So you spent time in your life looking for apartments, right? A lot, yeah, a lot of time looking for apartments, man apartments, dotcom. Isn't that a great site? I've used it and I've gotten the place through there. They've got the most places go to their website. They've the most places. 40 million people have found their apartment there. 40 million. That's a lot. Yes, that's a lot of anything except Atom's. I'm sorry.

It's just not a lot of atoms, but anything else. It's a lot of visit apartments, dot com to find your next place. Seriously, just do it. Let's not fight about this apartment. Dotcom, the most popular place to find a place. Hi, my name is Jim Carrey, and I feel warm all over about being Conan O'Brien's friend, except when his hair blocks out the sun to catch a chill.

And we are going to be friends, Shakuntala. Hey, Conan O'Brien here and welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend, true now more than ever, We Care is the second episode of our third season. And boy, I think all of us are feeling like we need a friend this much into covid. I think it's been seven years now. I'm not sure I lost track for a while. Actually, this I have to say we've had some very nice comments online about people being happy that we're back.

I think no one's happier than than I am because I'm I'm so starved to be talking to people and interacting and to get to do the podcast feels like a real blessing. It really does. I mean, I know no one enjoys it when I'm sincere and it won't happen again, but it's been I'm so happy that we're we're making this podcast because it really is fun. It's fun to get to make these. I'm joined, as always by my skeptical assistants Sonoma session.

It's nice to hear that you missed me and Matt. I like the process of podcasting. There's ups and downs with the process. I like the technical aspect of it. The microphones, the machinery. Oh, your real gear. No, I am I the machinery more than your your pal, please. I find you to be necessary evils. I guess we'll call you know I do. I'm so into the gear of podcasting. That's how good a podcast or I am of course using one of my favorite microphones right now.

What brand is that. This would be the Ruwan forty four because the tenor of my voice this has a eighty four hexa light.

OK, parabola Skåne. So what it's able to do is really give me the resonance that I that I need. I'm sorry. Do you see ruin. I have to listen to the playback, hear what I said. OK, because you forgot what the brand of the microphone. I'm such an enthusiast that I get so excited that. But yeah you're right. What. You get so excited that you forgot the name of the microphone. You know, that happens sometimes.

I really like a Beatles song. Come on. That I love and I so love the Beatles. It'll be like these guys are great. I don't remember the name of the band, but, you know, you know what happens when you get really excited about it. You've really. Yeah. Happy to see your wife again after you hadn't seen her for a while and you don't know her name just because of the excitement anyway. What kind of make fun of using over there, Matt.

Oh I'm working on a Sennheiser. Oh the old s those are fantastic. I will tell you a true story. That is one of the things that you'd have to engage in if you are in late night television over the years and much more in the past than now. But I used to have to do a lot of photo shoots, you know, if you were for magazine, is going to do a story about, you know, the redheaded quipster of late night, they would set up a photo shoot and I would show up and I did one thing over and over and over again.

It would always work. The photographer would come out and say hello, and the photographer would start taking pictures of me on this soundstage in New York or L.A., maybe taking pictures. And very clearly on the front of the camera, it would say Hasselblad and the guy would be taking pictures. You've probably seen me do this and I'd be like, that's. And the person would be taking pictures for a while and be doing the chit chat. And they always play kind of like cool music to put you in the mood and which always just made me self-conscious.

But they'd be taking pictures and I would see that the guy had a camera, says Hasselblad. Write on it and go like at some point I just go like, what is that? It's had a set of Hasselblad and it could be like he'd lower his camera, go, well, you're going to cameras, man. I went, I love them, I love them. And then it would say next to it and you could clearly see it.

It would say, like Hasselblad, you know, four point four. And I'd say, what is that, a four point four to be like? It is a four point four. And I'd be like, yeah, it's just my thing. It's really my thing to be like, shit, man. And then he put it on. Eventually they put it on sticks, you know, to get a, you know, a lot shot and it would say right on the tripod, this is the actual name Sackler.

Sackler is the name of a tripod. And I'd be like, oh, using the Sakala and feel like shit. And people would be like looking at each other and I'd be like, Yeah, I love you. I mean, you've got a Hasselblad, you've got a four point four, you got a Sackler and then I would always take it one too far. I go like, what is that? And it would say on the side some German thing like Milutin Szidon.

And I'd say, so you're using the what does that stand? And then and then always that's when they would look and they'd be like, fuck you. But for a while I'd be like, Hey man, that's my thing, you know, that's my thing. So that's a little peek into my life. I used to waste people's time. Yes, I used to. And now you've done it to our millions of listeners. Well, it's free.

That's true. That's my that's my that's always my excuse for this bullshit. It didn't cost you anything. So what's the problem anyway? I don't think we can waste a lot of time today because we have an incredible guest on the show. Yep. My guest, of course, one of the funniest actors and comedians of all time. You can look it up. That's just a fact. You know, I'm from such movies as The Masked Dumb and Dumber, The Truman Show, Ace Ventura, Pet Detective, Eternal Sunshine of.

Spotless Mind, just to name a few. Now he's authored The New York Times best selling book, Memoirs and Misinformation, a fascinating quasi memoir. I am thrilled he is with us today. Before I introduce him, I want to mention one quick thing, because we all know I'm talking about Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey, of course, is unlike any other person I've interviewed on the podcast so far. He is a force of nature. So there may be some audio hits and glitches here and there.

Why you ask? Because at one point in the interview, Jim picks up the microphone for the speaker and pastes it over his iPod to turn himself into a pirate. I think he is a whirling dervish. So he's not wearing a headphones because that would literally be putting him on a leash. And so you might hear some strange sounds. Sometimes the audio may be degraded. This is what happens when you try and record a creative hurricaine. I've had the same problem sometimes anyway.

Made it about me at the end, even when I'm talking to Jim Carrey, that's pretty hard to do.

Anyway, thrilled he's here, Jim Carey, welcome. It's the craziest experience because we're doing this over Zoom, you are not in the room with me because of this virus that I just heard about, but you're in the room with me.

You know how I look at that. This is my letter from Conan O'Brien who writes letters. Ladies and gentlemen, I wrote you a letter and you framed it. I framed it. But here's the crazy thing. It's covert, right? So I'm doing my own framing. So check out the edge of it. It's really I don't think you can see it, but it's really uneven and horrible.

And that's how all the pictures are going to be in the house from now on. It looks terrible. You know, it was funny because. What did you think of that? Wouldn't it be pompous if I had sent you that letter already framed? Like my assumption was that it would mean that much to you. And if that's the way whenever I sent anybody a letter because it was coming from me, I sent it, framed. It was like, I'm your hair in it.

I ask you how you're really doing it. I'm doing fine. Shit aside. OK, bullshit aside, I'm doing fairly well. I have, like all of us had ups and downs wondering what was going to be OK for her. I'm going to narrate what Jim's doing. Jim is now peering into the lens, into his camera, and he's holding what looks like an eye patch over one eye. And it's so clearly the bullshit's over. You really wanted an honest emotional answer.

No, I'm me. Sorry, because you ain't right. No, no. I'm in a deep depression, Jim, and. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. You're going to quit around now. You got to make more of you know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

This is when you tell me you have cancer and I go, what an idiot I am. Yeah. No, you would give it about thirty seconds and you'd be like, what kind of cancer. Yeah. Easy cancers. Yeah. Celebrity cancers. Celebrity cancers cost extra to treat. You know what I've done. I've grown my pompadour out so that now it's a joint and if you can see it's just a mop that's falling over my face. It's an incredible thing.

One of the wonders of the world. I like walking behind the waterfall myself.

So just on your eyebrows, it's a famous scene in Last of the Mohicans where they're hiding behind a waterfall. You seem well, I'm doing fine.

Always, you know, I'm doing all right. Yeah, we're we're hanging in there. We're part of something that's bigger than us. I think so. Yeah. There's a big, bad bruiser up top who wants to make a name for himself. So I don't know who you're talking about. I don't know either. I don't know either. I've forgotten the name of General Electric. I suppose it's just a guttural response. No, president, President President Bush was an outrage.

When did you get your American citizenship? When did you become an American citizen or was it just in time for Trump? Is this a nice thing? I think I'm just your door's going to ring in about half an hour. Jobs that Americans aren't willing to do.

And we hadn't had a really good leading man in comedy until you came because no one, no one wanted to do comedy a job. Yeah. Everyone just wanted to look good. And then you said, I'll do it. That's right. And then we villainize you, demonize you for coming from the north and taking this. So taking our country so worth it. You know why? Why? Couldn't think of anything. We got a lot to talk about.

There's a lot to cover here. And first of all, I want to take you down a couple of notches because you've been getting away with murder way too long, in my opinion. No, seriously, we got to bring you down. OK, is that what this is about? That's what this is all about. This is a podcast is called Rip You a New One. And I don't know if you knew what was going on. Brian, you have a very bad publicist because no one else does it.

And then you were like, I'll do it. And then you face off near the microphone, guys. You know, I find this to be very eerie.

You wrote a book that I really enjoyed, and that's why I wrote you the letter that's framed and hangs behind you on the wall, something you affixed to the wall seconds before this podcast. It was in a toilet. Anyway, your your memoir, Memoirs and Misinformation, which you co-wrote, you worked on it with this guy, Dana Bash, on this very terrific writer. Wonderful. And what's fascinating about this is anyone thinks a celebrity memoir, they all think the same thing.

And this is because it's coming from you. It's not what anyone wants, actually what I might expect. But a lot of this is not a Jim Carrey memoir that anyone would expect in the normal sense. And what I find amazing is that you must have been working on this for a long time. The writing, I think, is really quite good. And there's a lot of really funny and dark stuff in here. But you're basically writing about the end of the world and it comes out during covid.

So I feel like you knew something that we didn't know.

Well, it's it's amazing. When we started working on this thing, it was it was like an eight year conversation that turned into a couple of years of intensive, you know, creative work. And we put our hearts and souls into it. Yeah, it was it was amazing as the time got nearer to releasing the book that we started noticing all these incredibly kind of weirdly prophetic things that are happening. And suddenly there is a riot on Rodeo Drive and there is all of these things that are happening.

And and not to mention, I think as as a writer, when you when you let yourself actually write down and and home what's coming rather than what you think they might like, you know, there's there's some weird clairvoyant thing that happens when you open yourself up to the universe. It knows better than you do what's about to happen. What I found to be really crazy is that, first of all, I love this device. I'll call it I'll call it a device.

But you use real celebrities in the book. So Jim Carrey is in the book. What an oxymoron. That time is just as real as anyone. But you know, what I loved is that, first of all, I've I've we've known each other for quite a long time. I've been to your house a bunch of times. So it's odd because you're describing Jim Carrey, who has gone missing two men. And I'm a little bit worried about it.

I want to talk to you after the time I have to ponder, what am I going to do is not accounted for.

It's very you know, what I found is very hard to sell. Jim Carrey, Golden Globe, a very hard thing to sell. People are very worried about getting conned. You have to change it to Drew chiseled out the Jim and I tried to I tried to write in Drew with a Sharpie, but a lot of the a lot of the people were suspicious. But I've been to your house and it's funny because when you're writing about Jim Carrey at home, it's very funny and surreal.

But there are also elements that I think I've been there and I feel like, yes, this is kind of a depiction of you at home, but it's also not you've stretched it out and it's insane. And you have this very powerful electric fence and you have these dogs that costs hundreds of thousands of dollars that are trying to show you affection and love. You can't get that anywhere. You've got to buy it at this point. You've got to buy it at this point.

But one of the things I really loved is that you have your name dropping and name checking people left and right now you're hanging out with them. And it's hilarious because you did Jim Carrey. And the book has this incredibly insane relationship with Nicolas Cage. And Kelsey Grammer is always far from reality. No, he really isn't. Apparently one you created bought a dinosaur skull for a million dollars. It's a tiny stretch there, but tiny stretch. Yeah.

You being one of the greater most, you know, most incredible eccentric characters living among us and and always, always fun to have around and to to exchange creative ideas with. So we've had a thing going for a lot of years. We have this thing called the Dobie Award that we hand back and forth between just the two of us.

A lot of tension about who's going to get it. There's a very tense moment and someone's announced. But yeah, that's been a fun part of this. It's like, you know, you've got to do a book on persona and transcending persona. You have to use some personas, you know, and the ultimate test is Hollywood. But I loved I was laughing out loud. This is one of the things I wrote about as I was laughing out loud at you.

Kelsey Grammer keeps appearing in the book and we all know Kelsey's manner and his way of speaking and that he's that way in real life as well. So he keeps showing up in the book. And there are moments where people are saying, Kelsey, shut the fuck up. There's a there's like a guru who's saying, Kelsey, please, and he keeps interrupting. Yes, yes, yes, yes. No. Crosstalk Kelsey Kelsey does this wonderful thing that I've loved for years.

His his his pump, his, like, befuddled arrogance and whatever it is that he does is just amazing. So he was the perfect character to cast in that part of the guy that's such a dedicated thespian that he loves the sound of his own voice. And he he needs to express himself because he needs to hear himself. He needs to be heard, which is true of a lot of us. There's a lot of different characters. And and I'm starting to it's starting to trickle in now, the reactions and things.

Nic Cage loves it. You know, I gave him all the best lines, so whatever. But I really happy because that could have really hurt if he didn't like it. Have you heard from Kelsey? Not yet. Not yet. About Joan Dangerfield emailed me and was effusively complimentary about it and loved what how I handled Rodney in our relationship going forward and everything. And and said she had a ton of quotes in her mind. And but those are the people I kind of was a little closer to.

And then I got a lovely email from Anthony Hopkins that, oh, and he's he's great in the book to use an amazing character. And we give him the sad romantic background and all of these wonderful, dramatic things that, you know, I wondered if he would go like I'd really rather be asked if you like to expose my broken never. You know, I've never asked always beg forgiveness later. That's when he actually emailed me. After he wrote it, he was thrilled to get it.

And then I was biting my nails. And he emailed me two days ago and said that he was just so happy, happy to be a part of such a wild, wild ride and that we broke all the rules and it reminded him of James Joyce. And for me, that's that that that makes my heart go aflutter. You know, the portrait of a portrait of an artist as a young man was a really important book. And so he was just really happy to be part of it.

And he said, thanks for including me with all the big shots. And he was just lovely and humble and wasn't that nice that he doesn't think he's one of the big shots.

If that's that that makes me I mean, I've always liked the best are always like that. The best, the best people. I mean, the best people know they're good. They're not to rub it in your face, but also the security. I've always been amazed by him. He's one of the only guys I've ever seen in this world who I don't know where he is age wise. And he's in the 70s or early 70s if I'm not doing them wrong.

But he's kept his vitality in movies, he can still be a leading man. And that's an extraordinary accomplishment. Jim, I hate to say this is awkward. I just Googled it. He is forty four years old. Damn, I'm so sorry. Yeah. He's he's aged terribly, he's not vital at all. He needs to do a rewrite.

Yeah, he was he was in a bunch of silver spoons.

Not my problem, you know what I mean? Because his real life is my problem. You know, there's something I want to ask you about, which is you wrote this book, and I think there's a lot of bravery. And I did my own research, by the way, when I says eighty two years of fiction is a man who's putting out those, I'm telling you, I got this off FOX. This is this is very solid and we don't have to wear masks.

So watch the mouth of the manatee. No, you know, it's funny because you there's a duality that you encompass that I find really fascinating, which is on the one side, you can take these big risks and really go for it in a way where, as you just said, you try and connect with what you want to do and what makes you vibrate and not worry about how people will react. But at the same time, nobody can be a great comedian without an incredible need to please.

Yeah, and you've got to have both of those. I mean I mean and when I look at you in the early work in the early years, I think one of the things that was so dynamic is that you would literally, if it made the audience laugh, you would swallow silverware and hurt yourself. Do you know what I mean? It's this is another side to me, which is the rebelliousness against that. So every 20 shows at the Comedy Store, I would go with the express determination of getting in a fight with the audience on.

I actually purposely get up on stage and start being derogatory and negative and whatever and self-indulgent and singing songs and doing whatever until there were things flying through. The crowd chairs some nights and, you know, some some nights it was like New Year's Eve was swizzle sticks and whatever, and just angry bloody face is going out of my mind.

And that's what we all want in comedy.

And of course, that made me go even further. And one night I stayed up at the Comedy Store on stage for two hours, and by the time I left, they cheered. They gave me a standing ovation for leaving. And then I crawled through the crowd and stood up in behind or sat up behind the piano during the next person's act and started banging on the keys and singing I hate you all. You gave me cancer and an entire audience left.

So there is this weird double thing going on where I want to disrespect the world enough that I can tell the truth know. But I am willing to do anything to get to get a laugh for sure.

You know, it's it's interesting to me that a bunch of things come to mind. One, Ace Ventura, you you went into it with an idea about what you wanted to do to the leading man in a movie. It's so fascinating because you've said you wanted to destroy the leading man. The concept of the leading man in a movie. The guy with the answers. Yes, yes. Yeah. And all the cool moves. You wanted to blow that up, but at the same time, people loved it.

So it's this crazy thing where you had to tell them. Shadyac and I were like sitting there in the dailies every day howling with laughter out of control, with laughter and then and then walking out and going for finished work. Right. This is either going to be a cult classic or we're done forever. We'll never work again. You know, I think one of the things that I responded to so much right away was I've always loved comedy. And it's one of the things that I always loved is someone behaving comedy where someone's behaving outrageously, outrageously, and people notice and make kind of, you know.

Yes. Well, anyway, misadventure right this way. And it's like if someone behaved the way Ace Ventura behaved when he walked in the door for six seconds, they'd say, you've got to get the fucking shadow, you've got to see your nipples and say, yes, you are no longer needed here. But what I love about that kind of comedy and you see it with Clouzot, with Peter Sellars, someone coming in and doing something completely outrageous and people are like and he's just destroyed a suit of armor and an antique piano and the house is flooding.

And they're like, this way, Inspector, you know, excuse me. You know what? It's not that untrue. I mean, it's a conceit in movies that people don't notice certain things or they just go like. OK, I'll deal with this later, but, you know, real life is like that, people come in with an agenda and you'll find that all the time, especially being interviewed and stuff like that. There's a lot of times people are actually listening.

There's an agenda and they're going like, OK, finish your line and they're ready to go to the next, but they don't want to be thrown off the plan. So you can get away with quite a bit. I think Ali G. Aleg, Sasha Cohen proves that a lot, how far you can push a person into absurdity, into a land of absolute absurdity and unacceptability, and they will try to cling to an idea of normal. Yes.

Yes. Which is also funny. Harpo Marx can walk up to somebody at the maitre d at a restaurant and he can take out a giant scissors from his pocket and cut the guy's tie off. And the guy will go anyway this way to a table like, no, that's where everything would stop in real life. But it is true that one of the things I've I've really enjoyed and I feel like you more than most anyone I can think of, maybe anybody I can think of has you're always pushing.

You're always pushing. What can this person do that still allows him to barely exist in society because no one wants to be need something from you. They need something from your character. They you know, like you said, Clouzot, Peter Sellars got away with a lot of that. You know, Chaplin, to me was inspiring in that direction because he changed every moment into something magical. You know, he made magic happen with every little mundane moment.

So I you know, I think that way. I also think in the way of, like, not pandering, you know, of like I have a pandering switch, you know, that I that I that I not only try not to do that, but I try to go in the opposite direction, which is, you know, and I've challenged my audience a lot. You know, I've gone off on these tangents in my life and my creative career and stuff and left.

I'm kind of scratching their heads while I develop a new limb to bring back to the tree, you know, but it's it's it's happened that way. And I've been able to explore all these different areas like this is this is such new ground for me, man. This is writing a novel. It's just an extraordinary accomplishment for anybody. You know, I can see that for myself because I'm only half responsible for this book. But, you know, the book is is a is a ton of blood, sweat and tears and and a ton of fun.

You know, I do feel like there are moments in the book because you're talking about Jim Carrey and Jim Carrey's living. Jim Carrey's life in the book bears a lot of similarity to your own life. And then there are insane departures. There are just crazy departures from it. But there are truths in there like the pressure. The Jim Carrey in the book is getting to stay relevant from powerful industry types. And you need to make this movie and that stuff.

You know, you keep wanting to go and make this incredibly artistic project where you play Chairman Mao. And and people are people are saying, of course, the studios don't want that and they want you in the Hungry Hungry Hippos movie. And, you know, I have to say managers as well, they're like, yeah, we made the box, the box. Once you get inside the box when you're describing it, first of all, first of all, I know that you and and Dana Vachon created this.

The flip side to the artistic project is the Hungry Hungry Hippos movie, which is already presold and guaranteed to make a billion dollars. And everyone wants it and they want you. And so you're getting all this pressure to do it. You don't want to do it. So you clearly have loathing for that project. When I was reading the book, I thought this actually sounds like a good movie. I think I would never know which makes me which makes me a moron and he a spin off.

I was interested that that felt like that's true. Like, I'm sure that you've had pressure before for sure. It's a constant. It's a constant. You know, every every decision you make has to be weighed against, like, am I artistically selling out? Is this cool to be doing? You know, then you get your people, you want to take care of you. There's a whole consideration that goes on with every everything. I I generally find myself a lot flying in the face of what's expected or at least delving into new territory that that is risky, you know, and that that to me is life.

That to me is what makes life worth living. Then it's like Jacques Cousteau. Does it soften the tide pools, man? He keeps exploring. Well, he doesn't anymore. He's dead as a doornail. Yeah, he died. He died because he he went he went too deep. Yeah, it's too deep. And he died. He bends. Right. He explored and he shouldn't have and he should have stayed in the tide pool and creatively been safe.

That's right. So your own example is a fucking terrible. Exactly. He should have just sat in the pool. You want to be Trey? No, I think he was like hit by a saw coming out of a restaurant. I think he was washed away. I, I made that. I'm just pretending I have a fake Google here. Yes, it says you're hit by a sob at the age of three to fake news regretable. He was very young and he had never actually didn't never it never learned how to swim.

He always did that part.

Was he on the obscene list, by the way, to say, no, you can't you can't just leave somebody on that? Well, I. I don't think you can retroactively start adding people to the list. OK.

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I've had great guests. I like just unbelievable people.

But I recently sat down with Demi Moore and man, it was more than you can imagine.

It was a trip down memory lane. We got your brat pack. We got your St. Elmo's Fire. You're about last night.

We go back so long and it's we could have talked for five hours, but happily for you, because you have lives and you have other things to do, it's probably going to be only about an hour. So I urge you, listen, wherever your podcast.

It's another part of the book where when you go to make this movie, basically what they do is they put you in the ultimate motion capture suit and they capture the essence of Jim Carrey. And then they're basically saying, we don't need you anymore, but you're going to make a ton of money. And you realize that what would have been completely absurd 15 years ago if you had written that, now seems ninety five percent possible. It's that question that's being raised now.

Do you even own yourself? You know, the IP and the corporate rights to your personality is like what will happen to the things I've said or done? You know, I mean, right now you're seeing an atmosphere where you've got to worry about we said 30 years ago or what creative joke you had 30 years ago might come back to haunt you or whatever it is. Who knows what's going to happen to us as personalities. I just I loved that idea.

And I loved the idea that in order to make one of my favorite things in the book is the idea that, you know, if you just leave Jim Carrey alone for 48 hours without a compliment, he'll sign the papers.

There's got to be some. See, see, that's what I wanted to say is so there's a bunch of little clues in this book that I do feel resonate with the real you because it felt like, yeah, there's a grain of truth in there, which would certainly and I say this, that would certainly ring true for me is if if no one paid attention to me for 48 hours, I would literally do anything they told me with. And the other thing is, you talk a lot about the people that are managing you or trying to control you.

They're constantly floating a name of another actor who could get the part, another Alistar. And what's funny is I thought that's funny. And also, I'm sure somewhat true. I'm sure people are saying, hey, Jim, if you don't do it, Depp's going to jump right in there. Johnny Depp's going to do it. And then there's a part of you and you admit this in the book that they shouldn't be afraid of nothing. It's all fucking day.

Exactly. One of the things I've always really appreciated in all the time I've known you is that any time over the many years you came on my show or did anything when I toured and you said you wanted to show up and do something, I didn't know anybody who would go that far and put that much work into it. And I'll never forget you. You you came once and you wanted to do a biopic called the Conan O'Brien story where you played me and you spent hours you spent hours getting the makeup and the giant wig, and it was you playing this incredible I don't know where you got the idea for this character, incredibly narcissistic freak and whose abusive, abusive to everybody around him.

And you throw it down a bit. Actually, you did a muted version of Conan O'Brien slightly. What was amazing is that's one of my favorite things that we ever did on The Late Night Show. And it's a photograph that I have up in my study. And I have like some photos on the wall of cool moments. And it's you and the giant wig and me standing next to you as we were taping it. And in my mind, I'm looking at a room that looks like some kind of psycho murderer with a bunch of pictures and stuff and strings that go to different things, where it's the room they break into when they realize that your life is in danger, they bring it up and throw it to be me.

And in a way, I am. In a way I am.

But anyway, you would go. You would go. You came when we did shows in. We did a week shows in Toronto and you came and you I mean, you sang a song, you saw the lady in half. You, you, you climbed up and then at the end the crowd was going insane and you were with the band playing bongos after the show was over and people were like no one would leave because you were there playing bongos with the band.

And I thought, I always appreciate people who to them it's like a religion. The comedy is a religion, meaning, no, you keep doing it or your art, whatever you want to consider it, you do it when no one's looking. Do you know what I mean? I'm sure I get the sense that you. I do plenty of that. Yes. Yeah. No, I'm serious. People that do comedy when there's no one around and there's no camera and you're completely alone in isolation, but something occurs to you, you might do a bit with a tree myself all the time.

It's amazing. I'm worried about you. Yeah, well, you know, see, here's the thing. I am I am equally shut in and social butterfly. I, I love energy of people. I love being face to face with people. I love talking to people I love entertaining people. I also love to be alone, like I have two worlds. And when I get out in that world and I get around your energy and I get around the energy, the band I love artists, musicians, you know, any any time I have contact with people that that make a living making a song out of life, you know what I mean?

Just like going, OK, I'm going to turn all this all these disparate worries and problems and. Welcoming them into something totally cool and beautiful that people can laugh at and diffuse everything, yeah, you said you want to free people from concern like that. That's a quote of yours. If it's a serious role, I mean, even if it's a serious role, if it's a serious role or a comedic role, that's what your aim is. I think you must have like a Hippocratic oath, which is you you you embody all of these to me.

You embody all of these dualities. And one is part of you wants to blow it up and the other part wants to do no harm, like the Hippocratic Oath. You don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. And I get the sense that if someone told you, you know, you kind of hurt that person's feelings, you would be devastated. Yeah, I would absolutely be hurt. Yeah. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. There's there's no malice in my game.

The only hints of malice, I believe, are just it's just me, me making fun of human quirks and ego, you know, and it's not making fun of the celebrity themselves, but it's making fun of the system and the ego system. You know, there's there's no malice in it. The only bit of malice I might have is towards giant corporate entities that hide in the shadows, you know, to control everything, you know. So I will take my pot shots at them.

And Dana and I wanted to make sure that we didn't kill the sacred cows, but we took them for a nice fucking joyride. Right.

Well, let's watch the language. This is a joke primarily for kids. Is it for kids? Yeah. This Nickelodeon radio network, I believe the children are our future. I had an amazing experience with you, which is I was at your house one time and then not that long afterwards, you invited me back over and I came over and I want to say, like six months had gone by. The house was completely different and it was filled with your artwork, all of which you had made in the span of time.

I mean, clearly, clearly coming from a kind of manic place. But I was really stunned by how much, you know, who are you?

And I judged you. I judged you. And I remember when I want to dance to me. Oh, yes. Er yes. And no credentials whatsoever. I've been on television for twenty seven years, which gives me the right, which gives me the right to prescribe many in my time. I put you remember I'm the one that put you on Ritalin and against your will I give you little injections in the carotid and you come right down. And I started forming sentences was wonderful.

I want to say one of the thing about the book, which is that there's so much that is it could be farcical or could be seen as know, crazy impressionistic extrapolation. But also, I could really get a sense of your dad in the book, you know, like your connection to your dad and made me think that I could relate to because my own experience, I think, mirrored yours, which is when I was a kid, I watched my dad like a hawk.

If something made him laugh when I was like three, I was like, that's the way in. Because you can watch all of them. Yeah, I used to watch some of them with my dad and I used to watch Rodney Dangerfield on Ed Sullivan with my dad.

And so Rodney would make your dad laugh and then you laugh and I act along with it and just love it every minute of it until I started understanding the jokes that I have for real. But but yeah, it was it is that it is a mirror thing. It's like my father was the funniest man on the face of the earth. He just absolutely hilarious and animated in every way like he was a living cartoon. When he told a story, it was like the guy, Jerry Baker.

I just looked at myself for a second.

I was like, Oh, my funny Valentine. Oh, yeah.

Funniest man you ever met. Rodney Dangerfield loved him.

He was absolutely insane around Ron of one liners because let me explain, anyone who doesn't know you opened for Rodney for years and he was sort of your mentor. Yeah. He used to stand off the side of the stage in his robe, the classic Rodney in his robe, stand off the side of the stage with his, you know, his balls hanging, you know, basically like like a perfect timekeeping pendulum. You had to reset it every once in a while.

But, you know, it was pretty constantly twelve o'clock. So, yeah, he found me.

He saw me up in Canada and we had a completely different view of things from up there.

I think that it might be one of the reasons so much brilliant comedy has come out of Canada is that you guys are close, but you're not here and you're smart. It's very literate, smart country. And you guys are you're watching us and you're like sleeping in the next bed, watching your brother have a nervous breakdown. So you get to do do you think there's some truth to that? Maybe. Yeah, that's the feeling. The feeling is powerlessness right across the board.

Man. I'm equally with the good and the bad in this. I just think we should. I'll be honest about what's going on, you know, and that's that's how I wish there was a way to let the people know that don't agree with me that disagreement isn't hatred. We can disagree without hating each other. And we need to we need to broom the White House. Then we just need to broom the White House. I don't know.

I think I was talking to my kids about it today. They're in their mid 50s. And I was I had them when I was three. And but I, I was telling them today and I was I keep going back to the same thing, which is my anger is also directed at enablers, people around him who are saying, oh, you know, this is he's helping us get what we want and he's getting us a tax break. So let's pretend he's let's pretend the bus isn't out of control.

I want to see all those Republican senators lined up in hell, fluffing the devil, getting them ready for truck that would be here in hell with them. I get to visit. Oh, you're just visit quickly and you you get it like, man, a mango iced tea. And you the devil is like you just you official a short time backstage pass. Backstage pass. You've got two sisters and a five knuckleheaded. Jim, will you be staying?

You know what? I have some things I got to do. Of course. Of course. Would you like something cool to drink? So we're not saying we just heard. All right. Well, listen, you know, I can't go with you on these anti Republican rants. I just can't you know, it's very simple. Bob Dylan said it. Yeah. But no one understood it. He was mumbling. No, Bob Dylan said it.

He says, what's the deal? That's all. It just doesn't work this way. It doesn't work. Right. Right. It doesn't work this way. When we hate each other. It doesn't work this way. We don't understand each other when we can't go as far as, like removing painful reminders of slavery to people, you know, you know, that's that's not that far to go. You know, that's not your culture. That's that's that's a dark part of the culture that reasserted itself during the civil rights movement.

And, you know, and that's just not right. And I think it would all of those Confederate statues would make a wonderful marine environment for sea life. Yes. Right at them. No, no. I can marry. True. Yeah. Well, also, I you know, I'm going to go a little further. I think all those statues should come down. And I think the minute you put up a statue of any human being, it's problematic.

I mean, they might do idolizing anybody is a strange idea. Let's hope it never ends. No, I don't. I think only celebrities should be idolized. I feel strongly about that. People that have worked in film and people that have worked in television and people that have primarily worked in comedy. Those are the idols. Those are the people that should always be paid the most. Those are the people that should always be preserved in the culture and consult seriously and seriously.

Yes. Well, I think we've done a lot of great philosophizing here. Listen, Jim, I've kept you for a long time, but please do a follow up to this book where I get a Conan O'Brien gets to be in it and I'm an incredible womanizer, OK? All I want is just an incredible womanizer who's insatiable. I give you permission to go. Oh, it's stating the obvious. Jim, always lovely to talk to you, talking to your man.

You know what? You and wonderful. And I love you as a person and as an artist and as a friend. And and I want you to protect me because you're bigger.

I am slightly bigger. And you know what I will say genuine. Thanks for you've been incredibly nice to me since the very beginning and always generous with me as an entity. It's a pity, but I've always appreciated that there's there's a real there's a real kindness in you. And, you know, we don't get to see it much. But the best out in me, man, you bring the best out you do in people. So anyway. All right, Jim, God bless you, sir.

Bewell and I look forward to seeing you soon when the madness is over. Yeah, brother. Only six more years to go. That's the best. All we can do we can do this time. Stanley has. It is time now for us to review the state of the podcast. There's a State of the Union address. Yeah, I think of myself as the president of the podcast, the commander in chief. It's constitutionally required. But I every year give a state of the podcast and I address my minions, OK?

Those with less power than me. No, no. They're all different branches of government. They just don't have power. And then there's me. And what I'm saying is that the state of the podcast is good. The podcast flourishes and thrives. We are in our third season of the podcast. The rising tide has lifted all boats. We are coping during this time of pandemic. We have pulled together and I think the podcast is stronger than ever.

You're not the real president. Well, no, thank God. No, you're you're pulling quotes, inspirational quotes from actual. No, I'm just saying I like to as you know, I'm someone I'm a fan of history and I like to project confidence and calm. And I am saying don't don't you agree with me, Matt, that the state of the podcast is good? As much as I hate to agree with you. Yes, I do.

Yes. Yes, it is flourishing. We started out remember early on, people said, Conan can't have a podcast. It'll never work. Yeah, I don't think anyone said that. But I'm most people that likes to invent in my mind that people were against me. It helps me remember the Michael Jordan documentary he was always fabricating that someone had dissed him so that he could destroy them in a game. I'm so much like Michael Jordan. Well, no, yet.

Listen, it's more shocking than you'd think. A tyrannical kind of fear. No work? No, no. We're similar ages, both very naturally gifted athletes, both an incredible desire to win at any cost was both the face of the nineties. He was the face of the winning in the nineties, and I was the face of winning in the eighties. Where are you winning? It was winning. What was it winning that was winning across the board.

I had the late night show killin it. I was. I was just hitting it with the ladies. Oh, no, no, I really wasn't. You learn. No, no. But listen, what I'm saying is was hitting it with the sex with a lady. I was hitting it with the lady. Let's break that down. What were you hitting exactly? It sounds like we were some sort of state fair and they had whack a mole and they and and they had two mallets.

And there was a woman there who didn't want me to who was like, well, I'll just he can play alongside me. So I was technically hitting it with the lady. OK, that's my explanation for that one. But anyway. No, no, please don't get me off track. The state of the podcast. In the beginning, everybody was against us. Everyone said you can't make it this. There's no way. There's no way. He's too good looking.

You know, that's why he's on TV. You can't be on radio. And so then this happens. Not only do we succeed, but we excel. We exceed people's expectations. We show an incredible number of fracture frames. They haven't advertised on this show in sixty episodes. Is that true? Something like we did so many ads for them in the beginning. How come they went away? I think because they're getting all kinds of free ads every time you mention, well, fracture.

Hey, listen, if you have if you have a photograph and it's not laser printed on glass, then you're a fucking moron. There's a fracture guy. Just go, can you believe this guy does it for us for free to let them roll? Because early on in the podcast, I had to do so many ads for fracture that now I'm all I do is walk around our house and it'll be a picture of my son on the wall when he was first born.

And it's hanging up in a nice frame, but it's a photographic print. Yeah, great. I tear it off the wall and smash it. Yeah. This is either on glass or I'll wipe my ass. It rhymes. OK, anyway, fracture. They, I don't know why I keep mentioning them. You're saying that as your legs are just bouncing up and down. I have restless leg syndrome. I have restless. So then my mom, I tell you this at the dinner table, my, my leg, I always had restless leg syndrome and my leg would be going.

My mom sat next to me with all six of seven of us, whatever. There were six kids, two parent, six kids, two parents. And a grandmother would all be sitting around this table the way Murphy Brown, they all crammed together around a small table and eat their lunch. We were all crammed around this table and my leg would be going and my mother would take her hand and she would put it on my leg and say, stop it.

Oh, people will think something's wrong.

Oh, yes, yes. Oh, stop. People think something's wrong. He said something was OK and something was. That's what's going to make people think that something's wrong. Yeah, not the not the muttering. I am the least I am the least Zen person that's ever lived.

But that lake is like the metaphor here, the perpetual motion machine. It's always running and you fuel this thing.

We do. And that's why the state of the podcast is good. And it's because I love doing the podcast. I really do enjoy it. Matt, do you enjoy doing it? Be honest. Yes, sometimes it's a little scary. Why is it scary? Well, you know, I never know where you're going to say to me, and I'm just have to be ready for everything, know.

Well, but, man, you should know that this is a safe space. It's the most unsafe. And I was like, no, no, no, Matt. Matt, listen. No, this is this is scary, Matt. I joke. And I. I suppose I. Josh But you should always feel safe, Matt. You should always feel safe. I would never, ever snap at you or try to demean you in any way on this podcast.

And if I have in the past and I don't think these things are, there's no record of them, so we'll never know. There's no way to go back and listen. But no, you're my friend. And when I say friend, someone I've been forced to work with, the way they said that to me, the way you looked, I'm going to share my screen with you right now.

This is you're looking at me so nonplused, like you're going to kill me.

Nonplused. That's my real face. That's just my face. Sona, I hope you're having a good time on the podcast. We just heard from Matt that he sometimes feels afraid. Yeah, I have to say, I feel like I really lucked out because I do the least amount of work on this podcast. Oh, you do. Next to nothing. Next to nothing. And so I get to just, you know, come in and talk with my pal Matt and and you and it's nice.

And then, you know, you have way more pressure than I do and then Matt has to produce it. So I'm I really do the least. And it's it's a great position to be in. I have a theory that, you know, like all humans, I'm made primarily of carbon carbon. When pressurized turns into Matt. Tell us Iman's Dimond's. That's right. But got a theory that when I die, the coroner is going to cut open my chest and I'm going to be all diamond inside carbon.

And I've been under incredible pressure. Yeah. During my entire lifetime. What do you think of that? I think that's a pretty accurate assessment. But I also think you put yourself under all of that pressure. You don't have to. I've got to be. No, you don't.

Oh, what's the movie where Al Pacino says it keeps me on the edge where I got to be? Keat Oh, yeah. In the movie Heat, he's talking to his wife. Former wife. Yeah. And he says that keeps me on the edge. It's also the movie where she goes. She's got a great ass weight. Is it true? Which one is that. Yeah. You have like a talk with the street informant and you can tell he's just kind of improvised it.

And the look on the actor's face is not acting where he's like looking at the director going, what the fuck is going on?

Right. Yeah, he's going to go, yes, yes. Sometimes I love an odd choice in a movie that's there for all of time. I think I may have mentioned this, but on Wall Street, talk about odd choices. There's a scene where Charlie Sheen and Martin Sheen are writing down an elevator together. And Charlie Sheen's really mad at his dad because his dad just blew the big deal he had by speaking the truth and not going along with Gordon Gekko plan.

And he's like, Dad, Dad, that was such a great plan. How can you do this? And Martin Sheen's lying is supposed to be well, sometimes some of us care more than just what's in our wallet. And he goes, well, some of us sometimes we care more than just what's in our wall. I want to play this. We should get the audio. And it's just like you. You swear to God the audio people would have said, yeah, we got to go again and then the director go back.

Yeah, yeah. Let's get a just get one more of those. I'll play the clips. This is Heat.

I want to get mixed up with that bitch. You got a great ass. And this is what you see is a guy who never measured a man's success by the size of his wife. On the stage of the broadcast is your Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Sunim Obsession.

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