Transcribe your podcast

Three or four different things, depending on who we're back.


Full disclosure, we are recording this podcast after we just got off a flight, which is why Whitney is dressed like a madam. You like a gypsy traveler. Raise your arm.


People listen to a podcast. Look at that. Know what I look like? They will eventually tune into you. Jealous of what I'm wearing.


I really am a wizard coach. Why? I came in here and you just were full of rage because we're not on our house.


Some of us had to wear our suitcase clothes.


Lucky for me, it's our marriage came right from the airport and Benson is irate that he didn't get to go on tour. Before we shut this podcast. You could have borrowed statured. Yeah, but it's my Gondor. I walked in here, I decided I dress up for you guys because I didn't want to look like a slob. And I put on a cute little sweater that I've been I actually ordered the sweater to wear on a date.


Good. That's what I was just going to say. It's a good day. It's a great date. Sweater makes you look rich, which is rare.


But I realized that when I started dating someone, I instantly start buying clothes for dates with them, clothes I think they will like. And Itzik. It's sick I start buying the clothes for the person that I think the guy wants a shapeshifter.


Yeah, I start just sort of becoming a costume designer for the Zach Braff movie of, like, the Natalie Portman character.


And I was like, oh, I'm going to buy, like, fun Kotsay like, I don't wear shit like that. Sorry for you guys that are just listening. It's like a belly shirt.


It's like cropped. It's a crime that this person who is this person.


It's a cropped crocheted sweater with a high neck and mutton sleeves.


Is it mutton. Lamb. Yeah.


But months of other calls like what about who is this person. Why am I doing this. I mean it's about time so that I was like, you know what, fuck it. I'm not going to say this for a date. I'm going to wear it. But I didn't buy it for a guy that I met on a dating app. But don't you worry for me, because if you're listening, she's still wearing teeth.


Earrings. I am. I love these. You don't like these because she want you know that she's vicious.


I do like those. So anyway, Venton, as usual, as per usual, is jealous of my top.


Jonathan, your yabuki.


So just I'm always insecure about these opens. I never think they're good enough or funny enough or sharp enough or informed enough. But today I'm especially insecure because I we just flew back from Denver, Colorado. I always forget about the altitude in Denver.


Dude, that city roofies, you the second you get in, you're just out. Do dizzy. I've no idea what just happened. I came back, I had to take a nap, which is so different than every other day.


I can't believe you're feeling. I do have the schedule of the toddler knows this.


I'm shocked. I was like a nap. You know, I have to nap twice a day so that I think you're awake now.


I don't turn into Cruella De Vil, but your Epiphanny that you're going to have your ground taken out.


You just said that a lot of pompons, your tiny your tiny crossbow, you're having it removed.


I am the guard of the gate and I'm off duty.


I the keeper of the cave will go, Oh, what a horrible visual. I'm done now. It's not a cave.


It's a tiny garage. Is Khateeb called Tiny Garage for what?


Little clown cars like children's jeeps. What are you talking about? Children's Jeeps.


OK, so here's the deal. I have been on birth control since I was like fifteen. OK, not what? Stop doing math in your head. Just trying to see what you're.


That would be. Wow, wow. He's like I did it, I did it more because I had headaches. I had migraines at a very young age and a doctor put me on birth control. I've been on birth control ever since. It's not ideal to be on birth control this long, but I've had to because my headaches.


On Friday, what your headache is my thanks. So anyway, I was just like a hot teenager that did a lot of fucking and that really bad headaches and the headboard.


I know. So I'm going off my IUD this week, switching to something else. But in order to switch to the new IUD, it's called an Alvera. It's like a little calamari that I have to jam up into my uterus, which I've heard is tilted a doctor specifically.


It's still I was in. I mean, it's a tricky diagnosis.


It's like a fair ride. It's just round and round. It's it's jilted for sure.


I don't know about it, but I've had two different doctors. One told me that a small uterus and one told me that I had a tilted uterus.


I don't know if it's tilted. I think I'm just arching my back because a stranger's hand is inside my body.


I actually think I think that might be why it's tilted. Sir, this is before I knew there were female gynecologists. Like I didn't even know I was just like, why am I going to some guy named Bob for my gynecology? I love that.


Why don't I go to a lady named Mary, Mary and Bob Gynecology Center.


Yeah, what I hear, guys, even gynecologist. I'm sorry.


It's just like a it's a weird call because only men could be doctors for real long time it feels like. Are we are we good on that. Like shouldn't we just have women do gynecology for a while. Do what you're passionate about.


That's what they say. OK, I'm just I just if you're going into gynecology now as a man, as kind of a wild decision, but listen, you've been on birth control for a long time now. I've been on birth control for a very long time. So that means your hormones are used to what they're used to.


Well, I'm just scared. I'm going this Wednesday. I'm having my IUD taken out and I it's my personality is such a delicate balance of neurochemicals and hormones.


You're walking pharmacy and sodas and caffeine that I'm just I have no idea who I am off birth control. I don't know myself as an adult woman off birth control.


Well, maybe it'll change. I'm sorry. There's no way. Can't wait to meet me. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Going to grow a forked tongue?


I don't know guys into that.


I mean, you're going to be like you're going to overthink more things. Like what? I mean, what could possibly happen to take more naps? You know, maybe maybe it'll be the opposite of, like, really amazing things will happen to you. Like, your hair will grow longer and your eyes will get brighter and your nipples will get pinker.


Like maybe that'll be what happens. My nipples are pretty pink. I said, beancurd, maybe that'll happen.


Maybe you're being too negative about it. Mercola Pink. No bigger, badder. Pinker and I talked about it on my HBO special, but when women are on birth control, essentially we start to smell pheromones and men differently because our body thinks it's pregnant. I mean, we essentially pregnant. That's why you can't get pregnant. That's what birth control does. It makes your body think that you're pregnant so it doesn't shed your uterine lining.


The length of sentences I like that I do with some amazing women's bodies can do. It's just one big magic trick nightmare. And so you're attracted to a different kind of man when you're on birth control and when you're off birth control.


Apparently, when you're on, I explain this very elegantly. Pain is my friend. I broke my shoulder, didn't go to the doctor for four days. I can handle pain. I have a high tolerance for pain or just.


That's just dumb. Yeah. Not go to the doctor because you broke your shoulder. What?


Well, I just I have a high tolerance for pain is my point. When I got the IUD put in, I not only did I fly off the bed and I hit my head on the back wall, I puked afterwards.


It hurt so bad. You thought it was like there was a weird pain in the center of your body because it was a soul.


Should be it was an empty place. You're like, what is that was an exorcism. You don't even know I'm going to go, but you don't have an IUD. You're like, damn disoriented.


Those are the little sticks from the Blair Witch Project.


Almost choked on this funny little bundle is what it looks like, though.


The IUD is just like it's a sketchy device.


Those little bundles of sticks are called fetishise, too. Yeah, I have a fetish up in my uterus for sure. And I'm going to get it taken out, which is a whole other fetish. I bet I could video it on only fans and make some cash.


Oh, that's a that's a niche market.


So we could put my IUD on eBay for charity.


They give it back to you or is it or that would be medical waste.


I don't know if you can keep your IUD or not. That's a really good. My dad kept his hip bone. Is polio infested hipbone looks wild or is it?


I have a picture of it somewhere, but he got his hip removed and replaced because he had polio, so he had it replaced. And now the hip bone just sits on a shelf in our hunting room.


You know, I want to know more about it. Well, you know, that's interesting. You would have thought for two years you would have known I had room for you.


You know, you should elaborate on that point.


This is a room full of guns and bullets. My dad owned shells in there and stuff, and it has like guns and all kinds of things. What else is in the hunting room?


I mean, nothing's you're going to like the only interesting thing I've heard today, what else? There's lots of bullets. I think there's some grenades.


AK 47, I think are in there somewhere.


I don't know where my dad got them. They're all legal nuggets like this for everything. What does he do with them? And the grenades don't work. The shells of grenades, solvents, clear.


I mean, he shoots things. But then what do you mean when he said with a gun, he shoots deer, squirrels, whatever you can shoot with a gun legally, shooting a squirrel probably takes a lot of skill there. So, I mean, many Starlee, they stop and stand that move forever. Suicide sharks, they don't run in circles.


What do you mean?


They stop and stand. They sob like they're not running around. You shoot them, you wait for them to stop and then you shoot it.


But the second you shoot it, doesn't it hear it and then get all Whiley. When you shoot it, it's dead so it won't do anything.


I don't want to try, Eugene, because you said it hurts so bad that I told you I'd have an epidural. Oh, she literally said to me the doctor was like after my reaction to getting the IUD put in my uterus, maybe I've just not.


Maybe I've just I don't know, maybe you guys haven't gone deep enough. I don't I don't know what's happening to my uterus was so unscathed in that area.


I had a virgin uterus.


She was like, you're going to have to have an epidural when you have a kid. I was like, first of all, I will be buying a kid. Let's be honest.


We can't wait for that text message in the morning. I need a kid. Where can we find one in the fourteen follow up messages? Do we get it? Is it on the way? Where's the kid? Is the kid coming to. We get a kid. Let's rush you. Can you rush it. Can you call. But the kid that's not the kid. I ordered this different sizes because I didn't know.


I said what can we rewind. Do you think that do you think that did reach your uterus? I don't know.


I as soon as I said it, I got distracted and confused. I don't know that much about.


That's what Willie Wonka asked Dick if it's going all the way up. This is the elephant in the living room. Women know nothing about our own vaginas. I couldn't tell you. Don't turn labia and clitoris. I don't. I truly don't know. I thought I was laying eggs like I don't under I don't know, no one teaches us my generation wasn't taught about our own vaginas.


Well, truly got a pocket mirror. Time to learn. No, thank you. No, I'm good. I feel like that ship has sailed. I feel like I would have rather have learned about it in its glory days when I was a kid.


But when you're going to you're going to get a kid and a kid back and have a kid. OK, so here's what I've decided, because when you're touring comedian, you have to plan out your whole year, you know, because basically I'm touring next fall. I think all the rescheduled dates from covid are now going to be fall. Twenty, twenty one. I'm there. I just turned thirty eight years old. Tick tock. I'm not talking about the app or am I.


I just I need to think about what I'm gonna have a kid.


I was like, you know what I for the longest I get so many like Hollywood people have had kids on their own that it stop being cool to have a kid on your own.


Yeah. Now you guys just have you can eat them. Time to stay young.


We know what you're doing for the Adrianna Grum, you know. Is that real?


No, I mean, surely not. OK, let's not get into that. So I will say that you're going to do what?


Pizza emojis all over my Instagram. It would be nice. Are you going to are you just going to have the baby with you? Here's I'm thinking I don't like I guess I just I don't want anyone to be sad for me. Like, I'm just a snob about the people I date. And I love my life and I love my animals and I love my friends. And if I find someone great. But I also like I'm down to have a kid on my own.


But the only reason I don't want to because I don't want people to be like, she's so brave and triumphant and I'm just like, that's not true. I'm not I'm I'm the opposite of brave. I'm scared of involving a person that annoys me and leaves their hoodies everywhere and they're wet towels on my bed. So I'm just going to do it alone. It's not an act of resistance. It's an act of cowardice.


OK, well, if the baby doesn't have a dad who remember the baby's name and birthday, you you're that. No, I'm the dad and you're the mom. And I just want to know the deadbeat dad, if you're the baby's mom, to be really clear that you know, that babies are people and one day they will grow up and not like you for about seven years, they'll have different thoughts, feelings, opinions.


You ready for that?


Oh, so they'll be like my Instagram followers.


They'll be like like to live here like a live comment section.


Yeah. They'll be like they're going to live in your house again. If you hit them, you go to jail, can't block them or anything. So I just I have a gaggle of bitches that would help me raise her also.


All comedians. Yeah. Female comedians raising a baby. It'll be like Labrinth, David Bowie and Labrinth, all the Gremlins, Goblins, Goblin. I mean, it'll be like the the craft, your favorite. It'll be like a bunch of childless witches raising a babe. You didn't watch that movie. That didn't turn out good.


It'll be like Rosemary's Baby.


It'll end there. But you're going to do you might do it by yourself. I think I might do a year.


Well, because here's the thing I don't want I am all for having babies late. If you're a woman, that's great. Godspeed. Janet Jackson had a baby at fifty. Good for you. Right? I think Chloe seven. You had one at forty five. I just don't want to do that. I can do that. I believe women should be able to work. I don't want to be an older mom. I truly. I want to be able to.


Beat up my kid and win. I want to be fat. I want to be able to beat my kid in a race. It's safe to say you will not be getting to adopt a kid if someone listens back to this.


Yeah, probably like no, not ideal. This is not ideal. If I decide to adopt, we're going to have to take this down.


Won't be the first time we had to take a podcast down really quickly. But I, I do want to make sure I'm like physically available to fight my kid back if it attacks me.


Now, what are you planning on raising this kid in a trailer park while you're fighting it? Well, here's the thing.


I feel great and precious.


I might be I might be projecting because I was a punk ass kid when my parents got divorced. I got so angry when my mom started dating a new guy. I'm not proud of this. I can't believe I'm admitting it. But my mom started dating New Guy and I got mad at her one day and I called her a hooker. I thought this would be so much better than that.


I thought you said she smacked me across the face and I hit the floor, hit the floor.


And literally the second I had to fall, I was like, you're right, you're right. And every time I talk to my mom, I'm like, thank you for doing that forever. The dramatics hitting the floor. I was like, you full telenovela spin.




She hit me so hard and she was so fucking right to do so. What was the guy's name?


I just wanna know who got you slammed Ron. I think like not even worth it.


Ron Mom. But sometimes I mean and I also I'm not like I don't know, I just, I don't want to be fifty and like cutting up orange slices for soccer practice. Like I'm not I'm going to be when I'm fifty, I'm going to be in bed like the grandpa from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or what age you are.


You're not cook for the kid.


I the hope that you let somebody else take care of that saying I don't want to have a kid. I know that's is that not a feminist thing to say? I can I just don't want to.


You can do whatever you want. That's feminine. That's exactly right.


I feel like I'm not being forced to have a kid who you are arguing with. I don't know me and my. Is anyone watching many personalities? No, it's like I just feel like now there's this pressure for me to have a kid later so that I can be a role model or something if I have a kid I like sellout. Oh yeah.


They're like, would you send that money up for. I know you're just like, oh, you're just going to have a kid, you're just going to like it's like, well yeah. Yeah. How about a water slide. Yeah.


I mean I don't know but I do think I would do the donor thing. Sperm donor.


I started dipping my toe into the donor pool of sperm.


It's gross to gross thing to say I was on an airplane in a pandemic. That's the least gross thing I've seen today in my brain. Here's the thing. The sperm donor market is a sketchy market.


It's a wild like it's like an app basically, or website, it's like a dating app or a website and all the photos of the guys come up and they're all like, twenty two and hot.


They all look like Hitler's dream, like they all look like Nazi. So like gorgeous blondes with like blue eyes. It's kind of uncomfortable.


You were just on OK Cupid when you were like, I don't understand why they're asking me so many questions.


And when you're looking for someone that's solely a donor and not a boyfriend or potential husband, it's such a different experience. It's so liberating because you're just like height, height, weight, height, all you give a fuck about and is like, is that what it's like to be a straight guy going on apps? I was like, this is so much easier. Like I don't have to like, check if you're on your own. Look, that's all I gave a shit about.


Even in the sperm donor sites, they have these little bios that say like their interests and like ones like I went to Harvard Law School. I'm like, I don't give a fuck where you went. I don't care. First of all, if you went to Harvard Law School and you're giving jerking off into a court for money, something went very wrong.


Well, maybe the time you paid for Harvard Law School, I was thinking about this when you brought this up minutes. I paid for it. And that might make that baby a little survivor, which would be a great skill to have in a home where we just leave pans burning in, tubs run in and candles lit, doors wide open.


I mean, I don't care about my sperm donors interests. It was like loves to swim.


I don't give a fuck. How tall are you? I want my donor offspring to be able to pull himself out of a ravine if necessary.


Kari does on the weekends. Oh, the best is when it's like the sperm donor sites are like good sense of humor. I'm like, that has nothing. That's not your genetics. That's not you don't inherit a good sense of humor. You get a good sense of humor from a bad childhood.


That's not well, your kid will be a hoot when you go to both of them, feed them banana bread, pancakes, some vegan whipped cream.


It's weird also because the the donors that they're more expensive, some are more expensive than others.


And the ones are the most expensive are the ones that have yielded the most the biggest brood, if you will, want to.


Ones that get the most women pregnant are the ones that are the most expensive, the most white sperm.


I know it's like a racehorse that is feminisms or sex trafficking. So I'm I'm still stuck on the fact that, like, the more kids they have, the more money.


I know it's intense. So now your kids is going to have a bunch of siblings, but they don't know about that. Feels like abuse.


But I have a lot more questions about your IUD. Oh, I prepared for a very long time. I kept yelling at Venton yesterday on a Sunday to prepare for this open because I just could not get my shit together.


So he's written five pages and also on the airport and also on the plane and in the Uber. Yeah, I, I crack the whip.


Twenty three on me. You didn't finish your sentence.


What's the big thing about the tone of the is it's more that if I have two kids let's say I have two donor kids is an ethical dilemma.


Do you want to have them both from the same donor or do you do different donors like do you want them to have.


Well you want to make them in a relationship with a donor.


Yeah, but you want them to have an escape plan, so it might be easier for them to have the same donor.


But I'm not worried about having a lot, you know. Are you worried about them having a lot of siblings?


They don't know. I have a lot of siblings. I don't know. And it's worked out fine. OK, why do you want.


Because you told me in the hotel you thought was incest and that really stuck in my head. Well, it is. I don't know what kind of Greek tragedy you're going to be living through. What God's curse them to fucking their sibling. Here's the thing. I learned that I had a bunch of siblings, half siblings that I didn't know.


And when I learned that, I was like, look, I want to fuck them. What if I dated one of them? Like, well, I don't know. But then we talked about how you smell the pheromones of siblings and they're repellent to you. So if someone smells bad to you, if a guy smells really bad to you, our girl smells really bad, too.


There's a chance that you're related in some way or he's wearing axe body spray. Amanda sarnies on the pod. We get really granular about how she got famous on Instagram, about what influencing is, how to do it. She did it all herself. She didn't wait around for someone else to do it for her. She didn't wait around for the gatekeepers. She just fucking buckled down. She taught herself how to edit, look at her and go, OK, I can do this.


Like I think for me, I was so like, who do I need to be on social media?


And it's just like, you just need to be yourself and the best version of yourself. And if you have, like, you know, negative traits that are holding you back, like go fix them, you know, like find a way to make sure that your heart shines through in what you do publicly social media, and make sure that when someone looks at your stuff because your social is everything now it's your storefront that people have put you in a positive folder in their brain.


When they think of you, they think of something positive. I mean, I would be in the podcast, you talk a lot about her, like her career and job and how she does all that, but for me, it's really I'm really interested in who someone is and the camera's off and the listeners should know that she is like such. I think that comes through.


I mean, I think it is true. But I mean, like there are people that I think on camera, you know, you don't know you don't know if someone is on there and they're on Cameron who they're not.


I don't think you can fake something for two and a half hours. I think that's the thing about podcasting. I think that's why podcasts are changing entertainment so much, because I don't think you can fake it for two and a half hours. Mean there are people that will not come on this podcast and publicists won't let them come on this podcast because they know I can go on Jimmy Kimmel for eight minutes and pretend to be a good person, but you can't get away with it for two days.


And she is I mean, little interaction meeting. I'm really thankful that you brought Amanda to something. Got to meet her because, I mean, that little interaction that we had in your backyard, I mean, that, like, refilled my cup.


I felt like, yeah, she's cool or diva cup my blood. I also it also there's a live a lot of epiphanies with her like her coming into my life made me realize a lot of old programming that I had that I needed to look at and work on. So I'm excited for you guys to hear it. Sorry about tonight are so tired. I'm going to go back to bed when you come satcom. More tour dates are being added have been added.


Merch comes out October 9th. All that new merch that you guys love that Benton is wearing right now is on sale. Love you.


Enjoy Amanda Sahani. Yeah I.


We now take a break in our regularly scheduled programming to talk about one of my favorite things, two of my favorite things, frankly, false love them can't get enough of them. The only the only problem with dicks and balls.


And as you may have guessed, we're talking about manscape right now. And I'm so glad this company exists because balls were not set up to win.


They were placed in a very unfortunate area of the body, a place that does not get much sunlight, does not get much ventilation. That is downright swampy. And that's not your fault.


And up until now, there were not a lot of products that were especially designed to clean those stalactites.


But now we have manscape. Now we have just released their products in the U.K., Canada and Australia.


Now I can start dating guys in the UK, Canada and Australia.


They also just released their crop care kit, which is formulative bundle to give you a plus balls.


And the ultimate male hygiene has a plus bawls valedictorian balance.


The care kit includes the preserver, which is the ball deodorant, the ball deodorant.


The fact that this wasn't around when I was in college. Really? Oh, very unfortunate.


It gets better for you. They also have a crop reviver, which is about Hohner or a spray on toner that gives your balls a little slice of heaven with their oliviero and hazelnut extract, not hazelnut.


Heysel But you're thinking about nuts.


Well, I mean, I will have to compromise on that. Right.


But can I tell you, balls again, it's not your fault. Balls look like dried apricots. I don't know why the consistency of that skin is so thin. You have got to tone it. Little Alvera will really make a big difference. I don't know what that why that skin always looks like.


It's for temperature regulation.


Oh, that's why the skin on balls is so thin. They're filled with sperm you guys have. Oh that's true.


You all look at the crop cleanser, which is a body wash, a full body in there take care of.


Oh my gosh, the future of humanity is in these little sacks.


Preserve them, revive them, cleanse and mop them and mop up with ball wives. You never know the ball wipes. I love that.


You never know when the opportunity will strike. You should always be prepared. Please be prepared. Don't go into my bathroom and start using my expensive. So your eye creams. Well, yeah. Wash your balls with my expensive eye creams and towels. You can always tell when a guy has tried to wash his scrotum. Like really quickly in your bathroom. There's water on the ceiling all around. The thing I know like to do it. So why do you think patchouli.


Yeah. Why do you smell like Elizabeth Arden?


Diamonds, the white diamonds. The kid also comes with a footnote, which is the foot deodorant love. It's a free gift is so great. And you get the lawnmower. Three point oh Trimmer offers a replacement ceramic blade with advanced skin safe technology, which helped reduce grooming accidents.


It's replaceable ceramic blade. We're very tired guys. We are very hung over and jet lag.


It's also waterproof. The formulas are all vegan, cruelty free, die, free sulfate, free pair and free.


So good, because here's the thing about the lawnmower. Three point out this is I have given these to men because I run a tight ship and what they tell me is that it doesn't work. Am I allowed to say this? It doesn't cut their balls. Yes. Can save technology. Yeah.


Because it's like if you just use like some regular like Janki Rusty razor that you got in a hotel for you, it's going to rip your balls skin.


There's a little light on it. It's waterproof. It has a rechargeable Stanlib. That's good.


And you get 20 percent off and free shipping at manscape dotcom with Whitney.


You can use it on your. But sorry, some of you guys have very hairy butts and it's jarring. It's jarring, I'm just saying some guys like fingers in their butts now, and if you want to finger in your butt, you got to make it a hospitable place. Yeah.


You're not pushing that finger through a wicker basket.


If you care for those beautiful balls of yours, all you have to do is go to their site, hit a few buttons on your phone. It will change your life for the better. Get 20 percent off and free shipping at manscape dotcom, a Whitney and some swag to your saggy bag. This is it, guys. This is it.


Shalom fresh. Hello. Fresh hay fresh. Oh, hey, Frasch. What like I love the name hell.


We'll get to the product in a second but I love the name. Hello Fresh. It's just such a positive. Like the two best words in the English language and one thing.


Hello fresh when I ask is it bunga bunga or false. Say it in French. Hello Huffer. Aloha Aloha.


Frosch a fresh you guys know hello fresh. Now is the time to actually act on your desire to order. Hello Frasch. You've heard about it on podcast. You've thought that's a good idea. They just deliver amazing meal kits to your home. America's number one meal milk number one meal kit. I should do that.


It saves you time, money. They're delicious, nutritious. I just heard about that on a podcast. I should do that. I'm an I should do that person and I'll do that for like a year. I like doing this. I see. I'm not. It takes me a while.


I'm like, I should do that. I should totally. That's such a great idea. Today's the day to act on that idea. Hello. Fresh offers convenient delivery to your doorstep for easy home cooking with the family. No rigamarole you know me and rigamarole. I can go to the grocery store. You go or get all the stuff you can't find. It is all in the weird. All the aisles are wrong. They put the ragu next to eggs.


You're like, wow, this makes no sense.


You forget half the ingredients and you get home and you're like, oh, I didn't get to work, but with a fresh and all comes pre measured in a box and then each meal comes in a little bag, you get a recipe kit, you can add things like garlic bread, tiny desserts.


You have to do dishes after. Sorry, that's my man. Do you have to do dishes after because you have to cook with them. That's not true. But I mean, you try, you don't have to do like all like it's like cuts down.


Like when I did the my last it was the chick pea couscous. I just put it right in and then it was like, it was like two bowls opposed. If I had made chickpea couscous it'd be like nine bowls.


Oh, yeah, OK, that's good math, that is yeah, that's solid. I'm going to tell you what, he doesn't know how to cook, so she probably did use two bowls.


I can cook with 11, but hell, if it tells you what you need, it'll tell you feed bowls measuring it tells you everything on the instructions. Very easy. The meals are super good. She doesn't get cold. I tell you. They're also committed to giving back how fresh is committed to making fresh, delicious food available. More than now, more than ever, they've taken extra steps to keep its employees and customers safe during it with contactless delivery.


Awesome. All the packaging, like the food they leave in front of your door, all the food stays fresh, cold the meat in there until you get back and put in your little fridge. It's great.


I also like that it's all the ingredients are already measured for you. Like you don't have to, you know, like the measuring fucking spoons and things like, you know, you never know.


Those are just things you what you need.


If you know is this what is this one fourth half of a cup squared. The root of pi, like it's it's never the same, it's like, wait, is this an English sizes? It's like, is this even, you know, I mean, how the French takes care of it.


It's like, can you convert now a few decibels? Is this Fahrenheit? Like, I don't even know. You can't even read the ingredients and it doesn't match with the little spoons you got.


If you relate to this, you really need hello French. If any of that made any sense, just just order it. Go to hello French dot com slash.


Good for you 80. What's your favorite one? Well, I'm currently on the calorie smart program.


That's cool because I'm trying to ruin your life by by losing all this weight on my clothes.


It's so hot and being in a Baywatch movie.


But yeah, I did the calories part one and I but if I'm not doing that, I love like they have a Texas mac and cheese with all these cheeses and it's like pepper.


It's so good. Like spicy. How long does it take to cook. I think that one takes like literally 20 minutes for like and I think it's a meal for two or four.


You can get either one and you can keep it like for the week. Well, yeah. Before the pandemic I made it for friends one time and it was really good.


Oh, I didn't think about that one time. I ate it with nachos before I was on the Calama plan.


Oh great. That's a good call. I really, I get I'm like a creature of habit. I'll eat the same thing for like two weeks and then I'll switch to another like I don't that's just my brain. But the chickpea couscous, I'm super obsessed with it. It's not like too spicy.


And then there's two chickens, there's a paprika chicken that makes me feel very worldly.


And then there's a. A Mediterranean chicken. Am I saying it right? Yes, it's just like I just I'm going to lose. All the chickens are just like I feel like I got my protein. I got my vegetables. Like, I feel like I'm just like I can kind of be relax during the day because I know when I have a hell of a fresh meal at night, I'm like, get all the vitamins I need so I can kind of turn the day that they probably want me to say this and that.


But I just feel like I know that I'm going to eat healthy at night so I can kind of drink soda again.


If you related to that, please just order the kit. And this is no joke, USSI, or this is no joking. Literally. I've tried probably every meal they make so far and I've never had a bad one.


Love it. Never. That's it. But Benton doesn't go to hello French dot com slash.


Good for you and use code. Good for you. 80 to get a total of eighty dollars off including free shipping on your first box. That's hello French dotcom. Such good for you. Eighty and use code. Good for you. Eighty to get eighty dollars off including free shipping on your first box. It's weird that we're friends.


Yeah yeah. Yeah it's like is unexpected. Yeah yeah. Yeah. But it works so like I feel like we're alike in a lot of ways. Yeah, like we look exactly like we have the same exact body, like the the second me, I have always wanted this like a new I guess, or like your third robot. Fourth robot. Which one look exactly like my robot was a huge compliment. I mean, that was designed by professionals, a better version of me without dead eyes.


No, but I think the way that we met, it might not have been a big deal to you, but it was a big deal to me.


It was. Yes, it was a big deal to me, too.


We spend a lot of time on the show, overanalysing and little tiny moments in our nobut when you and I met, it was a big deal because I, as everyone on the show knows historically, have some. I'm spooked a little bit by female friendships. I've had some heartbreak in female friendships. I grew up around really complicated, sensitive women that I had to walk on eggshells around a lot of borderline personality disorder. And as a result, I was in really toxic friendships for a really long time.


And when you and I met, I was kind of just getting back out there. Oh, really? Yeah.


Wow. Because, like, the one of the my rebound keys, am I going to stay around because rebounds usually know I'm just testing.


OK, practicing. Yeah.


But when I met you it didn't come across like that at all because like we were doing David Spade show and that's how we first met. And then when we were like going I'm like going to be with comedians and I'm like I do comedic acting, I'm not a stand up comedian. And then I'm sitting there, like about we're about to start with you guys. And I'm like, OK, well, this is like I'm a little bit nervous. But then immediately, like you like you touched my arm.


You're just like, oh, it's like you're going to do great. You're going to and like so welcoming made me feel a little patronizing.


Yeah. Oh, honey, I'm going to be great. Yeah. Good luck. I know about yourself.


It was really genuine and it made me more relaxed and made me feel like I was so much more comfortable. I felt good being there. I felt good leaving there. I wanted to do the show again, even just because of you like. So it just made me you just made me feel really good. And that's not and I'm not just saying that, like, because it's just not that normal, which is weird for L.A. or in life, you know, two things happen.


And I think that I, I couldn't have done that ten years ago because I was programmed. Your imelda's your age. Thirty or thirty. Twenty nine. Twenty nine.


Oh, my God, I'm such a bitch. You're thirty eight. You just hold on to that last thirty five. I'm forty five. I look just like always do it up. That's the best strategy. Yeah. Just I know people like Whitney lies about her age. I'm like no, if I was going to do it I'd lie up so that I seemed like I looked. Yeah. Yes. Seventy seven I look wow.


You know, but I'm thirty eight. So if we had done that ten years ago I don't think it would have gone to me. I don't think I would have been mean to you like I think I would have been overly nice but saccharin and probably not as genuine.


And I was insecure and I was programmed to believe that women were your competition. Yeah, I grew up with a lot of that shit. Yeah. I mean, that's how a lot of everybody was raised. I think that's why I like women. Friendships are always like, oh, like so are to be friends with girls. It's because we were kind of raised to always just be in competition with each other to compete to get the limited amount of jobs that were like available to each other in order back or.


Yeah, the guys are like, you know, so yeah, it's always been like that. And now it's like which is great. Like I think the new generations probably aren't going to have that as much.


I know it's you I can I tell you. So Amanda, as you all know, has whatever. Twenty five million followers on Instagram and YouTube and all that. I'm probably getting those numbers wrong a little bit more like your age.


OK, yeah. Yeah. I overshot the followers, advertised really bad so I feel uncomfortable. Didn't get me out of gear. How many followers you have. Like what, like ten million. I don't know. It's fine. Like you're close enough.


I actually have this theory I had there's this actress in Hollywood who always hated me and she was such a fucking saboteur. But it's the kind of thing that, like no one could understand it, she would give you these, like, backhanded compliments where she would over compliment you to the point where you had to correct her and insult yourself.


I mean, that's like she's cheering. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I heard you just got that job where. Oh, you're doing that movie with Denzel Washington. Congratulations.


You have to be like, no, actually, it's a Wayans brother, but OK. I like your achievement was minimized for over complimenting you.


Like, how did you. I love that. Yeah, I know. I'm like oh like that's a really smart go to move for the book.


Yeah. She doesn't. Well, not about that, but she did write a book, I think, at some point, but yes, she would be like, oh my God, I heard you just bought a house. Oh, my God. I'm like, why did you call me God? Is that that one? Oh, my God. That one up in Bel Air was just for sale. And I'm like, no, Studio City was not the bell.


I was so proud of that until you just did that. Yeah, that was amazing.


That's a good I've never heard of that strategy.


It was such a mind for great. How did you just hurt my feelings on my special day?


Yes, but it's interesting because when big name drop Liza Koshy was over this weekend as well, namedrop, as you can tell by my hat, your whole I was like, yeah, look good though.


Like I mean, she does.


I'm trying to think I don't think she was in a hat this weekend. No, I was just having a shitty hair day and I put a hat on and now it looks like I'm trying to be I don't think she was in a hat this week like that would make it.


But she would want to have a nice holiday.


I always had I feel like one time where I realize Lysenko, she's always having on like an orange hat.


Like, I feel like that's she could pull that off. Yeah. She's like the only person that can be. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh that's what you're saying. Yeah. But something interesting happen where you were over and I invited her over to and I didn't tell either of us why would I be weird.


And I saw you both and I went, oh my God, I hope they get along.


That was my first really like my old reaction. Old blueprint of women don't get along, especially if they're competitive with each other because you're both really, really famous, successful influencers. What is that? Am I sexist? And my list. Well, what is that know? Because we're in the same industry, but different, you know, I don't know, like it's a normal thought to have because it's like me bringing if I brought a new female comedian now that I know you, I would never do that.


Are you fucking the female comedians I like are in my house at all times, but I know if I brought one, you would be nice to her. Yeah, of course. Like you. And then you'd be like, don't do that again.


So I'd be like, OK, I got it.


Well, it just was interesting to me because I was like, oh my gosh. I guess this next generation of women likes each other. This is wild. Yeah. They support each other. Been like snuggling on the sofa.


I was actually wearing armor for a battle that's over. The war is over. That's what she told me one time. Yeah. When did I tell you that?


When I was talking about how I didn't like talking to guys and I was rude to them.


And you being rude term that comes in the house because they were all guys, all my lovers, you know, just you intentionally being rude to them on purpose. Yeah. Because you were trying to hurt them before they attacked you.


You I want you to think I don't I don't give a shit if you live or die. Yeah, that's right. Change. Did your behavior change after that. Yeah. So I mean you tell me you actually. Yeah.


I think it happened before the pandemic's are now we haven't had people in the house as much so I'm trying to think but yeah I do remember, remember that time we went down to was at Twitter or Snapchat or something and people were like Hi Benton.


You're like hey like like exasperated that they were saying hi to you.


Yeah. Sometimes a lot of work for me, but that's interesting.


So you're like, I'm going to reject you before you have a chance to win.


I mean, all my bad experiences had to do with guys. So just the same with you and women. Like I'm like, there's nothing there for me. We're not have anything in common. You're not going to like me.


Let's get this over. Let's not let's not do this charade. But turns out it's not true.


I have lots of guy friends. I've been working on that for about three years, so I love you. Yeah. Which is weird, right? My boyfriend loves you. They know they don't have enough to compete for the women's. Yeah. They've already won on that.


They've already lost. So that was really interesting. But do you find though that with your trajectory of success, which I want to talk about in a second, that that you have encountered competitive shit with women?


Yeah, but like, I don't I don't like just keep it with me, you know, like you experience moments of like cattiness or attitude or not feeling well. I mean, it's like minimal. It's not like crazy. And it was usually like with older women too, like especially when I was younger, I would feel so like, oh, OK, they don't like me, but, you know, it's just it's I think it's just like a guard up there.


And I don't think anybody is like really means to do it. They do it as like their own, like defense.


They're insecure. Yeah. Yeah. And I just remember like seeing you and going, I know what girls used to do to me. Yeah. And I don't want to be that like I want to break the cycle. And I remember like going up to you and being like, well you did.


I'm so glad you're here. I was like, I'm here. I want you to win so badly. I'm trying so hard to undo the conditioning and the social construction that there can only be one woman.


And, you know, because I used to do like all those shows where there be a bunch of comedians and you be like, OK, there's another girl and I got a fucking beat her. Why not try to beat the guys, too? Why don't you try to beat everyone?


The first time you, her and I hung out, we hung up. Like four hours straight and I was like, this bitch releases resentment's like you were talking about, like some things that had happened to you in the past or I was like, I would still be seething over that. I would still be like coming up with counter arguments in the mirror. Like there are still things that I hang on to, like fights with exes or women or and work situations where I'm like, I'll just wake up in the middle of night and I'll be like, yeah, and I'll come up with the retort and them will get them.


I don't want to restart the fight just so I can throw in the banger like I remember. Like, like I had an ex call me a lot once in a fight and you just retain that.


He goes, you know, he you're a lot. And I was like, what, like not a cunt, not a bitch, not a whore. Like a lot like it was just like so weird because I was like, like, wow, it's such a vague insult, you know what I mean?


I don't know how to get hurt by it. It was just like so confusing. It's one of those Warshak tests where then you end up just having like now I have to come up with the insult for you. Like, I have to fill in the blanks.


And you have written on a necklace now a lot because I'm such a big deal for me. And it was very because I spent my whole life trying to be a lot. I was like, that's what I want to be like you.


And then I remember I woke up in the middle of night and I went, you know, you're just a little that's what I should have said.


And I came up with it two years later. And then I wrote a TV show about that moment and then they gave me a necklace. I love that.


If you ever see me in the car on the interstate, I'm having a full on fight with someone in my head.


If someone calls, I drive. That is a compliment as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, but like you did that in a positive way. Like, you know, it's not like you went out and tried to, like, plan an attack on somebody. It's like you use that moment in that story to make it like carry on and you have to sublimate it into something. And, you know, it's just interesting because I was just thinking about you and, you know, and I maybe I was projecting I think about you a lot because we're always texting.


It's like this is an intervention, frankly, I need to set about with you.


But I was thinking about you because I was like you did actually last night, by the way. I think you told me. OK, well, I got to go now. I'm like, OK, yes, do your thing by like I said, like, I'm not texting anymore. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I do that cut me off. Yeah. Yeah.


She text that. Yeah. She's like we're done now and then send you text after. And I'm not responding anymore because we're not texting anymore today. That was me yesterday. I was like I'm asleep. But I like it though because you know, I want to get better. I cut you off in the middle. You're sorry, but I want to get you no interruptions on this show. Yeah. Sorry. I'm so sorry. No, how dare you interrupt me?


I get me in later. I think you said you want to get better at it.


Oh, yeah. Your dog in a chokehold.


You want to get a thing. You want to get better. Well, for me, the texting, it's more that my in my friendships now because I'm working so hard for my friendships to be resentment free and to not allow my friends to not be codependent with them so that it doesn't breed resentment later. You know, like when I'm texting somebody, I don't want you to respond if you can't, because then you're going to.


I'm exhausting you by accident. Right? Right. Right. You don't I mean, it's like Esther call me today at one o'clock and she's like, hey. And I'm like, I'm working. She's like, sorry. It was sort of like if I take this call right now for thirty minutes, I'm then going to be mad at you later. So but you don't want me to be mad at you. So it's my job. That's the best point in relationships.


And I don't know why it takes so long to get to that point for a lot of them of being able just to be blunt and like just, you know, honest, like I'm doing this for us.


Yeah. I'm doing so we can stay friends. Yeah. No, it's true, though, because even with me, like, I'll not talk to my friend Bouche for like a month and then we'll just be so busy doing stuff and then all of a sudden we'll get together and just be like, oh like go. Right. And we're not mad at each other for not calling. We're not like if you want to talk to somebody, call them if you want to, you know, and it's also an a bigger way.


Now I always know where I stand with you.


So if you say winning, I can't text you for the rest today or like I'm going into record, I'm going to shoot like I'm not. I like to do it because I like to know if someone's on their phone or not. Yeah. So it's like I just like to say, hey, I'm going to be offline until 8:00 p.m. just to manage other people's expectations so they don't think I'm rejecting them or whatever. But I also like it because when you say, like, I can't talk right now and then when I come ask you for advice, I know I can trust you.


What I say to these jeans look cute and you say, yes, I can trust you. You know what I mean? Like, I just I feel like I was in so many relationships with you for so long that we're just so full of shit just so, like, kissy ask unctuous.


Like, I love that on you. You're so cute. I love that guy. Know, date him.


And it was all like everyone was going through puberty. We're running a presidential campaign with each other. Can you guys to each other.


Why are we bullshitting each other so much like what is this, you know, honesty is like yeah I never felt like work and it just felt like like and I think it took me so long to realize that friendships should be energizing, not depleting.


I think that's probably why I trusted you right away, too, because. You were like that right away. You know, you kind of told me how you what you thought, like when you could do something when you couldn't. Oh yeah. Then I didn't text you for eight months. I canceled like 20 times. Was fine because she was like, hey, like, I got this. And I'm like, OK, I get it. But obviously I'm going to do about it.


But I love that because I, I really wanted to start our relationship on an honest because I was like I could absolutely see her for an hour out of obligation so that I was OK. So we text to make a plan which I don't do with everybody. You don't have to make plans with fucking everyone. No one has time for that. OK, like, you know, you meet someone when you're like, we should hang out. It's OK.


Don't say that if you don't actually want to hang out with them because then you just made a new friend by accident. I do that all the time.


I'm like, we should hang out. And I'm like, OK, it's like the how are you? Yeah. And then they're like, OK. And they don't really want to either. And then you're both sort of doing this thing you don't want to do and you're like, oh God, OK, here's my number, I'm going to go to hike.


And it's just like, oh it's just like both hate fucking each other and just so take it off, you just love making you meet someone by accident.


We're like, we should hang out, which just means by it means bye. Yeah, but I feel like you'll say that. But you not many people actually go through with the hang out if they didn't mean to hang out. Interesting.


Right. Because I don't. Yeah. You would just say it and just kind of. Did you go through a thing.


I mean I think the ultimate intimacy is being able to be silent with someone.


It is. Yeah. Oh yeah. And I used to look at couples when they were out eating dinner. Couple.


Yeah, yeah. Other couples couples.


But I used to look at them and be like, oh how are they just not talking. They're just sitting there eating. That's so sad.


But no it's so ran out of things to talk about how depressing. And now I'm like that is the fucking Glottis relationship.


Yeah. Yeah.


Because I remember thinking that I'm just staring at them like, like I fell conversation. It was just interesting because I think making new old friends is very hard.


You know, as you get older and you have to you have to be able to just like I mean, we talk about Redflex so much on this podcast, but you have to be able to, like, bob and weave people, you know, and like your energy right away. But I just I don't know. You just represent so much progress for me because also I'm going to say something crazy, like, I know I'm not supposed to say this.


I'm going to get canceled. No, but I remember, like, when I first I met you and then you were funny and I was like, oh, my God, she's so funny. I'm sexist.


What is that? And I'm I'm like, oh, why am I surprised? She is fucking a billion followers on Instagram. Like the jury has spoken well, half, four and then half the funny. Is that what. Yeah. I mean, why am I jealous of you a little bit.


That's ok. It's OK. It's a con. This is what every strong friendship is built on jealousy. It's weird.


And I don't think I could have been friends with you ten years ago, not even five years ago. I don't think I would have been sick.


I thought you had a good time. You really did.


Because I thought. In my mind, I'm like, oh, like this is how have you always been? No, no, no, no, no. Comes across that way. Oh yes. Yeah. George, sorry. George is here with us and is obsessed with Amanda, obviously dog. But yeah.


No, I don't think I would have been secure enough. And so thank you for showing me that I'm the best. No I'm not jealous of you at all because also you 10 years, I mean, you got it all into the full package. Anybody that gets Whitney is very lucky. So I want to ask you. Sorry, you taught me a great anyway, obvious. We know everyone knows that. Like, that's enough. I know that on camera.


They know.


But here's the other thing I want to say is I think we need to talk about this as a as a society, which is like comedians look, we criticize everything. We're glib about everything. So but what is this thing you've really taught me? And I think it's because I'm jealous and I think it's because I'm insecure and I think it's because I'm older that being famous on social media to me was a little bit like, oh, I did it the hard way.


There's a little bit of that. But no, no, no. But now I see it's a way harder to do what you did than what I did. And it really fucking annoys me because and I think it's really I remember the first time I saw you come in with a group of comedians.


I was like, oh, I need to go in and be nicer because I don't want them to throw any attitude because they like to think like we did the road and we did it before the Internet and we sent out mailers like there's some sort of glory and in how sort of masochistic comedy is.


And, oh, God, there's nothing easy about what you do. And I think it's I just want to talk about that, because the word influencer, I feel like has even become a weird word. But you guys are taking over the world and I want to sort of debunk these weird ooky. Yeah. I mean, perception's it's not something I ever was like, I want to be an influencer. Like, I'm never I mean, that wasn't even like a thing when I first started.


I was twenty thirteen and I wanted to do acting and I was like, all right, I can't get these auditions without a real so I need to create a real. And then I started doing so. You were not getting auditions. No I wasn't. I couldn't get a manager or an agent because I didn't have a real. So it's like what comes first, you know, like I can't. And so I'm like, oh, you know what?


Screw it. If I want people to be able to see the right variety of stuff that I can do, like I'm going to do my own content and show them, OK, here's my real. And then some of my friends did YouTube at the time and they were always looking for different actors and stuff in their YouTube videos. And I was like, hey, like any time you need somebody, I'm available. You're proactively reaching out to people.


Oh, yeah. Like, I'll work for free. I'll work for free. Yeah. Just to build a real. And then at the same time this app Vine came out and then it was like the six second videos that were comedic and I was like, this is perfect. Not everybody is comedy, but I saw the ones that were performing really well were comedy videos and I had fun watching them. I'm like, oh, I can create stuff like this.


And this is great because it's like, you know, complete opposite of sexy. You just be self deprecating, silly or like just having jokes is like comedy is just like the complete opposite of like what? How I wanted to rebrand myself. And then in doing that I was like, OK, you know, put these videos out just so I can learn how to edit and learn how to do storytelling. Nothing's really going to happen with it. And didn't think it was going to be a thing for me.


But I was my main focus was just to be on YouTube content and then in posting my own short six second, you're not getting paid for any of this. You know, like you're not going to be at all. Like I I had like three different jobs when I was in college. I did like bartending and waitressing and even like when I was like fourteen, I like I like three jobs my whole life. But then throughout my whole life I constantly have to adjust.


But I then I started doing the the Vine videos and people started watching them and I'm like, OK, this is something like I'm getting a thousand views. That's a lot. And then I started posting more and posting every day and I started to get like a million views. And I'm like, OK, well, this is I don't know what this is, but like this is great. Like, this has to be like, you know, building something and giving me some sort of platform.


And then I just started doing longer form, learning how to edit more, learning how to produce more. And how did you learn how to do the stuff you taught yourself? I just watch different YouTube videos. I watched a lot of different like other comedians and stuff I watch like I did classes at UCB for Inspired.


You know, Whitney inspired me.


I sure like it. Like, but that's that's what helped teach me.


Like, even when I was watching different sitcoms and watching different shows, I would look at like, OK, this is the angles. Like I never went to film school and I didn't know, like, the 180 rule or anything like that. So it just. I still don't know the 180 or so, just like made my content better and watching all this stuff that I was like, OK, I can make it more cinematic. And then once I started making money, I started reinvesting in my content so I can bring up the production value and still grow my audience.


So then I started doing on YouTube, Facebook, Snapchat, I was like the top ten most viewed on there from the top stories I was learning, like when I was doing improv classes. So I was able to do it every day and it was like a full it still is like a full time job, which sounds like crazy to people. But like you wake up right away, you grab your phone, which is probably not healthy. Text me.


Yeah. Yeah. Text funny.


And then by it's not not healthy. Do your thing. Get the bags of money. The reason I'm so fascinated by you and what you've done is like, you know, you didn't wait to get permission.


You didn't wait around for a bunch of guys in their 50s to decide you could have a oh, I, I had those meetings out here too. I like I would. And I'm like, OK, that's not you know, this isn't being productive because I would meet different producers and me being young. And I was like, how old was I like twenty, twenty one when I first came out to L.A. and oh OK. This is a producer, this is great.


Like oh he has a project that he's working on show up and like nothing, it's just weird. And I'm like yeah you're always a that it's always the number of weird. I went on that I thought I was just like, oh yeah. When you have meetings with agents it's at nine o'clock in a hotel. Yeah. I was just like, this is a crazy business. Yeah. Just eyes wide. They must be so busy. Yeah.


Like I just was like I had no idea amount of awkward dates that I went on and I, I do actually I don't I, you know, I've publicly talked about, you know, the crazy shit that's happening in this business, but I actually just kind of like have sympathy for the men that tried to lure me in at that time because I was so ambitious. Yeah. And I was like all about fucking making it like showing up. And they thought they were going to, like, seduce me.


And I was like, anyway, so how much money do I know? And I think and I'm like pitching them ideas and they're just like, there's no way I'm if I can you get these you never going to be too ambitious. I mean, I wasted so much of their time actually. I feel like I owe a lot of them apologies.


Like sorry about that. I wish this another break, we're taking you to the second break. You just say it again, huh? You know what to break.


So are you saying we're taking another break? The first one you say we're taking a break. We're taking a little break that you're usually about in there missing that.


Sure. OK, great. I have some questions then. I noticed you haven't paid off my school loans yet, so I had to go to Ernest. How does that make you feel?


Do some school loans, interest rates, low profile of the university I went to.


I went to a real university. Interest rates have hit record lows. I don't know what that means. And I went to college, but I know I know that it's good news.


Yeah. When you borrow money, they want you to pay more money back because I don't know, good deeds don't go unpunished.


I love to say this college is such a racket.


Would return my diploma for cash right now and never use never even opened it on the Batstone the package.


I feel like you really when it comes to the merch, when it comes to marketing stuff, your degree shows up every now and I have used it now.


But have you ever asked to see it.


No. Yeah. No I don't. You see. No I don't need a little, I mean to frame it, it's like one hundred and forty eight dollars.


But I just I, I'm glad I went to college. If you went to college, great. I think we can all agree that when these like envelopes come in that all of a sudden have like a red stripe on them because they went to collections.


These now is the last time you got a bill. Dude, dude, I know that when my college loan bills, they'd come in, they'd come in, I ignore them and put them in the trash, and then all of a sudden they be in like red print and then they have to text me.


They it's they they know where to find you, that's for sure. Yeah, they I said new phone call, earnest.


They're still paying the same rate that you paid when you graduated. Odds are you can reduce your monthly payment, save big even if you have refinanced before. Today's low rate makes it possible so that people can save by refinancing. Now I'm reading this off a piece of paper. I don't fully understand it, but I know it makes your life better in this nightmare of like having the Grim Reaper nipping at your heels for your college loan payments.


This is your chance to be relatable.


Hollywood, Ernest. I'm just saying, Ernest is the easiest way to refinance your student loans, saving you time and money.


I just remember, like, I blacked all of this out because it was so traumatic.


Every time I'd get a college loan bill, you're like, how could books have been that expensive? And when you're going to college, you're like, oh, someone else will handle that.


You just assume that when you go to college that you're 18 years old and you want to take out two hundred thousand dollars, you're like, hey, isn't that what I make per month when I graduate? Yeah, you're like, definitely you're an interior designer. You'll definitely get it back. Yeah, I'm like, what do you mean? I'm going to work in a magazine and I'm going to make a million dollars a year like Kate Hudson.


I want Sexy City. I know how this turns out.


It's saying like, I had no idea how money worked when I agreed to have these freaking loans.


I'm going to write one column and pay all my bills. Ernest is helping us clean up the mess, which was that decision. At eighteen, Ernest offers customizable loan terms, no fees. You can even combine private and federal loans. Amache cool having one single payment with one low rate. They do all of it for you. If you've already refinanced a loan, no problem. You will still be eligible to lower your interest rate again. Plus, the Internet loves Earnest's customer service.


They're rated nine point four out of ten on trust pilot. So you'll always get the support you need. And, you know, the Internet doesn't want to give that kind of rating to. And if you ever been to the financial aid office at a campus, it is not a nine point four.


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Today's podcast is brought to you by whoop wop. It's a fitness wearable that provides you with 24/7 personalized insights to help you make smarter lifestyle choices. That was me reading the copy, but I'm going to go off for a minute here. It is a big deal that we get to work with wop.


Doo wop is like we're considered athlete. We're that's what it said. Our thing. I was like, excuse me, this swimmer's body.


Honestly, I was really you could be an athlete, but I was like, wait a minute, I'm psyched. They're like, what's this monster? I was like, what? Like Joe Rogan uses all the athletes that I follow use wub. Like like scientists use what? Like I'll watch podcasts with, like, hardcore scientists.


They're like and then I check my waban for my REM sleep. But I was like, damn, we're serious. We made at I am a sumo wrestler these.


OK, so this is a band.


You guys have been seeing me wearing it on the podcast for the past month. I'm so obsessed with it because it tells you I should read off the copy, but I'm just going to, I'm going to wing it because as you know, I'm authentic, authentic.


So it tells you how, you know, when you wake up and you don't know if you sleep well or not, and then you're kind of just like like before you've had your coffee, you're like, I had a shitty I didn't sleep last night. And I wake up and I know if you haven't slept well.


That's true. Based on the number of text messages I sent you. That's your waban. Yeah. I'm like, well, I don't even need this. Who knew? But like, then you wake up and you're like, oh, I didn't sleep last night.


And then you're like in this narrative that you didn't sleep or you're like, I slept ten hours last night, but you probably didn't get real REM sleep and you actually aren't as rested as you think. Like, I just feel like we shouldn't be left to our own devices in terms of like guessing how hard we worked out how much we slept, because I can't trust myself to make those calculations in a real device, a weapon.


I thought I was working out really hard the last couple of years. Turns out I wasn't so and I thought that I wasn't sleeping a lot. And it turns out I sleep a lot of good. I sleep very well. I'm a great sleeper.


The Wolf Band is not correct vocabulary, but here's what it does do. The way it works is you wear the what band? I'm wearing one. This is the color that I've requested, right, Benton?


Well, they have professional athletes. We've got some extra colored band. So we have pink ones, green ones, black ones. You can change the bands. That's pretty cool. So cute.


I really wanted this olive green one because that's my color.


Every day when you get up, what gives you a recovery score based on your sleep, your resting heart rate and your heart rate variability. And then it lets you know how to approach your day, whether it's time for a big workout or if you should take it easy. Because sometimes, you know, if I work out really hard and then I don't get enough sleep, it's like I shouldn't work out the next day, it's going to be a useless workout.


I'm going to frickin injure myself. My muscles haven't healed like there's no point.


So I basically my what makes my decisions for me because I'm not capable of making it to the activity mean it tells you how many calories you burn, your average heart rate max heart rate, the duration and challenges you.


It tells you your day strain, your recovery, your sleep performance. I got one hundred percent on my sleep performance almost three days in a row and I've never been prouder of anything I've ever want. I got one hundred.


You're me, huh? That's me. You work.


I'm a great believer. You are good. I get like awards on here, but there are times that I thought I got really good sleep because I slept long. But I actually had just taken like Nyquil or something weird and they were like, you got like an eighty nine. Yeah. It wasn't my heart rate wasn't what I needed to tell you.


The time you spent in bed, the disturbances that affected you did, the efficiency of your sleep, your respiratory rate and your stages of sleep, lying in bed and being knocked out drunk does not count as sleep.


It's there's awake sleep, there's light sleep, there's REM sleep, and then there's slow wave sleep. So the certain sleeps that help you actually restore your neural pathways, when you learn something new, your quality of sleep is more important than your quantity of sleep.


It also tells you your latency, which I've never heard of before. With that is the duration. That's the amount of time it takes you to fall asleep. Yes, I fall asleep in three seconds on this one.


That's probably a record for Woop. And then there's an app where you can basically just check it constantly. So it's like it's actually it's replaced Instagram for me. Instead of just scrolling through X's photos, I now just go on to see what my muscle recovery was, my sleep quality. It's like it's like the only news I look at at this point. It's fascinating, Wolf, is also. Reduced respiratory rate into the app, an increase in respiratory rate could be an indication of illness before you start to feel any other symptoms so you can actually let you know if you are sick before you even know you're sick.


And in this climate, what's more important than that? What is here to help you know yourself better than before? Actually, when I want to start sharing woop stats with the guys I date or I date, I don't need to see your credit score. I want to see your scores. I want to know what I'm signing up for. It's the future. Really, truly.


If I'm going to be a professional athlete, like I said, what is offering 50 percent off right now with the code Whitney at checkout?


Go to WAP. That's w h o o p dot com and enter Whitney at checkout to say fifteen percent, sleep better, recover faster and train smarter. Optimize your performance with today.


For me, it was almost like comedic because you would hear those things about Hollywood and then you would come out here and then you would be like, oh, that's it, that's it. That's that thing. You're the actual cartoon. Yeah. Like, this is. But what I love is, like you just like took matters into your own hands, you know?


And I you really made me realize a lot about, you know, the work that I do, which was all in this the business of Hollywood, the Byzantine sort of kind of very dysfunctional, unnecessarily complicated and unnecessary number of velvet ropes.


You made me realize how fucked up it is. And a lot of ways, because, you know, I've spent all this time on these boards and having these talks about how there should be more women behind the camera and there should be more female producers and there should be more female editors. And like, how do we get how do we recruit more women and people of color and Bubba? And then this bitch shows up at my house with her camera.


She comes in, she directs the whole thing, she edits the whole thing. And I'm like, wait a second. This is this is like not this is a Hollywood this isn't a problem in, you know, YouTube and in social, you know what I'm saying?


Like, it's just like it like blew my mind that, like, actresses are going to the Oscars being like wearing sweaters that they like more female directors. Only six percent of women are doing over here, just like you guys are just like, oh, really? There's no female directors because I just made 30 YouTube videos this week that got one hundred million views.


So what the fuck are you all talking about? It made me realize how ridiculous Hollywood is, but it's, you know, same same. But different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a different thing, but it's like there's. So do you feel like that there's this weird dissonance between social and Hollywood? Because Hollywood has an ego. They like to think they discovered people. Yeah. They don't like America deciding who they like and it being forced on them.


They want to decide who they like and force it on America. I feel like it's changed a lot, though, since when Vyn first started, it was like nobody cared, like, oh, you're getting hundreds of millions of views. And what does that mean? It's like, well, those are like people that care about. Yeah, but the person that they're watching on a consistent basis. So it must mean something. Right. And then it's just like nobody really understood.


I didn't give unnecessary notes, like they just there's so many fake jobs in Hollywood, like there's people whose job it every TV show that you see that has that sucks by the way.


Just it's because there was like five lawyers and like guys that went to college for marketing or advertising who are just like need to justify their existence. So they're giving the writers notes. They're just being like and they're only just regurgitating things that they heard their boss say when they were interns. They're just like, we're not rooting for this character. Like, can we make this character more likable? And you're like, what? And then you just start servicing these dumb notes from these people that aren't even writers or artists.


And then you're trying to please everybody and then you and then the show sucks and everyone's mad at you. It's like, what are we doing? Too many cooks, too many cooks in the kitchen. Yeah. And they and because now it's becoming clear that they're dead weight, they have to justify their existence even more and more and more.


Like I just had to call the notes call the other day on a TV show and it was just like, guys just go to do it, just go to get a PhD, go back to school. It's over like it's everyone's like trying to be the person that gives the most notes so that they seem vital because content creators have completely disrupted. I mean, you've really ruined my career.


Yeah, I'm sorry, but like, I, I feel like. But you're a content creator, too, like your creator, period. You know, you put so you put shows together, you put content online together like you, you help your friends put their own content together. So it's like you're always producing and packaging and doing all that yourself to which is like essentially it's kind of like a skill that a lot of you tubers, especially the ones and the new the new influencers or whatever you want to call them, starting out the qualities that they need to have or to be able to be resourceful, be willing to wear many different hats.


And, you know, it kind of takes away from the quality of the content if you're doing every single job. Oh, interesting. But it does make it so it can be consistent and you can grow.


I just love that you were like, I can't get these fucking auditions.


I'm just going to do this myself. Yeah. I mean, and it worked like it was I was very happy at work because I was you get so many no's and it's so funny. Like the most successful people. I'm sure you got a million billion no's in your life. Wow. Trilling's the nose.


Wow. No, wow.


I just walked in the door. There was no no no.


That those that were booth they were you know. Yeah, no, I mean it's it's really to me I had those you I had a I love that. This is why we were we get along like I have a very sadistic. Relationship with the word no, because to me, it's just like every no is like, oh, I'm closer to the yes. Yeah, it's just like a little breadcrumb. It's like, oh, I'm closer and closer.


Like, I, I never saw it. And it's delusional in a way. And I think it's partly because it's such a hard time getting attention from the adults as a kid like to me know just might try a different tactic. Yeah. Which is why starkers go to jail, which is why which is leads to lots of crime. Yeah. But no. Is always just like a try something else. Yeah.


Every time. Yeah. Yeah. That's before I met you. Before I met you.


I asked if I could host your show. You were going to do a national. They told me no five times that I couldn't host it and then I showed up and then.


Yeah. And then I said what can I go watch a show? And there will be no many tickets. So I bought one. And that's and then they were like another of meter. I asked the manager and they were like, well no. Should I make anybody participate in that line.


I love that. Yeah. And here you are fighting with stalker, you know, fighting with, like, the best kind. Like, it's so good. The difference between stalking and being persistent. Yeah, I know.


I sound like the vocal leader, the pain and suffering.


But yeah, you know, I think that for me it's like there's a certain and I when people ask me about stand up and I and I'm so curious if you guys if this is the new similar in terms of the trajectory and the skill set that you need, like whenever someone asked me if they should do comedy or how do I know if I can do it? And it's so painful and hard, the only thing I know to say is you have to love failing at it.




If you don't love failing at it, you'll never succeed at it because most of it is just failing, which a lot of people see the success of it and they don't see the sales that part. So I mean, it's interesting watching like all even with like the private shows and stuff, all covetous that everything's good. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But even watching people go up and try jokes, fail at it, switch to jokes a little bit and then all of a sudden it's hilarious.


Yeah. It's like OK, like fail and then do better. It's a farce.


Everybody congratulate you when you're pregnant but nobody knows how many times you get funny.


Exactly. And it's a perfect way to put it.


That's true because comedy is is failing is what it is. That's that's every night you go up until you get it right. You know what I mean. Like, failure is part of how you succeed at it. So it's like, you know. But yeah. I mean it's like I think about Benton, all the fucked up jobs you had and all the fucked up shit you went through. And it's just like.


Right, I work five jobs for one for one person. If you hadn't had all those shitty jobs, like a lot of your best jokes are about them. And then a lot of the funniest shit you say is about them, like it's all gold.


It's we gotta think what you're saying is very similar and correct me if I'm wrong to what you do, because I mean, anyone that's on the Internet that started their career that way, like, that's all trial and error. Correct?


It's all like what works until I figure it out and you read the comments you read, like because there's constructive criticism. Yeah, exactly.


How do you know the difference between because I'm a big fan of criticism. Yeah. Like there's this like no comment. It's like. Yeah, but also they're your boss. They're the audience. They're the one that we're trying to get to buy what we're selling you're creating for you. Yeah. And there are a lot of people obviously who are just going to try to hurt you and troll and that are just going to project and be insecure and just throw grenades at you or whatever.


I love what Bilborough says about me in comments to celebrities. He's like, if I was a kid, I knew that I could say something mean to a celebrity.


I totally fucking doubt it. It's hilarious. Yeah.


I mean, like but how do you know when to internalize something and when not to.


Ah, I think it's like pretty to me. It's pretty clear. Maybe it's because I've been doing it for like a decade, but like you know when somebody just bluntly saying go kill yourself or like that, don't do that. Yeah. You don't do that. And that's like not very non flirting but not like oh you should have done this or this. Wasn't that funny. Like I enjoyed the other video. It's like OK, like because that's someone that's super interested that some of the watch, the other video, it's like I always get torn about that because when someone's like, oh, I don't like this joke as much as this other one, I'm like, fuck you.


And then like, you know, all my jokes, you're reading them, you're putting them in an order like you must love me. Yeah. You know, like it's like movies like if it was good, the second movie, it was OK. Yeah. Like not up there. So keep up with that. And you took the time to comment. You love me.


Do you think the difference is the fact that you're used to getting critique like in a room from writers and people, they're giving notes and you're used to all your critique being from comment.


Yeah, but you have to look at it a different way.


Yeah, I like I still read them all, so it's a lot. But I'm like a speed reader now too. I can't like just eggplant, eggplant, eggplant, eggplant, squirt, squirt, squirt, delete. Yeah.


Is, is engaging because I think a lot of people listening to this podcast and I think everyone, the future of everyone's business is going to be Oh this is it. Yeah. You know what I mean. Everybody should have a presence on social at least for their business I think. And like what. And especially these young. What is your relationship in terms of the fans, like, how much engagement is the most you can possibly really do? I think like because you want to show I mean, obviously you care about your audience, right?


I hope you do. So if you're going to post a video, sorry, I get really granular.


If you're going to post a video and you you do a lot time to go, like I'm going have to respond like comments for 20 minutes. Like I'm not just going to post it and walk away. Yeah, no, that's what I do. I just post it and walk away. No. One, I have no followers but that's healthy too. I mean, I'm like, oh I don't want to. Yeah. And you post and you move on to the next thing and that's doing well.


It's like, look, I want to get attached to the validation. And what if the guy I like doesn't like I just you treat like a fucking business, but I treat it like a personal hang or something.


But sometimes like if I'm not like I don't know, like I do pay attention to comments. Every time I post, I post and then I'll read through like the first ones and I'll reply and like I'll engage for like probably like ten minutes and then I'll just be like, all right, like that's good. And I'm going to work on this other thing because if I stay here, I'm not being productive anymore. And but then I also have different ways and forms of communicating like you do it too.


You have your text that you're able to text all your your family when I do three nine seven five to seven through a five six seven seven one four four seven.


But that's like such a great way because I mean, I use my texting as just, you know, obviously you give updates, like if you're touring, you're going to have different people in different cities that where you're going and without blowing up your feed, annoying like like I'm going to Orlando. I don't need everyone in the world to know I'm going to Orlando. Orlando need to know that exactly. Which is the best like you can you can do it that way.


Yeah. And even just doing like inspiring messages are like something that I learned from that day that I think could be helpful to people. I'd share it like on the text to really like not to get you know, I don't overdo it to where it's like. All right. Like Gandhi. Thank you, God. Yeah. But it's like things that really help me that I'm like, oh, you know, this could be good for people. And then seeing the feedback from that.


And it's just like it builds like a closer relationship between because then I'll go and look at people's tax reply to some and.


Yeah, but I can't, I really enjoy doing it. Yeah. I really like, I love the texting, I love people I love like it's taking me so long to fucking have good ideas that I'm so excited to share. Like I'll never get to be a psychiatrist or a therapist. I don't think I'll ever feel like people will ask me the relationship stuff and I'm just like so excited to solve problems. OK, don't send me to me. But like, I like the texting, like it doesn't feel like an obligation to me.


I think the texting I really like doing because it's one on one with your fans, whereas like Instagram, everyone can see your responses. And I'm so I need to really get out of my head about this because I'm like I'm like, love you. Thank you. Thank you. And I'm like, everyone thinks I'm phony and everyone thinks someone I always think everyone else thinks someone else is doing it, like I don't want it to. And that's the thing I like.


I assume everyone thinks that you're doing it.


Yeah, well, honestly, I am. Maybe you are. Like I used to think, though, about celebrities and stuff, too, like when I first started growing online and I would get a message from a celebrity, I'd be like, that's not them. Like that can't be.


That was from Jeremy Piven. It was definitely him. Yeah. You know, and that's, you know, it's them. And then, like, you figure it out. But it's really I'm sorry, this dog is I thought he was just going to go to bed. You love Amanda so much. I loved him. Like, that's I feel like it's just not an entertainment, though. That's an every type of business that you ever want to do.


If you want to be an entrepreneur, you have to do it yourself, like there's really not any handouts. And then even if like, OK, people will probably be like, all right, well, what about the random people that just go viral out of nowhere? And then all of a sudden they have a career? It's like, well, then they got to stay there.


Well, you got to eat and you start eating tidelands and shit like you had to sacrifice. Yeah, yeah. It's just that that's probably sometimes like even more pressure mentally and even more work for people to like. I haven't like my I guess me going viral was like building blocks, but now you see people that just go viral out of nowhere. And then I see a lot of the comments being like, oh, like they're famous for doing nothing.


It's like, OK, maybe the video, you don't know what went behind all the other videos and if there was nothing, now they have to work so hard to stay relevant there because the faster you climb, the faster like you can lose your relevancy too. So I, I think sometimes it's even more work. OK, we just slow down our climb, Benton, our climb.


Well like think about it because like your the relationship with your audience is so short, like you don't have like a in depth years, years, years building your relationship and then all of a sudden you just growing people support you. They can easily not support you anymore because they. We have a strong connection besides, oh, yeah, they have to grow with you, reinvent yourself as they reinvent themselves.


Well, that's interesting because I did feel like for the longest time that the audience that I sort of had at the beginning that I wasn't allowed to change.


You don't mean you've changed someone who's followed your career.


I know you are a different person. I really do feel abandoned by that.


No, I like it better. I mean, you are completely different from like Dane, really.


Like, he sort of got so famous doing a certain thing and then he went through a lot of fucked up shit in his life and change. And they're like, well, where's the fun guy? Well, you know, so it's like I've always sort of like watched comedians. I mean, like, I hope I don't stay stuck. I hope I don't stay the same. I hope my audience, like, allows me to grow and change and not be.


You know, that's what keeps it interesting, though. Like, I feel like if you're always just the same, it's like, OK, well, I. I know what to expect. I don't really need to tune in today.


Yeah, exactly. Like they can predict everything.


So what is do hashtags matter. Yeah, I use them.


I like not I'm not talking about my there a lot of people I use them to search. I'm going to speak for myself. I think a lot of people are like embarrassed to try too hard because all the Instagram, like their stats are all public now, sort of like it used to be in our business.


You could kind of pretend you were more successful than you were. Nobody really knew the ratings. Nobody really knew how much money you were making. Nobody really knew. You know, it was sort of this vague thing where it's like if someone was on TV, you're like, they made it, but you have no idea what the actual metrics are.


And now it's like I think I think I definitely think we're all are. I'll speak for myself and maybe my the people my age were a little embarrassed to try and fail. So we're like, I'm just not going to try at all. I'm not going to do hashtag. Well, you just said you don't do hashtags on your post, right?


I do like on hashtag killpack, hashtag Sternin calendar twenty twenty one like hashtag, you know, like for things that are important but not every post.


No. Just you know and if I can search it. Yeah. But I should because probably I would be discovered by like different people because I think of yourself as a consumer and then how you consume things, the tools that you use and that's what people are using that could find you to be this is my problem. I don't make stuff. I worry about what comedians think of me. I worry about what my friends think. They're not my audience.


Yeah, they're not my concern. They get free tickets.


That's like the fear of what other people think. So I hold you back.


So I'm like, I want to put a hashtag there, think I'm trying too hard, but I am trying. Yeah. No, that's not a secret. Trying very hard. Yeah. I like everybody is. Yeah that's the thing. I pretending I'm not trying hard, I just, I know it's taking a picture.


It's not cool to not try. I don't know where we all get that. It's, it's not cool.


Yeah. Yeah. You're so you're just a loser that has nothing. Yeah.


No but I mean I think it goes back to like high school when it's like the straight-A student is the dork and then the guy that gets the F is like the cool guy ever wants to be friends with. It's like now there's your boss.


So like yeah. Yeah. It's so true. I know how that story ends. Yeah. Like tagging. Like, I had so much shame in the beginning. I didn't want to tag Brandes. I didn't want to look like I was trying. I don't want to look like I wanted anything and I want to you know, like I just had so much weird shit with social media.


Yeah. Yeah. I mean I do my best when I just don't try to think about who your friends that are following you.


Yeah. Or if like celebrities are following me or if like producers are following me or like directors are going to see it, like I'm just like fuck that. You haven't hired me a bitch. These, these people hired me. Yeah. Follower's these are the ones that are like hair. Those should be the people that you care. You care about what their comments are. You care about what they think a little bit and but not to the point that goes back on it to I don't know because you also create for yourself a little bit too.


Yeah. Because you want to be happy and what you're creating, you want to be satisfied and passionate about it. And if you try to create things just to satisfy other people, that may not be the audience for you, but are still there, then you're just not going to excel.


So it goes back to our favorite millennial saying of being authentic. Oh, yeah. That's what we really like it. That's the opposite of that. This is an ad post. It's an honest. Yeah, really one.


That's all I want.


It's weird how being like a normal human is like you get point and people are you know, I we did this charity in my backyard the other day, this show for the Hydrocephalus Foundation.


It's for babies should have fluid on their brains and they have to have surgery and it's terrifying and whatever. And they're like, thank you so much. And they're giving me candles. I'm like, you don't get points for helping babies. Like everyone's like, how can we? Thank you. Thank you for letting me do something for someone else, like what a joy and really but here's the gift card. I'm like, I don't want it like I you when do it.


Since when do we get points for not being a sociopath? Crazy. Yeah.




Every time I hold a doorman or somebody in L.A., they're like shocked like you like what do you was like, what are you doing. And I think I'm holding the door open for you to leave. And she was like, oh so confused.


I was like OK, yeah ok.


What's the first game we're playing Banten? Because I have this theory that you and I are really, really close, but we don't really know each other that well. So we're going to play The Newlywed Game. Oh yeah.


And what game are we playing? We're playing The Newlywed Game. The other one with the other one. I made it up.


Are we doing show me that now we're going to the new one. Show me.


OK, so get your little pads. Oh, Banten does the most and then. Absolutely. That's already Ypersele.


What do you like. Grab that. OK, have you ever played The Newlywed Game. I don't know because I've never been a newlywed and engage.


Well, this is the newlywed game for millennial France winning what in the event of a tragedy, who would you ask in your will to wipe your Internet history?


Great question.


They get to see all my cookies. Well, literally, it's their job to get rid of it before anybody else sees it.


OK, got it. That's easy. I wrote down what I think she's OK when you show us your answer. Oh, it's me, chance your answer. Wow. Amanda knows you so much better already.


OK, OK. See now we got that. I got the hang of this, the coffee one. That was a shitty question. I wish I'd done this. A whole podcast. Amanda. Yeah.


Describing it inspire people describe in three words what Whitney does for a living.


OK, I have to write that down. I have to. I don't know.


You have two words. Three words. What does she do for a living? Then they can be descriptive or they can be the actual this is too vague. I didn't make the question well, I like that question really.


Would have to guess each other's jobs, but she makes people do. Oh, well, you know, I'm right. What you know, I'm right. There's no way newlywed's. It's just describing what you do.


So like it would be like if I felt like I would say Whitney makes people laugh, cry, and Dave's ever laughed at this podcast and the least I've ever tried to be funny.


What? This is insanity. All right. Ready when you do. No way. Run the call.


Stop. She lucked out, you guys, while we were fighting, she was cheating. Oh, no. I said run your cards. I run. And now I saw the vow and I'm know fully running a cult. Now I see. I can do it. I think I have what it takes. And I think it's a good business model.


I'd love to live life. Love that.


And so, so many miscommunicate opportunities. OK, I want this to be a good one for Amanda. I'm going to start vetoing these questions if I don't like what is surprise.


I mean, look, you're trying to veto them now, just now, is there a prize? What else can I take from winning?


I was going to say you can have literally whatever you want.


What do you think Amanda wanted to be when she grew up? OK. Well, Don, you're running a lot, and now much like this is a weird the way that I'm writing it, you're going to don't deduct points because I'm too specific when I show mine, then you should.


Oh, that was what you want to be a vet? Yeah, I love dogs. That's mostly chilidogs, but I didn't know I thought they saved them. Yeah, they do that a little bit, judging her childhood very much. Very impressive.


I thought movie star. I thought she wanted to be like Julia Roberts. No, I didn't figure that out until later. Oh, damn it. And I wanted to be a vet. And what did I want to be when I grew up?


Shouldn't we do a reverse? No. OK, OK. That's not how the game works.


So based on Pinterest or whatever the fuck got this weird quiz off of Reddit Drewniak or game, they run a cult.


But I do look at Google at a camp. What is Whitney is the most hated emoji. Well, do you know the answer? You hate them. Hold on, I hate a lot of murders. Whitney's most hated emoji. I think the trick question. It is a trick question. Well, I can't draw I'm not great at drawing. People can see your bored Hijrah board.


Hide your anger, educate and you hide kids, hide your wife, OK? That came from all right, I got mine. All right. Ready, ready.


Oh, OK. Go. Oh, my God.


That I didn't cheat, I didn't cheat on that one. To be fair, the answer was all of them.


That is yourself to draw them out.


That is so she gets me squirt the squirt emoji. Yeah, it's funny.


Coming up, what is the place it's like is I mean, it's a calm like your. Did you just send me a cum. Yeah.


You're going to come and that you're going to be like right. Somebody sent in a little drolly man coming Oh Rose. OK, that is, that was really I'm really proud of us. I was impressed to friends. We can stay friends our future. We were going down and I feel like we were in we're back. I feel better now.


OK, go. What would be Amanda's idea. Date idea.


Date idea.


Yeah, I know. Benton will just like skip words and then you're the idiot for not understanding it, you know what I mean? And then you're a bully for asking him to clarify drawing.


What would Amanda's ideal. My ideal date.


Amanda's the questions will never be about you unless I'm asking Amanda.


OK, OK. So what is Amanda's ideal date mind. Yeah.


So when he writes your answer and then you write your answer after one year you might remember the same time.


Yeah, but ideal date. Ideal date what. Oh you just thought of it.


OK, she just draws a squirt emoji again.


I know.


I mean good. OK, got it. Redi.


But Forkin, I know I kind of got it, yeah, it's like progressive massage, but you're in a porno, it's progressive porno because you hate the word.


She hates it. When I said porn in front of, like, a 30 minute conversation, like, why would you say that to say porn. I was like, let this person leave.


Who was that old skuzzy friends. No, I love massages. Really. Favorite thing you don't know, I've had to massage in my life and I really stopped them.


I crave them. I just want, like, elbow in my shoulder blades, just like. Oh yeah.


I don't like people touching me. I'm too codependent for massages because I got wrapped up in trying to prove to them how good it feels. And then I saw them. And then it stresses me out because I know it's awful. Yeah, I know.


I wonder if I'm the video version of this podcast to have a little meter down here that just ticks all the time, just like codependency, addict, codependent.


That's really funny. That could be a drinking. I know someone drinking people me drinking this all the time on the show. Like every time Britney touches her hair, every time she cleans her glasses, every time I interrupt somebody that's something that's Amanda.


You get a pretty easy one. What's Whitney's favorite food? It's that easy. It's not easy. I don't even know the answer to that. Yes, you do. OK, got it. OK, I mean, yeah, you're not going to get it, not even know that. But is that something that is my favorite food to put on my face, no, fried pickles is my favorite food.


You didn't know that I want to bake potatoes when I'm on the road. I want to say it hit us or dips. Just dips in general.


It's so good. Yeah. Oh, bless you. Thank you. God bless you.


Sorry, I'm allergic to being mystified by fried pickles. Are my favorite food on the planet with some blue cheese dressing up like out of here. The blue cheese, blue cheese or ranch dressing pickles. Nothing better. I was going to say buffalo cauliflower.


All right. One more. One more. Or just like how many more do you think are good, Whitney?


Sir, what irritates Amanda the most? She doesn't get she's everyone gets mad. I know, but she's very I'm sorry as I get punched. This dog is like pawing at you. We need to work on boundaries.


Can we work on your boundaries, please, sir?


I hate it when people do that with their dogs, when they just ask them rhetorical questions instead of training them. You know, when you look at a dog park, not do that when someone's dog is like attacking your dog and like, hey, what do you what are you can we stop that, please, sir?


And you that my kids when I went to the mall, people used to ruin everything. And Marlinspike, you're hurting my feelings when you mess that up. You hurt me. I'm going to do nothing. Sure.


I'm like, push that kid down. Yeah, OK. What makes her the angriest?


What's her watch? I'll change it for you. What's your biggest pet peeve. Biggest pet peeve.


This is hard. Well, just put anything and we'll move on. OK, I know, but I've stopped, I'm stopped. I'm stumped because I'm a pet peeve. Oh, I know. Oh I know you so well.


OK, what's your answer? I don't know that long. Again, the context clues. She only wrote one word, but OK. Really, what is it. No I mean you. Oh smoking.


Oh it's. It's Dr. Cats. That is really annoying when you show up at your house with guns.


What did you write when I wrote this is just because we're so close when your makeup melts off.


Oh God. That's a good one. That is a great answer. I know you better than you know yourself, not melt the crust off.


We've talked about that three times now. Yes, we initially help. She came in and I was like, what do you do to your face right now? No, it's not at all. But I gave you that lotion to use the caps. I put it on. I think I need to exfoliate before at the charity show. We talked about it, too. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, it's a problem. I have my makeup crusts because you have dry skin.


I know she's used to doing makeup in Florida where it's humid and there's no humidity level humidity here.


I feel like I'm just shriveled. Hmm. Well, I know you better than you know yourself next time.


OK, we're playing a new game. OK, that was that game the last time I went over, got somebody that was smoking.


I think smoking is so hot. Really. I hate it.


I love a guy that smells like smoke and that smoking like I don't I hate that.


I love it. It's just sexy to me. Like, it's not a healthy it's like tattoos and motorcycles.


It's like my bad business. If you don't give a shit and you don't care about life, you're going to die soon.


All the listeners tattoos are healthy. I just mean like it's like I mean, it depends on the tattoo. Yeah. But I think for me it's just like that bad boy thing that she likes the guy. I also love smoking like you, like a guy who smokes you like he won't live long.


That's. Yeah. I don't get a man get him out.


Perfect for my commitment as you know, but I, and I love smoking like you smoke. I don't smoke. I never got hooked on smoking more because I was just like broke at the time when I would have. It's just the dry cleaning bill. Like I just didn't have enough clothes.


Dry cleaning. But you're such a Virgo.


I'm just saying, like the dry cleaning bill, like you like I couldn't afford and cigarettes are like eight dollars now. Like, I'm glad there were a lot of financial obstacles. Like I think taxing SEGRA. I think it works because I was like, it's just too expensive to be addicted to this. But if I if someone has a pack of cigarettes, I'll like have a couple. And in Rogan talks about this on a show a lot. It does.


If you don't smoke and have like a cigarette, it gives you like a buzz, like a pretty good buzz.


I'll have a couple like their grapes. Yeah I will.


I'll just chain smoke and it makes me feel like I'm in Paris or I don't know, it's just silly movies. I know you've got you actually a lot of people in Europe I think still smoke.


Yes, for sure. I'm so on a road and all like look at me smoking. I feel so sexy even though I look disgusting. It's just like but it's interesting how people like are like fully aware of like the side effects that could happen with smoking. But like they still do it because I guess every once in a while to have a vice. Yeah.


There's no game you're going to need your phones for. OK, I'm going to ask you a question. Raise your phone. If you choose to do it, great. If you're not me and the other person who question it wasn't was have to pick something for you to put in your Instagram stories.


OK, I don't like the second part.


I just want to be a control freak. Let's just do the first, OK? There's no consequences then. It's a fun game.


There's no rules. You have to take ten and you can both do it. Then that case, you can both answer the same question. So the first question is, what's the eighth most recent photo in your phone?


You got a screenshot of my phone.


So I count one three, four, five, six, seven.


Oh, no. Oh, no.


So this is a very minded, very sad and boring.


Well, there's a photo of me.


It's a throw like a oh, you scrub Pinterest, you screen grab a blanket, you're going to buy. No, it was like I already bought. It was I couldn't find it on the website. And are you doing an ad right now? What does that always like? She's like any shop in Brooklyn and promo codes. Thirty days. She's always hustling. Mine is just me and a camel. That's your eighth photo.


All the other photos are showing this. Oh, sorry. I have I have some nudie's in here. You almost pulled a Chris Evans. I was going to say that.


So the second question is, what was the last text message you sent?


Say, what does excuse me?


What's the one I said back to them or that they last know the last text message in your life? You look at your phone right now. What's not? What's up? Text.


Yeah, text. You know what it was. Guess guess what, the last word I sent to someone was word you only sent one word. One word, is it? That is probably a very popular text of mine. What do I always say?


Bup, bup. Three words wild, I wrote Wild in all caps to Sarah from the battle because today the verdict came out that clear the Seagrams from you found the woman and became friends with.




We spoke last night for two hours. Yes.


So when you can talk to you about it, last night I told my God I'm starting her own child. Wow.


So I wrote Wild because the what's her name? Heiress who bankrolled the sex cult leaders. Claire Bronfman was sentenced to seven years in prison. And she sent me the article and I wrote Wild Always on Brand. You're not the only one fucking around. Yeah, that's really good. I like how quickly she found them from after watching the videos and with Monica from Chir, she was like, Tomorrow we're friends.


What are you. Yeah. And then she's like, it's really hard for me to find female friends.


Yeah, yeah. Yeah I see. Yeah.


They like to search your coaches. All right. What was your last one. She just showed up.


Oh no. You lose your picture. I showed you. It's so boring. Thank you. I like the you're boring. I mean it says thank you. Yeah. It's to you. How much does Falko. Eight point six pounds.


Thank you. That was your new puppy. You got very nice. Yeah. Thank you. Yes. About the puppy dog. All right.


Who's the most famous person in your contact list? I mean.


Oh, waiting for me. I know I'm probably the least famous in years.


I mean. Sandra Bullock, probably it's always Sandra, good one. I mean, it is I mean, it's so terrible. It is. By the way, Paul talking, you frankly know, different kinds of fame. Now, there's there's the days of like like universally not famous are like I went to she loves the speech.


Everyone's famous to someone. That's what she's going to say.


I'm just saying, are you pulling the tactic of what that girl did to you about hyping them up? And so they have to talk themselves down because you just compared me to Sandra Bullock, is what I'm saying. I know you. So No.


One, we want to remember when we went to the polls Drag Race Celebrity Edition and there was a celebrity there named Madison Beer that I was like, I don't know who this person is.


And you're like, she's got four million. I was like, oh, she's famous. And you were like, Me too.


No know. And then on Celebrity Drag Race with Phoebe Robinson, when I did the interview for my celebrity friend, I was billed as Phoebe's friend.


Yeah, it's so funny.


It's because nobody else invited, like a famous person to come be my friend was like my mom, my soccer coach. Then it's like Whitney in full glam. Yeah. And she's like, anyways, Phoebe's been my friend for years and they're like Phoebe's friend, dude, they didn't even put my name on the lower.


It was one day like Whitney Phoebes. I like people like you. I love you. And I loved it so much. So I Senator, when it came, I look at this, I was just like, OK, so Madison Beer is the most famous person on the planet and I'm Phoebe's friend. Like, that's how to be the is school. I just I don't know. I mean, I just feel like fame has changed the days of a Michael Jackson and Madonna.


Everybody knows the same person is I feel like are kind of OK.


And you can think, Amanda, for that she type changes. Yes.


Thank you. Mean she broke fame. What is your daily average screen to know or the.


We know. Yeah, I will show you my tits before I show you that saying I watch your screen time. No, I said no, I'm not telling you it's going to be too embarrassing.


Here's a whole lot of glass. You didn't want any of the rules of the thing. I feel like screen time is not accurate. I think that if you don't log out of the app, it keeps clocking you.


Is on that love conspiracy theories.


I'm telling you, I think it works like that because like, OK, if you embarrass me in front of my family. Yes. Yes. So because they're right, they're attached to my screen. Time is like seven hours. That seems low. Do you want to know my daily? That's the question, my daily average daily. Oh yeah. This is I don't I'm too embarrassed. I don't want to say it. Give it to me. I'll tell you.


No, it's too embarrassing.


All right. I'm just going to tell you, I work really hard and I've really been trying to step up my game with stories about your phone. You can be on as much as eight hours. Twenty eight minutes.


That's your weekly average daily. That's not right.


Give me your phone. Why? There's no way you're on your phone.


That little amount of time is not on my phone that much. That's not a lot. That's all day.


What's the total at the bottom right here? Where is this total? Total screen time. Thirty three hours and fifty three minutes for the week. Yeah, OK. Yeah, day, no day is six hours. One minute.


What's the last photo you sent to the person that you're dating?


Oh, um, well, I'm not really dating anybody. Um, one less for podcast.


Said you were. So that's what we've been through for podcast. She's like I was on a date and people were listening. Like what girl.


But if I show you you'll know who it is or know you want. I might like you to show us the photo, you have to show us anything else, show the photo. Yeah, that's a photo. OK, you go first. We're OK, fine. It's me and this is shit we most recent. Yeah, I don't know if is it going to from our last open.


No, it's me.


A black flag shirt.


That's way more embarrassing than the brawl because we don't understand why. What did he respond? What did you mean to me?


He said red flags. No black flags.


Yes. This is. This is mine. This is your pussy, and I just turn it on your calendar. Get it? Wait, you know what's amazing about this is she's she's there's like Suddes and I was like, wait, do we get cancer?


Yeah. Or jump in your car and just do it for fun.


I love this photo, but it does have little white sparkles on it. I was like, no, it's very maybe no, it could be misleading, but I get it.


I love this bath photo. Where's that bra from. I don't know. They sent it to me. Influencers, man, they don't shop anywhere. Where do you buy that? Now, look, we don't know. They just send stuff for us for free. We've never been at a store. We don't have to shop online now. I think this is I think it's hard to find good sexy bras. Yeah, but this is like a lot of my bras are like old.


I got like a lot of older bras. I don't really wear bras. That often, yeah, let me ask you, what is that why? Because you're still wearing the Maidenform cross your hearts. No, I just don't wear that. Oh, like that. Won't know. OK, so the bras are cute that I have. Yes. Like, you don't wear bras, like every day. Yeah. I don't really like buying new bras.


Like the most bras I wear a sports bra is that it doesn't occur to me to buy new bras. It's so true. You know else I didn't know you had to wash bras until like a year ago. Like I'll wear bras. Oh.


Like people were like I went to front of my house and her bras were hanging. I was like, why are your bras in here? And she's like, why wash them?


And I was like, So wash our bras.


It was like when he's like, I want back to front. You like back to right.


No, no, no. You don't like that, right? No. You won't be upfront about it. Wait. I don't know how you do it, I don't want to do it down here, it's from I'll text you what I do. I don't really want to do a video.


Yeah, I didn't know you were supposed to wash your bras until very. I also ride my bras till the bitter end. Yeah. Oh, that show the under the wire tapping you like. That's how Steve Irwin died. Literally just like a giant. Why is the metal going into your heart from his bra like.


Yeah, because we're all looking at a secret life. What's the who's the last person you called.


Oh. Um, Whitney, Miranda Cosgrove. OK, you have to pick someone else because then that question leads into it. Well, it was also Esther I accountant.


OK, you have to call that last person now and let them know that you're really disappointed that they don't care more about your hobbies contest.


All right. On speakerphone, please stop laughing.


Please don't answer. Oh, I have no service, no, I will get you on the line. No, I'm on the the way. Are you calling after you do? This is going to be hilarious. Can it be a face time or does it have to be a call just to a call? We can we can hear the night she denied.


I'm so happy, though. Like, I don't know, she would take that she quits any more weight. So I have to call my next one.


Sure. You can find another person if you want to. Whitney Yeah. I mean, feel free. Hold on, Esther. But I do has to be a call, not a face time.


You can do whatever you want, but I call it it's either. My dad. She might be on the plane in a room she can't leave for two weeks. She has nothing to definitely answer. Now, I don't think my you have to do FaceTime audio. We get it, Internet nerd, you know how to use technology. Is this an accident? No, I'm just calling you. Well, what are you doing? I am going on my couch.


I'm just calling because I just want to say something real quick, OK, that's kind of just like as we've become better friends, like just a.


Like, I just sometimes feel like you don't care about my hobbies. What is going on? Get on the podcast, right? You were in that you were playing me and a man abandoned are playing a game called I after called Show me where you have to call the last person in your phone and tell them you're disappointed that they don't care about your hobby.


Oh, my God. I know you didn't call me for real. This is a horrible place.


I knew you would react terrible to that.


This is a sick cut to Whitney being like, I can't talk any more today. I go, oh me. Yeah, I did for any sec. Get you. You knew right away because I called you not face time that something was fishy and.


Well, I just yeah, it was a little too soon for you to call after our last call question.


All right. Well, we tried out, but I miss you guys.


I am disappointed about other things.


And my dad. Sure. Try your dad. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm really disappointed.


You don't care more about my hobbies.


Disappointed is a word I feel like we don't use all the time now.


That's why I turned it on. Yeah, it's questionable. You can say, like, bummed out. It feels scripted.


When you say you're disappointed, it gets serious. You're like, what? But it's weird to jump from, hey, what's up to disappointing? It feels like a prank. It's really sad when everybody just denies your call.


I know it's hard, so I'm actually truly disappointed. None of these people care about your hobbies because you should just call to and at the same time try one more person to answer your calls. I'm going to try one more. Really sad. I'm going to call my mom. Is this why are you guys like, hey, insta fam? Because it's truly the people that will need family, real family to the life of an influencer is really sad.


Mom, do you have you down 30 million friends yet?


None. No, my mom. Come on, Mom.


Hey. Hey, Mom. Hey. I thought. I just kind of wanted to talk to you about something. OK? I and I just really I don't know how to say this. I just really wish that you would care more about my hobbies. I mean. I like to go on hikes, I like to travel, and you haven't asked me once what I'm doing for fun.


I mean, what do you Mom? Yeah, my friend's mom acts as are all the time. What she's doing, like, are you having fun? And even as I went for a hike and I had all my stories and you name asked me if I enjoyed it. OK. All right, I love you. You she's hot. Yeah, I'm so sorry, sir, he misread misread sorry as a different lesson.


Oh my God. Sorry. Oh my God. That was so funny and so heartbreaking. That was so hard to listen to.


I'm surprised you didn't you you were like that.


Like a farm mother was like I was like she was like, bitch, don't call me and say, well, I'm going to kill you now you're on the podcast.


But I'm so sorry if I knew that nice. I never would have let that happen.


I didn't like usually she wouldn't be. So this is really good.


Thanks, Mom. I love you. I love you. Oh yeah. Did you have a good hike? Yeah, it was just looking. I'm so glad you look so great right now on camera.


So like now you're like the best mom in the world where you are. I love you.


I love you. Come on. I thought all successful people had bad childhoods. This is fucking up my whole theater to let them go.


Yeah. All right, Mom. I love you, Mom. Oh, that was fun.


I mean, I wasn't like usually she's like she likes to tease me, but like, I think she really thought that I thought she didn't love me. I was just a really good acting. Well, that was really you're like, I don't know how to say this. I jumped right to it.


It's not mine. I didn't sell mine at all.


Yeah, you were just like Esther. I'm mad at you. Like, she was like, OK, it's not out of character for me at all.


So the next one. Last one, because I'm sweating and I'm in a swampy I mean, there's only four more in there. Pretty good. OK, let's go.


That was the last person you searched on Instagram. Oh God.


This is going to be fucking embarrassing.


Is it going to come up if I just go. Oh, I don't. How do you see that?


If you go to your search and then it just shows you pretend you don't know how to use Instagram, it shows you how to list like a list underneath the search bar. Do you see it? The Xs, OK, the real one.


OK, can, let me walk you through a couple, because two of them I searched because, you know, when you go on Instagram and like, a photo will come up, but then it's like if you ever been on in a while and I'll go down and I'm like, I didn't see what that was. So this dog, so best selling comedian who's been on this podcast, I saw a photo and I didn't get to, like, fully see it.


It was like her and somebody. And I was like, oh, well, Forte.


And I was like, wait a second. They dating like I didn't know was going on. So I went to her page. But that's not that wasn't like a full search.


And then Kaley Coco, her sister has like an exercise line and they're like, oh, just go to her Instagram. So I search that. But that wasn't like the last creepy one I did.


The last creepy one I did was Kate Beckinsale and glamorous straight up the good one, Kate Beckinsale. I would just wanted to look at her body and face.


Yeah. I mean, are you kind of like Kate Beckinsale?


She does agree. I think you agree.


Look at her just receiving the compliment. I said I would fight with you. That would be a tooth and nail.


But that's because it's fun. All right. What's yours?


That was my if I'm going to be honest, that was my last creepy one. I don't think mine are doing it right. Seth Rogen also. I think I don't remember being on the podcast.


Yeah. Mine was my friend Anana. And but it's I don't know why I did it. Now, Lauren Bates hair that my hair girl. Make up the life of the mogul in the making. Wow, Danny, riveting.


Yeah, I like how you're just enjoying Instagram. I look at my friends and my hair dryer.


Well, you like to use it as a business. I use it as a gossip. I use it to hurt myself. I use Instagram to hurt myself.


You use it to be like, how's this her personal life and your relationship? I know what you're new.


Really ruined my ex dating my hurt myself with Instagram. I'm learning a lot.


I feel like I look up people sometimes and I just don't I don't know why it's not showing me who I'm like.


I feel you can clear them. Yeah, but you're just not Uki. You're not ookie about it. OK, I appreciate you're not ookie about it like you're not using Instagram to be shady and like like stalk people. You just use it for business. I need to learn from you. I need to do that. Maybe I'm stuck in my bubble and I'm just doing it in my bubble of people and I'll go through everybody's stories and then I'll be like, all right, that's how I stop people.


I follow them and see I don't watch people's stories as much because it makes me anxious. Yeah, because I think I need to be doing more or less. I'm like, oh they there's look so good. There's that's my favorite is the stories. Yeah.


Huh. I like it all. So this is the last one. On a positive note, you can pick any random person in your text messages one through eight, you can go past eight, OK.


And you have to send them a card. What should I give you. It's to give you rules. I would have been about to do whatever you want.


So one three, pick one of those people.


You have to send them a positive, encouraging text message.


I like that my mom. I'll send it to my mom, which, by the way, I need to change my phone number. I just got a text just straight up from a seven, eight, six number. Can you look up at Erika? Is that Florida seven eight six. This is someone not in my phone that just says this is the yacht we're going to rent to celebrate on when our heat win. The NBA championship sounds like Florida, but have to ban group sex on this one.


LOEL, wait, that's not Florida.


It's Miami. Yeah, but seven, eight, six, you said. It's Miami. So I just say wrong number one, mine saying, don't say anything, you don't respond to the wrong number. OK, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. I think I should do it to me.


That is so nice. It's I'm going to do it to Sarah from the Vow. Sarah from the Vow. Sarah Edmondson.


Well, I guess she deserves it. Yeah. The silence breaker from the vow who busted up a sex cult.


I'm in. Right. I am so inspired. I'm in awe of you should be proud.


I mean, yesterday the woman went to prison who funded this cos the blonde lady on the vow, the very first one to leave. Can you just Google it instead of asking me? I don't know.


I thought you would know that first of the vow to remember her name. Well, that's not my point, which I shouldn't get enough attention.


Benton likes to just, like, ask me questions I would never know the answer to on the podcast. Like I'm his personal Google. Like, if you just look it up, you could say, oh, what about this girl will be fun about that. No, no one wants to hear a bunch of people not know the answer to shit.


That's not a girl who does this all the time.


Really the house Jeopardy thing. And then who wants to Be a Millionaire game show.


Then Buntin and then Bendat also just one day I'm going to know his name. One day I'm going to learn bet that's going to be big deal and also just throw things out of the car. I heard that, like, ringworm is like mostly live in bananas. And I'm like, is that true? And he's like, I'm not sure. And I'm like, OK, could you talk to people? If I was having a podcast, we know what we're saying and then we're going to pass it on.


We're not going to just guess this is an Infowars. I thought it was a lecture. No, this isn't like a brain maybe of things we might know. No, it's like back to the debate that just happened. They have a fact checker. Yeah, you need a fact checker. That's true.


We need someone sitting here just like that. So then you can speak freely and then some would be like, no, that's not it.


Yeah. I've had your entire podcast. OK, so what am I going to write to Sarah Edmondson from The Vow? You are brave, you are kind, you are smart, you are.


Or you're going to be a leader of the next cult. Yeah. Yeah. I can't wait to get you into my cult. I can't wait till you see I can't wait to Saltzberg me.


You're saying, hey there a big tattoo idea.


You might not show up, send nudes but love the party encouraging.


Well I already sent her saying today I hope you're proud and feeling triumphant today.


Many people are safer because of you. Oh, it's good. OK, my neighbor. I'm really grateful for my neighbor. She's really nice and like my mom really deserves. Yeah. Your mom to. I need to text your mom too. How about Taylor Tomlinson now.


She's good. She has. She's she. We need to keep that. We need to keep her humble.


Just really like make Esther feel like something's up again and just can't answer.


She'll never quit talking about it.


I'll say. Remember the other day when Esther was like, hey, thank you for making me feel part of a family. And she started crying, yeah, we should put her on medication.


She was really nice to everyone. You were included in that, too. Uh, she was saying that we had a series.


I'm going to I'm going to text Esther. I love you. And I'm so glad you're my new sister. What about that?


Oh, it's going to be like, is this real? She's going to think, is this fake again? You're the best. I said, I love you and I'm so glad you're my new sister. You're the best. That was a good text. Yeah, she was.


I do. I do. I do. Kick her around.


I was going to like the sister word is all you need and that she's going to be like she's going to send help here. Go.


She wrote back l l l I told you she wouldn't believe you when you started. What did she said out back. The squirt emoji.


Yeah. Your least favorite. The phone is in the square. All right.


That was good. We need to clean up the message that we made on this podcast.


That was I was not clean of the mistakes we made on this airplane. No, I don't I swear I would own up to it if it was a fire. I swear I will say, if I like that, I would leave. You came over there on your face when you hear a fart and you're not sure you should say something like check. What did you find? Oh, well, I heard it from over there. Well, it was I thought in the bathroom.


I thought it was in the shower. I thought I leaned back in the chair, farted.


That's oh, I thought it was your mike when you moved your mind. Oh, no.


I would say if I voted, I'm one of the I'm one of those people. Well, there's nobody in your bathroom came from over there. You said a lot of celebrities have ghosts in there, are thinking of ghosts in their houses. I figure that joke out. Yeah. No, no, you got it. Yeah, it's close. It's no, I if I fart, I'll either just walk away like if I just walk away in the middle of a conversation it means I'm going to do it somewhere.


Yeah. Yeah. If I'm just like I have to take I'll take a fake flamel like you'll fart there if you're to. No, no, no I will. Depends on who it is.


If I want to get out of the conversation, I know what I do. Although I do know someone shout out to Adam Sandler. I'm just fucking name talking to I don't even care anymore who's married to Catherine on. And he wrote on a show that I did. And he said the best thing when you've been in a relationship for a long time, if you're fighting about something stupid, what he'll do is I'll just fart and she'll start laughing.


And it's just like, what are we doing here? It's such a great way to end stupid.


That's a good strategy because I'm like, you know, like, you fart, humans fart, we fart.


But if you just during a fight, it's like, oh, fuck, I love you. Yeah. Like, what if it makes it like reality. Yeah.


Yeah. Just like taste. It's like. Well on that note, yes. That's on the podcast.


I always end these very awkwardly. Is there anything else we need to talk about your one. We haven't talked about any of your litany of businesses sign. She makes that makes most amazing wine. Oh, my wine, yes. Oh, you said it like with an accent and wine.


And she just went, that's fine. You don't have to know everyone, but you just gave up. Know you'll have to deal with that. Oh, you mean my wine. That's really not many products. No, I don't want to rant. You know, it's actually really. You tried it. It's fucking I'm I'm an alcoholic and a whiner. So I like lots of this is like even though I love it and it did not give me a headache.


Here's the thing. I can't really drink white wine and roses because they give me headaches. This one, I had no headache the next day I had no migraine. And it wasn't like all dehydrated. Yeah. And it's like it's palatable for like everybody that's tried it. Maybe I hope they're not just being nice to me, but like seems like they genuinely love and it doesn't leave a film on your teeth. It's weird. It's sweet, but it's not like sticky.


It's not like juice. Does that make sense. How did you how do you make a wine, did you go in like taste a bunch and just tasted it. We let the vineyard do their thing, but the the wine ratings are amazing for all the wines we chose, like they're all ninety one plus ratings on the wine, which was amazing. And then yeah, just like I know nothing about wine and there's times at wines I'll be like two hundred dollars.


I'm like I don't get it. And I had yours and I was like OK this is like this is delicious. Yeah. There's times I like talking myself into wine being good because I'm like I think I'm supposed to think this is good but it's like I don't it was just like perfect and crisp.


Yeah I, I did it with my best friend batch. What are the notes. What are the notes. The notes of the rosé are rising. Rising cherry of the roses falling raspberry.


Well you know, when they talk about wines and the like, there's like nutmeg.


It'll be like we always have pine, always the same like poetic language, I feel like for the wine, but it makes it like every man to Maria. There's a soft, nutty flavor in here.


Like what?


Yeah, it's all I mean, everything's pretty light. The roses. I don't know how I would describe it. Like, I guess it's very it's light like almost like a makes everyone seem more interesting. That's how I describe it. Makes everyone just a little less annoying.


It's like not too sweet but sweet enough little strawberry maybe is a little like berry and then fresh, refreshing, crisp, crisp.


It's very crisp, crisp.


It's like a gala apple. Oh that's my favorite but not appellee. Don't kick. No it's not apple juice like Benton. Yes it has. And it's not too fruity, you know, it's just it's fucking so good.


Perfectly balanced. Yeah. Sixty six wine. Go check it out. Sixty six wine dotcom.


Always always can. Working with no shame and she can do with that. See for me I have so much shame on like you don't have to buy. You know what. Don't watch. I've told the truth, I love it but I love it. Like I'm not mad at her. She's making me realize like you can sell the thing you've worked hard to make and not be ashamed of it. And no one's going to not like you. It's you that doesn't like.


That's what I'm doing when it comes to the merch, when it comes to the masks and all the stuff that we sell, I'm always like, oh, I don't want to seem like I'm selling this like I am sorry.


Like celebrities who are happy for what they have achieved. Fenton always fucking tells me this. Why give me a march away?


You all want it. Well, I feel like I like being desperate or merch. By the way, you. Yeah, well, Benton, I love it. I wear that hoodie all the time.


I'll give you numerous people are obsessed with that hoodie, but I'll order the numerous. I don't give it to you. I'm like by the merch. Subscribe to the YouTube or don't like I. Why can't I see.


Yeah. Every time we're like guys leave us if you feel like it. If you want to know, leave my account. I mean it's whatever you want.


I will quit it if you want me to. But how else. I mean hopefully everybody has products that they actually truly believe in, you know, and aren't just like pushing. But that goes back to trust. Yeah. Why.


That's my theory. If we make merge we should be willing to wear it like it enough. Nothing. I'll wear it. Yeah. I don't. The last thing I want is for you to buy some that you're gonna be like I'm going to sleep in.


But here I, I, I grew up having to make myself smaller for narcissists because I couldn't shine too bright and I still have a little bit of that where I'm like, oh I don't want to look like I'm bragging and I don't want to show off. That's what comes up. Yeah, you know what I mean.


I know, but no one thinks that. I mean, you know, I didn't think that. I thought that was fucking awesome. You're like, buy my wine. I'm like, cool, I will.


Because, you know, she's not doing that. Yeah, I know you. It's my I need to work on I need to fucking work on that.


And if anyone does think that you're bragging about them that you made, you're making money off of good.


Good. I am good. Yes. Thank you. I needed that pep talk. No, I just gave myself. Yeah.


I mean everybody has a little bit of that like but you're making me realize there's no shame in being fucking super ambitious and wanting all of it.


Well, that's something you're carrying around because you're women or if you're anybody that's on a straight dude, you carry that around that feeling of making being smaller. Am I being a. Am I being in the way my. Yeah, and you're doing too much like who you know it is. Who do I think I am? There's that a little bit of like the like sort of like who do I think like what am I trying to say? Because I think when I used to be jealous of comics are a bunch of march and had a bunch of things and sold out shows like I don't even like to tell people the shows are sold out.


And then people like your show sold out. And I'm like, I don't I don't want to be the person who's like sold out shows like why not? Which is so funny. I worked my ass off.


Yeah, but like you're actually you feel proud, right. And do what you've achieved. Like you actually you're like, yeah, hell yeah.


Or are you like, well I'm going to I'm going to move on sometimes I'm a little l yeah. We had a hit here Bill, you know. But he said, I I think, yeah, I think that we're at this time or now like this next generation is going after shit, we just have to be shameless about it. And if someone doesn't like it or thinks we're bragging or want too much or being corny, like, that's their shit, I you know, if someone's being bragging and gross, you know, they are.


Yeah. And then you can be like that person's gross move on. Yeah.


And if they think I'm bragging, fine.


It's all about authenticity and code dependence on that. No, unfollow. Amanda, follow me. I can say this without shame.


Yeah. Very good.


But don't know if it's actually really bad for wanting to do it as a joke. She's like, OK, yes, I like that. She's like you can have a couple.


So I do giveaways.


We need to give away the body.


Does this thing right. I take, you know, my talents and skills and I tell her things and like, we should do this. And she's like, I don't really I don't really I don't know if I don't remember my name that I don't want to think. And then like a month ago by and she'll text me like 3:00 in the morning.


But, you know, we do do the word for word.


The thing that I said, you said, yeah, well, that's good, because that's your you're impacting her life or someone else to say, did you hear that? And I'm like, I'm some kind of joke.


But Whitney does it and you do giveaways in real life. I do giveaways. And really. Yeah, every time I leave Whitney's, I have a new prize that I love.


Oh, yeah. Yeah. We were we were making fun of her about that. One day I have a penguin. I just like I like people like there's things that I feel like I have that I'm like, you need this. So you're not giving away junk. You're like giving away things that like are really cool though. There's something more valuable than giving giving someone a gift. That's your that was yours is to me a bigger deal like. Yeah.


Do you know what I mean. Because it was mine and I like it. Gift, you know, want to have it.


It does depend on whether I should give you some of my bras. If it's like a book by a book actually give me a lot.


Yeah. Like books, like figurines my boots. Like I had these amazing cowboy boots that like that were vintage cowboy boots and they were like fucking gorgeous vintage. They were like so expensive and I never wore them and they weren't my style. And I walked in the door and I was like, they're yours. And she was so happy. I've had these boots for seven years. I've never worn.


That makes perfect sense. That makes sense. No, they were like belts around the ankle. I saw it. I was like, what size shoes are you, like ten? And I was like, oh, I've had these boots for you for seven years. Yeah. Like, I just love that I love buying things. I mean, like, I don't want this, but I know someone's going to finding a home for them.


Yes. Like the fostering you do the I'm like I'll figure out who's this is later. Yeah. It's not mine because I wear the same shit every day. Like I love it. I like it. But it belongs to you. Yeah. I dress like the kid from Stranger Things so it's not for me.


And on that note, thank you guys for watching. BOP, bop, bop, bop and listening and make sure you subscribe and we love you.


Give it a five star rating. I think stop pushing your brand, pushing your brands to give it a five star rating. Don't right.


Elephants, guys, thank you.