No. I've been ruined. Yes. None of us can work anywhere else. No, it's true. No, Eduardo hasn't been ruined yet. Eduardo, I think, could still, and you will soon, work someplace else because I know you have that look of someone who's like, I'm out of here.

[00:06:52]

But, Eduardo, I haven't ruined you yet, right? No, I don't think so. Yeah. But you are very comfortable giving me tons of shit constantly now. I am.

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Thanks to Sona.

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Yeah, that's my legacy. I think you came in the other day and just immediately attacked me for something I can't remember what it was. I've never flipped off.

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Anyone.

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More.

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Than-.

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No, I'll see- Feels good, doesn't he? I'll see Edwarno walking down the street and I'll learn my words and I'm like, Edwardo. And he flips me off. I'm like, Wow, that guy hates.

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Don't talk to me in.

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Public, asshole. What's it like to work for someone you're scared of? I would never.

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Know that. I know. I learned that, too.

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Yeah. Anyone who knows me is immediately unafraid to just tell me exactly what they think of me. But I think.

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It's not that... I don't want to speak for you too, but it's not that you feel powerful. It's more a defense mechanism of like, You have to put up your walls with this guy. You have to.

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Defend yourself. This guy, by the way, is out of control.

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This guy is.

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This guy, Conan. I've noticed it, too, with him. I think he's insanely talented. This is mad. No, he's insane. Look, I'm saying this as I've watched him for a while. He's crazy off the charts. Wrap it up, dickface. Probably means Conan. But you know what? To match credit, that's how you have to deal with Conan. He's what? He's a once in a hundred year talent, but then he gets off the rails and this is how he has to be dealt with. So what you guys are doing is perfect.

[00:08:23]

I would say you are a once in a hundred year something.

[00:08:27]

Like a tsunami. Yeah. A natural disaster. All right, I'm back to being me again. Just destroys people's lives. Hey, Conan, I just showed up. That other guy just left. Oh, Conan's back. Okay. Hey, I am very excited. I don't know what that other guy thinks. I am thrilled. Absolutely thrilled. This is a very special podcast today. Seriously. It really is. My guests today have been friends for almost 60 years. One is the filmmaker behind such classics as when Harry Met Sally, and this is Spinal Tap. The other is a comedy legend who started in films like Modern Love and Broadcast News. Now they have a new documentary streaming on Max. And it's a must. You must watch this. I have watched it, I think, about three times. I love it. It's titled Albert Brooks, Defending My Life. I am honored. That word doesn't even do it justice. I'm beside myself that they are here today. Rob Reiner, Albert Brooks, welcome. There's no way around this, so I'll get it out of the way. I've done... How many of these have I done, Adam? Five hundred, twenty? How many? It's a big day for me. I'm totally in love with both of you guys and your incredible body of work.

[00:09:40]

And so the fact that you're here talking to me is a huge deal. And that's pretty much all the time we have, which would wrap it up there because these are two men that don't want to be complimented, especially Albert.

[00:09:51]

I have a.

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Hard time with it. That's Barry Sanders. I want to be complimented.

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You want to be... You're incredible, Albert. What can I think the.

[00:10:02]

Same, Albert.

[00:10:03]

Yeah. Okay. I have to say, there's a lot to talk about here. I wanted to start because it just happened. We just lost Norman Lear. I know you guys both knew this man very well. And for you, Rob, you was like a.

[00:10:16]

Second dad. He was. I'm very lucky that I had two role models in my life that I could look up to and I learned from. I met Norm when I was a little kid, and he tells a story. I don't remember it, but he tells me that I was playing with his daughter who was eight years old. We were both eight, and we were playing Jacks. I was teaching her how to play Giving of the rules to Jacks. Apparently, I was doing it in a funny way. I didn't know. He told my father, he said, Your kid is really funny. And my dad said, Really? That sull and child of mine? He can't be that funny. Norman was the.

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First guy to recognize. Can I say how times have changed? Because that's how long ago it was that the thing was, Your kid is so funny playing Jacks. Today, nothing said about a kid with a little girl is ever good.

[00:11:10]

But wait a minute.

[00:11:12]

If you called your dad-.

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It's a very creepy comment.

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But, Albert, we were both eight.

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I wasn't 24.

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And she was eight.

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You were advanced for your age.

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And your line for much of your adult life is, Do you want to play Jack?

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As my uncle used to say, You're old enough to be canceled.

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Well, first of all, Norman was, was he 101?

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101.

[00:11:38]

Absolutely unbelievable. And, of course, your father, Carl.

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Lived- 98.

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98. I was at some event, and this is maybe two years ago, and Norman was talking and he talked about this longevity thing with communities. He said, I swear to God, people always ask us. It's something about laughing.

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All the time. He said, did-.

[00:12:00]

Wait a minute. Henry Kissinger?

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Yeah.

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He was a riot. He was very funny. He was?

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The man.

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Was very funny.

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He laughed every day.

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I saw him once at the improv.

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And how did he do?

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He did that same Vietnam bit.

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Did he get any laughs?

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I told him the Pueblo was real. They didn't really laugh. Then he did.

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Audience work. Yes, I was going to say his crowd work was spectacular.

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Where are you from?

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Where are you from? I don't know.

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You called out the sweater.

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You have papers.

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So the point.

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Is, if you.

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Laugh every day, you live a very long time. I think that's the key. No, no, no.

[00:12:47]

I don't. And also.

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You have to have that good tea. If you think of people we know, contemporaries that are no longer with us at left. I don't think it's any of that. I think it's lucky.

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Yeah. Okay. Well, I tried to say a sweet positive thing. Yeah. Albert took me out of the knees.

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Albert put a damper on it.

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Yeah, I don't feel good now. I absolutely loved the documentary, Albert books, defending my life, and thought it was beautifully done. And what was great was this has been long overdue because your body of work, Albert, is insanely rich and ingenious and inspiring for generations of comedians. But it took a friend because you guys knew each other, you met in high school?

[00:13:33]

Right. We met in high school. You met in high school? Yes. And we've known each other for 60 years. I always wanted to do this when... You remember the film, My dinner with Andre, when it came out? At that point, I said to Albert, Come on, we'll go to a deli, we'll sit down, it'll be my lunch with Albert, and we'll do it. He never wanted to do it at that point. But then at a certain point, I don't know what made you change your mind, but we decided to do it, and that became the centerpiece of the documentary, the two of us just sitting in a.

[00:14:00]

Restaurant and talking. Someone came to me before Rob with the idea of doing a documentary, and it didn't work out. But then the idea was like, The idea to do it is good. So then I was having dinner with Rob. Do you ever want to do my lunch with Albert? I said, Well, what if we combine this? We do that. And then we also broaden it out and do clips and talk to people.

[00:14:29]

Well, the absolute rocket fuel are the bits. And because the comedic bits that you were doing, they're evergreen. They really are. Every single sketch bit that you've done, whether it was on The Tonight Show or the Flip Wilson Show, or The Johnny Cash Show. There are people who had shows. I can't believe who had a show. Everybody had a show.

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Everybody had a show.

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Conan O'Brien.

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Even Conan O'Brien had a show.

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Yeah, unbelievable.

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You said it.

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They're everybodyown. But you said it in the documentary that it was like he broke the sound barrier. It was like Chuck Yeager and they found a new way of presenting comedy. And Albert was-.

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Well, that's been misinterpreted. What I was saying is Albert's as funny as Chuck Yeager. And then people took it this other way.

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And who was funnier? Kissinger or Chuck Yeager?

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I would.

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Say Yeager. That's not the fair thing. You know what?

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But you did a... There was a comedy that.

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You started- Oh, I made up a joke the other day. Oh, yeah. Neil Armstrong was at a party and told these people a joke, and no one laughed. He told a joke about the moon, and no one laughed. And he said, Well, I guess you had to be there.

[00:15:44]

I.

[00:15:45]

Was with you. I love this moment. First time I met Albert was at this event, and I had never met him before. I'll back up just a second because I was so relieved you said something in the documentary Rob, that resonated with me, which is I think I've met everybody, just about everybody, and I'm never intimidated. I was intimidated to meet Albert. I was worried about it. I thought we're probably going to bump into each other at some point and I felt a little queasy about it. And then you say in the documentary that you always were intimidated by Albert.

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Well, it's not just intimidated. Where is this coming from? This mind. I've never met anybody that had a mind that works that way. And other comics, established comics. Larry David, in the documentary, says the same thing, that he was so happy when Albert gave him approval to a joke he said or something like that. You have to understand. In the circles I was with, I don't care who they were. It was Robin Williams, Billy Cuncer. I don't care who were in the... When we got together and people started fritzing, when Albert started, when Albert went, it was like challenge dance when everybody's challenging. When Albert started, everybody backed off. Everybody backed off because they knew that here comes the guy. Here's Babe Ruth, stepping into the cage.

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And I always thought it was a cool thing. And then when I got married, my wife said, It's because you never shower.

[00:17:21]

Do you think that's why they backed off? Yeah.

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I.

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Remember- I thought she had good.

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Personal to me. It was so funny because Albert was the first time I met you. You won't remember this, but it was someone's house. We're standing by a pool. You told me a story that was really funny, and I laughed, legitimately laughed. It was a very funny story. You had some friend with you who I didn't know, and the friend just struck and said, Well, I guess you had to be there. And you turned on your friend and went, No, he left. Apparently, you didn't have to be there. I was in the moment watching- I.

[00:17:57]

Remember I said, Don't you understand that expression? That's when nobody laughs. If somebody laughs, you don't have to be anywhere. You don't have to be anywhere. You're a stupid man.

[00:18:09]

I don't know who it was, but forever in my mind, I cherish that.

[00:18:14]

Both of you. But... Albert, we talked about this in the documentary. Albert would go on national television, live television, without ever trying out the bit he was going to do. That to me is talk about working without a net. I mean, this is in the case, Annette Funicello, which was what would make anybody good. But no, but-.

[00:18:40]

That's bordering on you had to be there.

[00:18:43]

We had to know that reference. No, but he would do this. We shared a house together. I don't remember it exactly, but the first time he did the mind piece, I don't think it worked. Did it work the first time you.

[00:18:57]

Did it? Well, the very first time I don't think it worked. It was the Steve Allen show. Yeah, it worked. Nobody knew anybody.

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The point is he came out. I didn't even know me. He was doing a mime, and he came out in the white face in the leotards, and he never stopped talking.

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It's.

[00:19:12]

So funny. And so it's a brilliant piece, and it didn't play the way it should have. And then time goes by. And I think you were called to do The Tonight Show or something. And I said, Albert, what are you going to do on The Show Tonight? He says, I'm going to do The Mindpiece. And I said, Yeah, but it didn't do well. He says, Yeah, but it's funny. I said, I know it's funny, but it didn't get the kind. He says, Yeah, but it's funny. And that's the thing that I learned about Albert, which is it is funny. The audience has to catch up to it. They just have to know it. And Johnny Carson was hosting, and he came out and the same thing where they were a little bit hesitant, they didn't know. Johnny went, and I was there. Johnny literally fell off his chair and the audience said, I see. I get what this is.

[00:19:58]

A lot of times, in my experience, if the audience is looking at the host and they want permission and that they need permission and then they know everything's okay. And so that bit, come out and you're talking and you're describing, I am now walking against the wind. I'm doing this. But then it just goes into stand-up comedy as a meme about my wife. And she said she lost 30 pounds and I said, Look behind you, you'll find it. And you're in total mind makeup and you're doing it. The thing is that I think when I talked on the dock about breaking the sound barrier, to me, it's about the level of commitment. And it's why I think it was no surprise that you turned out to be such an excellent actor. When you were doing these pieces, I think there was a time in show business where you needed to let everybody know, I'm in show business. These are jokes. Let's have a good time, nudge, nudge, wink, wink. And what you were doing was this like, De Niro-like commitment that you made it okay for everybody to work.

[00:20:59]

I mean, with respect to people, the audience is the last to know anything. I never understood the idea of doing it for an audience because the audience doesn't know anything until they see it. So if you do anything they haven't seen before, you don't get immediately rewarded. Like when you're previewing a movie with cards, the movies that get a hundred are the movies they've seen every other weekend.

[00:21:27]

Right.

[00:21:28]

They're familiar. They're comfortable. They're familiar. Unfamiliar doesn't get a good grade. But what do you do? You just never do it. But it's the same. If we go into a restaurant and it's a fine restaurant and we're served a dish, we don't know anything about this. We take the word of the person who owns the restaurant, and we taste something we've never tasted. And if the world didn't have that possibility, and by the way, I think show businesses, that's the Holy Grail, is no risk. I think as algorithms get mature and as more executives get parking spots, the risk is less and less because it's a business. Why do you want to take a risk?

[00:22:16]

I mean, I learned from Albert when I saw how committed he was to doing that bit, even though that I... When we first screened Spinal Tap, which Albert had done real life before that, but this was the first about rock and roll, and it was a mock documentary, and we previewed it in Dallas. People came up to me afterwards and they said, I don't understand. Why would you make a movie about a band that nobody's ever heard of and one that's so bad. It's like, yeah, they didn't know what we were doing. It took them a while to figure out that this were making fun of this. I learned from Albert, you got to stick to your guns and hopefully people… The audience will catch up. They'll like the dish that they.

[00:23:03]

Were served. I think what I learned in the doc was that I talk about… I think there was a Barbara Mandrell show. If you had one hit single, they suddenly gave you a variety show, and it feels, Albert, like you.

[00:23:14]

Did… That probably.

[00:23:15]

Was a bar.

[00:23:16]

That was The Circuit.

[00:23:18]

It was The Circuit. That's what you did. What you did is you did all of these shows and the bits are fantastic. You're bit after bit after bit. You're an elephant tamer that comes out, but you announced to the I'm an elephant tamer. I have all these tricks to the elephant. The elephant got sick. I'm going to use a frog, but it's the same trick. It's such a beautiful… I mean, you're laughing at hearing the idea, but then the execution is absolutely fantastic. You're doing these bits on these shows long before you get to Johnny. I think one of the keys in show business that's harder to find these days is there were places to work things out. You were doing it on television. But before you got to The Holy Grail, which was Carson, and if you do Johnny Carson, as you say in the doc, the next day, anywhere you went, you talk about going to the dry cleaner the next day, hey, great bit. Everybody had seen it.

[00:24:07]

Right. But I was fortunate because I didn't get to that show with that. I got to the show in his mind as established. Exactly. There wasn't, and I didn't even want to do that. I begged my agent to get on to Dick Cavett because he was the thing. John Lennon was on there, and they didn't want me. So I went to Johnny Carson by default. And what a great default it was because nobody watched Dick Cavett. I mean, a couple of college kids, but Johnny Carson was like a pathway to another universe.

[00:24:42]

No, it's the equivalent of being today the closest thing you can think of, Johnny Carson on a Tuesday night, today the only thing that comes close is maybe the Super Bowl. That's how many people are tuning in. You've got maybe half the country watching because he had a monopoly.

[00:24:56]

Well, it was a Super Bowl for people you knew. Because I did Ed Sullivan, and that on paper, they said that was 50 million people, but it wasn't people I saw in Los Angeles. Now, if you go to St. Louis, that's where, Hey, Ed Sullivan. They do watch, but it wasn't the group. It wasn't the market I went to or the dry cleaner or my day, but the Carson show, everywhere you went, the gas station. Hey, is all you, Johnny. That's what that got, at least where you live.

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You just didn't go to places where Ed.

[00:25:30]

Sullivan went. Well, I couldn't travel. I had to travel.

[00:25:32]

Where did Ed Sullivan go?

[00:25:36]

I've always had an adage, if you have to travel more than 2,000 miles to get a compliment, don't do it.

[00:25:43]

I like that yours is 2,000, mine is 4,000. I have a wider circle because I'm hungrier. Good rule of thumb, though. I'm hungrier.

[00:25:51]

I went to O'ahu once after that Hawaiian bit I did just to walk around.

[00:25:58]

Did you get people.

[00:26:00]

Saying- Not one. Not one.

[00:26:12]

This show is sponsored by Better Help. Now, whether or not your family gives gifts during the holidays, you get to define how you give to yourself. And this holiday, well, it's a great time to do just that. So whether it's by starting therapy, going a little easier on yourself during the tough moments, or treating yourself to a day of complete rest, remember to give yourself some love this holiday season. It's important to do. We think about what are we going to get everyone else, but you got to look after yourself. Now, if you're at all thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire and you get matched with a licensed therapist. And then here's the good part. The thing about BetterHelp is that if it's not a good fit, if you find for any reason it's not the best therapist for you. You switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. That's great. I think it's an excellent service. In the season of giving, give yourself what you need with better help. Visit betterhelp. Com/conin today to get 10 % off your first month.

[00:27:14]

That's better. Help. H-e-l-p. Com/conin. You know, it's interesting, Robb, you got this taste with All in the Family. How old were you? Is it 1970?

[00:27:35]

71. I was 23.

[00:27:36]

You're 23. And that's a show that everybody in the country starts watching. I remember in our family, it was- I don't remember. -that's what you did. You watched all in the Family.

[00:27:48]

And by the way, we were a country of 200 million people at that time, and we had 40, 45 million people watching every week, and they couldn't Tivo or DVR. You had to watch it. You had to.

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Be there. You had to physically.

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Watch it. You had to watch it when it was on. So you had a shared experience by 40, 50 million people watching this every week.

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And that's what a big successful sitcom was. You had to get those. Those are extraordinary numbers. But if you didn't get 30 million, you didn't stay on.

[00:28:17]

Well, it's hilarious now to look at the ratings of late night. It kept eroding over time. No, but it's serious. It's kept eroding over time.

[00:28:25]

I sit back, I have a drink and laugh at 1:1.

[00:28:29]

Yeah, well, I mean, you can get a million people to watch.

[00:28:33]

That monster hit is five to ten million people, and they're not all watching at the same time.

[00:28:38]

That's what that… Nielsen had to come up with those things that they were going to go out of business, those after things. We're not going to pay you to tell us seven hundred thousand people watched. Okay, okay. Well, look, seven and then another 200,000 watched on their watch the next day. All right, all right, and-.

[00:28:57]

Two hundred thousand saw it in.

[00:28:59]

Their suit. 40,000 people heard it, okay? Add that. And 10,000 people told someone else. Not enough. All right, all right. We'll come up with.

[00:29:09]

Another thing. And you can't talk to anybody about a show that you've seen. That's the problem. Because they always say, I didn't see that. I'm only on season one. Don't tell me. Don't tell me. So you can't ever have a discussion.

[00:29:19]

We have a talk. Everybody talks. The water-cooler is gone.

[00:29:22]

Yeah. But I remember how much of my life, my childhood was seeing you on All in the Family and how that was a cultural event, you being on Johnny or your films on SNL, you talked about it. You would happen, and then you'd all talk about it. My friends who were into comedy and I would talk about it in Brookline, Mass.

[00:29:46]

Well, think about this. Talk about appointment television. Saturday night, when it first came on, that's a Saturday night. You had to watch it when it was on. It was on 11:30 on the West Coast. Kids, young people in parties would stop whatever they were doing and watch Saturday night. And that, you know.

[00:30:08]

Also, we have to bring this up because it's in the dock and it's something I did not know, which is that you were approached by Lauren.

[00:30:14]

And- And Dick Abrasall.

[00:30:16]

-dick Abrasall. Wonderful, wonderful man.

[00:30:20]

You have a great love for him.

[00:30:22]

Don't you?

[00:30:23]

I know about that.

[00:30:24]

His knowledge of comedy is stunning. Anyway, what.

[00:30:32]

A-.

[00:30:32]

We digress. He's on the Rushmore. He's not on that Rushmore. But anyway, those guys approached you about building SNL around you and you said, I think... And you said, I think that's a mistake.

[00:30:45]

Well, here's the thing. It's 50 years ago, and maybe Lauren has another memory of it, but it wasn't that complicated. In the fall of '74, I went to a meeting and they said, because that was Johnny Carson's rerun night, and they said, We're going to stop doing that. We're going to put an original show. We want to do it live from New York, and we'd like it to be Albert Brook's show. You would be the host. Now, I had flirted with television twice before, and thank God way with the lifeworks, I didn't do it. One, about two and a half years earlier, I got offered my own summer show on CBS, six shows. I mean, it was going to be the Albert Brook Show. What show will it be? I was really starting to think. There were offices. We got offices. Then I was asked to Carol Burnett, who was the big CBS star, was honored. I was asked to perform at the event. I didn't have a lot of stuff. I had bits that I did from The Road, one of which was on my album, Comedy Minus One, not to be confused with Coachella Minus One.

[00:32:08]

Somebody said, Is that where you play part of a monster? I said, No, I don't have any. I performed to that. I did this bit that I did on my record where if you're a comedian and you're performing in the south and you're bombing, then you have that failsafe, you dig deep and you come out and you pronounce it clearly and you somehow get out the word shit. And that turns everything around. They laugh for 20 minutes. I said people run out. They build a statue in the park. And so basically it was shit saved my life. So the next day I get a call and William Paley called my agency and said, This foulmouth young man will not appear on my network. So I didn't do that. And then earlier on, I was going to do a sitcom that I backed out of in a meeting that was already a go. Aaron Spelling was producing it. It was a whole season approved. And Michael Eisener, the last question said, Well, let me ask Albert, though, what do you see for this character in five years? And I said, Suicide.

[00:33:29]

Is still alive. I stood up and I said, I'm not ready. This is not going to work. I left and the agents followed me into the elevator and one of them said, You should wait. You should wait. And the other said, I don't think it's a good... He should do it. And so after those two, I was done with television. I wanted to make movies. A, I wasn't going to do the Albert Brook show, but I also thought that they were talking to somebody from Los Angeles. And when they said we're doing a live show at 11:30 in New York, to me, live meant nothing. There was no live. I didn't see anything that I wasn't supposed to see. If somebody in New York said a swear.

[00:34:13]

Word, it was- You mean like shit?

[00:34:14]

Yeah. It was cut out long before I saw it. I had a couple of thoughts. I said, Well, wouldn't have make more sense. I mean, The Tonight Show, in essence, is live. They never stop. What if you did one at 4:30 and one at 7:30 and put the best together to air? But they wanted live, and obviously it worked. But I knew that I would be John Belouchie. I'd be on 8 grams of Coke. I'm not good starting at 11:30. It's why I hated the road. I never got that third show at midnight. It just didn't make sense to me. It was too late, too much. And I said, Every show has the same host. You should use different hosts each week. They said, Okay, well, thanks for coming in. Then four months went by. They hadn't done anything yet. They came back to me. We want you associated with the show. What do you want to do? I said, I want to do short films. I made an agreement to do it. I did them here. For that, in the spring of '75, Lauren and I did The National Junket. In those days, they would take the Sheridan Universal, and every reporter would have a different room, and they'd set up the room so they could pretend you came to them.

[00:35:38]

So you'd walk into a room, there'd be this fake palm tree. Albert Brooks, welcome to Fort Lauderdale. Fort Lauderdale, thank you. Wow, it's sweaty out there. They loved if you played along. And it was the same interview. So you're going to make short films for a new show? I am. What's the show about? I don't really know. Here's the producer. Ask Lauren. And he didn't know at that moment. What's the show about? Well, we're going to have the new comedy, and it's going to be new and that. So then from that point, Lauren got his primetime players, and he built this show that has been the longest running show on television. So obviously he did it perfectly, but that's the way it went down.

[00:36:22]

I.

[00:36:22]

Love the.

[00:36:23]

Short film that I remember. I most believe that God is in the details. I just love the little things and-.

[00:36:29]

And Devils and the Details. And the Devil.

[00:36:30]

Is in the details. -and the Devil is in the details.

[00:36:31]

They're both in the details.

[00:36:32]

How does that work? I wish you hadn't brought that up. But the school where they teach you comedy, the short-.

[00:36:39]

Well, that was not for.

[00:36:40]

Saturday night- That wasn't for SNL?

[00:36:42]

No, that was the first thing. That was for a show called The Great American Dream Machine. Oh, there you go. Okay. I just remember it was... I had written an article for Esquire called Albert Brooks' famous school for comedians.

[00:36:53]

Which many people took seriously.

[00:36:54]

Two thousand.

[00:36:55]

How many people applied?

[00:36:57]

Two thousand tests.

[00:36:59]

They got. They took these tests, but one of my.

[00:37:01]

Favorite tests was- We had pictures of a fake school. It was like those famous artist school. And then we had a two- If.

[00:37:06]

You can draw.

[00:37:07]

This pirate. A two-page comedy talent test.

[00:37:10]

Well.

[00:37:11]

There's a short- Video of Don Rickles. That woman wearing that mink over there looks like a bear.

[00:37:19]

Squirrel.

[00:37:21]

Gentile. And then you had to check the box.

[00:37:25]

Well, it's you walking down the hall and saying there's a different class going on in each room. And then you say, In this class, we're going to look at students are learning the spit take. Do you remember when Danny Thomas on his show would do is someone, his agent would give him bad news and he'd spit his coffee out? Well, here they're learning the famous spit take. Let's see how it's going. You open the door and what I love. It's maybe 30 students in a Horseshoe shape around and there's a teacher talking, The floor is covered with spit and coffee. And I always, as a kid, I remembered seeing that and howling like, I know what's coming. And it was this wonderful thing that many people think comedy is not knowing what's coming. No, there's a beautiful comedy where you're told you open the door and there's coffee everywhere, and then they do it. No, Lucile, you dribbled. That's not- You.

[00:38:17]

Can't have enough of.

[00:38:18]

A spray. And then there was a class, and many times when comedians make it big, they give back to society. Here in this class, students are choosing which disease to work for. In case they make it big. And one student is going, What about eczema? He says- That's not going to work. Yeah, he says, Yeah. Another student, I thought it was cured. No, it's not. Picking the three diseases left. But anyway, I did that about three years before Saturday night, but that got my taste.

[00:38:53]

For the whole film thing. I remember seeing that and loving it and then loving that with the short films and then the movies, you're treated as if you have a sense of humor. You're going to find out where the comedy is. I think one of the things that really held true for Spinal Tap, it was so true to a real documentary that long before now, mockumentary as a whole channel, probably, in streaming. This was before that, really, that happened. And of course, you did it in real life. And it's up to you to decide as an intelligent person where the comedy is.

[00:39:32]

Which was a change at the time because look, comedy is still a second class in the world. It's why they say it's the Oscars. Now should there be a category for comedy acting? It's the stupidest thing I ever heard. But somehow it was like an acting school. If a student could cry, which is only a chemical thing and has nothing to do with emotions, if you're a person who's tear ducts or such that you keep your eyes open and you can start to produce, you'd get an A because people think that that's good acting. And scenes, dramatic scenes where people yell that was good acting. And that's the way the whole world thinks. Drama is considered the serious part of it. And comedies like... And it's the same as what you're saying because most comedies would let you know it's a comedy. Right, yeah. It's like either even with the logo, the zany thing or the cookie music, they wanted to let the audience know.

[00:40:42]

Well, also the trip- They wanted to release it. Remember, Airplane was a big, big hit comedy. We came in after that and they said, Well, instead of the twisted plane, we're going to have a twisted guitar, and that's going to be a spy.

[00:40:57]

I said, All right, that's good.

[00:40:58]

That could have.

[00:41:00]

Saved it. But you're saying it's very close to the bone. That's what you would do, and it's very close to real. I hired a DP who had done a lot of rock and roll documentaries who had shot them. As we're shooting it, he says, I don't understand. What's funny about this? This is what they do. This is the real thing. There's nothing funny here. I said, Yeah, no, but we're twisting it a little bit.

[00:41:22]

But also, I think you both have done this masterfully, but the awkward silences. I brought up De Niro before, but De Niro, Enraging Bull, and he's played this character so many times, but someone who notices something and then can't let it go.

[00:41:36]

Yeah, well, De Niro is always like that. I mean, once you say you're talking to me, if nobody answers, you shouldn't keep asking.

[00:41:43]

Yeah, well, he.

[00:41:45]

Doesn't take- He had his answer. Yes. No, no one was talking to you.

[00:41:48]

But he won't take no.

[00:41:49]

For an answer. But he wouldn't take no. But I love that so many times I see, and it's in all your work, but in defending your life, there's so many times where you justlike, you can't let things go. You want to know more. But that's Albert.

[00:42:04]

Yeah, and that is you. That is you coming out. That is Albert. He doesn't let anything go. He still has... I'm not going to do that show.

[00:42:13]

No. I don't know what the joke is, but if you think you shouldn't do it, don't.

[00:42:19]

That instinct is usually correct.

[00:42:21]

But you were talking about The Tonight Show. I don't know. I never got a straight answer, but there was four years that I was on that are gone. Yeah. I never repeated a bit ever. So I think of some of those bits. I did a bit once that was I loved so much, and I was hoping, but it was in those years that.

[00:42:40]

Were gone. You know what happened, though, right? It's a famous-.

[00:42:43]

I heard two stories, a fire or they.

[00:42:47]

Taped over? No, no. I mean, a fire would be.

[00:42:49]

Somewhat- They taped over? -susable.

[00:42:50]

What happened was- Oh, I'm going.

[00:42:52]

To hear the answers. Which bit was it? I want to know.

[00:42:54]

The bit. I'm going to tell.

[00:42:55]

You, but what happened. But Albert's directing now.

[00:42:59]

Is this one of those awkward silences that you're.

[00:43:02]

Talking about? No, no, no, no.

[00:43:03]

It's becoming it. Look, we're letting attention build. But you commented.

[00:43:07]

On it. Then I broke the silence.

[00:43:09]

Did.

[00:43:09]

They tape over? I was going to get to it in my own time and in my own way. But now I feel rushed and rattled and rightly intimidated by Albert Brooks, as I knew I would be.

[00:43:18]

Let's go to the Sinatra.

[00:43:21]

Apparently, all the tapes were preserved. They were in a warehouse that was in New Jersey. A bean counter said, We've got all these tapes. Hey, what's this for here? They're like, That's storage. Those are all the old Tonight shows from '63 to- '76. '76. Those are all of the Tonight shows. Are the tapes still good? Yeah, the tapes are good. Well, erase them. Let's reuse them. One person, now I talked to Rick Laudlin, who worked on Johnny Carson's Tonight show, and he said, It wasn't Rick, but he said, I know there was a guy who had to go to Johnny and say all your work from 1916, you trading quips with Groucho, you with your idol, Jack Benny, you with all these, it's all gone so that they could put some I Dream of Genies on a tape. And that's a funny reference, Sonya. You'll enjoy it later. Oh, okay. Look it up. I'll enjoy it later. I'll think about it and then start laughing.

[00:44:21]

You'll think about it. Google it.

[00:44:22]

Okay. But not much later.

[00:44:23]

There.

[00:44:26]

Was.

[00:44:27]

A clip that was- It's all gone. There was a.

[00:44:30]

Clip that we were- Well, I don't think it was 63.

[00:44:31]

No, but I'll.

[00:44:33]

Tell you this.

[00:44:34]

Intermittently, you mean. No, but you know what I'll tell you? I will tell you that the clips that tended to survive were ones that Johnny, if it's like the Ed Ames or something like that, he would say, Oh, my Get me one of those so I can show it to people at the house.

[00:44:47]

Now, when you said the Ed Ames, does your audience know? The Tomahawk. Of course not. They know what the Ed Ames?

[00:44:51]

I'm talking down to my audience now. I'm above them on a cloud and they're in the mud. If you don't know Ed Ames, no, it's a famous Tomahawk throw. I think it was- I.

[00:45:00]

Think he hit his cock.

[00:45:01]

-i think it's from '63. And he hit the crotch of.

[00:45:03]

The.

[00:45:03]

Dummy. And it.

[00:45:04]

Looked like.

[00:45:04]

A penis. And it looked like a penis with an erection. And Johnny's dying, laughing. And I think he calls it Frontier Brice, a huge laugh. You could tell it was an accident, and it was the original viral moment that existed.

[00:45:16]

My biggest fear in all of the universe is that I die and there is a heaven. And God says to me, I could see your cock.

[00:45:29]

Wait, but why you specifically?

[00:45:32]

Or you. I don't care. But anyway, I did this one bit that was really great. Remember the Ed Sullivan plates? You had to get all the plates at one time spinning. So I brought out five people, and I said to the audience, I'm going to attempt something that's never been done. I'm going to start, and I'm going to make this gentleman laugh, and I'm going to go down. And if it happens correctly at the end, all five will be laughing together. And so I started and there was music, and-.

[00:46:04]

But he was talking to their ears.

[00:46:06]

You can hear what I said?

[00:46:07]

I would talk to them. And it was only a.

[00:46:08]

Specific joke for them. And the first guy would go, and I'd go to the next guy. And then the first guy would start to go, Oh, and I'd run back and say.

[00:46:17]

Something to him. And he.

[00:46:18]

Would go up again. It's a great bit. We couldn't find it. It's erased. The other thing we couldn't find is my father went on The Tonight Show and actually said that Albert Brooks was the funniest person.

[00:46:30]

He said Albert Einstein.

[00:46:31]

Albert Einstein at the time.

[00:46:33]

His real name, Albert Einstein.

[00:46:34]

Was the funniest person he knew.

[00:46:36]

Johnny said, Who do you like these days?

[00:46:38]

When I was 16.

[00:46:38]

When you were 16 years old, you get name checked by Johnny on The Tonight Show.

[00:46:42]

We couldn't find that clip either.

[00:46:44]

What a thrill.

[00:46:45]

This I have to bring up, which is the similarities. You're good friends. You've been good friends since high school. And there are some similarities, both your fathers in the business. You lost your father at an early age. It's a very sad story. He died performing at a Friar's Club, roast on stage, park a carcass. That was a loss that clearly had a huge effect on you.

[00:47:12]

Yeah, obviously.

[00:47:13]

Yeah. He said something in the documentary that I didn't know and when I heard it, I couldn't believe it. He said that when he was a kid, he used to go to sleep with the radio on, and his mother would come in while he was sleeping and turn it off at night. One morning he woke up and the radio was still on.

[00:47:33]

It.

[00:47:33]

Was like 3:00 in the morning. 3:00 in the morning. He woke up and he said he knew at that point that his father.

[00:47:38]

Had died. Because your father had been sickly and you were working.

[00:47:40]

But he was sick my whole life. He was healthier for my brothers, but by the time I was born, it was not good and he had trouble walking. For my life, he was ill, always ill. I was always worried about it. It wasn't like a premonition. I thought this was happening every day.

[00:47:59]

I had heard about it, and then you and I got to have a dinner once and you told me the story and it's absolutely unbelievable. He was on The Friars Club days, and it's 1958 and he destroys. I mean, absolutely destroys. And he's the hit of the night. You can listen to it. Yes, I've listened to it. And then he goes back and he sits down at his seat and passes away. And it's weird because it's the thing that comedians talk about sometimes almost in a wistful way, like I'd love to kill in front of a crowd and then just.

[00:48:28]

Quickly go. And what I'm always amazed at is that he finished. He finished. It could happen on the way up to the mic. It could happen during, but he finished. So that's the.

[00:48:39]

Coolest part. And then they try to save the evening. The insane.

[00:48:41]

Part, they said that your father, they're working on him. Backstage. Backstage. Milton Burl says to a singer at the time.

[00:48:48]

Get up. Tony Martin. Go up there and sing a song. The number one hit in America.

[00:48:51]

And he says, Sing. Sing.

[00:48:52]

And Milton Burl didn't know what the song was. He says, Go sing your hit. Go sing your hit. Tony Martin stands up, and he sang, and his hit was calledThere's no tomorrow.

[00:49:01]

Oh, Jesus. Oh, God.

[00:49:04]

Fuck. There's no tomorrow.

[00:49:07]

While they're working on your dad. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Good God. Now, your father, of course, lived a wonderful, I think, 170 years. Yeah, 98. I got to know him. He was such a beautiful man, such a lovely man, so encouraging and absolutely lovely. The first time he came on my late-night show, he came out and he said, This is my first time on the show, so I'm going to mark my territory. He walked around the back of the show, miming, peeing it, But I don't think my crowd knew what mark your territory meant. He sat down and it had gotten nothing. And he went, Well, that completely didn't work. And that was my favorite part. My favorite part was him just saying that come, because any bit where you have to get up, leave.

[00:49:57]

The- There's a perfect example. Was Carl walking around, mocking, peeing great, or the fact that your audience didn't like it, was it shitty?

[00:50:06]

Or didn't understand it?

[00:50:08]

Yeah. I'd say it was great.

[00:50:09]

Last night I was at CBS where we shot all in the family and all the stuff. And they had a special for Dick Van Dyk, who was 98. I opened the thing and introduced it and talked about how the first pilot of the Van Dyk show was my dad did it. He started and it was called Head of the Family, and it didn't sell. And Sheldon Leonard, who was producing the show said, The script is great. We just need to find a better you.

[00:50:43]

Enter.

[00:50:44]

Dick Van Dyk. And I tell that story. I told that story at the beginning.

[00:50:47]

You know, it's funny. I've seen the footage of the original Dick Van Dyk show, which didn't have Dick Van Dyk. I've seen the footage of your dad in that role, and it looks insane. Because it's like if someone showed you Casablanca, but instead of Humphrey Bogart- Edwin.

[00:51:03]

Yeah, exactly. Does that sound like a Sinatra song he never recorded? We just need to find a better you.

[00:51:12]

Yes.

[00:51:12]

A better you.

[00:51:15]

He was encouraging of you being in comedy. Was he.

[00:51:20]

Worried for you? He didn't say anything. He never said yes or no. I never knew. I didn't know. It wasn't until I was like and I directed a production of No Exit of All Things. John Paul Sart, Richard Dreyfus was in it. And that was the first time I ever got anything from my dad, where he came backstage and he said that was good. No bullshit. And he looked me in the eye and said that. So the only time he ever gave me any encouragement. And I went to visit him at the house, had his house then the next day, and he said, I'm not worried about you. You're going to be okay, whatever you want to do. But that was, I was.

[00:51:59]

Already I saw something. I mentioned this to you once, and I feel like I feel because I can't find it. But somewhere I saw footage because briefly you were part of a doubles act. You were partnered with Joey Bishop's son. Yeah, Larry Bishop. Larry Bishop. And someone with a Super late camera right after you've done a show, maybe it's 1968, 69, takes you out onto a fire escape and interviews both of you. They're talking to both of you about you having famous dads. I saw this thing and I thought, Well, surely you've seen this. And then you said you've never seen it.

[00:52:34]

I've never seen it. I'll find it. I'll find it. Larry and I opened at the Hungary Eye for Carmen McCray. We were booked into all those nightclubs, the ones therooster tail in Detroit, Mr. Kelly is in Chicago, Paul's Mall, the bitter end. We were booked into everyone. And after that run, he said, I can't do this anymore.

[00:52:53]

By the way, before that in high school, I had an act with Larry. This is funny. Al and Larry, we were in high school, and there was no such thing as an improv or any place. A guy on Coenga named Laird Brooke Schmidt. He looked like Ernie Kovacs. He opened his house. He called it Laird's Laird. So you.

[00:53:17]

Could- I didn't think it was a- But wait- It's not a pedophile.

[00:53:21]

No, here was.

[00:53:22]

The rule. Creeps right now all over America are hearing this going, That's it! It's a.

[00:53:27]

Comedy club! Here was the rule. You could perform there if you brought the audience. So Larry and I had to bring our friends from high school who heard the same bits at lunch. This time they had to pay $5 and sit in a guy's house. It's in the living room. It's the same thing. And they're looking at us like, Oh, okay, but what is this? This was lunch. Well, it's a club. And it was a guy's house. First thing I've ever seen in this city that even got strangers together at a.

[00:54:02]

Person's house. How long did that guy's thing last?

[00:54:05]

Until he came. Oh, my God.

[00:54:14]

He had a.

[00:54:16]

Very.

[00:54:18]

Strange proclivity. Very strange proclivity. Comedy got him off.

[00:54:24]

That was Robert Redford hitting the lights in the natural. He's slowly, Albert's going around the basses. The music's playing, all is coming down. Oh, my God.

[00:54:37]

We'll.

[00:54:38]

Be right back.

[00:54:49]

You know what I will say has had a big effect on me as a human being is the message behind defending your life, the movie about fear. People who move on to a higher plane are the ones that were less afraid in their life. I think about that a lot. It's very profound and probably has influenced.

[00:55:08]

Me more than- Are you frightened? Do you have any fears that.

[00:55:13]

You need to overcome? I have many, many fears. That movie spoke to me.

[00:55:19]

It's hilarious. But also- And I think because I haven't gotten over mine, but I see facing that tribunal and saying, But I made the movie.

[00:55:29]

Yeah. Doesn't that.

[00:55:31]

Count for something? Come on, man.

[00:55:33]

You're sitting in the same chair saying, Look.

[00:55:37]

I did this. I mean, let me go on. I made this. Doesn't count.

[00:55:42]

But I don't know. That really spoke to me that taking risks, doing things, and we're not here long.

[00:55:49]

No, and we're also... It's one of those things we're stuck with from the original humans. We're stuck with a lot of things we don't need, and that's one of those primordial feelings that you needed in a world we don't live in.

[00:56:06]

The tiger.

[00:56:06]

And the lion. Yes, and the things that you would be afraid of, and especially in a world where the sky looks like 800 gods. I mean, everything is scary. You don't know anything. I don't think that we've adapted very well to what there is to be afraid of and what there isn't. Not that there isn't shit to be afraid of, but sometimes you feel it all the time and it's not necessary all the time.

[00:56:32]

I heard a fact once that the human mind is fascinated by the most recent and interesting way to die and puts that right at the top of the list. When COVID came along, everyone said, Oh, my God, it's COVID. If I can avoid COVID, I'll be fine. Suddenly, everything else: colon cancer, lung cancer, heart attacks, car accidents, falling, disappeared. We love to move what's the latest thing to the top of the list. After 9/11, it was, If I can get on a plane and land safely, I'll be okay. Right. And that's our tendency, and it goes back for millions.

[00:57:09]

Of years. But I think we have news for people. They're going to die at some point of something.

[00:57:15]

That's.

[00:57:16]

The news.

[00:57:16]

That's the newsbook. But the point is, it's always trying to localize it to be able to understand it, that's why. Because there's too many things to think about otherwise.

[00:57:26]

I had a conversation with Albert once, and at the time, I was saying to Albert, I've done some stuff I really like that really makes me laugh. I've worked with some really brilliant people, and I've got this body of work that I'm proud of, but it's television. I said, You've, and this is both of you, you've made movies. I was saying that those last... What I've done is I said, I'm in the disposable pen business. I think I've made a lot of good big pens. They were used and they've been tossed out. But you've made movies, which I put on this whole other level. Albert, with great conviction, was saying, You don't understand. None of it matters.

[00:58:08]

I had this fight 30 years ago with Rob because I remember it maybe 20 years ago. Rob at the time was saying that the great movie stars, when movie stars are the carry, grants the card, they will always be remembered. I said, Nobody will always be remembered. Nobody in the movies. Maybe Hitler, maybe Einstein, maybe Elvis Presley, but that's about it.

[00:58:34]

But the.

[00:58:35]

Thing.

[00:58:35]

Is you did things what are disposable. You made people laugh. People will come up to you and say, that.

[00:58:45]

Made me- That made.

[00:58:45]

You laugh, yeah. -so you made somebody feel good. And that's all it is. It's all the same.

[00:58:49]

You know what? It's interesting. I took what Albert said as it calmed me. It made me feel better. Now, most people... Now, it's a total coincidence. Shortly after that, I did some interview, I think, with someone at The New York Times, and they were telling me, What do you think about your legacy? I said, It doesn't matter. Then I quoted Albert and I said, Albert Brooks told me none of this matters. I said it as the good news. The good news is I think I've had good intent. I've tried. I keep trying, and then I'm gone and you move on. But the thing that was fascinating about it was that, so briefly, Conan and Albert were trending as goth, that we were are goth. I was like, Well, no, we're not. I don't think of this as a doomsday thing.

[00:59:34]

It may be a gist- Because it does. It matters at the time.

[00:59:37]

At that.

[00:59:38]

Moment, yeah. At that moment, it matters. But not so anything matters. It's just a minute.

[00:59:41]

That's what it is. I got asked to write a thing about Johnny Carson once. I did this research and I read a 1980 profile in Rolling Stone magazine of Johnny Carson. In it, Johnny's moaning and bitching about how all the big stars are gone. He said, There are no big stars anymore. He said, We've... And he's talking about, Groucho is gone. -bogart.

[01:00:05]

-bogart's gone.

[01:00:06]

The.

[01:00:06]

People he loves.

[01:00:07]

-all the people, they're all gone and who's left? There's nobody. I'm thinking, What do you... I mean, everyone thinks, everybody's perspective and my perspective was, Well, I came along in '93, but boy, what if I could have talked to Jimmy Cagney? Well, no, don't be stupid. There are so many people now that come up to me and say, Oh, my God, you got to talk to all these people for almost 30 years who are gone now who were giants. And I think at the time, that's not how I thought about it. And I knew it was-.

[01:00:35]

But you know something? Oddly enough, there are no stars anymore.

[01:00:39]

Well, that's not true.

[01:00:40]

No. That's not true. Wait a minute.

[01:00:43]

Margo Robbie is a star.

[01:00:44]

There's no.

[01:00:45]

Reason Bobby worked with Mark Roby.

[01:00:47]

Tom Cruise is a star. There's no question about it. Tom Cruise is a star. But the way in which we thought of stars, they're not people that carry pictures that you go to see because that person is in the movie. You'd go because that person… Right now you got Taylor Swift and Tom Cruise. Who else would you... I have to.

[01:01:08]

Go to the movie theater. Well, his last mission didn't do that well. We weren't so happy with it. I'm just being the guy from Paramol.

[01:01:13]

No.

[01:01:14]

You're someone else, please, because these numbers are devastating.

[01:01:22]

No, I'm.

[01:01:25]

Telling you, when you see Barbie is the example of a modern movie star. But Barbie.

[01:01:32]

Was the star.

[01:01:33]

But no, but she's great.

[01:01:34]

Don't get me wrong.

[01:01:35]

I love Fargo Robbie. I'm telling you, I think another person in that the movie would not have been the same.

[01:01:40]

You mean Ruth Buzzy? Yeah.

[01:01:45]

From westerly Rhode Island, Ruth Buzzy. Don't ask me why I know that.

[01:01:48]

It's different. But those guys, the Humphrey Bogarts, they made 11 movies an hour. They were just making them. It wasn't even about they made so many movies that's why you went to see them. It wasn't out of the blue, Casablanca came, and everybody went. It was just the 18th movie he made.

[01:02:08]

That year. That was their 11th choice, I think. Yeah, that was called- Okay.

[01:02:11]

We'll get Bogart. -it was called television. That's what they did.

[01:02:14]

Yeah, but there was a period that we were brought into. There were people they said he'll open a picture. You get this person or that person, and they will open the picture, meaning you'll get a good first weekend. There was a list of people. Now what opens a picture is action, superheroes. That opens a picture. But the star itself doesn't open.

[01:02:38]

The picture. Yeah, we may have crossed into a thing where the actual picture opens the picture. I mean, the Marvel world is a little bit different than.

[01:02:48]

What- But that's fraying now. They're having trouble.

[01:02:51]

We don't know.

[01:02:51]

Yeah, they're struggling. Well, they're struggling.

[01:02:53]

Yeah, they're struggling.

[01:02:55]

I read a treatment for Uncle Marvel that was-.

[01:02:58]

The ability to kevetch.

[01:03:04]

Kevetch. And what was the story? And what was the story? What was the story for Uncle Marble?

[01:03:09]

Like he said, it was a reluctant guy.

[01:03:16]

I don't know.

[01:03:17]

If I should. This don't even fit anymore.

[01:03:22]

How do you breathe in this fucking thing?

[01:03:29]

It's the thing. We got the testing back from Uncle Marvin.

[01:03:34]

She's.

[01:03:34]

Hot.

[01:03:37]

Literally.

[01:03:41]

Damn. It has to be satisfying to both of you that nothing ages like comedy, and you've both done all this work that if I talk to an 18-year-old comedy nerd, they will look at your stuff and say, This is genius. This is brilliant. This is terrific. That has got to be a good feeling. Even you have to feel good.

[01:04:05]

Well, you're just telling me this now. I don't know who you talk to.

[01:04:09]

They're not smart people. They're idiots.

[01:04:11]

They're call me once in a while.

[01:04:16]

I love that this is a little tidbit I think I can share, which is you had me over to your house, Rob, to watch the documentary, and then you confided me as the lights were going down. Albert may come by if this goes over well.

[01:04:29]

If this.

[01:04:30]

Goes over well, and I got the sense that he was circling the neighborhood in a car like a shark, but he wanted to hear how it went over. And then the lights came up. And the first thing I said to you was, I think you can call Albert. And you came.

[01:04:40]

Over, which was sweet. I wasn't circling. I don't live far.

[01:04:46]

But you were nervous. You didn't want to sit there. You were on the roof.

[01:04:48]

You didn't want to sit there. The truth is, there were six other screenings, and I was driving mad that night, circling 18 hours.

[01:04:57]

Well, this has been an absolute thrill, delight. It checks every single box. I think I'm getting out of the business, gentlemen, which was your aim, I think, when you came here. This is fun. Let me make sure I mentioned, too, because I did say I want to mention that you have a podcast. Yes. We have many people listening to this, so let's get the word out.

[01:05:17]

On you. Yeah. No, it's Who Killed JFK? You can get it anywhere you get your podcast. It's basically commemorates the 60th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. There's 10 episodes, they drop every Wednesday. I think if you listen to all 10, you will get 60 years of information will be put in a place that you can understand what happened on that day.

[01:05:39]

By the way, like me, he has assembled some hysterical bits from JFK.

[01:05:45]

Yeah, we have one.

[01:05:48]

People don't know.

[01:05:49]

What.

[01:05:49]

Was the one.

[01:05:50]

They did? The grassy know? What was that one?

[01:05:53]

I had a bit. I didn't know where to do it. I was working on, and that's that if Walter Cronkite were working today, and this happened. Let me do 30 seconds of it. 2:10 AM, it's official, John F. Kennedy, assassinated in Dallas. Let's go to our panel at the end from the Lincoln Motor Company, Jack Ryan, a well-known gardener, Javier Martinez, from Winchester, Paul Allen. Let me start at the end with the Lincoln. Why it was 74 degrees? Is that when you suggest the top should be down? Well, Walter, at Lincoln we don't really make the rules, but we say to the customer, we were above 80, so it was too cold it shouldn't have.

[01:07:10]

Been.

[01:07:11]

That. Paul, how far can the Winchester... Well, first let me ask Caviar. Talk to me about the grassy no. How often is that moat?

[01:07:27]

Yeah, it's a 24-hour news site. It doesn't have that same impact. This is probably too dark, but I've had a thought in my mind, which is what if Zapruder had gone on to make other films? Oh, my God. That was a comedy bed idea I had. And he comes out with other films and they don't have anything to do with that. The critics are killing him because it doesn't have the impact of his first film. Then he's enraged. Why am I constantly being judged on my first film?

[01:07:58]

I'm being typedcast.

[01:07:59]

I'm.

[01:07:59]

Being I'm pinching then.

[01:08:01]

But then he starts, as his film sell less and less, he starts going back to There is a motorbike, even though it doesn't fit the story at all. That's a bit that I've had that I've been afraid to talk about out loud.

[01:08:13]

Well, there you go. Christmas, vacation, live from Abraham's brooker.

[01:08:18]

Like, it's lacking the impact of the… Gentlemen, God bless you both. Thank you. That's a Christian God.

[01:08:26]

Even though today's a tonica.

[01:08:29]

I know, but it's my studio. So have a happy Catholic Christmas, both of you, filled with Jesus, Son of God, eternally begotten to the Father, God from God, light from light, true God from true God, begat not made, wouldn't be with.

[01:08:42]

The Father. Sold.

[01:08:49]

Thank you, fellas.

[01:08:51]

Thank you.

[01:08:51]

Thank you. Goodbye.

[01:08:54]

Conan O'Brien needs a Friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam O'Sessian, and Matt Gordley. Produced by me, Matt Gordley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, nick Leau, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Your Wolf. Themed song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blaire, and our Associate Talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Mellnik, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista, and Rick Kohn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.