Please be advised, this show contains adult language and explicit scenes not advised for persons under the age of 17. Dirty Diana is presented by Dipsy Desire is a fire to be stoked, connect with your sexual self with Gypsy and download the app today. QR code presents Dirty Diana, created by Sharna Feste, starring and produced by Demi Moore. Can I get you some water or something? Oh, no, thank you, I'm ready. OK. All right.

Well, we're recording.

Thank you for making me comfortable. I'm not used to being the one in the spotlight. It's lovely to be the talent, really. It seems my ex's always get to be the talent. Some famous, some not so much, most of them addicts with energy so prickly. You can feel it. Two rooms over and never happy, always wanting more. Movie stars, famous authors, singers, it's hard to keep their attention. How so? Life is like a candy store for them.

There are always other options. When you asked us to fool someone else with a firmer one, when you're annoyed by their late nights, they find someone who welcome them home whenever they choose to show up. When you're too tired to cook, there are women waiting in line and they'll swallow. It's exhausting being with a famous man. But also. Addictive. Because there's something extra about these tortured men. Most of them have never had a real connection.

They breezed through women hoping to find the one woman. You'll finally understand them and if you're lucky enough, you might be the one. Is that who you are in your fantasy? I have a crush on Matt Berninger. Do you know him from the National? No, he's so fucking sexy, so aloof and broken, but also so perfectly whole with his deep, bottomless voice. Oh, the glory of it all was lost on me.

Till I saw how hard it would be to reach you. And I would always be light years. Light years away from here. You know, when you hear lyrics and you think I can marry whoever wrote that song, it doesn't matter who they are, what they look like, nothing matters because whoever wrote that song gets you so completely. His lyrics speak to me, but he doesn't know me and he's definitely not writing for me. Wouldn't give a shit who I am until now.

In my fantasy, that is. I'm out with my girlfriends and we're listening to his band play in this tiny, intimate venue and it's packed full of beautiful men and women, and they all know the words to every song that when he sings, it feels like he's staring right at me. And I can feel myself getting wet right there in the crowd. I feel him take over my body. And I know that's impossible because there are hundreds of us packed in the club and we're all trying to catch his eye.

But after the show, a security guard finds me at the bar and tells me that Matt would like to see me backstage and my friends are all insanely jealous and secretly thinking I'm not nearly special enough to go backstage. Why would you pick me? But he did. And when I walk into the green room, Matt turns to me and smiles and it's kaleidoscopic.

I'm standing there surrounded by thousands of dollars of bright floral arrangements, like some kind of Frida Kahlo painting. He tells me he noticed me in the crowd and asked me, do I want to get out of there with him? I do.

I say, of course I do. So we run to his car and all his fans are chasing us like he's suddenly the Beatles. And we skate back to his hotel room, a bungalow at the Chateau Marmont, and he pulls me too much bourbon. And we talk and talk for hours. He hangs on my every word and he tells me things he's never told anyone. He cries and he laughs. And at one point his head is in my lap and I stroke his hair.

And I think to myself. I've never felt so connected to anyone, and it quickly becomes clear that I'm the only woman who has ever really known him, he's been misunderstood his entire life.

Finally, he feels hurt. But is he attracted to me or are we destined to be friends? And he asked me if I trust him and I say, yes, I do. Of course I do. So he has me undress. He watches me from the bed and then he takes my wrists and he ties them to the bed posts and I'm feeling incredibly exposed. My legs are spread. My chest is back, and he kisses me lightly, F3 while.

But each time I'm about to come and I could come by just the feel of his lips on my skin, he stops and says, not yet. He wants to do this all night. And it becomes unbearable because he brings me to this place and then he stops. And I've never wanted anyone inside me more. And I beg him, please fuck me. I need you inside me. And when he finally does, I feel him take up so much space in my body.

And I've heard of blended orgasms, but I've never had one. But his cock and only his cock starts to give me one. He smells like the crowd at the club like cigarettes. And Bob and his voice in my ear is powerful, close and gentle all at once of the intensity of being fucked by this incredible artist who could have chosen anyone who's never had a connection with anyone like the connection he's made with me, because I've never felt pleasure, like the pleasure I bring him.

I just. Did you change the batteries in the fire alarm, Dianella Marie, your breakfast is ready to go today. It's the only thing we have insurance. Do you want toast? I am in too much therapy already. Does that mean you don't want to go? I know I'll go.

But aren't you tired? I mean, do you have enough energy for this? Enough energy to try and save our marriage? Please don't be so dramatic. I do. I do have the energy to listen. It's not something I want to do. You know that, right? I don't look forward to sharing the insides of our failing fucking marriage.

Well, neither do I. And by the way, Brad is not buying the house, just so you know.

Well, I'm I'm not surprised.

Well, that's nice of you. No, no, not because of you. He just didn't seem interested and asked me again about Sadoway away.

And I told her we don't have the money this year.

I have it. Which you mean you have it. How do you have extra money you're working out? Yeah, I started running again. When? Five months ago.

Oh, I don't even know. You own running short.

You look good. Come on. I'm training for the Dallas Marathon. You've lost weight. I have ten pounds for now. I have to go now.

I'm meeting my running group. And you're running group. Yeah. We run together. It's better than running alone.

Who are they? Your running group.

The people. I mean, they used to be strangers and I was sort of friends with we talk and it's nice.

And it's I know that you don't have a lot of people in your life.

I have enough.

You should talk to someone, Diana, about us other than someone you pay. You should talk to your girlfriends.

Oh, I can't talk to them. They're ridiculous. Why are you still friends with them if they're ridiculous? I've said, look, our daughters are friends. They're they're fine. It's convenient.

I'm still here. Diana. You can talk to me. I'm ready to talk whenever you want. What about your running group? Well, yeah, not now, of course. Well, unless you want me to just give it what you want. No, no, no. You go ahead. OK, I see you. What are you doing here? I was close by, I just came from the back. You can't be here. My daughter is upstairs and my husband just left.

Look, I made the withdrawal you asked for. I just thought I could, you know, great. But, James, you really need to leave, right? I'll see you tonight. OK, same place.

Right, right. Right. OK, Diana, look, I've been thinking about you a lot lately. She says I am going to kill them. OK, look, let's talk tonight, OK? I can't stop thinking about you. It's all I think about. Then you want to leave now if you just wait a second. Look, I have your pills, ok? OK, thank you. OK, now go.

Please, please. And I'm feeling incredibly exposed. My legs are spread and my chest is back, and he kisses me lightly everywhere.

I'm busy, come back in 10, but each time I'm about to come too busy for me and. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were Emilienne. I was just listening to some voicemails.

Patrick called drinks tonight. My office has details. Oh, tonight. Is that a problem? No, no. I'll come by and get you know that she wants to meet with you alone.

I think someone's got a crush.

I'm kidding, but wear something revealing, getting yeah, you know, are you sure it wouldn't be more persuasive if you came to Diana to help me out here?

Our biggest client has made it clear to me, your boss's boss, that she prefers to work with you, that the only way we retain her business is that the rest of us back off. Fine. It's no ego, but now I've got a guarantee you make it happen. So I'm not sure if I should appeal to your humanitarian side and remind you how much this firm is relying on her family's money. Or if I should just talk to you like one of the guys until you get it done or your job is done, whichever side of that coin works for you, just come back from those drinks.

The good news. Um, do we just sit on the couch or together on the couch or one of you on the chair or wherever you feel comfortable? This is not a test, I promise.

You sure? Well, I'm not sure I believe you, but all of it's all over.

This is a big step for you, too. I know you've been struggling for some time, but I want to thank you for taking such an important first step. Thank you. It's a new way of communicating and it doesn't come easy. You need to practice. But to start, I want you both to state how the other person makes you feel without accusations, without judgment, just feelings, um. Oh, well, I can go first, I feel unattractive.

Why is that? Because Diana doesn't want to touch me anymore. Keep it about your feelings. Try not to use accusations. We haven't had sex in over a year. Do you remember the last time you had sex? Mm hmm. Yeah, yeah. What was the experience like, I I don't remember it well, I do, and it was awful. We were in Palm Springs and we were taking a shower and I had an erection. I can't help it seeing her naked.

And and so she went down on me in the shower. But when I came, she. She spelled it out and she had this totally disgusted look on her face. Diana, do you remember that? You know, it wasn't it wasn't like that, I mean, he had been drinking a lot of coffee and, you know, the taste was bitter. And I, I did tell you that, that it was bitter.

I ate mint, whole mint for like a month after that, just in case, you know, great food. I read about it. I was so self-conscious. How did you feel that day? Ashamed, embarrassed. I mean, it was one time, I'm sure that I don't always taste perfect. Well, I wouldn't know, would I? You don't ever let me go down on you.

Do you really, Oliver, are we going to just talk about everything? Why else are we here? OK. Fine. Yes, I don't let you anymore because I got tired of pretending that I liked it.

Have you told Oliver what you do like? Oh, no, no, no, she hasn't. Is that something you'd like to know? Fuck, yeah, of course. Absolutely.

Well, maybe you should already know it. I mean, he's 45. Maybe you should have figured it out by now.

Well, I have no one to practice on, do I?

He's going to strip clubs. That's really what we should be talking about. Let's try and stay on topic.

I wouldn't go if we had any kind of sex life. Oh, I see. So it's my fault. No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying I want to connect with you, that's all.

And I feel like you're this insatiable octopus with all of these connections, tentacles reaching out for me in desperation. And I just want to swim away.

Did you just say that I'm an octopus? Is that what you said? Yes, a huge needy octopus. You're everywhere, Oliver. How does that make you feel? Is this how it's supposed to go? I mean, this is what marriage therapy is like, is it? Sometimes there's no one way this way feels like shit. You have one new message, Diana, how are you? Well, thanks for not asking. I know I had a cancer scare last week.

It was terrifying as I sat in my oncologist office and he asked me who my emergency contact was. I couldn't even say your name. I had to give him my landlord's name. Was 93 and almost dead himself, by the way. So you can imagine how that felt. I'm sure you'll embrace this message just like the others. But I do know I'm getting closer. Sorry, I would be shocked by what you can do. It's just my office, and I'm really sorry about this morning.

I don't know what I was thinking. Yeah, it's it's fine.

It just it just can't happen again.

Of course not. It won't good. Can I just say one thing? Yeah. I think what you're doing is pretty cool. My mom, she she never talked to me about sex. She was really buttoned up, you know, every time I got an erection, I thought I was committing a sin. I'm sorry, the shame around six men.

I think it's great that you're so open. Do you still feel that shame? One of my buddies in the army. Things got kind of confusing with him. We were alone a lot and bored. And horny and. Did you have sex? No, no, but. He used to come into my bunker at night and suck me off. What did you want him to? It was a highlight. Felt like the only human thing that happened out there.

My God, I would I would get hard the minute I heard him shift in bed. And I knew he was coming to me and I didn't know you were gay. I'm not well, I mean, maybe I am. I don't know. Look, I like what you and I did. I just as much as what happened over there. You got my head. And I think about what else we could do. Well, we we didn't do anything, James.

Right, right. I know. Oh, look, I just can't feel that same again. There was so much secrecy around what happened back there that made it feel all kinds of fucked up, even though I know it wasn't, you know. Just. I'm tired of living in the shadows. I'm sorry. For the other night. I was having a day. I think sometimes the fantasy's. They get in my head and I try not to let that happen.

Those pills you. Yeah, don't don't worry about them. They're really strong, but I just be careful about feeling stuff is good. All these things I feel for you, I haven't felt like this in a long, long time. And I'm just glad I can. Hey, it's Jen, cowriter and Dirty Diana. I'm back to tell you more about our sponsor, Tipsy. When Sean and I were riding Dirty Diana, we hope to create a safe space for women to explore their sexuality.

We shared a feeling that content like this online is too sparse. You have to dig to find exactly what you're looking for. The deepsea is different. Each Gypsie story has been thoughtfully crafted to be consensual sex positive and reflect safe choices. And all are labeled with tags to show just how hot the story gets. Which means no matter where you go in the app, you feel safe and in control of your experience. Like our show, Dipsy uses audio for an immersive blueprint which a listener can imagine exactly how they want to.

Not only does this make each story highly personalized, it also creates a real sense of safety. And for listeners of the show, Gypsie is offering a 30 day free trial. When you go to deep sea stories, dot com slash Diana. That's a 30 day free trial when you go to die, p. S e a stories dot com slash Diana deepsea stories dot com slash Diana. Change is always a constant, but these days it feels like there's something new to grapple with every day, we may be adjusting to this new normal, but it's still stressful.

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As a listener of this podcast, you can get 100 dollars off your first month on talk space to match with your perfect therapist, go to talk space dotcom or download the app. Make sure to use the code dirty to get 100 dollars off your first month and show your support for the show. That's dirty and talk space dotcom. Well, I can't drink anymore, like, it will be terrible for my body and my job to drink, literally to drink, and most of it was grapefruit juice, so you can definitely have at least two more.

I'm on my fourth. Oh, I'm glad you OK.

I wasn't sure you would be honest at the old guy. Gave you a choice. I wanted to come. Good. Because I think I might owe you an apology. I came on a little strong when we met in your office. I get that from my dad, the print side of him, which was kind of the only side of him. Anyway, I'm sorry. Thank you. And I'm sorry, too, because I just completely lied to you.

I didn't want to come tonight. The old guy made me do it, but I'm glad I did.

I think we should work together and be friends. Well, I don't have many friends. I'm not surprised. I mean, I have friends, but not anything close to a best friend. Fellow moms, you know, school, their friends out of convenience. So who do you confide in? My therapist mostly. I mean, I used to talk to Oliver. Let me see a picture of him. I mean, I need a mental image, but I mostly have pictures of my daughter.

Let me see. Know that one. OK, here's one. Here we are. Like, this is last Easter. I meant a dick pic, Diana. Oh, I'm kidding. Yeah.

Oh, OK. He's cute. But why is he wearing so much Patagonia. Does he work there. No, he he just really likes it. You got to peel that back. It's like he stepped out of an outdoors catalog. You would like him. You would you would like him. I mean, he's a little like a golden retriever. Everyone likes him. He's not offensive to anyone. No one wants to fuck the golden retriever. I did.

Really? Yeah. When we first met, he was so confident he could have had any woman he wanted. He had the sexy accent.

He was exotic. We worked together at this consulting firm. He had an actual job that he'd been recruited for. And I just answered the phones and tried to figure out what to do with my life. Everyone in that office was in love with him.

And then there was me broke the only one bringing their sad little lunch to work every day and then rushing off to my second job four nights a week. Oh, my gosh.

I was working at this horrible, horrible 1930s gangster themed bar called Momos.

Oh.

And I had to wear this awful pin striped vest.

And every time I waited on a customer and they said thank you, I had to say, forget about it.

No, you know, that is not true.

Yeah, well, people at the office, they found out that I worked there. And so one night after work, they all came in for happy hour. They literally after about ten minutes, they decided it wasn't even cool enough to be ironic.

And they all laughed, but not Oliver.

I mean, he would come in almost every night and order these, like, ridiculously themed cocktails and that he he would tease me by exaggerating every thank you, knowing OK, knowing that I would have to respond, forget about it.

I mean, he would thank me for the drink, for setting down a napkin, for bringing him a straw. He was funny. And really kind Fokin confident is how it was a shitty bar and he could see I was miserable, so I came there for me.

I mean, he was so together and perfectly raised and I was so not any of those things, you weren't perfectly raised.

What does that even mean?

I mean, well, it means his mother works at Christie's and his father plays golf when he's not saving lives.

He had a storybook childhood. So what happened? I don't know. We've changed. He used to be so sure of what he wanted. And then it was like a part of him went to sleep and never woke up.

It's like he has a rain cloud above him now, like, you know, like one of those sad cartoon characters.

Maybe you need to have a few more drinks and go home. Just fuck the shit out of him, put a thumb up his ass, sack him off of the kitchen. Something to really surprise you both. Can we talk about your love life instead?

I said way too much already. I don't know more. I find out about you the more I like you, Diana. Really? So drink up. I want to know more.

I make porn for women. I'm sorry. I run a site called Have a Good Word. I know. Good word. That's me. That's your voice interviewing the women. I knew it. I knew. I recognized your voice. Yeah. Who else knows?

You and I have an assistant. Jesus fucking Christ. Your site is big, Diana. You can't hide that for long. I know. I mean, people will find out it's on lists, roundups. I see it everywhere. Yes, I know. I love it. I listen to the pharmacies every week. This is crazy.

All over, doesn't love. No. Oh, that is perfect. Play him a fantasy, you're like the dream wife, you're super proper during the day and you're fucking making porn at night, he's going to be over the fucking moon. I've been doing this for almost three years.

I've I've kept this from him. He doesn't know this side of me, but he'll like it. It'll confuse him. I'm not the person he married. Well, neither is he. Excuse me. These are the two guys in the bar. I lovely. Like, don't drink those. We don't know what's in them. I saw the bartender for them. OK, do not wave them over. Don't. Why not. Why not. They're hot.

I'm a mom. Just have given me. Hi. Thanks for the drinks. Oh yeah. Hey, I'm Jake. This is my friend Emmett. Hey, what's going on. Petra, this is my friend Melanie. Melanie, Melanie.

Well it's nice to meet you guys, as you know. God, it's incredible. Actually, I just found out the most mind blowing thing about my friend. Oh, OK. Well, please share with us.

Stop it. It's really not that interesting.

Oh, come on, that's not fair. But we want to know it's nothing. It's really it's not interesting at all that she's drunk.

We're drowning. I'm not sure how. Melanie, I think you need to practice out loud. Yes.

And I think we need to go home. She makes porn for a living with soup. Uh huh. Well, it's not porn.

OK, I need to know more immediately their stories, OK?

They're just fantasies like erotic confessions.

But that is awesome. Where can we watch them? You can't you can listen to them. I can see what's happening. Well, if you if you listen, then you can imagine it.

I like porn. I can see. Yeah, I agree. Personally I need a visual. You don't actually. Really you don't.

I do. I, I know what I like. OK, ok, let's try something. I'm going to whisper something in your ear. Are you listening to. I have nothing under this skirt. Except her very wet see now. Can I touch you? Yeah, me see, you're very hard, you don't need a visual at all. What the fuck just happened?

Hello. Hi, Diana. Oh, Emily, hi. I didn't know you were babysitting tonight, so Oliver called and asked if I was available last minute. I thought maybe he was meeting, you know, if you want to meet up with him, I'm fantastic. Oh, no, thank you. That's OK. He should be home soon.

How much do I owe you?

Not much. I didn't get here till nine. Ella was already asleep. Oh, and a woman called asking for Ella. Her name is Jean.

Jesus, you didn't let her talk to Ella.

Did you know I told her to call back tomorrow. Are you mad? Fuck, no. Sorry. No, I'm not mad. Just just hang up next time, OK? Promise me. Sorry. She sounded so sweet. Felt bad for her. Yeah, well. Only because she wanted you to. You see? Of course I am. It's 1:00 in the morning. Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. Where were you? I was at.

But you smell like her, like the girl. It's the same perfume you could have at least showered. What's the point? Well, the point would be not to hurt my feelings, for fuck's sake, even care.

Of course, I care that my husband came home smelling like a stripper, Amanda. Her name is Amanda. Diane. Great. Great. Yeah. And you're supposed to say how it makes you feel. Fuck you.

That's how it makes me feel when you disappear to when you leave and don't change the subject.

I have no idea what you do on your drives.

I'm not paying for sex. Well, I'm not paying for sex either because I'm under and I don't have sex.

I, uh, I can't do this all over. It's not healthy. Maybe we should just take a break. Take a break. You want to take a break? We're not going steady. We're fucking married. Well, something needs to happen. Maybe we need to shake it all up. What if we just took a break for a few weeks to sort out our feelings? A few weeks? A month? I don't know. All right. OK, OK.

OK, yeah, OK, let's take a break. What are you where are you going?

No idea. Hotel. I mean, I think it's a good idea. Let's take a month and see what happens. Well, what about L.A.?

I don't fucking know. I agree. I don't think this version of us is healthy for still pick her up and drop her off and all that is fine. Well, and no. And a weekend.

I don't know. And we'll figure it out. But I think you're right. We need some space because I'm out of ideas.

Well, wait, what?

I mean, you're just going to leave cause that's what a break is. You leave, one person leaves. But what about.

What about what? I don't know. Um, I don't know. OK, fine. OK. See you later. It's shocking. When it happens to you, even in a dream. I've tried to put myself back in the dream so many times to crawl back into that feeling of what it's like to be with him. I want to bring him in. I want him sucking on me. Penetrating me with his fingers. I want him to look at me again after hours and hours of pleasuring each other and tell me how amazing I taste.

I just want to go back to that feeling again. Everyone was lighting. So I a, b, c, c. If you like your story, be sure to enjoy our other fences here and have a good word, Dakar's. Dirty Diana stars Demi Moore as Diana. Clay's been used as a. Gwendolyn Christie as Evy Kamani, Drogo as Petra Leslie and Warren as Jeanne. Dioxin as James. Lili Taylor is the marriage therapist, John Tennen as our and Max Greenfield as Jake with additional performances by Amy Doyle, Connor McCray's and Geordi Sync Vic.

Created and directed by Sharna Feste, written by Sharna Feste and Jan Besner, executive produced by Demi Moore, Shonna Feste, Jan Bessus, Rob Hurting Dave Hennings, Brian Cavener, Jones and Friedberger, produced by Tess Ryan and Sandra Yili. Original Music and Composition by Darren Johnson. Audio Engineering by Ryan Walsch and Ben Chubb, edited by Military Brian Walsh and Ben Milch of Sound Design by Katie Haliday. Additional Sound Design by Justin Davay and Ryan Sullivan. Mix and mastering by Ben of sound design and mix, consulting by Matt Yocum, casting by Chelsea Block and Maricel Roncalli at Atomic Honey.

Music supervision by Andrew Kahn and Eric, such a good ear music supervision assistant director Lin Stango, not script supervisor, bookkeeper, assistant engineering and editing by nearly afternoon production coordinator Onalaska Yokum. Post coordinator Rachel Yaghnobi Dirty Diana is a Kyouko production always be. Dirty Diana is presented by dipsy dipsticks, a mind first approach to sexuality, drop into an immersive and erotic world with Dipset and download the app to that.

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