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Hi, friends. In case you have not heard, 20-20 is a big election year and it's important that everyone vote, make sure you're registered and make sure you have a voting plan. Talk to your friends and family about it, too. OK, now on with the show.


Oh, hold on. My phone is ringing.


Oh, this. Well, I to say. Well, cuddler. Well, it's OK, but we don't need to cut it out. Hello yet. Yeah.


Yeah. One of those landlines. I feel like we went back in time. This is don't ask Tig and Tig Notaro and I came back just to tell you, don't ask you keep asking me. We not.


Nobody, so everybody goes. Yeah. Today, I'm joined by a fantastic pair, Leisha, Hailey and Kate Mening. Hi, Kate. Hey, Tig. Hi, Lisa. Hey there, Teg.


You know them both from the L word and they have joined forces to bring you the world's second ever podcast called Pants Don't Ask, Don't Ask.


Tig is the very first podcast. Kate. Leesha, did you.


We followed you. Yeah. I thought you were doing. Yeah. You're the you're the trendsetter. So we just wanted to follow in your footsteps.


We had to look at what a podcast was. Yeah. What did it say.


It said invented by Tig Notaro in twenty twenty. I think it was. I'm not too sure the monthly should you know, the month it was a Wikipedia so I don't know how reliable it could be. Yeah.


There's lunatics that go in and change my podcast. Wikipedia page. Yeah. Do you have anything interesting on your Wikipedia pages.


I don't think I've looked at my Wikipedia ever. Well, I probably have, but not not at all any time recently. But when we're done, I'm going to go have a look.


You you reminded me everybody just paused my podcast to go look at your Wikipedia, by the way.


Let me know if anything's good out there. Guys, please.


Do you know my family in Mississippi, they started a mass email chain about my Wikipedia page with the attitude like, oh, big shot has a Wikipedia page.


As though that you have to be a big shot to get one, I didn't even realize. Well, that's my point. That's one point, Lucia. I couldn't believe I've been doing comedy for 23, 22, 23 years.


And this was the first mass email where they were like really ribbing me for thinking I was a hot shot.


It was it was a little ridiculous.


Now you you both actively refer to each other as your best friend.


And I'm just curious, is it is it important to rank friends?


Well, I feel like since I've gotten older, you can you can very clearly recognize who stuck around and who didn't. Kate has stuck around for the last 20 years. It's been tough, but I have like.


And her people bailing on you. Well, I have lot I mean, not that I've lost friends, but I mean, you find that take I mean, I knew you, but it's. You're still around. Would you rank Tigger's is one of your best friends. You're on my list for sure. Well, thank you.


I mean, I think you're digging yourself into a whole list, but I get that.


I know, but that should be the delivery of that was I mean, you've stuck around BTIG. You're on my list. That sounds so well.


Why don't you have a best what would you call me? And then don't you have a best friend? I refer to you as my best friend.


I sit when somebody says, Leisha, Hailey, I say, Oh, yeah, my best friend. What about her?


You're killing me. And so I don't know where that puts you. Kate, where am I? On your list, Kate?


Am I on a list? You've always I don't I don't have a list like Lesha. Leesha, I think holds that list close to her heart.


By the way, I don't have a real list. I've seen it on your wall. I'm sure I have seen it on your wall. Kate, where am I?


Am I on your list? And where do I rank?


You're in. My top 10 list. Oh, I figured I figured you're in my top 10 list.


OK, unleashes top one. Leesha goes number one. Yes, Leesha goes number one.


And number two. Well, why did she get number two? I'm making a gross joke now that oh no, I'd say you're in the top 10. Don't feel bad. No, it feels good.


It feels really good. Don't you feel the love on the sume call?


I don't think it's cheesy. Is that why you're kind of getting at or juvenile and stupid?




I was wondering if it is important. I was wondering if it's important to you to rank your friends.


No, but listen, I have been through so much together as well. I mean, we really like thinking back from like, what, 2002? We've known one another. If we, you know, go through the memory Rolodex, we've just been through so much.


And, you know, she stuck around me as well. So it just kind of trickles off the tongue. Best friend, Leisha Hailey.


Yeah, it really does. I'm wondering if there is a key to keeping lasting friendships like your own. Well, is it just the. Well, I'm here. Time spent. Yeah, right.


Good question. I mean, listen, I mean, it's quality and a person will also but I get what you're saying, growing and changing.


I feel like I feel like you have to grow and change with the person.


And also, it's like a relationship like with you. And I, like, don't interrupt them. Well, I'm trying to finish my point.


The point I didn't even start yet was that there was a period of time where we weren't working together or seeing each other every day. Like now, in the last two years, you and I have seen each other every single day because of work and now this podcast and like our life, because, you know, we socialize so much together. But there is a good like couple of years where we weren't seeing each other all the time, but for whatever reason, we were able to maintain it.


And I think that's because we also make a point to talk to each other every morning, like Lisa's the first phone call in the morning at my house. And I think I'm the first call at your house to write. It's true.


So you guys get on the horn and gab. Yeah. Uh huh. OK, and so you're back doing the L word. I know this because my wife is on the L word and and so returning after ten years. What is that? Is that a great feeling? Is it is it weird after so long or is it a high school reunion type feeling. Is it what is it.


It's kind of all of it combined. It's right. Yeah.


I mean the cast is completely different. So it wasn't the reunion feeling except for Kate, Jennifer and myself. It's actually a very new experience. It's in a different location. It's a new cast. It's a new show runner.


It's a completely different show. Yeah, kind of. Yeah. OK, that's I can't even imagine I only had a show for twelve episodes, just two short seasons, and I can't even imagine going back ten years later and. Right.


And, and I, I truly, I can't even believe it's ten. I don't know why I can't comprehend.


The only time where it was were the only time where it really hit me was the first scene any of us shot last year.


It was a scene with Lisa and Jennifer and myself. And suddenly we were sitting around a table again talking about whatever we talk about on the show and just to look at either one or both of them. And in the circumstance we were in was like, oh, my God, it has been ten years. This is crazy. And here we are again.


We're going to transition into listener questions and. Some questions have really piled up over the two week hiatus.


I've been on and and so I want your help tearing through some of these at the top, if that's all right. And this segment is called Quick Question.


Can I ask can I ask you a quick question? Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick question. Quick question. Honestly, I can't stand it when people say that. Quick question, I would rather, if it's quick, just get into it. Ask me the question.


Right, Charity, take part of your time up by that. Yeah. Can I ask you a quick question? Can I just ask me the question? OK, first question is from just the letter V, my 10 year old made herself a tail and she won't take it off.


It's been months. Is this a problem? No.


Does her child like animals? I guess we don't know. She didn't give any specifics.


We don't have any more information.


That's all we got. I say she it sounds like she has a creative kid and. Exactly. They're expressing themselves. And, you know, if the mom came out and was like, take the tail off, she was like, take the tail off.


I that's it seems like a weird mom.


Like, why it seems overly aggressive for a little tail. I would be amused if if my child was walking around with a tail. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with the tail. Yeah. Ve nothing. Lay off the tail. Lay off the tail. Question to comes from Jackie with an IHI. I recently froze my eggs because I want to have kids someday.


Do I share that on a first date or wait. I would wait for sure why for sure. I don't think I'd. Well, it depends on the date. Let's say you really like this person and you're in your and you're getting along and you're vibing.


Well, maybe it comes out in conversation. It's not what it actually sounds like.


It's a bit of relief. It's like, OK, you thought about this like they're waiting. Provided you if the time ever comes where she wants a kid, I'd be like, oh, OK.


Like, they're waiting me in the eggs. Yes.


They're like in that freezer doing what they're doing and eggs are in the freezer going, yes, that wouldn't bother me.


I can't whistle them. Hello. Somebody froze me. I have a future of my voice went out there.


Well you may be of a future. You don't know. You may not have a future. Right. That's the point is that they're there in case that future is decided.


I left a potato in an oven one time and forgot to cook it. And I open that oven like a week later. And I laughed so hard thinking of that potato going, Yeah, I've been in here for seven days.


Like it felt so unimportant in your life.


I know it was expecting sour cream and chives, connectivities, butter packed full of low self-esteem.


These were supposed to be quick questions. OK, now we're ready. And I say tell people on the first date, I would say even text them on the way to the coffee shop to head up.


I froze my eggs because I'd like to have kids one day. See you at the coffee bean and tea leaves.


OK, Jordan writes, My boss requested to follow me on Instagram. Should I accept that?


Kind of crosses a line. No, it can't. You ignore it. Make me like question what I'm allowed to post, you know, like, oh, this.


Oh, look at me differently or. Right, right. Yeah. Can I walk in the office the next day?


I would think if there's a notification, I pretend like I didn't see it for a long time, like, oh I'm sorry.


I never I never even noticed that. I don't believe in a I don't believe in avoiding things usually. But this is the one where I'd probably try to avoid it as much as possible and just.


Yeah, pretend pretend. OK, the Jackie Jordan. I hope that's helpful.


That was our warm up.


Kate, Leesha, more questions after the break. If you're experiencing grief, depression or stress, better help. Online counselling offers licensed professional therapists who are trained to listen and to help with these issues and more, including anxiety, relationship conflicts, difficulty sleeping, LGBT matters, trauma, anger, family conflicts and self-esteem. Simply fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs and then get matched with your counselor in under 48 hours easily schedules, secure video or phone sessions, plus exchange unlimited messages to communicate with your therapist at your convenience.


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And we are sorry to clear my throat. I'm sorry.


Jesus Christ, and we are back. Our next question, Kesey writes, I accidentally found out how much my boss makes. He makes in two months what I make in a year.


It is making me a very bitter employee and I don't want to be.


Do you have any tips to help me erase this information from my brain? That's I do.


Oh, I think you have to you have to know your self-worth and you have to walk in and ask for what you feel like. You deserve BOEM and you might not get it this year, but you'll get it next year or so.


You're saying see what your boss makes and then say, you know, I think this person has to act oblivious to knowing about the salary their boss makes. But go in with that information. Mm hmm. In your back pocket. And just I think if you're the person who asked for what you want, you'll eventually get it.


But let's say this person doesn't get it at this current place of employment. Does this person walk and say, I'm going to go find it somewhere else?


Well, is this about getting a raise or is this about because I used to work for a massive director, massive producer and a massive company, and I don't know if it was technically supposed to be my job as a production assistant, but the business the office manager would give me the paycheck so it would come in and I would have to Xerox copy them.


And I was Xerox copying hundreds of thousand million dollar checks and filing these away. And I was like, oh, my God.


And I thought I was really doing well with my income there. They paid for my cell phone. They paid for my health insurance. They you know, there's a lot where they took care of me, but I'm all for asking for a raise. But also just because my boss made that, that didn't mean that. Like, it kind of depends what is your job? What is your boss's job? What do you what do you want and what are you asking for?


I think you have to be realistic. You mean to assume you're going to make what your boss makes seems unrealistic to me. Yeah. And I because, you know, they make that no, it doesn't work like that. You have to work your way up.


But what I want to know is, did you see discrepancies between not only yourself and your boss, but all the other employees amongst each other? Were you shocked by the the salary differences?


I didn't I don't know if I saw the other people's salaries, but I could kind of tell, you know, because I had gone to people's apartments and houses and seen what people drove.


I mean, I'm sure some people were overspending and underspending, but. Right. But I could get somewhat of a gauge. But I also knew what somebody in my position made. And I actually felt like that company took really good care of me and paid me on par, if not a little more than what most production assistant and tip. And I was terrible at that job. But they and they told me repeatedly that I was terrible, but they said they just liked me.


And so but but there was no part of me where I was thinking, oh, they have millions. And so that's what I should get, you know, it just it's not my money anyway. Thanks for writing, Kizzie. All right. Lisa and Kate, have you ever given someone a hickey? This is important background for our next question, Abdellah.


Oh, OK. So, all right, do you continue to give people hickies like do you walk around with your significant other having a huge what was it like a sign of pride as a kid?


And then as you get older and it happens, you're like, oh, and you try to wear like that collared shirt and really cover it?


I think it's a sign of a great sex life. Is a hicky. Well, still, it's there's a lot of attraction, if you ever do need to. Yeah, that's be about as old as your older. Do you really need to showcase that to the world of, like, look at that.


You guys, I'm not saying I go going to give a hickey because I'm trying to make a point. It just happened to have happened, ok.


Yes. Yes. OK, question two.


Dirk writes, How do I get my girlfriend to stop giving me hickies? We're both in our late 20s and it's getting pretty embarrassing at this point. Walking around with her, quote unquote, love marks on my neck. I have asked her multiple times to stop, but it does not seem to dissuade her.


I think he's the only man who would ever ask this. No, I get it's it's a bit it's just a little private.


Like you realize that at least I realized when you get older, it's like, oh, this is actually like a private thing. Like when you're younger, you kind of want to, like, showcase of like, look how far I got. I got a hickey and now you get older and it's like, what are you trying to prove? And so you're at a grocery store and you're and you're getting your groceries and you have a t shirt on and you have like big old hickey on your neck.


Do you really want everyone in the store to see that? Apparently clearly signifies.


No, I'm not what you did. The other you guys have this all wrong. What I'm saying. Listen, I don't need to be yelled at on my diecast. Two of your best friends in the world show some respect.


We should be we should be able to be honest with each other like this with our deep friendship. I'm trying to say nobody sets out. Maybe his girlfriend is setting the intention of I don't want to embarrass you all the time or mark you. And that's a little juvenile. But if she is just really attracted to the guy and he's upset about that, I think that's ridiculous.


I think it sounds like she's she's doing it just to just to frustrate him. Oh, well, that's like, you know, teasing him.


She's like, you know, like teasing someone and then, you know, boom, he winds up with a hickey on his neck and he's always saying, stop, stop. And and she's never listening that.


I don't think it sounds like teasing. I think it sounds like somebody who's when it says, quote unquote, love lovemark that it's truly marking.


Right, her her dude. Well, what does he do? What do you say if he's asked her and she's still doing it? What do you do at that point?


Maybe she's taken seriously. Is writing about that's what we're supposed to help him with.


Well, maybe he's maybe she's not taking him seriously enough, which is why he now feels that he needs to write into this podcast.


And I think I know what he should do. He should put this episode on and let her hear it. And it will show how serious he is because he actually wrote in to ask. Me for help. That's right. And Kate and Lisa. About his hicky situation, this I had a weird I got a hickey once in the weirdest way.


I was at my my good friend Shannon and I, we would go to Dalkon, Louisiana, the third weekend of every August for Shrimp Fest. OK, Shrimp Fest. All the locals bring their shrimp dishes. You taste it. They have some, you know, Cajun and zydeco band, some country singer that fell off the charts in the 80s, all performing at Shrimp Fest. And I was hanging out on a picnic table watching the band. And somebody handed me their baby when they went off to dance.


And I was holding the baby and the baby started sucking my neck, like, really hard.


And I kept pulling the baby off of my neck and it kept coming back and like a leech was sucking on my neck.


So I'm sitting on a picnic table with a Bud Light in the can and a baby sucking on my neck at Shrimp Fest in Dalkon, Louisiana.


I return the baby to the mother and I have a hickey on my neck.


Ever since then, I have been so uncomfortable with Hickies. It was it's a true, true story. It was. And it was gigantic. It was like purple, red, purple.


It was so uncomfortable the baby would get upset if it wasn't sucking on my neck.


It was. So it was anyway.


Awful story. That's that's terrible. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Dirk, hang in there.


Poor Dirk. Luckily it is Scarff season coming up. So you have that going for you. All right, Kate and Lisa, our final listener question Kat asks, my friend, is getting divorce because after four kids and twenty years of marriage, her husband is leaving her for another woman. He's been having an affair in secret for years now. I see this stupid cheater at our kids activities, and all I can think is how furious I am with this guy.


What do I do? I refuse to speak to him. They were our good friends and I thought he had lots of good qualities. It's very hard to see that person right now, though, of.


Oh, yeah, so well, I feel like you would be better answer, I mean, these are some kidlets people here.


Yeah. I think, you know, if I. I would lean towards you, don't say anything, but if you must say something, what I would picture myself doing is if we're at a soccer game. I would probably tell you cheated. No cheating and I would aim it all at the soccer.


Yeah, and stop cheating.


You cheated. You know, like to get you're saying get it out and little clever ways just to like. Yeah, get the air out of the balloon. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I mean, because I think it goes beyond.


What about if you run into this person at the grocery store, how could you do it there. The same technique you could keep as car.


As you know, if you know what kind of car you have kids car in the parking lot, well, you took it up a notch.


She's really going for the you cannot throw rotten tomatoes.


Have you ever keyed a car? It sounds like you probably have my.


Yeah, I probably have at some point my childhood. Wow, what about what about those like a little whispery confrontation, like I know what you fucking did.


You know, like it, like no one else witnesses it, but you get to, like, get that person one on one.


Like, I wish you a long, lonely life yet.


And then you're like, come on, nanny to the kids. Like they have no idea, but you got it out.


Are you sure you don't have kids, Leesha? You know what? I'm not sure I know what you did coming, honey.


Like someone's ready to have kids. I feel bad for Kat. That's a big that's a big problem.


It's a terrible situation.


Yeah. Kat, hang in there. I hope you can be there for your friend and for her kids, too.


Kate, Leesha, those were all our listener questions for today. But before I let you go, because we're so close to Halloween, I think we should offer some unsolicited advice for our listeners. Every single year. People make big mistakes with costumes, you know, whether there's a pandemic or not. And there are so many costumes that you should never do. So do you have any costume ideas that are that are good costumes? Well, I don't necessarily have a specific costume, but one thing I like to always keep in mind that I don't think people think about on Halloween is comfort, because whether you're having to walk your kids around for hours and hours or you're going to a Halloween party that lasts for hours, be comfortable.


Right. Whatever this costume you make is.


Yes, it's a good point.


I always like when people involve their pets in the costume, like what's and how they incorporate an animal.


I sell when where the the dog was very long haired black dog and they put them in a mop bucket with a stick. And so the dog was the mop and they were the janitor, but the dog was the bottom of the.


That's great. That's good. You know.


What do you what do you do?


Well, typically I just go as an aging lesbian, seek comfort your list. You know, you're on the same page. I think as far as a comforter, if you really are all for a comfortable costume and I haven't done this yet, but it's a dream of mine to get like three friends together and do the horse costume where people wear like one person's in the back and the other person's in the front. And then there's one person in the middle that sounds relaxing.


Yeah, see, that's exactly opposite of what I mean by comfort, because, you know, like in an hour, everyone's going to be standing up and ripping their thing. Oh, yeah.


Or what if you do one of those things where you're on somebody's shoulders and they even better. Even better. Even better. Kate and Lisa, thanks for helping me solve everybody's problems. And would you like to personally plug your pants, share a bit?


First of all, take it was a pleasure. Yeah. Thanks for having us. That was a blast and it's really, really fun. Well, we have a podcast called Pant's where we basically talk about nothing.


What is the L word back on TV? I don't know.


We don't know. Maybe next year. Sometime. Hopefully next year. Yeah, that's great.


Very exciting. And so, yes, thanks again for for being on the show. And you can send in your own questions at Don't Ask Tig and we may try to answer them on a future episode or we have a brand new option to send us questions. You can now call eight three three two seven five eight four four four. That's eight three three. Ask TIG four and leave me a voicemail. Can you believe ask Tig one, two and three were taken.


Were taken. Wow.


All right. Well that is that's a wrap for this episode of Don't Ask Tig. But I'll I'll see you both very soon, I'm sure. I hope so. I'm going to make my way up these friendship lists.


Yeah, you got it. Yeah. Got to work for it. Bye bye.


Bye bye. That's what Joe. Don't ask, BTIG is hosted by me, Tig Notaro. It's produced by Thomas Willette, Mary North and Tracy Mumford. Our editor is Phyllis Fletcher, executive producer Lauren D. Engineering and Sound mixing by Eric Rachmani, digital production by Christina Lokos. Talent Booking by Marianne Wei's Production Assistant by Nancy Shute. Our theme music is Friend in Tig by Edie Brickell and Kyle Crush Them and Listen To Your Heart by Edie Brickell. Special thanks to Hunter sideman Lily Kim and Alex Shaffer.


Our executive consultant is Dean Cappello and Gobsmacked Studios. You can always ask for advice on Don't Ask Tig. Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo. You can also follow us on social media at Don't Ask BTIG Don't Ask. TIG is a production of American Public Media. And as always, thanks, Dana. And I'll tell Becky.