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Hi, everybody, it's Rob Lowe, your host here. I'm really excited about this new episode, new idea. This is a greatest hits package. I have always been a big fan of Greatest Hits all my albums because I'm an old man. I used to buy albums, were greatest hits, and now I have my own. And I could not be more excited to have the greatest hits of literally, you will hear. From some of the best and brightest we've had and funniest, we'll have Conan O'Brien, we'll have Gwyneth Paltrow, we'll have Mike Myers, we'll have David Spade with a little Demi Moore in there, Michael Strahan, Tiffany Haddish, Catherine O'Hara, Michael J.


Fox and on and on and on. This truly is the greatest hits. And maybe you've listened to all of them, but this is a great way for you to get the best of all of them. And if you haven't listened to all of them, then you're going to get all the highlights. So they're coming up.


I know you're going to enjoy them as much as we've enjoyed putting them together.


You just you literally can't make this stuff up. And here we go.


You saw Taylor stick an onion in her face so that she could cry. I did. All right. Tell me that. So my brother, Chad Lowe, who is a wonderful actor and current television director, was doing a movie called There Must Be a Pony that I believe was written by hang on, Joan Didion, my favorite authors, husband Gregory Dunne. And it was Robert Wagner opera, Robert Wagner for those Arjay RJ. We call it R.J..


And or number two in Austin Powers world, and so our Arjay and lives are playing husband and wife and child loves the young son and I come to visit on the set and it's a scene where RJ comes in and has to tell Liz Taylor that there's been a terrible plane crash and one of her family members is dead.


So I'm watching the rehearsal. And Liz is like, what if I made a salad?


It's in the kitchen. Great. So she's making a salad. But what she's very cagily done is that allows her to have a giant raw onion right in front of herself.


And that's genius, RJ comes in and says, I have something terrible to tell you is terrible plane crash and there have been no survivors and she turns around and she's now put the onion in a like a paper towel, some sort, and she puts the baby photographies and turns around and it's just waterworks.


And I was like, stick? Yeah. I was like, wow, that's great. That's great. Method, method. That's the way to do it. She's got to fucking Oscars. You care.


You know, what I love is when you said that she used an onion to cry, I was for a minute thinking that she had sliced an onion and had it on a rope and a pulley.


And RJ comes in to give her the bad news and you suddenly hear a little bit of rope going across pulley and then you see a half an onion come just barely into frame. The towel.


The towel, of course. Much better. Much.


I like your Rube Goldberg and version like it's it's a special effect. You've turned it into a whole special effect. Yeah. I'm going to call on the call sheet the next day. Rain machines, smoke machines, Lissa's onion onion, Lissa's onion apparatus. And there'd be a guy, a union guy who was an onion wrangler and he would be off camera and you would actually have to say the onion to the onion and then. Onion just slowly coming into frame, just barely.


So if you're careful, you can see it.


Gwyneth Paltrow, how long I known you, I met you. I wanna hear your side of it break you at my side. OK, so I met Cheryl before I met you. I met Cheryl when I was my wife, Cheryl. I met Miss the Mrs. Lowe when I was 15 or 16. She was a makeup artist at the time, doing a certain Blythe Danna's makeup on the best.


My mother, I have my own blood thing, which we also get to do.


Um, so she was doing my mom's makeup on this TV movie and I went in down to visit was in Florida. It was in Florida. And I was a I met Cheryl and I was like immediately obsessed with her. First of all, she was dating Keanu Reeves, who was my celebrity crush, and she was so cool.


And she knew that I was sneaking cigarettes and she would come smoke with me behind the trailer.


And she taught me how to give a blowjob and, you know, all the classic Cheryl stuff. And I just worshipped her. I thought she was literally the coolest chick of all time. And she was so awesome to me.


And I was a high school kid, like the fact that she's loved me that much before I was anyone or anything. Same with you. Yeah. So then it didn't work out with her and Kiyono.


I don't know if you're aware. I am aware. OK, so sadly for me I am aware that I did, I did best in one regard.


Well at least one regard.


At least one. At least one. He's pretty awesome though. Yes he's pretty. He's done OK for himself. That kid he's and he's still a celebrity crush, let's face it, like he's right. Fifty something. He's gorgeous killing it.


I'm obsessed with his girlfriend anyway. He has great taste in women. Yeah. Amazing taste in women. Anyway, so then Cheryl started dating an actor named Rob Lowe, which was very exciting because you know Rob Lowe in the nineties. Was a dangerous, scintillating proposition.


So even if I'm purely domesticated and in the arts, whatever we're in now, right now you're domesticated back then it was another story.


Yes, it was. Oh, wasn't it, though?


Do you miss those days of just flinging your D all over town? Mike Myers, how many dinners have we had, Rob, how many dinners have we had? Honest to God, I'm not. I had dinner with you. I'm not even kidding you three thousand times. I think I think three thousand times in the last time we had dinner. And it's been way too long. But you're you're right in the thick of family raising. I've been there.


I know what that's like. Yeah. Yeah. That's it's all it is. And it by the way, it's the best investment you'll ever make.


But yeah, it's been it's been so long. But you remember what happened the last time we had dinner. Who came up to the table. I do know.


Is this are you taking me up for an impression? No, not well. You're going to give the impression. Was it Paul McCartney? Oh, no way.


It was me, you and and Dana. And it was the the Wayne's World. Twenty fifth anniversary.


We all went to dinner after the big screening and Paul came up to the table and said the following, Oh, I can't do a Paul McCartney.


Oh oh oh. Wayne's World.


That's a classic great bad. Oh Wayne's World. Yeah, that's great. Oh did I tell you I sat next to Paul McCartney during a screening of Wayne's World to know I was so nervous. This is in London and he was really chatty. Inamine and I was so nervous because, you know, I'd only like seen it a couple of times in front of an audience, you know, and I just you just hope the movie has a good show because it's all different for different houses.


Yeah. It's like, well, that's great. Why did you write that? And I was like, yeah, this stuff too. OK, because that's a funny bit.


How do you write hard work. I do it a lot. Yeah. In my head I was thinking why couldn't I sit next to the quiet one and to sit next to the cute one when he was just unbelievable that I was like, Myers, have you no sense it's Paul McCartney and you're sitting next to him.


This is what happens when you're so, so ensconced in your work. You lose all sense of, you know, where I'm being short with Paul McCartney, like and doing that sort of like hand pointy. Look, the screens over there. Take it down. Take it down. Paul McCartney trying to watch the movie, put a lot of work into it.


Did you do you Shechem, do you ever get to a World Heritage site, David Spade, if you could see a UFO or ghost.


Wow. Or Bigfoot. I'm really playing along, aren't I? I'm not I'm not rolling my eyes at these questions.


I would say, well, I don't have my own real talk show, I believe.


In UFOs, yeah, for sure. Have you seen one? Now, I think as much as I believe they're real, I don't think I can handle it, and I think that's what the government thinks. I think they're right.


Do you do you know who has the most gnarly UFO story? Robin, Rozanne. Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike Myers, ex-wife. Oh, really? Oh, crazy, can you believe it, right? No, no, it's a famous story in New Jersey were like hundreds of people that came up the street over every single.


Everybody's out on the street, every neighbor or friend watching what will come over.


Yeah, but I believe the cynics had it when I was there.


I didn't. Yes. And the Phoenix big one. Were you living there when the Phoenix lights?


I wasn't there. I was on the road and a gig and I was.


That's a big, big, big thing.


It's a mile wide fucking spaceship that sat there for 45 minutes. And people I don't know, and then the governor said it was a joke, and then five years later when he was and he said it was 100 percent real, I couldn't say it. They wouldn't let me.


I was a but there's enough.


I'm just saying, I don't know physically if I could compute it and deal with it, I'd be so fucking scared to death. And I think that's why they're inching us information about it. Like you see the Navy thing where they see it and then, oh, yeah, they're leaking it out and they're leaking it to go.


Guys, it's like say I'll tell your story. You're like, fuck no. When I was a kid, everyone can tune out. My dad said, This reminds me of what my dad said.


Do you guys want to play Monster? I was four. My brothers are six and eight. And we go, What's that? Because I pretend I'm a monster and I wrestle around and describe you guys.


Davey, I know you know. Do you get the game? I said yes. I know it's called monster, it's only a fake name, I'm not a monster, I'm going to fake grab you and tackle you and I'll make noises like a monster. And I go, but you're my dad.


He goes over a hundred times.


He goes, here we go for the fake game or I'm a monster. I go, holy fuck, there's a monster.


I ran into the kitchen, grab my a knife and said, Mom, I'll save you. She looks away, I run and I dive and stab him in the leg.


And this reminds me of why they're not telling us about UFOs, because we're like, we can handle it and we're fine with it.


And then there's a UFO and we fucking freak out. Did you stab stabbed him in the leg and is from Utah? Sure. It's blood everywhere. How did you not understand the rules? The rules are pretty. I understood, Rob, and I'm telling you, I thought I got it. And when he went in or he's a great actor, I don't know.


And my brothers are like, what the fuck is this guy doing? I it's called thank you. I saved you from the monster.


And then I go, wait, he's turning back in because he's screaming at me and hitting me that I know I love you.


So you think we'll all be like that? We're, you know, we're ready, we're told. Yes. I think it's too it's too overwhelming. The odds are 100 percent they're not alone in the universe.


Mom is still my roommate. Can I get a little more alien in my mom?


So good. Take me to your codeine cough syrup.


I can't spare that.


Demi Moore, you know, there was a real push from the executives for there to be a love scene between Tom and I and a few good men and just the subject matter and the whole tone, it was it was never there, you know, on Broadway or a no.


And it just wasn't right. It's what made it interesting is that it wasn't there, but that particular time period. And so there was an interview that Erin gave, which I didn't know until I saw this later, where when he was being pushed to make a love scene and the executives said if there's not going to be a love scene, then what's Demi Moore doing in it?


She's like, essentially, why is there a woman in it?


What's the point? What's my value? Which was so, I don't know, kind of indicative of the time period for, you know, but I just am so grateful that he he and Rob both stuck to the truth of keeping it, you know, authentic to what it should have been, which made it more interesting, you know, totally the the relationship.


That's one of those stories that, you know, is true from a studio executive at that era. Some dude said that.


Definitely, definitely. That was like not at that. Yeah, you're right. There was no reach for that.


There's no reach. Here's what was interesting. When I did West Wing, the. We would talk about a few good men because it's an iconic thing, the movie is iconic, but people forgot how iconic the play was before the movie.


The movie is taken up so much space and people's imagination, justifiably. It's you and Tom Giant stars and a huge Jack Ryan Jack. I mean, come on. Come on.


And what was what was it like to be there for Jack throwing down like that?


You know what? First of all, you know, when we look at actors that you when we just look up to and where you're you're being shown the right way to do something. So big courtroom scene. That was Jack's big day. They shot everything the other direction first. So it was like on the courtroom. He took the stand.


By the way, for those of you, there's courtroom scenes for actors and dinner table scenes are horrible because you have to shoot everybody. So think of how many people are in a courtroom so literally before Jack gets on camera. He's done it 60, 70 times, so many times.


So and, you know, doing all the different actors coverage. And and he literally gave like a hundred and ten the entire fucking day.


No, I mean, he I'm telling you, like, I kept thinking, wow, like he's going to lose his voice. So what's there on camera was literally the end of the day.


And I'm sure that, you know, Rob may have, you know, given him the option and maybe he wanted it that way because it was such a big scene. But that was like one of those things where you just like looking at at someone that you really look up to where you just you just know, like that's somebody who's, like, showing you the right way to be there, showing up for the other actors generously, no matter who they are or where they're at.


And it was I just like had such appreciation for watching him that day. And every day was easy, Jack.


No pressure. Hold that thought. We'll be right back. Welcome back to our greatest hits of literally I told you they were hits, Tolga. I mean, these people are the best and they've had very interesting things to say, and there's more right ahead. Alec Baldwin, this is a good little story, so my wife, Cheryl, was one of the top makeup artists in Hollywood and specialized, I would like to say, and handsome men. And one of her clients was Al Pacino.


And Mr. Alec Baldwin went on on Glengarry she was on that movie and she had other really good actors, me, Kiefer Sutherland. And I took her off the market. Yeah. So then she started a jewelry company, Shirlow Designs, and she's crushing it and she's great. I remember vividly the other thing I remember about many of our times together. I was came to visit for two days on Glengarry. You guys were shooting in Queens and it was it happened to be the two days you worked.


And I get to watch. You do always be closing.


I think my favorite story was your wife was in the room. I don't know if she remembers this. I doubt she does. But I'm in the room and it's me and spacy. And somebody else and your wife was there, and we're reading an article in the paper about a show, some kind of a play, and Kevin was saying how, oh yeah, I'd like to go see that show. And that sounds like a really smart or clever show.


It was something I don't remember the details an and walked in and we've been doing the scene. You know, we had rehearsed in the summer that we went to shoot the scene and it was not a lot of fun. It wasn't happening. Costello meets Frankenstein out there every day was really very tense and dark, comes walking into the makeup room. And I said, you know, this play. I said, this sounds exactly like the kind of piece you would do.


I mean, like the kind of play you would do when you were, you know, doing a lot of theater. And he literally snapped. And he literally erupted in me and he said this very kind of haiku like phrase, he literally said, he said, my God, out there in here.


And then he walked out, my God, out there in here and he stormed out. And we all looked at each other like, wow, like obvious, he was like carrying with him all the Maoists of doing the scene where I said horrible things to them. And when I did the off camera for them, I said things that were ten times worse. And then eventually there's a knock at my door. I guess it was Stiner or one of them where they had real dressing rooms.


You know, you weren't in a trailer outside and they knocked on the door and I opened the door and it's him and he said, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, it is just it just so awful out there. So awful. Oh, my God, you're so fucking horrible. It's hard now. It's like I get it. I'm so sorry. God, like, he really freaked me.


And your wife was like sitting there like, you know, like cleaning some brushes, going, oh, Keegan.


Michael Key, I love all your impersonations are. So there's something about impersonations that I just I don't know. It's like seeing a dolphin in nature or hearing the baby's laugh.


This is a ferryman. Is that funny?


I can do the former. And I can't do the latter. What does that say about me? But I thought it was fun when I was on Mad TV.


I always I, I, I worked really hard at trying to find for me, doing impersonations is very much usually it's trying to find an amalgam of two voices and or finding whatever that neat vocal habit is.


Yes. I guess, you know, before I tell you that, I want say something else. I'm not sure if this is true. I heard this second hand. So so Danny Glover, I can do a Danny Glover impression. And this is this is a story about I'm going to here's my Danny Glover story. As I know, Morgan Freeman was making a show recently talking about his films. And so Danny was like, Danny was going to tell you, are you doing they are good to see you.


Doing good. You bother you. But this is funny.


And so Freeman Freeman told a story on this show that he was doing that with Danny. Danny Glover had seen Shawshank Redemption and had come to him to tell him how much he enjoyed Shawshank Redemption. And he walks up to Morgan Neill. I take that step over that way. You were so good in the structure of production, but I'm sorry, the scripts that you're telling me, I'm in the production, you were so good.


And we will be able to do a good into the production strip reduction shrimp and the strip shrimp production. I was not aware that the two movies last year. I did. Oh my God, that's the production. And the Georgia was Danny Glover.


Everybody expects it to be a great. Oh, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. There's a bomb. Automattic chipped away at the fact that he could get too attached to the first Labov, and he says Papy seventy four times in three seconds to the little boy because he's trying to see if someone has a tattoo like Martin Riggs had to give you.


You baby, baby, baby. You have a tattoo of a up, up, up, up, up, up, up and up.


Tiffany Haddish, the last time we talked that line, something that I didn't realize as because me too, by the way. Yeah. Jesus, I thought she was Hispanic. Well, I'm glad she was Hispanic because they had Drag-out ads on TV and stuff because she was drinking and whatnot. So I figured I don't do that to white guys. So you must be Hispanic, right? So you don't make somebody mad. I don't know who you pissed off, but you pissed somebody up.


Yeah. And then we had that conversation. I was like, oh, thank you. What was he hears?


I'm glad you brought this up. I want to. I want to I want to do a deeper dive into this. Right.


Because my so when my big fear was that you thought it was John Stamos like that was keeping me up at night, who is also not Hispanic is he's apparently Greek. I know that from the Greek yogurt commercials.


So you were just take off. All right. So then I think it was blue eyed Mexican. That's what I thought. You ask, bro. Dude, there's a lot of it from Mexico City. I've done bar mitzvahs for them, can I tell you have just given me a I wasn't going to write a third book, but you've given me a title. Blue eyed Mexican is definitely going to be the title of my I'm writing a third book now.


That's what I thought. So it wasn't based on somebody else who thought I was like Freddie Prinze Jr. or somebody.


Hell no. I know you, Rob Lowe. I know who Rob Lowe is, see, I didn't know drinking and all they and partying. You're making this up now.


You're I'm not making this up. I brought this review to tape.


You have Googled me since we spoke. That's all that's happened.


No, I have not. No, I have not. But you used to have a Robert Downey Jr., right?


We were in in high school together. And then we did run up and down the Sunset Strip. Right.


And I thought I thought he was Mexican. Wait, wait. This is unbelievable. This high school.


No, Santa Monica High School, but you're right. Anybody got the same. No, no, you're right. You know what? You are right. That is true. I used to get. But I guess. OK, but wait a second.


Are you insinuating in our sensitive cultural times that only blue eyed Mexicans get fucked up?


Is that. No, that is not what I'm insinuating. I'm insinuating that the media will expose any type of minority that is a pocket that is popular, that it's doing some sort of drugs or alcohol or whatever, and and not capable or what they consider to be a risk for their income or their empire that they're building.


And they will drag your ass and want to get rid of you. Well, then how am I the only idiot white person that got dragged? What? I don't know. I think you fucked somebody bit.


I don't know. You fucked the wrong one, bro. Thank you for Michael Strahan.


Let me let me ask you this. If you if you were back in your day at your height and you were up on an unblocked blitz and the running back was George Stephanopoulos, how far would you hit him into the into the next universe?


Oh, oh. I don't know if I would want to hit him and drive him, like, knock him back. I think with George I would do what, you know, you hit him and you lift him. And then when you land, you put all your weight or drive all that. Yeah, you pile drive him. So he feels his bones kind of together is your weight. And then you stand up and you say, oh, I didn't mean to do that.


Are you OK, George?


You know how it's for Rob. I tell you, it's so much fun when you see a guy standing there and he doesn't see you coming and you are full speed and you're like, oh, baby, I like it like that.


I like it like that. Oh, it's going to get oh it's so much but and we could hit it because you don't hear anything when you're on the field, when you get up, when you get down to like line up. Eighty thousand people screaming but silent. Only thing you hear you hit a quarterback, you can hear the guy across. Were you breathing. You can hear guys talking, you're talking to your linebacker. Only thing you hear is within like twenty feet.


But the second you hit somebody like that, all of a sudden they crank the crank the sound up on your headphones and like the loud as they could do, it is the best feeling in the world. Oh, you're the best. Do you remember your your what's your greatest hit?


My greatest hit was probably just forgot one.


Oh, the Redskins. It actually was on a two point conversion. It would suck because I got a sack, but it doesn't count on a two point conversion. But I set up this move all day long, this inside movement, and I was perfection. And Gus is just standing there. He doesn't see me. And when I, I try to I mean, I want to be OK people. I used to be violent in a controlled violence and not anymore very docile now.


But at that moment in my life, young and crazy, I was trying to take his spine and make it come out of the front of his chest, like I just wanted to run through him that hard. Ed, when I tell you, I think I almost accomplished it, I almost accomplished it. It was the hardest hit to the point where you hit somebody like that. You're like, oh, I know that hurt. Oh, it's fantastic.


Did I like. Did he get up? And now he didn't get up. He was there for a bit.


He was down there for a big day for a bit. He was there at. Nikki Glaser, my drinking really took place in L.A. and then I brought it back to St. Louis when I moved back home with my parents and then I was here just drinking a lot. And then I moved to New York and and I realized I was just like, I got to quit this shit so that I just started smoking pot and doing that. And then so I just switched from one to the next.


I never was a pot person. Never. Yeah, never. Good for you. I couldn't it creeped me out. I first of all, I got so paranoid.




But I guess now there's all these different permutations where they've probably figured out of a version of it that has none of the paranoia.


So, you know, it's honestly, that's not true. It's only gotten worse. It's like weed only makes you more of all the things that it used to make you because it's so strong now. So I don't recommend it to you if you got paranoid back in the day, because the only reason I don't get paranoid because I've, like, smoked through that, there's like a weird thing. When you smoke enough pot, your producers are laughing because they're both pot or at least one of the one of the bottoms of pot at first.


So they're fine now. What are you talking about?


But there's a thing that's like when you first start smoking pot, everyone feels that way of like everyone's looking at me, I'm having a panic attack and then you just start smoking enough that you start feeling that way when you're not high. And then and then it becomes something you need to get by. But like, I never thought I'd be like a pothead.


And now you don't strike me like you don't have you don't have a substitute teacher energy. They don't have pothead and you don't have pothead energy, you know.


Oh, I can be a pothead at times, especially during a time where I'm not working a lot and I can and I can function pretty highly on it, no pun intended. And so I, I just enjoy I like I like smoking pot before I go for a run because the whole time I feel like someone's chasing me, so it makes me go faster.


So that's fun. I'm like, yeah, that's good. It's really good. When I was coming up, Coke was a sign of success. Yeah, it was absolutely what successful people did.


Forgive me for not knowing.


Did you have a Coke problem? Did you have to go to rehab and stuff?


I went to rehab, but it was for alcohol and.


Oh really. OK, but then then did you switch to Coke like what's your what's.


Well, here's what was amazing. And what I learned was I went because I wanted to stop doing coke. And then halfway through the rehab, they go, well, you're an alcoholic. I'm like, no, not my problem is that my problems is the issue of my life. Like, how many times have you done Coke without drinking first?


I was like, well, maybe. And so and so what what I realized was that I had to go to the initial source of the mood altering substance, which for me was alcohol. And and I loved rehab. I fucking loved it. I like what like I learned so much there and I'd be there for 30 days the full time.




I mean, I think now you have to understand, this is I'll be 30 years sober and two weeks is a long time ago.


Yeah. Thanks for that. Great sense of relief of like oh my God, it's over. Oh my God, it's over. I got it. Yes. And and that like. It sounds weird, but like I don't have to do it anymore. Yeah, as if freedom someone was making me, which of course nobody was.


That's really an interesting perspective.


The I don't have to do it anymore and like freedom from it as opposed to I'm missing out on this thing.


It's like, yes.


Oh, done that kind of elation. Yes. And yeah, that's that's really interesting.


And that's great that you found that Jim Belushi. I tell you, I met him. You have to tell you the story about meeting John ever. No, I can't believe I never did this. Yeah. So so Kermit the Frog is hosting The Tonight Show.


And afterwards I go backstage and everybody's there and I look across the room and there's John. And, you know, I'm I grew up on Saturday Night Live.


It's like I mean, you know, it's still hot right there in the 70s. So this is it. This is the year that was the peak.


The peak. It's Blues Brothers. It's the it's the peak for John. Yeah.


And I and I'm probably 12 or eight.


And I'm looking at him and looking at him. And I was I was always really ballsy. And John give off a vibe like Don't fuck with me vibe.


Like there's a great quote about him since, you know, he always shows you his asshole first. And if you can take the smell, he'll turn around.


Oh, yeah.


Oh, my God. So he really put off his ear like, don't fuck with me. You're going to handle his attitude. He'd turn around and he was like the warmest, nicest connected person. Well, he's put it.


He's showing everybody is asking. Right, right.


And I was always a really ballsy kid with a lot of hooks. So he liked that. And so I walked across the room. But first of all, he was staring at me.


He was he was just he was definitely clocking me the whole bit.


Right. I don't know. But like with like not like a welcome. It's like a clocking me. So I walk over to him as he's staring at me. Right.


And I put up my hand and I say, Mr. Bellucci, I'm a big fan of yours and I want to be an actor someday.


And he looked at me. He looked me up and down, seemed like it took for fuckin ever, right? And they put his hands on my shoulders and said, stay out of the clubs, stay out of the club and walked away. Well, that was that was that was my advice. If only I had the right.


Bill Murray gave me advice one time and he saw me.


I was just staring at him, you know, like, wow, you know, you're a star. And, you know, one day I want to be an actor. You know, I didn't see any of that. But it read in my eyes because he stared back at me and he said.


Don't be in a hurry. Wow. So what, because don't be in a hurry, learn all your character work right now. Do all the work you can right now, because when you become Jim Belushi, you'll have to deliver Jim Belushi each time. Well, OK, here's another thing. You know, I said second city, you know, we get paid, not the. And you're lean and hungry. But when you go to L.A., Hollywood, they have this thing called craft service.


Stay away from the craft service. And I said what you just said. I wish I would have listened to it.


It free food is said to be free food all the time.


Be careful, I, I live next like near Don Johnson. Oh yeah. He's cool. He's like Don. Oh he's Don Johnson. Yeah. He's cool too. He's just a cool.


So we were watching some might have been like I want say I was like the NFC championship game or whatever and we had, you know, nachos and food and I offered him a plate of nachos. I'll never forget. It's like the story you just told.


And he looked at the nachos, he looked at me and you can't eat that. It's character actor food.


Oh, it's character.


I it's ruined every every piece of good. So that's ruining my lunch coming up, that's for sure.


And we'll be right back after this. And we're back with the greatest hits of our biggest stars and most interesting people saying the crazy shit that they've ever said on the show.


And we begin again, Dana Carvey.


This is an example of something that means nothing to the universe, but just made me happy. That was Johnny getting pulled over for drunk driving in the 1970s. And it's all about where he was drinking and the name of the cocktail. Amazing.


Sorry, officer. I didn't know I was swerving. I had to slippery monkeys at the hook and crook. So that's just too funny to stop.


Anyway, he actually had a drink at Alan Hale's lobster barrel.


Alan Hale from Gilligan's Island.


Dude, did you not know that this might have been before your time in L.A.? I remember being a kid when I moved to L.A. and, you know, Gilligan's Island, we all grew up on. And I was going down La Cienega Boulevard probably on one of my first auditions writing the back of a bus. And I looked over and there was this restaurant and it's Alan Hale's lobster barrel.


And it was there for years in the 70s. Yeah. Just sounds hearty, like a lot of lobster because you think of barrels, you think a giant kegs, huge barrels of lobsters.


I was always really into the 70s. Listen, you brought it up. You sent me on this tangent. So I blame you. If the listener doesn't like it, it's not me. I know. It's my podcast. I put my name on it. But this is all Dana Carvey fault. Yeah. If you want to go down the wormhole of celebrity 1970s Los Angeles restaurants, that's on you.


But do you want to go to Carole O'Conner's The Ginger Man? That was one. That was the restaurant. Yes. Or bakery. You know, the irony was there was no gingerbread. Wow. At Carroll O'Connor's ginger man, and it was in Beverly Hills. It was right in the heart. Bit like Alan Hills Lobster Barrel, at least was like on La Cienega.


Wow. The worst investment you could make. No wonder O'Conor kept doing Archie Bunker.


Well, my grandfather was in the restaurant business for fifty years and had a it's now a historical landmark in Sydney, Ohio, called The Spot, and it's just a burger joint. But he famously missed out on his buddy Dave Thomas's idea to do a restaurant chain called Wendy's. My grandpa missed the boat on Wendy's and we never let him get it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But this is my favorite, though. Wow.


He was going to make up for it with his next big idea, which was a restaurant chain of Phyllis Diller's Chili. Right. Because, you know, when you think of Phyllis Diller. Yeah. You think of her chili.


That's like Mickey Rooney had a lot of those. Mickey Rooney macaroni. Mickey Rooney. Yeah. Mickey Rooney was always trying to come up with names of franchise stuff. You worked with Mickey? Oh, yeah. The single craziest person I ever worked with. My first job. Well, 38 revolver fully loaded. The scrip is cock. Oh, come on. Yeah, yeah.


He said when you walk around New York, it's nineteen eighty one. They're not going to get me. I'm ready. Well Mickey, I don't even know how to start.


He was I am obsessed with, with Mickey Rooney. I mean. Well the guys, the big people can't today cannot even imagine what a ginormous star he was for so many years.


And when I worked with him, he's probably sixty two. And he talked about that. How big was in show business? Constantly. And it wasn't even a joke all the time. I was the number one star in the world, hear me bang the world, which I did on Saturday Night Live once.


So you're telling me that all that great Mickey Rooney stuff you did was not you riffing? He actually said it to you? Oh, yeah.


Judy Garland never owned a car. Just non sequiturs. You beat you'd hear him down the hallway. How long's Robert Redford been in the business? Ten years. I've been in the business. Sixty one years.


You know, all of those guys where it's like six months less than what it was before.


I call the head of Warner Brothers.


These are all quotes in nineteen fifty five. I said, this is Mickey Rooney. I need a job.


He hung up on me and he would just look off. But he had a thing I don't know. This is r rated right. But he oh he had an idea for a show where every character's name was a swear word and he would act it out. Hello Mrs. Funk. How are you, Mr..


He went off for our kid. Son of a bitch.


Fuck face is going to go over shit. It was just on and on hysterical. Catherine O'Hara, you won the Emmy this year.


What was that? What was that like? Tell me. Because I've never won one. What, what, what. What you should have. I don't know. I don't know. Surely you've been nominated.


I, I have been. I'm a perennial bridesmaid. What was it like? How were you do you think you're going to win? No, I honestly didn't. And and I and I felt like I was getting set up because, you know, my agent kept sending me things, you know, pieces that said I was going to win. And, you know, I've seen this. I won't name names, but I've seen this happen to too many people where they're set up, you know, and I kept thinking for your consideration of the movie.


So no, by it by time it was going to be announced, I convinced myself, no, I wasn't going to. And I wanted the show to win. I thought that would be so great for Eugene and Daniel. I really did want the show to win, but I did not. Honest to God, I didn't expect that and was so happy to be with everyone. You know, I think Daniel talked Eugene into having something and so was going to be a barbecue in your backyard.


Then it was all covid thing. And then they had, I think, 50 people invited two days before and they moved it to where we were Carcillo in Toronto. It's kind of an event place. Old Castle. Yeah.


So we we got all dressed up and when I got there, I thought, well, this looks like we think we're going to win. This is almost too pretty and too fancy and lovely. And we had this lovely dinner party and they had two producers. They had big screen and you could see the other nominees and then they said, OK, we all get tested. Of course, we're safe to be with each other. But we wore masks, they said, but if you win, you're going to go to a microphone.


But, oh, come on, that looks like we think we're going to win. Could we just stay in our seats if we win? And I'm not thinking we're going to do so. Well, everyone else is going to go to the microphone, OK, so that I look like I can't walk. OK, so I have to go if I, if I do, but I won't talk. And they say, OK, we're about to start and your category is the first one up.


No, just because it makes you feel politically, but but then Jimmy Kimmel and Jennifer Hudson did that ridiculous pit with the fire burning up the car and not for a second was I think, oh, hurry, get to it.


I was just laughing, you know, silly bitch. She was so good with the extinguisher just so. Yeah, but go at it again. Yeah, this looks bad. And then he read my name and I have that cardno Jimmy Kimmel. I sent it to me so great. Half burned away but my name is still in there.


Yeah. And then. And then sorry I went to LA but and then Eugene won and then Daniel went for writing and then it got to Annie and she's sitting beside me and I said it was about to announce her categorises. Now you have to win. Sorry. You actually have to win. That's right. Now. Yeah. Now you have to. And she says Who do I apologize to first. So said it was insane. It was insane.


And it just it, you know, we had nine in a row. That's amazing. And that's unusual for a chemistry to be loved. But but they don't usually love all the one category together, do they? No, no. So it really became unconnected and greedy after one for us. And so we got through the nine awards, all comedy, and then they then they cut off our feed and then we're all just kind of stunned, screamin, looking at each other and no redo plays.


Patrica, the shows that you realized, no other shows won anything yet, like, oh, this is wrong, this is too much. It's just too much.


The hilarious Eric Andre, I always say to people who want to begin to produce and create their content. So we have to realize, is the people that you're going to go and try to get money from are looking for a reason to say, no, they're never looking for a reason to see us ever.


Yeah, it's safer for them to say no, because if they say yes and give you a bunch of money and then you fuck it up or it gets fucked up. Then it's their ass that gets fired, executives get fired all the fucking time, so it's on them. If something gets fucked up, so it's like safer for them to say no job security was, so you got to give them like an undeniable and any not just pitching shows, but when you're auditioning, you know what I mean?


You can't the casting you have to make. The casting director has to say yes. And the producers have to say yes. You know, everybody has to say yes until you get the job, you just have to be on the fucking ass. Don't do it. If you look look at me. I'm looking into my camera. Don't do this to yourself. Go to med school, become a Jungian psychiatrist, I think.


Boys, are you listening?


I tried this. One of my sons listened. He went to law school and and was at the bar is a law degree and the other son went to Stanford and then decided coming out with straight A's that he wanted to be in this fucking business. So I'm I'm I'm batting five hundred one. Listen to one. Didn't I get over here?


I write for the show he's currently on. He's like, fuck you, Dad. He said he right.


He does have a job writing on for Ryan Murphy. And then Ryan put him on my show figuring my actual son would be able to write proper dialogue for that.


So that got a job but is giving you the middle finger. I would say this. I would say that the advice is never try to be in show business.


The best advice I got was from a songwriter like this old school songwriter in Nashville, Tennessee, who said quit if you can, meaning if there's a burning in your soul where you just cannot quit and you have to do it, rather whether you succeed or fail, then go for it.


But quit, if you can, I thought was an interesting way to articulate it. I'm also like, take my advice with a grain of salt. Who the fuck am I?


But yeah, quit if you can to.


I'm a curator of of of of great quotes and inspirational things. I've never. That's amazing. I'm still I'm so feeling that yeah. When my son wants to get into acting, my daughter wants to be an actress, I want to be. I might quit if you can.


Yeah. Stealing it. Yeah. Stealing someone against go into public domain. Go for it. Quit if you can. Joe Coy, do you have a Tesla that you named? I've been preaching Tesla forever, OK?


And I've had all of them and I had the Tesla X. I was the first one here in L.A. I will say that on record, you don't have to verify it, but I will say it. I want to know how you know or think you were the first one in L.A. to have a Tesla. Every agent in the world has a Tesla.


I just I was I was the first one.


I ordered it way before anyone else. But they said that that was coming out of every TV development person in the world with Tesla. It's my story, bro.


Salesman, the salesman said I was the first. I believe so to give you a discount now.


And he charged me and I bought everything too. I remember I bought the the ludicrous speed before it was even available that I'm just that guy. Anyways, long story short, I gave the Tesla X to my ex-wife, so the X went to the X. So she's the happiest woman alive right now and she's driving around right now with it. So I just want to tell you that I gave my ex to my ex. I love that. I mean, what what are you driving now?


What's your whip these days? I got the Porsche.


I got the Panamera, and I love it.


Yeah, I love fully loaded.


Yes. Yes, I love it. I got me one of those babies sitting in my garage. It's I have the everything I have the turbo, the turbo corera the the big beast. No, no. It's fast as heck of it. Yeah. Well it's race one day. Can we start race. I'm down man. That's why I would love to street race with you. Let's go. I don't even care about anything. I mean either Lord I don't care.


But what about a ticket. I don't care. It's every listen to this podcast. So far they know I care about nothing at all.


Nothing at all.


Just street racing. We get somebody cool to like drop the shirt or whatever the hell they do something. Yes. Yes. Well, Natalie Wood, that that movie where she did that, do they still do that today when they street race? Yeah. Somebody out there dropping the it's not a street race unless someone drops something. Love that. That's just how it is. Yeah.


Can we get that as a Netflix special, you and me, street racing.


I think we're sitting there, you and I, Rob, walk into a room and we launched this whole thing about street racing. Yes. All right. We're going to be fast and furious every other and we're going to be furious at each other. We had to be mad at each other. Fastback. I love it, I love it, just live it with each just furious. If we don't walk in to that place with something, Rob, then this relationship sucks that with this whole this whole time has been for nothing.


This conversation alone has already developed for potential. At least three seasons on Netflix. At least I agree, and then we go to the Philippines and we do like a whole street race thing there, I'm done.


Michael J. Fox, by the way, before I forget, I want to just tell you one of there's that moment in the book where the guy you run into, a guy in a shop, I think you're buying something.


And he says, I just want to thank you because you've helped me get through some tough times. I have post-traumatic stress servicemen that it's a very thrown away, simple little snapshot of the day in your life. And I'm sure it happens to you all the time. But I'm a do my own version of it. So my son Matthew, when he was growing up, really, really, really, really struggled with anxiety big time.


And one of the and one of the things I said is that, hey, my friend Michael Fox. Has a great quote about if you imagine the worst thing that can happen. And then it does happen. Then you've lived it twice. And and so that made a big difference from for him and he's here cavorting with me and I just saw him before I came down here, said I was interviewing you, and he said, hey, remind him how much that means to me.


And I use it all the time. So thank you. Thank you, dear sir. I mean, you you really I know you heard all the time that you really do touch a lot of people's lives for sure.


It's beautiful. That's great. I'm happy that I sent a letter to gain and referring to not lying on the floor waiting for the ambulance to come with my arm, an impossible angle. I was I was thinking, just like all the times I said that those sort of things to people and it could I back it up now in this situation, can I back it up, back it up. Our time rising to it. So I'm returning to it now.


It means a lot to me that resonates with people because otherwise you're just a gasbag.


Well, but even this is might be my favorite book of yours because of what you're talking about right now is like just because you can't live up to.


What you want to live up to 100 percent of the time doesn't negate it, and I think that's really important is like I know you're a perfectionist. I know that about you.


And so the notion that you could have down days probably didn't seem.


Didn't seem like it fit for you. That's what I'm hearing you say, but that's the other gift is like nobody's perfect every day. There's nobody who's an optimist every day of their lives.


I can't be there to find a way to kind of find a way to deal with being an optimist and a realist at the same time being being being someone they can accept. I mean, you know a lot about acceptance and acceptance is it is everything you can accept the situation. You can understand. It doesn't mean you can literally change it. It doesn't mean you can't you have to validate it or think it's great, but it is what it is.


It's truth. And so I get the diagnosis and the spine with the arm, the more I accepted it and understood it. And that's it. It takes a much space in my life. How many spaces are left around that to go to working? And what it came down to me, for me was the experience I kept having that brought me out of this kind of fugue state I was in were were about about gratitude. We definitely keep coming back to gratitude, if I can find gratitude in something, and then my optimism is sustainable gratitude, a little bit of gratitude to feed your sense of excessive optimism instead of just a sense of being, OK, where did you find gratitude?


Where where were the places that you were able to find it in those really gnarly times?


Well, unfortunately, my brother in law passed away. He was a great mentor of mine and a great guy. And he he he lived gratitude every day his life.


And he would always say, I have some problem. And he listened to me. He had had in the way the silver herrings. And I had not heavyset guy with a big guy and a great guy in his red sweater and his fishing happened. And he and he he would say to me when I said to him, I talk to him and say that Tracy, like I did the album deals, you get this guy and how she had the Sigma's part.


And I just had a deal. So he would say to me, listen and say, OK, it gets better. And he said that every day and when he passed away, we said vigilantes, that family. I looked around and I saw a lot of sadness, but no despair, just gratitude that we had him. And he we knew he was grateful that he had us. And and that gratitude was just like I just kept thinking about it and thinking with gratitude.


Optimism is sustainable, like if you if you're grateful, if you can find something and whatever it is to be grateful for whatever, it's the reaction of someone to some misery you had. But that's only reacting to a beautiful way. So I'm grateful for that. This original thing happen, but I'm grateful for the reaction and inspired other than just a reaction that inspired me so that they were going to look for. Well, gratitude and acceptance is like like you say.


And again, not to belabor it, but.


But if you can be. Filled with gratitude and acceptance with with the physical challenges that just were piling up for you than than most people, it should be a really easy thing to do. By the way, maybe the greatest thing ever in the book is your love of golf and people asking you what your handicap is.


And you're saying, isn't it obvious if that might be my other favorite things when they say be still over the ball about who I can be still in my suit and still a little ball?


Well, I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did, and I want to thank all of the guests that we've had in our first season. It's meant a lot to me to have the support of my peers. And it's even more important to me to have the support of you who've been listening and downloading and commenting and reviewing. This is a brand new area for me, as you know, podcasting. And I'm just overwhelmed at the support. And people will come up to me in the street and talk to me about the guests and what we've been talking about and how excited they are.


It means a ton to me. So thank you.


It's been a interesting year. Let's just say that for everybody. But I hope that my little podcast has been a breath of fresh air and a place you can go and have fun and forget the craziness of the world and just be entertained. And that's what we're here to do. That's we're going to continue to do. And next season on literally is going to be even better than this one. And thank you for being such a big part of it.


You have been listening to literally with Rob Lowe, produced by Daventry Bryant and Delina Termine, engineered by me, Daventry Bryant, executive produced by Rob Lowe for low profile Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Collin Anderson and Chris Banin at STITCHERY. The supervising producer is Aaron Belayer, talent producer Jennifer Sanders. Please write and review the show on Apple podcast and remember to subscribe on Apple podcast, Stitcher or wherever you get your pockets. This has been 18 cocoa production in association with Sketcher.