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Hi, Stephanie. Now, you should say something. Hi, Tag, this is Don't Ask Tig, I'm starting over making a nervous.


This is Don't Ask Tig. I'm Tig Notaro, and you apparently still have questions for me.


We not in. So is everybody else. This is a very, very, very special episode because today I'm getting help from my spouse, Stephanie.


Alan is here. Hi, Stephanie. You're here. Here I am in our house where I always am.


Yeah, but, you know, I have to say to to add to you saying where you always are. That's kind of an issue in our house that I'm always here.


Well, I know that I'm always here and I forget that I'm here. You surprise me. Yeah. No matter what's going on, no matter how long ago you saw me in the house, no matter if I'm in the room next to you, if I just leave your room that you're occupying for one second as soon as I return here.




Just well, you're very I think you're a very slow. Quiet.


Yeah. Louver. I'm I'm a smooth shuffler. Yeah. And I don't hear you. There's not a lot of things moving around when you're coming in.


I turn out and you're not singing, you're not tapped.


I don't have a good voice. And and now I start trying to announce that I've entered the room by saying, yo and still and what do I say every time I live here?


So that's what's going on in our house today.


And now that we're home every day, how our new routine and I do I and I can't believe it really scares.


Don't cut me off on my own podcast. This is a public radio.


You know what I said that some potts's and I think I need less pazos.


No, you should slow down. I know. I need to really take it down a notch. Anyway, thanks for joining me in my office.


This is what goes on here very often. No, I like yeah.


Stephanie thinks that my office looks like the kind of office to end up you end up at when you get rear ended and you want to maybe sue somebody that's and you need that person who has that office and you're like, oh, in Wichita, Kansas, you get rear ended in Wichita, Kansas, and you end up in mind.


You like walk through a warehouse and their office is in the back and you find your way.


Yes. That is what my office looks like that you've designed. I think it looks incredible.


I love that you love it. Everything on the wall is special to me. And I'm speaking of special things.


As many people know, Brickle does the music, the original music for this podcast. And she sent me a hand drawn card. And I will read it and please, this will take a minute, but bear with me, it's worth it. Dear BTIG, thank you love. You guys are really connected. Yes, but this is special to me. So what does it do? So it's on my Van Halen coaster. Now, that's not what we're here to talk about, OK?


Again, a very special episode.


Do you think that I mean, this is an advice podcast.


You feel like one of us is better at giving advice?


I, I think we give the same advice.


We're very similar.


And that might sound boring to people were similar in a way that we elevate each other to our highest greatness.


Wouldn't you say. Mm hmm. You kind of don't let anything slide me. No. Both of us like in terms of advice or see, I just didn't let that slide.


The advice I give, I think, is the same advice you give, which is typically to kind of do exactly what you feel is right. So you kind of it's almost like you're not giving advice, but you're helping people to kind of talk through. Well, how do you feel? Mm hmm. Yeah, you need to get to that place. And then if you can, like, tap into oh, you feel this way, well, then you should act on it.


Mm hmm. And I think we kind of do that the same way. Do you feel like we ever got advice about our relationship that was helpful or unhelpful? You know, I remember a friend of ours I was talking to and I was talking about kids. We were talking about having kids. Was I there? Yeah. I don't know if you were there for this.


I probably walked in and scared you anyway. Yeah. And this was so early on.


So obviously I was at a point where I didn't feel like I was anywhere near kids.


And she said, meanwhile, I was planning retirement at my funeral, but go ahead. Yeah.


She was like, there's never a good time to have kids. You just have to do it. And I remember just loving that. So much like that, you're just you're never ready or you're never going to be perfect and you kind of just have to do it. Yeah. And go from there. Mm hmm. Yeah. There's so many things where it's not a good time for it.


Everything would be delayed. You would just a few years would just keep going by. Yeah. You just got to get on with it and accept that that's this is life that you're embrace.


You're bringing life in that and embrace it. Then you don't feel like your life's waiting for you.


Exactly. Yeah. I'm all about this getting in there now.


Well, when I say all about jumping in, I don't feel like I've been that way romantically until. You mean you're definitely somebody where I thought, oh, I've I've really met my match in in slowness.




And but then the funny part of of you, you know, suggesting that we move in, but I only six months in and I was very there was no hesitation. I was just like, yeah, but. Yeah, let's get on with it.


Yeah, and we are going into year eight and in that in that time so much I've learned about relationships and myself and and. Yeah, my God.


Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.


That's crazy. It's insanity. It's pure insanity.


OK, so, Stephanie, we we here at Don't Ask Tig Dog specifically put out a call for people who wanted the two of us to field their questions. So let's see what we of.


Monique writes, I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for three years, he has been a comedian his whole life and most of his friends are comedians. This is a big part of his life. He has a good day job. So that's not the issue. I love comedy. He makes me laugh and I make him laugh all the time. The problem is that when he is on stage, he's not funny.


I mean, so not funny.


It's so funny. I know. Do I just lie when he asks me if I thought it was funny? Do you think perhaps this relationship is doomed? Oh, that is so tricky. I think the really good sign is that she said that they laugh like outside of him on stage. Yeah. That they make each other laugh. Huh. That's nice. That it's not like within the relationship there's a humor gap. Right. So I would say, OK, maybe there's some hope, but that's very hard.


And I've been there with me, with people I've dated, people I've had that feeling about.


And I find it very it's just very hard.


They lose. They just become very unattractive, frankly.


Yes. Yes. But it also, you know, it depends on and it depends on what they're doing up there. That's not funny. Like, if they're maybe like shy or maybe they're just not there with they're not is like outgoing or their jokes are a little not with the rhythm, then I think they their personalities can stay in tact a little bit. But if they're like the loudest one on stage and it's like goofy and they're confident, then a loud, confident, goofy, silly.


I remember when I first started taking comedy classes, improv classes, I took my classes.


I tried to do the front row with your glasses on, with your notebook out. I'm listening. OK, funny juggle.


Well, that's a funny word. OK, improv classes when I was really young and you're still very well, you know, really young.


And they there was I remember thinking like there are really cute guys in the class and then they would this is when I thought I was straight and then they would get on stage and be so.


Tariku fee, where they're like really going for it, it was like their entire personality disappeared out of their body and it was like so did the breath in your body watching that, I bet.


Yeah. So. Oh, God, yeah. I was like, oh, no. Yeah. Why even go to the gym.


Yeah, it's it's tough when somebody is not funny or they're pushing too hard to be funny.


But I do agree that the offstage connection, which is the majority of your time I'm assuming is really important.


And I have to say, Stephanie and I for sure, no matter if we're having rough spots in our relationship or if we're having an argument or we are in just utter bliss and the greatest vacation or lounging around at home every day, we have tearful belly laughs together. And I think it's so, so important to have that funny connection with your partner or spouse or whoever you're with.


I fear that's so interesting that you think somebody is very funny in life and then on stage, something something happening. Somebody probably I would talk, I would get I would have it. She should talk to him. But here's the thing. I wouldn't give up on the relationship because it sounds like this person probably isn't. They haven't found their thing, so it's probably not going to be a lifetime, but if he really loves it and it's his friends and he's doing it at night.


Right. I want to know, how old is this guy? How long has he been doing it? How successful is he? Because after a while, comedy starts to let you know the comedy shows you to the door.


But if it's a hobby and she's just like going to shows and she's like, what am I supposed to do? Be like, you are so OK, here's what you do.


And I've done this with comedians and I can't believe I'm going to announce this publicly because now I know with comedians and musicians, when a band gets off stage, that is not my thing. I say, man, you were up there rock and so hard.


It sounds like a compliment.


So with comedy, maybe you could, you know, when Mr. Unfunny Pants gets offstage, just say, oh my gosh, the crowd loved you, you know, or something like that, you can take yourself out of the equation or you really go, hey, listen, I mean, I think you are so funny in life and something's happening from life to the stage.


And I think you should try to get in, like, connect with that piece of you. That's funny. In real life and bring it to the stage and you might have some more success. OK, well, that's see, that's why sports are so great, because it's like if you strike out, nobody's like, was I bad? It's a guess you strike out. It's so hard when it's subjective. Right. But I would stick with him.


It sounds like he doesn't have a career in this and he will be.


It isn't what when he has a sheet such as DNA, he has a great day job. He's terrible at comedy. He's funny offstage. Stick with him. This is a phase. He'll be done and then you guys will be cackling on your porch swing in your old age. All right. We'll be right back after the break.


OK, we're back with a question about an ever popular topic, love. Oh, yeah, popular, popular.


Stacey writes, How did you know your wife was the one? I'll let you go first.


You know, it's interesting because I don't know if there was a moment where I actually was like, oh, she's the one, I think there were many moments of meeting you where you just really I you just had my attention, like when we we were shooting the movie in a world.


And I remember there was this moment where Tig had a little box of cereal and the craft service craft services where they have the food on set.


And Tig was eating tricks out of the box just with her hands. And then I saw her look into the bottom of it and then tip her head back and tap the box and finish it off violently to the bottom of the box to get all the.


And that was the moment you say, well, I found her well, spend the rest of my life with that person. But yeah, you just do very much.


I was like, well, look at that person just over there.


Yeah, I, I think for myself it was just more and more and better and better and happier and happier and nobody excited me in that way. I mean, certainly there's people that are really interesting and people that are really funny and really talented and really attractive.


But when it came down to spending time with you and how I just felt challenged and interested and I really.


Yeah, I had not felt that way is very easy. Yeah.


And I don't think either one of us were coming to it with that sort of vocabulary. Are you the one.


Are you my so is me looking for.


I was another, I was not, I didn't have faith in myself in that in the. Area of life, but then when you and I got together and it just locked in and it really was and still is that feeling of everything good and bad that is to come. I'm I'm up for it. Hmm. I don't have a foot out. Right. Right. All right.


Thanks for the question, Stacey. And I hope that you find your one or maybe you found your one or maybe you found your two or three.


I don't know what you're up to, Stacey.


I just hope you're happy for the next question. Stephanie, we have a what what I call. And as you know, because you listen to this show, a Korona conundrum.


Are you at all concerned about the coronavirus? No, not really. We know that mandatory Mafeking were literally cannot Mandi's somebody to where a man must not leave the house for any reason unless you have a reason and then you may leave the house. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah, ready for this, yeah. David writes, How are you and your wife handling screen time for your kids right now? My partner and I are having a hard time working from home with young children to care for.


We're feeling like shit parents, shit spouses and shit employees.


Oh, my gosh.


Sesame Street helps, but so does paw patrol and storyboards and Daniel Tiger. We're finding we're allowing more and more screen time with each passing week and we feel terrible about it, but also find it's helping us in other areas. Any tips? Well, I'll say I'll walk you through our schedule and it works for us and our our children. They're both four years old. And what we do, we get up as a family. And that's when coffee and breakfast and music, we listen to music every morning.


It's it's a really nice way to start the day. Just listening to music, no screen time. And then Stephanie takes anywhere from four to six hours to herself, goes in. I would say it's usually about four and a half. Right.


But some days it goes, yes, we're going to get in a big fight here on the podcast, but it goes anywhere from four to six hours for each of us.


Yeah, that's a time to just work, do mindless activities, read, do Zoom's or whatever. And then she tags back in and I tag out and and then I'll do my four to six hours. But they do watch TV pretty much every day. I would say from about three o'clock until bedtime.


We go upstairs around 7:00. Yeah. I would say on average three to four hours. They're watching of TV. I know that's way beyond a lot of people's comfort level with screen time.


And I think it's just finding the moments because, you know, sometimes I won't have very much work to do. And if we watch a show, it's so fun to sit with them and watch it with them.


They love when we sit and watch the show fun and like, you know, have that time where you do it together and you talk about the show and kind of get into it with them and hear what they love about it. I don't like the whole screen personally. That's the limits on screen time and how long.


I just think it's who gives a shit. And they should be on it all day, but I know it's terrible, like at a certain point. Yeah, but I also feel like people are like.


Just are they have so much guilt around it, I don't know. The pandemic, no, listen, I live here. Good luck, David. Parenting and a plague is new for all of us. Am I right? It's new for me. Yeah. We've never done this. Nobody nobody listening is is alive from the Spanish flu.


Spanish flu, you know, nobody like.


Oh, let me tell you, how long can I play with my stick and we'll have a lot of work to do that would stick in real time.


Are you allowing for Mildred, do you say Mildred.


Yeah, but well not only is that my grandmother's name, but that's who wrote the next question. Really? Yes. So you do a song from the Spanish Flu. As Mildred made it out, she made it out alive, if I'm completely honest.


I named this person Mildred after my grandmother. OK, do hidden names.


Well, we had to hide the other name for reasons I don't need to go into.


But Mildred writes, How old is too old to date? And what is the point of I know I never want to live with someone? That's a terrible impression of my grandmother, Mildred. I'm sure the person that wrote in whose name is not Mildred sounds nothing like what I just did.


But I'm not known for my characters. But you're good at them. I am good at them.


But how old is too old today?


I mean, now there's no age.


Right? OK, end of show. All right, Mildred, I hope that helps.


Yeah, I, I mean, what why would it why would you, why would it be too late.


And you can have so many meaningful relationships at any age. Absolutely. And human connection that it it feels like age is so the old sort of ways of what you should be at a certain age or what you should have accomplished or where you should be is so dated.


And and can I remind everyone that the woman. That starred in the Where's the Beef commercials did not hit the big time until she was that age, whatever age that was the beef in the beef to that age.


But I mean, I'm sure she was making cash. Yeah.


You think she went out Deyn after she, you know, was a big beef star.


But I mean, really, nobody ever saw her face before. Where's the beef? Yeah. Never saw it again afterwards.


I can't say I can picture, but.


Well, she was she was elderly, OK?


And I'm saying you might get the acting role that makes you bank, Mildred.


Seriously, get out there. But to connect with somebody to later in life is so it's just I think you think of dating is this young thing and it's like, well, imagine you've been through so much and you've gone through so much and you know so much. And you've changed in so many ways that imagine meeting someone who has also gone through those types of things and sharing that with each other.


When you're young, you don't get to you don't get to have that in dating. Can I ask, are you bored?


You were literally twiddling their thumbs while you were saying all that you were literally no. No, you are doing this.


You're twiddling their thumbs. And I thought, is she bored of me or is she bored of herself or does she twiddle her thumbs? And I've never noticed. No, I think I know and I watched it. And I am telling you, you are twiddling your thumbs.


Well, I guess I'm bored. Oh, well, good. Well, that was the final question. Thank you, Mildred. Get out there. Book a commercial, find a date anyway.


Next up, we got more questions than Stephanie and I could ever possibly answer in one episode. There were so many questions that came in.


So we're going to speed through all the unimportant ones and find out whether or not we agree this should be interesting. Here we go with quick questions.


Can I ask. Can I ask you a quick question? Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick question. Quick question. Just ask a quick question.


Ronnie writes, I'm underappreciated at my job, should I stay or quit, quit? And stay stay forever today, forever for anything, yeah, date, Mildred, underappreciated at your job, this is quick questions.


Why are you lingering on it? Oh, just making sure.


I mean, quit if you're underappreciated, right? Yeah. Talk to somebody or quit.


Lucy writes, My girlfriend and I don't have any friends who are also gay women, do we need to find some yes or no?


Yes, yeah, 100 percent, yes. It's like that's why billionaires hang out with billionaires. You need to connect with your billionaire friends. You need to connect with your gay friends.


There's a lens that I think you need.


OK. Babs writes, And for sure, this is Barbra Streisand, no silly writing in, yeah, all right, Babs bad Barbra Streisand asks, My cousin is having a wedding with no covid safety measures in place.


My mom wants to go, but I want to slash her tires to prevent that. Do I let her go or do I sabotage her? Both things are unsafe.


Yeah, slashing tires, slashing tires that say, go. You picture Barbra Streisand slashing tires? No. I can't picture with a knife. Anyways, that's not what once I I mean, you can't stop her, right? You can't you can't afford to. Well, and here's the thing.


If your mother wants to go and even if the wedding doesn't have safety measures in place, really encourage, not just encourage, but maybe get your mother a face mask that's really safe, maybe get her some gloves and some hand sanitizer and know that you did what you could.


Yeah. And and send her on her way.


The next question, Sam writes, My coworker has halitosis, should I tell him or no, I think you don't tell them, but you talk about it in front of them. How bad? Their breath? No, they were like, oh, like a front.


Like maybe by yourself or a friend or something. You just talk about bad breath somehow all the time. Here's what you need to know, Sam. Here's what you do. You eat you, Sam, you. Yes, you you eat a bunch of garlic, a bunch of onions every day and you go head to head with your co-worker, OK? You force your coworker into saying, Sam, you have stinky breath. Then you say, yeah, so do you.


Problem solved. Yeah.


I think you start bringing in mints and then you like put mouthwash. You're going to think you want to kiss.


You want to like. Oh.


I mean, that's how I started dating you, I started bringing math, it's like, well, well, this is supposed to be quick questions.


I say, don't tell them. Put a safety pin on your nose and eat a bunch of garlic and onion and give them a taste of their own steak.


All right, Becky writes, I find that men don't get out of my way when I walk down the street, should I keep moving out of the way or start bumping into them? Because, come on, you cannot. First of all, it's a pandemic. You don't want to touch anyone. Yes, right.


But I think you maintain eye contact.


You can also say, scram, clown. Right, right, that's my go to somebody is acting weird, I take it up a notch and out weird and just say Scram clown.


Problem solved. Pam asks, my co-worker often mispronounce his words. It's maddening. Should I correct her or let it go? Let it go. You're a character, I think it's funny, yeah, when people mispronounce words, but I think it's it's more so when people stumble on a word, but yeah, let it go. Well, that was quick question. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Stephanie, the show's finished, that's we go to bed now.


Do you have anything you want to promote?


I have I'm unemployed, oh, gosh, I'm sorry to hear that I meant to tell you to borrow money.


I mean, maybe my improv group Wild Horses will perform again on Zoome. We're in a documentary together. Yeah. BTIG on Netflix. Rashelle word among the L word generation Q and Showtime. We're in in a world we're in. In a world. Yeah. Where we met a lot to promote. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me in my office.


My Wichita, Kansas rear ended office and thank everybody for listening and you can send in any questions that don't ask Tig you know, maybe we'll answer it on a future episode. You can write down your question or you can send it to us as a voice memo. Again, that's don't ask Tig to reach us with your questions.


All right, Stephanie. Well, I'm ready to hit the hay, you know. Thanks for having me. This is fun. I love you. Can I. Can I. Also, I highly recommend you check out my new podcast, BTIG and Sherill True story, it's me and my friend Cheryl Hines from Curb Your Enthusiasm, discussing documentaries and having some pretty solid laughs.


And if you'd like to catch me, live in the comfort of your own living room. My old podcast, Professor Blastoff, is reuniting and putting on a streaming show October six. Tickets are available on Eventbrite. Check my social media for more information. It'll be a hoot. That's what Joe. If you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to rate and review us, don't ask. BTIG is hosted by me, Tig Notaro. It's produced by Thomas Willette, Mary Knoff and Tracey Mumford.


Our editor is Phyllis Fletcher, executive producer Lauren D, Engineering and Sound Mixing by Eric Rachmani. Digital Production by Christina Lopez. Talent Booking by Rocky Band Lulu Duban. Our theme music is Friend and Tig by any Berkel and Kyle Crushin and listen to your heart by eating Brickle special thanks to Hunter Seidman, Lily Kim and Alex Shaffer. Our executive consultant is Dean Cappello and Gobsmacked Studios Don't Ask Tig is a production of American Public Media and of course, thank you, Dana.


And I'll tell Becky.