Transcribe your podcast

Oh, did did it do the dude I love that I wasn't ready to start, but so I just sang that song.


I'm trying to not sing that song every fucking open. I like it. I do, too. But I think it's enough already. It's time to update the Good for you song, and we're going to do it at some point. I've asked Dave Grohl daughter Violet to make it and she's too successful to do it at the moment, but she will do it eventually.


She's going out. She's other proud. His daughter is more successful than we are. They're giving it to an intern.


Yeah. So we are working on that.


Paris Hilton is on the podcast today. This was not a prank. She actually came to my house.


It was in person, utterly taken to the unfinished home. It was utterly terrifying. She basically lured her into a haunted house. My house is under construction. I was so worried something was like fall on her head and like ruin the most profitable brand in America.


It was like a haunted house, too, because we all hid in mass and we went to a fight that was so weird.


We all there was like a weird vibe of terror when she was here.


She's just but it was just I loved it, too. She smells so good. Yeah.


She's like a human clam. She hugged me it in. She hugged me. She's the soft his hair. She smells like you think she would smell. Yeah.


She talks like, OK, can you get a restraining order. Let's take it easy. But no it was just weird. It's like, like it's just, it's just I've seen her and hung out with her so many times.


There's something about having her in your house where you're just like, yeah, why did I let you come here? Like, this is dangerous because it's a simple life. You can make fun of me. I know.


She's like, I'm rebooting the simple life. First stop is your heart.


She's like a studio.


I just was like, you realize how sort of dirty your house is. And I like when she's around, you're just like, oh, shit, she's going to like, get a splinter from the white glove on.


She's like, oh, by the way, you know, she didn't touch anything.


But I remember because none of our bathrooms work, only this one bathroom in this weird guest room works and, you know, handle. But by the way, there's no handle on it. Everyone gets locked in the bathroom.


We I we I wanted to drag race into this and she doesn't deserve it. I set up the bathroom with a bunch of products that I like pretended to use. I had like that. Well we saw like a like a Laroque like skin primer. Like I tried to like impress her with the products in my bathroom.


It was very as if she was going to be like, none of these are my fragrance and I don't yeah. She's like, where's my stuff? None of my products are here. So that's a little odd. But as if and then I put a bunch of like unus like hair and makeup stuff out as if she was going to need and as if she wasn't going to be so fucking beat and hot.


Perfect when she got here. Yeah. That's so fun. I was like here's some like head and shoulders. Anti is what is all this. A nightmare. It's like walking into a fucking pharmacy just for kids.


Garney shampoo. And I was like, oh tears. Oh no. Like all my products were just like so embarrassing. And I went in there like two days ago and I was like, oh my God, what is all this shit like? She must have just think I'm batshit crazy and the need to clean it all up.


I put it all back and regift it and put it in someone's gift bag. I took a lot of it. I know you think you didn't touch it. I can give it away. You can return it.


No, I wish you had touched it so I could put it on eBay. And so Paris Hilton is on the podcast today. It was I feel like we saw a different side of her. Yeah, I asked the most random inappropriate.


So the questions were so random, so dumb, so good.


But I think the people always my deal with this podcast, I want to ask people questions that they don't ever get asked on other. And you did.


And it was on. Ask any of those. Yeah. For good reason. You know, I have a job. There's like things you could ask me. I don't know. You ever smelled bleach before.


Was that like I was asking very red because I was like I just feel like she's been so cornered as this sort of like statuesque enigma that. So I just wanted to ask her just like very everyday normal questions. Yes. And yeah, it was good. Yeah.


And she was just sort of like I should probably the fact that they're letting us air it is shocking.


And the fact that it didn't ruin our friendship is doubly shocking.


A couple announcements before we get to a Paris Hilton, Paris, Whitney Hilton, Paris and Paris, Paris in Paris, Emily and Perry. That's how it's supposed to be pronounced. Correct.


Which is so funny to me that Emily and Paris, they thought it rhymed. Emily and Perry. Emily in Perry does matter.


But Miranda, if you're a psychopath where they're just were the only making it for French people, didn't we know that we were making Emily and Paris? Do we like Texas?


Yeah, I thought this took place in Texas and another Paris show, the Paris Las Vegas casino.


Speaking of casinos. The tour is back on, the world is opening up. We have booked so many stand up dates were right now just doing what is possible, which are smaller venues, which I find very exciting that we I mean, we don't normally get to do. I do clubs when I'm building up a special. And, you know, as comedians, it's like the idea is for your ego and to impress everyone, you got to do theaters and you got to do the biggest venues possible.


But now, because those venues aren't quite open yet, they will be open in the fall.


We're going to announce a ton of new dates, but we're doing a lot of clubs that are I'd love to half capacity now, full capacity spoken with LA cocaine, cocaine, alcohol, Spokane, Washington, if you guys have any good coke and let us know because I need to be more manic.


So we added. What do you think we do?


We added a ton of shows. But the ones that are not sold out are April 15th, The Late Show, Friday, April 16th at four p.m..


So for all you getting bussed in from rehab, that's your show Sunday, April 18th at nine thirty.


So when you stumble out of church, sober up, come to the show, people leave church at 8:00 p.m. very religious people.


I think they're gonna sleep away. I'm I meant leave church, as in the AA meeting that's held at a church with these AA meetings, I go to the comedy club.


So here's the big thing. The big thing is we added a ton of dates for the fall tour that are not necessarily on the website. And we're going to need to name that fall tour I love. So these club dates are not part of the big fall tour yet. We're going to be in San Antonio, Texas. We had to move it to the 30th and add another show on the Saturday and Early Show, because I'm doing the Liza Koshy television show.


I'm going to asked to do that, too.


Yeah, you might be on the same episode as me. I play a narcissistic, like bullshit wellness guru.


And you've worked here. You've worked with quite a bit. Exactly. So it's a documentary. You've worked with quite a bit of those. Yeah, quite a few. I'm going to do the Lysa Koshy TV show and so we just we just moved the dates around. So some of you, if you bought tickets on Thursday, we're just gonna move those to Saturday. And thank you for your patience. A bump during this time. After that, we are going to go to Houston, Texas, May 13 to 15.


Come on, Houston Improv. I love that room and I've not done it in so long. It is such a blast that's at full capacity so. Well, and let's all go go over it.


May 7th and 8th Bryar California, which is like right outside Los Angeles for Los Angeles. People come all new material. It'll be worth the drive. Listen to one podcast and you're there. Dallas, Texas, May 20th to 22nd. Phoenix, Arizona, May twenty ninth to June 3rd.


Also Houston on May 13 through 15. I said that I thought, well, we just we jumped.


Oh, I jumped around. Yeah. And Tempe, Arizona, I'm going to be in Phoenix and Tempe for basically a week and a half. I'm doing c.B live May 29 to June 3rd in Phoenix, in Phoenix, then Tempe Improv, June 4th through 6th. That's my birthday weekend. And that's why we booked us so that I'd be out of town.


She'll be there. I'll be there. And Baltimore, Maryland, coming June 10th through 12:00.


Get your blue crabs ready at McGoo, be Reno, Nevada. This is a date from one Taylor Tomlins, Taylor Thomlinson and I were touring together and we had to reschedule it so many times because of Cauvin.


So now we're like like in June. Twenty third, we're just to do one day together, which is just so weird.


And then September through December, we are doing a ton of new dates that are not even up on the website yet.


But I think they're going to happen. I think the fall is going to happen. Oh yeah. Schools I think schools are really bad.


I don't think you can put the genie back in the bottle at this point, even if things do get crazy.


Yeah, wear mask. Right. You can't put the genie back to make three wishes anyways.


OK, well now you're just semantic. Yeah. Now this is a semantics thing. I got it. You know more about genies than I do.


I want to confront you too about right. Do you notice anything different about me.


Have you noticed anything different about me, in what way? Where you didn't know her personally? What do you mean? No, you guys have noticed nothing different about me.


I'm now of yogurt pretzel stains all over. I mean, come how do you think it's OK to give me some credit?


It's disgusting. It's pretzels and yogurt pretzels. You're wearing one earring.


That's all the time that you know. So what's the difference? Oh, you're.


But what about your beauty? I bet. What about it. They don't notice it a.. It's voluptuous. I'm wearing my padded underwear.


But you put in those two tortillas and you thought that did something, you put in those just shove those two tortillas down your pants and you said Armonica, watch out. Excuse me. He starts apologizing to people for.


But I'm not shy. I'm just too embarrassed about excuse me, guys on my side that I got from doing a wheat edible, too, earlier in the day.


Too early to talk about at some point, three days off, the wheat edibles guys never been more clear and not stuttering as much.


That is a paper thin. But Pat and you are walking around like you were only a mirage. So you are apologizing. Excuse me, Mike. This door guys don't take bottle the brand. Pardon me, pardon me. Part and all this body, yada, yada, yada, yada. I hope I didn't can cause any little one out. Guys, my hips are coming through. But here's the thing. My ass has gotten so flat during quarantine.


Thank you to covid and edibles that it's gotten so flat that even when I put on unpadded underwear that supposed to lift your butt, no one noticed how flat it by.


But there's no padding in those. There is feel that there is no Whitney.


What you could have shut that that t shirt down there and done more. That is nothing I didn't want to go to or.


Yeah, I want me to look natural. Yeah. You know.


Yeah, I want it to look natural. Did you guys notice that.


Look, my butt is like too two and it looks like I have to like many vaginas on each side.


No you already have a good but a great body. I don't know what you're talking about but I want a bigger butt and you should get them an idiot. And I spent too much money on bigger tits and those are those are out and butts are in.


We're going to try to go fund me for you. But I can't do the butt implants because you have to lay in your stomach for three months. And I got big tits and I can't let you go. Oh, shit. Yeah, it's always a down time. You really think that through. It's always OK.


What's this in yoga you can lay on your side.


Cobra, is that it. You can lay on your side. With a buddy, I mean, I'm not really getting better plans, but I guess you could if you want to I've ever wanted. I totally I just like you can't sit for, like, three months. No, it's two weeks.


And we can get a standing desk. We'll all get butt implants. We'll get standing there. So we're all the same. I like I don't want to it bland.


OK, you know what, Emily?


So the jury has spoken. It is hot as shit. It's so hot in here. I'm not worried about it. Right. Nancy's right now. You know what I have on you, you know, you don't know what I wear, how swampy they pound.


It's like a soaking wet, like wet fungus.


It should absorb sweat. That should be nice. Yeah.


What if there padding in it. But those are just panties. So they were too absorbable like, you know, the dish sponges down, like, you know, the chicken cutlets that we used to have before that, like the mushy gelatinous one. This one's foam, this just we just foam. That's what you know what it is. You know why you think those are padding. If I throw these away, it would kill a turtle in the ocean you can't get rid of.


You know why you think those but those underwear, you know why you think that underwear is padded? Because you're used to thongs. So you think that because it's full coverage, you have a thicker there's just fabric touching your butt.


That's what the how about that? I have worn thongs for twenty five years.


I don't think you should consider where I wear long johns.


And I said why if I could I mean, you know, I could help you.


We need to move you to thongs because I can see that the line. Oh you know what? I have spent a long time on your ankle. I always see that line. I look so many things to worry about him.


But my physical appearance, my vocal is just not high.


What's lots of people? Oh, I didn't realize I had a butt, so I asked Grace to go grab me some underwear. This is how old she maybe thinks I am or how unsexy she thinks I am. I'm like, hey, can you. We were like in a super rush. I had to run to do a stand up show we were recording who are recording. Oh, Jamie Lee and Grace.


So two boys together and brought up. I was a great kid. You grab were on board.


She came back but it looks like just a giant ace bandage or like seemless that that's my go to.


They were also on top the underwear. Yeah. It was the cover to make sure dust didn't get on it from the construction program. It was the biggest pair of underwear I've ever seen. I think they were like Spanx.


I love the idea that this must be what would bring up. Your grandmother took her panties off. They brought them to you.


I think they were bags, but. Yeah, but I had more full butt underwear in so long for about underwear. Turns into a thong within ten seconds anyway. Neither to strike one if you're doing it right.


No, not there is too much fabric there. It was a Nike safety pin them to your, to your skin and all that. You did not if they have stirrups and thought I had one tattooed on.


Do you remember stirrup leggings.


Yeah, there's still things I used to wear those all the time. Stirrups. They were, there were leggings that went down under when I was little.


Yeah. Yeah. OK, well that was not that long. When I was rude I had some other things I want to talk about.


We did our ancestry test. We did. And I thought it'd be interesting for us all to everyone on the team here to give away all their data to the government so that we could explore our ancestry.


My favorite thing about paying for these is that it told me important information, like there's a one percent chance that you have red hair.


Well, no shit. I own a mirror. I also appreciated that. So I've been dying to hear a lot these days. There's a ninety nine percent chance that his hair will be red in the next two weeks.


What I discovered that I'm point four percent finish, but my sister is not going to finish.


It's weird because you never finish in bed. That's true. That's not my problem. Not the guy that tried to finish. I am irony that you're I'm a mayonnaise person.


I am ninety seven point two percent northwestern European. Ninety seven. I know mostly. I mean, I'm translucent so I'm ninety one percent British and Irish.


I'm sixty five percent British and Irish. What was the biggest surprise. Eleven point even in Italian.


Oh that is your mom's Italian then. I'm five French and German. Oh cool.


I'm one point five percent Sardinian. Oh that sardine.


I know one of my ancestors raped her. I'm eight point four percent Scandinavian. That's what I got. I was all Irish up to the interest me. But I love all these like weird things. Italian. Just say the interesting stuff like that. This one tells you if you this is an interesting thing.


Make it interesting. Not only do we make boring shit interesting, this is tells you one of the things on here that tells you if you sneeze when you look at the sun based on your genetics.


So why is that helpful to us? And let me tell you to try it. How do I find that Grace? The stuff that. Oh, scientific detail. Sorry. And I am less likely to sneeze when I look at the sun.


I'm less likely to get bunions. By the way, anyone that looks into the sun is missing a chromosome. They should just give you a look at the sun. You are barracas odor detector.


I am. I am likely to smell pee or feragut. That might be.


I'm more Neanderthal than my sister. And sometimes she just texted me that. Remind me to her, my only someone with a lot of Neanderthal would pronounce it Neanderthal Symphonia, a totally genetically fonio, but I can't I don't know. I can't find that in my ancestry and traits, health and traits.


Teaching went to the Internet. It's not the Internet. It's a very confusing website that I've never been on because I didn't want to give all my data to the government because I'm sure I have a weird DUI floating look here genetically.


It'll tell you if you have a fear of public speaking and bitin based on your genetics and other factors, you are less like you have more likely view.


Eight reports from wellness. Oh yeah. OK, here, alcohol flush reaction unlikely to flush. Great point one.


Caffeine consumption likely to consume more. That is absolutely correct. Deep sleep less likely to be a deep sleeper. Well, that's because I'm so drunk.


Oh, this is I. Based on my genetics, I have a slightly higher than average odds of hating the sounds of chewing.


Well, that's because you're telling me I feel like the muscle composition common in elite power. That's what mine said to that.


I believe I watch bend and kick over a mailbox and one try once when I had my back into when I had my my neck procedure done, the man was like, wow, a lot of this is just muscle. And I was like, of course it is great.


So I have more Neanderthal DNA than eighty one percent of other customers. Oh my God. My track.


Eighty nine. I'm twenty nine. I thought I was a high. No, you're very low Neanderthal. I thought I was high. You're not that I was basically on the floor. A lot of people that listen to a podcast think you're high all the time being hurtful. I know this is we're in the ring.


We're in the room.


I'm not really sure what to read after we wrote to each other for a dialogue as we all like. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.


And just cry and I'm not really sure what is this gave me any health information at all.


Yeah, I don't think it's great. I also think it's like it's like like this is like if you're not a sponsor, I just feel like so much health is psychosomatic that if you tell me I'm going to get sick, I'm going to manifest being sick. I'm saying like, I feel like so much of getting sick is mental. Your brain is so powerful and placebo. It is like placebo effect is in effect. So I don't want to look at all these diseases.


They're going to tell me I'm going to get has this factored in for antibiotics and eating healthy and like, yeah, there's a whole there's reports on every one of them.


What about your cilantro guys? Do you like cilantro? Oh, because it taste different to different people. I like it. So I don't I don't like it. It says I, I don't like it. And I didn't need you to tell me that sir. Exactly.


With the red hair that I can figure out myself, alcohol flush reaction. I just puke up my alcohol like a lady. Yeah. I'm on it like an adult. I just spit it right back into the can and throw it out the window. Drink it again. A likely to flush after drinking alcohol. AGEA likely to flush. I am. No, I'm unlikely to flush after drinking. I'm, I'm flush a lot of us.


Oh so this big flush so you can, you can tolerate a lot of alcohol. Yeah.


And Movsar you see this is pocketwatch alcoholism in my family. You guys can't hold on to it.


Globalizers especially taking care of it. We're pickled. I mean I'm, I am. People ask me, they're like why does your skin looks good. I think I'm in balm.


Do you know what this would actually be good for giving you to someone else like me reading your you're reading mine would be way more helpful than remind me about my own.


I think so too, because like me, I'm just like I, I don't I know all this. And the one thing I don't want to know that I have more of whatever that.


Oh this is interesting to know. So people with the alcohol flush variant that's me unlikely to flush drink alcohol carries additional health risk because their bodies can't break down toxic substance substance acid talagi.


Sorry, that's my Neandertal drinking. Alcohol carries health risk. Well well the most useful thing on my report is that eighty nine percent or more of my relatives were likely to have worked as a lifeguard.


Well, I'm likely to be. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is that real? Yep. Get to know your relatives.


They are eighty nine percent more likely to have worked as a lifeguard. Is this because you they connected to your ancestors online through this thing?


I don't know if that's true.


Or British and Irish. I well, I mean, it's so strange. I don't know. I mean, if you don't know what, but if you live on the island of Ireland, you're going to have to save some lives because it's surrounded by water. I mean, that's like I'm trying to figure out.


Fifty eight percent of my relatives love to drink energy drinks.


That is so great. But we didn't answer that. Ninety five percent are more likely to have read body or facial hair. Are we related? No, I have one person. Oh, I thought it said you're more likely.


You're more likely. I'm less likely to have so.


Ninety five percent more likely to have read body or if you know your relatives, your relatives are. I know, but I'm saying I don't have any British Irish.


That's why I'm just say I but I'm finding out that I'm adopted and I didn't want to find that out this way.


Oh, maternal help. But you also have the darkness here I've ever seen.


So not right now.


Not today. I got to go back to Brown soon. I really do. Why? People are getting worried watching the clips when you have brown hair is so, so weird to me. Yeah. And I just don't you so much longer with brown hair, but it's still so jarring about I think with my because look, the last couple of months, having covered covid fog, I went a little crazy on the edibles. I'm three days off edibles, no edibles.


They do not agree with me.


Benton, it seems that in the report because I don't believe it. It's not.


No, but Benton has seen me fall down a flight of stairs, pass out in this podcast studio and hit my head. It's just not I just the pandemic was happening. I was like, I should. I'm too abstemious. The issue is, what do you think edibles work immediately upon arrival into your body?


And I'm so impatient. And so she thinks that if it's been a minute that it should be working and it's like two hours before and then like twelve Whitter at one time. No, I'll take one and in ten minutes, like my problems aren't immediately gone. I'm like these are fucking more broken. I got a dud and then I'll take like seven.


And then how long are they supposed to what is, what's the time lapse. It's usually like 30 to 40 minutes depending on if you've eaten something already, like you eat it on empty stomach, you'll get higher, faster.


But the thing is, with a lot of these edibles, like the the way that it's distributed is really uneven. Like Maureen Dowd did like a whole thing on this, because if, like, you have the blueberries, like blueberries, those were my ship. Yeah. No longer. Now I'm just covered kombucha and heroine.


Good stuff like. But those things I could actually manage, like I've never had an issue with substances telling me to do. Really. Shit like take more of the substance, like my like cigarettes, my thing is I don't want to be addicted to cigarettes, but I won't get as high if I smoke them all the time. It's more like the same thing with, like, alcohol. I'm like, I just want one glass so I can really feel, you know what I mean, that I don't want to get my talents too high.


I mean, that's a brighter addict right there. Someone who's like, I'm not going to drink. So I feel the high even harder right now. And so so with the edibles, I would take them. And a lot of times the way they're cooked, like they put the THC in, but they can't control how much goes in each one. So one blueberry might have 30 milligrams and one might have to you never.


So I and my head was like, I got one dud. I'm going to take five more and then I start doing my own math. I did. This is so embarrassing.


I have weed, edibles, the most embarrassing things I've ever done on weed edibles when I was in Mexico. That's the respectful way that where was I? I was at this place called Amanto. I was Michael Patrick King. Bridget Everett was there. Bridget the great Bridget Everett. If you know or Google her right now, I'm less brilliant performer.


I had had my ear bitten off by a dog. I didn't want to take painkillers. I was like, I'm not an addict. Right. I'm just going to take ninety edibles.


Right. They're natural. They come from the earth. But I took I had no idea how to read the MG. I didn't really know the difference. Mean Sativa indicate like I'm just like a bad at drugs. You'd think I know a ton about most. We'd never and I was at a New Year's Eve dinner. I took a hundred milligrams of THC because it came in a gummy like it's a lot, right?


Yeah. Yes. You're supposed to divide it up into four.


I just ate the whole thing. I didn't know I was with this, like, male model I met on Rhia.


I felt and I felt a little too confident in my choices and urine.


I passed out at the buffet on the beach Jersey Buffet, holding a handful of salad in one hand and a marrow bone in the other hand.


I can find the photos of how fucking high I was. I passed out and then Bridget Everett thought I was like doing a bit, which is a testament to how fucking annoying I am at social gatherings.


She's all I remember is watching her step over me and like, walk away. And I was like, no one can see me. I'm invisible. But she just thought I was doing a bit. So she's just like, ha ha. And just, like, kept walking to, like, take a picture or something. But I was like, oh, Kazimi. Oh no. And then I kept standing up and every time I stood up, you know, those like balloon people in front of car dealerships, they just go down and they go, like, literally my knees just would not hold my body.


And I kept passing out in the sand. Michael Patrick King, I mean, one of my dearest friends, but also someone whose respect I'd like to keep literally. They had to drag me onto the beach and remove me. They everyone done in the group to like it. Was it a group activity then?


Oh, that's the creepiest part about it, is that I'm not like, let's all party together. I'm like, take it in my corner so that I'm OK. And then I'm like, oh fuck, I'm so high. And then when you're trying to not come off. Hi, you seem so luhya.


Have you been Rufi because you're literally just like Hey man, I have not been Ruffy but I do know of what why who. We were in a bar in Nashville. You Santino. I know it now. It's no I don't ever want to move.


I mean I was in a bar in Nashville and there was this, there was this bartender that wanted to like sleep with my friend, the right twelve of us. And I. I am notorious.


If you go anywhere with me that is the party and finish other people drink.


I will buy everyone shots like a point where it is like, let's go out tonight really bad because like so fun to see them together.


Yeah. Yeah. It's only drinking you together. Group activity.


And so like there was these, they're called death shots in Nashville, they're playing other places and I ordered like 14 of them or something and he didn't know which one she was going to get.


So he just rufi them all. So the only people that didn't get Ruthie were the two that set their drinks down and then were nervous and didn't drink them, bitch, I took all my clothes off in the and got on top of what and got on top of the speaker in that bar. We have this video. This is not video.


And then I puke, they would let me in the lift, my friend had to call someone to come get I was God I got and then I put all my clothes on. I got inside of them like you couldn't see any of me and was giving a I was it was very bad.


Can I just say you were fine. If I were the girl, I'd be so flattered that someone wasted that many roofies just to get one into my drink.


Well, what is hot on this body? This is Ruffy. Quaaludes are ketamine. I don't know what it is, but I know that all this was your body paralyzed.


It was like it was like, you know, it's like being I remember nothing like I apparently was completely functioning, but like all of us that actually drink the drink always had the same experience. And it was like it was like from the minute we took that drink.


How do you find out, um, what the other girl she just did? That's I mean, I guess we just found out by the other girl had been Ruffy before.


And she said whenever we described she says whenever we describe it, it sounds like it sounds like you were Rufi and like because all of us it took it the nightmare immediately, remember?


I mean, it was like nothing. It was like the day did not have.


That's crazy. Anything else we need to say before we go, go to get your tour tickets. Whitney Cummings Dotcom emerged before it's all gone. The merchant is up now is going away for new merch to be Billy's place.


That hurts me, my heart. What can be reprinted.


OK, but in its way. So collection coming in. So it'll be here when it's here.


And we do want you guys to make sure you're getting the other merch if you want it, because it will be gone when it's gone.


And now the bap bap bap sweatpants, the tie dye, the one with the brain on it, the wild merch, everything you see. I love that guy except for the white.


Good for you honey. Will be staying. Oh, the one with the. Aw that's my favorite one. That's like peach and white. Yeah. I love you. Don't ride elephants. And here is Paris Hilton.


I bleep ready. Oh my God.


You know what's so funny is that I you're a nightmare because I have to be next to you.


I was trying so hard to look cute for you. Didn't happen. Didn't pull it together. I never look I never feel less put together than what I'm with you.


Well you look like a little sailor unicorn.


I look like a little child that's about to go sit on Stanley's lap and it's not going to go as planned. I am sitting here with Paris Hilton.


How do you feel? Good about friends. Yes, we are friends. I know I miss you.


I feel like we are friends in a weird, like metaphysical way. We haven't gotten to spend that much time together. Yeah, but we're very close on a spiritual level.


I agree. Don't you think. Yeah. We need to hang out. Why? Why is that? I just feel like we're just, we have these fun personalities that just like mesh well together.


But I, I also but I also might be delusional.


I think I'm closer to you than I am because I feel when I was in L.A. and you know, during the time when you were sort of introduced to the world, like I was learning so much from you at the time, like you were kind of all of our fairy godmother.


It was kind of like all of our, like, fairy godmother, older sister, cool older sister that was like dating all the cool guys and making these fashion choices. I was like, just wear whatever pairs where, you know, you're like, my everyone's cool older sister for so long.


Do people feel weirdly close to you? I feel like people feel like they know me just from watching me grow up and watching the simple life and just seeing me in the media for so long. So a lot of times I meet people. They'll sometimes know more about me than I even know about myself.


But that's the worst. Like I'll be walking to the airport and I'm going to be like like Yellow Joe. Come on.


I'm like, oh, gross, you know? I mean, and they're like, it's your joke. And I'm like, oh, sorry, I forgot about it.


I like to look back it up and go like, oh, I wish I hadn't. Sometimes some of the stuff just on that show, I was just acting like such a dumb blonde that I look back on it now.


What is what is the dumb blonde thing? We were just talking about this.


What what is that? I'm obsessed with getting granular about what is the origin of dumb blonde. Joan of Arc was blonde, right.


Wasn't Amelia Earhart maybe. But like why dumb blonde Marilyn Monroe does that when it started?




I think it's just always been a stereotype. And but back when I was just coming into the industry, it was like almost like it was cute to be that, you know, who ruined it?


Nazis' Yeah.


I think she literally I feel your person has a little button that's just like a publicist button where just an injector button where she'll do it. If I say something that could fuck up her entire global empire, she just disappears into thin air. What is going on in terms of like this is a press story you're on? I'm not going to ask you questions that you normally get asked when I watch your interviews, it it frustrates me. Why? Because I'm just watching you and I'm like, what, like.


I can't tell if you want if you're in control of what you're revealing. Know, I'm saying or if you. Look how long she'll not talk like you'll, Jaci. It's so weird. What do you mean you're shy? I don't know.


I've just always been a very shy person, which a lot of people don't believe in.


And I. I believe it. And there's this thing with you where I'm like when I see you out and when I watch your documentary, I'm like, I have compassion for you. And then I see you and I'm like, I don't feel sorry for you.


You're so fucking strong. You have such like strong energy and you claim your space so hard. And I'm just dying to know how you sit there and don't say anything.


Look, that's what I need to learn how to do. Look at her. I think that's what self-esteem. How'd you get it? How'd you get it? Where did you get.


I don't I think just from going through so much of my life that maybe it's just. It's not that it's self-esteem, I think it's just this thing that I have, it's hard to describe.


Like, I don't know, it's a stoic like is there a conscious effort to allow people to just project? Because there's something about like like if you can't improve upon silence, just don't say anything, because I look at you and I'm like, that is so smart. Just say just don't say anything. If you don't say anything, they can get you. What are they going to get you?


I'm saying you're like unconsolable because you weren't like that. Me. I cannot keep my mouth closed.


It's so powerful. Is this conscious? Was it taught?


I have always been. I never even think about it. It just happens. What about for you? You just always talk.


I mean, kind of it's like I just I'm so impressed by you because I think there's this right now. We're in this moment where we're like, OK, fame, business, women running. How much do we owe our fans? How much what is privacy?


How much are you going to show? How much are you going to keep for yourself? You know, and I think we're in that place and I feel like it's a comedian.


It's like we have to share everything and podcasting. We have to share everything. And here's my breakfast.


And I just, you know, got this. And I'm on this antidepressant and I'm on this UTI, you know, but like, where do you draw the line in terms of privacy?


I feel, you know, now with social media and everything, it's just like this whole new world where everyone is sharing everything and I think there is people who just definitely overshare. And with me, I like to share my life. And before I only showed a certain part. And now I'm sharing a lot of things that I never discussed before, which helps other people to understand and relate to that they go through the same things. So I've never been so open in my life.


Have I been like the past year since the documentary came out?


I'm allergic to anything. No, nothing if zero zero zero.


Yeah, why, I've never heard that before. That's amazing.


Yes, I'm just trying to I'm only asking you questions you have not been asked before because you are have been asked every question and it makes me. So why do you do interviews? Why are you here?


Well, I'm here because I love you and I be fine. And I love your podcast.


And I do interviews because I have to for work. There's just part of, like the contracts and you just.


Yeah, you're obligated. She's like, I'm here because I'm obligated.


But it's like, but you are so clear about your business, you know, and it's something that I admire so much.


Like you're what drives you. Do you think it's ancestral because of where you come from? Like businesses in your blood.


It's in your DNA, it's in your bones. Is it like I believe I have something to prove.


I have something to prove. And what drives me is I want to change the whole structure of how this works to make it fair and right so that everyone else can, you know, like I'm trying to figure out what drives me, like what drives you every day.


I think just from growing up in my family, it was a lot to live up to and something just that runs in my genes and my blood and also just wanting to prove myself. I didn't want to be known as Paris Hilton, the Hilton Hotel granddaughter. I wanted to be known as Paris. So I've always just worked so hard to just make my own name for myself.


What's your middle name? Whitney.


What has that true? The real. Yeah, Paris. Whitney. Elton. So are we related?


Yes, I will. I didn't even think about. Oh no, it's crazy.


I mean, that's wild. So am I somehow royalty. I just will get my lawyer.


We'll, we'll, we'll talk later. I watched.


OK, so the documentary I know everyone, there's a there's a narrative that that you know, our podcast, there's click bait and then there's stuff we like to cover. I always have a different take away. So that was, you know, the documenters.


Incredible, super powerful.


There's a moment when you're about to deejay at about Badland outside Lands, Tomorrowland, Tomorrowland.


I am so about at festivals. It's just I'm not cool enough.


And I and I boycott the name of festivals on my bouts, Bumbershoot but Cashell about and I like I refuse to learn them because I hate that I can't get the wristband I want.


And I saw you in your in your suit at the time.


That was not my dude, it was just some random, some random. And he will I can't wait till he sues me after I say this but. I was like, dude, we've all been there when you're in a relationship with a guy and you're about to shine or a girl or whatever, like we've all been in relationships that, like, thwart us in some way and we're trying so hard to give them everything and shine and find that balance.


And that was that was really hard for me to watch. Can you just describe that moment?


That was a nightmare because it was, you know, the biggest shows I've ever played in my life. This is tomorrow. And it's the biggest music festival in the world. Half a million people.


And he was just being so annoying. And just like, why are you promoting these other people? Not promoting me? It was just like gross and then dropping my computer and just completely stressing me out right before I got on stage. And it was just I couldn't take it anymore. So I was like, you have to go.


But that is was such an important moment for I think everyone to see is like we're all hustling. We're all trying to elevate Roger.


But the person you pick is a business decision, you know. I mean, it's a business. So it's like business woman. The person you decide to marry, the person you partner with is a business choice.


And I remember, like, not going like it really made me think about all the times that I've been, like, gametime, about to do something important. And I'm like and then my personal life undermined me, you know?


So like when you feel like you learned that your personal life in your professional life, like they they are not inseparable.


Yeah, that was definitely a big moment. And it was something I didn't want the world to see. Like I was fighting with the director, like, please cut that out. Like, I did not want that in there.


I don't even want this fucking loser, like, getting any attention, like, just cut him out of the whole film. And she was like, no, I need to show that that you're taking back your power. And, you know, there's you've had enough. And this is the first time that you've really done that, because I never have stuck up for myself like that ever. So this is just like the beginning.


And then what? Like like what? When you have conflict in relationships, like how do you manage that? You don't seem like you like love conflict.


I hate it. I hate confrontation. I hate conflict. Yeah. Any time I've had like an issue with someone I don't say anything and I just stop talking to them and dump them but I can't even go start. Yeah.


I'm like I think if something if I feel like you're not hearing what I'm saying, I just remove myself from the situation and try to regroup.


Yeah. I'm like that too. I just can't I don't even want to dignify with a response. I don't want to get into it. I'm just like peace. That's so healthy.


Where did you learn that. From life got interest from going through hell and back, because you motherfuckers out, left and right. Yeah, especially in this town.


Do you feel like I was I was thinking about you this morning. All I do is think about you. And I was like, what?


What have you learned from about human nature? It being a boss and now that you have all these businesses, what have you learned about human nature? Like, what do you think is like? Cut and dry human nature and what's changeable about human nature, like are we inherently wired to want to see someone get destroyed?


I'm not, but I feel like there are a lot of people who are who love that. And it makes me sad that people just enjoy watching people get torn down or just even watching the Britney movie that just made me just feel so emotional. And just to see just how people and the media and just the way she was treated and so could relate to that in a lot of ways. I was talking to Laura Wasser. She was on the buyers recently.


And how do we get Britney out as someone who do you have a number?


We call her now because it's just Saga.


That's really just it's so sad just to be an adult and have worked your entire life and then just be treated like a child and she just has no freedom.


Are there things that you've seen like because I like to go like now that I'm like, oh, I get to, like, build my own version of this business, you know? And I look back at all the things that didn't work like there was.


I mean, I used to go to auditions and hotels. I used to go on like I was telling people that I like for the first five years of my career, I was just going on dates with agents. I thought there were meetings.


I just I didn't know.


I thought that, like, CAA was just at Chateau Marmont.


I don't know, like I'm just going, you know, I'm saying, like, are there things that you're like that was not right, that was like, you know, looking back and things that you want to course correct moving forward as you build your business?


I never went on dates with agents, but I really I exclusively date celebrities, although we do have a little bit of beef because you did Date of My Life, Eddie Furlong.


So Paris Hilton has a big ass. And I was on it the other day and she's like, Who's your childhood crush?


And I was like, I had photos of Eddie Furlong truly like floor to ceiling.


Like I wouldn't make like I would lick my wall and pretend we were making out when I was like ten years old.


That's hot. And you dated him for how long?


I don't remember.


I was eighteen. I think it was like nine months or something.


My dream guy is like, you're sort of like throw away guy.


This is a long time ago. So I feel like such a big part of like what, you know, as as women now.


It's just like pass on whatever we learned.


Men, women, anyone like what do you feel like you would like to pass on to the people starting businesses now that are what do you wish was available to you when you were in your 20s, early twenties just now?


It's just amazing how much is available to people like just even a social media platform. Drink a lot of oh my gosh, Paris drinks water.


You guys OK? Water.


Yeah, it's just the tools that they have nowadays are just you could basically make an entire career just off having a phone and a talent and, you know, that wasn't possible back then. So I just think it's really incredible with technology what people can do nowadays.


And so and you also, I feel like came up around so much fame that was so traumatizing. You know, like your family, you grew up around famous people, jimsonweed, you know, you saw how is it is it healthy?


Is this healthy?


Like, I feel like you have managed to figure it out and I don't know if it's because you grew up in it and it's like kind of you're used to it, you know, how to protect yourself, your boundaries. But like, is it healthy to be famous? Like what precautions do we need to take as we're all going? I want to be famous, I want to be rich.


And then we get there and it's like it's a mental it's a really challenging mental health thing.


I feel lucky, I think, just from having a supportive family and really growing up in this town and just seeing it all where I've just kept a level head on my shoulders. But then I see other people just just crash and burn.


And I've seen it all. I've seen some people come and go. And it's really detrimental to mental health. I've just. You know, the pressures of it and everything and the people that you meet and getting fucked over, there's just so much that comes with it. But I've been through so much that nothing bothers me.


Scared to death. That's just because I don't know what happens after and if it's nothing. And that would be the most boring thing in the world.


So boring.


I'm so scared of that. Like, I hope it's somewhere, like, amazing and like fun.


And I was I can't believe I was you there.


I was like, what if I die? And all this work I did on this podcast is from nothing.


You know, when you get so hard or something, you're like, what's it all for?


So, yeah, that is a fear. My fear isn't dying like getting hurt in the shark.


It's more all the work I did is for nothing then nothing after that. Did you have religion growing up? I went to Catholic school.


Yeah. Well that'll do. That'll do it. And so we, I'm obsessed with when someone has found their person and has, you know, found their prince because the frogs seem like red flags like like absolutely. Paris Hilton wisdom. Like if you see a guy do this girl do this whatever on a date red flag like rude to waitstaff, huge red flag.


I hate that. Whereas Abercrombie and Fitch, huge red flag.


Yeah. Like when people are rude to people I like rude that that's just a turnoff and how they are with their phone. I think that's a big red flag. Like if a guy is weird about his phone and like always is hiding it or like putting it on like airplane mode because they don't want text coming through or if you like try to like touch it, they like a panic attack. Things like that scare me.


So I think it's important just to do like your spy work and like research and make sure that you're just not going to get fucked over, because if you're not careful, guys can take advantage and they will have you like.


Have you ever been wrong, Jim? Because it's like when you're like a pit in my stomach, I fucking do it every time that happens. I'm like, I knew it six months later.


I knew it in my gut has never been wrong.


I always try to talk myself out of my intuition.


You know, the first time you see him flip his phone over boom, and you get a pit in your stomach, you have all the information you need.


You know, I really believe that that you will that thing over there, what you're like worse head thing. I saw your video of it. What had that? That's a robot I know.


I love. I saw the video you did with that. I was dying. Keep looking at it like your evil twin.


I know this is the evil twin. That's the nice one. The robot is the one that you want to hang out with.


And, you know, because it's like it's it's this weird thing where I'm struggling. How do you manage being a businesswoman?


I mean, you said something in that documentary. It took me so long to learn this when the random dude who was sort of sabotaging your big moment, it was very clear to me now is as an adult woman that's been in therapy for 15 years and 12 step programs, I'm like, oh, he was insecure and he was trying to make it about him.


You said in that moment you were like, you're so insecure.


You know, how how do you do you ever have to make yourself feel like you have to make yourself smaller, minimize yourself, make yourself a Beda for your person, or have you met the person where you like?


I can just be whoever the fuck I want to be.


Yeah. Before it would be just very emasculating to a man, just they would just turn and just so insecure and just like couldn't handle being with the powerful woman. And that's what I've dealt with forever until now. Like my fiance is on my level, we're equals. He wants to empower me to be the best woman I can be.


Equal partners. Yeah. That's so, so happy. Like, I can't believe it.


And so like, what about him is there's something it's so interesting.


It's like I always say, it's like it's not about how who he is, it's about how you feel when you're with the person. So like I'm dating this dude now. It's like all he wants to do is like solve problems.


I'm like, oh, maybe this is love. Like when you just feel relieved all the time.


Don't say. Because I realized in relationships before I was I was like, who's he texting? Is he going to be mad if I do this? Do I have to tell him about this? That gives me like goosebumps.


Just a worry. Oh, the worse the just the constant in the back of your mind nightmare.


I watched an interview between you guys and he was just like this. Carter Carter. How to spell his last name. Green Rheem.


This guy, these beat, he's got us.


He's on point. I'm like that is that that's her equal.


He is incredible. Like I, I feel like he's like God like sent me this angel to come and save me from all these losers.


But what. What when. You know, with him, why did you know? Because sometimes when the right guy comes along, we fuck it up and we sabotage ourselves and we put all our past baggage onto them and we ruin it. Yeah, we've seen it happen.


You're not going to do that? No. We've known each other for 15 years and. Oh, yeah. So we've been friends forever. And then on Thanksgiving, I went to the Hamptons with my family and we just were having lunch together and we just connected. And then that night we had dinner, had our first kiss, and then right when we had the kiss, I was like, I'm in love with this guy and this is what I want to be with.


And I think I was just so sick of all the other shit I'd been through. I was like, I just want something real. And I was already an adult.


He's just like a grown ass adult. Yeah, I was like, this guy has like a 401k.


I was like this motherfucker. Like, he's got like, you know what I mean? Like and then what did you say? I love you.


Did he say first? I think we both sit at the same time after a couple of days, we like went to Miami for Art Basel and we were just making our jinx that it was.


How long when should someone say love? What's too soon?


I think there's no time frame on it. Yeah, I just love like it's supposed if it's meant to be. Yeah.


It will happen right away if you say it too soon. And it's weird, it's not meant to be right. Like anything awkward like do you feel like things that annoy you in past relationships. When Carter does it. It's not annoying.


Right. As is annoying. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing more. Nothing.


And then what's your when you guys have a conflict, do you ever have conflicts?


No, we never argue about anything. It's crazy because I used to being in like crazy relationships where it's like always drama, always fighting, always being scared, always being untrusting. And with this, I'm just I've never felt so safe and secure and I have nothing to worry about. And it's just like, how is this even real? It's crazy.


I'm always just trying to do relationships, take work. Are they supposed to be easy? Like, I'm always trying to figure it out because it's like when things are hard, everything will really work. And then people go, it should be easy, it should be effortless.


And I'm like, I can never figure it out. So we're always sort of talking about that on this a little.


Both Yeah. Do you jellybeans. Do I eat them sometimes depends on the flavors, these like weird flavors. So these are Jelly Belly.


Benton, will you explain this to me? The Jelly Belly bamboozled beans so they could be a delicious flavor or a terrible flavor?


That's what I thought, too, that you would have those weird ones.


I want to go through red flags or like I want to I want to just do some like I just feel like you find this prince.


I'm like, I just want to all the girls listening, all the guys listening. I just want to like, bestow all the wisdom, learn from our mistakes, learn from our mistakes.


We made them. You were making them in a mansion at the same time. I was making them in a studio apartment. We just we were making the same mistakes, just very different parking situations.


I had to go get a parking pass. It was a nightmare.


And then why don't we do whoever gets a bad one gives a piece of relationship advice.


I feel like the brown ones are bad, tastes like poop.


They're all OK. So this one, it doesn't matter what color it is. Box to know what it was there. The Jelly Belly Box. Oh God. They're giving me. OK, so jelly belly. OK, so. So don't look at it or you can't look it up.


Shit. Sorry I'm so bad at jelly beans. What's this one.


What color is that. Pink. Pink and flecks of Benton.


What is this.


Yellow fruity. Tutti frutti. But I don't like tutti frutti when it's not a sneaky flavor.


I'm sorry but this one right on the. Oh, no, she got it. I think she got this one. He's like, throw up. What color was it?


Purple are pink and blue. You're very good one.


Like we give her a good one. We don't know which one is good. That's the point of the gimme another.


So that's a good knock on the toothpaste.


Well, it was I was supposed to be the purple and are pink and that was insane.


That one tastes like throw. So it was actually dead fish, dead fish and then the blue one.


And then you had a blue one after that. Yeah, like mint. That's toothpaste. So it's all so perfect about it.


But I like you hold your composure so. Well, we did not.


It was like a really cute color. So I was expecting it to be like cotton candy and nice.


Oh, this is a metaphor for life to me. This is like a complete metaphor for life. Sometimes things come in cute packaging, the, you know, saying like this is a metaphor sometimes. Oh, wait, so who gives the advice her. I got the bad one.


You said whoever got the problem. OK, peacefully. Did you eat one. Yeah, tonight, yeah, oh, yeah, it was like it was good and then I was panicked here you can throw up, but OK, you know what that one is? This is birthday cake, I think. Isn't this a bunch of different ones?


Like, this is the key. You tell us this is tutti frutti or stinky sock. So that one's bad.


I hope it's stinky socks for you after what I just said.


That's the one I got the other day that was really trumpeting your socks. Yeah.


Benton almost fell off a ledge when he ate one of these up.


Oh, my God. That's not like actually that might be too. That's too much. That's not that shouldn't be legal. I'm so sorry.


OK, your drink is spilling all over the floor to the other side of here.


Oh. So whoever thought of like do they think of these four people who like want to joke with their friends or just to be serious because it comes with a game and you spin it like Twister, but then you have to pick up.


OK, so I'll get you. So you give a piece of relationship advice, I'll give a piece of relationship advice. We both got a bad one.


I always ask, is it worth it? Someone once said to me, I was in this like, really relationship is like so hard.


And he just goes, it's all worth it. And I was like, oh my God, no. Like, the good times didn't outweigh the bad times, but I was so addicted to the adrenaline and the chaos.


And, you know, when you're like something bad and you're just in it and to get out of it would actually be harder than to, you know, say, you know, when I'm like, I guess I'll just stay in those because like we're on a trip next month, I'm already booked that flight.


So let me just, like, stay in the like, just get out. As soon as you think about breaking up, you're going to break up. That's my advice. I don't think I have ever thought about breaking up with someone. And, you know, I'm saying, yeah, well, it didn't happen.


Obviously, I agree with that.


And just not wasting your time because life is so short and so precious and like I've wasted years of my life with people who didn't deserve my time. So I feel like you said, when you have a bad feeling or something happens, don't give them the second chance, especially if it's something. But because once they do it once, that's just like how they are.


The way you do anything is the way you do everything. Yeah, like that's your nature. I got your nature. And now it's up to me whether I'm going to be in denial about it or not.




You know, let me see the ring. Jerk, so I think so question.


So Carter, so his proposal, I, I have some ideas for the wedding I officiate loves.


Well, that's pretty much the main. That's the idea. That's the best idea to talk about how we planning it. Yes.


Does every woman Grace and does everyone have their wedding dress in their head since our kid?


Because we were both like, I fully have a wedding dress just on deck, not even engaged.


I always had, like, the Disney princess vibe of a dress, just like like looking at like Cinderella or someone like that. But now it's it's changed. Like, I want something just more like elegant and chic.


And then where that's I'm trying to figure out like a legal issue. I wanted to ask what if somewhere like nice and warm are not to arm because I hate when you're at a wedding and it's just like hot and humid and gross. So somewhere like California weather, it's just. But how many you have too many.


You know, let's there's like I'm stressed out about your wedding for you.


Yeah, I am too. Because I know like thousands of people. But with this world we're living in now and I don't want to have to wait till the world is completely open because who knows when that will be.


And then honeymoon. Because here's the thing. I'm fascinated by you because it's like you've been like, how is Carter?


Like, how do I dazzle this gal that's been dazzled, seen everything and done everything. Like, I love that he's not intimidated by that.


He takes me to romantic places I've never been before, like Napa and things like that.


And like Bora Bora we because usually for work I've always had a DJ or travel. And I was like a bizarre Vegas or Miami or is that how it's pronounced?


Ibiza. Ibiza. OK, thank you. I need a rich famous break. How can is it. Can can can't. OK, thank you.


But people say it differently sometimes. Like I hate when people say Sabetha I get so annoying but some European say like that, I'm not into that.


So I've only been to like all these party islands and party destinations and now I'm like an adult. So he's taking me to like romantic places that I never would have went before because there's no clubs with them.


And also I haven't been there with you. You know what I'm like? I'm starting to learn that because I'm I'm dating a guy who's younger than me. And, like, I've been through the wringer, you know, I've been through I've dated not my first rodeo, I'm saying. But there's a way to make your second or third or whatever throat you I'm on.


It's fine. It doesn't have to be the place we've never been.


You know, I'm saying like, I think sometimes our our our perfectionist visions, you know, as a as a business person creep into our personal life and undermine us sometimes, you know, it's like we don't need our personal lives to be as prolific as our professional lives and like, grandiose, you know.


Well, plus one, you've probably been it's always been for work. So you only see the hotel room and then wherever you're going for the work.


So that's so true. Yeah.


When you travel, I've been everywhere and I've literally seen nothing because I've been just in a hotel room or the club or wherever I'm at for my event. But that's about it. Right.


And then I was. So do you have someone in your life that's like your person? You're like, that's your. Nic, probably, you know, to make up, like, big decision, who do you go to? My sister? Yeah, she's a beast, dude.


I've all I've always just been like she's just got beast energy. Like, I always felt like Paris is OK.


Like Nicole cut a like she just has that energy.


She's the boss. Have you guys ever gotten in, like, fight fights, not like fight fights, but just when I was like little I would sometimes just take her clothes and not ask. Yeah. She would like get mad normal.


But the lateness thing I was thinking about in the documentary. There's something about that. There's something about. That little bit of chaos before she was trying to figure it out, what do you think it is? I think just being an Aquarius, I'm just like very floaty.


And also purses are tiny. Purses are too small. Yeah. And my 8D, I think I just. Are you on to me for that? No, no. Like, that's the other thing is that I went to the start to the right.


I was like, I have anxiety and I'm on this and I'm on. And he's like, but isn't it working for you? He kind of was like, aren't some of these things actually do you want to solve these problems? You know, because you're you're probably like I'm new in this business and this is probably part makes you I think it's a superpower superpower turning your at things that are normally pathologies into superpowers. I love.


Yes, Emily, I'm hungry. I'm busy. I'm very busy. But what did you just see me? Whitney just sat down for a booking meeting with a jar of peanut butter and nothing else. Just a jar of peanut butter.


It's not peanut butter. It was peanut butter, banana chocolate goo. It it was a mess.


It needed a knife or a spoon. And we just used our little finger. And then what did you say? You said I said, that's disgusting. And then you said, get some bread. And I did. And then what happened?


Then you ate a piece of bread, which I ate. I put the peanut butter on the bread, as you instructed me to, because you were being a bully, right?


Oh, that's me. And then I ate it and it was this. The corner of it was the same color as her hair.


But we've all been blinded to that mold color because we're staring at it all day, every day. So I ate a fully moldy piece of bread.


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Go to Daily Harvest Dotcom, enter promo code. Good for you and get twenty five dollars off your first box. That's promo code. Good for you for twenty five dollars off your first box at Daily Harvest Dotcom Daily Harvest Dotcom. Don't be silly. Emily, yes, I love you. Thank you. But why are you talking to me and not. A therapist right now, my depression has depression, and I don't even want to leave my house to find one.


You have been through a lot of therapists in your day quite a bit. Have you asked them for refunds or.


They don't do that. They really don't. They really don't. And when they're done waiting, 45 minutes is up.


Your butt is over. There's no, like, wiggle room.


45 minutes. And there's a I. I don't like going to a therapist's office. Oh, I don't know. First of all, they put all this stuff on the table, which is a trick. I don't like the double door because.


Was your therapist a saloon? No, like the double door to for the patients that can't hear you in the OT so that they can hear you in the you begin crying.


What? I've never had a double door therapist.


Yeah. And, you know, you have to get on the straight jacket and then you sit down, you know, they busway you and then they put the shot in your arm every week, the seat belts over your chest and the priest comes in. Your mom told you that was therapy? Yeah. Yeah, totally. I just think in person therapy, it's over.


There's got to be a better way. What it's called. What a great Segway kill. It's better help, better help assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist on the Internet so you could go. The place that you get your mental trauma is the same place you can heal your mental trauma. Now the two windows open.


You can go on Instagram on one window and on the other side and then all cancel each other out. It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online.


I think my favorite part is that as someone that has needed to contact a therapist and get a session immediately, this isn't like a hey, I need I can see you in three weeks. Right? Right.


They can you can start communicating in under 48 hours. That's a game changer.


Yeah, well, it literally was like I'm having a crisis. You stop dating married narcissists, right? They're like, OK, we'll see you in four months. And so, yeah, it's by that time you're married to. Yeah, but that time of year I walk down the aisle. This podcast is sponsored by Better Help and Good for you listeners. Get ten percent off their first month at better help dotcom Whitney better help dot com slash Whitney.


That's b e t t e r e l p dot com slash Whitney.


I don't know you guys know this, but my first the first time I ever paid off my loans was because a little show called my new BFF Persil didn't give up the finale hired me to I don't even know what I got to go.


But I was like a writer on the finale for writing, like my jokes or other peoples. But there weren't any jokes, were there? I think it was like transition. I think I was writing they hired me just to be there. And then the contestants would come to me and I'd be like, just say this. And they'd be like, cool. I was like, I don't even know I'm here.


I feel like I owe you money. You guys paid me like twenty grand. It was the most money I ever made at the time.


And I was like, sure, I'll do this. I was like twenty five. I had no idea what I was doing.


I ruined your show. No. That's so funny though. So yeah.


If you were like had budget issues, the one that was taking money and doing absolutely nothing but but I remember you on that something just so kind to everyone and so sweet like how do you move through people that need so much from you and not take all that on.


I would watch people just like and you just have this like orb around you.


Really? Yeah. I don't know. I never really even thought about it. I've just always been myself and I just feel like when you're kind and you're sweet and you're a good person.


That you just get blessed in life, have a good, good karma. That is such a dope way to put it. Then turn around and play some games with Paris Hilton, because Paris Hilton's in my house.


I feel like I have a giraffe in my house. Like I feel like I have an exotic, like a rare exotic animal or not. Yes, I guess you are giraffe unicorn.


Like I had a giraffe at your house. You'd be very upset. Maybe a news story. That's right.


I would be tweeting about an elephant safari with Safari. OK, so because Paris is your business, brain is just wild.


And I'm you know, for me, I don't I'm pretty good at business. But you have this ability to go like this is what's going to happen.


I don't think people understand that when you make a fragrance, when you make it takes so much time, you have to stay committed to it.


You have to follow through. You have to see it over the finish line. You have to yourself stay invested. How do you know? Like, because there are other times you're like, oh, I want to this isn't even worth it.


It's taken to like, how do you know and have you ever given up on something. In a good way and been like, you know, this isn't worth it, we're not going to make that, oh, I'm not a quitter. I just I never stop. I have, like, this drive and determination and I have good instincts. You know, I and I know what I want. So now. I mean, I'm literally in therapy to think the way you think it's it's like it's actually frustrating how clear you are, like if someone ask me that question.


But I have like a two hour answer. So my ancestors, like, you're just so clear. Benton, what's the game, what's the first game we're going to you have? Oh, I've got all our games. OK, so we're going to use your business brain to build our business.


OK, now we're going to see if any of our catchphrases that have come from our show, if you think any of them have the staying power, staying power on Earth, trademarking.


I mean, we've been on so many trademark calls.


Oh, my God. And we get on trademark calls. And I'm just I've no I have no idea what they're saying.


Yeah, not a clue. It's like a different language. It's a completely different language. I just like. Can you trademark it or not?


Yes or no. And here's one hundred thousand dollars and I have no idea what rights I have.


OK, first one first slogan for Paris Hilton. What do you think. What is it like, what I I you always have that played like on your Instagram about you.


I think it's. No, not to be trademarked, no, because it's just like noises.


Yeah, they're utterances. They're gutteral just I mean, I was on Nyquil peeing in my yard when I came up with it, so I don't know why it wouldn't be a hit.


OK, this is it. OK, second slogan. Oh, here we go. Sweatbox.


I wish it was sweet, but so much better than the one we have. Sweet boy. Sweet boy.


That's been to say before I say something mean because I'm a sweet boy but let's kill.


Because you're green shoots, you get a point.


OK, no, it's a competition study, study. What does that. Daddy, this is like see, I'm terrible branding because this is something my dad used.


Always say to me when things would get crazy, I just go steady, steady, like when people and then the tight rope walker, if I had a trainer, the right and I would say steady.


And I was like, oh, that's my. And then I say it. But it's not catching on. Why not? It's yeah, it's not really that catchy because, like it's like you're telling someone to, like, chill and it's like when people do that, it's annoying.


Yes. And, you know, it's weird. I'm saying to myself, you can't have a catchphrase for yourself.


Yeah, I'm saying a mantra. It's a mantra. Shit. OK, I'm like, OK, ok, ok. Here's. Rock and a river, it's supposed to be a rock and a river, the rock and roll would be a rock and roll. It's too long. Maybe this is something bad.


My mom said to me, whenever things are going really bad, instead of panicking, she's like being a rock in a river, let it wash over you.


So see, here's the thing. You don't see it, Mom. See, I'll force the issue.


You just go what's working and you'll let it you'll let it take flight instead of forcing something.


That's not what, Jim. So you just said that's hot. People started saying you're like, oh, that's the thing.


You just listen to the metrics and the fans and you could just say it for anything like even if something's not hot, like that's hot or just like there's like a positive way to say it, like a negative way to say it. There's just it goes with everything. I don't know. I just say it all the time. And we also you have how many fragrances, 29, can you name them? Yes.


I don't want to put you on the spot, but that is incredible. Thank you.


Can you name. Well, I can name a couple. Benton is never not wearing. Paris Hilton. Fromentin.


Yes, I do love the original Paris Hilton for him. Yes. Yeah. The Blue Bottle. So good. I love it.


And saying what is guys wear that and what is the process like.


What is if you're, if you're going to be a fragrance. So because every celebrity they get famous and then they have a fragrance and that's always, that's always what's the process? Do you get to go in? Because we want to make one for good for you and you're going to help us.


Well, basically, you either go to like a factory or they can just have them delivered to all these different notes and scents. And then you pick your favorite one. And then from there, what I do is that I think of a name and then start designing the bottle and then come up with the campaign of what it's going to be that like represents the bottle in the name and then it comes out.


So if you're going to do one for this. Incredible energy that you're taking in now. So if we did a good notes, what would the notes be puch? What was that dirty socks so far? What notes have you picked up on construction? Construction work. Something turquoise, turquoise that for some reason like turquoise and the like.


Because this is very creative.


This is very visual because you live forever. Like. Yes. What, 20 odd fragrances. I have to live forever. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And Benton is such a genius of this stuff. Like, you know, in working in retail, he's like, no one buys that. This is why people buy this, like the psychology of why people buy like you're so good about going. Like, I'm going to make something special that someone's going to want in their home.


And I'm not good at that.


I'm working on that, you know, but so. OK, so we're doing for Good for you fragrance. We're doing well. What else those are jokes about. Let's do I love roses like do you start there. Do you literally just start there.


Like what notes you like. Like what, what perfume do you wear in high school.


Can I guess. I think one I loved school.


That was my shit. Yes. Lolita, Paris Hilton.


And then I heard Paris Hilton er I our Lolita Lempicka and then when I was film real crazy I working in love says yes, I work Calix.


I was a dork. I worked for sorer by Lancôme. Are these words.


I'm having a stroke.


Yeah. And then taming dinosaurs. Well I'm just I really like maybe you start with perfume's. You already like Joe. I'm saying so you're like cat. Yes, I'm Plager. I want to make Elizabeth Arden sunflowers. You know, that's my I wore that black diamonds.


Yeah. So would you start there? You would just be like, OK, there's this is what I do like I like chi, I like child, I like you know, this is a fragrance I do like. Do you start there or not.


Yeah. It's good to make a mood board of things that you like so that when they do bring in the new scents they're like, OK, we're going to bring something that will remind you of that. So it's like being inspired.


I didn't even think of that, but is like plagiarizing sense. I don't even know that. Yeah, you can probably you can't go. I want to smell like this.


You know, you wanted to have like your own twist on it. Otherwise people are going to say, oh, she just copied this one.


And then what are the things that you say like that? You're not like like business opportunities that come to you and you're like not doing that.


Like not or not now because someone like you, it's not about if you're going to do it's about one you're going to do it the things you're like. Just not now, you know.


Yeah. There's been a lot of things that have came in and I'm just like, not now or ever.


The weirdest thing anyone offered me was my own Paris Hilton sex dolls. I was like, dude, I am not doing not like this psychotic.


So that was like the creepiest thing anyone has ever offered, because what we say no to kind of defines us too.


Yeah, I was like, is there I always wanted growing up being a fan of you. I always wanted to keep Paris Hilton X McDonald's collaboration.


Like what did you order off the menu? Because I remember growing up and seeing all those photos of you like going to the drive thru and people were like, wow, she eats at McDonald's, McDonald's.


That's why you need a menu.


Paris Hilton, did you order. Oh, my God. I said, what was your order? What what didn't I order?


Just like lots of fries, sweet and sour sauce, chicken nuggets. See, how would I know?


Because fried chicken sandwich and then I'm obsessed with the breakfast and has had it like two days ago I had like the pancakes, the sausage and that Egg McMuffin and hash browns.


See, we can get all this in a little pink velvet.


There would be one of those clippings from those clippings used to put a half a point for thirty seconds of a song and you bring those back.


I'm like, oh, wait, I'm not going to forget to do this. I want to look at your most recently used emojis.


My I'm sorry.


You can't change them. You can't change them. You cannot change them. How do you do that?


You just go to your texts and go to your emojis and you like you're about to send a text and just screengrab. Over a little bit. Oh, yeah, oh, I got it. She just gave me I just have your phone in my hand.


This is so weird. I feel like I feel like I literally have just like, oh, my gosh. Oh, it's an airplane mode, so I'm OK.


OK, so your most recent thing is emojis. Oh my God. To the heart.


This you this is really who you are. This honestly this is how you find out who someone is on the inside. Look at their recently used emojis.


Come on. It's all hearts, it's literally all hearts and smiley faces with heart. Mine is all the gun to the head, the skull, the poison, the needle. Like I get it. It's it's it's the headphones.


Smiley face with the heart. Turquoise dress. What's that.


Just what I'm talking about. A designer like dress by. Right.


This is a for giving photo credit. Yeah.


Oh yes. OK, so some of these for extreme credit to people that's that's a it's not only nice, it's an excellent business move. You know, that's how we elevate people. Now the new economy is we tag people.


I see a lot of people, they don't tag anyone. And I don't understand why people do that. It makes me so mad or nice.


Celebrities will tag so many stories, but you don't underline it. So they can't click on it and go that I'm saying you, Boomer, I've done it. But when the tax money but don't make it click.


We don't need to call it geriatric celebrities. Excuse me. In music. Champagne. It's all happy. Chappy Jean.


I wish I had a champagne. I'm. Oh my God. Look how happy she is. God damn it. Her emoji. OK, so this to me, tell this what I meet someone, a new guy dating. Just asked them first red flags.


Can I just see your most recent emojis and you'll learn everything you need to know about this person.


I'm telling you, this is amazingly positive and healthy swatters.


Girl. You know what? I'm your girl. I can't. I can't with this. OK, so I'm also dating someone younger than me who loves emojis. So mine mirrors me. OK, mine are also you have three hundred and twenty six unread texts.


I have two hundred seventy one. OK, we're both sexes. OK, so mine are now the first one is this one. That's, that's my main one.


My main one is the facepalm. Yes.


My most frequently and eggplant squirt. Know what. A panda hunt. Yeah that's true.


A fig leaf under the pandas rail. They're always the panda. The concert ticket. I don't know these feel like they're OK because you were to get tickets on the showground mermaid via the shell interest the hedgehog.


Sometimes I sometimes I send to people like my two girlfriends who when I'm feeling like depleted and used to know, like, how are you? I send a Chalamont. I feel like a shell of a person. Like I need to be better mermaids. Yeah. Like I need be filled up. Jones I imagine what mine.


Ah I do the single eyeball in the mouth and the single eyeball to make that little face like I like that a lot. I do those words too. I use it when I send my friend pictures of makeup and I like in this tournament you with it. I have a red head that's from just from where we're talking to Fantino.


Um, I love this one. It's like the watery eyes. Meet her. The cute one. It's my favorite one. Barentu, right. Yeah. That one's new. And then I love the cowboy hat emoji.


You Chevon Emotive Idil. I'm the little blonde princess. You too. But you know what I'm realizing about you I just saw happen.


This is part of your genius is your curiosity. That's it, it's because I learned that the person that's talking the most knows the most, but you're actually just just the way you did that, you just were like, what does that what does it like? I saw that's what that is it. That's where can we go back to what you said? Sorry, I'm so into the person talking the most knows the most.


No, it's like it's like she's in a observing and asking quite the exact right question. That was like such the right question to ask as a business woman. Like, you know, what questions to ask. That was I'm really impressed.


Like, that's how you find out what's popular is going. What is that? Why that curiosity? That just blew my mind. I know you guys didn't see what I just saw. I know this seems crazy, but that was a very few people do that. You're making me realize more about myself. Very few people oriented, she said very few people do that. Very few people are interested in me. So that was crazy. I know.


But just to do what does that and why? And, you know, because you fight because. Because you're always ahead.


And now I'm learning why I'm saying you're all you're curious about because I have this new thing I have to learn. I have a dread about new things. You have a great. Let's learn it. Let's get ahead of it. I love learning new things.


It's like you have an excitement about new tools and socials and stuff.


And I have a dread towards it, really.


You know, I feel like I have to learn another thing I have to do, you know what I mean? I love it. I just I love experiences and I love learning new things and I don't know, just experiencing new things in life all the time. Give me a beating.


Give me a mean. And if what color? Let's see this one, you know. Wait.


This is so weird, you know, this is my favorite flavors, prickly pear I picked because I thought of your burger and I want to see are there mostly just salty but prickly pear was the only jelly bean flavor I would eat growing up.


I would like throw fits in the mall and my mom would have to drive me out because I would only prickly pear jelly beans. What is it? OK, so, yeah, so bugger's like it's a slot's a slogan, it's all you that's a slow burn. And I was like ready to have like a childhood nostalgic, like warm moment. And that just like took away my childhood trauma that just that just undid all the therapy that I've been doing for so long.


What are you guys.


You're not in you're in therapy for, you know. Oh, you know what?


I literally thought I was going to say you're in therapy.


Absolutely not. Honestly, I was going to say, look, I don't think you should be in therapy. I've never said that to anyone. I never say that to anyone.


Like, we've never told you guys that, like, you're OK.


Like you're so fucking good. Like Jim saying, like you're good, you're sore. Like, I have no notes. It's like this. I think you got to know when you're doing well, too. I think we're in this culture right now where it's all about like self examining and that's great and and pointing out the things we need to work on. But you also got to know when you're fucking nailing it and when you're dope, you know, man.


Yeah. What I love the idea of you being like you're not anything.


She's just like in Paris. It's just like I didn't ask. Yeah. Nobody I don't remember asking if I needed help you.


Oh, my God, I love that.


We renovated the podcast studio before my house, which is so telling of your priorities because I'm such a workaholic. Right. My house is on hold. But the podcast you and you accidentally turned your entire upstairs of your home into an office, but you didn't mean.


Was this an accident at all? This is my dream. I now get to just like work all day long hours to. Yeah, this is like an alcoholic, just like being in a bar.


So we renovated this nook. We should show it to you guys. You're never going to see it. You're not. I know it's off camera, which is stupid, though.


I'm looking for a big like like couch to put in that's like simple and clean. Yeah. And article furniture. You guys know, I want this green couch. Wait, I'm going to screen recorded. So I guess this don't you think this would be perfect. This screen couch. Grace. How cute.


That's how cute is effect article. Can I tell you this is truly my actual style of furniture. I love it.


It's like Scandinavian meets look modern meets warm.


I don't like cold winters. I like wood. Such a good point. I like rustic. Remember my talk show I had I had wood in the background, resurrected wood, everything.


I like things to feel warm like kind of a cozy barn. Right. But I want it to be high quality and that's what they do.


And I think I guess they first look at the price of that.


Am I allowed to say it allowed that and so that anywhere else would be like seven thousand dollars thousand like it's look at this super fair price is fast, affordable shipping and these little side tables are so good.


So I'm I'm obsessed with article furniture. You save up to 30 percent over traditional retail prices.


They don't scam you like a lot of these furniture store, which a lot of these furniture stores when you go to them now, they don't even have it in stock anyway. They do not. I don't have it. They'll go, well, you know, you have to wait eight months to get your cash. You're like, what article? We ordered it. We got it.


Like two days later, all my stuff, all my outdoor furniture down to the pool is article first. It's beautiful. It's chic.


It's like it's just it's a game changer. It's a game. It's the me of furniture.


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I am outraged about what today your tone was never going to change. I'm leaving this morning. I was like, OK, she was just my face.


It's just my face and not feedback about it.


I do think it's unfair that when you're at your most vulnerable time in your life, 17 eight, you're 18 years old. You've seen movies about people go to college, then they become they go to Wall Street, they become billionaires. You go to college and your your life is fixed.


Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's a it can be it can be a rigmarole.


It's as we say around here. Yeah. You're signing a contract.


You have no idea what you're signing when you sign up for student loans and you say you'll take over the rest of your life because you I thought after I graduated from college, I would just get a check for a million dollars and a job at Goldman Sachs.


They and a Bentley, they I went to college.


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Penn should pay me for going to college there after I just read that without making one mistake. University of Pennsylvania.


You owe me money now. They taught her to read.


What do you watch Gymkata just sit and watch movies. Or you guys always just like this business.


We're mostly working, but we started watching Schitt's Creek. Just so funny. So funny. I love that.


Just but let me ask you a question. You're with someone who so I'm dating my vet and he has to go. We can't talk about dogs anymore because I'm like, I have a million questions, you know, the same way when when people date me in there, like, tell me a joke.


And I'm like, no, I'm off work right now.


Do you guys have like, we're not working right now because you're both work Mowgli type people or do you just go, you know what?


This is how both of our brains work. Let's just work all the time and find the balance we like.


I thought I worked hard. Like this guy works harder than anyone I've ever met in my life. Love it. Which is so inspiring to me. And like, obviously, we take time off to be romantic and cute and, like, enjoy life. But most of the time we're always just thinking of ideas and just working together. And just like it's amazing to have like that like power couple vibe. Yeah, I know it's different. It's so new to me because I'm not used to being with someone who's just so brilliant and hard working.


He's just such an adult. He's just like a grown ass man.


He really is saying, have you met his family? Yes, I love them. Yeah.


And should we know who people's ex should we know people's exes? Should we do we need to know. Do we. I don't need to know. No, I don't know. Would you say your definition of love is.


Feeling at home and safe. Great love. I'm just, yeah, I think being safe is the most important, like home. And trusting and being best friends, and I think something your your documentary also made me realize is sometimes you don't know what that feels like. Until way later in life, you know, like you don't know what's safe until you've been safe and if you have never been safe, you've nothing to compare anything to, you know, so it's like, you know, watching the documentary, just that was really powerful to just go like, oh, yeah, like shit.


Like, I thought I was in something healthy. But that's just compared to all the super unhealthy things I was, you know, it's like it was just such an interesting thing to to watch that documentary.


Just I know the major takeaway was about, you know, the school and you passed this law, you know, to get this abuse to stop. And it's brilliant.


I don't want to make you rehash it all here, but, you know, it's like the person you choose just is so pivotal. To your business and your mental health every day and like your documentary really just helped crystallize a lot of that stuff for me. For me, too.


Yeah, just showing like you cannot take over the world if your man is being insecure with you and thinking about him or if your woman is like causing text.


You knew before the show causing drama like you, just the person you're with is a business decision, you know, and like, I feel like I saw it when I in that documentary and like, I just got it. I was like, got it. I'm going to stop chasing that guy that is not interested in me. That is giving me anxiety, who's not texting me back and forth show. And then the whole show, I'm thinking about him and then he's like being weird and then wants me to, you know, be in a selfie with him for his feed.


You know, I was like, no, yeah. This is this is fucking up my ability to be a good businesswoman.


And true, it affects all parts of your life.


But I need your documentary for some reason, like it was a boom. It just clicked for me. Like that was a huge service because I think so many of us waste so much time in relationships and fuck up our businesses and our income and our potential because we're just in a like a rat fuck nasty, toxic thing that we're stuck in.


I know. And then it never ends up working out anyway. So I was like, what was the point?


And it just ages you. That was at the end of the day. I remember a therapist once I was in this one of those kind of relationships. Those just like bad like you can't get out, can't live with can't live without Sid Nancy type thing.


And she was, you know, that being stressed out releases cortisol and that actually depletes collagen. Right. And I was like, are you telling me that bad relationships make me look older? And she was like, could.


And I was like, OK, like, that's like I needed to hear that. Got it. He's out.


I'll talk about her podcast, which I did the other day, and fully embarrass myself. I mean, I couldn't have been worse. It could've got worse.


No, so much fun. Couldn't have gone.


I couldn't have been more of an idiot. I just you know, I had the phone covid fog, like, what can I blame?


But, yeah, it was it's it's so weird because I feel like we spend so much time in this business trying to figure out what works. And it's like, oh, just us sitting around talking where we overthinking it this whole time.


You know, so tell me why you started, I guess I actually never even listen to a podcast until quarantine. And then I was listening to yours as I love just how fun and open and real you were. And then I got a call that I heart radio wanted to do a deal. And it wasn't only just going to be my podcast, I was going to my own company. So it's like an audio company called London Audio where I also use my platform to share with others and create other shows and produce them.


And I think it's just fine. Yeah, it's fun just to be able to talk about whatever you like. And I've been interviewed a billion times, so now it's like my turn to do that and I like it.


It's amazing. You get to control the narrative because I think it's like that's so much of the speculation. You can't speculate anymore on someone. You can't project on someone anymore.


You can't, like, lie the way you used to be able to lie because you're able to get your side of the story out right away, clearly in a cogent way. Yeah.


And also just from years and years of doing interviews and just always feeling on guard and scared, like, what are they going to ask me next? And just kind of always being nervous and now not having to feel that way and just being able to speak what's on my mind and just be myself.


It's a way to reframe healthy your way to communicate, you know what I mean? Like what we were. It is like the fact that we usually go to a place and script a conversation and go out and talk to a stranger we've never met before who we grew up.


It's just like talk like all that shit was just it was crazy that we did all that was crazy. What a circus rigamarole.


So inauthentic.


So it just you know what, Venton has a I was oh, I was like, oh, and so in the podcast.


So what podcast do you listen to now? What do you like about them. Like what. Like because you're always, you always know some shit that's going to happen in ten years. What's happening? Should we should we keep doing this podcast?


Yes, I think the audio is the future and it's amazing just how many people now have their own podcast. Like I was just listening to Rashida Jones and Bill Gates podcast. Yeah, that's just like a very cool pairing. Yeah. And I just did Kate Hudson's one sibling rivalry with my sister and her brother, Oliver, and that was just so much fun, just like have the siblings together talking about everything in life, because I feel like fans now, they they know they're like, no, we know, they know the seven minutes on a talk show or the twenty minutes is bullshit.


They know it's you know, I'm saying they're like, we just want to hear people talk like there's a different expectation for authenticity now.


Definitely, you know, and I'm glad that audio is the future now that I'm aging. Perfect time. Just the perfect time to be off camera and audio changes.


The future and the past were like, we hate radio. We love radio.


It's literally we're going back to radio, sitting by the radio and listening to the radio or like Prairie Home Companion or Howard Stern or whatever.


Like we've you know, we've always wanted to hang out with somebody and just not always want to hang out with somebody, even with clubhouse, just the new app like.


Yeah, I love that. It's a social media platform. It's not like a vanity platform. It's not about how you look or posting a video or a photo. It's just about your voice and your knowledge and people learning and just the community on there is incredible. I see that people are just so generous with their time and just speaking and helping others. And I just think it's a really beautiful thing. That's that's such an amazing observation. Like, I love clubhouse and it is they're generous with their time.


And I'm learning that when I go on their first shows like this, it's just chaos.


Is this toxic? You know, because I get overwhelmed, because I when you go into the clubhouse, if you're verified or something, everyone knows you're in there. So then they'll call you up.


And then I, I would like feel pressure, but I figured out a way to do like a secret profile so I can just sort of like spy.


And I talk to a lot of people on there who are like, you know, it's just audio only. It's like a live chat room basically.


You know, it's to be just strangers, you know, talking about a topic.


And a lot of people were saying, like, you know, this is really helping me build my confidence because I'm able to talk in public.


But not you know, it reminds me of like old like twins chat rooms where you can, like, be anyone can be just talk to people about the pressure of, like, a picture. Yeah. Yeah. Totally scary. Totally.


Because I felt like that for it's so interesting, the audience future because I was like, feel like everything's visual now, you know, Instagram happen, everything's visual.


And then it's so interesting how it like vacillates, you know, back and forth and back and forth, like audio visual. But yeah, it's like ultimately audio now like who would've thought we're back to radio.


We just wanna hear people talk.


Is your mom going to be a go. Yeah. Yeah. When you're joining the house. Yes. Are you thrilled to watch the show in a while.


But there's so much drama. I'm hoping my mom doesn't get into the drama, but I think she's going to she'll be entertaining.


I think she's going to leave everybody out.


I'm obsessed with. Yes, she's so she's really dope. She's just like just an icon. That's why I'm like, you know, the show needs that. You need to be like, stop all this. Yeah.


I mean, but I don't know if they have control in the editing in the post, you know, she will.


I doubt she will figure she will really get a job like my daughters or whatever this is isn't working.


That's amazing. Yeah. Did you guys have to talk about that?


Was it like she didn't want us to know? She basically when we kept, like, reading about it on TMZ and just like sex.


My mom is so doing this and she's like, no. And then finally she like admitted to it. And my sister and I talked about it like, if there is not a pandemic going on and she wasn't so bored, there's no way she would have agreed to do this. And she's never looked at her, too.


So I think she wants to show off just how hot she looks as well as she should. Right. She said you had a show.


This is my turn. But she's probably only friends with some of them. I mean, you know. Right. Well, your answer on there, right? Yeah, you're but not. But still. Yeah, yeah. I started the show, but I know, but Lisa's not you know, my housewives knowledge is not excellent.


Is there anything you did that you miss doing, like acting, singing. Are you going to do another album or anything?


I'm doing music now. I love that. I could just do whatever I want. So I like a lot of passions and I just do them like the thing I do miss is deejaying. I just love. Is that going to come back? And it's like one hundred thousand people. It's like amazing.


I think it will come back soon. Not like now, but I feel like by the end of the summer most people have the vaccine and then like herd immunity, then it'll be back. And I feel like it's going to be like like the Roaring Twenties or they can go out.


And it's great that you do so many thing because I think so many people are trained to think like I have to pick one thing and do that forever. I think it's really cool that you show people like you can do all your interest, you can do them all.


And it keeps people from being like in such a box, like I have to be the dancer or I have to be this stereotype or that one thing.


I just try all the things and to go I'm going to learn in public. That's what we're doing with Podcast's. None of us like stand up, you get to practice. You go to schools, you learn in private for so long. And then when you're good, you go show it to everyone that we're like, you know, in the first episode of our podcast, like it is Dan Levy from Schitt's Creek with our first episode.


That's it. Yeah. And it's like, you know, we'll have to watch it at some point.


But when you're like, oh my God, like we're just learning in public, you know, it's just like so funny. The idea that we're like starting a business plan was kind of learned in public.


You're going to search now. That's right. You're right. You got to go. Got to go see someone. But it's just so interesting that we're working out the kinks publicly, you know?


Yeah. That's just a wild and then.


OK, Benton, we've talked about this for Benton did write a paper in his high school about Paris. A big deal. OK, how was it received and what was your grade? You want to tell us about this psychology class?


OK, and we had to write a persuasive paper on something that we think everyone should believe in or like. Yeah. And everyone picked like political topics and politics or like religions. And I was like, I know my religion.


And so I did I did a whole extra thing. I had like a I had like a screen that folded down and had all your movies.


I put them all in a wagon, a red wagon, everyone, every one of them. And then it was like like magazine covers and books and everything. It came down from the ceiling. I said the whole thing I a flip down. I had a laser pointer and I did a whole full costume.


And then when I was the costume, it was it was like a farmer for simple life. And then when I ripped it open and had a shirt that I love, Paris Hilton, I did a whole album review. I got an A.


Yeah, it's crushing it. I mean, I want to see this. Did you find it yet? My mom is like she's just scouring our attic for it. She's on her hands and knees looking. I don't know where she put it. She kept it. I know she keeps everything but somewhere in that house. That's so cute.


I wish there was like a video of you giving the presentation.


You we didn't have any of that back. There was no video idea.


I always watching the Woody Allen documentary that I was like, why do I have so much video of their child? I guess they're filmmakers, whatever.


I was just like, I don't have if I were. You had a lot in your documentary. You guys filmed everything. Yeah, I eat a lot with your daddy. Your mom, my dad. Smart. Well, he he's he's you know, he's smart. It seems like he's like Scheid. He's like, I'll do the I'll hold I'll be behind the camera.


And he was like the proud dad, just like filming his first daughter.


And what does he you get you love to film things. My dad got a camera and it's all you could do with it. Stop it.


You know, once I watch this Blair Witch Project rendition of me napping. Thank you so much.


That was me just sleeping in pizza. I know.


OK, so if we're going to be friends, I have a couple of questions for you. I don't we're going to be really friends. I don't like I feel like what is someone. But what is a gift? What is what do you want? Someone get you a present. If I can't get someone a present, I can't be friends with them because I love buying people for them.


I like anything with unicorns. Oh, well, that's. And you can have it. I like it, I love Rainbow Brite. Yeah, I know what is the best, right?


I was the bitch growing up. I was like every little cartoon. I had to have a horse. I loved all the ones with horses. I love your horse, girl. Right? You I love all animals. Love horses.


Well, that was really my first like I was like this bitch. She's got 50 dogs in there, all in her purse. I feel like we're going to be friends.


I feel like we're both hoarders.


I What's your most prized possession. Oh, what's the thing that you're like this is the land grab.


Well, I was at your house and I if you've been to her house, that's a really wild question because it is her house is it's it's it's a museum of prized possessions. Yeah. You know, but yeah. What would it be? It's a good question. My 21st birthday is getting 21st birthday dress like iconic dress I love.


I was never aimed at Silver Lake like Cuchulain MacDonell dress that was like all made out of the Swarovski crystals.


You should have your own, you know, like Britney Spears has the zone where they have all. You need one of those. Yeah. A timeline building.


It looked I remember b it did look a little painful. Was it line on the inside. See what I when I did the rosellas. No, it wasn't. When I did the roasted Donald Trump, I wore the sequined dress and I took it off and I was covered in scratches like I was bleeding.


And I remember seeing this and going, OK, what if that scratches her? It looks so that I didn't care. How do you feel?


Like you get the credit you deserve for social media? I think now you have to.


I think now people that they know that I'm the Oji. Yeah, yeah.


It's now it's like it's very it's very clear because I think like like when Instagram there was like a mirkin while to think about though, there's so many people that just couldn't have a career otherwise.


How do you do that? I would just I would just sit around all day and be like, lucky. Yeah, but you were the guinea pig.


But there's also these people like you, you remind me of these icons, these like that, that are that are so smart about the way they're what they share. Like I was reading about Bettie Page, you know, Betty, not Bettie Page, Hedy Lamarr, Hattie Lamar's famous movie star, and she lives in Florida.


And no one saw her after she was like 60 or something. She just doesn't let anyone photograph.


You watch her film? Yeah, the documentary. Yes. That's why I picked that director, because Alexander Deane directed that film. Amazing. And I didn't even know who the mother was. And I was just blown away by her story and just how misunderstood she was.


You remind me of her. Thank you. She is this gorgeous movie star that did this sort of like risque scene and got all this negative attention. And then she was an inventor. She was a businesswoman. She like, you know, she was like designing model airplanes, but she was so gorgeous. Nobody really took her seriously. And she was kind of like like I've always thought of you as like a Hedy Lamarr. Thank you.


Yeah. What was it like when you invented the airplane?


But I just mean, like in and I almost think that, like you, in a way, there's an advantage. Like, I think there's been a disadvantage. But now there's like I just feel like you've adapted so well of this. You're like, OK, I what you want. I'm going to be over here doing my like you've managed to make everything benefit you and serve you like. Is that a muscle where you're like, you know, I'm just this is going to serve me doesn't fucking serve me.


I think so. Just like back in the day when people like underestimate me, I felt sometimes I would learn a lot more about people because they didn't realize that I understood what was happening.


So it was easier to read people because they thought it was just going over my head. But really it was watching everything. Your creepy man, that's she's a little sneak in the corner, just like Your Honor M.. I'm just that's what I feel like years like studying people, you know, it's like it's like do not conflate my my my kindness with weakness. Do not conflate my silence. So it's like silence people on women. They project what they're going to project their sex as shit.


And it's just like so interesting to me what everyone projected on you and now to know that you were just like plotting and calculating. And it's just like it's so funny to me that, like that old time you're just like, I'm just building an empire.


You all can project whatever the fuck you want. And I'm just my checks, like, I just that's so dope. Instead of focusing on the negative, you know, like that's all we can do.


Life's too short. Have fun. So gross how short life is.


I know you know I love you. We only have ten minutes left with you.


I will say for life to be so short, that impression you made in such a short amount of time. Yeah.


Is just while I mean, I'm wild and can I tell you something I actually do. Because, you know, I saw I mean, I lived on I we were neighbors in 2005 or something, sex, we did not know each other.


You lived in her guesthouse. I squatted in your guesthouse for you. I have something to tell you.


And I remember I'd see these car like it was physically dangerous, like you were in physical danger all the time. I just remember being like I couldn't get to my house because of all the cars. Like this was a time where it was physically dangerous to be famous. I remember going, oh, this is going to be like a Princess Diana situation.


You know, that's how the paparazzi are out of control. Was wild. That street like. Yeah, it's insane. Yeah. Like 50. It felt like like a red carpet every time I left my house or just be like all of them, like lined up from the moment I would leave my house, follow me all day and night.


It's crazy, but it's like you seem to have this and I think we all need to figure out like what our compass is in terms of diversity when you're going like this sucks, but it's going to benefit me in the long run. It seems like you really know when you're like, OK, this sucks. It's going to benefit me in the long run. You know, I'm saying and knowing when adversity is going to be positive or negative, like.


Yeah, but the truth is, like there are tons of we can go and say, like there are many, many children of celebrities or people in the know that could not have done what you did.


And that's the thing.


It's like we can we can paint this picture of like, oh, well, she was born. It doesn't matter because there was only one of you. And everything you did was very. Specific, it was very like it's not replicated, if it was, there'd be a 50 or 60 of you. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, it's wild.


And that's just like really wild to think about.


One person just does want to say I look like a oh, like a someone who was I look like someone who was molested on the Scientology ship.


Excuse me. I don't need that when you call me on the phone. Yes. You have a big fan. Hi. We were just talking about you on here. You guys having a little podcast? Yes. I just said, what are you watching? And she started talking about your show and I said, stop talking about he doesn't need any more awards or viewers. So tell shortcutting that we're cutting that part of the segment.


Well, thank you for watching the show. I'm obsessed.


It's the best fucking thing on TV. Like, congrats, you killed it.


Thank you so much. We're cutting that.


No, you're not cutting it. Cutting it, cutting it. We're good.


Oh, my God. I loved your documentary. That was really, really necessary. And I hope you guys were talking about it and talking about some fun, wonderful things. Thank you.


I appreciate when you get out of the shot back, I feel like what is this outfit? I panicked. It's so weird. It's like a bad sailor moon situation. I'm so sorry.


I think I got it from David Rose's closet.


Should be fine. No, no, no. I would say I think Paris is closer to David Rose is content. You are. Black and white situation that's looking really beautiful on camera, I don't know what that unicorn nonsensitive, what did I do?


We have to reshoot this whole interview. I've been working full time. What is this I look at said I look like a sad boy in the 20s.


I just stick a fork in a socket. So that's how you're catching me. Well, enjoy the rest of your chat with Larry also for watching.


And keep it up, please. Thank you. I can't talk right now. I got to go. So calling me. I got to go calling me. She says I fucking love it. I can't it so good.


And I think that, you know, something that sweet to hear him say he like my movie love. So you're also making me realize that it's like my I look my making fun of people, making jokes, being like you're making me realize like Dan is one of those two.


Dan Levy from Schitt's Creek. Kindness can be funny. Yeah. You can have a good hard to me.


Funny. I grew up learning like you have to be mean, you have to be nasty. Comedy has to be negative. That still is funny. But like there is, you know, I'm learning like Heart-warming. I think we're going in that time and place like the roast. We're all agreed. Yes. That we can be mean there.


That was like a roast where you're showing up and everyone knows the rules were all eviscerating each other and nothing's personal. We always took a personal I cried for two hours after every roast, you know, but.


But you agreed to it. Yes, I all agreed. Yes. Yes.


So but like at a comedy club, if you're buying a ticket and you come to enjoy someone. Yeah. Being mean to you is very strange.


Totally. It's a it's a weird thing. Now I'm finding myself like in this new world of like. Oh yeah.


That's kind of like I just heard someone, you know, like it's finding that line is a comedian moving for humane comedy like humane, funny, but not careful. Yeah, funny but not careful.


That's exactly the way to put it because careful comedy is just not funny. But it's just and it's interesting to see the evolution. And it's like you've been at a weird crux of of of illuminating this. Yeah. In a big way. Definitely, I mean, in that gets kind of wild, like it's just kind of wild that you've been like a part of this, like, history of comedy in a weird way, and like what this pivot is about to look like, it's kind of insane and it's sort of like held a mirror up to all of our internalized misogyny or whatever our shit.


It's like. You've helped us evolve as a species, you know, and like look at ourselves, that's good. I think. I'm happy for the people, you know, I had to go through a lot and be like treated cruelly and like it was really hard, but I'm happy that things are changing now so that other young girls don't have to go through that same things.


It hurts when, you know, people are being mean and making jokes on your expense.


And it's always in. Everyone's got on a different scale, whether it's that one bully at school in front of two people, or if you're the most famous person in the world and you're you know, it's like it's like it's you have to be in on the joke.


Yeah. Interesting's I mean, it's just like anything. I mean, like like the simple life. Do you think that would happen today?


I think people would try to copy it, but it wouldn't be what it was just like a one of a kind thing.


It was like a moment in time. Yeah. It was such a moment in time.


Do you did you ever do a scripted show? I remember when we were doing I was doing some shows and there was like it was everyone would say, like, let's get Paris look like everyone just want to get you on their show for like, was it like cameos. That's right. You would like pop in on there. Yeah.


Yeah. Do you have good girlfriends. Yeah, not very, very good.


But some people I trust, it's just hard. I just had so many girls just use me and talk me on my back or just do things that are just not what a friend would do.


So and when you have when you're so tight with a sister, it's really, you know, you'll just go to her.


Yeah, right. And Nikki's very protective of me. And she's like a good read of people.


Yeah. Yeah. It's tricky because I like. Are you sharing friends with Carter? Do you have friends like do you guys have similar friends. Right.


We just hang out with each other. We're best friends and we're always together and we hang out with his family along and my family.


But I don't know, especially since quarantine, there's not really to stay at home.


Are you able to have platonic friends? Well, yeah, because I'm engaged.


I just say no. I just mean, like, in general, like, once you get engaged, like, I'm always interested in, like, you know, once a week how you know what you guys have to go, you know.


Yeah. There's definitely a lot of people I just wouldn't hang out with them because I think it's disrespectful. Yeah. See, that's what I need to get into where it's just like there's certain obstacles, optics and respect things. Yeah. Podcast new fucking music coming.


Yes. When I just released a music video on Valentine's Day called Heartbeat. Yes. Which Carter's and which she's the type that would never be and anything like that.


I was like, please, literally watching this. I'm sorry Carter is so hot. He's such a business man. I would have such a hard time. So her her my dude is like a vet too with like a real job and he'll come home and he'll be doing some mean doing your big business.


It's just like he's like your dude is such a business man. I know.


I love it. It's so, it's so hot. OK, what else. What are we talking about. Oh what else is going to coming at you. What. You don't need us to promote you. I don't know. What am I doing.


You guys can follow her on Paris Hilton dotcom. Yeah.


I just launched my new website versus the dot com and my new podcast.


This is Paris. I heart you having fun. I love it. So good. And. My twenty ninth fragrance just came out. Twenty ninth fragrance, what's it called? Pink Rush. God. Mm. Smells beautiful. And our new makeup line is coming out and then I have 19 product lines. So all those new lines are always coming out and. Yeah, writing my book right now. Yes, wait, you know, Benton just told me sometimes make up on Amazon his fake makeup and in his makeup, like if you order makeup online, it might be fake.


Well, know like. You know, like counterfeit. Yeah, counterfeit. Like, they'll be like, you know something. They're just exclusive to other places. OK. Some people may have bought it and replaced it or some people may be like selling their like version of it. Well, people come in all the time. And when I worked at Mac and they would return, but I didn't return this. I mean, like, this isn't real.


And I got a counterfeit like Mac. This is just a sticker from a different product. And it was there really. Like, let's.


I did it with Dipti candles. Remember, I wrote all those Dipti candles and they were Defitelio that were just somebody use them and just mounter the case. Yeah.


Like there's a lot, you know, so it's just the make up world is so fast.


We had a lady come back and return jar of moisturizer, but she refilled of lemonade of lemon juice was Mac moisturizer. Oh, I am my manager. This is mayonnaise. Oh my God.


Oh. Then what do you do to your accountant? I'm going and let you go. I have my skin care line called Paris Hilton DNA. Why do I have that and why not? I'm going to give it to you.


It in my body, OK? And I stay out of the sun and I get facials and.


Well, that's how I steal. And you make you reduce stress in your life and you have some of that. Yeah, for sure, like, makes a huge difference. It's so interesting when you see someone that's in love with someone that doesn't make their life hard and they look better than they've ever looked like. You look so rested and healthy, like you look like you're in a relationship with a guy that doesn't fucking do dumb shit and check the royal family.


Do what? Throwing grenades. But like, you don't mean like you're in something healthy and it's obvious.


Kill glowing. Yes. I love you.


I'm going to I'm not I'm just hot and sweaty because I wore this weird sweatshirt for you and now I'm so hot here I don't even know what I'm doing. I love you so much. We're going to make you come back a billion times or will be Paris Hilton on your do you own this podcast?


Are you our boss? I'm just curious, is this your podcast? Is there you here to tell it? Is that why you came today? Yes.


And and also, you did not need to come today. There's you don't need this. You're totally you walk the walk and you fucking show up for people and you like, you know, I don't think we're you know, you're not this isn't going to like, you know, pay you money.


Like you're doing this out of the kindness of your heart. And I appreciate that. And that's awesome.


Would you like a jellybean on your way out? OK, well, I like jelly bean. Well, and on the jelly bean myself. OK, what one loves jelly bean?


No, don't love you. Get a look. OK. OK you your what.


One loves jelly bean.


Do a white one like this. Yeah. Pure white with no speckles. Oh, my God, I don't know why it's such a bad reaction to these old mine was actually good martialing. Yeah, I know. I got coconut. What was your sperm? Well, such a bummer and such a bummer.


Oh, my God, you're so lucky. At least I got my taste back post covid of my days back. I love you guys. Don't ride elephants. I love you. I love you. I love you.


I and these very awkwardly loves love, I guess.


For corporate.