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Love ya.

Is this thing on?

Bonnie, who used to be a former.

Sex worker and now hosts the podcast Dumb Blonde. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit, and I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money, and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Don Blonde. Today I have one of my favorite humans on social media. I have been following this woman for such a long time. We've talked, and it has finally come to fruition. Brittany, is it? Furlong?

Furlon. Furlong.

I never want to pronounce it the wrong way.

It's okay. Everyone says it differently.

Brittany. Furlon, baby.

What's up, dude? I'm so happy to be here.

Dude, you are just like a warm hug. Your energy is always so sweet, even when people are attacking you, you're so fucking nice. Sometimes I want to be like, leave my girl alone and go crazy, but for some reason, I just always want to give you the biggest hug.

Thanks, bunny. It's so funny because we're meeting in person for the first time, but you know how you meet someone and you just feel cozy, like, you're a cozy person?

Oh, you want to climb inside of me?

Yeah. No, I'm like, it's crazy. Well, for me, I'm always nervous around people. Just everyone?

Well, yeah. You don't know what to expect.

I'm very uncomfortable all the time, almost. So when you meet someone that you're like, okay, I can just chill. It's nice.

I can let my tits hang out.

Yeah, you're that person. You're that person. I just take my top off.

Yeah, that's what I strive for.

Yeah, exactly.

It's to get you naked.

You're a comfort person. I'm dead. They're going to have to pay more on the patreon for that, for sure.

It wouldn't be the first time we've had some titties flop out on the podcast.

Who took their titties out?

I know. Jesse Lawless, off the top, took her fucking, and she had some. She's a full lesbian. Gorgeous tits.

Wow.

I feel like every fucking lesbian has the nicest tits.

Wow. She's with. Yeah, that's crazy.

Jenna might be coming on the podcast. We're waiting to see, but, yeah, she might be coming.

That's crazy, man. Yeah, I know. I hate that because I would pull my tits out. My husband would be like, but I hate it because people are always like, your tits are fake. That's like, the worst I wear sports bras because I don't like my tits.

You got a beautiful set of knockers. I've seen them in bikinis.

Thank you. I mean, it's, like, crazy. I flashed at the Motley show because my husband wasn't getting. He always asked people to like, and he wasn't getting any, so I flashed there, and I was just.

His crowd finally got too old to start popping their.

Like, we don't really want to do that. So my husband's like, you come out and flash your tits, and I'm like, I could care less. Might as well show them while they're nice.

Yeah.

Not going to be nice forever.

Listen, I have my butthole on the Internet, so listen, I'm going to go to a motley crue show just to see Brittany's titties.

I'm dead. Well, I don't know if I'll show them again, but I can show you later personally, and I'll let you feel them, too, if you want. Prove that there's no implant in here. I hate that.

Really.

People are constantly. I've done filler and stuff in my face. I'm always very honest. I'm very transparent about it because I never want anyone to feel less than. I never want anyone to look at.

Me and go, or, like, unrealistic expectations.

Exactly. I will always be honest. I get laser. I do filler here and there, botox. But I've never touched my body below my neck ever. So it's just, like, weird when people are just like, they just have to like, yeah, give it to you, and.

It'S like they want you to fucking draw blood. Just proving that. Proving your. And then once you do prove it, they still don't believe you. I have to argue with the Internet about my age. People tell me I'm like, I'm 44. And people are like, no, you're not. Google says you're 29, right? And I'm like, I'm not. Trust me.

Fuck. I would go with 29. I'd be like, you know what? You're right.

Why would I say I'm 44? I'd say maybe 34 or 36, but, yeah, not 29, but, yeah, that's such.

A. I'd be pumped about that. Yeah, that is true. Google said it. I'm 29, bitch.

I'm a fucking eternal vampire until one day I wake up, and I'm just fucking old and haggard. Next.

Every year it's 29. They're like, it's still 29.

Literally. Yeah, literally. That's what I always say. So I wanted to just kind of deep dive into finding out more about you. Like, I googled you last night, and I was like, this girl has lived a full life.

I'm tired. My husband's 61, and I'm 37. And I am just like, the fact that I'm going to probably live till 60, I'm like, I don't know how people do it.

Yeah, what do we do?

What are we supposed to do? So physically burnt just from being anxious and being in fight or flight my whole life that I'm like, how do I do another 30 years? I don't even know. I'm so exhausted at 37 that I can't even imagine being 60. It's crazy.

I get that. Because when I was going through my suicidal ideation, and that's another reason I've always been super attracted to you, is that you are so open about your mental health journey, which we'll dive into in a little bit. But I think that right now, especially in the times that we live in, is so fucking important because people try to act like everything's fine all the time.

I hate that.

And I love the fact that you're like, I am fucking about to get on a flight, and I am scared to death. And you're just so real about it. So I really appreciate that. What I was saying is, when I was going through my suicidal ideation, I remember looking at Jay, and I was like, I don't know how I'm going to live till 50. I don't want to be here till 50. Now I'm kind of like, shit, I might want to hang out till I'm 80. But back when I was feeling, like, really depressed, it was really brutal just thinking about having to live another ten years.

I mean, when I was younger and I wasn't on any antidepressants, and I grew up with a mom who has borderline. And my dad worked all the time, and I just was really struggling. And I remember I used to want to die all the time. I would pray to God, I don't want to wake up. I don't want to wake up. I don't want to be here anymore. And then finally, when I was 16, I was a cutter, and so I got caught at school cutting. They sent me to the hospital. I got put in inpatient, and then from there, they ended up putting me on an antidepressant at 16. Yeah. So I've been on the same one since 16. And it's called effectser XR. It's a gnarly one, basically, it really works, right? So I have really bad panic, anxiety, and it does a good job to the point where I'm able to go on tour with my husband. I'm able to do things. When I got put on it, they put me on, like, 150 milligrams now. I weaned myself down through the years to the starting dose.

Wow.

But I've tried to get off of it completely because my life has changed, and your life does change, and that's what I think people need to remember, is that you may be in a season of your life where things are horrible and you don't want to be here, but that doesn't mean that spring isn't coming. It does. It comes. People sit there and they think, this is forever. It's not. Nothing's forever. Good and bad, right? So I wean myself down to the lowest dose of that, and so I've just been on that forever, and it just kind of helps me get through, you know what I mean? And it's hard. It's really hard. Do you take anything to.

I don't. I'm just fucking raw dogging life. I'm not against it, though. I had a Xanax addiction because my anxiety was so bad, so I.

That's hard to kick, man.

I did it cold turkey. And I have to caution you guys, you cannot quit Xanax cold turkey. I'm just telling you my story. And that's how I did it. But I don't know how I fucking didn't end up having seizures because I was on so much of it.

But the fact that you made it through that is insane because benzodiazepine, children's benadryl, getting off of it, that is so fucking crazy. We have that in common. So when I got off of the effectser for what I only did one year, I was off of effectser right before vine started. Yeah, I was off of effectser for a whole year. And I still have this issue with effectsor, and I'm sure anyone that has taken it will relate to this, is they say it's almost as hard, or if not worse than kicking heroin. Your brain is so addicted to it. I don't even know why they prescribe it. I mean, other than it does work for depression, panic. But the getting off of it is unreal. I got off of it the whole year. My head, I couldn't walk straight. I was spinning. Vertigo. Felt like I was going to throw up. I started going to the balance center on La Sienega to help me learn how to walk straight because I would walk like I was on a boat for a year, and I would call my doctor, and I'd go, this effects. Or fucked my brain up, man.

Like, this fucked me up. And he would gaslight me and say, no, it's not. It's not. You're fine. You're fine. And I used to take children's Benadryl.

All day as a savior.

All day. And people will be like, how are you taking that and not falling asleep? Because my nervous system was so wrecked, right? And so I was taking this children's Benadryl all day, and then I fought for a whole year. I said, I'm going to give it a year. If I don't get better, then I'm going to get back on it. And I just couldn't do it. A year later, I was still sick. I started doing vine. I was getting all these opportunities, and I couldn't go to the meetings because I was too.

Just sick.

Like, shaky, confused. It gives you brain fog. I think it permanently changed the chemistry of my brain, right?

Yeah.

So then I went back on it, and it all went away.

That is insane.

So it's kind of fucked.

That's what I tell people about getting off Xanax. They're like, well, when did you start feeling better? And I'm like, honestly, probably 2023. And I got sober in 2017. I'm like, it has taken, and I'm still not 100%. When you take pills that mess with your neurological system, oh, my God, it takes forever.

I'm so proud of you. That is really fucking hard, dude. People don't realize, I mean, I would do anything to not be on anything. But I also know that in my family, there's schizophrenia, there's borderline. There's all this stuff. So if I didn't take it, I'm really putting myself at risk for not absolutely healthy. And I'm like, you know what? This is a tiny bit. And I try to just give myself grace and just be like, I don't take benzos. I don't do any of that. So that's the only thing I take.

I've always wanted to ask you, where do you think the trauma started that have such a dysregulated nervous system? I know my trauma started when I was fucking probably at the moment of conception, because they do say trauma starts in the womb. So, I mean, I feel like my mom was already. My mom was diagnosed schizophrenic, so it's definitely in the family too. Dad's a narcissist. So the trauma starts as children. Tell me a little bit about your childhood.

Well, it's like the body keeps the score, right? That's a really big book. So my mom was pregnant with me, and I was born with a really severe birth defect. I was born with clubbed feet, so my feet were bent in completely, almost backwards. And at that time, 1986, there wasn't like a really good surgery for that. So they didn't know if I was ever going to walk. So immediately upon being born, I'm taken from my mom and I'm put in casts, heavy casts. And they bent my leg straight, which was painful, and they put these casts on.

Oh, my God.

And so I couldn't move. I couldn't roll over as a baby. And I'm like, I can't even imagine. Just even as a baby, obviously, I don't remember, but nervous system, my nervous system immediately, as soon as you enter the world, you're being thrown into these heavy casts. You can't roll over, you can't do anything. And I do have memories of just being really scared all the time. And I don't know why. I was just scared. My mom yelled a lot, so that yelling, it just would freak me out and throw shit, break stuff. And I just was like, I can't handle this. As a kid, I remember.

Do you yell as an adult now?

No.

Yeah, I'm not the same way too.

Meager, meek person. Because of that. I remember laying in my crib and I just remember being really scared all the time. Probably my earliest memory is that my dad felt so bad for me. He used to sleep on the floor next to my crib. And that would be the only thing that made me feel safe. And I couldn't roll over because I had casts on my legs. And I remember my dad would try to army crawl out of the room and I'd go and then he'd just lay back. But I do remember just being up all night, staring to make sure he wouldn't leave. And then I would sleep during the day. And I still have this weird thing with nighttime. Now I'm up all night.

Me too. Until like three or four.

Yeah. And then I fall asleep during the day. It's so weird. My husband's total opposite, but, yeah. So I think that's kind of how it started, was my feet and then my mom struggling with the borderline. And my parents got divorced really young, and then my dad just raised us by himself.

Where'd mom go?

Well, she freaked out in front of the judge because normally a mother would get custody, right? And so they were in custody court, and my mom, people with borderline, they can only mask it so much.

Right.

And I think the judge said something she did not like, and then, boom, there went the trigger and the judge saw it.

Wow.

And it was right about when my parents were going to get 50 50, and then the judge saw that and was like, no, now you don't get any custody.

Wow.

And you can only have visitation with your kids. With my aunt and my grandma were supposed to be there.

Wow.

So they really gave it to her. And I also feel really bad for my mom because my mom was a nurse, and so nurses, they don't think that they need help because they're a nurse. You know what I mean?

I feel like that generation.

Yeah. Too. They just don't want to take anything for it. And my mom, I have to say now she takes something and she's doing great. And it's like, crazy. Like, if this could have been her when I was younger, it would have been amazing. You know what I mean? But back then, they kind of were just anti that stuff. You know what I mean? So she really, like, you went through it? I mean, she was just tormented by her own brain and it was really hard, so I didn't really see her much. And my dad worked a lot, and so it was, like, by myself a lot. Really bad depression. And then there was cutting, and I didn't have a lot of friends. I just have my one friend that I'm still friends with.

When did you start cutting?

Well, I wanted to die, so I was not strong enough to kill myself, so I would just try and then I couldn't kill myself, so it was really sad.

When did that start?

I was probably 15 1415.

When all your hormones are kicking in?

Yeah. And I just remember just feeling like I've always just felt really uncomfortable in life. I always felt like I don't belong. And I would go to school and I would make people laugh, and then I'd come home and just be like, I'm so sad. It was just weird.

They say the funniest people are the saddest.

Yeah. I would entertain everybody, and then I'd be like, okay, well, the job's done. And it was so sad because I never wanted anyone else to ever feel sad. So I would go in and just make everybody. I'd be like the clown. I got voted, like, class clown out of the girls and the guys, and then I would go home and just be so depressed and feel so empty. So it was just really hard.

Did cutting make you feel, like, a sense of relief?

Well, you get, like, endorphins. You do get, like, a surge of endorphins. So I would get a little bit of that. But also I was just, like, hoping that one day I could fully do it. You know what I mean? But then I also felt so bad for my dad because I was like, my dad was trying so hard. He was working so much to support my brother, and. And so it was really sad. So I will say the medicine did help me, but the thing that was the best for me was just getting the fuck out of Pennsylvania. Yeah, getting away from Pennsylvania is kind of dreary.

Anytime we've gone there on tour, it's always, like, just melancholy.

It's depressing. As soon as I moved to California when I was 17, as soon as I graduated, I moved right to.

You're like, fuck this, I'm leaving.

Bye bye.

Was dad okay with that?

Yes. And the whole reason it happened was because my stepmom grew up in California and we went and visited here on a trip. And I was just like, I just feel so much better here. Yeah. And being away from all the drama. And I was in theater and I was, like, loving theater and loving acting. And I knew I wanted to do something in entertainment, and so I was like, I'm going to go try. You know what I mean? So I just came by myself at 17 and then just worked a bunch of fucking odd jobs and did stand up and open mic. Oh, God, it's just like, such a journey.

So let's talk about it. So your first night in LA, you came here by yourself. What is 17 year old Brittany doing?

Well, so my dad was like, you have to go to college because you can't just go out there with nothing. So I enlisted in the easiest college I could find, which was fashion school.

Oh, nice.

Literally, I was like, what's the most dumb shit? You know what I mean? Our quizzes were like, what outfits are cute? You know what I mean? Like this one. Not that one, right?

There's not a wrong answer.

What colors are on the color wheel? It was just so stupid. It was the dumbest shit. I'm like, I can't believe we're paying for this. But I loved it. And I met some good friends there. And so I was in fashion school, and that was in downtown LA in 2006.

Yeah, like, primetime.

Dude. There was nothing there, though. Downtown, there was nothing. It was like fucking homeless people. And businessmen during the day. There was no LA live yet. There was nothing.

Wow.

So I used to have to walk through all this craziness to get to school. I lived on 7th and bixel.

Wow.

And it was just insane. And I thought like, wow, this isn't Hollywood. I was like, this place sucks because I lived in downtown LA. I'm like, where the fuck all the cool shit? So I eventually end up moving into a house in the Hollywood hills with my friends. And then that's when it kind of, the whole thing begins and I start doing open mic comedy.

I feel like 2006 in LA and Vegas was like peak times. It was like peak times of just. It was kind of like. I don't want to say innocent, but it was. And we had so much fucking fun.

Yeah, well, you did.

Yeah, I did.

I did not have. It wasn't. I was happy to be out here, right? Way better than being in Pennsylvania. But I was struggling.

No way. Financially or all of it.

I mean, I had to pay my rent was I lived in a three bedroom house that was gorgeous. And 2006, my quarter of the rent was 750 a month. So I had to come up with 750. I mean, that's nothing these days, right? We look at that now and we're.

Like, but no, back then, back then it was a lot.

And so I was super skinny. I was like, maybe like 105 pounds. And so I got picked up to be a fit model from my school to the fashion district downtown. So I would have all these fashion companies that were owned by all these asian people, and they would stand around me and speak another language and they would try clothes on me all day and they'd be like, no. And then trying outfits on me because they would make the pattern and everything. And they like to use live models, right? And so this job was great. I got paid like $200 an hour.

Wow.

And you'd be there for like 4 hours, just a couple of times a week, right?

Fitted.

It was great. And I would stand there, but the one rule was that you couldn't gain weight.

Oh, my God.

So I would see girls come in and they measured us every day. They would measure us and make sure, like, uh oh. And then one of the girls would get fat and then they would, like, whisper to each other and they'd be. And she'd be like, what do you, like? Get the fuck out, cassandra, you fat ass. You know what mean?

Like she likes are so cutthroat. They don't give a shit when a.

Girl would get called into the office.

We were all like, fuck.

Like, damn right? So I would just see girls coming and going all the time, but I would, like, make them laugh. So I think they liked me, right? Yeah, I lasted two years there.

Wow.

Which is crazy, because I saw a million girls come and go, come and go, come and go. And then finally they got rid of me.

How were you not gaining weight? Were you develop an eating disorder? I was on Adderall.

Oh, gosh. My roommate was on Adderall. She was like, dude, you're really ADHD. You should go see the doctor and get on Adderall.

Because back then, when they would prescribe anything for anyone at any time, and.

Then I went and my psychiatrist at the time because I was on such a high dose of the effectsor at that point because it would make me really tired. But I was still very ADHD. And he's like, you know what? Adderall would be great with this. And he gave it to me, mixing it, it actually was great. And I did great. And I did actually really well on it. And for someone who has anxiety, I didn't really have anxiety on it, and I did really well on the Adderall effects or combo.

Yeah.

And then one day in 2015, or, no, I'm sorry, 2000 and probably 13, I got a really bad flu. And I stopped taking the Adderall because I was sick. I was like, when am I going to take Adderall for sick? And then my body just felt so tired. And I was like, oh, this is speed. And I was like, I don't want it anymore. And I kicked it and I didn't want it anymore. And my doctors, even now, have tried to give it to me because I'm tired all the time, really. And I was like, guys, I'm too anxious, so I can't take anything. You know what I mean? I can barely drink a little bit of caffeine.

Oh, a coffee. I'll fucking be rocking back and forth.

I can never have a coffee. My heart pounds out of my chest.

Same.

But I try to drink the strawberry refreshers from Starbucks.

Those will crack you out.

But they only have 45 milligrams of caffeine. And so I ask them to make it with extra water, and I'll have a little bit of that and that'll make okay. But, yeah, I did really well on the high dose of effects or low dose Adderall for years, but for me, I was already thin. And then Adderall on top of that, you just don't eat. And then I became obsessed with my weight because of the fit stuff. And so I was very skinny. Yeah, it was really bad. But, yeah, I mean, I was surviving, you know what I mean? I wouldn't say it was a bad time. I would just say it was like a more like me hustling. Like, what was I going to know? And I was trying to act, and I was trying to do comedy, and so it was a crazy time. And then that's how I met Josh.

Josh, Adam Meyer. I told them about that the other day.

They were like, love, josh. Josh is my ex boyfriend, which is so funny.

Yeah, it's just crazy how worlds weird. Yeah.

He's a sweetie pie, sweetheart.

Such a sweetie pie.

So he and I met through stand up, and we dated when we were both really young. I mean, I was probably, like, 21, maybe.

How did you get into stand up? You just one day was like, you know what? I'm a funny motherfucker. I'm going to go stand in front of a crowd because that's a tough thing to get into.

Yeah.

Especially for somebody who deals with anxiety.

But I was like, at that time, I don't know why. It's like I was so driven, and I was, again, on a higher dose of my medication, so I wasn't as scared. And so I would go do the. They have open mics at the comedy store. You can sign up and the improv. You can sign, know, at like, 06:00 you do get like five minutes, right? And so I would do the open mics at the comedy store, and I remember Tommy, who used to work there as the manager, he doesn't work there. Know, I never had material, so I would just go up there and riff with the audience, the little audience that was there. And I always had so much fun and was so good at it. And Tommy, who worked there, was like, you got to stay with this. You're so good at this. And he doesn't work there anymore. So then I was doing open mic at this place called. What was it called? It was on Melrose. I forget the fucking name of it. It was this bar. And a casting director from e was watching the open mics, and she was like, you're so funny.

I want you to come audition for this show on e. And I was like, this is how it happens, baby.

I call my parents.

I'm like, I'm famous. I end up auditioning for this show. It was called reality hell on e. And it was basically from the creators of punked, where they were doing, like, a prank show where you would prank people and make them think they were on a reality show, but they weren't. Right. And so I did a couple of seasons of that show, and then I ended up doing prank my mom on TlC. And so I was doing all these prank shows, and I was dating Josh, and Josh would, like, show everybody. He'd be like, look how cool my girlfriend is.

She's on tv.

It was so funny. But then I stopped doing stand up because I was doing the show. I'm like, I already made it. This is what all the stand ups want to do. You know what I mean? And then those shows went nowhere. Right, right. And then Josh and I ended up breaking up, and I met my boyfriend Randall, who was a music video director, and I was in a music video, and then he bought me my first iPhone, and then vine came out, and.

Then vine was crazy. I remember you on a, I never did the vine thing, but I had an account and would watch them. I was like one of those weirdos. And I loved you on vine. You had, like, fucking, like, what, 9 million followers on vine? Ten. Yeah, it was crazy wild.

And it was weird because when I got on there, it was like, all these people that I looked up to, like James Urbaniac and what's his name, goldberg and fucking Simon Rex. And all these people had all these deanastier.

What is Simon dirt nasty. Yeah.

Will sasso. Like, all these comedians had really big followings on there. And then I started surpassing them, and I was like, this is crazy. And then it started turning into brands calling me and being like, hey, it's benefit cosmetics calling. Can we pay you $10,000 to do a video? And I was like, yeah, did this video for, like, free lip gloss.

You know what I mean?

I'm so glad they offered it first. They were like, can we give you, like, one blush? I'd be like, yes, one blush is ended up. Then. Then I ended up that taking off. I started getting all these brand deals, and then when talent agencies see you're making money, that's when they come.

They're like little sharks.

It's like chum in the water.

I'm signed with WME right now.

Oh, yeah. So I'm with. I didn't know that.

Wme.

I love that. And so ICM, Caa, and UTa all emailed me in the same week and wanted to take a meeting, and I had my first meeting with, you know, places don't usually do this, but when I was going to leave, they were like, we really want you to be with like, sign this paper and blah blah blah. And I had a really shitty manager at the time and she was like, yeah, you should just do it instead of taking the other two meetings. And so I ended up signing with ICM. They did absolutely nothing for me. They didn't help me at all. They just collected money. So it was just like a nightmare. But it is what it is.

Yeah. It's a learning.

You live and you learn. But I feel like the talent agent industry is very different now. They kind of just want you to do all the work. You get the followers you to make the money.

We talk about this all the time. I love you, sloan. But yes, we agree.

Everybody. They do. They literally, I mean, my husband has these friends that are like incredible musicians. Their band, their music is unfucking real. But then they try to get signed and the first thing these agencies say are, how many followers do you have? And they're just indie guys. They don't care about Instagram, which you.

Can blow up nowadays, social media, if.

You get on a TikTok or something, literally. But you got to get something. These guys are not into that. And so it's like they end up suffering and not making it. So I've just had bad experiences. I went from one to the one to the one and I'm just like this. Just like, nobody wanted to do anything. Everyone wanted to just collect kind of mood.

You also during this time, I'm going to look at my notes really quick.

If you see me dead, you took notes.

I love you.

I feel so bad. I had you on ours and I'm all just like, hello.

No, you're good. Did during this time. You got an award, right? Or something. You were in a pit bull video.

Oh, yeah. He's the best. He still follows me.

I love that. You are the most followed woman on vine. And your influence was so big at the time that Time magazine in 2015 listed you as the 30 most influential people on the Internet.

Yeah, with Kim Kardashian and Barack Obama.

That's fucking huge, dude.

I cut that shit out.

I was going to say, do you have it framed in your house?

I'll never forget it. The issue of time, it was a tv on the front with a reflection in it. They made it reflectable so you could see yourself. And it was really cool. And I bought like 30 copies and I sent it to my family and I'm like, guess who's not a failure? I'm not a failure.

Yeah. Because, you know, somebody at home is waiting for you to fail.

Everyone's waiting for me to fail. Yeah, they still are waiting. Keep waiting.

I think you've done pretty damn good with that, though.

I try. And then. Yeah, so amazing stuff happened. I say it's a blessing because God, I feel like. Not to get religious on your podcast.

No, you can.

I love. I have a lot of faith. I have a lot of faith, and I think that God. I pray all the time. Prayer come through. For me, prayer is anytime.

To me, prayer is a form of manifesting.

Absolutely.

Like, you're literally. You're asking the universe and you're asking God, like, hey, this is what I need. Your words are spells. So as soon as you put them in the universe, it gets grabbed. So you can get religious as you want on my podcast.

Yeah.

I love it. Absolutely.

And you're so right about that. I pray to God every night. I pray before I eat, and I feel like God has really come through for me. And I know a lot of people are like, some people don't believe in it, whatever, but it's such a personal experience, and I really feel so.

You're so wholesome. You really are. I would never picture you to be as wholesome as you are. You're just really such a sweetie pie.

Thanks. I mean, I'm a goofball when I'm performing or online, but I have a very real serious side, too.

Do you feel like there's two different Brittany's for sure, you present to the world and then one at home?

100%. You probably relate to this, too.

Absolutely.

A lot of people with autism or. I don't want to say I have autism, but I do say that I have autistic traits. I mask where I perform.

Right.

And then I come home and I'm like, okay. And I take it off, you know what I mean? It's almost like taking off a heavy coat. And then I'm like, okay, now I can be me again. You know what I mean? And there's just so many other little weird things I do I won't get into.

Well, you took the test.

I did. I got a one.

The next step is we have to get diagnosed.

I know. So to go get diagnosed, I looked into it because my brother's son is autistic.

Right?

Excuse me. My brother has some things he's struggling with, and then he was going to get the official test for it as well. And then they were like, it's $2,500. And then I was like, okay. And then what do they do as an adult? Because with children, when my nephew he got diagnosed. Now the government actually will send people to your house to help you work with your autistic child, which is really nice. There's a lot of government programs.

That's amazing.

So a couple of times a week, they send someone over to my brother's house, and they teach them how to work with my nephew so that he doesn't get overstimulated. They learn his triggers. They learn all.

They say autism is hereditary now is what they're saying. So I definitely think my mom had some things going on because she was super OCD, like I am.

There's so many different versions, and I don't really think anyone's normal. We all have our own things and quirks, and I think that there's really high functioning autism and with mixed with add and all kinds of other things that's harder to diagnose and things like that. I don't think anyone can particularly put people in, like, a box.

Right? It's not one size fits all.

Yeah, I feel like we all have a little bit of. And it all kind of intertwines.

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But, yeah, so then I did the vine thing, and then I dated a really horrible guy who cheated on me with prostitutes, and then I went, yeah. And then I met my husband on Riah in 2017. So it's been seven years.

So what is Riah? Because my doctor reached out to me the other day, and she's like, hey, I need you as a reference for your doctor. And I was like, what is Raya? And she was like, don't worry about it. Just, can I use you as a reference? And I was like, sure. I don't care. What is it?

So it's like, basically, when they first started, like, it's like a celebrity dating app. Well, it's not like that. I don't feel like anymore. I mean, there's a lot of famous people on there still. Like, drew Barrymore's on there. A bunch of people are on there.

Playing with Drew Barrymore's on.

So she said she was on something like that, and then, yeah, so when I got on, I had no idea. So basically, because I had a big following, the creators reached out to me and said, hey, we want to give you an account. And they weren't charging for it at the time. You just had to be.

We need to put Haley on Ryan.

You had to be approved. You have to be. Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's, like, kind of a gnarly thing. So they were like, we just want to put you on there. It's a dating app. We know you're single, and we think you'd be great. Who's doing the approving the guys who run the app.

God, that's crazy.

Know, I don't know if it's the guys who create. At first, I think it may have been the guys who created it, and.

Now they have a team, and now.

They probably have a wild. So they put me on there, and I remember the first time I opened it. I'm scrolling, and it's like, joshua Jackson, Elijah Wood, John Mayer. Like, and I can say all this now because I'm never going back on the app. You're usually not allowed to talk about it, or they'll take your account away.

Well, I'm going on. They'll be like, what are you doing on there?

For just. Yeah, tell us how your relationship's not working out. It's so crazy. So I got on there. All these famous people. I went out with a bunch of them, maybe, like, you got any horror stories? Not really. Actually, everyone was really nice.

Damn it.

I'm tired of. Actually, I don't have any with famous people. You know what mean? Like, most? Yeah, like, they're really sweet. Like, I did go on a date with Elijah Wood, and he was just like, so, no, he's very small, and I wasn't attracted to him, but I really liked his personality, and he was so nice. And he has this really cool house that has, like, a big movie theater in the living area. And he was just so nice and so cool, but not, like, romantic vibes. Right? Like homie.

Like a homie.

Yeah. He was just really cool guy. And I think he has a wife now and a kid and whatever. I've run into him since then. He's just a really sweet, mean. Everyone that I went out with was pretty cool. I didn't click with anyone because I am so particular. You know what I mean? People are always like, oh, you're just with Tommy for his money. I went out with so many other people that I could have been with for their money if that was the case. But I was making so much money on vine. People have no idea.

No. You were, like, one of the first people to monetize that platform. Right. Or to even monetize social media.

Exactly. I'm like, dad, I did not need, and I still don't need. I do my jewelry, and I do my own thing still.

Because the necklace you have on is from your jewelry line. What is it, love?

It's called lovely.

Lovely.

And it's just kind of something fun to do with my hands and not be on my phone.

Yeah. So I love that I want to start crocheting.

Yeah, that's amazing.

It looks hard. I'll let you know how it goes.

Okay. Let me know how it goes. You're like, I did one stitch and I hated it.

I do. I want to crochet. I forgot to tell you, I've dived into this. I'm going to try to do this in March when I take every march off, so I'm going to try to learn how to crochet.

Yeah, you just turn into a full on grandma next time I do your podcast, covered in like, a fucking.

Going to make you a blanket bitch.

You're just knitting during the whole podcast, rocking in your chair with a cat.

In your bifocals on, literally in a.

Bible, just full on. I'm like, wow, Bunny's taking a turn. Well, one extreme to the other. Yes. So I do the jewelry, and I always try to make my own money. I actually don't like to spend any of my husband's money because. Same way, because my grandma told me this quote when I was younger, and she said, if you give them the power to feed you, you give them the power to starve you. And that shit hit me like a ton of bricks. I was like, you know what I mean? Shit. Plus, I have a fear of abandonment all the time, so I'm always like, I got to make sure I'm okay.

You're always afraid the carpet is going to get yanked out from underneath you.

Always.

No, I'm the same way. We were checking into the hotel here, and they're like, well, Ms. D. Ford, I just want to let you know your card is on file and it has your name on it. Are you okay with that? And I go, yeah, I run my own ship. I said, I don't ask my husband for. I was. I just thought it was crazy that they would ask me that. Like, how many wives do they have? Are like, no, put my husband's card on file. Yeah, that was crazy.

No shame in that at all. Absolutely.

I wish I could be that person. So easy going free.

Yeah. And my husband's very nice. I mean, he gives me a card and I don't ever have to. I'm not for want, but it's my own personal thing that I'm like, no, I want to make my own.

Because then he probably loves that about you, too, because men test women, too.

Yeah, he does love that about me, especially because this is the weird thing. When it's their birthday or Christmas, you're.

Going to go buy something with their own money.

I'm like, what? No. That's so weird. That would make me so sad. You know what I mean? You bought this for yourself?

Happy birthday.

You know what I mean?

Here's my pussy. That's all I got to offer.

Exactly.

I'm not talking shit about women.

No, I mean, if that's your bag, it's fine. I'm not comfortable with it. I've kind of just done my own thing, so.

2017. Wiping on Riah.

We match. And it's so funny because he is just so funny. Tommy's just like, a very. You know how guys try to be cool and not text you, right? As soon as we matched, he's like, hi. And it's like 30 messages, and he's like, what's up? How are you? Want to hang out? Listen to this new song. Check it out. Do you listen to it yet? It was so funny. It was like. And normally, girls would be like, that's a red flag. But for me, I'm like, oh, he's so fun. And I was like, he's a puppy. And he was just so nice. And I was so tired of people that played games or guys that would like you.

If you want to talk to me, talk to me.

You text them back, and then they wait three days to respond, but then they are still engaging, and they're trying to be cool, and I'm just like, whatever. So he was not like that.

Guys don't do that. That shit's not.

Don't do it. The girls, like, it's cool to care. Yeah, it's cool to care. Yeah. That's a good saying. It is cool to care. So he cared, and he was very persistent, and he invited me to pride, which is so fitting. And we met up at pride, and we just fucking held hands and never let go. And we started hanging out every single day. And I've told the story before. He was, like, dating Carmen Electra, and then we got together, and he just, boom, just dropped everybody.

You guys were searching for each other.

Yeah.

You guys really needed each other. I feel like that's how Jay and. Yeah, like, when you meet that person, you just know, and it's like there's no questions asked, no words have to be spoken. It's like you literally link up, and you never leave each other.

It's, like, comfortable.

Yeah.

Safe and safe. And I don't feel comfortable with a lot of people, so the fact that when I first hung out with him, I felt instantly very cozy. I was like, this is a weird thing. I'm not used to this. I'm so used to being so worried. And I was just so comfortable. And we just hit it off right away. I think I moved in after like three weeks. No. And we got engaged after six months. And then, yeah, Jay and I got.

Married a month after hanging out with each other.

Amazing.

And everybody's like, you guys are not going to make it. And here we are, eight years later.

Same seven. Yes. Where we were a year after you. You were 2016. It's so wild, dude, isn't it?

Yeah. No, I love that for you, though. I mean, you guys found each other's safe space.

I'm so happy. I really am. It's just so nice to not be in that world anymore because LA is, like, bleak for dating, man.

We were just talking about this at dinner last night. I feel bad for anybody who has to date in this fucking environment. So the girl we went to dinner with last night, should I tell her story? Said that she went on a date with some guy. He's like, hey, I'm making steaks. Come on over. And then she goes over there. She's like, all right, cool. I didn't really want to go anyways, but I went because I was like, whatever, steak. And he opens the door and was like, hey, where's your steak? And she's like, you told me you were cooking steaks. And he's like, all right, well, I have one, so come on in. So he cooks the steak. He's like, hey, you want a bite? And when it's done cooking and gives her one bite and then throws the fork away and proceeds to eat the steak right in front of her, I was like, if that is what dating is, like, what? I don't fucking want it, dude.

He said, I'm cooking steaks. And then asked her where her steak was talking. Byob steak hangout. Like, what the fuck?

Byos, Byos.

Bring your own steak. Well, sorry, you can have a little nibble of mine. That's crazy.

No, for sure. Yeah, I can imagine.

Yeah. Brittany. Brittany. We do the podcast. This is the worst Brittany comedian. She's.

Yeah, we're going to talk about your.

So funny. And she's single and the.

Oh, and she likes NBA players.

Oh, my likes.

That's like a glutton for punishment right there.

But she's tough as it's a. Like, she can take some shit, but I'm like, dude, she's got some crazy shit that goes on. And I'm just like, oh, my God, I can't. I couldn't. Handle it.

No, I wouldn't want to do it. I always say if Jay and I don't make it, I'm literally going to be like Cher. I'll be 76 years old, dating fucking little 25, 26 year old, just so there's no emotional commitment.

Everybody knows older women, too. Not that we're older, but I mean older than them.

You know what I mean? Well, they've got mommy issues.

I meet young guys, I'll be at the grocery store. And young guys are always like, hi. Get away from me, child.

What are you doing?

Why are you staring at me like that?

Looking at you like you're a steak.

Yeah, like, chill, bro. No, it's kind of crazy.

So let's circle back to you and Tommy just hooking up, getting together, the media attention.

Oh, boy.

That you guys got. What was that like in the beginning for you're. I feel like. And we talked about this a little bit off camera is like, the Internet is just so cruel. And I don't want to say having to live in a shadow of his former relationship, but pretty much the Internet will not let him move on and live happily ever after with you.

Never.

How do you feel about that? How do you deal with that? Where did we start with that?

I mean, it's so heartbreaking because it's like, I've been with my husband, I think, longer than any of the relationships except for Heather. I think he was with Heather for eight years.

You're friends with Heather, too, right? That's amazing.

I mean, that's the thing is, if people are nice to me, I am nice to them. If they are not nice to me, I am not nice to them. And you see a lot of what's on the media, but you don't know what's happened in real life. So people make their judgments, like, oh, this person's so sweet, and this person's this and this person's that. And I'm like, people don't realize what is really happening. They are fed what media wants to.

It's a machine.

People personally, you don't know the way they've treated people and things like that. And it's not what people think. It's very different. And there's a lot I can say, and there's a lot I can't say, obviously, because there's kids and Tommy's relationship with his kids. But do you get along with the boys? I do. I like the boys. Yeah. I mean, and Tommy had a crazy drinking problem, and I had never been around someone that had a crazy drinking.

Problem when you guys first got together.

Yeah. I didn't know how bad this was. And we would be together, and he'd be drinking all day, but he was still kind of, like, pretty. He was pretty regular, you know what I mean? Because he was such an alcoholic, he could drink, like, a whole liter of Tito's and be talking to you.

Oh, my goodness.

It's pretty scary, but for me, I'd never been liver. He's great now.

Oh, good.

Yeah, now he's great. Then not so much. So he was doing that, and it caused a lot of contention because the kids were living with us at the time, and he didn't want to go out in the living room because they were there with their friends. And so he'd be like, babe, can you go get me a drink? I am a sober person. I haven't had a drink in, like, ten years. I don't like it. And he would want me to drink with him, but I had already been sober pretty much before that, and so I wasn't into drinking. I wouldn't drink with him, you know what I mean? And so I would go to the kitchen, and I would fill his glass with mostly water, and then I'd pour a little bit of vodka in because I was like, man, he's already had way too many drinks. So I would just put mostly water, but just enough so he could taste it. And then when he would go to bed at night, I would dump half the vodka out, and I'd fill the bottle with water, and I'd, like, shake it so that hopefully it wouldn't freeze, because vodka doesn't freeze right?

So I had to make sure. And then he would get mad sometimes because it would be frozen. He'd be like, you put water in it again. You know what I mean? But the boys didn't know I was doing all this, so they would see me going to the kitchen, and they'd be, like, making him drinks and enabling him. And so then they started to hate, you know, then that was when that whole thing happened with Brandon, like, the intervention, the punching, all this stuff. It was horrible. And then I talked to Tommy's manager. He has a manager that really loves him, and I told him, I was like, we got to get this guy sober. Like, this is crazy. He's killing himself. And so we convinced Tommy somehow to go to. And the day of, he didn't want to go. And then Nikki six came over and helped me put his ass in the car and took him over to rehab, and he was there for 45 days and he did really great. And since then he's been doing really great. He's fallen off the wagon like twice, but it was like really short stints expected.

Yeah, he's not somebody from Tommy Lee.

He's not perfect. I mean, he was a massive alcoholic. And to go from that much of an alcoholic to nothing, it was a lot. And then when you become sober, living with all those feelings and all these things that he hasn't felt in so long, and it took him a while, but now I feel like he's finally really found his know, he doesn't even really talk about. He'll make a joke here. And like, and that's what I think is so fucked is like, people will be like, oh, he's all coked out. Or like, no, Tommy is sober. Tommy does not use drugs. Like, stop fucking spreading shit about people.

Fucking clips. Bonsai.

Yeah, he's hyper, he's ADHD. He's a 17 year old man, 61 year old man. He's a child. He's like a very young personality because he got famous at 17. And so he's kind of always stayed very childlike. And that's what's sweet about him is that he is like a little kid, big kid. I'm just so proud of him because now he's really found his peace.

Proud of you both.

Yeah, it's just so nice. And we're just trying to live our life and not be pulled. Know the bullshit, man. Like, it's just crazy.

Yeah, I saw what you were having to go through when the Pam and Tommy documentary. Not documentary, but the show.

Oh, and the hulu thing came. Yeah. Well, that's like, funny because I started dating Tommy and Seth Rogen follows me. And I remember him watching. He would watch my stories and I would post with Tommy, and then all of a sudden, a couple months later, it's like Seth Rogen's producing a Pam and Tommy series, like completely out of nowhere. And I was like, God, I didn't give him the idea. I'm pretty sure he dm'd me. I have to check. And was like, oh, my God, is that Tommy Lee? Or something like that? Because he was shocked, but I have to check. But he follows me and he was following me then. And I would see him, see, know, and I'm like, that's weird. And then he now would produce that, you know, Tommy had nothing to do with neither, neither of them. So, you know, people would say, oh, tommy gave it his blessing, but not really, only, um, Tommy ended up in any way involved was because, God, who's the guy who played him now? I'm like, having a fucking Sebastian, stan. So Sebastian is friends with Fred durst.

Gotcha.

Because they did a movie together. Fred durst, the director. And so Fred called Tommy and was like, sebastian really wants to meet you. He totally understands if you don't want to meet. Know, it's whatever, but he really wants to meet you. And so Tommy was like, okay, I'll meet him. Tommy's just so nice. You know what I mean? Tommy's just a nice guy. And so we went out to dinner with Sebastian, of course, got papped. And then everyone was like, tommy's supporting it. And it was like, it wasn't even Tommy supporting. It was literally Tommy just being nice to a guy who's friends with Fred. And Sebastian actually is such a nice guy. And it's not like, you know what I mean? An actor's just taking a know. You can't hate the actor. You know what? Like, they're trying to make, you know, people spun out about that. And we're like, oh, well, why are you not mad about this? But you're mad about that. And I'm like, nobody's. What are you talking about? We were friends. We were just being nice to Sebastian.

It's crazy that they can come up with so many assumptions off one picture.

I'm so exhausted.

Can we address the TikTok that kind of caused so much?

It was so stupid on my part.

But it wasn't even a bad TikTok. I could kind of understand where you were coming from because you do get attacked so much online.

But it was like a joke. It wasn't even to be like. That was more like, because what had happened is as soon as that documentary came out, immediately, within hours, people were flooding my page going, you're interrupting true love. They need to be back together. Meanwhile, I've already been with my husband for five years, longer than the whole relationship. And I'm like, this is just so insane. And I remember I don't have great mental health. And so part of me, whenever anything makes me uncomfortable, my first thought is like, let's make a joke.

Same. I laugh at the most inappropriate shit.

All the time, and I don't think sometimes before I act. And I was just like, this is funny. And so I just did it. And even Tommy was like, it's funny, whatever. And then I posted it, and I was like, oh, God, this is going to get taken the wrong way. And of course it did. And then, so I just took it down right away. It was more just like an intrusive thought, like acting on like an intrusive thought. And then somebody had already screenshotted it and sent it to the Daily Mail, literally posted it for like 3 seconds, and then people spun it.

The Internet is like that telephone game for something. And then by the time it gets to the fucking.

So I was just like, you know what? I just need to shut the fuck up at this point. And I'm just, you know, I'm just used to it. Like I get constantly still get it and I'm probably going to get it forever.

Have you ever reached out to Pam or has she reached out to you to just kind of be like just an olive branch?

No, I think it just.

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Shopify.com bunny. Because I feel like if I was Tommy's ex in this relationship, I would reach out to you and be like, hey, girl, love you. I'm sorry.

I mean, when I first started dating, know, and all this stuff happened with Brandon and Tommy's alcoholism, she blamed me in a public oh. And said brittany's the reason Tommy is drinking so much and that she's an alcoholic and he needs someone to behave bad with.

Gotcha.

This has since been removed from her online open journal thing, but it was on there, and I remember being really hurt by that. Never got an apology for, know, even though I'm like, I don't even drink. What are we talking? Like, this is crazy. And I think it's on the somewhere. And then, of course, everyone like, yeah, I could see Brittany. She's an alcoholic drug addict. And I'm like. I'm, like, scared of everything, let alone fucking getting wasted. And so I was really hurt by that. And then also, it was just, know, the texting Tommy here and there and being like, yeah, hey, pictures of yourself, whatever. So it was just, like, annoying. And it was more just like, this is not a good vibe. Whereas with, like, Heather would text both of.

Yeah.

And be like, do you guys want to come over? Do you want to hang out? Blah, blah, blah. Just like a totally different vibe. And it was a very friendly, welcoming, you know, I wish her the best. I really do. I hope, because it's really. I can't imagine being so in love with someone still and not being with them and then being with someone else. That must really hurt. You know what I mean? Like, fuck the pain. That must really fucking hurt. And it's really sad, probably. And for her sake, she's beautiful. She still looks great. And I hope she meets someone else and falls in love. I really do, because the pain of wanting something like I love my husband, I'm not going anywhere. You know what I mean? Let's, God forbid some freak accident happens.

But it's going to happen.

I was upset at first, and now I'm just like. I'm more like, I feel bad and I'm like, that must suck to really care for someone so much still and not be with them. So I have sympathy. Absolutely. I try to put myself. Now, that's very mature, though. I try. I try to put myself in other people's shoes. Is it my favorite thing? No, but I think a lot of women who get it are people that have a baby mama that is still in love with their husband. You know what I mean? And I think they get it. But I think if you don't have that, you don't get it. You know what mean?

So Jay has two baby mamas. One I can get along with amazingly. She's a great woman and the other one is a fucking nightmare.

It just depends. That's just life. You're going to get some people and some people not. And that doesn't mean that they're a bad person. It's just that it's not the vibe. The thing is, the same thing as you is I've always wanted to be friends with everybody because that's how I am. But it was like, from the get go, it was immediately made very clear to me that was not the vibe. So I was like, okay, cool, got it. I didn't know my place, but also, this is my husband, so that was the hardest thing, too, is going through all that and having people be like, it's none of your business. And I'm like, how is this none of my business? This is literally my husband that I worked really hard with to get healthy and we're so happy and just want to just be able to be happy and have everyone stop making shows and tv movies and Hallmark and fucking whatever else, you know what I mean? And have people come on my page and tell me that. Whatever.

Do you feel like you're not allowed to ever have an opinion, too, whenever.

It comes to that? Yeah, I can't say shit, everything. I'm always the bad guy. I'm probably going to get hate for this.

I think you're being very honest and I think you're being very open and I think that's fair.

Yeah.

You're allowed to have feelings and not have to push them down. And you haven't said anything. That is. I think everything you've said is so, like, grown and mature.

Yeah, I mean, I get it. We're all hurting from something. We're all trying to live our lives and get along the best we can, and that's all we can do. You know what? You know, I'm not know. I already struggle with my mental health. And so I've said and done things where, like, God, brittany, like, fucking think sometimes before you speak.

Nobody gives us a handbook on life and how we're supposed to react to certain things. And people don't realize, when you're not in the spotlight and you're not getting hundreds of thousands of shit thrown at you every fucking day, you'll never understand it. The people that are trolling literally have zero followers. And I don't mean that to be. To insult anybody, but you don't know what it feels like to live in shoes of people who are online and have know, who have opened ourselves up to.

Yeah, I think it's frustrating to see stories made up about you. Oh, like that girl. That one blows my mind. A really big gossip column online, and they wrote something like, when the documentary came out, like, oh, well, don't feel bad for Brittany, because all she does is complain about her husband anyway. And I was like, what?

When?

And I wrote to the girl who runs the page because she published it. And the girl was like, oh, it's someone from your yoga class that sent this in. And I'm like, bitch, I don't do yoga. I don't even walk fast, let alone I don't exercise. I don't even fucking touch my toes. You know what I'm saying?

She's like, I am not limber.

And I said to her, I said, I don't do yoga. I said, I don't even have a yoga class. I'd appreciate it if you took it down and she didn't.

You can't.

They just want to have fake shit out.

I've learned that lesson. I learned that lesson, actually, this month. It started last year when I started getting dragged on TikTok for having a podcast with people who come and tell their side of the story. The only reason people hate me is because of this podcast. Literally. It's wild, right? And this year, somebody. I didn't learn my lesson last year. So the universe sent me the same lesson this year with another bitch who fucking tried to paint this picture of me being this terrible human. When I reached out to her, like, hey, girl, this is the truth. This is what's going on. If you do this, this is what's going to happen. I just try to keep it real and keep it with. Everybody twisted my words, twisted screenshots, posted them, made a video. Her and this other girl tried. Didn't put everything in there, though. They only put what fucking made their narrative look good. And I didn't respond. For once in my life, I was like, you know what? God, give a fuck. Think what you want. People are going to fucking make up whatever they want. And it's like, you can't reason with those people because your narrative doesn't make them money or get them attention.

No.

So they have to paint their own narrative.

It's so crazy, dude, how people spin shit, and I didn't even hear anything about that. So this bitch can't even be that popular.

Oh, no, she's not.

That was, like, when the whole thing happened with Trisha Paytas, who, like, I don't have anything against Trisha Paytas. I'm friends with Jason, who she was seeing at the time, and they dressed up as my husband and his ex for Halloween or a bunch of pictures or something, and then they tagged him in every picture, and my husband saw it, and he wasn't sober at the time, and he made, like, a rude comment. And then I never said anything to her, but she had also, on Twitter been like, why is Brittany furlong with Tommy Lee? That's so weird. And then when I responded to her, she was like, oh, no, girl. I totally stan it. And I was like, okay. Anyway, so then I actually wrote her a DM, and I think I still have them where I said I was so sorry about that. He's struggling with alcoholism. Whatever. I sent her a message. I'm pretty sure I probably still have them, but I was so nice, and she was like, I'm making a YouTube video about it. And you're going, yeah. No matter how much I was nice, she was like. And I was like, okay, cool.

Well, I said my piece, and I apologize if we hurt you in any way, but ended up becoming a huge thing. And I'm just like, everybody just.

Yeah, it's just a thing for, like, I'm not used to that. If we're going to have a situation, let's fucking come to talk to each other like grown ass women, and let's move on from it. I literally can't stand when everybody wants to go to the fucking Internet. No, you don't have to fucking post every. Is your life that boring? That you have to just take screenshots that I fucking wrote and fucking post them online of me literally explaining a situation to you.

I wish you would have posted what we wrote. But she didn't, of course.

But anyway, yeah, I was talking about my personal it.

But honestly, I'm just like, bygones. We got it. Bygones. People grow, people change. I don't have any. Whatever.

I think Trisha, since she had her baby and is married and actually found, like, real happiness in her safe space, I feel like I've seen a lot of growth from her. I don't know her.

She seems really happy. Yeah. So that's great.

And I think that makes a huge difference with how people treat other people if you aren't happy in your life at that moment. And I think her and Jason had, like, a really fucked up relationship. I don't know the details, and I don't even care to get into it, but I think when you're going through that and you're just fucking hurting, your normal reaction is hurt. People hurt people.

Yeah. And I know she struggles with her mental health. I mean, it was more on Jason because Jason and I have known each other, know, through comedy, and I was just kind of like, really? Like, I don't deal with this enough. You know what I mean? It's just exhausting. But then I also is a growing thing for me where I have to learn. I can't control it. I just got to let people do what they're going to do. I can't be mad at everybody that wants to fucking whatever. I just don't like when people pretend to be my friend and then they do that. That's hurtful. I'm just like, okay, I'm fucking done, guys. I don't know what more you want to fucking do.

Yeah. Beating a dead horse.

Yeah.

Can we move on to Tommy's bonsais?

Oh, yeah, for sure. Oh, my God. He loves bonsai trees. It saves his life. Yeah, he's just so Zen. I mean, he's probably got like 200.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, dude. People are like, oh, Tommy's on cocaine. Every time I see a post of him, they're like, oh, look at, like, he's on drugs or whatever. I'm like, no, this dude is literally sitting there fucking like Mr. Miyagi just fucking clipping his little trees.

It probably helps his add. Do you do it with him? I know I asked you this.

No, I am way too impatient. I mean, I do my jewelry. Yeah, I'll go in my room. And do my necklaces. And he'll be out there doing his bonsai. There's sometimes I'll lay out in tan while he's bonsaiing, and I will sometimes just sit with him and talk to him while he does it. But he is just like a different guy. He's no drama. He's just very peaceful. He just wants to do his trees. He just wants to have a happy life. He doesn't want to deal with anything. He doesn't want to deal with anyone. He just wants to be peaceful. It's just us and our dogs. Our little wiener dogs. We are so in love with them. And we just have our happy little safe space. Safe vibe. Happy vibe. We cook dinner together every night. We sit and have dinner together every night. And life is good, man. I'm so grateful.

I love it.

I really am. And I'm so grateful for his sobriety and his commitment to his sobriety.

That's such a level of intimacy is when you get sober together.

Yeah. I mean, I was already on that path. Having him also is amazing. And now he's going to try to quit smoking. Wow.

Like cigarettes.

He's been smoking cigarettes his whole life.

Wow.

And he really doesn't want to anymore. But it's like, I think when you.

Acupuncture, my dad really smoking marble reds by getting acupuncture where they put a wire in your ear. And anytime he would get a craving, he would hit this pressure point and it would take the craving away.

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So that's his next thing that he really wants to try to do. But he's like, I'm not going to rush it, because it's like, the one thing he has that keeps him kind of. He has that addiction personality. And so he's going to try. I would love that. Then he's going to literally live forever.

Yeah, he's going to be here forever.

It's kind of crazy because people are like, oh, his organs must be so fucked up and all this shit. But we went and did those body scans.

Oh, with.

No, no, no. I did the brain scan with doc. Amen.

How do you feel like that was. Is it a know?

I really like Dr. Amon. I don't really know the science behind it or what it sees, but it was almost like I sat with him and I kind of told him everything that I'd been through. And then he told me what I had. I think it would have been cooler if I had the brain scan. Didn't tell him anything. And then he told me.

Right. Gotcha.

I was the opposite.

I was going to do it, but then I read a bunch of reviews, and I'm not knocking it at all.

Listen, I don't know. I think he's a nice guy, and I think he does care about helping people. I don't know enough about the technology, but I did think it was cool because it did show me my brain, but I wasn't sure exactly. He explained, like, these parts lit up meant trauma and that kind of thing. But I'd already told him, like, I had trauma, so kind of not sure.

If it was it's kind of like a psychic. When you go to a psychic and tell a psychic, and they're like, oh, who's Mike? And you're like, I just told you about him, dude.

I gave you his last name, too. You can't even remember it. What the mean? I don't know. But I do think he does really care about people, and I do think know he tries to help people, and so I always love that. So I don't know. But then we did do full body scan, and mine is, like, a mess. And I have a cyst in the middle of my brain. I have polycystic. I have pcos, which is polycystic ovarian syndrome. So I do have pcos, too, Haley. Guys, you both do. Do you take metformin or nothing? Yeah, me neither. Metformin made me so sick. Made me so sick, and so I just barely eat.

Have you ever had your hormones checked? Oh, yeah.

So I technically don't really show pcos on my hormones, but then when they did my MRI, they saw it everywhere. Yeah. So they did it. My ovaries, both are full of cysts. And I've thought about getting a hysterectomy, but then that comes with its own menopause pause. And so I already have such anxiety that I was like, fuck. And then you can get a partial, and it's, like, kind of complicated. I have a bleeding disorder. So I'm like, God, what if I die on the table? Then it'll be not worth it. So I get paranoid. But anyway, so mine was a mess. His literally was perfect. Like, I was like, nothing wrong with the liver. Nothing wrong. I have cysts in my liver.

Feel like, you son of a bitch.

I'm like, this motherfucker. Cyst in my liver, cyst in my breast. Cyst in my ovaries. I'm so cyste. I have early onset spine disease, which is probably from my breast.

Where is this body scan? I want to go get one done.

So this is called Pernuvo. Okay, so it's like $2,500, and you get a full body MRI, and they tell you everything that's wrong with you.

How long do they have to. Do you have to stay in?

Just 1 hour. And you watch Netflix?

It's so.

They put Netflix. I know if you're claustrophobic, but it's open on both ends, and there's a tech in there with you, and you have a little thing in your hand that if you get uncomfortable, you squeeze it. Because I'm like, that, too. Yeah, this is it. Pernuvo, and you get a full report.

Wow.

Of everything. Like, literally from your head to your tippy toes. So they found everything in me. The spine. I have the cyst in my ovaries. Assist in my breast, assist in the middle of my brain. God, I'm trying to think. I had fluid in my cold.

Any options for healing this stuff?

So I went to my doctor, who I love, Dr. Amrani, and he basically told me, well, he had me do no gluten, no dairy for like a year, and all my cysts went away. But I love it too much to do no gluten and no dairy. Like, bitch, I was eating like I do.

I'm no sugar, no.

How do you. No dairy fucking eat, dude.

I'm like, eat the same thing every day.

That's it. And so we were on tour and I did it for a year and I had no cysts. And I didn't feel any different, though. That was the thing. I only had no cysts, but I didn't feel any better, right. And so on tour, I ended up being like, fuck it. I'm just eating whatever I want again. And all the cysts are back, but I don't feel any different. Cysts or no cysts. It's kind of weird. I still have really painful periods. I still have really bad endo. It kind of is what it is. And my doctor is like, you don't really need to worry about it. It's like benign shit. Like, he had my breast cysts checked. They're just cysts. My liver cysts are just cysts. Got you cysts. So they're not going to do anything. The only one I have to watch is, like, the one in my brain. If it grows, it can cause neurological issues. Like, I need more of those. It's already happening right now, though.

You never know. It could do the complete fucking opposite at this point. What do we have to lose? Let's roll the dice, right?

Are you okay? I'm.

Stuttering.

No, but apparently that's the only thing I really have to look out for. And then the spine disease. So I try to wear. My dad's always telling. He's going to yell at me, put your shoulders back. So my boobs are so heavy, they pull my spine forward.

When I had my boobs done, that was the same way. The implants were so heavy.

You still have big boobs.

These are my real ones.

You're like a d still.

Yeah, I had my implants taken out, but, yeah, that's exactly I would hunch over, too, and I still do that now because I'm so used to having those. I had those fucking kazangas for, like, 13 years. You got a nice rack.

I'm a fucking 34 triple D. They're nice. I'm going to show you when we're done.

I can't wait.

They're crazy.

I can't wait.

They hurt. I do. And I've thought about a breast reduction, but my husband's like, don't you dare. You have that crazy scar, and, like, there's no if.

Not if you go to a microsurgeon.

Really?

They'll be able to do it, like, super, super thin.

Really? I always feel like I had one girlfriend of mine who they took the nipple off and then they put it back on. It looks crazy.

Yeah.

Someone chewed on the nipples and back on. Like, someone ate the pepperoni and then fucking put it back on. I'm like, what?

It's like a kid's pizza.

Yeah. What is that? She had the most beautiful nipples, and then now they look like they fucking.

Damn it.

Frankensteined her back together. I was like, oh, fuck.

We hate that shit, dude.

Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. Yours look great. I love it. You had the. Good for you. Because that causes its own issues.

Yeah, well, my fucking. I had one. I had a lobster claw size scar tissue because my implant folded. So it was a whole thing. But it was because I was having such bad anxiety. Like, I did everything I could to clean my body out and just try to fucking heal.

And you look great.

I love you.

And you got good energy. I love you. You did a really good job. You walked in here, and I'm like, I can tell. And she's like, I don't eat sugar. I'm like, how do you, like, I'm over here, like, chugging my sugar. I'm like, I need it, or I'm.

Going to start shaking. I appreciate you so much.

That's crazy.

Brittany, I can sit here and talk to you all night long. I feel bad because we did your podcast before this, and, I mean, I could just literally sit here and just pick your brain all day long. But I'm really looking forward to us hanging out. And because I adore you, we got to Tommy and Jay together.

Yeah. They would love each dude.

We have to get them together because I have a feeling Jay is so childlike, too. They have the same fucking energy.

They just play video games together.

Literally.

We're just sitting there.

Does Tommy play?

Yeah.

Oh, my God. We got to link them on the game.

He plays the golf. Like, top golf.

Jay does the. What does he play? Call of duty. Yeah. So he's always doing it.

Oh, my God. These guys. But God bless them. We're lucky to have them. They're good guys.

Definitely. Well, they got good women, too.

Amen.

Yeah, they got good pickers.

Yeah.

Thank you for coming on the podcast, and come back anytime you want to check in, if you have anything you want to promote or anything like that.

Yeah, I mean, we have our podcast. This is the worst with me and Brittany Schmidt, and we talk about all the worst things that have ever happened to us and anyone else you can write in and tell us your worst stories. And I do the jewelry, which is just lovely jewelry on Instagram.

Lovely. With two.

Yeah. Yeah. And then I'm doing stand up. I post dates just, like, randomly. I'm not, like, on tour right now, but I've been doing LA, so if you're in LA, which I'm so proud.

Of you for doing that, for getting back into it.

Yeah. It's therapy for. Oh, thanks for having me. Thank you. So the best.

Thank you, guys, for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.