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Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamcoco. Com/callkonan. Okay, let's get started.


Hi, Patty. Welcome to Konan O'Brien needs a fan.


Hi, Patty. How are you? Hi. Oh, you know what I love? A cat. It's like a cat heard our voices and walked in in the background. That sounds like Konan, Matt, and Sona. What's your cat's name?


My cat's name is Nugget. She She's sitting on my lap now. I can show you what she looks like if you want to see her.


I saw Nugget make an appearance briefly and really ran in like, I hear excitement. It was exciting. It was exciting to see that because I live with cats, and they hate me. And so it was nice to see a cat hear my voice and come running. That was thrilling for me. But listen, Patty, enough about me. Where are you right now?


I'm coming to you from Austin, Texas at the moment.


Nice. I like Austin. It's very nice It's a very pleasant place.


Yeah. It's very cold right now and very drizzly, which is unfortunate.


Well, what do you define cold to you? Because I grew up in Boston. What's cold in Austin?


Oh, no. Okay. To me, 30 to 40 is cold. That's like, I'm not going outside. That is cold. That is cold.


That is cold. Okay, good.


That's legitimate. Thank you for justifying me. It is cold. So cold.


Yeah. No, we justify you and dignify you with your temperature calculations.


That's all I want.


That's all I want. Patty, tell us a little bit about yourself. First of all, I love the room you're coming from. It's very orange. It's very nice. You seem like a cool person. Tell us a little bit about yourself. What do you do?


What I do for a living is I am an art director at a slime company. So we mass-produce slime for people who are really into collecting slime.


Okay. Now, I know slime is a thing kids love these days. They love their slime. And when you say you mass produce it, meaning what does it come in? Is the slime sold in stores that you make?


So we don't do as much wholesale slime. We primarily sell from our personal website, but we make all of the slime in the warehouse that I also work in.


I see, but what you're talking about is a bespoke slime.


Artisanal slime.


Artisanal slime.


A designer slime. Yeah, an artisanal slime, exactly.


So this isn't just some goop that would drop on someone on a Nickelodian show. This is the really good stuff.


This is the real deal. It's very complicated. I didn't know anything about slime until I got this job, and I know more about slime than I ever wanted to know in my life. I have lots of wisdom to you in part.


I Well, good, because I don't know anything about slime other than it's slimy, but I don't know anything. What is slime composed of, primarily?


So slime is primarily made of glue, water, and borax. Those are your base components. But depending on what type of glue you use or what add-ins you put in it, you can get a lot of very different textures. We have slimes that are clear, we have slimes that are clear. We have slimes that are more opaque, we have some that are crunchy. There are a lot of... It's so many things you can do.


Okay. So first of all, is there a such thing as a slime sommelier? Someone who can examine- A slimeollier. Yeah, a slimeollier. Someone who can open up the package and feel it and go, Ah, yes, yes, I see what they've done. They've used a borax from the Tampa area, and I'm sensing a glue that's more of a resin. I detect that it's from the Northern Canadian woods.


Or is there a vintage to slime?


In a weird way, yes to both of those questions. I have myself become a slime sommelier because we need to figure out different types of glue make different types of textures. A wood glue is going to give you a different slime than a school glue.


Or a clear glue is going to give you a different slime. I'm sorry, Patty, but of course. I mean, this is just insulting.


You're not speaking to idiots here.


Yeah. Okay, I'm sorry. You think we were born yesterday? And what is the slime that you create, that you sell? What does it come in? Does it come in an egg? Does it come in a plastic bowl? I'm over enunciating waiting for no reason.


What is it come in? No, it was really good. It was really good. I can show you. I have a bunch of slimes over here.


Of course you do. Yes, you're in your room, and that's where you keep slime. What do people do with slime? Hold on one thing at a time, so please. Oh, I'm sorry. That's a valid That's the question I want to know.


I love fielding all of these questions about slime.


This is the container. It's just a little cute plastic container with a lid on it. Try to keep it air tight in there. We also We do clay toppers for the slime. So this is a deli container that we put a little clay toast in. There's a lot, too. We do a lot of different things.


A toast that's made of clay.


I have to show you this.


Okay, you are dealing with idiots here.


Yeah, I don't know why would you have toast made of clay and slime goes on top of it? What are you accomplishing there?


Basically, you can make a DIY kit. This is a honey toast DIY kit. You You can see this cute little clay that looks like a toast.


Yes. Then you spread the slime on it.


Yeah. You put it on top of the baseline, and then you put this little honey, like syrup on top of it and like, dribble it.


So you're pretending to make a food item, but nothing is edible.


Yes, exactly. Nothing is edible. That's why we have to put do not eat on all of our labels.


I love that. You're making pretend toast and pretend honey for children, and then saying, Just don't eat it. That's fantastic. Pretty much. Oh, we made a tricycle. What's it made of? Explosives. Better not get on that tricycle. You'll blow up. It looks so cool. I know. We call it a tricycle just to confuse kids. Hope they don't get on it. I don't know, Patty. I'm really concerned.


You would be surprised by the amount of... There are also a lot of It's not just kids that buy the products. It's actually a lot of people in their 20s and young adults and older people who just like... They like the texture of the slime, and it becomes a comfort thing.


Is it all about holding the slime and you squeeze it and it gloops through your fingers?


Yes, very much so. It's very visceral.


Oh, look at that.


Oh, that is pleasing.


It's pretty good. This one is not from the company that I work for, but it's basically like a tide slime. It smells like laundry detergent, and it looks like tied.


Do you think people use this? Does anyone ever...


Bone it. Bone it. Do they bone it?


Yeah. Is there ever talk in the industry about people pleasuring themselves or having an erotic adventure with the slime?


It was so hard for me not to make this Well, I'm glad I'm not the one that took us down that path.


We were all thinking it.


I know, but I always am the one who had to take us there. I knew it was going to come up. Yes.


But is it okay, Patty, to talk about this?


Actually, I'm qualified to answer this one.


Listen, I'll say this. We do not make slime for those purposes. If there is someone out there who does that, I am not aware of them, but shout out to them, I guess.


Yeah. I mean, Penthouse magazine was basically for the articles. Listen, all I'm saying is that it comes to mind.


Yeah, that people are fucking it.


Well, notice there's a- No, I'm sorry.


There's a do not eat label on there, but not a do not fuck. Yes, that's what we're saying.


Well, I didn't bring us there. I was trying not to go there.


No, in no way.


I appreciate you for not trying to go. Thank you, Patty. I really see that, and I respect that.


Patty, just to be clear, I would like to distance myself from my friends. I wasn't talking about someone having intercourse with the slime. I was thinking of someone spreading it over their body. Sexually. Sexually. Okay. To allows themselves. So now I know what you're into. Yeah. Maybe immersing themselves in a tub of it and just wrinkling around and going, You're more of a romantic angle, like a Valentine's Day bath of slime with some candles. Yeah, I wasn't. Nothing. There's no... You guys are being very crass about this. What I was thinking about was scented candles and then a big tub of slime and then little rose petals on top of the slime. And then you get it and blurtch, glarble.


What we essentially have here is a round of Fuck, Marry, Kill with slime.


Yeah, I want to- You want to marry. I want to marry the slime. You want to take it out to dinner.


You We're going to go to dinner with slime.


And the slime will have the beef, please.


What's your first day with slime? Like, what movie are you in slime going to see?


Well, I'm sure we're going to go to Sheet. Ghostbusters. We're going to see Ghostbusters. Yeah, very good. We're going to see Vintage Ghostbusters. Well, so okay, so this is fascinating. There's this whole world of slime, and I bet there are people who really like pulling it out of the jar and just squeezing it, right? Isn't that that's part of the pleasure? Yeah. We're back.


I can demonstrate for you.


If you don't mind, I'd like to see you. Patty, if you don't mind, I'd like to see you. No, no.


No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no.


I'm having a lot of second thoughts about this. You should. No, no. I'm asking legitimate questions.


Oh, good Lord. Yes. So it depends on the texture. So this is a differently textured slime.


That's very thick slime. That's like matte.


Yeah, exactly. This is more of a thick clay-based cloud type of slime. And you get a different pull from this than you would with the clears or anything like that. There are some slimes that are made for different types of... I don't want to say this because you're immediately going to take this and run with it. They're made for different types of clay, okay? Sure. No, we're not.


Go ahead. Continue. No, we don't... Nothing here. Nothing to see here. There are different kinds of ways that you can play with slime, depending on what you're interested in. Slime is huge with kids, right? Kids love slime. But you said older people like it, too. It's become a phenomenon, has not?


Yeah, for sure. It's crazy how big the world of slime is. We have a full team of people who just make content based on the slimes that we produce. They'll make TikToks of scooping the slimes, scooping ASMR videos. That become really, really popular.


Where people love the sound of the slime coming out. Is that it? And what does it make? What sound does it make?


It's like a schlorp a schlurpy, squishy, bubbly pop. Some of them actually pop when you squeeze them hard enough.


And people listen to that and they enjoy it. They enjoy hearing that. Yes. Okay.


How big a batch do you guys make in the factory? Is it big enough that someone could fall in and become the Joker, or is it just like...


Yeah, that's a good question. That is a good question. I would definitely say you can fit a person in the mixers that we use to make this one. Great. Let's talk after this. Yeah. Yeah. You can come to the factory, just have a little dip.


If someone fell into the vat, would they be able to get out, or would they be smothered? Is it possible- Just like, sucked into your slime. Yeah. Is it possible to climb your way out, or if you're submerged in slime, are you pretty much done for? Quick slime.


That's a good murder. That would be a good- No, I honestly don't know.


I shouldn't be saying this. I don't know. I'm just curious.


I have helped the people who mix the large batches of slime. I don't think you could truly... If you stuck your face in it, you would definitely suffocate and die. But if you're just digging your hands into it and moving it around, it's more heavy than anything. I wouldn't say slime is sticky. It's just very, very heavy in large batches. And we use It's industrial. To give you an idea, what we use to make the large batches of slime is industrial dough mixers. So they're very, very large.


What is the shelf life of slime? If you were to leave it uncovered, does it last for thousands and thousands of years?


Definitely not thousands and thousands of years. I would say if you cover it and keep it nice and tight, then probably... Depending on the type of slime, it can last for a really long time. If you leave it for a few months or longer, it slowly starts to revert back to just glue. So you actually need to have... I'll show you. We have these activator pens that are water and borax mixed together, and you spray this on the slime, and it reactivates it. Reanimates it.


It makes it playable again. Yes, it reanimates it. It reanimates it. It brings it back to life.


It brings it back to life.


Isn't it interesting that they say that mankind came from slime? We originated from slime, and we've over millions of years, evolved into- Into God, essentially. Yes, but now what do we choose to do? With the slime? We choose to create our own slime. That's what I mean. Yeah. What I'm saying is we have completed the cycle. We're obsessed with our own origin, and we are now once slime, we have become humans, Homo sapiens, and now we make slime, and we love it. So it's interesting.


We've like, returned to the primordial ooze.


Yes, we have. Very good. I like that. Well, Patty, I wasn't going to guess that this is what you did for a living, but I find it interesting and quasi-erotic. That's why I was asking about, could I float in the tank?


Yeah, I got I got that part.


Just make sure that... Find out if someone would drown if they broke into your slime warehouse, removed all their clothing, and got inside the tank. Just find out if you could. Come on. I'm just saying, let's investigate.


You're naked in it?


No, you don't want to... Yeah, of course, that's part of the whole fantasy.


That's a PR nightmare.


For them, not me. Any publicity is good publicity.


For legal purposes, no one should do this.


Please not.


No one listen to this.


It's something that is lying in our factory. Please do not listen to this. You You have a question for me, I believe.


I do. So my question is, I'm going to be turning 30 in a few months in March, which I know is when you started, you were that age when you started doing late night. And as someone who has perhaps not reached all of my goals by the age of 30, do you have any advice moving forward? Is it possible that I could become a talk show host at 30?


I'd hope that you would aim higher than talk show host at 30. No, I have to I'll say this. Well, first of all, everything's changed, so anyone can be a talk show host now. You have a camera, and you can... That's true. Yeah. So I came along at a time where you had to trick a large network, one of three, into letting you have a talk show, but now anybody with an iPhone and access to the Internet can... Or any phone. I just said iPhone first in case they send me something. Oh, jeez. But I know. My advice, too, is that nobody has achieved all their life goals in 30. I certainly didn't, or 40 or 50. So it sounds like you're putting way too much pressure on yourself. I think when people put all this pressure on themselves to do something by what is an arbitrary date is way too much pressure. You've got to relax like slime. You've got to just be loose. You've got to just... You know what I mean?


Climb into one of those vats.


Well, no, no, no. Don't do that. I'm really worried about people's safety. But no, I think it's way too much pressure to put on yourself. Look at you. You're a wonderful person. You know more about slime than anyone I've ever talked to. You've got a nice You've got a nice life going for yourself. So who knows what's going to happen? Who knows what will unfold? Many kinds of lives, many kinds of slime. We just don't know what's going to happen, Patty, but don't put too much pressure on yourself on this 30th birthday. Yeah, enjoy it.




Just enjoy it.


No, that's That's great. This was a nice little therapy session for me. I really enjoyed that.


I'm enjoying just thinking about climbing into that slime. I'm sorry. How much would it cost me to get enough for a whole-No. Batup. Batup full of slime. No. The crunchy kind.


Just get a bunch of slime and put it in a bathtub.


The little crunches in it.


Once you get it, you can do whatever you want.


Okay. All right. As long as you know that.


I'm sorry.


You You guys just make it. You can't control what people are doing. You can't monitor it either. There's no way to monitor.


You're acting like they're Smith and Wesson or Winchester. Slime doesn't have sex with people. People do.


Exactly. Do you ever fear that lightning would hit the slime and the slime could come to life? Because as we've learned from science fiction, if lightning hits something, it suddenly becomes a monster.


I was going to say that the thing is, there is a huge... So you talk about jokingly, I hope, engaging with the slime in a somewhat sexual manner. There are monster girls that some people on the internet are very into that are fully made of slime. This is a corner of the internet that you may be interested. Wait a minute.


What do you mean Monster Girls? So these are women. It's slime that's molded into the shape of a woman. Is that what you're saying?


That is exactly what I'm saying. And that is a prominent genre of anime woman on the internet that people are very into. That is the thing that exists.


And you say people are into it, meaning they like the idea of a woman made of slime?


Yes, that is how I would put it. It's like people are really into vampire girls and werewolf girls, and then other monster girls, Frankenstein girls, are also into slime girls. I'm so sorry I had to reveal this information to We're all going to Google it.


Matt seems to know exactly what you're talking about. I married one. Oh, no. It's true. We're learning a lot about everything. When she's locked out of the house. She can just go through the mail slot. Okay. Her name is Lurch. She's lovely. I love...


Of the Connecticut.


Yes. They come from It's near Litchfield. Well, Patty, this got very weird. I'm so sorry. It wasn't your fault. Trust me, it was not you. It was us. It was us. It was us and primarily Sona. What? I didn't do it. That's where I want to make sure everybody knows. No, you're a terrible person. Okay. Slime freak.


I see you, Sona.


You are a slime freak. Patty, it was really nice talking to you. Be well. Happy birthday. I of time. And just like yourself. You're doing great.


Oh, thank you so much. I've been such a huge fan of your show, literally since I was a kid. So going on 15 plus years, it's so crazy to talk to you because genuinely, just my whole life, really.


Thank you for liking my weirdness. I appreciate it. And go in slime. Go in slime.


Yes, I will. Slime strong.


Slime strong. Slime strong. All right. Take care.


Bye-bye. Yes, you too. Thank you so much. Bye.


Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ofsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, nick Lyaouh, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at EarWolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our Associate Talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brit Kohn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Konan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Konan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in Association with EarWolf.