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An Apple original series. Here we go. Ewan McGregor invites you. I'm doing a trip through South America. An electric motorcycle to experience the adventure we are heading up the of taking away.


What a great thing to see the world. And we watch it exclusively on Apple TV.


Plus, everyone, I'm Keith Urban and I am incredibly confused about being my friend.


Can I say a lot of people lately have gone nice. You know, that was an honest one. He.


And we are going to be friends, Shakuntala, go. Hello and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs Friend podcast, where a well chipper young man named Conan O'Brien goes in search of finding a friend, Chipper Young. I think of myself as young age is just a no man show until you die.


Jonah is joining me, my assistant, my trusty assistant, sternum obsession for you. I'm doing great. And of course, Matt Gawley are very sorry. My leaf blower is back on. Oh, my God. Every time we start. This happened last week. I know it sounds like it's like an old man with asthma. It's just that it doesn't sound like a good leaf blower. No, almost like the second week. You know, we should explain Stone and I are in the same studio, but Matt Gawley is in his lovely home.


I want to tell us exactly where you live. I'll go as far as to say Pasadena. OK, exactly. You're in Pasadena, where apparently all they do is blow leaves around from one side of the city to the other. Oh, it's insane. I know. I mean, I don't know how many times I've been trying to talk to you, and we've had to wait for the leaf blower today. We decided to just go ahead. Listen, he's still there.


He's he's had in the back of the back yard. Isn't this so funny? I stopped to give this guy room to blow leaves. And what does he do? He stops the minute he made you look like a fool. He did. He does this on purpose. I think it's is someone from a rival podcast. You know, it's someone with another podcast. Rival podcast. Do we had a rival? Would you say it's got to be Joe Rogan?


Yeah. Yeah. My big rival, Joe Rogan. Yeah. That would be you know, we need to do we need to establish who my rival is so that I can have a rivalry and shit on them and put them down and blame things on them and have schemes to topple them. Podcast. It's not such a friendly vibe. And what if it's someone who's not at all like two people were talking about astronomy? Like, completely just that's what it should be.


Yeah. Comedians. Yes, it should be someone who's got a very thoughtful, well produced podcast on astrology or mental, and I just spare them a new one every week. Oh, mental health. They're trying to help people who can be a scientist. Yeah, I think it's got to be someone who in no way deserves it and appeals to a kind of small niche market, but is doing a really good service for humanity. And I just shit all over and I just amass my legion of fans or maybe two elderly women that talk to you about how to stay mentally healthy and alert.


They have a small following, but it's all done with such good humor. And I just they just wake up in the morning to phone calls like we don't know what's happening, but people are so mad at you right now. This guy, Conan O'Brien, you know what? Who is it? Why you just want to make people are happy. Yeah. Let's start some beef. Hey, is the leaf blower gone? It's moved to the back of the back yard, so it's a little quiet.


You know, can I just ask you a question? Who is this leaf blower?


It's our landscaper. Wait a minute. What this is it wasn't it wasn't before someone you hired.


This one is the one last week was not OK. No, that was just minutes ago for us.


OK, let me ask you something. Couldn't you maybe because this is someone you're hiring, say I'm doing a podcast during these hours and then he'll say, like, which podcasts? And you'll say, what's coming about Conan O'Brien? Oh, God, you. Are you mad, Gawley? Do you know him? I would, but you change the time of this one. Right before we started recording, I had this all quiet and ready to go.


Oh, so it's my fault. Yeah. And he came in right as we had started recording so I couldn't go out there. I didn't know he's going to be there and I don't want all these leaves in my yard.


You would think leaves are falling right now. Oh they're going like crazy in my backyard. What are you talking about overnight? I'm telling you, they're everywhere. I think someone's just dumping leaves in your yard because we're in Los Angeles. I don't see a lot of leaves around. My backyard is covered with leaves and ash right now.


It looks like the hell scape. Oh, OK. Well, it sounds like you live in the only part of Pasadena that actually exists in Vermont or in Vermont because of a weird hole in time and space. What else?


You know, I think we're having a good time. Well, you got nothing. I've got nothing I want to say quickly. I think you've done an admirable job with the show, so I think you're phoning it in today. Oh, I do it. I think you're kind of phoning it in. First of all, I did ask you to bring me an iced coffee with almond milk. Yes. And you got me an iced coffee with almond milk on the side, which is what I asked for.


That's not almond milk. OK, that is the it looks like if you took if you made a very thin soup out of a tiny piece of chalk, that's what it looks like. It looks like something that would leach out of my bone marrow. I tried. I poured all of it. And it didn't change the color at all of the iced coffee. That's not my fault. I saw them take out a container at Starbucks. What, you don't like Starbucks now?


Just think when there's that many of us of something, how could it be good? OK, I'll go somewhere else next time. I guess you want to go to a small guy's place to get ice coffee, like, oh, there's old man, you know, GMAT and he's got, you know, he's like a son. How are you? And you go like, yes, I'm here. Oh, I country likes to think, you know, you're going to Starbucks.


They don't care about me. This is an almond milk. It's close by. It's close by. Oh, here. So that's how you pick your surgeon, right? OK, he's a surgeon at the end of the street. Yeah, that's the same. Yep. I needed that thing removed from my cerebral cortex. You you go. Did you go to the best hospital in L.A. there. There's a guy at the end of my street. I'm so close by and don't say that they're not on the same scale.


Something wrong with your cerebral cortex and needing surgery and me getting almond milk from my. Oh, you think they're on the same scale? Pretty much. Matt, what do you think now? I disagree. Yeah, everyone would disagree because I do, frankly. I think you're being a bit of a prima donna here. I think you got almond milk.


This is like they took someone's dim memory and made it into a juice. This is a vague memory of a picnic long ago that a very old old man had. And then somehow they turned it into a broth. Oh, taste it and take us through that memory.


Take a little sip. Mm. Nineteen twenty two. A very unremarkable picnic. Nothing really happened. At one point he did think he saw the love of his life, but she was killed by an asteroid. Oh hey. Anyway, you say nothing really happened at that picnic. The story changed. I'm like, oh Henry, you never know what's going to happen with me. Well, you know what? You're welcome. But I do feel like you've been phoning it in today so far.


That's not nice. Well, I'm sorry I'm giving you a job review. That's part of my job is to give you a job review. I think you're I think you suck.


Well, so glad I'm home, but please complain about your almond milk more. Well, I just want to say and I don't want to hear people say I've lost perspective during corn tea. There are bigger problems in the world with the election and everything. Right. I think I'm very, very in tune with what's happening. And I think it's an absolute tragedy that you brought that shit in here during a pandemic. We I went to a Starbucks with a mascot and waited in line.


That's it, actually. Did you put the mask on your eyes? Because you know what I think happened? I think when you said I want almond milk, they said that the mask was covering your eyes and they all started giggling and they drained a radiator into a cup and you brought it here. That's what happened. Do you think I had the mask on my eyes? I knew your mask is very large. Sometimes it slips up a little bit and covers your eyes.


And I'm so stupid. That's why you bought that ostrich, remember? You thought you were getting a chicken leg. Anyway, for all of us adventures. Don't ask when your mask slips. Oh, God, I envy you.


I know. Where's my leaf blower? Come on back.


All right. Well, we got to get into it. We got a big show today because what are you laughing at? That's the thing people used to really say about their show. Oh, no, it's totally you transition from me having my mask on my eyes and doing dumb stuff to like, OK, let's get serious. Well, we've got to settle down here because my guest today is a four time Grammy Award winning singer. You got four Grammys, so.


No, no. Do you know only three or four what? Latin Grammys. OK, yeah. All right. I stole them. My guest today is a four time Grammy Award winning singer, songwriter and record producer who just released his eleventh studio album, The Speed of Now Part one. I am thrilled he's with us today.


Keith Urban, welcome. Just want to say, I've been really looking forward to this, because you are you're a brilliant musician who's also a really funny and very friendly and winning person. And so I've really wanted to talk to you. And I'm I'm a frustrated, very mediocre guitarist. And so I live in perpetual awe of people that have your ability. It really freaks me out and angers me, I'll be honest with you, very angry.


I was waiting for the honesty to come back and I just can't. And you didn't let me down. No, I didn't let you down. But I am getting your hair, people. The other day someone said, How long are you going to. I've not been cutting my hair and I did have the thought I wanted to get to Keith Urban length. It's not there yet, right?


Well, not look like you when I check it like mine do that the pompadour thing you do. I know. I can't it won't do it mine.


And I know that people want us to talk about our hair together. This is what people like to talk about. Mine could do it up to. It got to a certain length and then it collapsed. My pop pompadour. We talking about your hairstyle.


OK, ok, for God's sake, I feel like I've unleashed a monster. Try to around the house for a while and see how it goes over for you. Take this to the stage. All right. This is the new really filthy Keith Urban that I want to see. I want to see this now. I want to see people talking about it like a man. I love his new album. It's fantastic. And I saw his show. Oh, my God.


Though he does. Forty minutes in the middle between the new material that's absolutely disgusting and filthy. And people were taking their kids out and it's just really upsetting.


But this is Keith's new direction. It made The Aristocrats sound like the Wiggles. And I mean, really, it was I knew you'd bring up the Wiggles. You didn't know it's going to bring out the river. You know that. I need to bring up the Wiggles and AC DC or as you guys call it, Academy.


Where are you? I kind of I'm in Los Angeles at a secure location. I cannot be harmed in any way.


I'm in an airtight cubicle right now. Poisoned tea for, you know, nothing for me. I'm next on the Kremlin's list. They've been wanting to take me down for a while. So as you and your home studio is where you are right now.


Well, I'm home. My wife says hi, by the way. I said I was about to chat with you. She said, please say hi to him for me. Oh, yeah.


I've had lovely conversations with her several times. Please tell her I said hello. Could I said hi.


So much for your soundproof studio. That's a really shitty space you have there. She can't hear you. We have a lot to talk about. The first thing I want to tell you for some over the years, because people find out that I do screw around with the guitar. I've acquired many guitars. I've been good many guitars. What are your most precious guitars that you have? You know, that famous old question of there's a fire in the house, you're going to run in and save one?


No one ever includes family in that question.


I don't help. I finally I'm handing them guitars, but it's all hands on deck. Nicole, I'll be back for you. I just have to get this Telecaster. It's got a Rosewood neck. You don't understand.


I've got that telecasters. I've got a few of those are fifty one. No, Casta, that would be high on the list. I have Waylon Jennings guitar. That would be high on the list. Oh my God.


You have which. Now which guitar was this. It say Waylon on it because I would hope so.


It's well close. It's it's the leather bound, leather wrapped 1950 broadcaster that Waylon played for twenty odd years or something. And and it came with the huge strap that has Waylon written on the strap and and leather as well. Crazy. Yeah.


If I buy a famous person's guitar I want their name on it. Yes. That sounds like an absolutely gorgeous guitar. I think one of my prized possessions, if I had to list one, is a nineteen forty six Martin. Twenty eight.


Hey do you have one is. Yeah I do, yeah. With a fat neck because they had no steel and exactly.


That was going to be my question to see if you really know what you're talking about because metal couldn't be used for nonwar purposes. So I just lost about half the audience for the podcast right now because that's the sound of there's no trust. Right. Ladies and gentlemen, in a nineteen forty six, Martin. Twenty eight, because all the metal was still being consigned for war use and it's right.


Yeah, right. Right, that's right. Keith included. Know their stuff about Congi pretty good. I'm watching how many people we're losing.


We've lost a lot in the last twelve doormats. There were 12 left and now we're down. Now we're down to nine. So now you're working on this. It blows my mind. It's your eleventh. You're coming out with your eleventh studio album, The Speed of now part one. You're a young man to have eleven albums.


Well, that's a relative term, isn't it? I mean, but hey, fuck you.


OK, so I'm sixty eight years old, but I fought for this country, I fought for this country in the Korean War and I think I did a good job. You're damn right you did. Good for you. Go. I did real good. Real good. Sorry I shouldn't have shouted at you. I know it's early in the morning where you are. I've had a lot of, you know, diet soda, and I really honestly didn't start this interview thinking I was going to be shouting fuck you to Keith Urban.


I really did. That's not how I. Yeah, OK. Yeah, it's number two on my list, too. Wow.


Now you should see what's number one. We haven't gotten there yet. We will. But that's an incredible achievement. That's amazing. I love making records. I love being in the studio. It's been a really I'm glad I do, because in the last you know, obviously this year there was no touring. And I just put everything into the to the record and getting into the studio, I probably was dragging my feet on finishing this particular record because I knew there was no tour looming.


So I just stayed in there and stayed in there, didn't want to finish the record.


I really miss audiences. I love audiences. And I find now that if I'm wearing my mask and I go to get some takeout food to bring back to the family and someone recognizes me even with the mask on and I start joking around, if they start to laugh, I put the food down and I stick around and I'm like, wow, I'm doing really well. I'm doing really well with this people. And then I'll get home and I'll tell my wife Lisa.


I went and I got the food and I'm coming out and this man is woman and they recognize me. And then we started I started they started laughing because I said this thing. So I, I was really killing. I was really doing it. She was like, this is so sad. This is a sad just like three people with masks on. I never I've got my take out my my oily takeout food. And I'm but I don't know if you feel the same way that you you almost want it.


You'd almost be willing to go on a street corner at this point if it was socially safe and distance. Yeah. And Busk just just play for people just to see the reaction. Definitely. And I'm going to drag you over here for a second because I'm about to lose power to my laptop. I literally is watching, watching the thing go down and I'm like, it's going down to two percent. One percent. I'm going to lose in a minute.


This is perfect.


OK, I saw that. I thought I thought that I was seeing a measurement of your interest in me.


I thought I was like, oh, my God, oh, my God, I'm Keith Urban's interest in me has gone now to two percent. Down from that was they're not correlated. The the good thing is, is I can plug the computer and say, OK, it's time for the second. Fuck you to Keith. I'm sorry, but it is OK. If I had that, I had that coming. I really did.


I didn't want to and I didn't want to interrupt you. You're you're a killing at a Chipotle story.


And I thought, oh, I'll wait. So how did you know it was at Chipotle. I just took it I guess. Well, you're good. Dammit Urban. You're very good. You're very, very good. Yeah, I.


I know that. Well, you did a very nice thing. You played a secret show at a drive in movie theater and you did it for health care workers. They were thrilled I'm certain, but I'm sure it gave you real joy to it did.


And it was I mean, even for that short time of not being on stage for a few months and then being on this stage at the foot of a drive in screen playing to a bunch of people in cars, which was quite surreal. I got to say. I've done some odd gigs, but that was quite surreal. But to know that we were doing it for all the health care workers was was really great and turned out to be really good night.


I was worried at first because I thought, well, I the only thing I could envision would be like the movie Cars.


And now there would be mader out there and that would be all these cars would be the audience. They would be living beings. They were cars. Yes. And so I thought but it turned into more of a tailgate party. Everybody was anywhere but in their cars. They were on the roof there, on the hoods there on the backs of their pickup truck tailgates. It was really, really fun.


I keep looking for silver linings during this time, and I think there are a lot of them. And I think that's I mean, to me, that goes back to almost, you know, wartime USO shows, you know, people, great entertainers saying this is something I can do to make people happy. This is where I can share. And you get that connection. You get that live connection that I can only now get in the Chipotle parking lot.


Oh, is the parking lot. It was it's more detailed now. Now, to be to be honest, Keith, I hang out. There are a lot of it.


And you know something that I think there are probably a lot of commonalities between, say, the world of comedy and comedians and music. One of them might be I love working with people I haven't worked with before. I love trying to lock in with them and I know that that's something that you really enjoy collaborating. You know, when you get to work with someone who are some of the people that you've collaborated with where you really felt like, oh, we we were like we were like lost, separated twins.


We really clicked. Well, now, Rogers would be one of those people. I mean, somebody I just pestered and pestered everybody I knew to try and get me an introduction with Niall years ago. And they finally got us together. And I went to New York, took my banjo with me. It was such a national moment.


I walk into that's such a that's such a classic story of did you step out and look at the tall buildings and go, wow, they sure are tall. Keith, you've been here hundreds of times. I leaned out of the cab window and said, McDonald's, the name being tarnished, obviously. But I got in the studio with Niall and he got his guitar out.


I got my banjo and we started playing and we literally just clicked like like long lost brothers. We jam for ages and ages. And he a very good friend of mine ever since he actually I called him up to come and play on a track on this new record, and he's just great. He's one of the greats.


You you worked with B.B. King. Is that true? Yeah. And I got to play his guitar, which Lucille, which was crazy. So it was me, baby and John Mayer and. Oh, my gosh, who is that now? It's really where I am.


Yes. You know, we can add it when you think of it, we can add it later. It's clearly not your voice and insert it very badly. So it just suddenly it just comes in in a very different voice. It's your voice.


And then it just says Dolly Parton with the little arrow right above. Exactly the little character. Buddy Guy was the buddy guy.


Thank you. Yes. So it was a Grammy tribute to Bo Diddley, who had also played we opened a show for Bo Diddley at the bottom line in New York. So it was it was it was surreal getting to meet him and then all the years later, getting to do this tribute to him, me and Buddy Guy and B.B. King and John Mayer, the four of us got to play together. It's incredible.


Do you find yourself now when you are meeting younger people and they're talking to you about the influence you've had on them, have that disconnect of why are you talking to me? Do you know? I mean, I think I think people never really get over that. You must be getting that a lot where young young musicians are coming up to you and saying, yes, I remember when you did this and you're like, come on, man, what are you talking to me like?


I'm an old civil war soldier for, you know?


Yeah, no, it's it's a it's a strange double sided compliment, isn't it? You know, at the same time, you it's great to have influenced anybody. And then it's like a reminder how long we've been able to do what we do, both of us, and how amazing it is that we get to still do it. Really, that's the big thing. The biggest thing of all is we we still get to do it, whether it's in a Chipotle parking lot or whether it's here or wherever.


We don't need to keep harping on that.


I'm just saying I really was getting big laughs from this couple and then they had to go and I walked with them for a little bit and they seemed to get it. They got a little creeped out.


When you start asking a question, kind of do you get about halfway through asking a question and then start to go, where the hell am I going? Yes, because I'm lost. I'm listening to your question and I'm like, what the hell is going on? And I thought, you look like you're thinking the same thing.


I, I see it like right now, like right now what I like to do, what I like to do, Keith and this is my method, OK, I said I'd like to ask a question and I like to begin the question, not knowing exactly where it's going to go. And I like to keep talking and talking until a question presents itself. That's my method. And I can see that you're a big fan of that method. I said I'm I'm watching I'm watching a guy on a tightrope with blindfold, just sort of like stepping gingerly along the tightrope.


I don't know. Trust me, I don't know what's happening next.


I have fallen off the tightrope many times right in this interview. I've been killed six times using the Nik Wallenda of comedians to describe. So, OK, so they tell you.


All right, here's your day, Keith. You're going to talk to Conan O'Brien early in the morning. And he's in Los Angeles. And you've got to drink a lot of coffee and and you're going to have to talk to this guy. And what's going through your mind at that? Are you thinking can we push this off? Is there a way I can get out of it? What if we said there's a technical glitch? Is that what's happening?


I was totally looking forward to this.


OK, it's past tense. It's serious. I'm delighted. To I, I am delighted because, well, for many reasons, I, I mean it when I say and I've noticed this between comedians and musicians, that comedians are very envious of musicians. I think all of us want to be doing what you're doing. And occasionally I'll meet musicians that I can tell are kind of more interested in comedy or I feel like that's kind of what they want to be doing.


There have been times where I've been doing benefits and the musicians say Bruce Springsteen comes to mind. He'll go out there and he's Bruce Springsteen so he can play any one of one hundred and eighty songs. It's going to delight everybody, but I see him backstage working on his jokes and I'm thinking, what the fuck are you doing?


You don't you don't need you need I'm going to start with this one and then I go to that one and I see him out there trying his jokes and like, why not go? And then the next one's like, not so good. I'm like, Bruce, you don't have to do this.


We have to do this. Yeah. We can't do what you can do, you know, don't. I mean, I'm very there's a lot of envy here talking to you because I'm thinking, wow, I've I've seen you play, I've seen you play live. And I'm like, God damn, if I could do that.


I've always felt like the calling of the comedian is probably one of the hardest. Right. I mean, I really is in entertainment because you're right. I can if I'm not getting to an audience, I can whip up sweet home Alabama. Right. I can do something I can go to. Is there a go to joke is the equivalent of that. Yeah.


Yeah, they're called dick jokes. You just start talking about your dick and works every time and look at her son over there laughing.


You know, you just. Yeah. You talk about the penis, how it's it's not functioning properly. There's a cyst and suddenly everyone's laughing. Oh, it's terrible. It's really. Yeah. Try it. Try it. The next time you are get stuck on stage and you don't want to do sweet home Alabama.


Right. The penis. You discuss the penis at length. Right.


I'm going to I'll try it. I'll see what happens. I'll let you know.


Listen, I know this is very good advice. I'm giving you a key. I know you think you've had a great career up to this point. I'm telling you, it could hit the next level.


Now you just have to start dick jokes, dick jokes in between these incredible songs, you need to stop. Why do I hear Bruce Springsteen doing them now? My oh my God story. I'm telling you this the other day I'm up at a urinal and put out and. Oh, no, Bruce. Bruce, no, no. Bruce Ghost of Tom Joad was so beautiful. Do that. Get to go to jail anyway. So I unzip and I take out the oh my God.


New Jersey pathos.


What I did I certainly think the ghost of Tom Joad. Right. I hate to say it, Keith. Now you're stepping into first of all, you're taking my advice, Keith. You're taking my advice. And look what's happening already. Already we're killing it. And I'm telling you, we heard it. Now, this, the new album, after the speed of now part one is The Ghost of Tom Joad. That's. Yeah. And I'm going to pay I'm going to play the zither on that night since that's as Good Vibrations.


If you heard Ferrymen, you're going to play the Ferrymen. That's what I'll do.


A lot of people say that the original light beer or they try to claim that they were in on the light beer game early, but you know who really was Miller Lite? Yeah, I'm pretty.


What? I don't know what's true.


Well, you are making it seem like everyone else sucks but Miller Lite rule. Well, that's exactly what I'm saying. Miller Lights always been there to bring people together through Miller time. OK, now, let's face it, right now, during the current situation, I think we all know we're talking about some people are stuck in a house with their roommates and partners while others are back home with their family. Some people keep their interaction strictly digital. Others have embraced hangouts outdoors at a safe distance.


Look, that's up to you, man. As long as you've consulted with Foushee and you know what you're doing and you feel like you're being safe and well, you can still have consulted with Foushee. He's available at all hours.


I have his number. Oh, just call him. We're finding new ways to enjoy each other. That's what I'm saying. And Miller, time can still exist. All right. It's just going to look a little different. But cracking a miller can still happen in quarantine. Crack it. Yeah. You crack it, right? I don't you crack open a beer, a miller. Yeah, you crack open a Miller Lite.


Oh, I don't see what you add to anything. I honestly don't. Seriously, you decide how you find your Miller time, and I don't need you. Give me a hard time about it. Sorry. You know Miller Lite. Yeah. Great taste with, I'm guessing, only 96 calories and three point two carbs.


That's a good guess, however. Oh, however, you and your friends are enjoying your time this summer. Oh, no. You can have the original light beer delivered. Did you know that by going to Miller Lite dotcom forward, slash Conan and find the delivery options near you? Oh, my God, I did not know that. That is so cool. You can have it brought to you and you get to use my name. Celebrate responsibly.


Miller Brewing Company in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Ninety six calories, three point two carbs per 12 ounces. Hello there, I'm Rory Scovel, I'm a comedian, I'm an actor, but most importantly, I'm a dad.


And I'll tell you what, as a father, it is my sworn duty to tell you about my new show with Team Coco called Dads, the podcast.


On each episode, me and my co-host, Ruthie Wyatt, are joined by a hilarious guest to talk about the mysteries of fatherhood and parenting, people like David Cross, Conan O'Brien, Sabrina Gelis and Roy Wood Jr.. Even if you're not a dad or a parent, I think you're really going to like this show. So please check us out. Find Dads the podcast wherever you get your podcasts.


Don't miss it. A couple of years ago, I was at an event you were sort of a surprise guest at this event and you ended up getting pulled up on stage. It was someone's birthday party and it was not many people there. But you did something that I was I was very impressed by. And I know it's nothing to you, but you jumped up on stage and you didn't know what they wanted you to play. And someone just shouted out, Sweet Home Alabama.


And you just went right into it. And I think your wife at the time was who was in the room said, oh, yeah, he's just a human jukebox. He can play literally almost any song that you can come up with. And what impresses me as a hat guitarist and someone who's that's my dream, I would give up everything if I could do that. And so I knew I was in the crowd and people were saying, like, yes, sweet home Alabama.


And I think someone tried to play it before you but didn't know it. And you got up and, you know, it's in D.C. or it starts and you knew all the lyrics, you knew everything. And I was like, shit, I would give everything to be Keith Urban. I would give it all right now and now. Now all I have is an approximation of your hair because of covid. Right. But is that true? Can you really be hard pressed to come up with a song that you couldn't think about?


And I'm talking about like a top 40 hit from the 70s or 80s and 90s that you couldn't just knock out? Of course.


I mean, don't say of course. Say, Well, Conan, no, no, Conan. I couldn't possibly. It's beyond me for of course, of course you could play any song that makes me that enrages me. No, I didn't mean in that. I literally meant when you say is this something I could play that you would. No. Oh, no, no, no, no. Quite the opposite. Quite the opposite. I grew up playing in cover bands, Sweet Home, Alabama, Freebird, a kind of one in the same.


And you just have to know, you know, the certain songs. You just have to know.


Right. You grew up. I mean, you started playing really early, but I failed music at school, which is part of the reason why I left when I was 15. I was playing in a cover band during the weekend and those guys would play without me here in the weakside to go to school. And I said to my mom and dad, you know, you can legally leave school at 15. And they're like, yeah. And I went, well, Octobers coming around.


I it's time for me to to play five nights a week with this band. And so they luckily they supported that. And I quit school at 15. I mean, I wasn't cut out for school. It just wasn't.


So you're quite sure that if you would give school another year or two, you wouldn't have locked in and become a biophysicist?


You're pretty sure that if you finish your. Yeah. Spoken like a true guitar player like you?


Well, Keith, I took a different route. You see, I kept at it with school and now I make an ass of myself for a living. So I think you made the right call. I really dig it. You knew you had this. I think one of the greatest gifts in life is to know at a very early age what it is you love. And you just knew you were eight, nine years old when you knew this is what I want.


I kind of almost like this is what I was doing. This I mean, this is a strange analogy, but and yet it rings true for me. And you might feel the same. Someone say to me, you know, when did you decide you would do music through your life? And I said, that would be like saying, when did you go from crawling to walking? And then when I think I'm going to walk for the rest of my life, like make that decision.


Playing guitar music for me felt as natural as just walking. And I never thought about doing it. I was just doing it and I never stopped doing it.


Were your parents musical? I mean, I think your dad was a drummer, right? Yeah, my dad played drums. He never got to play professionally. He was doing that when I was four. I think before he met my mom, he played in a band called The Ricochets in New Zealand in the late fifties.


You know, the problem is when you're a drummer and you don't have people that you're playing with. I started on the drums.


It's true about the drums, isn't it? I mean, you could you could set them up on a street corner, if you like, and you remember this one and like.


Yeah, now every breath you take by the police. All right. What else you want to sing along in the mood? Glenn Miller. Yeah.


Do you play how many instruments do you play? I just get the sense that you play a lot more than guitar.


I can hack away on a few, you know, sort of self-taught piano player, guitar, primary instrument. But I can play guitar, drums, bass, I play guitar, bass on my records, a little bit of keys.


Please tell me your hands are insured. Right. You know, that used to be a thing in the sixties and seventies is that people would put out in the press. A great opera singer had his throat insured at Attractive Woman, had her legs insured by Lloyd's of London. I think I'd be a good thing to restart that up again. What would you insure? I would insure your hair, obviously, I think would be the hair.


Yeah, would be the pompadour would be insured and I would put it out there. That was that it was insured for fifteen million dollars with Lloyd's of London.


What might happen to it though, to actually allow you to claim on it.


I think an attack from a bird. I think a passing bird. A Pepsi commercial goes awry. There's so much exactly so many things could happen to my hair. I don't even want to get started, but I'd like to think it was an animal attack of some kind. An animal that became frightened of that orange thing on my head mistook it for a nest. Well, a stoner will tell you that when I walk around, even though I am a supposed to be a comedian, I think I have a guitar on almost all the time.


All the time. Sometimes he holds up rehearsal just so he can play on the guitar for a while. And we all just stand there watching you and I get the sense people really hate it.


Oh, there you go. You're just you're not. Keith Urban. Yes, that's the point. I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah. You're very good, though. I know. But they shout often you're no Keith Urban. Yeah. While I'm at rehearsal and they and they shut me down.


That's a tough crowd right there. That's a tough crowd you got. They're all assholes keeping it real.


So I want to ask you something about it's a thought I've had, which is country music. It comes from Gaelic and sort of Celtic influences somewhat. I saw this in Ireland when I was in Ireland once. Everyone in Ireland was obsessed with country music, God damn it, they love their country music in in Ireland. And then I was thinking, yeah, Australia, maybe New Zealand, places that have been colonized by the same type of people. There's this connection to some of the sadness or some of the regret that's in country music.


Does that make sense to you? What I'm getting at?


Yeah, the drinking. Let's get to it. Come on now. That's what I tried. I tried to put a nice spin on it. OK, yes. We're talking about people that like to drink and then like to be really sad and talk about it. Insults.


Gosh, I had an alcoholic father, so there you go. It all goes together. I look in my my connection to it was because of my dad's record collection. He loved American country music and he loved America. So it all it all went together. And he would have loved to have spent his whole life living in America. Probably wish he could have been born in America. Yeah. I mean, we can we can write a song about that right now.


And as long as I get 60 percent of the royalties, which I think is fair because I think the bigger name in music and so you don't you weren't even aware that you were doing it at that time.


But that's what drew you into the music possibly. And that kind of music. It's so weird. I didn't really have a plan, you know, I didn't really have a goal as probably in the late 80s when I was playing in a cover band. I wasn't the lead singer. I was the keyboard player, guitar player. And we had a pretty decent following. I was about 20 years old going on twenty one and we had a pretty good following.


And I said to the lead singer, we should write some songs. So we got this audience coming every week and he's like, that's great. So we'd write some songs are so pretty good and it'd be in the setlist and we were like Mony, Mony and Sweet Home. Alabama always cover songs and they'll be original. I mean, the band would be like, all right, here it comes. Here it comes. We're going to get to play our own song.


And he would blow it off every time. He'd really skip the skip, though, on boys this do do some, you know, whatever the hell. Let's do some back attack or whatever. And I'm just like I was I was I just when I'm done with this, this is a dead end, you know, it's never going to go anywhere. We're going to write our own songs. So I left that band, the drummer bass player left with me.


I said, we're going to go do our own thing. We went and formed another three piece band and this fucking covers the whole time.


I couldn't make any money because they work. People are happy when you play the cover. Are you where are you in Australia? Are you in New Zealand?


Where are you? I'm in Australia. Yeah, check it out. Oh, I'm right there. There I am. Oh my God. Gorgeous. Wow. That's that's what I'm looking at.


That is. Is it Sydney or Perth. Yes. Yes, Sydney. Sydney. I did a show there. There's an old theatre downtown. Yeah. State Theatre. Yeah. State Theatre. I did a show their best audience. Just a fantastic crowd. That's where I learned it is called Accademia because I didn't know what they were talking about and they kept talking about knackered Dacca. And I'm like OK, I know ac DC. I don't know.


Yeah. Sounds like a box office song or something exactly like that. You know what, I was very much looking forward to this and thrilled to talk to you. You always I always like talking to you. You are inordinately talented and I want another six hours of your time. Well, I am sorry.


Sorry I lost you there. So I lost you in the canyon.


You're not in that. Yeah. What the hell. I can see you. Yeah I know.


Absolute thrill talking to you and. Thank you for exposing my complete inadequacy as an interviewer and making fun of me, because you showed me the way you showed me the real me and I have a lot to think about now.


I want you to show me the way. Come on. I'll be able to do it. You show me the way every day. And when I hear this, I shake my head.


That's a note very few people can hit. Keith, I don't want you to even try or assume.


I sang a song with Lou Reed once at some benefit. And they the idea was to get a lot of comedians on stage and all of us were going to do take a walk on the wild side, I think together. And each of us was going to take a verse and all I wanted to do was freak him out because he was so super cool and being so, you know, Lou Reed up there and he was doing his thing. And so when it came my turn, I said I sang my verse and at the end I said, you know, hey, take a walk on the wild side.


I said, hey, take a while to say Hashanah.


And I did that. And he looked over like someone had teased him in the ass with a taser. And I afterwards we all walked out. We all walked off stage. And he was like, hey, man, what was that? What was it? And he wasn't upset. I was more just like he'd been singing Take a Walk on the Wild Side for like 50 years at that point. And suddenly someone broke it and he was just bewildered.


Anyway, you've been very patient to listen to me babble.


Yeah. And I am very excited about this is your 11th.


I can't get over it. Eleventh studio album, The Speed of Now Part one. And I'll make sure that we mention that several times in the in the introduction because you do amazing work. And you know what? I really appreciate you talking to me. Thank you very much, sir. I bow to you any time about you. And when that next time I see you, I will ask you about the twenty eight nineteen forty six Mark.


Let's get them and everyone around us will be born. Let's take care QI. Thank you very much. You're taken in by by December.


Hey, everybody, Conan O'Brien here to let you know about Team Koko's virtual comedy show hosted by my good friend, the very funny comedian Moses Storm, Moses Storeman Friends streams every other Thursday on Team Koko's YouTube Twitch and Facebook pages. Past guests have been Chris Read, Joakim Booster, Rachel Bloom, bestselling Kal Penn, Run Frenches, Angela Johnson and so many more. It's really a fantastic comedy show, Jampacked, featuring some of my favorite people, and I'd like you to check it out.


If you get a chance. Follow Team Coco live on Instagram for the latest show dates and guest lineups.


You guys want to check in with some voicemail's, hear the voice of the people? I think it's important that we at least pretend to engage with the people and and we should. Hypponen.


I'm calling from your hometown, Brooklyn. Now, one of the elementary schools is getting a name change, and there's a huge list of submitted names. Two of my personal favorites are the Conan O'Brien School and school in my school. So if this does end up being named after you, what should the mascot be and why? Thanks. Bye.


Wow, that's. That's cool. That's incredible. So this is someone calling from Brookline, Massachusetts. For those of you who like history, Brookline, Massachusetts, is the birthplace of John F. Kennedy. Also, yeah, you can tour his house is the house that he was born in, in nineteen seventeen, I believe. And they taped audio of his mother taking you, Rose Kennedy. So you go up to every room and you push a button and she says this is the room where all the children would sit with that toy toys.


The ambassador, because his father, JFK's father, was the ambassador to England, the ambassador would sit there and read his papers and the boys would play with our toys. And then we would all say, it's time for bed. And then you go you go to the next room and you'd click on it, oh, this is the icebox. Where are the boys? And the girls would get treats. And just like literally and I was sick, I always felt like, wow, I hope I'm someday famous enough that my house in Brooklyn is set up that way so people can go and push buttons.


Only I want it to be me doing Rose Kennedy. Oh my God. This is the one who would torture his younger brother Dustin and pretend that he was going to suffocate him. Here's the room where Conan was cruel. He's just not the case. He would force her to cut off all the hair of her dolls and then he would laugh and say, ha ha, you've ruined your colleagues at Conan O'Brien Elementary.


You could do the school.


That's truths I so badly want this to be. First of all, I'm curious who's getting a name change? I don't know, but I would love it if they named a school after me. I mean, that would be my dream because it would be hard for me to be bullied at a school that was named after me. And, you know, would it be more likely. Yeah, you're right. It yeah. Yeah. Damn it. What would your mascot be?


That's right. What would I mean, what would the mascot be? I don't know. I also you know what? I would love a school to be named after you, but schoolie mixed school. Is that the other one. No, that can't be really cool. Yeah. But no, that can't happen and that gets used a lot. Yeah, it gets used a lot. There's that joke has been used a lot like when they. What are we going to name this boat and boat.


Boat face one. Remember that. It was like a naval ship and a bridge too. I think the bridge was called bridge bridge face. So I think that no I think and this is I have no skin in this game at all, but I vote for the Conan O'Brien Elementary School, OK? And I think that would be a great idea. And I would show up for the ribbon cutting and I would do all school announcements. They could call me early in the morning.


You could relay the message to me, Seona, and you could tell me here's what they need to announce today. OK, what Steven Petty, please report to you. Still Rook's Kennedy, what's safe? Angioplasty. Please report to the principal's office. This one. What's wrong? Are you still do it? You're still doing Roskill. Yeah, we'll do that as Rose getable. I thought that was just for the tour of your house. Now it's for everything.


I don't know that my house is going to become a shrine. I don't think it is. I think at this point, look, they've had a lot of time to turn my house into a shrine. You know, my parents still live at my house. They do. So it would be so annoyed if they were like, doctor, Mrs. O'Brien, there's a tour coming through now. You guys have to get out. You have to go hide in that closet.


Oh, no. Well, people come in and push buttons on different rooms and find out what happened. Really, he's not even that famous. He's not like the president. I know Kennedy was president. This guy is just one of seven hundred talk show host. Sorry you have to go, but I am so in favor of my name going on a on a school. And then your mascot. My mascot. Well, I mean, obviously could be just a giant red pompadour.


Know, thinking the potatoes, the potatoes. I don't know. Is that racist towards the Irish. Oh, not at all. We love, we love our potatoes tall. I'm telling you again, Irish people do not get upset when you make fun of the Irish. It's the group that never gets upset. Well, yeah, ok. Yeah, we're we could be a potato. I mean, there's many things it's hard for me to say what it could be.


I think it could be a pompadour, a fight and pompadour the fight and pompadours. So it could be. A giant pompadour, and then there's two arms that come out with a little boxing gloves on it, and that guy dances around and makes jabbing motions in the air just before the game, subordinating air. No, no, not the most ridiculous thing in the whole show. This kids in elementary school and elementary school. Well, it's kind of educational.


Say it's OK. OK, that's great. The masturbating bear. OK, OK. This is going to hurt my chances of this name. Sorry. I'm sorry. OK. All right. Masturbating pompadour, the masturbating pompadour. That's better. And he also fights. Yeah. He he boxes the air with little boxing gloves and then masturbates and then calm. He gets so calm he can't fight anymore. He's fighting the masturbating fighting pompadour. We've decided and I'll have the I'll have it constructed.


No problem. I desperately want this to happen. I want if there's anything I can do to make this happen.


I know. Well, I will say that this voicemail's from about a year ago. So I'm worried that something else might have happened. We'll see.


Well, why didn't you bring this to my attention? You just heard it. I just mean, you just heard it. It was a year ago. There are too many to go through, too many to go through. Listen to you. I want a full investigation, Adam. I want Adam Sachs to make a full investigation as to how this slipped through the grade. I had a chance to be heavy in elementary school named after me. We could have started a whole campaign.


You could have right now. There could be a life sized pompadour swinging through the air and then masturbating somewhere. And no, it's not going to happen now because you I don't even screen these. Who else does? Well, someone who left. Someone who left. Meaning they don't work for us anymore. Right. I feel like you'd have a better chance to have a school named after you if you died. Like if you I like where this is headed.


I'm not I'm trying like, crazy, you know, I'm going to say I'm going to say it is true. Also, if I died in a noble way. Yes, exactly. Because if I was sixty 68 or that would be appropriate for the mascot. No I know. But let's get let's, let's get off this, this seona brought us into masterbation and I'm going to take us out. I want to get us back to. Yes. I think if I were to expire in the pursuit of some noble cause that would certainly help my chances for sure.


For sure. We got to figure that out.


Well, yeah, but also, you know, I do think now there's a lot of name changes happening. Sure. Racial issues, racial issues. And so they're getting rid of a lot of Confederate names, like maybe you could just slide in on one of those mean slightly like have a statue somewhere in Georgia, not a statue. I'm saying like, you know, you could campaign to have your name replace any school that, you know, was like Robert E.


Lee High School. I know. But my own my hometown, my parents would be so proud. I know. In Brooklyn, I mean it. Just imagine maybe they're listening. Maybe Brooklyn. If you're listening, if you haven't changed the name, you think about it. I will I will record all school announcements. As Rose Kennedy There was a suspicious smell in the gymnasium. This is where the ambassador used to give wedgies to other people on the track team.


No, I would I would definitely I would definitely do that. Yeah, definitely. Very much in favor of that. I'm so excited. And this might be a mistake, but I'm going to get my hopes up really high. Oh, I.


Well, I have bad news because we've already researched it. Thank you. But it is now the Florida Roughen Ridley School.


What who's who's that really rolls off the tongue. The Florida roughen.


What a fight in Florida ruffian's I don't know. Renamed on June nineteen twenty nineteen.


Oh you're late. I want a full investigation as to why I was not informed. This is malfeasants this is criminal negligence. Yeah. I want to thank you. Seona heads are going to rule. Seriously, this was a chance. This was a huge chance for me. But you know what? Florida Ruffin was on the ball. Yes. Florida Roughan had her podcast campaign ready to go. Oh, yeah. She was a suffragist.


Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Sorry. So she really campaigned for women to get the vote. Yeah. Come on, come on. I'm cool. I'm on I'm on their side. No, Florida sounds cool. It's not the greatest name.


Come O'Brien's cool. It is Florida Roughan.


I mean she did it not too late. I mean there's got to be a middle school and high school at least so many schools, a lot of schools in Brookline school. Do you go? I go to Brian Middle School. I went to the Michael Driscoll School. I went to the Michael Driscoll Elementary School Public School. I could rename that. Why don't we find something that Michael Driscoll did that was shitty. That's true. Or just blame him even if he didn't.


Let's frame let's frame them. You know, we'll do hire a private detective to nose around and get some dirt on Michael Driscoll and they'll come oppo research. Yeah, I'm sure he's going to turn out. He's an absolute saint. But then we'll yeah. We'll make up some stuff like. Yeah, you know, he was dry cleaning bill. Never paid. Oh, my God. Nineteen, fourteen. If that dry cleaning, let's take that name down.


We can't have a dry cleaner stepper. Yeah, I would go to that ceremony. I will make personal appearances. I will donate my time and money to making that school a success. If there's a Columbine school in Brooklyn, I promise you that Brookline. You mean a lot to me. Let's make this dream a reality. Let's do this.


Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Sunim Obsession and Conan O'Brien as himself produced by me, Matt Cawley, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Joanna Solotaroff and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Airwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental Music by Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Belayer and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. The show is engineered by Will Beckton. You can rate and review the show on Apple podcast, and you might find your review featured on a future episode.


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