Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan, visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started.

Hey, Sean. Meet Conan and Sona.

Hey, Sean.

Hey, Conan. Hey, Sona.

Hey, Sean. How are you?

I'm well. Conan, how are you?

I'm doing really well. First of all, a couple of questions for you. You're a good looking fellow.

Look at it.

He's got a nice beard.

Yeah.

Tell us a little bit about yourself, Sean. Where are you right now?

Well, I'm in Halifax, Nova Scotia. In Canada.

Is it cold up there right now?

We just had a huge snowstorm and it just melted today. We had a temperature swing of 20 degrees celsius, so we've lost all our snow.

Okay. All right. Well, I love it up there. I love up north. I don't think I've been to Nova Scotia. I don't believe I've ever been there. I've been many places, but I have to get up there. Would I be welcome in Nova Scotia, do you think, Sean?

You'd be very welcome. It's a very irish culture, scottish mix of everything.

Sounds horrible. We're the worst.

Lots of famine.

Oh, good. There you.

I.

Now I'm feeling right at around now. What do you do, Sean? Tell me about yourself. What does Sean do with himself in his time?

In my spare time? Well, I'm a diver and explorer. I love spending time in the ocean, lakes, rivers, doing cleanups on my own and looking for old stuff while I'm doing it.

Wait a minute. So you're an underwater explorer? Yes. You're like the Indiana Jones of the undersea world.

It belongs in a museum, as Indiana Jones would say.

Yeah. That's so cool. Well, so are you going into lakes, streams, oceans or all of the above?

All of the above. Pretty much anything that I kind of take note of. If I'm driving by or I'm just exploring or hiking somewhere, I'm like, I wonder what's in there. And then just my general curiosity will take me into a body of water and then I'll just explore. So I never know what I'm going to come across, which has led to some pretty wild things.

Well, I have to ask, tell us about some of the strange things that you have found in your underwater exploring up there in Nova Scotia.

Yeah, sure. Well, in a remote fishing village, I found a full on dildo that I wasn't able to return it to the original owner.

That's why I always encourage people. Write your name, got a label, your name on your dildo and a phone number is good.

It would have really helped.

Yeah. When you found the dildo, did you retrieve it from the bottom or did just you leave it there?

I retrieved it because it doesn't belong. It's not like a true sea cucumber.

Or anything, like native dildo.

It's not a native dildo.

There are other sea dildos swimming around and they're like, you know, kind of ruined things to have that plastic dildo here. What else have you found? Maybe hard to talk to Dildo, but.

I found, like, historic stuff. Because of Nova Scotia's proximity to Maine, Massachusetts and England, I found historic artifacts like bottles like this that they're called torpedo bottles.

Oh, look at that bottle. Why is it shaped like a torpedo, do you think?

Yeah. So it actually had the name of the guy written on it who actually manufactured it and bottled it from the 1850s, and it was made. This is kind of before the advent of bottles that were like, stone, stoneware or glasses sit on their ends, and they made it so that the liquid would keep the carbonation and the cork wet, so it would keep it from drying out. And they would store them on ships and they would kind of, like, roll around. And eventually they did away with bottles.

But they booked this.

I mean, it looks beautiful. It's a beautiful looking bottle.

Yes, it's pretty cool. And it's one of the oldest bottles ever kind of made in Nova Scotia. And I found it on a dive. It was pretty cool. And I found, like, stuff from American Civil War eras, or even pre civil war, like american coins from 1846. You can't really tell on Zoom, but.

No, I think that's a cookie. I think you found an Oreo, the first Oreo cookie, and then you got all excited. There was no president Oreo. What type of scary. Have you ever found anything kind of Scary down there?

Yeah, a bleached white cabbage patch doll.

Oh, my God.

So a cabbage patch doll and all the colors gone. And it's.

So it's all the colors gone. Yeah. I was on a dive, it was probably, like 25ft down. And I'm going down. I have it on video because I have a gopro that records my point of view while I'm doing this. So I go down and I do this free dive down, and I pull this thing up, don't even know what it is at the time, and I get up to the surface and I just look at it and I go, holy shit. Underwater. And I throw it because it scared me. It's like, you don't want to see anything humanoid looking back at you underwater.

No. You see those eyes looking at you and it's bleached face, and then it.

Says, where's my dildo? You took my dildo.

I unlocked that ancient curse upon myself.

Come on. Not the cat. For 40 years.

My God. Sean, again, apologies for my rampant foolishness. What a cool thing to get into. And also, this seems like, environmentally a good thing to do. You're going down. If you just see trash, you pick it up.

Yeah, I just take everything with me. In the early days, I was just kind of taking bottles, but then I was like, well, if I'm recording this and putting it on my channel, YouTube and TikTok or whatever, and people are watching it, me glaze over other things, that doesn't look too good. So I started just. It took me a lot of work, but I would take everything with me and fill up my bag, and then I started taking pictures of all the trash and just putting it online and just sharing it. And then it kind of took on a life of its own, way beyond whatever I thought it was going to be. And I'm just one person, right, doing it. And it's been really cool.

But I like that there's a movement now, people trying to figure out all these different ways to get plastic out of the ocean. I applaud anyone. Obviously, you're doing this on a small scale, but this impetus to clean up is, I think, very cool.

Yeah. And it's just a good way to spend my time. I love being in the water. I feel free there. And I love exploring the natural curiosity. A place that has, unfortunately, it's 200 plus years of trash in every waterway, no matter where you go. But you never know if you're going to come across something cool. Like, I've got skeleton keys or clay pipes. Actually brought this out for Sona because I know she likes.

She likes the cool. Would that still be functional? Oh, you're putting that in your mouth? It's been underwater.

Yeah, well, I cleaned it. You can do as a cleaning process. But some of the old soot is still inside it from whoever would have smoked it 200 years ago, snapped it off. They were, like, this long, and then they would have broke it when the nicotine or the pipe got too small, and they would have chucked the pipe. And so I found it perfect, just as it was when whoever had it last. And, yeah, it's cool.

What about creatures? Are you afraid of any encountering any kind of creatures down there, or is there anything down there that would harm you?

Well, sharks, obviously. Sharks are around Nova Scotia's waters because the water is getting warmer. And then we've got seals, snapping turtles. There's this big snapping turtle. It's kind of my nemesis right now in this river that I've been kind of working.

Oh, you've encountered this thing more than once?

Yeah.

I love that you have a nemesis. You know what I mean? It's you. It's Ahab and the whale, and it's you and the snapping. Sean and the snapping turtle.

Yeah. It's just this giant turtle that's just, like in this river. He's, like, as big as my torso.

Oh, my.

Like. And if he takes a chunk out of I'm. It'll be my resting place in this river with.

You know. What's so funny? Oh, because they really do snap. I thought you meant he's just a turtle that snaps at you verbally.

Yeah.

What if there was a breed of snapping turtle that didn't bite at all?

It was just like, hey, come on. What are you doing? Jesus Christ. Hey, watch it, buddy. Take it easy.

Now. Wait a minute. Do you have any weapon with you? You might want to have a knife on you or something.

I've got a knife in case I get tangled in any lines or rope or anything like that. But I could definitely use it to kill this turtle. I don't want to.

No, but I mean, if the turtle starts to attack you, you want to be able to cut its head off. Literally cut its whole head off.

Yeah.

Or if he has some well timed barbs at my expense.

He's very passive aggressive. Snapping turtle. Great idea, Sean. Why don't you find another broken pipe?

That's a good use of your time.

Hey, snappy, sarcastic turtle. Well, do you have a question for me? Is there anything I can do to help you?

Well, Conan, I was thinking, like you said at the beginning, if you haven't been to Nova Scotia, if you ever make it up this way, if you ever would want to go for a dive with me and look for old bottles and do some, you know, what's.

Cool, I would be intrigued by that. I'll tell you something, Sean, that my fans or people that are casual listeners may not know. I've never gone on a dive in my life. I love the water, snorkel, swim around, but I've never been certified to dive. I've never done that, and I'm curious to try it. That's something I'd like to try. So I think that would be cool. And I could have your back with the snapping turtle. I could have some witty comebacks like, yeah, maybe you. Maybe you first. That's the best I could come up.

With.

The turtle's back. He's hurting my feelings.

Don't worry, I got this. Maybe you.

No, not good.

Let's not pretend you wouldn't just swim away as fast as possible. If you ever saw this turtle leave.

Sean, just like, yeah, I would leave.

You behind very quickly.

When he came up to me, I got out so fast that I just peed right in my wetsuit and it like, so scared.

Did the urine eject you out of the water? Guy as young as he would probably shot you right out, right onto the.

Riverbank and split my wetsuit into it like a rocket.

It's a natural defense. No, I would do that. I would take you up on that because I'd love to find something. I mean, I've never done it. How long would it take me to get certified? Does it take a couple of days?

Well, yeah, you can do. Depends if you want to do it with. There's a lot of actually different ways to get certified as well. But there's also devices that you can. It's like a breathing system where they battery operated. And you don't have to be a certified diver. You can breathe through a hose from the surface and be at a depth of like 10ft, which is kind of safe for equalization and stuff like that. So you could do something like that, or we could free dive or snorkel together.

Is there a way where I could just wore a VR helmet and I'm in a Four Seasons hotel room.

Eating.

Crab cocktail and drinking Chardonnay, but I'm kind of down there with you.

Sure.

I'm just in a big robe. Wow, this is fascinating.

Sean Conan. I thought we were going to the ocean. Why are we at this four season?

No, I'm there with you virtually, but then occasionally you hear me go. Hold on a second. Yeah, hold on a second. My cupcakes are here. Just bring the wheel that in. Now. Is the tip included? Okay, here you go. All right. There you go. Thanks a lot.

He's going to get hacked by a turtle.

Yeah, you're being killed by a turtle. And what you hear through your headset. No, these are vanilla and chocolate. I just wanted chocolate. All right, well, let's get that fucking stuff straightened out. Quick question, Sean. Does your girlfriend or your partner, do you have someone in your life and do they approve of this?

My wife, Ruth, she does approve of it. And she supports me, but she's not a big fan of the water herself. So whenever I go out, there's a bit of like, is he going to come back? Kind of.

Doesn'T.

I got to admit, Sean, she doesn't seem that concerned. Is she going to come back? She might come back, but she might not.

Oh, hi.

How are you?

That's Ruth.

Hi, Ruth. You're very beautiful, Ruth. It's very nice to see you. And you don't like to go in the water with Sean, do you?

Not as much, no. The first time I went snorkeling with him, I realized how terrified I was of what was underneath the Water.

It was a great date.

So you kind of loathe what your husband does with his time. You hate it.

Do I hate what he does?

Yeah.

You know what I want him to do what he's passionate about, so I try not to stand in the way of it. However, that being said, there have been times when he was out diving, and there was actually recently a time when there was a lightning struck out behind our property. I watched the bolt hit the ground out behind on our property and felt the ground shake. And Sean was out in the river at that time. So I was texting him and trying to call him, being like, hey, are you that?

And also, you know, you'd find someone else very quickly.

There's a lot of.

Hey, if we learned one thing, there's.

A lot of fish in the sea. Oh, no. Look who's behind you.

Who's that guy?

That's my son, Jackson. He's eleven.

Jackson. Sorry. Why did Jackson walk in just as I was invoking your untimely demise? Jackson, your father's going to be fine. Do you like to go underwater, Jackson.

Do you like to go underwater with me?

Like, one time?

Wait, there's another kid. Who's that guy?

That's my son, Owen.

That's what?

How do you have time to go in the water? You have like 30 kids. They just keep wandering in.

Come on.

Hey, let's get them all in here now. Let's just make sure.

Is this it?

So we got Jackson and Owen. Yeah.

Jackson and Owen. Yeah. Okay. And our daughter Zoe, who's upstairs, when actually she found out I was going to be on your show, she asked if you were some kind of TikTok guy.

I was the TikTok guy of the 90s.

Yeah, that's what I said.

Yeah, back. That's probably a long time ago. To these kids. These are very nice looking kids and very interested in know being in the room and. Yeah, that's a torpedo bottle.

That's the torpedo bottle.

Jackson. Or is that Owen?

They were excited.

That was. Sorry, that was Owen. That was Jackson. That's Owen. No, let me tell you who the one next to you is.

Owen.

The other one's Jackson.

Yes.

He's teasing it up.

Oh, my God.

Look at him. He's.

Oh, I recognize that kid. That Kid's going to be a late.

Night host in twelve years and never.

Know the true love of a woman. It's all of our faith.

Okay, I'm definitely listening to Conan O'Brien forget for sleeping time.

Oh, my. Hey, trust me, that looks like that's my nemesis. You have the snapping turtle. I have Owen just looming out of the deep. Comes out of nowhere and just blows me apart with his. Yeah, this podcast will put you to sleep. Oh, my God.

That's my daughter, Zoe.

Hi, Zoe. How are you? Okay. Well, oh, my God, it's just incredible. I have the feeling that there's just more kids being like, just coming out of some machine. I just going to keep filling the room with kids. This is hilarious.

They're coming out of the river.

Yeah, exactly. I find a lot of things in the river. Kids, turtles.

None of these children are biologically yours. You found them in different bottles at the bottom of the ocean. Well, you have a lovely family, Sean. You have much to appreciate, but I can also see why occasionally you want to go sit at the bottom of.

A river because there are 30 kids.

In your room and you need a little peace and quiet. And there they go.

And there they go.

All right, well, Sean, really nice talking to you.

You too, Conan.

Your expanding family and be safe. And I think. Yeah, that's it for. Yeah, enough, kids. That's enough.

Oh, the door's opening again. I said they're coming in again. Let's get out.

All right, see you later, Sean. Bye.

See you guys.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of session and Matt Gorley. Produced by me, Matt Gorely. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Wolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Khan. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the team Cocoa hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you have already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a team Cocoa production in association with Earwolf.