Transcribe your podcast

Hi, everyone, I have a very quick favor to ask of you, could you go to Don't Ask BTIG survey right now and take a very short, anonymous survey about your experience listening? It will take five minutes and it helps us make the show better. That's Don't Ask Tiggs survey.


I was going to say, how do two people that made it a lesbian coffee shop 23 years ago end up in the action world?


But I kind of make sense because it makes perfect sense. I can draw a very bright and direct line from there. Yeah, no more questions.


This is Don't Ask BTIG, I'm Tig Notaro, begging you all to keep your questions to yourselves.


We are not alone and nobody is. Aisha Tyler is here with me today. She does everything, literally everything. She acts, she writes, she directs, she hosts, she's a stand up. Isha, how long would you guess we've known each other, God takes so long. OK, so this is the question, just how we'll figure this out, OK?


I think we met doing that like ladies quiz show in West Hollywood. A little afraid to Bishop, right? Little Frida's. But then in my head, I'm like, did I meet her in San Francisco before that?


I know I look like you met me in San Francisco, but you didn't.


I met you for sure at Little Frida's. And in fact, I remember you were hosting and it was a women's lineup of stand up. And I worked at the coffee shop and I got the job there behind the counter because I wanted to get on stage there, you know, amazing. And and I had just moved to town and I didn't know how to meet people. And I thought that would be a perfect way to meet people. I was right work.


And yeah, I remember you were hosting. I have this on film. Oh, my God. Videotaped this. You're hosting. And Kato Kaelin dropped in to work out his O.J. bit.


I liked all of that out, but yes, that tracks. I have that somewhere. That's amazing. Yeah. So that was a really good I mean, I don't know.


It was a good I don't know if it was a good if you like it on my kind of classic criteria, but I do remember that it was like a very warm room. Yeah. There's a vibe there.


Yeah. It was a good vibe and people worked out and you know, people came and it was like kind of cute and fun.


And then I went out of business. My friend Kathleen, who owned the place, I said, well, why is it going out of business?


And she said, well, you know, you do the numbers, but my end lesbians coming in and splitting a pot of tea and chatting for four hours is going to keep the place afloat.


We'll take one muffin between the three of us. Thank you very much.


Yeah. Yeah.


I think it's been like 23 or 24 years. I moved here in 96, 97. So I met you in 97 and then. Yeah, yeah.


That's wild.


And what's really wild is what I learned about you in recent years from doing podcasts with you and chatting is that you are fully into the whole action TV film genre.


That's not your favorite.


It is your thing. It remains my favorite. Yeah.


I mean, I like lots of different movies, but I love I love action and I love Westerns and I and I and it's funny because I feel like I think it's that thing of like I was just a really nerdy kid and like played alone for most of my childhood.


You're raised by your dad, is that right? I was. My parents separated. I was ten. Am I right? Yeah, that was me. But I was also like just a really tall my parents were hippies. They were vegetarian at an ashram for a while. They did. Yeah. Even television. So I just was like an outsider from the very beginning and. Yeah. You know, and so like an outsider that ends up on friends.


Well, you know, being a recurring character on an international hit is the best revenge. But I mean, you know, I you know, I was just I was like a pariah when I was a kid. You know, I got bullied and I used to, you know, sit behind my school and read, you know, during lunch break, you know, in the dark. And so there was this little like there was a sliver of space between them, my grade school building on the fence to the next property.


And it was like, you know, kind of cool.


And I could. Yeah.


And so I feel like I love those things because, you know, it's like every little kid wants to be here. All the little nerds really want to be a hero. They really want to, like, stop other kids from getting beaten up and be strong enough to punch the beat the bad guy in the mouth when he's mean. Right. Right. So I think that's why I always loved that stuff.


You know, as a kid, you should come. I've I've landed on the Star Trek Discovery show. You should come direct an episode of that.


I'd love that. That would be amazing. I love I mean, I'm a huge I'm also a huge sci fi kid because like I said, my parents didn't believe in television. So I just was an insane reader, like I read all the time. And I was just a fantasy. And sci fi was all I cared about. So, yeah, that would be amazing. It's so fun. I mean, I'm just a recurring character that's revenge, as we just established to be a recurring, recurring character.


Yes, I, I love popping in, popping out. That's that's my thing. My agent will call and say a role came in for you, but I'll warn you, it's for one day and I'm like, I'll take it like there's one line.


I'm like, perfect.


I think all the excitement, I know the obligation.


OK, Isha, I need some some of your help. And the first question is something a lot of people are dealing with right now.


Are you ready to. I'm so ready. I'm very ready. We got to help here. We got to be superheroes.


This is our own version of heroism here. We're going to help some people with some soft, soft, personal problems. Not all of them are soft, hard, personal problems. It's even better. It's a mix. It's some of it's not sad. Some of it's rough. Let's see what's what Sandy writes.


My parents are almost 80 and super isolated and have started watching nothing but Fox News. Oh, no. In the last election we didn't talk for about four months. Given that I've limited time with them, how can I maintain a loving relationship when I disagree with the ugly stuff that comes out of their mouths? I'm beyond arguing and honestly heartbroken. Any ideas? Man, you know, this is such a tough one because it's really tough, older people generally become so calcified in their worldview.


And, you know, one of the things that Fox News does very well is scare the shit out of vulnerable people.


And that's why it's so persuasive, because they terrify old people who, you know, not to be ageist, but getting older. It makes you frightened.


You know, my dad was a huge hardass when I was growing up. And he was a loving guy, like very, very loving, but like the kind of guy that would go into a neighborhood fight between two kids, like, break it up. It was he was like a bad ass guy. Yeah. And and I noticed him becoming much more anxious about being safe outside and on the street and when he drives and I think that's just a natural function of getting older and being aware of your mortality.


Mm hmm. They're just you know, they've built up a life for themselves. They're worried about their own security, not just their little physical security, but this kind of greater kind of cultural security that they've believed that they had. And that's why FOX is so effective in scaring them. And so I always feel like, you know, yelling and arguing and even telling them it makes you sad probably isn't going to be effective. You have to fight disinformation with information.


Yeah. And and get it.


I think through other avenues that aren't so directly involved with politics and social issues.


I had a friend whose father was a pre fox, pre Magga, but it was a long time ago who was one of those guys who was like, I don't care what anybody says. America is the greatest country in the world. And I was like, look, I mean, I think in principle I agree with you. But he was also kind of like a real like, you know, upstanding. You do what's right. You follow the rules kind of guy.


And I said, So you're running a race against a bunch of other people and you win. But then you find out that like some of them didn't have shoes and they had improper nutrition and they were starving and they didn't have anywhere to sleep. And did you really win that race? Did you win it fair and square? Right. And I started I spoke to him a lot in those kind of analogies, and it really gave him pause.


I was like, this isn't about you know, this isn't about like pulling this country apart. It's about making it better. It's about the idea that America is not perfect but is perfectible. It was built as a perfectible system. That's why we haven't amendable Constitution. That's why we're continually revising our laws to make it a better, more inclusive place. And if you believe in fairness, then you have to believe in that. I think you have to uphold their humanity and really find the things that the values that they share with you.


You know, like if they're homophobes, you have to, like, introduce them to your dear queer friends and like, you know, get them to understand that this is a person, a fully complex human being, like a what a wonderful person. And they're in their head. They've made some story up about the gay community. That's not true. And the only way to counter that story is to counter it with like real people and real facts and real experience.


Got to do. I hear you got to do the queer cynic surprise.


I don't know. But my friend, did you know they were gay.


But you have to do this, no surprise, after you spend really concentrated time together. And then let's turn off Fox News and let me explain to you who this person really is in my life. Let's go to commercial.


But if you if you even extrapolate it to like most people are driven by fear. But Fox News, make no mistake, they're like the sugar, fat, salt of of news, like they figured out the right combination of of ingredients. It's just completely gut sugar.


That's the thing about Donalds, because they figured out the right ratio of sugar and salt to make their food addictive. And Fox has done the same thing with news. They've just the right combination of like hysteria and pandering and and terror inducing stories to rivet people and make them be frightened of people that aren't even thinking about them. No, no. Dirty hippies are coming to, like, march to your house in the Midwest and take your stuff. We're not interested in you and I think about you at all.


The dirty hippies are really busy. Are you dirty? I mean, since nineteen, I got to tell you, a lot dirtier than I used to be. What's the point of showering?


Never leave the house a lot dirtier than you used to be. You are not somebody that I think. Well, that is a dirty person, you know, speaking metaphorically dirty. Aisha Tyler. Yes. Oh, dirty.


I had to grow my own zucchinis. But, you know, the hippies are not coming for your stuff, which I think you've got don't they're not going anyways. We're not coming to your house for your guns.


No one's come to relax. Relax. Well, yeah, and Sandy, you are not alone right now. This is it's it's a rough time. There have been rough times for a long time. This is just a new different kind of rough time.


We have one more thing for Sandy, who's a great writer online. He has a blog called Welcome to Help World. And he did a whole piece where he wrote about this exact subject. And then he asked people to write in about, like family members that they had, quote unquote, lost to to the Fox News hole. And I think you might find that really illustrative as well, because you're just hearing that other people are going through the same thing you're going through and how they're dealing with it and how they're trying to connect with their parents.


You might find it just really cathartic. So his name is Luke O'Neal and C O one and L, and he did a whole piece on just this exact thing. And it just might be really comforting if nothing else.


And this is no offense to my previous guests, but I feel like you're the first person that's had real advice for people who write in. So, Sandy, you're not alone.


Hang in there and listen to everything that dirty old hippie Aisha Tyler said.


We'll be right back. I got to go eat them. So carrot tops. Well, great.


We'll be right back after the break. If you're experiencing grief, depression or stress, better help. Online counselling offers licensed professional therapists who are trained to listen and to help with these issues and more, including anxiety, relationship conflicts, difficulty sleeping, LGBT matters, trauma, anger, family conflicts and self-esteem. Simply fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs and then get matched with your counselor in under 48 hours easily schedules, secure video or phone sessions, plus exchange unlimited messages to communicate with your therapist at your convenience.


Everything you share is confidential. If for any reason you're unhappy with your counselor, you can request a new one at any time at no additional charge. Join the one million plus people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced better help counselor. Better help is an affordable option. And our listeners get 10 percent off your first month with the discount code to get started today at Better HELOC Dotcom. BTIG talked to a therapist online and get help.


Hey there, we have some very limited edition don't ask BTIG swag, we've got shirts and masks, but this batch is only available through November 19th. Go to don't ask Tiggy Shop to check it out, but the clock is running. Don't ask, teargassed shop, don't ask.


BTIG is here for you with a little advice and a little humor. This is a public media podcast that means we're powered by you. Keep the laughs and the questionable advice going give now at don't ask Tigan donate. We are back and our next question, Isha, are you are you back? It was. They were delicious.


You know how dirty hippies like to eat like rabbit food. So I had some arugula and a slice of quiche. I'm ready.


Listen, it's all wacky, but that's what the left I guess the the coastal elites like to keep in a regular.


I'm I'm glad. OK, Isha. Our next question is about the urban rural divide, in a way, and. Juliet writes, Cities are fine, but I don't want to live in one. My girlfriend lives in the city and I'm 30 minutes away in the country. I like land and room to roam free. It's part of who I am.


Am I being selfish by not wanting to move in with her and give up my country quarters?


Well, this to me, I have to say, this is a common case of country mouse, city mouse. And in fact, that's what my my wife calls me, country mouse. I put my little straw hat on.


You chew your your stock of wheat. Well, no, I just wander around the backyard.


But, you know, I, I, I grew up in Mississippi, in Texas and and a lot of water and boats and motorcycles and drinking bottled root beer in the back of a pickup truck and what have you and a sophisticated country mouse, I have to say. We got married in my small town of Mississippi and my family through the wedding. So great. And all my East and West Coast friends flew in to see what a small town Mississippi wedding would be like.


And they all left. It was wonderful texting, saying, how do I buy a place down here?


Oh, that's great. That's good. I think, yeah, it's I feel very lucky. And my cousin is part of the Catholic Church and he married us and he got kicked out of the church and he said he knew he would be in and he said it was worth it. Oh, that's incredible. Yeah. Well, you know, if they don't I don't want anybody that doesn't want me. That would be my unsolicited advice to your cousin.


He knew what was up. That's so great. I mean, I think you're right. Like, wasn't it just going back a ways? But like Harvey Milk talking about the idea of living an actualized life is that, you know, people and I think this applies to almost any, you know, bigots that like, you know, a big a big function of bigotry is that they claim to or don't know anybody that's different than them. And so they're able to reinforce a certain set of stereotypes just by virtue of the fact that they're not being exposed to different people.


And, you know, his whole point was if everybody came out that there's nobody in the world because they didn't know a gay gay person, because they because everybody does.


Everybody has somebody that they actually deeply care about who's queer. Yeah. And of course, it's up to the person to decide when they come out, but that that function of living an actual life and showing everybody that, you know, you're going to be who you are, it forces them into the light as well. It forces them to step in the light with you.


Yeah. And I think actually, as silly as it sounds, country mouse can force City Mouse into the light with them or city mouse can force country mouse into the light with them. Because I have to tell you, my wife grew up in New York, in California. And when we got together and I said, I am from Mississippi, she said, I just picture people barefoot.


And I said, I appreciate the compliment, but my family is civilized. And the funny Twistle, that fire. And we'll yeah.


The funny twist to it and I'm embarrassed to say this because it's on my HBO special, but I talk about how when my my girlfriend was flying into New Orleans, which is that airport near my hometown, my family got in this huge passenger van to drive from Mississippi to New Orleans to pick her up and to meet her and come back home with us. And we had been in the French Quarter all day and their feet were tired. So they got in the van they took.


Their shoes off and you can drink in the in the cars there, and they had a cooler and they were just partying down the road to go get Stephanie and I got her and and I was walking out of the airport with her and there were all my relatives waving wildly, saying hi.


And she said, is that is that your family? And I said, yeah, it is. And they had taken the cooler out on the side of the, you know, passenger pickup. And they had taken their shoes off. They were all barefoot. So it came around full circle. But anyway, I, I think, you know, I don't know about the moving in or or that you have to give something up. And I've also read a lot about how so many couples have been enjoying, you know, separate residences where you can live separately during the week and you alternate weekends.


And it kind of keeps like this is really good advice, too, because I got to go that way at all. And I think that is good advice that you could you could have like a city house in a country home and you can. Yeah, you could alternate.


There's something really, I think, beautiful to. Checking out, really finding interest and in where somebody from or what what feels good to them? Well, I also think that you hit on something really interesting, which is kind of the larger issue of like, I know not to be like we're traditionalists. I think this is just more about relationships, period. But like there might be some question that this person has about like where their relationship is going.




And it might be because it might not be hers. It might be the girlfriends who lives in the city. Like if you loved me and you wanted this to be a serious relationship, you move in with me. But I think the fact that the girlfriend of the city isn't isn't it seems like there's a little bit of inflexibility on both sides, which is not a warning sign so much as like nothing should be done because no one really feels compelled, no one's feeling compelled to move into the other person's place.


So to me like that, that the offer or the solution that TEQ offered is perfect because both keep your places you could alternate. We can spend one week in the country when we're in the city. It's amazing. It's perfect. But it does seem like there's some flexibility with someone being like, well, the only way this is going to go forward is if you drop your life and accommodate mine. And I think that that's a larger conversation to be had, not in a negative way.


It's just relationships are always there's always like a lot of negotiating, right? There's always a lot of navigating. And, you know, that's a big part of a relationship is like, what am I willing to give up? What am I what do I have to hold on to?


And, you know, it might be nice as I don't know how big these people's places are, whether it's an apartment or a home. But it might be nice to kind of set up your own little area in each other's home. So you have a little special sitting area or a special room or maybe a swing that you like to sit in, just something that feels like it's yours.


So you don't feel like you're out of water.


Yeah. Somewhere you can go and spend your country or city mouse time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, good luck, Juliet. Turns out Isha and I are a really good match here with advice. Very complimentary. Very yeah.


I issue. The next question is from a listener whose name has been in the news lately. It's Karen. Karen's been in the news a lot. Karen writes.


Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. God, she's so famous.


She is. She says, My name is Karen. Should I change my name? I think about this a lot. I feel bad for people named Karen because.


I only think that you should change it and Karen and don't take this the wrong way if you fit some of the other prototypical characteristics of of of the archetype of a character like I have a friend who is Japanese, her name is Karen. And I'm like, no, we don't no one's ever going to mistake you for an actual.


Right. Right, right. I know. And then I think about Karen Kilgariff. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That's I mean, it's great.


But she's a comic so she can leverage it like. Right. But she's not a Karen. No, she's not.


I was saying that to Stephanie the other day. I was like it just gonna make Karen Kilgariff is Karen.


It's really it's really a situation that Karen have found themselves in that are not you should be her parents because there's never going to be no one's ever going to, you know, march with a sign that says, you know, like take me to talk to the manager.


So I just feel like this is your parent's part. If I do need to talk to the manager, you'd obviously request to talk to the manager.


And I have to say a respectful tone when I do.


This is a little bit that I do that amuses me. I do ask to talk to managers when I used to go out to restaurants and they would come up or the or the waiter would say, can I tell them what this is about? And I would say, yes, you can tell them that every Wednesday I drive down to this restaurant. This is this is my spot. I come to this restaurant, I sit in the seat every week.


I order the same meal. And by God, it is delicious.


I love that so much.


I know people are and they're looking at me like her, you know, like being nice is very confusing to people and they don't know how to handle it. Like if you just said, I like to deliver a confusing compliment. Yeah.


Like it was like getting my getting fired with saying, yeah.


And they're like, wait, nothing's wrong. And I'm like, absolutely not. This person has done it again. Tell him I love him and I will be back again. I will be back at your job, your cheery, friendly, hospitable.


Oh well Karen, good luck to you and all the Karen's out there.


Iesha Our last listener question is about stuff. Would you consider yourself a minimalist or do you like it?


Yes, I mean, I think I'm a minimalist. A few years ago, I moved into a really small apartment like really tiny, and I got rid of most of my stuff and then now, you know, accumulated stuff again, but not in the same way, you know. I mean, my place is kind of cavernous and has like three chairs. I would like people to be deeply uncomfortable when they come to my home so that they won't stay too long.


I mean, I want them to be like, there's no to sit.


I'm like, that's really no. But I don't I don't know. I just I grew up with I grew up with not a lot of stuff and. Yeah. And I so I don't find things I like. I want experiences. I want to spend my money on experiences, you know, like having a house full of things I find to be burdensome. Yeah. If I have to make a break for it I have to grab the go bag and bug out, you know what I mean.


I don't want to be worried about my credenza.


I used to be like that and not that I am like, oh I love stuff but it's hard, you know, getting married, having kids and just kind of it's the kids, though.


It's not getting married. It's the kids like. Well, it's getting married too.


Yeah, well, you get married, you get gifts and you know, you're merging your household and you're decorating a place and that stuff. But it just if you want to just multiply your shit by, you know, in order of like ten to the tenth power, get children, because there's just no way to you can't raise kids without a bunch of like tools and accoutrements and being bings and the thing that's that like to me that's like the the catalyzing thing where all of a sudden people have like a lot of junk.




Stephanie's really good at where, you know, she'll she'll come in like, wow, they're watching TV this afternoon. I'm going to go clean out their room and just throw everything in the goodwill bag. And and they and they never know when something's missing. Same thing with with you.


She's like, take now that you're riveted to The Bachelorette, I'm going to go through way. Oh yes.


She got me watching The Bachelorette.


Um, but she she I learned the other night that she does this really interesting, funny thing with with the boys when she wants to shorten TV time. It's so funny and a little cruel and sad, but it's funny if you can manipulate your kids like.




Of having them really when they leave the room to get a toy or go to the bathroom. She fast forwards the TV show. She snakes and fast forward then and then they come back in and they have no idea, they just keep watching and then it wraps up very quickly and then we're like, all right, it's time for a bath. You know, this was the last episode we were watching. So that's kind of some advice for somebody listening.


Yeah. You know, yeah. OK, OK. To get back to the question of stuff, OK, here's a message we got from a listener named Beth.


I recently moved in with my girlfriend after living alone for seven years. I'm not strictly a minimalist, but I love having just one of everything. My girlfriend has about four of everything for spatulas, exactly the same four sets of towels and truly at least thirty five coffee mugs. I've asked her if we can downsize some of her stuff so that some of my stuff can be used. And she says she's genuinely attached to these things. Is there any other way to get her to downsize some of her stuff, or how can I go about not being overwhelmed by her stuff?


Who that's so hard, because first of all, I am a minimalist in that way. And as we were discussing before, I am the kind of person who will like like I you know, in an ongoing and never resolved issue with my ex was that he had this favorable that had like a melted hole inside of it. And I just like one day I was like, this is not a bull anymore. I threw it away and it was irreconcilable.


Differences followed. So, you know, sometimes, like sometimes people's emotional attachment to things feels so grand that they can't see that. Like having so much stuff is like keeping them from being high functioning. Like, I really feel like I feel like this in life, too. Like the fewer options you have, the better you are at leveraging the options available to you. But you can really get stuck with a lot of stuff. I also just personally like can't function if there's like crap everywhere.


Like I, I, I'm, I'm probably a minimalist and also a little OCD. So like I never leave dishes in the sink. I can't go to bed, like I can go to bed with like a cabinet sitting half open. And so I maybe waste a little bit of time doing all that stuff. But I can't be creative if my space is like, you know, kind of clean space. Clean mind is my vibe. And I think that it seems like it's really bothering you and that might be affecting your own kind of peace of mind.


So I wonder if rather than getting rid of everything all at once, she would be amenable to you arranging the place in a different way, like picking that set of tools that are most beautiful, picking the set of bugs that are most beautiful, even if it's a collection of bugs. But it's like her favorite bugs and putting the stuff away somewhere so she could just live in a space with just those options available to her for a limited amount of time and see if she finds that when she looks in the cabinet and there's just eight mugs, she can pick out her favorite mug right away and see if she feels better.


Because the fact of the matter is that when things are tidy, people are happier. Well, I mean. Some people, but, yes, I think also what I immediately pictured was sitting down with somebody that has these emotional connections, sit down with the 35 mugs, that's what I'm picturing.


Lay them all out on a table and have her tell you about each mug and what the attachment is, what what are maybe the most special ones that would be nice to keep in the cabinet. And as far as the the spatulas and the towels, I mean, if she has an emotional attachment to spatulas that are the exact same, there might be a larger issue to work here.


Yeah, there's something else going on.


It's a really good thing. Like if you like like that's such a good suggestion. Like if you took all the mugs that she got to tell you a story about each of them. First of all, she's kind of reliving some of this emotional attachment in what will probably be just a nice, nostalgic, pleasant way. But what you'll also start to see is that some of her emotional attachments are probably ridiculous, like without beating up on your girlfriend. Like, I went through this with my mom, like my mom used to live in a giant, like a four story Victorian home.


And then she she downsized slowly to an apartment. And I had to really do that with her. She was very attached to every little item, everything. And it started to honestly feel a little bit like my sister and I were berating her, you know, like, mom, this is crazy. She had like 19 black turtlenecks. And she's like, well, they're all a little different. I'm like I just I was like, but when is the last time you've warned them?


And it had been, you know, many, many, many years. But she's like, but I might but I'm like, but she won't. I mean, we're really we're fighting.


But we've never seen you in a turtle and they don't like, you know, it was there, but there was some cruelty to it.


But but when we just went through everything and said, OK, let's just talk about how you use this item. And if you use this item that she slowly realized that these emotional attachments were a little irrational because she was you know, she was creating what she wanted to do was create a space for herself that felt safe for things, made her feel safe.


And then what we did was we donated everything so that she didn't feel like we were throwing it in the garbage. And I would say, like, the way you think about this thing is you love it, but someone else much, much less fortunate than you, is going to be able to use this thing and they'll get life out of it. But right now, it's just sitting in your cupboard, taking up space.


Yeah. And another thing, aside from donating it to people that need coffee mugs, it might be fun to gift. A coffee mug to somebody special in your life to gift several of your coffee mugs so you'll see them again and maybe when you go to their house or for a holiday or something, you'll see your mug and it'll feel special and a whole different way to see it at Aisha's house.


And Isha, when you're gone, will donate it to charity. She will just throw it all trash because my mugs have to match. Oh, my God.


Well, Beth, I. I look forward to hearing I'm sure I issue you due to hearing an update on how you sort through these coffee mugs. But I think that I think you can get through it. Just having some compassion for. People's different. Needs and attachments or lack thereof, it's hard to understand why someone is attached to a thing when you when you don't feel attachment to things and trying to really come at it from like I really want to learn more about you and why you feel this way about this stuff.


And let's really talk about it. I really want to hear more about your life. And, you know, or you harangue her like I did my mother until she got rid of it, which you think before eventually.


All right. Well, Isha, those are all of our listener questions. I can't tell you how much it was beyond a joy to do. This was with you today.


It was like so I was when I was getting ready. I don't know why I get ready for a when I say get ready.


Yeah, yeah. I think I ran some water through my hair. I felt right.


But I was telling somebody I was like, I'm really looking forward to talking to. I always I mean, I went for a very long time, you know, a long time.


And yeah, I just think that you've done some really great, cool stuff. And I think you're always on to something exciting.


I'm to be shamelessly plug this company that I started that launched this year, Kurkdjian Stone, that is a cocktail company, is ready to drink cocktail company, which was really interesting because I've been working on it for like five years, but we launched in January not knowing what this year was going to look like. And we had this huge growth because no one could go to bars, nobody could leave the house, and so you could order cocktails at home.


But what was exciting about it was that, you know, it's first of all, there's very few women in the spirits space. There's very few women of color in spirit space. I mean, I'm one of, as far as I know, only two or three. And I also made charity a big component of our launch. So I did a little happy hours were raised, a lot of money for covid relief and and for Vlaams. So it was a really it was it was a good year because I got to really focus on that on that company.


And so, yeah, Kirgizstan Dotcom, if you want to have old fashions in Manhattan's sent directly to your home and into your grubby little paws. I love it. Yeah. Congrats on that fun thing.


I did a lot of drinking this year. It really was. It came in handy.


A lot of you boozed up on your own.


I mean, I was huge. I always saying to everybody out there is like this was this was a singular year and people were self soothing and whatever way that they could.


And there might it might be a singular two years. It might be a singular decade, you know. I mean, yeah, we're not going to. No, we're not we're just not going to know what the effects of this of the last four years are going to be on the on the future of this country for a while, for a while, a strap in.


But I think I don't know, you know, without making it too political. I think for those of you out there who are feeling relieved or or desperate, we have to organize all the time and not just in an election year.


I think what we saw in Georgia was so important because that state turned because people organized and they got new voters out and they communicated and Stacey Abrams was forced down there. And that can be done everywhere. I I really believe that there are more good people than bad people in the world, and it gives me chills. Yeah. And they're more good people than bad people in this country.


And I think going back to the woman was talking about the Fox parents, they can have these crazy ideas. But when you just talked about being human, about treating people with fairness and respect, most of us agree. And so it's just about appealing to people's humanity. And I really do think we can right the ship. But we're just we got a lot of work to do.


All we really do what we can do. I was going to say before we go, do you have any of the best advice you've ever received? I mean, even though that was great advice, you just get you've given phenomenal advice through this whole show. But is there something in your life for you if you feel like, wow, that was really helpful along the way?


I have two pieces of advice. One from there, both from my parents, one from my mom with my dad.


And my mom is very straightforward, but I use turtlenecks. Nineteen black turtlenecks of varying darknesses.


So the one for my mom is just to be right.


And I think, you know, now that you've been doing this, as long as I have that, like, really the only trick is to not stop, just to not quit, you know, and it seems so simple, but when I was a baby comic, I remember I got a guest that with on tomorrow's show. And afterwards I was like, you know, tell me how I can be like you and be able to tour and everything.


And he's like, you just have to keep going up. And I was like, fuck you. You just want to tell me the secret. Like, you just got to keep showing up.


It's really, really incredible how far you can get if you just don't quit.


Yeah. And then for my dad, this is a piece of advice is to give you. When I left for school, I was a kid in middle school.


He would say, keep your grades and your drawers up.


So that's also useful advice in that town, in that exact tone every day. Every single day. Yes.


I should thank you so, so much for making time to do, though. It was harder to. Pleasure, it's great to see your face, I you know, it's I miss when we were outdoor kids, but it's always great to see you and talk with you.


Yeah. Just thank you. Thank you. Thank you for doing the show. It was it's the same. It was so good to see your face. And I was really, really looking forward to it. And I hope that that you continue to thrive.




And, you know, you can send in your own questions that don't ask TIG and we might try to answer them on a future episode or we have a brand new option to send us questions.


You can now call eight three three two seven five eight four four four. That's eight three three. Ask TIG four and leave me a voicemail. And again, don't ask Tig to reach us with your questions. By Isha Hey, thanks, guys, it was awesome. That's what Joe. Don't ask, BTIG is hosted by me, Tig Notaro. It's produced by Thomas Willette Marinus and Tracey Mumford. Our editor is Phyllis Fletcher, executive producer Lauren D. Engineering and Sound mixing by Eric Rachmani, digital production by Christina Lopez.


Talent Booking by Marianne Wei's Production Assistants by Nancy Shiu. Our theme music is Friend Intec by Edie Brickell and Kyle Crush Gresham and Listen To Your Heart by Edie Brickell. Special thanks to Hunter sideman Lily Kim and Alex Shaffer. Our executive consultant is Dean Cappello and Gobsmacked Studios. You can always ask for advice at Don't Ask Tig. Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo. You can also follow us on social media at Don't Ask BTIG.


Don't Ask. TIG is a production of American Public Media. And as always, thanks, Dana. And I'll tell Becky that's where. If you happen to be looking for another podcast, check out BTIG and Cheryl, true story, where my friend Cheryl Hines and I talk about different documentaries every week. Here's us talking about the queen of Hersi.


I was Teekay because I we have a dog door here so the dogs can go out. But I mean, if maybe if the house is so big you just call them dogs because people call them doggie doors.


Well, because I was going to say, I meant to say doggy door and I said dog door. And I just wanted to make it clear that that you had dogs.


I know that it's I know that they're usually called doggy doggy doers. I feel like what age do do people abandon dogs?


But you still say doggy door. I know.


That's also like when you go out to eat and you get a doggy bag, you still say doggy, you don't hear a dog bark.


Yeah, yeah. You get your doggy bag and then you come home and crawl through the doggy door and you do. Oh, excuse me, can I get a doggy bag. Thank you.


Because that sounds like you're going to pick up poop doesn't it. Like a dog bag.


A doggy bag. Sounds disgusting. Find Tig and Cheryl, true story on your favorite podcast player.