Transcribe your podcast

OK, ready? Yep, and. What's the theme song to Fraggle Rock that should be the opening? Fraggle Rock. And then you just pop out from behind the table. This copyright issue, yes, but the audio, yes, it is a great one. Oh, my God.


Wait, look, look, look what's happening.


That's what I said, Dad.


Oh, my God. I love it. All right.


I should be in Fraggle Rock. Should we use. This is our new theme song.


What are they going to sue us?


What are they going to. Puppet's going to fucking sue us. Who gives a shit? The Jim Henson Foundation will probably say, fuck that guy.


Damn, I loved your and because he did Labrinth, right, let's hear it for.


No, no, that's what you call the man. What do you think you're thinking of? You remind me of the babe, babe. The babe with the power. What power? The power of Hoodoo. Who do you do? Do me the baby.


Are you fast forward again. It's very slow and sensual. It's not that quick. Not for me. Yeah.


I do truly believe that my first sexual experience was seeing David Bowie's dick through his pants.


And Labrinth, your first sexual experience. That was the first time I was like, oh, that's a dig. I think that was the first time I was like, Oh, I want to have sex when I saw the Goblin King.


And that's printed your whole life, really. So like to me, David Bowie was the hottest in Labrinth. David Bowie. That's my sexual fantasy, really. That made me am I a lesbian?


I mean, kind of looks like you could be a narcissist. Fair does kind of look like my hair currently for those of you listening. That's interesting.


I know what everyone's sexual awakening was for those of you watching my hair is today. I look like Adam Duritz. I did hook up with them when I was 18.


No big deal. Do you know who that is? No, this you don't know who Adam Duritz is, the singer of the Counting Crows, Mr. John Doe. There's one Mr. Jones and me.


I know that song, but I wouldn't have known there. I hooked up with the singer of that.


Do you think this is hot gossip, Benton? I'm dropping some hot gossip on the opening of the podcast, and you're just over the rolling your eyes.


I don't think it was going to take that story out. That's in US Weekly. You watch I hooked up with Adam Duritz. I think he's going to say, OK, let's you know, I hooked up with Adam Duritz when I was 18.


You hooked up with Courteney Cox and the woman on your shirt, Jennifer Aniston, I think. Are you trying to what are you doing right now?


I'm losing my mind. I know. Sorry. I had just reached Whitney Cummings. And who?


Adam Duritz. You don't remember Mr. Jones and me. I was I was busy having collagen. Look, do you remember the song? Oh, I know the song, Mr. Jones and me. Yes.


Do you remember Anna begins to just know the one song in turn.


Do you guys know this? What I'm talking about. You know the Counting Crows, right? Then you really did have a traumatic childhood. Well, the next thing you're going to say is you don't know the Dave Matthews Band. I know that you're set to Lahe, didn't you? My he's in a wild mood today.


OK, I cannot believe you just want to blow past the me hooking up with Adam Duritz.


I can't believe you want to use that is like a cool thing. A cool thing.


I it's lame. I'm just saying it's funny that I hooked up with Adam Duritz when I was 18 and now I look like him.


I thought we were talking about David Bowie, icon, legend star.


And you were like, but also guess what, one guy who's not the guy from Blues Traveler, you know.


Do you guys know another person who. I think that's really high. Guiseppe, I dropped some hot guys on them. Yeah, that's cool. And I'll do more research and I'll be into it.


Adam Duritz was in the 90s like a god. OK, focus. OK, fine.


Benton's not interested in what we're talking about, so we have to move on.


But you know, it's someone else and that's what matters. A couple of announcements. We are going on the road. You guys are buying tickets. They like us. They really like us. We're adding four shows in Denver. I think we just added. We add the second night. So it's four shows total at the Lincoln lot in Denver.


And the Lincoln line is coming through. Denver's like, we need something to do.


Let's go to that lot down the street. There's a parking lot that the first show when I was in high school, I partied in parking lots are actually really fun.


So I'm going to mention that in a Wal-Mart parking lot, doing what we just heard singing Mr. Jones and me said, thank you, Mr. Jones and me, October 4th and October 3rd is sold out. October 4th. We added shows. Also Escondido, California. People keep asking me where that is. My answer is I have no fucking clue.


But it's in the southern part of California where we had the drive in at Westfield North County.


I believe it's a mall. We'll be right now a mall right next to the Whetsel in between the toe ring kiosk and the cell phone kiosk will be in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. These tickets are not moving as fast as they should because I think I I didn't know where Cape Cod was. I thought it was in Rhode Island for some reason. So I sent my community the the text me up eight one eight two three nine seven five to seven. Excuse me, I sent it to Rhode Island.


But it turns out Cape Cod is in Massachusetts. October, fifteen, twenty twenty. We're in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Cape Cod is like a very rich place. Yeah.


And there were fish come from a fish sticks. Cape Cod fishing. The thing is, if somebody takes a lot as a kid, I love a fish in the new mirch. I love a fish. I do what we have to keep going. I still can't believe you don't care about my dad.


And I will care later when I figure it out. So rude.


October 16th, we're in Ridgefield, Connecticut. The sorry, the Ridgefield Playhouse ballfield. The only time I will ever be on a ball.


That's not true. Hey, I play baseball and I got kicked off the team. Why? Because I was before in my head. I was performing a scene from Batman Returns. I was Catwoman and literally three people ran past me. I was watching third base. They ran past me all scores, watching third base while I was performing. I was supposed to be. And they all scored. And I was not allowed to come back.


Because you were playing Michelle Pfeiffer?


Oh, I was. I was fully on the side. Like for who? Myself. I was bored and I needed something to do.


OK, so that was a little disrespectful. I thought at least if you're going to be on a baseball field for do a performance from a league of their own, at least not with get it right, at least be on brand.


Are we going to play baseball while we're here? No. Where are we going to play comedy if we're going to do comedy for you guys? But the ball field is outside, so you're not in your cars. There's a five thirty PM show we just added an eight thirty PM show that I believe is sold out October 16th. Ridgefield, Connecticut. Sorry, my dog is snoring.


Just to repeat, the ball is outside when he wanted you to know the ball field is outside. Outside. We need to make sure people know.


Yeah. People know that sort of indoor ball field.


I've never heard of that. I don't know what that is. And neither do you said it. I said an indoor ball. I know you said to serve one knows the ball field is outside.


No, I mean, like I said, you're Benton's in a mood today. He wore his Jennifer Aniston shirt on purpose to make me feel ugly.


So I am saying that because some of these are drive in shows where people sit in their cars, but that's the one in Escondido, which is somewhere in California.


Just so you guys know, the drive in shows will also be outside. You're going to drive your car, OK? You got me on a technicality. Criticality.


Yeah. October 18, twenty twenty. We're going to be an Oceanport, New Jersey concerts in the garden. That sounds boozes. Hill Hold on. This is a two sentence announcement. This is the name of the venue is two sentences long concerts in the garden at Blue Grotto at Monmouth Park. Concerts in the garden. I want to know who owns this garden. It's a blue grotto and it's spelled B.L.. You re just too busy to add the E that's someone's name.


This feels like a weird lawsuit. Blue Grotto. Yeah.


Monmouth Park. Monmouth or Monmouth. Oh, don't mansplaining me, my producer, just mansplaining me, can you believe that in this climate, how dare you?


I was going to slam my blue like glasses down on the expensive one, so I'm not going to now I'm going to slam my quipped toothpaste down. How could you.


I want to bust it brought to you by quip I'm feminism brought to you by anyway. So come see us on tour. We might add some more shows as well. Go on a road trip, do the damn thing, grab your scarf, grab your mittens, come to Cape Cod, grab your little fishing.


I mean, it's going to be in October, so it's going to be chilly. Willy, I can't wait. It is going to be so chilly, Willy. There is no way. It's not going to be freezing cold. So that's my dream.


Grab a picnic, bring a little basket, grab your go gurt comedy with a chill in your bagel bites.


Bring a bring a thermos full of chili.


I actually spent tonight face time Bedzin last night I was like a little I had had definitely had a glass of wine and I face time but I was like we're going to get merged guns.


Oh yeah. She was going to get me. I was like do you mean t shirt guns, cannon guns to shoot t shirts out of the crowd? We looked him up. They were, they were what. They were twelve hundred dollars. So I was like, I imagine you're going to have to really work on your left.


I want to get one of those, those junkets for dogs and just wanted the t shirts. I've been told with Chuck it what I call a junket, but that's for bigger dogs.


You don't know. You don't you don't know about that. That's the deposit.


Check it. So we're going to roll t shirts up and put them in those little boomerangs to throw dog balls and just.


But should we give people if you wear merch to the show, what reward win is the only person alive that wants to give merch away instead of sell it.


She's just like we're just like, let's bring in throw it out there. Yeah.


I don't understand the point of charging you to go or go around the t shirts, clean your windshields off or something. Like what? I just want to give everyone merch. I don't see the point of selling. Benton always tells me I leave money on the table.


Fine. I leave him with my sunflower seeds.


So yeah. If you wear merch though, well away from a distance, I'm in a weird mood today.


This is going to be a great show. Ginnifer Goodwin is here. My best friend is on the show today. I really been waiting to have her on the show.


I wanted to wait for my birthday. As you guys know, this is my birthday month for six months.


Oh, no, I'm that bitch. I never used to celebrate my birthday. And as soon as I got into my late thirties, I'm now like, it's my birthday month. We're celebrating every day. That's a lot.


Thirty eight years old. I'm wearing the shirt that Benton gave me for my birthday. Right now, for those of you not watching, go to YouTube and see how ridiculous I look. I'm wearing.


Can you explain to people what's in this bubblegum pink? I think it's a vintage horse shirt with three horses on it. And then there's gold, like, what would you call it?


These are sequins. There's gold sequins, like in a pattern around it. And the horse is crying blue tassels.


There's tassels, right? Like at my boot in the horse's heads or right where my boobs are. So if I shake my boobs, it looks like they're galloping.


So yeah, it's, it's crying in three days and then.


Oh yeah. And then one of the horses is crying which is like really actually kind of a sad twist and it's just emotional. It's not like it's just so happy. OK, thank you for this gift.


Ginnifer Goodwin, what did you think of the interview that's coming up that you guys are about to listen to?


Well, I loved hearing about when you were poor and helpless because I was my best friend. When I was I guess we became best friends.


I was twenty two and I was I was a broke girl. I was one of the girls and Ginny was like my mom.


I just loved hearing about you being poor, helpless, because I'm used to the latter part of that sentence and being helpless.


And so hearing about hearing her like before you did stand up.


She knew me before I did stand up comedy. Hearing someone talk about you before you had any power, it was very exciting. Wow.


Because it's just like. She had no power. She could be like, get out of this house and you'd be like, I don't have one to go to. I was truly homeless when Jenny and I became friends. I have no idea why she stayed friends with me.


It's it's a it's a real whodunit in terms of why she's friends with me, I'll never understand.


But I'm very grateful and I'm so glad she came on because there's I feel like we spent so much time on this podcast talking about edifying yourself, being better, healing, giving you guys all the wisdom that I've collected from my litany of therapists and healers and books and all that sort of stuff that I'm trying to collect and give to you guys. But Jeannie just has it very inherently jinnies, always like I'm in therapy to think like Jenny. And I don't.


I don't.


Is it a Southern thing? Like I think it might.


She's just has I have a theory that women in the South, this might get me cancelled. Southern women just have this inherent wisdom that women in other parts of the country have to get elsewhere, like we have to watch TED talks and shit and listen to podcasts like this or whatever, and like read Bernie Brown books like Jenny always had this very direct, clear wisdom, and I think it might be all that time on the porch.


OK, I'm just saying, when I lived in Virginia, you drive by and there'd be like women sitting on the porch and I was like, what are they doing?


You don't have air conditioning. And that's why we're on the porch. They were they were passing on ancestral wisdom from one generation to every gossip.


Every every grandmother is a Bernie Brown. Do you don't I mean, I have a hair in my mouth that's really striking. Is it yours? No, I'm not sure whose it is.


Now, that's definitely not mine. Maybe my lover's pubes. The point that I'm trying to make is that she was like my other friend is Doree about GenY. Like, I was never crazy. She just always had it together.


My other theory about it besides that they spent a lot of time with their grandmother. I never saw my grandmother growing up. I never got my grandma's wisdom like she lived in a different place.


Calm down. I'm just saying I didn't get Grammy wisdom. And I feel like in the south there isn't the same kind of ageism. And people spend time with their freaking grannies, you know, and they get all that advice like this is some granny wisdom. I think it was one of I think it was one of Jenny's grandmothers that said we try to overthink relationships so much. And someone's grandmother said to her, always be with a man that loves you just a little more than you love him.


Oh, yeah, that's some Southern granny shit, dude. Only a 90 year old grandma in a rocking chair like sewing a home is where the heart is. Pillow would be able to just know that. So, you know, it's a savage piece of wisdom, it's just like Santa is a thing people say in the town. I also think that, like Southern women, the cooking is a big part of how they develop this sort of like emotional ninja mindset.


You know, like like if you can cook chip beef gravy, you can make a chip beef gravy.


Yeah, chip beef, gravy. OK, do you know about chip beef gravy. I don't think anyone does. Chip beef, gravy.


What do I know more about Southern cooking than you do?


It's definitely not Southern. I don't know what that is.


I'm just saying, if you have the patience to pick a watermelon, you know how to ask for a raise. You know, like the food preparation in the South. I feel like I was also preparing you for life. If you can cut okra without getting all that disgusting, clear, calm all over yourself, you can get out of a bad relationship. OK, I think you may be conflating wisdom with the fact that Southern people just like talk to everyone, like their their family, they just go right in.


It's just how's your daddy doing?


Ma'am, I don't know you. This is like, wait, are you saying that Southern people have more wisdom because they just talk to people more and gather wisdom just whereas when I lived on the East Coast, you go outside, you don't talk to your cab driver, you don't talk to people.


I mean, it could be that or it's just the fact that I think Southern people just treat everybody like their family and the way that they talk. But my family were mean to each other. Not you wouldn't want to like people like my family. Yeah, I see. And so and so I think that you just tend to be like, oh, this person has so much wisdom if they're talking to me as if they do and like and they don't have time to complain like everything.


I just face value.


You have what you have, but it's is also some people have time to complain. But interesting that you don't have time to complain. You have things to do actually. True.


And you can't very there's just too much shit to do. Too many lawns demo. Yeah. And you have to have things to do. And you also like this is what you got, you got what you got and you can't change it. So it's frankly not so bad is can you hear it. OK, sorry guys. My dog is snoring and you can't change it because you, you have things to do and you don't have I. You got the point of that right.


I lost track of time, but you lost my track of time off track because what I wanted to say was some people trick you tricky with solving your own problems.


The best part of I just what did you just say? My track of time. I just lost my chunk of time that night. We're talking last night about how Southern people have these like like very cryptic.


I'm getting to charisms. But it's just so funny that you said I lost my yeah, I lost my time. As we go Southern people make up fake inspirational quotes. Yeah, absolutely no sense. And it's to make you forget your own problem. I mean, you can ask anything. You're like, how is the weather outside of like. Well, three cats can't catch a mouse trap full of rain. And you're like, I don't really understand that, but I'm going to figure it out on my own, I guess.


So you're saying that Southern people get so wise because they use these weirdly circuitous motivational quotes that mean nothing. So then you have to figure it out on your own. Yeah.


So it makes you wiser to keep it like a possum in a sweet diner and you're like, so say happy. I don't I don't know what that means.


And then and then if you get it wrong, we're just like, wow, I didn't say that then like oh so that means I should probably stay in the relationship. I didn't say that, but whatever. Yeah. Yeah. But if there's the possibility the sweet potato that was supposed to stay positive.


Right. Sure. Yeah.


I'd rather rather walk a mile and Pittsville boots and stay here and get shit on so I shouldn't let him shit on me. You know what my boyfriend pisses on? God has a plan.


OK, got it. So my. OK, do I drink the piss in the boot? I no. I'm like a dog and it's very like it's just empty clothes and you're just like, oh yeah, they're so wise. Also, the twang helps the twang. If you have a twang, people automatically you can say whatever you want to people you you look just like your daddy.


You lost white Hollywood Weight Watchers. You are just disappearing. No, but I feel like growing up you also, I think is when you grow up in the South, you get this. Accidental support, because everybody says, bless your heart and you don't know until later, it means they think you're dumb. So I got a lot of, like, bless your heart.


And I was like, their blessing, my heart. They think of that like and then now that I'm an adult, I'm like, oh, no. They were being sarcastic and felt sorry for me because they thought I was dumb. Yeah.


Bless your heart. Like a whole language. You can say it many ways. It's, you know, there's a good bless your heart, bad bless your heart.


And what's that mean? Bless her heart. Bless her heart. That's she's dumb.


Oh, she's so dumb.


Like bless her heart. All Bless your heart. Yeah. There's a lot of fake niceties southern. But when you're a kid you don't know they're fake. So you're just like, God, I'm getting all this love and support and then you're an adult and you're like, oh, southern people are real big on like Puerto Rico. We're going to pray for her.


And this is full of gossip. She just Lord, she keeps drinking and her husband is cheating on her. And, you know, she Wertham little short there. So little Lord like it's very much like, what are we doing?


I love a Southern woman.


I love Southern woman wisdom. So Jenny is going to share that with our fans.


It's not exciting. Yeah, she's good. Southern people love Tanjore Huberman last week, Doctor. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, doctor. If I had a doctor in something and someone didn't call me doctor, I would be so pissed off I would sue them. I truly would be like, you only address me as doctor. So sorry, sir. You make us do that anyway.


And so it's so strange. Here's the thing, I, I listen back through it because I had to pull clips or something.


I don't know why and. I want to fix some things about myself on this podcast, I interrupt too much, I get excited notes of a therapist for this.


I do. But she came on the podcast and I interrupted, You can't get a word in.


Yeah, I really I think you should. But listen to the next part of this. So what do you think about this?


Like, I just I, I do think I might have Tourette's bold statement.


I just I get so excited when we get we get such good guest on the show and I just get so excited and I want to make the fans happy and I want to ask them all the questions that I have written out.


And sometimes I interrupt people and I feel like it might be annoying.


I mean, I'm sure some people are annoyed by it. I'm sure some people are like, what are you? I'm sure some people are just like, I really want to hear the end of that sentence. But I think the majority of the punch line to that joke, damn it, I thought that person would get to talk more, but you just had to stand for neuroscientist's on.


And he said two words and I all we know about him. But I just think that, like also people realize that in real life, at least the conversations I have, they're very just like we're going to see who can talk the most and who's going to be the most where.


That's how comics talk. First of all, if you grew up in an alcoholic home, it was just about and you did.


And I don't know if you guys, guys, guys. And the theme of my life is that you guys know this, but I have had a hard life.


No, but I just mean, I'm used to having to fight for airtime with comics. Certainly that's just sort of how we talk. And then when non comedians come on, I was like, oh, my God, you're used to people letting you finish your sentence.


You think this is a TED talk of like, wait a second, you think that I'm going to ask a question and then listen, when you answer.


No, no, I just want to hear the question. I just want to hear myself ask the.


Yeah, yeah. You're just here for this. This is fluff. But I mean, that is true. Also, like as a comic, you're always like thinking like, I can put a joke there. That's funny. I could put a joke there. I can you know, and you're trying to move this thing that you're thinking along with the other person's just like I thought you wanted me to answer this question.


You know what else I do that I hate? I say I go, ha.


Like, I'll yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah right right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right.


Like are you going underwater. What are you, where are you going.


Are you having an orgasm. I finally found out what makes me have an orgasm.


Someone questioning your support. No I, I saw this. I was listening to podcast over the weekend from one of the next guests coming on to do some research, because I really do work hard on this broadcast.


You guys, contrary to what you and I heard, a podcast host where who is agreeing with the person and it was so fucking annoying, she was like, yes. Aha.


Totally. And I was like, I hope I never did. That's active listening. We're taught to do that, but it's fucking obnoxious. In an audio podcast. I need to shut my mouth more.


You you want to think she died. Does she talk again.


I know. I just I don't need to hear you agree silently in your head. You can nod your head nod.


Mm. Yeah that's right.


Like just get over yourself and you don't need to be involved when someone else is talking. Doesn't need to be about you all.


Would you like it better if it was like this. Like tell me about something.


But for audio or video completely. But also Howard Stern arguably one of the greatest interviewers ever. Right.


Totally. He he's given the few interviews he's given. He talks about how the reason he's such a good interviewer is if he gets bored, he knows the audience is bored. So he's not going to let someone finish their sentence. If he's getting bored, he'll just cut them off and talk about something else.


So I'm just it's good to give that away. As everyone knows that you think they're boring, that you're telling it here now, guy, I've ever interrupted you. It's good. I think you're boring as shit.


I don't think you're bombing. You're ruining my body. We're going to go back and be, like, incinerated here and interrupted here. It looks right here. Fuck. I'm going to be canceled for so many reasons.


This week, I did stand up for the first time in six months, seven months, seven months, seven months. I did stand up on ABC, the American Broadcasting Company owned by Disney.


What is this announcement I'm just telling? Do you work for the man Kevin Hart was the host, Will Ferrell, Chris Rock, etc.. We talked about this last week on the opening. Yeah, you did. You read it? I read the jokes.


It went great. I miss doing stand up so much, but most of the jokes I told will be cut because I said, as I said, it was on the Disney Network.


It just became a warm up. They were just like, oh, well, it airs September 14th. And here's I'm going I'm going to make you a bet on the podcast right now. Watch it on September 14th. I, I bet you equiped toothpaste. Are they still. I bet you equipt toothpaste and toothbrush. Surely we can send that we can whoever, we'll figure it out.


OK, Dan Benton, for details of this competition I just invented, these are the two jokes they're going to cut. Ready? Because it was so special about voting, you guys need to vote, Supreme Court justices are at stake. Our rights are on the line. But still, people will say voting is such a hassle, you know, it's a hassle driving your girlfriend three hundred fifty miles across state lines to plan your family.


Is that clearly an abortion joke?


Absolutely. OK, I didn't say the word abortion. What did you think it was when you arrived? Just saying I very cleverly tiptoed around the word abortion.


I, I, I didn't see a pregnant girlfriend pregnant. I just said, your girlfriend 350 miles across state lines to plan your family. They could be going to get birth control. They could.


You're right. That is that is funnier. I'm just saying. So I was arguing with them afterwards because they're like, yeah, we have to cut through you trying to trick Disney. She's like, but listen, listen, listen.


Just me fighting with the cartoon mouse and then this what I know they're going to cut and I knew they were going to cut it going in. People don't want to talk to people who want to hear about celebrities, talk about voting, yet they will talk about voting with their crazy uncle who's trying to convince everyone on Facebook that the animated Disney castles are made of dicks.


And I said, if you guys cut that joke, it's true. If it if you cut that joke, Kuhnen is right.


I am torn, though. This special comes out on September 14th on ABC and I really want to do it because I just I miss doing stand up so much and going on the tour. I just want to make sure that I'm sharp. I'm sharp not only to be rusty, but like I half the jokes that I did were about how annoying it is when celebrities tell people what about like, what are we going to do?


Are celebrities supposed to tell people to vote or not? Is it not? Or is it helpful that tonight I always argue about this and part of the reason we argue so much is I don't have an opinion yet. I'm still my opinion is up for grabs on this. On one hand, I want celebrities to shut their mouths when it comes to politics. On the other hand, it's like you need to use your platform responsibly. Like, I don't I don't know where I landed.


Yeah. And I just have all the opinions. So, I mean, I think that when you have a platform, you do a few that I think I think we are demanding that of people now. I think that we're done with the time of you get to be a scumbag and famous. Like we're not doing that anymore.


Yeah, but there's a lot of actors that are not qualified to weigh in on this shit. Like it does get a little bit annoying when someone that, like, played a doctor on house thinks they're a doctor. And they're going to tell me about how covid works.


Like we're not saying that they're smart. We're saying this is like this is a game of teams. And I need you to get this message out to everyone that you can because you're on my team.


I see. So but but maybe it's just how you do it, because I don't like being lectured. Oh, yeah. That's great. By actresses on how to live and on science. It's like a lot of actors and actresses are starting to think that they are the roles that they've played in television shows. Just because you played a scientist on CSI, does it mean you know about the covid vaccine? Yeah, and that's on that's on fans a lot.


But if you were on West Wing, doesn't mean you can tell me about politics. You read lines that someone else wrote. Yeah.


And I mean, someone is on the fans for giving them that, like, power surge. I'm making them think that way. I think. But I mean, I like what you're saying is right. Like, I don't want you. There's a time and a place to talk about voting.


And it's not my thing, I think. Well, I think a lot of celebrities, when they tell people to vote, they're saying vote as long as you vote like me. Oh, for sure. As long as you're voting for the teams. Yeah. So I'm fine with celebrities saying register to vote vote, but I'm not fine with them telling you how to vote.


Yeah. I mean, I mean I just might because I get the most upset about it whenever you like, ruin something for me.


So here's this is bad tonight. This is one of our first conversations that made me think that Benton had to be in my life and help me build my brand is that Benton has such an incisive take on celebrities role and what they should provide to their fans.


Yeah, when because I spent so much time being like, oh, I don't want to like seem like a narcissist, as you can tell. I don't want to seem like a narc. She hates her.


I just hate attention. Give me a microphone. Get off stage.


I'm just saying like I've spent so much time being like oh god this is self-indulgent. I don't want to post this. This seems like I'm bragging. This seems like I think I'm better than somebody like I want to be humble. I want to be, you know, people to what did you just give me a thumbs up? You did that.


I gave a thumbs up to my producer. I'm sorry about tonight. I'm running Pod Club. I just want to I'm giving really insightful. I thought it was cute and I want to to station and I'm multitasking.


It's called multitasking virtue producer position as he's literally lighting me because we've been talking for two and a half hours.


We're just rambling. We're listen, I'm trying to get to the point of the fact that I am I know you're going to make this point badly. I know. No, I'm not. Yes, you are bad. It'll go from bitterness for you. Can't make a point, though, Venton, is that will make such an amazing, cogent point or say something. Super letters and then I'll ask him to repeat it and I'll totally jumble it.


A lot of pressure. My comment is the microphone away from my mouth. I'm not going to interrupt you because it's New Year, New Me.


It's the same year I might be like old school and thinking about this. But like to me, celebrities are supposed to be, like, almost otherworldly. They're supposed to be something that you like I want to achieve or they're they're not supposed to be like an everyday person.


You're making a point, which is that you want celebrities to be larger than life. You want the ideas. I think celebrities now they it's in famous by being larger than life. And then they're like, but I'm just like you. Yeah. That's something you don't want you to be just like this. But I got these pillows from Target. Well, bitch, you didn't have to, but I don't want to hear about it. I had pillows from Target who was supporting Gucci.


Like that's how I think she might. I don't want you to be like me. I'm like me. All my friends are like me. You be something different.


And so anyways, yeah, if I want to see pillows from Target, I'll go there. They let me in. So like I can afford pillows like my thing. And so like when you all get together you all start you in there.


I don't see myself as a celebrity.


I'm like a hero. Marvin, you're like an icon.


Like I am just more of like a role model than anything.


But like when nobody hates Hollywood more than Hollywood and they'll get together and ruin everything for you. You ever watch the Oscars, you all plan it together. You're with your friends, you have your sandwiches named after actors or whatever you got to do at your parties.


And then that movie you love wins and that celebrity is there in there. Like guys.


Voting is so important right now. And like none of this none of this matters. Just like you, motherfucker. You're like I wanted. That's the biggest thing. When they go none of this matter. I was like, well, they leave trade me. What are you talking about? Like I said, we've been here all day. Wait for this movie to win. We wanted you to tell me, did you like the movie? Was it fine?


What was the audition like? Did you enjoy the role? And you're going to sit here and tell me you hate all this. Get the fuck out of here. This kind of blows my mind, I hate that Bush or when they're giving an interview in the award, is coming up. But I have to sit in all the hair and the dresses and I had to try on 40 gowns, shut the hell up.


We worked three jobs to afford the cable bill to watch this.


And you're going to tell me you don't coming in with the bar and you're going to tell me that you don't want to try on 14 custommade gowns. Give them to me. I came of fitness and I'll take them.


This is I hate that shit. I hate that you're also discouraging. You can't you can't want us to respect your craft and I respect you and then simultaneously shit on your entire business. And it's it's give me a very bad message to people who to kids or actors or whoever in the fucking Glee Club, whatever they're doing, that's like looking up to you. And then you're just like, well, when you when you achieve all this it all sucks.


Then why do we want to do it. Yeah. So true. Like on one hand they'll give an Oscar speech and they'll be like, if I can do it, anyone can. I came from nothing and this business is horrible.


Like why you can't be like this. Business is the worst. Watch my movie. It comes out in September like, well what do I watch it or not.


Like everyone's so desperate to be relevant and people have realized that complaining makes them relevant and being political makes them relevant. I think that people conflate yeah. I mean, depression makes me relevant.


Everybody needs to publicly they think they need to publicly broadcast their flaws to be interesting or to stay relevant.


Here's what's relatable. You know, it's relatable if if if an everyday, hardworking person got the opportunities to to be in movies or to win those awards, what would be relatable is celebrating that, being happy and excited.


But that's why we like Khateeb and Lizardo, because these are people that just like us and now they have something more and they're excited about it. Every time they put out a song, they do a video, they get on Instagram, they talk to a fan, they're enjoying it.


That's that's what they're hardworking. They enjoy the rewards. If you worked at the Piggly Wiggly, well, how about this? They're grateful. If you were at the Piggly Wiggly and then you got promoted to the manager from the pickle, you have a barbecue with your family and celebrate you and be like, oh, God, my promotion.


You wouldn't do that. Yeah.


So you can be rich and famous and not be a piece of shit and you don't have to. And you also have to be just like me to be relatable.


Believe it or not, I can relate to you being happy. I can do that. You want to be miserable like it very much comes off.


Like celebrities are like, oh, you know, the rest of America, they're just so depressed because they're not us. So I have to be depressed, too. Yeah.


Like, no have to also have anxiety. Well it's it's like it's so shut up. But this is why I love bendin so much. He has all the fucking points. And you know, it's just so interesting to me because I'm always trying to go like, OK, what do I do with my platform? You're going to be people are going to be mad at you whether you sure you are right.


Yeah. So but Arianna Huffington, she did this think tank, I don't even know what you call it, where I study. How about that?


Where he found that people only change their behavior if someone they admire changes their behavior.


So celebrities behaving a certain way and works and then tell us all the time, well, we put you on cereal boxes and shit totally.


But it's it's basically like just be a good example. Don't tell us what to do. Just do it and we'll decide if we want to participate or not.


You know, actions speak louder than words. Also photo of yourself saying on my way to the polls instead of vote like your life depends on it because it does like Jesus, like our vote, like you care about people who are blind and you're like, I do like what are you talking about? My aunt's plight. Yeah. It's like, why are you yelling at me?


Like, if you if you're in the public eye and I'm following you and you're living a certain way. Oh, notice you don't have to tell me what you're doing. Yes. You don't have to be like. But I know the best.


But I love it when when celebrities lecture good people on how to be good people saying, no, we're good people. Yeah. A lot of celebrities. You're the weirdo, disgusting, pedophile, selfish monsters that are causing a lot of celebrity to fly private and are ruining the fucking environment. A lot of celebrities are trained to be nice and not be good.


There is a difference. Isn't there a difference of being nice? Going to be interesting? I think that celebrities forget that they're hired by the people that they're lecturing. So they're like, you guys need to vote.


And like we already paid twenty dollars to see your shitty rom com last year. Like we. Right. We're why you're famous. Why are you yelling at us? Yeah. And it's like you work for I did it. That's my that's my thing about celebrities, comedians. We work for you. You guys are the boss. You decide. So when someone wants a picture with me in an airport, you're going to get a fucking picture. If you downloaded my special, I watched myself.


Now, to be clear, that does not mean that you own that person. They're not your property. They have they do have opinions and thoughts and stuff. But the difference is you're not superior to the people that pay money to see your movies. That's right.


I'm not better than you like. Thank you. There's just this gratitude, lack of gratitude to people's fans. Like people now talk down to their fans, like their children. Not. What bothers me? Yeah, they do, and that's a difference in being, I think, this new version of celebrity that we have that are people like Liz on them that have that have worked to get where they are getting Lizzo more than me or versus.


I mean, you fought to or versus someone who has, like, kind of been born into that and is a celebrity. That's two very different ways they treat people.


It is interesting that people I just am always obsessed with human nature, you know, but you guys have sometimes you know me.


I'm just like a doctor. Doctor, what are you doing?


I'm trying to get my something living in there. So touching me an acceptable way.


If you guys are watching on YouTube right now, I'm being real. Well, I guess it's just like it's amazing where we draw the line on taking advice from celebrities. You know, like we want we want health advice. We want makeup advice. We want sex advice. You want relationship advice. But voting like that's where we draw.


Take a vacation during that season. How about that? You get the whole rest of the year every four. When it comes down to this, you just calm down. You bow out. I should I argue that we should not take health advice or parenting advice or I think we should go parenting advice.


No, I it drives me nuts. When I see a celebrity parent, it's like I don't let my kids on screens. It's like you because you have three nannies. What the fuck are you talking about? And also, by the way, you're on screens all the time. That drives me nuts when a celebrity is like I don't let my kids on screens. Meanwhile, she's on fucking Instagram stories all day long and you see the kid in the background being like, mama is like, go, baby.


You're on screens all day, these strangers. And yeah, it's just I mean, it's like they're like, yeah, I don't put my kids on screens. They're too busy in the Scientology center where they should be learning the future. It's learning about real science. It's much like I don't want to know about your child care tips until you tell me how you got your job, because I can achieve one without the other.


Oh, interesting. You really like to know how people got where they do. I, I, I will read every biography and get my hands on.


I hate it when somebody ask about health advice, like don't take health advice from celebrities like my crystals healed me. I'm like OK, my crystals are why I'm not stressed out. You sure it's not the fucking Xanax that you're not sure. You're sure it's not the fact that you work a month, a year in New Zealand? Maybe that's why you're not stressed out.


I want to know what fillers you didn't get, not how to live a minimalistic life.


OK, we're rambling, we got to get to Jenny. I love talking to you, Benton, but wait, what the Jenda reveal bomb that exploded near your home? I know hot news not in why?


We've got some hot news. We got some true news coming in hot.


Many were evacuated from their homes after Jenda revealed bomb sets. Many a wildfire. Wow. Added many just down to gender agenda.


There was a gender reveal party in California. They did a smoke bomb called California has become so liberal that if you believe there are two genders, you'll just spontaneously combust.


It's also like the only time you should be using a smoke bomb at a baby shower is if you or that baby plan on disappearing.


I don't understand the obsession with gender reveal. Like, I just don't. The only thing more annoying than that, actually, is when people don't want to know the gender and people are like, I just I don't know. I just we're not going we don't know where we want to be surprised. Aren't there enough surprises in childbirth like this is surprising.


I'm just saying, like, why would you want to I at least I do support knowing before you give birth. I have so many friends, like, we don't know. I'm like, what color you paint your baby room? Fucking moss, green, yellow. You don't know what to get the kid. I don't know what to buy them. You know, maybe I'm participating in, like conditioning and social construction, but I'm just like I don't know what to buy a kid if I don't know it's gender.


Yeah. You only have gender reveal party if there are for yourself and also weighed with the weight with what things are the way things are going. I'd wait to do your gender reveal party till the kids like or yeah.


Let them decide. Had their own party. They don't want to participate. Let me show you about it.


It was a smoke bomb gender reveal. Right. It was like the big ones, like the ones that I like a lot of smoke, not like the ones we had.


There were like like when I was born, we didn't have smoke bombs at the gender reveal. Everyone was just actually smoking cigarettes.


The girl, that's very much what they used to give doctors. Yeah, that was the doctor giving the advice. I just could you imagine believing in the gender binary so much that you just set the world on fire?


I'm going to prove a prank or blow it all down.


Like like what is your baby, Lucifer? How did you start the apocalypse?


Like her walking away from the car and waiting to exhale. They throw their baby.


I'm just saying, like gender reveal party creep me out. Am I the only one that it's basically a party where it's like, is it a tiny penis or a tiny vagina? Yeah, it makes me think about tiny genitals.


Tiny. Am I a pedophile? I mean, that's weird. OK, we got to get to Jennifer Goodwin because her interview is a delight. It's full of wisdom. Ls she really shared a lot of things that she has never shared publicly. To my surprise and delight, she really walk the line.


I hate you, you're fired. I don't know your job is but you're fired from it. Eight one eight two three nine seven five to seven. You guys know where to text me. I'm sending daily birthday messages and giving updates on tour dates because things are crazy. There's a lot of rigamarole out there. Shows get cancelled. They get moved, they get masked, they get unmasked, they get in, they get revealed. I'm just saying things might change.


Weather might be crazy. Like just let's keep in touch. Text me, please, so that I can give you guys updates in case, you know.


Yeah. Get tickets to Cape Cod. I'm sure you stick with us. Yeah. We don't know either. Do you have any other now. We have new merch coming out in a couple of weeks. OK, it's new. We've been working on it for a minute and it is pretty good. There is. I mean, if you guys are our ultimate, forget about it. This is better and it's all free. Yeah, it's not free.


Also, like I'd like to start doing giveaways on the podcast. I got excited. Did you notice that? Yeah. When he did text me at 3am and said we're giving away things like every Friday, I want to start doing real giveaways of valuable things to subscribe to the YouTube channel.


So we're going to find something valuable. First, I found out that my nemesis has more subscribers than me and I got motivated.


Oh, OK. Anyways, so now I did my elephants.


Don't plagiarize me. We now take a break in our regular scheduled programming, what's Foynes? It's called being sexual. Ever heard of it? I don't think so. You're not attracted to me when I do this, are you? We are taking a break to talk about hello fresh. Hello, fresh. I'm obsessed with how fresh. You know what? Hello.


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I go to the grocery store and I black out when I got there. Yeah. Usually just get dips and crackers because I don't know what I'm going to want to eat in four days.


And then I'm like, I don't know what ingredient IRFs or yes, I just buy like five sauces and I get home and I was like, I like the grocery stores. Too overwhelming for me and I always grocery shop with an empty stomach. The point is, hello, fresh is amazing.


It's just it's so, you know, when you're like, oh, I'm going to make some food and you're like, but I don't have that one ingredient like fast and everything is delicious.


I think I've been through every recipe at this point. I know it's amazing. I mean, I'm not disliked anything.


I like the vegetarian ones. I was really good about myself.


They have like this Texas mac and cheese.


Oh, that's not what is so good. That one is so good and it's all just preme there's no way you can be a bad cook.


Yeah. You really can't mess it up unless you like leave the house. You can't, you can't mess it up unless you're me and you just walk away. Let's just walk away and take a bath like walk away from a burning stove and then somebody will come right in and keep your fridge stocked by adding extra proteins.


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This will make men want to marry you. Hello Fresh. Hello Husband. Best beans. I'm obsessed with the best fans best beans. We're in a full on competition. Oh well I just.


I'm like sick of watching television. I'm sick of like googling myself. I'm sick of checking Instagram.


I love to play with characters that kind of look like me. And you don't look like they're all following you.


What would you. It's a game. It's like a is a game. You're correct. Yeah. I'm just saying it's a game on your iPhone that you can just play. And it's like the perfect balance of, like, fun, but it's also like there's something soothing about it.


And there's yeah. There's, it's very soothing because you feel like you're achieving something. That's it. And it's also good for your brain is like a puzzle.


It's like a puzzle. But it's also the things are cute.


It's not I don't like video games that are like about killing hookers and stealing, just like it's just like too upset you kill.


This one is just like cute and fun and like, I don't go into a blind rage when I'm in it.


Yeah, but you can also compete with friends and I like that. I love the competition aspect of it. Yes.


And it's a puzzle. I mean, it's basically like a puzzle game. It is like a puzzle game. But there's some strategy to it because it's not like it's not just like, oh, here's a line I have to make.


You can do swirls and it's I'm like like playing at such weird times. Like if I just have like ten minutes between things, like I don't even meditate anymore, I just like play best fiend.


Yeah. I can't stop because it's very reward based. You can like get other little creatures and other trophies and I love anything that ends in a reward.


So I'm like really competitive with myself.


You don't need the Internet to play, which is good because I find it's like a good thing to do when you're like, I don't want to be on my phone looking at the news, getting upset and having panic attacks from reading headlines. But I do want to engage my brain in something and entertain myself.


So you do not need the Internet to play, which is part of the reason I love best fiends.


Oh, so you don't have to worry about wi fi access or cell data or any of that.


Engage your brain with fun. We're done now. I think I just love the cute little kid. They're such cute little guys. They're all so I'm obsessed. They're all so mushy leveling them up.


I'm just like I feel like a parent. I'm like, now you're better. I don't think that's what it's like, but OK, I think it's a little bit like when you put your kid like in like a ballet and then they become like a great ballerina and you're like you I love you up.


Like you could have never done that.


I can never walk again. Yeah, it's just like a bug.


Engage your brain with fun puzzles and collect tons of cute characters. Trust me, with over a hundred million downloads, this five like they need us. Five star rated mobile puzzle game is a must play download best fiend free on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the are best friends. So the first thing I ask on this show is this is so funny is I ask the guest if we're friends. The first thing I say is old friend and I tear up.


We are best friends and it's going on 20 years.


I mean, truly 20 years.


We are so we're so close that this is actually kind of awkward.


Yeah, we were talking yesterday, texting yesterday. We were reminiscing with Dorie are like 30 and third, third best not 30.


And and I was like I remember the first time we saw each other naked and now every year looks a little different. So every time we see each other naked, it's like a new time. So I don't even know how to convey how close we are.


I mean, we met one. How old was I? Twenty two. Twenty two. You were forever.


Twenty two. But somehow you're aging backwards. Are you know, I'm no Benjamin Button. It's insane. Well, when you met me I was like, I don't mean nothing bad about like you used to like very old. We used that.


We used to make you show us your driver's license, which was expired. But you pay for this. You can take.


Remember when I was like twenty five, I got in a car accident and I called our third front door at work and called both of you. You had to come get me and you're like, hey, we just need your driver's license. And I was like, you're like you don't have it right? I was like, no. And we go down to the DMV and I had eight hundred dollars worth of parking tickets and you guys were so good.


Why are you friends with me? And then but and. Well, we were, we were I think when did we all become ice in each other's phones.


Like it was like, you know, do you really want to do this? Yeah, because I know because I've grown.


So I was OK. So we met when I was probably twenty two. I was broke and crazy. And the story of us meeting is nuts.


And by the way, I'm just rich and crazy and I tell that. Yes, please.


OK, so I worked with an actor on a movie. Right.


And he's, he's one of the actors I've ever worked with that I truly disdain.


He was not a good so of course I was dating him, but that was the thing.


So I he used to talk about this model that he was.


If my mom hears this, better say something else, she will be. He was seeing and he would brag about this often. OK, so I was cut to the movie ends and this actor is out of my life.


We never became friends.


And I am at the Red Lobster on the having some garlic cheese biscuits and why you were at the Red Lobster having some garlic cheese biscuits with that actor. I was anorexic at the time, so I would not think any biscuits. Why were we at Red Lobster? Was this a thing that Lempriere Red Lobster and what in the early two thousand must have been two thousand five.


So I was with this guy who fully had a girlfriend. That was not me. Oh yeah. That I did not know till later who would. I'm I'm trying to I'm who fully would come on my back and lick it off.


No, no, no. Well that's not surprising. By the way. Seriously, seriously could meet you the shit out of this guy.


I mean the things that I went through on that set that I now recognize were absolutely like sexual assault. And I wouldn't be and I just don't want him in my Google searches. Yeah. Just don't wanna know.


And people would be like, oh yeah, no, I want I mean, we will stay silent because we just want to erase that. Yeah. Just like your is a distinct cystine, also a verb decide to stay and I despise. Yes. Anyway I'm disgusted by the despicable aspect by. Yeah. And apparently respect all over your bullshit.


Oh who knew we were, you weren't publicist. No we were sitting in that keeps going through my mind is my mother and my grandmother but so we so we, I was yes.


You were seeing this guy. He would brag about you by the way, while also he had a girlfriend and he was doing horrible things with an underage standon when we were on location shooting this.


Right. Yes. Therefore, this is my type of guy in my early twenties. This is what I would call a dreamboat.


But apparently a good choice that he made in life was seeing you and going to red lobsters. I'm trying to think how I think I met him with Val Kilmer house.


Well, there you go. And and we were hanging out and he would always namedrop and try to impress me with celebrities. And he was like, oh, Ginnifer Goodwin and another yeah, we keep it wasn't famous at the time are at Red Lobster. And I remember being like, Hollywood is so weird.


That's why he came there. I wouldn't know if you show. OK, so, so I don't know who I like. And then I'm like, OK, because of the person I was sitting with, by the way, it might have been how he might be like, so we're in a movie, but you were in Mona Lisa smile by then.


Yes. And would stay with Debbie. Yeah.


Yeah, but no, but this was after the movie I'd done with the despicable and I was like, why are movie stars at Red Lobster, the garlic cheese biscuits for really good.


So I don't know. So then I wonder if he. Anyways, so you guys came in to Red Lobster and I remember he came over and he said, hey, do you want it? Because I was not he was not there with us. And and he said, hey, you want to see that that model I'm just picking all over?


And I said, sure, sure. I would love to meet this model that I have heard so much about. So you guys came over and sat down and I fell so head over heels in love with you. And I was so confused. And then Dorian and I were at the like in style.


Well, I remember I met you, you know, when you're in a bad relationship and you meet a cool girl, but you're like, I'll never be friends with her because she thinks I'm like, because you were with that. And I was like, oh, God, she's so awesome. But we're never gonna be able to be friends because I'm with this like, dude. So and then I remember because you were wearing I know all of I can literally name what you were wearing and truly every story you had this like like baby blue peacoat with a couple brooches, there was a story like from like anthropology.


Sure was had a lot of like anthropology and brooches from also anthropology. So you were wearing that little peacoat and you were just like so down to earth and so cool. And I was like, I want to be her friend so bad, but she'll never be friends with me because she thinks that I'm like associated with this guy and I'm only with him because I had a bad childhood.


I like well, thank God for it, because then we were like, oh, it's like a Oscar party. Our Golden Globe. This is an Oscar party that I had no business being at. I ended up stumbling into an Oscar party, walked in. You were wearing white pants and a black top in black Jimmy Choo strap.


You gotta you must have actually dressed me. Yeah, I don't think so. Sure. He'll even I didn't know anything about.


Don't you wear white slacks from like Arden B it was like, oh no. Then I think those were mine. I probably borrowed the shoes from Daury. It was like right before you got a stylist. Yeah. It was like all this.


And I was like well you're like. Yeah, and be like, you can't just shop at Goodwill and then come to Oscar parties and it's like you can't. And I saw you and I like ran up to you like Mama, like I said to Dory, it was like that.


That's her. And so we blatantly cornered you and asked you, like, you need help, blink twice.


You've been kidnapped, like, do you want out of that and into this? And I truly after that, I got your number and I got you Andrea's number and you like we should hang out sometime and you should never hang out with that guy again, but you should hang out with us.


And then, you know, normally when you get someone's number, you're like, oh, here's my number. And you like maybe text a month later and kind of just like fade away. They left and I called you.


They left it. Ten minutes later I called. It was like, hey, where are you guys? That's right. And that was and the rest is history.


That was it is like 20 years ago. But why did you why did you stay friends with me?


I was so crazy back that not only we had to make, you know, stay friends with us. Do you remember there's been a lot there's not not in recent years, but there was a lot of. Nope. You are not allowed to push us away. We are not going anywhere. And to the extent that at your thirtieth, was it your 30th birthday at the chateau?


Yes. OK, that's nuts. So it was at your thirtieth my birthday when I dragged Jenny into a hotel room and I don't have any secrets from Jenny and it was driving me so crazy and I had a secret from her. So I dragged her into a hotel room and took my shirt off.


And I was like, I got fake boobs. And I was like, yes, I know, I know. I you I know what you look like in a t shirt.


And I was like I did feel like I have to tell you, like, I know mean suddenly group of seven. But yes. But the thing is, I remember Dori and I were laughing that we all of these people that we met that have come in different phases of your life have come together and stuck with you. We were always the ones to whom they would say, oh, you're the old friends.


And we're like, we're the one she's had the longest. You'd have to call us. Oh, yeah. I'm going to go with we're the ones she's I mean, the original class. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


But yes, but I do remember you've changed my life in so many ways and anyone that's read my book knows Ginny under the fake name book Jenny, which did make me happy when you told me you're doing that where I'm changing your name, it's Jedi.


You know, I love it. I love it.


You can have Pechiney. And I didn't even Stagedoor his name. I just wanted a story.


And so you changed my life in so many ways. And I think you know this. I'm not even sure you know this.


Do you remember when you and Doree sent me a chastising email after New Year's that I left to New Year's Eve show early dinner, early to go do stand up.


Was this here or was this in New York? This was here.


And you guys sent me an email and being like, I need to show up more as a friend. I was being really flaky. I was in bad relationships. I was like running around, like cheating and just like I was just a mess. And I was like not putting my friendships first because I was so focused on making it as a stand up member. I would do stand up like every night I leave dinner. I know. I know.


I know. And you sent me an email. We went to as many shows as we could. What?


You went to my first stand up show ever. Yeah, we were scared. We were so scared. We were like, what?


I think I mean, you know, we try to have interventions with you. We were we were like, you're funny, but do you understand?


Like I said, well, you stand on stage the microphone. Maybe we should look at other things. But when you're a little girl, what did you want to be when you grew up?


You knew me before I ever did standup. Oh, yeah. Do you remember when I was like, I'm going to try did. Yeah, no, we were terrified.


We're like, we think you're funny, but we want to save you from yourself. You know, we're usually laughing you because we're drug. These are real laughs by the way we like. I feel like there have been you have proved us wrong. I don't know why you're friends with that. It's like you've proved us wrong time and time again. Like when you bought your last house. You remember Dory and I were like, should we talk about you're buying this big, beautiful house?


And then you sold three shows like the next week, by the way.


And then do you remember we went to a place called Embar? Oh, yeah.


Didn't we? We even had a birthday party there.


Would you start out? We made a lot of mistakes and start at birthday party. Well, no. Even on Mini, whenever Ginny and Dory have birthdays, I saw a couple of weeks I have to insert myself because I feel such family and I feel so left out. So we would have just like three person birthday parties like my name would be on the invite.


And your picture sometimes starring Whitney.


The reason I did stand up, I remember it. It's going to make me cry, actually, if I think about it for too long. I went on stage, told a story about dating or something and. After I got off, I did well, my first set, I actually did well and then I bombed for like years after that, but my first time on stage now, yeah, normally it's the first time I stage to people is a disaster and then they get better.


Better. For some reason I just got there was some magical thing that night. Maybe it's because you guys were there supporting me or who knows. And my dad was there. And then I came off stage and you grabbed me and pulled me to the ground behind a booth.


And we're just like, Are you meeting me right now? And I felt triggered. And Ronan Farrow, I would like to make a claim.


And you grab me and you pulled me to the ground and you were like, so giddy and you were laughing and you were so, like, relieved that I saw you.


When you watch me watching my kids, like, do it. Like I sobbed through Oliver's first Christmas pageant this year because he's always been terrified on stage and not like in stills. I mean, not that you were terrified, but no, I mean, it's such a normal, healthy reaction to be terrified to perform in front of the people. But the fact that I invited all my friends to my first stand up show, I mean, that could have gone south.


And you were so happy for me. And I just that was the first time in my life I had really been around women and especially friends that were actually happy when I won.


You know, sometimes people were secretly rooting for you to fail or. Sure. Or at least sort of like to be around people, you know, that make them feel better about themselves. And I remember you being so happy for me. And that was such a big part of why I kept going.


Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, I'm so glad. Then I've also ruined a couple of your birthdays was your birthday. We know that was the day that I made my birthday. We oh, that was one of my favorite birthdays of all time. That was my thirtieth. Yeah. And do you remember how I invited you? Because I was really proud of myself, but I don't know why, but I thought I was being because I'm so like by the book.


Yes. Like I'm so I follow all rules. Oh no.


I'm good for like Jenny we would to go to dinner. You'd send me like a paperless post. I'd be like, can you just text me?


That's what I did. So I remember what I did was I invited you guys. I sent you guys an invitation. And it was that I said we were going to a Vegas club opening and that they were going to cover all travel and that all we had to do was like X, Y, Z with the tabloids and of that because it was so not me. And the thing is that once you clicked like this fine print link, I can't believe I can figure it out.


But once you click to find Link, it was like, actually, I'm picking you up in like a mommy van and we're going to go to El-Hai and get my bag. I was like, damn, there goes my husband. So we went to Hi. And it was a very small group of us. And I mean, I did get some kind of like I was in some kind of minivan.


I had gotten I got a minivan. And Ginny is you are truly it's so funny because we truly have so little in common.


I mean, we are nothing alike. Ginny is like the most adventurous, like outgoing, like she's like, OK, this Saturday we're going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show, live interactive show, like we're going to this outdoor screening, like my nightmare. Everything he wants to do involves, like, bug spray. Oh, you do? Well, yes. You have to like Lunchables and like a citronella candle. It's like an excursion.


And I remember my husband calls it the fun army, the fun. I want to be like the the captain of the Fun Army. And I just like a lot of field trips and like, I feel doing things. We've got helmets on. We've got like we have to take a class just like to do it. So we're in Ohio. I'm like, oh, we're just gonna like sit by the pool and, like, have margaritas. We also did we did take a blood bath.


We did do that.


Yeah. Oh, that was so fun. That was. And and Jenny's like, OK, we're going to go to an apothecary and make her feel like that's Jenny.


Good one. Well, I'm just like, isn't there didn't Chanel nail it to the same person that I remember remember like fifteen years ago when you're like, I got an ice cream maker, I'm like, oh, did Briar's not figure it out?


Yeah, but by the way, it also always we had to get rid of it because everything just turned into scrambled eggs. We made omelets. We made like chocolate omelet because I can't I still can't make ice cream. I feel like my cooking skills haven't nailed it, though. Bettinger nailed it. It it's like, no, let me give it a try. And so we go to an apothecary to make perfume.


And I don't remember there's like this person who is like walking us through it and we're smelling this, all these gorgeous glass bottles all over the wall. It's like so magical. There's like vanilla and whatever, charcoal and coffee. And I've invited a bowl to a china shop. I mean, within the first ten minutes, I pick up the orange blossom.


Oh, yes. Drop it shatters. Oh, yes. Oh yes. So then we try. The teacher tried to be kind and we tried to continue the class. But everyone everyone could only smell orange. And in fact, they decided that we needed to evacuate. Like, I have a migraine, I know. I think we just need to go for a walk, maybe get some air.


It was like it was literally just like inhaling Lysol. And it was so cute how everyone was trying to keep going.


And she would be like, and what does what do you smell of? You're like Rose Amber Tmax. And I be like orange. I think that's. Hey, you do that Sunkist, I'm not really sure, but ever like we're eyes were watering. And so that was the best trip.


I made a picnic outside a picnic outside. It was the first time I saw you naked. Was it.


I think so. Thanks, Salway, problem. Well, maybe. I mean, we all started, like, drawing stuff in the mud. Oh yeah. Because we were in mud baths. Yeah, it's interesting. I'm such a naked person now around my friends. And I wasn't back then. It was weird. I was like, more insecure about my body back then.


Know, that's not weird. That makes sense. Yeah. Your relationship with your body has entirely changed. It's so true. When Jenny knew me. Let me ask you a question. So when we first met, I had such crazy eating disorders.


Did you like the Swiss musks Swiss mouth?


Like, did you know and you knew and cereal? I would eat basically.


I would go to the grocery store and I would buy Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate and we would go to dinner. I can't believe I cannot believe you guys. I would mix it with water, like at a restaurant. Yeah. And that's all. I was also so broke at the time, the fact that you guys, we would go to dinners that I could not afford because I was so desperate that I was so naive of us to which we just didn't know.


But I think you guys were cool about the fact that we all just have water. I'll just have some of your you know, like it was like I was always trying to manage it, but you guys never made me feel weird about it. You never judge me about it. Or I'd say, like, you know, I'm going to come late. Right. Like, I'd come like ten o'clock and hang after.


That's how you came up with the idea to start doing comedy honestly during the during different time with you guys. And you won't let me just like scream about my vagina dinner for two hours. So shouldn't just know. But we should have been more considerate, more aware of the fact that we were like going to these restaurants. I should have been more honest. I was a lot I just would lie because I didn't want you guys to not want to be friends with me.


Oh, God bless. And then so it's so interesting to me when I have a friend that's going through something, a bad relationship, body stuff, eating stuff, family stuff. And there's not a ton you can do. Like, how much did you know about that? It was I mean, it was it was 100 percent obvious, but you and you went to the gym like twice a day, but you guys never judged me. You never know.


But you also I also don't think that we I don't think we can or should, nor should we necessarily want to change people.


Right. Like, you have to come to things on your own, but you have to.


And also, you're not going to love yourself if you don't. And it also doesn't work. That's the other thing. You know, one's ever been about relationship. And I was like, hey, you know what? You should get out of this. And they're like, oh, my God, good idea. Well, we all have our shit. Yeah, all of us have our shit. All of us. So it's also I mean, that's how I feel about relationships, too.


Like there's no I mean, any kind of relationship, romantic or friendship. Like there's always going to be something there that's like I don't want to say compromise because I don't think you should compromise, but there's always going to be something there that's like the difficult thing that you navigate. But I don't know. I think you kind of choose like, what are those difficult things that I want to navigate in life?


Like, what am I OK with navigating instead of it being I don't want. Yeah, I would like people to change if they want to change themselves.


I would like to support that process. Right.


But if I try to change you and you don't, it's going to be bad. And if you do now I know you're only this way because I changed you well. And it's not like there's nothing that probably lasting about that. And yeah. And it's artificial and that doesn't. Yeah. That's open to any kind of like and then you're there as well. Confidence which you now have because you, you went on this journey like hopefully we held your hands but you know, but you still this was your journey.


I remember because sometimes people just change your life and they don't even know they're doing it. And just it happened at the right time. It was the right person. I remember one time you were at my apartment back when I lived by the Comedy Store, and my cabinets were all full of like diet soda, diet candy, diet crap. And I never ate like real food. No diet chemicals. Yeah, shit.


And you open the cabinets and you just were like like your face, like you were just so horrified and seeing your face because I had normalized it.


It's amazing what we normalized or amazing what we go numb to. Right.


And I remember going like, what was that? And you're like it's just so sad that this is what you think of yourself. And like, I know it was like the first time you had ever really acknowledged it and something just like turned in my brain. And I was like, got it. Like, I just got off right away. You said exactly what I need to hear, what I need to hear.


The only time I remember actively trying to get involved was do you remember we went and got mani pedis during some it was like an awards show.


It was like Oscar season or something.


You know, they do all of these four for listeners who are unaware, like we get spoiled rotten, you know, that we are invited to go to these, you know, like how genius.


I mean, this is like people always talk about celebrities. They get like set free stuff or whatever. There's these lists where you get sent free, like swag. And Jenny will get sent like Prada and like Mumu.


I'll get that changes as you age, by the way, which I've noticed, which we can also talk about at a point. I mean, but you get these like gorgeous, like Prada, like gorgeous loafers. And I will get like slap bracelets and Kozko like a dollar store merch.


Well. I don't think that is the case necessarily at this point, but we went to say it was like some kind of award show. Yeah, it was like a pop up bar. Yes. And they said, you can come get mani pedis. And and I said the time. Yes, I and I remember what I asked you. And by the way, I am not like I had just got a child nutrition.


But I asked, you know, what did you eat today. Yes. Because you were drinking a sugar free, sugar free, sugar free ice blend. It was coffee B and I think it was so. And I said, can you you I said I first said, What have you eaten today? I was sobbing, crying on my phone. I was in some altercation with some guy that I don't even remember. That's how insignificant it is looking back, even though it felt like the end of the world or I was sobbing, crying at this beautiful, sweet.


Yeah. And I had only eaten basically, like you had a couple of those.


But these like ice blended, they're like Frappuccino is basically that's all I'd eaten all day.


And I said, how much you sleep last night? And you just looked at me and I was like, you won't take me back.


I don't know what that looks like to me calmly.


This is about what did you eat? You had not and you hadn't slept night before. And I remember I went home and I called Dory and I was like, OK, we can do something. And so what we tried to do was trick you into we started looking through because also like I mean, again, I'm not a poster child for nutrition, but we were like, OK, so what can we trick her into? Thinking is going to make her skinnier.


But it's actually really, really going to like help like balance her balance, balance, balance her.


Because I remember you guys being like, you know, fat actually isn't fattening. Sugar is actually. Yes. And so the first thing we did was I sent you an article about hydration.


I remember that.


And I was like, if you could drink more water, you're going to be less hungry. And really, that was an article you were just setting. Both of us knew. And then the next one we did was we started working with you on protein because we were like, if you eat some protein, you won't have to eat much of anything else.


And then it was vegetables because like, if we can get some fiber, you'll poop out all of the food you just hate and then you won't gain any weight.


And like, it was like that's the only time I felt like we got we did try to be manipulative because we were like, if we can just make her think that we're aiding and abetting and just called gaslighting and then maybe because we were like, if she's hydrated, we think and I also I mean, I don't drink much.


I drink crystal like crazy.


But but yeah. So that was that I feel like that was the only time we tried to actively interfere.


And how are you so like I mean since I've known you, you've always had such a clear take on relationships.


You've given me some of the best advice I've ever gotten in relationships. This truly blew my mind. Seriously.


No, I know you've been in some doozies, some interesting choices before I go where you you had to watch me have crazy eating stuff. I had to watch you in some ways. You really got to start with some of the guys you'll have to live with. No, it's I'm so glad.


I love. I love.


I love your past because it makes your current relationship that much more magical. Sure. I know what I mean. Because I feel like had we not made all those mistakes and gone and done all those weird past, we wouldn't be. Have anyone to compare. Yes. No, I think I take pride and I do think I'm a person who says, oh, that didn't work. I can try this other thing. Yes. You're so good at that and not take it personally and not overthinking it.


You're just. Yeah, that was that. Moving on, I also am just particularly thrilled the man you did marry is my soulmate. Oh, absolutely.


I know we are the same person. I'm basically married. I think it's true. I married like the first time I met George.


We were like in a corner, like dying, laughing and like had so many inside jokes.


Within five seconds I'll even be like, who are you texting in Florida? It's like, it's weird. OK, yeah. Yeah. You're her husband. You're like, truly this past life twins or something. Sometimes I come to you and I'm like, hey, I don't understand. I know what is he doing up. That's what he's doing. Yeah, I'll text him. I got it. Yeah. You've given me all the other things. I'm so obsessed.


But you said some things that changed my life because for the longest time in relationships, the only power I thought I had was withholding or leaving. Well, and one time you said leaving is not an option. Do you remember?


Yeah, I got that from someone else who probably doesn't want to be name checked back on. That blew my mind when someone said that to me a long time and I was like, oh, no, we're going, I'm leaving, was what I the leverage that I thought that I.


Absolutely. And you're like, no, you stay in the race, everything.


If you think I'm staying in the ring, you actually open up. You actually like try to negotiate something with someone.


And you how did you know Josh was like it?


I mean, I know why, but it's like we've been in love a lot and we've been I've known you through a lot of relationships where I've thought I've met the one I thought I found out I was in love and where we both were like, OK, I've said to you, this is the one. Many times you've said it to me many times, and I do think there are many the ones, by the way, like I think that I don't believe there's just one person for us.


I think so many elements, of course, play into it. Like just timing. Yeah. Like time and place where you are in your my other soul mates are just too far away.


Like I mean, I do believe when people say like, oh, if only I'd met you sooner, things like that, like well that's probably true. Like if you timing is everything and experience the experience that you have leading up to something. And I, I met Josh, I was engaged to be married, of course.


And you're right.


And I met Josh and I and what I thought was I am in trouble because I did think that there was not I don't think I think Josh will love this and not hate that.


I'm saying this.


I listen to this. No, he's not. If I were right. But you ask me and I'm like, what's a podcast? That thing. I'm always listening to that with us.


So so I had always thought that I needed to either be in a relationship where I was in lust or I was in love. But I never had both.


I just had and it didn't occur to me there could be both. And I was engaged to the most wonderful man.


But there were just things that I didn't have in that relationship that I met Josh and I thought, here's a thing I thought I would not end up with Josh because also his dance card was full at the time.


But I thought now I know that I could end up with someone like Josh.


So what? I know they exist. They're out there. Hold out for a hero. Absolutely.


So I met him, called my mother, and I was on location for once upon a time and I said, I'm in trouble. And she said, You don't know I'm in trouble. I met Whitney sometime. I met my husband. I met Whitney is a man. And and I will never forget my mother putting it this way. And by the way, she didn't have time to think this up. This was a one phone call like revealed to her.


I said I met this man. This is how I feel. And now I know. And my mom said that you need to cancel the wedding. And I said, yes.


And she goes, Baby, canceling a wedding is hard, but it's not that hard. And there was something about that that took like I cannot describe the relief I felt. Now, also, I am a spoiled brat. I mean, my wedding, by the way, was bought and paid for. And I didn't realize that I had kept the invitations. It was a remember, it was it was a destination wedding. We were at Knoxville or Nashville.


We were going to be in Memphis, but I had not ever actually sent out the invitations. I had never actually opened the box.


And it hadn't occurred to me that that was weird, that they were just sitting in my garage like four months before the wedding and that I still had not and also had not told my fiancee that I had not taken care of even opening the box and looking invitations.


So when my mother said that and I realized I just needed someone to give me permission and to tell me leg, like I feel like a million mothers on this planet would in doing the right thing by their children, to say don't cancel this on a whim. Let's just see this through like, yo, yo, my mother just knew and she knew that there were so many elements that were keeping me, like, entrapped in this thing and that the wedding was probably the biggest.


One of the biggest that. Yes, the logistics. And so not only did that happen, but then I called my dreamy father like business manager that I've had for 20 some odd years.


You're doing now, listen to this. It's just paying her nothing. So sorry.


I had people really taking care of me during that time and again, did not think I was going to end up with Josh, but realized that's what I want. I want someone just like that who gives me these feelings and who is such a friend and who he was, just the whole package. So we and then his dad, the fact that his butt ugly. Right.


Obviously, I mean, it's just like I just kind of ugly. That's not my problem. Just like ugly, bad, just gross body.


So he ended up so his dance card, when it when it freed up, we still decided that we were just going to be friends because then we were trying to be terribly responsible adults and we were saying, OK, but we're on a show.


And if we I mean, inevitably this will end. And I'm Snow White and your Prince Charming and it makes no sense. Yeah, it makes no sense. And there's no clichés. No metaphors. Like gods don't trying to tell us anything. The universe is not aligning our favor like nothing. But we. But what if it. But we were sure because also we are actors and we are on a set and we are on location and we are sure that this is a bubble thing and this is not going to work and we're going to ruin this for everybody.


And what we came down to two was and then one of us is going to have to leave the show and it's not going to be me. So are you ready to be unemployed because Prince Charming is going to have to Disney is going to have to push him over being killed? Yeah, because you're not staying when we break up because we're not going to make everybody miserable.


So we tried until, like the fall to stay friends and people don't leave us.


But right now, I don't believe I believe you because I remember having to fucking hear about it. I just wonder, what is this like? Sit outside your house. I was smoking.


I was like, what is this performance where we're pretending you're not going to be together? It's like we got. Together in the fall and on our first date, we were like, all right, we're going to take the slow. And then we moved in and then minutes later and then we went to the show, we're like, we're going get.


I know. No, I remember when you were like, oh, we're not going to get married. We're just going to like, oh, I tried to not get married for so long. Do you remember that? So I was because Josh kept saying things about, you know, he he very gallantly wanted to wanted to wed. And I would always say, no offense, it's not you me. But I really feel like, you know, I don't really understand what marriage marriage.


Does that mean the thing that it should mean for us to get married?


It's you know, I was just on that one granted citizenship. Like we just didn't feel like we needed the piece of paper. I was like, can we just be together forever?


I've already canceled one wedding. Yeah. And he had been married. And so I kept saying no. And then something I mean, I'm sure it was biological, but thank God when I was let me because we did plan on let's live together and have babies, the babies were very, very much planned. And I remember like the day that the switch flipped and I came home and I was so pregnant. It's when you were up and I was like, I want your name.


I want your health insurance. I know I have my own, but I want your dad. And I wanted a fancy ring that is way too expensive, like the whole kit and caboodle.


And he was very generously, you know, inclined to oblige.


So he patient with me turning into a marriage. So, yeah. And I married pregnant, which I love. And I'm literally there. If you were maybe eight months, eight months pregnant. Yeah. And what made you decide to do it pregnant? I suddenly wanted I mean, that did become a logistics thing where I was like, I want to I want this baby to come in. I want us all to have the same name. And I remember right during the wedding, I realized what marriage does mean to me.


Tell me, by the way, I was too busy to get over someone else that was like to anybody other than my husband. When I was growing up, I thought that my parents were related because, I mean, it's just like my sons proposed to me all the time. By the way, I always say yes. Do you blame me?


I don't know what kind of messing up I do. She asked me whether or not he was like because we let them crawl in bed with us in the mall that I.


And the other night he asked me if he could still sleep on the same side of the bed when he's a grown up.


And I was like, absolutely.


And Josh said, there will be more room because I'll be at my girlfriend's house. He'll be here. I said, I will miss you.


But but just like my children are always proposing to me and I really do hope we get married, so. Oh, my God, it's so cute. By the way, they pretty they watch Big Love. Oliver said to us the other day, he said, Daddy, I'm going to marry Hugo. And I could punch I can punch Josh because his reaction was, Buddy, that's not really legal. And I want I want it to be like, no, great.


Well, I will plan the reception now. We just have to stay together. But I know lots of invitations for crossing out names. But but but I thought my parents were related because I didn't understand. I don't know. There was just no concept they were family. So how were they not like blood relation? And during the wedding, I suddenly I remembered it during the wedding, that that's what I thought of my parents. And I realized I felt that way about Josh, that we were somehow that this that this formality in making us family was making us like have this like truly inseparable, like blood type.


And because he's been married before, I did tell him, by the way, at the wedding, during the ceremony, I leaned over and I said, you realize that if you did this again, it'd be real tacky.


You are so stuck with me like like I like leaving. I don't know what was not just about child support. This is you cannot like like you cannot leave. And I do I do realize, too, that, like, save for either I've had so many relationship deal breakers in my life and but I realized with Josh, this is so terrible, it sounds like giving him like some kind of past.


But even if he murdered somebody, I think I'd still be like pretty like as long as we're together, we're together. It's sort of like when I had Oliver, the first thing that went through my head was, oh, I understand.


Like, if you like all the women that I like watch interviewed on the news, like if you ever did anything, like I would hide you and lie to everyone about where I would protect you from, from everyone that I really love that documentaries are made about.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just I feel like this is evidence in the basement and I would lie to everyone so that they couldn't find you.


Like I suddenly got that like my K.M.. Yes.


Primordial, ferocious love at all costs.


Which is why to think that like my career has and all my dreams have entirely changed. Because which I had to go through mourning about for sure, I thought you were to say had been shattered, but I'm glad. No, no, no, it's a choice. I hope. I mean, aging in Hollywood is one thing, but I but no, I I realized I always thought that my kids were going to come along on the ride with me because come on.


Like getting to be a working actress. It's a it's a wild ride. It is as I mean it's a it's a crazy roller coaster, but it's really exhilarating. And I thought that my kids would just come with me on the ride.


And the second I had them, I was like, oh, the you are the ride. You are the ride. And I am I don't know. I'm like your escort at the theme park.


Who's going to protect you and hold your shit. I remember when you first it was so hard for me to understand when you got famous because it was like I met you before. You got like famous famous and then you got famous, but you were just ginés. It was just like that always gets so confusing. And then because I remember being like we were your plus one for all of your the walk the line, remember the walk the line.


I remember more than my plus one for a while. For what kind. First of all, I remember you went to did you shoot it in Tennessee. Right. In Memphis. And you came back and we went and picked you up from the airport and we're like, oh jeez, why did the studio not send me a car, by the way?


It's making me like 20 years or so say why? It's like I'm landing from shooting this movie with Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix at LAX, like tonight at eight o'clock or so. Anyway, you can there is supposed to be a car. There is supposed to be a transfer. You don't know how my agents missed the fact that we were picking you up is already weird. And we were like, oh, she's going to have change. She just just this big studio movie.


She's going to come back. She's to be such an asshole.


Like the genie we love is going to be like this diva. She gets in the car and that fucking Pekoe the same fucking nasty. Oh yeah. Chote same brand.


She's like, I'm starving. Is there a Taco Bell close by. I needed a Mexican pizza and a spork. Like nobody's saying that she's always best left hook.


I remember back then and by the way it's not like there was a Taco Bell in Memphis. Yeah. I don't know. I just had it in the airport. Another pizza. Did you ever feel weird about your body?




Oh. She says she adjusts her body shape. I mean, I remember like I just remember there being so many weird little like things about that when you I feel like things have changed in the last couple of years. A little bit. You can tell me if I'm wrong, I'll talk openly. But I feel like when we started it was like women's thighs couldn't touch. Oh my gosh.


You know, who really had a huge impact on me was Julia Roberts like and I did my first movie with her. So while I know and she I feel like she took me under her wing in a way that I mean, I've I owe I owe her so much.


We all do. We all do. We all do. When I started, I had never I by the way, I was on Weight Watchers as a child. So I had kids, I had body issues because I felt really because of Weight Watchers, I think I, I felt really good about just being who I was and being healthy.


And and I don't know, even though I read a lot of fashion magazines, I never thought I was supposed to know. I never I never thought, like, my thighs weren't supposed to touch. Yeah. I just thought, like like this is this is the ME package.


And I am an actress and I am stunning and gorgeous and isn't it.


But I was shocked when we started doing press for Mona Lisa smile. I mean, I was supposed to be like my character, Mona Lisa smile was supposed to be mousy, a little dowdy, but that's really fun. And, you know, I like not having to put on as much makeup.


It's like I don't know. I don't consider that like an insult. Yeah. In any way. But but I remember when the press started coming out because you could never look dowdy. But that's stunning. But I dressed up today because I was I put on a sweater. This man was like, this is like I rolled out of bed. But I, I remember when the press came out and when I would do interviews, I mean, people were really mean.


And I remember the girls, but of Mona Lisa smile all I mean, seriously, like especially like, you know, but they all got my back, but especially Julia Roberts got my back and we would all get very defensive and like they'd ask you questions and junkets, you know, like I was in a huge press conference and I actually had a journalist say, what's it like to be like, you know, like a heavy actress and Hollywood?


And the thing that's not I mean, I exploded I lost my mind on this woman and I did have my publicist at the time inside after it was a woman. Of course, it was a while. And then I did have my publicist pull me aside afterwards and say, here's the problem with how you handled that. Your reaction is all that they will now print. They don't show. They're not going to show this woman there's no camera on this woman.


They're not going. You have got to learn. And she taught me that the art of I love this is like a utopia thing, by the way, like totally plugging. I think everyone's seen it. So there's this little movie did. But but that, you know, if you don't want to answer the question that they ask, answer a different question, because the questioner is not going to ever be on camera.


So anyways, Mike, what's it like to be so gorgeous? Oh, thank you for asking that. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God. I'm flustered. But instead, I really was an asshole to this woman like she deserved it. But I attacked her, her physically and things like that. So that was not cool.


But I feel like Julia did a really good job of both protecting me and saying things like taking microphones, Assange and he's not going to answer that, especially to about personal things. Like if anybody asked me about men, she would say he's not going to answer that and not a controlling way to truly like she was my buddy through all of this. I think we forget, especially in this business, when you're like, oh, I'm hired to do to be a puppet and to do it, I have to give and give and give myself away.


And she kept saying, I will never forget. Like, she cornered me after we did a photo shoot together because there were also she would refuse to do photo shoots without me for press.


Like when I wouldn't be asked to be part of a magazine spread, she'd be like, not only am I not doing this without Jenny, but she's going to be the one on the page with me, things like that.


And I remember she also cornered me write a shoot and she said, Please, please, please, please don't ever get given to this body image. Shit like you are beautiful. Do not change. Please do not let go. Like, do not listen.


I'm sorry.


I was for like I was probably like a four six like I was probably like a good six but like that's tiny like now like Chile would give to be honest I remember I couldn't fit into your Jenny had one Marc Jacobs dress that she wore for about four years.


We got all for it, but everyone would wear the dress and then I went to predominate. I couldn't even fit it up my back. No. And I remember because you just built differently because you've always been slimmer than me for sure. But we have it doesn't. Yeah. Point is, I think what comes off on camera, it's like if someone's face is more round or more angular, you know, but that's the thing.


I've never been like I'm like, like people always meet you and there go. She's tiny and I've always taken that too. Is I mean, it's a compliment, but it is a testament to. Yes.


Movie stars on a giant screen school. I guess it was it was a crazy road in the beginning, but I would say my body. So I would say I've never had issues except this. I would like there to be more attention paid to what happens to the female body during pregnancy and afterwards, because I feel like I read everything and watched everything. And I feel like there is this there's so much put on to pregnancy and postpartum life that's like trying to convince ourselves of this thing.


As in I thought that pregnancy was going to be all like, you know, rainbows and unicorns and that I was going to, you know, love being pregnant and love have, you know, like, love the delivery. Yeah.


And that postpartum life would be about like bonding with my baby. And it was truly friends who said to me, by the way, you probably haven't read this in any of the, like, 400 books you've read, but like, you're going to be in a diaper and your belly's not going to go back no matter how much you exercise and your skin and your stretch marks and the sags. And that shit will never go away, no matter how hard you were.


I mean, like, I have a friend who will remain nameless, who had ruined her couch because she was breastfeeding her child and had a hemorrhoid and it exploded. Oh, yeah. Bright red blood, the bleeding. I remember. And by the way, so this is the story of how can we do this on your show? Yeah, just like I was having, like, the same issues all pregnant women have where, like, I would suddenly be like I'm bleeding all over the floor, like after I had the baby or I was wetting my pants endlessly for months.


And but anyways, in the beginning when I was putting my pants, I didn't want my husband to know by the way he delivered the baby, like I got a wet squirt you make me.


So I thought he would find this unattractive. He delivered the babies and still wants to have sex with me.


But I still like hiding these things from him because I thought they were so not like feminine and attractive, like a clovis's a crevice.


I was calling I remember calling my I went into the bathroom and I'm in the bathroom door. Close was not enough. And if he wasn't like I remember hide, I like crouched down by my toilet to get on the phone with my ogwyn.


And I called him and I was whispering and I was like, I'm wetting my bed and I'll never forget this because. Yep.


And I was like, I'm I'm like, I will get up and realize I, like, wet the seat that I was sitting on and I didn't know and. Yeah. And I was like, OK, so wait, what are you not understanding. Like I am like a child like. I can't stop wearing my pants and he goes, You had a baby. What did you expect? By the way, I love that about stuff they don't prepare you.


Yeah, and so and then I found out that that was actually when I found out that I needed to actually order and wear diapers.


But but I feel like there's something that hap like I see a disconnect. There's a lot of like love your body, love your body, love you are. But I don't see a lot of like love the like saggy belly you're now going to have for the rest of your life.


But I also would like to have been prepared for it. Yes. I mean, there was so much stuff. I remember when both you and Jerry had babies. I remember Doris saying I thought everyone's water broke. Right. We see in movies like Splash, time to go to the hospital. It's like I felt contractions, but I was like, oh, there's no like we. Where is the information to actually prepare people? I feel like the step by step romantic comedies in the 80s are most of our preparation for.


Oh yeah, but no, it took me getting like a phone call from a girlfriend in England who was like, oh by the way, when you're in the hospital, ask them for the numbing spray and I'll tell everybody this. I'm like you after you have a baby, I can tell you this right now. After you have a baby. After my surrogate.


So. So you want to tell the surrogate, do you get this? Like, because they don't just give it to you have to be your doctor to get a prescription for it. But it's like this sport, like injury numbing spray and you use that down. They're also like you can't like sit on a toilet or wipe for eons. So I started using a hair dryer at low level, like prevent like getting rashes and things.


I have a friend who tore twelve inches. Oh yeah.


And she had to go get the rejuvenation. Oh yeah. And she said that was more painful than the childbirth.


Really. Yeah. I'm not girly when during my second child of my doctor because the second one like falls out and so after Hugo like fell out into Josh's arms, I looked at the doctor and I was like, hey, while you're down there, well, there are some things that I like. I feel like we remember to the doctors. I feel like we've accomplished a lot here today.


I just can't feel anything anyway.


And I don't even need to put me under. I did say to him, by the way, which I do appreciate and this is about like love your body stuff, I did say to him, like, is there any way that I could get, like a tummy tuck and have like at the same time that I knock it out to birds like that? I was having my babies vaginally and he was like, nope. And I was like, this is Hollywood.


I'm sure that there's a come on, there's got to be a guy.


And he walked me through y you know, if you decide to do this down the line, that's one thing. But this is why I'm not going to let you go through like that process while you're going through this process, which I really appreciate, going to be breast feeding urinary on painkillers and.


Well, and he was like and it's messy. And you're just getting somebody who can I mean, he had all kinds of good reasons for like, you know, science and body and healing and things. They she said that when she went and got the vaginal rejuvenation, the doctor asked her size wise, would you like to go back to 16, 18 or 21? And I was like, oh, no. How big of a difference was your.


I was like, that is so my vagina did not change Sinai between 16 and 18. I don't think that's amazing. But did she decide, by the way, I actually like D Yeah. But she was, she was like eighteen and it was like such a specific projection by the doctor. Right. It was just like where did you get these numbers. But yeah, you can like decide how small you want it to be.


But we got to do it two for one point. How.


Did you get so clear on. You've always been so relentlessly authentic, I know it's your mom. I know your mom. I know she's a superhero and she's a saint. Like, why have you always been so authentic? Like, you never lie. You've never been fake to be a terrible liar. Let's just be honest.


I mean, she's for for literally one of the most brilliant actresses working today. She's so horrible. It gives you the hardest time about we'll see someone like a restaurant pandemic, like, wow, you hate that person. I'm like, no. You could tell could you just act the way you do it without the cameras? No idea. You were that bad an actress in real life, but it's just like there's no there's never any drama with you.


There's never any like I'm so spoiled by my relationship with you and our third story, because then afterwards I'd work with people. I'm like, oh, people are people are not. People are not, you know, what is it is it being from Tennessee? Is it your mom?


I think. I don't think well, by the way, and I've never talked about this before on camera, I'm recording with anyone. I mean, you've heard this. So when I mean, I think that a lot of who I am, I mean, is it's like just really, really, really good, I hope parenting and grand parenting and having a superhero sister as well to him.


I mean, your grandmother collected dolls. What could have gone wrong? Biggest collections in the world. I've got a doll. I've got a porcelain doll myself. But but, you know, when I was a teenager, I was in a really abusive relationship.


And I was and I suffered from depression and saw doctors for years and years and years. And by the way, those one did not lead to the other. It was just like the perfect storm of adolescence and being in a bad situation. And, you know, my parents tried to keep me out of the abusive relationship and to help me. And they did they they took every step that a parent should take to help a child in that situation. Meaning like they were, you know, the safe place for me to go.


And they got me the help that I needed and made me see that asking for help is the absolute categorical, most noble thing that you can ever do. There's something like they've really made me see that, like there is strength in saying I can't do this by myself. And and so I do feel like I I think that there was like a moment when I was about 16 when I realized that my life could really go one of several different ways and that most of the ways were were a very, very bad way.


And I could make a choice. And I just suddenly for me, for me, how I've navigated, how I navigated mostly in the past, because it was a chemical thing that that seems to have righted itself as I have, you know, as my hormones have bounced out. So it was, OK, I need to go on medication and I need to talk to people regularly and get that help that my parents taught me. I need a bit like the choice is going to be to change my life.


Like I can. I can. I think I felt like. There was nothing to lose, right?


It was like it was I was in such a bad, dark place that I was like, well, I could just keep going down those like several different roads that I can envision or I could choose the, like, really, really, really unlikely road, which is I leave Memphis and I try to get into the top acting schools and I, you know, never come home again except to see my family.


And I go to a movie with Julia. All right. And I just maybe I should just, like, try to do the other thing, like try to do the opposite of what I'm doing now, country action and see if that was that's come. And I was like, and we can just like it's not like failing would matter because I can always do that later. Yes. I can always go back to that. Yeah. But like I haven't tried the thing that is I haven't tried the unlikely thing that is like what if I could become a working actress and support myself doing that and have a different life and surround myself with a different kind of people.


And, and so when that so but also I'm I'm spoiled rotten in that it worked so quickly, like there was such immediate gratification, like I got into the top acting schools. But I think also because I was just being super nervy, because I had nothing to lose. And I remember going up to like the head of the program at the school that I chose and said, I think my audition was terrible. And I said, I can't wait to see you in the fall.


And I think that it was that kind of thing. I did that at my first movie audition for Mona Lisa Smile. That was my first movie audition. And I said the same thing to the director. I like got nineteen fifties clothes in which the audition and said, look, I can't wait to see on set, which is really me being an asshole.


I don't recommend people do so crazy like yeah, if you hadn't gotten the job it would have been and say oh by the way like now also that I like screen test people on the other side. I'm like helping people get some job I'm on. Like I'd be so turned off by someone saying that to me.


I think I also remember when you auditioned for Big Love, you went in and you were thrown like you just lost focus. Yeah. I said, can I go outside and collect myself and collect myself and listen to my. Yeah. My music music for a second and come back. Yeah.


And I thought I had ruined it. You took control of your environment, but I thought that I was like, oh, I wasted all their time. I probably ruined it, but it was the only way that I could get myself where I needed to be to then go back.


And then how did you know you were just like, I'm not I need to just, like, regroup. Like, how did you know to take that contrary action, really?


Like when you have ten people staring at you, like Tom Hanks and brilliant writers, you know what I'm really good at, which Josh and I have had to learn to navigate because he's not like this now.


He's like me. I'm like, I would rather just fail in front of you when I get then take five minutes for myself if he have and if we have a conflict like Josh wants to address it head on and I am hardcore about, I need to walk away from this and I'll be back. I love you. I am not abandoning you. What have you eaten today. Yeah, but I'm not going to I'm not going to address this until I, I have to.


I'm a step away. Yes. That's what you want. We're all working towards the ability to take pause. Yes. To go. You know what. Pause. I'm going to go for a walk. I'm going to collect myself because right now I'm going to say something cruel. To say something mean, I'm going to regret it. I'm going to roll my eyes and it's not going be how I feel. Yes, I'm going to regret it and say what you mean, mean what you say and don't say it mean I am not there yet.


Let me just circle back. Yeah. So I'm hard core. I mean any fight starts and I'm like back like don't don't.


I'm not abandoning this, I'm not abandoning you, but I'm walking away. Adults can't be abandoned.


Oh that's we have cars. Yeah. Yeah. My therapist, our therapist says that all the time because I'm like I just feel abandoned by this person and she goes adults can't be abandoned. That's you have a car, you have a house. Only children can be a badass. So that's killer. No, you don't get to have that. Yeah. So I'm big on call Georgia, but everyone in my life, by the way, because at this point I've sent everyone to talk about George on the podcast.


Everyone knows everything. Everyone knows. Right. I said, George, his podcast, that podcast. I sent that around to people who I've been who have been saying, like, I really think I need someone. I'm like, You need George. Yeah. Everyone, we will have Josh and I will have discussions about, you know, something regarding because I do feel like I take gross advantage of George because I'm always like, how do I not mess up our kids?


Like, I'll call and be like, can they watch Star Wars?


What do you do about the way this this therapist has Star Wars posters in her office? How can they watch Game of Thrones?


What's been the most surprising feedback you've gotten from her in terms of something you thought was going to mess a kid up a dozen? Oh, my gosh.


I mean, she's like I feel like she has absolutely, like, created the structure that is our childrearing and that's it.


And like, here's the thing. I feel like my childhood was spectacular. I am like obsessed with Josh's mother, who's like the healthiest, most brilliant, like I won the mother in law.


Oh, my God, I love her so much. So she's everything you want in a mom. She's just like I won the mother in law.


Kind of, I guess. So if she's going to come visit and Josh is out of town, like, who can play no more time.


Catherine Keener. Laura Dern. Oh, Laura, Laura Dern, like Laura Dern, she's like an amazing the best energy, amazing, big ha, beautiful blonde.


She's like so like she'll just she'll say things to me that I'm always like, how did you know how to handle questions like elegant but wear more turquoise jewelry than me. She's always making you can hear her come in like a dangling worshipper.


I get so stoked. Yesterday I was on the I was on face time with her for so long before I was like, I better show Josh, I'm talking to you.


I'm going to get in trouble and be like, why have you not just me, your wisdom, life.


So so it's not that we are reacting to that. And I just want to like, disclaimer and go into Georgia. But we that because we're actors, we really went to them. We were like, how do we not mess them up more? And she's so how do we act like we're good parents. Right. Right.


And she's been I mean, her whole thing is structure and routine and boundaries and all these things that are very also like this works very well for me.


So I feel like the thing that actually surprised me the most was it just involved, this logistical thing that was we were going to be Josh and I had to move and move and move during a very short period while we were shooting some specific things. For once upon a time, she told us to leave our kids at home.


And I was like I thought it's sort of like I thought they were going to come along with me for the right thing. And even though we were already there, it put it in, I don't know, it even clarified, you know, that like, shifted things even more to focus. She was like, no, no, no, you're not going to drag them from location to location, location for these months.


Your mother is staying at your house. They have an opportunity to be in school. So as long as they are getting eye contact and attention and love and feel safe, all of these things they get from your mother as it is so and your mom's raring to go, and that is how we're designed or designed to be raised by a couple of different women, the village street.


It doesn't only have to be the mom.


And she was like, so they stay in L.A. with your mother. You FaceTime them all the time. You keep technology away from the mother, the wise, but you sound with them nonstop. And like like they will be so happy and they they don't care at all. When they know that Josh is going away for six months, they have this thing that they say back and forth with Josh where they go.


They say Daddy comes back always, always, always. And the thing that I think is different about like families that are separated, like truly separated or families of the past who didn't have face time technology is they probably did feel a sense of abandonment. But in Josh fears that with our kids. But George keeps telling us no, because the thing is, when he's gone to New York to shoot manifest for six months a year, my kids are being told incessantly by me that their father adores them, that he misses them.


I mean, we give them, you know, dad, since the millions of presents and he face times them nonstop and they wear t shirts with his face on it and they sleep on pillows with his face on it. And like they don't feel it's harder on us than it is on them.


Yeah. For them it's normal, but not the kind of normal that is like abandonment is normal day for them. It's just, you know, Daddy still they focus on the come back part. Yeah, they can.


And they can adapt. Yeah. I think more than we can like you know, and I remember she was telling me once, like us worrying about kids is so much harder on them than the thing we're worrying about because they just see us worrying and panic, but they don't know what we're worrying about. So they're just like all they feel the worry. They're just learning stress and they're just learning panic. Oh, yeah.


Something else that Georgia says that I love, that I throw at people is she says, you know, like, life is the ocean and the parents are the boys.


So we try to always be the boys always.


And we try to never undermine each other.


So what do you do? So you do you say, OK, one of the kids wants a chocolate bar, whatever he asks us, we have to go agree and then come back with one answer.


No, but we don't counter what the other parent has decided. And if there's a conversation that needs to be had about, dude, the sugar, then we have that. You have to be united front. Yes, but we'll make that decision afterwards. We can't do because we're also realizing we can change the rules on the kids. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But you can't disagree in front of them now.


So because if Daddy says Daddy says something, I do go with it even if I hate it. And then I'll have a private conversation with Josh, because what I don't want is my kids to think that I don't want them.


I don't want them to see me undermining their dad or something my children will see all the time.


You see, their dad is like he's the king of the house and he needs to be empowered. And I'm the queen of the house and I need to be empowered because my daddy will be married forever.


I will be single forever.


No. And only a French word. Why don't you mind your own business? Are you doing a Frenchman ready, you are new, a new for him far now manoeuvering?


Nope, I don't know.


Fell out. New for AMPA means now for a break in Swedish.


Oh, I say shut up. Talking to me in Swedish.


How did I like that?


That's Syria. That's shut up in Swedish.


How often. The point is you need to be able to insult people in every language. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say here.


You need to be able to fight in every language. You need to be able to gossip about people and other languages so they can understand you.


Smorgasbord, I can say, to cut a deal oftentimes with offending. What does that mean in your elephant face? Offends me. And I have one of my managers was Puerto Rican and she only taught me things like that. Like you don't know how to say anything helpful. And I was like, no, you're not babble.


Just teach me the insults, brah. Just so you know, this is an ad for babble, which means it's good, brah, brah.


Well, here's the thing.


I matched with a guy from Stockholm on a dating app, so he said, Jabarah, take off your bra is a bra. So I know, but I'm brown, bro.


So now I need to learn a language immediately. And I've tried before, like, I, I feel like I learned some French in high school, but I didn't really stick. I wasn't paying attention. I wasn't focused. I didn't really I don't do well in like forty five minute at a time teaching chunks. I just like it doesn't work for me. I get bored.


But Babille figured out how they're ten to fifteen minutes.


They figured out a way to teach you a language that you can actually absorb it, you can actually remember it and works with my attention and they teach you words and phrases in sentences like here's how you say Skaf. And you're like and in what context? In what context. You're just like lobal fanda debt.


Abrar me fully talking about other languages when I can barely speak English. Talk to what that means.


Thank you. Thank you. Swedish. But even his dog. What I like about this because you know I have a wild ass voice is that this is speech recognition technology to help improve Europe.


But that work you announced the fact that you can't pronounce the word pronunciation or pronunciation accent.


And I was like, I need that now. Guardedness boose.


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I do it on an app when I'm working out.


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Bra job. Better help.


Better help me read this, huh. Yes. Please leave and go please.


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What therapist can you eat nuggets and talk to? When can I eat a bowl of Teddy Grahams while also crying on my couch?


That is so royal I don't even think about that. You better help. You can snack while healing your childhood. You really can. Well I.


It took me so long to get in therapy because no one I can afford it but no to the driving there, the parking, the rigamarole the it's just like and then you're worried you're going to run into someone in the waiting room like it's just such a not therapeutic experience going to therapy. Better help does it in the privacy of your own home. You can log in any time, send a message to your counselor. You're going to get timely responses, right.


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In fact, so many people have been using better help that they are recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states. I'm available special offer for good for you listeners. Get ten percent off your first month and better help dotcom slash Whitney. Great, great segue into Big Love. Do you remember when you were shooting that and you were scared? Didn't you have some crazy security thing happen?


Oh, my gosh, that was the very beginning. I remember that you were like, I'm scared to be at my house.


OK, so we were warned ahead of time because there were crazy things happening in the news when we were making the first season and the show was not yet out.


And there were very real horrible, you know, discoveries being made about this way of life for people, especially the one that I go west learn.


And so, you know, I mean and I'm talking about life. I'm not talking about like. Right. Like like recognize organized religion. Right. Right. And so because there were these things in the news, by the way, this is like before we had so many like media and news outlets and social media and like so so we didn't have as much information.


And we were told I remember by powers that be that we need to to like make sure we had good security systems and we could because we were going to be representing something that people did not want revealed. Right. Or revealing things to people did want revealed.


So I was scared in the beginning and then realized it was all because of nobody, really, because I was like a TV show.


I remember vividly because I have security issues. I'm like, we're like people know who you are. Like I was so and it was like we weren't worried about, like paparazzi.


We were worried about. Yes, I remember. Yeah, it was being worried about like these people being very angry because we were representing real people and just gave them.


Yeah, there was a lot of emotion and and there were a lot of like arrests and busts at the time.


And so anyways, once the show actually started airing, we realized like there's no body cameras, they don't have HBO, you know, they're not going to watch.


Do you remember when you put smiley faces on your face?


Oh, my gosh, I still do this, by the way. So not a hundred percent and still do that. Nudity writers. This is a Laura Linney thing.


She taught me this. Tell me. I mean, I didn't I mean, I haven't worked with her, but she told me this like she's gene troponins, best friend.


We had dinner one night and she told me this, that when you shoot a nude scene, if your nude contract, it says you cannot show my nipples. Yeah. You wear little pasties.


Yes, because there are loopholes. Now, I am. By the way, I'm the only person I know that reads every word of my contract for sure. I read everywhere. I read every word of my husband's contract.


I am no one is seeing my husbands any right. So and I'm big on I mean, my poor lawyer. This is like I think I should I want this extra clot's like that doesn't exist and like it does now. But I need everything in writing.


But so there is a loophole and it is in writing that if if you have a nudity clause, which by the way, SAG has really taken care of us at this point, like now now like they call it SAG because they're talking about what we like to have a baby is the I feel like SAG now has made it. So they have to, you know, jump over other hurdles to get us to be naked. But it used to not be that way.


And so in my nudity clause, it would say, do I need to do that?


By the way, right now what? Oh, no, I need to do I just started crying when you talked about something.


So now my makeup is coming off. Do I look crazy? No, not at all.


I'm just doing that at all. But I get like a lot of mascara underneath, so you can maybe like a tiny one on this side up. Yeah. Yep. We're here. My name is Victoria Beckham. Give so we'll get send send us some product. Oh my gosh. OMG, it's insane. No, that's Byliner. It's like the best thing I've ever used to do. OK, thank you.


So I'm always trying to be Moyston so my muscaria lambi all I do is moisturizes this pandemic.


All I do what Laura Linney told me to do was just right now they don't want you to write all of the pieces. The pieces are flesh colored on purpose.


They want them to look like your body accidentally caught on screen. And the same for the Downbelow parts. They're supposed to look like if you get a flash of it, you don't think about it. Yes, it's supposed to have a nude pasty. You could kind of it could get away. Yeah.


Yeah. But instead, I went to that sticker place at the Grove and got loads of stickers, or sometimes I would use those and sometimes I would take like a permanent marker and I would write all over the place. I still do this, I just write on them now because I'm too lazy to get the stickers. Postage stamp stickers don't stick as well as they used to have noticed my kids stickers, but.


But animals are so moisturized. Oh, this could be.


But I write on, I write on the paintings, things like stop looking at my boobs, Hosai and smiley faces and some smiley faces and Downbelow and everything like you can't fill me like whatever I can fit on there. I will write so that it's truly unusable. So it's also cracked me up when people like me.


I remember their publicist sent me a press clip at one point that was, you know, and we did see Jenny's body and did it. I know you didn't like. It's actually impossible. I've never seen it. Nobody's ever seen it. Before we talk about Dolly Parton, I do have to ask about your skin, because everyone's going to freak out if I don't know Jenny, because all I do is moisturize my skin. OK, we need to talk about that.


So also, Jenny is an alien. I think we should just preface this. She doesn't have pause.


I don't know what it is. I don't know. It's the natural order more as I get older, tiny bit. Your face is made of porcelain. So just let's just preface that. What do you put on your face? God bless you. It looks unreal. You know what?


I'm fenthion is in her skin. Wild. It's crazy. You are very kind.


I'm not really. I know we're awful people. I am lucky. I have my like my grandmothers. Both are people. One my late grandmother one. My ninety eight year old grandmother are women who were and are stopped on the street about their skin.


Like in my grandmother who just turned 98 the other day, told me when I was little that she said, don't touch your skin, just don't touch it. Don't pop things, don't touch it, don't ever wash it, don't just leave it alone. And so I do feel like, though I do a ton to it now, what I do is I try to like, nourish it. Yes. I don't like mess with it.


See, that's key because I was at war, you remember, with my skin for so long, you're squeezing your popping your scars and you're putting drying lotions on that.


Just leave it alone and I never ever wash it. By the way, I slept in my makeup for like the first 20 years of my makeup, which I remember now I find foul.


But at the time I was just lazy and listening to my grandmother because it's like, well, now I just found out that half your makeup is expired.


So it has expiration dates on everything. There's like this little picture of a jar and a number of months it can be open. I just learned the makeup expires.


It was just ask me. So we just went through this. I found out everything in my house was seriously expired. So that was very funny. Moldy eyeliner into my twenty. I'd like ten year old like stinky lipsticks. But so now I take a permanent marker and I write the date. Everything says eight twenty because August of twenty twenty that I've now opened everything and then you can put some in the refrigerator. See I didn't know I put my creams in the refrigerator.


Right. Benton isn't the your face lotions. Yes, but that doesn't make it last any longer. Do you make any louder fractioning. I built this is it just felt like your skin tightens because it's colder.


It's just like your skin deeper into your skin like that. But my skin like oh you make me put the Tatta Harper in the fridge.


I don't make you do anything. It's just it doesn't make it last any longer. It's just the cooling effect makes the product work better.


Benton's mad because he gave me a birthday present. I haven't opened it yet. Truly, you should have been my birthday present.


I am going to downstairs. I'm so awkward about opening presents. Now sit by the way. Mine's not like it's twenty twenty and I'm sort of honoring like the craziness of the world. I didn't do anything fancy.


Do you get me a vaccine. That would be amazing. The I made you something. Best gift I've ever gotten besides your lemon marmalade. I got more than that. You know, you made me from the lemon on my tree but I've got better. Went downstairs and the first pair of real shoes that I ever got were from Jenny.


Oh, I love that she's. I remember that she isn't Barney on my birthday. He's probably twenty six. Yeah. And I only wore clothes from Buffalo Exchange and like flea markets and that's where I was before the interventions.


Yes. Yes. But I would wear like Velcro sneakers and crazy stuff because I thought it would save time that some to do that.


OK, I don't need your lip banten how dare you. But now they're like you.


I don't need these to Tennessee people uniting against me anything but. And you endorsee bought me a pair of like mumu black flats. I wore them truly every day for like seven years.


Do you remember the ones that I wore that had holes in them and I kept taking them to Jenny?


When Jenny first started getting successful, she was like, we had to get her to stop wearing like Eldo clogs. And we had to like we're like, you're a sex symbol now. You're a movie star. This is ridiculous. Like, you can't wear Dickie's overalls anymore to premiers.


Something would wear like bellbottom, like momos. You were always in muumuus and like capes. For some reason it was like a total disaster. Like she had a shirt that had like an owl on it, like a like on the shoulder wear like you can't you're a star. You can't do things with lots of ad one newshole, lots of ones.


So we remember the pink onesie you had like a baby pink on the what was a pink sweater that whenever the gray onesie. Right. It's like a large sweater that would wrap around and then she would wear these like crocs like like fancy flat crocs like moccasins.


You had a lot of money because I loved them, you know.


And then where am I going with this. Oh, my shoes.


That had the holes in them when I started getting you started getting money and started working. I'm like, OK, you're a star. You can buy things now, which is actually so fun. Except, no, the first time you went and bought a necklace with hearts on it, you drove away from the store and your business manager went up. Turn around.


Yeah. Yeah, that's right. He was like, did you need to go shopping at Barneys? So you can you go return that? And she went, I just bought this necklace. I have to go return now. And I remember that heart necklace was amazing. I still have it, I remember it's broken, but I still have this arm, someday I'll get it repaired. But also I remember saying things I've said things to Stewart in the past like that.


But, you know, but the stylist told me that I needed it for such and such. And his answer is, is the stylist helping you pay for it? See, this is why Britney Spears is not a conservatorship because of these type of decisions. And so went and bought her first nice pair of shoes. They were baby pink. Yes. With little flowers on them. Loewy our favorite. And she was wearing them and they kept falling apart and she kept getting them resole.


And I remember being like as a person, like if you buy expensive shoes, shouldn't you shouldn't they stay? Like, why? You have to respect the thing that made me so angry and I get frustrated. They couldn't even die then they had to paint them in the paint. And I was going to this fancy place to get them done in Beverly Hills. And I remember asking the guy about it and he said, You wear these outside. I was like, yes.


And he goes, you just wear these to impress your friends when they come over. But he was like, these are inside. And I was like, I really have to go on walk. They were like my slippers.


And she would go I would wear it because I refused. But I still like what you got to be like. I'm wearing these everywhere because I'm the opposite of like to a lot of people.


Yes, a lot of people. I feel like buy nice things or that we're actresses and we're gifted these nice things and they don't they like I mean, they take better care of them. But my whole thing is like if I have it, I'm going to wear it to that's.


Oh yeah. No, I'm aware I was going I was literally going through photos of us because I was like I had this whole plan to like show you a bunch of photos from our past, but I was too afraid to upload them excited when I'm on the cloud or now because I have so many weird nudes. Yeah, it's Miklowitz. I just didn't want to do that. And I was like looking through all these photos of us and there's like I was getting confused because we were wearing the same outfits, so many consecutive New Years Eve.


You can't even tell the difference between 2006 and 2007. We wore the same clothes all the time. Yes, we did. Like, we had our dresses, our flats. And you had really long hair that was parked in the middle.


I know. I'm trying. I'm working on it. That was so while my hair long again. OK, so what are you putting on your skin?


I mean, like literally. Like literally. Oh wow. Oh yeah. I'll be riots if we don't say I. First of all, I really am one of those people who's like you better be in sunscreen.


It makes my kids, my kids hate it so much that I like. There's just no reason to go outside if you're not wearing which you were right now I'm OK. So I really like this. There's a dermatologist on the East Coast I have never met, have never worked with. And I love his products because when I was postpartum with Hugo, I my skin, I feel like I've only had. Like relatable, normal skin issues right during and right after pregnancy.


So my skin did not like me being pregnant, just like I had problems with me being pregnant. My skin had problems with me. I was not a happy pregnant person. I love the kids just pregnant. Part of the postpartum part that I struggled with. Were you sad after?


I was. But my sadness was like I did not have postpartum depression, so I can't relate to that. I had major I like just identity issues like self-esteem issues based on I don't know who I am when I look in the mirror because it was me.


It was like it was a I gained so much weight during both of my pregnancies and it wasn't it wasn't even fun. It was like compulsive.


But also because I always had I was like someone who had morning sickness all the time that I wasn't throwing up.


So I felt like I was worse. I just always felt sick.


And then I just ate because when I would eat, I didn't feel sick. So I gained an enormous amount of weight, didn't know like I couldn't recognize myself kind of weight.


And that made me I felt horrible about myself. No one else made me feel horrible about myself.


And like my husband is like he he would have been fine making out with me at any weight, like does nothing but make me feel like a million bucks. But, you know, he's obsessed with, you know, but but it's my own thing. And I'm like I have to feel we all have to just feel good about ourselves.


So and I had really big issues with all of the changes that my body went through then afterwards and the realization that, like, I couldn't I don't know, I felt out of control for the first time in my life of like like my body's always been a choice. Whatever state my body has been in has always been a choice. And suddenly I felt like this wasn't this was out of my hands.


So I also think I remember this happening with our friends and you where when you after you had your baby and after Dori had her baby, I remember going, oh, leave them alone. They're really busy. Right. And I talked to George and I was like I was like going through a hard time. So I was like, well, I haven't seen Ginninderra because, you know, they both just had kids and they're really busy. And she's like, you haven't seen them.


And I was like, well, no. I mean, they just had kids are probably like exhausted. And she was like, you have to go see them. They need to see adults. Oh, yeah. So new mom. Yeah. They're just dealing with this little slob. Yeah. That they can't communicate with. And all of a sudden you're like not around like friends and you're not getting like socializing with girlfriend. Oh yes. I thought I was like leaving you guys alone.


Oh yeah. No I know everybody does. And because it is because it's mayhem, it's like I don't want to add to her play.


I don't wanna like put more pressure than charity had. But I remember like one of the I mean I could cry thinking about it and she probably doesn't think it was any kind of big deal. But when I had Hugo and I was in the hospital, Dori showed up at the hospital like the next day. And because we already had a kid at home, I wasn't letting Josh stay with me at the hospital. I was like, you have to go home and be with Oliver.


I will be fine.


I've got four hundred nurses and Doris showed up at the hospital and she had snuck in jars of Moscow mules.


I'm categorically I'm on medication like I'm not allowed to be drinking. And she was like, let's get drunk. And I was like, I mean, I could cry because it was so it was everything I needed, which is just like we're still ice, you know, like we'll get you.


Yes. You probably want to forget your you for a minute. So I'm going to help facilitate that. And this thing that now makes all your decisions for you.


That's the thing, too. It's like so not only was I looking in the mirror and I didn't recognize myself, but I also and I feel like I aged very quickly and I'd always been like aging in Hollywood. Like it's such a like that phrase. It's, you know, I felt like that was like a cliche. Yes. And also like about that the generation older than us. But all of the sudden, all of a sudden, I was feeling it all at once and I felt the I like mourned.


I would cry, felt like I was mourning the loss of my career because all of the sudden I had to say to my raps endlessly, no, no, no. I was going to say so say the girl that passes on everything now.


But no, I mean, God bless. Like, I'm so lucky. But I had to like all of my decisions are based on now staying home with my kids. And then there's all kinds of things. As you know, I have like my laundry list of things that like I have to read my checklist of things that have to be met for me to take a job. But it is all about my children because I am going to be home with them and I am not going to work long hours and they are not being pulled out of school and all of these things.


So but skin wise, I so when I was postpartum with Hugo, I felt like I was trying all kinds of different things and I spent a fortune and just had everything. Everything was just being shipped to Canada. And I was trying to like I was like, fix my skin, fix my skin, fix my skin. And I got really into this doctor's line. His name, Dr. Cobbora. Do you know him? He's on the East Coast.


Stephen Colbert.


That that's the only dermatologist gasoline.


Right? That's what I'm saying. Know by his laugh lines, he's the opposite of a different guy.


So he his line. And it was just one of those things where I was trying a million different things. And, you know, there were, I don't know, some. Girlfriend in New York who, like, went and saw this dermatologist and and so I started using his products and I swear my skin cleared up in me. And so I am kind of obsessed with this stuff. And someday I'll, you know, see him when he's on the like.


He knows I want to see him if he's ever on the West Coast. Yeah, but I think his products are genius. But I do I moisturise a lot like a couple times a day.


Oh yeah. What I mean. Well with his stuff. So I like his voice. OK, so like morning time. Oh gosh. So morning time. I may or may not wash my face.


It depends on like the time of year, like how I slept and how many children were rolling around on me.


OK, so I might just use water in the morning now and then, but apparently that's fine.


And then I do, I use one, I use his serum and then I'll use his day cream and then I'll do some of his oil but only in certain places.


And the eyes. Yeah. And like like here. Yeah. Because I find that like I do get clogged pores if I do at other places with everything that everybody says doesn't clog, it'll happens. Just avoid it.


Clog your pores now. But something, nothing happens and then I'll put on sunscreen through his because he's part of this group called the New York Dermatology Group.


We have a sunscreen so I just put on sunscreen cause I'm like, well let's all work together.


Yeah, that's right. But he also has, like, these pads all his shit because he's got a full back. Oh, I see. Yeah. Dr. Kabera, he's hot. I use these. Have you seen him. I mean. Oh well he's kind of handsome. I don't think that's him by the way. Oh that's like the different one.


OK, I met him. It's even now I'm like, OK, it's Kolber, M.D.. Yes, that's it right there. Silver the silver bottles, OK. And there's also like toning pads, pads. I use all of that protect day lotion, packaging, all of it. OK, OK. And then at night I do wash my face no matter what at night with the stuff. And then I'll do like night cream and I all I've used Lamya since I was like in my twenties.


I remember that La Mer people. I would go to the counter back when we didn't buy online and they would always tell me that I should not be buying Lomaia and that it wasn't for my skin type. But it's the only and I was also really young and it's the only thing that has like, kept my eyes moist for some reason.


I always like just the original. Now I've graduated to the like like the big girl stuff because I'm forty two cinnamon like the darker container.


And you just like Pat. Pat. Yeah right. You don't have that one in now and then I use a lip mask at night.


Oh really.


Look like the Lumière one. What was the brand. No. What's the one that. No it's another one. Pink begins with a ti.


It's Japanese. Oh torture. Yes. Yes. Oh mask. I put all over my hand.


Really on the top of your hands. Yes. Ah you know I also use like toner on my hand. Oh OK.


These are the tricks that we live for on this.


There's this. I'm so mad you can't get boots brand here. Right. The No one's listening. I English people we can send around. And what do you need. I will send a thank you to anyone who can't. There's this. OK, so it sounds so gross but it's so I use it every day. You're probably by the way, categorically not suppose to use this every day. The boots makes this cracked heel bottom cracked heel. Mom, let's get it.


I there's nothing better. I'm sure that you're just supposed to use this for cocktail's. I just use it for cream. I just put it on my butthole and I use it all the time. There's probably a limit to how much you're supposed to use it like it's a therapy. It's supposed to be therapeutic. I use it like foot cream because I think it is. And you put socks on over it. Yeah. I love for Christmas socks in bed socks.


Yeah. Oh, now that I can dance I don't throw out your bed socks. Well you explain what dance boxes. OK, well I have it so you've probably read it right in any piece of literature. Right. Like someone was darning socks. Again I told you we have nothing in common.


I did. Jenny's bookshelf is full of vintage Shakespeare books. Oh yeah. She just I just like come over and she'll just be like reading like a doll's house, like a vintage like Ibsen play. It's like any big pentameter is really good for like the kids can do it. Yeah.


I don't know what she's saying. I've had to go see her in Shakespeare plays. I've had to go to Williamstown to watch her literacy show if you drove. So I did drive to Williams. I make you do my stuff for the library. Where even was Shawcross. The Berkshires of Massachusetts in Massachusetts. We drove to watch Ginny be brilliant and a play was so fun. Ginny is literate as fuck. Now I got to show you a video that Oliver made.


We had to do this project for school that was supposed to be about his culture and what they really wanted was ancestry to make a video about ancestry. I could not get him interested, which broke my heart because I'm obsessed with our ancestry. And but when I was talking to him about what culture is, I included language. And so he goes, oh, let's do Spanish. And I was like, well, honey, we don't speak a word of Spanish, though.


I love that we speak English. And he said, oh, let's film our library that's full of English.


And I was so happy that I didn't correct him and I. Told the teachers I was like, sorry, but we did our own thing, no, but I'll show you the video after of that he made that he was so proud showing off the books in our library and like, ah, and like the dictionaries and stuff because we and I work with the L.A. Public Library. And anyways and he loves all of that, but especially he's my bookworm.


But we start talking about this.


We were talking about this whole antic pentameter, iambic pentameter, darning sock socks, because everybody in classic literature, dance socks and now, OK, so, you know, genius, an Amish woman and a churn now. Well, when you get you a cotton gin, do.


So what is darning socks is when you sew up a hole. OK, so that's the thing.


If you OK. Have you ever taken a sweater. Going to get any on Instagram. I could be like, oh man. I know.


Have you ever taken it like a nice sweater to the dry cleaner. And they say, like you have a hole in this. Would you like us to send it to a dancer? Now, you don't talk about it.


When you take your sweater, you just send me.


Darning is shockingly easy as I took an online Zoome course recently oh seven in the morning in my pajamas.


And it's basically patching, so it's not sewing up its patching hole knit. But the idea is you either want it to contrast significantly for like expressive artistic reasons or you want it to blend in completely with the net of what has been torn, because if you sew up knit, it's going to change how it pulls and you're going to always be able to tell. But if you it's sort of like inserting a puzzle piece of knit.


Yes. Ginnie's a sweater surgeon. So we need a vaccine, a sweater certain.


Why? If we start talking about this because you're dancing now.


I know, but how did we start talking about dancing, like, again and putting your stuff on your feet and putting it on the side.


OK, so bedsore so I sleep like a granny and I because I like like my favorite place to buy Nyikadzino from her country.


Store nightgowns look like look like with zombies in horror movies where like in a haunted house they probably make like on The Exorcist like it's like a sweat. Let me guess, it's a it's a nightgown that has a good lace turtleneck. Well those are amazing in the winter. Yeah. I bet you want. No, but I especially like, like the flannel with like apples and hard silver. What does it. Vermont Country Store has the best. And like how.


Like, like if you want like a like a housecoat like. Yeah. GenY fully has like a little house on the prairie full. Look at their nightgown. These.


Why are you looking at. I don't want Vermont. Hold on. This is a Vermont country store. I feel like you wear apple butter to bed. Look at their website for my country store nightgowns and nightgown. Oh God these are creepy and these are real.


Like women got murdered and like in the civil war, nightgowns, curtains, it's curtains in my gowns look the same. So I just go to curtness, women night gown.


Yeah, it's a true gown. All right.


So now I sleep in these and long johns don't bully her under three piece suit.


I dress like Annie Hall to go to sleep. You go to sleep looking like Paul.


Janie used to wear ties all the time. I loved it even on red carpets. I'm sure my publicist was like that was also Ginnifer Goodwin tie. That was like prior to having a statue used to wear a white Oxford shirt with a black.


I was like that. It looks dressed up. She was like Marcel Marceau. Look like a Cheesecake Factory hostess, like you're a celebrity. Oh, look at that nightgown.


OK, do you need this one? Yeah, OK, this is my favorite. This is a full turtleneck. That's not really the one I wear.


This is a is that a snug or a slinked like here's like some of them are like flannel like this kind of thing.


Jeannie, these look haunted. These look like oh I have this pendant of you see me but you come here so and we're not with you to have to worry about getting pregnant again. I know he really challenged me. You know, if there's a challenge, he likes having to find me under all the layers I'll wear like these Long John, like, I wear these like Long John pants. And then I like I like cashmere bed socks, but I can darn them now put on the foot cream and then I put on the bed socks.


But if I wear holes in them now I can darn them.


I don't have to throw them out any longer.


Could we be more different. Could do a hand washing that.


Can you believe this is my body only to be broken when you get another one like that.


And I do like the doing it in a different color like like raggedy and like what I showed you Tim. Yes. Yes.


She had a pair of brown socks with like pink stitching where the whole where you make the. Yeah.


It's because you can really be like more expressive can hopefully reference the light.


My favorite thing to know though, by the way, is like it's like speaking of this, I also love, like, a good like a hot water bottle.


Cozy like this is how I sleep. Josh has to get me a hot water bottle. You the grannies. I hear the long johns, the bed. So it's like a game. Oh, you're so right. You're so you. No, that's just my old timey civil war medicine plastic, my whoopee cushion that's full of water like those old ones. Oh yeah. I'm get that's what. Because you do you don't use a hot water bottle. I don't know.


I do heating pads. I don't know. You stay warm for so long you can sleep with them. You don't have to worry about burning house down.


They're so comfy with a cat on your feet and the kids have them.


OK, talking about Dolly Parton. Oh yeah.


So I watched heartstrings this week. She made me cry.


It feels good. It made me cry. I, I cannot believe it made me cry. There's so few things that like you don't see the twist coming or you don't see the heartbreak coming or you don't you know, it was just like I guess I just wasn't expecting to get so emotional about it.


But it is Dolly Parton. Show based on her song. Absolutely, every song is the every song is based on. I mean, not every episode is based on a different song's narrative. She's a very she's very much a storyteller. And so it lends itself to TV episodes. But and then ours was the first that Kathleen Turner and I did the first. And so, you know, the Kathleen Turner, the first time I ever saw her was at Williamstown when I saw your play and I saw her in the lobby and I almost fainted and I was like, Virginia.


Was she also like I mean, she's brilliant. She's brilliant. But let me just jump in front of a bus. You're obviously Ginnifer Goodwin, but watching those scenes where she was like in the courtroom with the bones and stuff, was it ever was there ever a moment where you're just like, that's fucking Kathleen Turner?


She I mean, you were like famous people. But there's something about now, by the way. I mean, she's she's half of why I did it. It was I mean, I was sent the, you know, the breakdown of the of the offer and it was Dolly Parton and Kathleen Turner. Yeah. Well, I don't even have to be there. And I went nude. You know, you could see me naked. All my Claus's got the one right now.


And I mean, by the way, I do believe, like Kathleen Turner is now friend for life, which as we know, does not happen on many set. You don't just like make a friend for life from a side like she comes to town and like I like we go on dates. And then when she is back in New York where she lives and Josh has to be there for manifest, I'm like, you call Kathleen, you take her out, you take her flowers.


I feel like he's just a beacon of infinite wisdom. One hundred percent. And she's just like she's also, by the way, like. I don't know, she's like this warm magnet, like I just want to be around her, but she terrifies me. I was scared of her before I got to know her for sure, like the first time we met.


I think it must be that easily the biggest sex symbol when I was growing up, like my brother had posters of her on his wall. So she's also like an award winning. Yes, like critically acclaimed.


War of the Roses is my main film. So maybe my favorite movie.


She's so the first time I met her was at the read through I think. Yeah, it was that the read through. I mean, truth be told, I had met her at Williamstown million years before, but I didn't count that because I don't know, we didn't like it was just like in passing someone introduced us at a party. Yeah. Part of me. So she has covered. I've covered.


You're the only person I've seen in six months. We have coped with it. I have. Then you are my bubble break. You are one hundred. My bubble break. Well by the way, also this is how close friends Jenny and I are.


She kind of tried to reschedule this and I said no and I so appreciate it. And I needed to get out of the house because I was like I realized I was having severe separation anxiety. Yes. Because other than going to the doctor, by the way, with my children, I haven't been away from my children for any period of time in six months. Wow. And and by the way, I never happy.


Right. And you can leave at any time this is going. Where am I right now? I'd like to please can you please leave?


But it was really interesting to realize, too, like, oh, I need to get out of the house, like we have said no to everything because of, you know, also, as Whitney knows, like, you know, local family that's super high risk and things like that. So we've just been like we are going to be we're responsible for other people that Whitney goes above and beyond with all the protocols. And so we felt safe with me doing it.


But also I was like, I haven't been around another human being. I know it's so weird. And we and it's this is this is there's maybe two people in my life that we're close enough to do this. She's a God. Maybe we should do this next week, like I felt. And I felt it, too, like I've almost rescheduled every thing that I'm doing because I start panicking, like at the last minute and just being like, OK, let's do it later.


Like, I've got to brush my hair. I know she was like, I don't know, I have to brush my teeth, I have to take off my my keep her pajamas and it's just me. And she was like, should we do it next week. I was like, no, we're keeping. And I was like, great. I was like, this is my birthday present. But I felt relief after after we went. I realized too, I think and I'm sorry to have put you through that.


No, can I tell you that we then did because I realized then, like, oh, I'm relieved that I'm going.


No, but I loved it because to me it was like it means so much to me when I can be authentic around somebody in our relationship means so much to me. The fact that I just went, no, let's keep it. Or like, no. And even Josh said, like he said, I didn't feel scared. I didn't feel a pit in my stomach. I didn't think you're going to be mad at me. I think it was going to be OK or I'm going to be a thing.


Yeah, I was like, no, you're my birthday present. You're coming, I think, to it saved it from me, like being resentful this morning that I hadn't said something. You don't need me because we had the full blown discussion about it. Yes. Then coming here was like a delight instead of me still going through that this morning, getting dressed and going like, why didn't I say something? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.


I think Josh actually said to me days ago wisely, it was like, you're going to resent this if you don't have a conversation with that, like it's just going to then I knew how much of a hassle this was for you and I made you do it anyway.


Then it was like, I have to do it. So now I feel like I've been hurt and I've been seen. I think it was like just like the kids will throw in the pool, they're staying home. They're just like, I don't have childcare. I was like, I don't care. I didn't have child care yet. I turned out fine just for the iPad. I said, oh, Kathleen. So, Kathleen, I'm sorry.


I get off on such like tangents. That's what I says. It's just, oh, I feel like because I feel like now it's talk show where I'm like I was supposed to be getting to some point. So I was scared of her. And she came up to me after the table rage was like, What are you doing tonight and what are you doing?


And I said, I'm going to I'm going to go to my hotel room.


I'm going you going to you know, I'm going to just like study for tomorrow. And I've got to you know, I've got a costume finish was like, we're going to dinner, OK? And she's like, I'll text you later.


So she texts me later. And I Google the she's like, I need you to pick me up at such and such a top. Like, come to my house and then we're going to take because she was on the way and she's like, no, we'll take an Uber.


So can you imagine being an Uber driver and picking up Kathleen Turner?


Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I know.


It's genius. Oh, my God. And so but here's the thing, too. Not only did the Uber driver pick us up, take us, but he took it, picked us up to take us an hour and half away. Oh. So I was like, I'm going to be in the car with Kathleen Turner for an hour and a half. Like I was terrified.


And it was in that hour and a half that I was like, oh, you're like, this is something different.


We're we're going to like, it's fine. Right? And like through life will be like touching base with each other and like instant family. Yeah, like she's special.


And had you met Dolly Parton before this, you know, growing up in Tennessee, was that she's she's got it. Yeah, she's it.


She is everything you want her to be. She is the. Only icon celebrity is an insult, frankly, the only icon, legend and stars is would say John Legend, star icon, legend star who Benton has a Dolly Parton tattoo on her to the text.


Oh, you sent me a picture of who I have consistently heard is over delivers.


Over delivers when you mean yes, over delivers. She is Dolly Parton all the time. And the thing that floored me the most.


Oh, so good to get to the good one when she's got a new Christmas album coming out.


You know, I remember when you went to go have dinner with her. Oh, yeah. And you were like, very nervous. I think I sent you all the pictures from under the table with it, but she's instantly like, I'm Dolly Parton and we're not going to make a big deal about it. Here's the thing.


She knows how she knows how to be what you want her to be. So she knows like she is. So she immediately tells you the most wonderful, hysterical stories that, like, feed into.


Yeah. What you want her to be. But then this is what tripped me up this. I would ask her a question right. About herself because I figured, like a lot of the major stars that I've been around. I mean, I I was raised in the South, like you should ask them about themselves, like that's all they want to talk about. And by the way, I'm really good on a set with big stars because you know how to make them feel like this intervention.


I'm totally fine not being the center of attention like I really am. Like, one of the greatest compliments I've ever gotten was from Sam Jager, who was in White Women killed with me last year. And he said he knew that we were going to be friends when we got to set.


And he realized that I wanted to work and go home. And he was like, you're not looking for like a. like anything outside of like, let's get along, let's respect each other. But, like, I'm going to work and I'm going to. And by the way, I'm going to know all of my lines before we get this. And this is the only job where, like some people, maybe 90 percent of people show up having no idea what they're doing or memorizing anything to the time.


And they get to just flirt for 40 minutes between working. Yeah. Now I work. We're going to I'm going to be the first person on set because I want to roll. And by the way, this was also a Julia Roberts thing that I watched her always do this. And then when you do show up in are prepared and ready to go, people like she's a bitch and you're like, I'm literally just the only person here who's prepared. But I will also I find, like at this point, I can also have conversations with other actors, like especially younger actors at this point, like at like getgo, I can be like I would love it if we had a set where.


Yep. Let's just I will run lines with you any time you want, but let's know those before we even get to work in the morning. What you got paid to do. It's possible. I want to get home for dinner with my children. This is a job. No, it's not calm. Yeah, no, no, no it's not. And we're not a college and we're not going to go to a dorm after this. Our I've got a life that is way more people here waiting for us to go home to their.


Well, you were asking about like like I mean, in other words, like balance and priorities and like self-knowledge. What's balance?


Like I my real life is so much better than my work life and that will always come first.


My real life is is my work life supports my real life, not the other way around. Well, that's everything to me. It is all about me getting home. I want to I want to get home for dinner.


And when I was younger, I was like, that's OK.


Yes, I'll stay here until 3:00 in the morning because you're doing whatever in your trailer.


And like, now I'm like, hey, hey, hey. Like, you are like, I don't know, I just have, like, really strong boundaries and I'm really good at expressing them.


Yeah, sounds cool. But but and by the way, it benefits everybody. Boundaries benefit everybody. Yeah.


Everybody, everybody for everybody boundaries. Everybody knows where your lines are and it makes it all so much easier. That's right. Because Kathleen so Kathleen Turner was immediately friend like immediately. So I she stopped.


What was the Dolly Parton thing, the trip you up. That's right. That's what it was. It's that. It's that Dolly. It's that. So we're having this is like to hang out with us. Right. We're having dinner. This is like you're only six hour PopCap. We're having dinner. And I would say so, you know, tell me about OK, here's just like start off example again. This was the first question that I asked her.


Like, Break the ice example was I asked her about old bones because the story that we are telling in the episode, these old bones, which is the TV movie that then like launches the series because the rest are episodes. And this was the TV movie. And it's based on a real life woman that Dolly knew. And so the first question I asked was about Bones, the real life woman. So I thought that might be a good icebreaker.


And she answered it and then immediately said to me, Have you ever known anyone like this in your life? Tell me about that person. And then I kept doing that over the course of dinner where whatever whatever topic we were, you know, touching upon, she would then instead like turn it around and be like, well, how did that make you feel? I mean, she was interested in who I was. I didn't know what to do.


I got famous people are clinical nurses. But she's I mean, it's unbelievable because it also none of it felt contrived.


It felt so bentek like she because then she would have follow up questions and she would get excited about certain things that were part of my story or something about my parents or I mean, that blew my mind.


I think that there's no coincidence that she's Dolly Parton. Yeah. The type of people that are actually interested in other people make the best art. Absolutely.


She's really watching. She's really listening. Where did you guys go? Here's, I don't know, something set up by, like, the movie people.


It wasn't like a real go to restaurant was closed for us, you know, like we do, you know, how they closed restaurants for us, like before beforehand know what was crazy was. So it was a you know, it was like people involved in the project were going and and the the person who takes care of Dolly had come up to me and said, I don't get like I won't get in trouble for saying this. But I had said, like, hey, we're not telling anybody, but like you are Dolly states.


So, like, you guys are going to go sit down. And then it was like, wow, I'm going to be in the car with Kathleen Turner for an hour and a half again. So I was like coming to come up with my legs and, like, amazing. And by the way, she looks like she looks like Dolly Parton up close, do you not? I mean, like, there's no like I don't know. You're not like, oh, I see the strings.


No, like I see them apart like and she says she is Dolly Parton at six in the morning. If she's going to the bathroom, she's wearing six six inch heels. I mean, there are times when she like another version of her life because she also is very clear that, like, she has boundaries. And I was not a bad guy.


She had flip flops. I'd like to see where moccasins. What does she where to bed.


No, but she knows how to be undercover, I will say, without disclosing how? Because I think that that was a secret. But I mean, the way that she described it to me. But but she she knows how to be Dolly Parton in a story that she loves telling is that she went to one of, like she said, one of the biggest compliments to her in her life was she went to in West Hollywood, a look alike Dolly Parton contest.


And she entered and she lost. And she said it could not have made her happier, like watching these people that had, like, taken on her persona and that it was like helping them in some way and like working for them and that they did it better than she did.


She, like, loved. That's the greatest thing I've ever heard.


And that amazing. But, you know, she's special. Like she's when you've seen I've tried to I said, what, like my favorite Christmas card I've ever gotten.


Oh. Got a frame from it up. It's my favorite ever.


And the I love that it's a Christmas card like that was mailed. Yeah. Ends and it's the the return return address just said like I think it just says Dolly Parton like it just says no it just says Dolly Parton, Nashville, Tennessee.


Yeah. And I, I was but there's no address like you know where to find me. Like I told a mutual friend of ours that I was like, Dolly's got the new Christmas album coming out. I just bought the Holly Dolly Christmas sweatshirt. He was like, Oh, Dolly is going to love that. And I was like, that's such a weird thing that I like. That's such a weird like Dolly is going to be told that I bought her Dolly Parton sweatshirt just like we never finished the story about ice.


Oh, my gosh, you have to tell the story. OK, so this is just full circle. When Jenny met me, I was so. Crazy, I mean, I was just a mess, like I was just a mess, I had not been, like, parented. I didn't know how to take care of myself. I didn't know how to put myself first. I was always losing my keys. I was always lose my credit card.


I was always like my car, like, had a boot on it, like my license was expired. Like I didn't have health insurance. Like, I was just like, oh, my gosh, you didn't have health insurance. I was just a mess like genius who told me savings are for emergencies. I remember that savings because I would they're not for purses. They are for emergencies like she's like savings are for like dental surgery, like your cat is esack or your savings.


You have to jump on a plane and go see a family member. Yeah. So even later when I started saving money, I was like, oh my God, I saved this amount of money to buy this purse. She's like, no, no savings are for savings. Dental emergency. Yes, yes. Yeah.


This is not a luxury thing. And so I was just I was just such a mess was just always something with me. And I was calling them like 2:00 in the morning, like, I can't find my keys under Nawabi.


I, like, lose my car and parking lots. I, I parked next to a green truck and I can't find it. They're like, you know, cars move. You can't remember where your car is in a based on another based on another car. Like I was just in the clouds and in bad relationships and all that. And so one time we were emailing, I feel like I was maybe like twenty eight or twenty nine. This is I'm trying to remember what quote you had in your email at the time.


I believe it was a Harry Potter quote because Jenny, I kind of know where she is in her life based on the automatic sign off quotes.


It was Harry Potter for she had it was Harry Potter for a long time and it was Audrey Hepburn for a long time. Oh, yeah.


Where you would email Jenny and you'd get like an inspirational quote. And so you think twice about canceling on her, just like James.


You based on whatever email you're sending, whatever disappointing thing. You're right. I know. And I remember she emails me and two of our other best friends and in the car, I didn't know what's going to show up.


So literally, I respond to the email and I'm emailing them and we're emailing about, like, making a plan together. And our other two friends emails next to their name says the word I. It was probably Dorian, my sister. I think it was Dorian, your sister. And maybe Celine. Yeah, maybe. And in parentheses it said, I see. But then next to my email, it didn't say I see and I didn't know.


I you know, I know they show up on anybody's e-mail about how it was entered in my phone. We're like emailing about like a trip together, like like email. And then what's I write back, I'm like, what's ice and silence?


But then there was a day that you didn't like. I so I was not someone that was programmed in as an in case of emergency contact, which I learned. That's what ice means. So I was just did not.


But we were like, we should be your ice. That's the thing. You were my when I had to go feed your cat. Oh my God.


I mean I think I made like a tutorial like VHS tapes for all I had to do is feed her cat. It's literally all I had to do is put some kibble in a bowl. Yeah. You brought me a written out piece without I did turn on and off my alarm, which, by the way, I am one of those people has like really basic. There's not at this is not mission impossible. No. And it was like we're not I'm like a Genie Soulik neurotic, like she wrote out like seventeen steps of how to go into her house, turn the alarm off, feed the cat, leave, reset the alarm.


I'm like, God, like what is so patronising. Like why does she take me seriously? Like I could open a fucking garage door and you're on vacation. And so the police called and they're asking who Whitney is.


I could not figure out what it was it was like, but it's with me. I was like, oh, please, you're like, but it's Whitney. I know it was against Whitney. I'm her friend. And she gave me the code, like, you know, Ginny is likely story. I sounded like I was robbing your house and I couldn't remember where you were. I was like, no, she went on a trip. I think she's like, she's in maybe had I remember them being like, you know, we have to call the police.


Right? I was like, I don't call the police. I promise I went missing. I was like, Google me. And so then it took I want to say, like six or so years ago, I finally got promoted to my house, which means I really made it means I, like, pulled my life together, that I'm think I'm a good emergency contact. Actually, I'm bad at, like, just normal things. But emergencies is where I shine.


I feel like we've had we've gone through good crises together. Yeah. We really have been thinking about, you know, the doree suffered a tragic loss recently and I loved like that I could call you and you are exceptionally busy these days, but I could call you and be like, hey, can you be at my house in like thirty minutes? Because dories having a hard time and we're going to we're going to talk to her.


Yeah. And I'm there.


Yeah. Yeah. It's like there's there's that this like you and Doree come before like everything. Like you're busy until you're not right. I mean. Yeah I'm not busy. Think suddenly there's so much time. I remember talking about that in terms of relationships with two about like how it's with the wrong people that we never have enough time. Well that's it. I'm the right people. It's like it's like your time is created somehow. I'm this man is texting me and he's like, I know you're really busy.


I know you're really busy. And I just had to write back. I don't have time. I make time. Yeah. So I don't do anything I don't want to do, but I don't like be don't like do some weird math based on my Instagram and decide that I'm really, I am really busy but I will make time for you. Yes. You know what I mean. Yeah. We have all the time in the world when it comes to the right things.


Yes, it does blow my mind that like you, you are like to I would say like to comedy. You are like what Falchi is to me with the pandemic. You are to me with like comedy and like health in general. How wild is that?


Isn't that while? But you have seen firsthand that I did work my ass off. I mean, I am I was in therapy to think like you.


So hilarious. There is so but you saw me like starting to go to Alan on starting to go to therapy like you saw the whole trajectory. Yeah. The whole 180. Yeah. Because now I'll call you to be like for for all that I was like sending you articles about hydration, I'll call you and be like, what am I supposed to do on those now while I how can I make my life healthier in this way?


And then I also turn to you these days for anything regarding comedy. And I don't know anything. It works like you can change. I mean, this is what we talked about in the podcast last week with Andrew Kuperman. Like, you can change your brain if I guess if I can pull it together, anyone can. You've seen it now. You've mean little girls grown up but aged backwards, weirdly. But that's the health. That's the health and money and sleeping.


Yeah. And lasers, lasers and dermo rolling. I do like some lasers.


I do dermatologist's Turner Germar rolling. I don't know what term Earling is, but I like lasers. I'll get like veins like that. I want zapped that.


No I did the not the cool laser, the one that the photo facial which ended up it just takes like sunspots off. You do not need it at all because you should be wearing sunscreen. I know I will after that. I don't you know, I don't wear it when I'm driving. Oh no.


We do it when we're done. That's where I got I was supposed to go out in the sun, but driving oligosaccharides sunscreen.


I wear gloves, I drive now. I should see my my hands look very young.


I'm I'm not even going to lie. Yeah.


Even though someone was like you, I went to a dermatologist like this like six years ago or something and and I went and because I was working on a TV show and they told me I had under my bags and then I like look tired. And so I go to this like dermatologist and he's like I walk in, I'm like, I look tired. I don't know what to do. And I pointing to my eyes, I was like, don't have Eyeborgs.


And he's like, your eyes are fine, but what are you gonna do about your hands now.


I know I do feel like we neglect. You can put Botox in your hands. No I know I haven't done it yet but I started wearing gloves when I drive and sunscreen always on my hands. Yeah. Joan Rivers used to do that for QVC. That tracks. Yeah. She would wear sunscreen.


She would botox her hands for. Oh wow. So have you you've seen that documentary piece of work, right. Oh Joan Rivers documentary is amazing. I love it. I never want to let you go, but I know you have a life. What time is it. Do I have to go?


No, I'm not going to take the time that you're officially neglecting your child. Officially, we need to call Joan. I'm on. I'm like, I'm letting you go right this. I'm on I'm on parent duty. I'll be OK. Yeah, you'll be OK. And then what else? You're doing a TV show with one of my favorite people.


Oh my gosh. That hasn't come out yet. I cannot wait. Speaking of you sent me that pilot. Do you know this? Do you remember this?


Because I do think she has to do this. Yes, I remember reading a pilot is like a beginning of this year. Right. Who knows what it's going to be called. And it actually comes out right now pivoting. Ryding read it, reading written. This is I have lockjaw. We've been talking so much, written by one of my favorite writers on the planet who wrote on a two TV shows that I did truly the easily the funny, funniest person I know.


She's unreal, you know, saying the funny. Your name's Liz Assaraf. I love you. Oh, she has a book by her book. She also has an amazing book. And and she reads it. We're going to a TV show together. And she would she would she would leave during lunch and go buy clothes down the street and bring it back and then the next day and shame spiral and return them.


No, no, no, no, no. I'd walk by my home and she'd be like salmon in her car. I love it. She's just every love.


She's she's she came up with some of the best tubercles episodes for the people that loved the NBC show with the Splenda chicken, that's less. People will yell at me on the street sometimes and be like Splenda chicken, which is very inside if you don't know what it is. But she makes me laugh harder than anyone. Well, this one.


So I was talking to you about this is what I want. I am 42 years old and I as we want to have dinner with my children and I'm not leaving L.A. and I would like to be laughing. I would like to be if I'm crying, I want it to be making people laugh because I feel like I do a lot of crying to make people cry. Oh, and watching like every TV show and having a movie you were doing for the longest time, you were just like, oh God, this is a stressful job.


I was like losing my voice all the time. And I went to see the ear, nose and throat specialist crying and fucking crying and showing 20 percent of my time. I went to see the special because I was losing my voice like twice a year. And he said that I had my body. He was like, how stressful your life. I was like, not at all. I like the best life. And he was like, How much do you cry on camera?


And I was like, Oh, that's everybody wants me to cry on camera and everything I do. And I'm always trying to explain to directors and writers like, hey, this doesn't make good acting just because I can cry on camera like we could. Let's do something else. But everybody wants me to cry. And he said, your body thinks that you are living through the stress that your character's living through. And I was like, exhausting this thing in my throat.


And it meant that, like, I was having bad acid issues and it was making my I was losing my voice all the time anyways when I was like, I would like to be I would like to if I'm going to cry, I wanted to be making people laugh. And generally I would like to just not be crying as much, you know, and and you. But I said, here's the problem with it is I have to be in L.A..


I have to have a good schedule, I have to make a certain kind of income and the writing has to be spectacularly genius and that's a really, really, really, really, really tall order.


And you sent me pivoting. And then, by the way, I called my reps. I was like, why didn't you send me pivoting?


That's right. I read it and I laughed out loud. And I was like, this is was like, does it need to be my.


And I gave it to my husband and he read it a couple of times and laughed out loud. And then we started those talks in February. And then I didn't hear anything. And the pandemic hit and I was like, oh, like, you know, the pandemic hit.


So like like work is over and we'll see what happens on the flip side of crazy stress and spiraling and over over work for actors during a pandemic as we cannot do it from home.


And and then all of the sudden, weirdly, I don't remember what month it was when I started texting and I was like, this is so weird. Like they had been negotiating this whole time for like months. And I thought that it had gone away.


But I had gotten the job finishing the contract about this business like half the time.


Even when you do when they don't even tell you nobody, you can enjoy it. The few times that things are going well, by the way, that Dolly Parton so my Dolly Parton TV movie was nominee.


You guys have got to watch this. Oh, thank you. And I didn't know, so like I didn't know, like nobody could tell me that I was nominated for an Emmy. Nobody told me. So I like sent a message to all of my reps. And I was like, hey, you guys, guys like because we job literally one job, like we're all in all the flowers. We got a best, best of best of Emmy nomination, not Emmy nomination.


But but yeah, nobody told me I was like a nobody told me I.


Yeah I know. I got Hollywood's so glamorous like we don't know half the shit that's going on at the time.


Like it's just like now I obvious thing about, I mean how glamorous things are. There's an Emmy party that's virtual and they were walking me through, you know, like Netflix is starting this virtual, you know, celebration. And so was talking to people about like, yes, I would need to to my hair and makeup and I could just be dressed from here up and be fine.


And I was like, I don't have to look like that's how glamorous it is. I don't have child care. So I cannot go like I'm not going to sit there with my kids. And because I don't want my kids part of things like I want them part of things like they come with me to sets because I want them to. I'm really hardcore about I want and I know we need to go.


I will do really all do and I need to go because I just I just want you go to go see your kids so they don't turn into you know, that's the thing.


They're like she did actually bit and I don't want to she ran off with me, but I'm I'm hardcore with my kids about since the beginning, though, we say things to them all the time, like, well, mommy and daddy have to go to work because we have to do things like pay for school and Disneyland.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like but I don't want it to be something. I don't want them to think. It's like a I don't know, I don't want them to resent the thing that we have to do to support them. And I want them to see that we are fucking lucky because we get to do something we love for a living.


They get to know you're in the Voisins Utopia. Now, they figured it out because Oliver was getting really. That must be confusing. Yeah. And we have a doll that somebody gave us that's I mean, Judy Hopps doll speaks.


And so he would be like, mom, say, when you say this and you like, squeeze it.


And he was like, you sound a lot like that rabbit. It was never that I was rabbit. It was you sound a lot like in that rabbit.


And and by the way, never had questioned before recently the fact that we have, like, you know, original like Utopia art on the walls, but like no other original sketch.


Yeah. We really do like no other. So he had scenes utopia before. Four hundred thousand times.


Just suspected it was you know, he I'm sure I'm sure there was a subconscious comfort that he found in the sound of my voice that must have been so good for. Yeah. She still doesn't understand. He talks about it like he does but he doesn't get it. Yes. Oliver truly is trying it. My sister's an animator. He's trying to understand animation. He understands I acted it and then it was animated. But he also understands that I was filmed while acting it.


And it's some of my movements were used that he finds familiar. Now, it's wild.


That is must be so confusing, saying I promised him on the next movie. And when he left his his name's in the credits because he was born during production, juegos devastated. I was like, I don't know.


I can't like, you know, after the fact this issue.


But I promised them they could come with me if we ever do a number two and they could be part of it. But they do come to sets.


So our thing is when we're going away in the morning or when Josh is going to New York, because we always remind them we hate being away from you, but we are so lucky because we love our jobs.


And if you work really, really hard and if you're lucky enough, you will also do something that you love for a job.


So when mommy and daddy are away from you, it's because we're getting to because we're because we're blessed. You can have someone trying to put your nipple on without your permission and you'll love every minute of it.


So and also because of that, it's important to me that they be made to feel like when they visit us on sets that it is a celebration.


So I generally ask like hair and makeup people like will you make my children feel fancy?


And so, like, why would they tell they would kind of set and, like, get press on nails and fake mustaches and, you know, they would like, you know, the catering person would like do something for them and we would get chairs set up for them at the monitor and they would, oh, this is a thing.


All right. There here's my clothes are for you.


They came to watch me film a scene for Why Women Kill, which did not make the show. But in the scene, I said all men are capable of infidelity. And I had because of how we were editing together, it was almost like a montage how we were editing the scene together. I had to take line by line and just repeatedly do the one line over and over and over again. And when they felt like they got it, I would do the next line because they would have another someone like spliced in who was saying the next piece.


What do you call that? It's not on a mom and pops quick pop. Yeah, like like I would say one line, another actor would suddenly be in my place in line and we were all telling the same. Story edited to get on one like little monologue, right, and it's like passing off the yeah, you know, the lines. And so I kept saying this over and over again. And weeks later, he was saying apparently at at the time, preschool, all men are capable of infidelity.


And I was very concerned about what people would think was going on at our house. But he was listening and that is the good news. But yes, they sit there with their headphones at Video Village and they get all hooked up and about.


I am realizing that I need to pick and choose when they come see me and said I have a friend who hernot, did they play this game where she goes, if you don't get in bed, I'm going to beat you.


That's if you can hear back later and they start laughing. It's like, don't be like I'm going to be you. They like, do fake Nogi. They're like, don't make me be. Yeah. She said, no, they went to school and she was like, Bye baby. Nesic are you don't beat me now. She was like, oh my God, this is a game we play. What you want to hear.


The worst I heard Oliver say once is I didn't even realize this is so disgusting. I used to say to him, if he wasn't listening to me, do you speak English?


Oh, I heard him say it to someone.


And I go, oh, no. I mean, even like thinking about it now, I could not believe that.


It's like hearing it come out of his mouth to realize like what that what that sounded like, what that gorgeous blonde hair boy like.


He is an Anglo Saxon like he is.


He could be NorTech like, oh my God, he was a horrible thing to watch.


Come out of somebody's mouth. Yeah. So we now I said, hey, buddy, we actually can't say that ever again. And Mommy will never say that ever again. Truly. Ever again. Yeah. No, truly. I don't know why.


I don't know why I said it like where I like.


Oh it was horrible but thank goodness it happened like the one time and never happened again because kids can change the rules on them. And now that is something we never say.


We are allowed to be Fleck's. Yep. I'm going to make you do this again.


I'm sure how we do this every year in your presence, which is so not big. But how long have we been friends? Twenty years. Almost truly. Because of you.


Because we became friends.


I mean, it was right after I was twenty one, I was maybe twenty two and I'm turning thirty two thousand three. Yeah. These was right because Dori and I both moved here from New York the same week. Oh yeah that's right. We are best friends but we had just we were new friends. That's right. That's right. And separately moved here together the same week. That's right. And then we when we made up really big names for each other.


Oh my God. Do you remember what you're so. No, Dottie.


Oh my plans right there. Yeah. What was she, Goldie? I mean, we basically we were the Golden Girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were Dottie. We like had different names for each other very recently.


But we were old ladies because we were old lady. You got so early Vermont country store, Vermont country school change. Maybe I'll buy ads on the park. You know what else they have?


They have humorous. Sometimes a Blumer is a really nice thing to have on under a summer dress. OK, they're really loving.


I mean, bridges of Madison County, they're comfy.


I mean, I don't know. I did. I did.


I can you believe this is my best friend. I was going to bring you pickles to sort of pickles, of course. But I'm really into like food preserving.


OK, good. I need you to teach me how to be a wife. You know what? In an apocalypse, I think I'd have us covered. Can you pick on my face? I mean, that's right. That's that's what we're all trying to do.


We could probably just do some vinegar. And that's what it does, doesn't it? Yeah, no, that's what's interesting.


Also, I hate to tell you this. The sugar, like counterintuitively the sugar is what's preserving. Oh, that's well, there's a lot of sugar out. I mean, no, it takes forever the different thing, like I can do like a marmelade in two days, but and like a jam in the morning.


But would she not be the biggest influencer of all time if she did this on Instagram?


You would you'd have a stronghold. I mean, I'm a legend, icon and star and everyone had a phone, don't you think? Have you ever seen the pioneer woman on Instagram? Do you know the pioneer now? We know her.


We know the pioneer woman. I really just want to live in the country, obviously. I know. But we got to get you an Instagram.


People did make a lot of fun of me on because I really do.


You realize that this Lazaroff pilot that I'm doing, I realized one day it's the first well, it's one of the only jobs where I'm not wearing like a corset or girdle and like like like actual stockings and high heels and things.


But the reason I was thinking about this is because you don't have, like, wooden teeth. I almost only do period work. That's right. And so I get teased to then on sets because I'll be sitting. Like knitting a sweater in my period stuff, you know, and I keep the cell phones away, even when you do a modern movie that takes place now, like he's just not that into you, you're like dressed as Pippi Longstocking from the 20s, you're in a costume.


Yeah. I was like, oh, my gosh, in this show, I'm going to actually be in, like, sneakers and workout clothes. And I am not so weird. I'm not going to know what I told her the other day.


I'm not going to know what to do about the fact that I'm that I can go to the restroom, like I can go to the loo whenever I want to dismantle, because so much to get my work life is like the amount of water I drink is dictated by my costume.


You've always been in such crazy. I looked I actually imdb myself the other day to look because I was like, no, it can't be. I must have done something modern. But even like, you know, in Once upon a time I was my modern look was 60s.


And I mean, I didn't have to wear a corset for that stuff, but for the modern stuff in that. But it was still like supposed to be like timeless purity. I almost have exclusively done like 70s and before, like a lot of 60s and fifties and forties.


I just wearing one usually in a wig.


And I'm usually like old corset, crazy and like pointy bras. And yes.


So it's so weird to be like I'm going to be and just I can just drink water. It's like acting, but it's so much more comfortable. It's going to be a lot. My days are going to be a lot shorter.


Yes. Liz will make sure. Yeah, but I still sit on the set and like yes, I'll be like knitting a sweater. And yeah, someone came around to me on a project recently and they, they taught me what the term on brand meant I think had made people like meringues and I was very on brand.


Very on brand is mono with its very own brand.


For me to keep you for three hours. I'm going to and I promised my husband I have to go take my former husband and have Doctrine's calling me. He can call me. If it's Bravo he will get me, he'll call you. I really want to post the photos from a friend of ours wedding where we got drunk and he had a basket on his head. And do you remember this? You were breastfeeding.


I was not in a bar and that type thing because it was the first time I'd ever been away from my son. This is a friend of mine's wedding. We were in upstate New York.


I was breast pumping on the playing card, which is going to be breast pumping in a dress, in a barn, in a bunch of pumpkins on the plane. I was doing it. I remember that.


And then Josh and I got really drunk and he put a basket on his head and kept this stupid. And no one's going to think, this is funny. I was just, like, dead in the bed and you guys were laughing. You were like, like two in the morning. You put a basket on his side and you would take it.


That's right. We go. How did you get it here? I was I'm not allowed. And I just got breast implants. And I and I was terrified because we were having a blast. Well, I know I was such a human being. I was leaking so and I was so afraid of both leaking. We were hiding in that bar and being so afraid.


You're going to burst my Yolla a little bit funny together. The best I used to come on here.


Oh, he'd love it. I don't think he's done a podcast and he loves he listens to. That's all he does. I know he's a big part of the reason why I started a podcast because I'm. Oh, my God, please, please.


Let's all just listen to music. He listens to podcasts.


I know. So because I was like, you know, he loves learning about people I know.


Well, because here's the thing. I think guys did podcasts first. They were the first out of the gate because they were just born with more confidence. Guys are like, who wouldn't want to hear me talk for three hours? Funny. And I was very like, who would want to hear me talk for three hours? I have to make it perfect and I have to like, write it all. And, you know, and then I was just like, you know, I'm just going to do what the boys do.


Eleven. That's what I like. Just go where the money is. And then I'm just going to pretend I have the confidence and just I do love your podcast. I have listened to some of them, the only podcast I've heard. And he made me listen to the we were talking about the talent. He walked in the other day and he was like he put his phone down in front. He was like, you were listening to Ellen Pompeo right now on on that because you are going to relate and you are going to idolize her.


Yes. I like got a message to him.


Yes. It's a great way to just like pilfer wisdom from other people while you're running errands and driving around. Yeah. Like, why would I mean, parenting or parenting or something or just like, you know, I feel like I just listen to the TED Talk podcast constantly. I listen to Sam Harris. I like I just. Oh, he's gotten way into Sam Harris is amazing. Yeah.


I get all my news from Joe Rogan and John Oliver. That's not a podcast. Yeah, but no, but I guess it is a podcast version. I like Joshel free. I'm sure Josh knows. Yeah. He's got an online life. I don't know what it is.


I know you're just a Luddite. I got trapped in the basement. I'm making you and these very awkwardly to Josh will tell you he was and these very awkwardly. Oh really. Yeah. There's nothing to plug except if you're an Emmy voter obviously vote for Jenny and Dolly Parton. We do get lots of like industry people.


I love you more than anything. I love you.


I'll see you next year on September 4th. Remember that? I mean, I hope I'm going to see like before that. I know. But you guys will see her again.


Yeah. In here. Done. I love you. You open my present. Yeah. I mean it's by the way. It really is. Like pandemic, like I feel weird during the pandemic giving people like.