If I had to think at the time, I personally smelled my worst, it would be on a hot summer day with swamp puss. Lumie is baking soda-free, paraben-free, empowered by mandelic acid to deliver outrageous 72-hour odor control everywhere, from your pits to your feet, and yes, even your privates. Lumie has pH balance for safe use below the belt, and with options like clean tangerine, lavender sage, or toasted coconut, you will not only smell amazing, but will feel confident from head to toe. As a special offer, New customers get $5 off Lumide's starter pack with code BUNY, B-U-N-N-I-E, at lumideeodorant. Com. I got to be honest with you guys, when they first brought Lumidee to me, I had zero hopes that this stuff would work because I have this one pit that always smells terrible. I don't know about you guys, but it's my right one. They brought it to me. I went to a festival. It was the Toasted coconut. I slathered it on my pit. I'm going to tell you guys something, the entire festival, I smelled delicious, delectable. I'm not even lying, I love this stuff. When I'm on tour, the only thing I use actually in my everyday life is Lumie.

Lumie starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant types and free shipping. Remember the special offer for new listeners, new customers get $5 off a Lumie starter pack with code Bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E at lumideoterant. Com. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack when you visit lumideoterant. Com and use code Bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E. What's up, guys? Don't forget to sub to Patreon so that you can see the visuals. Because not only do we have episodes of the podcast, we have exclusive content that nobody else sees on any other apps, behind the scenes, photos shoots, and we're dropping a whole bunch of surprising stuff this year. So if you guys don't want to miss out and you want to be the first to know, go over to our Patreon, www. Dumblondunrated. Com. Mom. Love you. Is this being on? Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker, now hosts the podcast Dumb Blonde. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of money and be a rock star's wife.

That was my goal as a child. And here we are. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, we have our fairy mob mother here. This is Renee Graziano. How are you doing, Mama?

I'm It's wonderful. It's such a pleasure to meet you.

Dude, I'm so happy you're here. You're so striking in person. You're beautiful online, too, but you're just so striking.

No, I'm prettier in person. I love it. And I'm smaller.

You're tiny. Yeah.

People will always think I'm taller. I'm actually... I I did just lose almost 20 pounds, so I am a little bit smaller than normal. But thank you.

It's your presence online. Thank you. That makes people think you're bigger than you are because you are such a power woman, like a powerful woman. Thank you. Any room you walk in, you demand attention.

Yeah, I think that's where my addiction comes from.

I love that. Absolutely. We'll definitely get into that. But you are a real Sicilian Gillian Princess.

Yeah. My father spared no expense on any one of his daughters. I miss him terribly. We're coming up on five years, and my life was It's really very much like a movie. And I think that's another reason why addiction played such a really big part in my life. But growing up with a mob boss as a father, and you could do no wrong, and everybody else was wrong. It was the perfect combination. It was the perfect storm for me.

Absolutely. And so for those people who don't know, who is your father?

My father is Anthony Graziano, he was the consigliere of the Banano crime family.

That sounds powerful.

It doesn't he? And my father's story is quite remarkable. No higher than an eighth-grade education. When he passed The last way I found out that the first time he was ever arrested was for robbing cornflakes to feed his sisters. And he lived in a trailer with newspaper as the Shades. And his mom's boyfriend was sexually molesting his sisters. And at 12, my father was shipped off because the man suddenly died in an electrical fire.

So So do we think dad had something to do with that, allegedly?

I hope he did. Yeah.

I hope he did. Anybody that hurts children deserves.

I hope he did. I truly do. Because for me, now it makes so much more sense why he was the way he was with us. We had to be covered, and you couldn't do this, and you couldn't wear a bikini. And I was always like, What's wrong? My father. And it was like, God forbid, you said you had your period. It was like you couldn't come out of your room. I remember I had my first breast reduction at 18. Wow. Oh, yeah. I had an F breast, naturally. Yeah. I think God made me upside down and backward. So my ass was flat, my boobs were huge. Stop it. Yeah, I kid you not. My nickname was Sheetrock, okay? So you wonder why I have all these Who nicknamed you Sheetrock?

Well, okay.

So my ex-brother-in-law named me Spongebob Squarepants. And then my ex-husband, that evil bastard, that rat, no good prick.

We'll get into him later.

Yeah, we will. Yeah, I was just always picked on.

That is terrible. And you don't look like Sheetrock. You're beautiful.

No, because I got my ass done four times. And we're going to talk about that, too.

So circling back to childhood. Yes. Your dad was this huge mob Monster. And what was life like for you? Did you guys talk about it? Were you allowed to say the word mob? I know I've talked to the other girls, and they all have such different upbringings. Correct. Ramona's family did not talk about it.

Not at all.

But Karen's family, they were just like...

Okay. Ramona's grandfather and my father were very dear friends. Same family. So they were very close. So growing up, what I knew is my father worked... My Most fathers worked 9:00 to 5:00. My father worked 5:00 to 9:00. So it was the opposite in the hours. And there were times that he wasn't home, but it was not something that we would ever question because you're not allowed to ask questions. However, when I was about 16, I remember being in Pastels, which was the nightclub in Brooklyn. And I was at the end of the bar with my best friend Teddy Persico. And a man comes over, and Teddy introduced me. He said, Oh, this is Tiji's daughter. And he said, Yeah, her father's a captain. I go, My father doesn't drive a boat. He goes, What? I go, He doesn't sail a ship, Teddy. Tell this guy. But I didn't know what the words were. And I went home.

And they're looking at you like, All right, kid.

I went home. Teddy's going, Shut up. I go home. I go, Dad, is this something you want to tell me? I was like, Is that why you're not home on the weekends? He's like, What are you talking about? I was like, You're a captain. And he was like, Oh, my God, sit down. And it was this moment of, you don't ever ask a question like that. Understand, you're a little different than everybody else. And I didn't know what it meant, but I started to understand because I had that flashback when these kids in fourth or fifth grade glued an article of my dad to my desk. There were two young girls that I went to school with that bullied me. And one of the girls, her father was found in a trunk.

I love how you say that so matter of factly.

I I know. So you know what's crazy? Because now I finally realized all these things gave me trauma, which I never knew they did. Absolutely, baby. But it was normal to me.

Trauma starts at the moment of conception. So if your mom and dad were fighting her pregnancy, that's trauma. The minute conception starts, trauma.

Really? Oh, that makes so... Oh, wow. I got to get my son into therapy immediately.

Were you close to your mom growing up?

Closer to my father. I'm like my father's twin, but I was also born very sick. So I had spinal taps for the first six months of my life. I'm the only addict in my family. Well, I'm the only confessed addict in my family for drugs and alcohol. Not alcohol, actually, drugs. I'm sure my father was an addict because of his lifestyle. You know what I mean? All that stuff that goes along with the mob. My sister Jennifer threw herself into work. Everybody has an addiction Mine just resulted in drugs.

So when you were born, you had to have spinal tabs, which is trauma right there for you. So you came out of the womb already having trauma. Growing up, like you said, you did not know that your father was in the mob. How did they hide that from you?

Okay. So I remember I was 13 when I first experienced the feds broke down the doors and sledgehams, and they came in to get my father And I remember losing my mind and saying, You're not taking him. I was on top of him. Yeah, and I didn't know. And he was like, Renee, don't worry about it. I'm coming right back, Renee. Just don't worry about it. And I didn't know what it meant. And it wasn't explained. It was like, Oh, don't worry about it. But then there's things in the newspaper.

What did they say? Like Daddy ran a red light?

Bookmaking. So the reason Pete Rose didn't get inducted into the Hall of Fame is because he got pinched on my father's case. So there's a lot Out of that, that was when he was really coming up. And I knew I was different. I knew I was because my father would... When the Candy Man would come on the corner of the block, my father would buy out the truck for everybody on the block. He was always doing stuff for everybody else. And that's why I have this love for my father, because my father's never been charged with murder, so therefore, in my eyes, he's not one. So all the other little things that mobsters do, it's in their own community as far as what I knew or if I watch a movie. I don't really get too much into that because people like to say, Well, how could you defend your father? He was this and he was that. But at the end of the day, he was my father.

And all you knew from him was love.

Exactly. And when I told you this man loved me, there was nothing greater in this world that when he died, I wanted to die. I literally wanted to go with him.

You have two other sisters. Were they as close with him as you are?

Lana is nine years older. So my father was more in the street when she was younger. So there's a little bit of a resentment there. And I got all the attention because I was the sick child. So Lana actually hung me when I was six with a red, white, and blue plastic jump rope, hoisted me over the chandelier. I'll never forget that. Oh, my God. And then the other time. And then this other That is not normal, Renee.

I know, but now I know why I have trauma.

Then this other time, she put the dog leash around my neck, and she hung the cord from the other side. And she's like, Just jump off the stairs and swing. I'm like, Okay. I was like a stick figure. I was a stick figure, and she was heavier. So my father was harder on her. But her things were like, Lose 50 pounds, I'll buy you a car. Lose 50 pounds, I'll give you 15,000, 20,000. So it was different. I didn't have to. I was skinny. If I turned sideways, all you saw were my boobs. There was nothing to me.

So there was definitely a jealousy factor.

Absolutely. And then my little sister- So you're the middle. Yeah. Okay. And a cancer. So my little sister in first grade had an eighth grade reading level, and in eighth grade, I had an eighth grade reading level, so I was the less scholastically intelligent sister. So So I had that complex from birth. I was ugly, according to Lana, and I was dumb, according to Jennifer, which is normal for sisters and brothers and sisters to do. It's not nice, but they do it. It is. I took it on. I became that. I became ugly and dumb. That's what I saw. I literally saw it. And I automatically I became promiscuous because of that, too. At what age? I was 13.

Oh, my goodness. I just got goosebumps. You're a baby.

I wasn't a baby. My body didn't look like a baby. I looked like I was 18 years I was at 13. I was like a triple D. If you've seen pictures of me at 13, you'd be like, Who is she? I look younger now than I did at 13. Wow. So, yeah, my first boyfriend, I was 13 and a He was 17. And his name was Frank.

It's a little weird.

Yeah. And he was abusive. And that was something I hid from my father. I always hid my abuse.

Abusive? Getting abused by a boyfriend at 13? Yeah. What would he do to you? It makes my skin crawl because you're such a baby.

Yeah. It's funny. His daughter actually reached out to me on Instagram. I was like, How's your fat father doing? I can't stand. Did he fix his nose yet? You know what? Because you get scarred. You get so scarred.

And rightfully so, he deserves that. But we're painting a picture here for people, and I don't think a lot of people have got to hear this from you. No, they don't know this. And they don't understand what makes you so, I don't want to say aggressive, but just so brazen. And so this is how it is. You have been molded by trauma since birth.

Thank you for this. Because a lot of people don't know these things about me because I always had to hide everything. But Frank was abusive very young. And I remember being 15, and we were going... Tony Danza was at my sister Lana's wedding, so we were attending something, and he was jealous because he couldn't come. So he stabbed me in the side of my leg with a fork as I was coming down the stairs. But cocaine was already in place at 14.

So you were already doing drugs?

Yeah, 14. Absolutely.

Well, we're going to talk about the abuse, but then we're going to rewind back to the drugs.

So I think for me, I just stayed because I thought that's what I deserved.

So he stabbed you in your legs?

In my leg. I still have two little marks left in my leg. And I remember I had gone home one day, and I had a black eye. And my father was on the ouch. And I walked in, he goes, Come here. And he didn't see anything. I was just walking straight to the room. And he was like, Come here. And I go, What's up? And he's like, What happened to your face? I said, Oh, I walked into the door. He goes, Oh, yeah, you did? Sit down. And I was like, Oh, shit. He's like, What door? I said, The door. Like, What do you say? Because at this point, I'm not really a liar, and I suck at lying anyway. So I'm trying to come up with a story in my head, and I know I can't at this point. And I remember, oh. And this is why I never told on somebody afterwards. So I said that he hit me, and my father goes, Okay, watch this. So he makes a phone call, and he calls up the father, and he says, I need you and your son to meet me at my restaurant.

And it was on Forest Avenue, called Mama Roses. And then he called two other guys who have now passed on. And my father goes, Get in the car. And I'm like, Oh, my God, what's going to happen? I'll never get it. I was singing the Iseling Brothers in between the sheets in the car. And he goes, What the fuck do you know about that? I was like, Nothing. It's a song. And he's like, Don't talk. I swear to God, it was so scary in the car with him. It was in his big Lincoln. We get there and he goes, Go in the restaurant and don't go by the window. So what does that mean? That means go by the window. Right. You're going to look. So now there's two Lincoln's outside, Frank, his father, and these two guys. And I look out the window, and lo and behold, now Frank has a cast on his arm. Needless to say, we know what happened, how it got broken. And it was that very second that I knew I could never tell on another human because it would be my sin that they got hurt. And that's so wrong to think that way because he deserved to have his arm broken.

But because I had this relationship with God at a very young age, I felt it was a sin. So I have to protect my father and protect the other person. So it's really my fault it happens. And that's exactly where everything started. That's really where it all started.

If I had to think at the time, I personally smelled my worst, it would be on a hot summer day with swamp puss. Loomy is baking soda-free, paraben-free, empowered by mandelic acid to deliver outrageous 72-hour odor control everywhere, from your pits to your feet, and yes, even your privates. Lumie has pH balance for safe use below the belt, and with options like clean tangerine, lavender sage, or toasted coconut, you will not only smell amazing, but will feel confident from head to toe. As a special offer, new customers get $5 off Lumide's starter pack with code Bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E at loomideodorant. Com. I got to be honest with you guys, when they first brought Loomy to me, I had zero hopes that this stuff would work because I have this one pit that always smells terrible. I don't know about you guys, but it's my right one. They brought it to me. I went to a festival. It was the Toasted coconut. I slathered it on my pit. I'm going to tell you guys something, the entire festival, I smelled delicious, delectable. I'm not even lying. I love this stuff. When I'm on tour, the only thing I use, actually, in my everyday life is Lumie.

Lumie's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products products of your choice, like mini body wash and deodorant wipes, and free shipping. Remember the special offer for new listeners, new customers get $5 off a Loomy starter pack with code Bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E at lumideoterant. Com. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack when you visit lumideoterant. Com and use code Bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E. You just felt like you couldn't be honest because you were scared of the repercussions that would happen if somebody hurt you. Yeah.

So when I met my son's father- Let's rewind really quick before we get into that.

You said that at that age, you were already using drugs. When did you start using drugs?

And why were you using them? Okay. So when I was about 13, I remember I Did like mescaline, like purple double barrel. I'll never forget it. I had every bit of clothing that was in the closet on me. I was in the closet. My girlfriend's mother was like, What is Renee doing in the closet with the clothes? So I knew that wasn't the drug for me because I didn't like that type of feeling.

I don't even know what that is. What is that?

Yeah, they don't even make that anymore. It was some trippy drug. I don't like- Okay, like acid or. Yeah, but not... Acid was really strong. This was like some little stuff. And then I wanted to be very much like my older sister. So if there was partying going on, I wanted to do it, too. So I remember it started with black beauties and yellow jackets. Those are uppers. That was like speed.

Diet pills and stuff.

Yeah, correct. And then it just... When I met Frank, it was cocaine. So by 14, I was partying, 14, 15. By the time I was 16, I was dating the biggest drug dealer in Staten Island, secretly.

And who was this? Are we allowed to say his name?

He was so gorgeous.

No, I can't say it.

But it wasn't Frank? No, his first name is Jay. He was just like, he was beautiful. And he was like, you can't tell nobody because your father would be upset. How old was he? 22.

22. And you were how old?

16.

God, I'm having this argument with our kid right now. She has 20-year-olds hanging around, and she's 15? No. And I'm like, there's something wrong with them. Yep. Okay, good.

I'm glad you feel the same way. And that's a crime. I think that's a crime. Okay, good. Because what I know now, first of all, I would kill somebody. I have three granddaughters. You're not making it home, buddy. No, you're warped in the brain that you want to be with a little girl. Yeah.

Because regardless, the woman could be grown.

Physically, we could look a certain way, but no. But mentally. No. And that's where they condition you. You're conditioned in your early teen years. You know what I mean? So for me, it was like, I felt popular. I felt special. I felt I wasn't ugly. I felt wanted. Yes. But it was a secret. So it's still not fair to me. And I just stayed in a... You know what? Looking back, it's so sad. It's so sad. I could have been so much more in life. I could have had the healthy relationship. But no, I went from my first boyfriend to that relationship for a few years when I was in my 16 to 18, to meeting my son's father when I was 20, getting engaged a month and 19 days after I met him because I wanted this. And my father said, You want it? I'm going to give you what you want. Now, when you make your bed, you got to lay in it. And my father didn't want me to marry him because he wasn't Italian. He was Puerto Rican.

Did you ever experience abuse in the house? Was that... No, there was never an abuse?

No, Lana always got hit.

I'm trying to figure out where your attachment style came from.

Okay. I don't know because my father never hit my mother, ever. But what I do know is this. At 16, I found out about an affair my father had. Mom, I'm sorry if you ever hear this. And I remember what I did, and I lost it. Like, lost it because I have the most magnificent mother in the world, like Raquel Welch-gorgeous, and such a good woman. But in the same thing, I didn't want to be I wanted to be her anymore. I wanted to be her, and then I didn't want to be her because to me, it was weak. And I just said, That's what's going to happen. And I ended up being the same damn thing, just with a big mouth. So my father never hit my mother, ever. It's just not happening in my household. Lana got hit a lot because Lana was really bad. She would rob the car all the time and flip the cars.

Trying to hang you off chandeliers.

Absolutely. Had me swinging off banisters. But I think for me, I just wanted something. You wanted to be loved. And I had such a hole in my soul. I was born with a hole in my soul. Literally, I was born with a hot murm. I think that was the hole. Yeah. And I would have done anything, anything in the world... Oh, God, I'm going to get so emotional right now. That's okay. I would have done anything for someone to say, I love you.

Looking back, do you feel like you finally found that love within your Not yet. You're still looking for it. Well, I love you.

I love you, too.

You want a hug?

I'm so sorry. I just thought you were crying. I was like, I'm not going to cry today. I got you. You are so nice. Thank you. You know what's funny? Now I have it with my grandchildren, and they love me.

Oh, I bet. You are like the ultimate Gma. You're like, Glamma.

Yeah, that's the name of my company, too. I play superhero. I do all these things with the kids. It's this feeling of... It's a different love. It It does-Unconditional. Yeah, it does fill the soul. It is now for me. Things are changing. Do we have any tissue, Mimi? I usually travel with a box. Oh my gosh.We'll get you some.I'll Get the eye layers. He's off in five minutes. I don't even care.

Take the shoes off. I don't care. Get comfy, baby.

I'm selling, yeah. I think it's a journey.

I think life is a journey of literally learning how to fall in love with yourself. It really is. And for And women like us who have grown up with trauma and the women at home that are listening, that's really all we've ever searched for in this world is to give love and to receive love. And it starts with us.

It does. And what I'm finding out now is nobody's going to do it for me but me. Absolutely. And that's the sad part because I know how I love on somebody. So I'm like, Where are these people? And my sister Jennifer For what I always say to me, Renee, your expectations of people are way too high. Nobody's you. No one will ever do the things you do. You pay people's bills before you'll even pay your own. You'll take care of everyone, strangers on the street, and not yourself. And I think that's what it was. I've always been trying to save a life, but it was my life I had to save. And I just felt like that my life wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough. Why should I be alive? Why should I have all these things? Even when I was young, I would give everything out. Everything my father'd give me, I'd give everybody else because I felt like God gave me so much. Why would I not share it? Not everybody gets the lifestyle that I lived as a child. I had a fur coat at seven, diamond nameplates. I think I came out of the womb as a mob wife with the big jewelry and the whole bit.

Now I look back and I have three granddaughters, and I have one grandson And all I want them to do, all I want for them, I should say, is to know that they are so loved and nothing matters, and nobody will ever hurt them. I say that, and I don't care if the feds will listen in on this one. I would go right to the for them. You know what I mean? As every parent should for their child, every parent, any parent that doesn't shouldn't be a parent. That's how I view it.

Did you ever feel like you poured that love into AJ?

You know what? Aj is very loved. Very, very, very loved. He doesn't really show me that, though, anymore. I know I hurt my son. I definitely did. Aj witnessed missed some stuff that he doesn't talk about ever. So when AJ was five, and it was November 29th, and his father gave me a really bad beating. And his face was pressed between the two little lats on the stairs, and his eyes never left mine as this man dragged me down the stairs backwards. And I just remember I remember looking at him, and I said, I got to get him out of here. And I went to church, and there was a piece of paper in the church, and it said, After the long dark storm, there will be light. And there was no other piece of paper in the whole church that said that. And I'm all over the church like, Oh, my God, God's talking to me. I know this man's having a conversation with me. No, facts. I left the next day. I packed... What's crazy, my son, my clothes, and my television.

When you're in those situations, you do crazy My TV.

No, because I swear the TV meant something to me all my life. I wanted to be Lucille Ball. That was my dream. Carol Burnet, Lucile Ball with Blondey and Joan Jett twist. That's all I wanted to be when I grew up. You know what I mean? But then again, I wanted to be Diane Carroll. But then my mother told me I couldn't be Diane Carroll because she was a Black woman. And I argued with her for years. Yes, I can. She's like, No, you can't, Renee. You don't understand. But yeah, I left him right there. And I left with AJ. I went home. My father was like, Okay, no problem. Stay. You can't go back now. And what's crazy is my ex-husband's last name is Pagan. So for someone who believes in God so much, right? I've always thought that. Okay. I got married in a church called Our Lady of Pity.

Oh, my goodness.

A black crow flew in my church and sat above me on my wedding tape. Wow. I married- I just got goosebumps. I married the devil. I kid you, he's the spawn of the devil.

How did you guys meet? Where did this come from? Because I read somewhere that he was a friend of your father's?

No, not at all. He's a liar. Okay. He wishes. I met him on May 17th, 1990. He had just come home from doing four years for gun trafficking. So for me, it's like, Oh, the SI report. I love it. Oh, my God. He's going to fit in my family just fine. And I remember going home and saying, Dad, I got a boyfriend. I want you to meet him. And he's like, What's his name? I'm like, Ask him when he gets here. He goes, What does that mean, Renee? Because I couldn't say his name was Hector. I didn't know what was going to happen. So when he got to the house, my father goes, What's your name? He goes, Hector. He goes, Hector? What's that? What are you? So he said, I'm Puerto Rican. He goes, No, your name is Junior. That's where he got that name from, from my father. And because he He was in jail with a friend of my father's, who was Joe Messina, who was the mob boss of the Banano crime family, who also became a fucking rat. And he's dead now, too. My father gave him a pass. He started abusing me immediately.

Immediately.

And you were how old?

20? I was 20. I got engaged a month and 19 days after I met him. I said, Daddy, this is what I want. And my father always gave me what I wanted.

So even getting beat by him.

My father never knew.

Never knew. He never told him.

He's my abuser. And when I say that, I mean it in every way shape of the word. So whatever comes before abuse, emotionally, mentally, sexually, physically, that's my abuser.

I've heard you say that he was your rapist? Yeah. It's hard to believe that people give this man a platform.

You know what's hard to believe? That women don't report this. Because you don't know it's a crime when you're married. I didn't know that that's a crime. If your husband comes home and he's a little bit forceful and you have to submit, that's a crime. I didn't know that. And I had a therapist. Her name was Renee. And she was the one who told me, No, that's rape, Renee. And I was like, I don't think it's called that where I'm from. And she's like, No, that's what it's called, period.

What would he do?

He was just The drugs were bad. He is an alcoholic and an addict. So he would just come home from... We had a strip club, my father's, and his girlfriend worked there. Her name was Danielle.

Whose girlfriend?

My ex-husband.

Junior's, okay.

Filthy bitch. Filthy. And he would just constantly compare me to her. And he was very forceful from being drunk and high. And I really didn't have many choices. I also didn't understand. And I think I didn't understand a lot because I was never really developed in that sense of the word. Physically, I was very developed, but I wasn't mature enough to be- You were still a baby at 20. Yeah, absolutely. But I was doing it from 13. So you know what I mean? I figured, Oh, I'm going to make a guy like me. I know what I could do. And every guy liked me. Trust me. But not every guy wanted me because, one, it wasn't just the fact that you had to deal with my father. I don't shut up. You're going to follow suit. If you can't equal up to my father, you're going to follow suit. And I'm going to lead. And that's really what it was. And my ex-husband resented me for that because guys would kiss me hello before him. So you know that mob thing? They all kiss each other. They wouldn't kiss him before me. And I kept saying to him, But you're not here But he's daughter.

I am. So I am to be treated that way because I am the mob royalty if you don't mind.

And he's also not Italian.

No. And that was the thing. Then he became so close with my father. My father I love this man. Oh, my God. He loved this man. And he was going to give him our last name. So he could be... Imagine this. And this man ratted on my father, beat his daughter. The abuse I went through, he shattered my coccyx bone, cracked a rib, punctured a kidney, broke my cheekbone. And I would never tell. Renee. Yeah, I never told.

Why would he do these things? He just would come home drunk. He was just...

Because he would say really mean things to me. And God, this is so bad. Sorry, Lois. His mother's Lois. She died. She was a heroin addict, died of HIV. So he would be really mean to me, and I'd be like, Your mother's... Oh, true. It's true. Your mother's this, or your mother's that. Because that's my only defense. Because I'm getting smacked. So what else could I do? I'm like a little peanut, and this man is 6 feet, professional boxer.

No man should ever hit a one-a-a-week, no matter what.

He was just... Evil. Yeah. I know that he had his own trauma, but I don't like to give him any little bit of grace whatsoever because he doesn't deserve it. Because you could walk out that door. You walked out that door and gave your girlfriend my car and left me while I was pregnant, throwing up. My body shut down. I lost 25 pounds in my fourth month. My body collapsed, and I stayed in the hospital for at least two weeks, and he made me take a cab home. A lot of it's flashing right now, so forgive me. No, you're good. Because my ADD is also active right now. You're fine. And it's like, Oh, shit. Oh, my God. What was I doing? I could have had anything in anyone.

I went through it, too. I went through it a severely abusive relationship. So everything that I'm hearing from you just breaks my heart because I, too, stayed no matter what. And it was like we had the most amazing sex. And he was always sorry after he would do it. And then now this man is trying to gaslight me because he knows I'm writing a book.

Oh, good. So what's his address?

And is telling me that everything that happened is embellished and that I'm lying and that he never hit me close I was fisted, but he bopped me in my nose. It's like these men are just crazy. So to me, Hector sounds a lot like my ex.

Well, yeah, because they're... What are they called? Narcissist. Narcissist. Asshole. My ex-husband, the sex was horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. You should be embarrassed. But it's so crazy. His girlfriend, he has a girlfriend now. It stalks me. Oh, of course. I'm like, Bitch, please have a seat.

You're the one that got away.

Please have a seat. He probably triangulates you with her. He just knocked her out cold in a parking lot in Staten Island, maybe like six months ago. He moved out here. He lives in Lake Tahoe. And if I had his address, I'd give it to you for anybody who wanted to ring the bell. I don't care. I really don't care. They could come and say, Renee, you're not allowed to say that. I'd be like, Yes, I am.

So let's rewind it back. So you're going through this horrific time with him. You're pregnant. You So you have AJ. Aj is having to witness the abuse. When do you guys finally break? Because I know on Mob Wives, you guys ended up getting back together.

Okay. So it was November 30th, 1999.

I love that she remembers dates.

Yeah. Oh, I have a thing with numbers. Okay. It was 1999 because I remember it for New Year's. I remember that Prince song playing in my head. I left, and then I found out that the affair he was having at that time was with his sister's friend, who I always said it was, and she was pregnant. So here's this one. So now I show up at court. I didn't know she was pregnant yet. So I go to court. He gets pinched. I go to court. I have to put the house up for him, and he's there with her. And I'm sitting there and I'm looking. And my cousin Alexis, who's this tiny, tiny little blonde, we call her Barbie. And she says, Renee, I go, There's a ring on her finger. He's married. To me. I get up and the judge goes, Who's here for Hecta Pagan? I go, Me. He goes, In your name? I go, Renee Pagan. He goes, Well, then who's the woman that he's with? That was one. I walk out of the courtroom, and I remember getting into a fight with him in front of the federal building that he took me by my throat and dangled me in the street.

While you're pregnant?

No, she was now pregnant. She was now pregnant. I was no. Aj was already born. He was having this affair. Sorry. And then I find out he's engaged. Two weeks later, my son says to me, he was with his dad. I was away. I had a boyfriend at the time, and a wise guy boyfriend, too. He was cute. And AJ calls me and says that... What was his name? Vicky made him pee in the tub because she was on the toilet bowl and he was playing in the snow. And I said, Okay, mommy will be there in no time. You were in the bathroom with my kid? That's a no. I made it home from three hours away in two hours, and I gave her a beating outside the house. And I'm not a fighter at all. And that's how I ended up finding out she was pregnant because he said, I'll kill you. She's having a baby. And I didn't even know she was pregnant. And that's how I found out. So you're married to me, engaged, having a child, still beating me. And this is where we're at. So at that point, I was like, I'm done.

He went to jail for eight years. I had nothing to do with him. No communication. I then started working for 50 Cent, and my life started to pick up. And I had this really fun and exciting life. All of a sudden, I was experiencing everything from different races and culture. And I was like, in heaven. I was like, Candy. Yeah, that was me. And a matter of fact, my friend that lives here, you know I'm talking about the witch. I'll tell you afterwards. So he came home, and he then got a girlfriend.

As mobwives going on while he- No, he came home in eight.

So mobwives happened in 10.

2007, you had an overdose, didn't you? Yeah. Can we talk about that? Sure. Because this was before Mob Wives even started.

Yeah. From the damage in my back, they put me on Oxy80s. And I was hooked, I think, in a week. And I was on two Oxy80s. Ready? Gosh. Six Oxy's. Xanax, water pills, diet pills, everything the doctor gave me.

Oh, my gosh. Yes. Doctor gave me. That's enough to kill you.

It did, obviously. Yeah. And then on July fourth, in 2007, I OD for the first time. They were four cop cars. I was a wild lunatic. You couldn't contain me. Nothing. Can you take me on that day?

What happened?

My girlfriend Nancy. I said to Nancy, You got to take me to my mom's. I'm going to die, and I know it. I said, I have to get off drugs. She She got me there. She gave my mother everything that I had, and I hit the floor, and that was it. And my mother did not understand addiction and was embarrassed. So she put me in a 72-hour holdover as opposed to detox. And I was sexually assaulted in the Men's Award by a man named Stanley Guido on July seventh at 4:35. In the afternoon, 2 hours before I was being released. And then I was straitjacketed after that.

So let me get this right. Your mom As you admitted- Committed. Committed. And a man forces himself on you?

Yeah, he was a patient.

Oh, he was a patient.

He was a patient. Okay. And I remember there was this young Black boy there, and they kept giving him so much Thorazine. And I would give him my cookies because I knew it would change the chemicals. So I know I'm not crazy. But I saw what they were doing to people, and it was breaking my heart. So they drugged me. And the man came in my room and held me down. That's why I shake on my left side. So he held me down. He sexually assaulted me. I remember losing it, and they wouldn't get me a gynecologist. They wouldn't call 911. So I found a way to set a fire. And I knew if the fire department came, the police Department would come. The police Department, the man was Detective Gorham. He was the head of SVU you, but he used to be organized crime and knew my father. And he said, Tell me what happened. I told him. The man admitted it. I have a police report that backs this up. And he tried to orally violate me, the man. The cop turned his face, and I did what I did, and they straight-checked me because I attacked him.

You couldn't get me off of him. You couldn't. And the man said he did it. So now the psychiatrist tells my mother I'm lying. My mother believes the doctor because she thinks I'm trying to get out. They kept me there for two weeks. I spent my 37th birthday with a one-on-one in Staten Island Hospital. And it changed me for the rest of It changed me for the rest of my life because it was different than the abuse from my husband, this you took from me. He did that, but it was different because it was my relationship. This stranger did it to me. And They started giving me eight milligrams a day in Xanax. Eight milligrams a day. So much. At a hundred and twenty five pounds.

Even two milligrams is a lot. I used to take literally a quarter of the Xanax, a piece of a Oh, no.

It takes me four milligrams to knock me out. My tolerance is so high to drugs, so high. That's wild. And that's what happened to me. And it changed me. I'm so sorry. It's okay. You know what? I actually have some forgiveness there. And I think it's because when I realized it was my fault. And what I say it was my fault is what he did to me wasn't my fault, but it was my fault I was there. Because if I didn't do the drugs, I wouldn't have OD. If I didn't OD, he couldn't have done that. So that's mine. I have to own it. And when I owned it, it was like, Oh, okay, I get it. And it didn't feel as bad. I didn't smell him anymore. It took me years. I was maybe three or four years. I'd smell this human. I would scratch my skin off my body, my neck. There's parts of my wife's... My neck would be ripped apart because the feeling would... The pain's in my body when he tried to forcefully push his fist inside of me. I'd get pain, and then all of a sudden, it was gone.

It was just gone. I dealt with it. I don't know. Maybe it's because I prayed so much on it. I would always just ask God, please just take this one. You give me so much. And I know they say, God gives you what you can handle. But I had a time out. I said, God, I'm done. I'm tapping out, dude. I'm done. I want to die. I just want to die now. And that's what it was. I just wanted to die for a really long time, but I was too chicken to do it. And I'm Catholic, and it's a sin. So I would never do it, but it's been in my head. You know what I mean? And then after I lost my father, that was it for me. Then I really...

So when you got out of the... We're going to circle back. We'll get to the... This is when your dad passes. When you got out of the mental hospital and you were just at that breaking point of like, This is enough. I've had enough. When you got out, were you able to stay sober, or did what happened to you in that hospital just- Oh, yeah.

That was the start of Xanax addiction. That was it. Xanax, I would say I'm sober at least nine months a year. Absolutely. My using is a little different. I'm definitely an addict, but I'll use maybe two days, cocaine, two days, and then I won't use for two months. Xanax, I was using, like consecutive, and it was to the point where I couldn't feel. I couldn't think. I couldn't feel. It was great. Oh, my God.

It's the most wonderful drug in the world. I love Xanax. If you use it correctly, it is a good drug. I didn't use it correctly. I overdosed on it twice. I loved Xanax. So people that don't understand, people that don't have dysregulated nervous systems don't understand the feeling of chewing on a Xanax. That was my favorite thing or putting it under my tongue and just letting it dissolve.

Oh, my God.

That taste is so It's horrific, but the feeling you get is euphoric afterwards.

That's why they were two and three in my mouth at a time. It was just like, okay, oh, wait, in 15 minutes, I'm not going to feel anything. I suffer with severe insomnia since my 20s, so I don't sleep. I go two, three days, no sleep. I was hospitalized. I've woken up under general anesthesia. I've woken up under propofil. Something happens to me when they put me out, and I think I'm so afraid that the adrenaline pumps and I get back up. And I think also the not sleeping had to do with the lifestyle. You know what I mean? Not the drugs, but the lifestyle of waiting up for my father or waiting up for my ex-husband to come home by the window, always waiting, waiting, waiting. And it's just so much trauma, man. It's a lot. I'm just figuring it out now. Yeah.

Healing trauma, you're never healed. It's It's literally a journey. We're going to have to figure out our trauma until the day we're not here anymore. It's a journey.

My son has a hard time with this one. He's like, Why can't you just stop?

Men are wired differently.

I'm like, You know what? But they are, but they're not. They don't share with us enough. But I think they could be just as or weaker. I definitely think so. Look at a man that gets traumatized by a woman. He becomes a creep afterwards. You know what I mean? We don't become creepy.

We just like, I love. I'm not laughing at men becoming creeps. I'm laughing at how she says stuff.

I'm laughing at men becoming creeps. I am. I said it, and I stand on it. I just think for my son, he's so strong.

He's also probably super empathic and super sensitive because normally when you're... No?

No, the kid... No. Not at all? No, he He's so cold. Oh, he got his dad. After his father did what he did, AJ had to be cold because we don't know if something was- It just hurt him too bad. Aj had, unfortunately, suffered a serious situation where somebody hurt him very badly because of his father.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah. 14 staples.

Oh, my gosh. And this was after he ratted on your dad? Yeah. So let's rewind back to that. So, okay, 2007, you had the overdose, this horrific incident with the mental hospital. And then when does Mob Wives Come Knocking? 2008, 2009?

Okay, so after what happened to me in the hospital, I worked for Tina Faye and Alex Baldwin. That was a great-Oh, nice.

Was Alec cool? Because I've heard so many horror stories about him.

He was great with me. Always. Tina is my favorite person on the face of the yard. Yeah, she seems like a sweetie boy. She would always say to me, You're going to be famous one day, Renee. You're going to be famous one day. I'd be like, Okay, Tina, we got to get a diet pill What a pill. What are we doing? And I'll tell you why I say that. So 2010, Mob Wives starts. My sister Jennifer says, Renee, you can't be on the show.

Jennifer actually- Is the ERP and creator of Mob Wives.

And that's your sister. Yes. And she said, You can't be on the show. I can't deal with you. I'm like, What could I do, Wardrobe? What could I do? And all along, she had a plan for me to be on it, but wasn't telling me. And so a few days before, she was like, That's what you get. I was like, Okay. So Mob Wives kicks off. My ex-husband is home at the time. I have plastic surgery, season one. Gone terribly wrong. I die.

Yeah, we're going to talk about that.

I lose 6.3 pints of blood, merced through my body, read my last rights twice, vancomycin resistant.

Okay, so the show starts. You're doing the show. Correct. Hector comes home. Yes. Okay. You decide to get your body done. Yes. And this is on the show. This is all playing out on the show. So if you guys are not mob wives, fanatics, go and binge this series, you will not be disappointed. But take me on that journey. You decided to go get your body done. Did you get your body done for him?

I got my body done so Nobody could talk about me anymore. And I thought I was going to have this fabulous figure. The doctor was another evil individual, and he decided he was going to give me a full body lift at 165 pounds. That doesn't even make sense. You're not supposed to do that to somebody so small. So I went in for a BBL and a tummy tuck. My ass was even more concaved now at this point. I'm dying. I have mercy I have a hole this big in my back.

So you go home from the surgery?

Okay, so the surgery happened on June 11th in 2011. I go home. My mother comes to the hospital. Okay, no. Sorry. Okay. Surgery day, I go in. He does a seven-hour surgery in four and a half hours. They put the garment on me. They rip me open. I bleed out. Emergency second surgery, come out, never calls 911. I lost 6.3 pints of blood. The next day, my mom comes and she hears me, and she comes running, and I said, I'm dying. And she's like, What do you mean? I said, I'm dying. And I was cold. I was blue. I remember the woman in the ambulance saying, Stay with me, stay with me, stay with me. And I was like, Just let me go. Just let me... And they were like, You have to have a transfusion. Now I think I'm going to die because I have to have a four-pint transfusion. I don't want the blood. They take my rights away from me. I have the transfusion. I'm in the hospital for a week. I go home and I smell something. So I'm like, Must be the antibiotics because for females that- Yeah, absolutely. So I called the doctor.

I said, Hey, I know. I have 101 fevies. Get to the hospital. I said, Okay. He's like, I'll meet you there. I get to the hospital. The hospital is 10 minutes for me. Within 20 minutes, I'm at 103.5. The doctor comes in, and His name is Dr. Raj. He touches me, and Mersa just was everywhere. So now they have me in a little incubation thing because nobody can come around me. Now I could kill somebody with Mersa or whatever. They They start with their vancomycin. I'm vancomycin resistant. Four days. Read my last rights twice. Dr. Addy, his name is. He was a doctor from Africa who works with HIV patients. So now I think I have HIV. This is like, you got to understand.

Well, you don't know. They don't tell you what's going on. No.

Infectious disease. The man's coming in from Africa. What the fuck? I'm like, Oh, my God, it's over. And he comes up with a cocktail. And I remember being upstairs and my father calling, didn't speak to me and my sister because of mob wives.

Your dad was... Yeah, we'll talk about that, too.

Let's finish the story about this. So he was away. So my father calls, and the priest said, You should say goodbye to your daughter. And he said, What did she got you bullshitted to, father? And my mother said, No, Renee's dying. It's a real thing. She's vancomycin resistant. They can't fix her. And then I think my father might have threatened the doctor. The next day, I was on my road recovery. And they said that I've defied medical history. My plastic surgeon never showed up, ever. Wow. Yep. And then there's a lot that goes into that story with the doctor, which I'm not going to touch on that because we've had so many damn lawsuits over it. My ex-husband then comes back, comes to the hospital. I'll never forget it. And he brought me this Rolex. And it was the one Rolex I didn't have. And he gave it to me. And he said, I love you. And in my brain, I said, I had to die for him to love me. Mind you, this is my abuser. I go back with him. I move him in. I come home from the hospital.

This is all on the show. Everything. Playing out on the show. This is real life. None of this is scripted.

You couldn't script me. The only thing fake about me is my nose. You know what I mean? My ass is mine. It's just fat from a different part of my body.

I say the same thing.

My nose is not mine. It's modified.

And then let's cut back real quick. Your dad did stop talking to you guys because of the- Almost two years. Because didn't he get shelved from the mob, or they said he was shelved, technically? Okay.

He wasn't at this particular point, not at all. It wasn't until he came home, and I'll touch a little bit on that. Okay. So my ex-husband now says, I love you. I want to be with you. Okay, great.

And I think there This was an episode where you even said to him, You never say I love you to me.

Oh, listen, this creep, this creep, this creep.

Did you think that he did all this because he knew?

I know he did. I know he did. He only came back to me to set my father up. My father came home August. My father was gone, and I wrote my father a letter before he came home, and you could verify this with my mother. And said, Dad, you're going to go back to jail right before Thanksgiving. I know it. Please don't talk to anybody. Don't Don't, don't. Day before Thanksgiving, they took my father away. And I knew it. I wrote it. I knew it. When I tell you my premonitions are so real, I knew it. And I just knew something wasn't right. But I was so high because I'm on Deloitte. Now, I'm sorry, six milligrams. Every time I take my Deloitte, it's six milligrams. I had been sent home with a medicine ball, so I had the picking to my heart. Every day I to do this. A nurse three times a day, like changing my bandages, all of this. He comes back to me, I love you, I love you, I love you, this, that, and a third. We're going to therapy.

All of this- God, he even committed to therapy?

Well, he was cooperating with the government since 2006 because he's not even a real man and can't tell you that, but I know his paperwork. So I'll give you that so we could put that up there, too, because since 2006, he's been a rat fucking cocksucker. Excuse my mouth. He gets me very angry.

Is that why your dad That went away? Yes. Okay. And nobody knew that it was because of him?

No. So right before November 21st, my father was in the hospital. My dad had cancer, prostate, bladder, urethra, kidney, me. And I was going to kill myself. I'll never forget it. I took Sarequil. I'm like, I can't live like this no more. So dramatic. But Sarequil, where was I going? Anyway, my father ran from the hospital to the house. And I remember my white marble floors. It was blood everywhere. And he was like, What's wrong with you? What's going on? I was like, Dad, something's wrong. I don't know what it is, but something's wrong. I can't take it. But I'm so polluted mentally with so much Deloited and Xanax, and he's given me cocaine, and I'm just like, Hi. And I watched his behavior. He was acting strange, going outside for phone calls. I think he's cheating on me. Because he was always cheating. You go through his phone. Exactly. He was always cheating on me. With Drita, actually. All right. What happens is this. He turns himself in. My son comes home, November 21st, and he hands me a letter. And he said, This is from dad. I go, Where's your father? We didn't talk for two days before because I was fighting with him, and I thought he was cheating.

He turned himself in because he couldn't take it anymore. So I read this letter. He says, I got pinched nine years. Me, I'm like, I'll put the house up, whatever. I call home. I I said, Dad, I can't find him, my father. I swear to God, you could see the phone conversation. And he said, Mind your fucking business. Get off the phone. And I was like, What are you talking? Get off the phone, Renee. Don't get on the phone today. And I'm like, Dad, I can't find him in the system. Renee, please, Renee. And I couldn't understand what was happening. And then I call him back. I'm like, Dad, I can't find him. And I hear my sister, Jennifer's son Opened the door, and then he said, Papy, it's the police. And I said, Dad, I've got him on my way. And he said, Renee, stay home. I'll go to jail for murder. Don't come here. And I hung up the phone, and I knew it was over. He was home three months after twelve years. And the next day in the newspaper, it read, Mob Wife, Starth Husband's a Snitch. My whole life ended.

My identity was wiped. I was nothing at that moment. But I got sober that day. I felt like Almost a year.

This is all playing out on the show. And I mean, you're having to not only deal with this in your own personal life, you're literally having to live this with millions of people having an opinion. The first thing I thought of whenever that was going down was, is that what maybe brought you and Karen a little bit closer because you had to go through?

So Karen and I, our fight The first fight we had on the show, it was more planned because we were good. I stayed with Karen before the show started, and I got sober. And I lived with her for a while, and she helped me out. So That night, we had to do that scene. It turned real. When I had to say what I had to say about her father, and she had to say, Well, you can't think for yourself. And it was real then. But the love we had for each other was not going to go anywhere. We were still going to stand on it. We just had to say these things to one another. So when Karen came to my house, I actually I was the one that would say, Don't talk to the daughter, and then people were doing it to my son. And it was Karen that helped my son out. Because I had a nervous breakdown that day in the house. Karen was there. I collapsed in the bathroom. Then I ended up spending two weeks in the hospital afterwards from a nervous breakdown. All these things were happening to me.

It's like this. Everything is happening. Everything Everything's happening and happening, and happening, and you can't put a finger on anything because I'm not okay up here. For all that time, I was using not just what I was prescribed because I had mersage, so I literally had a hole in my back. The pain was excruciating. It was down to my spine, like this deep into my back. But now I'm on cocaine, and then I stopped. Everything stopped that day that I found everything out. So when I get home from the hospital, my money's gone. I'm like, Where's my money? And I take I take his watch collection. Oh, this fucking rat bastard. I take his watch collection, and I go to the juula, and I said, Listen, I got to pay my taxes. I'm screwed. This man left me with car notes, this, that, and the third.

Did the FBI take your money? No.

Things just disappeared on his behalf because he said he left me everything. He didn't leave me anything but crumbs. The crumbs in my fucking bed and embarrassed and humiliated is what he left me. So the juula comes and says, Renee, sit down. I go, For what? Just give me the money. I got to go. He said, Renee, sit down. The watches are all fake, and they all have wires in them. I took my watch off. He said, Take that watch off. The watch he gave me in the hospital, Bunny, had a wire in it. Get the fuck out of here, Renee. My son shouldn't see tomorrow. How about that?

What a piece of shit.

So when he's sitting there doing these interviews, he's a fucking liar. He's a disgrace. He doesn't deserve to breathe. He put my father who wanted to give him my last name so he could be the gangster he wanted to be. And you're a rat. You're a pussy. You're a pussy. That's what you are. You got your son hurt. You beat your wife. You're a pussy. I have no respect for a man like that. I have no respect for any man, any woman, or any man that does those type of things to another person. Because that's disgusting. You murdered somebody, not my father. You killed him, but you put my father away because you are the murderer because you couldn't do your time. You fucking pussy. That's how I feel about it.

Good Lord. That is heavy So the watch he gave you while you're laying on your death, that he's telling you he loves you has a wire in it.

Wire in it. I don't even- That's right. And I haven't spoke on this. I said it on Mob Wives, you'll see it. He wrote how he was going to murder me. And I read that letter on purpose on television with Ramona because I was afraid at that point. At that point, I said, This guy's a killer. I know what he is. So it is possible. I didn't have my father anymore. He was in jail. My father's also now very, very sick at the time with the cancer. And I'm saying to myself, What am I going to do? Okay, I got to use my brain. Everybody's like, Get a restraining order. I'm like, I can't. I'm a rat. And every day, No, you're not. And I'm like, No, I'm just going to read the letter. And maybe that was a little snitchy.

Okay. I don't think it was snitchy.

I don't think it was. I had to protect myself. I had to. And I had to show that me and my son are unified and against that man. So my son is my life. I'm going to die for my child and my father. And I remember Jennifer saying that day, Shut it down. Shut it down. Shut it. I said, Don't you shut this fucking showdown. We're going to show every little bit of this because this is what this life is about. It's not It's about who could dress the prettiest. It's about death. It's about murder. It's about it's about betrayal. And nobody has been betrayed more than me from mobwives to the men. And I say mobwives because of the one mobwife, which isn't Karen or Ramona that you interviewed without saying her name. She's no good neither. That's betrayal. You want to use, party, have a good time, but you want to tell on me. But I'm not going to tell on you, but you want to tell on me. So you You expect me to hide your lies while you tell my truth? Fuck you, bitch. That's where I'm at in life. We're talking about.

Yeah. And everybody wants to walk around, Oh, Renee, you're in recovery. You got to let things go. No, you don't. I don't have to let anything go if I don't want it. She can't influence me to use over it. She can't influence me to feel bad about myself anymore. But the truth of the matter is, it's people like her that say horrible things about a good person like me who does hide your lies. And I'm not talking about drugs. I'm talking about multiple lies. I'll hide your shit for you because I believe that you're not supposed to do that to another person. But you sit there and tell your friends to call me a junkie? Okay. I'm so over the girls that you want to be a whore? Okay. Own your shit, too. Fuck that, bitch. If I want to sleep with you, I'm going to. You want to talk about me? Who cares? You want to call me a drag addict? So what? But if I'm a drug addict and a little bit of a tramp, oh, my God, I must be the worst person in the world. But I'll feed your kids. I'll give you everything I got.

So this whole thing of mob wives and this mob lifestyle, you're jealous of me that I'm actually a mob boss's daughter, hey, that's my father. That's not me. That's my father. That's who I became because of him. So when I was stripped, literally, of everything in life, from money to everything, I had to reinvite I vent myself over and over and over, and I couldn't anymore. I just couldn't. I didn't want to anymore. I didn't know who Renee was. I'm just finding out who I am now. And yeah, you know what? I was a mob boss's daughter. I'm now a grandmother. I'm an advocate for people in addiction, mental health. I'm way more than a mob wife. Absolutely. Way more. And I don't have to tell you I'm going to beat you up to be cool. Okay, if that's what you think is cool, that's bullying. And yes, I might have been a bully on the show. Absolutely. But what they don't show you with every situation I was put into, I fought by myself. Everybody was against me. You know why? Because they were jealous of Jennifer. Not all of the girls. A lot of them had problems with my sister.

But my sister is your boss. Who's on welfare? Who's this? Who's broke? And at the end of the day, she put a paycheck, and a very tremendous paycheck for everyone. Maybe we didn't like, we didn't get what we thought we should have, but nobody was getting 8,000 in episode day one, walking in the door. Nobody was. What were they given Jersey show was 1,500. Nobody was getting 8,000 for your first season. Nobody. And there was just so much jealousy. And even on my part, and I'll say that, Ang had a show, not Renee. Ange this, not Renee. But Renee is the one who's doing all the work. So if you really want to talk about the show, season one, I think we all had equal parts. Absolutely. Season 2, we know it was all about me with nine extra episodes added. So now everybody got the same paycheck. I didn't get a bonus. Yeah, I had a problem with that. Absolutely.

Because it was your life.

Exactly. And nobody's doing what I'm doing. I'm giving everything from addiction, I'm dying on TV. I'm ODing basically on TV every year. To one point, I know for a fact when everybody, Ramona left and Karen left, I was like 75% of the show. I did the work. There was a lot of unfair shit, but I can't blame my sister for it because it's the network that's giving us the money.

You guys literally became an iconic moment in time. I don't even think you guys realized how-Oh, I did. Yeah. And Renee's like, Yep, I did. Yeah. Yeah. I think that you guys are going to be a part of history and that whole lineage. Look at you guys have Mob Wives retrending on TikTok now.

It's insane.

How do you How do you feel about that TikTok trend?

I love it. I love it. I love watching Chloe Kardashian. First of all, I love Chloe. Yeah. And I know Chloe from many, many, many years ago. She was always so much fun, a beautiful She's my favorite. I think she's just a beautiful spirit and strong, and she says what she said, and I love it. I'm watching everybody. Joan Collins the other day had it, did the Mob Wives esthetic. I'm like, I wanted to be Joan Collins, and Joan Collins wants to be us now. So for me, it was this moment of, wow. But again, I watched my mom do that. I'm telling you, I came out in a fur coat with big diamonds and all of that. So I think it's wonderful. I don't like the fact that they attach the negative part to it because fashion is fashion, so they should leave it alone. But I do understand. They say, How do you glamorize the Mafia? Well, I don't know. You guys are the ones making the movies.

Yeah. Hollywood has always glamorized the mob.

Because there was something to it.

I'm from Vegas. The mob is glorified in Vegas.

Do you know that Myer Lansky. So my therapist, Renee Myer Lansky, was her godfather. And Bugsy Siegel and Myer Lansky opened the first Catholic Church. Wow. Yeah, the first Catholic Church in Vegas. Wow.

That's amazing.

I love all those. I want the house where Bugsy Siegel lived that they said is haunted. I would live there with him. I would feel like I have somebody.

She said I'd live there with him. He'd love you. I know. You and that ghost could make out every night.

Absolutely. Snuggle up, baby.

I love that. All right, so let's circle back. You're going through all this shit on Mob Wives. The show is imploding at this point, and it's one, because of the Harvey Weinstein thing. But two, also, I feel like the cast members were falling apart, too.

Falling apart? What episode are we in? What season are we in?

I think towards the last season, we're just getting to the point where- They were reaching. Yeah, it was getting- Yeah, they were reaching.

I guess they wanted new blood. Alicia had left the show at this point. Karen came back. That's why Alicia left. And then the other Natalie left.

Carla and Drida stopped being friends. Do we ever know what happened with Carla and Drita, the real story?

Yeah, I do.

Can we talk about it? Because you were just with Carla the other day, weren't you?

I saw Carla when I was in Florida. So the truth of the matter is, and I I don't... It's really for Carla to speak on, but I'll tell you this much. So obviously, it couldn't just be me and Karen that thought she was shitty because it was her best friend then that she stopped speaking to. So it wasn't just me, Ramona, Karen. It was all of us felt the same way. So now, obviously, who's the common denominator? She is. So my thing with Drida is this. She We had this thing where she had to be the top dog. Drida is funny. I'm going to give her that. Me and Drida have some of the- She's great with the one-liners. We had some scenes together that we would be crying, laughing so hard. But the jealousy, it's stupid. It's like, look, if you look up in the sky, there's millions, billions of stars, right? Everybody could be a star. It's not my fault. I'm the North Star, and you're not.

Right.

Yeah, I said it.

Mimi's over here falling out of her seat. Yeah.

North Star status. Sorry. God said, You know what? I'm going to give you a lot of shit, so I'll make you the North Star. Okay. But what are you in competition? You can't be me, and I don't want to be you. You're not my father's daughter. You don't have my upbringing. You can't be me. I can't be you. So be you over the fuck there, and I'm over here. So I'm confrontation. We all know. I don't give a shit. I don't feel that girls have to put their hands on each other. I can have an argument, a verbal argument with you. Okay? So what? You fast with your words. Okay, good for you. I'm not saying You're not a star. You definitely are. But you don't have to be this person to down everybody else. You know what I mean? I'm saying what I'm saying because when a person knocks you and knocks you and kicks you and kicks you, fuck you, bitch. That's where I'm at. You know what I mean? It's sad. It really is because we had something really special, all of us. But it's my understanding that VH1 was not happy with her either.

The demands. I remember we had to go to an okay magazine party, and they sent us like, Ubers, and it wasn't a black car, and she threw a fit. Who are you? I was born in a limousine, bitch. I don't even complain. I'm really about that life. Do you know what I mean? I'm really from that life. So Drita is always saying she was brought up in the project, but you didn't ride around in a limousine. So what are you complaining I'm for. You got a car. Someone's driving you. I don't care that it's not a black car. You're still driving me to point A to point B. I don't got to worry. What is that about? The demands are ridiculous. They were ridiculous.

And What about the other girls on the show? Are you guys close? Are you guys friends? Like, Carl... I mean, of course, Big Ang, we know. Rest in peace. You guys all loved Big Ang. Absolutely.

I talked to Karen, and I talked to Ramona. I text with Ramona this morning.

She's so beautiful.

Yeah. You know what? She's so gorgeous. I have to tell you, I didn't talk to the girls for quite a while. So there was a falling out with a lot of everyone. And of course, I'm Jennifer's sister, so of course, I'm going to always stay on my sister's side. But then I got to a point where I had to make my rights. I had to make the right/wrong that I've done. So I did a lot of apologizing, and I'm very grateful that the girls have forgiven me. I do talk to Natalie Garcia, the one that I choked in Vegas. It's growth, Renee. It is. It's growth on everybody's behalf. So I I speak to everybody but Drida, and I don't see love at all. You know what I mean? But everybody- She had it fell off.

Love was online for the longest time and then completely disappeared.

She slept with my son's father, too. It's just so annoying all this stuff. To me, it's just like-Not Hector. Not Hector. Hector, the garbage collector. He hated that.

From this mob wives, just frenzy, you guys literally were a moment in history and just brought so much realness to people's televisions. What does Renee do after the lights go off?

Renee continued to work. So I did Celebrity Big Brother. I did marriage boot camp, family boot camp. Yeah.

Can we talk about the marriage boot camp? Oh, please.

Let's talk about it, that fucking idiot.

You had another asshole.

I was like, what the fuck? Okay, that was not my boyfriend at all. Okay. So here's That story. Okay. So there was always that flirtatious thing or whatever. So we get the show or whatever, and we do it. But he decides he's going to get drunk, and he likes to grope. So they have me downstairs doing my scene for hours. And by the time he gets down the stairs, he's wrecked. And he starts cursing about my son's father and saying the word and this and that. And there's a Spanish kid there, and I'm like, Don't say that. That's not nice. I'm trying to control the situation. By the time we get upstairs, he tells me that I'm an end lover, and I'm a disgrace to my father, and this and that, and this and that. And I said, What did you say? Now, my girlfriend's in the house, Prima Donna and her husband, and he's saying the N-word. And there's two bodyguards, big guys. And he's saying the N-word over and over. Telling me he used the C-word. He used words that no one's ever-And this is nobody that- My ex-husband's never even called me the words that he did.

No, he's drunk. This is somebody that you're not even dating? Right.

And he's drunk.

Did you guys just decide to go on the show together?

Yes. So what happens is he turns around and he says something, and I said, Joe, my son's going to hear. And he goes, Your son's no good like his father. I crack him. When I tell you, I don't raise my hands. It takes a lot for me, and I don't hit men. I crack this guy so fucking hard that everybody was just sitting there like, did she just hit him?

They were probably relieved. Ready?

The bouncer goes like this. Don't. I was like, I got to boom. And I picked up... There was a big, heavy statue, and I went to crack him in the head with it, and they were like, No, you can't do it. I lost it.

Too far, Renee.

Too far. You're cursing at me, and you're telling me, My son's no good. Now watch what I do to you. So now they were like, We want you to press charges. I'm like, I ain't pressing charges on nobody. Cops come. They throw him out of the house. I make him sleep in the tent outside, basically. And he had to stay to finish the show. But it was like that redemption when I get up there and he's like, Well, are you getting married? Fuck you. I was like, I'm good. I'm leaving without you. I would have married him dead. That was acting turned real. So for me, that got really very real. Every scenario was very real for me. So even though he wasn't my boyfriend, we were talking about reasons why I have a problem dating. So for me, I don't trust nobody. How could I? How could I? There might be a nice guy down the road somewhere. There might be. And if he comes along, he's I got to come with a letter from God because that's the only way he's allowed around me. It's got to say, Love God.

Exo, exo, God.

Exo, exo. There's nothing anybody can really do to me anymore.

Do you think you'll ever be able to trust somebody in love again to fully get the love that you've been yearning your whole life?

Well, you know what, Bunny? Nobody knows this, but I'll tell you this one. So the last guy I was dating, I found that was gay.

Renee, you got a picker on you. Gay.

Sucking dick.

Renee.

Okay? He wasn't just cheating on me with a girl. He was cheating on me with a Russian guy.

So the girl- Which one was this? Do we know who this is? Are we allowed to say? His name is.

I can say it. He lives in Long Island, and his license plate is I Suck Dick. Bleep, isn't it? You can believe his name, but believe it, because I'll run with this like a motherfucker T-shirt, Hector Hector, the Garbage Collector, and I sucked it. Okay, not me, the boyfriends. How long were you guys together for? We would say I'm like, But this is me. Wait, then the one before that was a con man. The things that have happened to me.

Renee.

The things that have happened to me.

Okay, no dating anymore, okay? No, definitely not. You need to run them through me first. I'll do background checks. I'll fucking... I need to meet them.

I was so The one before last, he actually studied me, and it was a real con game. Oh, God. He said, You know what? He said he was away with my dad. He knew everything about my father.

So for me- Was he an obsessed fan?

Yeah. So he used me. He opened up a strip club, and he wanted 50 cent to do the grand opening. And I got 50 to do me a really huge favor for a lot less than he charges. And I love Curtis to this day. He's one of my favorite people on the face of this Earth.

I hear really good things about him. I love him. For as much shit as he does not tolerate, I've always heard really good things about him.

He's a cancer. Yeah. He is one of my favorite people ever. He truly is. He's always been so kind to me. He was on the phone. My dad, he's met my mom. He came to my father's house. I'll never forget, we were sitting on the couch one day, and my ex-husband didn't believe I really worked So he was coming in the house because he knew that he put his arm around me. He goes, Watch this. I go, Okay. He goes, I'm so glad she's your ex-wife. I was like, okay. Yeah, I love him. He's always been a good friend to me. I would do anything in the world for him, anything. But yeah, where was I? So the con guy. Okay, the con man, right. His name was... What was his name?

It's okay. We don't need to know her name.

I can't remember, actually. Texas. I call him Texas.

We're just going to have to bleep it anyways.

He was in Texas. He was in Texas.

Damn, he was a Southern boy?

Yeah, from the Bronx. Oh, okay. Got you. Yeah, but I find out, you know what it was? This long distance dating was different. So I'm not always around.

Where do you find these men? How do they fall in your lap?

Okay, so this one booked me, and I was getting money with him. And he was just really nice all the time. We'd show up with flowers. But see, I don't know what a con game is. So I like con men, but not... Excuse me, I like convicts, not Excuse me. I like Convicts, not conmen. So for me, I think that's where I got lost in it. I would never think somebody would do that because I don't come from that. I come from real money in the Yeah. And yeah, so he used me. It comes out that I got engaged, and then he didn't want to pay for the ring, so I had to bring the ring back, and he just wanted a TV show. Yeah.

Okay. What a scumbag.

That's all right. I got to even with him already.

So let's move on to I Suck Dick.

Okay, then came I Suck Dick. Well, let's say he sucks dick because I know I do, but he sucks dick. So this girl reaches out to me, and she tells me that she's his girlfriend. I go, What are you talking about? I'm the girlfriend.

Where did you meet this guy?

Where did you meet I Suck Dick at? Again, through getting money. Okay. So he was like, I'm going to manage you for a minute, because I was quiet, not doing anything. And I figured, okay, maybe I'm looking at the statistics, the numbers, and his numbers were right, but I didn't know him. And he was in the street with that letter. So me, I go from the Italian mob. Then I dated BMF. My BMF boyfriend was high on the food chain for years.

I have an interview with Tony tomorrow.

Okay. So I'll tell you who it is when we're done. So I was with him for a really long time. So then I just always stayed in the street because street guys for me were what I know. That's how I am.

I married a street guy. Jay is a street guy.

Exactly. So I know the street. However, the streets changed. So the people that I was now associating with, they're not even chewed dirty gum on my sneaker. They're degenerate low life. They belong in the sewer. They're filth. Yeah, they all go in the hectare category. So she tells me this. She sends me an article. I read the article, and then I start realizing everything in that article is what he's doing to me. And there's a conversation with him and the guy. And it said, Why didn't you... Oh, my God, how gross. I threw up for a week. Why didn't you suck my dick last night? I was like,.

Oh, my gosh.

Wait, he wants to call the cops on me because now I go public. Now Now, he calls the cops. The cops come to my house in Florida, and they're like, Ms. Graziano, are you harassing him? I said, Yes, I am. Why? What's the problem? The cop was like, You really can't do that. I go, Yes, I can. He's like, No, you can't. I go, No, he's gay. And he told me he wasn't, and he's gay. And the cop was like- He's putting your life at risk.

Yeah.

And the cop was like, I got to tell you something. I go, What? He goes, I'm from Long Island, so I know who your father is. Your father would be devastated. He'd roll over in his grave because now he's not even my own nationality. So now the cop is saying this to me. He's on the phone, the gay man. And I love gay people, but I don't sleep with gay people. Right.

Well, it's just- A straight woman wants a straight man.

Absolutely. It's got nothing to do with that. I love everybody. Everybody. I'm not racist. I love everyone.

It's also a health risk. Anytime somebody cheats on you. It could be with a man or a woman.

The statistics for HIV are way higher with anal sex.

Anyway, the cop says, Wait, he called you?

I said, Yeah, he's at the precinct. I'm harassing him? The cop goes off on him and he goes, I go, Matter of fact, he's threatening to send my son naked pictures. He goes, Ms. Graziano, that's a felony. Would you like to press charges? I said, You know what? I'm not a rat, but I can't do it. I just couldn't do it. And then he started to realize the position he was in. I said, I OD'd over this. I just lost my whole life. It was like I couldn't come up for air. Jennifer wasn't talking to me for a year and a half. Everything in my life was falling apart. My son didn't want to talk to me. Nobody wanted to talk to me. They were like, What are you doing? You had lost your father, too. Look what you're doing to yourself. Look who you're with. We will not associate with this. Everything just started piling up and piling up and piling up and piling up. And I just... I gave up.

And this was in what year?

The one that just passed?

2022, right?

'23.

2023? Yeah.

Okay, got you. And I stopped speaking. The last time I dealt with him was April.

And when did you overdose?

And May. And I just lost my shit, man. And then I got back up on the horse, and I was sober. June, July, August, September 18th. So Someone gave me a bag of Fentanyl when it was supposed to be cocaine.

Was it somebody you trusted or you just got it from a dealer?

A girlfriend of mine. I said, make a phone call, do me a And she's like, okay. I vouched for him. I said, okay. I have the text message on my phone, too. He said, I accidentally gave her. I died in a restaurant in Florida. I was dead. I was in I was intervated for three days, and no one in my family came to the hospital. And I spent nine days there, learning how to walk again. And And that was it for me. I said, okay. I was always afraid of heroin. I never touched it, never did anything like that. And my father's sister, Belinda, she was an addict, and she died of HIV. But she was sober many years before she died. And for me, it was always that one thought, and that was it for me. That was it. And I was like, okay, I'm going to die for real. Matter of fact, I'm dead again.

You did a line of this stuff and how long- I don't remember anything.

You don't? Okay, so you did- Three days are wiped from my brain.

Literally, you just... That was it. You didn't feel anything.

I don't know what happened at all. I don't remember anything. That day, September 18th, 19th, and 20th are wiped from my brain.

And why did nobody from your family come see you?

They were just all mad. They said I wasn't going to make it, and my family didn't want to.

They They just couldn't do it. They just couldn't do it.

I mean, unless they were really torturing me in some way. But yeah, that was it. That was it for me. And it's fine. And I don't blame them. I don't. I put them through hell. Hell, I put them through. When my father died in '19, in '20, they told me that if I had shock treatment, that I would not be sad anymore. So I did.

So you had shock... What do they call that? Were they shock your brain?

Ect, electric shock. Yeah, I think that's what it is. I did six sessions, and it destroyed my brain.

You don't feel like it helped you at all?

No, I know it didn't. It made my addiction terribly worse. And I... That's the first time I'm actually saying it. Because nobody knows that.

But, yeah.

Why you need to speak on these things because I would have done anything, Bunny. If they would have said, Renee, jump off the bridge and you're not going to be in pain, I would have said, San Francisco or Varenzano, pick it. I'm going. I'm there. I don't care. Renee, tie bricks to your ankle and stay underwater for a day. You're not going to live, but you won't be in pain. Okay, let me do it. I would have done anything, anything in the world to remove that pain of losing my lifeline because he was my identity. He was Renee Graziano. Because of him, I was Renee Graziano. When you're older, it's hard to figure out who you are, and it's sad and lonely.

A circling back to the shock treatment, though, they had recommended that for me whenever I was going through my depression. So I think hearing somebody who's actually been through it could possibly help somebody.

Yeah. So I would not recommend it. Six months, I did start to sleep, but then everything went haywire. So I lost a lot of my memory. I now take Adderall because of it, because the Adderall actually does help me. I take a very low dose. I haven't been on Adderall in four months now, but I think I have to actually go back on it because I can articulate, but not as good as I normally do. You know what I mean? So my brain isn't as sharp as it was. And the one thing that the Adderall did do for me was I don't have to take any antidepressants. So I actually have ADD, ADHD, and it's that that contributes to my addiction. So when my brain is here, I can't live in my past. So when I'm living in my past, that's why I constantly want to self-medicate. So when I'm on the right medication, my brain is extremely sharp. And it did help with the memory loss, it jogs your memory. But I've also done now Ketamine treatments, which are phenomenal, helping with the anxiety. So I don't take any anxiety meds. I take Prozac for menopause, actually, now, which I had to be forced into Menopause at 44.

They lost my uterus from all the scar tissue. My stories are crazy. I was on Stratara with Wellbutrin, and that's giving me a hard time. I don't like it at all. It's like a pointless drug. It doesn't work. It slows the brain down, but it doesn't help you get it out. That I just stopped.

Let's talk about where you are now. You You had your overdose. You had to learn how to walk again in the hospital.

Yeah, I was there for nine days, and then I was okay. It was like nothing happened to me.

You're a fucking warrior.

If you saw my car accident on January fourth of '22, if you Google it, there's no car. And I'm standing outside the car with a full face of makeup. I remember. I felt my father, my aunt Linda, and my cousin Anthony pulled me out of that car, and they're all dead. And I I kid you not. They Google it. There's nothing. There's no driver's side.

You have nine lives, Renee. I told you that when you first got here.

Yeah. Well, I like wearing black for that reason, too. The cat that I am. I'm just going to have to learn how to land on my feet.

But you know what?

I just got a job working in treatment, doing business development.

You left Florida and ended up moving to- I left Florida.

I went to Texas first to get well at Recovery Unplugged, but they didn't have a program that was a little bit more modified for the extreme trauma for me. So after we did my trauma egg, it opened up everything again, and they couldn't follow up. So then Lamar Odom, who's a dear friend, had me come to his place, which is Vanity Wellness, out here in California, and now I work for them. And my objective is to help someone realize that they are special, and you don't have to have a hole in your soul. And it's okay if you do, just spread love, give love. And it's really about that. And I know I'm harsh with other things that I say because I'm a real person who feels. And I hate the fact that so many people have done me dirty when I've really never done anything to them. But a lot of people don't like the truth. So that's what I tell you, the truth. A lot of people have to tell me the truth. So why can't I say it back? And it's just I'm not weak by any means. And I was told for the- I would never think you're weak.

Okay. Well, a lot of people will say it because you're weak because you do drugs. No, I'm not weak. I think I would have been dead a long time ago if I I didn't self-medicate. And I'm not saying it's okay to self-medicate. I'm just saying I would have been dead a long time ago.

That was your journey. Yes.

I had to numb everything. To have an uncle blown up on a street, friends murdered, and you're just cooking Sunday dinner and like, Oh, okay, honey. I'll leave it on the counter. What is that? I spent a year in black going to funerals. So I'm realizing that is trauma. And although it wasn't... In my household, it still was trauma. Losing life is when you're a loving person, you're separated from somebody that you love. It started with my grandmother when I was 13. And now in life, I have my four grandchildren.

Are you and AJ on good terms?

My son just left. My son and I, I'm sober since the third of November. And my son and I have spoken every single day since then. Shout out, AJ.

Yes.

I'm sure that's detrimental to your sobriety also. Oh, yeah.

Not that we're putting pressure on him. I'm sure that's just so healing for you to be able to talk to him.

He's good now. He knows. He made the phone call because I told him that he wasn't going to see me ever again on the third. And I said, I couldn't do it anymore. I was like, I'm not going to kill myself, but just in something happens. And he said, Stay right there. Don't move. And he made a phone call for me. And my friend Phil O'Hara, he got me placed. He put me in. And it's just every day he talks to me. Every Every day. And he's proud of me, and he says it. He'll call me and be like, What's up, home slice? What are you doing? I'm like, Oh, my God, do you know how much money I made on TikTok today? Do you want half of it? And he's like, This is what me and my son do. I send him money all the time. And he's like, Mom, You can keep your own money. And I'm like, No, no, no, go buy the kids stuff. And I'm having so much fun. And he's like, Mom, I just took them to Disney last week. They flew here with the two older ones. We got rained out in Disney, but we ended up at Universal for a beautiful day.

And it's just my family's talking to me. Everyone in my family is talking to me. My sister Jennifer and I are working together again. She's part of my management team again. I'm so grateful and- Happy? Yeah. I mean, I'm a little angry at a few people, and maybe now that I said it, I have to work on that. But if I don't like you, I just don't like you. I probably don't have to talk about you.

But I can't respect a person that is me, that's cruel.

You know what I mean? Like my ex-husband, that's evil. I don't like evil.

How do you feel about him doing these interviews now?

I think he's twat. I think he's a twat. He sounds like a jerk off. I look for an A everything. No, you didn't. You never had anything. It was always my money. You never had any money. You always had my money. I bought the house. I think he should just sit down already. But let me tell you something.

I can't believe he hasn't been sat down.

That's the crazy thing. Well, who's going to kill the killer? My father's dead. So who's coming for him? I mean, I don't know why you even want to speak about me. Leave me alone.

Like, you've already done enough.

I have not spoken to you in 13 years. Leave me the fuck alone. Take your jerk off, girlfriend, who's a mob wives fan and follows me, and stalks me, and calls me a junkie. Bitch, you just got knocked out cold by a man. You should sit the fuck down, too.

Does he have a relationship with AJ at No.

No. God works in very mysterious ways, though, because he has blood cancer now. Am I smiling? Oh, shit. I'm sorry.

Hey, I'm telling you, man, evil- I can't help it.

You know what? I know I'm supposed to be like... I know God... God's not even mad at me. Forget it. He's not even mad. How could you be mad at the girl that this man beat and did all these things to? And she smiles because you're sick.

Yeah.

He's really sick, though. He's a diagnosed sociopath with psychopathic tendencies. You should really sit down. You sound like an asshole doing interviews. You're a rat. You want to profit from being a rat? You put my father in prison, my best friend's husband, my uncle. You destroyed a family, many families. And how How about the girl that doesn't have a father anymore? You did that. So you should be talking to God, not people doing podcasts because you want to earn money. Go get a fucking job. Get a fucking job. And stop beating women already. Stop. It's disgusting. They never stop. You're not getting into heaven. You're still... And I'm going to say it. I'm going to. I wasn't going to, but I'm going to. So he was threatening to hurt me again. Okay, just recently, the threats, the threats. Junior? Yeah. Threatening how he's going to kill me. Hector.

He doesn't even deserve the name Junior.

No, he doesn't. The threats, the threats, the threats. It's just to the point where it's got to stop.

Just recently? That could be detrimental to your sobriety.

So my poor son had to do this. He said, You chose to do what you did and be on podcast. You shouldn't be mad or anything if you get stuff said about you. And at the end of the day, you abused her, and you're still trying to abuse her. You're trying to hit her so she falls back down. I don't know how you think you're trying to be a protector or how you say you want the best from her when clearly that has never been the case. My son had to actually do that for me. Do you know how disgusting you must be as a parent that your child has to defend his mother? Yeah. And you know what that did to me? That my son And now I know my son knows. Do you know what I mean? I knew he knew, but now I know he feels it. To say you abused his mother.

Go the fuck away. They never do.

Just go away. I don't want you anywhere by me. Unless provoked, I don't talk about you because you are a non-fucking factor. You're a degenerate loser. Go the fuck away. Take your girlfriend and go away. And she needs therapy, that bitch. How are you with... How do you not see what's happening to you?

It's the same reason that we didn't see what was happening to us.

It takes a woman seven times. Do you know that? That's the number. Seven times she'll have to be hit before she leaves. I'm pretty sure she's probably around seven now. Yeah, that's about right, because that's what it took me to leave.

Yeah. A few years and being beat up a few times.

Took me 10 years. Ten years. I couldn't.

Renee, I'm so proud of you. Thank you. You have come so far.

And I'm not done, honey.

I'm so excited to see what you do in the future. If you ever need to talk, you just call me. Just text me, call me. If you're ever having a rough time or anything, I'm always going to be here for you.

I appreciate it, and I love what you're doing, and I love the energy you put out. It's positive. Even like, I could watch your face when I'm saying certain things, you're like, Oh, shit. But I don't often talk the way I do in an interview, but I'm so comfortable, and I've been holding all of this for so long. That's what makes me sick.

So it's- Your secrets keep you sick.

Oh, sure do. Now everybody knows I'm a little bit of a tramp, though. No, they don't.

I don't care. They love you.

I don't I don't care. I don't care anymore. I'm so tired of caring about what other people think of me. Stop caring.

That was my huge lesson last year, was I had to stop. I had so many people attacking me because of this podcast. I got to a point where I was just like, I don't fucking care. I'm doing this. You're not. This is my life.

Well, it's jealousy. Yeah, it's wild. Isn't it insane? And the comments that people say, the things that people say to hurt another human, what people say about me when I read them, the way I look or this or edit it, I love my fucking apps. Leave me alone. I created a Mobwife app just for the fun of it because I love the way it looks. I love AI pictures. I don't always look good, so why shouldn't I?

It's your world. You can do what you want, just like everybody does what they want on their own apps and on their own platforms. It's terrible.

Who goes on a person's page and says those things?

The weirdos. Yeah. Straight up weirdos.

Yeah, I agree.

Well, what's next? What's in the future for you? What do you have in the works?

Okay, so Mob Candy. I have my jewelry line still, Mob Candy. I have a new app with Drop Me In AI called Mob Wife by Renee Graziano. People could download their photos and they get to look like a mob wife. But for $8, as opposed to go and buying that fur coat, you get the free fur coat there. I'm working on a project. Hopefully, it'll come to fruition with TV. I did do my own pilot for My Ferry Mob Mother. Unfortunately, it was part of my relapse. There were a lot of things that I touched on that I obviously didn't deal with, and I started to I'll get to help Medicaid again, so I'm going to leave that there. That's not for me. Right now, I just want to help somebody get sober. That's it. That's really my focus. I have four grandchildren that I have to worry about. And maybe I'll find love one day. But in the meanwhile, I'm going to love me enough. Yeah.

That's beautiful. And I think that's all you can do. After all the shit you've been through, Renee, you are still fucking standing. You're still punching life and telling them it hits like a bitch. You are one tough cookie, dude.

Thank you.

I love your aura. I love everything about you. Likewise. I cannot wait to see how much hell you give the world. Can continuing on in these years.

This time around as Renee, just Renee, I look forward to see who I'm going to be in about a year from now.

I'm excited. You got to come back and visit me. Absolutely. Come to a concert. We're going to be everywhere. We're going on tour, so come.

I'm such a country fan, too. I love country music.

That's hilarious that you're a mob wife and love country.

Oh, my God. Garth Brooks. When I get married, the song from Hope Floats, that's going to be my wedding song.

I love that.

Absolutely. I love it. It's just like it's real. Yeah.

Come to a show. Jay would love to meet you. Oh, yes. I'll call him when we're doing this podcast so you can say hi.

Absolutely. Yes. Let me tell you something. My mother is a huge fan.

That's hilarious. I love that.

It is because she calls me. Wait, I get messages. Do you know what Jelly's doing now? He's working with the... What is it? Something to Towers, Freedom Towers. She tells me everything. She's like, Renee, he's remarkable. No, he is. And she's like, He spoke to Congress, Renee. I'm like, Yes, Mom, I know. She's like, Oh, my God, this is wonderful. You have a friend like you. And I'm like, You know what, Roni, you just got to stick your foot in your mouth all the fucking time. I love it. Yes. Thank you so much, doll.

Well, why don't you tell people where they can find you on your social medias?

So social media for Instagram is Renee Graziano, and it's the real Renee Graziano on TikTok, where I make all my goofy dances.

Go follow the OG Mob Wife, and go pop into her lives, and give her all your gifts.

Yes.

Thank you so much, Renee. You're welcome. It's been a blast. And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.