Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan, visit teamcoco.com slash. Call Conan. Okay, let's get started.

Hey, Logan. Meet Conan and Sona.

Hey, Conan.

Hey, Logan. How are you?

I can't hear you.

Oh, we can't hear you, Logan. Logan, are you.

Oh, I'm here.

Oh, good. There you are, Logan. You. Now, I want to probably even begin and find out whose fault that was. Would the fault be on our end? I think it was on our end. Now, what happened there, Eduardo? I was trying to talk to Logan, who seems like a wonderful fan. And what happened? You didn't turn. You only have two buttons.

There must have been some interference in the connection. The satellite. The satellites.

That was smart, because he won't know if you're not saying the right thing.

No, I can tell I'm being bullshitted. Logan, let's make it about you and not about my sound engineer who made a terrible mistake. Logan, where are you right now?

I'm in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Tulsa, Oklahoma. Okay, very cool. And are you a native of Tulsa?

I am not a native of Tulsa, but I grew up in Stillwater, Oklahoma, which is about an hour and a half away.

All right. Okay, so you didn't have to go that far. You're in Tulsa now, and what is it you do, sir?

I am a urologist.

Oh, okay. We have a lot to talk about. Oh, yeah, we really do. I was never that interested in urology. And then as one gets on in years, one starts to think, maybe I'll need a urologist in my future. Everything's fine now, but you never know. Tell me what I should be concerned about as a urologist. I've just come in to talk to you. Talk to me? Logan, what do you need to know?

First, you probably should tell me what your symptoms are, because when patients come in to see me, they usually don't ask me to tell them what the problem is. They usually come in with a problem. Very good.

Thank you. Okay, you're practicing a very strange kind of medicine, but, yeah, all my doctors are improvisers, and so I come in and go, hi, doc, what's up? And then they say you have a lump on your bottom and they haven't even looked at me yet. Logan, whenever I urinate, a blueberry jam comes. Actually, but it's an actual sellable blueberry jam.

Is that the one you bring into the office?

Yeah.

People love it.

Christmas is coming up.

Christmas is coming up, and I'm making jam. Logan, tell me. Let's get serious here. For a second and then devolve into more foolishness. Tell me about being a urologist. What kind of things do you work on? What are your specialties? What are your treatments that you're usually doing?

Yeah, so I am a reconstructive urologist. I did a fellowship, and so I do a lot of surgery for urethral stricture disease, for example, in men, which is where scar tissue builds up inside the urethra and it becomes very difficult or impossible to urinate.

Wow. Can I break in with a quick question? I have many questions. I'm a curious person. Why would there be scar tissue in the urethra? What would one have to have been? I mean, I understand an athlete getting scar tissue on their knees because they're using their knees all the time in their athletic pursuits. But why would I have scar tissue in my urethra?

So that's a good question. I'd say the most common thing is some sort of a straddle injury.

What do you mean?

You kind of land between the legs, like falling on a bicycle seat or something. I mean, a lot of times it might be something nobody even really noticed had happened, or maybe it was just a minor injury, but over time, the scar tissue develops because the urethra kind of gets crushed under the pubic, the pubic bone. Mine does, for sure.

I have a question.

First of all, I'm not done yet because I have one follow up to this, which is Logan. I like to cycling. I like bicycling, getting on a bicycle, and taking long rides. And I have this habit of rather than my bedroom's on the second floor and the bike is in the garage on the first floor. A lot of time. To save time, I just leave the bike out side the second floor window, and I say to my wife, I'm going to go biking now. And I leap off the second floor window onto the hard bike saddle. It's very painful, and I've been doing it for about 25 years every day. Am I a candidate for urethral stricture?

I would say yes. How's your flow, Conan?

What's that? I told you, it's a blueberry jam. And it's once a year. There's no other peeing. Now I'm going to throw it over to Sona, who I'm sure has a real question. Go ahead.

It is a very important question. If the peepee can't come out, what happens to the peepee? Is it just there? Is it in your bladder forever? Where does the peepee go?

We can call it. We're all adults here. Excuse me, Logan. We're all adults here. And I think we can call it men of. We are men of science, Logan and I. And let's call it the weewee. Where does the weewee go?

So the weewee stays in the bladder, or it can reflux up to the kidneys. It can actually cause renal failure if it goes on.

Not so funny now, are you, Sona?

Now, you said the wee wee thing.

You did the wee wee, so that's bad. I would imagine that you need to treat that very quickly, because as we all know that you want to keep your kidneys healthy. Bladder. To hell with a bladder. You can always get another one. But what, they could just put a balloon in there or something. I'm guessing a bladder. I mean, kidney does such complicated stuff. Yeah, but I'm just thinking a bladder. You could go to Firestone tires and get some kind of. Is that right? It's easy to replace. You can have a fake bladder, can't you, Logan?

That's actually not correct.

What?

Logan? Yeah.

You can't just go down to the hardware store and pick up another think.

You know what I think? I think, Logan, you tell people that because you want them to pay the big money. Your big fear is that this is an easily solvable problem and they don't need to go to Logan and lay out their hard earned cash. So you're creating fear. Okay. There was a guy.

What?

Well, there was a guy that experimented with this sort of, like, 3d printing model, almost type of regenerative bladder kind of surgery, where they would kind of put these cells onto this Mold and try to grow a bladder. And he did, I think, perform that surgery and reported the results, but it couldn't be really verified by others. The results didn't seem to be to hold up when other people.

Yeah. Whenever someone says, I did something amazing and they say, do you mind if we look at the results? And they say, I'll be right back. I need to go to Argentina and never return.

This person is amazing, by the way.

I don't want to run them down.

He was a genius. But still, I mean, it was a genius.

Sure. So he passed on.

He's a genius. No, he's still alive.

Okay.

All right. Okay.

Then I can find him and have him arrested. So you do that kind of. So it's reconstruction. You don't do. And I'm asking for a friend. But you don't do cosmetic penile enhancement in any way, do you?

No.

Okay. I don't right.

Okay.

Who would do that?

Such a thing as Perroni's disease, which is a condition where the erection becomes curved and it's a result of scar tissue that builds up inside the penis. We do surgery to correct that, or we do injections to correct that. But it's for a functional issue, right?

It's not difficulty? Yes. Difficulty.

Not necessarily cosmetic.

No. It's a practical. If something is really curving crazily, one cannot have Congress with one's partner. That makes sense to me. Although I'd kill for a curve. I think it's. I'm saying.

Why?

Because after a certain period of time, you want to spice things up in the bedroom. And what would spice it up more than. Check this out. It starts out straight, and then it's headed right.

People have surgeries to correct it. And you want it.

I want to go to Logan and have him to give me a curve.

Oh, can you give people curves?

I mean, I've never done that before.

Well, you know what? There's always a first time.

I suppose I could can it curve?

I want it to curve and then go up. I want it to do, like, not just a curve, but a curve. Yes. And you know what? If you do this and it's a success, they'll call it the Logan swirl. All celebrities will be lined. Yes. I want it to look like my pompador. I want it to match my pompadour. Yeah. And then when I'm in a bar and I see a lady, I see you. Like, what's going on up top? Well, guess what? It's also going on down south of the border. And then the doctors come and take me away. You know what? I feel terrible, Logan, because this is a serious craft. You're really helping people. How do you help women? What kind of work do you do on female?

I treat incontinence, bladder leakage issues, prolapse, vaginal prolapse. So, like, pelvic floor reconstruction and that kind of thing.

Right? That's not as fun as weewee and peepee. You know what I'm going to say? This men's genitalia is just funnier.

It is.

Like, when you talk about women, I'm like, oh, yeah. Oh, boy. Okay, well, I hope they get better. When you talk about a man, I'm just laughing.

Yeah.

It's just funny.

You were talking about wanting a curved penis.

I want the Logan swirl.

You can't do a swirl vagina.

Well, that's up to Logan.

Can you swirl? No. What are you swirling?

I don't know if you could swirl a vagina.

I don't know if that's possible. Logan. I'm getting thought into it. Logan, Logan. They just took away your medical license just because you said, I'm not sure you can swirl a vagina. They're taking it away.

They emailed you about Logan's medical.

I just got this from the New England Journal of Medicine. Oh, wow. It's a big article. It's front page.

But they say, I agree that most of the good stories know from the male side. As far as the things you see on call, things that come into the ER and that kind of thing.

Well, our reproductive organs are outside our bodies and they're ridiculous looking and I'm just going on my own. But it's an absurdity. They hang outside the body. They're very vulnerable. And so guys are constantly getting into. I mean, what rom.com have you seen in the last ten years that doesn't include a quick scene of someone getting hit by a tennis ball in the balls and then they cut to a dog going.

Or they stick them in places.

Stick? What do you mean?

Boys like to stick them in things.

Not all boys.

They like to stick their peepees in the holes. In all the weird holes, you mean.

Oh, mean. Not holes they should be in.

Yeah.

You know what? I told you that in confidence. That was two friends talking and I was asking you, do you think I'm going to get in trouble because the light socket was at work. Yeah, it was. And everyone thought a fuse must have blown. And then I came in and my hair was gone straight up, and I went, what happened? Everyone? Okay? It was a small fire in my pants. Logan, listen, we have taken. You are a man of science. You are a man who's helping people. And look what we've done. And I'm going to say mostly, this is on Sona.

What?

But why? Just go with it.

Okay.

But I admire you. You're obviously got a great sense of humor, but I appreciate that you're doing this. Good work. What's it like when you're operating? What's the mood in the operating room? Is it super tense?

No, I wouldn't say so. I mean, it can be at times, but most of the time it's not. We actually listen to music in the operating room. And what I like to do is I'll say, all right, somebody pick a decade and someone pick a genre, and we'll do a playlist of those two things. So, like, 70s dance party is one of our favorite ones because it keeps things moving. It's like disco music.

Sure. You're scraping out a man's urethra and you want to hear some soul train classes? Yeah.

What if you dance too much and you cut it off?

Well, we don't dance in there. We're operating.

But your head's bopping a little bit.

It's good to have a little something in the background.

Right. I can see that. Would you ever listen to this podcast while you're doing urethral stricture surgery?

Podcasts don't really translate very well. Ours does because you got to pay attention.

No, you don't really have to pay.

Attention to this one. On what I'm doing.

Yeah. Okay. Well, I highly recommend that you and the other short term. What do you guys call other urologists? You must have a quick way of saying it. Are you Yuri's? What are you sometimes.

We're the stream team.

Stream team. Nice. Yeah, I love the stream team. I love that. I'm writing that down. We're going to get you a stream team t shirt. Wow.

I'm learning a too. I am too.

So you don't do cosmetic stuff?

Okay, Conan?

No. But who does cosmetic.

I'm sorry, Conan, but who know?

That's a good question.

And I'm. Listen, this is not a. I'm going to be honest with you. This is not a size issue because everything's a ok there. This is more of things over time, just starting to look like they need some rehab. You know what I mean? What my penis looks like. It went six rounds with the champ. Oh, I do know. This is a true story. True story. I do know. I won't name names, but I do know this is a woman had sex with a pretty well known rock star who's famous for getting around. And afterwards she said, oh, my God. His penis looked like it had been through world War three. And I was wondering, what does that mean? Was it smoldering? You know what I mean? Was there rubble? Was there crushed concrete? What does that mean? It looked like it had been through world War three.

Did it have a limp.

Eye patch? I mean, the whole thing, it's suddenly a pirate. Yeah. Oh, I've been on the sea many times. Oh, my God. Well, anyway, Logan, I can talk to you privately about cosmetics. I'm sure you know some people in that business. And look, I live in Los Angeles. I'm sure they're have a. I'm sorry.

I was just going to jump. See if you have a question for Conan.

Was that something that came to you naturally or were you?

I looked at Blay and I said, should I ask?

So Blay was nervous because were too many laughs and we're having too much. Ok. See, Logan, I work with my own team. And man, I wish they were listening to music because sometimes they do the wrong thing. But, Logan, do you have a question for me? How can I help you? Sure.

So, Conan, how many times at night do you get up to?

Oh, wow. That's a good question. Well, I'm going to say, on average, twice, maybe. Okay, I can get by on once, but sometimes twice. It depends on how deeply asleep I am, but it's not that bad. I've talked to other gentlemen of my vintage. Well, why should I be telling you? What, do you think it's twice too much?

No, I don't think two is too much. One to two is okay. I mean, people start to lose sleep if they're getting up three or four times at night. I mean, it could really affect you the next day. So that's probably something that should be looked into.

I do shit 24/7 just nonstop. You didn't ask about that. And that, I've been told, is not right. I sleep on the toilet and I'm wearing a giant funny hat. I don't know why I'm wearing a funny hat, but I mean, it's non stop shitting. Yeah. I mean, I'm right now in the studio. It's crazy. But that's not your area, right?

That's not really my.

Who would I talk to about that?

Probably a colorectal surgeon or a gastroenterologist.

Yeah. Or maybe a restaurant tour. It could be the food. Yeah. I eat. Yeah.

Perhaps an allergist.

Yeah. I consume about 800 pounds of red pinto beans a day. That could be the issue.

While you're on the toilet, you're eating.

I have a funnel that comes down from the. All right, Logan, you're a delight. And I apologize, because I feel like this has been absurd. You're someone to be taken seriously. You're very intelligent, you're kind, you're doing good work. And then why did you call? Why did you contact us? What made you think any good would come of this?

I just want to say, Conan, I'm a huge fan. This is a dream come true for me. Honestly, I can't believe I'm talking to you right now. And I'm loving every minute of good.

Okay.

And, you know, urologists have a pretty good sense of humor for the most part. If you meet us at a party, or, you know, chat us up. We've got some good stories.

Okay, so what I should do the next time I go into a party, I'm going to see yo, who's on the stream team. Hey, Logan, a real pleasure talking to you. You seem like a very cool guy, and I hope to cross paths with you probably when I'm having some kind of urethral stricture. You're the man. All right.

If you get it, give me a call.

All right. Thank you so much. All right, take care, Logan. Thanks, Logan.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of session and Matt Goreley, produced by me, Matt Goreley, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at your wolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Khan. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the team Cocoa hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been 18 Cocoa production in association with Earwolf.