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Welcome to love it or leave it back in the closet. Elect. That incredible song, The Last of the Year sent in by Nicholas Howard, if you want to make a back in the closet elect theme song, please send it to leave it at Crooked Dotcom. That's leave it at Crooked Dotcom. They have all been incredible, each one different, each one bringing kind of its own vibe. I think that's great. Before we start to show Crooked just released a new podcast in collaboration with tenderfoot TV called Gaining Ground The New Georgia.


It's hosted by Atlanta natives Jewel Whicker and Rembert Browne. And it will be telling the story of these incredibly important Georgia runoffs in real time. This multipart podcast will visit the front lines with Jewel and remember, as they detail the struggles and triumphs that led to this moment and hear from the organizers, strategists and voters hoping to change the South forever. The trailer and first episode are out now, so go check it out and subscribe to Gaining Ground The New Georgia wherever you get your podcast.


It's an excellent show. Also yesterday on Holier Than Thou, released a very special holiday episode with Crooked Media alum Brittany Patnaik Cunningham. It's a fantastic conversation with Philip and Britney about Jesus Christ and social justice. Check it out and make sure you subscribe to on Holier than Thou wherever you get your podcasts. Later in the show, we are joined by Sam Park, the first openly gay man to be elected to the Georgia legislature to talk about those races. And we're joined by Mikhaila Watkins Lewis fatele, Alice Westerlund, Guy Branum and Akela Hughes returning champions all for a very special award show to round out the year.


But first, back for our last show of the year, comedian, writer and host of, you know, various segments that come and go. They come in, they go, they come, they go. Returning champion Emily Heller. Hello.


Yeah, I've got multiple segments. That's true. One of them I like how you were trying to diminish my accomplishments, but really what you did was falsified my record to make it sound like I have more than one segment that I do regularly.


Whatever you want to know something, I'm going to tell you something. You know what I'm going to say that I'm going to save this this data point for later, OK? It's going to please you too much. I want to save it for the end. Let's get into it.


Woodward over here just sitting on info. What a year. This is our final love it or leave it of twenty twenty and boy is my small talk on Zoome tired boy armi edibles. Tired boy are the awkward first sentences of emails from people who are getting back in touch. Tired boy am I tired. Boy is my PlayStation tired. Boy am I feeling burnt out of this period. Boy do I feel a sense of great loss over what took place over the course of this past year.


Boy am I like many people grappling with depression. Boy, is this depression widespread and especially pernicious because of how hard it is to describe it, apart from the ways in which this year is isolated and broken us boy, are we going through a period of trauma as a nation that will be addressing for years. Boy, has it hit some of us harder than others. Boy, are we not able to understand it because we're still inside of it.


Take my twenty twenty please.


Oh do you feel better. Feel good.


OK, I'm getting it out. We're getting it out in this episode.


It's just so wild to think about the fact that when it turns January 1st, twenty twenty one, none of these problems are going to be around anymore.


That's like the coolest thing about it. Yeah that's the coolest thing about twenty twenty culture is how effective it is at keeping the problems cordoned into this year. That's what I love about it.


I think what's fun for me to think about is like, do you remember in nineteen ninety nine when we were like oh my gosh, it's about to be the year 2000 and we might be leaving behind everything like Y2K might wipe out life as we know it. That would be bad. Questionmark. And now we're like that would be so great. Yeah.


It's like oh Russian hackers took over all our networks, wiped them clean, fresh, wiped them clean up on me.


Daddy, we're going to go through the events of this year. But I did want to talk about a few big stories that happened this week. First of all, most importantly, what everyone's talking about, Poorna purged all unverified content from its website.




Now now, when you visit PornHub, you can be confident that you will see only blue checkmark pornography.


So you're so you're Puranas titles like Support Empowered Threesomes and we need more female garms Altruria all for you.


This step mom is a whole mood.


Is that is the point of that joke that like blue check marks are just constantly appropriating the language of black Twitter.


It seems. It seems, yes. Yes, yes. That is it. That is basically that is basically it. Yeah. This is our holiday episode. Hi. Families Together for the holidays. So, you know, together, together, but, you know, you've got your you will log on, you've turned on the podcast, you're ready to sit around and and laugh about the news, huh?


Pharmacist reported and the FDA confirmed that vials of Pfizer's covid-19 vaccine contain more doses than expected, which means there are more available doses of the vaccine than we thought.


Apparently, Emily, this is like a normal thing. Doesn't explain why everyone's acting so surprised, though. It's a real life Hanukka. The oil lasted eight nights. The vaccine has extra doses and it's a huge win for Jews who went to med school.


Yeah, maybe now your parents will get off your back.


Is this good enough, Mom? I found extra vaccine. Pretty cool.


It is pretty cool. It's the only time, like, I usually think about like extra doses sneaking up on you as a bad thing. Just as a weed user. Absolutely.


Yes. Right. Yes. Like, I also just I just like the idea that, like, the same ethos we apply to, hey, there's a little bit of sauce left in both of these jars. I think it's enough for one meal.


It's close. It's close. But I think we can do it. I think we can do it. I think that's exciting. I love that. I love that about so worried about the hoarding.


This is going to enable people I love. We're just going to be like they'll throw it out.


The other thing I was thinking, too, is that like whenever I see news like this, what I immediately think is like shifty people are calling out their doctors and being like, if there's a little bit left at the bottom, can we can we talk about it? If we talk about a little bit of just a little bit of that, whatever you got there at the bottom of those vials, you may put that aside for me.


Yeah, just earmark it. Yeah. Who is the first? The first person who found it. Do you think it was an automatic like I'm going to tell someone or just like let me get a taste for what might be a little.


Yeah, I've been working hard. I've been working hard. I'm giving people these vaccines. It's a little taste for me. Little taste, a little taste for Dr. Smith. Maybe it's Dr. Smith's turn.


I like how all the doctors are Jewish except for this one in the way.


I want you to know I'm so glad that you pointed that out, because I made a very specific choice, which while I did want to make him a doctor Bergstein, a Doctor Goldbloom, I decided that even though I had briefly referred to Jewish doctors in your moments mere moments ago in this joke, in this moment, I was not going to concede to anti-Semitic, ancient stereotypes of greedy, shifty Jews, miserly hoarding of wealth.


No, no, no, not today. That doctor is a Lutheran. All right. You hear me? The doctor thinking about stealing some vaccine from the bottom in my imagination in this case was Lutheran.


Mike Pence is scheduled to receive the vaccine tomorrow. It will be film so that a positive message can be sent to the whole country.


And that message, Mike Pence, has blood to. I don't think a vaccine would prove that. Like you stick a needle full of vaccine into a sponge, it'll still, like, absorb it. It's not proof that the fund have blood, but they got to they got to put that.


No, they put a little Band-Aid on you put you know, I guess you're right. It could be a performance.


It could be a performance.


On Wednesday, President Emmanuel Macron of France tested. How do you say positive for the coronavirus?


I like that one a lot. I was so in love with that joke that it just now, but the content of it just hit me. I didn't realize that's actually anything.


I know it is upsetting and I didn't when I first read it, I was so I was tickled by it as well. And of course, here's the thing.


The combination of the grim reality of the crisis, both economic and health wise, and the fact that it's remote in some sense for those of us that have been really at home, I've become darker.


I've been willing to go darker just in jokes, just because everything is so grim and it all feels so remote. It exists in a screen. Yeah.


I mean, I think people who are like face to face with it, doctors always have gallows humor and then people who also have humor. It's getting harder and harder to, like, escape from this at any point, because now McCrone has it like Emily and Paris, they're going to have to talk about it.


So first of all, I've talked about this before, but I am really not excited for the first action movie that has like Vin Diesel or The Rock or like Chris Pine saying something like this thing makes coronavirus look like the common cold, you know, like this like like there's like the pandemic villains coming for us in films.


It's going to be very, very, very taxing.


I also think there's a whole bunch of stuff.


It was made like like all these movies that are going to come on HBO, Biomax, to fuck those directors as Warner wanted, but but all those things are going to come to HBO, Max, or all the movies that were shot before, but are going to be delayed like they're going to exist in this strange reality that's like post pandemic, but where the pandemic doesn't exist.


Yeah, I think people are just not going to reference the pandemic as much as we worry that they will in television. Yeah, I think that's right. I think if there's one thing that we've learned from the pandemic is that like we watch TV shows that are 20 years old. And so I think people making TV or like I don't want to watch an episode of Raymond about the Monica Lewinsky scandal.


Yeah, I think that's fair. I think that's fair.


I'm just assuming everyone is thinking about this the way I am, which is like compare yourself to Philip Rosenthal, creator of Everybody Loves Raymond, and thinking what? Absolutely No. One. Absolutely.


Absolutely. I think it's a good thing to think about. Right. You know, it's like he makes Raymond he makes pizzas in his brick oven.


Senator, I'm going to give you two versions of this show. You can decide which one we should have done.


OK, Senator Mitch McConnell finally acknowledged Joe Biden's victory in the presidential election, saying he would honor the will of the voters until Republicans impeach in 2023.


I really joke half a joke, a similar vibe. Here we go. Senator Mitch McConnell finally acknowledged Joe Biden's victory in the presidential election. The bad news, McConnell says it's already too late in his term for Biden to nominate judges.


Get stronger. He needs a little bit stronger, more fun, fun and dark, very dark.


President Trump's neighbors at Mar a Lago are trying to block him from moving there after he vacates the White House next month. They must have heard his speech about having to flush 15 times.


For someone who is so obsessed with how people think of him, the fact that he is so open about how giant Earth are giant and it's so incredible to me. It's a.


In ways large and small, his narcissism is his own undoing. He just thinks that's what poops are. Yeah, and then his also he's like now obsessed with like water pressure in the shower. And I'm convinced it's because he has to shower after he takes it because it's just a job. Yeah.


Really surprised me. That really surprised me with a hat tip to Tim Robbins. That is so funny.


It's just like a Jackson Pollock and they're shit so bad.


He has to wash his hair up like a baby with a diaper. It's a blowout.


Every time you log is burning, there's presents beneath the tree. And what's that coming out of the the Sonus?


What's that on the Aleksa?


We're talking about Trump's yule log.


In other news, President elect Joe Biden picked Pete Budha judge's nomination for Transportation Secretary Amy Klobuchar, who sits on the committee that would oversee transportation, tweeted this. Congratulations to the judge. From roads to rail, there is so much to be done. And I'm looking forward to working with you. I know you will bring both your big ideas and your local government experience to the job.


John and I look forward to welcoming you and chaston to Washington Saturday.


I mean, yes, so close. I think it is. Yeah.


I'm like I'm not going to, like, ask a straight man if it's a dig because he'll say no, but you and I know.


But, you know, we know. And that's right. That's right. That's the power of being a straight man. That wouldn't faze you. You'd say thank you. Let's have that.


Yeah, but the combination of the local government experience and government experience.




And the welcome to Washington. Oh yeah. Love. I love. But there's plausible deniability for Amy too. I respect the hell out of it.


I respect the hell that it's a very Minnesota way of being let bygones be bygones.


You know, I, I think it's fun. It's fun. I hope it continues. You're right.


I mean, it's like, OK, when you watch a TV show and two characters have like that kind of relationship, are you ever like, hey, would you knock it off?


No, you're like, I don't wanna get those two people on screen together.


Yes, I guess it is true. However, it is thrilling in year six or seven when there's the bottle episode and they're both trapped in the elevator and they realize they have to join forces. Right. You know. Yeah. So maybe that's where we're heading. And in this case, the bottle episode is light rail, right?


According to a report in Politico, Trump appointed science adviser Paul Alexander wrote in a July Fourth email, Happy Independence Day that covid-19 should be allowed to spread uncontrolled in the U.S. in order to establish herd immunity, in his words, quote, We want them infected, end quote. Congrats to Trump. It is the one plan he ever successfully followed through on promises made, promises kept.


Unbelievable. It's so awful. It's almost as if that was there. I don't know how you would say it's like their their last solution for final fix.


I don't know what it is and what I mean, like there's a way to somebody like that anyway.


I feel like if you could just come up with like a really catchy name for it, people might have gotten on board, literally on board all of it. Oh, God. Really got hot pasta. Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas.


Merry Christmas. But Emily. Yeah, this is our last show of the year, and it's hard to believe how much has happened. Remember in January when we impeach the president?


Me neither.


Remember when Pete won the Iowa caucuses, but was also accused of a conspiracy theory that would mean he wanted us to not know he won, thereby denying him any momentum from the win. And then a bunch of people on Twitter started crafting more and more elaborate theories, including one that actually involves me, one of the puppet masters of Mayor Pete's rise, when if I were good at rigging anything, Elizabeth Warren would be president. And then some of the people started calling Pete a rat and a snake.


And meanwhile, all the while, Biden was in a basement in Delaware listening to the soundtrack from Rocky Ford doing push ups, learning how to connect on Zoom and getting ready to prove every Twitter pundit wrong except Simmons, Sanders and Josh Barro. I remember that either.


No, I don't remember that at all. Never happened. Too much happened this year. I'm eager for twenty, twenty one to allow for these kinds of scandals again, you know, like just the kind of like just lower stick. I just want to let some lower stakes. Yeah.


Ones that are just likes killing thousands of people.


Yeah that'd be nice. Very nice. Yeah. Get that vaccine. I will say though I am glad that I went to a buffet in Las Vegas twice while I was there for the caucuses and it was so extreme, it was so crazy to go to one of these giant buffets twice, like twice.


But I'm so glad I did because I didn't know that we would soon get back. And then on March 11th, on the same day the World Health Organization declared the coronavirus outbreak a pandemic, the NBA suspended its season. Harvey Weinstein was sentenced to three years in prison. Tom Hanks announced he and Rita Wilson tested positive and. Worst of all, parts of America was forced to cancel our Phoenix show. That's the one that we're all still thinking about.


I think I do think I'm very glad that cooler heads prevailed in my effort to go to Seattle. I was there was one last live show and it was like it was as it was taking root in Seattle. And we didn't know that it wasn't. We now know more. We just have, like, just sort of came out.


We were just sort of like everyone just wash your hands and that's all you need to do.


Yeah. Wash your hands. Don't touch your face. And I was like, should we just do the show? How bad does it get to you?


Cancel Kadry canceled. Gladwin canceled. Yeah. 20-20 was also the year that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle quit the royal family and moved to Los Angeles to start a media company. But it's a little embarrassing because leaving the government to start a podcast network in L.A. is very 2017.


Have they asked you for advice yet?


It's radio silence from Harry and Megan. Radio silence. Not a note, not a how are you not. We're in town. Not a brunch invite.


Nothing in it. Because I don't know why I feel like this. Because you're not supposed to feel like this about royalty. But with them, I feel like I feel like I'm supposed to meet them at some point. We don't run in the same circles, but I feel convinced our paths will cross. I don't know why I feel that way about them. I mean, I like to work, friend.


It's up to me. We'll all be together at the Improv in 2021. All right. They're coming in. They're doing OK. Stop with the crown. That's my plan.


I just came up with it. Don't tell them. Don't tell them. They'll never do it.


They're just going to say, OK, stop immediately and not have commentary. This is going to be begging you to actually stop making them watch the crowd.


Are they going to have Meghan Markle play herself on the ground?


That's such an interesting idea. I can't imagine that that is a good idea for them.


I mean, you know, I'm in Cambridge with the queen, huh? Well, have you watched? She's good.


I've never seen suits. I was watching it after she became a princess because I was like, what's your deal?


Suits, to me are the least appealing part of work. Wearing the suit, I hated wearing a suit, wore a suit for years. And it's like, why are we making the suit so important here?


What about that? I didn't know the pun about like lawsuits and guys. Oh, OK.


OK, that is I'm not joking. I'm saying that that is the idea that there was a pun baked into the world suits is 100 percent something I am finding out in this moment.


Never occurred to me. I didn't get it. Now I get it suits.


I'll, I'll be honest with you, I didn't get it until my husband pointed out to me was like classic Peter classic Peter Emily Heller, thank you so much for being here.


As always. A source of stability, joy and joy. Yeah.


Humor, optimism in an otherwise chaotic and grim time. Thank you for always being such a joy on this show.


And as we celebrate the holiday spirit of this season, I'm not going to do a garden show right now.


Thank you so much. Thank you for sparing me that. Even if people in the audience are desperate for it, for me that means a lot is a it's a gift to me. And I'm grateful.


We know that you are the only one who's excited about this not happening right now. I mean, the church has sold out. I will tell you something now, you know what, no, I'm not going to you know what? You know what I was going to tell you and I'm not.


When we come back, I talked to Sam Park about the runoffs in Georgia.


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Dotcom Elvy and we're back is the first openly gay man and the first Asian-American Democrat in the Georgia legislature. Please welcome Representative Sam Park. Thank you so much for being here.


Thank you for having me, John. Happy to be here. So what are you seeing on the ground right now in these runoffs? What's happening right now?


Yeah, so I think context is always important, but I think all of the elements, all the pieces that allow Georgia to turn blue during the November elections are very much in place. And I think especially with in a lot of these communities who turned out for the very first time, there's a lot of momentum and they saw how important their vote is. And they really, I think for the first time, understood the influence they potentially had in terms of all of these elections.


And so, you know, based on conversations, based on what I've seen on the ground, there's an incredible amount of enthusiasm amongst voters of color and young voters. But of course, there are challenges as well, particularly in that a lot of these first time voters haven't voted in a runoff election. So, of course, part of the job that we're all doing is encouraging them not to only utilize the power that they have once more, but to provide timely and accurate information about how they can ensure their vote counts.


That's on the Democratic side, of course, on the Republican side, it's quite honestly been fascinating because we're currently in the midst of a GOP civil war in which Secretary Raffensperger Brian can not only certify the results of the election after three recounts, they followed the law and demonstrated integrity, at least as to that component. Yeah, but of course, we continue to have Senator Loffler and David Perdue stand in support of these lies. That is really doing irreparable damage and quite frankly, furthering the objectives of our foreign adversaries and undermining the integrity of our elections and trust an American democracy.


And I hope voters, when they are coming out to vote right now and of course, you know, by January 1st, understand what's at stake and really understand what Senator Loffler and Perdue are doing and the action and the implications of their actions.


So we just went through the general election. What did we learn in where people turned out? The you know, obviously it ended up being closed. And we've heard about Georgia changing for a long time. It's finally happening. We're in the middle of it.


Where did we do better than we expected? Where do we have challenges? Like what are the lessons from the general that are applying right now to help John, to help Raphael Warnock?


So, you know, back in twenty eighteen, Stacey. Deployed the correct strategy, in my opinion, of harnessing the opportunities that exist in Georgia, which is empowering communities of color, the state of Georgia demographically is becoming a force more diverse. But that diversity, of course, in part is being driven by people who are moving into the state. But also, I think it's simply generational change. I'm born and raised in Georgia, and when I let folks know that I'm an openly gay Asian-American Georgia state representative, they're shocked because the understanding of Georgia, based on our representation and rightly so, is that it's a bunch of old white conservative.


Right. That's not the future of the state. And quite frankly, that's not the present reality of our state's population. And so I think the approach that Stacey took in twenty eighteen, which was the first in Georgia of building a multiracial, multigenerational coalition by first and foremost, empowering these voters, empowering Georgians by getting them registered to vote and then encouraging them, inspiring them to utilize the power that they have is the correct approach. And we saw the impact of that, I think most clearly here in Gwinnett and maybe I may be a little bit biased just because I'm a I'm the chairman of the delegation.


My district is located centrally right here in the heart of the county seat, the city of Lawrenceville. But I don't think it's mere coincidence that Carolyn Bordo from the Georgia congressional district was the only seat in the entire country that flipped from red to blue. And her success was driven by, again, young communities of color voting in unprecedented numbers. And quite frankly, I think the path forward is just that. It's harnessing the next generation and maintaining and continuing to build upon the multigenerational multiracial coalition that exists in Georgia.


So, you know, it's interesting, even just hearing you say that, you know, I think because the stakes of these elections have been so extraordinarily high, just the desperation to win has made so much of our conversation around just are we electing Democrats? Are we electing Republicans? You're the first openly gay man to be elected in Georgia to the legislature. I guess I obviously know it's going to be a mix, but how much do you attribute that to a changing electorate and how much do you attribute that to actually reaching voters who are changing in real time on this issue?


You know, you said yourself there's the stereotype of an older white conservative voter. How much of your campaign do you feel like you went to people and showed them that that voting for a gay person was no big deal?


What my election taught me was that character matters. And I think a new electorate, what they ultimately want, they want effective, competent leaders that are able to get the job done and to when all is said and done, serve them. My conversations with most Georgians and having grown up and lived in Georgia my entire life, folks aren't ideologues, right? They're not extremists on either side. And particularly when it comes to first time voters who tend to be apolitical, oftentimes they just simply want effective government.


And I think in light of the abysmal failures of the Trump administration, where it's not necessarily partisan, but it's what has the American government done in the face of the worst public health crisis in this country's history? What has the Republican Party done when it comes to addressing the economic the growing economic inequities, the social unrest that continues to bubble up because it's never been properly addressed? I'm going back to the very beginning of our country. And so I think what's really driving a lot of folks in terms of first time voters, as well as moderates and independents who typically tend to turn out is the desire simply to have effective government.


And I think that bodes well because the Democratic Party is the only party right now that actually acknowledges the problems in which we face. We're not, unfortunately, led by Trump. The Republican Party seems to become detached from reality, which I think is such a dangerous thing in this moment in which we are facing imminent threats and dangers. The fact that we are living through a mass casualty event, we're already three hundred thousand Americans have lost their lives and we're just about to enter into the worst part of this pendulum, right?


Yeah, it's terrifying and concerning. But at the same time, I think it's also important to understand the root cause and address what's driving traditionally conservative voters further to the right, whether it is the loss of identity, whether it is economic uncertainty, in order for us to ultimately overcome, persevere and overcome the current challenges that we're facing, I think we have to come together. We have to find common ground, which which I know Biden is doing everything they can to foster.


And that's the same is very much true when it comes to. One state politics as well. What are what are some ways people like, I think, you know, there's been this concern about people from out of state coming in. There's been questions about the efficacy of money. What do you think people listening right now outside of Georgia can do to help win these runoffs right now?


Volunteer and donate. And there are many. First and foremost, Reverend Warnock and John Alsop's campaigns go directly to their websites, sign up to volunteer on both of their campaigns, contribute to both of their campaigns, and then support all of the additional infrastructure that's built around. There is a coordinated campaign going through the Democratic Party of Georgia. Again, donate and volunteer to the Democratic Party of Georgia and then support the local grassroots community groups who are really on the front lines of this transformative work.


You know, oftentimes I've read so many articles saying after the twenty eighteen gubernatorial election, states really began her efforts on changing the electorate know Stacy has been engaged in this work for the past decade. She's invested all of her time and energy again in empowering people through organizations like the new Georgia Project that's registering hundreds of thousands of folks in the state in conjunction with other community based organizations like Asian Americans Advancing Justice and Asian-American Advocacy Fund, along with many other PACs who are again, members of the community who are working to organize their own communities, empower their own communities, and ultimately turn them out for our shared objectives of making progress and getting through these incredibly challenging times.


Last question. What's the game show you're streaming right now?


The gayest show I'm streaming. Does it need to have it just as of like I would count the crown? I think it evokes certain homosexual qualities. What is the how does Netflix know you're gay? That's the question, really. Netflix knows I'm gay. It knows the algorithm knows. How do your streaming algorithms know that you're a gay person?


So Poes, of course, is fabulous. But of course, I flew through that a while back ago, legendary on HBO. Max is fabulous as well. And then I just saw a preview of season 13 of Lupo's Drag Race in the works. Wow.


All right. That's wow. That's great. That's good. That's great. Sam Park, thank you so much. It's good to talk to you. And let's go in these runoffs. And if you go to vote, save America Dotcom, you can support a lot of the organizations and volunteer with the organizations that the Representative Southpark talked about.


Thanks a lot. Thanks for having me. Thank you so much, Sam Park, for being here. When we come back, it's time for the Quarantine Choice Awards. Don't go anywhere. Love it or leave it.


And there's more on the way.


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And we're back. Let's face it. Twenty twenty was a very hard year. It made 2001 look like 1999. And so we decided to send it off in style with what we are calling the first and hopefully last annual Quarantine Choice Awards.


We have invited five of our favorite comedians returning champions, all to join us to determine who will receive the prestigious Golden Pangolin. First up, we have comedian, actress and a co-host of Hysteria. Please welcome back returning champion guests from the very first episode of Love It or Leave It one hundred and seventy episodes ago. Michaela Watkins, good to see you.


Hi, great to see you. Thanks for having me back. This is my favorite show on Radio Vision. Thank you.


Thank you so much for saying that. Yeah, well, we are doing the Quarantine Choice Awards and you are here as the voter, the only voter, the judge in a specific category, the Hydroxy Chloroquine Award, for absolutely knowing nothing about them before 2020.


And so I'm going to share the nominees and you can tell us what you think about them and who deserves this award according to a standard you'll devise yourself, OK, in real time.


All right, good. I'm very geggie. This should be easy.


It could be about how much you like these people. It could be about how much you've learned about them. It could be about how much more you've learned about them, how little you knew about them before. It's really up to you. That's the beauty of these choice awards.


The people decide and the nominees are first.


Dr. Anthony Fauci, someone to think, OK, Molly it, Claudia Conway, ha kay.


And 95 masks the the case, something that is important in ways we don't totally understand. The front facing camera, Twitter comedians, the Michigan canvassing board. Oh, and finally, Tony Babinski. Now feel free to discuss any of these with any very thoughts on your mind, if anything, about Foushee has come to your attention.


I'm just not blanking on Tony Babinski, but I have a feeling with a name like that, maybe it's best I'll remind you that he was involved in something having to do with efforts to drum up Hunter Biden news.


Oh, yeah. He was a Hunter Biden associate, that punk.


He was on the hunt for Hunter.


OK, I'm going to say in terms of all of this, all of the above are things I never knew other than Dr. Foushee, maybe because his name came up once or twice before hydrochloric.


But I'm going to say it might be Claudia Conway like hydrochloric klinz, 15 minutes. We might have seen Claudia's. I'm not sure she might be here to stay. Was it a moment was it a blip in time?


Are we going to, like, come back and go?


We should have listened more to Hydrochloric Queen and Claudia Conway. I don't know. But I'm going to say that she really came out the scene hard. Yeah, she did.


Yes. Everybody loved her and wanted her. She did something to make people feel better. She did something to make some others feel not so great. That's right. Because I know what the K and K and ninety five stands for so I can share with you if you want. Well I have one.


I have one. And listen, I'm just going to tell you what you inside of my pandemic quarantine right now, which is OK, I'm here with Ronan's family and there was a snowstorm today so I didn't do it today. But basically every morning I borrow Mia Farrow's car.


As you do this one, I put on a can 995 mask and I alternate I alternate between Dunkin Donuts, drive thru McDonald's, drive thru at Starbucks, drive through where I get each one's version of a large iced coffee and each one's version of a breakfast sandwich. Oh, wow. And the rotation by Variety is the spice of life Macala. Have you found that?


Well, I hope they have a drive through dialysis machine because that's where you're headed.


I don't I don't think due to a mixed dialysis. Oh that's a that's an 11. You have to order at eleven.


The the one is obviously the big man.


That's the classic. I mean by the time you get to eleven, you know, it's dialysis. Yeah. It's helping to clean your blood. Here's the thing.


I would like to say that Claudia Conway has done as much for covid and as much for like bringing down the Congres as maybe hydrochloric queen has done for covid, which is like not really much like they're still going.


That's so funny, that's so funny. You've done for this moment what hydroxy chloroquine did for covid nothing.


She did nothing worse than it didn't really help. It didn't really make a lot of headlines.


It made a lot of headlines. But but, you know, it shouldn't be her job to do it. She's their child as a teen and she is a child.


But an award nonetheless, almost as young as hydrochloric. Mm hmm. I'm not even saying it right.


But it doesn't matter that. Correct. It doesn't matter. And shout out to people with lupus. You have to take it. And you were pretty annoyed that a bunch of other people were taking it for no reason.


Yeah. It's like when you've been listening to Wilco and all of a sudden everybody's like, have you heard Jeff Tweedy's amazing. You're like, I've been listening to Stoneville and the you is useless.


That's how people with lupus feel. Yeah. Yankee Hotel, Foxtrot whiskey.


I'm sorry that before that I told you. Yeah. Uncle Tupelo.


You know what I mean. Yeah. Back that back in the day.


So yeah. So while back the Wilco fans will know what I'm talking about really.


Well there are, there are Wilco fans screaming right now. They are freaking out, they are seen, they're freaking out.


They are saying yes, yes, I see you.


OK, I the golden pangolin goes to you. Claudia Conway, a teen who is thrust into the national spotlight due to the moral failings of the people charged with raising you. Right. And yet you shone bright and we salute you.


They that they could make some money out of you and you don't work.


All right, well, it's great to see you, Michaela Watkins, everybody, returning champion, Michaela Watkins.


Next up, we have comedian, actress and host of What a Day returning champion, my buddy, my pal, my my Los Angeles friend who moved to L.A. and then I went e that I haven't seen. And we could have gone on walks during this terrible time. Yeah.


Achilleas Hey, how are you doing, John?


It's good to see you. Now I'm going to put you on the spot. Now, I understand that there was a love connection earlier today. Well, I sure hope so. Involving a Christmas tree. Would you mind telling us about it?


Yeah, I needed a Christmas tree as it is Christmas. And I was running out of time and I went several places that had Christmas trees, but they were they were all out.


And I went to Mr. Jingles out here in L.A. and the sexiest lumberjack in history carried this giant tree to my car and tied it on there. And I just I realized that, you know, maybe maybe there are good things on Earth. So maybe it's not all Darcis and maybe I need another Christmas tree because I was very awkward.


I think having a mask kind of messes up my game, but there should be a love connection like it's me I'm here.


Maybe the listener, maybe as a listener. I hope so. Maybe something. I hope so, yeah. All right, Akela.


So that's my update is I'm flirting with a man who doesn't know I exist. I'm literally just another tree customer to him.


But you're just you're just two eyes and thirty dollars. Exactly. That was me.


I actually have never I don't know if you told me, obviously, as a Jewish person, I have no contact with buying Christmas trees. If you would have told me that. Oh, a tree it costs. I don't know what how much is a Christmas tree in Los Angeles cost?


I'm sure there were cheaper ones, but mine was eighty dollars. Eighty dollars. That seems OK to me for a whole.


It's a whole tree on the tree grow for a long time, right. Yeah, it's years. Right. Six years.


So it's like, you know, there's trees that aren't ready yet. There are trees that are just planted in the places where this year's trees were cut down. I'm sure it's very complicated.


I wouldn't know that. I also like a large hot man, had to carry it to my car, got to pay him.


I'm picturing flannel. Was there a flannel and was totally fine. He knows what he's doing.


All right, honey. Oh, so let's just be clear about something. An actor brought your tree to your car.


Yeah, totally, totally hot actor who couldn't get any work because there's nothing shooting is now working at a really great Christmas tree farm. And help me out. And I love it. I love the fires of Los Angeles. That's why I moved here.


So, Akela, you were here for a very specific reason. We are doing the Quarantine Choice Awards. We were going to call them the pandemic's. But then it turns out The Daily Show had that idea some time ago. And so you be presenting one of the Quarantine Choice Awards, the nice try but no thanks award.


And basically this is an award about attempts, people who tried things.


And I'm going to read you the nominees and you can discuss the nominees as we go and then share with us who you believe deserves, for whatever reasons you believe they do deserve the Quarantine Choice Award.


All right. I'm excited. I'm happy to hand it out. And I hope that they feel honored to be nominated.


The nominees are again, this is a word about attempts. Nice try, but Novick's the immagine video.


Oh, yeah. They really jumped the gun on that one.


It was like fifteen minutes into being at home and they were like, people need this, you know, fast forward six months and people are just like we're going to go out to eat or just kind of like we're just going to like, you know, do that rugged individualism that America was built on.


Yeah. We don't need any songs to imagine. Hey, these people are outside.


We saw the video that you made and then we imagined pretending the pandemic didn't exist and it worked. We just didn't get like that's actually I'm putting this on Natalie Portman.


Sorry that it happened. I mean, it was a great attempt. It was a little quick, you know, like they didn't even send around what key it was going to be in maybe a sample of what it should sound like. It was just haphazardly edited together. There was some like no names in there that I'm like, who is that?


They should imagine my confusion right now.


They should imagine putting a Kyron at the box. Has their name next nominee. Trump trying to make us believe Dominion stole the election.


Man, you know, it was listen, I think it was a very long attempt, and I don't even know that it's over. I think that it's an ongoing integrity.


Yeah, it's maybe permanent, maybe permanent forever. Yeah. Like somebody must have taken it. Probably the American citizens who voted against him.


But, you know, I think that for me, this wasn't really that great of an attempt, because the truth is this should have been a layup for Trump as far as an election went. If he had just done the right thing for covid. Yeah, like America loves to rally around itself.


He completely screwed himself. You know who lost that election? Donald Trump. You know who stole that from himself? Donald Trump.


Yeah, he did. Stop the steal. Look in the mirror.


Yeah, look in the mirror. Jesus Christ. Next nominee, Nancy Pelosi wearing a can't take off. OK, yeah, this is a big swing from old Nance, and I get it right, you know, we were all trying to show support. It wasn't a black square.


It was just, you know, Achint Square that none of us cared about.


Like a got to say, it did not make me feel any better about the police nor the state of our union. It was just sort of like, all right. And also, I think it was a little late because, you know, when Kaepernick was kneeling, where where was that energy?


Like all of a sudden we're all excited to NESA was your Canticle, either the dry cleaners where exactly she was like, I couldn't find it then, but now now that we're all doing it and, you know, I appreciate I feel like I got to I got to give white people who meanwell a little bit of credit, like I had a lot of really nice, well-meaning white friends in L.A. that brought me gifts when George Floyd died, which is crazy.


I they thought, you know, this will help. And I had a lot of cupcakes. My housemate doesn't eat them. I have a ton of food now. And you really just want me to tell you you're a good white person, even with this award. That's what I'd be doing for Nancy.


And I believe she doesn't need that from me. But I will say, I understand that we were trying to make people feel better and the cloth looks fly. You know, it's hard to look bad.


It can't take long.


Next up, Trump tear gassing protesters to hold up a Bible.


Oh, upside down as well. People always forget that detail. It was never upside right in any of the photos, which is why it seemed even more sinister. I'm like, wait, what are you doing?


You know, there's a fundamental problem with all photo ops, which is so he's very aware of the photo and he's aware of the video, but like he was standing there for a picture. But the key to a good event is you have to have something that works both for the photo, which he did right. He had the Bible that would have worked for the photo. I'm not saying I like it. I'm just saying, like, from their point of view, it's the photo they wanted.


But he didn't have a plan for how to make a video. Right. He didn't have a plan for what to say or do with the Bible, which he held.


Yeah, there was no before or after. Yes. Yes. There's this I'm standing outside of a church with my favorite book, the Bible, and we're like, we have questions about how you got there. It's like, was it when you bombed them, firebombed for Jesus?


It's that also when he held the Bible, he held the Bible with the familiarity of a single man in his mid 40s who never married and never had kids and is never around kids, is handed a baby like he was like totally.


Yeah. He's like, I don't want to break it.


My got a baby. This is five. OK, I think the Bible back up yet. Yeah. I don't want to break them out. Confused about what to do with the neck.


And these are pages here. That's interesting. So how's school. It's not at school. Yes. No I think it's, I think it's a really cute Bible.


Yeah. It's a really cute Bible, but it's not based on other Bibles I've seen.


That's just I think this Bible wants you back. I think I want you back.


It's crying, though. Those are the protesters.


I messed up. Messed up.


It's messed up. You know what? It's the end of a dark year. All right? Yeah. We're trying to get through it. We're just getting getting these things out. Yeah. All right. We're getting them out.


We're doing it. I feel it. All right. And finally, you know what? I'm calling that the last nominee, because the next no, I don't know what the next one is.


I'd have to know how dark it is clapping for health care workers instead of giving them PPE. Oh, wow. Yeah.


Now is to me, that is got to be the most American of the entire list. These are the American Quarantine Choice Awards. Yeah.


Yeah. The clapping thing. We didn't really do it in West Hollywood. Got to say, like we don't have like a balcony or anything. So yeah, it was just like me standing outside in the driveway.


I was in New York. The New York did it hard. Yeah.


And I think that, like, it became this nationwide phenomena because New York has balconies and it was like this whole cinematic thing and it made sense. And also people were at home.


It was really bad there.


Everyone else was just like still going to Chili's, but like clapping. It's like honk if you love the people who are on the front lines like that doesn't help anymore.


Oh, I'm not going to do anything to make their their world like you still have to go to the movies.


It's important for my birthday. Yeah. A party. But I applaud you all for taking care of the fallout.


Yeah, my boyfriend has a cough but we're not going to skip a date night.


Right. So, you know, I think that, like, America really, really didn't follow through. So I got to say, like, as far as the temps go, not even not definitive.


Not even I can start clapping now. Is that mean? I'm part of it.


That's I clap all the time. Does it matter? Akela, you have the nominees. They are the immagine video. Trump and Dominion. Nancy Pelosi in a kente cloth trump tear gassing protesters to hold the Bible and clapping but not helping health.


Care workers who will receive the golden pangolin statue, the penguin, no, the Topanga is what we named it. OK, I got to go with Nancy Pelosi and the kente cloth. And here's the thing. She meant well from the beginning. It didn't seem like it was for necessarily attention. She was going to be seen in public that day, whether she liked it or not. And she was like, you know what? I'm going to show some support.


And if it's a little corny and also, like, misses the point because, like, who's been wearing can take Louthan, like the African-American community since like the 90s. But anyway, whatever like, you know, it was just a vaguely black thing she tried to do. And that's all you can hope for from an octogenarian.


I want to say, you know, I appreciate it.


Akela appreciates it. That's why Nancy Pelosi is the first winner of this year's Quarantine Choice Award for attempts. The nice try, but no thanks prize. Hughes, it's always wonderful to see you. What a delight.


I know John Levitt, you are just a dream. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. Merry Christmas to you. I hope. I hope you can wake up and have some cocoa with your lumberjack tree actor man.


Yeah, hopefully some fan fiction or a pilot about it. No one finds the joy in that.


Then you cast him because he's he's waiting, waiting for you in one way or another. He's waiting for you. Thank you.


He is the co-host to keep it and our resident crooked pop culture expert. Please welcome returning champion Louis Fertel. Oh, my God.


Only you would know that the phrase returning champion would, like, hit me so hard there could be no finer phrase to bestow upon me. It's not even true, by the way, almost like, for instance, I lost on Jeopardy. So you're lying, but I appreciate it.


You're you are our returning champion. And many people have lost on jeopardy. Many people have won on Jeopardy, but few have created a snap. Jeff, that has become eternal, right?


No, I mean, pizzazz is exactly that eternal. And that's what I brought. And unfortunately, you can't revoke it.


So. So Luis is here to help us with the Quarantine Choice Awards. This is the category of best film we saw this year. In a year with very few films, he's going to hear the nominees. He's going to judge the nominees, and he's going to determine who deserves this year's Quarantine Choice Awards. The nominees are Palm Springs.


OK, enjoyed it. A little familiar for me, but had fun moments. I actually loved Palm Springs and I really I really did love it. I thought it was so entertaining. I watched it twice because I what else are we going to do?


But I also just love the idea of like saying like I have this idea for a movie and is like, oh, what is it?


It's do you ever see Groundhog Day just starting right with that girl?


Yeah, that's it. That's the idea. What about it again. Yeah. And I was like, I'm in. That's a great idea for a movie. And I actually think now Groundhog Day is a genre. You have your edges of tomorrow, those birthday movies. You have that one where Wayne's brother was nude.


You sounded like Tipper Gore when you said that, like really, really scandalized Russian doll of to say, Russian ambuhl, Russian doll.


I actually prefer to Palm Springs, but. Yes, exactly. No, I mean, a lot of people would say the same thing about popular music, like, is this a rip off or is it a pastiche, etc.. It it turns into a genre.


Yeah, I'm excited about the live a day over and over again genre. I'm in more. I'm not. I'm not. I want more, I want more edges of tomorrow. I want Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt repeating the same day over and over again.


I'm in I'm just like completely in works in particular for Tom Cruise because there's already a delirium about him. So it's like thematically matches up.


What did you think of Tom Cruise losing his shit on the set of I guess it's mission impossible, right?


Weirdly, we didn't get to talk about this on keep it. It happened milliseconds after we recorded, which as listeners of the podcast know, happens to us a lot. Well, nothing he said struck me as wrong or nothing he said was an ad hominem attack.


So that I supported that said I like of the millennial generation.


And I do think it's abusive behavior. I don't think anybody should be subject to that honesty. And I think you could handle it in a way that was less like I have this much power and I'm truly pointing a finger. I can't imagine him not pointing a finger as he does this stuff. So I am happy he was so pro science, shall we say, and a little bit angry at the how much people are applauding him for going that crazy, as if somehow it was very welcome.




So I, I agree there is no excuse for losing your temper like that. Totally. Totally. Yes. So obviously I think that's a problem. However, there are two parts of the content at which he lost me.


One is he's doing so well, you know, because what Christian Bale lost his shit in a similar way and it was about someone getting in his line of sight during a take write like this is this is about something serious.


OK, I, I do respect that one.


When he said I sleep with the industry, like the industry rests on his shoulders, it's like, OK, time we were on your side and now all of a sudden you're holding up the whole industry.


You have the pressure of saving film on your back and that's why you're upset.


It's a bit dramatic. Like I know you're we're all in the scene with you here. Give us a break. And then two, there's a moment where he says something like, I can talk to your logic, I can talk to your reason.


I'm like, are you? That is Scientology, right?


Are hearing some Scientology seeping through here. You're not talking to us as individuals. You're talking to the logic in us. Right.


I don't really know much more about the lower the feet and ghosts. He was addressing the room. Yes. Yeah.


Also, when he said the thing about the industry rests on my shoulders, it reminded me a little bit of the Charlie Sheen freak out where he said, and I won best picture when I was seventeen for Platoon or whatever. It's like, no, you don't win best picture. You were you were in the film or whatever picture wins.


Best Picture Picture wins best picture. These are the rules. Yeah. These are the rules producer accepts that one we don't know. I don't know why right then those are the rules. Next nominee after Palm Springs, we have the tick tock of that guy skateboarding, drinking, cranberry juice. We have the close up of Dr. Berk's when Trump said we should drink bleach, we have Emily in Paris. That was a I was a sleeper nominee. I haven't seen it.


Tomi's watched every episode.


I have no, that's like the thing I know most about Tommy now is that he has somehow sat through the entire thing.


It is one of the more bizarre lead performances on television in recent years. It is like if Kristin Davis on Sex and the City were drunk. That's what it's like, the whole show.


I think that's cool. I think that's I'm not saying it's bad. It just is.


Next nominee, the Crown's Gillian Anderson doing an impression of Margaret Thatcher.


I will say this for a show that, like not too many people on that show are doing impressions that are like dead on there, like impressionistic versions of the people.


So for her to kind of go very hard on picking a vocal tic and a thing of Margaret Thatcher's and seeking it out, I applaud. That said, it really is like she is playing an alien and Mars attacks.


I mean, just the strangest confusing version of Margaret Thatcher. It's too slow. It's too also just I felt her arc on the show did not have enough impact for me.


I did. Yes. I went back and I was like, I don't actually know enough about what Margaret Thatcher sounded like. In fact, I'm actually realizing as I watch this that I'm not comparing Gillian Anderson to Margaret Thatcher. I'm comparing Gillian Anderson to Meryl Streep. Right.


And then you realize we is Gillian Anderson doing an impression of Margaret Thatcher or is she doing an impression of Meryl Streep doing an impression of Margaret Thatcher? And either way, I agree.


I just wanted to be very like you have Olivia Colman just sort of disappearing in this wry version of this woman and you have Helena Bonham Carter continuing to exist in this world without really much reason. Right. And then and then all around them, there are impressionists just like like rich little level acting.


And I love it. I love it. I was in it was camp. I'm in. I'm in on it. I'm going to give you two more nominees. We have Demi added you Eastbay dancing on top of a car at a gas station after Biden won the election. And finally, we have Smokey Robinson saying, surprise, surprise, happy chanukkah.


First of all, Smokey is just on Cameo. That's it's too large. It's like if you could just, like, talk to Elvis Presley on Cameo. It's really insane.


I don't understand Cameo. I find its prevalence somewhat chilling. I don't understand the economics of Cameo. There are people that seem like they have too much money on Cameo. I don't get it right. I don't get it.


And also, if I pay enough money, I can like learn what Jeremy Piven Kitchen looks like. It's just like frightening. You know, it's too much power at any meal.


And it does also seem as though like a full 30 percent of cameos are tricks like they've been tricked into saying something totally feels high risk, low reward. But maybe I'm wrong. I don't come after me cameo people. I do think Tommy at one point sign me up as a joke. And it led to an awkward conversation of me saying, no, thank you.


I reject this nomination. Yeah, but I do like Smokey Robinson saying surprise, surprise is like I just sometimes I'll just need to hear it. He just says it in this like this it's this beautiful lyrical way that, like, if he wakes surprise, surprise. It's like a song in and of itself and then he's got me now I'm like, no, I'm in. I want to see where this story goes as a film. And then it goes to Happy Chanukkah.


And he says it in such a joyful, guileless way that you come at the end, you're at the end of it. You're like, listen, you didn't know the thing at the front was for Hanukkah. That never came your way. I'm cool with it. I'm cool with it right now.


The fact that he had no guests at all like that, it wasn't even like this is a real holiday. It's I'm being put on immediately. Like, I know you think I look like an idiot right now, but let me tell you, whatever you want and enjoy yourself was sort of the message you gave us.


So winning. So winning. And a lesson for all of us. Don't you don't need to pretend you take things as they come and you're honest about them. And it's quite lovable. I'm in I'm in Smokey Robinson. It was nice to be reminded to see him just like, you know, hey, Smokey Robinson is out there doing stuff that was nice to see. Right. So you have the nominees, Louis. You're going to choose the winner of the Golden Pangolin.


It's Palm Springs, the ticktock cranberry juice guy. Dr. Burks, when Trump said we should drink bleach, Emily and Paris, Gillian Anderson doing an impression. Demi did you eBay and Smokey Robinson.


I almost picked Dr. Burks because Deqi culture and Ascott culture are very underrepresented. We don't have like Charles Nelson Riley's anymore. So, you know, like the movie network, we're like the estranged wife bursts into tears. All wearing an amazing ascot, so I do have to go with the Fleetwood Mac guy because one Fleetwood Mac awareness is on the up and I applaud any youngster video tick tock that continues to buttress them.


I'm a little upset. We're not getting more. Christine McVie, love. It seems to be squarely planted on Stevie. Let's get a little more sophisticated. Thank you. But also, it's just one of those things you've watched 20 times without even thinking about it.


And that's what being on the Internet is all about. And that's what I think Best Picture will soon turn into. So I'm going to vote for that.


So congrats to you, guy. On a skateboard, drinking cranberry juice. You've won the golden pangolin at this year's Quarantine Choice Awards. Lewis, thank you for being here.


Before I let you go to mark the end of the year, lets let's see what you got.


Again, this is unplanned. In fact, I know Louise has no idea what year I'm going to say or category. I'm going to ask because I don't know what I'm going to ask. Best Supporting Actress, 1996 Oscars.


It's one of my favorite years because you have one of the greatest actresses of all time, Juliette Binoche, winning for the English Patient. Not a movie that people love, but she is very rich. And I recommend Juliette Binoche specifically in the movie Damage with Jeremy Irons, which I love. But that year she famously beat Lauren Bacall in the Mirror has two faces. And Lauren Bacall, as you know, is unfriendly.


And I would not want to do that to her. Her eyelids malfunction in the most sinister way.


I mean, imagine those eyelids just pointed at you. You're intimidated, right? And then also in that category that you're as Marianne Jean-Baptiste. One of my favorite movies ever, Secrets and Lies by Mike Lee, which is extremely underrated and so rewarding. Don't know anything going into it. Please watch that movie. It's fabulous.


I love that recommendation. 1974 Best Actor, 1974 Best Actor. It's a weird year because Art Carney, known most from The Honeymooners, wins for a movie called Harry and Tonto. And of course, no, that's that's a very prestigious year because you have movies like The Conversation and The Godfather, Part two. And so we're getting really into the gritty 70s there.


So it's a strange, anomalous best actor win 1984 best picture nominees.


Let's see here, 1984 Best Picture nominees. The winner is Amadeus, of course. And if you never took like a high school band class, that's the only way you could have not seen it. So weird year with two best actor nominees from the same movie, Tom and F. Murray Abraham, who won. What else is going on that year? A Soldier's Story, which nobody has ever seen. We had the killing fields, which got a best supporting actor win for Hanks, nor one of the few non actors to win an Oscar.


He was a doctor later killed.


Look up the wiki. It's really fascinating passage to India, which is like the least seen David Lynch movie, though it stars Judy Davis, whom I'm obsessed with. And what else am I missing? 1984.


Four soldiers love watching the the information click through you.


Yeah, I'm literally there are cogs moving and I'm moving my head with it. Who is best actress in 1984? We're going to we're going to get we're going to get there. Oh, best actress in 82, 84. Sally Oh. That's another nominee places in the heart. She her second win. That's when she had the famous speech. She said not you like me, you really like me. But this time I feel it. You like me.


Which she exclaimed.


Also, let's talk about the heyday of John Malkovich. We used to just have scary, brooding men who are going to take, you know, what happened. Daniel Day Lewis became more popular and then John Malkovich receipted.


That's what happened. Wow. Yeah, that is what happened. I suppose that is what happened, right, man? That's the thing about being an actor. You're Dustin Hoffman. You're one of the most successful actors in the world, and you're still only getting the things Pacino said no to.


You know, totally. It's no it's a tough gig.


I'm an example I always think of is 1986 best supporting actress nominee Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. When you watch her in that movie, you're like, oh, here it is. The stars. She will keep happening.


Two years later, a woman emerges with the same silhouette and winsomeness named Julia Roberts. And it's like, oh, right.


Well, you win. Luis Viertel, as always, thank you so much for being here.


Whenever I say your name in full, I'm also reminded that Luis fatele is the gay pronunciation of Verticle, but that there is a whole clan of verbals out there who are like, this is a guy that turned mayonaise into Iole, you know, that's Polish mayonaise into oh no, I guess it's more German than Polish, but it's everything European that has rosacea is in the name Verdell.


When we come back, we're going to do another award.


Don't go anywhere. There's more of love it or leave it coming up.


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She's a comedian, actress. She has a new show called Resident Alien premiering in January. Please welcome back returning champion Alice Wetterling.


So good to see you guys. Thanks so much for having me.


Hey, why haven't we been doing this for nine fucking months? That is awesome.


And I don't know. I realized that I was like, why stand up so much? And it's not the audience validation.


It's the confirmation that I know I'm funny.


So I get to do that myself. Right. Guys, guys. No rules. That's all I want. I know I don't want validation, I want confirmation. I take both, but in a pinch, there you go.


In a pinch. They love that. They love that song. I can love you. It also is like a nicotine patch for real applause, you know, oh, yeah, I'm so did those patches. I never smoked. I just love the patches. And when they get back, I see my face hurts.


It's making me smile so much to watch you give yourself. Laughter Yeah.


So you were heroes because you are part of this year's Love It or Leave It First annual Quarantine Choice Awards.


Oh, my God. Oh, cool. Wow.


And you are here to judge one of our most important categories. Great. The award for most humiliating Rudy Giuliani moment. No. Oh, my God.


Yes, that's what you are. You were here to help us determine.


Oh, my God. I want to thank every agent I've ever fired for having me in this position.


The grid is a good category. Wow. It's cool. It's pretty cool. It's pretty cool. So I'm going to share with you the nominees. And as we go, share your thoughts, your feelings, judge the category however you see fit. It's your category to judge. And at the end, I will run through the options one more time and you can determine this year's winner of the Golden Pangolin.


Oh. OK. All right. Do you need, like, a general or. If I can find that here, it's going to take me a second. So here we go. And the nominees are Rudy Giuliani's hair leaking. All right, so that's already the one that comes to mind, right? Sure, sure it does. Like, do you think that he bought a bottle and it was like leakproof? I don't know, whatever it said on the bottle, if you're dying your hair 15 minutes before the event, your life is in chaos.


He's he's dying his hair like Harrison Ford in that tunnel when he escapes from the hospital after eating an egg sandwich. And he may look like the best egg sandwich in history. Do you remember this? Oh, you remember Harrison Ford eating that the eating that breakfast sandwich in the hospital? Yeah, he's escaping. Yeah. Yeah. That breakfast he makes that scrambled eggs on bread, he makes it look so good. And then he goes into that tunnel and he dies his hair, even though afterwards he looks exactly the same.


Did the that in my mind it's in a tunnel, it's in a dingy bathroom.


It's in a dingy bathroom. I was like, oh, they should make a full on based on that concept, like fugitive barber shop. We only shoot.


I, I'm now realizing that this is a kid's version of what took place in the movie, because that's when I first saw in my mind he's in a tunnel and he's in a dingy bathroom. I always thought it was like a tunnel bathroom, but I don't think that makes sense.


Now that doesn't make sense. They do have those, though. If you go in the subway, there's like little the doors for the people that work there and that there.


And also we're learning something and learning something. Next nominee Rudy Giuliani trying to masturbate in front of Borat.


Here's the pickle. The restraint to not have pressed the button.


Yeah, exactly. Yeah. The smattering of applause there is, you know, did he try to masturbate in front of it or was it like just the whole Borat moment?


I think it's that he was he was laying down to take his pants down and involve his his microphone, his microphone.


Well, I do think it would be a really opportune for us to come up with, like, you know, everybody who's masturbating now has to be like, don't open the door. I'm adjusting my microphone.


You know what I'm going to call it? Don't come in here. I'm doing an interview with a young journalist from abroad, if you know what I mean.


You know, when I walk in on John right now, he's tucking in his shirt.


Next nominee, Rudy Giuliani farting several times during testimony like, oh, that was you, John.


Oh, that is you know what? That is the first time and I pray the last that you use this soundboard malignantly. Literally. What's delicious? Don't what?


No, John, honestly, for those listening, there's a practical joke afoot.


There's a prankster, you know, as if that one was real. I was just my mouth.


There's a we've got a Johnny Knoxville on our hands here. All right. All right.


It sucks that he's only twenty because honestly, if it had happened in another era in which people weren't putting fart noises very, you can easily put a fart noise anywhere you want. I can do it right now.


I could be like, what's up?


And now that that that was one that one was like was a longer file. And once that one lingered. Yeah, that's a big wave file like a minute to upload. So it sucks because like it happened in the fifties, it'd be like great because we'd get it on tape and we'd be like oh my God, you did it. But so many people were like, is that real or not?


That we don't even really know.


I believe it. I believe it because I trust the reporter who first shared it and I believe he was as stunned as the rest of us.


The truth is out there. I want to trust you. I trust the institution.


And finally, last nominee, Rudy Giuliani's press conference at Four Seasons, total landscaping.


Oh, see, it's there's a lot there's a number of very competitive category is a competitive category.


And if I don't choose. Right, I'm never going to work again. So it's tough. All right.


I'm putting the river back on me to run you through the nominees once more. Yeah. Let's run through the nominees.


We have Rudy Giuliani's hair leaking on the side of his face. We have Rudy Giuliani adjusting his microphone for Borat. We have Rudy Giuliani experiencing flatulence in a committee hearing. We have Rudy Giuliani's press conference at Four Seasons. Total landscape and the Golden Penguin goes to.


Now you're just doing folia facts. Now you're now you've got two coconut shells and it's a horse.


Rudy Giuliani dye job leaking.


Wow. They really came out that way down big on you guys.


And I say that knowing Four Seasons total landscaping was the the goof of the year of the year and a lot of weight.


But we know that there's so many other people involved. That's right. In that hoof. That's right. It might not be his fault, but we know we know the Sudhi was him. We know that the hair dye was him.


We know there was a bottle and it said, wait an hour before going sweating profusely. Please don't do this right before you go on camera. It said it so specifically that it's almost like, why did they think they had to say that? But they are like, somebody's going to do it. It said, Rudy, Rudy, give it an hour, say you're a disgraced mayor, for instance, you're like, wow, this is some specific.


It's called Just for Rudy. Oh, he felt so special. All you had to do is press the button. You had what you could to just press the button right there was. So I was waiting. I was so hopeful.


I'll call you up again. Why would he even call that? What do you to call a bottle of that cold bottle of hair dye just for Rudy?


I was a thinker, thinker. I'm really excited about it.


They're just Filkin hours waterland.


This was an unalloyed delight. Oh, so good to see you. Oh, good to see you too, John. Thank you for having me.


I love this segment and I love this show. And I love you. I love you, too. Give money to John Asaph. He needs it. Raphael Warnock is doing great. I'm just kidding. Everybody give money to everybody. Always all the time. One more dollar. Don't stop giving. What have you given today? One more dollar. Always be giving out waterland. Thank you so much. When we come back. I don't know someone else.


And finally, here to present our last word, you know him, you love him, comedian, writer, actor, returning champion Guy Brana, thank you for having me.


It's always great to have you. We always love seeing you here. What does this voice what do you mean that I'm doing? I'm doing a voice of some kind. It's always nice to see you guys. Thank you so much for being here.


I think you're pivoting to respectability. You understand that there is a place for LGBTQ ié individuals in the cabinet now and you're saying, hey, I could run Veterans Affairs, I could be a commerce secretary, first of all.


Yes and yes, absolutely. I make a ton of sense for Veterans Affairs.


Yes. Although I will say you'd think, yeah, no, no, it's exciting. It's exciting where there's gay cabinet secretaries. Mayor Pete, you know, Secretary Mayor Pete, it's happening.


You know, there are people on Twitter that perform to really dislike Mayor Pete. I think some people have real feelings and people want to impress people by proving their their bona fides, if you will, on transportation. It's one of those issues where there's actually space, like transportation secretary as a job is odd, right? Because it's an agency that oversees like the FAA and like the Federal Highway Administration, like there's a lot of like big kind of media, independent departments.


But there's an opportunity for a transportation secretary to, like, make it their life's mission, obviously, to refocus the department on climate, but also to figure out why projects in America cost so much.


Yeah, and they can, like, decide they can decide to use the power to convene the like the kind of the the the the soft power, if you will, of the transportation job to bring people together, find best practices, talk to people in other countries and like begin to figure out why building things the United States cost so much money because there's nothing we want to do as a country. There's nothing we want to do in terms of mass transit, in terms of infrastructure, in terms of climate that we can do effectively if every time we build an exit on a bridge, it cost 10 times as much as it would in France or Spain, places that have worker protections, places that have environmental protections.


I mean, it's just so hard because the infrastructure is not answer that could be giving us jobs and skilled labor jobs, you know, like when we're talking about, like work and like the economics of America, we so frequently forget is it is these dudes and ladies who did not go to college but are willing to work very, very hard and have a lot of understanding about the things that they do who are out there and don't have the work that they need to feel valuable and to to be part of this economy.


And it like it is such an exciting thing. It's also a part of our government that shuts down every time in many ways, every time a Republican gets elected and somebody's wife gets appointed secretary of transportation to, like, provide. And I'm not just talking about a name. I'm also talking about Liddy Dole like that. It's not something that Republicans care about in sort of like a centralized federal kind of way and, you know, having like infinite different projects.


The fact that San Francisco alone has like four competing public transportation systems isn't efficient. Like and I think Mayor Pete and his fucking Norwegian and his Italian and his willingness to go granular with things could be very good. But mostly I'm just worried about Chaston becoming a doyen of Georgetown. Just.


No, I'm excited for him. I'm excited for him. Yes, that's what we need. And I'll say this to look Mayor Pete Budha, Gege, soon to be secretary of Blue Ridge. That guy wants to be president. Do you know how good a secretary of transportation you need to be to become president?


OK, let me ask you a question.


I think if he wants to be taken seriously in national politics, he got to show us that he can flip Indiana.


Now, part of me wonders if he uses this transportation gig as an opportunity to do something one of your former employer is did. And when they're done, move to a nice New York, move to a nice California and fuck interesting carpet bag.


But I think that am I allowed to say mother fucker, I won't say mother fucker.


I think that mother fucker has to go back to fucking Indiana to fucking South Bend and talk about corn and pigs and get those people to vote blue like they have many times before before he gets to show his face in Iowa once again.


Well, Guy Branum has laid down the gauntlet and it's there for you to pick up Mayor Pete.


I mean, I would say if all of the people on your podcast network, on all of crooked media, it is the nonpracticing lawyer who mostly write. For Lady Sitcom's who is providing that cogent analysis of national politics that people should be listening to what Veter says, who cares?


Go to Branom, go to Brent if you want to.


If you want to stay in touch with rural Indiana, you want to you want to go with the coastal lawyer whose most recent book had him in a toga with a rose tiara on his head because he knows what makes people tick all across this land.


I mean, I would say I have touched pigs in like the 90th percentile of crooked media guests. I would say the amount of pig touching I have done is up there.


That's right. That's right. Fair enough. Fair enough. But that's not why you're here, guy. Obviously, we go to you to understand farming in the Midwest, but that's not why you're here today.


You are here to present our last award, the big one, the Rudy Giuliani Prize for person who had the worst year.


That isn't Rudy Giuliani. All right. I'm going to read you the list of nominees and then you will decide the winner of this quarantine choice award.


Oh, right.


The responsible who will receive the golden pangolin like Valerie Cherish always said the People's Choice Award meant the most because it came from the people. And I think that the the what do they call it?


The corn tinnies? No. Well, you know, listen, here's the problem. We were going to call them the pandemic, but then The Daily Show did the pandemic. So we ended up with the quarantine choice of words. I think we can call them the pangas because you get a pangolin quarantine choices.


Great. I like quarantines choice. The quarantine choice is really the best second best award because it comes from the people you book. You know, it comes from celebrities who are chosen by your producers.


Yeah, that's right. That's right. In conversation with the host and conversation with the host at this point in time, it's all about norms. It's all about us maintaining norms. Fucking Amy calling Barack got her shit together and did not let there be a coup. And I think that the quarantine choice similarly have to shoot you our obligation to democracy and the values of our society.


I 100 percent, 100 percent agree with that. I think that that was such a smart point. Thank you so much.


Here are the nominees. Share your thoughts as we go, guy. It's a collaborative process as well.


The nominees are J.K. Rowling.


You really have to respect J.K. Rowling because she made this year for herself like everything was going fine. A generation of people loved her. She's richer than the queen. And yet she managed to turn this entire year into a shit show by just deciding to be as many as possible to trans people. And also, let's be fair, what the fuck is going on in England or Great Britain generally that, like so many of their big names are just like, why don't I shit on trans people?


Like it's a national passion, it's a national passion.


It's had real consequences for trans kids. It's awful.


It's the bigotry that she obviously holds. It's her conviction in it. Right. This is not ignorance. She has done the work. She has done the research to decide to hold this bigoted view and to espouse it and make it so central to what she discusses at a moment of when there is a Brexit, when there is an economic crisis, when there's a pandemic, when there are so much more important, when there's a racial reckoning unfolding, when there are so many big things happening.


And like her, publicists have wheedled her out for years and she just keeps making more shit happen. As so many people have pointed out, you're the lady who's constantly transforming things and people are going on magical journeys and finding themselves like so many trans children and adults have loved the world she imagined because it seemed to have more of a place for people like them. And to be so like baldly excluding them makes me even more mad.


Well, I think she was like, oh, my gosh, did you read this as a story about anyone can discover that they have gifts that they can reveal to those that are willing to see them? Because that's a mystery. It's actually about adults sorting children into permanent classes.


That was the goal. Next nominee is Jeffrey Toobin.


I mean, again, I would say, well, J.K. Rowling really represents like work towards having a terrible year. Jeffrey Toobin shows that if you just follow your passions, you can truly destroy your life. Like I mean, like the guy who was synonymous with the Supreme Court, who had written, like, our official books on who wrote the book, that the the O.J. TV movie that we all loved was based on like he had such a fucking lane and he could have stayed in that fucking lane and maintained a beautiful life.


Well, like our establishment press. Crumbles around him and instead, but instead, he had the passion to be more 20, 20 than I would say just about anyone else and whack it.


Well, Lonzo, it sounds to me like what you're saying is that when it comes to scandal, J.K. Rowling worked hard and Jeffrey Toobin played hard. Absolutely. Next nominee, it's Herman Cain.


Mm hmm. Mm hmm. It goes with the other sort of speaks for itself.


I will say there's a joke we did on Love It or Leave.


It might be a Travis special, which I think of now all the time. Whenever I see a big group of people gathering without Masset like a Republican event.


And it's when a chance to meet Herman Cain next next nominee, it's Mr. Peanut.


Wait, what happened to Mr. Peanut? He also died.


That was a scandal from another era. Yes. Here's the thing about Herman Cain is that, like, it's all math. Every time you see them having these gatherings or like doing a cocktail party at the White House, it's like a tabletop role playing game where you really are just like who's going to roll under? Who's going to roll under their health? And, you know, there were moments when the president was at Walter Reed when we were all like, how's this going to turn out?


And, you know, it is like, what a what a rough game for Herman Cain that he was of all of the folks who have come down with covered, the one who managed to roll a critical fail, as it were.


Yeah, yeah. No, I definitely came up sevens, came up sevens. Well, those are your nominees, J.K. Rowling, Jeffrey Toobin, Herman Cain and Mr. Peanut, who do you believe deserves the Rudy Giuliani Prize for person who had the worst year that isn't Rudy Giuliani?


OK, here's what I'll say about Mr. Peanut. To me, he is excluded almost immediately because, well, he did die this year. And while our focus on, like other more important things may have obscured his death early in the year, this was a real year for non-perishable sources of protein.


That's right. March and April, we were stockpiling. We were, you know, forcing supermarkets to, like, put things over their bulk bins. And I would say, as somebody who comes from a farming area, was a good year for nuts and legumes generally. And so not him. Herman Cain, I would say it was an iconic presence. You know, it really was the the bad year to be having this year.


But also, yes, one feels terrible anyway, feeling satisfaction about that.


So for me, it's really about to get. And Jake, here's what I say about you really have to wonder what it's 20, 21 is going to look like.


That's a really good point. That's a really good point. That is deciding how bad is 20/20 is will actually depend on what happens to him in twenty twenty one.


To me, there's this interesting pivot point. Where does Jeffrey Toobin start? And only fans we've had so many like being a minus list after starting only fans where you have access to them. Italy famous for electing porn stars to their Senate and that sort of thing. And I'm just wondering, what if, like an established member of our New York chattering classes, we're just willing to whack it on only fans for like three ninety nine a month? I like that's that's how much I pay to get.


I paid more than that to get you to pay. Well of The Washington Post to read shitty op Ed's about how Dr. Jill Biden, she can call herself Dr. Jill Biden to have somebody whack it.


Well, telling me like medium good takes about the Supreme Court session.


Yes, I pay I pay more to watch David Brooks masturbating the Times twice a week. Sorry, I was just a pick somebody.


I just pick somebody where I really think and I think I am coming down that like Jake has crested, like Jake has really come to a point where no one I mean, it was honestly, it's kind of done us a favor because like making a cute little Harry Potter joke was a source of jokes and a lot of television and movies that we were all getting pretty fucking tired of.


That's right. We're now at the point where no one wants to talk about it. No one wants to deal with it.


She's clearly showed herself to be a hateful enough person to override whatever literary merit there was in her books that were good. There's also Kremlinology that her books that are bad, her weird, pseudo ominous, whatever mystery novels are like, named after some ancient anti trans person, which is just like, that's intense.


No, we need a decision. I don't think she should. Love to give us I'm going to say, J.K. Rowling, like you had the worst 20-20 of everyone sort of religion.


Rudy Giuliani, thank you, guy. He is awarded the Golden Pangolin statue to J.K. Rowling. Oh, I'm getting just hearing this from the judges. It's going to Ruth Bader Ginsburg.


Guy Branum, thank you so much. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.


She had a different 2013. You know, if she says OK in 2013, could have been a better 2012.


I don't agree with what I just said. I don't agree with what I just said. I don't agree with what I just said. Guy Brown and everybody.


That's it. The first and hopefully last Quarantine Choice Awards. Thank you to all of our guests who joined to help us determine who would win the Golden Pangolin prizes. When we come back, let's end on a high note.


Don't go anywhere. Love it or leave it. And there's more on the way.


Love it or leave it is brought to you by a better help. What interferes with your happiness is something preventing you from achieving your goals.


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Help help Dotcom. Love it.


And we're back because we all need it this week and this year. Here it is, the last high note of twenty.


Hey, love it. This is done from Seattle. I just wanted to tell you about my high note for this week. I work in medical and are director and his wife usually have a big party that they pay for out of their pocket because we're a public institution. And obviously that can't happen because we've covered this year and they took all the money that they would have spent on the party and put it into the food banks in the Seattle community. I just think that's a super high note, and I hope you have a great day.


Hello, love it. This is Elizabeth in North Carolina. And my note of the week is that because our semester ended before Thanksgiving this year, my roommate and I had time to make handmade Christmas cards for all of our loved ones, which usually can't happen because we have finals going on in December. So we had a lot of fun doing it and it just made the holiday season so a little better this year. Thanks for everything you do. Have a great week.


Hi, John Christian, Tacoma, Washington. And my high notes for the week is a literal note because tonight was our seven year old son Winter Piano Recital. He's only been taking piano lessons since January of this year, and his summer recital was essentially recorded at home on a practice keyboard because of our covid lockdown's. And so tonight he was able to take the stage in front of an audience of his parents and his little sister and his music teacher and play on this beautiful studio, grand piano.


And he's playing a solo that he's worked very hard on for the last four months and all day he was really nervous and worried about stage fright and worried about essentially not being able to finish the piece. And he gets up there and he absolutely kills it on the first take and look of joy on his face when he finished. Couldn't be prouder. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it. And so many years. And he's essentially been ripped away from his friends and his classmates and really seen nobody but his parents and his little sister all year long.


He's worked really hard all year using. Piano practice as kind of a steadying force through the ear, and he finally got his time in the spotlight that he truly deserved. So love the show. Thanks for everything you do.


Have a great night, John. Hi. This is Cheska calling from rural northwest Montana, where I work at a regional hospital. And the highlight of my week is when the FDA advisory committee voted and they gave the green light for the Pfizer vaccine. About an hour later, my hospital sent a survey monkey to employees asking me who wanted to get the vaccine. And I can't tell you how relieved I was as a frontline health care worker who works with patients to see that survey monkey.


And it was the quickest survey I've ever done. I can't wait to get the vaccine. Thank you so much for the show. I listen to every Saturday makes my day.


I love it. This is Emily in Los Angeles. My Heino this week and every week is the fact that Emily's Garden show has become the most popular segment in the history of love it or leave it. And I just want you to know that you should feel really proud of your minor contribution to the success of the show. And I just thought, if you want to really end the year on a high note, I would love for you to listen back to the highlights of your show this year as specifically this one clip.


I'm John.


Love it. And you gotta know I love Analise Garden show. Nothing has ever been so good as Emily's Garden vote.


Yes. Can we put some. That's my new record.


So let's put some just that up. Puts an echo on that bad boy. Yeah. Wait a second. How did how did Emily. That's not how this is supposed to work. This is my show. This is my show. That is why it is because of things like this that I did not tell Emily that her Emily's Garden show merch outsold love it or leave merch. All right. I didn't want her to know that because it's going to her head.


She's taken over the show segment by segment. Have a great holiday, everybody. Thank you so much to Emily Heller, Sam Park, Mikaela Wadkins, Louis Fatele, Alice Wetter than Guy Brown about Kyle Hughes and everyone who called in. There are 17 days until the Georgia Senate runoff go to vote Save America dot com to help.


Have a great weekend. Have a great holiday. Have a great start to the New Year. And thank you to everybody for listening. Thank you for getting through this year. Thank you for helping us win this election. And let's hope 2021 looks a lot better than twenty.


Love it or leave it is a crooked media production, it is written and produced by me, Jon Lovett, Elisa Gutierrez, Lee Eisenberg are head writer and the person whose gender reveal party started the fire, Travis Helwig, Jocelyn Kaufman, Cullowhee Jenolan and Peter Miller are the writers are assistant producer is Sidney Rafil. Lance is our editor and Kyle Segment is our sound engineer. Our theme song is written and performed by Shirker, thanks to our designers Jessie McClain and Jamie Skil for creating and running all of our visuals, which you can't see because this is a podcast.


And to our digital producers, Naar Melkonian and Milo Kim for filming and editing video each week so you can have it or leave it. I want to recommend another show.


I think you'll like its brave new planet, which weighs the pros and cons of a wide range of powerful innovations in science and technology. It's hosted by Dr. Eric Lander, who directs the Broad Institute of MIT. And Harvard guides listeners through hard questions like Should we alter the Earth's atmosphere to prevent climate change? And can truth and democracy survive the impact of deep fix? To get the world we want, we'll need to make wise choices. Join Dr. Lander as he and his guests grapple with opportunities and challenges that are too big to fit in a tweet that will shape our future utopia or dystopia.


It's up to us. Subscribed to Brave New Planet and Apple podcast from Pushkin Industries. I love this show. I actually love Dr. Eric Lander. I think he's one of the great explainers of big scientific questions.


I have loved listening to this show. I'm a huge fan of his. I think you will really like it. It's a great way in to some big and important questions and to topics you have heard a lot about but have not heard about in this way. So I really, really recommend Brave New Planet.