Acast recommends podcasts. We love Chris and Rosie Ramsey here. Listen to our british podcast award and comedy award winning podcast.

I also won the most handsome podcast co host award, didn't I?

Yeah, okay, about that. I might have made that one up.

What?

Yeah. In our podcast, we talk beefs, parenting, grown up, and so much more.

What about me most improved podcaster trophy?

Yeah, that one as well. Just search married, annoyed, wherever you get your podcast.

Don't you dare tell me that you made up my podcast participation certificate as well.

We need to have a chat. Acast is home to the world's best podcasts, including the Blind Boy podcast, ready to be real with Sheila Shoiga and the one you're listening to right now. Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi fi manifest.

That shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

Hello, my gondola, gigglers. Oh, yes. My mom is currently sending me, like, every thing going on with skiing. That's, like, scary, because that's what moms do. There was, like, bears found in Lake Tahoe, and then a woman got stuck in a gondola for, like, 27 hours. And I'm like, mom, I retired.

She survived.

She survived. She's a queen. She cannot be managed.

Here's the thing that I think about, too, sometimes. Not that one of my fears is like, dying alone, but one of my fears is that I've set too many boundaries. That if I were to die, it would take a couple of days for someone to come check on me. Of course, my mom would be calling me incessantly, but there might be a moment where I'm like, wow. I've cut everyone off to the point.

That.

No one's looking for me, and I'm taken.

People are just starting their week, and that was the darkest shit. Like, people are like, let's turn on giggly squad just for some light laughter. And you're like, you know when you die and no one gives a fuck because you've protected your piece too much, and it's so peaceful that it's just black. Everything goes black. Side note, the girl in the gondola. I'm that girl in the gondola who. They find me after 29 hours. And I was like, that was the first time I had quiet. I actually napped. I got my affairs in order. No one was annoying me. She probably had a great fucking time on that gondola.

No, the moment that you're rescued, I feel like I'd immediately make a joke and be like, sorry, took a wrong turn this one's on me, guys. This is for sure.

That is girlhood for the gondola to break. And you're stuck there for 35 hours, and then you say sorry when they come.

Yeah, you're like, my fault. Sorry to get you guys all out of bed.

I'm so sorry you guys had to come all the way to the top of this gondola when I was starving and dying and shat myself. I'm sorry that I shat myself when I was stranded. I'm in Lake Tahoe.

Nice.

I'm such, like a New York rat idiot that I had no idea. I thought Lake Tahoe was, like, made up. I thought it was like they write about it in books. I didn't know it was a real it.

Is there a lake?

There's a lake. I'm looking at it right now. But it's also, like, on. It's in Nevada and California, which is already above my pay grade. Like, I don't understand that.

So you can be in two places at once. So you can backhand.

But I just came from Los Angeles and I was there for three days. And whenever I go to LA, I have a manic episode. I'm like a little pod.

You lose all concept of time.

No, I have no idea what's going on. Also, so many things in LA just hit different. First of all, I ordered breakfast, and I ordered sourdough toast because it's my favorite. It comes with the eggs and there's no butter. And I'm like, what?

They're so off carbs.

And someone was like, because no one eats bread in LA. I'm like, I thought that was a bit, like. I didn't think that was real. And I'm not going to call the restaurant and be like, can you send butter? That's insane, right? But I'm not eating raw sourdough bread like a fucking monster. So then I'm like, it's okay. And then I look, and there's no forks or knives. And I'm like, that's fine. Sometimes that happens. They deliver without forks and knives. So I go down in my pajamas to the front, and I was like, hey, do you guys have any silverware? And they act like I asked the craziest question.

They're like, hey, do you guys have any drugs on you?

I was like, does anyone have a chainsaw they looked at? No. I was, like, embarrassed. I got, like, red. And people were looking at me. People were whispering. And the lady, she was like, we definitely don't. And I was like, could you just. Are you. I was like, when people order food and it doesn't come with forks and knives, like, what do they do? And she was like, no one's eaten here in years. People are on Ozempic. But then she goes to, literally, I, like, gasoline her to be like, there's no way. So she's like, I'll check the back. And, you know, she went in the back and scrolled TikTok for three minutes and then came back and she goes, you can try the restaurant. Sorry.

You can try sears. They're like, sorry, ma'am, this is la. We don't eat here. No, it was, go back to the east coast.

She goes, you could try the restaurant. And obviously I would have, but it happens to be, like, a very fancy restaurant, like, around the corner that's attached to the hotel. And I'm like, in my pajamas and my fur crocs, which are beautiful, by the way, but I was just like, okay. So I go to the restaurant, and they're looking at me, and I'm looking at them and they. All these headsets, it's really, like an official restaurant. And I'm like, hey, I'm so sorry. I was in the gondola for, like, 50 hours. I'm so sorry. I was like, do you guys just have any plastic silverware or even a fork? And I'll bring it back. I was so hungry. And they looked at me like this sad, dying little dainty flower.

Yeah. And they go, we need to feed her.

We'll see if we could figure something out. And I was like, oh, my God, thank you. They're gone for ten minutes, and I'm just standing in the lobby of this fancy restaurant with my fur crocs and just mascara all over my face because I just woke up and they finally bring it, and I'm just like, I want to go home.

No. And that story is exactly why I don't interact with humans. That is the exact reason I don't leave my house, because everyone's stupid. Here's the thing. Me and you were having a realization, like, when we were voice noting this weekend. But sometimes I sit and think, and I'm like, there's just no possible way I'm the smartest one in this situation right now. There's no way that I am the most adult here.

But you know what it is? I think it's because everyone has different priorities in some situations. You're the only one who cares.

Yes.

People are just caring about different shit. And it's like, you don't take it personally. You're just like, okay, I'll be the one who cares today, and I'll pummel this through. But, yeah, no one knows what's going on. Everyone's scared.

No one knows what's going on.

Everyone's confused.

Speaking of no one knows what's going on, we didn't even get to chat about this because it literally got announced, like, right after we recorded giggly squad last week. The Barbie movie and not being nominated and Margot not being nominated and Ryan Gosling being nominated, and Greta.

I think Greta and Greta. Greta was, like, the biggest thing. Shout out to American Ferreira, who is incredible. I just think overarchingly, it was like, it's so funny how the movie's about the patriarchy and how the patriarchy just kind of won again, but the Oscars always fucks up. Who's voting?

No. Who is the academy? Who are they?

I don't know.

And how many people are on there and who is voting? Because here's my thing. I saw a lot of people on TikTok talking about it, and half the people were like, okay, get over it. It wasn't an Oscar worthy movie. So then I'm sitting there, and I was like, okay, maybe if that's the argument, it wasn't an Oscar worthy movie.

Why were people nominated? Right?

What makes an Oscar worthy movie? And I genuinely think that Barbie, not only have we been talking about it for two fucking years, but Barbie genuinely has impacted an entire generation of men and women, but specifically, I think, women and younger generations of women. So how is that not an Oscar worthy movie? Girls now go by America Ferreira's monolog. That is our Girl scout.

You're giving me. She's my president. You're giving me chills. But it's funny because it is actually harder to make a movie about, as Joe Coy would say, a plastic doll and make it so impactful than a movie that's already about trauma or explosion. Someone was like, did Barbie have to be assaulted or lose her parents or lose a limb for the movie to be meaningful? And it goes back to why people sometimes think that jobs that women do are less important, right? It's even like, look at women's comedy. Like, Matt rife being like, oh, I don't want women's like. Cause it's devalued. Like, if women like it, it's less important. And it's like, that's just the patriarch.

I want is female fans. Because you want to know what? We shop, okay? We buy things. So that's why I want female fans.

We're running society. Speaking of the girlies, at first I was upset because Nicki Minaj and Thee stallion are having Megan, thee stallion, full on beef. And at first I was like, why.

Are so full out?

Why are the women have to fight with each other? And then I took a step back and I said, are the women winning? Because they're both top of the billboard. They're all anyone's talking about in the rap game right now. Where are the men? Crickets. Crickets. Yes, the women are fighting.

They do say that a lot of times rap battles are pr because they are, like, each putting out albums or they are each putting out, like, singles and that they're in on it. This particular one, I do think they hate each other, but it's funny because.

They had a great song in 2019. I actually heard a rumor because I was in LA and I was trying to get all the tea for the gigglers that most people in the music agency music industry hate each other.

Females or in general kind of the females.

Like, when they do collabs, it's like their business. People were like, you should, but it's very competitive like that.

I could totally see that because you were even talking about this the other day in the female comedy space, they're either picking you or someone else. They're not picking both of you. And I feel like that with female rappers, you're either picking.

You're so right.

Cardi B. You're not picking Cardi B and Nicki Minaj to be so fucking right. So there's so much competition.

Let's say Drake is putting a couple people on a song for some verses. Look at me acting like I'm a studio exec.

He's putting multiple men.

Multiple men. And you got to pick a token girl. And that's how it is with comedy lineups. Like, okay, we can't have both Eliza Slessinger and Nikki Glaser. You have to pick one. I always joke, if there's two girls on a lineup, you put them back to back and it counts as one. But, like, that's what we're fucking dealing with from the fucking. Anyway, wait, we got heated. We just got so heated.

So them being like, oh, Barbie shouldn't get. It's okay. So say Greta wasn't going to win. The nom is still huge for her. Like, she's obviously laughing all the way to the dad. I'm sure she doesn't care that much, but I'm sure she cares a little bit like it is a fucking Oscar award. Because then I saw people being like, well, Ryan Gosling was nominated because it's an easier category. It's a supporting male, whatever. But like, okay, who, like, the fact that Ryan Gosling got nominated for an Oscar for playing Ken and his song got nominated. What world do we live in? What world?

If you're saying, oh, it's not an Oscar worthy movie, then why the fuck was it fucking nominated for an whole. The actual Barbie screenplay or whatever was nominated? The thing with Greta was that she had to fight for this to get past, like, none of this would have happened if she wasn't fighting. You know, it's a good conversation that's having. I'm happy it's out there.

And look, I'm the first to admit when I first watched the Barbie movie because I didn't go into it thinking like, oh, this is a Greta movie. It's going to have, like an underlining. I literally thought it was going to be, like the girliest, superficial Barbie movie. I thought it was going to be like a clueless type movie. So when I walked out, I was like, okay, wow, that's so not what I was expecting. But then as the days and months went on, I was like, that movie was actually so powerful, and it is so true. It is so fucking hard to be a girl. No matter what you do, at some point, a group of people are going to blame you.

It will always, you know, Barbie kind of reminds me of, you know, when you finally get really close to your boyfriend and when you guys are alone, he's pookie, as they call it. He's a girl's girl, and he's cuddling and he's laughing. He loves anything. And then you go into the real world, and suddenly he acts kind of different. And everyone's listening to what he's saying, and no one's listening to what you're saying, but behind closed doors, he's listening to everything you're saying, and you're hilarious. But then in the bigger scope of things, he's a man. And you're like, the dynamic completely changed when you go into the real world. And that's literally what I felt with Barbie. And it's even recently in, like, I was hanging out with a bunch of dudes who I loved. But again, I would say something and no one would say anything. And then the guy would repeat it, and all the guys would be laughing and dabbing up. I'm like, that's crazy behavior. And that's just what we deal with.

Craig can't make a goddamn decision without me anymore. And I got all these people being like, you should move. You should move to where he lives. Prove you love him. I'm like, prove I love him. I run his whole life, Paige.

I just have to address this. Every couple of episodes, you know? I have to address this. It is so weird that people who don't know what your relationship is actually like behind closed doors, making massive relationship decisions for you guys. Like, everyone listening who has a private relationship. Imagine if every day you go online and people are saying what the next step should be in your relationship, when you're just fighting for your life. Like you're just trying to survive day to day.

No, I literally am just out here trying to pick a fucking nail color, and I have people being like, aren't you going to have a baby? You're getting old. I'm like, oh, my God. I literally can't decide between cranberry red and hot red.

These questions, and guess who can't help you make that decision? Craig. And it's not his fault. No, literally, it's not his fault.

Literally.

Can we just take a moment to acknowledge the premium aspen content? I think you laying down in the mink with the funny you in bed, I think you've kind of hit a next level of, like, that might have been my favorite.

I'm going to also give you a little behind the scenes for that last photo. Going on that trip, that was the only photo I wanted to get. I saw it on Pinterest, and I was like, I need to recreate this photo. It's the very last night. It's, like, 1030. I had no makeup on that whole day because I just chilled. And I said to Craig, I was like, I need you to take a picture of me. I got fully ready at, like, 1030 at night, went outside, made him take a picture, got back in, washed my makeup off, and edited the photos. I mean, that's love, and that's being an influencer.

I also love that you're explaining the behind the scenes, because it is true. In my head, I see, like, she's having fun with her friends. It's crazy. She knows other people besides me, but I'm fine. I'm processing it. She fell, she tripped, and then suddenly a photo just caught her perfectly, kind of laughing at her.

Literally, everyone was in bed, fast asleep, like, getting ready to ski the next day, I was, like, packing my bag, and I was like, craig, if I don't get this photo, this trip, was a fucking waste.

I'm burning this hotel to the ground. No. Getting the photo. So stressful. I'm currently in that place where I'm still, like, trying. I'm going to basically, like, whatever you saw Paige's content, I'm going to put it out, like, Walmart version in the next couple days also.

Well, yeah, people don't talk about this enough. I have a very big work schedule the month of February. I'm, like, in the thick of fashion week. Then I have to go to LA for, like, five days. So I know that I need to look really pretty for the end of February. So right now I feel like, in girls'brains, we're like, okay, I can't be pretty today because I have to be pretty in a couple of days. So if I have to be pretty for two full weeks at the end of the month, I need to marinate right now in ugly.

No, you're so right. You can't burn out your pretty days. There's only. So even, like, within a day, you can't be pretty the whole day. And you have to know you can't.

Be pretty the whole day. And also, you can't be pretty multiple days in a row because inevitably, science. You're going to have one day where your makeup is just, like, not going on your face the way it usually does. So you have to almost rig the system.

Wait, that is so fucked up.

But so to rack up a bunch of ugly days so that when your pretty days come, you know what it.

Is, because it's mentally exhausting to be pretty, because pretty is a vibe. It's a character. It's a confidence. So you need to walk around like a rat girl so that when it's time for you to be pretty, it's like a pretty battery. Like, we only have so much because being pretty, that means people are looking at you. You have to carry yourself. You have to walk. You have to have good posture.

You have to drink a ton of water.

Oh, my God, you're so right.

More water than there is in Lake Tahoe.

You arguably have to kind of suck in a little. Like, you have to make sure you're.

You basically have to change your whole personality to go outside.

Yes.

That in itself, like, I change everything about myself. The moment I step outside of my door, I'm like, I don't know who that person was in there, but you can never see.

No, but then there are some moments where I feel like I'm my most confident when I'm comfortably being a rat girl. In public, because it's like, I don't give a fuck attitude. And there's a power in that, too. But you're so right. Also, can I just say I'm over the mob wife thing? Because I was looking at your photo and everyone's like, mob wife. And I was like, no. Paige is beyond mob wife. She's a mob boss. I'm like, why are we aspiring to be mob wives? Why can't we be mob bosses?

You know, it's so funny. I just saw a thing on TikTok the other day, which I feel like I haven't seen in so long, that was like, I hate the term girl boss, because for guys, it's just like, a boss. Which then here's the thing about me. At any given moment, I will be on my couch having a fight with someone in my head. Any given moment. Like, I'm coming up with comebacks for hypothetical situations. Hypothetical fights. One of the new comebacks that I've thought up that I've yet to use on someone. Are you ready for this?

Wait. I'm like, scared. Are you going to hurt my feelings? I was having a good morning.

Next time someone comments, and it has to do with mob wife and girl boss, the next time someone says something, I'm going to say back to them. I'm so sorry. No, I have two different ones. One is, you're the reason the Barbie movie was created. Just that. Just, you're the reason the Barbie movie was created. And two, I'm so sorry that your mom taught you that you could only ever achieve to be a wife. That's so sad for you. I didn't grow up with a mom. I grew up with a Kimberly D'Sorba. And so that's my new comeback. And I thought about that for the.

Fact that your mom's name is Kimberly is so iconic.

Yeah, she was Kimberly before. Like, know.

Also, I just found out that.

And people in her family legit call her Kimberly, which I think is so regal.

It's so fucking regal. And I just found out that Kimberly Kardashian is in Aspen right now, and I'm going to Aspen in two.

So wait, my ski instructor is coming to your Aspen show with his girlfriend? I'm like, on the mountain? He's like, and guess what? We're going to see Hannah.

Did you see advertisements when you were there? Or.

Actually, they actively came up to me. They were like, we're going to see your friend Hannah. I was like, that's amazing.

That's wild. So, yeah, that's happening?

Oh, I saw another thing on TikTok that I wanted to bring up with the girlies.

What?

You know me. And, you know, like, I'm always trying new trends, and I'm like, does this work? And my mom's like, stop drinking chlorophyll. You're not a plant. I have been seeing girlies on TikTok eating, putting in a smoothie, or putting it in their teeth. Bee pollen.

Yeah, I've seen that.

And it's supposed to make your boobs grow.

Jesus fucking Christ.

But, like, you have to stay on it.

Do you know what else your boobs grow? Taco Bell. Taco Bell.

Wait. Taco Bell is a great example of when you get something. If you get Taco Bell delivered and they don't give you the sauces, you can't eat taco Bell. You can't take a rogue hot sauce from your refrigerator and eat bell.

No, no, you're so right. And I need the sour cream that goes with it. I can't do, like, my sour cream. Also, I don't ever have sour cream. It always goes bad.

Taylor collects Taco Bell in case of the off chance that her delivery person forgets to grab sauces she has.

See, that's self love, actually.

And that's something I want to remember to do.

Des and I did get into a random fight because this is like a marriage fight, the way you kind of grow up with your household. I did do something fucked up, and I accidentally threw out his invisalign. That was on me. I think it was like, people, like, he put it in something, and I cleaned for. I was, like, also cleaning for the first time ever. And he's like, you never fucking clean. And then you finally clean, and it's my fucking invisalign. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. But then he goes to clean, and when he cleaned first, he threw out all my leftovers, which. Am I going to eat it all? No, but if I was probably going to eat one of them, I don't know what I'm being.

The mood. Yeah. Like, if you're thinking about it and.

Craving it, he doesn't come from a takeout family where I come from a full takeout family. Everything is going in the fridge, and we will.

Oh, interesting. He doesn't come from, like, a leftover.

If we get chinese the night before the next day for lunch, we're eating chinese.

Well, it makes the best breakfast.

Or breakfast, if we're feeling fucking naughty, like, same with pizza. Same with everything. We were very into that. So he'll be like, you're not going to eat this and throw it away. And I'm like, but then I go into the fork drawer. Now, I've been collecting. I'm collecting straw.

Forks have been coming for you recently.

I know. I've been collecting random rogue forks because I'm not doing the dishwasher all the time. I'm not perfect. I'm forks. Hot sauce. I have ketchup, mustard. I have straws. And it looks like it's garbage in the fork jar. It's not. This is like a piggy bank collectible, high value collection. He threw it all out. He threw it all out. And I said, I've been working in.

Your own home for months. You're like, this thingama jig. I need this.

I can go on a trade show and sell this. And he was like, you don't need 500. We have ketchup in the fridge. And I'm like, no. And that day, we also had gotten something. They forgot to put a straw. And I went. And I go, you know what's crazy? You fucking threw away all the straws. So now I have to drink coffee just like, without a straw.

Why don't you get some metal straws? Like, I have, like, glass.

I did. But the thing with metal straws is you have to wash them, which is.

Again, you have to remember not.

Do you know how cool it is to just be like, oh, I just happen to have plastic. It was. It's literally in a drawer. It wasn't affect. Also, our house is a fucking mess.

No. You want to know something, Hannah? This is one thing where I feel like you and I, we don't see each other in this situation. I'm Des. I'm chucking it. I'm throwing it in the trash, but.

It'S in the drawer, and it's organized.

Cluttering, cluttering my drawer. Craig will come home and just put everything on the. Like, he just empties everything in his. Like, if he could get undressed in the kitchen, he wouldn't just put it on the counter. I'm sifting through. I'm throwing things away. Little receipts, papers, paper towels. And then he'll come back and be like, where was that? I go in the trash. That's long gone. If it was important to you, put it in an important spot. My counter is not for rogue items.

If Des ever gets arrested, it's because I threw away his mail. He will go through tax evasion.

I threw away all the warrants.

He's like, hannah, no, I threw away his jury duty thing, and he was like, hannah, like, I'm going to jail. And I was like, why do you have opened mail where I make my oatmeal? If it's opened, put it somewhere. So these are honestly the hardest parts of marriage, is when you kind of have. We're messy also in different ways, so it's a real mind fuck.

See, I feel like. Like I'm super, super clean, and Craig is a little scatterbrained little club.

But you know what happened? My mom was like that my dad was messy, and she's super clean, and she trained him. Right after dinner, he sits up and he goes straight and starts cleaning the dishes. She somehow tricked him that it's a game he could win or something. I don't know, but I don't know how to do it, so I can't train Des to do it. So it's the blind leading the blind in this household we are lost in.

Yeah. I feel like my dad was so OCD growing up. Like, if we went and got the car washed and then you dare put the window down, scolded. Like, growing up, our windows were constantly locked just in case the rogue chance that he washed his car and we were going to streak it. So I'm prone to being very organized.

And that's the most italian thing I've ever heard. That is the most italian.

Yeah. My dad is like, we have a full car wash grade vacuum in our garage, in case you happen to have a crumb in your car. Not acceptable. Things that were not acceptable in my home growing up. A clean. A dirty car. Wait, inside of your car, dirty. Inside of your mind dirty.

This reminds me of an Uber incident I had in LA. First of all, in Ubers, they sounded.

Like you were going to say, like an Uber incident I had in 95.

So the LA Uber, it's a wholly different vibe. I get comfort now because I'm trying to love myself. I'm not getting the black xl, but I'm getting comfort, which means. I think it means it's just like, a little bit of a nicer car.

One day you're going to be like, and I need more leg room.

Yes. Even though I have little nubby legs and a long torso and everyone knows it. Someone literally commented yesterday, like, your torso looks normal. I was like, I literally just forgot about how long my torso was.

Sometimes the gigglers will comment thing, comment things, and I think if a rogue person saw it, they'd be like, wow, that girl's being so rude right now. But it's a giggler language.

It's just a language.

I have people commenting my Instagram, like, did you pee the bed again? If someone rogue saw that, they'd be like, oh, wow. But I see it and I'm like, that's hilarious.

And I go, that's called a callback. Yeah.

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So apparently everyone has Teslas in LA. And opening a Tesla, I'll fight for my life. And it's super. Then so I got into this Tesla, and I was wearing these boots and of course, like, crossed my leg. And I'm on the phone and he keeps turning and looking at me, which I think is weird.

Yeah.

And it's not like I was yelling. I was talking to my mom as one does. And then I guess my foot was kind of touching that console. Like, it was touching it. I wasn't, like, touching it.

Yeah, wasn't like, on it. Wasn't resting.

Yeah, it wasn't resting on it, but it was touching it. And he taps my foot and takes his finger like, no, no. Oh, my God. And I'm a girl, so immediately I'm like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

So sorry.

And then I take my foot and then I look and I'm like, there's actually not that much legroom in this car. I was like, who's crazy here? But that was aggressive. But you know what? It's fine. Maybe I am I the problem? I'm the problem with me?

Yeah. Let me just go with the flow.

I'm like, I was in the wrong. This man is just. He has boundaries. I respect his boundaries, right? I'm in his car.

Who am I to insult his boundaries?

And I don't like him. We're in a fight. But I also want him to like me. So he keeps looking back and I'm like, acting perfect. And I brought a croissant.

Okay.

Which is by far the messiest, messiest treat of all. Messiest treat of all treats. So I'm like, if he's going to lose his fucking mind if I start eating this croissant. So I'm like, I'm not going to do it because I think he'll get mad. And I'm still trying to beat Paige's Zuba rating. So I'm in, like 100 fights right now. There's a lot going on. So then the car stops at a light. This man, I don't know where it came from, takes out a little towel and just starts cleaning his front of the car. And I'm like, oh, this man dusting hasn't he's issue. And then in my head, I'm like, if I take out this croissant right now, his brain might just explode. And then I just sat there because I'm trying to get a good uber score, just, like, not moving. And he keeps looking back to see if I'm up to anything. It was the scariest uber ride I've ever had in my life.

No, here's the other thing. As clean and neat and organized as I am, when someone comes into my home, this is a home it should be lived in. Make a mess. I don't give a shit. I'm going to clean it up at some point. But I hate when people are cleaning as you're living. It's not a museum.

No. That was crazy. And I do think, like, yes, I didn't eat the croissant because I don't. And I would never leave trash. And honestly, I do eat too much in Ubers. It's just I'm going from podcast to podcast, and I'm hungry in between, so it's my own issue. But at the end of the day, you're getting tons of strangers in your car, and you have to let go of the fact that it's going to be pristine. But some people will get a look at me talking like, I mean, I am kind of an Uber expert at this point because I can't drive.

No, my biggest expense is Uber. I think I'm a fucking.

No. My accountant was like, are you living in Ubers?

I've done more rides than their top employee. Okay, I've done more rides, but I've.

Seen people take a thing and put it over the seats and protect it, so there are ways to do it. But him cleaning the uber while I was in the Uber was, like, next level scary. And then I was just like, what if I got my period right now?

And you're like, and, sir, you're why the Barbie movie was created. Have a great day.

Also, speaking of periods, how am I a grown 32 year old woman and we finally are at this kind of nice hotel in Lake Tahoe, and I can't get the balls to ask anyone for a tampon. Like, if I'm at a two, three star hotel, you go the front, you're like, where the tampons at? And they're throwing tampons at you. They're giving you. I fuck with that here at this nice, pristine hotel. I felt, like, disgusting to go the front. And it's, of course, this man with a british accent to be like, can I have a tampon? I felt like he was going to puke on me.

Yeah. He's like, you're the only woman that's ever had a period. You're like, I know.

This is. I felt. I'm like, this is why Barbie was created. And then Des is like, I was like, I want to go to the pool. And he was like, go to the pool. And I'm like, but I'm on my period. And he's like, what? And I'm like, I need a tampon and I can't get a tampon. You know what I was doing? I subconsciously was doing the orange peel thing where I wanted him to read my mind and go, I'm going to get you a tampon. But men are so logical. There's nothing in between you and getting a tampon, right? And Des is a feminist where he just believes I'm capable of everything, which I am. I'm a star, but I can't all.

Be taken care of.

I soiled my black Amazon granny panties all day because I just didn't want to ask for a tampon. And then I finally called. Like, I walked past concierge and I was like, I don't feel the vibes right.

Why didn't you just, like, uber eats one from CVS?

I don't know. But then I finally called, and I was like, can I have a tampon? And I was so nervous. And the guy was like, that's the thing. They get weird, too, but it's like their own issues where they think they're being the weird one, but I think I'm being the weird one. And he's like, I have anxiety. And he goes, um, okay, how many do you need?

And immediately I'm like, sir, how many do you think I would need?

No. I go, what are you trying to fucking say? About the width of my pussy? But then in my head, I'm like, honestly, as many as you guys have? Like, bring a truckload. Yeah, but I said five. But then I was like, but I'm going to keep calling. And then it's the cord board.

No, I think five is good. How long were you there for?

I'm there for two days, but also I can get it today at, like, a cvs. But then they have the cardboard ones.

Which, honestly, why do they even sell those anymore?

Why is it so violent?

Who makes cardboard tampons? But moreover, who's purchasing them that they're still, like, in stock and at every establishment? Why has every establishment not switched over to the plastic one? Like, it's 2024?

I understand if the tampons are killing the turtles or something, but how have we come up with a billion types of straws? But we still have the hardest possible cardboard in these cheap tampons. I couldn't tell because there was so much blood, but I think I hurt a side of my wall, my pubic bone wall. It was crazy. And I'm a professional. I've put a lot up there. And I was like, ow.

If having your period could be vegan, I'm strictly organic tampons, so I won't even, like, a playtex. Not for me. Not for me, honey. Because even, like, the plastic ones, like anything, any tampon that's scented, get it the fuck out of my vagina.

Yeah. I do have a lot of doctors because the gigglers are all doctors and lawyers and engineers. They're geniuses. And they message me, telling you, first of all, they want you to do a sleep study for your pee in the bed thing.

I've been wanting to do a sleep study since I was.

That's the one test you're going to pass.

They're like, you're surprisingly, really talented at this. I'm like, no, I could go all day.

We need to send these results to Sweden because we've never seen something this great. And they also said something about you maybe wearing too many thongs and working out is why you're getting utIs. And I'm like, I don't think she's working out. So I don't think.

No, I've actually been really good on utis recently. And the peeing in my bed, I genuinely think it was just because of my pill. I have to pee so much more. And I was in such a deep sleep. I'm off, like, thinking I have a brain tumor. That was last week.

That was last week.

Did I tell you over Christmas break, every morning I went downstairs to convince my mom that I had another terminal disease. Every morning I'd be like, I am convinced I have this. And she got to a point where she was like, you need to stop. And I was pulling out big diseases. I was hitting her with massive ones, like debilitating, life altering, fatal diseases. And she was like, you don't have this. Why do you think I'm like, I might. I might.

I love how you're like, mom, good morning. And she's like, not again.

I'm like, good morning. What do you think about ALS and the community? Because you're going to have to start donating soon because I have it. Okay. I actually have a pretty funny story on why I started drinking ag one. And it was over the summer, and we were having a summertime drinking, waking up with a little bit of headache. And I kept seeing a bunch of my friends drinking ag one after a night out. And I was like, how are you being healthy? And they were like, honestly, if I don't drink ag one, I definitely feel the difference. So insert me becoming obsessed with ag one. Not only does ag one deliver my daily dose of vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, and more, but it's a powerful, healthy habit that's also powerfully simple. It's just one scoop mixed in with water once a day, every day. Ag one just simplifies and enhances your daily supplement routine. I know with ag one, I'm giving my body high quality nutrition with every batch of ag one that goes through a rigorous testing process, so you know that it's safe. And ag one ingredients are sourced for absorption, potency, and nutrient density.

Ag one is the supplement I trust to provide the support my body needs daily. And that's why I'm excited to welcome them as a new partner. If you want to take ownership of your health this year, it starts with ag one. Try ag one and get a free one year supply of vitamin D. Three k, two and five free ag one travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag one. Giggly. That's drinkag one giggly. Check it out. One thing I want to say. Wait, back to Ubers. Because I had a funny uber ride this morning and I forgot one thing I've realized in Ubers, if you're a really nice uber driver, I have zero interest. I don't want to chat. I don't want to talk. The uber drivers that I genuinely connect with are the ones that are so fucking mad that I've even gotten into their car. Okay? I feel comfortable. I feel at home. I get into an Uber.

You would have loved my russian driver. He was like, you disgusting whorebag.

So pissed.

Yeah.

I get in the uber today. I'm going uptown, and he immediately starts, wow, I haven't been uptown. Do you want to know why? Because of Christmas. I can't even go uptown when it's the holiday season. I mean, he's livid at 6th Avenue, the whole. The whole of 6th Avenue. He's livid at all the police officers. He's livid at the tourists, specifically, and the tourists that think they can drive in New York City. I mean, this man went for ten minutes on how much he fucking hates New York City. Then we drove past 40 40 club, which is owned by Jay Z. He then went on a full rant on how Jay Z does not give back enough. And then I sat back and I was like, sir, you're actually 100% correct, because I feel like I've never seen Jay Z have a charity, and that's ridiculous, and I'm on your side. And I literally thought when I got out of the car, he was going to be like, and fuck you, too, because that was the sentiment in the car. We were pissed about everything. I wanted to be like, and have a horrible rest of your day like you're currently having.

And I felt good.

And you were like, sir, why don't you have a podcast?

So, New York, why don't you have a like? I was like, let's get the police officers on this pod. Get their side, because this is. And that's so New York. And it made me feel I been having the best day. He made me feel less alone.

And you don't feel crazy. You're like, the world sucks, and we're all a part of it together. And that Pepsi commercial, he was just.

Seeing people on the street, and he.

Was like, look at this idiot. It is funny because I will do my best to never speak in an uber. I never want to talk. But there are sometimes will. I will start a conversation. And it's two things. One, if someone does something crazy on the road, like cuts us off or something, and he has to honk and he gets upset. I always jump in because we're a team and I support him, and I want to let him know.

I'll be like, that was a great swerve, the way you pulled that.

I will go, what the fuck? And he's like, yeah, what the fuck? And I'm like, yeah, because I'm in it with him. He saved my life in that moment. He's a hero.

Exactly.

And I always have to go, like.

In this moment, you work for him for sure.

And also, he could literally be so in the wrong. And I will be like, that was an insane move by that person. Thank you for protecting me.

They should get their license revoked. You're correct.

Also, the second one is when they do something, like, fully illegal to make the drive faster. I'm supporting him. I will see them do some wild shit, like, just turn around for no reason or, like, you know, when there's traffic and they just go into a random lane and just skip everyone. I'm sitting in the back and I go, you made the right choice. I go, that was a baller move.

No one saw that.

I go, baller move. Illegal.

Uturn where? I didn't see it. I got your bag. Like, when they're like, I'm not sitting in this fucking traffic. And they whip it around. I go, I'm on your side. No, thank you so much.

I go, if a tree falls in a forest and no one sees, it didn't happen. And I was asleep. I was asleep. And you just saved six minutes on my ride and almost killed eight pedestrians. I support you. Fuck them.

We don't need it.

If I was a pedestrian, I would lose my fucking mind. And that's called New York City.

Yeah, if you're a pedestrian, they're right. If you're a driver, they're. What is the quote?

Sometimes you're the dog. Sometimes you're the thing they're peeing on. And that's just called this life that we live in.

Yeah. And that's just life. And that's why I love New York City, because it's realistic. Sometimes you go to different places in the country. It's idealistic. Amazing. I'm so happy you have a backyard. You're not living in the real world.

You have a garden. That's lunacy.

That's cute and adorable.

Okay?

We're out here fighting the good fight in the streets.

We haven't had a mental health moment in a second, and I'm going to say it. Life is literally not about what happens to you. You win a Grammy, you step on poop. Life is not about what happens to you. We're all out here. It's about how you react to it. It's about how you react. It's the perspective and the story you tell yourself. You win a Grammy and you could say, I don't have anyone to celebrate it with, oh, why didn't I win an egot? And you could step in poop and go, that's hilarious. I'm going to talk about it on my podcast. Also, how silly am I? Also, that dog was cute.

Silly little goose. This is actually a great segue into when I was flying back from Aspen.

Okay, wait. We've never had as many good segues as we have in this episode.

No, we're literally the segue queens. We shouldn't get segues.

Okay, that's our next vlog, us segue.

There's something there. There's something there with us on a side by. We'll manifest it mullet over. When I was coming back from Aspen, I've started putting air tags in all of my suitcases, which I can't ever believe that I didn't do before.

Why don't people. What? Why would I not do that?

Yeah, why would you not do that? I started doing it a couple of months ago. I'll never go back. I'm obsessed with things having air tags because I like tracking it on.

Did you air tag, Craig? Did you air tag?

If I could stick an air tag up his ass, I would. I just think they're the best invention. They're so amazing. So I have my air tags on. I checked two bags, one big suitcase and one that could have been a carry on. But I was just like, I'd rather not deal with the suitcase if I'm already checking one. So I checked two. I'm tracking them. They're cute. They're going along. They make it to Aspen. Then we're leaving Aspen. They make it to Atlanta. Amazing. I'm on the plane in Atlanta, going to New York City. I see one of my bags with me on the plane. Amazing. The other bag going to the arrivals. I see her just chugging along, going to a different building. We're about to take off. She's not making it. In my head, I can't remember what I labeled my air tag. So I don't know if it's my big suitcase that made it or if it's my little suitcase.

You are so genius right now.

In my head, this is so page coded. I told my mom, and she was like, oh, my God. In my head, I go, well, I hope it's my big suitcase, because that has my new jacket I just bought, my Prada goggles, all my fur coats, all my clothes. Like, I need those shoes. I'll freak out inside the smaller bag. All my electronics, my computer, my podcast stuff. A lot more money in the small bag. Also, I didn't know you're not supposed to check your computers. Everyone just out here knowing that I don't. You could blow up the plane?

I don't. But then I leave it in other places.

They're like, do you have any lithium batteries? And you just say, like, this is like the doctor's office.

Now, first of all, I don't know what a lithium battery is, but continue.

Yeah. I get caught on the word lithium, then I don't hear the rest. I'm like, what is.

Do I look like Walter White?

No. Is that different from regular batteries? And no, I don't have regular.

Is that aaa?

Or like, stop confusing me. Like, no. So I'm like, freaking out on the plane. I get to LaGuardia, I see my big suitcase coming down, the little belt. I'm so excited. I text my mom. I'm like, good news. All my clothes made it. But I was so impressed with Delta, I got my bag. It was put on the next flight, like the early morning flight. I got my bag delivered to my apartment by like noon.

Did you have to tell them or they realized they're fuck up?

Right when I landed, I got a text message. Hey, we're so sorry. One of your bags didn't make it. Please file a claim. And then I could see the air tag, so I could see it on the landing. Like, I could see it waiting for the next know.

Part of me gets mad, like, how could Delta fuck up? But then part of me is like, the fact that Delta and these airlines don't fuck up every single bag is truly a miracle. Because have you ever seen. It's just a bunch of people gossiping and living their lives. I would do the same thing. No, the fact that every bag is not in the wrong place. It's humans. It's humans doing it.

PSA. I feel like has to have the craziest gossip because every time I'm in the line, they're talking about, they are.

In the most heated discussion to the point that they're like, we don't care if you can leave your shoes on or off. We have to talk about Teresa.

I can't believe there hasn't been. We should write a sitcom based on people that work at TSA.

Well, there was that one movie with TJ Miller in it. The perfect girl. I love that movie. Which was really funny. She's out of my league. That was really funny. People in uniform just make me laugh. We fly so much. There are so many stories. But I have to actually tell you. So I am coming from my three day full marathon in LA. When I say marathon, I got in. I did. Brittany Furlin is Tommy Lee's girlfriend. Her and Brittany Schmidt started a podcast, and I went on it, and that was very, very fun. And then I did juicy scoop with Heather McDonald, which was always just like a crazy gossip fest. And then the next day, I did a Trevor Wallace video and some interview.

We saw that.

Oh, my God. It's going to my first ever LA YouTube experience. It was.

I know. I was so excited. LA is different.

They had a full movie set to film a YouTube video, and I was like, is this a porno?

New York City, we crawl into a closet and we record our podcast. Like, New York City. They're like, we just bought this studio for our YouTube.

They had pas. They had production assistants. And I was like, I'm about.

We have grace. And she's like, I'm not getting you a Starbucks. And I was like, I don't need. No, I don't want you to. I'll get you a Starbucks.

It is so had. You know those seats where, like, directors sit? I sat in one. I looked at Trevor. I was like, I've never sit in a chair like this. And he's like, are you okay? And I was like, this is the coolest chair I've ever sat in. Am I a director? Anyway, so did that. Then I did a whole show at the Hollywood improv. Next day, this is where I went too far. Wake up in the morning, do Brooke and Connor make a podcast? You know, fibula.

I'm obsessed with them. I feel like I started following them during COVID is when I got really obsessed with them.

They have that crazy chemistry, kind of like us, where they're fighting. They're not fighting. There's inside jokes.

And I went in, say something, and she immediately. She's like, yes.

And they just put me right in the middle, and it was insane. And they love you. So, anyway, that was really fun. Then I did Whitney Cummings podcast. Now, I'm trying to explain this. Like, when you're an up and coming comedian, especially a woman, and then one of the most successful female comedians ever invites you on her pod, there's truly no better feeling. Yep. It's literally like when Vogue asks you to do a cover, that's what I felt in that moment. She just had a baby. I do have to say she's my number one right now. Like, she's my number one favorite.

Can I say something? This is not a business idea, but also just something I think we're missing as a whole. And this sounds. So I just want to warn you guys, I did not go to Harvard. I feel like, as a woman who is 31 years old, in kind of a niche, interesting career, but wants to keep progressing. There's no situation where. And not even, like, entertainment industry, it could literally be anything. There's no situation set up for women to have women mentors. Like, hey, you do this and you're ten years down the line. I would love to learn also how to do that. I just feel like when I first started working, one of the reasons I enjoyed my workplace was because my boss was so fucking nice to me and was so helpful in what my career was going to be. And I always thought, like, okay, when I have someone that works for me or I have an assistant or any woman who's younger wants to do the same thing, reaches out, I want to be able to help her because I know that no one helped me.

Yeah.

So I just feel like there should be something.

You're so right. But the hard thing is when you are successful, I feel like a lot of people will be reaching out. Like, be my mentor.

You can't do almost, but you also.

Have to earn that. Someone wants to be your mentor. It's very fucking weird, but it's like.

Okay, look at alcoholics, okay? And they get a sponsor. No, your one sponsor has at least. Maybe they have one person, maybe they have four. But they help those people because they truly believe that this is, like, the better.

It is also just the mindset of, like, once. It's like a give back thing where whenever someone is coming up where you have. That's why I'm with an older man. Sometimes he'll just look at me and be like, I lived this already. And I'll be like, holy shit, that was, like, intense. But it's the mindset of, if you fuck with someone, it helps if any.

New girl comes onto reality tv.

We give them the fucking low down.

Feel this weird sense of, like, I have to now be your older sister because you don't even know what's about to be thrown at you. And when we went on, no one told us anything. No one helped us. If anything, people actively were like, you suck. No, I remember, you're not good enough.

I met Luann right after my last season, and she looked at me and she goes, I wish you would have asked me what to do because I would have helped you. And I was like, I didn't even know that was fucking possible or that you would even care or that another woman in reality tv would help someone else who's.

And isn't it crazy how you always remember that about, like, I feel like I've met and seen Margaret Joseph so many times. But I'll never forget when I first was on reality tv, her being like, if you ever have a question, you always call me Dolores.

I never even met her in person. And she dm me about something and we were like, laughing and she goes, side note, here's my number if you need anything. The New Jersey girls and the New York girls are fucking real ones. But also I'm insecure. So I'm like, I'm not texting this Real Housewives of New Jersey star because I'm in a weird fight right now that I'm confused about, right?

But I have a girlfriend who, one of my girlfriends who was like a friend of a friend, she started being on a reality show and she would be filming in the trenches. Filming and be like, I need five minutes. And go to the bathroom and call me and be like, here's the situation. What should I do? And I'm like, I'm at a dentist appointment. It would be cool.

Like an app that's like mentorship, where, first of all, you're down to be a mentor. But that's where there are some communities where you can go and see people speak and stuff, but it's different when everyone has their own specific needs and wants. But that would be fucking.

Yeah. There should be, like, a subset of, you want to know what I think? It shouldn't even be in college, because in college, you know what questions you're asking? It genuinely should be 25 to 30 because that's when I feel like I needed the most help.

I feel like the best mentors are ones that you don't force. Like, you're not like, can you be my mentor? It just naturally happens. But that's also why I always say, fuck with people older than you. I've always loved having friends older than me because it's not like an official mentorship. It's just more like when you ask them questions, you respect their answers. That's why don't have friends that are all the same age as you and then also have younger friends because they're Gen Z correspondents and they keep you cool and then you can help them. So it's kind of this beautiful full circle. I love that so much also. So I do Whitney Cummings, and she's just like, so down to earth. I told her I was like, you could be such a cunt to me right now. And she was just laughing, right? And she was just so cool and talking about the most random things she's like, okay, when you shoot your special, make sure the air conditioning is turned on at this time. Like, things that I would never.

Little things you would have never known.

Would have known. And then I even asked her things like, how nervous were you when you shot your first special? And I can't just ask anyone that. But also, it was just really fucking cool. And I just want to shout out Whitney Cummings for being just like, people don't talk about enough. She's a really awesome person. And I, before I was in comedy, went to this screening of this movie that you should watch that she directed, Greta Gerwig. It's like a big thing for a woman to direct something. And she wrote, it's called the female brain. It's a movie about the female brain. And it was so good. And afterwards, I went up to her.

And I was like, wait, I need to watch it.

It's so fucking cool. And I went up to her and I was like, thanks for inspiring women. I said something corny as fuck, and then fast forward. I'm, like, sitting, talking shit with her about my pussy on her podcast. And she just had a baby.

It was just so fucking cool because men and women. But I feel like specifically women sometimes, if someone didn't teach us how to do something and we had to figure it out on our own, there's almost, like, something in us that's like, okay, well, you have to do it on your own, too, because no one helped me where I feel like I'm the opposite. I'm like, no one helped me. And it was brutal. Listen to me. Take my advice. You're going to have a way easier time.

No, I feel the same way.

I give her a lot of credit for being very sweet and helpful. That takes, I think, a strong woman, too, in general.

No, honestly, she was so confident. You could tell she wasn't trying to overcompensate. She literally was just like, girl, what do you need? I got you. And I felt so comfortable with her, and I can't explain it, but it's also like, yeah, the patriarchy won against me in certain ways. And I want to almost use that cheat code to help a girl. It's like it's us against them. It's not us versus each other. So it's like, give them the keys. And also, at the end of the day, you could tell anyone what to do, and they might not listen to you. Also, you could give them the recipe. It's not going to taste the same. But sometimes you see someone. You see something in them that reminds them of you, and you're just like, you want protect them a little.

Yeah. And sometimes it's just like motivation. Like, yeah, you could give everyone the tools to have a podcast or be on reality tv. And yes, it's not going to be the same because they're just like a different person, but it's also just being able to talk things out with someone who's already been through it.

Yeah, you just feel a little.

I just think it genuinely is like us versus them because they want to bring us down.

Yeah.

And they might not say it, but they are out here trying to kill us.

Our enemies are so fucking out here in these streets.

No, they're, like, in the room with us. Mine's literally in the next room.

And it's called our own brains. So anyway, to wrap it to, then I did two hot takes with Morgan apture, who's amazing. So that's three podcasts already, and I'm dead. And then Panamojo and Brooke Schofield, who are like the it girls of the moment, who we love, they text me and they're like, come through. And I'm like, look, I have to do this. So I go to their place. So it's like midnight when I finish podcasting. I have to wake up in the morning at 06:00 a.m. For what? To go to Reno, because I have a casino show. So I get there in time. I get on the plane, and it's a small plane, and I'm the very first seat, which honestly not a great spot because you can't put stuff. It's arguably, it's the worst. The worst. And everyone walking in is just like. You're like, greeting everyone as they walk onto the plane. And I want to be like, weird. And I'm like, hi, welcome. Do you need anything? Do you want water?

Yeah. Do you need a water?

So the plane is getting ready, and we're on so many planes, we know how it goes. They start kind of like, chatting a little too much where that brings up a red flag, and it's like 09:00 a.m. At this point, and I'm so tired. I'm like, please just let me go to sleep. And then they're like, fucking around with the door. And immediately I'm like, I don't like this. I don't like this. But then they're like, laughing about how the door, something's like, jammed with the door, and I start getting annoyed, like, look, this is my first rodeo. If the door it's important, I think the door.

It's arguably one of the most important parts of the plane.

Apparently the door is important. And then guess who's closest to the door. Me. And I don't know if you guys saw that viral video of, like, a door just, like, flew off a plane very recently. So I go, I'm just, like, not in the mood.

And they were like, we have to check if someone was sitting in that.

Seat.

So I can overhear them. And they're basically like, yeah, it's, like, jammed. It's jammed. And then they were, like, accusing each other, kind of like, oh, you're not doing it right. And then the other person tries to do it and they can't do it, then maintenance gets involved.

Now, once maintenance want the guy in the neon to come on the plane.

Once maintenance is involved, I know for a fact there's an 89% chance we're deplaning. And I'm fighting for my life because I talked for 24 hours straight the day before. And then the announcer comes on, and it kind of annoys me when at first they're, like, joking about it, and then 20 minutes later, they're like, okay, we have to deplane. We have to deplaim 3 hours later. But you know what? I'd rather wait three fucking hours than get on a plane with a cluckety cluck door that's making a weird noise.

Sucked out into the.

And then I get sucked out into the air, even though low key, kind of iconic, if that's how I go, rather than cheez its. Choking on Cheez its, or Hannah flew through the air like an angel.

It's so morbid. Like, every time me and Craig get on a plane, I'm like, if this plane goes down, do you think your name would go first in the article?

You are so fucked up. But it would be your name. He was like, oh, my God, that's fucked up. To think.

Obviously, you'd be named my girlfriend. And this is why the Barbie movie was created.

Thank you guys so much for giggling with us today. What a full circle, actually. Really well done pod we did today.

No, we segued the.

We segued the shit out of this pod. I'm like, honestly, segues is my kink. Watch Des is special. It's on YouTube. It's actually, like, his clips are, like, blowing up on social media to the point that fucking God. He's kind of like the viral one in this relationship now. He has, like, a different swagger about him, but one of his videos has like, 10 million views. I'm very proud of him. And the special is so fucking good. And the executive producer was so good on it. I highly recommend you guys.

It's you, isn't it?

Yes. It also, our newsletter is lit. Paige is going to put her air tag, her favorite air tag, in the newsletter. Make sure you subscribe. And we love you guys so, so fucking much. The gigglers are the best. And have a good week.