Dum dum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

You know my theme song. Is that your theme song?

Taylor Thomlinson is here everybody you from Netflix, celeb wiki, FT.com.

I have a pretty high score on that, I think. What is it? I don't know. Off the top of my head I could check Naglfar. It's out of five. I think it's a four something. I'm going to be embarrassed if you check and it's not. What do you think points were deducted for? I mean, I probably had some more like they weren't painted or the paint was like growing out or something. The paint was growing out.

Your nail was growing out. And the nail polish. Yes. Last time you had a conversation with a person so long, so long ago, I haven't talked to like another woman that I cared about their opinion in a while. I don't know what you're talking about. Four and a quarter stars.

Pretty good feet. Pretty. Pretty good. Pretty good. What's yours?

It better be higher than mine because you have more money than any cumming's. Well, I've been in the game longer. Whitney Cummings. Oh, no, there's no score. I mean zero.

I mean, your feet are on mine score.

Whitney Cummings my OK Wicky feet score are five star.

Are you fucking kidding me. Five. Where are the letters. Oh they're they're ok. Well ok. Five first perfect score.

She's really excited about the fact that my I defeated you. Oh my God. The oldest thing you've ever said. We were toe to toe and I put forward my water nailing this.

You're my arch enemy. Your toe nailing this.

Thanks for hanging in there. Oh, God. The absolute worst. Sorry, but oh Agnelli.

Why is my feet perforates like my feet better than tailers.

Hers have really been on the internet longer than they have, but that also means they're older.

You think it over this old thing. No one can ever. You really. Yeah. No one thinks that I'm making fun of you. You can't be like a perfect storm. But also I'm a witch.

Like you're eligible for a dermatologist. You know what it is? I have to stop reading my comments then because I'll call you old.

No, the comments are like the hottest bitch I ever seen.

You see, from like like I busted there was a lot like busted. A lot of people thought I was lying about my age until kind of gross is one.

The PTSD from there. That's what it is. Right. You're they were equally like Google or who is she? But also she's so. Oh, well, which one is it.

Yeah, well. People also think you've had work done on a lot of time, and you have I mean, I have people ask me that constantly and I'm like she actually has in there, like I had a friend asked me recently and she's like, that's just her face. And I was like, yeah, they're like, that's fucking bullshit.

I have always thought that. And but I do. I talked about it on the Olivia Munn podcast, like I do Lazar's I do something called Thare, which I haven't done in like a year and a half.

And then I do the micro needling and I don't know if that's considered work, but I've done that. I have had Botox before for migraines, but it made me look insane.

So if you look at baby pictures of me, I look like I had work done as a baby, like as a toddler.

I get it. I stop crying. It's not know if you looked at me as a baby. Oh, my God, I what I am bringing it. I look like I had Botox as a baby. I was gorgeous. I you know, even what I was a baby. I had no wrinkles. Oh my God. I had no crow's feet when I said that. You think you have a baby face. That's so like I had a crazy face like my face.

I just whatever people are upset about it. It's always kind of been there, right? Yeah. But I have had filler on the side of my nose because I broke my nose and I didn't want to get it's kind of stupid for people to say, I'm making a bit.

We get it. You haven't had surgery. You've told us a lot. OK, I've had my boobs done. I'm very open about that. Yes, that's what I'm saying. But also, you're an actress. Like, why would you get that? You can't move your face to make expression.

I know you have to in order to be able to communicate, you know, especially with high def. Now, every time I drop a banger piece of Gaza, Benton just blows past it.

And the interrupter interrupted, I guess that's what I'm known for. INTERRUPTING today. Gabourey Sidibe is on the show and I did not interrupt the entire interview last week. The intentions we set really worked.

I did not. I just I just sat there, listen to her talk. Didn't interrupt. Didn't I didn't go. Yeah. Oh, my God. I didn't do those annoying tics that I've been trying to stop.

You left here being like, was she even listening to someone like me as someone who just taught you that when you speak over someone on a Zoome call, it cuts them out and mutes them?

I'm very proud of you because I listen back to the Edge. Human Interview does such a great interview. Dr. Andrew Huberman, I'm so sorry. And I was see a doctor.

He's actually a doctor. You go to school, Professor. What does the word step? Whatever. We have Stanford professors on the show, it's not a big deal. And they drive down here to be on this platform.

And I I was so obsessed, obviously, with neurology that every time he talked, I was like I was like, it's just sound like I had Tourette's and I'm really working on that restraint.

Right. He was like, I watched your movie stop.

We've seen it. Did he watch your movie? I don't know. I to learn it, it's on Hulu and Delta Guy. I watched it on Delta. Did you? I did watch it on Delta a while ago. The captain was good. Yeah.

I was sitting next to a woman on Delta that was watching it and she didn't recognize me and I kept looking over and leaning in and she could not make the connection at all.

And this was before marriage just laying over like I was blind. But yeah, no big deal. I'm not blind anymore if you want to. Oh, OK.

We're derailing. No, I basically I got Filla in the side of my nose because they told me I needed to get a nose job, but I just didn't have time and work.

I just went after what I went and and then I got filler in the side of my nose.

And so I'm announcing that and adventitious just wants to move on to the next thing. Last week I announced that I had hooked up with Adam Duritz when I was eighteen, invented not only didn't know who he was, didn't care, had moved on and the world agreed. Just so we're all clear who the world also agreed.

They were like, OK, I don't know who that was. I don't know that picture of him.

And I was like, we should have kept it of that. I should have kept it quiet.

It's just been too just restrained himself. This is the new normal in comedy. Comedians about to say a joke and they have to bite their tongue. Look what you've done all left liberals. You ruined comedy.

I'm still confused. Who is this person you're proud of with. OK, this is a twenty five year you guys. I'm twenty six. How dare you. Whatever. OK, I don't know who the Counting Crows are. Oh, he's from the Counting Crows. OK, Mr. Jones, I know that. I just didn't know who was in them. I didn't know who the crows were.

The Crows crows. Cool. And I hooked up with him when I was eighteen. Salacious, juicy gossip.

But wow, your eyes got wider. Yeah, it's juicy gossip and nobody seemed to care. Was that before you came to L.A.? No, I was in L.A. at the time. OK, we met when I was an intern at E Entertainment. So a famous person had sex with you before you were famous and never talk to you again, that is. And you were an intern. This sounds like a trend here in Hollywood. Wow. I am impressed.

Actually, that's really hard. I we did not have sex though. Oh, actually. OK. And now I'm starting to feel hurt by that.

I wonder when you say you hooked up, you were like, that's open to interpretation.

Yeah. Well hold up to me is not sex. Hook up to me is like just make out. If I was going to say I had sex I would say I slept with him. Hook up to me is everything about sex. I think we should have clarified that, but what are you calling what's a hook up to you? Yeah, I was everything but sex. Yeah, let's hook up to you.

Oh, I want to sex you. What? I went right to sex when you set it up.

No, the gays. Otherwise, I would have said I made out with him and then hook up mean sex to you. Yeah. I think a lot of people are thinking about kissing someone because.

Well, it's like I would say, made out. I wouldn't say I hooked up. I'd say we made out. You guys, what's my website when you coming back?

OK. Oh, my God.

It's not done that. Or you you got it. OK, Taylor Tomlinson is here. As you all know, we are going on the codependent tour together. Benton, myself and Taylor Taylor.

What's it going to be like with my comedy and your comedy together?

I'm making fun of Taylor because she just had a press interview about this and she said that that was a stupid question.

No, I just didn't understand the question. It wasn't a stupid question. I understand there's a big deal. It is a big deal for me. No, you don't get along. I know. Revolutionary. Yes, they do. Look at your fucking Instagram. Who decided? Femke, I don't get a lot of them. They're working. I'm their boss. This is the big deal, though.

We had to wait months for your cycles to think of that work.

So what? What I didn't Taylor, this is this is going to be the most interesting part about this tour, which we're adding some more dates.

By the way, you would know that if you texted me at eight one eight two three nine seven five to seven is that Taylor has been performing. She just did what it was. Nineteen, but so close. Yeah, she's been in a residency in Philly. She's been hammering the mic and I have basically not been doing stand up at all. Yeah. So Taylor is going to be sharp and I'm going to be sloppy and rusty as fuck and you have to close because you're way more famous.

And so I mean I get the sweet spot on the show unless you want me to host, in which case I will, because I also don't want to follow banteng people don't know what host means.

OK, so you left to go. That's inside baseball Banten.

I'm like, I'm sorry, it's inside baseball glove by the way. I love the Whitney's always talking about like oh that's so elitist. Like therapy, so elitist like a host is so elitist. And so I filled in my nose and I hooked up with one of the Counting Crows when I was 18 and I got my boobs done. But that's it. I'm a hero. I'm telling you, from the right wing of my house, the left wing.

I don't you too. I don't like this collusion. I don't I don't need you to build an alliance. We're about to go on a tour together, and you two are not allowed to become friends. I don't like this one bit. I feel attacked.

No, no, I just I just I I'm obsessed. Maybe just because I wrote multichannels for so long, like the live studio audience shows where it's like you say something that we say in Hollywood. People don't like Hollywood. Benton, you know this more than anyone.

Venta just posted the funniest rant about how Hollywood how much Hollywood hates Hollywood. And I just never want anything to feel Hollywood, that's all.

Hollywood is the opposite. Bestinvest here for the experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then I got the one celebrity who's like, you want to build fences, you want to you want to hang out like we can be cows.

So I can't count the bees. Benton that did came from a farm in Tennessee to to the glitz and glamour of Hollywood.

And I'm like, hey, can we get this dog every other everybody else that works like with third but their little partner, they're all like standing around holding like mokas and chatting in white shirts. It's not like you got to pay me to build this table for you to come with your own fold out chairs like like a pig's coming this afternoon.

So can we just make sure we set up a pig sty for the pig like I did this and I of see I'm like hauling hay bales in.

Oh. OK, so let's talk about because Gabourey Sidibe is interviewed today as it is touching. It is moving. It is hysterical. She's so funny. You will laugh and you will cry.

I will tell you that much right now. What's the difference at this point? OK, Escondido, October 2nd. We're going to be at the Drive-In at sea as USM lot F that's where I went to college for the last year of college.

I only did three years of college and Cal State San Marcos, thank you so much. I had too much road work so I had to quit. I was making it ok. Got it. But that was my last year of school was at Cal State San Marcos. OK, there's your opener. Yeah, tickets are on my website. I don't these tickets, it's obvious you guys know how to get tickets. I don't know why you guys keep having me saying you don't know how to get tickets and you're like, I'm not Google.

You look at Google, Whitney, Cummings, Escondido, it'll come up Denver, Colorado. We're going to be at the Lincoln lot. I think we've four shows. The fourth one is almost sold out. So if I were you, I would buy tickets now to hear. This hot electrochemistry that you're currently hearing, October 15th, we're going to be in Cape Cod, Massachusetts, people are confused about Cape Cod, Massachusetts. I don't know what the problem is.

I don't I don't know what's going on. They're confused as to where it is. It's unclear. I'm confused what you're confused about. It's the Yarmouth in at Cape Cod. That's all I know. I don't know. It's bring your bug spray and let's get down. October 16th, we're in Ridgefield, Connecticut, twice a five thirty show. Oh, we added a show because we sold one out. Love you guys. Love Ridgefield. Eight thirty five.

Thirty thirty is gone. Right. Or do we add five thirty. I don't know. I don't read my emails.

Ridgefield Playhouse Ballfield. We're going to ballfield October 18th Oceanport, New Jersey. Oh we added a show there to love you guys. Thank you. Seven p.m. and nine thirty PM concerts in the garden at Blue Grotto at Monmouth Park.

You guys got to tighten up that fucking title. It's too many words, too many words. It's called something else, just a pitch. And then we are going to add top secret announcement is top secret.

San Francisco. We're going out of show.

We don't know when we don't we know we know the general time, but the tickets aren't done yet. That was kind of anticlimactic coming in. But it's coming. It's a secret. We don't know.

Top secret even to us will tell us and then we'll tell you. We don't even know where it is. So last thing, Taylor, I've been writing new jokes. What what are your main what just so people that are deciding, whether they not whether or not you've been writing a new hour or did you have an hour.

Yeah. About how annoying twenty seven year olds are worse. Thank God I'm twenty six. You never remember my fucking age. You don't like my Instagram posts. Are we even friends. Do I'm. Try it. You have never gotten people to hang out.

OK, the key to I know that Stockholm syndrome will work better than being kind to you, so I need to hurt you so that you'll trauma bond to me and fear me. OK, dead.

Oh. Oh my God. What happened was not like your Instagram post. You go look right now was really last if you like. I held out for two on the tour bus. I yelled out, Millennials, we love to be included, bro. I guarantee you, sir, while you're even older. But neither of you should be talking to me like this. First of all, what's it is worth?

Your hair tail. You don't even know my name.

Oh, the times I've been called Brandon. Oh, God, your name is ridiculous. OK, I haven't. OK, I haven't liked any of you, haven't liked one since I did your podcast in March.

We noticed I getting called out. Why are you guys looking at your likes? Here's what's going on. Because you and I interact on you and I interact on Instagram a lot. So what we do, what we do, we message and you tag me and shit all the time. So when you like my posts, it shows up as one of the first ones. Oh, so I know that you haven't.

So let me ask you something. Go ahead. Go ahead. I would love to hear what's why do you need this so bad. I just want to know because. Because we interact so much. I see you as the first person who liked other people's posts, which is the only reason I know you don't like me because I go wait when is on Instagram, which is totally normal. She doesn't like my post and then I see everyone else's posts.

And it's Whitney Cummings and two other little faces that I interact with a lot and then, you know, thousands of others. I'm not going through everybody's Instagram likes. I just easily see you. And also, we've had televisions. No, no, let me finish. Let me relatable these. I can't of that interrupter. We have had she will die conversations at your house like, oh, I did see that post that was really cute, but you don't like it.

It's so weird. I am not going to get rheumatoid arthritis. Oh, my God. In my thumb. Because you need validation.

This is Whitney 101. If you tell her, she'll be like, I think you have this disorder and that's why you feel this way.

You're like, I just want you to like me. That's why I think maybe you should. I don't need it. I just I'm confused. You just want to OK. I just don't know. First of all, I'm going to say this. I stopped liking your posts back, by the way. I don't like yours either.

Taylor, if I may. Huh? This feels old. It's you know what? This feels like something before me, OK?

This feels like you're going to external things to meet internal need.

Look, it's not my fault that you're the age of my parents, so that's not a big leap. Right. But what happens? Are you like do you feel left out? Do you think I like you less? Do you think. No, I just don't get it. I just don't understand it. And so that's my only thing. It doesn't make me upset. I'm just like, what? I don't understand a lot of things about you.

Like what?

Why you're always in workout clothes because I have to move today. Well, what did I have to go move apartments? And I know that I told you. I literally told you.

That's why I couldn't come over yesterday. You asked me if I wanted to be close publicly, but not privately.

You asked me five times while I was in Philly. When are you coming home? You will at times when I and I said, I have told you this and you said, you're right. You have told me you will send me text and I will respond to them and then you will just like, never respond to it again. And then you'll text me about something different and I'll go, OK, and tell you, you will tell me come over tomorrow at five pm and I'll go gray and then around midnight you'll go.

So I'll see you tomorrow at 10:00. And I'm like, what, these millennials, they're so linear. Oh my. Everything can be linear.

You're a millennial too. You are all three of us millennials. She'd like to get out of this while I'm in the I'm in the later house, OK? And I'm like, so the most damage.

Do you think that, like, what is the manifestation inside when you see that I haven't liked one of your posts, like do you feel I don't care anymore. I just have know you cared.

Like did you feel that you needed to you were like, I'm just not going to like her photos so that it doesn't hurt or doesn't feel one sided.

I just think I was like I think when I saw I just stopped liking a lot of people's posts, I was like, oh, we don't have to like everybody. So you mean I gave you permission? Yeah. Your life I liberated you so that you didn't feel pressure to be unctuous with other people I helped you grow. Is that what you're saying?

Is that I've been through this too. So I know what you're talking. This is like a thing where you lie. It's just because people like you like especially like when someone likes you, they really like you and you're hard to, like, get close to me.

Yeah. So when you are close to you, it's like I'm in I'm part of this thing now and then when you're like not it's like oh thank you.

I think.

I think but I'm just but I think a lot, I think this is like something a lot of us struggle with. Imagine being in high school, college. I imagine that younger people who are seeing someone like someone's photo and not like that would destroy me ten years ago. Right.

It doesn't really destroy me with you because I know you like me. It's not that you also put me on your story all the time and like, tag me. It's like that's called exploitation. But OK, I mean, to making you hot, frankly, you're trying to make yourself look like you're giving back. I'm just trying to make myself look like I get along. I mean, it's always a girl party over here at Whitney's and I'm fun and I'm not a workaholic anymore.

Yeah, whatever. OK, you're on your phone. No, no, I.

I don't know what it is. I think I at first I probably was like, does Whitney not like me? And she should. But now I know you like me. So I'm like, what. Just what are you doing. Yes. Why wouldn't you. But then I was like, oh she doesn't see them. I'm unpredictable. But then you told me you see my post. Yeah. So I was like, so what? I just I don't know.

I'm a I'm a riddle wrapped in a rock. I assume it's because you see me all the time because I've noticed that the people's post that you like, I don't think are people you see all the time. And you know what I'll say? I feel like the explanation for this is is unfortunately not particularly like profounder mind blowing, which is I feel like little conflicts like this in relationships or friendships or whatever it is, are just codependent trauma bonds like ours is the answer, unfortunately.

Isn't that exciting? I think it's like sometimes I'm on Instagram when I'm peeing. Sometimes I'm doing it when I'm doing five other things, some. So sometimes I like people's photos and some times I don't. It's like there's kind of no rhyme or reason for it. Like, I wish I was like, you know what I only like I wish it was as simple and as mercenary as I only like people with this amount of followers like Chrissy Teigen, because I know it's going to.

Take the comments by celeb's page or you know what I mean, like, I wish I had some kind of strategy, but it grows, by the way, that be gross, but at least there be a method to the madness. Like at least it's something like I find and you know, when someone is mercurial or erratic or unpredictable, usually we just want an answer. Like, I just don't have a good answer. It's more like I multitask and I'm sloppy.

And usually when I'm on Instagram, I'm probably doing five other things. Are walking the dogs or on the treadmill. That's the real truth. The real truth.

The real me does something. She does that thing. So doing something else, it's very half assed. I half asset. And so I'll see your post and then just keep scrolling because it's like for me, Ram is such work. And I also think here's what I'll say. I also think it might be a testament to how secure I feel like I am with you.

That's what I was going to say. We see each other all the time, but also I'm going to say something gross. I think I may be like photos more when it's like actively I feel a compulsion to do it, when it's someone that I don't feel confident with or I don't. I feel like I'm on shaky ground with or I feel like I don't know if they like me and I have to do that. It's like a way of communicating with them.

Do you know what I'm saying? Hundred percent. Someone that I feel and I think I'm more inclined to like someone's photo if I feel insecure in our. Connection prayers with you, I'm like, oh, she won't give a shit, we're friends, we're close, like, there's nothing that could shake us and I don't need to be unctuous with her. I don't need to like.

Yeah, I figured that out pretty early on, too, and it made me feel better. I was kind of like, oh my God, she really likes me like any of your posts.

It was just like one of those things of like I was like, oh, like this is real because, like, you want someone that you can, like, not talk to you for a minute and then talk to again. If someone is constantly at you, it feels kind of like, what are you trying to do?

But also hear people say it's also a it's also when people iji message you, I find the people I'm the closest with. If they send me an IG story or respond to my story, I can look at it and put them on, read and not respond. We're secure. You're not going to feel rejected. And I don't feel pressure to respond to you. I know you'll love me anyway. I think the people that I like the most are the ones that I feel pressure to.

It feels like an obligation because either I know they're sensitive or they are histrionic and dramatic and keep score.

I also think it's a little bit of a substitute for a hey, what's up?

Text. Yes, if if you like someone's photo, that to me is like a couple texts like we've checked in this week. Totally. I mean, yes, I just wanted all of this because that's so I'm on public record. I'm glad how much you like me invented. But but also here's why I brought it up. Instagram. I know this is what the flights to the cities on our tour will entail us breaking down every angle of our relationship.

Yes.

And it didn't actually bother me, but Instagram did change important conversation because people say, look like I they like his photo, but not my photo and then reposted this. It's really it's very real. It is very real. I'm dating someone.

Whatever, Steinar, I'm a catch and the person will not text me back, but then post an Instagram story and I'm like, well, I know you're on your phone. Yup, yup.

Or I see that you watch my story like we do.

People are very sensitive. You know, we do this math all day. This is not weird. This is just how things are now. You know, everything does mean something. It does or doesn't.

You have to like talk about I mean, people are sensitive to it, even outside of their own relationships. Like, sometimes I'll get messages and they'll be like, well, how come you're not in with with, you know, when or how come you're not a video? Yeah. Or like or like at something. And I'm like, why am I in that video or like or I'm not there like I didn't want to like you know, it's like it's just people trying to start shit.

Well I think they genuinely are like I think people get attached to their own. They didn't. And interesting somebody thought I was ister in your son pick and I was like, oh no, that's I'm a different human being. Oh, you mean they like somebody somebody tagged me in it and I'm like, oh, that's like how much people see me on your story that they just thought I was in that they looked at it too fast or something. I was like, oh, that's.

And I'm like, that's.

But it all does mean. Yeah, you're right. And then I always forget, like, you know, you get invested, know. Yeah, I do the same thing when I watch other people's stories, I'm like, how come this dog's not there? What happened to that dog?

Like I find myself you're worried about the dog included me only, of course, like if a friend of mine or someone I'm following a celebrity that I don't even know has like three dogs and all of a sudden I see them traveling with two dogs. I'm like, wait, can that other dog not fly?

Or where's that other like I say, yeah, do something with a group of people like like, you know, kind of like like you hang around where it's like all based on personality and not so much just photos. People really I think, get invested in it then because now they're like, wow, you know, extra things. And what Taylor thinks and know, like they're now very invested in like I hope so.

I think I surround myself with the most interesting, funny character. Yeah.

I mean, because that's cool. You know, the people are like that. I mean, even now to the point where like if Taylor like Astro pose like a photo that I did get to take this.

Yeah. A good photo that we should make that clear. A good photo of us people are like Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben.

Can we talk really quick about I wasn't planning on talking about this, but the I posted a video and took it down recently on Instagram. It was a video.

I'm I am redoing my bathroom. I have worked very hard for a very long time. I'm redoing my bathroom, by the way. There's also truly mold in it, like I have to redo it. It's like a problem. And the person that did the bathroom before I got it had just done sort of like a shitty, like plastic sticker marble on top of like plaster or not plaster, even just like whatever. So it's not real marble, but it has a lot of these L.A. homes have like marble sticker.

It's like a thick, almost sandpapering thickness marble to make it look like marble. And it's beautiful. And I actually thought I thought it was marble until the guy came in.

I was like, this is not marble. And we had to demo the bathroom, which means everything had to be torn apart. And my friend Amy Letterman, funny comic. It's just she's just hilarious and like, really strong. Like, I just always make fun of like how like a rip she always looks. So it's like, oh, why don't you come over and we can do the demo together. Like would it be fun to just like smash it.

Like I just want, you know, those. They have those. Rooms, you just go in and people just like smash it, which I know Taylor and I are making a show together, we had an idea for that. A really neurotic type of person goes to a rage room. You know, it's like TVs and old VCR and there's just like shit everywhere. It just looks like a dump, like a yard sale. And then you just smash stuff and make a big mess.

The idea that one of the characters is so neurotic and Taipei goes in and then you see on the other side of the camera, people watching, like in horror, like aghast, watching it, like whatever the neurotic girl is doing. And then you flip around and she's actually just organize the entire thing perfectly.

And that's actually the most stress relieving thing like that would be me.

I would just be like, can we just get all this in, like, alphabetical order? And and so we did a video and Chrissy Teigen is a friend of mine, whatever. And we have the same person helping us with our house. So I put and we compete over him. So I put a photo of her down and had Annie smash into Chris against a printed photo of Christine's face and then just start smashing up the fake marble countertops, which they were going to have to do anyway.

Truly, five hundred comments and people telling me like this is elitist. Oh, yes. And also, again, going back to relationships, they don't want you and Chrissy Teigen to not be friends. They were. But it was funny. Exactly. But that's what the world sees. But they didn't think they didn't see that.

I'm just trying to understand if jokes are broken or if jokes are canceled, because I actually think the majority of people know what a joke is and they think this PC Culture Council culture is ridiculous. And they're they know what a joke is. They're like, you get that you said a thing that you don't mean we know jokes. It's like it's like the Twitter, like super all left people that are like we write jokes for The Simpsons, but all of a sudden we don't know how they work.

It's like you wrote for the for South Park. How great. I know these are jokes, but did people think that I was trying to say that I hate Chrissy Teigen, which clearly I mean, I think that there's something to like.

People do understand jokes. I agree with that. But I think that now people kind of like are in this place where, like there's they confuse respect and jokes, like we can joke and say crazy things each other and still love each other. No, I think that everyone does that in their own personal lives. For some reason, when you put it on the Internet and you and it's like two people that are important to a group, but am I not allowed to fix my bathroom if there's a problem or.

That's a different thing. That's just crazy. I know. But why?

They're like this is elitist. It was like, well, what?

Like because you're like breaking, I guess, what they thought was real marble. But why is it OK that Kim Kardashian can pose in a leather bikini in her mansion as you're a comedian and be on a OK because you have like people are on private planes.

I don't fly private and post because they're escapist and you're supposed to relate to people.

You're relatable, and we're used to you being, like, loving everyone and being like, oh, I know.

But it was like I guess it was an inside joke between me and see that we were both fighting over. It was the first time I've deleted a video where I was like, because, you know, we we can't apologize for jokes unless they're like truly like very harmful and racist and all that. So I was just in this weird place where I was like, this is fun. Like, it's a funny video. This is funny, but maybe there just wasn't enough information about me in Christie's background.

But I don't think Christie is the problem. People they were like, it's elitist to smash marble.

And I was like, well, it's not real marble.

Maybe I should have made it very confusing the video in general, because it wasn't I didn't joke and it was Christie. And then you're also smashing up that beautiful bathroom and the like, and he's yelling things and then you're laughing at me. I mean, I think maybe it's confusing, like out of context. People are like, what? What's happening?

Smashing a nice bathroom was probably the thing.

But again, I probably I mean, they thought I was like doing it for fun. Like it was I think it was the picture. I think like that the picture of Chris using it, it was confusing. Like, why we don't. Yeah, we don't know who your interior designers are. We don't know your relationship. Yeah. It was too out of control. We love Internet drama like. So that's what that's all we got. Oh OK.

And also Taylor I mean one in the videos they were like Ugra. Yeah that makes it relatable. But I even to pull it down I yeah.

I mean it was because who wants to listen to all that and had to explain your friendship and then like they're going to go to Chris's page and be I mean that's like the thing I love my fault.

I love, I love my followers. I'm right. It's always a shock that they follow more than just me.

I'm like, oh, you follow other people, OK?

Because they're so sensitive and like animal people and they love other women and they're all about growth. So I just was like, oh, my God, they I know they're right because my followers are right about shit. They're great.

They're never histrionic or dramatic or shady or cancel kultury or like a little thing that a little sensitive.

Yeah. Good way. I love sensitive know I have no there's a war on sensitivity and I will not have it like you will regret saying that but yeah.

Go for the first show like damn it I trust you guys like I like. It's very rare that one of the listens listeners of this podcast or a Famille Dmae and be like really off in terms of hey, this hit me weird or hey, have this person on like it's just always very respectful.

They're not attacking you and. Right. And we need to be checked and we need to be, you know, and we need to I'm always open for feedback and I always want to like I I always want things to be funny. That's all that mattered to me. I was like, oh, this just isn't like I. How did this miss? Because it's so funny. It just it didn't the setup. I missed something in the setup. Basically it's a punch line.

Doesn't work of the setups. Not perfect. So I just hadn't given enough information which is when people think jokes are mean.

Yes. Punching down. Yes. And like Chrissy Teigen could get more punching down than Chrissy Teigen. She is struggling. My husband's disgusting. Her life looks awful. Hideous.

How dare you attack her family, her cookbook's. Let me ask you, what are you going to be talking about on this tour? Oh, man.

I mean, my new hour is literally all like therapy, broken engagement, dead mom dating. Sounds hilarious.

That's my new novel. Yeah, it is. And to be honest, nine eleven to that one suicide joke and then everything else. Yeah, that's about it. Yeah. That's the overview. I truly.

Mind, I'm talking about jungle gyms and ghosts and Mariga, like, truly, are you actually truly wow. Emojis GIFs. Wow. In the numata out that I'm doing. I know I don't even recognize myself.

When is the next show at your house? Because I really need to basically the female Jeff Dunham at this point, there's puppets involved. So yeah, come see us. UNTA Taylor will be with us. Very, very exciting. She is brilliant. It pains me to say that I literally just decided to form an alliance with her because she was nipping at my heels. I was literally like, you're too busy and I understand and I'll never contact you again.

And you were like, Do not like me is like she's going to eclipse me as a professional stand up.

And I would like to just control her rise to success. So let me just align with her.

Any other announcements? No, thanks, Gabourey Sidibe is coming up. It's such a brilliant interview, as always, guys, send me ideas for guests. I found the picture of when I met you, by the way. I meant to send it to you. Is it us? We're at the DC Improv. You took it and put it.

I was looking in my archive for did you even want a picture with me or did I just for some you I would never I did not take a picture with you or post anything about you or anything like the entire time you and I were working together at your home until you had posted about like five times that I was like, why are you filming me?

Because I'm not famous enough. I don't ever. Don't worry. I'm not going to muted you.

I don't ever want to accidentally take advantage of my relationship with you. And I'm very worried about it all the time, even like, again, by accident. So I had to get to a place where I was like I did the same thing, like when I opened for Brian Regan, like I would not ask for like I did get I Got Starstruck by Brian Regathered.

OK, now I feel that way to go. Yes.

Also I think that, you know, my deal is this. I never do anything I don't want to do and I always make boundry super clear. Hold on.

I'm looking at this photo of us. We use we met. Yeah, send me that. Oh, I'm looking at this photo that Taylor and I just took.

And I totally get why people think I've had plastic surgery.

This is you without makeup and you look amazing. Look like an alien in that photo. Yeah. No makeup. Look great. I love you guys. This is the dynamic you have to look forward to finish. You're just two people attacking me about my flaws and interpreting my boundaries and self care as an insult to them.

Mm hmm. That is true. True. It actually is something to people that have to a lot of people boundaries feel like attacks.

You've made me way more confident now being around you, me to the boundaries. And because you need me to help everyone because of boundaries, because it makes me feel like I can set boundaries, but also because it makes me kind of look in and be like, OK, what do I know about Whitney and and me? And then what am I making up?

And then that are you project what are you the way that we fill in the silences, the sort of becomes a Rorschach test. Like I've noticed this with someone I was with the other day. There was silence between us and I was just like, he hates me, I'm boring. I have nothing to say. We ran out of things like and it was just he was like Organon. He was just like needed to do something. When there is silence around the way you fill in the blanks with your inner monologue that's on you.

Yeah, it made me feel more comfortable about the way I interact with other people that aren't you that are around us. It made me more confident in telling jokes, made more confident and like doing this because this was when you first let me do the podcast.

That was really and here's my confidence. If it's worked for you, great. If lack of confidence is working great for you and you have lived all your dreams and achieved, just keep doing that.

But if it hasn't, just try confidence. Yeah. And and also to pretend you have it. Even if you don't, I just you know, a big Allen on tool is act as if I just pretended I had confidence for a long time and then it's just like, oh, that worked. And then your brain will start to cement those neural pathways because you start getting rewards and then you'll just get more. Yeah, well, I mean, if you're not, just pretend you are.

I feel super confident usually. But my thing was I was scared to come off being cocky or gross or like, what do you think is going on?

But that's something with whose voice then? I know. And then I was like, well, that's not going to happen because I haven't happened by now that it has anything to happen. Yeah, yeah.

And by the way, the way you come off to people is usually their stuff. You don't mean that that's theirs, like you're a mirror to whatever.

So if if I say, hey, you know what, I'm actually going to need that by four o'clock. And if you could just head out, that would be great. If they take that personally, that has to do with their mom and dad. That's their work. Right. What I you heard something different than what I said.

You know, I do identify as a mirror, so thank you. I'm a mirrorball. Do you know what I mean?

So it's like it's the way you receive what I say. That's your problem. Business and sexual trauma. And that's something you have to work on. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

If you can't receive what I said unless I said it with body language, that makes it super confusing and hypocritical. If I'm like saying thank you, but I'm rolling my eyes and going like, thank you. I like that you're allowed to be confused and insulted. Like we and this is part of the reason I work with horses so much, because body language is such a big part of how we communicate and not what we say, but also how we say it, how confusing that can be to people.

But yeah, everyone just turns you into their mother or their ex-wife or their first, you know what I mean? And I'm not going to do that. I'm not your mom. And if you think I am, you need to go to better help Dotcom.

Well, I better get going. Yeah. Something you said. You've said a lot of things to me that again, you're so like matter of fact, about so many things that has helped me, who's an over thinker where I go like I'm worried about this. I'm worried about that. It's just this. Yeah. It's just this. And then I feel stupid for over thinking which helps. But you said one thing to me once when I was talking about just like this business and some specific issue I was having and I was like, I don't know, I'm just worried about, you know, someone feeling.

This way about me or not liking me, and you were like people, some people just need to hate you and you were like, people hate me and the people who hate me also like me. And I was like, oh, my God. That, like, blew my mind because I know people. I feel that way about where I'm like, I hate you, but I also like you. And and people need to feel the way they need to feel about you.

And it doesn't have anything to do with you.

And and if it's not you, it's going to be someone else. It's going to be you for a couple of days and then someone else for a couple of days. Then they'll come back to you. It's just sort of like we all just use each other to anesthetize and to, you know, project and, you know, yeah, it's like it was it was you know, you were like, I'm just worried people are going to hate me because I have the special I was like, people hate you.

Whether you have the special, whether you didn't have the special summit at the grocery store was annoyed by you today. Like, people are going to not like you and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. And and yeah. And I mean, it's like someone that comments negatively on, like, my Instagram or something. I'm like, you love me, like you out of your way.

To say something means you're obsessed with me. You love me.

You are really good, though, about having boundaries, but still saying what people need to hear when they need to hear it. Like like other day I was like worried about something and she was like, I don't think you see yourself the way I see you yet and we'll just wait for that.

And I was like, OK, now you don't see us, because basically we had a misunderstanding and I made an assumption based on the way that I see Benton and he made an assumption based on the way he sees himself and they weren't congruent. And I went, oh, I see what happened. I see you a certain way. So I assumed that you are going to do capable of doing this thing because I know you're capable. You don't think you're capable yet.

So we just essentially our expectations were not tantamount. And so you need to catch up to the way I see you.

And in that one little comment, I was like, OK, we're going in here like it was like, and you're really good. Like, you have so many different people around you that are all in different, I guess, like spaces in life at the moment. And you're really good at knowing how to like, I don't know, because you've been through all of them or what, but you're really good at knowing, like, how to manage that in a way that makes that is like tough meet people where they are.

That is tough, but also inspiring in a weird way.

Yeah. And what you're saying with the overthinking thing, a big Elhanan tool, like, I just I don't I'm really big on giving credit where credit is due because these tools are available to people. They are free, meetings are free. There's room meetings everywhere all the time. This is where I learned all this.

One of the slogans is Just keep it simple. And I hated it for the longest time because I keep it simple. That's all fucking. That's OK. Easy for you to say. And that's really is someone that overthinks and obsesses and overcomplicating. And one little exchange is it will take up so much real estate in my brain and I'll just like mentally like mental masturbation over one little thing, wasting my life, wasting my life source, wasting my energy, wasting my time obsessing over something that could not matter less.

Just keep it simple. And it's so it's like for me when people are like like, you know, in a relationship and they're fighting like, oh, he did this and he did this like, well are you going to back up?

Mm hmm. No. OK, then forgive him. Yeah. It's like that simple or you're just hurting yourself. If you want to just cut yourself and be in a fight, go do that. Right. You don't have to. This is a choice. You know, overthinking is absolutely a choice. Just like just stop. Get off the hamster wheel. You're on it. Just step off. You don't have to do that, you know. And I think that as women, we've needed to overthink or anyone that's been raised in a complicated situation, we have to overthink.

And can I wear this? I mean, just getting ready for a job interview, can I wear a skirt or drive to wear pants and I shouldn't wear heels and wear pantyhose. And is this too sexy? You know, I shouldn't wear bright color and I shouldn't talk too much because I'm going to be they're going to think I'm nagging. You know, we have to overthink things just to move through the world or people that are in any kind of, you know, minority.

We have to do that. We don't need to anymore. It's an old weapon. It's like, you know, the good news bad is the war is over. You lost. So now we don't need to keep fighting this invisible war that's been over. Yeah, you told me that early on to not useful.

We have a bunch of weapons for our fighting in a war that's over Shadowbox. You told me one time you said you're wearing armor for a battle that's over.

OK, take it off.

Take it off. You know, so it's like adjust, adapt. Like, that's all.

And it's also, again, it's like, how's it working? If it's working well for you, keep doing it. It just doesn't seem to be working.

I mean, that's the whole thing of, you know, it's comfortable khonsari action.

But is it you don't seem that comfortable. It's like a familiar pain. Yeah. You know, but it doesn't seem like that.

Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah. It's a familiar it's a comfort zone, but it's like is it when people like, oh my God, it's my comfort zone. Like you don't seem very comfortable.

I've never heard anyone else quote the definition of insanity as much as you doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Hmm.

Yeah, it's I had to drill that into my head for years to understand that it was. Something I did so often and don't go to the hardware store for orange juice, like when we can consistently try to go to the problem for the solution, you can give me comfort. You keep lying to me. You keep cheating on me. So I'm going to go to you to talk about the fact that you were cheating on me. You caused the problem.

You can't solve the problem.

I can tell that you didn't grow up in a small town, though, because you could go to get oranges at the harbor. That's absolutely I do. That is so funny.

About 10 percent. You could name a joke. That is so funny.

That is a huge like anon adage. Don't go to the hardware store for milk or don't go to the hardware store for orange juice. But in the south we have one store.

So it's monkey wrench rumor mill, which is right in the south. That's your family because you have to go there next. Your blood is so funny.

I feel like we're unpacking a lot. This. Yeah, this. Like I started that because I thought it would be like a funny clip to be like, you don't like any of my Instagram blows and then we have to talk about how you feel. I know.

I was like, OK, I was kind of kidding, but trips take and I don't see this is work like you have to download and unpack the stuff because I feel like in the social media age, which is just reality now, it's like you can hurt someone's feelings by accident, like you can ignore someone by accident. I get my every time I go on Instagram, I get my heart broken.

It's like someone doesn't like something. Someone doesn't follow me. Someone does. It's just like it's so easy for us, you know, to hurt someone's feelings by accident and for our behavior, our negligence to hurt someone. So I like talking through it.

I'm really big on like you say. Do you want to download memory?

When we downloaded member, when I sat you down for a serious conversation, I've told a lot of people about that because it really actually helped me. Whitney, at one point we were coming to the end of like working on something and you were like, OK, you've been doing a great job, this is going awesome, said all these really nice thing. And I ended it up though I was seeing before that or. Sure. I mean, I was just going to say what you told me.

Well, Taylor, so we're working together. Everything's great. She's not walking on eggshells around me. She's not scared of me. Ostensibly the I see I'm really appreciating it because I always want people to push me and make me better. And the whole point of doing a show with you is that you have ideas that I won't have and you have jokes that I won't like. That's the idea. It's not like you're just here to say yes to every pitch I have or to just.

And so I truly wanted to collaborate. And Taylor was very deferential in in terms of her needs. Like when we were ortolan, she'd be like, oh, whatever you want to be, just whatever you want. And then we'd get salads in. Her salad didn't come. And I wanted to eat this and she's like, no, I don't want to eat that. And I'll be fine. I'll be like, it's all I'll be. I know what this is.

I did it my whole life. I am the queen of self deprivation like or just to. I'll be fine. I'll be fine what you will. But just minimizing our needs self depriving whatever you want. Whatever you want. Oh no. We'll just do whatever you want. Coffee. I'll take a coffee or juice. That's either find her album. No I don't need any water. I'm good. Like if I was up to get water I'd be like you want a water and you like that.

I'm good. Why not. Like you want a coffee. No, I'm fine. No thanks. And I just found that she was trying to be easy. She was trying to not cause any extra labor on my part or not need anything from me even when I would offer.

So there is that. I'm just say that. Yes. So Whitney prefaced all this by saying a lot of nice things to which I replied, You're stressing me out with all these compliments because I feel like you're building up to something terrible. And you said it's not terrible. You don't you don't not tell me what you want. You were very open about what you like, what you don't like creatively. The only time that you don't tell me what you want is when we order lunch.

And I if we're going to work together, we're going to do business together. I have to be able to trust you and trust that you're telling me what you need, what you like, all that stuff. So if I don't have that trust with you, then I'm not gonna be able to speak on your behalf. I'm not going to feel like we're in sync. And it's honestly just better for me to know exactly what you want, even if it's not like the easiest thing or whatever, like you just have to tell me.

And that helped so much.

And it's also helped, by the way, I can't have you running around, not fucking eating lunch because you're too worried about people's feelings when you are at a job and other people work. They're also the food you put in your body, the sleep you get the night before. That affects everybody. So if you nothing drives me more nuts when someone shows up to work and they're tired of the groggy and I didn't have my coffee and I got to bed late last night, I'm hung over and I haven't had lunch.

It's like this seems like this is your job to parent and take care of yourself. And everybody else shouldn't have to deal with the fact that your self care game sucks. But also, that's the selfish version. You're the other you're so unselfish that you don't want to put any. Out and then now I'm in a situation where we're working together and you're trying to make sure everyone else is comfortable, but you haven't eaten and I am now worrying about taking care of me and I can't take you your word.

So if you are always deferring to other people to make their lives easier, I don't know what your taste is. I don't know what you like. I don't know what you want. If I go into wardrobe and the wardrobe, I'm like, What's Taylor wearing for this scene in the wardrobe? Like, well, she said she liked everything. I'm like, well, now I can't. Yeah, I need to be able to understand the target in terms of what she likes, what she wants to eat, not just what's easiest for everybody else.

Being direct is the nicest thing you can do for anyone. Being vague gives them more work. So now I have more work because I have to guess if you've eaten, I have to wonder if Taylor's eaten. I'm worried that she hasn't had water because she doesn't want to bother anybody. You know, it's like sometimes when we try to be nice, we just end up being vague and it just ends up like you just saying, like, I want a piece of chicken right now.

I'm like, great, you're not a diva. You're not an asshole. They're marching orders are clear and we can all move on. It's such a small thing, but it's such a big deal. Right.

Well, and it carried over because what you didn't pick up on that was the bigger issue for me is that, yes, I'm not scared of you, but I know that you are you know, you're very famous. You're very successful. You're very, very busy. You're doing a million things at once. And so I always felt like I have to be available whenever Whitney is available. So scheduling I was not I was not being upfront with you about that.

I was going, OK, you want me to come over at 10:00 a.m. and said, OK, I'll come over at 10:00 a.m. and said, OK, you want me to you want me to get on the phone with you right now at eleven thirty? OK, I'll get the phone with you right now at eleven thirty. Sorry person, I'm dating a family member. Whatever. Like I was not saying. Oh I just can't get back to you right now because I just was like I have to be there when you're going to resent me.

Right, exactly. Literally what, what is, what you're doing is very nice and I. But codependents breeds resentment. Yes. And then in six months when I'm like, hey, can you come over tomorrow? You're like every fucking time you're going to say, I me, you're not going to like me. You're going to be resentful. There's going to be a power imbalance. And that hurts me. You're going to socialize resentment. So what's nice in the moment is not nice because in six months you're going to hate me.

Yeah, but I've and I saw you do it with me. We were like, OK, I'm doing this now. Tonight I have to do this. And I go, oh, I can do that too. And then I do it with you. And you're like, OK, great. Got it. I mean I did with you today. I was like, oh I have an interview. I have to come thirty minutes later. And you were like, great, got it.

Like it's, it's been way better and I instead of scrambling.

Yes. Cancelling something for me, driving like a crazy person on the freeway, probably hurting yourself, texting and driving, rescheduling something coming in distracted and stressed out. So I don't even have your full attention anyway and resentful to me because you've dropped everything for me, which I didn't ask you or want you to do. I didn't want that. You don't. I mean, a lot of times when we model ourselves on other people, they don't want us to do it.

They don't want you to do it. Why are you doing it? I didn't ask you to martyr yourself on me. And you're implying that the other person isn't reasonable.

So by you saying, oh, my God, I have this interview, but I have to see you at twelve and I'm just going to cancel it. You're implying that I'm a crazy person. Then I would say cancel that fucking interview. I said twelve. When I say twelve, I mean twelve. Yeah, it's like I would never do that. Yeah. So it's like a lot of times when we think we're being nice to people, we are actually insulting them because the the implication is you're so emotional and rigid that you can't handle me taking care of myself, which is the best for both of us.

Like if you think you can't do that with me, we shouldn't be working together.

It's very tough. I mean, we're always in a different position than you and Taylor. But that took me a minute to get to to the point where I had to be like. It felt at first I was like, wow, I've worked very hard to get right here, but now I have to do everything I can to stay here or because if I lose it, then I have nothing going on and like it to me. I won't lose this for anything.

It's for being bad at it and I'm just making myself bad at it.

Put yourself in a situation where you're going to be good at it. So any time you have a boss, they just want you to nail it.

But it's on you to know what you need in order to nail it for them. I mean, so Benton will say to me, I'm like, oh, can you write up this thing? OK, can I get an hour? And he'll say, I need this amount of time to do it. And I'm like, thank you. Only you know what you need in order deliver to the thing I want Jim saying so. No, let me tell you what you need, because that's not that's not my job.

So claim your space. This is what my favorite story is about. Actress I don't know if you guys can hear this.

There's construction on my house because I'm elitist.

My fake marble that has mold in it is being torn out. A friend of mine who's an actress, she was on a movie set and there are all these famous people there and she had this scene and they get to the end for you guys to watch movies like every scene is shot like 15 times from 15 different angles. And if you're the last angle to be shot, usually they're rushing there. And over time, everyone, you know, there's a lot of everyone's tired.

Everyone wants to get out of there. They want to get home to their kids. And it gets to you.

And you usually have to make compromises and rush because you only have their liking to give you two takes and everyone's to and everyone's sick. And she literally was like, I am I am doing five takes of this. I have been here all day. And she rehearsed all the stuff that she needed to do. And she was like, everybody on the set was mad at her, but her performance was amazing. And she was just like, you guys hired me to do a great job.

Now don't make me suck, because then you're going to get in the edit bay and my performance isn't going to be good. And you're not going to remember why no one that's watching the movie was like, oh, she probably was shot. Laughs So that's probably like no one knows except us.

And so I'd rather be a little difficult now and do good work and set a boundary and claim my space so that I can do my best work that I'm proud of. Mm hmm. No one's mad at you as long as it's good at the end.

Mm hmm. All right, now look at us. Yeah, so, you know, I did cancel something to be here, too, and I'm really happy I did. Would you care to? I was going to be on a podcast. You canceled a podcast to me on a podcast. You canceled a big I did. You cancelled a small kind of you buy that man and you cancelled a small podcast to be on a big podcast. What a sacrifice.

But I'll tell you why that matters.

Because I knew priorities. Priorities, big picture.

That's it. That's it. You're an icon, legend and star in the making. Icon, legend. Star.

OK, this is the guy that invented almost fifty thousand followers over the icon legend star Al.

No, I come legends cause more. Oh, God, I love you guys. Gabby Sidibé, enjoy. Don't ride elephants. Love you. Bye. We now take a break and our programming to talk about pubes, the way you of the days of our lives, first we need to talk about pubes right now.

Yeah.

Have you ever been with someone who has so many pubes that you can't find their penis?

Not and that's the first thing I'm instructed to ask you. I, I, I would say lately the issue is more that men are shaving their pubes.

They got the memo. They saw my last four specials where I talk about how men need to groom themselves already. It's 20, 20, let's be honest. But guys will just use these nasty ass razors that they like find in hotels. They go against the grain and then I see it. And instead of seeing the horrendous pubes that I had to look at in my 20s, I am now seeing red bumps that could be herpes, could be chlamydia, could be krabs.

And you come up looking like the girl from The Exorcist is cuts and wounds all over your face like I got.

I get that you're trying, but you're using the wrong products you need to be using. Manscape manscape has solved that. You never have a razor burn look like herpes again.

Lawnmower three point zero rechargeable waterproofed. There's a little light so you can find your way.

Why are you making eye contact with me? I don't need the ad. Really? Yeah, why not?

Because I memorized it earlier stuff. You're looking at me maniacally talking about pubes. I'm calling. Are you I mean, guys and they're junk guys.

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OK, I start these very awkwardly, I and these very awkwardly, all right, you agree? I don't know. I just like I'm willing to see whatever it is that you do for you. I'm obsessed that you're here.

Thank you. I was scared to ask you to do this. I don't know. I was scared to ask you to do this because I was like, I don't know how close we are, but I feel really close to you, which is not deserved. I haven't earned the right to feel close to you. A lot of people do. What does that why? I think I don't know. I think because I'm like pretty much myself in interviews and people feel like they actually know me in a way.

You authentic.

Yeah, that's what Ellen told me. It's backfiring, isn't it? It's a little weird.

Sometimes I feel super close to you and you also, like, just make me laugh. And I think when people make you laugh in a big way, they just get into your heart. Like every time I go to your Instagram and I see Power Bottom and makes you laugh.

What does that mean?

So I'm putting the Microsoft in so we get the whole story. I want to get the full audio. Yeah, the snorer. Anyone that follows me on Instagram is very confused by that because Powerbomb is so like I'm Gabbi three be on Instagram, but the original was Gabbe. Too shabby. That's main power bottom. And so I don't know, I'm just a power bottom, you know, like I like to lay down, but also I like to give you power.

Like you're cheering them on the like a little pat, like encouraging pats on the butt. Like what is this. It's my style.

I like it. It actually helped me like because I thought being on the bottom was so lazy. But you've sort of made it be like an empowering thing.

Yeah. I get the most work done on the bottom. What am I doing on the top. That's not my I my my my other side. I don't have the knees for my lower back. It's just not conducive to this. That's the most embarrassing. Like I'm going to point my life where in my late thirties where if I'm like yeah I'm going to get on top, like I'm going to like be like I'm so young and bouncy and then my knees kind of lock in and get off.

I kind of just have to like do like the dead bug. Oh no. Yeah. Like my parents. It's very embarrassing now to stay on the bottom. Like me. Yeah, I on the bottom. There's a lot you can do.

You do Cagle's you can do. That's what I'm saying.

Okay. Yes. There's a lot to do.

Anyway, thank you, thank you for for empowering us spot. Yeah, I mean, bottom stand up for them is also like appropriating gay culture. The gay thing. I'm so sorry, gays. I want to talk about your man.

Not explicitly, not just because we really hit it off the top to my bottom of your power top. But you guys met on a dating app, right?

Yeah, we met on Bryar. We Super Dude Bryar. I met someone Amaria and I was engaged to. Yeah, yes, yeah. OK, I was real rya for you guys. I don't know. You've heard me talk about it on this podcast almost every time because pretty much every episode I make fun of John Cusack's profile of.

Yeah, exactly why I didn't want to be on Rhia.

I call famous people out for like preying on young girls on my. Yeah I know all those old actor Jeremy Piven. Get off Rhia. Pull it together. I don't like what's happening here. I don't like it one bit. But I do like to talk about like, what was your in Reya, the dating app.

You have a song for your profile.

It has a montage of pictures. What was your song? It was This is it. What Luchini falling from the sky. Let's get rich.

What does I think it originally was something dumb and I was like, no, this is who I am.

Hip hop. Like what you see is where you get no false ties in here. Yeah. Is my luchini. That's what my that's what my song was. Mine Now is a song by Blood Orange called You're Not Good Enough. And it says Under my picture you're not good enough. How's that working. Not great. Out of date. Not great. No, it's a little bit of a dry spell at the moment. Not going fantastic. And but I'm so fascinated by this conundrum of man of what photos to pose because it's like very rare.

A guy's profile can look cool. It's very rare.

Yeah. What did you see? OK, so this how did he do it? I think it's impossible as a guy to look cool on a dating app. So like a selfie with a bulldog, that's not yours. You're like at a friend's wedding cropping out your axe because, you know, that's the photo you look good in and you're always on like a rock. Guys are always on rocks and shit. He was on a boat. I'm holding a fish.

At least you weren't holding a famous swear to God you got on red trunks. Your fish guy. No, he's not fish guy once or fish. Well, OK, so he was holding them up by the string with the like bare chest, no hair, hair blowing in the wind on the tip of the boat, Red Cross and sunglasses and like, like, literally like I don't have I mix two pictures into one, no sunglasses. But didn't you look at that and go like this is going to be my weekends, I'm going to have to go fishing.

I mean, I don't know what I was like like after we were fully dating, I like went back I go back to his profile and right all the time. And I always tried to block it. I'm like I'm like I'm like for no reason. I'd be like, I'm going to block you because like in the bathroom, like, like sorry. But I'm like every time I go I was like I was truly I was like, why did I say yes to this.

Like what about this. Like because also I was choosing people based on their song too. Yeah. And I'm sure the music taste is huge. It was huge and I did not know his song. I didn't understand it. Was it.

It was like all day every other freckle. All every other freckle. Oh that's a folk song to me. I don't know. Is that like something that ironic. Johnny, get your hammerstone. Did you have a man bun in your photos as well. Deep V, what is it. What it is with you. The Deep V, you have a deep V with a with a Bignone. Yeah. Oh no. Well it's not, it wasn't like a it was like a little.

Yeah.

Did you see when you see Chester that's how you know it's a b c a couple of pubes poking out. Oh.

And so his song was sketchy. And here's, here's the thing though. I think on a primordial level seeing a guy with a fish, I think on some subconscious level you're like provider. Do you know what I mean? He can provide for me. He can fish like, you know what I mean. OK, there is something about it, kind of sexy. But then there's it depends on where they live because it's sort of like if you live in L.A. and you're fishing, like, this is not what are we doing?

Yeah.

You have to set the extra step to go fishing when you're in L.A.. Yeah, yeah. I still don't know why I picked him, but like, he's very handsome and so, like, he's he's kind of hot. But like also at that time, how how do you know about someone's height.

Oh, what if he had not been taller than you.

You know what, I'm five four. So it's almost impossible to be shorter than. Yeah, it's really easy to be late. It's it's easy. I've also been five four since I was eleven, so I used to be really, really tall for your age. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then I just stayed there and so. As people grew around me, I didn't know I didn't and I also I'm not like one of those like height queens, like I have a friend that's like if he's not six, seven, get fuck in, like, you know, he's not six, seven. So, you know, like she's an adult. And I'm like, that seems crazy. Like I can't reach that far up, but I mean anything to me.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Like I don't always want to have my head in his dick, like in public. Yeah. But I, I do feel like I'm because I'm such a like alpha female. People say like I have an aggressive personality.

So I feel like if a guy is taller than me, I'll be like a tiny little like I'll be like your little pipsqueak. Like it makes me less obnoxious or something.

So I don't know. You're tall. I'm really tall. Yeah. So I like to have a guy that's taller than me, but a lot of times guys, when they're dating apps, they don't put their height. So what you have to do is just like look up their Instagram until you see them next to like a famous statue or like landmark.

You have to you have to have a murder. You pull the strings together. That's that's what I have to be like. OK, so the Eiffel Tower is 80 yards, OK? He comes up to that like I have to start measuring and figure out how tall is. All of a sudden you're in the plot of natural gas. And I know I'm like he's like like he comes right up to the Liberty Bell. OK, let me measure how tall the Liberty Bell is.

OK, we're good. So I write.

I don't like it when guys are dating apps like threaten you. They're like swipe left. If you think pineapples should go on pizza, like why are you yelling at me?

A lot of people are jerks and truly dicks. And also, like, when I look back at history, I was like, you kind of look like a douche y how did this happen? How did this happen by super? Not every guy looks like a douche on a dating app.

It's, I think a place where sexism really is reversed. Girls can do like corny selfies and like be on boats. And we're like, she's cool, like she's fun, wanderlust, sea creature.

But when it's a guy you're just like, oh God, why is this so why is trying so repellent?

Why is it I don't know, there's something sinister was although I had like when I was swiping, I had a lot of other problems where there weren't enough black people on there. Yeah. And I was like at towards the end of being on her, I was like trying to mess with the algorithm.

So I only chose people of color. Yeah. Obviously I ended up dating a white man anyway, but I was trying to mess with the algorithm because there's not enough people of color, there's not enough black people. But I realize on on another girl's rya, who's not black, that there were a lot more black men available there.

So whatever I like to take this is an interesting what is the rule for how long you should text on the app before hopping to real text.

He was trying to get my number ASAP. Like literally he was like, you have a cat, I have a cat. Here's my number if you don't call me. And I was like, chill. That's kind of how was it not qadim that it was not at all ten days. My phone.

What was not opening line. You asked me something about Chicago, I feel like something I don't know because I hate it when guys.

Oh yeah, you can use that microphone, we let them we don't silence any either silence man or progressive. You can speak if you want. You're not allowed on camera, but you're allowed to speak. Do you know what you said? Because a lot of guys, I think, try to be funny and ends up just being rude. Like, I hate it when guys open up a dating app conversation, like, why are you single? Like, why are you on here?

And not just because people are like you being dickheads. What are you supposed to say?

Because I have a terrible personality, because I'm just repellent to man and wants to date me.

I smell like fish all the time because I'm broken, because I have severe halitosis. Every now and then I walk like a dinosaur because I already hate your mother. Like, why how are you how am I supposed to. I keep a man and I'm terrible. It's like, what do you want me to say? Because I'm a powerless bottom.

Oh, I heard this term recently that a guy that only wears hats and his profile is a hat fish.

You get hot fish. You understand what that means. I never heard it. But yes, you know, you see a guy in a hat and you're like, he's the new minimum person. You're like, oh, that hat covered up a lot of sketchy thing. Yeah. Like a weird, I guess, hair, my hair like like a lot tattooed. Have you ever seen people with tattooed hair? It's yeah. Well I mean we're actors in Hollywood.

Oh yeah. Yeah. I've seen a lot of a Tyler Perry wig on men's scalps. I worked with an actor who he was would go into the hair and makeup trailer, his own hair and makeup trailer, and would come back with a full head of hair. And it was what he was. The wind wasn't allowed to blow out like there were all these crazy things. It was like whack a mole to keep the hair on his head.

Oh, my God. Yeah, watch. It makes me think like I'm glad men are insecure about something. Like we have to remember that they're insecure about a lot more than we are in there.

Mostly things they can't change, dick size and hairline and height. Yeah.

So the only things you really can't change, I mean, it would be painful to change your dick size, but you can do it now. I think you can't really. Yeah. Like maybe I think maybe you have to sacrifice the thumb. I'm not a doctor so I don't know how it works, but like I feel like you could probably just slice off your thumb and then tape it. I don't know. I'm not a doctor, but yeah, you're not.

Not surprisingly, there's a curve ball, I don't think. Why thumb? Why not. Middle finger like a boom is all you really need is more to get really you. The thumb is thicker than the middle finger and that's true. But it's shorter and it's little stuff like you don't need that much. Like if you were penis on top of a middle finger, that's too much. That's too much. You're reason a foot. Like, what are we doing?

I'm not a big dick person at all.

She's like, does your publicist know you're doing this show? I don't have a publicist, but also you just being me. Nobody knows.

I decided if I did, I won't go through publicist, I won't go through agents, because when you go to ask for someone, I'll ask for you and then they'll pitch me ten other people. And I'm like, I just want her. I don't want to have some girl from fucking Marvel TV show.

I don't want someone that, you know, from like pretty little whatever liars.

I don't know. That's a show. Yeah. Like I do that I want her and they will pitch you a million other people. All this rigamarole.

Thank God for DM's because you got me. I know. I was so excited.

Also, let's talk about I was worried we weren't going to get along, were you? Why?

Because you're such a cat person and I'm such a dog person and cat people. I'm intimidated by them.

I don't see like the thing about being a cat person is I'm a person that has a cat that doesn't have to be the rest of my personality doesn't know that. By the way, you know, he's a person who I like. I'm your son bitch. But, you know, I find the cat I am to everyone on the show knows this. Cats make me feel insecure because I don't feel like I can get their approval. And I. I go into, like spirals.

I'm like, I don't like your cat likes me. And then I start trying to get it to like me. And then that's repellent to them because they don't like when you try too hard. No, I can't I don't know what to do with the cat. I start getting really desperate and my and it's it it's embarrassing.

You just got to chill. I honestly have to stop trying so hard. Yeah. Because like, to be fair, like dogs are fine. I don't want to have to spend so much attention on a thing though. I'm very busy and dogs seem like they take a lot of time. I catch a good point. It just like I don't have that kind of also like I'm on set like twelve hours a day or something like that thing to have if you're exactly.

He comes to the door when I come home like he wants to be loved for a bit. And then we both eat our dinner, we both chill and watch. Good to see you. Yeah. He has his chair. I have mine real good. I live in. His house kind of like it's his house, he's probably more than clean. Yes, I know my space there. You got your cut? I got him in Chicago. I adopted him from the Anti Cruelty Society on clear the Shelter de Özlem.

You know, it was your cat. So I went there looking for another cat. I actually think picking an animal is way more complicated than picking a human partner. Maybe.

Yeah, because you don't really know what you're going to get. But there's like a weird just you also can bring a human partner. That's totally. But it's also there's something with animals where you're like, oh you're my dog. I don't know why, but like it's just there's one hundred here and like, oh yeah, you're right. You've always been my dog. Where have you been. That's kind of how I zero zero in on Erin. Like I went looking for this cat.

Erin is such a great name for a guy's name is Erin Purser. So yeah. Two days a week. Correct. It's a romantic but like he was the I went in and he's next to the cat that I want it. And like Erin is like screaming and I'm like, what's up with Ramon? Because that was his name. Like, he doesn't like people. And I was like, I feel like I mean, I don't think he likes ya'll.

Can I take him because he don't like y'all. You don't fuck with y'all don't fuck with y'all. We're going to go home and not fuck with all together.

And that's exactly that's what happened. And he and once he got in my house like he's always in my cat, like always I did get his I did get him read by numerologists. And so I now officially he's been my cat throughout their lifetimes.

I've heard you talk about this on something else. I know you have a friend that's a numerologist. I do. What is numerology?

I don't really know. Um, it's just I it's like, well, one, he is like psychic and you can see things and he does a little past life regression, but it's he counts like I guess everything has an energy and a number. Yeah. And like so he'd be like you're, you're right. He's like the first half of your year as a seven. Oh like the next half. Oh boy. It's an eleven and it's not just like a regular eleven, it's a twenty two whenever.

Something like that. Interesting. He says a lot of things that I'm not 100 percent sure, but like he's right about a lot of stuff.

Right.

And so and so how often do you talk to him about.

So he does a thing. He does a yearly reading. Oh nice for me. Like so like your years, your birthday to the next birthday. Oh nice. And so he'll do like my birthday's in May, so he'll be like this is what may looks like for you and this is what June and all the way back to the next April. And so I get that done once a year and then I have I'm back, I'm a I'm a creep.

I have it put into a calendar digitally and on my fridge so that I can know what I'm up against.

It's also like even if it's just someone telling you good things are going to happen and then you manifest it because you're already thinking, do you know what I mean?

Is like a vision board. Dude, I the one of the most embarrassing days of my life was when I used to make vision boards. I mean, all that like with glitter. I mean, it's like I would literally put Photoshop myself into like someone's arm was around David Letterman and I put my face not like I have the most embarrassing vision boards, by the way. It all came true. Yeah, truly all came true.

I want one birthday. I didn't even finish my board. I just like I put a book on it and a house on it. And I think, like, it was like my thing is this is embarrassing for me. Leaks was on the cover of, like, either Ebony or Essence or something, and she was wearing a money dress. So I cut her face off, put my face there, put this on the board, and then was like, I'm gonna finish it.

I'm a finish it. But then two years later, I sold a book for a shit ton of money and bought a house.

And so I was like, oh, Netflix. I have just there is corny is the vision board seems make a vision board. I don't know if it's like the kind of person that would take the time to make a vision. Board is already the type of person that's going to get successful anyway. I don't know. Maybe there's another explanation, but it has worked.

Yeah, I mean it, I, I think I really do think that like what a prayer is just like a wish that you actually put effort into. So even if you're praying, oh, I wish your body is going to start moving like subconsciously your body and everything that you do is going to start moving towards that prayer. And so that's what a vision board is like. You don't know it, but like you're moving towards what you see every day in your home because you're like, oh, that's where I'm supposed to be.

And you just try to get to that to that space.

And that's how it works, I think. Is this what you were saying about your friend? That was the numerologists. Like, if you're saying you don't want something, the universe just here's the thing you don't want. So you phrase it in a positive. Yeah.

Like, I would say like I I absolutely manifested this guy a bunch, like in a lot of different ways. I manifested him.

I brasov I've been manifesting my boyfriend since I was like sixteen. And just in writing because I used to write, I used to write like telenovelas like a dummy I had, I didn't do my homework. I literally wrote soap operas every day, all day. And I there are pieces of him in a bunch of different seasons. Of what I was writing and then on top of that, but then I just the last vision board I made was like maybe two years ago after talking to Dale, the numerologists, and you had been nominated for an Oscar, still making vision boards.

Yeah. You don't stop after the other things happen.

You keep keep envisioning. Yeah.

Because, like, I mean, my life wasn't supposed to just stop with the Oscar nomination. Like it wasn't just supposed the same way. It wasn't just supposed to stop. But like I learned, I'm good now. I'm just going to know.

I have to, I have to for that. I have to for the rest of my life because I have an Oscar nomination. I can't work at Starbucks, but I somehow like need to like I need to survive. And also I really like what I do. And so and I want to do what I do comfortably and confidently. And so if that's just if part of that is a classes are paying attention or, you know, researching plus maybe making a cardboard cutout, then I'll do it.

It's actually kind of free, you know, because there's something weird about getting like one of the highest honors.

Anyone can get that young in your life.

Yeah, I also, like, came by very differently. Like, I got nominated for Precious and Precious as my first audition and I auditioned on Monday. I was hired Wednesday and like a year and a half later was nominated for an Oscar. So like everything, this was never a plan. It's all super topsy turvy. And I don't really super understand the space that I'm in. I just know I must be in the right place. And so it's and it kind of didn't really feel like it was the highest honor that I could achieve when I did it.

Like I was I think I was twenty five years old. And it's because I'd never been in my plan. I never wanted to be an actress. And it just I mean, it's great and I'm so honored and I'm so lucky now.

I work hard on Lucky, worked very, very hard to be this lucky. That's what I say. Yeah. You earn your love. I yes, I've earned my luck and and I'm really, really grateful. But I also know that like that that's not just everything that I am. Yeah. Because it's also never been really a part of, like, my personal journey and my personal, you know, because it's like two different things that I've heard you like, was listening to other podcasts and you're really inspiring me.

But I found myself really aligning with you. And half of what we're saying is you manifest something. If you can see it, it'll happen. And then the other thing we're saying is, like, you find something when you're least looking at least expecting it, you know what I mean? Which is part of, I think, finding the right partner for you. I think, you know, with my therapist says, like, when you chase something, you chase it away.

Like if you want something so badly, you're going to repeal it. It's like repellant energy, like, I'm sure, you know, obviously, like your talent is part of it. But when you went into audition, you were like, I need this job now.

I remember like so I audition Monday. The next day was a callback. And I went in and the Jessica Kelly, who was the casting person, and Billy Hopkins, who was at some point maritally like a legend. And he did Sex in the City. He did like the original and Macaulay Culkin sound. Macaulay Culkin like found John Goodman like basically told like the first season of Roseanne 20 years ago. They found him. He was doing a play and they said, you have to wait to shoot it for him.

Like he he like he was like one of the cast directors that had that kind of power.

Yeah, Billy's really doubt. Yeah. Well, of course, I don't know who any of these people are. Yeah. Yeah, I know that. Yeah. I've literally walked in from phone sex so then I do this. We'll get to that. Yeah. So I get in to the audition and there's like the there is the part, it was, it was the audition for when she announces to the classroom that she has HIV and she gets really mad at the teacher and she's like you need to write.

She's like, fuck you. You know what, I like that sort of thing. And so it comes up, she's like, you know that fuck you part. You really got to, you know?

And I was like, I, I kind of was like, Yeah, a little bit. And then she said, then I did the audition or something and Billy was like, get out, grab. Like all of a sudden things like we're moving very fast. Yeah. And then Jessica said to me, she said, it's so crazy. She's like, you're not even nervous. And I was like, because I don't believe you.

I have nothing to lose. I have nothing to like I was I'll I'll I'll do this and then go suck Dick over the phone. So like you know me like this, none of this means anything to your dog. I just got a go. I got to shift. I got 12 hours of sucking dick and for all I know they're clear. There's no check. Yeah.

It just and I literally said to her, I just I don't believe you because she was like, you're here because they were like, you're the best one we've seen. We've been looking for months, like you're really changing our day. And I was like, cool.

Just I think people are liars. Yeah, yeah. And like I mean, I thank God they weren't lying to me. And I but also I think that if I really wanted it, I would not have gotten the I would have tanked. If you really want and wanted it, you would not have gotten it like that. It's I'm always trying to reconcile. You have to visualize yourself getting what you want. You have to act as if you have.

But then also don't need it, yeah, be able to let go of something that's not meant for you, expect you're going to get it, but when you don't detach and have grace. Yeah. And the thing is, like, I, I needed it. Like I needed it. I was at a space where I was I like, hated my job. I had been passed over for promotion or they were making me wait for the promotion.

I was like Buckett, I'm just going to go back to school.

I couldn't afford school.

I like still living my mom and my brother and like and there are roaches and mice. And I hate everything. I hate everything. My hair is weird. Everything is weird. I hate everything I need in real life. And so I needed it, but I just didn't believe it was that. And like I kind of was. And I remember saying to God, I was like, listen, whatever it is I'm supposed to be, whatever it is, I'm supposed to do it.

My life just put me on that track. I'll find my way through it, just put me there. And then all of a sudden I was at an audition and I was I was like, OK, this is too high. Like, this is like there's no way mocking like, this is not going to happen because like, I live in the second shoe falling. The first shoe has never happened. It's always been the second shoe, you know what I mean?

And so and all of a sudden it was just the opposite. Like it was like, oh, OK. So, oh, that's what this is all for.

This is the actual plan. And so this is where I guess I need to stay. Didn't even know if I liked it, didn't even know if I like acting, did not now.

And I did like apparently I did. But I remember being like I hope I like this bullshit because this is weird, but I do.

I really, really, really enjoy what I do. And it's not it's not about money. It's not about awards. It's not about any of that stuff. It's not about fame. It certainly isn't about fame.

It's really about purpose. It's like this is a story I want to tell this a story I've always wanted to tell and didn't know it because like I used to be a writer, I was always excited to tell stories always and didn't realize that I could do it in this form. And so. But it just happened. It just happened, which is great. But I also I know that I was moving towards that. I know that where I was in my life, I hated and I was stuck and I asked to move out.

So you were saying I change the subject when you met your guy? I was. I was watching some interviews of you where you kind of were like, I'm dating my work. I'm not really looking to date. That's not really my priority. And that was a lie.

Not if it was a lie. I was lonely, bitch. But you supposed to say that you're supposed to be like, you know what? I'm just walking in my purpose right now. I wonder what you know, like, I need a man. I don't need a man at all.

Like what Wendy is interested in. Like, what do you know? I'm lonely, you bitch. Leave me I loud. Watching your Wendy Williams interviews made me cringe. I was just like, don't ask that. Why can't you just let it go? It's clear she does want to talk about this. Like, Oh God, she's like I'm like, that's that's our bread. And butter is just like sense. Someone's uncomfortable and like, keep asking.

Yeah I know. You know, I know this we didn't this wasn't in the pre interview. You know, we're not supposed to do that. She's going to ask what should I ask though. And so but I. Yeah I yeah. No, sure. I'm always dating my work, whatever the fuck that means. But I also yeah. I wanted a partner, I've always wanted a partner and I had a partner that was horrible. So he was not a partner.

And I kind of I mean really really had been writing this like he's an amalgamation of all the things that I wanted that I thought was like the perfect boyfriend or the perfect partner. And I just wasn't seeing that in the world ever. I wasn't bumping up against that.

Tell me if I'm pulling Wendy Williams by asking inappropriate question over and over again. Five different ways.

You said or maybe it wasn't on that show. You said something where you were like, I don't think I've ever been in love before. Yeah. I think you were maybe like 30 at the time and you were like, I thought I was in love, but I wasn't. And I was like like my head exploded. I was like, fuck, dude, I've that was me. Like, I confuse love and pity. No, I pity that person.

Like, no, I was rescuing that person are like, no, I was just like putting them on a pedestal and like just ignoring red flags to try to make it work. Or I was recreating my childhood circumstances. That was like all the negative qualities. My dad and I was just like Dadd like try to get his approval to try to give my like, I just you really made me realize that I was like, yeah, I've been in love maybe once for real, even though I've said I love you many times to many people.

I was in I had been in one relationship and he said, I love you. First I thought, that's just what I'm supposed to do and that that relationship hurt. It's like you ever been like depressed and the air hurts you. I mean, we're like a shower feels like fire. You don't hit me like that again. Ketamine spray and you never feel that again. I'm going to be fired. Those days are over. Very tired of that.

Ladies, just chill. So body. Gabby came over. I gave her dude some ketamine. She sure did. Now I deal with this going on. It makes him realize he's going to be very positive. Sherry's not going to be happy. I'm just going to look over there, will just be jerking off.

So keep it in your hands.

But you're talking about out of the second. You'll never be lonely again. But that's pretty nice for you.

Oh, yes. I masturbate to Gabby. You give me a difference. We're having a pretty good day overall. Good.

I was worried he was going to be bored during this, but now I'm not worried at all. He's fine. He's fine. He never leaves the house. He's doing well right now. He's been in quarantine for years. Yeah, but this relationship I had was horrible and terrible. And it wasn't even like it wasn't really me, like responding to someone who liked me because I knew he didn't like me.

Like it was it was I wasn't even responding to to a warm body. The thing is, I, I had been nominated for an Oscar and had launched into this brand new career where, like, everything's free now for whatever reason. And like, you know, I'm weirdly respected and, you know, all of these things that are great. And he is the other shoe, you know, but he's the other shoe I had to like somehow I had to sabotage my life because what it felt like what I thought I was doing was, OK, everything is still great.

Work from my personal life has to be great. There's got to this has to fit because also, like when you're interviewing anybody, they're like, so what about you? Like, if you're a woman and it's like, yeah. So you're very successful. You've you've Stroeve, you've achieved your dream. What about love for you?

Anyone ever love you focus on the thing that you are winning at. Looks like you're you're winner too hard. You don't do that to men. They do not do that to men. And frankly, when I got engaged a couple of years ago, I got more flowers, more calls, more excitement than any career news. I was like, oh, no, no. You know, you should have been excited about like that was the easiest thing that I had done that was that required the least amount of talent.

And every interview that I would go into, like a press junket for a movie that I had, like, directed there, like. So tell us about your engagement.

I was like, oh, yeah, that's wild. It's also like the things that they like. I lost a bunch of weight and then everything. I directed a short film and I was like doing interviews for that. And they were like, well, we can ignore like, you look fantastic, how are you do?

And I was like, so I can't I directed a whole short movie for us on that, something that's because we want to talk about my literal body like that. Is that what she would like to do? You would like to talk about my ass, my waistline instead of this thing. And I did. And usually it embarrasses them into being like, well, just like, who are you dating now?

Let's talk about like, who can we talk about the work you. Oh, inside of you. Who wants to be inside of you? It's like. Oh. Home, you know me. You know what I like, and if you're just tuning in and you don't know her, I feel like have my Instagram stories lately, I've been posting a lot of inside my home stories and I'm getting a lot of comments. Where do you get your furniture?

Where to get your furniture?

Well, if you asked me, that obviously means you don't listen to podcast because I'm always talking about where I get my furniture article, article, furniture, furniture.

What did we get the other day?

We got some outdoor lounge chair, some long loungers.

What else do we get after that? We had another article, shipment of the little sea.

Yeah. You got that like wicker love seat. It's like a like a peacock chair, but a couch charm machine is one machine to machine is what it's called. It's called a A for sure. You're going to make out if you and your like you get on it.

I love it because when I sit in I thought a baby in a basket, like if you go on my Instagram and you see that we were doing these standup shows in my backyard that we're covid tested, we put the article self out in the middle, right in the middle, and there's a little there's a love birds in there and people sat on it with their little blankets.

Well, I hope they're lovebirds because if not, we started a rumor.

So article combines the curation of boutique furniture with the comfort and simplicity of shopping online. I said that wrong. So I'm going to say it again, article combines the curation of a boutique furniture store with the comfort and simplicity of shopping online article has a team of designer that OK, see, here's what I start reading the ads.

I can't I could say this if I didn't have to. Well, I would have naturally said it. Let's talk about the aesthetic of article. I'm on the website right now.

Mid century Scandinavian industrial and Bohemian designs, they have a little bit of everything else.

Say it's like warm. It's it's very like rustic, modern, but also timeless at the same time.

Like, it's lots of beautiful oak. Like, look at this is like a rich, earthy, shabby chic.

Yes. But it's also yes. But not too trendy. Like it's in style but not trendy. Are going to be like you bought it, you didn't find it classic.

I actually am looking for a new bed frame, but they are prices, you can say, up to 30 percent over traditional retail prices. So you're not paying for them to have stores. This is the Trella Natural Sofas. What we got outdoor.

They're able to keep their prices low by cutting out the middleman and selling directly to you because there's no showrooms, no salespeople and no retail markups.

It's the Trella Natural sofa injects your outdoor space with the laid back glamour of a Hawaiian vacation.

That's what it kind of feels like. Beautiful wicker wraps around the sturdy aluminum base. That's what we got. Sorry, I'm distracted.

Tell us about those sturdy bases. I'm just saying I wonder why do you guys think I'm lying? This is what we got. We got that little in the middle. I'm authentic.

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Thanks, Benton. You ever had a student loan? Have I ever had a payment? Have I ever had credit debt? Have I specifically from being a student, I only paid off my credit card or my credit cards.

I mean, I still I don't think I've ever paid those off. I paid off my student loans when I was like thirty three. They haunt you. They follow you like like the Walking Dead. Zombies are always on your heels.

So you're telling me at the ripe age of 18 you didn't have the whereabouts to make a good decision on how much you could pay back?

I didn't have foresight. And people don't teach women about money. Yeah, they don't. They don't tell you.

You're like, yeah, I'll be able to afford eight hundred thousand dollars in six years. That sounds about right.

I work at a magazine and hour. Jimmy Choo.

Yeah. I didn't know. I watched like I watched friends where they all worked at a coffee shop but I had a brownstone in Brooklyn. I didn't know how money worked. I was like, yeah, I'll be able to afford that. And I also was a guy I have to believe in myself. I'm going to bet on myself.

I'll be able to pay this back with interest. It just gets more expensive every year that you don't pay it.

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Everyone that listens to Pakistan knows me, knows I wrote a book and I wrote about my eating disorders in the book and saying it was OK, but I kind of was like after I wrote about it, I was like, I'm done with it now. I released it. I send him the world. I released all my shame. And then everyone wants to talk about it. And I'm like, Oh, no, I'm good. But I did put out in the world that I was willing to share with it, but I was like, oh, no, just read the book and I don't need to.

I'm over. I don't need to keep talking about it. I don't want to be defined by this, like I don't want to be. And then I felt like I was had put myself in a corner a little bit where everyone's like, So you were anorexic. And I'm just like, I'm trying to promote this thing like I wasn't, you know, so I have such a, like, resentment and I have a gratitude that I'm able to, like, talk about it.

So people are able to see themselves, like when I was in my early 20s, like starving myself, like I wish someone talked about it publicly. So I knew it was going on and whatever. So I was like, I'm just going to write the book for, like, the 20 year old me. Basically I never have something. But now it's just like, oh, no, I don't. I wrote a book about it, but I don't wanna talk about it all the time.

It's sort of it's like it's a weird thing.

Well, when I wrote my book and talked about eating disorders, they're taught about relationships and how, you know, how hard they are and and confidence and family stuff.

And I kind of just I wrote it not realizing I would have to talk about it, but then I started to and I was like, OK, people are going to ask you people.

But I also like I was like I was in charge of the things that I wanted to talk about. And so the things in the book that I talk about, I was ready to, you know, in a way like where like I get it, you're going to have your questions. Strangers are going to ask me. Strangers are going to be like that to me or, you know, you changed my life. Are you like you changed my life.

And I'm like, I'm late for my flight. Like, I'm so glad I'm your hero. But like like I. I wasn't. All I did was think about food for fifteen years and I finally got through it and can think about other things and not obsess about my body. Now everyone in the airports reminding me of it and I'm like, oh, I've already thought about it too much.

But I'm so happy for you that you read the book and feel good, but like I don't want to talk about it anymore.

I think for me it was just OK. So before the book, what people like, I would get people stopping me in the street would be like my dad raped me too, you know, because because they connected to Precious.

And I would have to say I'm an actress. I'm Gabby. Hi. Nice to meet you, because that's not actually my story. It's empathic person. Yeah.

And it's a lot like the same time.

But after I did American Horror Story, like living in New Orleans, we would be like, I'm also a witch and I'm like, you're a witch by yourself because, you know, like by yourself, just you. I'm not also because like the also of it, like the also of this thing that I'm actually not this thing that I somehow represent but don't actually have a real connection to the book stuff is better.

Yeah. Because I did that, like that is my stash. At least I don't have to disappoint you when I see movies are fake. Yeah. I don't have the and it felt, it just felt better and like less muddy because like when you know because people have been hurt in a multitude of ways and you know, I can't think of anything worse than, than incest and surviving this sort of thing. And these people become heroes to me, like for that moment.

But it's also I do feel disappointing. I feel like I'm disappointing you by not doing this thing that I'm also not willing to go do. Like, a lot of, you know, I'm it's not that it's my choice. My dad's not into me, but it's like it's not I'm not his type. But I'm saying that it's it's such a horrible, horrible thing that happens. And when people are really, really feeling that emotion for me and I'm eating a donut or like I'm on my way in to see, I don't know, Dumb and Dumber or something, it just shifts everything.

And then I carry that person with me the rest of the day.

Yes. They're just like, throw their pain at you. Yeah. And it's like it's like whenever and I do not have obviously that. But when someone comes up to me, I just as they're walking to me, I'm like, I'm not going to be able to give you what you need. I know this is disappointing exchange for you. And then I'm like, so anxious about it. I'm like, I'm not going to deliver on this.

I realized a while ago, no matter what, like and I I've been like, really, really nice to people. But as long as I'm not the thing that they imagined I would be, I'm always going to fall short.

You know, I'm always on top of that. Like I well, I wish they wouldn't have ideas of who I should be. I can't tell them not to like they I've had ideas of who I thought everybody was should be. I was, you know, before I was in session. And like people that have been hurt and have survived incest, like I because I played that character, I'm, you know, like a tent pole or something for them.

And that's OK. And so, like, they're not it's I can't tell them to not do that. It's not fair because I did play that character. So whatever work needs to be done, whatever changing I knew had to be me. I knew that I had to be like open to it and said. No, let me just get yeah, and just I am not saying like even like I'm like I don't even think I say, wow, I'm so sorry about that because I don't think anyone really wants to hear I'm sorry about this thing that happened to you.

It's I say something like, well, thank God you survived that, you know, because that's that that's better and that's different because I don't I don't want to be pitied and I don't know if anybody else wants to be pity. Like, I hate when something happens bad and someone's like, oh, I'm so sorry.

What are you sorry for? Like, I get, like, you. Oh, yeah. I'm like, I don't know, this wasn't you, you know, like and so I did. But those are I put all of my issues and stuff into it. I try to treat people the way I want to be treated as much as I can, but not always.

We go back to what you were saying about what you put in the world, how you don't frame it negatively when you ask for something, because if you frame it negatively, the universe just here is like you say, I don't want my man to cheat on me.

I mean, yeah, the universe will just be right because the universe is not a that's not a person, you know, it's like an entity. It's like it's almost an idea, a moving energy idea. And it doesn't speak like English the way we do. And so I remember so like I showed Dale, my neurologist, I showed him the writings that I did on my latest board. And it was like so like every guy I was into before, I would literally be like, yeah, let's go out Thursday night, 7:00 p.m. and then I would text on like at four on Thursday and be like, hi, where are we meeting?

And then they wouldn't respond until like Thursday and be like, I'm asleep. So I literally wrote No Sleeping Men. And so, like, literally. But also I don't believe in your sleep. I think, you know, I, I swear to have happened over and over and over and over again by accident. It's it's happened so many times over. And I think that people I think that I don't know if they like sign up and then they're like, oh, no, actually no thanks.

And they don't know how to be like I always feel like that's like some I mean, it is just like losers and flakes. But I always feel like it's a guy who, like, thinks he's breaking up with his girlfriend and like they get back together and you're on his bench. Hundred percent. He's like they broke up and he like we're like furiously started texting girls and then they like got back together.

And now he goes, OK, I'm telling you, is a terrible story really quick. So like, oh, but like last time I showed Dale the thing and he was like, don't say that because he was like just literally like write a line through all of those things. So that's reframing them negative.

Yeah. I don't like sleeping man. You would say I want alert man that show up and back use the right language to frame it in the positive.

So I was kind of seeing this guy who, uh, who was very sleepy. What he was, he was very he was very sleepy because he slept in his car anyway. So the exhaust fumes, I mean, he he like didn't I didn't realize at the time, but he didn't like live in a place. OK, so OK.

I didn't realize he's why it's wanderlust. Yeah. It's not materialistic.

He's Yeah. He was like yeah. It was like you know he was like you know whatever. But um and I began to realize he's a woodsman. He's an outdoorsy. Yeah. He's dating. I'm a homeless. Outdoorsy. Yeah. He had a he had a sleeping bag in his car so but I again I did not know this when we first got like as we were sort of seeing each other kind of because I was in Chicago, he was in L.A. and I just saw his life sort of dwindling and being like I was like, oh, he's in real trouble or something.

And he had had a girlfriend for a long time that they had just broken up or whatever. And now he's like seeing me or whatever.

And I was like, I mean, like, God, they can get girlfriends when they're homeless. Oh, I think I think he was homeless because she kicked him out because he liked her a bunch or whatever.

OK, so he like got fired from his job that I found out about it and I didn't he didn't tell me. And I was like, oh, he's being weird. So I'm going to do what I can for him. And I was like, I'm just going to get him. And like, I'm giving him a report by Dell, the neurologist. I'm going to give him a neuro neurology report.

They'll tell him they'll tell him that his ex-girlfriend that he had broken up with was his soulmate.

So he stopped talking to me, his dad and did all of my friends was like, we got a fight, Daniel. My dad was protecting. Dale was manipulating to make sure your back Major. I was like, no, no, no, dad, that's a trophy. Stales the home. And like, he becomes like the guy all of a sudden he, like, wasn't returning to Texas. And I'm I'm not a double texter. I won't do it.

I've been there and I don't do that anymore. I will text her. I don't do. I was I was I was starting my, like, decision to be meaner to me. At that point, he was you have to have like also he was just like he was like really shitty, but he was really shitty, like would not come when he said he was going to come or like knock or whatever, just like be like we're supposed to see each other at one p.m. and he don't call me until like 10 a.m. the next day or whatever.

So when we say mean to men that what we think is mean is actually to them just clarity. They don't they're not like that. So, I mean, I haven't heard from where we're like, isn't it mean that that's just us overthinking it and being too nice?

Silence is the only language men understand. Yeah. It's not about cutting them out and calling their dicks smaller. And as you said, you said you said that if I had to reply again, you spoke to me as a reply. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. The one time he had like he was like he had left his watch at my house or something. I didn't realize then he was like dropping things so you can come back. But he, like, left his watch or something.

And then he was like going to come and get it at a specific time. And he was like three hours late. He was never. Well, you just yeah.

I don't know what time it was, but I was like, listen, I'm going to bed, I'm going to put your watch in the mailbox so you can just go.

And then he like he was like, no, no, I'm five minutes away. And then when he got there, he was like, where's the watch? I was like, it's in the mailbox. Yeah. Where I told you it would be you have to follow through with your work.

And I never make threats that you won't carry out. It's in the mailbox and say, where did I say it was referred to your tax scroll.

I always say scroll up scroll. I'm like, What are you doing it? I'm like, scrolling. I told you already. Why are you asking me that? Or I'm not your Google when someone's like, where's the restaurant? I'm like, Oh, this feels like a question for Google.

Yeah, I work for you. Google is free, girl. As long as you have a Wi-Fi connection, you can just answer all of your questions on your type.

This into Google. Why are you making me work for you? There's no women where where everyone's assistant where. It's like I'm always just working serving you. I'm always looking for you. Like Google will do it.

Meanwhile, so my boyfriend is I didn't have to be mean to him very long at all.

He got it. He got it. Yeah. But he like he's he's just not at all. What the what the other. He's everything. I crossed out, you know me like he's the other stuff never falls asleep like on me like never you know. He doesn't sleep in a car like does it doesn't have some like weird other like nothing. No family, no sketches. No it doesn't fall porn stars on Instagram. It doesn't ask me questions like one.

I think we were like deep deep like maybe a month or something into the relationship. And I asked him because everyone calls me Gabby and it just occurred to me I go, Do you know, how do you know my real name?

And he was like, yeah. I was like, do I pronounce it like that? He was like, is it Gabourey Sidibe?

And I was like, Oh shit. He's like, I Googled him.

I said, Set the table. You go like, you know, like because it was just it was just like he thought my name getting my name correct was important enough to not ask me but to Google it before the first day. Come on. That's a match. You got it, man. That's a lot of that shit. Right? But he grown man shit, right? There is no excuse to ever forget your birthday. Google and Ed not ever think I'm going to put it.

I'm going to do the least I can do. He does the most. He does it like yesterday. I like he's like not super handy. He's getting super handy because I'm making him a better person.

Like I like I like randomly buy things that he needs to, like, put together and he doesn't know until it comes on put together. Yesterday he built the cats like a new thing.

And because I was like out someplace and your cats get along right away, I'm always terrified that my I'm always afraid that I'm going to meet a guy with a dog and we're going to fall in love and the dogs are going to get along and we'll have to break up.

My cat, Aaron, who's three years old, loves other cats. When we got Darryl Darryl Dreaming Dupree, we brought him home.

He was two and a half months old.

And he he he liked and immediately because he was with his like brother and his mom. And so he was like, yes, another cat. And and like what you I thought you were going to get cigarettes, you know. But I was like, what is this? And he grabbed him a few times. And the next day they were like hugging. But like for a while they would like hug each other.

We come in the room, they'd be like dispersed.

So like he didn't want us to know that he liked him and now he, like, takes care of him if we put one in the room because he's being naughty and closed the door, the other like air, we'll go next to the door and be like, I'm just going to wait until y'all get your shit together. I let my brother out of his room like it's they they love each other.

How did you know you guys were in love? When do you know?

Oh, me and the cats are the cats. Guess who cares about that boy? Because I'm obsessed with the moment. You're like, oh, this is goes from like to love.

And what that is because I think we've been conditioned to believe it's like all these butterflies and your heart starts racing. And in my experience, really, I'm like I feel like it's almost this wave of calm. There's it's almost it's like, oh, we're like together. This is. Yeah, I. I thought it would be a lot more like it's almost boring. Yeah, I thought it would. Not that I thought there'd be like fireworks or anything.

I thought it would, like, feel like moving like you're on a ride or something. And it it feels like you're slipping into a warm bath if you're Hauge. Yeah.

Like one day I just like I think we're on the phone because, like, we were in different places at the beginning, or at least we get on our first date. He's like, yeah, I'm going to move back to Chicago. And then I was like, all right, well, I'll never see you again. And then and then we saw, you know, saw each other for like another month and a half or so long distance. No, he was still there.

He was like, I'm moving in like a month or something like that. And the day before he move, he left like it was kind of, I guess, the first night we spent together just making out. I'm kidding.

So we just make out on the first I'm going out. If that wasn't that, we just make out. I don't even. OK, good. I don't even because on the first day. No, we didn't. First of all, I had to kiss him and it wasn't until like our fourth date. And then after he was like it was me, he texted me. He was like, it's me kissing you. And I was like, yeah, I thought you would never do it.

I only did. I've never kissed a guy. Do you think this is a I'm asking you you can tell me, is this because I've noticed after the metoo and time's up, all the stuff. I think guys are smart, which, you know, they are it works. They're terrified.

Good. Like they're terrified. Yes. And correct. There's a lot of like can I kiss you? Can I take your bra off? And there's a point where I'm like, I don't know bitch.

Can you a little. But are you able to or we are in a press junket. Like why I have to answer all these questions, but I do think they're more trepidations now.

Yeah. And I think he was like he text me after and I was like, yeah, I thought, you know, and again, I only kissed him. I've never kissed anyone first. I only kissed him first because he was literally leaving the next day. So I was like, if this doesn't if he's a bass and doesn't want me now, we were like sitting on his couch and I like he had a cat the time peaches. And so I he liked it and he had not traveled with her, really.

So I was like, oh, Aaron has a bunch of carriers. I can bring you one. Like, you don't have to buy one like this one is, you know, airport safe or whatever are like a match made in heaven.

What do you tell me? I was like, your fucking life is like, no, this is a picture of her. And I was like, OK, maybe, but I brought in we're just sitting on the couch. And this is also like you have to remember, he's white. So we had walk down. He lived like in Hollywood. We walk down Hollywood Boulevard, which is not even like if you're not recognizable. Yeah. And so and we were walking back to his apartment and this black dude, like, he sees me, he's like a a you know who I am.

And Brandon's like he's like you're kind of being he's like, white boy, am I talking you're talking about fine chocolate princess. And then I was like, but you're being he's like I said, white boy, I'm talking to this Nubian queen. I was like, I have to end this because this is not going to be a fucking race riot like this. Is Selma happening? Get out of here and then we get back to us. I was like, he's never, ever going to kiss me now, because now he's like, oh, I'm not good enough for the chocolate princess or whatever, like.

And so I was I kind of knew I was like I also didn't really know if he liked me, but I was like, OK, I'm going to kiss him. If it goes south, I'm leaving immediately and he will be gone.

He's not a Hollywood Boulevard that is waiting for me, frankly. Yeah, exactly.

But hopefully I'll get that. Plenty of options. He was just in the Spiderman dresses the whole week, but like he saw another homeless guy, Jack Sparrow. So. Yeah, but but then I kissed him and it like, went well.

And then the next then he texted me when I was like when I got home and I was like, it was me kissing you. And I was like, yeah, I thought you would never do it. He's like just because I didn't do it didn't mean I didn't want to. I wanted to. I'm just he's it turned out it's the me to.

I didn't want you to call Ronan Farrow. So fucked up and, you know, I. Yeah, I guess because it's a pandemic, so we were in Chicago and then because that's where Empire shoots and when Empire ended, I was just I kind of stuck there to want to take a plane and then he, like, live there.

And then I was like, well, I have to drive back to L.A. and I mean, like, I went through it with my therapist and everything, like, OK, so if he comes with me, then he's like in my house and that's like a power shift in like a dynan. There's a lot of people that are like almost forced to live together before prematurely.

But I just I was like, I don't want to be in another state where I'm not comfortable jumping on a plane or him jumping on a plane. I don't know how long this is going to last and I don't want him to be another person I'm worried about in a different space. And so he yeah, he lives with me. We, you know. Have you thought at all.

We don't really fight. Like, if I do something that makes him mad, he'll be like this. Is this really hurt my feelings or this made me mad and despicable. And if he does something that I'm like, listen, you cannot do this because blah, like I I've had a lot of therapy and he's I don't he's not had really any therapy.

You don't let your emotions what's at your divorce. Oh yeah. OK, so, you know, it came from like but you know, the being emotional and histrionic is just going to make things worse is pointless. Screaming is I don't have it in me pointless. If you're screaming, you've lost you've lost a fight.

Well no one can hear you. Like if you're yelling at me. I don't hear what you're saying. I hear that I need to defend myself. So I'm going to start yelling. And I've seen that you've lost control of yourself. And now I don't trust anything you're saying because I'm lost in the way that you're saying it. And I just I'm and it's also this is savage, but like, I'm losing respect for you. Yeah. I lose respect for people when they lose their tempers because this isn't effective.

This isn't helpful. It's not productive. And so, like, you just kind of want to yell at someone and you're to me, you turn into like, you know, how like in cartoons when someone like the roadrunner sees a chicken and or like a and it turns into a little thought bubble. That's like a hand. Yeah. That's what I see. An adult screaming. I just see a child like a toddler there. And I'm like, this feels like I'm fighting with the child.

Yeah.

So we don't do it like I'm I, you know, get hormonal or whatever, or I might like say something snappy and he's like, why are you being sassy right now? And and I'm like, you know, you're right, I was sassy.

It's just because this blah blah, blah, I know what I'm feeling. And when I'm feeling it, I know the words for what I'm feeling. And I just I'm not ashamed. It's not embarrassing to be like this hurt my like it's not like he's he's like this is more than likely. This is my person. It's so and so some people.

Well that's the other thing. It's like, are we going to break up. No. Like what are we doing. It's like we're in the cage together. Why are we doing it?

Also, there's just nothing to really break up about. He's not out there slinging Dick and I'm not slinging dick over here. But, you know, it's not. And we also really like being with each other, even though, like, I'm I'm a solitary person. I've been single for the bulk of my life and also, like for a lot of my childhood, slept in a fucking bunk bed with my mother, my brother.

And the second I got space. I really, really enjoy space. And so sometimes I'm like, I think I need to be alone. And then it turns out I don't like I just he's just like it's weird. He's like he's like my best friend. It's I and I did not again, like it just feels like getting into a warm bath. There's no explosions or anything. It's kind of like we looked at each other. I think we're in New Orleans the first time we said, I love you, but like I did, it happened.

But did you say first? Yeah, well, no, I told you.

Yeah, we had to I, I took him to get a tarot card reading at this place that I love in New Orleans. And then and they said something and the guy who's interrogating him, who's also who have the same name as him, was like, I see like, you know, marriage or whatever. He's a I see a partner, I think is your partner. And you need to know. And I was like, I'm taping this entire conversation.

So I guess I'm his partner. And then we laugh. And he said some stuff like the guy basically revealed to me in the thing that he loved me. So he laughed.

And I was like, I know that you love me, but I knew that before. Like, I knew.

That's the other thing. That's when, like, guys try to say, I love you to me. I'm like, you don't need I'll know by your actions and your behavior. Yeah. You don't need to tell me. I'll know before.

You know, I just I knew, like, he showed up like he loves me. It's crazy. I think a lot of like I don't know, it feels like there's pride and stuff involved in men being like this and that or whatever. I have to hold out like yeah, she'll have too much power if I say I'm a pussy, if I say this fat ass thing you can do is be vulnerable. Yeah.

And there's like none of that with him. There might be a tiny bit of that with me, but only because like I come from I mean like the literally the last guy dated like did not like me and hated me.

And I also struggle with with people knowing too much about me, knowing things that can hurt me because I'm thinking, oh, like you you know that secret about me. You have all my eventually how you'll use it against me. And so I have some issues with that. And so sometimes I like to. I like. To shift the power in my favor with him, but he doesn't need that and he doesn't do that, and he he sort of response to it and he lets me, like, be myself.

Like he like he makes me feel so fucking comfortable. I'm scared of anything. It's kind of nutty, like it. And I did not see this coming, did not think that I was worth this honestly did not think that I was worth this I could fake. I mean I don't mean to but like it's some of the academy what we were looking at.

I don't want ketamine you guys later. I mean it literally sounds like are you guys Scientologists is really positive. It's it honestly you don't even feel like it's positive. It just feels like we're OK. We're good. Like I know him. He knows me. I'm not scared. He's not scared of me. You scared me.

He's a little scary to me, which I, I like this respect. Yeah. Respect is the number one thing. And I, I'm resonating so much with what you're saying because I was realizing in relationships like like I would not talk about like either childhood trauma or bad things that have happened to me because I didn't want them to pity me and I didn't want them to have power to go. Well, that's just because your dad left well. So I didn't want them to have any power.

So I would hold back being truly intimate because I didn't want them to have a way to manipulate me later. Yeah, it's it takes a lot to and I think that a lot of us overshare too early as a way of like trauma bonding. And then you get this false sense of intimacy because you talked about your bad childhood and now it's sort of like I've definitely stated things too long because I feel bad leaving because I know they're childhood trauma and I don't ever want them to stay with me because they feel sorry for me.

Yeah, I think I did the opposite. Like, I didn't tell him a lot of stuff until we were like officially together. That's healthy. I think that's really healthy. And in fact, before so, like, I was about to lose my friends was like, you need to block him and blah, blah, blah, because like what happened, we were we hadn't even kissed yet.

We were kind of dating. He did like me. I liked him. But he went to visit his dad and his dad bought him my book. And so when he got back, he's like, I'm reading, I'm back and I'm creeped out. I'm grossed out like I don't know what to do right now. And he was like literally sending me pictures of him with a book. I was like, this is bananas. And I tell my friends, like, OK, block him, block him here, blocking their back.

And they're like, it's it's all over the book. I would have been weird. I actually got it later. You didn't already did his his dad on it.

That's actually really what he ended up doing is he read like one chapter and he was like, yeah, I could tell that you like wrote this like it sounds like you and then and I was like shit. And he's like I'm on a chapter two. And then he text me like ten minutes later he's like, you know, I'm going to stop because I don't want to know more. I don't want to know. Then you want me to know yet.

And I don't like hear from. Yeah, he's like I don't want to read about you things that you could tell me in your own time. And he didn't finish the book, but he also didn't like if he had not told me that he wasn't finishing the book that I might have been.

Yeah. Shit writer. I don't know if I hated it. It's like not a star, but also like that's so much more involved in what I do, because if I start dating, he's like, oh my God, I'm gonna read your book.

And I'm like, do not read it now. Like, those are all my secrets.

And I don't want you to know, even though other people know it, even though it's twenty five dollars or whatever, you can go get it. But like, if we're in this intimate relationship, there's shit that you're going to find out that's not in the book that's like that might be connected to some stuff in the book. But like it's it was really, really smart of him to let it come to him naturally. And I was like, he's smart.

And again, like we weren't even officially like dating. He hadn't kissed, like even in the day.

Very adult. Very adult. You had your first white guy you've dated. Yes, yes, yeah, I kissed the white guy before. Why did you feel the tiniest teeny tiny?

I dated when I went on a date with one who was like an ethnic white. He was like foreign or something and told me, I forget where he's from. But he told me about his like, oh, yeah, at Christmas time because there's no black people the like, you know, people they put on black face and sweet. Yeah, he was sweet at Christmas or some other Christmas. He's like in the children run because they've never seen immigrants.

And I'm like, oh well like we can't do this anymore. I got to go put on blackface and dressing with dill, you know, still. Yeah. Because it's because there also are no black people there. There's no color there. It's all white people. There's no one to be like this is inappropriate. Stop doing it. And so that was like I went on one date with that guy and it was like romantic. He was like super older than me.

We were like on a carriage in Central Park and I was like, you, I'm not going to eat black.

Black. Yes, he's to help her. It's a slave. He was like, he's a slave, but he helped Santa. So it Santa's sleigh.

It's a holiday tradition in Sweden. And it is like. I mean, it is the black face, black face you can imagine, yeah, still today in Sweden, which we think of as such an advanced country where, like they have universal health care and like the colleges, they're the happiest. And they do blackface in December, like, how did you not.

Yeah, now it's upsetting.

So I was like, this will be the last day just because, like, you don't understand blackness enough to not tell me the story. And it's like I was young and I was like, I don't have the time. I don't I don't have the time. I'm not interested in teaching. Why do I want to turn even now? I don't have to teach them anything. Yes, exactly. A turnkey operation. I do not want it henschel.

I don't need potential. Yeah, you have to come fully assembled.

You ever see that movie Blue Valentine with Ryan Gosling.

Michelle Williams. Yes. And she fully fell in love with his potential. And then fast forward and he's like growth and that potential has dissipated and it's not no houses. Yeah. I'm don't fall in love with their potential. I'm falling in love with you. The other stuff I have I'm not your coach.

I'm not your gymnastics coach. I make you a star. I'm not a talent agent from the twenties. I'm going to put you in. The picture is like you have to be a star already. Yes. I've done your come fully assembled. Exactly. And he's pretty good to Mr. Potato Head, my man.

Except he he's he is learning to do like Handey stuff now.

That's good. He likes the toilet. Yeah. Wow. Evicts the doorknob.

That's it. I feel like a lot of Gornstein are becoming Omeish again. Everyone says we're like fully making sour dough like my fat. Yeah. Yeah.

My friends are all like learning to build and fix air conditioning units because what choice do you have.

You can't do anything else. You said something that blew my mind in an interview that might make me cry if I talk about it. But you said that you really when you realized your mom was a person and not just your mom for.

Do you remember talking about this?

Yes. I had never thought about this before. You said like I thought my mom was my mom and nothing more. Yeah.

I think that's the thing that I don't think we realize when I don't think we don't realize that our parents are just people to their gods, their superman, their heroes. They're everything because we need them for everything. And we don't realize that they're fallible, that they're actual people. And when we do, it is traumatic. And I realize that, like, all of a sudden you hate your mom, but like, no, you don't hate your mom.

You dated someone before. Dad, you home? Yeah. You're like, what? Yeah, I really like I didn't have that same thing with my dad because my dad all like my dad kind of came shitty, like, you know, he was like always manage your expectations. Yeah. Like he was married to somebody else secretly, like it was a whole thing. But like my mom seemed like my mom was the rock. My mom was solid and I didn't realize that she was a real and like as I get older and older, I'm like, wow.

So that was her issue and these were her issues that she then gave to me. But she still has this issue or whatever. It's just yeah, it's a thing that we don't realize happens. It's like when you see a teacher smoking outside and you're like, yes, it's like there's so much of like the pain.

I feel like we feel around. Our family is expecting them to be perfect and being angry that they've passed on ancestral trauma or dysfunctional behaviors or whatever. But like our moms didn't have therapy and better help Dotcom and Ted talks and Bernie Browne and Oprah and you know what I mean? Yet we expect them to be better than us, even though they have they cannot be they don't have the tools.

Yeah, they don't have the tools. Disappointment and the the spoiled entitlement we like.

It's taken me so long to unpack everything that happened when I was younger, but also to stop blaming my parents for my current behavior. It's like finding that balance of like going, oh, I got this honestly. I got this from my mom. Got it. This train left the station two hundred years ago, like with, you know, my dad's family being in coal mines, like I got all this whatever. But then now I'm like, am I still the person who's like, yeah, well, my mom drank.

It's like, OK, you're done.

Thirty eight years old. Yeah. Human being. And like, forget what am I going to forgive this person?

And also the fact that, you know, that this person has their issues, then you have to know that they are human. You have to know that part of what they do and what they are is out of their control. And so it's out of your control. Like you just all you have to do is be a person next to them. That's it. And it's the same kind of disappointment in the airport when people want you to be shorter or whatever about the same disappointment.

But we're on the other side of it was like you're supposed to what what do the want? You're supposed to be strong.

What you know, we're kind of one of the only cultures that doesn't respect our elders, that we're not in all of our elders.

Like, we're just kind of like you work for me, you exist to serve me. And then when I get older, I'm just going to blame you for not doing a good enough job.

OK, here's a little secret. That's a white person thing.

Oh, that's your you know, it is over here. You are over here. We respect Big Momma. That's right. And Madea and Daddy fair there as we call our grandfathers daddy the fair hair. No, no, no. We don't do. Don't curse in front of my mother, I don't. It's no, no, no, no, we really we take love also.

Like we you know, my mom's getting older. Both my parents are getting older. And so they're like nearly 70 white people just put their moms in nursing homes.

Yeah, we don't they're like 60. We don't. If I if my mom ever needs to be in a nursing home, I will make more money so that I can build a wing for her and have like that's just the only choice. That's the only choice. I cannot imagine putting her in a hole. I can't because, like, I don't want to be in a home. Terrible. No, we pretty much. And Latinos and Asians. But it's a white person family.

Yes. I think it might be. Yeah, that's fucking dark. Like I was on a plane with a guy. Awesome. Dartmouth.

Hello. Colonialism. What I know. Yeah, that's that's like saying it's just not what made us not the trail to you. You're good. OK, I like all the atrocities white people have done. I never thought about I just haven't thought of the ones they do to their own parents.

It's sort of like, oh, they do this shit to white people too. Yeah, the Holocaust.

But it's also like I was on a plane with some guy that was going to Asia to do these like focus test groups for like digital tools for animation or something, whatever.

And I talked to people on planes. I'm the person that's like, what do you do? I like I want to know everything.

You're that guy. I'm that guy because I love talking to people that aren't in Hollywood.

OK, yeah. Then it's like, you know, as a standup, as an artist, I always wonder what actual human beings, you know, like we have such a skewed idea of what America I'm I just moved here and I dip in and out to so and I'm from New York. So I know enough people that don't do this. Yeah.

Yeah, it's interesting. Oh, interesting. So I just I'm always trying to talk to, like real human beings. I'm like, what shows do you watch, what do you like?

And it's always so different than like the Hollywood, you know, sort of thing. And and then yeah, it helps me learn that, like, you know, I was down on the Twitter offices because I was I sometimes get in spirals about like comments. You know, I stopped reading comments because she's the person, like, cutting yourself. It's truly like when you want to cut yourself or if you want to like it, you feel like a piece of shit and you're going to go look in comics for confirmation that you're a piece of shit.

One hundred percent.

I'm hurting myself. And but I would say things like just talking about like because we talk about vernacular. Be careful with the shit you say.

I would say like, oh, everyone's mad at me for posting the saying every like how did you everyone 22 percent of people are on Twitter. Of that, two percent generate eighty percent of the comments. Yeah.

That's a tiny group of people. And then you get on a plane and you're like, oh, did you see that like Twitter feud? And they're like, huh? Like, oh my God, you get different news than I. Yeah, yeah.

Because, like, your Twitter feed is is all you. It's really just all you. It's what you've curated. Yeah. Yes. It's all you and friends you think like you like to say, like we live in New York and L.A. and we're not the real world echo chamber. Everything in the middle of New York and L.A. is the real America. And they won't trump, you know. I mean, that's real.

Yeah, that's real.

So so I was talking to this guy anyway. So I'm like, what do you do about it? And he was saying he was going to Asia to these focus groups and focus groups for his product. He was like, it's actually harder to do in Asia because of the amount of respect they have for their elders. If a bunch of people are sitting around evaluating a product and they say, what do you think? They'll all just look at the elder to speak first and they'll just basically, if the elder doesn't like it, they'll be like, you know, like that's how much respect they have for their elders.

And it was just so interesting. And I just it's something that I had never really thought about until my parents started aging when I was I went to Japan a few years ago and we were like in Harajuku.

And there was this girl. They were like all these teenagers. And I was there with this guy that's basically like the Walter Cronkite of Japan, like he's a very respected news person. And this girl had every piercing, like her entire face was piercing, like everywhere.

And she as soon as she saw him, she put her book bag over her face so so as to not, I don't know, shame him or something.

But she hit her face like that's her face. And she's like she has piercings and she apparently loves it. But she would not let him see her like that.

Yeah, it's yeah. What their elders that respect is is not something that I think that we have enough of here.

And they say that that Malaysian Airlines flight that went down because the co-pilot was younger than the pilot and didn't want to override. Oh is that wild.

Because the culture is you don't disrespect your elders like you don't override what they say. You don't say they're wrong. Well, then that's not I mean, yeah, I feel like there's a there's an extreme.

Yeah. But like, what was the moment where you were like, oh my mom's a human being like was there did you have to release something, did you have to like go like oh I'm officially adults in. Her job to take care of me anymore and mom's like I see friends of mine that are like in therapy and that are like really fun, outgoing people, and then I see them with their moms.

And what do you do? I mean, there's just something about our relationships. Our mom, they're just so complicated.

Yeah. I regressed to being like a 13 year old teenager. I'm like, mom, like I just like it's like time travel.

Yeah. I remember those moments where I'd be like, God, you're so embarrassing. And I was like an adult, like, don't embarrass me at the Oscars. Yeah, but that's. You know, that meeting, but I realized that she was I realized that she was like fallible and a lot of different ways, but like the one thing that really, really stuck out to me, I was I was like nearly 30, 20 or something. And we were some argument, some argument about something about like a birthday party or something, some guy or whatever.

And she said to me. She said, that's why I didn't like my whole life, I wanted to be a therapist and what I wanted to go to school for. I went to school for psychology for a bit.

That's what I wanted to do my whole life and right went.

And that was fun and games because I decided when I was six, but when I was actually 18 and going in my arms like, you need to go for computers, for music, because my mom's a musician, somebody in this house needs to learn how to read music. And I like maybe it's you them as a musician because I'm going to be a therapist. And she was like, nobody gives a fuck what you want.

And I was like, OK, this is now out of hand. I'm leaving because I don't give a fuck about that. Whatever this is, whatever whatever. You're mad at this. I don't know. But you're not going to school. I am so cut to maybe, you know, 15 or so years later, out of nowhere in an argument, she said, that's why I don't want you to go to therapy, because I knew that you were just going to try and figure out to figure out how to blame me for all of your problems.

And I was like. Oh, because I also remember, oh, she didn't want me to be a therapist when I was six, like she didn't want the whole time. That's not a dream that she ever fostered, ever.

And then the freak out of, like, just what you want to do. When I was like 18 and it all it all made sense. Now, she didn't want me to be a therapist or to seek therapy so that I could blame everything on her. And I was like, you thought that when I was six because I'm not in control shit when I'm six.

So whatever it is that you're afraid of being blamed for probably is your fault.

But not. But it doesn't. But what that means is that you have a ball of guilt that I have nothing to do. It's not mine. It's towards me. But it's not mine. It's not mine. It's yours and mine. And we if we both get therapy, we could do this and you could figure out your ball of guilt. But like, I've never no, I did not choose an occupation to hurt you.

But she thought that I had done that. She thought that everything I was doing was fear for a while. Yeah, for a while. She thought everything I was doing was a personal attack like she would she my dad told me one day that like he was like, yeah, I called your mom and she was talking about you like you're a supervillain.

And she was like, that's crazy, cause I just gave her a shit ton of money. But like, then again, I don't know how you are with your cats.

Like, if my dog's lying on the bed with me and he gets up and lies on the floor, I'm like in a spiral. I'm like, What? I like it.

Don't you want to be next? Yeah. Like, where do you go? What are you doing? What are you trying to hurt me? Like you're trying to fight. You're not grateful. Like it's like I can only imagine what it'd be like with a giant.

See if you had a cat you'd be used to that feeling, that feeling of rejection. That's why me and Aaron work. He rejects me when he don't want me here to go. No, I get it. I get better. I say yes, sir, Aaron and I get better as a person. I like him getting treats, trying to manipulate like it's just so sick. So I can only imagine what it's like to be a mom. And you made me think about my dad used to say something that I hated and it was so fucked up and I thought that it was like fucking up my life.

He would always say, life's not fair. He would always be like, life's not fair and be like, can I have some money?

And I be like, Lindsay has those new whatever pump air, Nike's, whatever. Like, well, life's not fair. And I'm like, well, she's got food in the fridge. Life's not fair. Like he said it all the time. And I always thought he was like squashing my dreams and like trying to keep me small and being dismissive. And I look back and all my friends that are struggling, whether it's a pandemic, whether it's jobs or whatever it is, I'm sick of her like I have this piece because that's so.

And I'm split on whether that's a good thing to say. Don't get or not.

If your dad said it, it's probably because he knew from experience. You know, I mean, a man in life had not been fair to him. Yeah. And so he knew how to. Yeah, he knows that life's not fair.

He was just like, you're not you're not you don't deserve everything. You're not any more special than anyone else. Yes.

And it made me work twice as hard. And I never thought, like, well, I just worked this hard. I deserve this. I was always like, I have to work five times as hard and I might not even get it. And then you just keep this is the price you pay.

Like, it just it was like so a lot of the messages I'm like, so do I had to be in a black woman.

Well, it's yeah. With a work ten times as this is with my white privilege, life is not fair, but it's it's, it really isn't for anyone unless you're like unless I guess if you're born super, super rich then I guess you like have to deal with indulgence and like I guess people, you know, whatever. Yeah.

Not wanting you for you, not growing an actual person that having enough adversity to be character.

Yeah. Yeah. Like we're always in wonder of people that are very pretty and also nice and funny. Yeah. Well because you're not I guess God doesn't give with two hands and that's just what we believe. I guess.

Where are you now on religion. Uh, I had I definitely had a stint where I was like very Christian, like singing in the worship team and everything.

And now I am I believe in God. I believe in a higher power. I believe that my steps are ordered and that but I also believe that I have a lot of power as well. And, um, yeah, I'm a power monitor.

Very, very good reason. I believe in something bigger than me. Absolutely. But I also don't I don't like believe in hell, which is sometimes very controversial, depending on who you talk. I said this to my brother and he was like, what? So you, like, don't believe in God? I was like, nah, if you if you run back the tape, I said, I don't believe in hell. And by that I believe in hell.

It's called twenty twenty. It's called the you're it. We might be in it. We're currently living in it.

I just don't believe I like being a good person because I feel better being a good person. I don't lie and I've had plenty of terrible interactions where I was an asshole, I was a bitch and I feel horrible. And I still because the thing I carry that shit with me to the I can recall being really nasty to someone when I was seven and I get upset again and so hurts you.

I mean, that's it. To be nice for no other reason than you feel bad afterwards when. Yeah. You feel dirty, you feel gross and you feel shame. Yeah.

I feel better when I'm, it's better. Being nice is selfish. Everybody feels better. So that's just what I don't need. The threat of the devil or the threat of hell in order to motivate you. Yeah.

I'm just going to be a good person because I feel good about that because that's that's self care for myself.

You know, that's like forgiveness. Do we forgive others? Not because they deserve forgiveness, but because we deserve peace. It's like I'm forgiving you for me so that I can release this. So I'm not drinking poison waiting for the other person to die. Yeah, forgiveness is selfish. I forgive you.

You're good at a lot of I have a lot of ill feelings for my dad and I held on to it like I remember like I didn't really like him, like ever.

And then when I was nine, they, my parents separated and I was like, now he's not in our family anymore. And I was very surprised that he kept coming around like I thought a divorce was a divorce from all of us. But I still like from that moment, I wasn't shy about the things I didn't like about him, the things that I thought he could change, the things I thought he wasn't good, you know, I just wasn't shy about it.

And it just but it continued to fester and be gross and like a bubbling tart inside of me.

And then one day that the day I realized that he was a person, that he was real, that he was because like I said something about like how like he was going to die one day. And I was like, oh, shit.

Only humans die by then. He's a oh, he's been a human this whole time. And then and I'm holding onto this thing and it almost is like my chest opened up in a Lego piece, fell through it like some like thing was not supposed to be there. So itchy thing drop through. And that was I'm not mad at him anymore. I don't I know who he is. I know the boundaries, my own personal emotional boundaries with him.

I try not to to cross them. Sometimes I do find myself being like, hey, I just thought I'd give you a thousand dollars. Like in some part of me is thinking I'm buying a better dad. Yeah. Oh, but but I know that I'm not I know that I'm not. I know that there's no I know that there's no dad for me in him. I know that there's not he's not going to be able to care for me or take care.

I'm also thirty seven. I'm also thirty seven. And so I don't need that any more. It would be nice but I don't need it. And so in that way I figured out a way to like not he's not a problem anymore.

He's not this evil looming Lex Luthor thing in my life anymore.

You're in radical acceptance of what he's capable of. Yeah. And I for a long time, I'd be like, my dad doesn't love me. My dad doesn't love me, he doesn't love me. And then I realize, oh, he doesn't love me the way I want him to be.

He loves me the way he's capable of doing so that it's his version of love is not my version. Yeah. It's the best he could do. He's got twenty nine kids. So it's you know, it's the best he could do and that's just that's what he's said. But also he had different parents and I did him. He he's from Senegal. Completely different cultures. He has. Yeah. And I and now I know I can see myself and I can see him if I want a better dad, I got to be a better dad.

Am I getting better parents out of my parents. I have to parent myself. Yeah.

And I thought I'd be doing that alone and then like so my boyfriend is very much like he's it's so creepy and gross and maybe I have daddy issues, but like he's my dad and I like he's like my dad in some ways.

And the way that he's delivering an adult kind of love and making you feel safe and protecting, you know, letting you be the most authentic version of yourself. That's very paternal. And that doesn't have to be creepy.

How I actually did not feel safe until I lived by myself, did not well.

And didn't even realize it didn't feel safe until I actually felt safety. And I was like, oh, that whole time I was just like, you know, like, like bracing, bracing, like, you know, on my tippy toes. It just waiting for like walking on eggshells, like the Hulk my whole entire life until I lived by myself, I was always ready to be, you know, like it's like being in a war, you know, I'm traumatized and a lot of different ways.

And I know peace now. And because I know peace, it's on me to keep it and to find it and to know where I won't find it.

I have another term where I'm like my mom is a little bit of narcissists that which is why she thought me choosing an occupation was about her. And I if I'm ever upset about something like really I mean, she's a she was a great mom. She was as great as she could be. She was a better mom.

My dad, I don't think anyone wakes up and is like, I'm going to be a shitty parent.

No, she she did her best. She loved us the best that she could. She loved us quite a lot.

And I but if I go to her about something as an adult, because now there's like all this, like, weird stuff between us because my mom was a singer and wanted to be essentially what it is that I am. And so there's like some muddy water and some hurt there. So if I go to her and complain, like I had to get off the jet like 3:00 in the morning and I had to be at work at 6:00, like good to that stupid fucking problem to have.

But I've had it once at one time.

But and my mom's like, I don't OK, what do you can you give me money or like what do you do people want to interview me or like bragging.

Yeah. And so I realized that I cannot go to Home Depot to buy milk. That's right.

They don't sell milk at home. Don't go to the hardware store for orange juice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I know my about how I pay the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. Why do I keep going to the problem for the solution. You're the problem. You're going to about the solution. Like why do I what's going on with me that I keep banging my head against as well? Why aren't I taking counterreaction and calling my friend or my man.

Yeah.

Or someone who does care or someone who can one man now on me that I am making the choice to call you, even though you've only proven that this is not where you shine. You've showed me who you are. It's my choice whether I'm gonna accept it or not. Yeah.

If you want to make a Halloween costume, that's who you go to. My mom's real good at that. Like my mom's real good at painting. Like my mom's real good at lying, you know. Yeah. Singing your legs, spinning a yarn or whatever. Focus on what they're good at. Yeah. Are telling me that people love me because they love her so much. That's where I can go. That's that's what she's serving up. But the other stuff is, is not that's not what she has.

And I have enough tools of my own. I've had enough therapy on my own. I have enough of a coven around me. Now that does make sense. That does know me that I can lean on. And that's it. That's OK. It doesn't have to be a parent. It doesn't have to.

What do you think in terms of this moment in Hollywood right now? Do you feel like this change is real or fake in terms of this like push for diversity in movies?

Is it click bait? Is it as SAG did the black squares work to fix it? Did we fix it? I posted a black square. We go to that tone deaf people of all those white actors being like, oh, what were they saying? No, I won't. I gave my sports ability. I take responsibility for you in that, by the way. No know. There's a lot of people I found out I got to go.

No, I know I take responsibility for every racist joke on set. How many racist jokes were being made on so many tons. I've been on all white. So that's where I was the only black or very close only by the racist jokes.

Just fly around. It's not that sometimes. Yeah. Or they don't realize they're being offensive or whatever or or even one time I was was doing the show and they barely ever let me talk.

But like in all the writers, all the writers, the writers, to be fair, all the writers were white, white, or they were mostly white and they had. Had me say this one thing, and I don't I'm not crazy, I don't complain about most most stuff, but I was like, this is actually racist. And so I went to one of the head writers who happened to be my friend. I was like, listen, you know, I'm cool.

But this is this this is racist. This is why it's racist. And here are some solutions to that. And so but like the people that are writing for my black ass are not my black ass, you know?

I mean, like, it's not.

And that happens quite a bit like the the first real place that felt like, OK, these awards I understand this is language.

I mean, I understand everything. I'm not stupid. I know English. I don't just speak Ebonics like I understand everything.

But they don't understand that this is not the way I speak because like every like, you know, hairstylist, the specialties, a specialist has to be able to do black hair. Most hairstyle is just learn how to do white hair. Every medical test is based on white body like every like a lot of scripts are based on white words.

And right now, the building of, like, medical robots. Absolutely. There are the medical robots that they're building to find melanoma's like they haven't practice it on black skin so that, like, the robots aren't even being trained to find cancer the same way these blind spots are just lots of ILD.

I went to an electrolysis office and the the whole thing was like saying electrolysis is better than laser hair removal because laser can't tell if you're like if you're dark then you'll get burned because you can't tell the difference between your dark hair and a dark skin.

It's like, look, I make this like what? You can do this better. It's like we're not considered at all. But yeah, yeah. Racist jokes happen. Racist jokes happen on set. They happen at dinners at Gallas, they happen everywhere. And like people don't realize what is like microaggression. There's a lot of micro aggressions.

We went to Macon, Georgia for a film festival. And afterwards, like I you know, they showed the film this butterflied to talk afterwards.

And then after this guy walked up to us and he was like, I am the professor of black studies here at the local college. He was very much a white man. And he said, and I just want to compliment you on how articulate you spoke.

And I said, why wouldn't I be articulate? Why wouldn't I be articulate? That's a microaggression. You don't realize it's it's it's based on racism.

It means like you and they said about Barack Obama, he's so well spoken.

That's based on racism, calling Michelle Obama a monkey. Well, I just did it because she looks like a monkey. She does not look like a monkey.

She's black skin. And you are used to comparing blackness to monkeys. That's what's happening.

I mean, that's so wildly right. I mean, that's but I think a lot of also what I hear is like that color so pretty on your skin tone.

I could never pull off yellow. I could never wear that, you know, these little things or.

Wow, you tan. I have skin, yeah, it's micro, they're micro aggressions, but it's death by papercuts, and it's in the thing that I think a lot of people don't understand when especially someone that is on a set where they're employed, it's like, well, why didn't you say something? Well, because now I'm being it's like it's like small enough. So not to say if I say something now, I'm kind of being difficult. But like, you put me in a situation where I have to say something and it's so small that like by the time I go complain about it, like it's probably now I just lost two hours and now I have to send a bunch of email like Jeremey, like you're costing me work.

I did a beauty campaign once and they it was like some campaign or something. And I got there and they were supposed I was supposed to be using their makeup and they were like, well, kind of like Bobby Brown on you for a foundation.

And I was like, why is that? That's this is not a Bobby Brown commercial. Like, well, you know, we don't have your color. And I said, well, how come you guys don't have my color? Like, because, you know, I exist in the world. Like you've hired me to not just exist in your campaign, but also to get, I guess, girls that look like me. Why would you not have my color?

Because this and this is why this brand. Because I'm the face. Yeah. And it's going to be a lie. And the and what she said to me was like, oh, you're reading us, huh? And I was like, oh, no, I'm a consumer. I know that you paid me to be here. So unprofessional in that way. But also I'm a consumer asking you why you don't carry my color even though I exist, even though you know, I exist.

Like, why don't you why are you asking me to lie for you? Because, like, I exist in the world, I exist.

And now all the girls that look up to me are going to go buy this makeup. Yeah. And they're going to feel invisible.

I know. Yeah. I guess she thought I was ready because I was like, girl, everybody wants to go to the target and get the foundation. So I guess she thought Target was a read, but like it's not I love Target. We meander there all the time.

Target so much. I went in like maybe like two weeks into the quarantine. It was open and I went in and no one was there and I was like, this is my dream, me alone in a target. So I was like jumping on the bean bag. Just literally. I mean, it is the best.

It is the best. OK, I'm going to ask you quick questions. I'm going to not disrespect your time too much.

I just love you. So it's really fun.

This is like a dream. Any good money advice I always like to talk to. Just money is I'm not finding the most uncomfortable taboo conversation any good. And women aren't taught about money. No one tells you. I didn't know what a four one K was. I thought it was like a marathon. Like no one tells women, no one bothers to educate women about money. So if I ever get good money, advice like savings is not for purses, it's for emergency.

It's for emergencies. Like another big thing I got was about like the money you have in your bank account versus the actual you have about half of what you have in your bank account with taxes and all that. I didn't know about taxes like any like good money advice that you've gotten or learned. One, I keep pockets everywhere.

So like I and I only really play out of, like, my daily like, oh, Maggert, GrubHub or oh target run comes out of just one pocket. The other pockets. I can't just go to, you know, I have a system in place to make sure that those pockets stay full and if they get too big I open up a different pocket.

I don't I mean just just so I never see like the lump sum of what you have, like this isn't available for spending now. And but I but I also get I get the financial reports every month, every single month.

I honestly, the best advice I can give is there is no one there's not one single person that you can trust to leave a checkbook with.

Not one person, not the people that birth you. Leonardo DiCaprio got robbed. Remember when all these celebrities were going out like the Bling Ring or something are all getting a look at your statements. Even you get the bank makes mistakes. I remember before I even had someone helping me manage, I go through and I'm like, I think you guys took too much or no, I'm sorry. That was a mistake. Like, everyone makes computers make mistakes.

Even they don't even their minds.

But also people are people look at us and they think you have more than you need.

And so it's OK if I just scoop a little off the top, it's OK if I just take a little because you have so much like you're not going to notice and like that.

And again, that can come from everybody, but, you know, from your children to your grandparents, anybody might see that because, like, it's weird what money does to people reracked it.

It really makes like shuts down their frontal lobe and they start to feel entitled to it. They sure like you don't you don't you're not grateful for it anyway. I mean, the amount of money I gave my family and stuff, it's also Chris Rock said this to me once. He was like, so what's going on with you paying for your family? Like, I was just when I first started getting solvent and I was like, how did you know?

And he's like, I mean, we all are. We and he was just so you know, once you give your family members money, it's only a matter of time before. Or they start to hate you, so just be careful, it's never alone, it's always a gift, because then they start going like, oh, you think you're better than me because you love me.

And they start, like, just resenting you.

You're just a reminder of someone lose a family. Yeah. Oh, everyone I've loan money to we no longer speak.

Oprah said this thing to me. She spoke to me very little.

Getting Oprah likes me. But Oprah said to me, she's like, listen. And she asked me. She was like, how's money? Like, how's that going? And I was like, oh.

And she she saw it.

And she was like, listen, no matter what you have, they'll always ask for a piece of it. Like when I was making hundreds of dollars, they were asking for tens. When I was making thousands of dollars, they were asking for hundreds when I was making, you know, millions. But now all of a sudden they need one hundred thousand. Always she's like they will always need. So choose who you are giving money to.

And I and I say that to anyone who's like kind of under me coming up and just now getting money, I was like my friend Ty. I was like, listen, choose who you're going to give money to. And just that just those people and don't diverge from that. I give money to I give money to my mother. And the way I give it is I, I have an account where she lives and I pay the rent that way.

That's how I pay the rent. And I and I send the same amount of money every month. This is the budget for that. My dad, I fucked up with that a while ago and now I don't I can't give him money. I just gave him I just I just went back and a half a year's just like, well, it's a pandemic. And I gave him money. It turns out he's like not even in the country, like out here.

While I was like, I thought you were struggling and you're in a different country now. Cool.

Got it.

So just but the choice has been my mother, my mother and my brother, because they live together. And that's just that I don't I have a ton of cousins. I have helped people being like my house. I'm about to lose my house. My kids are going to have a Christmas. My I had a cousin that called me with her baby crying in her lap. We'd never been on the phone. She had met because she didn't have my number.

We were not you know, I'm black, have a shit ton of cousins, everybody, my cousin. But still there just because I'm a cousin doesn't mean that we have a relationship.

And it was like I mean this. And I believe a lot.

But she also Oprah said every everyone who needs whatever they need will figure it out. Because if I were a teacher, they would still they wouldn't be they wouldn't be homeless.

Like no one would be struggling if I were a teacher.

If you if I was and you are still sucking Dick, no one would be homeless. They would make they're not making their way because they think they have me to lean on.

I've made the choice my mother and my brother, which is also does it feel like because they my therapist said to me once she was like, only do it if it's self care for you. So I'm going to give you money so that I don't have to worry about you. I'm going to pay for that health insurance. So in the future, I don't have to pay some crazy bill. So it has to benefit you in a way also.

Exactly. And everyone that I've that, you know, has asked me for an insane amount of money based on how we're related to each other. Everyone I say no to has always been fine. Not one of them have been evicted. Not one of them have have lived under a bridge or or their kids didn't have Christmas. In fact, they always figure it out because you didn't enable they're also older than me. They figured, like all my mom was the youngest girl and have kids.

The latest my cousins, like the closest one to me, is twelve years older than me. Everybody is older than me, has their own family. I'm one person. I'm one person. Like now I have a partner. But he's new.

He's no here. But I'm one person and I have to afford my life and my cat needs things.

But also by the way, we you never know when you to get the next job. I have no idea. And you want to know. I don't want to do I'm getting you don't want to take jobs for money that you're not going to be proud of or like, you know, and you need to be able to be able to not work for three years if you want to have a kid and not be in New Zealand shooting a TV show like we also never know when we're going to get our next check.

This might need to last us five years.

Yeah. You know, this pandemic was coming. When's the next time you going to be an that? I have no idea. I know. Like, nobody knows. And, like, we only get paid as much as we do because. Because our whole entire incertain it is. Yeah. And also like, hi, our job is like my little job some days, like what the job is, is going into a room and making these people like me more than the last person they saw and also more than the next person they saw.

They got to like me. That's not always going to work out. So but in the meantime, I still need the things that I need. And also, like the more it's weird how like the more you elevate, the more things that you just need security.

I'm then you need these things, you know. Yeah, I have to make more money. But you have more bills. You're over.

Just gets crazy high when you're like, why do I need like insurance for my employees in case the slip and fall in my house like. Huh.

You could be rich, but you're bill your monthly bills are thirty five thousand dollars for a month. Not me.

Hanging out with Oprah. Praise God, but that you know, but it's it's weird, it's strange. And again, I grew up poor, very poor, like literally sharing a bunk bed for five years with my mother and my brother. I came from nothing. I used to shop at Jack's 99 cent store for groceries. I came from nothing. And I cannot ever go back. I just know I can't go back. But I also know how fleeting everything is.

And I have to be very, very careful with my money. And I and it takes me a lot. It took me a long time to realize I wasn't that poor.

Like my friend came into my life, I lived on the Upper West Side and she opened my pantry.

She was like, so all of the bitch, all of these top romines. That's what I was like. Yes, like, yes, Top Ramen. And she's like, thirty five cents a pack. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. What am I supposed to buy now, like the cold noodle. No know top bitch. That's what it is. I just realized I could buy Nike's for the first time, like I bought my first pair of Nike shoes and everybody had Nike's growing up.

Everybody I know that's made money and cap money keeps the scarcity mentality, you know, keep that. I mean, just because you have money doesn't mean you have to spend it. Yeah, I mean, just because you have it, like, I buy all my clothes people make fun of because I buy all my clothes on Etsy it like vintage stores and I'm like I just I'll never pay five hundred dollars for a pair of jeans. I'll never I just like no matter how much money I have, it just feels morally wrong.

I'm like, I'll donate it, I'll do what I pretty sure this outfit not that it's much but this outfit is probably I mean I guess if I had the Apple Watch it's like two hundred dollars.

But why would you need and what I don't know the logo like the people when I see one of my favorite outfits.

Why am I. It's so cute. I need to get back on the overall. She's wearing overalls a little pocket in the front. Nothing matters any more worried or dying. Nothing matters. Ending up in the pocket is very useful. What happened last week? Oh, there it is. See, there is room for so much stuff here.

That is why she's a star. This is that. I put it right back in there. There it is. Your little kangaroo pouch. The last thing I'm going to ask what? Why are white people so confused about black? What what do you want to see? Do you want do you want to see someone post about it or do you want someone to just privately donate? Right. Instead of trying to prove like, do you want do you want to see the.

Because a lot of it's just performative, the performative activism shit. But or do you just want it to be sincere. Do you know what I mean? I yeah, I wanted to be what makes you roll your eyes? It's OK. So, yes, this is now we're asking about it on a Sunday.

We're at a sort of what feels like a crescendo, like we're not backing down like this is this is it feels like a few also have been fighting for rights that I love our literal lives since since before slavery, like we've always been fighting, fighting, fighting. I want the fight to end at some point. And it's not on us to end it. It just isn't on us to end it. It's not like it's weird how we were literally not seen as people until like the 60s we were three fifths of a person until today.

For some reason we look like monsters. My hands are empty, my hands are empty. I'm reaching for my wallet and somehow I'm moving at super like lightning speed. And now you shoot me seven times in my back. I it's why are we. We're held to. OK, yes, a lot of it is performative, we're asking for actual change, we're asking for for we're asking you if you put rights for us in the amendment, in the amendment, then then please follow that through by by recognizing that we have rights, recognizing that we have agency, that we are real people, that we're not different than you, we're not different than you.

We have more melanin. We're not and we're not saying we want revenge. We're not saying we're better than you. We're not saying black lives are better than white lives are. White lives mean nothing. That's not where we're literally just saying, I want to be alive. Please stop killing me.

And you know what's not going to fix that? Cleveland fucking Brown now being voiced by a black person. I don't give a shit. I don't fucking care about these these black cartoon characters that were voiced by white people now being voiced by black people. I'm fucking dying. I'm dying. And on top of that, it's very it's so fucking traumatic. My mom is from the south. My dad is from Africa.

I've seen black pain from both of these portions of the world.

Black pain has never not been a part of my life in my system and my family. And it is hard to fathom giving birth to more black people who I know will suffer in the same way.

And I'm saying that as someone who owns a house and has a cat and has money, that I my life is very different. My boyfriend is white and I sit next to him and we live in two different fucking universes. And he didn't even know that my universe existed. He didn't even see it until he realized where someplace. And nobody is like doors are not opening for me. The way they're opening for him, like literally the drivers are not opening my doors.

They're opening his door. They're telling literally a driver. Turner Like who?

I'm not fighting with anybody. I'm not going to argue with anybody for my rights. I'm not going to argue with anybody from my space for the wrong like people who think I'm in the wrong line because I'm in the first class line. I'm not in wrong line. I'm actually not going to fight with you about whether I'm not I because my ticket is still my ticket.

This is still my car service, so I'll wait, I'll wait patiently. We got to my building and the guy turned around and said, you pulled the knob, you pull, you pull it.

He was literally teaching me how to open a door because he was and he was black. But the thing is, we get the message while white people are getting the message that black people and shit, we are getting the same message. It is so hard. We have to fight our way to self-love with the fight, our way to being unapologetically black, because from the time we are born, we are asked to shrink ourselves, to be smaller, literally on pamper packages.

They're like, if it's a white baby, the white baby has two parents. If it's a black baby, just a mom.

What does that saying to me? But like, what does that say to any of us? And, you know, it's not overt is that overt, but it's consistent. It's consistent.

And again, I say this to say that I can't scroll up a timeline, whether it's Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, my text messages, without seeing a new video of some black man or black woman who looks like me, who looks like my brother, who looks like the guy who looks like the family that raised me, who looks like the world that raised me being shot with him with empty hands.

They're not a threat. I can see them clearly. Why do we look so fucking threatening to white people? How how is it that we move faster? How how is it that we are all of a sudden monsters? The thing is, we're not all of a sudden monsters. You have been telling us that we were monsters and telling everybody that we're monsters for a very, very long time. Black Lives Matter is not the same as Ku Klux Klan.

It is not.

We have never hung anybody from a fucking tree. That shit happens to us. Our blood is on the leaves. That's us. Why?

Why can't you see? Like, the thing is, we have so much we have we have the ability to have empathy.

We do black people. We have the people of we have every one of us. Should I really want to say all of all of humanity has the ability for empathy. But I cannot I just can't see it. When we had slavery, when we've had the natives literally being murdered in their land stolen, we when we had the Holocaust, like other things, like America does not, we had our hands.

You go to Germany, if you deny the Holocaust, you want to jail. It's a crime.

They don't hide their hands. I go to all the countries and there are monuments that are apologies for slavery for their part in slavery. Here we have. Well, that wasn't that wasn't us. That was our grants. Like that was our ancestors. Get over it. Get over it. No, I was raised by a woman who literally had to not drink the water fountain that was available to her because she was black. The first girl and the first child to cross the color line and go to a white school, Ruby Bridges just had her sixty seventh birthday.

My mom is 67.

This is the person that raised me and the thing is like when our when our people when the people that that that give our get that give birth to us and grow us and give us our sense of self.

They are terrified, my mom, since the cell has always been that she is underneath the thumb of whiteness, that she'll never aspire to the same thing with my father. How how would they ever how would they ever be able to tell me that I'm good enough when they know that I'm not? They know that I'm not they know that I'm not, they know them and have to fight. They know them and have to be ten times better than everyone else because I'm black.

It's such a shitty thing that we have to give to our children. So, yeah, I mean, it's great that Jenny Slate stepped down, I guess, from Big Mouth.

But like I said, I'm so glad the black actress has now got that job. I'm so glad. But I'm still very, very scared to reach for my wallet when a cop stops me in my car because my car's too nice for my black eyes to be driving, I'm still very, very upset when I sit next to my boyfriend, I see him get treated like a person and me. Like shit, and I'm famous, I'm the important one, nobody knows who he is, but I mean, like, even if it's celebrities wherever they go, it's great.

Oh, it's crazy. What I do with animals died like a white man. It's crazy. It's I know that's a lot, but it's a and I know that I tend to talk about being black a lot. And it's not I'm not obsessed with being black. Being black is obsessed with me.

Everything I do, every store I walk into, every outfit I put on, every like shades are like I can't wear a hood because I might be too threatening or whatever, you know, it's it's always this or I have to have double thinking. I have double consciousness. I have to think for myself. And I also have to think of how you will receive me. Will you be threatened or will you be belittling like what do I look like to you?

I have to figure that out before I say hi. I do. And the sort of like nothing beginning with the middle. Like I, I talk about I talk like this about blackness and whiteness everywhere. I do because it's. Because it's just it's a safety issue, everything's a safety issue, and my boyfriend one time was like, you talk a lot of shit about white people, about white women.

And I was like talking, you know, I like I like shut down for the night.

And then the next day I met her. While they are the like the next day I showed him a car like the five heartbeats. I made him like, watch this Robert Townsend movie where like the a band, they're black and they're it's like said in the 60s and they're stopped by cops that make them sing. And I draw their shit around and he's like, you see, this is what we go there. And he's like, You think I haven't been I was like, no, no, no.

You're not understanding the reason why. Like, I live in a different universe than you. He and I point out, like, remember this, remember that. Remember this. Remember, this is a year to go.

This if you want children with me, that's the world they're going to live in. They'll be light skinned, but they will never have your privilege. You will never be able to give our children your privilege. Their lives will align more like mine. And I'm fucking terrified. And I don't want to give that to a child, but I'm not going to have a choice. White people don't ever have to have the conversation with their children like that. Like, you know why people don't really know that they're white until college or something or something like this happens.

You know how I know I'm black?

I knew I was black because when I was five years old, you know, when you're like in kindergarten, you have to, like, hold hands and it's boy, girl, boy, girl and size order. So I was matched with a little boy who whose name was Brandon, oddly enough. And Brandon would never hold my hand.

At best he would grab my sweet. And he would get in trouble, like literally sent to the principal's office, he was dead set against not holding my hand. I didn't really care. I'm five. They're fruit snacks. What do I give a shit until February? February is Black History Month. We all go to the auditorium. He holds my sleeve the way we always do. We watch a documentary about Dr. Martin Luther King. On the way back, Brandon takes my hand for the first time ever.

Been in schools in September. It's February.

He's taking my hand and I go, You were holding my hand because I'm black? He says, Yeah, but now I know, thanks to Dr. Martin Luther King, that you're not garbage. I'm five years old and I know that because I'm black, I'm seen his garbage.

That's what I have to give to my children. And there's a million and I've done it, I really have I've done like this social experiment where I've asked my white friends, ask my Puerto Rican friends, ask my black friend, how old were you when you realized you were your race?

And consistently with blackness.

It's always, yeah, for because we were in the store and my mom is white, do call her nigger because he called her nigger because she wouldn't let him in front of her or like. Yeah, this one time I was at my friend's house and I was like three and we're having a sleepover. And she like tried to rub off my skin. She was like, you should take a bath because she thought that my skin was dirt. That's like these are not great experiences.

And so that's what I mean when I say we have to fight to self-confidence, we have to fight to be being unapologetically black, unapologetically who we are. I'm not trying to be blakney black like I'm not trying to do that. I have to because I'm being attacked. I have to fight back with all of my blackness because you because it's trying to be stomped out in a racist. Yeah, and I just think that, you know, it's really great that everybody put up that black picture on Instagram that was so nice of you, that was so fucking kind.

It was so great of every white actor to make that weird. I'm sorry. Video that was so sweet. Follow that up with actions or shut the fuck up and get on my face, though.

And that's that on that.

That's not on that. I love you. Sorry, that was a lot. No, it's OK. No, that was a lie. I'm I'm just trying so hard to not have any emotion and center myself as a white woman. I will my instinct is to make this hard on me.

And it's so hard to not be like this is hard on me.

But this is a racism is a white problem. And we've talked about on the show all the time. It's not a it's not black people's problem to solve this. If black people could have solved it, they would have it'd be fixed. It's a white person problem. It's between white people and white people. And it's not. I'm going to go ask my black friends how to solve this. It's our butts. They're like, we don't know you guys for all.

I don't know. We don't know.

This seems like your problem. You're the one that's racist. We don't understand why you're trying to vote and stay of stay afloat. That's it.

Like, I don't know. So so everyone stop asking black people to solve this for you.

Reid So you want to talk about race, read that book. It's sold out, which is kind of exciting, but ordered on Kindle. We talk about that all the time. And yeah, the black squares aren't enough. Antebellum, is it out it got push? Yeah, it was supposed to be out in April, it's pushed to September 18, so it will be out on Friday. Fantastic. Yeah, it's antebellum.

Antebellum.

The trailer like this is a must watch. It's a real it was really, really fun to make. It's incredibly gripping. It's gripping. And I'm in it sort of it sort of feels like three different movies. I'm in a different movie than is mostly in the trailer. And so it's it's really, really it is absolutely a must see you must see producers of Get Out.

When I was watching it, I was like, OK, this is going to blow my mind. I know it. Yeah. I think it's going to be I really think it's going to be a game changer. Yeah. For sure. And it's also like really, really beautiful shot bushmen's. The directors are incredible writers and this is also the concept of the film came through a dream. One of them had a nightmare.

And then the next day the other they were like, let's write this down for you. And then and it became this film and I'm very proud of it. And I can't wait for people to see it because it's you will have like a very visceral reaction to it.

Do a Gabbe weekend on the 18th come as you are, which is a little more of a comedic performance I got to wear overall. And someone whose I look, I have nothing but amazing things.

I can be I love her. I admire her. She is the best driver. So you know that if she's she's driving a car lot in this movie, that's how good of an actor she is. I actually I actually thought she was she was that was deserving of an Oscar nomination.

You looking like you can drive because she has to drive a lot.

The movie I did drive. Yeah, yeah. A lot. And I kept telling them I was like, I better get my license then. Huh. They were like, wait though for real. Can you, can you drive. I just never New Yorkers. I'm sorry. It's the one thing you guys can't do.

I didn't get my license. I was like thirty.

That's crazy. I'm very unexperienced. I shouldn't be driving. You took out a couple of bushes when you came up. Yeah. Now I'm thinking back to it. I don't always that it's interesting that I did it here.

Yes, I did seem to do very well. First of all, I kind of feel like you made a mistake putting those bushes and rocks.

By the way, that's a lot wrong. They are poorly placed.

You have said that I had a feeling at least seven feet away from the driveway.

How dare I think that that was inappropriate? Yeah. Gaby three shabby. Gaby three shabby, three shabby.

Her Instagram brings me so much joy. I love you. I always had these very awkwardly. So if there's anything else you want to say, go for it. But otherwise, I love you.

I guess if you think I'm smart or whatever, then you could read my book. This is just my saying, try not to stare. I wanted to name it.

I wanted to name after like a big equal I think it was.

However I stay kouji down to the size I wanted and they were like, well those are big easy words not yours. And I was like oh this is just my face. Try not to stare. I wrote it myself and it, it's yeah it's a lot but it's so funny. I described exactly how to suck Dick through a phone if you need that skill. It's pouring corn to me that more than ever. Sesame seeds of it. OK, I learned a good person I need to call.

So one day I will. Next episode. Next episode. We'll do a class previously about Angel Ladies like has the dialogue with the orange with the does it with an orange grapefruit. Oh yeah. Yeah the grapefruit is that she's the same.

God bless her and her job. That's the same.

Bless her heart. I love you. Thank you so much for doing this. What a treat having me. Thank you. For what.

A just dream. I love you guys.

Don't right over.