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Pastor is here, we a podcast person? Yes, I am not, but I get frustrated when someone I really love comes over and we start talking and I'm like, save it, save.
But then I'm like, what am I doing? Like, we can always just repeat it. But we were just we're going to jump right into a conversation about her special, which is out now on Comedy Central. And I was just telling her how disgustingly jealous I am of her title because it's such a good title. So tell me about it.
It's called Hot for My Name. I get it. My name is Esther Povitsky and the ugliest name in the world. My last name is coming. So I'm not super compassionate. But yes, I see where you're coming from.
But then I was saying the title, I love you for your spot. One of your specials is so weird because I don't really like the funny, punny titles like I'm not really into that. I'm not a pun person, but just having your special be called I Love You. And then the imagery that you use is so psychotic.
I'm like, oh man, he's crazy. That's what it is. I that's that's what's funny about my sex. Yes. My second special was called I Love You, and I wanted it to be really ominous and aggressive.
And I dare every man totally.
I was just like, I want to be alone forever. How do I figure this out?
I had just gone through a really bad breakup and I was still in the codependent place of thinking. Relationships ended because you loved them too much. I used to think there was such a thing as loving someone too much and it scared them and like they couldn't handle my love when in reality that quote unquote love was just micromanaging.
Martyring control and trying to change that role is yog. My love was actually like emotional abuse.
And so I, I wanted to make a post and I hate funny posters. Yeah. I hate funny posters. I hate silly shit.
I like my first special ever. I did kind of do a funny like I think a lot of female comics, like we feel like we have to be like overly sexual or something.
In the beginning it's what we like at least me personally. And it was called Monisha, which is also a great name. It is a great name. It's not bad. It's not bad. But I was like naked and I had like I just kind of awesome. But like, I was just like topless. I just was like, well, I didn't know who I was. I was like, I'm like this person, am I raunchy? Like, who am I like?
And the I Love You special, the poster I wanted to rip my chest open. So scary in the poster. So scary and it gives you nightmares. Don't Google it actually do.
Your algorithm will be jacked for a while and they couldn't do it with special effects. So we rented a cadaver in Van Nuys and they cut the cadaver open and they photographed it.
And then I had to pretend I was ripping my chest open and they put the photo. Are you sort of the open cadaver Photoshop did it? Yeah. How did you get this way?
How we my thing is, unless you do it right, don't do it at all.
I do like that. I was so committed. I was talking about this yesterday. I was like I was hiking with my lover and I saw Christmas lights on a house that were like crooked and not done well. And I was like, that's the point. Like, why even bother? This story ends with you getting on a ladder and I'm walking out because you're too much like do it right or don't do it at all. That's like my mentality.
OK, I have before you even get into anything, I have an announcement for your listeners, and that is that if you're a fan of Whitney's, there's something that I know about her that you guys need to know.
Whitney is the O.G. of skin care to the degree that you you'll never even understand, 10 years ago, I would show up to the Comedy Store and have you all guys.
All guys. And then there'd be one woman, Whitney Cummings, whose face was dripping wet.
It was it was honestly really scary. She was it was like 11:00 at night. Maybe I was like 12 o'clock at night. She was just glistening oil to the point where guys would be like like, does she know who?
And is truly that you were ahead of the skincare curve. You were just screaming and oiling.
And I don't know if you knew, but it was you were the OG of the skin care. I looked like a jellyfish at all times in my twenties. I will I always start.
Okay, you need to you know, I.
Oh, are you crying by the way, that wasn't Sarah. Those were tears. I was wet. I was soaking wet. Me being the only woman in the comedy store in my twenties was very traumatizing. We'll get to that in a minute. But I always start the podcast with asking the guest if we're friends.
I sure as hell hope so I've I I've been trying so hard for a decade, I, I feel like I finally arrived home, you know, for a fact. I'm obsessed with you. I'm obsessed with you and Chelsea and Natasha, the three of you. I just I want framed photos of all of you in my house, like, you know, I am obsessed with you. If you will allow me to be your friend. Yes.
Well, I really want to talk about our friendship because I it's interesting. I feel like you and I have recently trauma bonded very hard during the pandemic. I feel like this invisible murderer virus has brought us together. Correct.
I when you and I first met, I was not taking on new friends.
I remember. I know. I know. I didn't have any openings and I was at capacity. There was a waiting list.
This is a story about persistence, Rudy. And I think I have to be honest with you, like for the longest time and people have seen what's going on in the comedy world, in the news and the podcast world.
Like I, the environment of comedy was so toxic for so long that I think I sort of adjusted accordingly and put blinders on, figured out a way to go into comedy clubs, not connect with anybody, put on all my armor and just not entrenched with anybody and just figure out a way to get in and get the fuck out, which, by the way, is right. Like you had the right plan of action. Like I that's why I wasn't like, oh, you know, screw her.
No, I knew what you were about and why you were like that. Because, look, I'm just saying I get it and I. I subscribe.
So I think when you started coming to the comedy show, when I first started knowing you, I was already this well oiled machine of you get in and you do your job and you get the fuck out, which made me love you even more.
That's what that is called Stockholm Syndrome for everyone listening. So I remember just going, if you stay and you hang out, you're going to be called a slut.
You're going to be called a whore. You're going to be called ugly. People are going to oily when where people are going to be jealous of your luminous opalescent skin game. I you know, it's funny. People make fun of how shiny I used to be. Yes. I used to put oil all over my face all the time because I had such bad acne my whole life. A lot of people don't know I was on Accutane twice. I went on Accutane when I was 16 and when I was twenty one.
That's how bad my cystic acne was.
Are you blind from it? That's a real thing. That's not blind when you can't see in the dark anymore from Accutane. Accutane is so severe. Oh Accutane. Is it even FDA approved. I don't, I don't think there you have to take birth control the same time you take Accutane and you have to get blood tests every month to prove that you're not pregnant because babies would be deformed and it's linked to suicide. It's a link to a lot of fucked up shit.
I did not know night blindness was one of them, but a lot of stuff is starting to make sense.
We should turn the lights off and see if. OK, no, I don't I don't know anything. Just I don't got rid of a camera without at least four giant lights around me. I but I am going to look into that because I've had a couple of weird run ins with coyotes at night that I feel like could have been prevented if I didn't take Accutane. Oh, God. But what Accutane does, by the way, one of the side effects of Accutane I wrote all about this in my book is Anal Bleeding.
And I remember just being, like, worth it. It didn't deter me, didn't slow me down. That's how bad my acne was when I was a teenager. Like the really cystic deep ones that you feel and, you know, when you feel it that this is going to be like a three week thing. This thing's going to mean it's going to take about three weeks to run its course.
It hurts. It's just dread the dread of knowing I'm going to have this volcanic eruption for the next year and then a scar, maybe forever, a scar.
And then you're like, I just I think that, you know, when you're a teenager, your appearance, it's good. Bad needs to be, you know, therapy.
Who cares? The point is that that's before filters. We didn't have Nashville filter. We didn't have Hefe, we didn't have the dog air filter like you looked like what you looked like, like really hard. You know, we didn't have it. We couldn't add brightness to our photos. We had to see each other in person and all of our imperfections.
And I remember like during lunch, I would go into the bathroom, just hide, because I was so embarrassed about my skin and what I learned finally after playing whack a mole with these really drying agents, salicylic acid zit creams, the things that just fry your face would exacerbate it. And a dermatologist finally told me that your oil production glands actually overcompensate when you dry your skin out. So the best thing you can do for oil is broken out. Skin, even though it's a total goes against all instincts.
It's a totally anathema to what you think you should do. You should put oil on oily skin because then your oil glands will start producing less oil.
It's crazy. The 90s ruined our lives, OK, oil free face wash, everything we bought was oil free, we were eating fat free like Maxwells, fat free cookies that actually had way more calories, more sugar, way more sugar. It was we were doing it all wrong. And so it's so against Olestra potato chips. That was some leakage right there.
Vitamin D deficiency is the anal leakage between my Accutane and my Olestra Lay's potato chips, potato diaper bag.
You need diapers at all times.
But so I started then dousing my face in oil at all times and then I stopped breaking out, which I know feels so counterintuitive. But it really worked that first time you put oil on your skin after being trained not to is scary. But yeah, it's crazy because your skin is so perfect now. Well, thank you. I feel like you're a real oil thank you addict. I believe strongly in in lubing up your face.
If you right now were to tell me one oil that I need, just give me one, you know.
Well, I gave you one in your little thank you package for coming, which is a serum that I use that has grapeseed oil in it. I would say grapeseed and tomato seed oil are my number one oils. OK, yeah.
So number one. And number one, there's the Thai tomato seed I've never really heard talked about. I feel like you're the only one on the tomatoes because I don't want to tell anyone because then it'll get sold out and people will start having my secrets and then the will fuck up the bell curve.
Do we need to feel bad. Like I also recently discovered an oil called a para EPA are a black owned great thing to buy, but also just an incredible oil that I become obsessed with. I also put different kind of oils on different parts of my face. The thicker oils go around the iron on the eyelid.
We always get a little extra and everybody else OK with me will not be outdone by anyone.
So I want to talk about our relationship because I think there's there's a lot to discuss. And watching your special, which, by the way, not only made me laugh and I have been dead inside for a solid decade, made me laugh. This actually really bothers me. This is when you know someone special, funny, when another comedian just gets, like, annoyed at it, it's like, fuck, like I can watch a special and normally I'll know what the punchline is going to be.
I'm like, I know where it's going. I was surprised. I was dazzled. My lover was watching it like a man.
I know my hair is probably throwing you off with the kind of people I what gender I date. But he was laughing so hard he did a spit take like a cartoon Lucille Ball spit take and I filmed it for you. I said to so great I so here's the here's the highest praise I can give. Asta's comedy special.
Even men think it's funny. That's how good it is. Men even like it.
I'm as surprised as you are the great trust me I literally was like I need to watch Esther special. Can you just sit here and watch?
And he was enjoying it. He he rewind it. A couple of things is really funny. Did he love my dad. I feel like my dad is the star of my spy. I love your dad and I agree.
But I want to first say I feel like my relationship with you is very it's and it's recently changed.
But I've always felt a very protective instinct towards you.
But not in a good not in a healthy way. No, that's even better because I, I like that very controlling co-dependent. You try to trigger me, we trigger each other. It's all on purpose. I bring up your abandonment issues. You bring my perfectionist issues up because I was watching the special and you did this really fresh, innovative thing where you are in different outfits and it was over a couple nights and member, I was like, do not do that.
I was so angry about it. We were in the Comedy Store parking. You were stressed. She was like, I'm going to wear a couple different outfits. And I was like, what? Like I was like, no. What do you mean? Like, it made me angry.
Like, I remember driving home being like this is an irreconcilable difference. Like, we just I couldn't understand what you were thinking. I was just like, I need to call her agent tomorrow. I need to put a stop to this. I need to stage an intervention. And it was so fun to watch and I was wrong. No, that's first of all, I you whenever someone, though, gives you feedback, that's not what you're expecting or you want.
That's like the best person to know. Yeah. So when you gave us that, no. We actually like really took it in and we considered doing the same outfit twice like which would have helped. This is all too like inside baseball. But just know that, that no I respected it and took it in. Yeah. Like almost went with it but then at the last minute was like wait I wanna wear the skirt but thank you.
I also wasn't sure what like she just does this really the way you know I think that specials now comedians have to evolve. You know, I cannot stand when comedians are like, why can I say tranny? It's like, dude, is that really what's holding you? Back from writing a new joke like you. Is that why you have writer's block, like, I think comedians? Because we're professional complainer. So that's what we do for a living.
We're obsessed with injustice and we don't love change in general. We're control freaks.
You know, I think we have to evolve as viewers evolve. You know, there's so much content out there. You can watch a panda bear dancing to Beyonce. Like, how are you going to fucking compete with YouTube now with a standup special, you know, watching one person in the same outfit for an hour? Now that I've seen your special, I'm like, that's crazy. I can't believe we were that boring for so long that that is how I feel.
Because even like the best specials I've ever seen, like sometimes I have to pause them because I'm like I have an Instagram brain, like, I need to just be seeing different looking things at all times. Yeah, I did want to cut it up. And also it didn't hurt to have less time for stand up and be able to cut just just the best stuff.
No, I think it was just really it felt very this is the oldest, most boomer shit ever say. It just felt very modern to me. It just felt very like it met me at my level of attention deficit, you know what I mean?
It didn't the best compliment. Yeah, I agree. Like, there was no work involved. It didn't feel like home mortgage and feel like now I have to finish this special. Like, it was just it felt like the experience of going through someone's Instagram feed and like now I want to go see about their family and I want to see them in a different outfit. I wanted to talk about something different, like it was really incredibly. You have incredible instincts.
Thank you. And I'm glad you didn't take my advice on that one. But you should take my advice about everything I usually do.
Yeah, you do. Exactly. Well, another thing, because we're talking about our friendship, one of my favorite things about you is that you just kind of go with it. Like I remember last year, towards the end of the year, like I had family in town, I was really stressed out and I had to set at the Comedy Store. And I saw you were on the lineup in a different room than me. But at the same time and I just texted you and I was like, hey, we're on the same time, like an hour before.
And you just wrote Why? And I was like, So we can hang out. And then I like expecting you to just like, not reply. You're like and then you just go, OK, see you then and see you in fifteen minutes. I'm like like you're just down but you don't get it. But then once you like then you're in. You know it's interesting. Once I'm in I'm in. Yeah. Once I'm in I'm in.
I'm going to be honest with you that I'm always early so I was going to be early anyway so that was just good to know. That was that I do have a rule that I do know. Same day plans. You really. Yes, I do know. Same day plans. That's a rule for me because it's hard for me to say no. It's take me a long time to be able to say no to someone, especially women. That's a whole other thing, because I grew up around very sensitive women where if you stood up for yourself or said you had a need, they freaked out.
So I just kind of like or was like they got emotional. So I just learned do everything on their timetable. And when someone you and Chelsea Peretti do this because we're on a chain now and you'll be like, what are you guys doing? Let's go for a walk in an hour. And I feel my codependents coming up being like jumped down the fireman's pole, get in the car and like, get out there to go on this walk with them or you'll never hear from them again.
I have this thing with friendships where I relate to that. I feel for you on that. But I but it's really hard for me to not stick to my but if I make schedules for myself so that I can have pride, pikas, cooperation and productivity make dopamine. And during this time, so much depression stuff has come up in so much mental health stuff that I realized I just need to really schedule out my time and achieve the thing I set out to achieve, or else I'll feel listless and and sloppy and crazy.
There's nothing I respect more than when someone sets a boundary for themself like that. It is so valuable and important. Me and my college friends, last year we set we made this little like twenty eighteen was a twenty to twenty eighteen. I don't remember, but it was like no flake. Twenty nineteen.
So we set this rule where it was like none of us can flake on any plans for this whole year unless you're sick or like working or whatever it is in case you don't want to go.
So no, no, no, no. For real though. And if you did it was like the honor system with the three of us. And if you flaked, you had to do a punishment. And our punishment was like, you know, if one of us was on the east side, the other one lives on the west side, like you could drive across town at rush hour to hang out like a coffee shop.
So it was like there was a prison sound like college friends. It sounds like a fight club.
But so we we did that for a year and it really taught me to not say yes to things that I might want to not do later.
I think half the time we say yes to something, that's because we know we're going to cancel or we're going to figure out all get out of it later. I'll just say yes now and then. Think of an excuse later. Exactly. So once we implemented that, I got so much better at like now. And that was a great boundary for me to learn. Like, don't say yes if you're a flake.
So boundaries for yourself, the answer's usually no. That's my default. The answer's usually no. And it's going to make our relationship better, like, you know, and you're you're a tricky one for me because I don't really romantic relationships don't daunt me as much because I know they're going to end like like Roman. Antec relationships, I don't mean don't break my heart anymore, I just I have no tears left. I have no tears left for men, but female friendships, I'm actually really trepidations with I get scared.
I've actually probably had my heart broken the most by women.
I know what you mean. It's like female friendships are complicated and it's like kind of our job to just like tackle them and figure them out because you can get so much out of that. So rewarding. Me and Andy Letterman actually had this like unspoken but also spoken role where I'm but it goes both ways. We're allowed to call each other and leave literally 20 missed calls on the other person's phone. And the other person who has a 20 missed calls is allowed to not call back for two days.
Like there's no pressure keeping score.
There's no pressures, no resentment. There's no I just did this. You now need to do this. Yes. It's very like I accept you where you are and unconditionally. Yeah. You're allowed to ignore me for as long as you need to. I really need to rewire my brain around that because growing up around a mother that was very sensitive and very emotional, I learned that when you take care of yourself, there is a cost. And when a woman does something nice for you, you have to reciprocate.
You have to worry about their feelings all the time, their discomfort all the time. You know, some of our most stressful relationships are with the people that are supposed to make us feel the least stressed out. Yeah.
And watching your special, I learned so much more about you because I was always so confused about your personality.
I was like, I compliment you. Well, I just is like there's something very paradoxal about you because you do stand up, which is ostensibly one of the scariest things you can do. I think most people's biggest fear yet you're the most fearful person I know. You're scared of everything. Yes. And so it's an interesting paradox.
Every six months I ask you, Whitney is flying safe.
You and I are so different and that, you know, and I. I think I'm too far on the other end of the spectrum. I'm scared of absolutely nothing. Wow.
Because no one I grew up in extremely dangerous circumstances all the time.
And number two, I have worked really hard to realize, like, I just do not worry about things that I can't control. Yeah, but it's taken a long time like to rewire that. And I look at you and I'm like, I actually should move more towards astir.
Like, you know, you're very empathic and I appreciate that about you. And I think. Sorry, last thing I'll say, is that super fearful? Would you describe yourself as anxious? Yes. Super fearful. Super anxious people are actually. That is a huge evolutionary advantage. A thousand years ago, you would be the most successful person in the tribe, just FOIA.
I just think we have no way, because right now I'm five feet tall. I think you can just sneak into caves and under rocks and very easily hide your perfect. You can't really reach for lemons or oranges, but you know someone else. Let someone else do that.
No, but I just think it's point to remember as we I think, overly pathologies people who are anxious, people that are fearful, people that have, quote, irrational fears. You know, we were designed to not live in houses with alarm systems and locked doors and roofs. Right. So having anxiety actually was part of survival of the fittest, most anxious or the most fit and most paranoid, the most hyper vigilant. So I think you evolved beautifully.
It's just everything else changed. So you're just you're living in the wrong time. Thank you. Another great compliment that I will just cherish. But you are I just want to say you are really good at helping with those things because I'll be like Whitney is flying safe. You're like there's no articles about pilots and flight attendants like being sick from flying.
Yeah, like and I'm like, oh yeah, she's so right. And then I go and I fly off on my tour like it's just you really are very helpful. It is my pleasure.
And watching your special, you have these vignettes of you and your parents. And on this show, we talk a lot about growing up in, you know, dysfunctional homes. What happened with your primary caretaker to give you certain maladaptive behaviors? I feel like the people that listen to this show, we think a lot about what happened in our childhood to make us the good and the bad of what we are today. What I we haven't really talked about on the show is the trauma of having parents who are still married.
And I think actually there's something really. Yeah. I mean, frankly, dramatic about that. You know, everyone I know whose parents are married, I my instinct is, well, your parents are married. You have no problems like that, really. But that's the more immature take from maybe a couple of years ago. But now I'm kind of like, oh, my God, like married parents, like the pressure that must cause to say, what excuse do I have to not make a relationship work?
Or I don't feel that pressure. That's interesting, though. I definitely don't feel that pressure like their relationship is. It's not like I'm not one of those people that's like. Oh, my romantic parents and I have such a good example of love, like, absolutely not, I don't want a relationship that's anything like theirs. They're crazy or or you just but you do see people working it out. You know, you do see people with a set crystalised definition of what a relationship is like.
Because I saw so many divorces and I grew up with single people, I at least saw people try a bunch of different things and fail and go like, oh, you can fail and it's OK. And I feel like if I grew up with married parents, I'd be like, yeah, they made it work. What's my excuse like? Even if it's not, you know, healthy, it's like you figure it out, you compromise. Relationship is a job.
Like I am always curious about what having married parents does to your psyche.
Well, I mean, one thing is that. So they're a second marriage, the second marriage. OK, and so, you know, that's also at play, like helpful. That's OK. There's been some failure in your life. That's good. There's been plenty. Yeah.
You need people need adversity. It's so important. I mean. Yeah, absolutely. But so they're my mom's second marriage and they there are a big age difference. My mom is fifteen years younger than my dad. So I do see how that has influenced me because, you know, there's like something that works about that for them. You know, my dad's like old and defeated, so and she, like, does everything. They're just they're not a normal example.
It's definitely not like like whereas my fiancee, his parents, I feel like they're they're high school sweethearts and they're still together that I like.
That's your. Yeah. That OK, you're right. That's the kind of thing that I'm like that is traumatic. It's traumatic. I just maybe this is just me doing meaning making. We've talked about meaning making on the podcast. It's basically turning lemons into lemonade or whatever. Like you always want to figure out when something like that negative happens to you. The meaning make it of it like what am I what's the gift of this? What's the meaning making of this?
What am I learning? What am I getting out of this failure, this this adversity?
I now that I'm older and maybe I'm just meaning making, but I'm so glad the shoe dropped early. Yeah. Otherwise you're constantly waiting for the shoe to drop. Yeah. You know, the Damocles sword is hung. Like I'm just I'm now as I'm as an adult, there's sort of a relief that's like, OK, my dad already died, my mom already had a stroke.
Like all these bad things already happened. Like what's the worst that could happen? Right. Coronavirus comes. I'm like, OK, let's handle this like nothing. I think there is something that's a safe place in later in life after you've had enough tragedy in your life, nothing. You know, you're like the worst is kind of behind me. There's something that's kind of a relief about that. Yeah. No, that's cool. I feel like I, I that's I like that living by that.
What is your your fiancee is an anxious mess because his life has been too good. I think the worst is in front of him. I've been stressed out too. I know. Well I feel like you relate to this. The first time I met his parents, we all went out to a nice dinner and Dave was like cracking jokes. And his parents were just like laughing at everything Dave was saying. And I remember sitting there, like, staring like what's going on.
I didn't know that your own parents could find you funny. It was so weird.
I just like was physically like, where am I? Like, it was so weird. The healthiness and the love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is, you know, now that you've seen my special, you probably can see why I felt that way. And I'm sure you probably had a similar thing because you don't seem normal. I have a hot take. I'm on your parents side.
My mom thinks you're her daughter. So you know what's so weird? When I was watching your special, I didn't even put together that your mom, your mom and I are very close. Yeah. Would you is that whatever you would call it, she consumes everything you put out. She updates me on your story. She watches everything. My dad I'm pretty sure my dad hates you because my mom is always doing something about you.
So he hates all like.
So that's my demo. Twice married older women with comedian daughter. So I, I, I think I'm just in a place. You guys have heard me talk about this in the bag. I am just in a place of radical forgiveness with parents because they simply did not have the tools, you know, and I think and we talk about this a lot of we forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because we deserve peace. And it's just sort of like I can blame my parents all day long.
I certainly can do that. But it's sort of like hasn't worked that great. And so I'm just going to radically forgive them because they didn't they didn't get what they needed either.
Yeah, I know. I totally agree with you. And I it's I love to publicly be like it's my parents fall, you know, like they locked me in a gate and I cried, but it's they were doing what they could.
That was it was kind of amazing.
There's this part where Esther's one of her teachers locked her like in a closet and her dad's like, how could we didn't do that just so like it. Also, I maybe I have Stockholm syndrome, but I'm kind of like, yeah, like it's only like ten years that we started thinking children should be protected from anything. I mean, it is a very new we used to. It's just so. Kids used to work in factories like it's very new that we think children are valuable on any level.
Yes, you know, it's weird, you know, so I feel just watch your dad and was like, yeah, I feel like in his day that's actually pretty you name you main closets are safe. Yeah. You know, there's always, you know, they're safe in there. No one's going to get in there. They can take a nap like everything's soft.
It's all clothes like, you know, like I sort of I appreciated that. But I also saw where you got your wit. And I think that a lot of becoming funny is having to defend yourself as a kid. Like full stop. You know, like people always like going out. Having the name coming is like that must be a nightmare. I'm like, yeah, but it also made me have I got bullied so much as a kid about it that I had to get quick and I had to learn how to throw insults back.
That has to be a huge reason why you're a comedian. Do you feel like that? I think so. I think so. I think I think in terms of having to defend myself and having to I think a lot of comedians, you know, who was it that said the definition of or standup comedy? We do it so that we can insult ourself. We can we can control the way we're embarrassed. Yeah. We embarrass ourselves before you can do it.
That is so correct. I always say, like, I can't be embarrassed, like I know I will be. I know I'm going to be embarrassed here. Let me just let me handle it so that you guys don't do it and ambush me or are sidetracked like I want to know and control how I'm going to be embarrassed. So relatable. I really love that.
I kind of feel like you've gotten a little bit fucked over in a way where you were like the feminist kind of before feminism was like cool. And you were the star, the creator and star of an NBC sitcom and people made fun of you online. Yeah. And that's kind of like the worst fear. Yeah. And you've come from you've come through that.
I was still canceled before canceled culture. Even if you were like if I was like not for doing something wrong, people made fun of you that was really fucked up. And it was sexism that was like pure.
I know there was if you go back at the reviews of the NBC show, I did. It's there's comments literally about my appearance. I mean, there's literally of like she's what the fuck? She's wiry. She's willowy. Like, I mean, it's they're they're talking about my appearance in the reviews. There are a couple of reviews. Call me shrill like it is so wild.
It's really like you really went through that. And I feel like I don't know, I feel like you got it like almost like the worst. Like you were like, I'm a fucking woman, I'm a creator, I'm funny. And then literally reviewers berated your women, female viewers as well.
I mean, Emily Nussbaum just gone for it. I mean, her review was wild, like just mean.
And I and I think I look back now and I'm like, I think I, I as someone that goes always for forgiveness, if I can't, I went through all the pain of that. I went through the embarrassment and the shame and the sadness.
Kind of later I had a little delay of processing it. I think that I blocked it out kind of when it was happening because it was number one. My mom had just had a stroke. I had another family member who was super sick. My dad had a stroke. The universe kind of colluded to distract me from that with like other tragedies that put everything in perspective about like a bad review, you know.
But I you know, I look back at that and I was like, God, I guess I really trigger people. I feel like we said that word a lot on the podcast. Like, I understand like a loud woman, but you know that that doesn't want to get married. That's what the show was about. It was about it was a gender reversal. I wanted to do a very traditional classic sitcom where the man had the qualities of of stereotypical woman and the woman had the qualities of a man.
No, I remember I watch the show. I did watch it illegally. So I didn't have cable. That was like back when I knew how to watch shows illegally. I watch every episode. I thought it was funny and awesome and it actually really sucked.
Like not to make this about me, but I'm not going to like it sucked that I looked up to this person and watch your show and then saw, like, all these shitty people making fun of it. And I didn't know why. And I just feel like how do you get through? Like, I'm like, how could anyone survive that? But then here you are, like, literally thriving, created a successful show like you've done so much since.
And I just want to like, acknowledge that that was fucked up and it's weird and it doesn't like there needs to be like a renaissance about it, like we all need to apologize. That was while that's so interesting that you're bringing this up and I'm sorry, like I feel like it could be even triggering to bring up and like, you know, I'm so glad. I'm so glad you're OK. It's not something I can bring up. But as I look back, like if you were, I please rehash these reviews, you know, I think for me.
You know, I know why a lot of people didn't like it because it was on NBC and it was a multicam and this is getting into the granular of the different TV shows. Anyone listening knows the difference. You know, multicam and a single count. MultiCam Seinfeld Friends. There's a live studio audience. Right. And then a single cam is like the Office Parks and Rec community. I was in the block of Parks and Rec community, the office, and then a multicam show where there's like a live studio audience.
Like it was just like all the comedy nerds weren't going to be watching these shows that were more like subtle performances and way dryer like that was starting to become a little more in vogue. You know, a little the lighting is bleaker and drab, like the office was obviously really popular, 30 Rock like that. Those are single camera shows.
The show should have been on like CBS. Yeah. You know, like Mike and Molly, Two and a Half Men, like like Big Bang Theory, multicam, like it would have, I think, fit better. Yeah. But there was a very malicious energy that that came at me. Like people would say, like it's a laugh track. I would even say to the journos, I was like, oh, you want to come see the people in the audience?
Like, it's like, you know, we had to take microphones out of the audience like no one wanted to like it.
You know, it was it was I mean, even writers like big, big writers who won, one of whom has since apologized to me, I think it was a year ago. I mean, Hollywood writers would like tweet like really malicious shit about it, which that doesn't happen right now.
Like, people don't do that. You can't do that. Like, if if a if a TV show with starring a woman came out, no one could just tweet about it and trash it.
Borkur, she's whatever. No one could you could not do that, you know, and one of them recently apologized to me actually. It was actually wow.
Because a lot of people I looked up to and really admired and liked trashed me like on Twitter, like as if I, like, wouldn't see it or something.
And one of them apologized to me recently and was like, yeah, I was, you know, and this is what he said. So it is what it is. But he was like I was just so jealous that you got something twenty seven years old and you had the show and it also got it was ubiquitous. It also got because plot twist I test very well.
Don't you understand that if a show gets a lot of promotion, it means it did well in the testing. Right. And Chris D'Elia was on the show, was fucking hysterical and we had great chemistry, which is kind of the whole sort of like in that tested very highly. So they ended up giving us a lot of promotion. And anyone that's like all over fucking the sides of buildings, I feel like if I was a comic and saw a show that was called Like a Man, it was like a like a girl that was like holding a beachball sassy.
I would probably make fun of it, too, you know, like but but I feel like we're learning and I hope everyone is on board with this that like not everything is for you. So if you see Amanda on the beach ball, like maybe it's not for you, but it's for someone. Yeah. And you're like yakking someone's young. Yeah. And I just think it's I don't know. I just don't want to. I get it. We all want to make fun of stuff.
It's fun. But I do think a weird very like I like very sexist reaction filled with jealousy happened to you and like you was coming through it. You didn't like quit the business and like moved to Wichita. That's impressive to me. I never really it's weird. I don't think I've ever gotten over it.
You know, I think it was it was a kind of trauma, a kind of emotional trauma. I feel like I i which is also weird because the show does really well in other countries. Like people also like love it.
I can't stress this enough. I watched every episode and waiting for it to come out somewhere. It's also the peacock. Oh, it just came on the peacock. OK, Kramer, I need to get people like it's weird. People do love it because I really wanted to make a show so it was long ago but that was universal like so I mean literally we shot at Universal but there were a lot of shows on about very specific, like I love the office, but it was about a very specific American sense of humor.
You know, they had their their award thing at Chili's. And, you know, it's sort of like everything was specific. American comedy community, very specific. I want to do something that was like if you don't even if this could air in any country, it's about like, why did your ex just text you any one, any culture, any anyone in any part of the world can relate to that fight. That is a universal fight that transcends, I think, culture, religion, so many things.
You know, and I really wanted to make that show about little tiny things, like there was an episode. I fucking love this episode where the my boyfriend character shushes me. And that's it.
That's the whole that's the whole that's the beginning of the whole episode. It's just and that exactly where so many shows now are like.
And he's dead the whole time, and it's really a vampire, like everything's so fucking complicated, whereas the reality is the most of our real estate that's taken up is like, why are you having lunch with your ex? Like, that's what most of us have to do. That sounds fucking interesting. That to me is is an episode. I mean, there was an episode with June Rafeal who played the axe, which is why do you have a box of your stuff?
It was like a box of her stuff, you know, one that has that.
That yeah, that's I know that that's real.
I love that shit. Like, that's the kind of shit I love. Like, there was a whole episode about, you know, we've talked about it on this show of I wash my boyfriend's jeans and he gets really upset because you're not supposed to wash jeans. Guys don't wash their jeans.
So it's weird. Dave never lets me wash his pants. No, you're not allowed to wash. Guys don't wash their jeans. It's weird. I need to override that. That's why we have a coronaviruses I for that is the real origin of it. But yeah. No, I the last thing I want to say about Whitney, even though I just cut you off and it's your show. No please. Is the episode where you like accidentally blurt out the phrase uber cray cray.
Do you know what I'm talking about. I blurted it out OK. Yes. Uber cray cray. Yes. It's so stupid and so funny. And I say it all the time. Still eight years later. It's so good. It's so weird. I should have known there that you were so weird, but I just want to like give that show like a solid shout out in a moment that it is so good. Yeah. And that it like blows my mind that more people aren't like we we like we're fucked up about this thing.
And it was a woman getting her shot and we like ruined it a little bit. I mean, they didn't ruin it because you made so many episodes of it. But like, well, that's the other thing I think we made we made two seasons. And I remember this because, like, I would have journalists interview me and now I look back and I'm like, oh, my God, they were being so shitty to me. And I was too naive and young to know.
I assumed if a journalist was interviewing you for an article like they liked you, like that's such a I they were just going to write you the way you meant to sound like they would write me as the person I am, which is, you know, or something. And they don't have vendettas or agendas or, you know, there was this guy I can't even remember his fucking name, but he got fired over the interview because was David Goldman.
I think his name is.
Can you Google? I don't give a fuck. He interviewed, like, literally I remember waking up like 6:00 a.m. and he's like, hey, I've never heard of you, but my wife really likes you.
And I remember being like, OK, like, I just was like still programmed to laugh it.
And like any joke, a man said, Oh, you're like, you don't know me.
I'm just going to try harder to get your approval. And he said something. He's like he said something about me. He was like on the road someone made a joke about you sleeping your way to the top. Is that true? Yeah, that's true.
Here's all the guys I fuck. Yeah. Like, because you guys just like print scripts that need to be shot, like, as if that's ever worked.
David Goldman, he was at The New Yorker.
I think I've learned that if someone is interviewing them, it's like I need to kind of get clarity on what the article is about, because I recently did an interview and they made the article kind of about what they wanted it to be about and not about what made sense for me. So I will just say that that's a real thing.
Andrew Goldman, I was just filling time while you were looking that up.
You have to respond. Thank you. This bitch holds a grudge.
And yeah, I just I had no idea that someone would want to embarrass someone else or, you know, I just I don't think I realized like. Female comics are the most hated people on the planet a little bit, we are hated, you know, and that and anyone listening to this show, listening to female comics talk, obviously you're not. But we are very triggering to people.
And there is and I don't know if it's because there is this subconscious, like they're signing up to be rejected, like they're putting themselves out there to be critiqued or whatever.
But there is a very real vitriol around a woman that is fuckin speaking for an hour and no one else gets to interrupt. I mean, there is like a fucking who do you think you are? I need to tear you down to size. Yeah, I feel like that's what was happening to me. Yeah. I feel like when I did a sitcom and had a I had two shows at once Tubercle. This is when you had to be apologetic and small and minimize yourself.
And if you were successful, you were like, you know, I think there was a how dare you, who do you think you are and you don't deserve and you don't get to win like this. Yeah, not on my watch. And everyone decided they were going to make a sort of like in which I felt very much like a we need to make an example out of her that that's how women, too, by the way, I'm this is not I know this is like women fucking came for me.
And, you know, it's it's it's tricky.
And I do think I sort of learned to sort of go numb a little bit about that because I was just like, OK, like the price of what I do. Is there going to be a lot of people that are going to have some irrational hate for me? And that's just part of this. Like, I get to pay my bills and I get to have health insurance. Like, that's just the price I pay. Like, I sort of that's how the meaning making of how I've kind of rationalized it.
I wasn't taught. You can have it all like this next generation. Yeah. No, they could have it all. I never thank God I was drilled into my head by my dad. Life is not fair so I didn't think I deserved more. I was like, OK, well if my bills are getting paid, like, you know, this is a small price to pay. But there is a I think it's interesting for us to all look at our internalized misogyny about a woman, how triggering it is when women get successful.
I do it, too. I have it, too. I have it. I haven't. I haven't.
I feel like I'm furious about your special and it's so good. Frankly, I hope there's a campaign to tear you down. And, you know, but, you know, it is interesting. But there's also there's almost like an immersion therapy, is that what it's called? Exposure therapy of like therapy? How my worst nightmare is having people hate me and and it just happened. So that's why I'm so interested. Like, what am I going to do?
There's not there's a certain freedom in having everyone having that, which, by the way, Twitter is not everyone. That's the other thing. Twitter is not everyone. The majority of America really liked it and thought it was God. Like this was just on Twitter. We have to remember, Twitter is not real life. Twenty percent of people are on Twitter. Of that, two percent generate eighty percent of the comments. Like, I need to repeat that statistic to myself a lot.
Really. Like when you say that.
Yeah, I say it a lot. I really love it. I'm a broken record with that one.
And it was kind of as someone who was so programmed to be loved, that's all I ever wanted, was for people to like me, for people to love me, to contort shape shift, to try to make people laugh and having those sort of mass backlash, that kind of couldn't have been worse. Yeah, right. Like, I kind of couldn't. And I don't even know all of it because I was I don't you know, I don't have anything, you know, I didn't know.
I remember I was working on the show and again, my mom had a stroke, so I wasn't Googling myself.
I wasn't on Twitter like I was like in an ICU writing the first season of that show. And I remember going to like an embassy party, like four up fronts.
Like the first thing I, like, went out to do that was like I'm promoting a show and I like put on a dress that like like an old dress from like Delia's or something like I didn't have like stylists, like I didn't have any, you know, it was before I like the checks had started clearing or anything.
And I went to a public space and everyone was coming up to me like, how are you doing? You're OK. You're hanging in there like people would.
Everyone's like as if I had like a terminal illness. People are like they're just jealous, don't you? You know, everyone hated Seinfeld the first season.
Like, people were just consoling me and I didn't know what they were talking about. I thought they were talking about the fact that my mom had just had a stroke and I was like, oh, she's going to be OK. And they're like, what?
Like, I didn't know about it, I think, thankfully. Yeah.
But yeah, I do think it left a mark in a way that has definitely made me I think I'm a pretty reclusive person and I always assume people are talking shit about me, which is part of the reason I have a lot of distrust for other. I feel I assume everyone's being fake with me and disingenuous because that was a time where everyone was being nice to my face, but I feel like shitting on me behind my back. Yeah.
And, you know, during the whole, you know, Kristalina nightmare as of recently, just so all y'all I know everyone who's tried to say, I know I know your names. And I just want you to know that the people that you think you're confiding in, they're more loyal to me than you. F y I. Well, it is.
Isn't that that's like another like weird public reaction that or like whatever it is, public shaming kind of reaction where it's like they knew, that person knew.
But it's like how why are you you don't know that you're just like creating drama because it's fun. Can I ask you a question about this?
Like, I think that people that are in male dominated businesses, women especially like, you know, No one men don't show us their untoward behavior or, you know, but at the same time, I do think we see a side of men that is slightly discouraging. I think it's taken me a long time to realize, like, you know, because all my friends are male comics. And then when I'm with someone who's not a male comic, I'm like, so how many porn stars do you follow in there?
But why do porn stars? And I'm like, oh, like my bars on the floor. Do you think that being in a toxic environment has affected the way that you.
View. Yeah, then like, has it done a number? Well, I wouldn't say it's done. A number of women, Franklin, I will say, like, it's been interesting having close relationships with men over the years, close friendships. And you do, like, end up talking about dating and stuff. And I like just feel like I know certain things that the way guys see girls and it's kind of upsetting, but it's also like similar to like.
Oh well at least now I know, you know.
OK, so now I know that whatever you guys think this about us, whatever it is, and I kind of try to use it in my tool kit as like a strength. Yeah but. But I know what you mean and it is. Yeah. We like see guys hitting on girls all the time. But that also it doesn't mean that like where the truth is and this is almost going to sound like I'm I don't know how this would sound, but like we're like, no, we're not like you're not in the club, like we're not in the club.
Like I don't think we are. We are. We are in a club. Yeah. But like the cool guys there are awesome and I love them, but there's a certain way that they're never going to see me and there's a certain way that they're never going to see other people, people of color, gay people are like they're never going to be equal with like the top tier white men.
And like, you don't know their secrets. I don't know their secrets. And that's I don't know. I feel like maybe I'm seeing misspeaking and seeing wrong shit. But that's just kind of how I feel like I know I'm very lucky and I've been accepted in many ways because of my, like, white privilege. And I'll say it. I'm gorgeous.
Yeah. But like, I'm just kind of saying that, like, for the people that maybe think that, like, you're best friends with these people and they tell you their secrets like they don't. Yeah. And you're not.
I think it's interesting because as we were talking earlier, I'm just fascinated by this and I'm never going to stop talking to you.
Is that this this superficial sense of closeness, you know, is like just because of you and I becoming close recently has become very real.
And I think that, you know, sometimes we get these trauma bonds with people and these like art. I think it's happening a lot, you know, like don't mistake a trauma bond for love. I don't love that.
I've seen that happen. Yeah, yeah.
Don't mistake love and pity. Don't mistake, you know, having a rough day with someone else on the job as like you guys shouldn't. Our friends are close like we've kind of talked about that. And I think that's a lot of what our relationships are like with other comedians. You know, is that like we know each other really well because we have the same job.
But I don't know anything about it. Right. I don't know what you do when you wake up and you kind of have to be nice to me. Like I realized that recently, I was just sort of like, everybody's so nice to me because after sort of this, a lot of stuff has been coming to light in the comedy community.
A lot of people sort of are like, how could you not know all this? And I'm like, I guess people pretend in front of me. It's like Bentham was like, you realize you never see how these people actually act, like they act totally different in front of you. And there's something kind of weird about realizing that.
It's hard to it's hard to come to terms with the fact that people have secrets. And I think anyone that listening is listening to this podcast is committed to redefine themselves in some way. But not everyone else is like not everyone is doing the work we're doing. Not everyone is on a daily basis going like, how can I be better? Like, how can I be more honest? How can I be more authentic? How can I be less jealous?
How can I be, you know, like most people. Yeah, a lot of people are just going through life unconscious, like zombies, just sort of getting their primal carnal needs met, like, you know. And I think that that I feel really grateful that I have people in my life that are like really consciously trying to deprogram. But I think there's a lot of people just are not. Yeah. And that's so hard for me to believe.
And that's such a fucked up.
Like, every time I meet someone, I just assume, like they've read every self-help book I've read. And I've been to therapy for ten years and I go to a 12 step program, you know, and I'm just sort of like, did you just lie to me? Like it's so when someone lies, I lie still. Yeah. Like what? Like that. I thought we all stop lying is like the slap bracelet of, you know, character defects like that's so 90s.
Like who lies like I used to lie so much and it's just like it's a full time job lying. You have to like deprogram numbers to be organized.
You have to be so organized, you have to remember your lines. You have to be off book. Like lying is like exhausting. So and I also know now that, like, when you lie, you feel worse.
Yeah. You know. Yeah.
And it's right. We're only as sick as the secrets we keep. So it's like then you feel shame and then when you lie to someone, this is the most fucked up part about lying. You lose respect for them. Yes. You believed that lie.
Oh, you're such a fucking down. Matters like how do they how did I just pull that off and then you lose respect for them? You know, I one of my favorite things to do is to admit that you lied like in when you just said you respected the way I dress and then you're like, I lied.
I love just like admitting that you just lied. Like I that is there's something cute about it's so funny when you catch yourself lying and you're like, what was. I'm sorry. What does that a lot. Does that all the time.
I'll ask him something and he'll answer. And I'm like, you made that up and don't know. He's like, yeah, you're right.
I hate that. I trust you went to Harvard. I trust you again.
What I catch myself making up fake statistics allowed to I'll just be like, look, 80 percent of people are never and still be like, where what where did you what what poll was that? I'm like, I don't know. I just like felt right. Like it just felt. But no, I was I was with my lover and I have these ducks that keep landing in the pool. And I saw the ducks like earlier in the day. And he was in the kitchen and it was like six.
And I had seen the ducks at like noon. And he was in the kitchen and I was like, oh, the ducks were just outside. And he was like, oh, I just let the dogs out. I bring him back in. And I was like. Well, no, I mean, actually, something like noon, but I just I just wanted I just wanted you to think they were just there, I guess. I don't know.
It was just a weird line toddler.
I know what he was just like. So the ducks weren't just there. And I was like, I guess I was impressario like, I don't know what that was like.
That was so weird. Like, I just wanted you to think I had dogs, like just like I was just such an like when you catch yourself doing like, codependent people pleaser.
Yeah, well I was gross, but it's cool to be self-aware and like try to just be better. Taking a little break here to talk about italic, I'm not going to look at the copy like these other podcasters that you listen to that just half heartedly read like robots I would like to tell you about. I tell like you can tell they're reading it for the first time.
You know a lot about robots, too. I do know a lot about robots having been one for thirty seven years. But I Tarlac, I'm obsessed with this company. And if you're listening on audio and not on YouTube, you're really missing out because I'm holding up this bag that I got from my Tarlac. How pretty is this. It's like a it's almost like an oxblood color, she would call it.
It's a really nice quality goods. I mean, I have a backpack that I got from them. Oh, nice. Sunny, what does it look like? It's like leather and it's black.
And I have like these gold almost like this purse with a backpack like this person I like.
And the whole deal with italics is they you don't have to pay for their advertising. Like, will you read the copy? You need to we have to explain what the product is at some point. But you are paying Sain prices. I refuse to pay five thousand dollars for a person, you know. I mean I know I won't do it.
You won't tell because how I fake it till I make it. Yeah but you've seen my closet.
How many purses do I have. Three. Like surely I will not buy new purses because they're all for some reason like seven thousand dollars. I shall not.
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They basically cut out the day.
Hold on, you're blowing past the 60 percent lower prices. You're just blow past that.
No, I mean, I'm just reading the it's over half. It's the same product, but 60 percent cheaper. What are we doing? Why would you ever buy non italic products? Listen, you know me. Nothing I hate more than being scammed then are you know that I hate more than a racket and everything is a racket except for italic.
I need to now finish putting the strap on my beautiful new purse that you're going to use because you got one. I know I'm so into this. They have lots of stuff for both men and women from luxury handbags, cashmere sweaters, activewear, bedding, Battelle's cookware.
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Yeah. Will you get me that?
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Taylored Tomlinson and I are writing something together, so I'm in full writing mode.
I've been ordering from door dash truly twice a day.
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Currently one of the delivery people just got a blue German Shepherd dog, half blue pit, half German Shepherd. I've seen pictures. That's how often I'm ordering from Jordache.
Yeah, I know the delivery people. I am obsessed because they have they have every restaurant that I like. I don't know if that's like they're targeting me or something or if they just have the best restaurant. Yeah, I think they built the address for you.
Actually, the whole app was built for me and mine. I knew it. I knew this was custom designed for me.
I also loved Jordache. And we'll get into the actual logistics about Jordache in a second. These are just my initial thoughts from actually using the product. I also love that when it updates you on your order being made and delivered, it's always exactly right. It's your orders eight minutes away. It's seven minutes away. Instead of saying eight minutes away and it's another hour and that's my childhood all over again. They're not joking. That's me not being picked up from school by my dad.
It's like they tell you when it's coming, they tell you when it's ordered. I've not had one, like, rigamarole moment with like where's my person and where's the food? And this is the wrong food. I have never from Doordarshan not gotten exactly what I ordered like before.
Jordache, I feel like you would get like half of what you ordered. This is close enough with it was like it was like getting cable installed. It was like a four hour window, like you might get your food like thrown over the fence at some point, you know, like it's true all wet for no reason. Like Jordache, they they keep it tight. They keep they run a tight ship.
I ordered toothaches and they got here, by the way, I, I look over there and I'm like, Benton, what did you order from Dorda. She just went to steaks. So also no one is judgmental here at Jordache. No. They don't assume your order was a mistake.
If you order something crazy. It's not like you sure. Did you mean.
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They showed you the whole thing. It's not like they just sort of generally throw it in your direction in the bushes. Yeah.
Right now, our listeners can get five dollars off their first order of fifteen dollars or more zero delivery fees for their first month. When you download Jordache app, enter the code. Whitney, by the way, this isn't in the copy, but it's also not just restaurants. It's like it's it's like Coffey's places and Starbucks places and I don't know, a few places and Starbucks places, multiple cafes.
Can you believe I'm just saying you can, like, order, you get thirsty. They'll also bring you drink. They do. You can just order like around a coffee. Like, I just think what we had eaten so much and we were just like we just want like a coffee refresh.
And we ordered three coffees from a coffee place with a couple little pastries and scones.
It was like such a I don't know, that's five dollars off your first order and zero delivery fees for a month. When you download the door dash app in the App Store, enter the code. Don't forget, that's code Whitney for five dollars off your first order with door to door dash and such a great alliteration.
Door dash. Door dash.
And so how did you when you and I when you started in the Comedy Store, I think I don't I wasn't there all the time.
Like I you're very in and out. I were on your path. Yeah. Like I was. And I ended by that time. I just had learned in a very male dominated business to just get in and do my thing and get out. So I didn't get accused of dating or sleeping my way to whatever I had. You know, I just realized the only way to not get accused of sleeping with people for jobs is to just be gone. Well, yeah.
And also, like, sometimes you just exist in a male dominated space and then it's like you're just standing there and someone's like they're flirting.
You always feel like I was just standing. I know. And I think there's something really interesting about about you because you're a little after me, right? Yeah. And my sort of generation of female comics, it was very competitive, not because I think you have to be competitive to be a female comic.
You have to sort of have a you know, that that kind of hustle. You have to have that warrior spirit. But there was such a scarcity complex as there were so few spots, you know, that even if we liked each other, we still had to compete with each other because it was sort of the way they used to put comedians on lineups. It was like, oh, we have our female. We're got one girl. One girl.
Yeah. Out of maybe 30 comics. Right. Just so shitty. And I do feel like it did get it got like better and better as time went on. So it's like I know how it was for me and I know it must have been worse for you.
Yeah. And it was like, it was just like one girl, that was it. And so we were all kind of vying for that one spot. So it was always so tragic to me that, like in any anyone listening that's in a male dominated business, like the way you're kind of like forced to compete with people, that you actually are the only people you really have anything in common with. We should be. We're probably soul mates. Yeah.
We're being forced to kind of hate each other. And and then, you know, I feel like as time went on when there was even more spots, I became more comedians. So that scarcity complex continued. Also, this is something that happens from women to I'm not men don't only do this, but both men and women, I think in positions of power, also pit women against each other in a way that for them might even be subconscious.
But when I would come in the Comedy Store, any comedy club would be like so-and-so. This female comic came in. She wasn't very good. And I'm like, Why didn't you tell me if a male comic didn't do well? Like, why I like it's just this subtle pitting women against each other that I didn't fully understand until later.
Like so and so this girl asked to go ahead of you are this person wants to change or she's running late and you know, she probably just wants to make sure she goes after you so that you're like just little things where I felt like the men or women in power, the fucking old people, quite frankly, would sort of get off on thinking or they already had in their head that women are catty and don't like each other because that's everyone's that's everyone's kind of baseline idea.
I forgot about that. You're right. It's like, oh, women are yet. Exactly. Women are catty. You know how they are.
You know how they are. Like, you guys all hate each other. Right? So it was like I was already walking into that paradigm. And that's a really great way to control people, is to divide them, you know, and I think that the kind of people that work in our business are fucking adrenaline drama addicts anyway. And like, I can you know, everyone is present.
Yeah. Here and they'd pit us against each other in a way that I now feel like when female comics or friends or any women in male dominated businesses are friends, it's kind of an act of resistance, you know, and I think they don't like it. You know what I'm like talking to a female comic in, you know, one of the comedy clubs and people walk by the like. What are they up to?
Like, it's collusions. I know. Like, they're casting a little coven over there, like.
So I do think that there is a fear of women getting close, because if we actually just, you know, like we're able to be in a situation conducive to getting along, you know, you know, really good things could happen.
But I feel like there's so many forces at play keeping us. Yeah. Like not liking each other.
I agree. And I'm like, I'm here for the change that we're like experiencing and seeing. And like, it's also funny that whenever I have a female comedian on the show, people like you're so supportive of women. It's amazing. Like, no, she's my friend.
Like, I'm not supporting women right now. Like, I'm having a funny person on that. I genuinely like who special is great. Like, this isn't like an act of charity.
Like there's also that you get like, no, it is, but you can feel like I won a contest. That's definitely my vibe right now. You gave me this hoodie. You got the golden ticket, this hoodie. I'm like literally like this to it. I'm so happy I called my parents on the way here. They're like, we can't believe it. You one also tell me about your engagement. How long has it been. Oh, my God.
Why? I have questions. So many questions for you. Because I think it is so interesting that you've been in such a long relationship. I agree. I look at someone who's been in a long relationship like a fucking remember those things. Oh, copies have giraffe half zebras.
You guys remember that? Animal news, colonoscopy, it was like a remix of two wild animals that this is the only this is the thing that you're the only one in the room who knows it for sure.
I look up old copy, it's an old copy. It's like a like a center kind of.
I look at people that are in long relationships and I just like it's like going to the zoo, like, I can't tell you how amazed, fascinated, humbled I am by it.
I just I'm fascinated by people that can just be around other people all the time. No. So you're wrong or not. Thank God. Actually, in the pandemic we are that I think we're lucky that we've been together for so long that in the pandemic we can kind of just be like, see. Yeah, like we are for a while. He wasn't he wasn't like in a writers room. So he was able to just stay up all night.
So we were on completely opposite sleep schedules. So there's like a comfort there that there's not a neediness anymore. And we just we do our own thing.
How did you know you were in love? I mean, I was in love with Dave the second I saw him real.
No joke. The second I meet through Chelsea Peretti. No, we didn't. We that was like afterwards I realized they knew each other. We I met him at a party. I saw him at a party.
Is there with Lauren Greenberg the best, greatest person ever. By the way, Lauren Greenberg, if I have not told you the story.
Lauren Greenberg now runs the James Corden Show, head writer James Corden. And I used to sit with her at her. We used to go to her ex boyfriend's apartment because there is air conditioning. So we would sit there because of the air conditioning and she would have your phone and I would answer the calls of debt collectors for her. Yeah, just like Lauren's past.
Sorry, she's dead.
And that was all like before you hired her and now she's, like, running one of the most popular shows in TV.
This is just, I think, really quick. As Romney said last week, he went this is a tangent even for a podcast.
I guess this is one giant tangent. But for anyone who is sort of starting out in any field, Lauren Greenberg, I think Kevin Christie maybe turned me onto her.
I was writing shows and I was hiring all these people that had, you know, tons of credits that had written on these huge shows like Frasier and Friends and Mad About You and all the shows that I grew up loving. And I realize that sometimes when you hire incredibly experienced people, they are.
What's the word?
They don't care about you. You're beneath them. Give a shit. They don't like you. They frankly don't like you. That's like maybe a better way to put it. I think there's something to be said for a younger person who's never written on a show almost being more valuable than someone that's been doing it for thirty years, who's written on every show, because it's just sort of like there's not an excitement, there's not enough alacrity about doing it.
There's just sort of not a a grit that I think is so essential to writing shows. There's not a dismissiveness of like, oh, that's not going to work. It's like, well, that just shuts down your creativity, you know. Yeah. And so that's why I'm so people have this, like, eye roll thing about young millennials now, like they're so like needy and annoying. And whatever the stereotype is, I completely disagree. Like young people, if you just get your ego out of the way, like they can teach you so much.
So I just like young people who haven't already been programmed to think a certain way. Yeah. You know, it's like when you hook up with a guy who's been in a long relationship and he goes down on you and does something like super specific and you're like, OK, I now know exactly how your ex has an orgasm.
I know so much about her. But let's just regroup and you're like, OK, all right. Like, copy that. I know her inside and out, but we're gonna have to start over. Female body, they're like snowflakes.
Everyone is different. So the same thing kind of happens in any in any job, you know. So someone recommended me, this girl, Lauren Greenberg, she had hilarious tweets and I called her in and she writes, she was very nervous. She was incredibly nervous in the meeting, which I see.
I love that. I loved it. I hate it when people pretend there's something they're not. And then you have to enter into some shitty, like, bad long form improv with them. You know what I'm saying? I like it when someone's just like I'm really nervous. This is very overwhelming. I'm like, great. This is a person that tells the fucking truth already. Love you. Yeah. You're already not pretending you can like are doing something.
I know you're not going to lie to me. Yeah. Moving forward, you know, there's nothing worse than something like I got that and they have no idea how to do it. And by the way, I always believe that person. I'm like, oh, they got it. They said they got it. I'm following them. I'm like, no, no, no, never goes.
Well, the person who always says, I know, I got it, no problem. That person is like a fucking mess and nothing is going to get done right. I like the person that's like I don't know how to do this. Could someone teach me? And I'm like, I can trust you. I know that you're going to get the solution and sort of pretend you know something you don't, Killorn comes and she's nervous. She's like, I'm really nervous.
I'm like already love you. We start talking. I guess her mom had put her on a dating app without telling her. Yeah, Laura is a funny like her story is wild. And she was working at a company that measures your food ahead of time for you. Like Scoop's. Yeah, like Sprey measured scoopers so that you could, like, ascertain how many calories you're about to eat. Anyway, we start talking. She's she's like shy and nervous, I can tell, which is what I how I was in the beginning.
And then she just like started crying.
No way to sort it out for no. And I was like and I knew I was going to give her the job and I'm such a dick that I was like, how should I tell her? Should I wait? I'll have to wait. I'm going to sweat it out. Oh yeah. And I was like, I have to make her so out of that. And then because I you have to like run it by like H.R. before you officially hire someone.
Right. And especially if they're crying.
Yeah. She was crying. And to me I think most people will leave that meeting going. I cried in a meeting. I just blew it, you know, and I remember just going someone who is that raw in that close to their emotions is like the quarterback for a fucking writers room. Oh, yeah. And they're the funniest person. Oh.
And I was like, she is so damaged. She says that she is my work histeria. Like I know she is funny, like she's literally on the verge of tears at all times. You're hired. And you know what else I liked about her? Anyone that is working in a job where you're not sure if you how you work like people, we all work differently, right.
The same way we all remember things differently. Like, if I need to learn something, I'll make a song out of it or all recorded on voice memos and listen back to it.
That's just how I learn. I'm not a very visual learner. I'm a very audio learner, knowing how you work. When I first started writing on the roasts, I was not good in a room. Like I wasn't like snap, snap, snap, snap. Like I would just get shut down because I at the time I was just too insecure and I was like, so worried about laughing at everyone else's jokes to make them feel good that I wasn't thinking of my own jokes.
Whereas in a writers room you kind of just have to like, you know, not laugh at anybody else. It's always it's also weirdly competitive and stuff. And then I would go away and write for two hours alone and pound out four pages of jokes and then send them in. Yeah, that's just how my brain works. Yeah. That's how Lauren was to in a room. She was kind of quiet, but then she was the sniper who would you know, and I started learning.
I was like, Lauren, you want to just break off? And she'd go off and just send in ten pages of brilliant jokes. I've had the exact same experience with her. She wrote on a Web series I did for MTV called Estra with hot chicks like literally maybe eight years ago. And she was quiet and then she was the funniest dude. She show late quiet with week. Do not the best lesson of that because she I can't do anything without her punching it up.
She is so funny. It is. She lives and breathes comedy writing but at the same time who she is, it just doesn't make any. But the loudest person is not necessarily the most talented, is not necessarily the most competent, is not necessarily the funniest or the best at their job. You know, Benton, I fight about this all the time because Benton, when he's quiet, I fill in the blanks with my own insecurities. It's this awful Mad Libs game.
I'm like, are you mad at me? What are you doing? Why don't you talking to me? And he's like, I'm just focusing. Like, I, I think that I have, though, Dave, to insecure people. Sometimes we think that the person in the meeting that talks the most is the best at their job. And that is not necessarily true.
Yeah, it's interesting learning all these things like it's like, oh, we've been around the block. We know.
I know. It's because I used to like that I was the person the meeting that was on talk the whole time, but say nothing of value. My favorite person in the meeting says nothing and then speaks at the end. Just hold. Let everyone else embarrass themselves, do your research, do some recon, let everyone else screw up, raise your hand and have the fucking solution be the fucking mic drop.
You know how it's going to be the sniper that comes in later. Be quiet. Be quiet. Advice we're giving women have been quiet. Lean out. Do not lean in. Lean out. Shut your mouth.
OK, I'm obsessed with this company. Hold on. This is we're taking a break to talk about stitch fix. But I want to pull it up on my computer because I was on their website when you start talking and then by the time yeah, I find it all, I'm really very thankful for this company.
Stitch. Sorry, I'm Stitch Fix.
I'm sorry. That was a fart. I'm super super thank for this company because you need it, you need it desperately and you need it truly.
And you know what, I'm fine with that. Like this company, they do these incredible styling arrangements where they pick your clothes for you. You take a quiz and you tell them their sizes and they'll send you the clothes you should be wearing.
So you're not really we all need it.
So you're not left to your own devices like me because I am constitutionally incapable of just buying versatile basics. Yeah. And they will send you clothes that, first of all, fit what you know, when I order clothes from most. Websites, I agree, I order three, I order a small, medium, large, try them all on and then return the two that don't fit because I never know what's going to fit ever. But stitch fix there.
It's basically a personal styling company that makes getting the clothes you love effortless and a time where everything is difficult. This is not written on the copy. This is just for you.
They give you the clothes you need, not the clothes you love. There's nowhere in the quiz, is it? Say, do you like shopping at gas stations?
There are no options to have nine vintage wolf shirts delivered to you but will do it. Stitch Fix and I are going to talk about it. We're going to get we're going to have a creative meeting. But no, this this company is amazing because, you know, sometimes you go shopping and you come home and you realize you have no clothes you can actually wear to work or that you can actually wear to a wedding or you could actually wear a professional environment.
You're like, I have nine velour vintage running shorts and I got two pairs of crocodile Knee-High boots for the club. But I know I don't have a white Oxford shirt for African Zoo meeting.
So what they do is they basically you go to stitch, fix dotcom, Whitney, set up your profile and they're going to deliver clothes personalized just for you color, style and budget, which I love because I also I wear like four colors. I've picked four colors. They're the ones that work for me. And I'm just like only some stuff in this because there's nothing more annoying when you find something really cute and it just comes in only one dumb color and you're like, God damn it, like Shortridge like, what is this?
Yeah, I was cerulean. You pay twenty dollars for a styling fee for each fix, which is credited towards anything that you keep. Right. So you can schedule any time there's no subscription required if you're commitment phobic and shipping returns and exchanges are easy and free. If you're not looking at the YouTube, I'm holding up this dress that I really, really want. But you are looking at how cute is that? Oh, well, if you're not look on YouTube.
I'm on this stitch fix website. Hold on. Do you see this beautiful. Oh, cute. She looks like the galaxy. Yeah. It's like a I don't think they would send this to me necessarily. I'm probably not hip or young enough, but it's this really cute navy blue dress that's like knee-length long sleeve that looks like paint splatter constellation.
And I really think it's gorgeous. And the fact that they they cater to your style and your budget is really unique.
And I also like yeah, it's like going on fifty websites to look for clothes. It's like it's four thirty.
By the time you're done looking for one outfit you don't have to type in horses in every search box, on every website. This one will just find them all at once.
Get started today and stitch fix dotcom slash Whitney and you'll get twenty five percent off when you keep everything in your fix stitch fix dotcom slash Whitney for twenty five percent off when you keep everything in your fix stitch fix dot com slash. Whitney Benton first came in this morning with a Sussex accent which I love.
How how is that is. Can you read the copy in it please. Ask about article furniture. I have to get into it. Go.
You look gorgeous. You look beautiful. Today it's article when it's time for a change. Your home is the perfect place to start. Article makes it easy to create space that reflects for you personally.
Keep your eyes peeled. Instagram Open for inspirational pictures and articles like this collection.
Darling, they're pretty good. Yeah, that was actually very impressive. It's it's almost too good to be too funny.
I was actually just wondering if you had a dialect coach for this podcast.
You can teach me everything but English. OK, so I'm obsessed with article furniture. True? No, surely not.
News obsessed. She has more outdoor article furniture than she has outdoors.
I think that my home style is so weird that I just can never find any furniture that I like. And it's it's so much pressure because it's such a commitment. You're like the idea is to have this forever. Like I change my style, my hair, my eyeliner. I don't want to have to change my chair once a year. Like I want something that I know my future self is going to like. And everything I see on that website, I know I'm going to like in twenty years.
You've loved everything. You've got both. I mean, I everything.
I have my favorite I have two outdoor chairs that I got that are almost like this really. Like chic, like Scandinavian, rustic, modern. It's just like, it's just like a perfect architecture. And then didn't I just order.
And we built those chairs and they were super easy to put together. Yeah. I appreciate I have hate ordering furniture and it's like forty.
It's just like a nightgown. I know you like get a sciatica trying to assemble them and then what was what. I just order. I was like, you ordered two more outdoor chairs. I know, but they know they're loungers. These gorgeous, gorgeous lounges I'm going to put outside my bedroom.
It's like you're Marie Antoinette, you're fainting couch everywhere you go. Like at any moment you could just pass out.
I need the opportunity to lay down in case I get the vapors. Could you imagine? Oh, no.
But I mean, we almost ruined our friendship with me, making sure you order these article because you asked me a link to the. Order this now. I did it and she's like, did you order it, but where is it? And I'm like, I did order. It will be here the end of May, like, but did you order?
I lied. It's a fun game to play.
Article combines the creation of Boutique Furniture Store with the comfort and simplicity of shopping online articles. Team of designers focus on beautifully crafted pieces, quality materials, durable construction dedicated to a modern aesthetic of mid century. This is the perfect way to describe it. They know how to describe it. Maybe I should just leave it to them. Mid century Scandinavian industrial and bohemian. That is the perfect way.
I mean, it's not just furniture if you get it. I mean, everyone around you will be like, oh, I'm sorry. Are you the most successful narod?
I know, I know. It's just like it's all so chic. It's so classic. It's so what's the opposite of corny.
It's like Cham's. Yeah. It's just like it just it also is so scrumptious. Like it's like very effortless. Yeah. Delicious.
I don't know, I can't you guys got the point. I can't explain it. It just makes me feel so fancy. It makes you feel like such an adult. Also ridiculously fair prices. You save up to 30 percent off traditional retail prices. You know me, I've open other websites constantly and look for Shez lounges and I'm like, I'm not paying two thousand dollars. Like, I just refused to be a lounge that both.
Yeah, I'd rather lean not to lean against the wall and pay that. You can't really relax in the lounge chair. If if it was five thousand dollars I will just live there. Resent it was your life savings. You can't relax. I know there's nothing relaxing about it. Knowing that you paid a reasonable price is half of why it's relaxing in the first article, the super fast shipping that's on tankless.
Now they get they drop it off, right?
It's free on orders over nine hundred ninety nine dollars offer is article is offering our listeners fifty dollars off your first purchase of one hundred dollars or more. Go to article dot com slash Whitney and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. Take a picture of it and send it to me. Tag me. I'll repost an amazing deal. I know that's crazy and we're not home a lot now so now is the time. It's summer to refresh your patio or front yard or bedroom.
That's article dot com slash. Need to get fifty dollars off your first purchase of one hundred dollars or more. I love article there. Everything in the background of my photos in my backyard.
Our article furniture. If you want to see some pieces at this point. That's true. As women and the men listening, this is important to know as well like that it has taken so long for us to get a seat at the table that it's not so much to say. And I really to prove my worth. And I think, you know, there's this sort of urgency to contribute and to finally be included. And we feel like we have to like earn our spot that we already have.
You get the spot and now it's a date. It's a daily countdown to what I'm going to lose this. You know, this has to be ephemeral. And, you know, I think that for me, in what I do, I talked way too much in meetings all the time because I was so insecure that people were like because now there's this new moment where people go, oh, you only got that job because you're a girl. Whereas it used to be you didn't get a job.
If you're a woman now, it's like, oh, you just got that because we have to meet like a girl quota. Yeah.
And and I always wanted to prove I didn't just get this cause I'm a girl and they needed to check a box, you know what I mean?
Yeah. So I overcompensate.
Speaking of overcompensates, I good Segway like a true comic. I found one of my favorite. I have a couple of things for you. OK, so and by the way, you know what we're going to do after this? What? I'm gonna let you go through my purse.
OK, ok. OK. Esther does this brilliant.
They're going to special as she goes through audience members purses and it's so fun to watch.
I can't wait. OK, so I found so my well this is one of my favorite products. I it's the glossy sky wall shop. But but there's a catch. I brought it for you in the worst color that it comes in.
I think I'm wearing the worst color. Eyeliner. Nylon. Yeah, open it up. It's so I don't know how anyone makes this work. It's for the I call it the Whitney challenge is the ugliest color on your eye. And then you post it all over social media, a color that you have no chance at it, making you look better or flattered. It's absolutely horrible. How sick can you make yourself look? This is for you. And I do think it needs to be the winning challenge and everyone needs to do it.
I would like to be clear that on the podcast table is this yellow, which is what I have. I see it.
You are making it work. You think in person it's looking like it's making your eye color pop. So I am.
Oh, my gosh. This truly is the Whitney challenge. This is a Shrek. How bad? This is literally just the color of baby shit.
But by and I have to try to make this work. By the way, there are so many hot girls out there, though, that love this and this color. And I don't know how or why is it eyeliner or eye shadow? It's a shadow. So, you know, you can, like, line that just the where you have your eyeliner now or you're going to do. Oh, no, she's doing. Now we're going to do the Whitney Challenge.
Oh no. Right now. Oh, no. Oh, no.
We have to stop. Am I losing sponsors as I do this right now? Is article furniture dropping out as I do this ritual vitamines is like where God is anything happening how I put I'm all over yellow.
So it's going to be oh, there we go.
I can put makeup on without I've seen you do this year, which is really sad. I've seen you pre pandemic just pull out in the middle of a comedy club and put your dirty ass finger into a concealer and rub it on your face. You're just like filthy sometimes animal. This is my concealer that I literally before I do anything, I just stick my dirty ass finger in it and then do that.
It's it's quite gross.
It's and then right here I need that. I need like you got to do it a little bit around your lips sometimes. Yeah. OK, so I put a little bit of I did a little Whitney challenge, but I think this is like the green and the yellow mega kind of looks good.
Do I look jaundiced. It kind of looks good. Damn it.
How did you come out here? Just to try to make me look OK, because it is like mean girls.
This is genius.
OK, so we're going to start the Whitney Challenge in honor of Esther.
It's definitely an honor of you and whatever for whatever sick reason. How did this start? How did the the colored eyeliner thing start?
I feel like you came here today with an agenda.
I feel like you've been thinking about this for a while. I have.
Because the blue I loved the blue, really. And it's you know, what you did you do what Dave says I do, which is like you take a nice thing and then you make it sick. You it's like because once I started cooking and cleaning in the pandemic, I was like, oh my God. Like, this is so cool. And then I and then I made it sick by saying, like, now you need me.
Now you, Dave, you could never leave. Right, right, right. Right. For you. Your is it pathologies. Is that the word I'm looking. Yes, yes. Yes. No, I can turn anything into a sick co-dependent addiction like anything that starts out fun will then turn into some kind of obligation or sick addiction or way to hurt myself.
This I don't really know how this started. I think I just started going full Jack Nicholson in The Shining with having to be home. For those of you that don't live in California, California has been shut down for months and I have left the premises maybe twice.
And I was just getting so bored that I started ordering colored eyeliners and putting on like electric blue eyeliner because, fuck it, I never got to have, like, a fun twenties.
And I feel like I'm having it now. I really I'm like the mom that's going to steal her husband, like her daughter's boyfriend.
I'm just like I never had. My daughter is like I feel like that's the route I'm going. I don't think any of it looks good.
It's just it makes it entertains me. I think it's cool. I think it's good for the make up the pro makeup movement. Yeah. We need you. We need someone who's going to experiment, especially in like a casual quarantine way.
I'm, you know a lot about makeup. I do. Yeah. I think another company. But you had a big makeup YouTube. No. So I have a makeup podcast called Growing Up, which you will be on. Yes, I would truly love to. And we talk a lot about like skin care, makeup, food. Like we're obsessed with what celebrities eat. Yeah, stuff like that.
Oh, interesting. We'll have you on it. I would love. I would love. Yeah. I don't I don't really know how this happened.
I also, I think it also this is so gross. But that's what we do on this podcast as we like tell our deepest, darkest secrets. I wear too much lip gloss. I thought that was my everyone's got their thing. Eyeliner, mascara, blush. Like if you could only wear one thing, what would it be? Mascara. Mascara.
OK, interesting. Yeah. Mine would be foundation. Right wall. Scary. No, well, it's been a pleasure and mine would be foundation, that's what I'm the most insecure about, but I always wear, like, too much lip gloss. I'm on the podcast. It just looks crazy.
And I also started getting zits around my lips that, like, looks like herpes. So I was like, I'm going to stop worrying so much lip gloss. And then I was like, but I got to go crazy with the eyeliner.
Just attention at all costs really does at all costs that attention I'll take.
I also think like as I get older, like it's weird, I when I was younger I was like so precocious and that was my thing. And I like dress like Annie Hall and like wore blazers and I feel like now I like dress from like the kids from stranger things and I'm like wearing colored eyeliner.
Well, I do. I'm like Benjamin Button. I feel like when we were doing stand up like, you know, ten years ago, there was a little bit of a pressure to kind of dress like a guy, don't ever show.
And you'd like let them be distracted by your chest. Yes. Hide at all. And now I feel like we're just finally becoming a little you're allowed to be a phenomenon. That's it. I am wearing an oversized t shirt and sweat pants, and that is just who I am.
As Dave says, I dress like a celebrity who just got off a six hour flight.
I would say you look like you're just like a celebrity who just got out of rehab.
But OK, so that's just you do say that all the time.
But yeah, no, it is fun to kind of like feel that's interesting. You and I were face timing and I was like it was like a weird thing.
And I was like, you have boobs so weird, like infa. Same thing in our business. Like you can know someone for years and have no idea the shape of their body because of the way that we have to dress to try to not make male comics want to fuck us or not make it our fault when they do.
How could you beguile me with that waistline? I see astir like coming down the hallway. I'm like, is that a sleeping bag? Like, what are you wearing? What is happe is that a snug set of slinked? I mean, you do really dress. It's I don't, I can't tell if it seems healthy. Is it like have you like zippers or just not you're not a zipper person. That's just never been for you.
I like to be comfortable. I respect that. I do. Doesn't sound like I know. I know. I just lied and I felt it.
I actually cannot lie as someone who is a pathological liar. My entire Dawna's I don't do it anymore. And I'm rusty. And that was horrible. I was I literally was like, no, I respect that. I looked up into my head. That was like lying one on one. I just lied to you. That's called authenticity, folks. I, I, I don't I OK.
The truth is I did am I like a creepy old man. I did love watching your special and see you all dolled up and I remember going, why does she hide that cute as a button body. Am I a creepy old man? I'm like, what is it? You just like this all the time. I was cat calling you in my head.
That is the greatest compliment I could ever receive. An anti Letterman is always like Esther.
You look like you just you woke up five minutes before your spot and you were in a panic.
Let's just not take fashion advice from Annie, who wears like she dresses like like Madonna in desperately seeking Susan.
Really? She absolutely does.
But by the way, I saw her on your Instagram the other day and like a like a little baby blue jacket. And we we fast she found her groove, OK? She found the winning approval. Yes, but what what what women in their clothes is very emotional. Right. It's there's something going on when we wear clothes, I think, to sort of solve a problem. Well, yeah. To to flatter your body to me and what.
Oh I thought it was a compliment and it's the opposite. I thought she was going. What you're so you have such a flatter body type. It was a what you dress like shit. OK, I don't want to forget this question that I have for you.
OK, you are. You don't think you are. But the way I have you you is as like the queen of productivity. And I just want to know, have you gotten into a pandemic e productivity groove? And if so, what? What is it? What advice do you have?
Because I want productivity advice from the woman who is like had fourteen shows on the air at one time. And that's called addiction.
It's called workaholism. You know, I for some reason I there's this, people think that I'm like super productive. I appreciate that. And I guess the person who is truly, obsessively overly productive probably would never think they have produced enough. So true, of course, me going, you think I'm productive? Like, I think I'm like a complete slob failure. I do very well with structure. I remember when Gary Gallman was on the podcast, we talked about this.
I think you and I talked about it on face time the other day of like, how? I can't just, like, wake up and have a willy nilly, like, I'll get to it when I get to it because it's four o'clock and I've only, like, organized my candle draw, you know, like, I just can't be left to my own devices. I do well with routine. I also get really brutal migraines, which means I have to kind of like do the same thing at the same time every day.
Does that mean, like, food and water? Kind of, yeah.
Wake up. Coffee, food, water. You just have to have routine. So I feel like that was kind of my brain's way of like force. I sort of like think my migraines for helping me be so productive because they force me to be sort of rigid in my scheduling.
But I'm going to say something crazy. You know, I'm so glad that you asked that because I think I've learned something this quarantine, which is that productivity is not necessarily, I think, what you ostensibly think productivity is. So here's 15 pages of a script or here's forty eight jokes or here's whatever you're the blog you're writing or whatever.
Like for me, the my productivity has to do with how I'm living my life in a way where I can actually write about life. So in order for art to imitate life, you have to have a life.
And I realized, as you know, there's a reason my last special was about a robot.
I had become a robot in life and I was not I noticed I I was not living. I was I was I think I was so obsessed with being productive, which, if I'm going to be honest, is a lot about my fear of aging and the fact that I have been programmed to believe that I am literally a ticking clock and I'm slowly rotting every day. Right.
I did freeze my eggs by some weird stroke of luck. I just I knocked that out of the way. But I do have in my hand this totally artificial stop date where I'm like, I can only do this till I'm 40. I can only be on camera till I'm 40. No one's going to want to see my face on camera after like, I've just that's when I got in this business, like I was getting offered mom roles when I was twenty seven, you know, like it's no one wants to see an older woman on camera.
I think that's starting to change.
And I think people are starting to realize actually women are at their best, like we start discarding women in this business when they are at their peak.
But I don't know who wouldn't relate to that because it's like it feels like that and work for our business, but also like relationships. You know, like I just there's there is this rush in this class. Yes. Thank you for bringing that up. Yeah, it's I know. I really I'm glad you admitted to that because I feel like.
Oh yeah. Like seem like I get it. I don't know. I know so many people who are like I have to find the person by twenty seven.
It's like you don't even know who you are. Twenty seven. You know, you don't need to marry someone before 30 like you might be a completely different. I mean if I had married the person I was with when I was twenty five.
Mm. I would be visiting a prison every weekend.
That's a secret to me and Dave's relationship as we met when I was twenty four. So he's dated seventeen different women over the last eight years.
He's had so many different spicy people come through. So that's how we keep it fresh.
Like three days. He's been in ten relationships. You've been in what?
I will just say what my mom says for Dave or do you put up with so much.
But no, you're right. Like, yeah, but you're also you're incredibly you're seekers and you're like you've grown together. It's. Yeah. Like, you know, like you have to have someone who's and also all the iterations of you in your twenties were already probably saner than me now, frankly.
But, you know, I think that I have this fear that I only have a certain amount of time and then it's going to be pencils down. And I think that is a part of why I am so productive.
It's really fear driven, frankly, what isn't?
I also think that I you know, I hate to do this like when I was a woman and starting in our business, like Sunset Boulevard or something. But it I do feel like I had to work twice as hard all the time just for people to take me seriously. So I think in my head I was like, if you just work harder than anyone, no one can say you don't deserve it.
No one can say you fucked people to get where you are. Like, I just like that was also a very intentional way to inoculate myself against accusations that I didn't get anything that I didn't deserve. Yeah, cause that that my imposter syndrome is already so intense that I didn't want that. But I believe that fear can be a really healthy engine if you know how to turn it off and how to manage it.
And you know what it is you have, ah, someone that has a lot of fear and you channel it for good things also.
I mean, you've started like four businesses and quarantine that I love, like Dave is just like what hole are you trying to fill? It's just like, what is it? I love it. So you started truly just started a tidy clothing business.
I did. I did bring you some. Can't wait. You have given me different instructions throughout the quarantine, so I hope I got it right. But let me ask you a question. How can you tell? Because you don't I mean, tubercles the show that. I made with Michael Patrick King was just about girls starting businesses. That's true. Yeah, like I'm obsessed with girls that are just able to go like, you know, I'm going to start this business.
I have this idea. I want to make this jewelry. I want to make this purse. Like, how do you go from I have this idea to actually executing it and getting like credit card numbers.
You I'm serious. It's easier than you think. Like, you know, I just I started trying. I was obsessed with it. And I'm like, I am running out of things to tie dye.
And so I just decided you just tie dyed my face with this green eyeliner. The way I want to show you what I made for you, and then I'm going to make you sort of.
Oh, my God. Very. Whitney, it's. It's this is I call this that I spilled my grandma's wine T-shirt and matching mask because my grandma's an alcoholic, I'm obsessed with these color.
You are. You said you wanted dark tie dye. You know that pink and red is my power combo. Oh, my God, that's genius. But yeah, no, I just decided, like, this was something fun to do. And it's not that hard to build a Shopify. It's like it wasn't that hard. And that's kind of been them. The. Oh my God. Yes, yes. I love that bra.
Oh my God. This is so good. On with my red jeans to the motto of my quarantine is like I can do that, you know, like oh my God, I want to eat a scallion pancake at home. I can make it because that my whole life I've been the person that's like, how do you do that? I don't know how to do it. So my motto is just like you can figure out the things that look scary to you.
And that's that's why you're now looking so cute.
Here we are. So you basically were like, I'm just going to buy a bunch of t shirts that I'm going to pay for. Yeah. And then I'm going to tie dye them and I take pictures of them and then I throw them online and then I post about them. It's really that simple.
I know it's because I look at you as like I could never do that. Like, I can't even wrap my head around that.
But see, that's the person I always have been my whole life is like, how do you do that?
Like, so now I'm just like, you can do it. You figure it out, you Google, you watch YouTube. Like there's just ways to figure shit out. Right? That's like my motto of being in a pandemic.
Yeah. Because we're stuck at home. Yeah. Like you can't use that. I don't have time. I mean people are working of course, but that's just like where I'm at.
I also just think there's something so amazing about something you truly enjoy doing that you don't even realize could be a business.
Yeah, this is a hobby business. Let's make it clear I do this for charity, but this is a hobby. Hopefully, maybe someday it'll be a real business. I would love to do clothing instead of comedy.
If we're being honest, I wouldn't mind making that transition. Wouldn't be the worst thing for me.
But yeah, I am obsessed with that because there's so many things that I really enjoy sort of doing that I'm kind of like really good at. But it would never occur to me like, oh, there's a business here, you know. Yeah. Like, well you are doing fine. I should be a dog trainer. Let's just face it. That's true. I should be a horse liberty trainer.
And I think Chelsea Praise should be an interior designer and should design Chelsea Peretti should just be the governor.
Like Chelsea Peretti is our sort of third. I feel like I just got in on your friendship. I'm like the third wheel of you and Chelsea Petty's friendship. And it's taught me a lot because, like, they'll FaceTime me in the morning and we'll like, talk for thirty minutes. No, not about anything in particular, frankly, anything at all. It's just more of like a webcam. It's just more like we watch each other make coffee, like it's a very voyeuristic thing.
And then they'll call me back again at like nine. And I truly my brain is like, do they just pocketable me? And I'm like, hey guys, what's up? And then I, I truly get confused. I'm like, didn't they talk this morning? And Chelsea just went, it's called female friendship. I hope you were teaching you. And I just realized that because again, because of what I do, all my friends are like male comics that I talk to like once every couple months.
It's sort of weird. Yeah. I'm learning that guys don't talk about stuff with each other. It's so weird.
Or to us, you know, as you may have noticed in the news recently, you know, and I think I've been in a lot of friendships. I think it's really interesting. And I think a lot of people can relate to this. Like your work. Friendships don't count as full friendships. They don't, you know, so a lot of talk outside of work. You got to, like, be hanging out. That's not an emotional support system.
The people that are paid to talk to you at work, they don't have a choice in the matter. It's also very recent that men and women are sharing a space all day.
Yeah, it started like thirty years ago. We don't have a ton of practice being together twelve hours straight and like, not flirting or not. I mean, it's obviously very weird.
And I was hiking with my lover yesterday and we were walking on a hike that was the weirdest robot that took power down due to be plugged in.
He's coming back and we were hiking and this group of like three guy hikers were walking towards us. And he my lover, like, waved at them and was like, hey, guys, what's up? And I was like, what are you doing? And he was like, I was just saying hi. And I was like, oh, like, I can't say hi to him on a hike or I'm flirting. Yeah. Like, you know.
So sometimes you're just trying so hard to not, you know, be this what they think you are or give them permission to then, you know, enter your space. It was just I didn't realize, like, how much energy I just put into, like, saying hi to strangers or like making sure it work. People don't think I'm flirting with. But also that I'm nice, it's it takes up a lot of real estate in your brain.
Well, it's interesting because I can see how and I've seen this happen literally last 10 years with so many women, people will assume, oh, she's mean, but it's like you're just like afraid.
Like, I just like don't want to, like, be overly friendly to everyone because I don't know what that's going to mean to them. And when I see that with every female comedian I know, except for Annie, who is way too nice to everyone and it's a problem, and it's so annoying going anywhere with her because she's makes friends with everyone would teach.
They're so funny. But yeah, it's like, oh, you might seem mean, but it's like you're just like trying to safely.
We also have to make sure that we like like remove ourselves from whatever someone's projecting onto us. You know, it's like I feel like Kevin Christie told me once he used to go on the road with me. He was like about 40 minutes into every show. Someone gets removed like and he goes about 40 minutes and you turn into every man's ex-wife.
It's like I think I told this when maybe Fred Armisen was on, like one time. This guy that I got into the show, he needed tickets, email me, got them seats, the whole deal, like 40. He was laughing all the time and like 40 minutes. And I made some joke about, like, guys who have coin jars, you know, guys have jars of coins, you know, and I was like something about coin jar.
And he just went, That's so we can pay for your shit. Like, he just snapped, like I just I he he saw, like, his wife's face, like, you know, in cartoons when, like, the coyote would see the roadrunner and it was like turn into a pork chop in like a bubble. Like, that's what happens. And I think a lot of times people project onto us, you know, and they're like, I'm like, this feels old.
Like when I was like, yeah, when I was like, are you mad at me? I'm like, this feels old. This feels like you're turning me into someone else. Your mother, your sister, your ex. Like someone like something Virgin Mary like I don't know. This isn't mine. Yeah. You know. Yeah. And I think that I do think people's default when women are somewhat quiet are they're a bitch. They're cold, they're frigid.
And then when a man is quiet, it's sort of like he's just busy. Yeah. Yeah. And I get it. I'm guilty of it too. Like sometimes you want to me to say hi to me and I'm like, they hate me.
They hate me. Yes. And I'm like, why didn't I say hi. They think the same thing now like that was in and you're sort of circling each other. But yeah, I just think that like that perseverating in your brain like that has your reaction to someone not talking to you has so much more to do with you than with them.
Yeah, that's like an opportunity to learn about your default inner monologue. Yeah.
What would you say to your main fears in life? I want to talk through your fears.
No, no, no. Well, I kind of I feel like you're allowed to be mad at me about this. I was watching your special and I was like literally the first thing I thought because I am a creepy old man.
I was like and I was with my lover and we were frankly being predatory.
And I was like, she looks fucking stunning, like cool, like drop dead gorgeous. And then you had the audacity, frankly, to challenge my reality and like, say, your appearance. Well, I just was like, I think there's a little dysmorphia going on. Not that there's a judgment as someone who is incredibly dysmorphic, I think we all have some kind of dysmorphia. But I think it's worth like talking about, yeah, I get this feedback and I'm totally comfortable with it.
I hear you when I started. I'm not saying see yourself a different way.
None of us will ever be able to do that. They say that it taught me this. They say if you were able if you ran into yourself on the street, you wouldn't recognize yourself. That's how I always think about that, because you told me that it's very it's shocking me here. But I'm like, oh, that makes sense. I when I started comedy, this is my defense and I'm not attacking you. I know you're not. This is a this is a very aggressive and I'm not this is a compliment.
That is an insult wrapped in a couple that I'm not defending myself.
But worth noting, when I started comedy, I was very different. I was a bit frontier. Like I had just I went to I went away to college and I was miserable. I gained thirty pounds. I was like, I didn't feel a guy had not hit on me ever.
Like, by the way, I hate it. Let me just say I hate it when you're feeling gross and not your best animalistic, but you look gorgeous and you're like I need to make about you don't need to wear makeup. I fucking hate that shit. This isn't about what you think of me. I think of me. Yeah. So so I just want to be very clear about that.
Thank you. Why did you scratch your face. Did I do something to see there's a little red on your face. OK, now it's not bad. No, just I just don't it.
Oh, sorry, where did you I think it was just a little piece of, like, lipstick or something. It's gone now. I think we just scratched your face and it left a little a little red mark because you're such a delicate flower like how I look. It's fine now.
Yeah, I, I need to adjust a little bit because, you know, that was my first special, so there was stuff in there that might feel like it doesn't fit who I am now. And I tried to cut most of that. But I know what you mean. And we are just and we do see. So I think it's important to talk about, though, you know, I think there's something really powerful to me like like going, oh, my gosh, this girl is so gorgeous.
And this is our society is so fucked up that this is the way we see ourselves. You know, it was just sort of like there was something really powerful about it and there was something really poignant about that.
Well, I feel that with you a lot to where I was. I think I've said this to you before, but like you are not what you don't match what you look like at all, you know, like because you're this tall, really attractive, like powerful woman, but you're really weird and you dress. Quite frankly, confusing if you don't dress for what you have, it's just in that you've been a lesson to me that like, oh, not every hot girl is, like, perfect.
And like like talks like this, you know, you're you're weird, too, which isn't really fun for me to learn.
I was old man.
But, you know, it was it was interesting. It really brought up a lot for me. Like, if you have a triggered reaction to something, it's all yours. And I remember going like, oh, my God, I the fact that I was like, why doesn't she wear a skirt all the time? Like, what kind of fucking nasty pervy monster am I? So nice, you know, complimentary.
I really I think there's something super fucking rebellious and badass that we just get to dress like we shop at gas stations. Shit.
Say it like shit, you know, like I just feel like there's so much shit. Like I was fighting with Taylor Tomlinson the other day.
I mean, it was a it was a real fight. I mean, it was like a fool because there was a comedian who I think is brilliant female comic who was wearing and one of her specials like like a shirt that was just like a little sloppy, like the way that I dress all the time, frankly. And I was like, why isn't she, like, dressing up a little bit? It's her special. Like, I want everyone to, like, be a TV star.
And I'm like and I'm like fully male gazing at being like and she's like, are you telling a woman like are you trying to say a woman should dress sexy? And I was like, I think I am like, I guess I'm sexist. Like, what is this like? I really have so much old nasty programming about how you should dress. I absolutely do too. And I fully boycott all of it by dressing like a boy from the 70s.
But I definitely I get so controlling about how and trigger about how other women dress.
But I think there's something cool to that because it's, it's like, oh, you have your own taste, you have your own idea. And I think I always respect that when someone has a take. Yeah. Because that's like a comedian. Things. Yeah, that's cool.
What is your advice to people in relationships. How to sustain. I have none.
It's. Well, I'm in all of you, b, b committed, like despite whatever, you know, it's like you just know you're staying. So it does not matter what has been said, what has happened like. And also, once you go through a certain amount of things and a certain amount of time, you're just you get through it and you're like, oh, we're just like family now and this is incest or like there's no one.
I could never really go through all of this with anyone else. It's like we're just stuck like and it's but that's that's kind of like this shitty way of putting it. That is it's it's so simple but also so brilliant. And a good girlfriend of mine who Jenny Goodwin, who reminds me a lot of you actually she said to me once, she just went, I'm like, why are you always in such good relationships?
She's in this amazing marriage. And I'm like, What?
And she goes, she really she goes, oh, leaving is not an option. So when you fight, yeah, it's not an option. And it's something that I never thought of before because the only leverage I've ever had is, well, I'm going to fucking leave. Right. You know, and you use that and you play that card and you want that's how you're going to control the person is like, I'm going to if I'm here. What control do I have over you?
Yeah. Only so I and as someone who saw people break up a lot, I just thought, oh, if things get hard you fucking leave. Right. You know, but the thing is, is like I know that if things get hard, it's like something that I'm it's like something's wrong with me and I have to go through something. It's not like I had this like big kind of mental break in January. Like I was just kind of freaking out about my life.
And I remember and I was like at one point during it, I was like, maybe Dave is the problem.
Like, the next day I was like, Dave is not the problem. I need to go on medication.
He's but you know what I mean? Like, you just kind of it's easy to go through a depression and think, oh, it's the relationship.
Yeah. It's just it's easy to like to point that is a problem. But usually that's not the problem. I mean, obviously it can be the fact that I think the best man ever is. The problem is probably exact data that you buy.
But my point is it's not like I'm in some relationship where, like, everything is perfect. He's amazing. And like, we just can't stop touching each other, you know, like we're just real. We're honest. Were like, I'm like, just shut up right now. I just and I will be eating together and he'll be asking me questions. And I'm like, I just want to eat right now. Like, I don't want to talk while I'm eating.
And he's like, OK, thanks for telling me. I love that. That's because that's my thing. Don't you run out of shit to talk about. Yeah, I am so in off people in long relationships.
I'm like oh like how is your day like Groundhog Day.
It's like dude like I do need to be able to be in something. I know, like we just take a day where I just don't talk. It's like I don't need that. I need that. I need a lot of time to recharge. That's what we have to and also like heal, like do this thing where he'll tuck me in like he'll say good night to me. I go to bed and he goes and does like work.
And I with my hair in pigtails and put on a little schoolgirl supernormal and almost every night I'll be like, he'll be like, okay, good night.
And he'll be walking out of the room and I'm like, what are you going to do?
And he's like, stop asking me that. He's like, don't ask me what am I going to do. I can't stand it, you know what I'm going to do. So it's like just I'm going to go jerk off to porn just like the ability to that's. But I like that in all my relationships, friendships, just the ability to be like, shut up. Ask me that. You're annoying. Yes. Yes. OK, and a quick recovery time of not internalized.
Yeah. You know, like like that. I think it's not about the absence of fights. It's not that there are never going to be arguments. It's about if you're able to deal with them maturely, not blow them out of proportion and recover quickly. Forgive quickly.
Yeah, but I think that I don't want to go past this because it's like I do think so much of the way we have altercations with the person we're in relationships with hinges on. But this could end. This could be it. So if you're just like we're in this, it's like all of a sudden the things you're fighting about. Yeah. The things you're fighting about just sort of get de-escalate because you're like, OK, well, what's going to work together?
So what are we doing here? Like, let's just skip to the end of the movie here. We know how this is going to end. Why are we doing this?
Oh, by the way, I don't want to come on here and talk like, oh, we're together forever. It's perfect. Like we're engaged. That was for me, what was really important is and that's why he hates when I say this, when I a little bit strongarmed him into proposing to me, he hates going to that, but was like four years in.
It was many more than that. OK, so yeah. No, that's not that is the most insane thing I've ever heard. It's you're not strong arming someone after seven years.
So once we were engaged, frankly, he, he had it too good for too long. Oh no.
He's going to get married once we were engaged. He doesn't listen to me.
But trust me, once we're engaged, I got a lot more secure and I got a little bit more normal and less crazy. But we weren't engaged and I was like mad, I was low key, like mad at him for a while and acting out and like, you know, I had this, like, resentment that he hadn't proposed to me. But now that we're engaged, I don't even get married. I'm like, yeah, I just have a security that I realizing I need it.
I was insecure. I needed that. I love that.
You can just say that. And I think that that is so important that it's important. It tells them there's a reason. It tells the world you can kind of stop thinking about it, you know, and by the way, it's all it's all meaningless. He could break up with me any day, know, of course thing.
But it just for some reason, it'd be harder it'd be harder to leave, you know, so much of giving a ring back, you know. Yes, it's a family time and it's not going back to you no matter what you do is just speaking of strong arming, you would have to strong arm this right off me in my sleep. You know, I do things I remember as a person who again made a show about what's the point of marriage?
Why do we have to sign something? Why do we have to do what are all these sort of like formalities? Like what is all these traditions? Like, I'm the person that's like marriage was invented in order to keep land in the family.
Like, I had all a million things to get out of, you know, to sort of deal with what is actually just, frankly, fear of intimacy and fear of someone seeing me completely, because I just figure if someone sees everything, they'll be disgusted by me. Right. So I was talking to my friend Kevin Christie, who we've talked about already on this podcast, and we were he's smart. He's so smart. When I in matter of fact, noble Kevin is Kevin is to me is when he comes to you.
Kevin is who I call when I need an answer to something. And he also brilliant artist. He's been doing brilliant work during the quarantine. Artists are making incredible things.
I'm sorry to be grateful for this pandemic, but he said something to me once and I was like, what's the point of getting married? What's the point of marriage like? Why do you have to do the whole thing? Like, right. It the whole rigmarole. And he goes, weddings are important rituals so that your friends hold you accountable.
You know, so that everyone in your life, like you can't pull a fast one, you can't worm your way out, you can't cheat, we all fucking drove to Santa Barbara. We put on suits. We sat through this thing. We paid for hotels and were we're going to hold you accountable. You know, we're going to bear witness to this choice you made. And like, there's no secrets anymore. There's no rigamarole anymore.
And I think that I appreciated that. Yeah. Like, I. I liked that idea. I like that. Like, you know, you get fifty people there to go. Yeah. We see you and we're not going to let you be shady. And we're now all acting accordingly. We're a part of we're part of this. Yeah.
I got you a wedding gift. We're not going to do a secret trip to Vegas like I got you a vase, you know what I mean. Like I'm not the friend who's going to participate in that shit. You know, I we've all made an agreement that you're not going to be fucking scummy. You know, I had never heard it put that way before.
You know, I like that your family is here.
Your grandma almost had a stroke on the fucking plane like this.
So I now I now I, I don't know why I needed to be explained the value of that ritual, but that's OK.
I hear you OK. I know it's OK.
It's going to be you people have to explain very basic things to me that most people learned at like twelve. I'm learning now Dave says I have a similar thing. Yeah. You're learning how to live at thirty two.
I think comedians are very much like were the people that mock tradition and criticize tradition and want to question everything.
And then I'm like, oh, I get why this has been being done for thousands of years. It works actually.
At least I do want to be normal. Yeah I do. Yeah. Like I'm the person.
I mean I was in a fight with them the other day about like drinking water and she was just like, are you arguing with me about drinking water.
It was like you don't need a glasses a day. Like you can get water from other things, like if you have fruit or watermelon. And she was just like, are you do you have a hard take on hydration? That's the point. Like, why are you arguing? You know, like, I think it's valuable to question everything, but there's also a point where you have to go like, you know what?
So Esther does this hilarious thing in her special where she goes through audience members person. So I thought I would let you go through my purse.
This is a dream. But I also I do what I do. I, I also haven't used it and I haven't been going a lot of places. So this was my purse like a month ago. Really.
Yeah. I mean, I mean and you don't like empty it out or need just so very bad.
It's so big. This is going to be bad.
Don't go through it. OK, I'm going to be a very pre-exist. This is asters just going through my purse. This is how you do it.
OK, hold on.
What. Why, why, why wouldn't you. Why is there a ball. A toy. That's the double for what I find a stray dog. I really I always have. This is for stray dogs. That is so sweet now.
Oh, I look at her. They're mine now. Oh, good, you can have them.
You could have an old Guiders Keepers there. It's like the Tiffani's of their gummi bears with champagne in them houseware.
It's called self care. You can have that. No, I have 10 boxes of them.
I need that. This is the. Yeah. Dry shampoo. We it's the largest. That's not a they make these in smaller sizes for the purses though. Oh my God.
We know that bag is really sketchy. My wallet. OK, with Stella McCartney. What's that healing bomb.
Oh this is good stuff.
It's called all good balm. It's just like what's that. Oh that's a really good this is a good lip balm.
I really like it's called Oildale. So.
So usually this is crazy deep pockets with highlighters. I don't care. Not makeup highlighting actual office highlighters with the concealer.
This is a really good eye. This is a sunscreen stick. But I use it as lip balm. Why don't stop, don't film her doing it's very appropriate. What else, Narz Lipgloss.
I'm liking it. Oh, this is a really good lipgloss. Makeup forever. Oh, I've been looking for this.
You have a lot of like, oh, this is a lipstein. This is my favorite lipstein that I have used since I was in college. It is the body shop. Lipstein I've been using this for truly 20 years and not this formulas have been revisited. Maybe need to like this is my favorite. What's that to else. To Altoids. You never know.
I do not want to have slamming breath. That's my that is truly my nightmare.
There's so many loose Altoids at the bottom that oh look, that's a lip balm.
Oh I love this. Bombed ascetics. I love this. It's a lip balm. That's like a little look how you open it. What's that.
S with anyone. She's just holding on. It is a life saver where the lifesaver is glued to the package. You know, one has been in there for too many seasons and it's melted and remelted and all that.
Oh, there's like powders from all the Altoids.
Oh, Luce, come with me. You're like you're like rich. Like you shouldn't have loose gum.
You never know when you're going to need gum, but not have time to unwrap it. It's so nasty here. It's so nasty. I'm like not enjoying this.
I know you. You absolutely does is it. It's really fun and funny. This is more like sad. Oh my God.
I thought this I thought I was like, oh, she's like a cinnamon stick in her purse. That's like so chic. Like to make it smell good. This fucking rawhide. This is a bully stick. This is a dried bull dick that I used to learn stray dogs when I need to catch them. You never know. This is just like the low end option of welched.
Like why I don't even have just lost our welcher sponsorship. Yeah, this isn't really I feel like. What do you normally do this. It's like funny.
Just what are these bent up pills. Let me see. What kind of bills do you think those are. These are I think these might be ritual vitamins. No they're not. I know what ritual vitamins are. Those are not them have little powder in them.
Garlic, garlic, garlic, ginkgo biloba. Maybe it does smell like that.
I'll take one of these. But yeah, that's covid-19 in a pill.
The bottom of your.
I'm sure it's something good.
I think it's I mean, that was basically the vaccine you just took. No, that was definitely something like a vitamin, I'm sure. I mean, the smartest thing you have and I want to know why do you carry better Benadryl?
That's. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Do you like an allergy?
I you never know when you're going to need Benadryl. I'm sorry that I'm just prepared for literally anything. Here's your pass for when you are.
And Kelly Clarkson on January twenty Fourth. It's July 19th, guys. It's July 19th.
This is January twenty Fourth. Winning does not have a shot together.
She's a faker. She's, she's her first is disgusting.
I'm a secret medicine. I'm secretly a fucking mess.
This is like when you're not supposed to be your idols, it's just like oh like this is who you really are.
You're just like me. Those stars are just like, oh God, Steve. Oh, my God.
Thank you for letting me do that.
Is that is, by the way, the fact that that's my cosmetics bag is I when I pull this out, I was like, oh, that must be your makeup bag. But then there was a whole other pocket in here filled with makeup. So I'm like, oh, well, this is not her makeup bag, bitch.
This is your makeup you have pulled on one three.
I literally have more makeup in my bag than a clown with five, six, seven, eight.
And there was another one nine somewhere. Yeah, this one nine. And I have two of the same one by the way. Yeah. No I know these are, we have two of these and one person. Nine, ten, eleven.
Oh my God. You have Lady Gaga makeup. Oh yeah. Well my you have twelve lip products in your purse.
That's more than anyone needs for a four in a mansion and you have them in your purse.
I never know what direction I'm going to want to go. And that is so crazy, you know.
This, if you see a child that's really not appropriate. That's an AGOT. Oh, what's that?
I'm not going to reveal that me see beta blockers. Well, I've been looking for these propranolol beta blockers. Yeah, these are great.
Take some of those home. Oh, I love that this is a sun screen, Neutrogena, Shimrit, sunscreen, lip balm, so crazy that you can have 40 Lepp bombs in your purse but you know, you literally need every single one of them for a weird I have 12 lip gloss is in here and I none of them can be removed from that bag. I need all of them.
How is the gaga lip gloss which went missing house laboratories. I think it's good. I have some I can give you some pretty color. Yeah, I like the gaga lip gloss. They're good.
Well, you guys, it's true. Whitney Cummings is just like the rest of us. Her purse is disgusting.
She's a hoarder. Yeah, she's a hoarder. But she loves her lip. She loves her lip products.
You really given me like you think about. I think so. I feel like you've really held up a mirror. I think I don't appreciate it.
And I fully plan on cutting this junk. Good from the pot. Goodbye, everyone.
I'm holding up for those of you listening and not watching a heart for my name. What is this, a latte? OK, so this is the cutest thing ever. I am obsessed with lattes. Hi, my name is normal. Yeah, it's called the ice top for my name.
It's half oatmeal, caf, coconut milk, a little bit of a throw and that has more shots of espresso.
So good. Don't drink the whole thing. You drink four shots of us, do half of that. So it's just coffee shop in L.A. called Dayglo Coffee.
I'm not making money off this. It was just like a promotional fun idea.
But yeah, if people want to go to Dayglo coffee shop and this is so it's so I also love this bottle.
I'm going to keep reusing this bottle. It's so cute. I gave myself this is a thing. I'm becoming normal. I'm like into coffee now. Like that's my whole personality now is coffee and tie dye.
I'm, I'm normal.
Everyone outside of L.A. is like, what? What the fuck is you saying? Aster Club is ousters podcast. I listen to a lot of your podcast, your last episode. There was something very soothing about how the first twenty minutes are just announcements.
It was just sort of like logistics, you know, a lot of logistics set in a very charming way. It's a lot of like apologizing for how she's saying something. It's like it's kind of fun to just hear her say something just very simple and then completely unravel about the way she said it. And then she's like she's like fixing her hair and makeup, like spiraling like she's just isn't what you'd expect. It's really just like being inside her mind.
And it actually was a fun journey. It was like going through a haunted house.
And but there's something really soothing about it, because when I do announcements on this podcast, I'm so full of shame that I do it really fast. And I'm like, like subscribe to our podcast.
So do the comments. Like, I'm nice.
There is something really hypnotic about it.
She was just like, you can text me and my new community. No, you guys, thank you for what's the number. Do you have it. Yes, I got so this is the texting app that I do. You guys text me, I text you back, I send you birthday messages every day if it's your birthday, eight one eight till I die one eight two three nine seven five to seven. You guys can text me and you actually explained how you have to log in and put in your birthday and where you live so that we can target our show.
You did our shows to you for when we come back on tour. So if I'm going to Orlando, I don't have to blast the whole world. My Orlando date. I can just text Orlando people specifically and by the way, sorry, Salt Lake City, Alabama, Arizona and San Diego. Thank you for letting me text you directly. You guys are why I decided to reschedule the show, because a lot of you guys were like, wow, I live with my grandma.
I have an autoimmune thing. Can you I texted with people directly in those cities to tell me if I should keep the show or reschedule.
That's that's that was really helpful. Yeah. My number is eight four seven six four eight nine zero nine eight. And I am obsessed with this because I like the same thing has happened. It was happening to me that happens to all comedians. It's like you're leaving Seattle and everyone's like, where are you?
Come to Seattle. And I'm like, I just fucking. And I get mad at them and they're mad at me. But it's like no one's fault that the Instagram algorithm didn't like me this week.
So this is like if you're interested in updates, because for those of you that don't know Instagram and please correct me, the men in the room that generally probably know more than me about technology, and that's how I'd like to keep it. I'm a Luddite by choice. It's the Instagram Alegría. In order to get the algorithm, the main feed, you have to get a certain amount of likes and comments in the first minute.
Right. I like there's something. It's called the patriarchy. The post velocity, whoa, the talk. So if you don't get a certain amount of likes and comments, like in the first minute, like, most people will not see your post at all. So this is a way that we can just directly text you. I picked eight one eight because of our friend Browdy Smart.
I picked eight for seven because I wish I still lived in Illinois.
I feel like you and I did have another level of bonding at Brody's memorial. Yeah, you were the worst one there. You were because you had been totally chill.
You were like, OK, we'll get through this. Like you were like very calm.
Our friend Brody Stevens Googling you at the memorial were the in the biggest mess of anyone. And I think it's because you I assume like you're coping before that was just kind of be like, everything's fine, everything's fine.
And then you crashed.
This is a friend of ours who passed. I was in denial for the first week. I just like it didn't happen. Yeah. Like, I just was like like everyone. My thing is like take care of everybody else. And then as soon as the memorial happened, I just broke.
You were like, oh, no, this is real.
Like as soon as Zach Galifianakis came out and was like giving a eulogy at Hit Me. Yeah. Because you're like Zach Galifianakis is at the Comedy Store. Yeah. Something really bad must have happened. This is bad.
So true. And it like hit me and I could not hold it together. I could not function.
That is the worst thing about this business is like getting close to people who are hurting and having to.
Yeah I don't. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what to say. That was a wild time. Anything that was a wild wild time when I till I die Google it. The guy that I am dating. What I'm dating someone. I'll show them. Brody stand up and if they laugh we can keep dating and if they get confused we stop. Like that's how that's truly how I decide if I will go on a second date with a man.
If they get Brody Stevens, we can move forward. And if they don't, if they're like, wait, is this I don't wonder why did he just say why is he saying zip codes? Like if they don't get it, like, I just there were down here, like, there's nothing else to say. So, yeah, the guy that I'm dating loved it so much and is always like leather exterior. That's awesome. Yeah. So that's always like in my head.
It's funny you say that because on my first date with Dave he had known Brody because Brody did audience warm up show that Dave wrote for. And so Brody was like our one Hollywood connection that we both knew of. And it just like I just will never forget, like the light it put on my face, feeling like, oh, my God, he knows Brody.
So I. Yes. Are you planning the wedding or. No, no. Do you know where you wanna get married?
I don't want a wedding. I just really. Yeah. We've talked about this before too.
Like I, I don't know, maybe one day I now I have a pandemic to lean back on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just wanted the engagement.
I don't want to break up but yeah. So I don't want to plannings.
Interesting. Yeah. See OK, I feel like I've talked so much and I'm sorry and I feel like I need to, we need to release everyone.
I'm going to stop talking and just let her go into a complete spiral. This is what comedians do after they completely nail something and are awesome at something. They just start to spiral into shame and think that they're like putting people out. They just start apologizing for doing a great job and put this on and feel safe. Just going to go hide in your good for you. Learn to Bend is not here to say all this, but don't ride elephants like subscribe.
I'm very excited to use my new puke green eyeliner that astir brought me. What is it called. The Whitney Challenge. The Whitney hashtag hashtag. The Whitney trilogy.
Can you get with makeup that sounds meaner than I mean it to. So we are going to now experiment hashtag when you challenge put on the ugliest color eyeliner you possibly can and tag us. Watch out for my name on the Comedy Central App and then it will be streaming.
I really want to get this right. I hate it when I fucking go on podcast to promote something and then they're like anyway and they don't actually promote the project. And I'm like, why the fuck you're so nice. So I want to get it right. It it so hot for my name. The special on Comedy Central. There's clips on YouTube if you're want to just do that. But there's the full thing is on the Comedy Central App, you can access it with a YouTube TV or a Comedy Central login.
I feel like I worked for Viacom.
I should get extra money for saying all this. A lot of logistics or after August 2nd, it's going to be you do have to take a quiz.
They will send you a code. Your phone's maxed out. It has to be hard to find. That's how when you watch it, I know you're there because you want to have to be Liam Neeson in Taken in order to figure out how the fuck you're grading.
How much I have to say. I know. But you know what? They let us do what we want. And I'm happy with how it turned out. And you guys don't have. Anything to do when you run out of things to watch so you can put in a couple of fucking passwords on Hulu watch Dollface and Alone Together and you're on what else you're on. But you should know, my crazy ex-girlfriend, your own odds of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So just like binge Esther this weekend, you try anything else, like in subscribe to Whitney. Oh. And the Easter Club podcast and the make up glowing up which you're going to be on. Yes.
I'm now promoting that episode. I'm going to be on it soon. So tune in. I love you guys and these very awkwardly. Please don't ride elephants.
Love you. Oh my God.