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[00:00:12]

I don't listen to anything I do when I do hear my voice, it sounds like Fran Drescher and it makes me hate myself. Oh, I don't think it sounds like Fran Drescher.

[00:00:22]

And I like your voice. It makes me feel comforted. Thank you. You have an incredibly soothing voice. I've talked about it before. Also, the way you talk is sort of it's like a pentameter that's incredibly hypnotic. I'm not even joking.

[00:00:35]

I'm talking about this. OK, like, explain it to me, like what you just did. You want to, like, explain it to me. Like, you just have like a very interesting intonation and an odd spacing between words.

[00:00:47]

My God. No, no, no. You're so right. Because I swear, when I when I do any kind of role, I have to look at how I talk and realize that, oh, I think the way that I talk in real life does not come across good on camera because I put weird spaces. But it's captivating and it's like you're like, oh, did you think I glitched because you're like she's having a stroke. I'm on the edge of my seat.

[00:01:11]

She's going to get through it. You're so right. I do have no one's ever brought that up to you. But I know it about myself. I, I will pot I sometimes if I ever caught an interview like someone's in like oh it's on its watch it and I'm like wow. I paused weirdly.

[00:01:23]

You pause at random times you're right. But in a way that I was thinking about it last night because I was like watching a lot of your talk show appearances and podcasts and stuff.

[00:01:34]

And I think it's actually just your thoughtful and just don't talk a mile a minute like I do and just like puke out everything. Like you're just thinking about what you're saying when you speak.

[00:01:45]

But I was thinking about it a lot yesterday.

[00:01:48]

That's interesting.

[00:01:48]

Well, I think a lot of it is from thinking about, well, I don't know. But I do I do think but I think a lot of it has to do with I do speak fast, but I do take more pauses because I am more I do second guess what I say and I want to make sure I'm saying the right thing.

[00:02:09]

And then what's really disappointing is that when I don't like I took all those pauses, I regret everything I said, which happens a lot.

[00:02:16]

I took a bunch of time to think about it and I'd like to say something I regret do rewinding that.

[00:02:23]

But no, there was something captivating about it.

[00:02:26]

Like there's that book, The Art of Seduction by Robert Green. And one of the things he says in order to seduce people is to kind of talk really quietly so that they have to lean into you. Oh, and I obviously don't seduce anyone because I scream when I talk. I actually make them recoil, frankly. And I was listening to and I was like, I wonder if this is like some kind of hypnotic, like, art of seduction life hack, because I would be much more successful.

[00:02:50]

I think I would I would be the Joe Rogan of podcast. I that was some kind of artist adduction. If I knew that, by the way, I might now be you now have just inspired here it is like you did on my podcast. One of our lights fell on you. So you own my house. Now, if you want to sue me, I like your house. I'd like to own it after you renovate it. So I'm going to jump around a lot, please.

[00:03:11]

But the first thing I always like to ask people when they come on the show is if we're friends.

[00:03:15]

Yes, we are friends. You and I are friends. We are friends that we don't hang out a lot wherever.

[00:03:22]

I would like to hold on because I first. Yeah, but what do we do. Which was today and another an event you know. But now here's a difference. OK. Yes. Do we, are you one of my closest. No but but but I could call you at any point or text you and say like I need to ask you something on the real like what do you think about this? And I can ask you something that needs to stay private.

[00:03:53]

And it will. And if I ever needed you and I could call you and said, like, can you call me back? I know you'd call me back or text me back. There are people that in this business were like, oh, yeah, we're friends. And like I text them and I don't I don't like I don't really know if they will, but it's because of your character. I know who you are and how we connect.

[00:04:08]

I, I know that that's why I think of you as a friend, even if we don't really get to hang out outside of, like, you know, an event, which is it's weird.

[00:04:17]

I, I, I feel very, very close to you and there's no reason for it.

[00:04:24]

It's totally unearned. I feel like we just whether it's through the animal connection or just we kind of came up at the same time, like, I feel very close to you and like we have the same values. And I actually as I get older and as we have less and less time and we get busier and busier and our lives get crazier and crazier, I value more than ever relationships where you're like if we don't see each other for six months and you call, I'm like, I know she needs something.

[00:04:49]

And I know if I need something, I can call her and we can just fucking get right to it. Yeah. No small talk, no pleasantries, no formalities. Like, hey, what do you know about this situation. One hundred percent and that's you. So wait would you consider are we friends. I always ask this just in the beginning because I know what I'm asking you. In Hollywood or so I'm asking you now, why are you not answering seriously, my closest friend?

[00:05:11]

I'm horrified that this is less formal than I thought.

[00:05:15]

You know, it's interesting. I have such a fascinating journey with, you know, I actually have had resentment at you before because I think we should be like really close friends, though, don't you think?

[00:05:28]

I think that we should be really and actually hanging out with you today. Earlier before this was like, oh, I want to do this more. Yet I think that every time we do hang out, I'm like, oh, like, I just and I never I always feel like in this business, women are like pitted against each other in a weird way and are made to compete with each other and are just there's so much weirdness that I always am like, oh, this person probably doesn't want to be my friend.

[00:05:49]

Or like, oh, this person really doesn't like me.

[00:05:51]

Like, I have a lot of that shit. I have a ton of that, you know. Yeah.

[00:05:55]

I just assume nobody likes me and nobody wants to be friends with me and like, don't push it and don't try to hang out.

[00:06:02]

Well I definitely I feel like that there's a thing of. It's like. What are we going to do? Am I interesting enough, am I going to be fun enough or do I have enough money to hang out with you? Am I as famous as you am? I like it's like that's how it is for a lot of people. It's like, you know, I feel like, you know, you meet make friends with people. And and I think Instagram makes me very nervous looking at other people the way that they show their life, how like how pretty they are all the time around, or I see their homes and I'm just like, oh, I just don't I'm like, this is just it does bring up a lot of anxiety and insecurity.

[00:06:37]

And I just think I also don't think that I could roll with I'm like, I don't know what you're like. A lot of people are off like doing a lot of shit. And I'm like, I don't know if I want to do that. Can we just hang out at the house? Like, do you like that? Because I look on Instagram. Doesn't look like. Right. It looks like you only want to be on like yachts and like huge like can we just kick in on the couch and be boring because that's I am secretly the most boring person on the planet who pretends to have a really exciting life.

[00:07:00]

And I actually am at the point where I don't even I worry about being friends with people, because when someone does come into my life now, I'm like, this has been false advertising.

[00:07:08]

I'm really not that fun.

[00:07:10]

Well, you know what I have a problem with and a problem with what ends up probably hurting my feelings more is when I make friends with people and then we have hung out and then then they go and they do something or have a party. And then I'm not invited. And you're like, oh, you know, or I will say this even though I don't and I've never said it out loud, but I thought of it was like, I don't it's one of those things where I'm also insecure about, like, the things that I admit to being insecure about, you know, because you don't want to.

[00:07:37]

But like when you're friends, you think you're friends of somebody or you've worked with them and then they don't follow you on Instagram like something small like that where you're like but they're following all these other people and then you're and then you're just like it just it's one of the it's a weird marker now for like.

[00:07:52]

Yeah, yeah. Because especially if somebody is like falling a lot of other people, I mean how close are we. But I feel like do you even like respect me or like me enough to like, you know, follow along with whatever it is I'm doing, even though I feel like you'd like me a lot more if you didn't follow me.

[00:08:09]

Sometimes I wish that I didn't even have an Instagram, so there wouldn't be that marker. Right. It'd be like, oh, I want to be that cool girl. That's like I don't even have an Instagram or Twitter. It's like I'm just I'm so mysterious.

[00:08:19]

Yeah, I'm not at all. I'm desperate for love at all costs and we'll broadcast every second of my life. It's interesting. You make a ton of money. It's. That's correct. Isn't it weird how when a woman says that they're gross, I'm not going to let that happen.

[00:08:34]

That was gross. Good. I'm not going to let that happen. I'm happy that you make a lot of money. Guys can say that guys can be like making bills and making and it's like sexy and hot, but I think they're gross. Yeah, I think it's hot when you're doing it. It's awesome. I also it's so interesting because I have historically projected a lot on to you. Please tell me everything. I feel horrible that you have to for real.

[00:08:55]

This is what have you projected on this is real. I projected a lot on to you because I think we kind of came to Hollywood at the same time.

[00:09:03]

Do you think I came in 2015, but I'm no Martha Litquake journey. So whatever it was, I remember seeing you around and being so at the time.

[00:09:20]

I mean, I was a mess, like I was a mess the first time we met or saw each other or were in the same concentric circles or whatever. I was such a disaster. I was like a completely unrecovered co-dependent, like workaholic, super insecure, hanging by a thread.

[00:09:34]

And I would see you. And whether this is true or not, please, I projected on to you like you were always so together and so calm and so clear, knew what you wanted. And I was just like always so insecure. Is something going on?

[00:09:48]

Are we good?

[00:09:49]

OK, sorry. I'm just have such a bad. I know like what's happening. And you were always so clear and so confident and I was jealous. Wow.

[00:09:59]

When did, what year is, were you any of those things or did I invent them in my head. Well depends on what year.

[00:10:07]

I don't know. Two thousand.

[00:10:08]

You were probably doing the show by mine by now. Is was for show so. Well it depends on when it was because I could tell you, but it depends on what in what room we might have been in, because there were times when when I started on G4, I had no idea that that would be the the key that would unlock Hollywood for me. Right. And so I was just on it and I, I had no real barometer for, like, anything that was happening.

[00:10:35]

And I was just having fun and it was really fun. And I was just enjoying my life and I was making money. I remember you know, I remember I called when I got that job and G4 I remember the first year they paid me. It was like eighty grand.

[00:10:50]

And I thought, oh my God, I saw it not forever and never have to work again.

[00:10:56]

I called my mom and I was like, mom, I'm done. I was like, can I borrow your credit card to go to forever twenty one and buy one hundred dollars worth of clothes to celebrate with the hundred dollars worth of clothes I bought like seventeen hundred things that sort of. Tube top. Yeah, yeah, but like, I was just like everything was so exciting and new and like that first year did change and and I got paid more.

[00:11:20]

The show is doing better, but.

[00:11:24]

I if you see me during the early years of G4, I was like oblivious, I was just oblivious. I was just happy doing my thing. I had no idea. And then. I started getting more anxiety. When I when I felt that it was like it was time, like the other things were coming my way, other opportunities, I was getting offered stuff and I didn't think I was ready for it. So I would turn things down.

[00:11:50]

I was like, oh, gosh, I don't want to I don't want I would turn things out to stage four and then my anxiety started coming up.

[00:11:55]

But it's so interesting that for a lot of people, they start out super insecure and then they get successful. And that cures some of their self-esteem issues. Are they look to external things to meet internal needs. They go, I have the same. It's almost like you were super confident and then you started working a lot in the stakes got higher and then you started getting anxious.

[00:12:16]

Yeah, well, the truth is that it was. It was really tied to the fact that, like now I have it, I'm getting offers for things and I can see where this could go and fuck if I'm what if it goes away like I'm good right here and I'm happy here and is comfortable. Yeah. And and, you know, and, you know, I'm you know, I'm half Asian, half white and growing up as a minority female, you know, it's it's something that, you know, kind of is ingrained somewhere in my head was just like the you know, it's stacked against me, you know, stacked against all minorities and then minority women.

[00:12:59]

And so it was just that that idea that. It was just going to be maybe it was just too much for me and I wouldn't be able to really do I was really happy where I was. Also, I will say at the same time, around the time that I in my head of when I started getting anxiety, anxiety was like 2009 right before I went into The Daily Show with Jon Stewart before then. And I, I was in a relationship with somebody as my first time as ever and like tabloids or anything like that.

[00:13:26]

And that was a completely new thing for me and I that put another spotlight on me that I wasn't prepared for. And and having, you know, anybody talk about me online in a way that was like before. And people I'd say something I'd say something stupid or whatever. I don't really care. And it was just like in my in the G4 nerd bubble that I felt very protected in. And I felt and I knew those people and that's how my family was.

[00:13:47]

And it just felt like whatever, you know, we're all kind of talking and and I would fumble around. But then all of a sudden there's this other like the mainstream I that a microscope. Really? Yeah. And I'm sure, like, looking back, it was like nothing to other people. But when it's happening to you, it really it felt like, oh God, oh God. And for me at the time I thought. It just made me feel like, OK, now I don't know, I have now I have people thinking about me in this way and they're looking at me and like and I think that maybe they think that, like, I'm not good enough to be in the mainstream because I'm still on G4 and which I loved and all.

[00:14:26]

And I just felt like I wasn't like if I had started off in, like, my first job was Mad Men, they'd been like, oh, she's an actress and that's it, you know. But my first job was as a as a host of this video game technology network that I loved. It's still my like one of the most exciting times in my life. It's something I miss every day and something I'm so proud of. But at the time it felt like the world was like, oh, who is she?

[00:14:50]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always want to be an actress, but you hosted something first and now she wants to be an actress. Yeah, it's like that. I couldn't like it was just like I wasn't good. Like it was that I wasn't good enough to be dating this guy that's in this mainstream world and this and that. That's and whether I heard that or I just felt that I don't I can't I don't remember. I don't think I actually read anything like that.

[00:15:11]

I think that in my head that was my fear, that that's how people would see me or that's what they would think. Or I think that there was probably just something like of like who the hell is she and how did she get him? Yeah. And you're kind of like, well, I mean, because, you know, I'm I'm a nice person. I'm the best, just like I don't know, because we met you just like you think like a regular, you know, scenario.

[00:15:33]

Like I met this person at this place we connected. And that's how you start dating. Yeah. But instead, it was this big question mark it felt like to me. And then that created this, you know, insecurity for a while. And then I have to learn how to, you know, be in these.

[00:15:47]

So if you ever saw me probably looking like like I had my shit together, it was more probably me, like, freaking out of my head being like, oh, I would like because now that I'm older and I look back and people say to me, like, you know, I was always like especially when I started, I was like quiet. And I was like focused because I was like, OK, as a female comic, I have to work twice as hard to get half as much.

[00:16:06]

And everyone's going to think I'm fucking the more successful comics. And there's like everyone's always going to say, you're fucking everyone if you had any success. And let me prove everybody wrong and I have to change. I had so much pressure myself. And then people now they're like, I met you ten years ago and you were like very aloof. And I'm like, no, I was just scared. I was scared. I was terrified. I was insecure and I was terrified.

[00:16:23]

I just think it's so funny to compare notes of what you projected on to someone versus what they when I would see what Hollywood parties or something, you were probably just like terrified. And I was insecure and going like, oh, she's, you know, doesn't want to talk to me or she's so confident or with the stories we tell ourselves when we're so inside our own narcissistic fears and insecurities. One hundred percent. And I also think that for whatever reason, there have been, you know, so many micro aggressions that get embedded into our heads and especially as women, that we are naturally pitted against each other.

[00:17:00]

Yeah, you know, it's like if I see you know, I see you, it's like it's like a dog seeing a coyote. It's right.

[00:17:05]

Oh, gosh. This is gonna take you down. Oh, shit.

[00:17:10]

It's like there's a somebody else who's doing comedy, who's pretty and who's nice and who's smart and. Oh OK. So then there can only be one of us. Always, always. And I think men are raised their you know they're in team sports. That's right. You know, they, you know I think about a lot we get like ballet.

[00:17:28]

Yeah. Yeah. We try to be the soloist but there's something also I believe in the with micro aggressions and and actually like truly understanding like where the term micro aggressions, you know, comes from and understanding what that means, you can start to to feed back into like into your childhood and realize like when you are raised a certain way and we watch certain movies and TV shows and we read in magazines or books and we get this thing in our head that our goal is to basically find a husband.

[00:17:59]

Find a man. Yeah. And that's what our worth is where men have their own worth. You know, like so many times I think women, they it's actually talking to my girlfriend. Earlier today, she was saying, why is it that, like, I'm in these relationships and I feel like I like I just give myself so much into them and then when ends, he goes off and he does whatever.

[00:18:20]

But I'm just left broken and like, well, because typically a lot of times women we put so we put our whole life on hold to be in this relationship.

[00:18:27]

And men don't do that. And that's a good thing. It's a healthy thing to keep things going in your life and have your friendships and your work and your hobbies. And I always say a relationship shouldn't come second.

[00:18:39]

Yeah, well, I mean, because because what are you adding to the relationship if you don't have your own thing. But so it's it's those it's that I think going back into the microaggression of like so men like in school. Right. There's going to seem like a tangent but it's I know it's cute as hard cases are a giant tangent. That's the good news. I talk in a very circuitous way sometimes and random parsing. I love it.

[00:19:03]

But so like in high school you get a girl who was at a. And she hooked up with some guy and the next day everyone's talking about it and they're like, oh, she's a slut, she's a whore, she's like, whatever. And you see, the guys are all laughing and whispering and looking at her. And then the girls, the other girls also kind of turn their back on her.

[00:19:26]

That happens a lot. Nobody really rallies around her because it's kind of like, oh, God, everyone's talking about you. Now imagine there's a guy and some girl takes a dick pic of him and she starts to show it around her friends. All the guys somehow know to rally around each other and be like, man, fuck that, fuck that, fuck her, man, fuck. And then and then the girls are looking at her going, well, they're mad at you now.

[00:19:47]

OK, well, we're I can't believe you did that. That's really kind of messed up. And then they turned back and then so it's weird that you flip it around. The girl always stands by herself, no matter which way you flip it. But the guys, they they know how to, like, rally around each other and stand there for each other and protect each other. And I don't know why it's not ingrained in us to do that.

[00:20:05]

Yeah. And I think that that's something that we have to keep working towards. And it's a really big thing, is that for women, especially in our position, we have to keep pushing the door open, but make sure we hold it open. Yeah, behind us, I think the people in front of us, they're not holding it open as much, you know, understandably, because it wasn't really held open for them. It's so interesting.

[00:20:26]

And like I think that because there's been such a scarcity complex in our business for so long and because, you know, I think for the most part, we're we're wired for harmony. If there's not scarcity, you know, if there's only one slot, of course, it's me against you, you know. And I think that I also think it's important that women know that they can disagree and still be friends. That's been a really big issue for me in writers rooms or in any kind of organizations and charity where it's like, I disagree.

[00:20:54]

I think that should happen. And then another woman can say, I disagree and I think this should happen. Gokul, we don't have to hate each other. You're not a bitch. Like, we can get through this, like we can get through this uncomfortable moment. It's like, you know, I think we're so wired to not make anyone feel uncomfortable and to be apologetic that women end up being sort of like categorizing a disagreement is like catty.

[00:21:15]

Like we've internalized the sexist jargon of like she's catty, she's a bitch. Like, we sometimes do it to each other, you know? And I even have to check myself. I'm like, oh, that was kind of bitchy that she did that. And I'm like, I would never say that if a guy did that, if a guy was clear with me like that, I'd be like, oh, he's very decisive. And she sent an email that was very curt.

[00:21:32]

And I'm like, oh, she's being bitchy. And I'm like, what was that like? I have to check my own inner monologue about that. I try to just instead of correcting it, I just try to call men bitchy more instead of saying she's decisive, I'm like, you're a bitch and you're a bitch. You're all fucking bitches. It's like you're so bitchy. Oh, I'm like, you guys are bickering. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah.

[00:21:54]

Baby likes to scramble someone that time of the month for Bentivolio.

[00:22:02]

You also like have actually had a really big impact on me and a lot of ways because I, you know, obviously came up in comedy. And what happened with you and then Brett Ratner situation of and you're not cut out whatever you want if you want to talk about any of it. When I was reading back through it yesterday, so much of it is like the nasty shit he said to you. The sex is shit, said you, the humiliating shit he was saying to you.

[00:22:26]

It's like I learned at such an early age in this business, you laugh that shit off, you pretend it didn't happen.

[00:22:34]

You come up with a witty quip to neutralise it or you go back at them, you ignore it. You know, I have learned that I have to laugh at men's nasty.

[00:22:46]

I'm going to put jokes in quotes and comments and pretend like it didn't bother me and crystallize this like outer shell of armor so that their behavior doesn't hurt me instead of allowing it to hurt me and saying, like, that's not OK.

[00:23:01]

Right. Well. Yeah, I mean, that's what we we are conditioned to do because. If we say, hey, that's not OK, they get uncomfortable, it's just a joke, it's just a joke, you know, it's just a joke. And then you're like, now you're sensitive. Then you're and you made you made things uncomfortable. And you're a bummer. Frankly, you're being a bummer and whatever.

[00:23:25]

And you speaking up is not going to change the fact this person will will they'll still get their job. They won't be taken down. They won't be asked to leave the party. They everyone expects you to just deal with it. And in fact, everyone's a little annoyed with you for making it uncomfortable. You just learn how to how to deal with it. And that's why when the Metoo movement happened in twenty seventeen, I remember I was on set in Vancouver and I got to sit in these guys, all the the male actors are like, oh my God, you hear about Weinstein.

[00:23:57]

I was like, what. And I when they're telling me about it I just thought. I couldn't believe it was actually like that there was any kind of it felt different, I felt like there was a reckoning that was coming. It wasn't that it wasn't going to be just an article and then people were going to move on because the thing that happened with Brett Ratner, the thing that was different than all the other people who've come forward, the Metoo movement, is that with me, he actually admitted to to what he did in 2011 and and then he had to go into Howard Stern and admit that he lied and say, I lied about Olivia and we never dated.

[00:24:33]

We never talked and I'm really sorry.

[00:24:35]

And then he he actually had some homophobic comments he made the week before he was fired as a producer of the Academy Awards the very next day after he went on to earn. And then I believe I'm doing the math right in 2014, he got a three hundred fifty million dollar financing deal with Warner Brothers and. All he did was put his head down, say sorry, and it's like the formula for redemption that a lot of men go use, you know, he he put his head down.

[00:25:07]

He came back up. It's like, sorry, sorry. And then he aligned himself with some people that he hurt. He did some he did something with glad, I think some commercial for them. And they go, OK, that's great. He's got this big director and we're doing this and will we forgive you? And then he just resumes his place in line. And no one thinks about that weekend that he had said these things about me and lied about me and how I just all that whole weekend, I just was like it was one of the worst weekends ever of just me just hoping and praying and just keeping my mind going, like, how can I all I wanted was my name back.

[00:25:38]

All I wanted was for people to to to not think that I would have ever slept with this guy, you know, because if you look at him, it's clear that if you're sleeping with this guy, you're doing it for one reason. Yeah. Because that's what he looks like, in my opinion. And all I wanted was my name back. I wasn't even hoping that he would just go away or that he would get fired or anything bad would happen because, like, I didn't think that I could even hope for that.

[00:26:05]

I didn't think that that was like on the docket of, like, things you can have. I'm like, I just want my name back. Can you just not have done that to me at all? And, you know, I got some redemption, but then realizing on that Monday when he had to admit to it, but then realizing that it didn't really matter. So then when the Metoo movement happened, now this is like six years from that time that happened, which is not that much time.

[00:26:28]

Yeah. And all of a sudden people are kind of going after women for not speaking up. Oh, now you're speaking up. But why did you say something before? Why did you say something before? And I was able to say as a good as an example to all the women why they did it, because, look, he came after me.

[00:26:45]

He said this about me. He admitted to lying about me. And you guys didn't do anything. So why do you think any of them would ever speak up? Because it didn't didn't matter when it happened to me. And at the time, I was the first female correspondent on The Daily Show in seven years before Samantha Bee. And then there was me. And so I was in a good place. I was in a place that women should rally around and be there to support.

[00:27:09]

But no, no, no men or women or or animals or anybody else was just completely by myself just trying to, like, get my name back.

[00:27:17]

So why do you think any woman ever would have spoken out? Yeah, it because nobody gave a shit. Nobody cared. And and and when it's so interesting because Brett Ratner, like, I look back and it breaks my heart to think about all these men, Weinstein, that like when I moved to L.A., it was like the joke, like, you have to fuck Harvey Weinstein, you're going to go meet Harvey Weinstein, grab your knee pads like the level of, you know, desensitized.

[00:27:44]

The women that were older than me would just joke about it like it was. They just had to cope. And it was just like, you know, Brett Ratner, same thing. I was like, oh, he's scummy. He's this like I mean, he said disgusting shit to me all the time. Came up. He dated people. I knew I was awful with them. And it's just like, oh, that's how it is. The fact that we have had to just accept the idea that changing was like like didn't even cross my mind certainly in my lifetime that I would ever see someone like that lose power.

[00:28:14]

You know, it was just like, this is what we do. We degrade ourselves. We allow them to say this shit. We allow them to like grab our bodies and poke us and like, say nasty shit. And it's just like, don't be a bummer, you know? And then when I when I do talk to people in there, like, well, why did it take so and so, so long to come forward?

[00:28:30]

It's like, can you imagine if I had wanted to say something fifteen years ago, like, who am I going to call? Who I've been? I'm on to VH one clip shows. What am I to call you? Like fuckin Tom from MySpace. Like who do I know who like. I don't know how many power. No one cares. No one's going to listen to me. No one's going to believe me. They're not going to leave me then they're not going to leave me now.

[00:28:52]

It's just like it's it's so interesting when someone wants to say, well, why didn't they speak up sooner?

[00:28:58]

Well, they didn't have any power to speak up. Where would they have spoken up? And I will say what's really it's been very important for me as a silence breaker. And for people who don't know what silence breaker is, it's the people who have broken the silence on an abuser, the people that created this movement, the people that spoke out about Weinstein in the beginning, that started this whole thing.

[00:29:22]

They have been pushed out of their career. They never got the career started. They are all struggling and or have decide to leave our business altogether because it was that traumatic for them. It wasn't the the huge A-list stars that said me too afterwards. Me, too, is a very important thing because I didn't leave those women alone. Yeah, but those women, because of their bravery to come forward and tell these stories now and go to The New York Times in The L.A. Times and tell these stories, that's the only reason why we have this movement.

[00:29:52]

And it's so important that people know who they are because they have been pushed aside, because other big famous women are now, you know, on the covers of magazines being called an advocate. You know, and there's a huge difference between someone who advocates and someone who is an advocate. That's right. Because the someone who is just an advocate, those are the people on the covers of magazines and they do not know the names. They don't know who Jessica Barth is or Carrie Closson khaliji.

[00:30:21]

You know, they don't know these names.

[00:30:23]

Yeah. They are advocates you want you can be an advocate and you can advocate, but the problem that I've had that's given me the most sleepless nights is that is all of my conversations with the science workers. Now, I don't have that issue. I you know. Because of whatever in my position that I get that credit.

[00:30:45]

But I am not the bravest one out of all of them, you know, and and I hear that I respect that.

[00:30:53]

However, having in the last month had to make a statement about someone in my life that was engaging in predatory behavior, like I have a I mean, I, I you are such a fucking gangster when it comes to this shit.

[00:31:12]

It is so clear to you. Like, I remember going when all of the stuff with Predator happened, which is the irony that that's what the movie was called when the director hired a sex offender to be in a scene with you.

[00:31:27]

Can you just talk to me about the what happened between the time you found out that you had been in a scene with someone who was a sex offender to a 14 year old? And when that call to the studio went like, what did that look like when you made that decision to do that?

[00:31:44]

So.

[00:31:46]

Since I spoke out. In 2017, I will be asked by different journalists from different news outlets to talk to different women who want to come forward about someone, a lot of times these women are afraid that there's going to be repercussion or there's lawsuits. And so they want to talk to me. And I do a lot of those calls. And truthfully, there's a lot of the calls where all I'll say to them, like, I hear you and I'm really sorry that that that happened to you, but if he wasn't famous, there's not a story there.

[00:32:25]

And, you know, you made a bad decision. And I'm not saying that, you know, that it's not it doesn't suck.

[00:32:32]

Yeah, but you are of age maybe 20 or 30 years older than you. But you shouldn't go forward with this. It's going to be bad for you. It's going to be bad for this person and it's going be bad for the movement. But do what you want. That's my opinion. So I do that a lot.

[00:32:46]

And a lot of people don't understand the the how complicated it is to speak out against someone you're dealing with, like possible lawsuits with blasphemy, defamation of character, slander, like it goes on and on and on the how much more dangerous you're putting yourself in.

[00:33:02]

However, side note that people should understand. If you ever hear stories that come out in news, news outlets like The L.A. Times, New York Times, BuzzFeed, any anywhere where they're telling these when an organization is telling a story, they are putting themselves on the line. So they have to vet out these stories so hard core with their lawyers. So if you ever hear a story about this possible abuser, know that the story is ninety nine point nine nine nine nine nine percent.

[00:33:30]

True, because this huge organization who could face a massive lawsuit is behind it. And if you haven't heard of anybody suing for defamation, then know that that person is guilty. Because if somebody was to say something about me and said that, you know, anything bad like that, I would come after them for defamation. Yes. I'm like, you can't prove this. Yes. And so far, we don't have that. You know, it's it hasn't happened.

[00:33:55]

So, in fact, Brett Ratner did try to go after the L.A. Times. No, I was part of the L.A. Times when he went after this woman who actually told her story first on Facebook. So she wasn't protected by that. So. Right. And then what happens there is it's her own money. But then we did get her a pro bono lawyer and they ended up doing something out of court, settling something.

[00:34:17]

But but other ones that you've heard of, all these big ones you've heard about, you know, no one has been sued for defamation, for speaking out. So I will say to women, whoever I speak to, I listen to the story. And I I just think, like the few things like. One, it doesn't matter so much if I believe it, I'm just I look for a certain facts like who? Like, were you under age?

[00:34:44]

Did they abuse their power? Did they rape you or sexually assault you in any other way?

[00:34:51]

You know, and then if it is yes to any of those, then did you tell anybody, do you have receipts? Do you can you prove this beyond just telling me the story? And if you can't prove it, you shouldn't go forward because they're not going to run it anyways, because they can't. And you are going to get into trouble. So it's not going to help anybody. And I'm really, really sorry.

[00:35:15]

Yeah, but somebody put me on a call with with someone who was telling me a story and about.

[00:35:27]

About. I know this my my real boss, this is a very I was it was it was another story. And would they had been around someone who has a lot of young girls around them and I said, look, how old are you? Sure, I do comedy with them. Yeah. I said, how old are you? And they said 18 at the time this happened. And I said, and they're like, my friends is 19.

[00:35:58]

And and these are Canadian girls who told me that they were they were coerced to come to parties, house parties by saying that they'll help them get their visa or help them get into the SAG union if they would just come to these parties. And it's really sleazy, really gross and horrible. I said, but you were of age, OK? And did you work for them? No. So it's an abuse of power. Is it creepy? 100 percent.

[00:36:27]

Is this person I'm sure that's you know, this person is probably doing stuff that, you know, is not OK, but with you as the source, like you can't prove it. You shouldn't go forward. And then she said. Well. What have I know about a director who hangs out with a registered sex offender? And I said, well, what are you talking about? And they said, oh, well. This director is my director on a predator, his best friend is this guy who was a registered sex offender, and and she tells me his name and I I'm on the phone.

[00:37:10]

And then the person connecting me to this call is on the phone as well, because they're like just, you know, listening in.

[00:37:16]

And I Google it. And I went, oh, my God. And then the reporter Googles it to, oh, God. And I was like. And then there was like he was in your movie and I'm like, huh, OK. And I said, All right, well. This is another story I was like, well, I got to, you know, I have to get into this now, but, you know, thank you for talking.

[00:37:40]

Thank you for telling me that. And I don't think that they even connect. They didn't connect. They didn't know that he was in the movie. They think they were just kind of throwing it out there. Yeah, I think they wanted to help, like, expose more people. So they're.

[00:37:52]

Well, we know this story. We know the story.

[00:37:53]

So as soon as I saw that, I went into a deep dive to make sure what I was seeing was correct. And it was right there, plain as day. And and so then I. I got off the phone, called my. Lawyer and my manager right away, and I told them and this guy, his his scenes were with me, his scenes, where it was the introduction to my character in the movie, which you'd already shot, which had already shot.

[00:38:20]

In fact, we were just five days away from me presenting at the MTV Awards, and we're doing a big predator promotion. So we were like super close to like I think it was at five days. I know there was like five days away from picture long. Look, we're not making a documentary. Yeah, supposed to be. Yes. So we were so I know that we were really close to I think. No, that was that was it.

[00:38:44]

Because I was on a Wednesday, I found this out and then I said, we need to tell them to delete that scene. And then my lawyer called them, told them this information. And I don't hear anything for two days, and then on Friday, I had my reps call again and say like, what's what's going on? Because she's supposed to be at the VMAs on Sunday. And if you guys don't take this out, she's not going to promote it.

[00:39:10]

And that was something really important to me, because, you know, if this guy is using any kind of fame or platform in any way to seduce young girls like he can't do it next to me. Like, I just won't let if anybody is watching that things that I endorse this guy don't. Yeah, but by you know, because when you look at his Instagram, he was an Iron Man three and he's always got pictures on his Instagram of that.

[00:39:33]

He's got he was in the nice guys. He's got a picture of himself with Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling. And so some young girl somewhere that's this. They're going to think, oh, he's somebody, OK? And so I said, I just I won't promote the movie if you don't take it out.

[00:39:47]

So I said, well, we can take it out, but we can't reshoot any of her stuff because we do a picture lock in China on Monday. There's no time to shoot anything new. So so I don't get that scene at all. They're like, no, we're just going to jump in on your character on this other scene. Yeah. And it's like, OK, well, you know, again, you just take the hit. That's all right.

[00:40:05]

Fine. You'll you know, as long as he's out and then. And then I made sure to call my co-stars. I wanted them to know all male co-stars. I wanted them to know what happened, because the way I found out, I knew that I couldn't keep it under wraps for.

[00:40:26]

And I just don't want them to be blindsided the way that I was blindsided now. So I told them all and then it was just like, I don't know if this is going to get out.

[00:40:34]

I don't know what's going to happen. But they did. All the guys were really, really, you know, grateful that I called. And we're happy to hear that the scene had been removed and.

[00:40:46]

And then I get a call my manager, and they're like, so we get a call from the studio and they're like, why is Olivia calling her co-stars and telling them about this, Tony?

[00:40:58]

OK, this is going to make me so mad because, like, because what what do we what do you what do you want? Our children. What are you talking about? We have each other's phone numbers.

[00:41:07]

This drives me fucking nuts. That's such a sexist thing. Like, look at women are spreading gossip. They're snitching.

[00:41:15]

Like, what are you talking about? A woman who called. I mean, even which is even worse. Like what's even worse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's what the whole thing is so frustrating. And you're just and he says she says to my manager, she says. I need you to tell Olivia to grow the fuck up and tell her to grow the fuck up, help us get this movie out without causing any more waves. And when he called me and told me that, I was like.

[00:41:39]

My first thought was, by the way, first of all, and as I'm thinking, I'm going, oh, Olivia is the only adult in this scenario. Yeah, you're not the one that needs to grow up. You're the only one acting like know. How do you put this motherfucker in the movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In fact, I helped save the fucking movie because if I tell you, you picked your lock in China and then we'd be like opening up Toronto Film Festival in two weeks, which, by the way, it's there's so many people whose only job it is to make sure there's no sexual predators in the movie.

[00:42:08]

Well, I actually found out. I found out because Fox told us because I was wondering what happened apparently in the state of California. It you do not have to do a background check. It's not required. So they they're like, that's on our fault.

[00:42:25]

And, you know, and I guess, you know, you never thought that the director would put his best friend, who is this registered sex offender into the movie. And so maybe nobody really thought that. But, you know, but it's still there should be people's jobs to to make sure that this is, you know, because we have, you know, a young kid in the movie and then he has little sisters who are around and he's hanging out.

[00:42:46]

And this guy, this particular guy, he did a scene with me. He was really I was really I was really uncomfortable being around him. In fact, it was like a short scene, like a five page scene or something. And I remember the director said that we should we should rehearse together. Now, normally, you don't really need to rehearse like a small scene like that with somebody who's coming in for one day. Yeah, but I was like, OK, you know, I'm always down to, like, want to work out the scene and work everything out.

[00:43:15]

I love that process. And and this guy comes over to the apartment that I was renting in Vancouver. And he was just so he was unbelievably uncomfortable. I felt so uncomfortable being around him. He was, you know, not leaving, was there for hours and hours. And it just was so uncomfortable that you just you know, as you just kind of I didn't feel unsafe, but I just felt like he was just super sleazy.

[00:43:37]

But your gut knows, you know, and this is why we talk about this gift, the gift of fear on the podcast all the time about like how, you know, we are so brilliantly designed to be able to feel someone being ookie, but our brains talk ourselves out of it because like, oh, well, this person would never be working here if they were really a bad person or I must just be being sensitive or I'm just being dramatic because that's sort of the narrative that we are conditioned to believe as women that we're overreacting and we're crazy and we're psycho.

[00:44:06]

But in the gift of fear, there are these interviews with women that were attacked by men in parking lots and in apartment buildings and stuff like that. And they always say, I knew there was something weird about that guy. I fucking knew it. And I talked myself out of it because he offered to help me carry my groceries and open the door for me. And I was like, stop being so crazy. He's super nice. You're being dramatic.

[00:44:28]

You're being paranoid. And they were always right.

[00:44:30]

I had a male therapist say once that I thought was it really changed things in my head to understand and hear it, he said. Women do have another sense that men don't have these. And that's just because we've had to cultivate it and and use it. Our whole life is OK. So as long as we were on this earth and we're, you know, these little kids, there's always been an entire group of people who are bigger than us.

[00:44:54]

Yeah. So when we're playing around on the playground and some boy runs by us, we have to think, OK, he's running towards us. We got to brace ourselves where he runs another boy. He's strong enough to kind of hold himself and not fall over, fall, you know, fall down. We get older, like, say, we're 13 years old and we're walking down a dark alley. We our senses come up. We have to look at everything that's around us.

[00:45:15]

But you have a 13 year old boy. He's going to just innately because he's grown up feeling stronger that he can he can or been told he was strong, you know, but he also but they physically are you know, they grow up being bigger than us for a certain point. Then there's a point where we kind of get bigger them for a little bit. But but they they are just they don't have that fear put into them. That's actually a great thing for us to know.

[00:45:36]

So when they go through that dark alley, they just kind of walk through. They don't think anything of it. But for us, our Spidey senses come on and we've had to cultivate that. And that's a really great thing. So we just have to learn as women that we have this ability and to to really tune into it superpower and to not have to be ashamed about it or stigmatized about it or pathologies it. You know, it's like for me, I was talking to somebody the other day about, you know, we're in a pandemic and people are trying to tour and et cetera.

[00:46:03]

And there was someone that I know that was asked to go on a tour and she just felt weird about it. And she was just like, it doesn't feel like it's safe yet. And it's like, that's all. You don't have to explain why. Just the answer is no. I'm really big on saying no to something. I'm not sure why yet. I can't articulate it. My gut, my inner child, whatever you want to call it, my spidey sense is telling me the answer's no.

[00:46:22]

I can rationalize why I should. I can talk myself out of it, but the answer's no. And I'll explain why later. Or my gut should be enough of a reason why that's enough evidence for me. Just my my body gets to make decisions now instead of my brain because my brain will always talk myself out of.

[00:46:39]

Any of my emotions and I can, you know, be cerebral and talk myself in and out of bad situations, but my big thing now is just like no, the answer is no. My body just no, I don't even ask my brain anymore. Well, it's important to know the brain is important because, you know, the brain supports the heart in the gut and the gut supports the brain. You know, like they they work together. And sometimes, you know, I think people, you know, we can get into a feeling of nobody wants me to be afraid or nobody wants me to say no.

[00:47:07]

So I'm so we have to kind of really learn to to to decipher what's going on. And we have to understand that our brain is there to support the rest of our body, too. It's not you know, it's it's not just a one way street. You know, you can't just only trust your gut. You know, I think it's important that because because what happens after a while is we get conditioned to think nobody wants to hear us.

[00:47:27]

We can't say no, we can't see. That's right. But, you know, like for me, I do think about these things a lot, probably like more than I should. And I do think about this probably why I pause when I talk. I do think that I do think about these types of things a lot. I think about so when they when they happen, like when this happened with with the Predator. It was. Like, it was just it was it was the way it all went down, the way it was handled was like.

[00:47:58]

Hard, it was really hard for me and but I wasn't it it was really hard, but I didn't feel blindsided because I had already I've already thought so much in my head about how how our voice is interpreted by other people, how our actions are interpreted by other people, men and women, how it is being a woman, how it is being a minority woman, how you know, it's there's all of those things that, like I've already thought.

[00:48:22]

So when it's happening, I just kind of I you know, I braced myself and. And was ready to kind of like lose everything for for what I believed was the right thing, you know, you have to I truly believe and I do this, I do the right thing no matter what that is. Can I tell you something? That is exactly who the fuck you are. And it is so clear and it is so badass. And I really when I went through something over the last month, like, I very much felt myself like I thought about you a lot.

[00:48:56]

I can do a lot because when the Predator stuff happened, I went and watched an interview you gave somewhere.

[00:49:01]

I was like trying to figure out what was going on.

[00:49:03]

It was like in the end, you were it was clear you were stressed in the interview because I know you and I know enough to know that your energy is effervescent and your playful and you're buoyant. And you were I just remember you were like and I know the press junket circuit, like I could tell you were tired and you were tired of fucking talking about it. And you were your classmates were not supporting you publicly or, you know, and you just went something like, why did you do this?

[00:49:28]

And you're like, it's very clear if someone harms children or animals, I'm going to do something about it. Like you just it was like you literally were like, why? What are we talking about? Yeah, it's like the fact that it's, you know, and you're an outlier for doing this. That's the conversation. That's what's crazy. That's what's newsworthy. Yeah. And you found I was watching you and you were like, why am I having to explain myself?

[00:49:52]

Someone hurt a child. What it's like what? Of course I'm going to do this to you. It's so obvious.

[00:49:58]

Yeah. What the right decision is. Yeah. I mean, it just that's you know, that's how my mom raised us and that's just how I am. And, you know, and at the end of the day, like. The fear of speaking up, what could I lose, I could lose my career, yeah, I could lose any kind of income, I could lose any kind of status I've created or any kind of cultural currency. And they can just take it all away and in some way.

[00:50:30]

And I could have nothing but the things that I do value truly value my my family, my family's love, their respect for me, my friends, my education, my sense of self, my self-worth. Hmm. That's not on the table. No one can ever take that away. So once I. I, you know, able to to understand what that is, which is, you know, years ago and I realize this is this is what's important to me than nothing's really scary.

[00:51:00]

Yeah. Does it mean that that wasn't really hard and I didn't go, you know, during that press junket, you know, when I was in the Toronto Film Festival every night, I'd go home and cry in the hotel room and have like, you know, wash my face in the morning and do it again because I knew that it was important for me to. Like when I did those interviews, important for me to be. Collected to not be angry, to not be emotional, but to to give out the information and to answer the questions.

[00:51:29]

Clearly, because I wanted people to understand why it was important that I was speaking up, why I wasn't creating a mess and I wasn't being dramatic with very simple, but also I wanted other people to be able to see that and and say, oh, you can speak out without without ruining yourself.

[00:51:48]

That's right. And without unraveling. And the the the message is not going to get lost in the delivery of the message.

[00:51:54]

I'm realizing I have so much anger coming up about this, like because it's like not only do we have to be the victims of this, we also have to fix it and we have to speak out about it. And then we have to like speak out about it in the perfect way and we have to be composed and we can't be too emotional and we can't be too upset. You know, when this happened, you know, with Chris D'Elia, it was like it happened as if the devastation wasn't enough, then it's like the pressure to say something.

[00:52:21]

And then if I said something too soon, it would be I didn't say the right thing or it's it comes off defensive or it was like just the mental gymnastics, the six.

[00:52:31]

It was literally like six days straight of trying to figure out how to digest everything into five sentences so people could actually hear it the way it was intended and not filter it through there.

[00:52:41]

And I realized something that I got to the point where I like, you know what? You either fuck with me or you don't write. And there is no way that me being the person I've consistently always been in this moment, I'm not going to lose your guanyu. And if I lose you, I never had you and you never fucked with me.

[00:53:00]

If you think this is a controversial statement, we don't fuck with each other and like, that's fine. And I, I got so much thrown at me after that and there was such a crazy amount of negativity that came at me and was like, no, you guys never talk to me. That negativity was always there. You never liked me. For whatever reason. I'm a loudmouth female comic. We're the most hated people on the planet like you.

[00:53:23]

I didn't lose anyone, you know. And I think that anyone you do lose when you're being your authentic self, like either I've been fake this whole time and I'm growing and changing or you just never knew me.

[00:53:34]

Well, that's you know, I. You know, one, I will say this, you know, you and I were texting a lot during that and I when you I was not sure. You know, I want to be there to be a support for you, but at the end of the day, it's like, what's your statement going to be? And your statement was as pretty close to fucking flawless, in my opinion. That's very nice.

[00:53:55]

And and I know how hard that is, you know, and I think if I remember correctly telling you, like, you know, just take your time because whatever you say, it's going to you know, people can wait for that.

[00:54:03]

You really helped me not pull the trigger too soon because I did feel this sense of urgency to say something. And my thing is, you know, I mean, what you say. Say what you mean, don't say it mean and wait for the urgency to lift so that you can be clear and rational because it's like in moments like that, I feel this pressure of like, don't be dramatic, don't be crazy. People already think women are emotional.

[00:54:26]

You have to sound objective. You have to be composed. You have to be mature. You have to be clear.

[00:54:30]

And by the way, like, I know that that's frustrating for for us to have to think like that, but that's OK. And we're not going to change the fact that we have to think about all those things before we make a statement. That's just how the world is right now. And there are you know, there are some people that in my belief, I feel like there are some people who are meant to weather a storm and to get through to the other side.

[00:54:57]

And then I believe that there are other people who are meant to turn around, walk right back into the rain and change the entire course of the storm. And I think that somebody like you, you know, you can make it through and get to the other side and put your head down. And that's fine, too. Like there's some people that just aren't built for the controversy or to actually understand how it is to to change a storm. And sometimes you get in there and you can't fucking change it.

[00:55:25]

And it's in it's all that energy for nothing. But if you have the ability to any of you have the the intelligence to and the strength to and the support system to, then you got to turn around and you and and go right back in and try to change it because there are other people right behind you that you have to change it for. That's right. And you know, it's not just for you, it's for everyone else. And so when you do that, when you did what you did, you had to take that time.

[00:55:49]

You had to take that time because, you know, the people will forget how much time it took. You took, like, months, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they will always remember what you said. You told me that. And people will they'll and what you said was it was like I said when I saw it, I was like, that's fucking flawless on, you know, another one. And not to put them on, not to put their on blast.

[00:56:07]

But enough time has gone by. And I think it's an important thing to understand, especially speaking about like what you did. But like back when Lena Dunham defended her, the writer that was called out. Right. I saw that and immediately texted her and I said because I didn't want to go on to Twitter and respond back, I will go directly to the person. And I said, hey, like, I really respect how you want to stand up for your friend and somebody who wrote for you.

[00:56:34]

And but I would encourage you to put out to delete that statement, to put out another statement, because your experience with him cannot be compared to others. And where you are right now in your career in the platform that you have. You are. Risking opening a door for other people to defend simply based on their own experience, and I think you should put out another statement and she responds right back and she said, you know, my God, you're so right.

[00:57:08]

I'll get on to it. She did that actually the next day there was too much time. And she got, you know, an onslaught of like that of like what the hell? Basically, what I you know, what the what I saw was a problem, which is you can't say that this you know, if somebody has gone forward to that, you know, at this moment in the movement, you're in the meta movement. Let that work itself out and and you saying, well, because as his boss, he never did that to me.

[00:57:35]

That's right. Like, that's not going to work. And and then the next day, she did put out a statement that pretty much said, you know, that you're making me realize something that, you know, it's I think that as women in this business, you're treated like shit for so long that by the time you're in a position of power, you might not even know you're in a position of power.

[00:57:58]

And it took me a while to catch up. You know, it took me a while to realize, OK, what do you mean? But these guys I work with are so nice to me. Like, they and it's like, no, there's people below you that they can treat like shit. It's like, oh, there's people below me. I thought I was the lowest. Yeah. You know, like you have to understand, you have to.

[00:58:16]

Part of our responsibility as women is to update our software as we evolve and grow and succeed and realize, like if you do have power, you have to take responsibility, because I think as women, we're so trainable, we're powerless. You know, that it took me a while to catch up and go like, oh, yeah, my experience with this person isn't necessarily everybody's experience, even though my dysmorphia is not an excuse to not know what the fuck is going on.

[00:58:47]

I that's I mean, I think that's definitely something that people and women need to work on. I don't think I've ever. I if anyone has ever in my life been like, this guy's an asshole or this girl's a bitch, and I'm like, and they're really nice to me, I never I never think I don't believe that.

[00:59:04]

I think I've for whatever in my life, I think I've seen enough to be like that or be like I don't you know what? I've never seen that in that person. But I can't discount that because I know that people have so many sides to them. Yeah, I can't there's no I would never discount what somebody else tells me. Yeah. Ever. Because I can't you know, there's a few people that I would be like, that's you're fucking crazy now, but.

[00:59:33]

But like in general, like everybody has so many different sides and, you know, it's also important. This is not the same in the same realm, but it's a little bit of a tangent. But my friend Balwyn, he directed the Bruce Lee documentary that's on 30 for 30 is amazing. And and he was asked a lot about the controversy with Tarantino representing Bruce Lee and once one time in Hollywood, because Shannon Lee Bruce's daughter, who runs the Bruce Lee legacy, was really upset by the representation of Bruce in the movie, and she petitioned to have him change it or delete it.

[01:00:09]

And she actually petitioned and successfully petitioned in China for him to not have the movie shown there at all, because China said, take out that scene of Bruce Lee or you can't have the movie here at all. So he chose not to delete the scene. And, you know, Bo and I were talking about it and I and I was asked a little bit about it, never publicly, really, I think just like on Instagram kind of thing.

[01:00:29]

But, you know, at first he said that, you know, I was like, I don't you know, he's trying to be respectful of an artist like, you know, allow Quentin Tarantino to be the artist and to do whatever he is wants to do because we can't start to micromanage what artists are putting out and said however, you know. Tarantino did say that he researched. By talking to people who were around Bursley at the time because he tried to make it as accurate of a portrayal as he could, so he spoke to people who are around Brucey, the time acquaintances or people on the studio sets or whatever, and they all said that he was this guy that was arrogant and cocky and all these things.

[01:01:12]

And so just based on that. So now we're no longer talking about artistry. We're not talking about somebody's own depiction of it, Tarantino himself said. I tried to make it as believable as possible. Now I believe that he was trying to make that as believable as possible. I think that he was trying to make an authentic portrayal of Bruce Lee and by asking people. But I think the one thing that he didn't know to put into the equation was if you're asking a lot of these these white men who at the time, you know, Chinese people were pushed away and we were not paid the same and we were building all the railroads before that.

[01:01:48]

And, you know, all of a sudden you see a Chinese man with confidence. You're going to think that that's cocky. You're going to think that he was egotistical. And so you have to put into the equation when you have a memory of somebody like I remember this guy who was so cocky. Yeah. But it's also because I was conditioned at the time that Chinese men should not be confident and they should not feel like they can speak out to any white person out here.

[01:02:13]

So, you know, not really that it's like there's a difference. I think sometimes with like the racism and those microaggression that are put into people's heads. And you have to you always have to put into equation how people are seeing and viewing it. So like when we're talking about the stuff with with like, you know, how you see things or how somebody else sees things, we have to understand, like as a female comedian, you're like, well, a lot of times people aren't, don't you know, it's so much harder.

[01:02:38]

Right. But a lot of times it's like they they you have to almost do the reverse math of it. Like, why are they like. Because they don't. I don't it's not I don't think it's a conscious decision to be like like fuck you, Whitney Cummings. But it's like, OK, let's reverse engineer it and try to understand, like, why are you seeing it this way and then how can we get them to understand. Oh yeah.

[01:02:57]

I guess I am kind of doing that right now. I think that's what people are trying to do with the BLM movement. People are trying to say, like, you know, you've been doing this really unpack this this like subconscious shit.

[01:03:08]

Like I remember when the Constance Wu stuff came out of people were trying to call her a diva and stuff. A friend of mine who's Asian was like, oh, that's progress that someone would think an Asian woman's a diva because that means she's not being, you know, stereotypically silent like that. You know, she was joking, but it was an interesting like, oh, yeah, we're so conditioned to believe that Asian women are quiet or something or that Asian men aren't, you know, sexy and hot.

[01:03:33]

That's right. You know, it's but that's because of the micro aggressions that are in film and TV for so long. And so it's like once you have once you understand how it was. It's like if you have, like, mold at your house, right, and you're like, I got mold and then you're like, OK, you can take the mold out, but there was a leak somewhere. You got to go figure out where that leak is that's creating all of this.

[01:03:57]

So we've got to, like, fix the leak and, you know, and repair all the drywall and then we can live in this house again. But until you fix that leak, it's going to get you can take the mold out all you want, but that leak is going to bring more mold. So you have to, like, understand the genesis of it. You are one of the few people in this business that I'm like, that bitch is not doing it for cloud.

[01:04:17]

She is not doing it for likes. Like she walks the walk when no one is looking while things. And it is it is so rare. Have I not said that, Benton?

[01:04:25]

She has said that. Oh thanks Fenton. You have to hit the microphone so loudly when you grab it and know that I'm here. A similar nightmare. I know I can't give you too much longer, but I love your job for longer. How long our podcast allowed to be? I mean, Grogan's goes like three hours, but I'm going to have to stop and see if I have to pee, so. OK, do you want to be OK?

[01:04:46]

Let's both you guys talk, OK. And you take over. OK, you take off. You do. Because we're not supposed to edit it. The people don't like an edit and get. No you're not. You told me we're not adding this. You guys get on, get on.

[01:04:56]

My interesting and I'm from the bathroom.

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OK, we're taking a little break from talking to Olivia and we're going to talk to you about my favorite product that makes me feel like a loved wife.

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I don't know if Benton is allowed to talk about the sponsor since he can't pronounce the word meal. Yes, meal kit.

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It's a meal kit. It's a what? A meal? Oh, it's not. Yeah, it's a male company. It's a meal key meal kit. Delicious, fun, easy, affordable meals as Benton calls meals.

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Rachel raises major red spot any moment.

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Is that how you pronounce it? Oh my God. I'm like completely obsessed with the mushroom ravioli stuff. Oh, you. I know Vegeta keeps talking about the mushroom. I haven't had that one.

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That has to be very true.

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It's so it's so embarrassing and I hardly know it. I'm struggling. It does babble teach English because I do think we should retake it. Tired of getting all my dialect lessons from reruns of Love Island.

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I decided that I'm going to use Batbold to learn Swedish because I want to go to Sweden. And it's the most fun language ever to learn that you know how to say yes.

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John, John, John, it's the closest to Furbish, so that's why I want to learn a Furbish Furbies big propre knowing Brothy know Barbara that means how are you, Barbara? I'm good job, dog.

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I remember when I learned French in high school, it was so useless because they don't teach you conversational words. Yeah, you're just like, Oh, they love you, Fonda.

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Yeah. And then you actually go talk to a French person.

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They're like, that's not French. Those are just crocombe. You like, we don't eat those anymore. That's like from the 20s.

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God, Morgan. God, Morgan. That's good.

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That's good morning in Swedish. God, Morgan got more God more good I think that we were putting together.

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Yeah, yeah. I'm definitely doing a German accent.

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We are not the instructors of babble I think.

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Good for you. How do you say as a woman that you have to go tinkle, like what do you what is that person yogurt on the tenor of the stereo? I have to take a piss. Like, I don't even know what I say. I say. I say we said it. I have to use the restroom. But sometimes people think I'm saying take a shit like, I'm not gonna take a shit. I'm just going to go to no one in the restroom.

[01:12:24]

What do you what do you say? I'm just going to take a pee. I'm going to go take a pee, though, when I to have a pee. When I hear pee, I picture your vagina being. Is that what you do when pee.

[01:12:36]

Like I just think of pee. I don't think. Now you're thinking, I think, about what you're doing. I'm wondering if it's lasered. It's very laser.

[01:12:44]

It is bald. It looks like a dolphin. Yeah.

[01:12:48]

Did you got three guys in here? Yeah. Well, have you ever had sex with a woman?

[01:12:54]

No, I'm sorry. Some of my gay friends have innocent question and we'll have sex later.

[01:13:03]

But I found out that there are there are four things that guys think about the four top things when. Well, you can guess I'll. You guys about what? About the vagina. It's really far back. What? I really guys are constantly surprised by what we're doing. We're just sticking it like in your belly. But I just I just think I think I think they think that it's where the penis is, which is up here.

[01:13:31]

That's I constantly hear how far back the vagina hole I.

[01:13:37]

Hold on, Brittany. Why am I going to say. I think I think it's a common common plot twist that the vagina's way further back then maybe you say. Yeah, that makes sense with what do you mean? I think a lot of people think you can't be part of the conversation in many of a. But have you try to put your penis into one? I think I think that our bodies were made that it goes like that. I feel like guys always put their penis, like in the front of the vagina and then push it like thumb it in.

[01:14:13]

Like, guys, guys like I was looking at your phones like you don't hear us. She's saying something that is accurate to your experience.

[01:14:24]

I'm getting a no no, OK, you've never had a girl, so you've never had a girl thumb your penis into her vagina.

[01:14:31]

Who would admit to that?

[01:14:33]

I just think I feel like it's always further back than it seems. I even sometimes what I put a tampon out of, like, oh, that's so much further back.

[01:14:42]

I thought, oh, it's going to be Whitney. I, I it's my vagina deformed. It's not deformed. It's really far back. Is your is your butthole on your back and everything just kind of rotated at all are very close. Using a good chiropractor to get your alignment back, you just need to rotate it rotated. Oh my God Whitney I.

[01:15:08]

OK, so your vagina is very far forward. No, no, my vagina isn't a normal vagina place. My vagina is like right where it should be. Right. Horses maybe it's been pushed aside. I don't know, maybe I have some. I think it's you. Do you have like a misalignment in your like your T one five eight whatever. Spinel. Well OK, so I want you to give me four. So one is that I'm actually really now sort of your Jonathan.

[01:15:35]

A normal player. Do you think it's very you've see my fantasy, my vagina a lot.

[01:15:40]

But have you seen the whole have you got in there like like now think so. Oh you see the top of her vagina which is where she thinks the the hole is. Sometimes when I see my friend's vaginas I'm like my vagina doesn't look like that. What do you mean in a good way. Very hold in a good way or a bad way in a like in a way you're like, thank God no. One time I saw a friend of mine's vagina that was like, oh, I want that one.

[01:16:04]

It was like had no it was like like it was what was it was like, it was like, it was looks like a tiny little like a u shape with this a line in it. And that was it. There was no, like I say, your Virginia's 10 out of 10, it's a very nice vagina, as I describe it. Take your time, but draw it. I have like a labia coming out. Do you know what I mean?

[01:16:31]

Barely, really.

[01:16:32]

Yeah, but it hides when you come close. It recoils up into my body.

[01:16:39]

I think that's intentional so that you can see my God like a turtle. Yeah.

[01:16:46]

Roly-Poly that just blows up. I like that. That just the labia being hidden keeps you from being like just that one.

[01:16:54]

So OK, you were asking me the four things that guys think about. I have been told that guys think about vaginas, OK? Yours was it's not that bad. And I just learned a lot. Besides, we all learned a lot.

[01:17:09]

I mean, too much, frankly, OK, for things people think about vagina now. Guys, guys, not people, guys very similar that they be all right.

[01:17:25]

Size has to be one of them. That they owe that they stretch. OK. I'm so proud. Well, I wouldn't say Stretch, they don't like I'd say the off the stretch how tight it is. What is wrong with you? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What's the game? The game is I have been told by guy, guy, friend. There are four things that, well, I do know.

[01:18:00]

Like these are the things that the top things off the top of their head when they think about when they're when they're with a girl for the first time sexually and they with her vagina.

[01:18:08]

What are the four things I thought the four things that surprised them. And I was like, how tight it is. I don't think guys have ever been surprised by that.

[01:18:16]

But congratulations. I see. OK, so the four things they think about tightness, maybe.

[01:18:23]

Hold on. What did you think it was like things that surprised them about the vagina, how much your stretch is, how.

[01:18:31]

Holy crap. Oh my God. They're like that with me. No, no, no. Then have you see I have used to swim so I'm just so lost in there. We have to go.

[01:18:42]

There is a common misconception that women's vaginas can stretch if they like date a guy with a big dick, her vagina is going to be like bigger.

[01:18:51]

You know, the average vagina depth, seven inches.

[01:18:57]

I want to be on the surgeon so bad. Venton was almost a neonatal surgeon. While you work with me now, so similar. You deal with baby childish naked people in bathtubs a lot. OK, let's hear. OK, so the four things that guys like think about when they the basically the checklist for a great vagina. OK, OK. Now I understand the game balled tiny.

[01:19:21]

Like where Squirter? I do not squirt, so fuck all y'all hydrated bitches out there, huh? And. Is a butthole. What I mean, they'd rather go for your butthole.

[01:19:40]

Oh, it's lasered tightness, wetness and temperature.

[01:19:52]

Girls, vaginas are different, some of them are a lot hotter minds, apparently very hot, like a Jacuzzi, because this because they're like this.

[01:20:01]

When you get into a hot explained to worry about the temperature of my vagina, I don't have to worry about it because it just is that way or not, as is your body. So the way is explained to me, like so like you want the guys, we want it to be hotter because it's like if you go into it like a hot like a pool, you want it to, if it's room temperature, you're like, OK, but if you go in something, it's hot.

[01:20:20]

It feels really good. Hodor is better, yeah, because, yeah, it feels like it's hotter, it's like it's like the way it's described to me, it's like a hot pocket like you want to put it puts his dick into something that's like room temp or his his dick temp, his damp. It's like, OK, but it's like warm and hot. But I don't want I don't wait. Hold on. That temperature is a thing, right.

[01:20:48]

What you're saying sounds right. Yes.

[01:20:50]

I would never want I don't think about the temperature of dicks do I know. Because I think they're inserting it. So it's different. But I guess I've never had a cold might that be something that I'm from China is not particularly like warm and welcoming. I don't think I think it's it's lukewarm and kind of.

[01:21:16]

Harsh conditions are not particularly welcoming emotionally or otherwise, OK? Yeah, so it's like it's like it's like parts of Canada. Yeah, like it is like Winnipeg. My son is like the Winnipeg of Vagina's. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, there's like Turks and Caicos, you know. I bet. I actually bet.

[01:21:35]

Are you fully lizzard fully Lazar's. I'm just like pretty much from armpits down to. Yeah. I don't know why more girlfriends don't. In fact after I told my girlfriend, my best friend the story. Yeah.

[01:21:46]

She went the next day starting at lasering everything off I but I got Lazarre before they came up with the new one. That didn't hurt. I did.

[01:21:52]

The one with little flames like yeah I did that when you had to do the back you had to they gave you this, the numbing cream you took you put on the night for I remember the saran wrap on top. And you come to the doctor's office with your vagina like saran wrapped and yeah, I know, and it's still really hard now, but then I had to do like I only did a certain amount because it was so painful, so painful.

[01:22:14]

But then I went and now they have the really good one where they do the cool blast. That's right. That's right. And it's amazing. They now see, we are old enough to remember when you got laser and it was just fire, they would just set your vagina on fire. And now they have they just invented this little thing. It's like cold, hot, cold, hot. And you can barely feel I'm just to say this, I suggest lasering for girls, not for the guys.

[01:22:36]

It's just it's just nice. It's nice. You don't have to deal with, like, ingrown hair issues you don't ever have. It's just nice. Like, my like my leg hair is nice. Me too. I just love it. I still, though, get hairs on my toes and I didn't think to get my toes laser.

[01:22:52]

You didn't know. It annoys me because then I have to shave my stupid toes.

[01:22:55]

Well go get a little like a little shot a little. It will still go to just like can would be like ok I get it. They'd be like yeah ok. Fair enough. Yeah. Are they right now. I do get, I probably, I get like hairs around my ankles and you do spot treatment like they go in, they go get a couple spot now I think I shave them. See that's a cut from shaving my toe.

[01:23:18]

Oh I see, I see the hair. I mean yeah there's not stupid and guys are into sucking toes. I'm not into that shit. Get the fuck away from my feet. I don't like feeling self-conscious even if your fetish is your fetish. I only had like a couple of guys do that.

[01:23:31]

I'm good. Well it's also like weird because you're supposed to be like. It just be like, am I supposed to be do I have to be? Do I have to participate and act like I will? Do I have to be part of this? Like I'm going to I'm ticklish. I'm going to kick you in the mouth. Dude, I can't act like I'm too ticklish. And there's no way I don't like being tickled, but that instantly it just felt like.

[01:23:53]

It just feels like you know what it is. I've lost respect for you. I just. What do you want? That's I wouldn't go I don't go that far. You're degrading yourself, are you? Look at my feet. They're gross. But they might not be doing it to degrade themselves. They may be doing it because they just there's something about I don't I mean, I can't my I do not have good I do not have like sex.

[01:24:12]

You probably have sex. I'm looking at them. You have gorgeous feet. I would put your feet in my mouth to this point. They're unbelievable.

[01:24:18]

Well, they're laser and I don't like any kind of guy degrading themselves in bed. I'm very Beda in bed. I, I just, I not. Do you do roleplay or anything like that.

[01:24:29]

No, I don't make any noise. She needs to like the fish or find has to be a I want to be alone to make anything.

[01:24:38]

Do you, do you like to go down on guys. Yes. But I don't, I'm not a super big fan of guys going down on me because most of them are very good at it.

[01:24:46]

That's right. And I and I don't want to be a show runner on my nights off. I mean, there is a lot of pretending like I've actually thought about this so many times, about swear to God. I'm like I regret every time I have fake moaned because these guys are out there feeling so fucking confident.

[01:25:02]

They have this one in particular that was just the worst, the worst and having just having sex.

[01:25:13]

In fact, he went down on me twice during the years, were together. And I asked him once, I said, why don't you ever go? But by the way, I don't want you to. But I was wondering why. Because I feel like most guys I can't get out of my vagina and I'm like, you fake it all the time. So he was like, because it's so fucking warm.

[01:25:30]

It is. He said he's like, well, I just haven't had a lot of experience doing it. And I was like, oh, and that's when I was also like, he may like Benton instead, you know, it might be his kind of game instead.

[01:25:41]

Right. Right, right, right, right.

[01:25:43]

But also the it was like every every time we had sex, every time dark spooning from behind, every time dark, emotionally dark or it was just dark.

[01:25:54]

Well, it was a dark relationship, but it also lights out like lights out. Lights out was like swinging from behind. So it's like you don't have to see my face. You have to see that as a girl.

[01:26:02]

Oh, no. Yeah. And I didn't put all the pieces together until later been there. And then you're like but I mean, first of all I got evidence about something and then I put the other pieces together.

[01:26:14]

I was like, oh that's what all that's what that was there is.

[01:26:18]

I mean look I have dated guys that are gay straight up that you knew work. That's my demo. Didn't know what the time didn't did they know.

[01:26:27]

Yes, I think I think they well this one in particular I think had like repressed it and just was like disassociating in some way. And it was the only guy I've ever dated who was like adamantly would not have sex with me on my period.

[01:26:42]

And it was like so weird. That was like how and I remember at the time, like being shamed for it. That's the lip balm.

[01:26:50]

You got me Bentham best because it's actually lip man. Oh, good. Yeah, I know what they're doing. I have kept Olivia here so long, her lips are drying up. Not by not the ones down low. I know those are said.

[01:27:01]

I think everybody you guys you guys happy as I go home to your loved ones. I'm fine.

[01:27:07]

He she is my love one forever moving in.

[01:27:09]

So we basically like I remember calling a friend of mine and like I was like embarrassed and ashamed. And he had actually shamed me into believing, like, I was like it was just and I didn't realize too late.

[01:27:21]

I was like, oh, no, you just are not into women. I'm like, yeah, like this. Just a little blood.

[01:27:26]

Which is embarrassing because I saw it is pretty gay to be in love with women.

[01:27:33]

I know it's embarrassing, but like men, I, my girlfriend, I told her many years go goes with you. How many years ago this was. But my I told my girl and I was like, well you know, he wants to have sex on my period. And she's like, I think that's so fucking hot. I was like, why? She's like, because he doesn't he's not grossed out by things. Bubble Babylon's OK. And then since then it's been like like I don't I'm not I'm not that I'm not mean that's going well.

[01:28:00]

He wasn't doing what you were doing. I don't think about it. I'm always like, yeah, some people whatever. But the guys that do, which is pretty much a lot of guys, almost all the guys I'm always like, oh, I have. Just because you put that in my head, like that's like I get a little bit more respect for him. Yeah. In that way, yeah. I think it's OK, but I don't know if I was a guy I'd want to have sex in someone's period.

[01:28:20]

But I guess, you know, I don't ever have to think about that. Studios had said grow up girl.

[01:28:26]

Fuck up, everybody. OK, I'm going to ask you a couple other questions. I know I have to let you go at some point. I'm being very selfish. I'm OK. And I think I'm kind of we're just going to because I know that this is an unedited thing. Yeah, I, I really am interesting to see like interested to see how like how long this can go.

[01:28:43]

Oh we can do what's the longest we did. I think Dave Grohl is almost three hours. Four hours.

[01:28:47]

Right. Not Dave Grohl but the long and you Sideris. That cat was four hours. Right. Jennings was for hours on ZEW, we did two, and then she did, too. I think we also forgot we were podcasting and we just started and then you just put up the whole thing like that.

[01:29:01]

I do like a long podcast, though. If it's people that's interesting. And I'm like, oh, it's only this. I don't I'm like, I want it to keep going.

[01:29:07]

It's a road trip. You come back to it. Yeah. Do I want to talk to you about red flags?

[01:29:13]

Because on this podcast we always talk about red flags. What are some red flags for you if you're in relationships? Friendships also, I think is important.

[01:29:22]

I think we have to be careful with for me, like, for example, one that I was think about this week of a red flag is a lot of time. We think about like, you know, oh, they act like this or they do this or they've been married this many times or whatever you think. I'm learning that for me, my red flags have to do with the way I feel around the person. But what side of me do they bring out?

[01:29:40]

Like if I meet somebody and I instinctively start performing or trying to be too funny or trying to take care of them, that's a red flag for me, because whatever is going on with them is triggering some old child, I'm afraid, in some childhood circumstances with them where I feel the need to be like unctuous and caretaking and like walk on eggshells with them. And that's bad. I just I don't have to know why, but I just have to I know me walking on eggshells.

[01:30:02]

I know that's so real. Because when I first met you do remember this, we were in the green room and I was just sitting there like waiting.

[01:30:07]

And you went, Oh, I love that you don't want to talk to me.

[01:30:12]

Yeah. To be in silence with somebody for Benton.

[01:30:15]

I mean, that's part of the reason we are so close is he instantly and sometimes I get insecure and he'll just walk in and not say anything. And I'm like, why aren't you saying good morning? And I'll just get into like an insecure spiral with him. Right.

[01:30:25]

Well, you're doing yoga on the phone, but it won't interrupt, but it is to be able to be secure enough with yourself and the other person to be able to just sit in silence and just like not make like bullshit. Small talk is so valuable to me. That's to me just like so authentic. Yeah.

[01:30:41]

So it's hard to say. Like, it's interesting. That's a great read.

[01:30:45]

Like I think it can be as small as like well a red flag in a relationship if if you're, if the guy doesn't love his mother or a mother figure.

[01:30:55]

Great, great.

[01:30:57]

Never date a guy who doesn't love his mother or a mother figure. Right. Like because he will not love you.

[01:31:06]

I love red flags.

[01:31:08]

I flag people that can't be alone.

[01:31:14]

Is a big red flag for me, people who call everybody their best friend is a red flag for me, people who are really attached to a fight about something but not actually fixing a problem.

[01:31:24]

Yes, people that want to be the problem and not in the solution, which most and this is a lot of like friendships, people, it's taken me a long time to realize that a lot of people are comfortable in drama, are comfortable in dysfunctional situations. And when we do work on ourselves, that doesn't mean everyone around us is are doing the same congruent work.

[01:31:47]

A lot of people want to be in adrenaline. They want to be in drama and makes them feel important. They want a people pleaser. They want to rescue someone. They want to clean up a mess. That's their definition of luxury. Right now, with all the social movements happening, a lot of people are more excited to fight online than to actually solve the problem.

[01:32:00]

Yeah, for sure. But I just it's in a lot of friendships when I meet a new potential friend and I'm like, I'm in this relationship and he does this and I'm like, this is going to be exhausting.

[01:32:11]

You want to be in something dysfunctional. You don't want to actually solve it. You don't actually leave. You want to stay in it. I've been there. I know what that is. You don't actually leave until you're ready. But I'm not going to be able to be a good friend to you by just enabling this and listening to it. And, you know, I'm going to end up judging you and it's just not a good match.

[01:32:29]

We're in different places for the friends, for the friend. You know, I love red flags, but it's like interesting like hearing you hearing your red flags.

[01:32:38]

Like these are like I'm like because I love seeing them.

[01:32:41]

I have I have a I've had a bad habit of like in my in my past, like seeing red flags in relationships and just continuing to walk.

[01:32:50]

I and I'm like, oh, that's a fire. I can contort a red flag, I can like paint a red flag white, I can go this, I can see a red flag and say, OK, this person hates her mom and I can turn it into you need to be more forgiving and more compassionate and this person is going to make you better. And this person is a trauma survivor and you're going to heal the rift with his mom.

[01:33:13]

You're going to fix his relationship with his mom.

[01:33:15]

And I will mother micromanage and martyr and think I need to repair their relationship instead of going, no, just turn around, make a U-turn, get the fuck out of here. Mine is is that I? I think to myself, you know what? I fuck up and I mess up. And you know what? I'd like somebody to give me another shot, which is true. And that's a healthy attitude. But the thing is, I find with people is like especially with the guys in the past where they mess up.

[01:33:38]

And I forgive them too fast because I because I go through them like, OK, and they haven't really learned their lesson and they're kind of like this reset where they kind of would go back.

[01:33:50]

There's a girlfriend that I, I liked and she's in our business. And I we finally had dinner and hanging out at her house. And then she was like telling me about her life, like really got really into it, which is totally cool. I like getting right into things. But then she says to me, because of things that happened to me when I was younger, like, I'm just such a big flirt.

[01:34:09]

Like I flirt with everyone, like I just can't help. But like all my friends, like my friends are used to flirt with their husbands and their boyfriends. I just it's just like how I am. I just kind of I just I feel like I get, you know, I get validated by my sexuality and it's nothing like not to worry about, but like it's just something that I do. But like, I would never act on it. And I was just like I never hung out with that girl again.

[01:34:29]

I'll fly.

[01:34:30]

I'll tell you guys who she is. But I was just like it was just like I was like people, you know, people who that's a red flag. People who admit because, you know, there's a there's a great philosopher, Francois Tillisch of a called. He says, and I said that fast.

[01:34:44]

I'm not sure if I pronounce it right, like ran through that right.

[01:34:50]

I'm pretty sure I butchered it. But he's like we often admit to our small faults to convince others we have no bigger ones.

[01:34:58]

So if somebody right off the bat is going to be like, so I flirt with your boyfriend or husband because I'm just insecure about myself, that's all I do. That's my only thing.

[01:35:06]

I'm like, you know. So I had a baby with your boyfriend. Yeah. Someone who's always like I was telling how it is.

[01:35:11]

And I'm always telling you, you know, Battlegroup me said that's somebody tricking you into thinking that they are self-aware and safe. Yeah. Like I'm acknowledging this one flaw. So I'm so forthcoming and I have no secrets because if I told you that one little secret, why would I lie about anything else? Right. You know, it's so manipulative. You're like you're telling me that one little one because you've got bigger one and also fix it. Yeah.

[01:35:36]

Also fucking fix it. How about that? I love the person who's just like this is how my childhood was. So I'm fixed like this forever. That's not how it neurology works at all. And so if I do fuck up, it's your fault because I told you. Right, so now the ball's in your court and now I'm the one that admitted it. So if I do it, it's now your fault because I told you it was going to happen.

[01:35:58]

Yeah. Now you're dumb for letting me do this.

[01:36:01]

I told you, this is just who I am. I'm authentic.

[01:36:03]

This is just how I am by fucking by fucking people who, like, use their childhood in their forties as a.

[01:36:14]

Scapegoat to their shady behavioural therapy for that is also a red flag. Oh, yeah, mentions that they go to therapy like four or five times in a conversation.

[01:36:22]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What what are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's also using. Yeah. Fake.

[01:36:28]

I also think just I had a friend who would always be like, why can do this. Because my therapist says I'm not your therapist.

[01:36:34]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a normal person. Yeah, yeah. I think that there's a lot of I'm going to admit all my flaws. So now it's your fault if I hurt you necessarily, you know what I mean.

[01:36:45]

Like I already showed you. Yeah, I showed you. I told you everything that's bad about me. And now you're you're sick for moving forward with me or it's your fault now and then I feel like I am.

[01:36:55]

Yeah. Why didn't I run. Yeah. Why the fuck did it?

[01:36:57]

Because, I mean, I think there's also something like really beguiling and disarming about someone who admits all their flaws. There's something, you know, and as you were talking about that I realize a big red flag for me is oversharing too much too soon and trauma bonding.

[01:37:11]

So none of you on a first date.

[01:37:13]

I should not know about all your abuse as a child. I should not know this stuff. Like, I've got a lot of that stuff, too. And it's taken me a long time to realize I don't need to lead with that, because what I'm trying to subconsciously do is avoid abandonment by getting you to pity me somehow.

[01:37:28]

So I'm going to tell you all the horrible things that ever happened to me. So you feel sorry for me because I don't think I'm enough unless I'm damaged or broken. I think that's what's interesting about me, because I'm insecure about this conversation. So I'm going to try to be interesting by saying all the awful things that happened to me and then I'm going overexpose myself. So I feel even worse. If you don't want to keep seeing me, I'm now going to feel like disgusting and super rejected.

[01:37:49]

I'm setting myself up for an even bigger disappointment, but it's like subconsciously my way of trying to sink my hooks into you so that you won't abandon me by oversharing, you know, and I've been in so many relationships where we just overshared way too much.

[01:38:04]

Entrenched in the beginning, conflated love and pity trauma bonded. Well, you're creating a false sense of intimacy. That's right. You're like, if you know all of this about me now, we're really close. That's right. And the only thing that creates closeness is just time. That's right. Like time. And then trust builds into that, you know, but it's. Yeah, you know what I was thinking, this is not a red flag, but but something within me that's probably red flag for somebody else.

[01:38:27]

Yeah, but I was like. I wish I was more. Interesting, like I wish I had more you talk about like you're like want to say all this stuff about your childhood and it may be really interesting.

[01:38:39]

I'm like, I don't like like I don't know art. I really don't like Francois. Francois.

[01:38:46]

The universe was like, I know how to say like, oh, I love the use of negative space. Me too. I know. Oh, I love how they collapse three dimensions into two.

[01:38:57]

That's a negative space is wherever I am. I'm like, oh, I love the use of negative space and I just use that every place I go.

[01:39:03]

I said, oh my God, I love the use of negative space here. And they look at me. I'm like, I know, my God, I love I don't the use of negative space. I'm not a big R person. But a guy took me to. Is that the Museum of Modern Contemporary Art downtown in L.A.? And I only know art based on how expensive it is based. Same with mine. I only know if mine is good based on how pretty the label is that I'm trash.

[01:39:31]

Yeah.

[01:39:31]

And when went to Moka and everything, I asked the security guard, I was like, how much is it? Oh my God. You're like, they're like priceless at the Moka. They're like, we don't know the. I was like, can we Google how much this cost like. And then they're like, it's eighty million dollars. I'm like, oh this must be good.

[01:39:52]

But I just don't, I don't understand. I remember being at I remember, you know, I grew up in Oklahoma and I grew up in Japan but went to school in Oklahoma and I remember doing college, went down to Dallas to whatever their big museum is there. That's how non, non artsy I am. I don't know what it is. And I remember seeing this painting, it was just read my best friend in college. He's an architect, Major, and she loves Art.

[01:40:16]

She's really smart. She's one of those people that says negative space, but nobody knows about it.

[01:40:20]

There's actually negative space. I'm a devil's advocate. I like positive space.

[01:40:24]

Yeah, I'm looking at a where's Waldo? I love the use this space. And she goes, so I'm looking at it. And I'm like, see, I don't get this. Yeah, like I can do this, I can do this and I can sit outside this motherfucking museum and be like mine are just twenty five grand a pop if you want this. That's 80 million in there. I love it. As soon as you went to Dallas, you said y'all know what comes out of me.

[01:40:48]

And she was like, no. The reason why it's so difficult and why this is such a piece of art is because, you know, to do this, there's no paint strokes. There's no it's like it's it's all the symmetry and it's just evenly painted. He just the whole thing. And I was like, still like. Yeah, I don't see anything that makes you more interesting that I don't know that you're just coming at that don't like it, that I'm a natural, refreshing, it's refreshing.

[01:41:14]

But after a while, like, that's my that's my thing. And every dinner thing, it'd be like, but you guys, I don't want that thing like, OK, Olivia, I'm going to be like, oh, do you guys see the new, you know, David Mamet play it? I'm like as an actress. I'm like, I don't I'm just like, Mike, who's Mamet? I got by the way, I don't know a man.

[01:41:33]

I mean, I'm an actor who, like, isn't that artsy. But I really fucking try to, you know, like David Harbor, we were in the newsroom together. So we're friends. Yeah. Back in the day, I remember he I was like he was like, oh, they're doing this a play like a Shakespeare in the park or whatever. And was like, oh you go see it. He's like, yeah, you want me, let's go.

[01:41:51]

I was a cool like so this play I heard it's on at this time you want to go is a great. I'll meet you there. He's like, you got it, you're good. I'm like, yeah, I'll meet you there. We get there. And he was like, so easy. You get the tickets. I was like, oh no. I thought we just get them here. It's like, oh, I like what he's like.

[01:42:05]

It's Shakespeare in the park and it's this play with these people. And I was like, those people are the people want to come see them. And you're like, Yeah, and it's this play. And I'm like, and that's a big play, huh? And he was like, he's like, and there's no more tickets because he's like a hold on because he's because he's very artsy. Yeah. You know, the whole world he's like, oh hold on.

[01:42:21]

He goes around, he gets sneaks in, they put it in the back.

[01:42:25]

And I was like, oh, and that was a time when I felt like, oh, I'm real, I'm a dumdum. But here's no, no, no, no. I'm also I think the most interesting people are the ones that are able to say, like, I get why that was good three hundred years ago, but we since have more interesting shit. But see, I can't find this interesting shit either. I'm with you. I can't.

[01:42:45]

The old one or the new one. Oh, that's because I'm Shakespeare is fucking boring. It's it was really boring when it was the only shit to watch I guess. Yeah. It was interesting back then. It's not that fucking interesting. I've been a Shakespeare in the park. There's like bugs.

[01:43:01]

But what's interesting UFC that is my Shakespeare, they talk about it riveting people just like beating the shit out of the edge of my seat. There's blood, broken bones and there's real drama.

[01:43:15]

I mean, yeah, I'm also like I think it's just to be able to like it. Not even there. Sorry, I don't even know then I love USC and even then I can't hold a conversation about how in-depth it is. And maybe it's because I can't really get into anything for too long. I feel like I can't hold it. I mean, I get all the conversation about, like, the shit I've got. I've been put into fires.

[01:43:33]

Yeah. But like, I really don't think I can really, like, hold a really long conversation.

[01:43:38]

Why should you have to. You don't have to buy shit. Yeah. You're you I mean that's the thing is that I feel like there's this, this half the time people can quote hold a conversation. They're being full of shit anyway. Like like when I, I was talking to someone about. Oh. About Woody Allen the other day because I have never liked Woody Allen movies. I don't think they're fucking funny. I never thought they were good even before the shit came out about him.

[01:44:01]

I didn't think his stand up was funny. I've always been in fights about this. I do not think men being weak and scared is funny. I think it's funny. He's a fucking pussy. I've never like, you know, Diane Keaton is amazing in Annie Hall. He's brilliant at casting and getting great performers. I've never thought any. And and if you love New York, it's all a love letter to New York. I get it. But and I was like fighting with someone about this.

[01:44:25]

And they're like, but it's so and I was like, do you really believe this? Or are you just saying this because you think you're supposed to audition? You heard it. It sounds good. It sounds good. Yeah. Like I think we're all just like so full of shit, you know. And I think it's important when you're able to go, like, don't really believe that or am I just like trying to fit in or trying to make people like me are trying to seem smart.

[01:44:45]

To me, the most interesting people are the people like I don't get that.

[01:44:48]

I just I don't get it doesn't do anything for me. You've just met your most.

[01:44:51]

And I was I don't know, I never would like David Lynch. I did that. I remember running around being like, it's so genius. And then I'm talking to other people because I went I minored in film work.

[01:45:02]

This is so genius. And then I remember being like a genius, like someone to just explain it to me.

[01:45:06]

And I was like, oh, no. I was like like citizen Ruth is fucking genius. And Blue Velvet is is I now understand. Yeah. But at the time I was just like, are we also insecure that we're pretending like I kind of want to put out like think David Lynch, you just put out a total nonsense movie and just watch. Critics say it's the most brilliant thing ever just because everyone's so afraid to say they don't understand something.

[01:45:30]

Yeah. OK, taking another break from our lovely conversation with Olivia Munn, what a dream, what a dreamboat she is.

[01:45:38]

John Legend song I love on this podcast that we talk about therapy. People really enjoy it. And I appreciate that people let me be so open and authentic and vulnerable about the fact that I need help.

[01:45:49]

Good help. Better help, frankly, better help her out of it.

[01:45:53]

Hurt of it. Love it. We do better we love better help because hear it.

[01:45:59]

Good for you. We don't pretend to be OK.

[01:46:02]

We are broken.

[01:46:04]

We are shattered. Mere suggestion of a person. We are hanging by a thread and we admit that.

[01:46:13]

What would you talk to a therapist about.

[01:46:14]

I mean, I'm perfect. I was just I think right now I've been lonely. What devices are crying from the better help?

[01:46:24]

And now I've just it's lonely. And I think also the amount of anger that I'm seeing around people because there's a lot of uncertainty. We don't know if schools are going to open. We don't know when we're going to be able to get back to normal.

[01:46:36]

And I'm seeing a lot of like anger and pain come up. And when I see people in the grocery store yell at each other at masks, I want to interfere. But I know I can't. I have to mind my business. Yours are different than mine.

[01:46:48]

What are yours? What are you going to do?

[01:46:49]

I would you know, I would like to talk to them about why I cry every time I listen to a Kelly Clarkson song, even the empowering ones for why I'm still torn up about the ending of a walk to remember her name should be Kelly Catharsis.

[01:47:02]

That's a good one. We love that. We love better help. There's a broad range of expertise available which may not be locally available in many areas. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. This is professional counseling done securely online. I also just better helping to script.

[01:47:17]

Do you do? I did. I did script.

[01:47:20]

There's a whole script that I'm working on and better help is in it. Better help is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches.

[01:47:27]

They make it easy and free to change counselors. It's so great because you can just do it in the privacy, the comfort of your own home. You don't have to drive to a therapist office and find parking and feed the meter and then you can't find a quarter and then the meter runs out and then you just got a ticket for going to therapy. And then you're like to the universe. You're like, I guess you don't want me to go to therapy.

[01:47:45]

And then you say, crazy, better help solves all of that rigamarole communicating in under forty eight hours.

[01:47:51]

I can get you to text me back in that amount of time.

[01:47:53]

That's correct. Why don't you talk to your better health counselor about that. Because I feel some resentment coming at me. Better help calm Whitney. That's better at LP and join the over one million people. That's awesome.

[01:48:05]

Taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. In fact, so many people have been using better help that they're recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states. Special offer to good for you listeners where you get ten percent off your first month at better help dotcom slash Whitney. Oh. We love thrive. You are I'm obsessed, I'm obsessed, I thrive, too, but no one loves thrive as much as you.

[01:48:30]

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[01:48:38]

We order sunflower seeds, Cheez Doodles, grapeseed oil, wine, lavender. It looks like beer. Which alcoholic, which is what the child.

[01:48:46]

But this thrive. What I love about this company is they deliver organic, sustainable groceries right to your door. When I send money to get groceries, he comes back with nothing. I want the grocery stores in an adventure for me. OK, you. You never get me what I asked for.

[01:49:02]

This is this company does. I just draw when I ask him to go get me vegetables, he'll come back with these. No, he could go back with these like nasda like passive aggressive sliced mushrooms.

[01:49:15]

I'm like what are you, what am I going to do with these member you'll come back with is celery. I'm like, I don't want any of this like so I love Thrive because you can essentially go in and say the kind of stuff that you like and what your dietary restrictions are.

[01:49:30]

And then they only show you products that are Asialink. Yeah, because I hate it when you buy something. You can't eat this. It has Darrian and I can't you know, when it's already gone home and you eat it anyway because you have no self-control and then it's just you're full of shame and it's a whole nightmare.

[01:49:43]

This is where I get that I discovered that avocado oil I am now obsessed with cooking with avocado oil, the little almond coffey's that I have.

[01:49:52]

You're obsessed with that. I drink them all day. The grapeseed oil I put on my face, I even get from here. Everybody asks me where I get my my luminous glow. It's from the grape seed oil that I get on thrive and the hundred cheese puffs you eat. I do eat lots of organic cheese puffs. It's like.

[01:50:07]

It's like I have a two year old. I put the black bag and I put it in your purse and set you off to work as a member.

[01:50:13]

You'll also save 25 to 50 percent off traditional retail prices, which is amazing. I cannot stand it when kale chips are like twelve dollars.

[01:50:21]

Carbon neutral shipping is free on orders over forty nine dollars. That's awesome. Thrive market tailored to 70 different diets and values, whether you're paleo kito plant base delivering the highest quality, organic and sustainable essentials from groceries, healthy snacks, meat, seafood, clean wines, love it. Non-Toxic cleaning, bath and body. Everything you need is here. The savings I get on my favorite clean organic products are awesome. I just also feel good about helping to support communities in need.

[01:50:51]

In addition to membership matching thrive market raised over seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars to date through their covid-19 relief fund, which is incredible.

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[01:51:11]

Good for you. Start your risk free membership and get a free gift today. Thrive Market Dotcom. Good for you. Once you've made a decision that something or someone is amazing, yeah, it's really that's hard for them to fall. Yeah. So it's like you want to keep you want to support them up because it's like not them. You can't you know, it's that's that's why people, you know, that's why some people are able to, you know, skirt around some things because people don't want them to fall.

[01:51:39]

Yeah. It takes a lot and the same thing with like in relationships.

[01:51:42]

I was just today my girlfriend was telling me about a friend of hers who caught her boyfriend cheating and all that. And he said he wasn't and she's still staying with him. And I said, well, she's like she just wants to believe. I said, well, what she what she's what she's hearing is I'm leaving you and not like I cheat on you. So what she wants to hear instead of him saying, I didn't cheat on you, she's I can't believe that she believes him because he she knows she caught him.

[01:52:07]

She saw him with the girl. Yeah. But what she's not she's hearing is I didn't cheat on you. She's not hearing that. She what she's hearing is I'm not going to leave you because for whatever reason in her head, she needs he needs to be this person for her right now. It's too much. And I said, you got to she's like, what should I do as a friend? I said, you've got to let her write it out because she's not emotionally able to take the idea of him leaving her.

[01:52:27]

That's right. And so you got a letter even I've told a friend that her person was cheating on her too soon. You ruined our friendship.

[01:52:35]

Oh. I thought I was like being the big hero, coming in, telling her the truth, I would want to know, and it was like destroyed our friendship. I wish I would always want to know. Right. I would I I'm the girl. Tell me everything. Even if I'm crying afterwards, I'm like, you have to tell me. I'll be so much more upset later. I'm like, I just I like to know, like the truth.

[01:52:54]

That's what it's like. It's taking me so long as an adult to realize you just have to find your tribe of people that think like you, because if you're in friendships where like you're the type of person that wants to know and they're the type of person that doesn't want to, it's just like it's not sustainable. I have a friend who I like well, I have friends who like well, one friend will still ask me something and I'll always say, like, do you want to hear the truth or do you want.

[01:53:17]

And she'll and she'll because she knows me so well, I'm like, you want to hear what I really think? Or do you want me to just tell you something that like you feel good as she goes, so know she'll be like, just tell me something. Makes me feel. Yeah, yeah. OK, great. But like, she's also a friend. That's like if these genes don't look good on her, she doesn't want to know, she'll get annoyed with you.

[01:53:33]

But with me I'm like you tell me if it makes my ass look flat or makes my ass look weird or whatever. Like tell me that those pockets are like one of you will do with pockets now like a very specific like. Yeah. So I want to if I came over here I thought I look great and you're like, Olivia, don't wear those jeans again.

[01:53:48]

Thank you. I love you. Good. And it's hurting my feelings. No. Well I always want to know that I do.

[01:53:55]

When friends of mine call me to talk about relationships. It's taken me thirty seven years to figure out. But I go, do you want to talk about the problem or do you want to solve the problem? And most of the time it's like, oh, I just want to talk about it. It's like at least I know what gear to be in.

[01:54:09]

I'm like, Do you want me to listen in just fucking bitch with you?

[01:54:13]

Or do you actually want to work towards a solution?

[01:54:16]

I need to know so that I don't end up codependent, doesn't start breeding resentment.

[01:54:20]

One like I was on the phone with you trying to solve this. I don't want to fuck up our friendship. I know I am.

[01:54:25]

One time I was with my girlfriends for my three of my closest girlfriends and I said I was looking around. I said, you know what? Like what they each bring a go, like my one friend. She's like kind of like my resident guy. She thinks like a guy she operates. So if you ever like, what was he thinking? What should I do? She's like, that's she's the one who can help you. My girlfriend, Brooke, she's like always down to do whatever.

[01:54:48]

Like, you know, you always want to hang at home and eat ice cream. OK, let's do that. Let's go out to a bar. OK, let's do that. Like she's always cool. My girlfriend, Jessica, she's got OCD like me, and we can just sit at home and like we can kind of just like, you know, do nothing and kind of get your OCD or you help me clean up everything. So she's so I'm like I see what I, I see what you guys each bring to my life.

[01:55:08]

But like, what do I bring to yours. Like I'm like, what what friend of mine. Who am I, what am I bringing.

[01:55:14]

I see how she and my friend Brooke goes. Whenever anything happens to any of us, the first thing you ask is what do you want?

[01:55:22]

And I was like, oh, she's like, so if her boyfriend pick up, I don't judge. I'm not. I'm just go, what do you want? You want to get him back even if I think he's an asshole or do you want to make him suffer or what do you want even. I don't agree with it. As long as it's legal, I will help you get there. You want to go drive by? We want to hack into is shit like let's figure this out.

[01:55:39]

We want to go find that girl. What do you want? You want to call his mom? Let's call his mom. What do you want. That's me. And I'm not telling you. I'm not telling you what to want. I'm going to help you get whatever it is. Yeah.

[01:55:49]

And later on we'll deal with, like, you know, like right now we don't have time for ethics. What do you want? Because, like, you know, that's like I think I was like was like, OK, that's make me feel good. I'm like, OK, now I know.

[01:56:01]

I love that friend. Now the most important question of the podcast, what do you do to your skin?

[01:56:08]

I see Ciani, Darton, you know Sharni, just a fan.

[01:56:12]

Didn't we try to get to a point with Johnny Darden.

[01:56:13]

Yes. No dice during and right whenever we were going emails back. So you dropped the ball?

[01:56:20]

No, I didn't drop the ball. You said you can't come in.

[01:56:23]

So what I'm saying my vagina was too far back. She wouldn't accept me. I also do a thorough I did all fair.

[01:56:29]

It's why don't I look like you look might.

[01:56:32]

I'm hoping I need to do it more on my all. Thera is a laser that hurts like oh fuck.

[01:56:38]

But it's one of the most painful things ever. Oh truly truly. Love it if you find the right.

[01:56:43]

So what Al-Jazeera does is it's a laser that it goes deep into the bottom of your skin and like like if they were to do a facelift, I'm gonna explain this to me. If they do a facelift, they open up your skin and then they cauterize underneath, which then creates collagen, which then, like, fills it up. And so this laser is just on the topical. So it's on the outside. So that laser goes as far down as like if they were doing a facelift.

[01:57:05]

Right. So goes that far down. But in order to get that same effect, they have to be in the same spot. Fifty times like fifty spots zap you that many times in it. It's literally torture. It's like something holds a hot iron that's on your face. That's right. And it has to damage the bottom line of your skin so much that it starts to produce more college like it's a trauma to your face. Yeah, I did it two or three times over, like maybe like three years or something.

[01:57:33]

And I took two Vicodin. I had to smoke weed because I was getting, like, physically violent with the person that was doing it. And then the thing is like this. So when they're doing it, you can't say stop because they have to keep doing it until because they need to create that burn down there. You can't stop. And so that's why you have to go 50. If it's says 50 times right there, you got to hold on now if you have the wrong person.

[01:57:55]

So it's interesting because I was looking at the machine, I had somebody show me once and like playing video games, like I was able to see like, oh, it's kind of like a video game. I'm like, you have to go. I tell the person myself, because you have your nerves that come through and you see on the screen there's like this black line and there's a white line. You can see where the nerve comes through and they just have to find in this white space where the nerve isn't there.

[01:58:14]

And then once you see it, I'm like, now, you know, go now, go now, go like, oh, I will go.

[01:58:19]

So that's why it hurt so much, because you have the woman, you just going over your face and just doing it over and over, over your your, your face is like moving on and your nerves are jumping because it's like this. So I watched the screen and be like, go here, stop, stop, stop, stop. Like whack a mole. Yeah.

[01:58:32]

It's like a little video game. You got to go. It's OK now. It's right there. But it is, it was a huge help. Yeah. But the topical lasers, a lot of people ask me about this because my face is so fucking shiny. The topical lasers I found thin my skin.

[01:58:46]

They say, oh did you did you ever do classical wraxall?

[01:58:51]

Well, I never well know the thing if you ever people do. Like acid pills and things like that, because when you do too many pills in your skin or even in just one year, you actually strip your pores off, your oil doesn't have anywhere to go underneath. That's why people's skin looks too shiny. That's why this oil stays on top. You have to be really careful too many times, like stripping your skin off the top, because that's why you see these older women and they all look shiny.

[01:59:16]

And then the thing is, they think they look young, but just everybody ends up looking old because they all look that like old lizard. Yeah. You have to be really careful about how much you strip your skin. And when you do these topical lasers like the what's it called, Wraxall? There's another one laser bright, some shit. It takes the hair off your face and that makes your face shinier as well. Why do you it's like taking off the what is it called?

[01:59:40]

Laser out of the laser.

[01:59:41]

I've done it. It's like to get off sunspots and stuff like that. I would always do if I could do photos, facial.

[01:59:48]

Is this really if it was in a mini mall, photosynthesis and receipt, it was whatever the topical thing that takes off the dead skin cells on top. Yeah, I've done bibel broadband light treatment, which is spot treatment on my sunspots now is a huge difference. That's good because I actually since covid I haven't done it in like and I can tell like I've been out in the sun more or whatever, but like that brightens up your face a lot more than just doing your whole fucking face.

[02:00:14]

Your skin is wild. Really. So good. Oh my God. Thank you so much. So, so beautiful. Do you have any like major products you love besides Shanny. But she sells products. Yeah. She starts selling products.

[02:00:24]

Yeah. I been kind of obsessed with the honest beauty oil and then this other skin Carolin camera, and she's got a lot of really interesting like creams and bombs, that Korean lip thing.

[02:00:41]

Yes, yes. Benton got this for me.

[02:00:43]

I live beside my bed and I kind of make my own body lotions, like with kind of like coconut oil and like different stuff like that, just because not only during a pandemic, because I was bored, because I'm looking at people like a full Omeish.

[02:00:56]

Oh, my God, people are doing so much on Instagram. And I was like it said, I mean, it's hard to watch.

[02:01:01]

It is hard to watch, hard to watch. Frankly, that's really hard. Can I tell you something? And I know I have to let you go, I must commend you say that because you really want it.

[02:01:10]

I don't know. But I know you keep saying that. I keep saying I'm cool. And I feel like you really want to know. No, I'm having so much fun and I'm just codependent, worried that I'm like, like bothering you. But it's a pandemic. So where the fuck are you going? Oh, I'm so excited. You're not going to say I'm OK. Yeah, no, I'm going to the Moka. You have a great use of negative space.

[02:01:28]

They have a sale on the painting, on the negative space. Your social media is one of the few that doesn't bother me. Really.

[02:01:38]

Tell me more because I'm like, that's an anxiety. There's a lot of people on social media and I don't know if it's just because the pandemic and people are being removed from their ability, their their isms and their drugs, people are not getting attention the way they normally do. People are getting desperate for attention, especially performers. They're not able to go on stage and able to act or do whatever the thing is that gets them their fill of ego boost.

[02:02:03]

I've I've definitely there's I've had to mute a lot of people that I love in the last couple of months because of the lives and the I'm all of a sudden a chef and I'm all of a sudden, you know, it's just I always am like she nails it, really.

[02:02:18]

That makes me feel so good. I get anxiety with the glam shots because. But you are fucking fuck you, man. You're adorable about that.

[02:02:28]

She posts like the ones that are the same, like water in a cave and you're like, oh, what does she do.

[02:02:34]

I don't know. But she'll have like this gorgeous glamour shot and then she'll post like the ones that where she's like really stupid, her eyes closed or where because most of them are that. Yeah, yeah. Like the ones where she tried to get one bad photograph, take fifty shitty ones I had. Well that makes me feel better that you feel it because like I when I go through the pictures I'm like. I think I try not I, I try not to be too impressionable, but I think that social media has.

[02:03:05]

Ingrained in me that the dead I look is the look like I'm like so if you look through all my fucking pictures, my God, I did, I have to do so. I think that all my look is just like it's all dead eyed or like I like I just I just saw, dear, your eye, your eyes are negative space. Yes. It's just like I look at them and I'm like, oh my God, I can't oh I'm looking through it makes me embarrassed right now because I look so I don't think I want to show you.

[02:03:31]

I don't I mean, I you know. I know. I know. I know. I'm looking at the pictures I took today before I came over. I think I can't I can't even you could to put up something, but it'll be the ones that are left. Do you see them all? I'll show you. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's not just one. It's you collective. When you look at how many I did and how like the amount in the different poses I do with your Silcock sword when you hit that painting.

[02:03:57]

Yeah.

[02:03:57]

See, that was like the first time I did it. I was like and I try to do more just like, you know, this is the one. I'm like I'm like I fucked up whatever. Move on hurt the frame of my art.

[02:04:06]

I'll show you what I got. It's just me and bums brings trying to take it like a chill selfie.

[02:04:14]

But somehow. So my thing is this. I only do ok but once ok I did but I did three and then I realized they weren't going. Do you have a home in Palm Springs? And I know this is me visiting Tim and a friend of mine, but I usually give up after after three. I know there's the we're not getting anywhere. OK, so my thing is I'm trying to do the post. Here we go. Here we go.

[02:04:33]

Wait, wait, wait. There's there oh, here's a grid is that we know that those aren't your glam ones. Those are you like showing something on your skin.

[02:04:39]

I was like showing off my white eyeliner and I took a low. I take her glam ones. That's why you can tan handles myself.

[02:04:45]

But here's the thing about the one they're too close to.

[02:04:48]

Like Whitney loves the phone right up in the face. No, but you got to like, do this thing. What? But this one, this arrow thing will make it go out a little bit more.

[02:04:57]

So if you go really cool, say, look, if you go really close, look at that.

[02:05:00]

And that everyone just like won't make your everything look. Yeah, but like this is I was actually this is, you know, when you like, look at your phone in your consumers shame because you were trying to take one photo and to take fifty and you still don't have a good one. Oh.

[02:05:11]

So well this is so my problem is I'm I'm in, you know, your angle, you, I think you, you sort of hold it up a little bit. Yeah I do.

[02:05:21]

I there's a there's seven thirty pm, I get some good light and it's above me not getting you know. But here's the thing is that I am not an influencer and I am not a reality star, I am an actor and I and I'm like yeah. Yet I, I'm so influenced by how they post. And then I'm like and I'm like, what are you doing Olivia. And then I'm like, I just want to look like I wanted to look like you just have fun and serve.

[02:05:46]

But like I like no one's taught me something. I like your. And just like me, I like you, like I'm like these little, you know, I like I look at it, Kendall Jenner is and she's like Palm Springs with my bathing suit. And I'm like, mean to your influence or whether you want to be or not.

[02:06:09]

I mean, look, I don't know.

[02:06:11]

I if I tried it, I cannot keep up with the Kardashians, like, for real. It is so funny when we take selfies of ourselves and try to pretend we don't know we're taking them. You guys.

[02:06:20]

Well, most of the time it's I'll tell you this. I'm going to show you this, the look on my face. I'm going to zoom in on this one.

[02:06:27]

You can see from afar it looks like this. Oh, no. All right. It looks like I'm just like from a farm. OK, but if you look at my eyes, you look at my dead eyes, you can see that I'm like this.

[02:06:38]

This is what it looks like over zombie. You look like a wax figure of my face.

[02:06:42]

I might look see how I'm smiling, but my eyes are like, please tell me this worked fine.

[02:06:49]

Tell me that's where you have your phone on a self timer, by the way, to you.

[02:06:53]

But this one I love, that's the person I used to see at parties fifteen years ago. She's so confident she's something out of you came closer to me. You would be like her. Oh my God. This is most of it is me going like this like did I do with most of them. Are this one me. The timer is going off and so I'm just like is this. But I can't post that because it's really cute though. When I was a lot of them, there is this one that I thought then I then I thought, I'm just going talk you through it.

[02:07:18]

Then somebody walked in to the door and then I saw the on the self timer. Oh, that might have been cute. Oh. Something like, hey, I thought maybe I'll do a pointed one. And then I was like, oh my God.

[02:07:30]

You said and then I'll be going over here. And then I'm like, I'm really pointing at my house. And then I thought, you know what, I can't do this. So now I came up with my caption. I was like, I'm going to be I'm going to post a caption says I'm pointing at nothing. But then they all just came up stupid because then the joke was not that funny after like, twenty photos.

[02:07:48]

And it's just it's so demoralizing. It really is.

[02:07:53]

But I like that you show sort of the all the evidence and emotional detritus involved in taking one celebrity selfie that's so glamorous. You show all the weird, like awkward ones that go along with that.

[02:08:09]

Most of time my face looks like this. Did that work? I mean, is it working?

[02:08:17]

It's horrible. Just the panic.

[02:08:19]

Oh, the worst is when you have to, like, make yourself laugh for a bit and try to look like it's a genuine laugh.

[02:08:25]

Oh, yeah. I got those in your life.

[02:08:27]

Are you, like, try to just crack yourself up so it looks like an organic llave and they're just like, oh god, I hate myself. Well, then I'm trying to show the outfit. Oh, wait, here we go. Oh, this is let me show you this is probably my most humiliating one. So I did a partnership with Cauliflower Pizza. This is the number of photos that Brendan had to take of me.

[02:08:47]

Oh, my God. It's because I had to keep going. Joy, Joy, you look happy. You look so pretty. But you do you do her makeup, right? No, sometimes I do. But usually usually. But it's so pretty. I do occasionally for fun.

[02:08:59]

But if you did this, she'll slap it on. That's me. But it's it's very that's very nice. Like you were coming today.

[02:09:05]

You did an ad. You look like an ad. Yeah. No, I'm no, I just sit around, then I leave the pizza boxes out, you know, like don't you know the thing about people asking you do ads, it's like don't you think it's more influential if they, like, let you put the box upside down and make it look more natural? They're like, no, place the box like this. I actually don't do. Do you worry about that?

[02:09:26]

I know you pass on everything. I know that I get anything is because you fucking bad pass on this cauliflower. Thank you. Thank you for passing. So other other people get crumbs. I really appreciate it, but I'm not living in this.

[02:09:39]

You're like ridiculous. Like you own Topanga Canyon. I did. You're right. I don't own again. You've literally bought it with vegan pizza. I have, yeah. With all of the crumbs you've thrown me, I have managed to build a real estate empire. So what were you saying? Woman's trash. I know the person is buying again.

[02:09:54]

You know, I'm trying to look my phone photos are all dogs and videos you mentioned.

[02:10:02]

Oh, God, this is pretty embarrassing. Oh, God. You know, when you tried to do a selfie. Oh, God, this is me and my dog. Here's another chunk of selfies I tried to do, like a burse.

[02:10:12]

Here's the interesting thing, right? A selfie no longer is just for why is your face so shiny that he Maplin like overly shiny.

[02:10:21]

Right, right.

[02:10:23]

This is what my face looks like before I go to bed. What do you put on it? I love it up in oil like snail. Yeah, it's I put on grapeseed oil. I put on this oil that you're getting on your gift bag. What are you doing? OK. Don't sweat too much to this oil spill.

[02:10:41]

Your mom has been sending some nudes in court. Easy with the swiping. Olivia, Libya. Wait a bit. But the interesting thing is when you take those, you were taking them for yourself or you taking them to post, I don't know.

[02:10:53]

She will post them this. Look how fucking shiny I look.

[02:10:56]

I look batshit crazy. OK, here's where I got this covered. See the worst one when I'm like I'm acting as if I'm taking a photo shoot in my own home when it clearly is on self timer. Like it's more pathetic because is that a drawing of the guy from a six fingered man? It is.

[02:11:15]

That's Inigo Montoya. A friend drew that for me. That's amazing. Yeah, we're good. I think, you know, I'm the guy I was looking for. But I mean, then you scroll down, I scroll down. There it is. OK, so this is it's just so humiliating to go through your phone. It really is bringing up a lot.

[02:11:36]

This is one I probably will post because it's just like dad look like a virgin. But I'm like I look, this is me. It's not supposed to be gorgeous.

[02:11:43]

So how do you. Sorry I didn't look at your face. Actually, it's gorgeous.

[02:11:47]

But you look like you're having either a seizure or an orgasm.

[02:11:51]

Both what how many photos does it take to get, like, the selfie? Oh, wait, wait. Oh, my God. OK, so many before bed did did one. I just do. This is actually the most embarrassing thing in my phone. More embarrassing the news.

[02:12:06]

More embarrassing pretty much.

[02:12:07]

But this is me trying to do the first round of photos of me posing with a pizza.

[02:12:14]

Oh no. Oh there's so many in your fridge. It's as if there's nothing else that you eat. Is that part of the app? You know, they tell you all these things that you can't I had to wear green is the other green they prefer to.

[02:12:28]

But to be fair, she does eat those pieces. I really I mean, I had them, so I was like, I might as well.

[02:12:32]

Do you still have them. Yeah. Colly Power here.

[02:12:36]

But look at how many photos I took and I don't think I posted any of them. You know, I like to do.

[02:12:40]

Hold on. I like this one. I can see I'm going to hold it when we get the live action. Oh I love that. Watching her just oh that was like oh the mouth is open at this point. Oh yeah. There it is. Well it's alive, but it goes this and that. She's going to die sometimes.

[02:12:59]

You'll see when you listen to the picture, if you hold it down, she'll go, oh, you see me at the end of it. I should go.

[02:13:06]

Yeah. What did they just let us take what we really want to take.

[02:13:10]

It's just like us with the cash. I just had pizza done.

[02:13:14]

OK, last thing. Last thing I swear I'm gonna ask you is, do you have any money advice for people? I always like to ask people money advice. I always say put away thirty percent of your paycheck because you don't have it.

[02:13:26]

If you make a hundred dollars. You did not make hundred dollars. You made seventy dollars. Right. You're going to pay taxes later. Took me a long time to figure that out. Do you have any like things you wish you learned when you were younger about money.

[02:13:36]

Well, I think the best piece of advice I could give about money is it's not how much you make, it's how much you save.

[02:13:44]

People are spending way too much and were willing to buy these so much.

[02:13:48]

You know, you want to keep up with people. I want to have this. I want to it's like it's not how much you make. It's how much you save. You can make a ton and you can spend it on a lot of crap.

[02:13:57]

You know, all that really matters is how much you have in your bank account and how much you can like, you know, like take care of yourself. So the reason why I do say no to a lot of things is because I save my money. I'm like, I'm a big saver. I always have been. And I don't like I don't need, like, all these multiple homes yet.

[02:14:18]

Yeah. I just don't see that need right now. And and so I save all my money so that I just learned early on or I believed early on that if I save my money, I would never have to take a job just to pay my bills. I want to be able to have my artistic integrity. And, you know, that's what my money is being saved for so that I can make artistic decisions based on whatever I want to do, not what I have to do.

[02:14:46]

And by the way, that means I can take a risk here and there or I can say no to things.

[02:14:49]

And I mean, the other day I said, you know, right before the pandemic, I said no to something like there was a whole lot of money, but there was just too many variables. It like really great. It was a really great project and I loved everything about it. But the executive producer who wrote the first two episodes that I read, it was amazing and he's amazing. But he wasn't going to keep writing them after that. He's going to executive producer, but there's going to be somebody else writing after that.

[02:15:15]

And I just was like, I just didn't.

[02:15:19]

I think that I could sign up for something that I didn't know who was going to be writing it after that. And so my worst case scenario was not this show bombing, it was it being moderately successful. And I have to do it for six years. Yeah. And so then I'm on this show that I think starts off really great. I think it's really interesting, but I just don't know who would be who am I signing on or on the third episode from then on and then and then I'd make so much money.

[02:15:45]

And I mean, everybody was like I had the head of the the studio called me like, hey, you know, you're going to like we're talking and you're like, yeah, they're like in a few years you're going to be here.

[02:15:54]

But I think people don't understand when they say, like, you're going to make all this money, it's like, but I'm going to be working on it. I'm not going to be spending it. I'm going to be spending eight months in Vancouver from seven a.m. to midnight. Like it's just sort of like, what about my time? Right.

[02:16:06]

And I think that but as an actor, if it was like if it was the newsroom again with Aaron Sorkin and they said, Olivia, for the next, you know, 10 months a year, you're going to be doing Sloan Sabbath with Aaron Sorkin. Until the day you die, I'd sign up. I'd be like, that's because I because I was just it fulfilled me so much. I loved it so much. If this show was like it's going to be this this quality, this, we promise you it's with this this writer, this show runner, this, then I would have done it.

[02:16:34]

But like, I had to I was like, I don't I don't know, like I might, you know, the time is all we have.

[02:16:42]

Yeah, that's I think that's the the biggest thing about money that I think the best thing about money is that it gives us time. You know, when you have money, you can travel better and get places faster. You can have better food. We know we can have better medical care.

[02:16:59]

You know, unfortunately, in this country, that's how it's like and, you know, it just allows us to have time and choices, which is like it might not be about, you know, for a lot of people, like it might not be about a future artistic integrity. It also might be like the power to be able to, like, leave a bad relationship if you want to. You know, it's being able to have future freedom.

[02:17:16]

And that's time, though. So, like how I spend my time while I'm here, that's that's on me. If I have the money to support myself and my family and to do what I need, then I if I start selling out or doing things that are just for a paycheck, I believe that soon it will be one of the last paychecks I cash. So if I'm just doing things that I like, you know, even if it's a it's a it's a miss, you know, it's something that's fulfilling me in some way.

[02:17:44]

I'm spending my time here the way that I want to spend it. You know, none of us get out of here alive.

[02:17:50]

So, you know, oh, it's the truth.

[02:17:53]

Oh, why have I never thought about that before? Yeah, I've never thought about it that way.

[02:17:59]

Well, none of us none of us do. So it's like while we're here, like, make it count for you. I mean, it was interesting.

[02:18:07]

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, one of my best friend from college, Lizzie Goodman, brilliant journalism writer.

[02:18:12]

And she said something I was like talking about something that I couldn't make a choice. And I was like, should I take this job or should I do this thing? And she just goes, well, we're dying.

[02:18:21]

So what do you think?

[02:18:23]

It was just was like, oh, my God, we're fucking dying.

[02:18:26]

I do feel like I should be doing more. I feel that all the time. Yeah, I should be doing more. I feel like I should be doing more activism. I feel like I should be doing more for my career. I feel like I should be doing more for my family. I feel like I should be doing more for my dogs.

[02:18:36]

I feel like I'm always feeling like I should have done more. I could have done more. And I think that's because anxiety comes over me and then I don't do stuff. And then when I finally feel like I can do this, then eventually this guilt comes in of, oh, I wasted all that time before and I wish I'd done this. And it's like this weird cycle.

[02:18:53]

And so now it's like if I think about my. My girlfriends who can't. Be anxious over how much time they lost anymore, because it's just done. I want to learn that lesson permanently that I need to to just accept my time and accept everything that's coming my way and just do the best. Just try my best. I really feel like it's the people that do the most that don't think they do enough. It's always that. It's always that.

[02:19:23]

It's like the fact that you're sitting here saying, like, I wish I could do more. Meanwhile, I know so many people that have it lifted a fucking finger when it comes to anything, you know?

[02:19:31]

And I think that I think, you know, we have to it it's so hard for me to remember, like, we have to recharge ourselves, like, in order to give like, our cup has to be full, you know, like I always feel so guilty taking care of myself. I always feel so guilty. I mean, Benton knows I'm, like, obsessed about myself, care and taking naps and, like, protecting my time. And it's like so that I can show up 100 percent in other ways and rescue animals and whatever I do, because I know that I just I can't be effective at it.

[02:19:59]

Well, you were so good when we had those fires, you know, in advance of Malibu. And I was just I was like, I'm going to reach out to you. And then I was like, OK, I can do this. But I sat there going. I mean, I was like, thank God there's people like Whitney because I don't know, I'm frozen. I don't know what to do. I'm going, I'm here, but I don't know.

[02:20:18]

I'm like, but you are the kind of person like with the fires, you were like, I'm going to get my car. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but I'm going to just. You went right into it where for me I'm like, oh my God, I don't know what to do. I'll be here, be available. And that felt like I was like, God, I wish I knew how to. You were so awesome.

[02:20:34]

Like this was. For those of you that don't know, a couple of years ago, them lost. Last year there were huge fires in California and animals were trapped in people's homes were lost. I mean, it was just a nightmare. And my thing is like I'm not good at everything. But when the fires happened, that is where I shine like mine, like time of crisis. Animals like that's what I know how to do. Like, I grew up with horses.

[02:20:56]

I'm a horse person. Like I know how to get horses on trailers.

[02:20:58]

I know what to do. So and I also was in a fire as a kid. And wow, to me, I haven't really talked about that publicly. But when fire happens, there's just like I'm just in like I you tell that story, it's how old were you? It's such a weird story. I was about seven and every night I slept in this nightgown.

[02:21:20]

And when people ask me, they're like, have you always been into animals and you always loved animals? And I, I like never know when it started. But when I think of the story, I realized I was wearing a very long black T-shirt that was a pajama t shirt that said World Wildlife Federation. And I had animals on it and I wore it all the time, like I was just already, you know, I grew up like, you know, sexual assault as a kid.

[02:21:43]

A lot of times you connect to animals because they're helpless and they're voiceless and they're innocent. And it's just like so maybe it was that I grew up around a lot of alcoholics, but my aunts lived on a farm and animals, they don't lie. They don't manipulate. They don't use you. They don't exploit you. Like, I just always connected with animals and they're in a sense in their integrity. So I remember because I was wearing that and I'm not I hope this doesn't get me any sympathy.

[02:22:08]

I don't want it. But I remember my dad never paid the electric bill like our family was very much keeping up with the Joneses. It was like, have a nice car, but don't get groceries, like spending money on all the wrong things, you know, like keeping up appearances, but not like taking care of the basics. So it's like the electricity bill wasn't paid and it was the middle of winter and it wasn't I didn't know at the time this was weird.

[02:22:31]

You don't know. It's weird when you're you know, it's like I remember just going to friends houses and being like, whoa, look at all the shit in your fridge. Like, what do you what's all what is all this like? Why would you have all this in here? It's going to go bad.

[02:22:42]

Like, I just you acclimate to your environment, you know, and you make it work as a kid. And we never had heat. So I know this is going to sound totally crazy. I was seven. I would get I would turn all the burners up on the stove. And I used to get dressed on the stove every morning because I was cold.

[02:22:59]

Wow.

[02:23:00]

Would you like now that I look back, it's like crazy to think about. And you were standing on the stove as the burners wrong.

[02:23:08]

Yeah, I would turn the burners on and then I would get dressed for school on the south.

[02:23:12]

I know it's I know I had to I had to ask because I feel like people listening are like she did what it sounds like you're standing on top of a stove getting dressed with the burners on, so you're standing on it.

[02:23:22]

If the burners run because there's four burners and I would stand there and all that kind of fire went down.

[02:23:26]

So that's what happened. That's why that's a you know, I don't know how to use the stove downstairs. I have trauma around stoves.

[02:23:32]

Let's go downstairs. God. So then so they're saying, you know how to cook stoves.

[02:23:37]

You just have four burners. Yeah. And I would turn the bird on and start heating up the room. And then I would just like stand in the middle and get dressed. I was little, you know, and I remember our cereal was right above it. So I would like stand on the stove and, like, open it. And then one day the black t shirt just went up in flames. Oh, my God.

[02:23:55]

I have like, scars on my legs and, like, burn scars and some on my hands and stuff. And it was just it was what it was and whatever. At the time, you don't know you're being traumatized when you're being traumatized, you think, are you just jumping through the fire part? And it wasn't. It was anyway. So trauma is very difficult, by the way. It was. We know about do we all get trauma, OK, blah, blah, blah, trauma, trauma, trauma.

[02:24:18]

It hurts you as an adult. You never get over it. Go back to the fire. By the way, that was my first of all therapy appointment. Yeah. I was like, blah, blah, blah. I know I've got trauma anyways. How do I lose weight? This is why my face is so shiny. I kept catching on fire. So your thing catches on fire. You if you are a grown woman with scars still, that means a bad fire that happened to you.

[02:24:42]

It was not good. It was not good. And and basically what happened was the thing caught on fire and then it sort of stuck to my life. So I just I remember there was black in my legs from the t shirt, you know what I mean?

[02:24:54]

And it was no big deal.

[02:24:56]

I went to school. Who put you out? Me. I just, like, figured it out. That's why I have burn scars on my arm. So for me, like I grew up crying.

[02:25:08]

No, that wasn't really acceptable. Did they kill you on the inside first? I mean, it was it was really. Were you scared? I wasn't. I grew up in a really dangerous environment where I have this emotional dyslexia, where really dangerous situations I feel comfortable and safe in and then really safe environments. I guess it's not what you grew up. I get antsy. Yeah. And a lot of people that grew up in that sort of like so for me for the longest time, just hanging out one on one with a safe person made me anxious.

[02:25:36]

I'm like, what? Because you're always waiting for the shoe to drop. Right? But when the shoes already dropped, you have to worry. I feel comfortable. He feels comfortable because your disposition is fight or flight. That's where everything has to go up here. And you're like, oh, then you're like cruising out. There was a fire. I was like, yes, I'm chilling. Like, I know what to do. I mean, for me, it's like I know what the enemy is.

[02:25:54]

I know what I'm fighting. No one can gaslight me about this. Like, it's very clear that this is the problem that needs to be solved. Yeah. Whereas for me, I struggle in the uncertainty of life of is this bad? Is this person bad? Am I supposed to be doing this? Do I trust this person? It's like everything is so ambiguous.

[02:26:09]

But when there's a very clear villain, it's just like I know what to do. I know where I'm supposed to be. I spend so much of my life being like, am I supposed to be here? Am I supposed to be doing this? Am I suppose to be working harder at this? There's no uncertainty when there's a fire and there's something so calming about that to me, because I know exactly where my body's supposed to be. I know exactly who the bad guy is and I know what the truth is.

[02:26:29]

There's no ambiguous truth.

[02:26:31]

So I remember as soon as the fire happened, I started driving out to the fire and it was so weird that it was so weird to me that no one was going in that direction.

[02:26:40]

I remember there being like no one on the road. I mean, like, how come everyone's not running into the burning building?

[02:26:45]

Just to be clear, when you come out in front of the child, you caught on fire and then you what, twirled around?

[02:26:51]

And we're in your school clothes just like I just Cinderella their clothes right off the. Yeah, that's the lowest car. Wow.

[02:26:59]

The fact that you just that means it's such a really bad you can go to hospital. No, no we didn't do that. What are we what, what am I. Marie Antoinette. No. What am I. Well they killed. What did I grow up in Vusi. No, no. No one at the school was like, what happened?

[02:27:14]

Yes. I got sent home from school, so I went to school. There we go. And the teacher saw it and we're like, you're going to the office. And that was the first like you're going to the office and we're making calls and you're you're a different kid. You're a kid. That's like a problem, you know, or like your parents are a problem, whatever it was. And that was the beginning of my fear of embarrassment and being different and feeling like I was my biggest nightmare was being embarrassed, which a lot of people theorized that the reason people become comedians is to control the way they're embarrassed.

[02:27:43]

True.

[02:27:44]

Mhm. So, so the fires, it was like, it was you know I'm also a fucking adrenaline junkie, I don't really drink, I don't really use drugs like this. That's my fight or flight. You're trying to put yourself back into that.

[02:27:57]

That's right. Just I feel the most awake, alive and good about myself when I am solving a problem that I'm sure is a problem.

[02:28:07]

So a lot of times I've spent a lot of my life solving problems that weren't real, like men and people and trying to, like, fix people's lives and solve problems that I created myself. Just like like solving a real problem is, you know, when it comes to, like, the animal stuff, I'm like I go out of body, like I disassociate. And kind of as crazy as this sounds like, I just say what I think the animal would say if they could talk.

[02:28:36]

Yeah.

[02:28:37]

You know, there's and a giraffe in Malibu that wasn't evacuated. They didn't have a trailer for it. They're not feeding at the right food. They don't have a license for it. It's all fucking illegal. It's all abuse. And like I saw horses with gashes, you know, they were ripped open at this fucking saddle rock ranch, Malibu, Wayne's place. And I went apeshit. And, you know, and so I just I don't I it's just very clear to me that when someone abuses an animal, like, what are you doing to women and children?

[02:29:07]

You know, if if this is just what we see, like what the fuck is going on behind the scenes, you know? And so I just like I don't like liars and I don't like anyone that abuses animals. Like, you're just it's a nonstarter for me. Yeah. That's like when you go if I get take it, you're like whatever happens like you, it's OK.

[02:29:27]

I it's it's there's something like yeah. It's so true. Like I, I mean if I see someone abusing their dog like I will fight with you till I can take, I'm taking it like I have a hammer in my car to smash windows of people that leave their dogs in cars like I'm just that bitch and like I don't see the work, I just can't imagine it any other way, you know.

[02:29:48]

Yeah. It's just so clear to me that that that is and it's intolerable for me not to.

[02:29:55]

I can't tolerate it. Like if I see a dog in a hot car, like I'm smashing the window at a therapist. Tell me once he said. You know, it's interesting when it comes to. Activism, your career, your friendships, your extremely clear when it comes to relationships, you get very unclear. What is that?

[02:30:11]

Yeah, I think it's like an overdeveloped sense of, for me, responsibility and compassion where I think I need to rescue people and have the same amount of forgiveness and patience for people that I do for animals. Whereas like if I am dealing with a dog that comes from a dogfighting situation and they're Nipe or they're barking or they're aggressive, I forgive them. I'm like, I know exactly why you're the way you are. Of course, you're like this.

[02:30:32]

You're scared. This is all fear. Like, it's so clear to me what's going on. And then I take that over to humans and then I'm like, no, you're 40. Yeah. You could have gone to therapy. You could have fucking fixed this.

[02:30:44]

I don't need to be radically accepting of your rage. You should not be yelling at me in a parking lot. You're forty five years old. Like, pull it together. Like, I'm overly forgiving when it comes to men. And I also in relationships, I think I have this. I'm really just the fucking it's like Disney one on one. I have this thing where I was like, I'm a weirdo.

[02:31:06]

If I'm not in a relationship, I'm a spinster. I failed.

[02:31:10]

Like, there's just like that shit that comes up, too, which is just taken a long time to deprogram for me the pressure of like, well, I have to be with someone. So I might as well be in something bad being and something bad is better than being alone. Well, yeah, it seems like it's the. The certain shitty path is much better than the uncertain path. Yeah, like also this one. This one is for sure shooty, but I bet I'm going this direction.

[02:31:33]

I'll eventually successfully die, and that's OK. But this one could be happiness, but we're not sure. But it could be some bumps. I mean, but there's more happiness over here, but there's going to be some I don't know what those bumps are. I don't I don't know. I don't like. And then you start doing math and I'm not good at math. So then I'm like, oh, by the time I leave this person.

[02:31:51]

And then I mean a new person that's going to be in two years and they're going to suck, too. So I might as well just like stick with this person. And it's like it's a fucking unanswerable, you know what I mean?

[02:32:01]

Oh, that's why I don't do math. Yeah. Don't just stay away. Stay away from the math.

[02:32:07]

I love you so much.

[02:32:08]

I love you so much. I have one last question, OK? I and these super awkwardly. But you're not going to let me.

[02:32:16]

What are some of the other things that you thought of me back then that you projected onto me? I don't feel you ever finish this. And I love a cash. You can eat a cash. Yes. Just so you know, the fans are going to if they're Arman's, the fans get upset.

[02:32:27]

Why?

[02:32:28]

They don't like because they just sound very like they're like an audio nightmare. There you go. You're leaning back.

[02:32:33]

I was jealous of you when we they don't hate it that much, I, I'm not doing anything you like to leave the room or anything.

[02:32:44]

I when I first met you and first learned about you are like I saw you, I would see you at like meetings or like auditions or parties or something.

[02:32:55]

I was definitely jealous, but in the beginning. I think I was looking when I start laughing again. I'm not jealous of you now how the mighty have fallen. I can. I'm so comfortable.

[02:33:16]

No confidence does not. You were just this put together like classy, beautiful, like feminine portrait of perfection with no ostensible flaws. Still none.

[02:33:32]

None. You can see. I was.

[02:33:35]

I'm going to I'm going to actually. I'm going to actually if you do you really want to do this. One hundred percent. There's nothing else I want to do right now.

[02:33:43]

OK, so I'll tell you the time. I'll tell you the time I do.

[02:33:48]

I have a really horrible habit of like laughing and spitting out nuts or anything, any of my mouth.

[02:33:56]

OK, I also remember seeing you at Ali Larders House and you were wearing cut off shorts and you looked so fucking cool really when Jean cut off shorts like a goal all the time and like, look cool and like a long cardigan.

[02:34:12]

And I remember being like this bitch. Wow. Like jean shorts and a long cardigan. I never would have thought of that. What's sad is that, like, that's still what I'm rocking. I haven't changed. I don't think it's a school now, but it like blew my mind. And you were to every party I've ever seen you, I go in and there's like five people standing in a circle around you and you're just making them laugh and being hilarious.

[02:34:33]

And just like so this is my projection of you as an insecure person who's like walking into a party, like all scared that you're just like holding court and making everybody laugh and everyone's, like, waiting in line to talk to you. And I'm like an ogre in the corner. Like, that's just it. She's so confident and can just walk into a party and talk to anybody and them.

[02:34:53]

That's crazy. That's such a I wish I hope that everybody else looks at me like that. I hope that that's the same. But I don't think they do. And it was like a like a it was just like an a mix of intimidation and all. And I don't get intimidated by people. I don't really give a shit.

[02:35:06]

I just remember being like, I don't have an in with like I don't know how to. And then I always was like I always thought like we should be friends, but she can wear a cardigan and I don't know how to do that.

[02:35:16]

You have a cash right on the fine.

[02:35:18]

Good building, my friend. I have flaws. I'm authentic. Doesn't matter. I'm not perfect. I can put it back, let them know I do it with your pussy out. That little thing that hangs out that you said. This is what it looks like. It's about this. No, yours looks like this is what my vagina looks like. Yours probably looks like. It's more like it is kind of true, though. That is what it looks like.

[02:35:39]

Hers looks like this. No. One is that a grow. No one sticks out mine. No. Like your vagina like this. It's like that.

[02:35:47]

No it's like it is like. No it's like this. Well, no, no, no, my lips are your vagina lips, this is your thing. Why does my vagina have, like, a weird skin tag on it? Like it? It's round the base of your description. It literally looks like this. I'm not even kidding. Well, you have to look at also woman do this.

[02:36:14]

Why are we trying to get in the mix as if is pulling in the camera. So you're seeing it. You're looking at me like this. I feel like I should just step out and take the call from your publicist.

[02:36:24]

Now, they don't even know I'm doing this. You're probably a good thing or if I have to get a very stern email from them tomorrow. So you want veneers, you like your job, you're going to reason. Do you have. I'm going to I'm going to go on record. You have made me my favorite strategies. Really? Yeah. You've really good. Yeah. You guys there, some of them are crooked. I know. That's why.

[02:36:47]

That's why. Oh I agree. Somebody said once like one person anywhere that I think I remember they're like Olivia went and got like vinegar and was like, no, I didn't. But thank you. People tell me I certainly didn't use a word in Magic Mike.

[02:37:00]

There's a shot of me. It's like after Channing and my, you know, our characters had sex and then the camera's coming up this way.

[02:37:06]

And I was watching it at the premiere and I had no you remember a long time ago, Dennis told me, like, were your teeth on top? They're a bit crooked if you want to fix that. But I thought I'd talk about the ones on the side that I was like, I'm fine with that. I don't want him. And he's like, OK. But then I saw with this weird shadow my teeth up here, like one goes in more and if you need to go back and watch it and it just looks like I got it, just a crooked fence in my mouth.

[02:37:26]

My, my I have this one tooth and I was on Invisalign forever. This one tooth. I know it looks like nothing and I don't talk about it much cause I don't want to be like I'm the person, like pointing out my flaws. Like, I, I'm, I'm good. But I noticed it.

[02:37:40]

It's that to this one to distract from the lines on my neck, this one in certain photos, like on red carpets. It looks like I'm missing this tooth like it has a weird shadow and it looks like I'm missing a tooth. So I haven't been wearing my Invisalign, but I.

[02:37:57]

Have you ever seen people whose teeth don't line up with their nose like this part doesn't line up? I never thought about it. Oh, no. It's all I'm going to think about here.

[02:38:04]

Well, I know I notice some people's eyebrows don't line up with this part of their I like your eyebrow is supposed to if you take a pen here, it's supposed to start here. It's supposed to guess. So I used to pluck my eyebrows like to hear and it makes you look crazy, but it's supposed to line up to here. I do notice symmetry of eyebrows, but that's really it. But I have wild teeth. You have good to your teeth are like your teeth are excellent.

[02:38:26]

I like this one. Little snaggletooth on the right don't cause.

[02:38:28]

Oh sorry. Like this one right here is so good. I hate it when people do that.

[02:38:35]

They're like I love the your imperfections. I love your teeth. Just started, they started salting you. It's like people say to me they'll be like need like the back in a couple months. Like I love that you I don't even care what you look like.

[02:38:46]

I'm like I actually do. Thank you. So you don't even care what you wear. I'm like that. I put a lot of thought and effort into this, but thank you.

[02:38:54]

Why can't we say things that you know you can't like. I know you're not to like nit picking about like things that it's like it's obnoxious for you. If you were like, I'm fat because you're not fat, but like it should be OK, that we're like, I don't like this. Like, my you know, that my teeth look like this. Yes. It should be OK. Like without people being like your body shaming yourself and you're hurting us because I have that same crooked tooth.

[02:39:14]

It's like, so what. Your crooked looks nice.

[02:39:16]

Does not I also I'm grandfathered in. I'm thirty seven. I'm allowed to not like myself. I didn't have the inspirational quotes, I didn't have Jedi whatever. I didn't have all the like. I get to still have low self-esteem.

[02:39:32]

I well that's a little far. I have low self-esteem.

[02:39:36]

You know what I, I what I realized that difference being low self-esteem and low self-worth.

[02:39:42]

Just interesting.

[02:39:43]

It's very interesting because I think low self-worth will keep you in relationships that you shouldn't be in that like but like but you can have high self-esteem and low self-worth. That's right. And you can have a lot of confidence in low self-esteem. I just say one nut and look how much smarter I got.

[02:40:00]

No, I think it's important that people always with the self-esteem I always want to say, remind people when people are like, well, how do you, like, get high self-esteem?

[02:40:06]

You have to do esteemable actions. So it's also like a daily thing, like a steam.

[02:40:11]

You don't just like, have it or you don't like work. You can build it over time and you can't stay clean on the shower you took yesterday. Like, what are you doing today for others to build your self-esteem and self-worth, you know, and that's like a daily practice. Wow. I didn't know that. Yeah, it seems like you're not just like I have self-esteem and I'm done.

[02:40:28]

I'm fixed. It's like every day, like, what are you doing? I like lying corrodes your self-esteem, selfish actions, crowd your self-esteem, gossip corrodes your self-esteem like these things that actively attack like death by a thousand cuts of self-esteem and saying no to things that are beneath you. Build your self-esteem. Like who was I talking to. Oh yeah. Was that that person that was like she's like, I don't know if I should go on this thing or not.

[02:40:50]

And I don't know. And I was like, say no to something that is abusive to you or destructive to you because that's. How you build your self-worth when you stand up for yourself, then you have got to have pride and self-esteem. All right, I love you.

[02:41:01]

I'm going to hang out, don't ride elephants adopt, don't shop. You know the deal.

[02:41:05]

Comment, subscribe. Oh, Jesus. Also, can you also throw in don't swim with dolphins in hotels. Yeah. I mean, I hope you know what all those fancy hotels always like some dolphins. Those dolphins have been captured and they like live their life in these. Like you may not relate to that.

[02:41:20]

Don't don't do that. Yeah. Yeah. Don't do that. That's like one of the most horrible dolphins we're adding that don't always use.

[02:41:27]

All right. I know it's hard to you have a lot.

[02:41:29]

And if you've already done it, that's OK. Just don't do it again. Yeah. And then take your pictures down. So don't promote it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right.

[02:41:36]

So we have a lot of special treats coming out later. You'll see them in the Murchú. You all have emerged store. Yeah. Yeah. You want some merch.

[02:41:42]

What's in the merch there. Excuse me. I want to know, I want to see what y'all are making out like swampy I we're making love you guys. Oh wait. That's what we're going for.