If I had to think of a time I personally smelled my worst, it would have to be after one of Jay's concerts, an outside concert at that my right armpit was ripe for the pickings. Smelled like beef stroganoff. I kid you not, it was rancid. As a special offer, new customers get 15% off all Lumi products with our exclusive code and link. Use code Bunny Bunnie miedoderant.com. And that's lumedeodorant.com. I personally freaking love Lumi.

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My favorite one is the toasted coconut, though, because even when you sweat, it still smells so good and so yummy and you feel like you're on a tropical island. But I promise you guys, any sort of smells you could possibly have, Lumi will cover it up once again as a special offer for listeners. New customers get 15% off all Lumi products with our exclusive code. And if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack, that equals over 40% off their starter pack. Use code bunny Bu N I E for 15% off your first purchase@lumideoderant.com. That's code Bunny bunnie@lumedeodorant.com. If I had to think of a time I personally smelled my worst, it would have to be after one of Jay's concerts, an outside concert at that my right armpit was ripe for the pickings. Smelled like beef stroganoff. I kid you not, it was rancid. As a special offer, new customers get 15% off all Lumi products with our exclusive code and link. Use code Bunny bunnie miedodorant.com. And that's lumedeodorant.com. I personally freaking love Lumi. I have every cent. My favorite one is the toasted coconut, though, because either, even when you sweat, it still smells so good and so yummy and you feel like you're on a tropical island.

But I promise you guys, any sort of smells you could possibly have, Lumi will cover it up once again as a special offer for listeners. New customers get 15% off all Lumi products with our exclusive code. And if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack, that equals over 40% off their starter pack. Use code bunny bu nie for 15% off your first purchase@lumiedoderant.com. That's code bunny bunnie@lumedeodorant.com. Hey, guys, I need to ask you a question. I want to know why in the hell are you not on Patreon I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the bunny xo show. We have meet the deforts. We have propaganda. We have a cooking show that's coming. We have more shows that we're adding. And not to mention, we have the visuals of the podcast. Not only that, we have four tiers that caters to everybody's budget, and everybody gets the podcast. There's no more excuses. Stop listening right now and head over to Ww dot patreon.com dumblonpodcast and sign up.

Stop missing out.

We have built a huge community over there, guys, about hundreds of thousands of people over there. We even have live chats, live chats that I actually am talking in every single night. I'm in there just confessing all of my sins to you guys. I mean, it gets a little ridiculous. Last but not least, we give away gifts every freaking month. I'm talking, like, signed stuff from Jay and I lives. You just never know what kind of surprise you're gonna get.

It's like a cracker jack box.

I love the community that we've built over there at Patreon. If you are already a Patreon member, I freaking love you, dude. Thank you so much. From my sideshow tier to the carnival tier, to the ringleader tier, to the main attraction, you guys are my babies for life. My writers. If I could, I would literally make out with each and every one of you.

I love you guys so much.

And that's a lot of kisses, actually.

Gotta go. Bye.

Is this thing on? Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker and now hosts the podcast dumb blonde. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I wanna be super hot, make a lot of fucking money, and be a rockstar's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today I got my girl Winter Blanco.

In the house, baby. Hey, thank you for having me, dude.

I feel like this has been a long time coming.

Yeah, I do too.

Like, I'm so excited to have you here. I just. I love how outspoken you are online because it reminds me of myself.

Mmm. Okay, so you've seen me do too much online.

Is it too much, or are you just, you know, kind of standing up for yourself and defending yourself?

Definitely. I say standing up for myself. Absolutely.

Me too. I will fight bullies all day long.

Oh, me too. 100%.

Don't start none. Won't be none, period. So I'm glad I got you in the hot seat because I was watching one of your podcasts last night. Cause you have a podcast called behind the likes.

Yes.

And I was watching an episode where you were actually, you know, talking about a lot of stuff from your childhood and it just kind of intrigued me because I don't get to hear a lot you talking a lot about your childhood. When you do talk about it, you kind of pass over it. Like, this is what happened. I had to overcome this. I had to survive this. But you never go into like, detail and I kind of want to just take a trip down memory lane with you. Is that okay?

Yes.

Also we have her co host Shai Fontanette here and she's gonna join us in a little bit once we get past winter's childhood. So. So where'd you grow up?

I'm from the Bay area and I moved to LA when I was like 17. So I've lived out here for 1718. I'm 19 now. So two years. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah. And I've lived here for like 1011 years.

Gotcha. So you grew up in a single mom household, correct? Yes, I did see a picture of your dad because, you know, your ethnicity is always under question and we'll get into that later online. And dad's pretty hot. Oh, no. Did I not see the right picture?

Ew. People do say that to me, but.

I was like, it's your dad.

Yeah. I mean, so you were raised in.

A single single mom household. Was dad never present in your life or.

So my dad is british and my dad was deported from America when I was like, I don't know, a young thing, I don't remember what age I was, but he was deported from America and then he ended up going to jail when I was younger. I used to think he got deported from America and went to jail immediately. But I guess he got deported from America and then went to prison for like 20 years in England.

Oh, my goodness.

So he's deported, he's never allowed to come back to America. Like, I can't have him one day come out here. Like, never could visit him in prison. Like, blah, blah, blah. So, yeah, my mom raised me.

What did he go to prison for?

My dad went to prison for sexual assault. So, yeah, a lot of people don't know that. I did open up and talk about it in my book. I've written two books. One is CI was right, the second is, you should have listened. So I did open up about that in my first book, so some people do know it. I don't really talk about it all the time just because it's, like, it makes people uncomfortable, and it's just like, one of those things, like, if you bring up, like, oh, my parent. Like, if my parent died, and then everybody's like, oh, awkward. Like, I'm so sorry. Like. Or, you know, like, so I don't really talk about it that much, but.

Yeah, that's not your fault, though, that your dad chose that path. So I don't ever want you to feel like you have to take that on like that, you know?

Yeah.

What he. What he did was what he did. And that's not a reflection of you.

Yeah, no, I 100% know that. I just think that the Internet is just so weird.

Like, fucking assholes.

Yeah, the Internet is just so weird. And then, like, you know, people are so obsessed with, like, as you said, like, my ethnicity and stuff. So, like, they kind of make me have to, like, claim my father. And I'm like, I don't even want to claim him to begin with. Like, you know, understandably.

And I hope maybe, you know, you talking about it on this podcast will make people see, like, you know, you got to stop forcing people to claim parents that they don't even have a relationship with, right? I definitely.

I definitely think so. People do too much.

So, growing up with your mom, what was life like growing up with mama?

Growing up with my mom was. I love my mother to death now. Like, we've definitely come a long way, I will say that. But growing up with my mother was just, like, terrible. Like, it was. I grew up in a very violent, angry household. I did not grow up in a loving, affectionate home. My mother literally told me. I can remember the first time I remember my mom telling me that she loved me was the day my grandma died. And I think that was, like, 2013 or something.

How old were you?

I don't remember. I was probably, like, 17 or 18. I don't remember exactly. But I do remember, like, that was when me and my mom started being like, I love you. Like, you know, when you hang up the phone, you're like, okay, I love you. Like, that type of thing. So we never had that relationship. And I just. You know, I don't know. My mom was young when she had me. She was only 21 when I was born. And, like, when I was younger, I used to think, like, that's grown. But, like, now that I'm 30 years old, and I look back and I'm like, okay, you were actually, like, a 21 year old kid with your own set of trauma from your parents. Like, you know, having to deal with, like, being a single mom. And, like, I was no easy kid to deal with. Like, I was terrible. Like, I was really bad. I probably had, like, my own issues, like, dealing with, like, my father not being there.

But you're a product of your environment, you know?

Yeah.

I grew up in an extremely abusive household, too. My stepmother was so abusive, she used to put my head through doors like, it was crazy. And I was an extremely fucking rebellious child. Yeah, and that's because you're raised in that environment. You don't know any different. So of course you're going to automatically want to rebel.

Yeah, for sure. I mean, yeah, I don't know. I just. I've always been that way. I've always been, like, very, like, I've been very hard headed. I've been very blamtorious. Like, I don't know if that has anything to do with it, but, like, I would definitely give my mother hell. And, like, looking back, like, I understand now, like, she was just trying to deal with a freaking crazy ass kid.

Was your mom the one that was abusive to you?

My mom. Okay, so my mom, like, I'm not gonna sit here and just be like, my mom would just, like, beat on me. Like, she wasn't like that like, when I was a kid. But, like, my mom just. It was like living in a house with your enemy. Like, that's, like, the best way that I could describe it. Like, living in a house with your enemy. We're always arguing. We just hated each other. Me and my mom 100% hated each other. We did not love each other. Like, that's the worst.

Having to grow up walking on eggshells and any sort of emotional abuse is, I think, ten times worse than physical abuse. There gets to a point, like, when you're in an abusive relationship, you're like, just fucking hit me instead of playing these fucking games with me. And it can be like that with a parent, too.

Yeah, I think that with me, it just always kind of felt like my mom was, like, never on my side. Like, that's, like, a big thing that we even go through to this day. Cause, like, if I go through something, like, say it's online or something, and my mom is like, well, you did this. Or, like, well, you need to think about. I'll be like, why can't you just ever have my fucking back? Like, you never have my back. Like, I would get in trouble in school, and my mom wouldn't have my back. I would, you know, go through stuff with friends, and my mom would have my friends back, like. Cause my mom just hated me. She was an enemy. She was, like, literally an opp.

Do you think maybe she was jealous of you?

I don't think my mom was jealous. No, my mom wasn't jealous of me. I definitely had some aunties in my life that were jealous of me, but my mom was never jealous of me. I think that. I don't know why my mom hated me. She hated me, and I hated her, too. So I can't really just, like, you.

Know, put your finger on it.

I can't put my finger on it, but I was pretty fucking terrible. And, like, if I was 21 and I had this crazy ass kid who had her own set of problems on top of me being a kid, like, I don't think I would be able to deal with it, so. Yeah.

So growing up in that environment, how did you do in school and stuff like that? Did you. What was your escape?

My escape? I don't really think I had an escape when I was growing up in school. I was bad in school. Like, I was the same. Yeah. Like, I didn't listen. Like, I didn't want to follow rules. That was always what, you know, teachers would say is, she doesn't listen to anything we say. And I was just very, like, disobed. Disobedient. Like, 100% couldn't tell me nothing. So to this day, I just want to do what I want to do. And also, like, I always say I.

Was a rebel without a cause, and that sounds like you, too.

Yeah. Like, I just. I hated school. I hated being told what to do. I would skip school. I wouldn't go. I didn't even graduate high school. I was like, this is not for me. I feel like everybody's dumb. I'm smart.

Like, I'll figure it out.

That was just, like, my mindset, so. Right. I wasn't good in school.

So how long did you live at home for? Did you live at home until you were 18, or did you leave early?

So when I was growing up, keep in mind, I write about all these, like, in depth stories, like, in my book, so it's, like, funny because I don't really talk about it, but I.

Can tell it's making you really uncomfortable to have to.

I'm not uncomfortable to talk about it. It's just so, like, I don't know. It's just weird because I'm just, like, this different person now. Like, I'm just, like, this grown woman. And then I, like, think back to, like, this person who technically I am, but, like, I don't, like, 100% feel.

Like it's your testimony, though. And I think that a lot of girls that look up to you, of course, you know, 100% read her books. But I think it's good for girls online who look up to you to be able to watch this podcast and, you know, listen to how far you've come, you know? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't really talk about it often. A lot of people actually see me online, and they're like this silver spoon fed ass bitch, and I'm just like, you literally have no idea. But no, for your question, like, I wasn't always living with my mom. My mom would kick me out all the time. My mom would. Her thing was she would kick me out and turn my phone off. So I would have to just be out there stranded in the world, like, you know, so I would, like, bounce from friends houses, cousins houses, like, say, with my aunts at all ages. I probably. I don't know when this started. I mean, I don't know, maybe, like, 1314. I don't know, but for a long time. And I wouldn't, like, necessarily have one place to just be. Like, I live here. Like, I know that I probably could go back to, like, be with my mom and, like, live with my mom, but it was like, it was hell. It was literally, like hell living with my mother.

So I left home at 14 and never went back.

Yeah, I would rather sleep on the floor of somebody's house or have nowhere to go for the night, then go live with my mom. So, like, I definitely had to go through, you know, those growing pains. I got my first job when I was. I think I was 16, and it was at Hooters. And then I got fired from hooters, and I became a stripper at 17.

Your first job was hooters?

Yep.

Mine was fat burger. We had two different goals.

I had to take the freaking train to San Francisco, and I was like, I'm gonna get a job. Like, I'm gonna just try to get a job. Got hired. They hated me. I had red hair, piercings, and tattoos. I was a little ass girl. I thought I was grown, and I couldn't even work on the floor at Hooters. I had to work in the front, like, just letting people come in cause I was too young. And then I got fired from that and, like, this girl was just like, well, we're in the city, like, you know, there's strip clubs down the street. And I was like, okay. In my mind, I'm like, I'm too young for that, but let me go forge up some documents. So I, like, forged up my id, forged a fake social.

And how old were you? 16.

I was 1717. Yeah, so that I had found this freaking. I had this crackhead auntie who's to steal people's stuff, and she had this. I had, like, went through her stuff one day, and I found this id of this girl who looked like me, and the girl was, like, 21. So I was like, oh, I'm about to use this id, like, whatever. And I. I forged up, like, a fake social. I had, like, photocopied it, had my friend photocopy and, like, adjust it or for. To match the id name. And then they just let me start.

Working that as wild that you're 17. Because I went when I was 18, and I couldn't. I fucking ran out of the club. I fart really somebody and fucking. I had bubble guts. It was scary. Some dude asked me to kick him in the nuts for, like, $700. Now, I would do it, no fucking problem. But fucking back then, I was like, oh, my God. And fucking ran out of the club. Girl, what was your first night in the club?

Like, I mean, it was cool. I remember I got tipped $20 on stage, and I was like, oh, my God, I'm making so much fucking money. I was broke as hell. Like, I didn't have anything. Like, I literally had nothing. And at the time, I was sleeping on the couch of, like, a family friend's grandma, like, with, like, two other people in the same living room. So I was just like, wow, like, this is crazy. Like, I could actually make money doing this. And then I had a customer want to get, like, a vip dance, and I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I don't know what the hell I was. Like. You know, like, I didn't know nothing. So I'm like, do you have a.

Friend to help you, or you were just in there figuring it out?

I was just figuring it out.

It's green in the club.

Yeah. I think that I had, like, an older girl kind of was like. I think I was like, oh, like, this is my first day, blah, blah, blah. And she was, like, telling me a couple little things, but I, like, I didn't know her beforehand. Like, she kind of just looked out for me a little bit in there. And, like, kind of like, gave me a little bit of free game and I had, like, had this dance with this guy and he tried to, like, pull his dick out underneath his shirt and I smacked him in the face, like, with my box, cuz, like, they gave us these metal money boxes and I smacked him in the face and I was like, fuck this. Like, this is weird as fuck. But it was like $200. So I was like, well, I got to keep the money. I didn't have to, like, keep doing this long ass dance because it was like 30 minutes or something for like $200 or some crazy shit.

I used to hate when they would wear the windbreakers.

What?

What did they like, the windbreaker pants. So the dudes, because when you do laugh, when you would do lap dances, they could, like, feel everything. Just, I would hate doing for guys with fucking windbreakers.

Yeah, literally, even when I think back to, like, my life and, like, I had to entertain these freaking weirdos in the strip club. Like, I'm just like, ugh. Like, oh, my God, like, how long.

Did you dance were?

I danced until I was really. Until I was 21. I had, like, went through hella shit. And then I have met a boyfriend who was, like, rich as fuck. And he was like, I don't want you dancing anymore. But I had, like, you know, my money started dwindling away because, like, I'm not dancing. That's the only way I know how to really make money. This is like, years later after I started and I would go sneak out of his house, go to the strip club, sneak back in, and then the last time I ever did it, his homeboy was in the strip club. And I was like, please don't tell him. Like, I won't come back. Like, I promise. So he never told him and I never went back.

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Why? So he didn't want you to work? He had money. But then you. When you were in the relationship with him, he. Did he try to control you with money? Is that.

He didn't try to control me with money. I mean, he paid for everything, right? Honestly.

But you needed extra money.

Yeah, I need. I need money. Yeah. I'm not, like, I'm still to this day, like, I'm not like somebody who can just sit on their ass. Like, I'm not somebody who could just let myself get taken care of. Like, I have to have my own thing going on. I have to.

Your trauma won't allow it.

Yeah. I will not. I will never go broke. Like, I don't give a fuck. Like, I dicks for $10 a piece.

If I had to. I was homeless on the way here.

I will go back to the strip club if I ever had to. Like, I know how to make money. Like, I know how to hustle. So, you know, God forbid I ever get to that point in my life ever again. But I will never allow myself to miss a meal. Like, it would never happen.

I'm the same way. I have the same exact mindset.

Yeah.

So you don't go back to dancing. What do you do? You do you stay in this relationship?

Yeah. So I basically stayed in the relationship for three years. I was just getting cheated on back to back to back to back. Like, it was just insane. I was just dealing with it. It was, like, my first. It were. I really want to consider my first real, real love. And, like, also, it was just different because I think that that relationship, like, took a toll out of me only because, you know, I was dealing with. With somebody who came for money, and, like, I had just freshly come out the streets, like, you know. So part of me always felt like I wasn't good enough. And it was, like, always people around him telling him, like, what are you doing dealing with this stripper? Like, you know, what do you see in this girl? She just want to get pregnant and take your money and do all this. So I had, like, very low self esteem. I feel like, in that relationship just because I always felt like I wasn't good enough. So it took me a long time to leave it, and then when I finally did leave, I ended up going on reality tv.

So that was, like, my next stepping stone.

When did you do it? When did you join white girl mob?

I did white girl mob when I was. It was still during the period that I was a stripper, but they had had me stop, so I had white girl mob.

Had you stopped dancing?

Yes. So.

Because it would be bad for their image or something?

No, because. So at the time when I was stripping, I was still rapping. Like, I was still doing music, and white girl mob was taking off in the bay. I wasn't really close with them. They were older girls than me, so, like, I remember seeing them out and about in the bay area.

Right.

And they were always, like, cool. You know, they were, like, the cool girls, whatever. We're like the little girls, and they.

Had, like, one big song, right?

Yeah, the Gucci. Gucci song. And I still love that shit. Yeah. And I wasn't even on the song, like, you know, so I didn't even get, like, the super fun parts of it. But they were, like, doing their thing while I was a stripper. I was rapping still as a stripper. And then they had lost little Debbie in the group. They. Debbie left the group, and they were like, you know, we need somebody so they were like, oh, well, what about her? At the time, my rap name was princess. So they were like, what about princess? And, well, drop dead. Princess, drop dead. So they were like, what about her? So they're like, all right, cool. So I had to quit dancing and then, you know, I, like, went to LA for a little bit with them, did some shows with them, was part of it. It was cool. We never did a song together. I would just perform their songs with them. I was just, like, a replacement. And it just didn't end up working out. Like, you know, they kind of just started to fall off and it was just. They started facing backlash because they used to say the n word and I would just be like, well, I'm sending this out cuz I'm half black, so I'm gonna say whatever the fuck I want and y'all shouldn't be saying it anyway, so it was just like, it was just like one of those.

I was young, I didn't have shit. Like, I was sleeping on their couch and shit, like sleeping on their floor. Like, I didn't have no money. And I knew it was over when I was like, well, what am I supposed to do for money? Keep in mind, never saw a dollar for a show and would travel with them and do these shows and wouldn't get paid for shit. I didn't even know about that. I was so green. Like, it was you.

I was trying to make it.

I was just trying to be a part of something, you know? So it's like, what am I gonna do for money? Like, I'm not seeing no money.

They sold you a dream.

Yeah, 100%. Like, yeah, you're gonna come be a part of Wagner Mob. We're famous. Like, I got a million dollar contract, and I'm over here sleeping on the floor. Not a dollar to my name. Like, how am I about to make some money? And they're like, well, go get a job at Starbucks or something. I'm like, bitch, Starbucks? I'm not no Starbucks, bitch. Like, I'm a star. So how are we gonna work this out? So I just had to end up figuring out on my own and just quit fucking with them.

So you got out of the relationship that you were in where you were getting cheated on all the time, and were you fresh out of that relationship when you did bad girls club?

Yeah. So he had basically, like, started dating this girl while me and him was, like, still together?

Geez.

Yeah, of course. But he started dating this girl while we were still together. Found out about it, seen the girl in person one time, she lied about it, but obviously it was, like, true. And then I. I want to say, the year before, I really found out, I had a best friend at the time, and she had asked me. She was like, they're doing this casting for Bad Girls club. It's a sister season. Let's lie and say we're sisters to get on this show. So I went up, I went along with my friend to this casting. This casting is like thousands of girls, like, right? Crazy ass shit. So, you know, we go to the casting, we don't get far, for real. So it's just like, whatever. And then a year later, as I'm getting cheated on, you know, ready to exit this relationship, I get a call and they're like, hey, we remember you from last year. Would you be interested in recasting for Bad Girls club? And I was like, in my mind, I'm just like, this. This is crazy, because out of thousands of girls, they're like, we remember you after all this time.

This bitch was fucking nuts. We need this girl. So, you know, I redid the casting or whatever. I think I went up to the Bay Area, did cast, and they have, like, hundreds and hundreds of girls in there, and they, like, select you out, and then you get eliminated. And then it gets to this big ass table of, like, I don't even fucking know, like 20 girls, 50 girls. I don't know. Everybody got to just talk, you know? It's just like a bunch of little rowdy, raggedy bitches, you know? And then they call you back, they let you know if you made it.

To the next casting, not the rowdy, raggedy.

Oh, yeah. You know, like, those castings are, like, especially for that show. Yeah, it's like everybody wants to show they're big and bad and can fight and all this shit. And I'm just like, I'm not even worried about it, cuz, like, I feel like. I know people are, like, drawn to me attention wise. So they called me back, did the green screen, and then the producers called me in the room, and they were like, yeah, like, why do you think we should have you on the show? And I was like, you need me on the show to make the show. So, like, you know, like, make it happen. So they're like, okay, yeah, we're gonna.

Have, in a way, you pretty much manifest because you already believe it's yours.

Oh, yeah, 100%. And it's just so crazy. Like, I. When I was growing up, like, people used to always be like, she needs to be on backers club, and she needs to. And I never really, like, I didn't really care to do the show, but I always knew I was gonna do something.

Like the stepping stone.

Yeah.

100% of the limelight.

Hundred percent. I always knew that I was gonna do something. I just didn't know how I was gonna get there. Or, like, you know what, Ruiz?

What was that experience like for you?

Bad girls club. It was bad. It was like prison. I've talked about it before, publicly. It was like prison. It was terrible. Living with a bunch of bitches who just want to fight you for no reason. And at the time, I was like.

Kind of like how you were living at home with your mom.

Yeah.

Like, you had to walk on eggshells.

Oh, my gosh. Just so irritating. Like, and then at the time, like, before I had went on the show, like I said, I had been in a relationship where I was just constantly getting cheated on. I had started taking Xanax, and I was taking Xanax because I didn't want to feel anything. Like, I felt like I was heartbroken every day. Like, you know, my friend had, like, put me on it kinda. I used to take it when I used to dance because I used to not want to remember shit. I would take Xanax, and I would drink on the Xanax so that I would just wake up with hella money and. And be like, cool, good night. Like, whatever. And I just wouldn't want to, like, have to talk to nobody or have these long ass, boring ass conversations. Like, whatever. So when I was my specialty too. Yeah.

Love Xanax.

That was, like, what I had. I was like, this is perfect. I don't have to care about talking to nobody. I don't give a fuck about shit.

Like, I just almost, like, your alter ego comes out.

Oh, yeah, 100%. And then, like, if I wouldn't do it, I would feel too much like myself, and I would kind of get, like, in a way, ashamed. Like, I was put on a different voice, because if I was acting like myself, it's like, I know I'm an intelligent, smart. Like, I'm funny, I'm smart. Like, I'm all of these great things, and I gotta dumb myself for this weird ass motherfucker. Like, now I don't even want to take your money, bitch, cuz, like, you know? So when I went on the show, I was coming off a Xanax because I didn't have a prescription, like, legally. So it wasn't like I could bring my Xanax in bad girls club, like, you know, so I was having, like, severe anxiety when I was on the show, and a lot of people don't know that, but I was having really bad anxiety. It was just panic attacks. Yeah, definitely. Really bad panic attacks. You know, at the time, like, my. The guy that I had broken up with, who I wasn't with, was, like, going public with a new girl while I'm away for, like, two months. So it was just, like, mentally definitely fucking with me and then just having to, you know, deal with girls who want to break your nose.

Like, it sounds funny when you talk about the guy who had a lot of money. Was it. Was that bow wow?

No, I never dated that man.

Oh, I thought. You thought, well, the Internet is wrong.

No, no, no. I never dated bow wow. I went to premiere some premiere thing with him once. Gotcha. I never dated him, though. Yeah, he just asked me randomly to go.

Was he in the limelight, though?

Mm hmm. Yeah.

Is it puff daddy's son?

Okay.

Gotcha.

Yeah, so, yeah, that was. Whatever. It was just a lot. We know we were young. We're still friends to this day. So it's like, I don't really hold any grudge for, like, anything that I went through when I was, you know, with him or anything like that, because, you know, it's just. It's life. We were young. We're going through our own set of growing pains. I came from a lot of trauma before I had got with him. I was literally in a physically abusive relationship with somebody. So, like, I had my shit from that I had to deal with, like, it was just a lot.

How old were you when you went through the domestic violence relationship?

Um, I was 18 to 19. Yeah, 18 to 19. And then that's when I met my. I literally fled from my abusive relationship. And, um, I had, like, took hella money and bought a car, and, like, literally took hella money, went and bought a car, got a u haul. My boyfriend at the time went out of town, packed up my shit, and had a girl drive the u Haul, and we drove to LA, had an apartment already set up that I had never even seen before. I was just like, I just got to get the fuck out of here. Had, like, sent them the money through Paypal or some shit. Had roaches and hella shit. It was disgusting. And a week later, I met my ex boyfriend. So, yeah, I met him, and it was like my whole life changed. Like, we fell in love instantly, and it was like, wow. Like, this is crazy as fuck, you guys.

Think you'll ever circle back?

No.

No. Is that on you or on him?

It's on me. Definitely on me. Like, we're still friends. Like, he's amazing. Like, as a friend, that's pretty much it. I don't have any, like, I don't. I just don't look at him in that type of way anymore.

So after the bad girls club, because you're withdrawing off Xanax and stuff like that, it was a horrific experience for you.

Where do you go?

Take me on that journey. What's. What does Winter do after that? Where did Winter Blanco come from? Where did that name come from?

Winter Blanco started when I was a stripper and it started because I was. My favorite book was the coldest winter ever. And I was just like, Winter got winter from that because I felt like I really related to her. Like, she had to go through hellish shit and like, you know, blah, blah, blah. And then Blanco came from Griselda Blanco, which is funny, cuz now the Netflix show is coming out and, like, people who didn't know about her, like, learning about her, and I'm like, that's why I made.

My son and wife are coming on the podcast.

Really? That was why I made my name Blanco is because I was just like, she's just a badass bitch. Like, you know, so I always thought she was hella cool. So I just put Blanco on it. People really think that's my last name. I'm like, no.

When I was researching, I was like, what a fucking great name. And then I realized that it wasn't. It was a stage name. Yeah, but what a great stage name, right?

Thank you.

So take me on the journey after Bad Girls club. What does winter do?

You know, I was, I was trying, I think I was trying to do music again. I did an album after that and it was. It was hard. It was hard, though, after the show, like, directly after the show, because I got a lot of backlash on the show. I did some shit that I wasn't really proud of. Like producers kind of pushed us into. It was like picking on another girl or whatever.

And I don't think people, like, fans of reality realize that reality tv is not fucking reality, right?

Oh, my goodness.

Like, it's so. There's so much that goes on behind the scenes of.

Yeah, I mean, so I basically got, like, labeled a bully because I did some stupid shit. Drunk as hell. They would, like, feed us alcohol and.

Hot pockets and no food.

Yeah, yeah. Like, that's literally like, what we would survive on and then they would be like, yeah, get that bitch out the house. Or she was talking shit about you. Like, you know, like, stuff like that. So I did something I wasn't proud of. You know, I knew it wasn't my character. Like, I immediately felt regret. I called my mom. I was crying on the phone where I was like, this is not me. Like, you know, I feel like that's when me and my mom's relationship kind of started mending was because I had to. Like, I needed my mom. Like, I had to, like, have her in my life. And it was just crazy. Like, the world hated me at first, and I was like, I know.

Was that your first bout with online shit?

No, because I had it with white girl mob.

Oh, gotcha.

Yeah. And I always.

Where there was the Internet around back then?

Yes, it was. Yes, it was like Twitter and Facebook and stuff.

I fucking hate Twitter.

Yeah, Twitter.

Twitter is where the crazies are.

Twitter is fucking nuts. Like, I get dragged on Twitter.

All the damn Twitter and TikTok. They're fucking crazy.

Oh, my God. Yes. Tick tock stays dragging me. I don't really give a fuck though, cuz, like, they're just losers. We'll get.

Yeah, we'll get in a little bit. But I get dragged on all the fucking time.

Really?

I don't even fucking do anything. I'm the most unproblematic, problematic person you've ever met, right?

No, that's how I feel, honestly. Like, I have my opinions, but, like, I don't be picking on nobody for a. So whatever.

Literally, I get in trouble if I fucking laugh at something somebody says on my podcast. Yeah, it's like, oh, she's a mean girl. And you're like, shut the fuck out, dude.

They just like to nitpick for sure. Very.

So, moving on from the Bad girls club, what do you. What does winter do besides writing an album? When did you start writing your books? Was that in 2021? When was Bad Girls club?

Bad Girls club. Club was in. Damn. I was 23, so that was seven years ago. Whatever.

Seven years ago. 2016.

Yeah, 2016.

Okay, so you didn't write your books until 2021?

2020. I wrote one in 20. 21 in 2021.

Okay, gotcha.

Yeah. So what do you do in that.

Gap in between 16 to 20? What's winter doing?

I was just doing a bunch of shit. I don't know.

She's like, I'm just living my life, bitch. Yeah.

Like, I mean, I don't know. Like, I did an album. I was just. I was having to deal with the online hate for the, like, first time, for real. You know, people started really knowing who I was, and I just felt like if I show people who I am, they'll like me because, like, I know, like, I'm a pretty. I'm like, I'm the type of person kind of you really hate or you really, really love. So I was like, I just got to, like, show the Internet who I am. And, like, I just kept growing from that. Like, I kind of came to a point where I was like, I just want to get away from Batgirl's club. Like, I felt like it painted me in a picture. Like, that isn't me, right. And I really want to just get away from it. So, you know, I was getting, like, reality tv offers and stuff like that, and I just was turning them down. I was traumatized as fuck.

Would you ever do another reality tv show? I would. Right fit?

Yeah. I would do another reality show if it was the right fit, but there's not many that I would do, so, I mean, idk. I've been kind of in talks about doing another one, but we're just gonna see what happens, you know?

Yeah. I think you're made for tv.

You do? I want my own show.

You need it. I think. I think you could carry it, for sure. So let's talk about a kind of a sensitive subject, because I did watch on your podcast last night where people are literally always questioning your ethnicity. And I see that it really, like, hurt you in this podcast, and it broke my heart for you because it was like, it's kind of like you against the world. And I think, and I quote, you said, I don't feel like I belong to any one community. Nobody will. I don't want to quote you out of context, but you just pretty much said, like, I don't feel like I belong anywhere.

Yeah.

And if there's a little girl who's growing up with, you know, and dealing with the same things that you've had to deal with where people are not accepting her, what would be some advice that you would give or that you could give to a little girl watching?

I feel like that's hard to say because I feel like even. I don't really know. Like, you know, like, I don't really know. Like, I do feel that way. Like, I still feel that way. I'll probably feel that way forever. Like, no, I don't know what it feels like to, like, have a community. Like, I don't know. Like, I don't. I don't. Because I don't know what other people feel. Like, I don't know if I feel different. Like, I don't know if, like, white people are like, yes, I'm white and I'm proud. And then, like, you know, black people are like, I'm black and I'm proud. Well, like, yeah, we know that, but, like, you know, I just. Yeah, sorry, shizer, you're laughing, but you're doing so great. Thank you. But no, I just. I don't know. I don't feel like I have a community. I feel like, you know, mixed race people, they're uncomfortable about speaking up about how they feel just because people do want you to, like, choose your sides. And it's like, especially for somebody like me who is white, passing. Like, it feels like your voice just doesn't matter because you don't look black enough.

And, like, white people don't give a fuck. Like, white people don't give a fuck about what makes people got going on. Like, that's just really not their problem. Like, you know, white people don't have to deal with, like, colorism, so it's just not really even, like, their issue, I guess so. I don't know. I just don't really have anywhere to turn to, I guess.

Yeah. So you don't have any advice for a little girl going through it?

I mean, I guess just, like, you just have to be comfortable with who you are. Like, you can't be ashamed about anything. Like, I feel like a lot of mixed people do go through shame. Some people be ashamed that they're half white people be ashamed that they got a white mama. And it's like, it's really not that damn deep. Like, it's okay. Your mom is right. It's fine. Like, we're gonna be all right. Like, mixed people try to, like, I guess, segregate themselves in a way. Like, by parents. Like, well, my mom is black, so I am different from you because. Which, I mean, I'm sure, but, like, I really just feel like it depends on culturally. Like, your mom could be, like, white. Your mom could be white but, like, cultured, I guess. And then your dad could be black but act white. Like, that shit is fucking dumb.

But, um, I feel like when Mariah Carey came on the scene, they did the same thing to her.

Really.

Like, it was really bad. Like, she had to address it a lot too.

I also feel, like, another thing that goes on that is kind of frustrating. Like, especially, like, when I have to see it. Like, there are, like, mixed people that are. When there are mixed people that are super successful. Like, people want to claim them as their own. Like, that's when it's like, we not gatekeeping. Like, for instance, Barack Obama, he's biracial. That's our first black president. Kamala Harris came out. She was like, I'm mixed race. Everybody was mad. She was saying she was mixed race. Like, it's just like, it doesn't feel like there's, like, a space for biracial people to just be biracial. It's like you have to be one or the other. And I think that's where I guess the issue just gets, like, annoying. Especially, like, if you are like me and you look white as hell, it's like they want me to, like, pick and choose that I'm white, but I'm like, I'm never going to pick and choose that I'm white because I'm not. I'm mixed. Like, I'm biracial.

You shouldn't have to pick, you know, just one. You should be able to exist in the middle somewhere.

Yeah, and I know the conversation is so tired and, like, even I get tired of talking about it because people, like, have, you know, been on my.

Ass about this for years, but TikToks are insane.

Yeah, I googled my name on TikTok.

I was like, this is what people really fucking doing.

They will sit there and make paragraphs and books about their opinion. I'm like, there's no fucking opinion about a fact. Like, I don't know what the fuck we're even negotiating.

It got so bad online that people were doxxing you and like, yeah, the whole situation leaked.

My address, Social Security number. I'm like, it's cool you can leak my fucking address cuz I got a gun. So I don't give.

Did you have people showing up to your house there?

Okay, so after my address got leaked, there was this girl sitting outside of my house that was like, hi, winter. But, like, I don't know if, like, maybe she just was there or, like, she seen my address, right, but I was like.

But nobody ever, like, just showed up and knocked on the door.

No, I mean, I had a stalker, but he wasn't, like, from the Internet. Like, I knew him.

Oh, that's the worst kind. Yeah, that's when you know somebody and they start fucking stalking you.

Yeah, but I mean, honestly, I'm not. I don't give a fuck. Leak my damn address, bitch. I don't give a fuck. I've been wanting to use my gun. I really don't care.

Give me any. Give me an excuse. So, moving on. You wrote your books in 2020, and then you also. That's around the same time that you met your friend shy.

Yes. Today.

Can we bring Cheyenne?

Yes. Let's bring her in.

Shy, welcome.

Hi.

Thanks for having me.

Thanks for sitting in the corner for a little bit.

Of course. I love the whole conversation, y'all.

Really.

It was really engaging.

Yeah, you did so great.

I loved it. I told her off camera. I was like, you're like, her emotional support human.

Yeah.

How long have you guys. Yeah, how long have you guys been friends for? Where did you guys meet?

We met, like, seven years ago, I think, probably. But we've been friends solid since, like, right when COVID happened. I am like, you have a lot of time to, like, really sit with somebody else to literally do so. That's the most part. Yeah.

Yeah.

Was it just, like, an instant friendship? Like, a. Like, a soulmate type thing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, we definitely, like, for the years that we knew each other, we didn't know that. We were just so amazingly hilarious together.

Especially, I think, what? Really? I think you had, like, a taco Tuesday or something, and it was something random that Clark invited me. We. I mean, we lived together. We lived around the same. I mean, we lived in the same building.

Yeah.

Oh, gotcha.

But one of my close friends invited. One of my best friends invited me to her. Something you were having at one of your apartments.

Mm.

And I damn near was the host of it at that point. She was sitting there on the couch, and I was just, like, playing all the games I was doing. She was like, no, stay. Stay. I was like, I like it here.

Those are the best friendships that are just, like, so effortless, and it's just you guys. You literally meet, and it's just a friendship from here on out.

Yes.

So, how did you guys start your podcast? Behind the likes.

So I was gonna start. We always tell this story. I know, right? So I was gonna start one, probably, like, a year or two. It was dragged two years prior to us starting one, because I've always been, like, very open. I'm going personable. Like, you know, like, people would always come up to me, like, you need a podcast. You need do this. You need to do that. And so I got approached by someone who was starting their own, like, streaming network. So I was like, okay, yeah, I'm do this. So I filmed, like, a few episodes.

He was full of shit.

The streaming network was full of shit. The contract was full of shit. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it was just, everything was downhill at that point, so I was just kind of off of it for a second and winter was like, I'm gonna do a podcast. And like, it was at this time, it was just like, I was like, perfect, go ahead, do a podcast. Like, I'm like, you have.

She did not want to do it with me.

I was about to get there.

She has a following.

She has like, I'm like, it's perfect. You can do you do your thing. But I just didn't want to do it. Like, I wanted something of my, like, own, my fresh, like my own like, thing. Aside from I'm always like showing up in the bleachers for everybody else, which is perfect. I have no problem doing that. But I'm like, I just need something of my own, right? But now looking back, I would have jumped on me and went to doing this the moment it fucking, like, the moment it was brought to me because I could not imagine doing a podcast by myself. I hated doing it by myself for one, and then two, just like we bounce off of each other so well. It's insane. It really is insane. It's, it's not even like, I know it's work. We're getting paid, like, you know, you getting paid to be a creator now, I guess, but it's not even like work. It's just so. It's, I couldn't have no other way.

It's like just hanging out with your best friend and getting paid.

Yeah, and getting paid to do it literally.

Yeah. I watched a couple of you guys episodes and I feel like you're the calm to her storm. Really? Yeah.

Feel like she's a nut job. Everybody says that though. But I don't.

Delivery is just a little bit more aggressive.

Yeah, yeah.

So her delivery is aggressive and you're.

An Aquarius like me.

Yeah, yeah. And we don't really care about that that much. So I can, I can speak about something like, alright, whatever. Like you do what you want to do.

And she's very like, passionate, passionate about.

Her opinions, which I respect. And, you know, I'm trying, I'm kind of getting more, but I'm like, pull my arm. I might, I might agree with you. You know, you're fucking. She's like, no, I don't agree with that.

I mean, yeah, she just, I think we just balance each other really, really well and we just understand each other. Like, I think even me growing up, my whole life, I never really felt like I had people who understood me, like, core through and through. But, like, that's one thing I could definitely say about our friendship. Like, I feel like we genuinely do understand each other. Like, you know, like, before we got.

Here, she called me, and she had a little attitude, and I was like, all right, bye.

I got time for this.

I'll see you later.

But that's real friends. That's how Mimi and I are. Like, before having a day, or, like, I'm being an asshole. I'll circle back around later on that night and be like, hey, man, I'm sorry. Sorry. I was being a douchebag. So shy. Where are you from? What's a little bit of your backstory?

I'm from Louisiana, born and raised. Baton Rouge. I moved out here at 22.

By yourself?

But we're both 19.

I don't know how I age backwards.

But listen, when you get as old as me, you start counting backwards, too.

Yeah, I don't think I'm a. I'm stopping at 29. Like, I'm not going anywhere else. Like, I'm 29. 50.

You say that until you hit 44, which is what I am.

You're 44.

I love you guys. You're lying.

You know, can we just play that on a loop?

Sister is 49, so I feel like. Like, that's you, like my sister.

I thought you were, like, maybe 38.

38. 38 max. Love you guys.

But no, I was gonna say, when you get to 44, you kind of, like, want to be around 36. Like, that's your. Yeah, you know? So once you get there, you'll be, like, maybe 36. I appreciate it.

Look, we could still solve.

We're gonna be.

So all the drugs I did.

You.

Guys are gonna age beautifully.

Thank you. Botox is still in style, but no, so I'm. Yeah, I have four older sisters, so I came out here by myself. I have family.

Like, what made you want to just leave Louisiana to come to LA?

So pretty.

Both lA.

Leave LA to come to LA.

I came to visit my family at 18, and I was enamored. I was like, oh, I'm coming back. I don't care what I wanted to do. And, like, I was really thinking about this the other day. I never really had, like, a passion for fashion. Like, I'm like, I want to be a model.

You know?

Like, I never cared that much for it, but I'm like, of course I was thinking. I was like, I need to do something hard in my life, because everything has been so easy. I came out here, I got an agency. Like, you know what I'm like? It was just like. It was easy for me. And I'm like, I should go to school. I should do something. But I was going to school in Louisiana. I was like, I don't want to do this. And I was just like, I go to LA.

It's crazy. You don't have an accent.

Oh, I worked hard for that. Yeah, I did.

Because, I mean, Louisiana accents are so. Yeah, yeah. Strong. Yeah.

No matter how, like, intelligent you can be or come across, they don't get past that accent.

That's so. It's just so real.

It, you know, you just have to learn how to, like. You know, I feel like I've even.

Had to do that, like, with the Bay area, like, having my accent. When I first moved out here, people thought I was so ghetto and so ratchet, and, like, over the years, I just had to start talking a little bit more like this. And, like, sometimes when I get drunk, it comes out really heavily. And then people are like, you sound country as hell when you drink.

Yeah, the bae sounds hella country to me.

I know people say, my husband is.

One of the smartest humans you'll ever meet. And when he opens his mouth, he talks like this, and it's like, now.

Don'T get me wrong. My family is completely different. And it's like, it will come out, but, like, out here just, you know, it's not that valley girl thing, but it's just more just like, you know, you learn to adapt. You know, I was. I was telling her the other day, I was, like, when I first came out here, I was wearing, like, floral dresses, going to the club.

You have to really learn how.

Not the floral.

Yeah, like, you know, you have to learn how to adjust when you come to LA, so it's, like, adjusted.

And how old are you?

25.

I'm just getting.

No, I'm 30.

Okay.

Gotcha.

Birthday.

Thank you. What's your birthday?

January 22.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

Thank you. Now, don't. Don't cry. 32. Dude, I'm telling you right now, 32 to 39 is your time to shine.

Really?

Even after?

But I'm just saying, those are, like, your golden years. You're gonna have so much fun.

It sounds serious.

It's not.

It sounds so serious.

I have so much damn fun.

No, we gotta be. We're gonna. We'll be adults. At 40, you're only.

I'm classy this year.

You're only as old as you feel. If you still, like, I'm 44 and I still feel like I'm 34. Like, it's you're only as old as you feel, and how you feel inside is what you're gonna project to everybody.

So you're. You're married to. Is his name J. Okay, I don't want to. Is. Was it. What is it?

Jelly.

Jelly is jelly. I recently seen him on something. He. Wasn't he in court?

Yes, for the fentanyl thing.

And I watched one of your podcasts with him, and I was like, the way that he. I was like, cuz I just wanted to know.

Yeah, of course.

So I'm like, the way that y'all speak to each other is so, like, just cute. And he's just so chill and just, like, they're just sitting like, yeah, baby.

No, I like it.

It's so cute.

Yeah, no, he's a sweetie pie. He's my Sagittarius.

Oh.

I say that all the time.

Have only ever broken my heart. Yes.

What about your new love?

He's a Leo.

Oh. Taurus and Leo are soulmate science.

Mm hmm. Taurus and Leo.

Really?

Yes.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

I love that.

Cool.

Yeah.

Everybody's so interested in who you're dating.

I mean, there was one TikTok. They didn't crack the damn code.

Y'all really admit it.

I mean, no, I'm not admitting shit.

I mean, there's so many tick tock. Somebody's gonna have to really go through all those fucking TikToks to figure out which one it is.

People are fucking delusional. But, I mean, yeah, I've been dating. Have a boyfriend now. He's really great. Full time.

Like, off the market winter.

Yes. Like, real boyfriend? Like, yeah, it's not like just somebody I'm dating or dealing with, you know, a situationship. It's like a real boyfriend. It's like, it's been cool. It's been a little bit hard because I feel like I've only really been in, like, very toxic relationships. And usually when things get hard or somebody pisses me off, I just dump them and find a new boyfriend. So I'm, like, not doing that now.

Extra trauma.

Oh, yeah, definitely. Like, my mom has always been like, you need to be more patient with guys like, you.

Just your mom. I'm the other one in the air. Like, hey, this is what we're not supposed to do right now. I like, I'm all for free spirit, let you do your thing. I'm like, you know, do whatever you want. Fuck him if you feel that way. But in the senses, I'd be like, that was a little toxic that you.

Want to hang up and then you.

Won'T expect him to. I'm like, okay. But, like, I'm like, yeah. I'm like, it's a thing. But it is true what they say when you. The first healthy relationship after a toxic one is the hardest.

Yeah, I mean, it hasn't really been hard, cuz I just felt like he balances me out so well, but I felt like internally it has been hard just because it's just like, I don't know. I'm just not used to somebody who's, like, not a terrible person, I guess. Like, I don't know how to deal with a good man. I only know how to deal with pieces of shit. So it's just been different and new and, like, some days I'm just like, you about to be single, like, I don't give a fuck. Like, I don't know who you playing with. You don't know? I'll be right out this door, like, you know? And I'm like, I have to not do that.

You need to learn how to not bleed on people who don't cut you.

Right.

That's one of the major things I had to learn with Jay because Jay was my first, like, really? Well, let me not lie. The first three years of our relationship were fucked, but really had to learn to heal together. And once we got into that safe space, I was like, God, I'm so used to the chaos. Like, I just want to fucking start an argument just to fucking fuck shit up, you know? But you have to really learn to grow with somebody, and it's the most vulnerable thing that you're ever gonna do, but it's the most rewarding.

Also, how did y'all get to that space?

You know, so I talk about it very openly, but, like, you know, we. I came out of a severely abusive relationship where I was almost killed a couple times. And just relationships before that were extremely toxic. He had came from nothing but toxicity, too. So when you put two fucking wild hyenas in a cage, you guys are gonna bite each other for sure. And we got to a point where my husband had an affair behind my back for about a year and a year and. Yep. And when it all came to light, you know, I've been in the adult industry for a really long time, so I've seen pastors cheat on their wives.

Oh, yeah.

Cheating to me is not sex. Cheating to me is emotional.

Yeah.

You know, he was doing both, so I felt completely violated. And then when we got to that point, I was just like, okay, I have two roads. I can either leave right now and start over with somebody else and go through the same fucking bullshit, or I can give this man one more chance to prove to me that he's willing to change. But I need to also take responsibility for what the fuck I was doing in the relationship, which was pushing his buttons, being toxic with him. You know, I just needed to take accountability because it was both of us. And, you know, we went to counseling, and he has completely became the man that I needed, and I've become the woman that he's needed. And we had to heal together. And I always tell everybody this. I constantly say it. The biggest flex as a couple is how you grow together. It's not what you have materialistic wise. It's not status in the fucking social media ring. It's literally what you guys can heal together as far as childhood traumas and break generational curses together. Right? Shy, are you with somebody?

Yes, I am.

Yeah. How long?

So we've got.

She was like a deer cotton headlights. I was like, let me throw it.

Back at you, shy. Interesting to hear other people's, like, relationships and their dynamic and how they move forward.

It's work. A relationship is work. You're never gonna find a fucking easy love. And if it's an easy love, I don't want it. Like, I want to work for it.

His infidelity kind of helped heal your relationship in a sense.

It. What happened was it tore the castle. It tore the castle down to build a mansion, you know? So, like, we literally had to tear shit down to rebuild because who we were as humans before we decided to heal together. I was a piece of shit. He was a piece of shit. We did not have good intentions for anybody in our lives. I only life I knew was hustling, so everything was a hustle to me, and same thing with my husband. And we had to reevaluate who we were and who we wanted to be. And we also got full custody of his daughter, so we had to change for her too, so.

Yeah, but, yeah, that's cool. I am in a relationship. I've been with him for, like, three, four years. It's been a lot. That's.

That's a long relationship.

Yeah, I was in a six year relationship before that, and I was single for three, four years, so I felt like I was ready. And, um. Yeah, it's been. It's been up and down, but it's been good for the most.

When you say up and down, what do you mean?

Like, we both have been pretty toxic towards each other and I get there. How can I say this without sounding.

You guys both have such a hard time talking about yourselves.

But like, in certain, like my relationship.

Vulnerability, she's closed off about her relationship.

Is a little different because I can be open with me. I used infection the other day.

I hate when that happens.

But my relationship is a little different because, I mean, people can't critique what they don't really know. So I don't really want the, I don't want that personal part of me to be judged and cuz like they do because I cried on one episode because we had broken up and then like, and I, you. For me that's hard to even do. And it was. I was just caught off guard.

Yeah.

Cause I didn't think our guest was gonna ask questions about me in that moment. And I was just like, I don't want to talk about it. So it ended up being that situation. And before that I kind of got vulnerable and was like, I'm at this crossroad right now of like where I want more in this relationship and I wasn't really being met in like me wanting more. Like, I'm 30, about to be 32 years old. Like, I want more stability, more like.

You want to be married?

Yeah, I want marriage. I want, like, I just want a little bit more structure and stability because we are long distance and it's just like all of those things were getting to me and which as you're rightfully.

So, yeah, you're allowed to throw that.

Out getting to me. And then some bullshit happened right around that time. I was expecting like a crossroads shift to happen and I was just like, oh, this is my sign to be done done. And then when you think you done, like, you want to stand on business and that business is quick stance, quicksand, it's just like you not standing on shit. So it's just like, back is a four letter word. Yeah. So it's from that point now we're working on. That's why I was asking you, because I love hearing people's dynamic when something happens and how you fix it from there. How do you move forward? I love, you know, I just wanna. I think we're both focused now on the positivity of it. So like, we had to like really like hit rock bottom. I've done some shit that I'm not proud of. He's done some things that he's not proud of, done some things I could probably go to jail for, you know, so it's like, we have to. Like, I had to figure out a way to, like, okay, why is this happening? Is it just him that my reactions are this way?

Am I the. Am I the only person? Because at a point, I felt like I was always at fault for things, and I'm like, am I being manipulated?

Like, I don't know what's going on.

Right.

So, like, we just had to shift the whole dynamic, and now we're just working together instead of against each other. And I feel like that's just been the best thing. I'm like, that's amazing.

That's. That is key to work together and.

Not against each other.

But I also believe that everybody deserves a second chance. They don't deserve three or four, though. Yeah. And that was the one thing I did with my husband, was a second chance. So.

Yeah. And mine was more. So in a sense of, like.

All.

Right, I can see, like, I see this, but it's just like, it was the things that. It sounds crazy to say. It wasn't that. That was the kill for me. It was the things prior to that.

Right.

That I really was like, oh, you got me a little fucked up. You've been doing all these things and you have me feeling crazy, but you really are the psychopath.

It's the. Yes. You know, the psychological.

Yes.

Logical thing that really kind of, like, fucked with me for the past.

When my husband did his affair, that is what I was more pissed off about. I was like, I have sat here and said, I know this is going on. Have concrete, pretty much proof, and you literally gaslit the fuck out of me and made me feel like I was.

Crazy being gaslit and just feeling like you. You. You have a. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that if you have a finger pointed at you, if somebody's pointing a finger at you, three are pointed back at them. It's just like, you are doing all of these things because you got some shit that you ain't got going on. And it could be anything, like, not even just cheating, it could be a multitude of just different things. And so it's just like, for me, it was everything leading up to it, and it's just like, I should not be dealing with this type of. And so whatever. One thing led to another, and now we're at, like, a place where I was just saying the other day, I'm like, oh, we've been pretty solid since. You know, a lot of things have happened. We've talked about it a lot, so we're not where I want us to be, but we're definitely working together. And I actually said today while I was on the car right here, I was just like, we're in such a good place, right? And he was like, yeah, we really are.

I thought that earlier today, and I was like, let's see how long it lasts. And that's the thing right now.

Yeah.

That I'm thinking in my head, let's see how long this lasts. But I literally was like, we really are.

I thought that today, that's how it be when you, like, be beefed out. You'd be like, can we just have one good day?

Yeah.

And that's so annoying. I hate that.

Yeah.

I do not want to get back to that in any relationship. Yeah.

And I'm just. And that's why I'm like, I'm telling you, I'm like, when I'm listening to winners, we talk about, you know, like, as girls do, you talk about these things and you just be like, you enjoy this and you thrive off of where this is at now. Because I'm not saying that I want that it could go that in your way in your relationship, but that dynamic shifts so quickly and you be like, damn, I wish I had that boring or that peaceful or that. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. No, yeah. I'm thankful. I'm thankful to have, like a. I have a pretty peaceful relationship. I'm not gonna lie.

So are you in love, winter? We're.

I feel like I love him. But we don't say I love you yet. Why? Yeah, we don't. Because I don't tell men I love them first.

Gotcha.

They have to be in love with me before I even like them for real. So.

I'm just kidding. If he were to say, winter, I love you, would you say, yeah, I.

Would say, I love him, too. Definitely.

She said it on the phone while he was on the phone.

No, she was like, love you. I did not do that. You're literally telling a lie.

No, that is the dead honest truth. Remember that day we interviewed Jaden, Alexis bitch?

He hung up the phone and I was like, I love him. And then he. No, I was. That's what happened. I was calling him and I said, I love him.

And he was like, what?

He answered the phone. I said nothing.

Yeah.

I was like, say it.

I think that's one of the things I love about you guys. This podcast is, you guys will straight up argue with each other on the podcast. Like, you guys will straight up have a day.

Hilarious. She don't want people to see us argue.

Um, you've cut out arguments too.

True.

Yeah, exactly.

I just want to tell you guys, my team is both Tauruses, really? So it's an Aquarius and Taurus. And we beef, too.

Really hard, strong. And it don't be beef. It really be like, it'd be. It's not.

They're emotional.

Yes. And it'd be like, okay. I literally said, okay, we can relax.

On the hot seat now. The whole energy in the rooms changing right now.

But I'm telling winner. I'm like, the dynamic of our podcast is our friendship. Yeah.

So what I love about you guys is having your little tips on, you know, the show is that it's some real shit.

Yeah, we do have real shit. Like real little tips or whatever. We don't really argue much, though. We argue about pretty much the same, same thing every time. So it's like you guys are like.

Sisters and see, it's like a.

Stop.

Don't fucking start with me, bro. Cuz I already know the way that you're looking at me. You about to start. But no, we do pretty much only argue about one thing and, like, it's so fucking dumb.

And what's the one thing you guys argue about?

Oh, I'm calling that card. No, she said don't bring it up.

No, no, we just. It's just the only thing we've ever really argued about. It's fucking dumb. It's really not that deep, but, like, we just never got past it. And I don't know, it's just.

But you guys have to get past it for your friendship. You guys need to figure out a way to communicate with each other without.

I think we just come to the point where we just agree to disagree. Yeah, like, that's just like the best thing because we are both. She says I'm hard headed, but she actually is extremely hard headed, too.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

So we're both hard headed? Yes.

Because I'm the same way.

I can get it.

I get it.

I'm cold. I'm like a cold motherfucker.

That's. And that's what I'm saying. It's just like I'm. I literally can be, but my cold is, like, silent. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, I'm not about to argue. I'm not about to like. And I'm like, well, I'll get my words out first. I'll be like, motherfucker.

Fuck you. This is how I feel. And then that's it.

Yeah. So do you feel like I'm like that?

Oh, yeah, I will say what I.

Have to say, but after that it's just like I am.

She's the type of person she like, if there's something going on, I feel like she would rather like not deal with it in the moment.

Yeah, but I need, I need to really, cuz I'm like, half the time I'm like, is this really that deep? Yeah, and I need to like calibrate and be like, okay, I don't want to flash the fuck out.

Yeah.

So I have to really like.

And I be ready. I be, I be very.

Yeah, she like, what? And I'm like, cuz I know we have big personalities, so I'm like, sometimes it's necessary to take a step back. Now my step back may be like a few months and hers would be like few months?

No, it was all for six months at one point. Oh, it was, it was terrible.

It was.

I thought I cried. I called her crying on my birthday and I was like, this has been gone long enough.

No.

Did you miss her? Yeah, I miss her a lot. Yeah, definitely. It was very weird. I never had a friend that I actually was like, oh my goodness. Like, I feel like a part of me is like missing that we're not friends. These other bitches. Bye, bitch. I don't give a fuck.

I never felt that way. I knew would be back together, but.

I was just like not back together. Everybody calls.

I know me, I know that sometimes I'm like, I felt like this was too much and I feel like, you know, I.

Sometimes people need space and I say, and then maybe not six months next time shy.

Well, we tried to work it out halfway through and then we couldn't work it out and then we tried again.

I was like, she got me fucked.

Then we couldn't work it out. Yeah, and that's how I felt too.

Why did you even bring that up?

Well, I'm glad you guys.

I said we only argue about. I was about to talk about the.

Little tits, but you want to talk it about the big because I don't.

Feel like we really have like little tips, really.

So let's focus on the podcast really quick. You guys already have kind of. You guys started this year, right? So you guys are pretty much came out swinging with your guests. I mean, to be a new podcast you guys are getting quality guests on.

We are very thankful. I don't even think that we knew that we were gonna like be able to like do what we've actually been able to do so far. Like, I. We've learned everything almost by ourselves. You've helped us a little bit be. Simone has helped us a little bit. Like, just giving, like, you know, advice and stuff and, like, that's really helped us with, like, little things that has mattered, for sure.

Yeah.

Did you guys start a patreon yet?

Yeah.

Oh, cool.

What?

Shout it out so people can go.

And behind the likes.

Podcast. Oh, is it podcast?

We don't know. One of the God.

And type in behind podcast.

Yeah.

But, yeah, I think for me, I feel like you. You'll see, I mean, you know, having your own podcast, it's after a while we get, like, oh, we didn't talk about these topics. We need some guests.

Yeah. I'm saying we need to, like, you.

Know, like, have a little bit of diversity or, like, you know, just something so.

Yep. That's the one thing with podcasts, is you have to keep the momentum snowballing.

Yeah.

Like, it's just got to be a constant. It's like a constant hamster wheel. And people don't realize it's a lot of fucking work. You're like, oh, they have a podcast. And it's like, yeah, motherfucker.

Let me see.

You have one that's. That has longevity. Yeah, I've been doing mine for five years.

That's crazy.

But it's so rewarding. And you guys, you guys had to have the moment, the momentum, and to be able to have, like, outlets like TikTok, and that's shit that I didn't have starting out, and you guys can literally capitalize off of it. And plus, you know, because winter is so in the spotlight and you're starting to be in the spotlight, too. It's like, know, fucking. You guys can totally capitalize off of that.

And she does so much, which I'm so appreciative of because it's like, you never know what you get into. Because in the beginning, I was like, all right, I have to, like, help out as much as I can because I'm not bringing that following.

But you are.

You're bringing. I think even you bringing yourself to the table is the best thing you could possibly done because if it was anybody, I would have not been able to do this shit with anybody else.

Yeah.

Hundred percent balance off.

You just so. Well, like, the workload is just so equal.

I was reading the comments.

People love you.

Too shy.

I'm just saying, like, in the beginning, you do have these, like, doubts and these questions, and you do question yourself in a sense. When you are coming onto a platform that somebody has built on their own, like, from the ground up, it is like you do feel like, what can I do to add value? And, you know, sometimes yourself is enough. But it is also bringing that workload. Being a good partner, being good friend, being understanding, like, what we need from each other, I feel like has made it thrive to where it is going right now.

And yeah, we definitely pick up, like, especially with the workload. Like, we're not like nitpickers. Like, we're not like, well, I did this, so you need to do this. And I. It's just like, whatever needs to get done, we gonna get it done. Okay. I realized I need to pick this up. You've been doing a little bit, you know, a little bit more for the last few days. Let me do this and handle this. So, like, we balance each other pretty well with that.

And for being such a new podcast, you guys are, you know, you're gonna figure it out.

Yeah.

Year, each season, it's gonna just get better and it'll just keep getting bigger. And like I said, it's just gonna keep fucking snowballing. What do you guys want to do next besides the podcast? You're such a big personality wonder. I feel like you need to have your hands in a bunch of shit.

So we are actually about to. About to be shooting a pilot for hopefully our own show. Yeah, so fingers crashed. You know, we are gonna try to pitch it to a couple networks that we have connections to. And. I don't know, I just think it's gonna be great. We, you know, I think it's gonna be good work.

What's gonna be the concept of it?

So we're so kind of basically like a spin off. Not a spin off, but like something similar of. Similar to the simple life.

Okay.

Even like, a Cardi tries, like, what she would do on Facebook. It's just like something similar that because anywhere we go, it's like people want more of us. They want the Patreon, they want footage of us every day. And it's kind of hard doing it on your own. It's just like sometimes we want these intimate moments to ourselves, but sometimes people want to, like, for you to capture every single thing. And it'd be perfect if a camera was with us. And while we do, like, fun activities and things like that. So I think that's just like a catapult to something that could be really great because they love when people subscribe to our Patreon they love it, and they like, we need more of this. Like, we've done tennis and we shit. Like, we did tennis lessons, and we.

Do a bunch of random shit all the time on there. Getting drunk as hell and just watching you eat.

Just do Q and a is. Yeah, I do my. I produced my own. My family's reality show, which is meet the d four s. And then I also do my bunny xo show with my production company, and I make more money off my Patreon then.

Oh, yeah, you were telling me that.

Than any fucking network would ever give you guys. So you guys could even start it yourself and then sell it to a network and then maybe be in, like, kind of like a bidding war and being like, I want this much because I'm making this much, you know?

Yeah.

You started your own production company. Is that within this realm of the five years that you've been doing the podcast? Yep, because it is. We said the same thing. It's like, you see all of these things that you need, and it's just like, instead of depending on other people.

You want to figure out, own your own. Your own.

That's what we've been. We've definitely been, like, doing that a lot. Like, we get, like, deal offers for random shit all the time, and we're like, we could do this on our own. Yeah, we don't need to.

That's that tourist shit in her. She'd be like, I'm the type of, like, I can do a little help. I'm like, no, help me.

But the thing is, is if you build the foundation, they will come.

Yeah.

You know? And it's like you get to where you're in a position of, like, I'm making x amount of dollars on our Patreon. We have a demand. I have 70.

What do we have?

70,000 on Patreon. 72,000 on Patreon. We have two years. Right?

Is fucking crazy, bro.

But I'm telling you, you guys don't need a network. The only reason you would need a network is for the exposure, if that. So it's like you're gonna wash one for the other. You're washing the money that you would get for the exposure, or you're gonna make your money and then limit your expense.

Annoying, too, though.

They'd be like, well, they want to control your narrative.

They want to take all our money.

Yeah, yeah.

I want to do everything and take all our money and just leave us to give them a show. Yeah. For them to get paid. I'm like, Mitchell no.

We almost signed with a production company this year, and I'm so glad we didn't because they're under a lawsuit right now.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, my goodness.

I was signing with for the podcast they're in lost there and all type of shit right now.

That's crazy.

Insane. And I. And I was gravitated towards him because they were like, we'll do everything. We'll do the marketing. We'll do all of these things. Like, all you have to do is come and bring yourself. And I was like, yeah.

Now we're like, googling things how to do this on our own.

If there's anything I can help you guys with, I'll always help you. I swear to God.

Tumblers.

Tumblers.

Because we. Look, we're trying to make our own damn cups. We're like, fuck a merch company.

I do have a fucking merch company because I fucking hate dealing with merch.

Well, we have, like, clothing now, but at first we were doing these cups, and I just posted a video the other day of us trying to figure. And she was like, please, God, help me, please, like, stress the fuck out. I have anger issues.

Literally, I threw my own phone, which.

You should never do.

Throw some other shit. Like, I threw my own phone. And like, when I was aggressive, when I was angry, I was like, ah. So I. 2 seconds from throwing the printer. Cause it wasn't working. So I was like, okay, yeah, die.

You guys need help with.

Yeah.

For that. You guys don't want to be fucking doing tumblers on your own. Definitely get a company to do that because merch is just a fucking headache. It's a merch is like. How do I describe it? It's like a. I don't want to say it's a luxury, but it's like. It's a necessity within a business to have it, but you need somebody to run it for you, because if not, you're gonna fucking lose your mind trying to deal with it.

Well, we just. We're literally actually going through something now where these people basically tried to play with our money for these merch shirts. And like, really. Damn. They're trying to scam us. So now they're trying to, like, take their money, but it's like $10,000. And, like, they're trying to play. Play us. We don't have no merch from them now. We have all our. She's wearing one of our merch shirts, but we have, like, a whole new company. Whole new shirts. Like, all the stuff, whatever. But, yeah, they're trying to play with us and we're like, oh, my God, this shit is fucking crazy. Like, people really need on a.

Get a real merch company. What is our merch company name?

Yeah, we got a good one now. Sanders, who has sorella, she has, like, a store that's been going on for years, and she just hooked us up with him.

We're like, oh, my God.

She went to her in the first.

I was wondering why we. Why we got an outside source when, like, la's, like, the murderer.

You know what's crazy? Literally right down the street, but freaking fashion district. I literally was like, I'm gonna help this small company out. Like, I'm. Let me give them a payday real quick, bitch.

Yeah, they were like, payday.

Right?

For themselves.

I already bought the tumblr stuff, though, so I'm have to figure that out.

Go follow shy's TikTok. She needs all the tumblr help she can get. All right. Do you guys really think Drake has had a bbl?

Yes.

Yeah, definitely.

The maps came out of nowhere. I see them post.

I've never seen him with a shirt off. I've never looked though either, so.

Yeah, he posted something with his shirt off. I feel like it was, like, right off the table.

So you think he's had abs catching?

I think so. I would get abstention. I'm not judging him at all. I do it too.

Yeah, well, I've had it done.

Really?

Really.

I know a lot of girls about it. My doctor does abs sketching. Hela did, but I didn't get Ab sketching.

Yeah, I love it. I'll show you guys my stomach whenever I stand.

Oh, my God, I remember this. I knew there's one girl who went and got ab sketching in freaking Mexico, and she came back looking like Superman. That. She was terrible.

That's.

That's a bit much.

Yeah, it was like, a six pack is too much. A four pack is cool.

Yeah, we're just like, a little. Yeah, just so that's what I did. I just said a little chiseling and that's it.

Yeah, yeah, that's cute.

Like, I did this in 2015, though, before everybody and their mom was doing it, so I didn't even know what the fuck my doctor was doing. He's like, yeah, yeah, just make me look good, please. Well, thank you guys for coming on the podcast. I'm so happy you guys came, and I hope you guys come back and visit me every year and we will updates and all that jazz shout out. Where everybody can find you. Your socials. Your socials.

My Instagram is winter wiintr, and our podcast is behind the Likes podcast on Instagram.

No, it's behind the likes pa.

This is why we get so confused.

Just google behind the likes.

The likes pod on Instagram, TikTok behind the likes pot, all that YouTube. My Instagram is ch y f.

And your Patreon. We already said that, though.

Our patreon is behind the likes pod on Patreon. So, yeah, tune into that.

Yay. Thank you guys so much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Bye, guys, for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I'll see you guys next week. Bye.