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There it is, a win for the ages. This is all American. A new series from Stitcher. You realize Tiger Woods doesn't know who he is best in the history of golf. No question in my mind. And this season we're asking, what if the story of Tiger Woods that the media has been telling? What if it's been completely wrong? Season one of all-American premieres, August 20th.
Subscribe or favorite now Stitchers Studios, just like your all cozy, cozy. Mousel Watch. There has to be a story behind that. Save it. Save it for the podding. I'm fucking podding now bro. Are we on. I fucking start rolling the minute right. Oh that's smart. Let me see this. Watch 90000. What did you ask me. What? Hello, Bob, to literally with me Rob Lowe, very, very, very excited about the podcast today.
I have one of my oldest buddies.
He's one of the funniest men around. He's reinvented himself so many different times and so many different shows and movies.
He's got a tremendous selection of trucker hats and he's got preternaturally looking youthful blond hair.
And of course, you've probably done the math by now and you've guessed that my guest today is David Spade.
So we're going to start with two watch stories. OK, good. I had an old Rolex, like an old time one, you know, ah, you know, from the 50s or something.
I actually gave Gurvitz one for his birthday. We have the same manager, a manager, Markovits. He's terrible.
These terrible people. Look at us. We're a fucking podcast.
You, by the way, I have to say, Rob works nonstop. You bust your ass.
I'm a grinder. We were going to do something the other day and I thought, Rob is fitting us. And in between so many things and I appreciate it because you bust your arm.
OK, here's a boring watch story. So everyone tune out. I had this old Rolex, so I'm going I only tell these stories because they have some celebrities involved or people were, oh, I'm all about the dress and I am down.
Nobody wants to hear about, you know, your Mirador, OraSure and Paul Thomas Anderson.
Oh, that. Well, I did not see that. Paul Thomas Anderson.
Yeah. My favorite director, Maya Paul in my local grocer, we all went, oh, no, I rented a plane. So of course I ran those guys. I if you want to jump on, we're all going away. And there was one other kid, Pearl was just born. So I don't think he cares if I tell this dumb story. So we had a fun time. But on the way home, we were bored on the plane.
And he goes, he said, oh, let me check out that watch. And so he tried it on and whatever, whatever. So about two days later, I go, oh, wait, he's got my watch. So I said, hey, man, you know, so weird, awkward. I don't know him that well, but and he's a big, like star director. He thinks I probably want to be in a movie or something.
Even I know that ship is safe.
Why would you ever want to be in his movies and you could be in Adams movies? Yeah, I, I'm covered. Nobody is Paul Thomas Anderson. He got out of saying I don't want him dragging me down now.
So I says to my says, hey Peter, I think you accidentally goes, oh yeah, I still have it. Let me know if you ever in the valley you can grab it.
Why is it not. Why do I have to wait. It was actually your watch.
I thought he went out and got one and he tried it on and then he never took it off dude. So I forgot. And then I go, Oh, you got my watch.
And he's like, oh yeah. Instead of going, let me bring it over. Here goes, yeah. Just let me know that you motherfucker. What's that? That great story that Robert Kraft, the owner of the Patriots, told me.
So I guess he met Vladimir Putin at some point.
And Putin, do you know the story you put on his radio? Yeah. Yeah. Putin wanted to see a Super Bowl ring put on a Super Bowl ring and never give it back and said it's mine, just never just didn't give it back.
And Kraft didn't want to ask for it. I couldn't.
I wouldn't. I don't want to be thrown in a fucking gulag. Yeah, and the Wizzit Canal. So here I am about a year later I go, hey, any ETA on that watch?
You got a 20 on it. And he's like, dude, let's have dinner. And next time I see you, I've seen him 20 times since then. I've never seen the watch, so I still don't have it. Second story. That's not true. You still don't have the watch.
I don't I didn't never got it back. It's been easily, what, 10 years?
It's not funny, you should be. Why should I be livid, he says, no, he's a big writer director.
I'm not going to make any waves. That is unbelievable.
He said, I'll introduce you to keep my watch. That's from what is out there will be blood.
That's from there will be blood. So I was at the all the grown ups who are doing some promo thing in Las Vegas.
So we're all there and we're all wasted.
So I'm no, I find that very hard to believe on the Super Bowl.
So a couple of days later, I can't find my this juicy Rolex. So one is worth the most. So I go, oh no, I lost it in Vegas, must have in Vegas. So I called the hotel and I didn't want to blame them.
I said, listen, I'm not blaming you. I'm just saying I don't have it if you see it.
And they said, OK, we have to check, we'll look at the videotapes. They know when your maids go in, they know more than you think, right? They have the keys are clocked in when they go in your room. So I go, yeah, just tell me which made at it's fun.
And so they said the guy called me. I was dating an African-American woman at the time and they said, oh, we had a breakthrough.
We saw an African-American woman come in the hotel around midnight that night with sort of a case closed attitude.
And I go right.
And they go so and I go, well, she was with me. I didn't steal it.
OK, you want us to keep I yes, she was staying with me and they got so cut to I have to file a report and then they send me actually more than it was worth. They said the new version of these so was very nice.
The insurance is but I've never got anything insurance. I felt like the biggest loser. I go, I don't want to be one of these guys. I actually lost it. Whatever.
I did lose it. I did lose it. And they didn't say a word. They said, here's your money.
Two weeks later, I see Swardson and I go, Dude, I had to watch just like then he goes, Oh yeah, this is yours.
What I but that's my watch.
He goes, Oh yeah. I remember I tried it on Super Bowl night. We were all fucked up. I go and you never mentioned it since he goes.
No, but if you want to. If I want it back. What. So he gave it back and then I had to call the insurance.
Oh, you're such an honest man. I did. And then I sent him their money back. That's awesome.
That's the Arizona and yeah, it's my mom. It's good. My dad would be willing to look the other way. The other way. Who who among us wouldn't hate these kids on spring break.
Yeah, I don't like it. I mean, I don't know. I was not a big spring break guy anyway. And that was like my my in my twenties, my whole fucking life was spring break.
What did I need that I got the Ravello life. Everyone wishes, you know, every every girl I know still is in love with you. You haven't lost one step. Come on. Like Rob Lowe's on your show, Rob Lowe this, Rob Lowe that.
And then they're like, oh, I go, yeah, you don't need to say his them three times in a row. I love that. I love hearing that.
Yeah, they all love you still. So you're doing fine.
And someone told me today they were glad you don't you're not covered in tattoos. How do you have any. I have one that I got right.
When I first got sober, it was like, it was like my eyes. I'm still wild.
I may be sober now, but man, I'm still edgy.
Yeah, it's true. And I look like Popeye the sailor man.
I look like a longshoreman's union.
So faded in behind is you're maybe not a tattoo guy. You could do it my have a couple and they suck but I'm not a tattoo.
Either way it looks like you have one on your hand. What does that I do right on my hand because it's the only way for me to remember stuff.
And you have a phone you could like dictated into the phone, right?
That's a great point. But I, I actually know for sure I'll look at my hand and remember things. But I remember one kid said he was a spring break and I was pissed because I was hold up and he goes back into Corona and see they're going to get me.
It's not bad. I'm here to party on spring break. I'm like, I think you should just dye the normal way off a fucking balcony, senor. Frogs, like, every.
Spring break, like, let's go that way, that's why he knew Carano wasn't going to get him first. He's like, watch this, I'll be on barstool sports. Luckily, my neck broke my full speed around.
We've known each other a long time. Yeah, a long time.
Like, did I meet you on Tommy Boy, right?
No, no, dude, we I did the I did the show. I did this. Weren't you.
I don't think I we maybe you weren't SNL. Maybe you weren't. Yeah. I think I just barely missed you.
When do you remember what year without telling anybody first.
The first time I hosted was eighty eight.
I wasn't there yet then I hosted in 1996. I think you just missed me. And then. And then I think I hosted in 2000.
Holy shit. A three hoster. Three hoster. It's good company. It's a really good company.
I've done it twice and it was so much fucking harder than I thought it was a different.
What's the difference between hosting and being on it? It's so much harder than I was because I was also a scrub. So the most I was in was three sketches I think ever I would maybe do an update piece and then pick up girls or something, but that was overwhelming.
When I first host, I was in thirteen, I was in the cold opening US commercial parody monologue, weekend update. But there was nothing I wasn't in. And Rob, I get overwhelmed.
I remember I was sick, so I was so. Well, you got a little bit you little bit of hypochondriac thing going, right?
I got to remember that I got stressed because, I mean, I was legitimately sick, but it was because of that.
I mean, it was so overwhelming that by immunizing every host go through.
And I used to give them a speech that was on Friday and I in my panic, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. And I flip the script and I don't listen to anyone.
I'm like, so during dress, I'm slowing down. I'm feeling weird. I'm feeling sweaty. Oh, I'm in a UPS outfit for one of my fucking bullshit, but I'm looking at cards I even know a bit.
I'm in the ruins of attack and my Irish and so like now I'm like, oh, and so I start to feel sick during it.
They go, OK, you know, it's over. Commercial and dress for the people at home is exactly like the air show. They could air it. It's full makeup, full rehearsal for live audience. Live audience.
Yeah. You wouldn't know the difference. Know, and then they hack off sketches afterwards. They go about two hours. So here I am about an hour and a half in. They Marci Klein grabs me to run in the next 30 seconds to the next bit and I go, hang on. So she's like, what?
And I was like, what? And then Joe did. So everyone just stops in their tracks and I slink off the chair and then lay on the floor of the stage and they go, What's going on?
Everyone's like, Spade's down spades. And they go, what's going on? Then they go, Stop, stop, stop.
Then the band stops and just staring me lying down and I'm like, cold floor, like, you know, when you're sick.
Yeah, I was drenched in sweat. I don't know what was happening. They dragged me to that host.
You know, you go past the dressing room house dressing right next to music dressing room. Yep.
Which is fun when you're across from, like, Nirvana. Hey.
Oh yeah. Or me. I get the Pogues and they're like barnyard animals.
I got disgusting. I got ripped off on my guests too. But I didn't, I had, I had the Spice Girls at their height. Oh, and Eminem and Dido, thank you very much.
Now Tirol did you survive the Charmed Life continues I so Marci's outside the door and I go in and I start laughing.
Now you actually did hear.
Yes, this is my stomach. So it's all nerves I guess.
And I hear outside the door laun marsi. Downie, like anyone important going well, what's going on? Well, I, we're gonna have to in ten more minutes. You have to er rerun.
I mean we're not going be ready, we got to tell NBC we're not ready because they hadn't finished dressed, let alone know the suck and turn it around quickly for air. And so Lauren goes well let us know. We've never done a rerun. So I go oh my God. And add to the stress more puke and then. I hear birds tweeting and I guess I puked it all out, maybe I had some of those bad oh porkchops I got out of a vending machine.
That's a bad that's that's a lot of stress. A lot of stress. And then I felt a little better. And then they powdered me, powdered my behind, shoved me out my sketches. I did like two final sketches, bomb them. The writers are like, thanks, I took a total dive.
I was like, oh, let's just get through it. Those two immediately.
Clear cut, you guys. I gave it 20 percent. Yeah, for sure. And then I'm sitting in that meeting, the one you've dreamed about before, or like Tom Hanks is all excited, like, what are we doing?
He's got his book out. He's got a script. Right. We're cutting this. We're losing this. Tom, look at the camera on this. We're taking the back of it off. All right. You're going to have a different hat on. And I was like, yep, yep, yep. The whole place.
I'm like this. David. David. Huh? Are we still talking about the show?
Yes. I'm like drifting off and then we get out there and I do all right, but who's who's your musical guest? It was Eagle. Cherry was on one.
Not to say he's not the best, but then to say that the best. But who is he? And just not to say he's any person.
Now, Eagly Cherry had saved the night until the very good noncom. That could not be.
If you had to think of a more song, it was more dated.
I don't think you could think of one that we have and I don't think you could think of one we had.
I think the music guy got fired over a hothouse flowers. He said this will be the new nirvana and they fucking bombed the what was the.
OK, you were there for how many years? Six. What was what was the biggest disaster you witnessed either for Steven Seagal. Yes, you were. Yes. No. Yes.
Oh, for those who don't know, he is widely and unanimously that same thing. Right.
Widely and unanimously considered the worst host in the history of SNL.
E you know, and I hope he's not around to kick my ass. I think he's in Russia. So it's all to defend him a little bit.
He's fucking there with Robert Kraft's Super Bowl ring, I think maybe is one inch ponytail was too tight that night because what you're defending him a little bit.
Only because. He was he liked his ideas, he was friendly enough to me the only thing he did, which was he tightened up, which is a lot of hosta. I don't know if you did it. I didn't do it. I threw up, but I didn't tighten up. As far as you have to sort of trust these 30 people, you don't know. You have to walk in and say 100 percent.
A lot of people think we're there to make fun of them. And we saying we respect you.
If we're getting you on the show to us, we all want it to work. And if you make fun of yourself, this is where it gets tricky. If you make fun of yourself, it will benefit you and we promise you. And if you don't and you fight it so much and that was him.
He was too cool and had his image.
And, you know, like Stallone would come on, you know, whoever come out and they make fun of Rocky, you know, that's the way to do it. And then people go, oh, you're human, you play so cool, but you can at least goof around and and it's more relatable.
He wouldn't do kung fu fighting as a cold of an O or a monologue.
And it was like everybody was gone.
But he was we had it something funny. Then he throws and little kicks, you know, would have been it was amazing. And I think we woke up and get kicked and fall down.
So he says we'll do it, but he just talks it and still kind of funny.
But he won't he won't play at all. And then the other sketches he was fighting. A lot of people you have to go through there, people, when you just want to grab someone and say, hey, Rob, here's what about this idea?
I tweet, yes, because I wrote it. And some people still make you go through people.
And then it gets so crazy when whenever I host, I was in the writers room like this all the hard, the fun.
One hundred percent, you go in and you're in the shit with everybody. You're like, Hey, I'm one of you. If I can help, I'll add jokes if you don't want me to. But let's just play with it and you'll come in my office. If people don't know, like they would bring Rob or Patrick Swayze you ever was and they would go office to office at 1:00 in the morning after Lorne took them to dinner, I think.
And then they come back and and it starts around 10:00 or 11:00 and they walked all the writers. So you come in my office and they say, this is Spade and Farley is a room.
And if they have any and you guys had your own room, you you working together and then like Liz or Marcy would stand outside who handled the host and just wait.
But they didn't have a PR. They don't have anyone with. No, no. But I think now they might.
But they do me once they walk in and they'd say, hey, they think the best part was they think we're all equal. They think we're all great writers.
So they think I'm as good as Smiggle or Downey. They just say, here's he's a writer and they're all they're trust. You could see him looking at you like, what are we doing? I'm like I just give fake question. Do you do a Russian accent?
No, I can work on it. Might help for what? Gap girls?
I don't even know what I'm writing. I'm just bullshitting because I'm stuck. But you get to pitch me idea, they formulate it with you and sometimes they'll say, I don't think that's for me and it saves you eight hours of writing.
I remember the first time I met Mike Myers.
I remember going into his writing room and him saying, OK, which would you rather do, Sprocket's or Wayne's World?
And I'm saying, I fucking hate. I'm going to be honest. I hate Wayne's World. I think it's stupid. I want to do for you in the World Movie.
I know, but we did a Sprocket's on my show because I. You like it better. I liked it better. I was farly ever actually.
Right. He wrote one called. I don't remember doggy doctor, he was one Scott was what was doggy doctor? Well, it never got past read through.
Obviously he threw it in with the pros and it was the biggest bomb. And I kept looking across going back involvement. Of course, everyone was because he was so tense and pulling his hair and and licking his dollar bills because it was like 12 pages. It was way too long. And it was bombing from the first sentence. Oh, no. And and everyone staring at him. And he's trying to get through it and give it everything. And it was such a piece of shit, but it was so funny just to watch, because when we came back in the office, I have a sketch puppy lawyer, Your Honor, and he goes, fuck you do everyone.
No one laughed like it was our fault.
I go, Well, it was yeah. It's called bombing at readthrough. We all do it, but people think I'm busting his balls. But we would just do it for fun because he liked it.
He also oh, I had one on a really soft we called goo in the honey pot and I like the title. It was farly in an eight foot honey pot trying to crawl out and everyone's going googlies in a diaper.
Are you in the honey pot again. And he goes, no.
And I feel like I've said, well wait, why do I know this. Well, it's just sort of an old story that didn't make it. And then Laun is the only one. Googoosh No honey pot.
Yeah. Can it go on after update everyone. Googoosh We save it for Tom Hanks next. We think Google, Tom Hanks, Google, maybe Tom Hanks again, the boo part with Google.
So I say so far all in. And we go to read through and it's three pages, the script is obviously just sort of a couple of jokes.
So Lauren's like, Okay, Jack Handy with Tunis's blah blah, blah, finishes it goes the next script is Goo Goo in the honeypot.
Pause, pause, flips it all the whole script over and goes Wayne's World cold open I go and we all sariego what the fuck.
He skipped it. It's never ever happened. That's never happened. Never. I don't know what the fuck.
Maybe he got Whisper's shit. Maybe he stared at me like freaking out I go. I don't know.
He could have also thought it was one of those sketches I've heard that people would write out of boredom because Lorne reads the stage directions.
Yeah. That they would put shit in the stage directions just because they knew would be funny with Lauren saying, yeah.
So he did more say, Google a bunch of times.
Like we would say, it's a trick in readthrough and Schneider would be the biggest psycho about it.
So if we're right there and let's say your script says let's say you wore a jacket and you left it in rehearsal and then you left it somewhere else, and there's people that will write in.
And then Rob Lowe comes in with his jacket this time and everyone laughs and Rob goes, Trick, trick.
That's not a real laugh. That won't be a laugh.
It's an inside joke, trick, trick, trick.
So you'd all yell trick now and you get like and then someone comes in.
It could be can a man who's like one of the producers and then one last and I go track just to keep everyone in check because you put two of those in there and it floats it up to where this sketch does.
Well enough people get competitive where you think it might get on and people like, fuck that. I'm calling them out on that.
No, I had I had I had love. It's in here. And we were talking about it. And I remember the first time I met Lovett's, he was standing outside the room begging to get his his his sketches on web.
See where you're going to be on.
Yeah. Love is an example of when I got hired, I was brought in for four shows at the end of the season and may, you know, right around then and then I had summer off.
But they wanted me to get my feet wet for the next season.
So the four shows I was starting, I came in on that Saturday, so I went to the show and Lorne was just walking around. Obviously, no one tells me one fucking thing.
So I just walk around and it's love. It's his last season and he was, I think, with Gurvitz.
So we're all like. You know, friendly through that, and he was nice, but he was all depressed and I said, why are you depressed? Because I'm only in two things Danas and five, I go, you care how many things are in?
And he goes, Yes, Dad is involved here, man. I said, Yeah, but who gives a fuck is hilarious.
And I, I thought, oh my God, he's been on the show six years. Everyone thinks he's hilarious. I would never count watching at home how many sketches you and I would just go, oh good.
There's love it. Oh darn. Isn't this one that's funny. Or I would watch old thing and never even think he was even in. But I promised myself I, I can't get like that. I was like that within three shows.
I was freaking the fuck out.
I had told myself I should go dig up my time capsule, go remember, don't freak out. And I go, nope, that's the way it is. I can't I'm, I'm not on and off.
Did you ever the goodbye's. Right. Yeah. There a certain goodbye's like fuck this.
I don't want to go back out there like that. I'm not going. Well if I wasn't anything I feel cheating.
But do you ever try to muscle your way up to be like. Yes. Near that. Yes. Yes.
Particularly if it was a good looking all girl. Honesty. Well, more of it was famous beat, good looking girl. Yeah, of course. I would try to muzzle my wife because my friends would watch and I would count that as a sketch in my head. Yeah, I'm like I was in I it update every time I asked.
Lauren wants to explain to me what the what this guy is. I don't ever tell you this. Yeah.
Well his answer was just you what you want it to be, that the audience feels like there's about to be an amazing party that they're not invited to.
And there is. That's what it is. And there is there's an after five. I think the party is the person good. Still, I hear the not so good anymore.
I'm such a pussy. I would only do about an hour. But now would you ever. Here's the thing I never understood when the actors who showed up at the party who weren't on the show are not involved with it.
Oh, you're precious famous party crashers. It's just a party. But, you know, Marsha would always go. All right. There's your table, you'd walk in, you have a table like they'd at, you know, not Musso Frank's or whatever was simply an Josefsson, they go, all right, that's they wouldn't tell you the party, which is kind of cool.
They would lay it on a note in your dressing room. So when you get done with the show, it says where the party is. So everyone couldn't get the word.
Saturday Night Live, there's nothing there. Never they'll never be another show like it, because all of this stuff is like vestigial from the good old days of the 70s, like even the hours. There's no reason those hours need to be so insane. They're insane because in the 70s, everything is cooked up here. They're drug hours. There's also no reason to go in it. What are their drug hours that they still do, although no one does any drugs anymore.
And the only reason you would go in early is for a commercial shoot, right? For a fake commercial. But the rest of the week you don't go one for one for absolutely almost any reason. No, there's no reason.
Even on show day isn't like fucking and there's a party after all this stuff of like it's like when the business was so fun and not so corporate and they're the last show hanging on to to all of that.
I hope it stays on. I mean, I wish we had. Our best sketch on the Internet Monday morning that would have kept us there because. Right. If you didn't see this, didn't see it and went away, months later, you get a rerun. If you missed that, it might be on the best stuff, but that's it. I know. And you'd have to have, like, these. These sketches like, let's say, motivational speaker or something that just got big off of one shot and it was big even Bobbye, that thing I did where I go by.
You know, more people had TVs than and there wasn't as much cable, obviously, but if it worked, you knew because next day I flew home to L.A. flatheads all by and for the next.
Wow, 10 years straight, easily. Not one flight would go by where they wouldn't go. Bye bye.
We showed a training, but bye bye. And we did that sketch twice.
And one didn't really count, really. Only just like I was hot. Yeah, I know. Just off Helen Hunt, that one really.
It worked. And then we did it later and it was for Steve Martin. But I don't even know if that when we ran it was it didn't work at all. And so it was over. But man but we got a lot out of that when they do Wayne's World.
Thirty five times, you know, church lady. Seven hundred fifty times. So it's true.
The audience sort of knows what they like and they decide as a group when when Bill Murray, the old story if he was on and Franken was writing something. And this is Senator Al Franken, he goes, David, back in the old days and he goes and he goes, why are you putting yourself in it? And he goes, I want to be on the show. And he goes, Al. You've been on three years, they're not Biton, and he goes, I've been on three weeks and I'm in.
They're buying what I'm selling, and that's a worry, isn't that great, because so true, they liked him right away, Bill Murray and Chevy and all these people and Al for like seven years kept putting himself in stuff and it just wasn't catching the best.
As I was walking, we shooting Wayne's World as walking on the Paramount lot with Lorne and Al Franken came by on a bicycle. And he was he had a big new show coming out this fall where he played like a news.
I remember that.
Well, you remember remember this show like like a big show and Al's new new shows come out that that should be cool because that's it.
Yes, because I think America voted.
And that says. And we'll be right back after this. I don't want to ask you. Yes, I was a dick on Tommy Boy was like when you said you on Tommy Boy. No, I was nice to you, right? No, we we all had fun together. I was so excited to have you. Tommy Boy wasn't a hit when we were shooting it, so I would be cocky about it now. But the Tommy boy.
Is the staying power of that movie, I mean, you've done a lot of movies, wouldn't you say that Tommy Boy is is the one with like an extraordinary amount of staying power the most?
When you and Farley did Tommy Boy and then I signed on that I went, it was me. I know there was a rumbling that you were going to do it.
And we were very excited because I was playing, again, playing tennis with Lauren, because I know it started out exactly how it started. I was playing tennis with Lauren and I don't know.
And Bernie Brillstein, who, by the way, was God bless my manager. He was with 7000 pounds and but he could move like Jackie Gleason on.
Oh, really, really good lovebird.
And we would play tennis together in Longo's on this after Wayne's World had been a big success.
And he was like, I'm thinking of an idea. You and Chris's brothers. I was like, wow, that's really great.
And I didn't hear anything about it for like six months and I'm going to have to do it.
Bonaiuto Turn Theory Turn writers from SNL writers now and then the script came out and it was tweaked differently.
We were kind of brothers. It's more like Blacksheep. Yeah. And I wonder if that became Blacksheep.
But that's how I heard about first is you could have done Blacksheep. It was Tim Matheson, but at the same sort of thing. Right. His brother, he was the black sheep of the family.
Do you remember the dinner we had tell? I do a One-Man show.
I tell this story and I know it always kills. We went to Barbarian Barbarians for sure. Right? For sure. Right.
So barbarians is the place we lose you on the way to the brass round you. Why are you guys.
So I was kind of. Why was I. I must have been married. I think you were married. I just got married. You're being very good as being very good as the brass rail was big time and we needed you as bait.
But sometimes it backfires because they don't always want the sheik.
Always one thing, Sheik.
They want the Buddz in the, you know, the weed. But it's not fucking sticks and stones that are me and fire like the. So we got to we've got to barbarians.
Bob Wise. We'd always go the Barbarians and Farley. Yeah.
The Big Steak House in Toronto. And I remember I remember like it was yesterday. I remember even where we were seated. Farley was across from me.
He ordered to Bowen in to porterhouse steaks and on top of each bite he put a cube of butter.
Oh yeah, the peel back butter.
You peel back butter full square, a full square on every single bite. And I said, Chris, how are you doing? And he looked up at me, guessed it needs a hat.
Yeah. And you the whole fucking it's like a two inch by two. Huge fight. Yeah. The bites were fucking monstrous.
Put a hat on it, put a hat on it.
What was the fight the famous Tommy Boy fight about. Do you remember. I remember it happening. Oh it was about you.
It was about me. Right. We would fly on a little puddle jumper. Private jet. I think it's the only time I've been on a private jet. It was a jet to do the show.
Yeah. Wasn't. Yeah, yeah. SNL while we're shooting Tommy Boy, I know you hear about like Pete Davidson skipped SNL to go on a date to a wedding. It's like that would never happen. Never.
Or he's shooting a movie or going to fashion shows. We're like, are you shitting me? It's just must be different over there because we couldn't get out a full week to do a movie that Lorne is producing. Yeah.
So Tommy Boy was Monday, Toronto, Tuesday, Toronto, Wednesday, flying in New York to do read to fly back after read through Thursday, shoot Toronto Friday, Saturday in New York.
And then at the after the 1:00 a.m. we'd fly back to Toronto and shoot Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. And so and it was getting freezing and it was tough. He was gaining weight, I was losing weight.
The weight stayed on the frame of the screen. But it was just, you know, different parts of the screen. You're like the number ten.
So we're in this little puddle jumper, which probably now with my vast knowledge of planes, it was probably a Lear twenty five. It was really like an MRI with wings. Yeah, we were just it was just two of us hunched in facing each other.
And then they'd have a handler for Farley, Eric Newman, and he would sit next to us and Farley would reach under the seat and go, I eat when I'm nervous. And then because there is turbulence. And then we'd be in the car driving and he'd have another Butterfinger. I'm like, are you nervous to be in the car now?
And he's like, Oh, little things eating all the time, but oh well, we that particular time we're all burned out I'm sure was toward the end of the shoot. We're both fucking dying. It's like an old married couple of fucking fighting all the time.
We're never apart. So he goes once called me, I'm like I don't know, six and it's probably one and we're landing or whatever it was.
We landed whenever. And he said, he goes, I'm feeling sick. I think I got the flu or something. I'm going to go in and crash. I go, all right. I'm not saying what I'm doing.
I'm just saying you're out. Got it. So I get to the Four Seasons. I think I call you and say, What are you doing? I want to have a drink. So we go just to the bar and have one drink and still, like, whatever. We don't tell farly.
Of course we don't. We see him every goddamn fucking day.
And then the next day I get up, I go in and make up. I go to his room. He already left, which is weird because that's the housekeeping started housekeeping, and then he would go like, you know, it's me.
Every day we put that in the movie because it was just happening every day and he fell for it every single day.
So then we get to the set and he's looking at me in the makeup man. I'm like, what's up, everybody? And he's just staring at me, biting his lip, which is about to have a fight. So that's that was about. Oh yeah.
Just tell he put the the tongue under. So I'd forgotten that.
And he looks at me and he goes I how's your night is good. Good. I gave you on writing a. How's Rob Lowe? I guess you heard that we were together, you know, you heard and I go, Oh, I haven't seen him yet.
Hmm. I was Rob Lowe. I was Rob Lowe.
I don't know. What do you mean? He goes home. Where's Rob Lowe? Where's your fucking precious Rob Lowe?
I go, I don't know.
And he goes, how was drinks last night? Oh, is that we're getting out. Yeah, I don't know. It's all right. I just we had a drink went about. Oh, so you call fucking Rob Lowe's. You can have a date with him. But I'm not you don't call me.
I go. I don't call you. I don't remember.
The last word off the wire was you were sick. You're going home, you're sick.
And we had a big day to day. So you call Rob Lowe. I go, yes. And you can call him Rob. I think we know who it is at this point.
And and then we get on the set. He's still just staring at me, smoking, and we're outside of a scene.
I can remember this. I do, too.
And inside, I think it's you and Bo. Maybe I remember maybe denim. I don't know who is in the seat was Bo. I remember. And so we're at the house. Pete Seeger is the director.
So we're outside waiting. I'm dying and we're freezing and we're waiting for some camera problem. So I'm eating a tuna fish sandwich on the ground.
This is the part I knew. I knew about the tuna fish.
Yeah, I'm trying to live because I have to eat all the time. And Farley's just over me staring at me, smoking a cigarette. How's Rob Lowe?
And I'm like, I don't know if we're talking about this more. I don't know what to say. Rob's great. He's insane. I'm going over my lines and then he can't stand that. It's not going anywhere. So he comes and steps on my hand like tuna with his big fucking boats.
Those big fucking I'm going now with all his thousands of pounds and I go, How are you?
And then I have my Diago in my hands.
I just throw it on them and he gets up and he pushes me down these stairs. There's like four stairs.
And right when I get to the bottom instead of like, are we in a fight, they go action on the walkie and we just stare at each other. And then we turn and we walk in and I walk in the door and this is my recollection. I walk in the door and I see you guys and someone says something and I'm just staring at my heart's beating. And then Pete goes, Spade's line.
And then someone yells it and I still don't say it. And then I go, fuck.
And then I just walk out and he goes, I'm taking a five because no one knew what was going on.
I, I remember I thought you'd had a heart attack. I went to my trailer, I went to his I go will be shut down for days over this. I'm not talking to this asshole for like ever. And then Fred came in my room, Fred Wolfe, the writer of the writer, Bob Weiss came in, the producer henchman.
He probably went to you and Farley and me, and they did the rounds.
Farley went out and tackled Skippy. Wow. Because he was so mad he had to hit a guy his size.
Skippy was a guy that worked for Pete. That was about three plus pounds, three hundred. And he just went up and tackled him just because he had so much anger. And then now you guys I remember you guys used to fight over man.
There's a whole thing about we went to the Jacuzzi one night at the Four Seasons. You remember that one? Well, I'm sure if you were in a bathing suit, it was really going up the bucket.
And I mean, listen, we had a blast. All my memories of Tommy Boy and with you on that were fun. The movie was fun. It was stressful. All movies are hard.
You wish you could enjoy how much the movie will be remembered at the time.
Like if they told you this movie's going to be one of the ones I remember this one, maybe not. You're going to walk through it. Yeah, but Tommy boy, hear about more than anything.
I mean, I hear Joe, but Joe Dirt is just me, so I appreciate that. Right. And that movie's Farley.
So we had great seats for Farley.
So I, I love it and I'm just glad to be a part of something. And I know people go to get mad if people ask about old movies. I said no because you want to be remembered for something.
You don't want to have nothing on your resume. And people did by forever. And they go, you get sick of that? I don't know. I, I went to SNL to get a catchphrase. I mean, I never thought I would. And you get something that people remember and that was like a success.
I mean, it worked. I want my whole career without a catchphrase until I did Parks and Recreation, see Parks and Rec.
And I got literally why we called the podcast literally. See, it's I was so excited you thought I'd want to fuck an Academy Award, but I have a plan.
Yeah, they do.
People come up to you in the street and they go by or they go I literally or an Perkin's.
They do all my little work in allied countries who are on a good show that was well done and it's great to have out there. And then you do one more thing and then listen, obviously everything we do, we try to do the best. I don't set out to do movies that don't do well, but they don't always from the second you read them, you you know, when you shoot them in the editing, they can get the ball dropped anywhere along the way.
The collaborative nature of what we do is, you know, for the average person, they just there's no way they would know because they're not in it.
But your performance can be ruined or made great or the movie can be ruined by music, by editing, by anything.
So it's like it really is like the old it takes a village, if that's what it's on. Everybody and bands fight. And that's why there's trouble on sets, because you don't agree with the director and you can see it going in a direction that, you know, it's not going to work or you think, you know, it's not going to work. And that's where the collaborative and creative differences happened. But that's why everyone eventually tries do their own thing, because you'd rather sort of live or die by whatever you you decide.
It's I do.
My own show is hard because. I don't want all those decisions, I want some of them I don't want a thousand percent of any new show is great on Comedy Central. So every night, Monday through Thursday.
So four nights and you just go out and invent it because it's there's so few like late night slots open.
It started with my Instagram stories and then they rate people from studios were damning me to say, you know, I just happen to watch these and there's so weird and different maybe.
Is there anything here that you could do on TV for us?
And so I didn't think of that like that.
I don't know if it's a little wispy because there's really low pressure on an Instagram story. All right. It's free. You stumble upon it now.
You get kind of a lifetime.
And it's certainly acquired taste. And then I thought, well, Instagram as a whole is such a new weird is a couple of years ago, you know, so. It's spun from that to do a pilot about it, we call it a verified and I said because comedians are funny, it had no plan to have any stars on. It was just like, let's just get comedians. They're all good. They've all had Netflix special. They're all headliners.
They sell out everywhere to get them in there. And let's try that. And so we tried that as a pilot.
I think Chrissy Teigen came on and Whitney Cummings and we had like a fun panel. And then now that spun into they liked it and tested well and they said, let's do it every night. And we're like, oh, she sort of got an upgrade from a pilot who's going to be once a week. Every night is way better because you can get some momentum going. And so it turned into they started saying, what if you had more stars?
It's funny because people just seem to want that even if they don't want it, you know what I mean? If it doesn't even mean it's good or bad and sometimes it's hard if you put. Someone, an actor, an actor out there. The show starts to move quickly with its not just a sit down bullshit discussion show it's supposed to be, but because people are pretty sharp, it moves a little quicker.
So I've said no to some people because I don't want to put them in the line of fire. Like if we had someone on I didn't think, didn't think I understood exactly how it worked. They might look bad. I don't want them to look bad.
Well, since you brought that up, you know, I'm saying, you know, you you hosted my roast, which was fucking amazing and you were great. I forgot about that, too.
That was great. But I got something I don't think. Understood was our girl and culture and culture. Oh, I don't think I honestly don't think she understood why she took a huge chunk of jokes off me and probably you because, oh, she was a Late Edition and it was the best thing that could happen for us and the show, not for her.
No, I got to the point where I hadn't come up yet because. Because you know what? Oh, you're good at the end. And my jokes were good and mean. Like, I wanted everybody to be mean to me and I wanted to be mean. Everybody was it was I had so much fun.
I was fucking fucking so many smart jokes.
Omarosa Great. Really great. It's really a great roast. If you haven't seen it. It's great.
But but Ann got shellacked, almost pummeled.
So much so that like I felt bad. I was I didn't want to look at I could've seen a Peyton Manning. I was sitting Peyton.
I was like, I can't look I can't look over there. How is she?
It is like it's not good because I didn't want to look over then really feel bad for it and then like, lay off my jokes.
Yeah. I you know what, Peyton's over there weathering fifteen Zeca baby jokes but his head.
Yeah but he, it was a brutal roast. The fun thing about the roast that I like, I think Jeff is responsible for that.
Russ that we don't know the other person's jokes. I think people think we do know we don't you don't know the tone. So here's the way it works. If you if you always wonder.
So they call me up out of the blue and they go, we'd like to roast you.
I'm a huge fan of the roast. I've watched all of them. I happen to love the genre. So I was really, really excited.
And I went to like to Shirlow, who I run everything by, and she was like, you can't do that.
You're not going to do it.
There's no way you like why she was, because you're going to be embarrassed in front of the whole country. I said, honey, that ship has sailed here and then she what do they pay you?
And I said, Yeah. And I told her how much they paid.
She was, oh my God. Today do pay. Well they pay dude. Yeah.
Shockingly for you get you get hey. Yeah it's nice.
So for the pain. So, so we do it.
But you work with great writers and they write jokes for you and you help them as much as you can, but you never know what the other people are going to say.
I had no idea what you were going to say, no deal with it and vice versa.
So it's a free fire zone.
Yes, that's the best part. And when you go to the Comedy Store, they go, Nikkie Glazer's here. And I go, OK, I'll wait. And I wait in the parking lot. And then she tries the material and then comes out, goes, Oh, you're on.
All right, I'll get out of here. And I remember coming into rehearsal seeing you and saying hi and you had finished.
And then they go, we got to wait to Rob's out of here, or one of us was leaving. One was coming so the other guy could do their jokes.
And I like that because then you're genuinely laughing that night.
Oh, my God. I laughed so hard at so many jokes. And there's always somebody who's the the the sleeper that crushes that. You never know who's going to crush. And we had a lot of them that Jimmy Carr had not been known, really the American people.
And there's also what I find is sometimes unknown comedians are going to do this because they want to get in the headlines of like, can you believe that? They said that it was so rough.
But as the person getting roasted, I think it would be hard to have someone that you don't know ripping into you that hard.
That is, if it's for self-serving purposes.
That is true. And again, I think I got spared because the deep dive, real ripping went to Ann Coulter.
Yes. And also yours can be peppered around.
You were a little hard when we were writing because your there's some things to poke fun of, but nothing really horrible has happened to you or something horrible.
You can hang your hat on. It's just a bunch of things started to make fun of you right now, so it doesn't hurt as much. There's a couple of things I pulled because I know you and I said, you know what, his family is here. And I go, this one.
I just don't think we need it. And then. And then everyone else sort of went all out warfare, but, oh, yeah, oh, for sure, all out warfare. But I didn't want you to hear from me. Well, thank you.
I looked out and one of my wife's best friends is Maria Shriver, and she was seeing the front row and she knew the color had drained.
I think Maria thought she was winning, which is what she's what she thought she was witnessing. Another assassination that you should have said. Oh, my God, Maria, do you think you're seeing another assassination?
Hold that thought. We'll be right back. I want to know what your secret is for the in your filmography.
One thing I'm sure. But your illustrious love life is like life do I'm just could come out and ask it. Yes, it's been rumored on the street.
Do you have I know you're going to ask. You know, I'm going to ask yeah. Are the rumors still true, you have. Are you an elephant man? No, but you know what? I think it's good to think that because I don't really know shit. I think I think it's good to think. No, I think girls say that I would hate that because I hate to people like, you know, who's got a fucking gigantic.
No, it's Rob Lowe. That guy is like nobody says about me.
I mean, what happens is Robert is I think they need a reason to say they want to be.
And all the girls that you date are actually also really cool. Yeah. The one I'm seeing now is this girl. The one sounds about I'm seeing someone that's not good. You better back that one. I'm seeing someone right now that I've that I was friends with first for a long time.
And now we're together. And it's the same thing. Very fun, very funny to me. Very charming. Has her own stuff going on, obviously. Really pretty to me, of course. So and we get along great. So I'm trying to be normal. It's very hard.
I mean, I think I would love to blame my crazy upbringing, but I don't know what to blame. I just couldn't lie. It's very tough for me.
Is very tough. Yeah.
It's this is the first time I'm trying to get to know. I'm as I'm surprised and I mean in a bad way, I'm surprised to hear that you're like going for it.
I don't know what's hard about it's just hard because I think it's there's another psychological part about when, you know, everything's finalized like that. Like, let's say you married your job, then it's almost like in your head a waiting game till like it's all over, like what's left. That's a question mark in your life. Oh, yeah. What's different.
What could be fun. So and that's more my problem than someone I was seeing.
It's more me going I have to look at it differently because it's all about such a positive thing to be with someone I like.
And then I remember listen, you know, I was pretty aggressively single and my day and I said was a good word for that.
Right. Well, what can you I mean, famous and good looking.
I mean, fucking could go wrong, just like it's too good to be true and you can't even control you.
I mean, I wouldn't no one knows what to do. I had a little fame. I got like a I was in the PennySaver in an ad once and I was walking around like I was king.
I see how it gets to you. You know, in SNL, I was such gradually. Famous that it saved my head if I was Ace Ventura, Dumb and Dumber and the mask in a row, Jim Carrey, I don't know how he gonna do it.
I see him more lately because he did the show and now we've sort of reconnected. But I've still stunned over three monsters like that. I don't think I could handle it. There's nowhere to go. There are two good now three with none of the various comedies know the not only hits, but they're also great, great and monsters.
And he's great in them and and out of the blue you like what the fuck. And then another one. Then another one and you go, it doesn't work like that. You Sandler's had to run it. Hundred million dollar movies. He probably has ten.
How many Sandler movies. You benim. I've probably only been in about 40. Yeah, I think it's about right. I don't know. I've been in I mean, I sort of come in the fine print, you know what I mean?
They're like, yeah, there you go, sailing like hell. And they go, Oh, he's with you.
It was in the deal. Do you think do you think he's you're his good luck charm.
Well, I also was in Jack and Jill, but I will say I think I think he made a smart move with grown ups, which is like doing the Golden State Warriors, like get guys that have their own movies and we'll all be in one. Right. When when there's a lot of competition. It was a good trick. And then he he sort of, when we shot it, spread out the jokes.
So we all got score whatever he gets to score on those because we all write jokes for him. I don't want to say this because guys know you say that. No, you don't rock. No, no. I'd be funnier if Kevin said that.
And so in the editing, you can also change it to what he's spreading around again.
And that movie was like good family, not dirty, funny movie. And the second one, too, so.
I think we should do another one like that, if not that exactly, but I like that and don't think he's good at that does there's a period where I'm pretty sure he chose his movies based on what hotels he wanted to stay in.
Do you ever do any of those movies where I like. Oh, he's oh, this is all clearly shot.
I did for a while ones. Yeah. I didn't get those. I didn't get just go with it.
I didn't get because he doesn't do interviews. I know I'm never going to get him some. Just ask you all the questions I wanted to ask. OK, so does Adam Sandler have wardrobe or does he just like whatever he rolls in on that because he in all his movies, he looks the way I do when I do this on my way to the set.
Yeah, it is true that when I was doing grown ups, we can go in there and if you go in his fucking Mongo trailer.
Right, like you go past the weight room. Does he have a weight room? Really?
He's got like a solo flex, NordicTrack, all the your stuff. I hear those trailers are amazing. One day I'm going to be big enough. It's good because you go in there like watch TV because it's big and it's got a big screen, but.
And then he tries to explain to you why you're in a two Bangar lingo. The funny thing is Sandler's wearing a striped t shirt. We have a striped t shirt on the bed for his word over the day. Then there's a rack of t shirts and big shorts.
And so I didn't know actually grown ups, too, was filmed in one day. So whatever you wore was for the day. So you really had it. It was kind of fun because once you picked it, you're in it for fun for a while. But then you're like, shit, this is driving me nuts.
Yeah, but he was wearing a striped T-shirt, I think when he went in that day, had his coffee and I went in his trailer and at the beginning and he had his all his stuff laid out in the water and was like, yeah, uh, looks at it all as I just wear this and I you do understand.
But they don't talk to me like that. They. Oh so to where the whole movie.
That's Yeah. Like I got it. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Great, great.
None of this news surprises me.
I've seen the movie Stripes Evergreen and so he wore a shirt I wore, I saw my outfit saving it for plan of how I was going to Landow, how I would donate it. And it's fun to have the same outfits laying around.
All I know is if I'm looking at the David Spade exhibit in Hollywood, Orlando, and I'm not looking for fuckin shirts, you know what I want the trucker hats.
I got some trucker had some grown ups. I got a joder wig. I've got joder janitor outfit.
You know, the coolest thing I ever saw that Jamie Lee Curtis save. I don't know. She still does, but she saved the slates, you know, the things that she has.
And she had it from like Halloween and all the way up.
I thought that was such a good thing. It's a good thing to steal. Yeah. I always want something from the movies. I don't because now they do.
Estate sales, although the estate of Elvis Presley, the state of Maryland, or David Spade, you think is that far ahead of Shatner? It's like, you know, Bennie from L.A. Law, there's sort of toning it down a bit.
But it used to be like just Elvis, Marilyn, Michael Jackson, anything in their house now literally, you know, and that's like you're closed.
So people are doing that.
So one day, Harper, my daughter, I'll say, Harper, you sell this childre. I don't care. Don't get too attached to it. You sell it, you sell it. You put your kids through college, you do the right thing.
You're the skin of a young boy. My skin is not bad. No, I'm saying it's the skin of a young baby. I think you and I are about the same age.
I'm not going to say what it is, but I think, oh, know, I might be very close. My birthday was this week. It was. Oh, you might be older now, but we're very close.
We're very close. Let's talk off the air. Yelitza, I know so many people because we don't want anybody to go to Google. Nobody can go. It's we want to keep this a mystery.
I remember that she's lying about her age. How I know. I want to know how lying is almost a thing of the past. I hate to say it, but lying is going away. Yeah.
I want x I want to. She's forty ish the way the business is so change. It's all for the good obviously. But I would get first of all, there are no love scenes in movies.
You ever notice that they don't exist. I like James Bond. They don't exist. I mean Bond is. But even that assumes one doesn't really even do that. It barely does it. They might just show them walking into the room.
And it's the next day when I would get scripts, I would turn to page 73, always first thing I would do.
There's always the love scene. If there was one, I really was always going to be on page seventy three because I figure it's the middle of the second act.
Yeah, it's the hardest part to write, the most boring part of a movie. And there was always love every single time.
Yeah. I didn't know that was the most boring part. I it makes sense now. Oh yeah. One hundred percent and they don't do them any.
Why would I did a movie called Masquerade which was ahead of its time. It's a good movie. I'm really proud of it.
But you look back and like Kim Cattrall in that movie, it was that mannequin pre mannequin visit where you're dating a mannequin Jesus.
Or is that mannequin?
Yeah. Yeah, it's a great movie. It's ahead of its time and I'm proud of it. I'm dating a mannequin and sounds like romantic. Yeah, that's that's that's that's that was Andy McCarthy.
It was the old Andy McCarthy. You were saying Elmore's fuds.
Everyone remembers that one. Oh, my God, I forgot about it. I think if you seem to be in the studio right now, Spade's eyes lit up just now. Oh, you were inside excited.
Where is your list of questions? If we asked one, you know, you want to know.
You know, that's why it's easy, because, ah, you want to you want to know questions.
Give me one last one because I got to go. I got to be all right. He's got he's got a list. I'm telling you I'm one of like three hundred questions and only two are like highlighted.
It's based on the old Proust questionnaire on the end of Vanity Fair, even the cover of Vanity Fair. You ever do Vanity Fair? No, I have. Just kidding.
You're not kidding. I guarantee you it's true. Have you? Oh, yeah, I did Rolling Stone. But back when it was hard to get on the cover, it was hard.
I was on the cover of St. Elmo's Armor's Foud on the cover. You were in another one like that, weren't you like that?
I've had my share of covers, David. All right. I'm going to go we're going to do our full end here with our speed around our speed round here. The Stones, the Beatles. The thing you need to know about, I have to say to say veto's, you have to I think you have to little Beatles. I think you've met Mick, all of them. Right.
Did I have a photo of me doing promos with Mick? So I have at my house, it was Phil Hartman as Clinton and Luke Perry was the host.
And I was giving when you when you're a scrub, they put you in charge of promos, but they think you're a big writer again.
So I go there I go what I think, Lord, Mick, if you could just stand on your mark, you know, Mark is, you know, and I just try to act cool.
But I did get with the host in the music every week. That was fun that I met there. He doesn't remember Lorne put him on the phone once as a cold call to say, hey, I think it'd be funny.
Mick's doing this thing. David, you're a great joke writer. Hang on, Mick. This is one of our writers, David. And he goes, Hello.
And it was a cold call. I got the fucker when I tried adding some garbage to OK, Mick. And then this the Beatles. I love Bills alone.
I love McCartney and I see him every time I can. If you could take any drug I took too long. And that answer was really a 50/50 shot I'd hear about. I know I had a so I got Michael, you know, when I first heard on AM radio.
Oh, wait, forget the drug question. If you could see a UFO or ghost. Wow. Or Bigfoot. I'm really playing along, aren't I? I'm not I'm not rolling my eyes at these questions.
I would say why I don't have my own real talk show, I believe.
In UFOs, yeah, for sure. Have you seen one? Now, I think as much as I believe they're real, I don't think I can handle it, and I think that's what the government thinks. I think they're right.
Do you know who has the most gnarly UFO story? Robin Rozanne. Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike Myers, ex-wife. Oh, really? Oh, crazy, can you believe it, right?
No, no, it's a famous story in New Jersey were like hundreds of people, sites that came up the street over every single, everybody's out on the street, every neighbor or friend watching what will come over.
Yeah, but I believe the cynics had it when I was there.
I didn't. Yes. And the Phoenix one. Were you living there when the Phoenix lights?
I wasn't there. I was on the road on a gig and I was.
That's a big, big, big thing.
It's a mile wide fucking spaceship that sat there for 45 minutes. And people I don't know, and then the governor said it was a joke, and then five years later when he was and he said it was 100 percent real, I couldn't say it. They wouldn't let me. I was there.
But there's enough. I'm just saying, I don't know physically if I could compute it and deal with it, I'd be so fucking scared to death. And I think that's why they're inching us information about it. Like you see the Navy thing where they see it and then, oh, yeah, they're leaking it out and they're leaking it to go.
Guys, it's like say I'll tell your story.
You're like, fuck no. When I was a kid, everyone can tune out. My dad said, This reminds me of what my dad said.
Do you guys want to play Monster? I was four. My brothers are six and eight. And we go, What's that? Because I pretend I'm a monster and I wrestle around and describe as Dave.
I know, you know. Do you get the game? I said, yes. I know it's called monster, it's only a fake name, I'm not a monster, I'm going to fake grab you and tackle you and I'll make noises like a monster. And I go, But you're my dad.
He goes over a hundred times.
He goes, here we go for the fake game or I'm a monster. I go, holy fuck, there's a monster.
I ran into the kitchen, grab my a knife and said, Mom, I'll save you. She looks away, I run and I dive and stab him in the leg.
And this reminds me of why they're not telling us about UFOs, because we're like, we can handle it and we're fine with it.
And then there's a UFO and we fucking freak out. Did you stab stab him in the leg and is from Utah? Sure. It's blood everywhere. How did you not understand the rules? The rules are pretty easy. I understood, Rob, and I'm telling you, I thought I got it. And when he went in or he's a great actor, I don't know.
And my brother's like, what the fuck is this guy doing? I, i it's called thank you. I saved you from the monster. And then I go, wait, he's turning back in.
ADAPTIX is screaming at me and hitting me that I know I love you.
So you think we'll all be like that. We're going know we're ready we're told. Yes.
I think too it's too overwhelming. The odds are 100 percent they're not alone in the universe.
Mom, I still my roommate. What can I get a little more alien in my mom.
So good. Take me to your codeine cough syrup, man.
I can't spare that.
So what? David's putting his hat on now. That's a very subtle way of saying he's done with this interview now only and he's checking even my stories are boring me now.
I know these years are horrible, but mine. No, but I just want to summarize. And so I just I just want to say this before we all go. I want to say this. This is our good night. Good night. We're going to go to a party that nobody else is in place. Should have the music come off like we will.
Oh, I've got really good music. I got I got a report. This has been great. Yeah. Everyone's bleeding. Everything's hit the fan. Thank God.
And you've been great. I'm glad we got to talk about all the stuff.
You're a big star. I'm glad we're buddies. And it's good when we've been we've been pals long time through a lot of a lot of fucking crazy lifestyle out of tuna sandwiches. A lot of roasts are throwing down staircases. Yeah, I see you already.
This is good. Thank you. People always ask me, are you really and ask those dumb questions at the end of the questionnaire or whatever. So every time I do it, it's like all of a sudden I've known David Spade for I've done for 30 years. Now he tells me he stabbed his father. At the at the end of the year, I'll be the first thing I would say. If I were on a podcast, I got a great story, I stabbed my father once, but David Spade no, no, no, no, I, I fairly rah rah rah rah rah rah.
Then we get the stabbed dad story, this is why we podcast people, this is why we're here also. Let's face it, I asked him if he had a big dick and you're not going to get that on Marc Maron for Joe Rogan.
Those guys can all take a backseat. I'm sorry. Struth, anyway, thanks for playing. We will do this again. You have been listening to literally with Rob Lowe, produced and engineered by me, Devon Tory Bryant, executive produced by Rob Lowe for low profile Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross, Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Banan at Stitcher. The supervising producer is Aaron Blair's talent producer, Jennifer Sanders. Please write and review the show on Apple podcast and remember to subscribe on Apple podcast, Stitcher or wherever you get your pockets.
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