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Love you.


Is this thing on? Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker and now hosts the podcast dumb blonde. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money, and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? We are back, baby. We are in the Nashville studio. It is a little bit lackluster, but we are building on it. So don't judge us by the couch right now. But I have one of my favorite humans here today. The most highly requested girl to be on the podcast, woman. Young lady to be on the podcast, Miss Bailey Ann.


Howdy, y'all.


What are you doing, baby?


I'm currently sitting on your couch waiting for you to interrogate me for the next hour or so.


When was the last time you were on the podcast?




Was it 2020.


2020. And we did the. I took over. We did Bailey takeover. Oh, okay.


That was that one last time you were sat on the couch, though. When was the last time you were on the couch?


Oh, wow. That would have been earlier than that.


I was going to say, because that was when we were in the old house.


Yeah, that was house studio. Your first season was. Last time I was. Was it the first season?


Holy shit. So you were like, what, seven?


No, eight or nine. Eight or maybe ten.




It was right around when sunshine after the rain came out.


So, yeah, it was right around when.


Sunshine after the rain.




So nine. God, I'm old. Jesus Christ.


You are getting up there in years, kid.


We are. We are 45.


What did you say?


So are you miss 45.


Hey, baby. And I could still hang with the 20 year olds. Listen, I can't wait until you're 40, when you're 45, because I'm going to be like, hey, remember when you used to give me shit? Remember how young I used to? I hope you 45.


Oh, I will. For sure.


Absolutely will. Speaking of, your sweet 16 is coming up.


It is.


And I don't know if you guys have ever watched my sweet 16, my super sweet 16 on MTV. It's an old tv show, so for a lot of. I guess the millennials probably wouldn't know.




Yeah, it's a show that was on MTV and it's these kids that get followed and it's their 16th birthday, and they throw these extravagant parties and stuff like that. And Bailey, for the longest time has been like, I don't want a big party for my sweet 16. And I'm like, well, you only turned 16 once. And I'm like, go watch this show and then get back to me.


I've been watching. I've done binge. I think I've seen every season. There's more guys than there are girls, which I found really interesting.


Yeah, for sure.


Really entertaining, to be honest. Why would the boys care? It's my show right now. Why would the boys care about Sweet. There's this one girl who threw her sweet 16 in, like, a zoo. And I was like, really? Do you want to smell like a zoo on your sweet 16? I have concerns. Yeah, that's sincere ones.


Yeah. That is weird. The fact that there's more dudes, too is crazy.


Yeah, most of them were straight. It's even wilder to me.


So I think we.


Have you talked into doing a finally sweet 16? Listen, it may not seem like it, but I hate we're the same way in that aspect of, like, we don't like attention, we don't like the idea of something being centered around us. So it's like, the idea of throwing like a come to Bailey's sweet 16 has seemed weird to me, but I've been viewing it as like, just like I'm throwing a party instead of like, it's Moy party, it's like I'm throwing a party. Come whatever.


Who do you think you want to perform at your sweet 16?


We keep having this debate and I really don't know if I want anyone to perform.


Bailey told me that she doesn't want anybody to perform.


I don't.


What, are you going to have just a dj the whole night?




And you don't want somebody to just pop out and surprise everybody and everybody go to school and be like, holy shit. Bailey had so and so pop up at her six sweet 16.


Just so we're going to pull the I'm Bailey Anne. I'm Jelly rolls daughter card. Like, that just feels so awkward.


And what did I tell you? If there's any time to pull the I'm jelly rolls, daughter. It's on your sweet 16. You deserve to do that, dude.


You could have anybody.


What if you had, like, who's your favorite rapper?


Oh, God. Absolutely not. Cardi B be terrible.


Cardi B just.


It's the Migos. One of them's dead. I don't think that'd work out very well. Who are they? Who are they? The Migos.


Oh, yeah.


Yeah. Oh, God.


We already talked about this yesterday. Yeah, the Migos and then.


I love the Migos. I don't know. I don't listen a lot like J. Cole. I listen to a lot of older.


Yeah, but I thought Cardi and Nikki were like your.


I mean, love.


She's like the Migos. It's the ad libs.


It is. It's the ad libs. I really do listen to a lot of J. Cole in that more modern day r and B hip hop style.


No, you listen to old school shit.


I do. I really do. You make fun of my playlist. I think it's great.


It's crazy. She'll listen to shit from, like, 95.


I do. Yeah. I don't like new rap. I can't stand mumble rap. Yeah.




So it's like, I can't do the money bag or Gilgotti just. I can't. You're not telling a story.




Gilgotti is not. I like music that's telling a story. Yeah, I get that.


For sure. You would probably like Joyner Lucas, then, because he has.


I've heard about him. I thought he was country guy, though.


No, daddy is doing a song with him, actually. I don't even know if we're allowed to say that, but it's one of the best songs. One of the best songs, actually. I'm sorry. One of the best melodies my husband has ever sang is on this Joyner Lucas song that's coming out.


I love that.


Yeah, it's fire. God, if I could play it for you guys.


Insane. Yeah.


No, it's like goosebumps and just like.


Oh, I can't wait for that.


Yeah. His voice is just so beautiful.




So, anyways, I'm really excited about your sweet 16. It's going to be my time to shine. It's going to be my.


Literally, way more. We're doing a disco cowgirl. Disco Cowgirl, cowgirl red carpet, pink and rhinestones red carpet. Can it be pink?


Yeah, you could do a pink carpet.


Do a pink carpet, then.


Or what if we could find a rhinestone carpet that would be even better. Rhinestone pink.




We'll figure it out. But, I mean, if we're really going to do this, I need you to get your list over.


I've got it. Bravo, man.


I keep hearing that, but I don't.


See that it's all on paper. But also, we both know I can't just hand you a list. Something you're like, well, what is this? You can't read my handwritten.


Yeah. Talking about, I need. What do we call it? Point.




PowerPoint presentation.


You love my PowerPoint presentation. I do.


They're pretty thorough.


Thanks. Yeah. Done. A few, love. They're great.






So. Gosh, I don't even know where to start with you, child. So much has happened since last time we've been on this podcast.




And I was very hesitant with having you come on. Was I not?


No, we've both been hesitant about it, frankly.


Yeah. One, being on such a big platform, you're opening yourself up to people having fucking opinions on shit that they have no idea of what they have an opinion on. And two, you're my little baby, so it's like, I just want to protect you. Yeah, for sure. And I want to protect you. And I also want to do what's right as your parental figure. I never want you to feel like I'm exploiting your.






We've talked about. We've talked about it so many times.


And you pretty much were like, mom, I want to tell my story.


It's Tom. Yeah, it's Tom. Yeah. It's been a good almost six years since anybody's really heard anything from me.


And you deserve to tell your story, because I really feel like if a kid your age is watching this, they will be able to be like, damn, Bailey's been through some shit. And if she can do it, I can do it. All right, so where do we start?


Where do we begin? God.


Okay, so last time you were here. Ten. Let's go back to ten.


Go back five and a half years. Yeah.


So, like, the past five and a half years, in your own words, what would you describe? Like, how would you even begin to tell listeners what they've missed out on?


Just chaos.




I mean, not necessarily negative chaos. I don't think chaos is necessarily a bad thing.




But both positive and negative chaos has ensued in the last six years.


A lot of trying to find yourself and growing up with parents who are in the spotlight. You're in the spotlight.


A lot of trauma.


It's been know a lot of gonna. When we do talk about the. It's I want everybody to know that it's Bailey telling her story. She's not badmouthing anybody. She's literally telling you what she's been through and what's happened.


This is true. So I think there might be a little badmouthing.


Well, you're allowed to badmouth.


I'll keep it to a minimum. Yeah.


I try to always take the high road with it, but, I mean, after God, this last situation, it's very hard for me to take the high road, but I still don't badmouth her. I'm just like, what the fuck is wrong with her?


What is your problem? You have a soul, is my question.




She's a windigo.


So. Ten years old. Was mom still in jail? Ten years old.


To be honest, I have no. Remember, like, no recollection.


So fast forward 2020 quarantine, I think mom. What?


Mom got out. Mom got out in 2019. But saying mom to her sounds weird. Felicia got out and really uncomfortable.


Skinwalk Leicia.


Skinwalk Leicia. Oh, I love it. Got out in 2019, went into RCI, so we're living. And then 2020, I guess, somehow decided to pop back in and was like, hey, I'm your mom. You're my kid. Let's do this. And I was like, oh, cool, whatever. She popped up two days before my twelveth birthday. May 20, 2020. Quarantine. A cantina, which was horrendous. And I guess we just kind of started building a relationship from there. Her sister was out. Everything was kind of chill, actually.


I think that was the best they've ever.


That was great. No, that was really, like. That was when they got their apartment after mom got out of RCI, which.


For everybody who doesn't know what RCI is.


What is it RCI is? I don't know exactly what it stands for, but it's basically just, like, a sober living facility from people from in middle Tennessee. Just a bunch of girls that are sober, out of jail, out of rehab, whatever, living together, and weekly drug tests, figuring it out. Have curfews, basically. Like being in a dorm, but sober is the best way, I think I can describe it.


Yeah. And she was really stepping up to the place.


No, for. No. She was doing the mom thing. It was pretty cool.


Yeah, it was awesome.


Pretty rare. So I was like, this is.


Have always. Jay and I have always tried to. No matter how we personally feel or how scared we are for the situation, we always try to let it just be natural with you, and we're always honest with you, no matter what's going on always. We're always honest. We don't try to hide anything from her. So this was very organic with you and your mom. It was really like you guys were healing together for a moment.


Yeah, it was great. No, we really had a thing going on about end of 2021 is when she got back with Sha.


Cheyenne is baby daddy for everybody who we love.


Cheyenne, my fave.


Which you were not for.


Which I was not for. For good reason. Which was? Which I ended up being right. Everybody kept telling me, everybody was know, we can't hold their past against them. Let's give them a chance. They're both in new. Oh, I tried, but I was right.


So you were afraid that they were going to fall back into bad habits? Yeah.


And Shyan did not. We'll give her credit.


Shy has been kicking out. She's been slaps.


We're so proud of. We love shy. We love Shy's girlfriend. And they're my favorite humans on this, literally. But so, yeah, they got back together, and I think we were all scared, but definitely me. I was just like, I don't like this. And I made that very clear. I don't like you all together. This is just my childhood all over again.


It was triggering.


Yeah. I was like, I'm not here for this.


So let's pause right there really quick for people who don't know your story.


Oh, gosh.


This made me think because a lot of people might not know your entire story. So let's talk about the first, and then we'll catch back up. But let's talk about from birth to.


When we got full custody. Okay.


Just a little recap so that some people who don't know what's going on will know.


All right, well, I was born May 22, 2008, to Felicia Beckwith and Jason deferred, and he's going to hate me for saying deferred. D Ford. And they were not together. Dad was in jail. Yeah. I feel like I should know that. Yeah. My dad was in jail, and Felicia was doing her own thing. She was with shy, living with her parents, my grandparents.


So shy has been around since before baby.


So shy's been around since before I was born, when my mom was pregnant with me. I guess things were fine for the first couple of years, the years that I don't remember because I didn't get my full cognitive memory until about five bits and pieces come back of, like, I remember when I met my dad. And then it's weird to say when I met my father and stuff about my susu, who was there when she passed when I was four, but very little. Kindergarten year, I guess, is when it started to decline with mom and shy addiction and stuff. And then I guess around six, first grade was when it just went gone.


It was getting really bad to where your mom wasn't able to take you to school. You didn't have. Let's just dive in a little bit to the house.


The house was horrendous. Yeah, it was like nightmares. I still.


To this day, yeah, it was bad. I remember the first time your daddy took me there. You had to been like, what, seven years old? About seven, yeah, your daddy took me there. And my first memory of Bailey is her cooking dinner for her cousins that live with me. Little two cousins, her aunt Candace's kids. And I think you were like, who.


I was literally raising, literally raising these two children.


So you got to imagine Bailey's six, seven years old, and she's momming these two younger cousins. Two, three years before I even came in the picture. And so you were standing on, like, a stool making these kids. I forgot. I don't know if it was like butters and noodles and butter or peanut butter. I can't remember. It was something, but it was just like. It broke my heart because I looked around and this house was completely trashed. Bailey had no bed. She was sleeping in a chair.


And usually because when my cousins moved in, I started sleeping on the floor because I didn't want my two younger cousins not to have an actual space. So I gave my cousin Michael the chair and then Lily had the couch and made a little palace.


The neglect in the house was just horrific. It was really bad.


Honestly. Outrageous.


Yeah. No kids deserve to go through what they went through. Having two addicts as parents, that's how bad their addiction was getting. And that's what I'm trying to paint the picture. It wasn't like they were just popping a pill here and there.


God, it was terrible. So this is all happening. Bunch of people. My great grandparents, my great great grandparents, great great whatever. They start dying. And that's when it progressed even worse because I guess they were just really close, especially with Shaw. And then eight. Yeah, right after I turned eight. 2016 around that time was when it got to the point where they weren't, like, being able to pay the bills because they're spending all their money on drugs. So it's like the lots kept going out and the water kept going out. And we owned the house like, there wasn't rent, but all these things kept turning off. Remember my dad? I was seeing my dad every other weekend at this point, which we've all discussed. I hated, hated my father for the first, like, nine years of my life.


But why? In therapy, we've learned that.


We've learned that there were two reasons, right? One of them was because of my mom, because she hated my father. And I was like, oh, well, it's my mom. And my mom hates him, so I hate him.


And also she badmouthed and also constantly.


Yeah, it's a given.


And as a kid, you're going to.


Mom, like, of course you're going to listen to her, whatever she says. Yeah, for sure. And then the other reason that we've discovered I hated the women my dad.


Was with, because he does not choose great women. No. At all. I've seen some of.


And then he popped out with a kid, and the same time he popped out with a kid, he got married. And I was like, this is some bullshit, to be honest. What are you doing right now? You're having a child with this one, and you're married to this one, who I thought was 20. I thought you were 21. We discussed this. I really did.


I love you.


I remember I looked at my grandparents when we met. I was sitting in the backseat of their van in there in front. We met up at a Burger king or whatever and was like, she's young. She's not old enough to be like my mom. And they were like, I don't know, your poor grandparents, they always just try.


To stay out of it. They literally always just tried to stay out of it.


They were just like, I don't know, literally terrified. I was like, no, she's a baby. That's scary. And then I remember being. Leading you.


It was hilarious. Thank you very much. Thank you. Remember that next time you try to harass me about my age.


You are still old.


Okay? So moving on. We were trying to help pay the bills, and we would send them money for bills, and it would get spent.


On drugs every time.


And so finally I got tired of it and was just like, this is a revolving door. They're not going to get better unless know, speak up and say something. So that's. Know. Jay was like, we went over to the house. We saw the house. And Jay was just like, we have to get custody of. Like, she can't live like this anymore. And we went to court and. Go ahead.


And then I guess there was that in between stage of me not being y'all's, but me not being moms. And there was a weird space. And I went and live with Aunt Jade for a little while. And then I guess y'all got married.


Aunt Jade is shy's sister, and we love Aunt Jade. Shout out, Aunt Jade.


We love Aunt Jade. But she had just had her kid. She had just gotten married. And I moved in with her for six ish months. A little less four, five. One of her a couple months until y'all got the condo. Yeah.


So when we got, we didn't think we were going to be able to get custody. No, at all. We did not think that it was going to go that way. So we went to court thinking, like, okay, if we get custody of her, then we'll get a place to live.


We'll get a place.


Not realizing that, you know, a call girl and a drug dealer trying to rent places in Nashville was so, like, we got turned down left and right.


So that's another reason, especially all the dad's charges and everything, that just wasn't. So.


That was one of the reasons why she had to go live with her aunt Jade was because we didn't have a stable place and we didn't want to keep moving her around, and we wanted her to be able to go to school and be know family as much as possible until we could get a. Yeah. And I think we were in the.


Middle of tour was also. It was right in the middle of the addiction skills tour. We were not having a grand old time. Yeah, it was crazy. And then February, we moved to Vegas. Was there for a couple months. I've blocked out most of my Vegas memory because we went to Vegas because.


Daddy had just had enough of Nashville and was like, I just want to change, and I want to get Bailey out of this mess so that she can start healing. And we really thought it was going to be like, know, because when you're in that situation, you don't know. And it wasn't reflecting.


It was not helpful for anybody. I repeat, not helpful. God.


As parents were scrambling, let's put her in a different environment.


And it's like, completely holding no grudges. It happened. But, like, holy shit, that was rough, for sure.


It was a lot to take on at such a young age.




And it was so like that.


Yeah, it was just like, one day it's like, hey, you're over here at Jade. The next day here, you're going to go moving with your dad, who you can't stand, and his new wife, who's a literal teenager in my mind. So what are we doing right now?


What is this yeah, for sure.




So we ended up moving back home from Vegas to Nashville. And then that's when we got the condo, I believe.


No, we got the condo before. Okay.


So we did get the condo.


It was condo Vegas. And then we got that house in that neighborhood. That little neighborhood.


McKay's mill.


McKay's mill.




Yeah. McKay's mill.








And that was when I went to Clovercroft Elementary School.






Moving on up, I absolutely hated. Well, we tried to get you out of the hood and into the.


I tried to fight a bunch of people. Fourth grade, Bailey was angry.


Fourth grade, Bailey. Bailey has been angry.


Bailey's been angry.




Bailey's been for a couple years. Bailey's still a little angry, but I think it's part of my personality.


Absolutely. Well, I think it's part of your trauma.


Moy's going to bring angry little.


We're working through it. You're doing really good with it. But your mom was AWOL at this point.


Yeah. We don't know where Mama is.


We have no idea.


We don't really want to know where Mama is. Shy's back. She's chilling. But she dipped again because her dad died. Fair pass. Kind of. Yeah. And then came back. So all is well in that world. But mom's like, we don't know where mom is.


Yeah. And this went on for a few years.


Yeah, I remember.


Completely gone.


We talked a few times over the phone in Vegas.


Well, because wasn't she still in jail?


She's in jail. Yeah.


Anytime she's in jail, Felicia does great.


Yeah. Literally.


She'll communicate. Yeah, she'll communicate. She's the best mom ever.


Now they've got iPads in jail. It's a whole. They got a thing going on right now. Yeah.


Wait, what did you say?


So now they've got iPads in jail. They've got a whole fucking thing.


I can't even believe hex.


I don't even know what's happening. Yeah. My God. So, yeah, mom's awol until 6th grade, twelveth birthday, she pops back up.


I feel like she comes around on.


The birthdays every time, and I'm like, can you please.


And this is after you had written sunshine after the rain?


Yes. This is antiers could talk.


I feel like she pops up whenever I'm healing. Yeah. I didn't want to say it.


Best way to put it. When I'm actually doing half decent, she's like, what can I fuck up in her head?




On today's episode, of let's traumatize Bailey.


Next mood coming soon. Let's talk about tears can talk and sunshine after the rain.




Those songs you wrote yourself.


I did.


How old were you?


They slay sunshine after rain. I was nine.


Tears could talk.


I was ten, almost eleven.


I remember.


I hate them both now. Oh, they're so good.


They're, like, iconic. When you brought me that verse, I remember when you first brought me that verse to. I think it's tears could talk. I was like, you wrote this? And you were like, yeah. And I was like, holy shit. And right then, I knew. I was like, this kid's a fucking songwriter, dude. To be ten years old and have.


Write that is crazy. To be honest.




And looking back now, being almost 16, actually, really writing now, I look back at that and I'm like, oh, my God, there's so much I could have done better, but it's like, I'm also trying to give myself credit because I was ten, so it's like, can't be too harsh on ten year old Bailey.


You smashed it out the park. It was really good. She's like, sunshine after the rain, too.


That wasn't bad.


You were such a baby in those videos.


Such a baby. The videos. The voice is hellacious. I miss her. Bring her back. She was so sweet. What happened?


I know. I tell everybody, I'm like, wait till your kid's 13.


Oh, I know. You keep saying it, and I'm like, thanks, mom.


I love you.


We're about to make 16 hell, just because of that watch. Oh, please. No, 15 was enough. 15 was enough.


I handle it.


We're good. God.


Okay, so we're getting back to where now we're active. Well, remember I had you pause? Okay, so mom is coming back into the life at 1212.


Her and shy girl. Yeah, 13, they get back together.


Mom was sober, out of jail, super sober. Okay, now we're picking up where we left off.


We're picking up November 2021.


Oh, God.


Mom and shy get back.


She remembers.


Dates. I've got receipts.


This is baby Einstein, dude. She remembers fucking everything for.


We moved to Vegas on February 26 of 2017. I've got weird dates. I don't know why. Some great history class. Yeah. Mom and Shai get back together, and I'm like, this is disgusting. Okay, but sure. And I give it a chance, and everything's fine.


Flash forward to 2022.


It's March. Oh, God, this is horrendous. So, 7th, 8th grade, Bailey had a really smart. 7th grade, Bailey had a really smart 8th grade, Bailey had a really smart idea post breakup with my first real girlfriend, I guess, which was to have a secret snapchat account and do some absolutely horrendous things on said secret snapchat account.


I wasn't even going to talk about that.


But if you. Oh, I'm talking about it. Oh, it's hilarious.


I was talking about mom and shy, but if you want to talk about.


It, but now, years later, I think it's funny.




Oh, it's hilarious. So she had a little wild face. She rebelled a little early, and that happened. And then that was when me and mom's relationship got tedious.


So her and shy started having problems.




And your mom wanted to move out. And when Felicia wants something, she's very conniving. And she would call me every day and wanted to be my friend. And the crazy thing is, with Felicia, I've always, no matter how I've felt about her personally, have always put Bailey first and tried to be as cool with Felicia as always. And she's coming to me, and she's talking to me about, like, shy and her just aren't getting along. And she wants to be such a good mom to Bailey, and she knows that.


And that was later in July.




After the summer. Okay.


I was talking about moving in to.


Oh, moving into Shaw's.


No, moving into.


That was in July.


Oh, okay. All right, go ahead.


So in March, she moved in with shy. Okay. Gotcha. Her and Candace and Candice's kids.


Yeah. So they have a very codependent, narcissistic family, toxic relationships. Her sister's always with her. And we love Candice.


She's such a nightmare. And really one of my favorite people. But we love Gan.


She's a beautiful disaster.


She really is. We love Gan.


I just feel like Candace does better when she really does.


She does great. Because my mother. Skinwalk Leisha has a way.


I gotta tell you guys why. We tell them why. We say skinwalk, Leisha.


We were talking about her recently.


Bailey goes.


I was like, swear to God, she didn't have a heart. She's like a skinwalker. And pop goes, skidwalk Leisha.


This is great.


So now we cannot let it go.


No, it's literally like it just stuck.


It stuck. And now it's it. I remember we told my dad that, and he was like, he didn't get it. He was like, what? Lisa, how do you not think this is hysterical?


And I want you guys to know, the reason why we are laughing at this is because once we get to the real serious shit. You're going to understand that if we don't laugh, we're going to cry.


We're going to cry. No, literally.


Might as well just make fucking light.


Yeah. I don't know how I'm going to say this appropriately, really, once we. We're almost there, too. How do I say that?


I mean, you just tell the.


How do we word this?


It's your testimony.


You know what I mean? So, long story short, flash forward, it's May. Oh, wait.


She moved in with.


She moved in with shine. Okay. Yeah, they're cool for the first, like, two months. Yeah. My mom had been, like, drinking again, but not, like, drinking again, which we knew. Which we knew. She'd have a glass of wine or she'd have a margarita at a mexican restaurant.


But let's be real here. You told your mom when you knew she was having drinks. You guys had, like, a big argument about it.


We had a huge argument about it, and that was in about March because.


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Upset because it was scary. I was like, this is triggering going to be your pathway. This is going to lead you back into everything. And she was like, no, I trusted her, which is my mistake. Always my mother is trusting her. But we had this huge argument and she finally just convinced me it's okay. And I'm like, cool. Looking back on it, you manipulate. Of all these are all things I've said to her. You want to be nice to Felicia?


What I'm about to say no, I know, but with the name calling, we have to be.


Oh, she's fine.


I know.


So it's May and her and Shire are starting to get. You can tell they're starting to pull. I turn 14 and I go spend this. I decide I'm going to go spend basically the summer with shy and mom because they're living together. And I'm like, I may as well.


See how this catch up on lost time.


Yeah. Catch up on life. And my cousins are there, and they're my favorite people. And it's like, I just was like, this is cool. Like, my whole family is together one place. Sick. So I go there and I'm spending the summer and things are starting to get a little rocky towards the beginning of June. But they aren't bad. I'm smoking a lot of weed, which.


We did not know, which they did not know.


My mom knew.


Right? Her mom, how this starts? Yeah. Her mom actually provided her with the weed a lot.




Also had you doing.


What else? Oh, we're getting there. Okay. Oh, it's great.


Well, I had you drinking.


Had me drinking a lot at this point. Yeah. By June, we would have been drinking together because I remember we got really drunk at pride together.


That shit infuriates me. It's so hard to hear.


I know.


New things.


It's not easy to say either.


No. To me, it's like a mom should. It's okay to be a friend, too. But at the same time, it's like, why do you want your kid to go down the same path as you?


No, it's crazy. It's wild, to be honest. I always say, and I think, yeah.


That Felicia is so jealous of Bailey that she tries to sabotage her greatness and what, your potential?


She knows that I can be everything she isn't and wasn't. So it's like, how do I make this not happen? Yes.


And we're not talking shit. Once you guys hear and we're like, okay, see? Has happened, you're going to understand where I'm coming from.


No, for sure. So, yeah, we start drinking together. Everything's. And I'm like, okay, this isn't. Whatever. You're just cool, mom. You're letting me drink and let me smoke weed. Like, this is cool. And then it gets wild. And by July, we were doing, which is wild for me to say, at 15. Went straight. Nobody knew except my mother, who was manipulated and convinced me to do. And giving her bags, giving me, like, for my Christmas present.


Yeah. And so wild.




So infuriating. I think what broke my heart was listening to you tell the story of the first time that you. Why don't you fill that?


Oh, yeah, we're doing that. No. Okay. That's great. It was 4 July, and we had left my mimi's for her big 4 July thing that she does every year. And she was like, my cousins were sleeping in the backseat. She's like, hey, we're going to make a stop. And I'm like, what kind of stop, Felicia, what are we doing? And I was so drunk. I don't know. Jello shots were wild, okay. And we're in the car, and I'm like, the kind of drunk where I just don't even, like, I can't even feel what's around me. So I'm just like, okay, whatever, let's just stop somewhere. She's like, yeah, we're stopping by my dealer. And I was like, that's a bomb to drop. What? She was like, yeah. And I was like, let's stop at the gas station. I need a drink. I need, like a red bull because I'm spinning. She was like, cool. So we stop at the gas station, we get a red bull, and I think I got like a snack or something. And I remember we get into a fight in the gas station bathroom because I was like, we're stopping by your dealer.


I was like, do you mean for my weed? Because that's not a problem, but what do you mean, your fucking dealer? And that's when she told me. She's like, yeah, I have a new. But it's recreational. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah. And I'm like, what the fuck? And I remember freaking out, and then she talked me down and she's like, it's okay. It's just like, a recreational isn't a bad drug as long as it's used, right? It was like, she's like, you know how the same way that weed isn't like a bad drug, same thing. It's just different, blah, blah, blah. And I'm 14. This is my mother, who I really trust and who I've built a really good relationship with at this point. And I'm like, okay, whatever, mom. Just don't let it get bad again. I won't. I promise. I got you. Okay, cool, whatever. And then we go. We go to her dealer, and then we stop at this dollar general empty parking lot. It's like two or three in the morning at this point. Cheyenne's staying with Mimi that night, so it's just going to be me mom at the house.


We're in the dollar general. She's like an acer, like, whatever she's doing. And she looks at me, she's like, will you try it? And I'm like, 14 years old. No, what the fuck do you mean, will I try it? I'm drunk as shit right now. And I even told her, I was like, the first time I do something like this, I don't want it to.


Be in a dollar general parking lot.


Parking lot. Also drunk. I've heard horror stories. I have horror stories now about people that have gotten drunk and done and lost their shit. So, whatever. And I ended up doing it because she's, like I said, manipulative. She did her. She did the mom thing. And it's weird to say did the mom thing. But it's the best way I can put it, in terms of how persuasive she was, how convincing it was. Right.


It's not a mom thing.


It's not a mom thing. But it's my mom, right?


That's a norm for you.


So it's like, it's my mom. It's like, whatever. She did the Felicia thing and it worked. And over the span of these couple of months that I really don't have a lot of recollection of because I was so fucked up all of the time, whether it was weed or I was drinking or I was vaping. Vaping or snorting valiums or Xanax or whatever, I was just. I was never sober for a good eight month period starting in June.


And it was crazy because we knew that Bailey was being an asshole because.


I was very good at keeping it. Like, well, y'all cannot know.


Your mom made you feel like that. Also, though, is what has come out in therapy. Exactly. She made you feel like you choose daddy and bunny over me. And this is our little secret.


And I never wanted her to feel that way because every time it would get brought up, we'd get into a fight one day, we'd be high as shit, we'd get into a fight and I would always tell her, like, you know what? I'm just going to go tell mom. I'm going to go call Bunny right now and I'll tell her. She'd lose her shit on me. And then she'd start crying. And every time I'd just feel bad. And it's like, I don't want my mom to hate me. And it's like, if I say a word to anybody about any of this, if I tried quit, she's going to hate me. I remember we got into an argument in October, November, and that was around the time November was around the time that I started doing almost every day.


During this time. Let's pause really quick. During this time, Felicia had finagled me enough to say, hey, I want to move out of shy's house. Can you guys move us to Franklin? And of course, Jay and I being like, oh, my God, Felicia wants to be a mom. Hell, yeah.


We got live in the school district. I can stay and ride the bus to her house. It was going to be great.


Yeah. So we got this house for them in Franklin, which is a suburb out here by where we live. And it was right up the street from us. And we paid half the rent there, we paid the bills there. We made sure that they were comfortable. This was an ideal situation for us because we're.


Should have been great, right?


And we're thinking, oh, my God, she wants to be a mom. This is so cool. Not knowing that she is fucking traumatizing the fuck out of her.




And, like, Bailey would come home and would. Could tell some things were a little off, but I just always try to give her her space. That's one thing with Bailey, I do always try to do. And I'm not tooting my own horn, but I had a stepmom who was up my fucking ass all the time. And with Bailey, I just am, like, she'll come to me when she wants.


And I shut down. I leave and say that you wouldn't have been able to know because I wasn't making eye contact with you enough for you to. I was.


I was really, like, we had no idea.


Presley didn't even know my best friend in the entire universe, who knows everything about me.


Didn't know her mom closed her off so much from all of her. Like, it was like you were living, like, almost a double life with your mom. And then you would come home with us and you would go to church with your church friends, which that even started leaking into your church friends.


That whole situation. Insane, right?


So, November, you're doing all the time.


All the time. And remember, we got to an argument about it, and I told her, I was like, I got to quit. I've got midterms coming up. This is my freshman year of high school. I've got midterms. I got to get my shit together.


And in the meantime, her sister's doing fentanyl in front of you.




I know.


And every time I feel like it's still your first time hearing it, I.


Guess it's so hard to hear that because it makes me want to beat people up.


I try.


You don't deserve that.


That is mind boggling and infuriating.


It infuriates me so much, though, because what if that shit had fentanyl in it? What if she killed her own? Like, would she have any? Like, this is where all gloves are off with Felicia, is that. It's like eight years we have given you eight fucking years. We have had custody of you now for eight years longer than your mom did. And it's like, when does the motherly instinct kick in? I don't understand.


I don't think it does. I don't think she has one. Yeah. That's the difference between her and I.


Absolutely mind boggling the shit that she's done, to be honest, this last.


But I think that the literally, at least in my culture, especially in my generation, I've noticed that has been normalized. I don't know why. In some weird way, it has been normalized as this party drug. And the way I did it is not normalized. Doing it before english class is not normalized. Doing with your mother is not normalized. But no, not implying that it should at all. But it is so out of the realm of possibilities for so many people.


To think, especially a kid who is as privileged as you.


That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm trying to find, like, a nice way to privilege. It's like, if that's not the drug I have to do if I'm going to do drugs. Right. You know what I mean? That's why it's so important to me. And it's also important because it was my mom's drug of choice, which. How the actual fuck can that be somebody's drug of choice?


Well, because your mom. You guys, listen. I laugh when I get uncomfortable.




And I'm laughing at her reactions. I'm not laughing at her mom.


I laughing at my insensitivity to the situation. Yeah.


And I think we laugh during trauma all the time. But your mom was also using heroin. She's a heavy heroin user. Your mom was shooting up heroin, doing speedballs. So to be that low on heroin, you would need to bring yourself up. Her mom was heavy, heavy, heavy heroin use. Now I don't know what she's doing. I don't ever be, to be honest. Yeah, but crazy. So the story gets a little bit crazier as we continue on.


Oh, God. Oh, Jesus Christ.


Mom up and takes off.


Yeah. Mom dips. So I got, like, completely sober in February. Wasn't drinking, wasn't smoking weed, wasn't no pills. No, I wasn't even vaping. Nothing out of the ballpark by herself because we. By myself, you all have no idea what's happening. I literally just was like, I got to get my shit together and whatever. So I did. And in March, when mom find out that I was done, that I was getting she. And that was after her thing on. On site, too. It was her entire thing onsite. And then after that, that's when I was like, oh, maybe I shouldn't do this anymore.


Well, Bailey went. Bailey went through a really bad depressive era, and we did an emergency.




Do they call it? An intensive workshop. Workshop at this place called onsite, which is out here in Nashville. It's amazing. And I really feel like as much as none of us wanted to do it, we needed to do it. And I also think that it helped Bailey learn a few things because you were so against therapy. You were like, I fucking hate therapy. I'm not doing it, blah, blah, blah. And I think that going to that session is what made me want to.


Get sober, actually, is what really happened. Because I wasn't sober that entire weekend that we did that. And then I was like, okay, maybe I could have gotten more out of that.


Yeah, it's kind of like, I guess.


How I thought about it, because I was like, it looked like you and dad got a lot from it. And I was like, oh, I guess that could have been cool if I was, like, here. You know what I mean? And I hadn't realized how much shit I had missed. And it's like, I'm 14 years old. I have lost all of my relationship with people. Maybe I should get it together. And I did for a while.


Well, that dark era, too. You went through a whole bunch of shit with your friends. There was a lot of drama going on. You had started a little.


I was angry.


A little bit of lying about certain things.


That was later. They don't post. Got you. Okay. So that was when everything was great in March. I got saved and baptized in April, which still stand by even after everything I did.


Yeah. We're so proud of you for that.


Thanks. So I got with this girl I was dating in April, and everything was just, like, going great. Come May, my then girlfriend tried to kill herself. I don't know if I can say kill herself.


Did your mom take off by then?


Mom? Yeah, mom left in March. When she found out I was getting sober, she got mad at me. Left?


Mom took off as kind of like a punishment?


Yeah, she was mad at me because. How dare you? Not with me anymore. I'm going to leave. Okay, bye. Thank you. Have a great day. So she left?


Yeah, she left. And we don't know. We think she went to Kingsport, but.


We have really no idea what she was having.


Stopped calling, stopped communicating, refused to talk.


To me until May.


Yeah, didn't talk to me until May.


Pops up for my birthday again. I'm like, why? Why do you keep doing this to me, brother?


Man, I've never realized how much she pops up on your birthday.


Birthday bitch.


If you try to pop up on this birthday, please do.


I'll kill her.


We're ready.


It's a threat. You know what I mean?


For sure at this point. It's like, don't start none. Won't be an un.


Literally, don't even look at me. And because she's always had that, like, I don't know why it's always been her thing to be like, I'm your mother. I gave birth to you.


It's a narcissism in her.


I don't care if you gave birth to me. You didn't have to. Yeah, I don't know why we're holding this over my head. The fuck? I didn't ask to be here, babe.


So glad you're here.


Glad I'm here. Also glad I'm here, too. Finally. Took me years to be happy to be here, but I'm happy to be here.


So Bailey's girlfriend tried to offer.


Then, so that just sent me spiraling because I was like, well, there's this, and then there's mom. And now I'm like, I don't know what to do with anything, really, ever.


And you're holding this all in. You're not talking.


Nobody knows about any of this. Literally, I've, like, the most silent I've ever been. And then that was when it got, like, dark, and I was still smoking a lot and doing whatever, but wasn't doing work because my mom wasn't around. So it's like, why would I have access to it? Didn't have access, didn't have need, didn't whatever. Mom comes back for my birthday. And then that sends me even worse into this pit I was in. And that created some interesting behaviors and actions of mine that are absolutely horrendous of me, to be honest. I did some things, I said some things, and had a really terrible, terrible summer, and it got dark. I think we know that. But had the best group of friends I'd ever had. Great false relationships with people. And in September, when all of this came out, came to light. Yeah.


She's talking about just some lies that she told, and we don't have to go in depth, that we don't got to get into detail about a bunch of lies that she had told that.


Were super harmful, super dark, super wild.


Yeah. All came to light that she was not telling the truth.


Yeah. And the reason for these extreme lengths was because, can I say suicidal or not? I don't know what the fuck cancel culture is like right now.


No, you're good.


I was very suicidal and I needed, like, an out because I've always been, like, a very guilty person about that. Been suicidal for years. A lot of this came to light in therapy recently. Has been, like, apparently threatened to kill myself since, like, eight.


So, you know, Bailey told me when she was, like, seven or eight years old, she's like, I'm going to go kill myself. I said, okay, well, how are you going to do it? Because that's always what I always need to know how serious she is. And she's like, I'm going to walk out into the snow and freeze to death. And I was like, okay, kid, let me know how that goes.


Yeah. Literally, real conversation. Literal conversation. We had, it had gotten bad, so I needed a way to make people in my life hate me. So it's like I had an excuse to. I don't want people to feel bad about me killing myself. So it's like, if you all hate me, that it's chill, right? You all hate me. You all really don't want me here. I'll just peace out myself, get out of y'all's hair. And all of this happens in September. Everything comes to light. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. This is my way out. Like, finally. It took y'all long enough for this to come out. Like, seriously, it's been a long couple of months. Um, and then tried to kill myself, which is great. And then went to Utah.


Well, let's sit in that for a moment. You and I had actually therapist right now gotten into.


We had it out. Loki.


Yeah. I think it was our first argument we ever had. True.




Yeah, because we don't yell at each other and we don't like.


Neither of us like to yell at all. We've had our moments where we're both like, okay, get the fuck away from me. We'll deal with this later.


Yeah, for sure.


But we've never had it out. And that night we had it out.


Well, I had gotten phone calls from parents and had learned a bunch of stuff that was going on. And it was my kind of like, what the fuck is going on, Bailey.


Wake up call moment. Yeah. For both of us.


Yeah. It was just like, it's so hard to talk about without getting emotional. But I was so scared for her and I was so mad that she could even go to these links, that I was just like, what are you doing? What the fuck is wrong with you? Not knowing everything else that's happening until later?


And I've honestly cut out a lot of that argument in my mind just because it's like, I don't want to remember us that way because that was rough. But I do remember something got said, and I just said, oh, well, you'll never hate me as much as I hate myself. And I don't think either of us realized how deep that went until later.




And it was like, oh, well, that makes sense, but.


So that night, I sent Bailey to her room, and she took a bunch of pills that I did not know she had, that you did not know I had.


I don't think I knew I had them either, to be honest. I think I just found them in her drawer.


And the next day, she came down, and she's like, mom, I got to tell you something. And I was like, what's up? And she's like, I tried to kill myself.


You were, huh? Yeah. I was like, are you fucking what?


I said, say that again. She said, I tried to kill myself. And I said, well, how did you do it? And she told me that she know the pills. And I just looked at her, and I said, bailey, we have to treat this as a cry for.




I think in that moment, it just crushed. And it's not about me. It's about Bailey's feelings. But it just crushed me because I was just like, she was just upstairs. Like, what if she had really gone through with it?


What if it had worked?


That's what I'm saying. What if it had really gone through and she had gone through and it had worked?


What if I took that bottle of pills and didn't throw up? Yeah.


So your daddy and I had to make the decision of, like, this is a 911 help call, and we need to do something. And it was the hardest decision I think Jay and I have ever had to make together as a couple. And I knew that my parents had put me in a mental hospital when I was a teenager, when I was 14. And I know what happened to me in that mental hospital. And I just know that Bailey's issues run deeper than a medication and being in a fucking straitjacket or whatever they know nowadays. And I'm not making light of straight making.




There are people who are in straitjackets. And I saw it with my own eyes, but that's fucking traumatizing. And I was just like, we can traumatize me. We were like, do we put her in a mental hospital and then hold her for ten days and do we put her on medication? Which, you know, we're so against? And I'm like, no, this is trauma. This is hurt. This is pain. Like, she needs somewhere to go that nothing can get to her, nothing can bother her.


It's crazy that you even knew that it was that deep rooted because you didn't know what it was deep rooted in. It was like, well, there's some childhood shit, but, I mean, obviously there has to be more.


Well, no, I've seen all the pain that you've gone through, and I knew that this is not something that you throw a pill at. This is something that you need to rip the band aid open, and you've got to really start healing. So daddy and I worked with onsite, who are just the most amazing people in the world, like that. If you guys ever have any sort of trauma, you need to deal with any sort of. You need to go to therapy, like, month long.


Course they do.


People, all that stuff.


These people are great.


Fucking amazing, incredible people.


Like, they really care about your program.


They do. I discovered in this journey with you that the children's mental health crisis, there is such a void, and nobody wants to help.




Nobody wants to be.


All these baby statistics are depressing.


And, dude, I definitely want to start getting more involved with children's mental health and stuff like that after going through this. But I learned that there's really not a lot of options for kids. It's either you put them in a mental hospital or you fucking deal with it at home. And it's like, that doesn't.


And neither are really seem like, healthy options.


They're not for anybody at all, for sure, because that's teaching you how to just kind of, like, suck it up and get over.


Yeah, how do we move on?


Yeah, you need tools.


We need to move through, not on.


So tell us where you went, kid.


I went. And before y'all get scared. Yeah, it's not like the ones on.


Went or the one that Paris Hilton went to or anything like that.


Wilderness therapy. Yeah. And listen, y'all, I thrived. It's wilderness, kid. I fucking love the mountains, you guys.


This kid thrived. I'm talking like, it was probably the happiest I had ever seen you. When we went, we were allowed to go visit you after how long?


It was eight weeks.


Eight weeks. So you went for how long to this?


I went for almost nine because I left the week after you all came.




I was like, get me out of here. Yeah.


So we ended up finding this wilderness camp that is fucking amazing. And they treat trauma, and it's more like hands on. And you're out in the fucking wilderness, and you're blast you guys. You're with other kids, and you're, like, healing together, and you guys are just learning. Nothing can. It's not like a fucking military base or anything.


Like you guys, I look back, I think back on some of the memories. Sometimes those really pop up, and I'm like, that was a fever dream. Yeah. That's insane. I did so much real work and came out the other end so much happier on a spiritual and emotional, intellectual level. But I also had a ball. I learned how to make fires out of trees, and I could crack apples open with my bare hand. Dude.


We went to go see her. She was so much dirt, so messy. And you know me, I'm an OCD freak. I'm like, kid, they don't have you showering out here. And you're like, mom, I'm in the wilderness.


Where do you see a shower?


She sat down and she fucking, like, cracks an apple, and I'm just.




It was like, troop Beverly Hills.


I don't know if you guys have.


Ever seen that movie, but the fucking mom is like, this bougie ass bitch, and she's out in the middle of the wilderness. Like, that was me.


No, I remember. She was like, I have to pee, but I don't want to pee.


Yeah, we had to go pee in a. Like, it was wild.


That was my. You know, it was great.


But it was in that we. I didn't find out about the stuff with Felicia until her therapist tells me.


About four weeks in, because I told my. Because I had told my therapist, I was like, so this.


And, you know, Bailey, I will give it to this kid, man. She went like, we were completely honest. We didn't just wake her up one day and say, hey, you're going?


Yeah. It wasn't gooned or anything? No.


We said, hey, look, this is what we're doing. We're trying to find know. So Bailey was like, when do you.


Get the fuck out of here? Yeah.


She was like, I am ready to fucking go heal. I'm ready to fucking just. This is my journey.


That I felt like. I was just like. It's that weird thing where it's like I was sitting alone with the person who tried to kill me. And that's like a really dark paradox to be stuck in until you can finally get out of it. So it's like it was just me. And I was like, what the fuck? I don't know what. I'm sitting in the room that I tried to kill myself in with just the person who tried to kill me. Yeah, I was just ready. I was like. Because I came to a point where it was like I had three options in life in general, and I've always given myself three options, and I would finally hit the fork in the road. It was either I can kill myself, opt out, I can continue being the shitty human I am and doing all the things I'm doing and doing drugs and lying and hurting people and hurting myself and end up dead or in jail or can get it together and heal and really do the work and be the person I've always dreamt I could be. And option a didn't work. I tried, and I was like, there's no point trying again.


I'm logical, human, whatever. Doesn't make sense. And B was like, that doesn't make sense if that's only going to lead me to a, so got to heal, got to get it together, and if we're going to do it, we got to do it now, if we got to do it right, because I'm ready.


And you did it. You went there.


I really did.


You did the fucking work, kid.


I did the thing.


So proud of you, man. So, yeah, her therapist fucking told me about this, and I literally just lost it. I started crying on the phone. I was so mad. There were so many fucking emotions. And of course, first thing I want to do is find Felicia and fucking rip her up by her fucking ear and shake her and be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? But then it's like, another part of me wanted to run to Bailey, like, why didn't you tell us? Why did you hold this in? Because you never have to. Jay and I have really tried to create a space at home of, like, we don't care what you did. Just tell us before anybody else can or talk to us. And I think as parents, we were like, damn. This was going on right under our nose, and we didn't even fucking know it. And so when we got to go out there and visit you, you had that sparkle back in your eye, and you were just. Even though you were in the middle of nowhere and didn't want to be there, you still did the work. And we sat down, we had some sessions, and you read everything and told us everything that had happened.


And there were tears and anger and love. Overall, it was the best thing, I think, that could have happened in that situation.


We definitely did the best thing for me and for us and for all.


Of our futures, honestly, for sure, if a kid's listening to this right now and they're going through something like that, like with a mom that's coming in and out of their life and hurting them all the time, or battling drugs and stuff like that, what would you tell them? What have you learned?


I've learned so much, it's hard to put in a list. But I think if there was anything I would tell somebody listening to this now that's battling problems with parents or addiction or mental health problems or suicidal ideation, like, whatever it is, under the radar of all the things we've all dealt with, I would tell that kid not to cop out. Not worth it. Whether it works or it doesn't, it's not worth it. Mine didn't work. And sitting here now, what, four months later? Yeah, four months later, I so happy it didn't work. And I remember waking up the day after my suicide attempt, looking back at everything and looking back at all these years of everything, all the pain I'd been through. I was so angry at God, at myself, at the world, that, why couldn't this have worked? Why couldn't I have gotten out? I just want to get out. And I would have never forgiven myself for not being able to forgive myself. Because at the end of the day, I was a child and I was thrown into so many situations I should not have been in. And at the end of the day, I'm a human who put myself in situations I shouldn't have put myself in, and I didn't need to put myself in.


And I did things I shouldn't have done, and things happened to me that shouldn't have happened to me. But I can't hold a grudge against the world, and I can't hold a grudge against myself because at the end of the day, doing that is going to make you spend your entire life in a box. And you really have three choices. You die, you fuck up and you die, or you heal and you grow. And what I didn't know then when I made that choice to heal and grow was that, or when I'd made the choice to try to die, was that third option. That third row leads to so many other paths. Now I get to choose what I want to do for the rest of my life. I can do this, or I can write songs, or I can be a doctor. I can work in the FBI, or I can be a public speaker. I can heal. I can continue to learn more about myself. I can learn about others. I can teach. I can care now. And it's only. The only reason I can care about other people is because I learned how to care about me.


So at the end of the day, take the hard route. Don't cop out.


Don't cop out.


Don't cop out. Yeah.


I love that. I think that's amazing. And you're still in therapy?


We are. It keeps going.




The thing about that road is it doesn't end. The other two, they end. They end quickly, frankly. But that third row, it keeps going, and that third road keeps going. That's why it just opens to a whole world that if you cop out, you'll never know exists.




I think it's worth it to just know it's there to do whatever you want with it.


And it's not easy, too. When you came back, you had, like, an adjustment period where you wanted to sleep outside.


Rough, to be honest.


She had an adjustment period where it's not like everything's fucking perfect, but it's not. Yeah, but you're choosing to live, and.


It'S every, like, every day. I'm still your life. I still wake up, and I still have days where I'm like, I don't want to wake up today, to be.


Honest, but it's still, like, that's being human.


That's being human. That's being a person.


I'm like that every day.


Yeah, it's part of it. I'm like, I don't want to fucking be here today, to be honest.


I'm like, I don't want to get out of bed.


Can I just take a nap for the day? We'll deal with it tomorrow. I would love that.


If your daddy wasn't at home all the time, I would probably lay in bed.




Literally, at least for, like, a week. I'd be like, just lay there, and then I'd bedrot, and then I'd get.


Up and fucking make.


Make myself do something.


Literally. I still have those days, and I think that's just on a human level and on a mental health level of, like, days that I don't want to be here. And every day, I make that choice to be like, okay, well, friendly neighborhood reminder, not being here didn't work for you very well. So what you got to do when you're like, damn it, you're right.


Okay, so where it stands with your mom is we don't well, we know.


Where she is because she got in.


Trouble again, but her lies caught up to her, but there's no communication still no. And there won't be, which we'll talk about that. You know, I tell you that we.


Always have this conversation, and very, very strict on my stance in it. I'm a very emotional person, but I lead with logic, and that's something I learned about myself.


Capricorn moon, where gemini sun is crazy.


But something I learned about myself through this whole process has been, I'm a very black and white person. I don't believe in the middle mind or the integration of emotion and logic. It doesn't comprehend in my brain. So I'm such a math person. But I've learned with my mother that there is no healing for her. She is. Frankly, I believe my mother is soulless, and I don't say that about many people, but I don't think there is healing for her because I don't think she ever wants it. Maybe she will one day. And you know what? If she does, good for her. I hope she does it, and I hope she has a great laugh, and I hope she figures it out and I hope she does it for her. But I'm not an option in her life anymore, and she's not one in mine, and I'm very cut and dry on that now with everybody.


And I respect your boundaries. I just always tell you that if your mom does get her shit together and can actually fucking be a mom and not be a fucking weirdo, just.


Because I've forgiven myself doesn't mean I'll forgive her.




And I do think that one day I will, because I think that's not the right thing to do for her, but the right thing to do for me. I don't deserve to hold that for the rest of my life. Yeah, I don't deserve to hold the things she did to me in me, and I'll forgive her. But it's one of those things that you don't forget, and I can forgive her without trusting her. I think that's something that people forget a lot is like, you can forgive somebody without forgetting, without moving on, without rebuilding. Forgivement doesn't mean to. Oh, well, I forgive you for that. Let's restart.


Yeah, forgiving just means, I forgive you for that. I forgive you for me.


I forgive you for me, literally. I'm not forgiving her for her for shit.


What do we do now? Where do we go from?


Where do we go? Honestly, I'm still figuring that out.


We got spring break coming up.


We got spring break coming up, which I'm super excited about.


We're still trying to decide where to do it.


We literally don't even know where we're going yet, but whatever. Got spring break and I've got the act and sweet 16. Sweet. Super excited about coming up, which we'll.


Probably video the sweet 16 for Patreon.


Or something like that. Oh, my God. If we don't film it like my super sweet 16, I'm not doing it.


Okay, then we will.


That will get me to do it. We have to do it like my super sweet 16, bro. I don't know. I'm writing a lot back in the music thing, I guess, so hopefully I'll see some of that soon. I don't know. I've got a cool thing going on over here, actually. I know.


I'm proud of you. You're fucking thriving, kid, and you're doing good. And you did just lose your grandmother, literally last week.


Yeah, that's really depressing. We're not going to talk about that.


We won't talk about it. But I mean, you're literally kicking, like.


Just buried her a couple of days ago.


Literally just went to the funeral two days ago.


Yeah. God, it really has been that. Jesus. I'm just ignoring it. Still in the Nile. Still in that part of grieving.


Yeah, but you're thriving, kid, and you're fucking. I think that you are the example that kids need, teenagers need right now because it's fucked up out there. I would not want to be a teenager right now in this time and age.


You don't really? But at the same time, it is so fun.


Yeah, no, good.


To be honest, we're having a blast. It's like we're having a literal. The mental health crisis with teenagers right now is disgusting. And it makes me want to do everything in my power I can. And I'm trying, and I'm going to keep trying. And this is my first step towards continuing to help this movement of teenage mental health. But it's also a great time to be a teenager right now because none of us care about politics, none of us care about religion, and we're all just kind of doing our own thing.


Everybody's just trying to figure it out. These are going to be some of the best times of your life. But I can't wait till you go to college.


Oh, I know. You're so excited. We're running a frat together.


I keep telling Bailey we're going to go join a frat together.


I told you. I said we can do it just together. You can't do it by yourself.


I'm going to be Van Wilder. I'll be like the fucking old lady who never graduated college, but throwing the dopest fucking parties that everybody talks about.


No, it's going to be great. We're going to live in the dorm together.


That's where I'll go find my little cabana boys.


That's rough. I don't think there's cabana boys in Texas. Yeah, we're going back to.


Are we going to Texas?


We're going to Texas. I thought we were going to Florida. I haven't decided. I'm deciding between you up and Texas a. M. Okay.


All right. Respect.


I do love Texas a. M. Will be fired.


I love it. Well, thank you for coming on the podcast, kid. It's been nice catching up with you after all these fucking years. After all these years.


Gosh, sure, there was some questions, comments and concerns. Like, we've answered most of them. Yeah.


If there are questions, you guys just put them in this podcast below in the comments, and then when we do.


A-Q-A maybe we'll bring A-Q-A or something.


Bailey on. Yeah, it'll be good. I love you. I love you, and I'm so proud of you, and your daddy's so proud of you, and Mimi's so proud of you. We are all just so proud of you, kid.


Proud of us. We're doing it together. I mean, we really couldn't do without each other. We all go crazy.


Teamwork makes the dream work, and we put the fun in dysfunction.


We do.


And I think what's cool about our family is we don't try to hide the shit we've been through, man, at all. We didn't talk about it when it was happening in real time because I.


Don'T think we really knew what was happening.


Well, it's not even that, but it's like our family needed that moment exactly to be like, what's going on and get our head around it. Now we're out of it, so we're just like, man, God, glad we made it through that greener. Yeah, for sure.


Calling that out the hardwood, but the.


Grass is green, for sure. Well, I love you, kiddo.


I love you, Lane, so much.


All right, let's go do this fucking Grammy fitting.


Grammy fitting food. Oh, my God. I need.


We are manifesting that daddy is going to win his.


He is going to win the Grammy.


Daddy is going to be there, and we're going to look great, and we're going to cry.


Oh, my God, we're going to cry so much.


We're going to cry so hard, so bad. Oh, my God. I can't wait. Well, Haley's doing our makeup, so it won't move, so we'll be good.


Yeah. Legendary. It'll be awesome.


All right, you want to tell everybody bye bye, all.


Love you. Love you.