Stephanie is really funny. Stephanie is just so hilarious. I brought her to feel like, look, I finished putting my office together and she was like, Oh, you know what it looks like? I was like, what looks like an attorney's office that you would visit in Omaha if you were rear ended, like, oh.

So now I really need to see it because I have gabbles and stuff.

Yeah, I'll just have you know, Sarah, I wore this jacket for you today, and do you know why?

Oh, you wore it. I love that jacket. That's why. No, you can't jump in a year later and say you love this jacket. This is the jacket you said looked like a sock puppet.

You said I look like a sock puppet, and it's like one of those monkey puppets. OK, but yeah. There you go. You but you I, I got this jacket and I loved it so much. And you you stripped me of that love for this that night that you sold me, I looked like a sock puppet.

I got to give myself a little credit. It's really, really expert because that's exactly what you look like.

It's so frustrating because I put it on with a different kick in my step. Oh, God.

OK, we haven't even started the show. Sorry. I'm very sorry. That's all right.

Here we go. This is Don't Ask Tig. I'm Tig Notaro. And it's looking like twenty twenty one is going to be the year you just keep on asking today. Sarah Paulson is here with us. You know her from Rachet American Crime Story, American Horror Story, Ocean's Eight, Carol, 12 Years a Slave, basically from every piece of film and TV. Welcome, Sarah Paulson. Thank you for having me.

You know, what I want to say is I didn't know your name was Notaro. I think people say it is when you're like Madonna. Are you Cher? You know, Tig Notaro.

Wait, you didn't know my last name? I knew it was. No, I didn't think. Wait a minute. You know, years later, you thought I was Tig. I just thought you were. I didn't think it was Tig Notaro. It is Tig Notaro. Always tell people it's like, is there tar? No charge, no talk. And then, oh, no, Tara, I have nothing I like you. I just I just thought it was Tig Notaro like like n no apostrophe Tiro Notaro.

Now now I'm going to go with Tig Notaro like I've always said it because I'm my own woman. You sure are.

You are your own woman and I am my own woman. Correct. And whether people believe it or not, I am now.

So I believe in you play so many different characters in TV and film and on the stage even. Has that helped your ability to put yourself in other people's shoes, say, to give advice?

I mean, I think I might be one of those people who irritatingly gives advice when it's not being asked. Is that easy in a relationship? It's not great.

I think Holland, if she were sitting here, would say, you know, she feels like comment a lot about everything she's doing.

It sounds fun. It is. I think it's fun. Well, now, I'm not sure she does. How do you choose all of these different roles?

Because they're they're pretty varied.

And I can tell your tone on Varied was another word you wanted to choose that you thought might be slightly, you know, like you were trying to keep it nice.

Very impressario.

I mean, this is this is coming from somebody who can only do TIG. This is that's not true.

I've seen the pictures of you in this upcoming flick where you're in this costume, this thing, and I am really ready for it. And everybody's very excited about this.

They're also like, I might look like that, but my open my mouth and it's to fly in a helicopter when I'm on Star Trek. Tigger's in space. Thing goes everywhere. OK, I think it goes everywhere to go. Everywhere it goes. Tig is there. Yes. That, that sure. I think for me I don't ever think about choosing apart from the the point of view of what's my brand, this whole thing people talk about all the time, like I don't know what any of that means.

I just think, am I terrified enough to say yes to this is usually what the barometer is for me. I really do like to be pretty convinced I can't do it. Oh, I won't be able to do it. And then I somehow feel ignited by that.

And did you ever feel like in the end you're like, wow, I really couldn't. That's what I've seen. You nail it every time.

It's funny that I've never really gone the full length of that idea in my mind that, like, yeah, the answer is yes. I think maybe I found things I've I've done that are maybe not successful, but that were successful for me as an actor, actress, whatever it is. Yeah.

Not, you know, not showing up is Tig everywhere I go, you know, I think we talked about that once you playing me in a movie, I would love it more than anything I have to say.

I want you to tell me I can audition tape. Yeah, I'm going to I'm going to try to do a tape where I do my best. Tig I'm going to get a sock puppet sockpuppet. And, you know, how dare you do?

And would you would you really be open to doing comedy? Because you are and I'm not just saying this, but you.

You really are I mean, am I really going to say you're one of the funniest people I know, but you're so funny and you're I think, oh, what did you did you get it?

And you you don't miss a beat.

And you you have all of those really amazing comedic qualities where but no one asked me to do what?

No one no one asked me to do it. And I think maybe I just got one of those little erroneous beliefs that I've held on to that I can't do it somehow, you know?

Well, I.

I have no proof. I have no proof that I can do it in a in a way where this is a no. Oh my God. You need X. You could do it.

I'm like I'm desperate to see it.

I'm desperate to be in it with you. Let's be honest now. What a random thing that I know about you is that you have a mammoth, gargantuan vocabulary.

Any tips for homosapiens? No. One to dilate their lexicon? Oh, yeah. Nicely done.

Read a book. Kids read a book. Be interested in the myriad of ways you can communicate your innermost feelings without using a sort of traditional sort of boring.

You know, the sentence is really falling apart for somebody who has a great vocabulary. How is Holland's vocabulary?

I would say exquisite, but she says exquisite. And that is technically, I believe, how you're supposed to pronounce it. It's not exquisite. It's that is an exquisite blueberry. She says she doesn't say blueberry. She says blueberry. I say blueberry. No, it's not blueberry.

But I know, but it's fun to say that. And yet she's my little cubs and say, would you like blueberries?

Blueberries. Yeah, she says blueberry, she would love it with a little. Do we have any blueberries? I would love this is an exquisite blueberry like, oh, my God, it tastes like a blueberry. It's fine. It's fine with us that way.

It's a very fine blueberry. But she would say exquisite. She has an excellent vocabulary. Now, Sara, we are about to transition into questions.

Oh, OK. OK. There are people out there that need help and they are relying on us. All right.

Are you ready? I am ready.

OK, I know that was a little abrupt going from five blueberry to let's help people know.

Listen, you're not you don't have to be an exquisite transition are to be very good at this job.

Thank you. All right, the first question, Sarah, comes from Courtney. Courtney writes, There's a guy I know who sometimes makes sexist memes. It's something I've talked about with my female friends who also know him. Eventually, I confronted him to try and show him the harm he was doing. And my female friends encouraged this. He didn't take it well, saying I was too sensitive and now we don't speak. My female friends applauded my effort, but they still like his non sexist memes.

That doesn't make sense.

Yeah, it does. What she's I mean, if I may be so bold, what she's saying is they still like his postings that are not sexist, overtly, meaning instead of just exercising him completely and supporting her. Oh, I see. There he they're still they're still responsive, just not about his sexism.

OK, thank you for that anyway. And it makes me sad to see it. Ian followed him, but he still comes up on my feed because of hashtags he uses that I follow. What should I do?

Should I tell them it hurts my feelings? It's not the first time I've spoken out about something and have ended up with broken or tense friendships as a result. It's a tricky time, Sarah, with these kinds of things. I know for myself, I think you can make yourself crazy if you're policing who's liking what, or I guess it's a question to me for Courtney of.

Can she let go of of other people's connectivity to this person without personalizing it? You know, it feels like it's it feels very personal to her that they agree with her about it in one area, but are not wanting to completely sever ties with him. And it's I can't tell whether it's more important to Courteney that she have their allegiance or whether it bothers her more that they're OK with this part of his personality, you know?

Yeah, it's it's no.

Yeah, it's people people fall on such different places as far as sexism or what people call cancel culture, which I find so annoying because it's really just consequences for bad behavior is how I feel. And it's really difficult to get into friends.

Difficult. It is, because it's like it lacks. I feel like so much of what we're sort of mushing through right now is this we brought up cancel cultures, just this world that sort of feels like it lacks nuance in terms of any person sort of sitting with something that is complicated. There isn't going to be a clear right or wrong. I think sometimes with these things that are really delicate and that involve human emotions that are not just like the sunrises and sunsets, these are facts.

How do we determine what gets forgiven and what a person has an opportunity to rectify and what causes a person to just be removed from society entirely? You know?

Yeah, I'm all for nuance. I'm I'm a big fan of it. I just don't think it's fair to have this blanket phrase of cancel culture and that it applies to somebody that misspoke all the way to a rapist.

You know, I hope yes, there need to be some. So that's exactly the point. A more nuance even in the way in which we label it or how it's, you know.

Well, that's why. Yeah, that's why I struggle with the phrase cancer culture. But I feel like I don't even know if Courtney's listening anymore at this point, if I'm honest.

But Courtney, we're sorry.

We're sorry she wandered off and she went cracker but is in the woods.

Yeah, but I would just say maybe look at are you focused too much on social media and you're going back to court.

You're trying to you're bringing it back to Courtney. That's good. That's good of you. I that's what I would start to think if I was focusing on people liking things or who like this or who's friends with that or what. You know what I mean? I would think it's like taking care.

Yeah, taking care of yourself is may may very well dictate that you need to get off the the social media. Yeah.

Or limit your time because people are really going to upset you and social media is just a hell hole. So Courtney, hope that helps.

I it doesn't you know, don't don't tell me.

So I guess what we should have said is we don't know. We don't know. We don't know.

Well we have more questions for us waiting after the break, Sarah. So let's get in and. At least try and help some buddy, this transition's going terribly. We'll be right back.

Sarah, please be quiet so we can transition so we can go to a commercial. Sarah, please. Sorry.

We'll be right back. We get support from indeed, hiring is something you don't want to mess up, you need to hire great people if you want to take your business to the next level. With stakes like this, there is only one choice. Indeed, indeed, Dotcom is the hiring site that helps you find quality candidates with indeed instant match indeed searches through the millions of resumes in their database to help show you great candidates instantly so you can do the part you really need faster meeting and hiring great people.

There are no long term contracts. You can pause your account at any time and you only pay for what you need. With instant match. You see a list of great candidates with zero waste. Want your quality short list fast you need. Indeed, right now our listeners get a free seventy five dollar credit to upgrade your job post and indeed dotcom slash tech. This is indeed the best offer available anywhere. Get a free seventy five dollars credit at indeed dotcom btig indeed dotcom.

Com to offer valid through March 31st terms and conditions apply. I want to tell you about another podcast made by American public media that I love called Terrible. Thanks for asking. In each episode of this award winning show, host Norah MacInerney asks real people to share their complicated and honest feelings about how they really are, whether they're experiencing grief, trauma, failure and everything in between. It's sometimes sad, sometimes funny, often both. Listen to Terrible.

Thanks for asking wherever you listen to podcast. New episodes out now.

And we're back, Sarah, as we discussed, you have an impressive vocabulary, so this next question is just for you.

Oh, meaning you will not be weighing in. I'm going to go take a bathroom break and you can on the show. Great. Not a problem.

Rachel writes a podcast that I otherwise enjoy, keeps saying hone in on instead of home in on whatever shall I do for context, the podcast focuses on true crime reporting. So, for example, the podcast or might say the police began to hone in on a suspect or help.

So it's almost like you wrote this, I didn't, but I want to tell Rachel something just because it's been told to me many times by me, nobody know why my sister Elizabeth, who, you know, she really gets on me about how much I sort of, you know, tell her when she's using a word incorrectly. And I just think I just want you to be in the meeting that you're going to be in and I want you to use the right word.

I don't want anyone there, you know, with some big fancy college degree going home alone.

And is it something close to home in on it?

Yeah, and I like to home in on just exactly what the wrong word is and I like to fix it.

What do you suppose that is. Oh, it's a control issue, the problem is Rachel's very controlling. I mean, I'm projecting, I'm projecting. It's this is what I've been told. It's like, why don't I let it go? Who cares if everybody's doing it? I mean, the problem I would have is what Rachel has, which is this is your job. You're a host of a podcast, and this is what you you should actually know more than the average bear about how to please.

It's a podcast. Sorry, it is a no person. No, listen, quiet.

Now, what I'm asking for is if you're harshing the host of a global sensation of a podcast.

You just told me that this question was for me and that you were going to go to the bathroom. OK, well, I took you at your word, obviously a bad idea. But what I'm trying to say is if it were me, I probably wouldn't like and I would say I'm a huge fan of your show, but it's making me nuts. Please find a way to educate yourself about this phrase. So you use it often. Sign your good friend Rachel.

That's what I would do, that you'd sign it. Rachel, I sign it. Your good friend Rachel, an avid listener. All right. I just because I want to know when I've said the word incorrectly, I do, because it's an opportunity to learn.

I feel that way too. I, I actually I'm very sensitive to it.

And I've had people tell me that I'm irritating when I so I understand and I actually do appreciate.

In fact, you know, what I can't stand is I've heard myself through editing on the podcast where I've mispronounced words that are easy.

Well, you know, they're they're like, Lotoro know even easier. But it's just because I didn't formulate the word correctly, it's not because they don't know the word.

But if this person continues to say it incorrectly, I say I say, if you're listening to this podcast and it's making you nuts, then, like, put pen to paper and go to town, let them know, do it with love and kindness and tell them how much you love the show. But this one thing is making you absolutely banana pants and you can't handle it.

And also say, P.S., Tig Notaro doesn't mispronounce things on don't ask. Tig, that's a good piece. Sure.

If you feel the need to have a self-referential moment, then sure she can mention your podcast in her note too.

I want this podcast there to know I'm out here podcasting, you know. Sure, yeah. OK, yeah, Rachel, right, right, the whole thing was Aristos Yeah, you got to write and sign sincerely, Sarah Paulson. OK, that's the answer I think that we've come up with.

And hopefully we had to home in and hone in on a solution for your issue. OK, Sarah, now that we're warmed up, before I ask the next question, do you ever bake at home? Not ever, not once. All right, well, with that, I mean, was it going to go somewhere?

If I was like, oh, Tig, Tig, I make all kinds of things. I bake, I bake. I think you wouldn't believe what I do. I mean, why don't you ask Jennifer Garner to come on the show and maybe she'll talk about all that she bakes and you can have a whole conversation about baking with her.

Why am I being yelled at? Why am I doing that? Because I asked if you like what? I want to know where you were going to go. If I said, let's take two and I'm going to say, if you'd stop yelling at me, I could get to the next beat and it would all be clear. But no, you want to take a minute and just rip me apart on my own global sensation of a podcast. All that said, Steve asked my partner and I, your transitions are just incredible.

So smooth. It's like it's like being on the autobahn. Just it's really something.

Question three, Steve asks, My partner and I are a part of a group of friends that often shares baked goods, cookies, biscuits, scones, etc. Whenever we make them, there is one couple who makes things that just aren't good. Sounds like a couple of Sarah and Holland's.

Nothing from these close friends ever.

Seems like they actually made it in the oven. They're pale, doughy creations. We are concerned that they think these tastes good. How do we tell them the truth or should we suck it up and politely keep accepting undercooked treats for the foreseeable future? Steve, you know, there's a pandemic, right, and, you know, like if if the thing we're worried about, it's like whether or not to tell our neighbor that they make a shitty gift that they've given.

You know, they say anything about this new theory coming from the point of view from somebody that can't bake or cook.

So she's taking it personally and she wants to feel like you can't criticize the handmade item because you deem it unworthy. You hear that, Steve? I think you can't tell them that it's a subpar baked good when they're offering you baked goods or that you worry that they have no ability to taste and that the thing that really gets me is that Steve wants to know. He's worried and he and his partner are worried that they don't know if that really tickles me because it's like your concern that they don't know.

But Steve, who cares?

Steve does. And his partner. Why do you care, Steve?

Because they're putting the time and effort in. And he didn't name his partner. He didn't name his partner because his partner is probably upset that Steve is asking. That's what I've decided. I'm going to do a little behind the scenes character study here. And I've decided that Steve's partner did not want Steve to write this question because Steve's partner believes that they shouldn't say anything.

I understand. But you feel like if you put the time and energy into making something delicious and it was, in fact delicious and your friends were eating it and then somebody delivered disgust on a pan, I think I would feel there would be a great opportunity for my partner.

And I thought, oh, you're not naming your partner. Interesting.

I'm assuming that I'm pretending I'm Steve. I'm inside the story. Oh, sorry, I couldn't follow that. Just different kind of actors. It's fine. So what I'm trying to say is, is that I believe this is such an I don't you think if this happened to you and Stephanie would find it endlessly hilarious? Yes. It would be the funniest thing ever. And you would like this. And I think there's a missed opportunity for Steve and his partner to have a really to have a real cackle about the absolute consistency with which the hideous baked goods are dropped off.

I'm on your side. So humor, it's an opportunity for humor here. It really is.

I if something disgusting showed up with good intentions consistently, it's so funny to me. They're like this misfortunes. They all are those that never missed a chance, whether they send over their their blueberry muffins, it just blueberry blueberry. Their their blueberry muffins. Yes, dear. All right. And it would be so great. Sorry, Steve, but I can't I can't feel a tremendous amount of your pain.

I feel like you've got to just drop the humor lens right in front of the old peepers, because, I mean, if you really take it even further, imagine yourself having that horrible conversation with these people where you say, like, I find this terribly unsavory.

How can you not know?

Here's another scenario and then we're going to move on from Steve. And I want the editors to keep editors like I have a team.

There's one person I need my assistant, my editors and my oh, I am the Forty Niners. Oh, I is I have an assistant. This is how I choose projects. I'm a helicopter pilot and a great big shoot them up Bustamonte movie. I'm super cool. My name's Tig.

You know what, I'm going to I'm going to invite you to a wrestling match.

Yeah. Guess who's going to win it. Yeah. OK, so here's the other thing with Steve I.

I think that what also might be happening is the Smither teens is that their name, Smith or Tinsmith or twins, might be actually the funny people in this scenario. They might be the ones that are maybe they're waiting.

They're waiting for someone to be like that is so funny. It could be like a social experiment to see, like how long it would take for people to say something. Oh, my gosh. Like an anthropological study about what will it take. I think people who are actually friends.

Yes, I think Steve and his partner are getting fooled.

They're being duped. They're being fooled. They're being duped. Yes. Whatever word you just said. All right, Steve, whatever. Best of luck with your half baked friend, Steve. Sarah. Sadly, we've arrived at our last listener question.

All right, take a moment to realize that this is going to end soon. OK. OK.

Hillary writes, We can only assume it's Hillary Clinton. OK, Bill Clinton.

I was literally going to say it, but I thought, don't be stupid. Let Tig do it.

I almost said, I'm sure it's Hillary Clinton. And then you edited it. She says, and then I stop myself, which is, you know, the difference between the two of us. I mean, you're great and I'm not as good as you are at this podcasting thing and all the other things to nutrition, veganism, comedy, helicopter piloting, parenting.

Hillary Clinton writes, I'm a mom of three small children and feel less and less in touch with myself.

With all of the challenges of adulthood and parenthood. How do I keep up with things like new music, books or podcasts that will fulfill my interests without spending hours committing by listening and hating it or researching online? Are there any reliable sources that won't constantly change? I feel like the world of technology changed the way we share media, right when I had children and I didn't get the memo.

Let's see, is she looking for a gadget or an app?

What I hear in there is that she doesn't have time to put in, time to then be disappointed. And then I sort of say, well, then you can't live life. Mm hmm. Don't we all kind of rolling the dice every time, you know, you sit down and you turn on the television, you make a choice to watch something. And most things aren't very good, I think. Right. I mean, you're welcome. But, you know, so I end up feeling like you got to just testing the waters and seeing what you like has got to be part of the thing that feels pleasurable to you.

I mean, that's where it's kind of fun with social media. You can put it out there and ask your friends, hey, are there any books or podcasts or music I should be listening to? Because I find it hard to imagine that you're just aimlessly clicking around on podcasts or, you know, there's a lot of people and apps or whatever it is, friends, whatever that can point you in some sort of direction.

But I do agree that it is fun to find something you don't like to find and discuss and get very and discuss that and get very clear about what you don't like about it. There can be I always like doing that. You know, I hate watching something like I can't stop watching it, but I hate every minute of it. But also, don't you have maybe some people in your life, your closest friend or somebody who's who you have a kind of like minded interest in and stuff?

So it doesn't become what? I just come out, I guess, but I like to say it again. OK, my apologies. Say the third time. But sure, you went on and on about Stephen and all the different ways in which Stephen and his partner, because you came up with a whole you know, they were all different. You know, I presented an idea and then you cut me off only to present the same idea. No, because I'm going to go somewhere more.

I'm just going to go somewhere better, OK? Sorry to bother you, but I can't remember.

You can remember what it was. Didn't you have friends that your question that you have friends I guess. Might you in the right direction.

Like I said, I feel like I feel like Hillary Clinton should probably I feel like what ends up happening is we are living in that time where everybody has a list. You know, every year, especially at the end of the year, they do the best of lists and the worst stuff and things. I sort of feel like it's probably more fun to sort of self curate and figure out what speaks to you rather than only listening to the things.

And that's sort of what she's asking, which it seemed like in the beginning, or she was feeling like she was getting left behind in terms of missing out on things that were happening in the moment and not being able to catch up, in which case maybe there are some either magazines and things she reads online, whether it's never going to catch up, let's say maybe it's like letting go of that expectation and just starting where she where she is and seeing what interests her.

I think about it all the time when I'm doing laundry and folding clothes and that idea of thinking, oh, I'm going to catch up, you'll never catch up in life. It's just it's what life is all about. It's just always going to be changing. It's always going to be leaving your behind. And you have to make the decision to, like Sarah was saying, take the risks, see what's out there, catch up with it or fall behind.

But it's a little acceptance might have to come into play here.

Sort of what you're saying that that is, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to say that now?

Well, I just wanted to bring it to a you know, since you said you weren't good at it, I was going to bring it. No, I didn't say I wasn't good at transition. You said I wasn't good at transitions. I'm pretty sure other people think it, too. I just think Hillary Clinton should do she should definitely take your advice. I thought what you said was very eloquent and really right. Yeah, I think that's a very, very solid piece.

I stay on this for a minute. Yeah. What else would you like me to say about it?

Nothing. It was eloquent, but it was it was eloquent. It was wise.

And I think that it's eloquent and wise what you said in that it's fun to explore. And it's fun to find the good in the bad. And to imagine that your neighbor, Steven, to bring you back into this conversation, but, you know, we're not talking to Steve anymore, right? This is I just said to bring Steven back into it.

It's OK. I think when you listen to it with your editors, you'll see you'll see that there was a place I was going was, you know, Steve, I hope that television is listening to it's not Steve. I was getting to how it's not Steve. OK, yeah.

Steve, I hope that helps listening to us help Hillary Clinton and Hillary Clinton.

Thanks for writing in. Oh, my gosh. This has been the most unhelpful episode.

Yes, I'm sure. Except for you did a really that last one was really good for Hillary Clinton. So we have one more thing to do and that's it.

OK, it's called name that thing. Oh, man, that said, this is the part of the show where people write in when they need us to name that thing for them, anything from a dog to a baby.

The catch is they must use the name.

OK, OK. Lane writes, I am a 27 year old who has just saved up enough money to buy my first car. It is a used Honda Civic in a dark royal blue color and I want to customize it with vanity plates. Would you help me think of something clever to name my car?

All right, so this is a Honda Civic I used to have a gold Honda Civic really not to be braggadocios, but years ago I named it Goldi Honda and then I got a gold Honda c.B 350 motorcycle that then inherited the name Goldi Honda.

And then I had a turquoise Honda Civic 350 that I named Kurt Russell.

It's a really funny and very witty.

I like Goldie Honda and Kurt Russell. So what can we do for Lane to the used Honda used Honda Civic.

OK, here's I'm spit balling and maybe one of these will be OK, what if the vanity plate said first car exclamation point? Do they have those? No, no, I don't think you can do a punctuation in the first half and it's like, yeah, OK, what's your other what's your other Balou Civic?

He said he didn't use the descriptive, clever, that's clever and clever in its own way.

OK, Royal Blue, is there anything in there? CIMIC, is there something with civics? Civic duty and spell it D d why it's a civic duty.

Yep, enjoy your new car lane. Oh my God.

Oh, I really miss Civic Duty is the name of his car and you have to send a picture in, but it has to be spelled debono be spelled D why not do t.

No, that's right. Duty.

I want to see civic duty and the backup plan can either be first car or Honda Civic. Civic.

Yeah. Yeah. So Lane if you want to be really bold and cool and you do because you're getting vanity plates, you want civic duty. Yeah. Dodie's why her to the first three times.

I like to repeat myself. All right, Lane, we've named your car. Just remember, you have to use the name.

We came up with civic duty if you want to spell it again. D o. Oh, these wild. OK, thank you for Sarah.

Thank you for being on don't ask Tig, do you want to promote anything? If so many so many great things, what do you want to promote this podcast?

Thank you for you. Thank you for you. Since you wanted Rachel to do it. Rachel.

Just how quickly. Oh, right. Right, right. Right, right.

Right. OK. Why did I start just saying how funny you were? I don't know why.

You know, and we have this, we've recorded it. We have this the podcast over. We have this on tape. We have it on audio.

Why do you have a bunch of gavel's? I have a bunch. Well, why do you have one?

Like, because I have a bunch having one and you're not a judge. What's the deal?

I was on a television show and the challenge was for me to learn how to be an auctioneer. And I was presented with. You know, in recognition of your proven auction skills, you are hereby promoted to the rank of Colonel. Colonel Tig Notaro. Notaro, Notaro, Taro, yeah, my name. So can you do that thing where you're like, I want to be honest, I mean, you like that stuff.

I have to go, you know what I mean? And it made me, me, me, me. And then what? I don't even know now five five five five five five down. Right.

Wait, I want you to give your best action. I'm going to here's the gavel. And unless you in fact, I'll send you a banana bread and a gavel. Give me your best auction, ok.

Going once. Going once. Going once, going once, let's try to calm down, huh?

OK, we still have the gavel. OK. Oh, OK. Let's give it your best shot. Nothing I'm going to say is going to make sense. I'm just going to say I understand everything is going on. Five five five five, five, five, four and five. Ten thousand round the back of that. No, no, no. You can't cut out after two seconds.

And I know you gave the heads of the nothing you say is going to make sense. Like I thought you were going to be rattling off sensical.

OK, I want you to go for 20 seconds, OK, 20 seconds. He's able to do it, but just do not going to make your brain work so hard and go with. We got to sell this gavel, so on. OK. OK. How many people going once going, going, going.

How many people killed so many people, how things will going once? Why don't you start the next sentence off with who here, OK?

Oh, my God. I mean, I really didn't lose my mind. I'm so get ready to sell this gavel.

I don't know. Oh, sell the gavel. Yeah. We're going to sell whoever is interested in this guy. We have to do it fast. OK, I'm not going to do it.

Hi.

This is your last chance.

We got to sell this gavel. All right, let's sell this gavel, let's think. Gentlemen, we're going to go here. Be quiet. Be quiet before I got to go. Everyone down in front of you. Down, down, down. Once you start laughing, just come back and continue. I can't. Because everyone can see. Because I can hear what I'm saying. I know. But that's why you got to pull it together. And this is the hardest acting job.

OK, this is. I'm directing you. OK?

OK, so you laugh, you lose your mind, you duck, you come back, you don't miss a beat. OK, we got to sell this gavel. OK, I respond best to action, action. Everybody, welcome here. Tonight, we have a very, very, very, very exciting night. We have a lot of lot of things to sell, sell, sell. And we got to be ready to gal tonight here. Who's going what's going once with the gallery going twice to I.

Fifteen hundred. Do I have twelve thousand twelve. Fifteen hundred and twelve thousand. For example, for golf, really? Oh, good. I don't mean to laugh at myself, but that is that's funny. That's a funny attempt, Wolf. I'm not doing it again. So get away from me. Gavel has been sold.

OK, Sarah. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Whoo! Thank you.

You know, I haven't laughed like that in a long time, so I appreciate you. Well, I appreciate you. Appreciate and thank you for being on here.

And I would highly on here.

That's what Joe. Don't ask, BTIG is hosted by me, Tig Notaro. It's produced by Thomas Willette, Tracy Mumford and Whitney Jones. Our editor is Phyllis Fletcher, executive producer Lauren Engineering and Sound mixing by Eric Ramogi, digital production by Christina Lopez. Talent Booking by Marianne Wei's Production Assistants by Nancy Shiu. Our theme music is Friend in Tig by Edie Brickell and Kyle Crush Them and Listen To Your Heart by Eddie Burkill. Special thanks to Hunter sideman Lily Kim and Alex Shaffer.

Our executive consultant is Dean Cappello and Gobsmacked Studios. You can always ask for advice at Don't Ask Tig. Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo. You can also follow us on social media at Don't Ask BTIG Don't Ask. TIG is a production of American Public Media. And as always, thanks, Dana. And I'll tell Becky that's what. If you happen to be looking for another podcast, check out BTIG and Cheryl, true story, where my friend Cheryl Hines and I talk about different documentaries every week.

Here's us talking about the queen of Hersi.

I was Teekay because I we have a dog door here so the dogs can go out. But I mean, if maybe if the house is so big you just call them dogs because people call them doggie doors.

Well, because I was going to say, I meant to say doggy door and I said dog door. And I just wanted to make it clear that that you had a dog.

I know that it's I know that they're usually called doggy doggy doers. I feel like what age do do people abandon dogs?

But you still say doggy door. I know.

That's also like when you go out to eat and you get a doggy bag, you still say dog.

You don't have your dog back.

Yeah, yeah. You get your doggy bag and then you come home and crawl through the doggy door and you do.

Oh excuse me. Can I get a dog bag. Thank you.

Because that sounds like you're going to pick up poop doesn't it. Like a dog bag. A doggy bag.

Sounds disgusting. Find Tig and Cheryl, true story on your favorite podcast player.