That was crazy timing, I crazy times, I still have chicken skin and tears are coming and not not enough pink champagne.

There she goes. I'm Tig Notaro and this is Don't Ask Tig, I begged you not to, but you asked anyway.

We we're not alone and nobody. So everybody goes. Yeah, I'm getting help today from my friend, the amazing comedian Michelle Butoh. Michelle, welcome to Tomas BTIG.

Welcome back to Don't Ask Tig. I'm so happy to be here.

This is this feels like home. It feels like I've done this before. It feels like I've been here before. Let's explain.

We've already recorded an episode with.

Yes. And what happened.

We recorded a dope ass episode months ago and I thought, wow, what a beautiful episode right at the start of the race revolution within a pandemic. And I saw your podcast drop and I said, oh, my God, I can't wait for my episode to air.

But it wasn't you. Nobody. I let me know what the socials were about it. And I was like, OK, maybe it's next month, maybe it's next week. And then finally I reached out to you and you said, so great, so great to hear from you. I've been meaning to call you. I don't know how to tell you this, but I didn't hit record on our episode, so I don't even know that I said I've been meaning to tell you.

I think it was more I've been horrified and not sure what to do because everybody, all the producers have been saying, can you just reach out to Michelle and ask her to do this again? And I just kept going radio silent because I was just mortified. That's so funny.

You say radio silent because that's what you were for our episode. How dare you?

It's true, though, but you were you were kind enough to come back and I will forever owe you.

Oh, is this like three wishes in a bottle? Whatever you want to call it, I owe you. Is that your new show? You have ten million shows.

Three, which is in a bottle with Michelle. And you are the last person I saw before lockdown. We were traveling, we went to Mississippi, we were partying with my family. We were no fun nuts. We were boating all around the Gulf Coast girl.

I didn't know, you know, how to you know how to boat, you know how to shoot. You know, how to, like, get rid of everything we were.

I get rid of spiders all the time in our house. But yeah, I remember being on that boat with you and some heavy winds came in. And who steered us safely.

You did. Sure you did. You did. You did. I did. You did.

Like like you were like I just wanted you to let my listeners know that if they are in a Wendy boat emergency, I'm the one I trust you with my life.

I don't trust you to hit record, but I definitely trust you with my life. And that is so much better. I mean, you had a captain's hat on. It felt very SoI Capitán La Bamba. I was like, what can't she do, Michelle?

I am the person to be with whether you're in Mississippi or in a pandemic. I can I can drive motorcycles. I can steer us to to safety in a windstorm.

I can. That's all I can do. But I always do my best.

And your family was your family was amazing. Your family was something like this season finale of Dawson's Creek where like who are all these clueless white people, white accents and polo shirts yelling at me to suck the head on a crawfish. You got like that. You got to suck the handout. That's what the juice is. And I was like, oh, my God.

And how hilariously ready are they to party? So ready? I mean, there was I truly told my cousin that you and your crew of what? Fifty people are just in town. Yeah. And I'm going to send you on your way.

And I was going to head back to the house and my cousin was like, oh, bring him all over, bring everybody up. So warm, so welcoming. Plus his house was like people ready. Like, you have to let me know in advance and then let me know when you're a half hour away so I could still clean up like his.

You can show up to my family's house at any hour. It's ready to go. The fridge is stocked, the pantry stocked, and they will throw down and party all day and night.

I don't know what that life is like, but I definitely aspire to it. And I felt inspired in that. I just got a bunch of juices and hummus and baby carrots. I'm just like, if anyone comes over, I am fucking ready. I mean, at one point your cousin made his special salmon. I said, how you made the salmon tastes like chicken. It was delicious. And then he puts it out, which I knew was this good bottle of I don't know I don't know what the liquor was, but it was a bottle with like a snake in it that's been like, I guess fermented is the word.

And then I think there was another one with a scorpion in the bottom and another one with some other dinosaur floating in the bottom. Look, as a vegan, I can't get behind any of this, but you'll get next to it and take a picture because.

It was I took a couple of shots, I'm not going to lie, I started dancing with no music.

Yeah, well, I have video of it.

Well, OK, you recorded that, OK. That's what you recorded this whole episode, this whole episode. So stupid. But that was so fun. I was like, it's really nice when you get to hang out with people's family and it feels like a hug and I'm not going to lie. You know, when we all said, OK, let's go to Mississippi, I was like, OK, I only felt comfortable and safe because I was going with you.

OK, well, I.

I understand that. I appreciate that. My town, my family. Yeah, I give them credit. They are shining examples for the most part. I can't include every person in my town. How could you as a shining example, how could you. But yeah, when I got married, everybody had their concerns flying out to small town Mississippi. Right. And then when everyone left, they were texting each other saying, oh, my God, let's go in on a place down there.

Yeah.

I mean, I had no idea. And it's really beautiful because when you think of Mississippi, you think of other things and, you know, racial injustice and and how timely that that's where you were.

And then we're in lockdown and then all of the social and political unrest that's just been exploding.

True story. I will say. I think about that trip because obviously it was the last time I was out as well. But Korona was a thing. You know, we thought it was a far away thing, but it yeah, it has taken over us in a way that feels unmanageable, obviously. And I think about you and I'm so glad you didn't get sick because we were out there. You're like the mayor in Mississippi, right? Like you walk down the street and people have like gift bags for you and want you to take pictures with their kids.

It's like very wild to watch it also. So awesome and sweet. There's really no word I can think of it right now because it's like to go back to your home state, your hometown, and whatever people think of gay people in the South, like whatever their notion is of like how people are treated, it's just like, wow, like you truly are. You are what people also aspire to be, you know, like the fact that people are like, can you take a picture?

Oh, can you wear this T-shirt? And it's like, it's so fun to watch. And I'm just like we were shaking hands. We were riding the boat with someone we never met before. We were just out there dipping and doing it and things that seemed so dangerous. Now we were just doing it. And what happens after what happens to you if you get sick? Like you can't get sick, can you?

I can't get sick. No, I mean, who can get sick? But I just don't want to take I just don't I don't want to find out. You know, I've been fighting my way to good health for the past eight years and I'm finally there. Right. And so there's no part of me that's going to take even the slightest risk. But I, I reflect on our trip and our time together and what a huge sendoff that was into a pandemic.

But it was really one of the best times I've had in years.

But, yeah, I'm I have I have hope that, you know, we'll be out boating in Mississippi again in the coming years. But I say everyone hunker down, do it's got to be done. Get out and vote or stay home and vote. Mail it in and let's make some changes. And let's all meet in Mississippi.

Real talk. Look, I don't know if I'll meet you in Mississippi. I really want to you know, I'll probably drive down if I do. I think it's important. And also my husband's European. I want to show him the rest of the country as well, because there are so many beautiful places. It's sad that people are hitting record on the America that's a dumpster fire. But I guess that's also a necessary evil for us to learn from.

And good God, man, yes, people should go out and vote or at least try and Maylin or whatever. But it's not even about I feel like we're preaching to the converted. I feel like the people that are listening to this that are a fan of you, that have your back, it's like have that hard conversation with the aunt who doesn't feel like she's political or she's a quote unquote Karen or whatever these were, you know, whatever that person is to you, like talk to that person, at least try to open their eyes, you know, who knows if you could change somebody's mind, but I think you can.

Right. Trump isn't about political affiliation. It's about right and wrong.

And he. So dangerous and God damn it, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, hold on, honey.

Oh, I know, I feel like this pandemic has been a perfectly structurally written feature film. And just the fact that we got our big hanging by a thread, I mean, she's always teasing us, argue. Hold on tight. And just the fact that that is dangling out there, that this important person during these important times is I mean, not just for selfish reasons, I hope for her and her family that she's OK. But man.

Man, well, it's on the edge of your seat kind of feature film that we are all extras in.

By the way, I just got word that Biden picked Comilla.

Really? Mm hmm. Oh, man, I could cry, I mean. Go ahead. I have chills. I have to go to I because if something were to happen to Biden, we're in good hands. And I'm sorry, I don't wish this on anyone except for Trump. What I'm saying is we have to do that. We're going to do it. We're going to do it. We're going to do it. We're going to do it.

Carmela, come through, honey. Yeah, calm down.

Little Goose's calm down a little bit. It's it's insane. I had a feeling I had feeling perfect timing and what we're talking about. Yeah. Breaking news. Yamila. It's exciting, it's exciting, it's so exciting. They got to win, they got to win, they got. We got to win. We got to win.

We got to do it. Yeah. That was crazy timing. I was crazy.

I still have chicken skin and tears are coming and not not enough pink champagne.

There she goes.

Elizabeth Warren, secretary of state. Women. We need women.

We got to do it. It's like Biden is the guy at the club. I'm holding my nipples because there are so hard and they're just so uncomfortable right now. It's like so a little quick but minor in a dumpster somewhere in Hollywood.

They said it was like, oh, oh, backcourts, I can't even be a sassy black woman anymore. I'm afraid I'm in pain. But it is like that guy, like the ugly guy at the club that gets all the hot girls in my body. Get everybody in, guys. Kamala Harris.

Oh, my God. She's our VIP.

Should we get into the show? Michelle, that was unbelievable timing. I love that. This is this is why we had to come back and record this episode.

It's like, where were you when you found out I recorded this episode again?

Oh, shoot. I don't have a recording. Just kidding. Everyone relax. OK, let's get started. Oh, my God. You get started. Oh, my God. I have five minutes left. What do you mean? Oh, OK. All right. OK. All right. The show this is perfect setup for the first question, which it's it's the segment is called Jewboy.

OK. Kamala Harris is our V.P. who I and the question comes from Andrea. She asks, I was adopted at birth. I did an ancestry DNA test and found out I have a half brother. Should I contact him or should I just reach out if I ever need a kidney? Oh, damn girl making plans.

Well, I hope that you never need a kidney because that's a tricky situation. You know, those things can can just kind of head out and and then you're left with one and it's like the plane flying with one engine. Yeah. They may be OK, but you know why? I mean, let's not even talk about that. Andrea, Andrea, Andrea, Dre, Dre.

I don't know. As far as reaching out, I, I personally have siblings that I met as an adult and I'm very happy that we met.

And it made me sad that. We miss so much time, but I think it's very personal and there's reasons that get in the way wedges of maybe one parent or both parents or another family member is problematic or complicating the situation. Maybe some people aren't safe or I really don't know.

You also could be opening a can of worms that you do not want to follow you back to your house. And if if you want to create some sort of. Solid boundary or a way to communicate that can protect your comfort level, that might be something to really consider because it could it could get tricky, but it also could be.

What do you what do you say, Michelle? I think it's already tricky.

I think it's already tricky because she is adopted, but still on Ancestry.com or 23 or whatever it is. So there is a search for knowing for answers. And I think that I say go ahead for better. For worse. You know, I think it's pretty special to have a bond like that. I'm the only child I always wished for a sibling. I used to make fun of my dad and say, if you ever had a love child, let me know I'm cool with it.

I don't know about Mom.

So I think it's pretty unique. And I don't think that we should our generation, her generation, you know, sort of suffer for the other generation's mistakes or secrets or shame. It's like we have to put it on ourselves to create our own truth in our own universe of happiness. So go God, reach out to your half brother if you want to. Just you know, he might be mess. He might be great.

Yeah, he might need him. He might need cash. He you might need a kidney. It'll work out. You might need cash. Maybe he has cash.

Right. I can't wait to hear what happens. Listen, take care of your kidneys please. Everyone listening. Take care of your kidneys. That's the real point I think.

Trust Andrea. We wish you the best of luck in all sincerity. More listener questions after the break. We get support from talk space. We all have something that we're working on, perhaps a career change, finding a partner or procrastinating less. The hard part is in identifying these goals. It's taking action thanks to talk space, online therapy, finding a licensed therapist is easier than ever. Get matched with your perfect therapist right now from your device and connect with them on your own schedule from anywhere at any time.

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Make sure to use code. Don't ask to get one hundred dollars off your first month and show your support for the show. That's don't ask and talk space dotcom. If you're looking for a new true crime podcast, let me tell you about Obsessed with Disappeared. This new podcast is made by Patrick Hynes from the smash at True Crime Obsessed and his best friend of 20 years, Broadway diva Ellen Marsch, obsessed with Disappeared is a true crime comedy podcast that tells the mysterious story of a missing person by recapping the episode of the ID show disappeared and while obsessed with disappeared is light and funny, it never finds humor at the expense of the victim or the crime obsessed with disappeared is an easy listen.

It's hilarious and informative storytelling from two best friends who truly love each other and will do just about anything to make the other one laugh. So if you're fascinated by cases of missing people and you're serious about true crime but also love to laugh, you'll love obsessed with disappeared, find obsessed with disappeared wherever you get podcasts. In her new podcast Come Through from WNYC Studios, cultural critic Rebecca Carroll speaks with guests including ICRA, Brittany, Peconic Cunningham and Robin D'Angelo about how race is at the heart of the issues we face as a nation and what it means for our future together.

Come through with Rebecca Carroll is available wherever you get podcasts. All right, well, our next question is from Madeline, who writes, I am a 30 year old woman and rightest covid-19 hit and shut down started.

I found out I had a highly suspicious tumor in my thyroid and I'm awaiting genetic test results to tell me what type of cancer it is. I'm estranged from my family for my own mental health and wellbeing, and I have an extremely hard time asking for help from my friends. How did you do this?

Well, I hope that you are getting good news. And I also hope that if not that you do allow yourself to be vulnerable and ask for help, because I was so used to just being shut off and not asking for help and just just to take care of myself and just be in my world and I'm fine.

And it was a huge learning curve and growth for me because I don't want to be shut off and not. Let people be there for me or be there for other people. I don't know what do you do you have any thoughts?

People really do want to help. It's hard to whatever has happened in the past. It's hard to sometimes get over it. Like they didn't come to my birthday. They didn't help me pay for this, didn't help me clean for that what they did then. But, you know, you will be surprised at the people that would want to show up for you even within a pandemic. You know, safely, of course. But for sure. For sure.

Reach out to somebody.

I mean, people do have that need to help. Yes. And having a place to put it is it feels good.

It does want to get help. Yes. When somebody says, you know, well, all you need, just let them know. And that's OK. It's not like you're a diva.

You know what I always thought was funny when I was really sick and people would always say, call me, call me any time I'm here for you, I'll do anything. And I thought it would be so funny if I took them up on it and I called them all the time and I was like, hey, I need something else just to where I started to drive people insane and just started giving everyone little tasks to do for me. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Or the call me at any time. Call me at any hour, give them a ring, a ding at 4:00 in the morning. Really test the friendship.

Look, look, I love that. That feels like a Bill Murray Ben Stiller mash up when my mother in law was going divorce. My husband, who's very close to his mom, was like, Mom, call me any time. And she did.

So people sometimes take you up on that Skype and be like, what are we having for dinner? Is like, is she going to hear this episode?

Does she hear the episode? She doesn't understand like iTunes. And that's good. OK, all right.

Well, keep in touch with us, Madelin. We'd love to know how things go. And please tell us that you reached out for help.

Yeah, Michel, go on to the next question. And this one comes from Laurie.

All right. My husband has a terrible habit that's driving me bonkers. He comes back from a run with his headphones on and head straight out to our deck where he proceeds to sing out loud for at least an hour. Let me just say he is no John Legend. We are bad at conflict and usually behave in very passive aggressive ways to solve, quote unquote, problems. I have now resorted to loudly closing all the windows in the vicinity to no avail.

What do you suggest I do before this escalates? It sounds like it has already escalated.

And I have to say personally, I I'm just wondering, how long have you been together? Do you love this person?

I would laugh so hard if every day Stephanie came back from a run and saying at the top of her lungs on our back porch, I would just I you're shaking your head. No, you would not be OK with husband doing this. I'm OK with the singing.

Actually, I feel like that's very sweet. But like within the pandemic, I we've been married for ten years and I've never seen him like his plate before and now he likes his plate and licks his finger and it's maddening. So like when I see it happen, I just want to burn the place down.

And do you do anything that drives him nuts, do you suppose? Probably. Right. So probably. And I think when we don't have time away from each other, those, like the little things, are big things. I feel like this is a tricky conversation because this is something that gives him joy. So find something for you that sparks joy and like, go away, like put your headphones in when he needs to sing because singing is like a fart.

You got to get it out.

Michelle, way to ruin the episode. Oh, man.

Or make it better all.

I also think it's interesting that that you're saying this is passive aggressive to me. This feels very aggressive on both parts. Yeah, I would almost work to becoming passive aggressive.

This is so aggressive. But I also think.

If there's any world where you can quietly shut your windows and then sit at the window and look at this ridiculous human being that you married and find any humor or love in your heart and just maybe maybe do this, shut your window and then film him from inside the house and then just start talking about him and say, look at this person.

I married this person. This is who I am relying upon in my old age to care for me.

What Michelle, I also think perhaps make a song request. Oh, that's a great idea.

You know, we're a good team, Michelle. High five, OK, I think we gave her a lot to deal with, right?

Yes. And I wonder if her husband has a different version of the events going on.

Oh, for sure. All right. Next up, Emma asks. I have a question for you that I greatly need your help with, I'm getting married next summer.

What are non-negotiable songs that the deejay should not play while R. Kelly and Michael Jackson off the top of my head because their hashtag canceled?

Yeah, I like your hardcore hard line on that. People are Lucy Goosey about that.

No, fuck that. I mean, I loved R. Kelly love Michael Jackson. Now I'm drivin and I just. How dare you guys.

How the fuck are you? There are plenty of talented artists. Listen to Stevie Wonder.

Yes, listen, yes, there's so many other people you could listen to, like, no, we don't to listen to predators and then I have to say for my wedding, not mine, but mine and Stefanie's, she was really hardcore. No way on Journey's Don't Stop Believin. And I just thought she was making a terrible decision there. And I really fought for it. And she said, all right, but God, do I hate that song.

And we didn't even plan this. But the final song of the night ended up being journey's Don't Stop Believing. Yes. And and please, if you will imagine this, but our wedding planner or whoever coordinator person handed everyone sparklers. And we were in my cousin's backyard in Mississippi where Michelle has partied and everybody was holding a sparkler while Journey's Don't Stop Believing was playing. And it was one of the most fun, beautiful. If somebody would have told me about the sparkler don't stop believing moment, I might have thought.

I don't know if that's really my style, but it was beautiful. It was touching. And so maybe have some leeway in negotiating.

If somebody really wants a song.

I think corny, cheesy eighties is the way to go too. I mean, I'm a big fan of a mix like treat it like a Zumba class for all ages and not too many slow songs, but definitely some slow songs because nobody slow dances anymore. Also, if you don't want to commit to a whole song, ask your deejay to do a mash up of a bunch of songs, a collage, if you will. But don't stop believing by Journey.

Yes, please. And thank you, sparklers. I feel like you just written the inauguration dinner scene with Carmela and Sleepy Joe. Carmela.

Carmela Avalon. All right, Michelle, that was our final question, and before we go, though, I wanted to see if you could tell us the very best advice you've ever gotten.

Could be anything. I believe the best advice I've gotten was from my dad. When I worked, I was editing the local news when I was in college and a Fox News talk about that, but I stayed for like four or five hours extra. And when I was going, nobody thanked me and I was like, what a bunch of assholes. And I was so mad. I told my dad. And he's like, well, never work for a thank you because you're never going to be satisfied.

Just do your job, do the best job you can and, you know, say you're welcome. Like with your face on my car. And so that really has been and that has gotten me through like really tough comedy shows where I'm just like, why don't this is not on me. This is on you. You guys dressed up and paid for this shit and you still want to have a shitty time. But I've seen you and every show like that very, very impressive.

It's nice to end with a speech yelling at everyone.

Exactly like. Exactly. That means you start flipping tables on my way to the car. Got to make a name somehow, like, get out of here, Joe Rogan. I got dreams, but yeah, I mean, I think that's probably some of the best advice. It's like, don't worry about that. Thank you.

That's the best. I love it though. Yeah. You can't do anything for a thank you. Actually, you know, you have to really want to do something.

It's like if you lend money to somebody, never plan on seeing it again. Yeah. And if you get it back, great. If you don't, you did it. You know, you did that shit then goodbye.

Or yell in public. I'll see you in court. Look like we need some content for TV shows. Zoome caught into it.

Michelle, thank you so much for for coming back this second time. And I just also want to let everybody know that if they want to send in questions, don't ask BTIG. You can write down your question or you can send it to us or a voice memo. Again, don't ask Tig to reach us with your questions and comments. Michelle, have I thanked you enough?

I know you're not doing anything for a thank you, but thank you. Yes. Can I ask you can I put my special, please dope?

I have a Netflix special coming out September 29th. It's called Welches. Yes, it's called Welcome to Utopia. It was meant to feel like a night out in New York, but now it will feel like the last night out in New York for a good while. And also the book, Survival of the Thickest Plus Sized Essays and a small minded world bitch. You can preorder it. Bitch isn't a part of the title, but it should be. And it'll be out December 8th.

So it's a perfect gift for Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Christmas, any nondenominational holiday you might or might not be celebrating. Who gives a fuck if you can't read, find a friend like fucking Kate Winslet did in the reader and have somebody read it to you. Thank you so much.

I cannot wait for your book. I can't wait for your special. I can't wait for everyone to hear what you have to say. I am telling you I can put my money behind Michelle Bhuto. She's so funny. She's going to destroy your face when you see her special. I haven't even seen the special and I am signing up to say I'm behind this and the book. I can't wait to read it. Thank you so much.

So tremendous. Michelle, I love you. I adore you. And I really appreciate you doing this.

Oh my God. So much fun. It truly is like a night out for me away from the kid. Now when I to go.

All right, by. And one last thing, if you enjoy nonsense characters and conversation between old friends, join me Kyle Dunnigan and David Hunsberger, previously of the global sensation of a podcast, Professor Blastoff for a live streaming show on September 1st. Tickets are available now on Eventbrite. Check my social media for the link. That's what Joe. If you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to rate and review us, don't ask. BTIG is hosted by me, Tig Notaro.

It's produced by Thomas Willette, Mary Knoff and Tracey Mumford. Our editor is Phyllis Fletcher, executive producer Lauren D, Engineering and Sound Mixing by Eric Rachmani. Digital Production by Christina Lopez. Talent Booking by Raqib and Lulu Duban. Our theme music is Friend and Tig by Eddie Berkel and Kyle Crushin and listen to Your Heart by any BRICKHILL special. Thanks to Hunter sideman Lily Kim and Alex Shaffer. Our executive consultant is Dean Capello and Gobsmacked Studios Don't Ask Tig is a production of American Public Media.

And as always, thank you, Dana.