Giggling about net worths, rabies, and electric grandpas
Giggly Squad- 748 views
- 19 Dec 2023
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What's up, gigglers? Gary, fix your WiFi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.
I mean, the day just got away from me.
What is up, my gratifying gigglers? Welcome to the meditation app. Welcome to the calm app. Where we giggle the whole time. It's okay. We're actually not going to be calm because Paige...
Was on the Today show.
This morning.
It was amazing, but all I could think of was, wow, they get up this early. Every single day. No. I couldn't imagine- It's not early.
It's middle of the night.
They start at 07:00 AM, so I couldn't imagine what time those people are getting up. They have to be getting up at 3:30, 4:00.
I was saying I just started watching the morning show and their alarm goes off at 3:30. That's basically the most interesting part of the plot of the morning show is the 3:30 alarms. No, that's- Diabolical. It's crazy. Because I know that I'll be like, I'm on about 8:00, and then one TikTok worm hole, it's 4:00 AM. I'm late to work.
When I was in college, I interned at a news station, and I had to go in and do the overnight shift one time. That's when I realized I wasn't a working girl.
I do have to say you looked good on daytime TV.
I feel my most self on daytime TV.
It was. For example, me, I'm scared. I just want to say the word cunt whenever a camera comes on me. I'm literally fighting for my life to not say something inappropriate. Honestly, if I was Savannah, I I'd be shaking. No. You're trying to come for a job.
Shaking. That is something people don't talk about is our everyday jargon not suitable for morning TV.
No. And like, comedy is about like a ripping.
A punch. A punchy word.
You have to be quick. You can't overthink it. So you have to almost go through three layers in your head before you come out with a clean version. Also not to to my own horn about your experience.
Not to bring it back to me.
To me. And I know you did a fashion segment, and First of all, crazy you didn't ask me for any- To be one of the models.
No, I'm not that crazy. Where did you went in my closet and took everything?
I mean, you could have been like, I talked to a fashion expert. I had a burner. Last night, I did something I never do. I can't wait.
You picked out your output.
No, I saw something online and I was like, I think Paige would like this. Now, if you text something on a page and say you think she'll like it and she doesn't like it, first of all, it's an insult to her. Second of all, it's embarrassing. Third of all, I wasted everyone's time. I was like- Wait, we should start screenshotting more of our text because recently they've been more unhinged than ever, I feel like.
Hannah sent me a pair of shoes and I just sent back no. Because I was doing something and I saw the text and I looked quickly and I'm like- No, but you know what I said?
I looked in the mirror and I said, You have to do better. You can do better. Then I saw this stowed. Is it stowed or stowed? Stowed. I saw this stowed dress and I said, You know what? I think the page would like this. Did I have to send it? No. Did I want you to think?
I did love it.
I love that dress. You loved it. Then I got a little crazy and I saw another one I thought you'd like, and I sent it and you were like, Yeah, I like that, too. Then the third one was the dress that you ended up wearing on the That I didn't send because I thought that it was a little too might to be too wild for you. Yeah.
No, you nailed it. But you wore it.
Am I your stylist?
How crazy. Hannah styled me for the Today show this morning.
Well, I'm very connected to you.
I originally bought that dress for my mom because I was like, Oh, this will be a nice- Kim would look gorgeous in that. For her. She wore it in Vegas.
She can't wear it again.
I said, Hey, you already wore that dress. Do you have anything else that you're planning on wearing it to? She said, No. I took it back.
Mom's daughter swapping of clothes is an important part of the woman nature.
She'd hemmed it already for me. Oh, my God. It's just... Speaking of fashion, I think you're going to be excited about this trend coming up.
Is it ugly? I really love ugly trends. Kind of.
What is it? You know how Coastal Grandmother was having a full... They had years. Coastal Grandmother was having a long run. 2024 is all about the electric grandpa.
Wait, what? Electric grandpa sounds like my DJ name. You heard it here first.
The Coastal Grandmother is out, and it's all about your electric grandpa.
It doesn't mean a zany It's very like the style of dressing is like, very Hailey Bieber in the sense of a little boxer shorts, a high socks, a secret. Oh, so he's been reading the New York Times Big leather jacket.
Oh, I love that. And cool sunglasses.
Wait, I love that.
Electric grandpa. Yeah. That's your 2024 vibe. Gen Z is doing that to us. Also, did you hear that Gen Z is like, We had this moment in 2018, and they're acting like they invented it, but whatever. They're doing this thing where they're buying glasses that have no prescription, and they're just wearing glasses.
I saw that, and I want to do it.
You want to get glasses?
You know how everyone had braces when we were younger and you like, low-key, was like, Okay, well, I want to get braces. I want to pick the color bands that I have in my teeth. Then you get them and you're like, Fuck, it sucks. This is awful. Everyone had glasses, and I never had glasses because I have perfect eyesight. Sorry about it. Sorry if there's an Apocalypse, I'm going to survive. What's What would be your style glass?
We need to go glasses shopping because- I like what Emma Chamberlain's doing.
Like nerdy old mini type. Like not ugly.
Yeah, ugly. Like they look cheap.
Yes.
Like the glasses look cheap.
They look like you could step on them and feel to shatter. Yeah, you got them at CVS. Yes. I've actually been to some CVS's recently and I was like, Oh, I would fucking- Because they come in the case. I identify as- An electric grandpa. A cool Genzy and a grandpa, and I have no in between. I do have to say, you know what I also have been liking for winter? But I don't think I could pull it off. The big fuzzy hats.
Like the Pamela Anderson hats? Yeah.
I was supposed to say, Brook Showfield. Why do we do that? Brook Showfield. Shout out to Brooklyn. She's going through it right now in the best way.
In the best way. There's something about...
She listens to the Giggly Squad because I hit her up and she was like, By the way, I've been listening to you.
We need to go out to LA and hang out with them because there's something about the way Brooklyn does her TikTok videos that... This is going to sound so creepy, but I can watch her TikTok videos without any sound because I like the way she talks with her hands and the way her mouth moves. There's something very ASMR to me about it.
The reason why brook is iconic is she's actually, both her and Tana are hysterical people, which is why I think we gravitate towards their energy. But she licks her lips a lot. When she talks, People were commenting because people comment on everything. She was like, I lick my lips because I have dry lips because I'm on a medication that caused my lips to be dry. So go fuck yourself, motherfucker.
Wait, and people were mad at her?
People were just saying, It's so annoying that you lick your lips.
Sometimes on Giggly Squad, people are like, You breathe too heavy. I'm like, whoa. So you have to breathe. I literally, sometimes I'll be like, Don't breathe.
Well, famously, my first ever podcast I ever did was with Taylor Strecker, and I ate a scone the whole I remember. They called it Sconegate because it was a three-hour radio show. My biggest fear is being hungry. I had a scone, I had a banana, I had a yogurt. I don't know if people know that about you, that your biggest fear is literally at any point. I literally have a snack bar right next to me just in case.
At any point in time, if you're hungry. As if we don't live in the most gluttonous country in the world, there's a McDonald's on every corner.
I do have to say, you know the movie Train Wreck? Yeah. One of my favorite scenes was when she I'm starving to the doctor. And he's like, Oh, no. What have you had to eat today? And she's like, Let's eat a fish sandwich. She just keeps listening.
She's like, Nothing, really? That's what I'm doing.
My mom's like, Why are you so hungry at three o'clock? I'm like, I haven't eaten I'm not going to say anything, but a griddle, seven griddles. I ate leftovers from Chicken Marmageon last night. Anyway, shout out to Brook with her fuzzy hat. I just think I know I have a big head It's a big, energy. If you hear my voice, you're like, That girl is a big fucking head. But I actually have a very small head.
Wait, have you done the TikTok filter where it shows you if you were bald?
No.
Don't do it. Because I was like, Oh, I can do this filter. I feel like I have a small head. It might look bald. I have an obscenely large noggin.
You mean compared to the rest of your body?
Yeah, I was just like, Oh, my God, is my head I did like that, but then I thought maybe it was just the AI. But anyway.
I was having a little too much fun with the Justin Bieber filter.
Haven't seen that one.
Okay, so you put it on, you just look like Justin Bieber. I did to Dez. Then Haley Bieber, shout out, my love, did it to Justin Bieber, and it was iconic. It's getting very meta in this life.
Tiktok is very meta.
Things are moving so fast, the trends that I don't even know what's happening. I also wrote, TikTok shop is sketchy.
Tiktok shop is sketchy.
Can we just discuss I ordered a couple of things from it.
I ordered Bangs.
I sent them to you.
I got them the other day and I put them on and Craig was like, What are those?
I don't know. You go, My name is Devania. It wasn't, I need to get the ones I wore in Vegas because the ones I ordered on TikTok, they were just too thin.
They were $6. They were $6. But the idea was there.
Okay, but this is the thing with TikTok shop. One, stuff getting canceled all the time, so you can't buy something that you need. A lot of orders are getting canceled. Or they're saying some stuff, if you order Snale Mucin, it's not always the real thing. Then some people were saying, I'm just I'm just finding this out of here. Some things on Amazon are not... Beauty products are not always what they say to be. Just keep an eye out in these streets.
No. For beauty products, you can tell, though, when it's not... If any beauty products aren't on I tend to be weary.
Yeah, because it's from a random- That's a really good way to look.
Because if it's a random... Perfect example is that skincare product, Biologique, that you can only buy from them or from a store that sells it.
I think I definitely bought that.
On Amazon, right? Because they DMed me and they were like, We don't sell on Amazon. Stop promoting this. I thought they were DMing me being like, You're our new face of our mind.
I think Stasi, the Kylie Jenner's friend posted a link on Amazon and I bought it because I'm like, what? $35? Is it supposed to be the best? Yeah.
Wow. No, you got to watch out.
But we're such hypocrites because we want the dupes on Amazon for the clothes, but then we don't want the dupes for the stuff you put on your skin.
Well, because that's like, it's going in your body. It's going in your blood.
Or it's just like nothing. It's just water.
I feel like I was so scared as a child that more things were going to get into my blood and I was going to die because I feel like I have just in my mom's voice- I was sure I was going to trip on a nail and get tetanus.
She was like, yeah. For sure. Yeah. I was like, watch out for the nails today.
She was like, That's going to get in your bloodstream and then you'll die.
Or rabies. I was very worried about rabies.
They're basically like, One day in a general is going to bite you.
Then every other day, I'm like, Do I have rabies? I'm like, What's a symptom of rabies?
I feel like they made If you legit got it, you just go to the hospital and they give you a shot. You're not foaming at the mouth.
Whenever you see a squirrel acting a little weird, they'd be like, He has rabies.
Or an animal that's not supposed to be awake. We have rabies. We're literally... We have rapies.
I remember my friends literally running away from a bird being like, That bird has rabies. I thought that...
Also, we were going to encounter quicksand more in our lives, but I I've never seen it. I've never even been somewhere that it could possibly be.
Do you know what actually I can't deal with is red ants? I'm apparently the only thing I'm allergic to in this whole life, knock on wood, is red ants. Interesting. Because I got bit by a red ant in Arkansas Apparently, they're only in the south. I'm such a Yankee doodle that I went to the south. Was doing... Oh, my God, this is so embarrassing. So, Becca and I have a different dynamic than me and you. When I'm with Becca, I'm a beauty queen. Okay. Because Beca is literally… She's so funny and she's just so tomboy. I literally am Bella Hadid. We're hanging out and she was into photography and I was like, Well, then let's take some photos of me. We were 19 and we were in Arkansas, and I was like, We have to find cool places. We found this… First of all, we found a railroad.
Just mental picturing you modeling for Beca has me in a fucking tizy.
I go paint me like one of your French girls.
Is Beca still into photography?
No, but go down a different hub every three seconds. But she had this cool camera, and I remember we were taking photos on this bridge, and then we saw this railroad.
Wait, not going to lie, you're modeling is really good. Like your actual art of modeling. I'm not even being funny. You are good. Wait. Let me just take enjoy this moment. The photoshoot you just did when you were like... What was that Michael Jackson pose you were doing when you were like, Oh, and I was going backwards? Yeah, I was like, Oh, my God. She's never stretched in her life.
No, I don't know who I was when I... I was like, She has tight hip flexors. When I do photos, I want to be editorial. I want to be weird. I want to be crazy. No, you did it. Oh, my God. I tried really hard. But also, honestly, I did this photoshoot for the House magazine, whatever. The team was so fucking good. The photographer, the stylist, the hair, the makeup. It was like a dream team team of people. Then my job was just to not look awkward on set. The lighting was really good. The photographer actually matters so much. At first, I thought, I'm like, Okay, they literally just press click. But they make you feel a vibe. You can tell when the person feels awkward in front of the photographer.
It's all about connecting with the photographer.
So Beck and I were connecting. She was like, lay down, arm over. I don't know what... But I think all of us deep down wanted to be a model.
I think so.
And you actually were it.
Is Because I always thought I was the only person because no one talks about it, though, when you're little because I feel like it's a deep down secret. When you would look at magazines, you'd be like, Oh, I wish I wanted to do that.
Well, growing up with 17 magazine or whatever, you see a girl doing a photoshoot and you envision, maybe it's us being narcissists, but you envision one day I'll have the fan and I'll be like, Tell my agent I'm calling back.
I literally used to say to my mom, Hey, I don't need to study this because I'm going to be famous.
She would be like, Stop. But the thing is, I knew that, one, I wasn't tall enough to be a model, and two, I quickly went into sports. Also three, I was pretty ugly as a kid. Just throw it out here. No, I wasn't ugly, but people were not on my looks.
Got it.
No one was like, Let's stop the dinner and just address how pretty Hannah looks today. Or when they did, I felt like it was like, Hi, she's so pretty. You know what I mean?
Oh, we put a headband on her. She's a girl.
Then I took it off and threw it. I was like, I hate this fucking hat.
Anyway. See, we couldn't have been more different as children because I would come downstairs at four years old, ready for the day in my Barbie match outfit and my heels. I'd be like, Mom, we have to go do our things. I was always dressed.
As I've been putting so much more effort into my fashion, it actually hit me why you love it so much because recently I put something I put an outfit together and I tried hard on it. It's embarrassing how much you tried. Then I walked outside and someone said, I love your outfit. That high you get of you being like, I deliberately put this together. Because I get a lot of I get a lot of mean girls like, Oh, I love your bracelet. Where'd you get that? Where I could tell they were like, Oh, that's a vibe. I want to do that. I got a high that I was like, This is what Paige is chasing every day.
It's a different high.
Because if people like your outfit, that means they respect you as a person.
People treat you differently.
No, people treat me differently.
Talk about pretty privilege. Outfits. I can see a girl. Also, because I've loved it for so many years, I feel like now I can see a girl in a crowd and know that she's wearing a crazy expensive outfit, but no one would know unless you knew that certain brand or something.
Or you know she's on a trend that is just starting.
Yeah, that's micro.
Only certain people know about it or could pull it off. It is like girl code.
I always think once... Because I were modeled when I was younger and I would see certain trends or... Because in New York City, people just do dress better than other parts of the country because it's like... No, they do. Though. It's one of the fashion capital.
Are you coming from Oklahoma City again? First, you said they don't have air conditioning. Now, you're saying they dress like shit. I literally love Oklahoma City.
Can't spell it. But New York City is one of the fashion capitals of the world. So obviously, girls are going to dress better. My high school, the hallways of Beacon were like, the girls were wearing next-level shit.
I swear people would see what the high school girls at Beacon were wearing, and it would in six months be on L.
The perfect example is the no pants trend. I wore it last year Christmas. Because I saw a girl in New York City doing no pants, and I was like, That's about to be a trend. Now, Beyoncé's in it. Now, it takes a full year for it to get to the masses. Once it gets to the masses, it's out of style. You have to get all. No pants, out of style.
See, that's crazy. You have to put effort into it. I think my thing was I was just so focused on sports in school or being silly that I was like, I don't have time to address this whole other... It's a whole other world.
A whole other You want sports, I went the other way. I was in high school and I was like, Could I join the track team? Yeah, I could. Then I was like, Why would I ever? I got to go.
Do I become a professional beer pong player? I'm modeling on the railroad track, which apparently is like you're not supposed to do. It's not socially acceptable. It's unsafe.
Why, though, when my space was around, there were so many available railroad tracks for photoshoots? I have no idea.
But you see the railroad track, you're like, This is a good idea. I'm around the railroad track getting photos taken.
Just a box car child.
Just holding coal.
Just like hammering. Just refurbishing.
We don't even know what people would do. We have no idea.
What would you do to a train track? Okay.
Then suddenly, I start itching. Something worse. You start itching? I start itching my foot. My foot is I'm like, Oh, my God. I remember itching it. And Becca was talking about the photos and how good of a model I am. And I was scratching my foot. The next thing you know, I started seeing colors. Stop. Oh, my God. I started seeing green and red. I remember being like, something's happening. You're about to pass out. And I was like, We have to go to the hospital. So, Becker, we get into the car and I was like, Call 911 because I'm blacking out. I think I was going into anaphylactic shock. How do you spell anaphylactic? Don't even. In holidays, you said. I basically start sweating profusely and I'm blacking out. And Becker said she gave me a water and I took the water and I just threw it. Because I think I was just fighting for my life.
And then you dumped it on your head. How many times did you get bit, do you think?
I have no idea. But I'm blacking out. I'm in a foreign country. I'm in Arkansas. I'm so scared. My family's not there. Just me and Becker.
Did they have a hospital? They I literally could never move from New York City because any town I move to, they're going to be like, You talk shit about us. You said we don't have air conditioning.
That's what they had. They have one hospital. They had a hospital. I got there and you don't just get into the emergency room. I'm not even aware of stuff at this point. I go straight to the bathroom and I lie down on the bathroom floor because I'm dying.
I'm literally dying.
There's no other way to put it. I'm black out. I don't know what's happening. I'm also having a panic attack whenever anything physical happens to me, I'm having a panic attack. I'm just lying.
Minor inconvenience. Lying? At this point, have you called your mom?
No. Because my mom would be on a plane immediately. At this point, I was still black out. I'm like, It's so hard to be a model. Modeling is so difficult.
My model day is over. That's when I decided to throw in my hat and say, I'm done.
That's when I was like, Fashion's not for me. Then they gave me some whatever. I guess I started feeling better after three hours, and her whole family was there. It was so embarrassing because I was visiting for the weekend. Main character energy. Then they basically were like, You're allergic to red ants. You either have to walk around with the... What's that? Epipen. Epipen, which is so much admin. I'm not walking around with an epipen.
So do you?
No, I just don't go down south.
Okay, so you just avoid wherever red ants are.
I mean, let's be honest, I Where are they? They're apparently in the south, and I've been in the south and see the red ant, but I guess I must have stepped on. I don't know what happened to this day. I've never even seen one.
Are they legit red? They're red. Red like your sweater?
Yeah, and tiny. But the average person, I guess, as long as you're short, you could get rapies.
I can't believe you should walk around with an epipem, but you don't.
Because I don't... I feel like that's dramatic.
If someone wanted to kill you, they could just unleash a bunch of red ants.
That was so Scorpio for you just to say. You're like, so if I wanted to end it for you. I unleashed. I even unleashed them in my- You go, That's crazy because I just got a pet red ant. We're so stupid.
I've never even heard of red ants until this day.
I thought it was made up. I think they just didn't know what was happening, and they were like, You got to buy red ants.
It's good to know that you're allergic to something, though. I should know that as your friend. Like, Does she have any allergies? Red hair? Red hair? You know what the table?
No, I should know I don't think I would see you have any allergies. Also, the asking for allergies at the beginning of when you're at a restaurant has gotten too far. I'm fine with them asking if there are any allergies at the table, but sometimes they'll ask three or four times, and I'm like, Did someone die here?
Here's the other thing with the allergies at the table. Stop.
You don't like fish. You're not allergic to salmon. It's just like, grow You're not allergic to Cilandro. Oh, nuts? Every single one.
Have you had every single one?
Then there's this conspiracy theory. I think it's a fact that our generation is so allergic to peanuts. Definitely allergic to peanuts because we weren't exposed enough to peanuts because people were...
Allergic. Yes.
I don't know. It's like a chicken or the egg thing. I know what you're saying. Basically, when you have a kid, just...
Give them a bunch of peanut butter.
Put peanut butter on their face.
You know what? I've never thought about.
Don't listen to us. Don't listen to us. But...
Oh, but also I need... I'm sorry. I need to circle back on something. Someone's calling you.
It's my manager.
What were we just saying?
We're fired. Got the podcast. It's over for us.
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Did you see what I did to the peanut butter cookie? Last week. I was having one of those moments where I'm like, You know what will save the day? Something sweet. It's like the end of the day, and I'm like, I need one more sweet thing because I barely eat it all day.
You're not a huge sweet person. I never When you are craving it, you do have to have it.
I'll crave cakey stuff. I'll never be like, I need a chocolate. I'm like, I have a frozen cookie because someone delivered me cookies once, and I'm not going to eat 8 cookies in one sitting. I put them in the fridge. Smart. No, in the freezer. I took it out. I'm not a chef.
But Michelin star.
Michelin star chef, but not with frozen cookies. I'm like, It's frozen. You can't just put it in the microwave for 10 seconds. Right. I have this thing with the microwave where I just do everything the same time. Everything I put in the microwave, I put it two minutes. Everything. Popcorn, chicken parmajon. How many times we're going to talk about chicken parmajon?
It's not a bad number to have.
It's either like, Oh, put it in for another minute, or, Okay, that's really fucking hot. But bad things don't technically happen.
But two minutes usually is a sweet spot.
I've never burned down a house because of two minutes. I put it in, and two minutes is also perfect where I can literally go and pee and come back and be done.
Because for some reason, floor is a long time. I can't wait.
I also don't like when it gets to the beep, and I always open before the beep, and does- Well, that's just common courtesy. Does hate it. Does literally walk by the microwave and it says 0.04, and he's like, Oh, so I'm on microwave?
But it's just being courteous to the other people that live around you to not hear that. The beep is always so... It's like, Okay, calm down. We get it. Yeah, we get it.
I waited till three seconds and I opened it up. The cookie's black. I'm so mad because I'm like, I never have cookies.
Because, Hannah, you can't put something that's frozen in the microwave.
You can. Can you?
Can you put things that are frozen? It's heat.
It melt stuff. I think I put it too long. Is there an adult in the room? No. I don't think. We're like, Chris, Google, tell me what it says when you go, Can you microwave something frozen? Because you definitely could microwave something frozen. Says, Yes, it's safe to reheat frozen leftovers without thawing either in a sauce pan or microwave. That's what microwaves are for.
Am I having a stroke? Have I ever microwave something frozen?
I literally can't think. What do you do when something's frozen then? You put it in the oven?
I think I'm in the oven.
She's old school.
She's a homemaker.
I get a blow torch. Don't you have a blow torch? What's that thing you bought? What? No, I have wire cutters.
No, what is it called? Bolt cutters. Bolt cutters. I have bolt cutters. But I love a fucking torch. No, I made Craig buy me a... Not a weed Whacker. A leaf blower. And I fucking love it. I love like...
For at the yard or for when annoying you.
Both. Honestly, both.
Wait, do you know on TikTok, all the girls are like, 10 holiday gifts under $500 for your cool friend. Please do that and just be like, blow to her. Do you want to know why I originally was I was like, Craig, you got to get a leaf blower.
Do you want to know why I originally was like, Craig, you got to get a leaf blower? He was like, I have one, but I just have to charge it. He was like, Why? What do you need it for? I was like, There's this TikTok trend. The subway, girl.
I was like, But I need wind. It looks like some of a You're like, I need a windblower.
So you just want me to hold the leaf blower?
Does Craig film your videos?
No, not usually.
Because you don't trust him? Or because he's like, No, it's just like, anytime I ask a guy, honestly, to do anything, just like, I'll do myself.
They just don't know things.
Yeah, and you don't explain to them, and then they get insecure because- Yeah, and then I end up having to talk to them their picture-taking skills rather than worrying about the picture I freaking need.
I'm like, I'll just set up my ring camera.
A hundred %. Also, do you know, speaking of leaves, I'm so happy you brought this up. I love talking about this. Des randomly was talking to my mom about mature adult stuff, and he was like, Do you know you don't actually have to get leaves off your lawn? Who said you need to get the leaves off your lawn?
Before the snow?
Yeah. There's not a good reason why the leaves need to be gone besides, I guess, esthetically. Okay. So are someone said it might be even bad to move the leaves? I think I made it up. Can you Google, is it bad?
This podcast is taking a real freaking turn.
Is it bad to move the leaves?
Can you microwave leaves? Okay. And where was he going with this?
He basically was just giving an excuse to do less things.
I was going to say, it's not in the house. I was like, us, if someone told us to rake the leaves. I was like, actually, scientifically, It's not really good for your lawn. That literally sounds like me trying to get out of raking leaves.
Speaking of leaves, I wrote salads. Okay, here we go. Excessive leaf matter on your lawn going into the winter is bad for several reasons. First, it will smother the grass, and if not removed, very soon in the spring, it will inhibit growth. Second, it can promote the snowmold diseases. You don't want those snowmold diseases. Wait, so does was wrong.
Literally, put that in your pipe and smoke it, Dez.
Oh, my God. I have to go home and report this immediately. Because he told us to my mother.
He needs to be out there raking. Does? Is honestly- Why? Does he get a lot of leaves in the Hamptons? You guys get a lot of leaves?
We don't even have a yard. Why are you guys so concerned? Because I guess we were talking about my mom's leaves. Oh, my God. Men can say anything, and I believe them.
No, it's annoying. They could say things with authority.
So much confidence.
Him being 6'5, you're like, Oh, he's the president. Obviously.
Yeah, literally.
Okay, I'll listen.
My thing with salads is I will eat them, but I always have to order the breaded chicken cheese. I will eat everything but the salad.
When did you do this? Recently?
Every time I've ever eaten the salad.
Because I just ordered from Sweet Green, maybe four days ago.
I do love sweet cream.
I do. I love it. Harvest Bowl? Well, I make my own salad because I like my certain things. It gets there and I was like, Wow, it's a lot of lettuce. It's a lot of lettuce. It's too much for the salad. I took half the lettuce out because it is just a big bowl in general. You're not going to eat that much.
Actually, it was sweet cream that I wrote this about because I get- It's so much lettuce. But also you get rice in it. I'm like, Let's stop saying that this is not a rice bowl with lettuce on top.
I take half the lettuce out and I'm eating it. I'm like, This is still a lot of lettuce. I take more lettuce out. And then I looked down and I realized, I'm no longer eating a salad. I'm just eating cucumber and cheese.
Every time I eat a salad, I'm like, Wow, that sounds so healthy. I love ordering taco salads.
No, I love ordering taco salads with a side tortilla as if that's not just a- Have you ever ordered a taco salad and you didn't know it came with the fried bowl?
Then the whole time, you eat only the fried bowl, and then you go, How did I end up eating the most unhealthy thing possible when I literally came here with good intentions?
There are times where I've been hyped to order the taco salad, and then you see it come out in the fried bowl, and you're I didn't even know.
I'm like, Now I'm going to shit myself all day because I can't not eat it. If it's in front of me, those people have self-controlled and not eat the fried bowl is next level. Also, people are dying. From the Charge Lemonade at Panera. What? Have you heard about this? No. Do you know about the charge of the dead? Yeah.
How are they dying?
So this one girl had a little bit of heart problem, but she was very careful about it. She never drank too much caffeine. Apparently, it has the caffeine of like-Double a coffee. It's like, insane. Something insane. Chris is so busy today. This girl drank it and ended up having a heart of something and died.
How old was she? Do you know?
She was young. She was around...
So Panera's They are. Hey.
But they also were saying that charged lemonade doesn't even advertise properly that it is a crazy, caffanated drink. So people think they're just getting a little spicy lemonade.
Okay, Chris, what are your findings?
There's a 237 milligrams of caffeine. It's also listed it before as having 390, and coffee has 90 milligrams.
390?
Yeah, they're killing motherfuckers out of here.
Okay, so Panera's actually a drug cartel.
They're not even saying they're not saying Caffeinated. They're Heroine, cocaine.
No, they were putting things in those bread bowls. What is going on?
But it's so like, hopefully this is being dealt with because the guy who's friends with the girl came on my TikTok and he was like, Look, what's the point? No. What is?
Okay, you can have a Caffeinated lemonade. Who at Pinero is like, push it up. Keep going. More, more.
Why? No one knows what a milligram is. No one knows what a milligram is?
No one knows what a milligram is.
For all I know, a milligram sounds really fucking little. It has a million in it. It's really small. If you know the Lil Wayne song, a Millie, it's like one, one millionth. So when I hear 390, I'm like, I can handle 390.
That's girl back. You're like, But they're tiny.
No one knows what is an ounce. That's just so fucking made up.
I don't know any of that stuff.
Also, when people say Stone, isn't that in England? Yeah, it is. She's like, I'm 40 Stone.
I've never heard that.
And I'm like, that's...
Is that the equivalent of like, pounds?
It's not equivalent.
Okay. No, but that is... It is crazy to think that America measures everything completely differently. Why?
That was the Nate Bargetsi sketch on SNL where he was playing one of the founding fathers, and he's like, One thing we have to do is change the entire metric system just for America.
Yeah, what is the point of that? Nothing. I mean, it doesn't matter because I don't know either. I don't know either metric system. You don't have to know.
One stone is equal to 14 pound.
One stone is equal to 14 Chris, are you dating? Yeah.
Not dating. Why did your voice crack? I had an incident. You had an incident? Because it's tough out there. I had an incident today. Get to the mic. What happened?
Today, it's only one o'clock. What is your dating search that you had an incident.
Let's look my curiously through Chris. Somebody that doesn't live in New York was... We had plans to see each other, but she was like, Oh... Oh, you flew in an Instagram baddie? No. She was like, Oh... She flew herself in.
She's on herself and she's a woman in stem. That's a good point.
She was like, Oh, the weather's bad, but I'll be here Tuesday and Wednesday, and I'm busy on Tuesday and Wednesday. She got very angry with me. This is my question to you, Chris. Yes. There are 4 billion girls on this block in New York City. Why are you trying to date the one girl that's not in town? I'm not trying to date her.
Did you meet on a dating app or Instagram? Huh? Did you meet on a dating app? In real life. Oh, you met in real life.
Okay, that's unsafe for her.
Wow, how crazy. I didn't even give that as an option.
That is a little while. I was like, Wait, you met her at a bar? Huh? You met her at a bar? No, I know her from back home.
And she lives back home or she lives in a totally different state.
Different city, yeah. Different city. Okay, we'll bring her on the pod next week and get her side of the story.
Wait, I want to start saying that in situations to people that don't have podcasts. I thought this in my head moving forward. Any problem my friend comes to me with, I'm going to say, Well, let's bring him on the podcast.
Oh, my God. I have a new dating theory that is fucking amazing. Okay. Shit, I can't credit the right person, but it was not for me. It was someone on TikTok, and you can search TikTok for this.
Girl or guy?
It was a guy.
Okay.
But he was like, Girl's Girl. Yeah. He basically said, this is so fucking incredible, that men date from zero. So when men meet you and start dating you, you're a zero, and you have to build up to earn them wanting to date you. We're girls date from 100. We meet you and we go, You are perfect. Then we realize all the things that get you down. I've never heard anything more fucking accurate.
We go in reverse order. We go in reverse. Because if I'm meeting you, I've already thought in my head what your personality is like, what your family is like, what you dress like, what our life is going to be like together. Then I meet you and you're none of those things because obviously that's insane. I made them up in my head.
Where men I guess, don't make stuff up in their head, and immediately they're just like, How did they get through the day? That's very accurate. That's so boring, right? Entirely accurate. Which is so crazy because when a guy meets me, I'm like, Obviously, I'm 100.
Never just randomly on a Tuesday make yourself mad? Try it one time.
But it is crazy to think that. Then there's that moment where you can meet perfectly. But there's also those moments when you first meet a guy, how you like him more than he likes you. Then after two weeks, you're like, I can't stand this guy because your 100 is now at 20. Coming down, and he's going up. He's going up, and you miss each other. But we're not smart enough to know why this is. But I guess with women, it's like, we're rooting for you.
No, we literally are.
We want you to be great Because I think it helps with the patriarchy that we need a man. And then they're not waiting for you. They don't want to settle down type.
Yeah. You should be chasing them. Yeah.
Are you good enough for me? But we need to flip that. When you meet a guy, start at zero. Going into dates, I would always go into dates with men being 100. I'd be like, He's perfect, and then immediately. Then sometimes he'll even do not perfect things, and you'll be like, Oh, I'll just duck two points. I'll just duck one. It's like, He's in jail.
I'll deduct three. Even in my 30s, I still... Even in a business meeting or something, I'll have to remind myself Okay, Paige, it's not if they like you, it's if you like them, if you like this situation, because I just feel Because if all men go into it at zero, it means all of them, you're going to feel like you want them to like you. I can say my whole dating history throughout my 20s, every single date I went on, I was probably like, Oh, I want them to like me.
I love a first date. I love an interview. I love giving a good first impression. I was even thinking, We're woman-woman shows on first dates. I'm making him laugh, and I could see his head turning like, Oh, she's actually witty. Whatever.
She's funny. Oh, Oh my God, look how much he eats.
She might have rabies. But then there's a moment where if he laughs at my joke, I love him. Then if he doesn't laugh, I'm like, I'm obsessed with this man. I need to be better for him. I also think this equates to work and career as well.
Elaborate, please.
I will. I feel like a man... This is why there's the wage gap. Because when When women are getting hired, they are zero. What you have to earn.
What can you do for our company?
Where when men come in, they assume they have it together, and then they have to prove that they don't. And that's why- And they usually do. Yeah. Then they That's why men go for more jobs they're unqualified for because they have that mindset of, let me fuck it up first, but assume that I'm going to do it right, where girls are like, let me actually show you first that I can do it before you let me do it. That's girl math.
That's literally our campaign strategy for the 2024 election.
That's milligrams.
That's how you measure an ounce.
Why did I write Aaron Gordon Networth?
I don't know who Aaron Gordon is. Yeah, do I? But I love knowing what people's networths are.
I do have to say networths are not accurate.
Why did he write? On the internet, they're not.
Oh, Aaron Gordon said he went on a date and found out she googled his networth.
Are the men mad about that?
I think people are saying it's embarrassing, but first of all, she's doing research.
If I want to google your networth, I can.
Yeah. I know that this happened to me in college when I first started dating. No, I had a crush. Dating is a strong word. I had a crush on this hockey guy, and my friend was all like, Don't date the hockey guys. I was like, I don't be naughty. He over to my room and my laptop was open with Google searches of him, and the first five were clicked, a different color.
No, I've gotten so deep before. I've read New York Times articles that guys I've liked to uncles have written. I'm like, oh my God.
These guys have press. I found out his dad was in jail. I found out all these things, and he literally comes up and he sees it. I laughed it off, but I remember it being so embarrassing. But now I'm like, I should have just been like, Yeah, I'm doing As women, we have to do research before we go out with you because you are our number one killers.
We're trying to not get murdered. So I need to know, yeah, do you own a home and where is it? Because are you going to take me there and lock me in the basement of it? So we have to Google things. I'll never forget. I had just moved to New York City. I was maybe living here for one or two years. I'm standing at a bar. Where was I? I was at Catch. I'll never forget. I was on the rooftop of Catch when it was the place to be. Probably a Tuesday night, honestly. I'm standing there and I see this guy from across the bar and I'm like, I'm at 100. I'm like, Look at my husband across the bar. He's amazing. He's got to come over to me at some point. He comes over to me. We're chatting. He's like, Do you want to go to another bar? My car is parked out front. I'm in the elevator. It's me, my girlfriend, him, one of his friends. In my head, I was like, If I'm about to get into a black Range Rover, this is my husband. I do all these weird...
Where he's probably thinking about, should I get Chick-fil-A tonight or not?
We walk outside. He has a black Range Rover. We get into it. We go to another bar. We're all having fun. Great time. I He's amazing. At the end of the night, he gets my number. He's like, let's go to Miami this weekend. I'm like, this is my husband. That's what my husband would do. I should be in Miami this weekend. Why am I still here? I get to work that next day. I think it was a Friday. This was maybe a Thursday night, you get to work Friday. My girlfriend that I was with at the time worked in real estate. She goes, Oh, I'm going to put his name into our real estate database and see if I can see if he owns his apartment. What does it look like? Owns any homes, whatever. She did that. She calls me and she goes, He's married. I can see all the homes he owns, and I think it's with his wife unless- They got a divorce. He owns it with his mom or his sister and they have the same last name.
His business partner who happens to be a woman with his children.
So I Google. I found his wedding registry, and I found his wedding website, and I found all of these things. He texted me that day about Miami, and I said, What would your wife think if we went to Miami? And then I never heard from him again. And I'll never forget it. But thank God I googled because what- No, for sure. That was before... I probably should have DMed the wife, but I didn't think of it at the time.
I mean, at that point, you're in survival mode and you're just trying to get out of the situation. Not my circus, not my monkeys. I do think also that's something to laugh about. The guy who has a multimillion dollar contract that's very public should not get upset that the girl goog it because it's like...
Sounds like someone with a low networth that got mad.
It's like, Are you mad what she saw?
Yeah, why are you so depressed?
I mean, if you could google how big guys dicks were, we would have a... Honestly, I'm surprised there isn't a dark web where all the girlies... You know how normally you post a guy and everyone says they're dating him?
We don't know millimeters, we don't know inches, and they lie.
If we knew what centimeters were, we would have it.
You can tell me it's any inch. But we can't figure it out.
But I do think that girls are so good intuitively at finding things once we've admitted that he's zero. When he's at 100, he could literally murder me, and I'll be like, he's such a good guy. But once you know he shit, we will find everything. And that's why I'm I cannot believe there's not more women in the FBI. The fact that men even run the CIA makes me nervous about our country. No. I'm like, they can't even find something in the grocery store.
It's so crazy. Some of the things that I found out.
You see how long takes Chris to Google something?
Why is he from here?
Anyway.
Anywho.
Anywho. How was the derm? The dermatologist.
Oh, my God. Listen to this. So, birth control truly is so crazy. And I consult your doctor, not us.
Consult your doctor because last time you guys all stopped taking birth control and then got mad at us.
No, but I... Okay, so I went off of it in April. We're almost at a year. I mean, we're basically January.
Months are made up, but yeah.
Time is a construct.
In millimeters. Can we do too many callbacks? Can we do too many callbacks? I don't know.
So I go to the I'm telling him what my issue is. I'm like, Look, I went off my birth control in April. My skin just started getting bad this past month.
I love how you're trying so hard to blame the birth control. The birth control is like, Hey, I didn't do literally anything.
If you want to take it up with my dermatologist, and he said, Yeah, it takes a while for your body to adjust. And when I first went on birth control, my skin got so bad, so I went on spironolactone in tandem with my birth control. Then I stopped my skin pills, and I was just on birth control. But now I need to go back on my medicine because my body is adjusting in my birth control, whatever. My hormones are so fucked up that your body produces natural oil. My body produces a thicker version of that oil, which is why my skin is getting so messed up. It's from my hormones regulating.
This is extra virgin olive oil coming out of your skin. Jlo shaking. Jlo is so jealous.
Jlo is somewhere shaking. I'm like, Could I bottle this oil? No, so I just produced too much oil and it's too thick.
Craig's tears are coming out of your pores. They're very thick.
Anyway, I I'm going back on my skin pill, but this is the pill that makes me pass out. What?
There isn't a better option that will make you like... No. What about Accutane?
That's almost like too much. I don't need that much.
Okay. What if you just took a tiny hit of Accutane?
No, I just need to drink more water. It's just about water, and I'm not allowed to eat bananas. I can't have too much potassium on it or whatever. But in two months, my skin is going to shine like the top of the Chrysler building. Okay.
You don't want to go back on birth control?
Never. I'll never go back on birth control ever again in my entire life. Why?
It made you depressed?
I don't know. Do you think I'm depressed? I feel like I've been asking people a that question a lot lately. The other day, Craig was like, I had to go. I literally had to go to CVS to get my skin pill. I'm in the elevator and I just took a big deep breath. I was just like, because why are you so stressed? I go, I have to go outside.
No, you saying you're going to CVS stress me the fuck out.
He goes, To the end of the corner to get your prescription? I go, Have you been out there? Do you know what it's like? It's terrifying. I was having a literal panic attack.
I saw this hilarious weep today that was like, I have to call my doctor to get my anxiety pills, but that is the reason that I have anxiety pills because I have to call my doctor.
It's the chicken or the egg.
It's so... Literally today, Des was like, You have to call Delta to get some certificate for points or something because you get to save some money. I was like, I'd rather not. He's like, There's $300. I'm like, I don't know if I have it in me.
There have been times where I've been on customer service and I'll be like, crack, crack, crack. He'll be like, No, you do it. I'll fake start crying. I'll have tears. He'll be like, Oh. Then he'll take the phone because I can't.
But he loves talking. He loves talking. I'm like, Tell them all your stories. My dad used to love customer service calls. I would go downstairs and he would have the music playing and he's like, This is going to be a long one. He would be making friends with them. Four hours in, I'm like, Dad, this was not this complicated.
I got a free iPhone.
From how?
Listen to this. I ordered an iPhone in the beginning of November. I said it was going to take two weeks to get there. Two weeks comes up, not there. Stuck in Memphis, Tennessee. Sat in Memphis, Tennessee for another two weeks. I call Apple and I'm like, My phone was obviously strolling. You got to send me a replacement.
By fire ants in Memphis, Tennessee.
They were like, No, you got to wait for it. We have to put in a claim. This has things that have to happen.
I have to not call people.
I was like, All right, put your claim in. Another week goes by. I call back again. They're like, We have to put in another claim. I was like, No, this is enough now. I'm so stressed.
I don't need a phone at this point. Craig takes the phone.
This is Pages Sorbo's attorney. You've now stolen $2,000 from her because the phone was like, I paid for it in full. They send a new phone, the very Next day, I get it. They're like, overnight, I have a new phone. Great. Two weeks later, my original phone comes in the mail, and I don't know what... Do I give it back? You sell it on the dark market. What do I do? I think I'm going to give it to my brother for Christmas.
I We'll find out then if he actually listens to Giggly Squad or not. Yeah. That's actually reminded me of some life hacks that I saw on TikTok. I'm randomly on this algorithm saying life hacks. They can tell that I'm struggling. Actually, on Burner We did a whole episode of life hacks. People sent us stuff.
I'd love to know what does his favorite life hacks are.
It does love a life hack. You guys definitely listen to that episode of Burn A Phone, but I found some stuff. One is, if you're stuck in an annoying call, put your phone on airplane mode instead of just hanging up. The other person will see call failed instead of call ended.
I've heard that before.
That's good. Isn't that good? Also, if you have heard- I don't answer it, though. You're like, I've never been on a call.
I've never been on one.
If you've I've never been given a speeding ticket, I wouldn't because I can't drive. But if you have, go to court to dispute it and always ask when the radar gun was last calibrated. Woman in stem, most cops do not calibrate their radar guns. That sounds made up, but anyway. As often as they are to, and the ticket is normally dropped. Works every time for me and people I've known. Wow. I mean, we're not saying you should drive over the speed limit. We're just saying sometimes they get annoying, like two miles over the speed limit.
Look at- Whatever. It's a school zone.
Look up your bear.
They're in class. They're not even out here. Suck it.
No, I hate the school zones.
Literally. Threw off my whole mojo.
I think because it reminds you of School. Academia. Academia. I'm just not being able to read. Look up your building's washer, dryer, model on eBay and order a key for it. I haven't paid for laundry for years. Okay, well, that's theft. It's a thing between life hack and Illegal. Illegal. Sleep soundly knowing you're not paying for onsite laundry. This is weird, and I don't know if... I personally wouldn't do it, but if the person sitting in front of you on a flight reclines their seat all the way back and leaves you with no room, turn on the air above a full blast and rotate it so it's on the top of their head. This is the thing. When they go back, I go back.
I'm always back.
When they go high, I go low.
Well, this is actually a good debate, and we have the same stance, but it's not the stance of other people. Some people think it's rude to recline your airplane seat.
See, that's wild to me because I'm a sleeper.
I've paid for this seat. If they didn't want you to recline, they wouldn't have made it reclining.
I fly maybe six times a week, and I've never I've been annoyed by someone reclining. Never. The only thing that annoys me is when I get woken up 35 minutes before we land because I need to be back up for two inches, and they wake me up, and then I lose 30 minutes of sleep.
Yeah, and they're not even landing yet. They're just doing the descent.
I totally understand. You got to put all the stuff away. You have to have your seatbelt on. But what are those two inches affecting?
When someone reclines in front of me, I'm like, Oh, we're reclining now. I do have to I get heated.
If you feel something in the back of your chair, which happens, people who turn. I've seen it happen so many times.
Turn to the person behind them, Stop doing that.
I've seen it multiple times where the person will literally turn and the other person is like, What the fuck, dude?
I haven't had any airport beef recently. Except, sometimes there's two windows and it's like, Oh, do I have two windows or is that window for that person? Someone They put their arm in and shut one of my windows and I saw their hand and I was like, Oh.
Do you want the window up or down?
I think it should be down.
I agree because something's so fucking bright. So bright. Once a guy woke me up to say, Can you open your window for the landing? I think he had anxiety or something.
So you didn't do it?
No. I go, Just hold my hand. We're going to be okay. I actually was the token girl on the tennis team. This one girl We hated flying and we flew all the time. So they sat me next to her to just talk at her to calm her down. Wait. I literally was a podcast. You've been used as... I'm an emotional support animal. Because I can make her laugh. So I would say lock eyes with me, and I would just say stupid shit, and she'd be mid-panic attack and then start laughing.
Wait, I'm surprised that hasn't become a thing more. Emotional support people.
I think it's supposed to be your significant other. But then you start fighting with them.
Emotional support people. But I would I'm not going to bring you on planes and not have to pay for the seat.
Honestly, so many comedians could probably make so much money being like, Hire a comic to sit next to you in a stressful situation. Yeah. Also, the worst thing, though, is I love having the window seat. I love the window seat. Apparently, when you grow up, you like the aisle because you like to be able to walk out and stuff. But I like the window. But there's always those long flights when I have to pee. I try not to drink too much beforehand. I'm not drinking a lot of water anyway, so normally, I don't have to pee. Where the person's asleep, seat.
And what do you do?
What do you think I do? You hold that. I fold a cheap beach chair. I don't... I would never wake that person up.
You'd pee on the seat before you woke that person up.
If you woke, wake that person up, you should run for president. That means you're assertive. That means you tell the person at the nail salon that you don't like it? Let's just do a whole new color.
I've never woken someone up on a plane. Because if anyone, a light tap on my shoulder to wake me up, that'll do it.
I mean, I've talked about this before, but does He gets startled.
When you wake him up?
When I wake him up. It's apparently just a thing in his family. Yeah.
Oh, he's one of those.
I will literally be like, Oh, my God, I have to wake him up. I try to think of like, I will so softly, like touch his leg. He doesn't look at... I'm just so soft. It's like he always goes, Oh.
Yeah, it's too much. I feel like that's just like men in general.
Well, he said it because he's a hunter. Right. That he's on high alert all the time. I'm like, You're passed I got it at 4:00 PM on a Saturday.
Well, I'm a sleeper. If anyone wakes me up, I'm one-eye. I'm what?
People don't talk about the one-eye. Is it important? No. I will say one-eye the first 30 minutes when I wake up in the morning.
I've been on Zoom calls and I'm one eye. I'm like, Yeah, I'm here. Can we do no video today?
Waking up is actually like, I fight for my life. I fight for my life. There's shit going on in pop Kendall and Bad Bunny broke up.
Kendall and Bad Bunny broke up? Yeah. Were they ever really together? I'm not plagued by it. I'm not like...
Oh, I've never been plagued by any celebrity relationship.
Yeah. Let's start saying that more. We're not plagued by it.
We're not plagued by it. What does that number really mean? The Bebonic plague. I do think they were cute and fun. They did a great campaign together for Gucci or something. They probably got paid a lot of money. I think we need to normalize people dating to not marry.
No, I think anyone you dated before you were 30. It literally doesn't count.
It doesn't count. No, it doesn't count.
You're going to hold me to the standard of someone I dated at 23? I couldn't see.
Actually, on TikTok, there's been that thing with... You saw Halleigh? That girl, Halley, she got broken up with, and she's 23 years old, and she's really heartbroken. I ran into her at an event, and I was like, Can I talk to you for a minute?
Yeah, and what'd she say?
You could tell she's been through it. She also was putting it out very publicly. Yeah.
I'm like, Oh, this is the girl where it was her friend did it? Her friend went on the date with the ex. It was her friend.
I think a girl she knew or was hanging out with one night, the next day was seen with him. Got it. They had already broken up, but it was hurtful. It was the whole thing. I was like, first of all, imagine you were publicly talking about the guys you dated at 23.
It's such a wild time. No. I'll look at the TikTok girlies now, and I love watching them. I love it. I I like their friendships. I like to see what they wear going out. I like to see their apartments. They're cute. Whatever. There's something just so girly about a girl living in New York City at 24 and figuring it out. It's something just very sweet and cute. Yes.
But imagine showing your boyfriends when you were 22, 23, 24, and then having to explain what happened.
Well, honestly, that was us being on reality TV. I didn't want who I was dating to be on reality TV for that reason. I was like, I don't want to have to talk about you in 10 years.
Yeah, we've broken up with people because we didn't want to put them on TV, or we had to explain some situation that's not ideal. But I saw her, and it is also hard because she put it out publicly. She said a lot of people keep coming up to her about it, and she doesn't want to be reminded about it. So now I feel bad. Maybe I was one of those people. Yeah, you were. I was, maybe. But I looked at her and I was just, I just I felt like I should speak.
You saw the pain that she was going through and you were like, Let me talk about myself.
Also, I've never not felt that. I just looked at her and I said, You're 23, right? I said, You have to think of relationships like jobs. Every time you get out of one, you literally level up. You get a better salary. I'm like, You're 23. I was like, I know that you're heartbroken, but you are going to be with such an amazing... You have so many tall, handsome men in your future to be upset about. Let's feel it. Then I'm so excited for who you're going to date later.
My advice to any 23-year-old who just broke up with her boyfriend would be, I don't remember the guy's name that I dated when I was 23. I genuinely couldn't tell you anyone's name from the year of 23.
In your 20s, whenever anything happens, you really feel like it's the end of your life. That's the hardest part of the 20s.
Because you're like, everyone's talking about it. Here's the thing. No one is.
When I was 23, I was breaking up with my long distance college boyfriend and then moved into the Craigslist apartment where I met the guy named Craig and dated him for a year because we lived in the same house and it was hot.
What did I do?
You were drunk.
I don't even... Where do I live?
Anyway, break up with your boyfriend.
That was so us. Go off your birth control, break up with your boyfriend, and figure out what a millimeter is. Yes.
We love you guys so much. Oh, yeah. Also, someone messaged us and they were like, Hey, is the newsletter thing a bit or is it real? Because they can't tell what's been and not. And that is so fucking valid. Wait. We hear you. So valid. Imagine we just start saying, Sign up for our newsletter. It's a made up thing. So we actually do have a newsletter, which is so off-brand for us. And it's so much admin, but we have Grace, our Gen Z correspondent and CEO who handles it. She puts it together for us.
I love that someone thought that we were lying.
Doing a bit. They literally didn't even try to look. They were like, We know this is a made-up thing. Sign up for our newsletter. We love you guys We'll get to go with you guys next week. Bye.