Ally Love: “You’re Okay”
Making Space with Hoda Kotb- 765 views
- 13 Dec 2023
Ally Love is the epitome of a multi-hyphenate. She’s a Peloton instructor, model, dancer, TODAY Show contributor, arena host of the Brooklyn Nets, CEO and founder of her female empowerment company, ‘Love Squad’... and so much more. She’s a one-woman hype-machine, on a mission to empower, inspire and uplift. Ally helps others approach their mental and physical well-being in a positive light, providing motivation and good energy every step of the way. Ally sat down with Hoda Kotb to share where she finds inspiration, from her faith, to her family and more.
Posing the age-old question, What's in a name? Is the perfect way to introduce my next guest. I cannot think of a name more fitting for a person with such a big heart and a whole lot of love to share. That's right. I'm talking about the one, the only, Allie Love. By the way, that is her real name. Allie is the epitome of a multi-hyphenate. She's a Peloton instructor, model, dancer, today show contributor, arena host of the Brooklyn Nets, CEO and founder of her female empowerment company, LoveSquad, and so much more. She is a one-woman hype machine on a mission to empower, encourage and uplift. Through her workouts and with her words, Allie helps others approach their mental and physical wellbeing in a positive light, providing motivation and good energy every step of the way. Allie is someone who inspires. That is just what she does. And today, I'm talking to Allie about what inspires her, where she finds inspiration within her to share her light with the world, from her faith to her family to the tried and true routines that keep her on track. The Allie you're about to meet is different from the one you'll see on screen.
This is Allie Love, off the bike, shoes unclipped, heart wide open. She shares her love with me, and I can't wait to share it with you. I'm Hoda Cotby. Welcome to my podcast, Making Space.
First of all, this is the coffee that we've been longing to have me and Allie love. We wanted to sit and enjoy a coffee. I'm so happy that I get to ask you all questions about your life because I've been.
Totally curious.
Before I knew you, like so many from your Peloton days, do you remember the day Jenna Bush and I were at a luncheon and we had never met you and we squealed with delight when we saw you? Do you remember.
That day? Oh, my gosh. You made me feel like Beyonce. I was Beyonce and Cher at the same time.
We were like, Allie, love.
And we.
Realized there was already a line at you. So what I was struck with before I get into your life is the fact that you are able to reach out and touch people in this very profound way, often without ever meeting. And it's something beyond what you do because a lot of people do what you do. It's something else. Describe what you think is going on in these interactions you have.
With people. Well, one, I am very grateful when I have these interactions. When you and Jenna screamed, it made my whole life because I'm like, Hoda and Jenna are screaming for me in a room full of other women. It was just like one of those moments that I will never forget. It made me feel so cool. I was like, I'm cool, guys. But no, I'm really grateful for the interactions. I know that there's a responsibility that comes along with being a public figure, but more so when I am in people's homes, I'm taking up space. Their kids can hear my voice. They hear what I say. I'm very mindful of that. And so in terms of what do I think is happening, I genuinely think for many of us, myself included, the lonely part of me in those dark times, I'm connecting with those folks. I think the lonely part of me connects with some folks that may feel lonely or different or other or just imperfect, which we all are. But we have this desire to be perfect, to be our best selves, to be on and ready to go. And we can't sustain that even day to day or even within a day.
And so being in people's homes, in their minds, in their ears, a part of their feed, social media of whatever that looks like, I think they connect with my level of humanity, which is so important for me. I always say I'm private, but I'm always transparent.
I let you know. That's interesting. You're private but transparent. I like that because sometimes you feel like you know someone. People know you from the and they hear your encouragement. But how do you decide what is just for you and your family and your tribe and what you put out in the world?
Well, I think the fine line for me is that my family didn't sign up to be in the limelight, in the public eye. They didn't opt in for that life. It came by way of me or it comes by way of me. And so I'm very mindful to protect that space. I do tell stories on the bike at Peloton. This morning, I'll talk about my dad or talk about my mom or the piece of chicken wing that I roll up in a lumen foil to go to church with, all the things I talk about my sister, but I make sure that I don't out them, but I don't give too much information about their lives so that they can live their lives comfortably. Same thing with my husband. So I'm private in that I protect my loved ones, but I'm transparent in that I'm having a crappy day to day. Or today I'm feeling that tired. We were talking about being a little tired is like second wind is a choice. That's where I am. It's one of those long days, and I'm not.
Done yet. Right. You're still rolling.
I'm transparent of where I am and how I feel.
I've asked myself sometimes why I'm in a public job because it didn't really seem like me growing up. I've often wondered, why did I choose it? I'm not even interested in the part of it that comes with it. So when you ask yourself, why did you choose a job that's public? You could have done a million things, obviously, helped a ton of people different ways. Why did you think you chose a public job?
Well, I think two things come to mind, and you talk about your parents. I think it's the way growing up, as I look back, we start to unpack as adults why we are the way we are in the best light with true curiosity. And I look back at my growth, and my mom would always... She was and still is so proud of me. And I became a dancer at a young age, and my mom would... In front of my whole family, she's one of 10 kids. So it'll be every weekend we do family barbecues and family cookouts, and she's like, dance in front of everyone. Oh, she said that? Yeah. She's like, Ali can really dance, or do the monolog you did in class. I'm like, Mom, it was for a school thing. It wasn't even real. My mom was so profoundly proud of me that she would always want me to perform for everyone. Okay. And I think what I did at that age was associate if I could perform and be perfect and do these things well, then therefore everyone would love me. And so part of it is that as I moved to New York and started to go to college, I recognized that I associate love with this idea of perfection and or performance.
If you don't applaud me, then therefore I am doing bad or a bad person, which in isolation seems like not a good thing. But it was something that I recognized that wasn't necessarily all bad. It was one of those things where if you leverage and switch it around, it actually is for good. Is that my mom did something that was important. She let me be me and showed the whole world who I was every weekend with my family. She was just proud of who I was and who I am. And I think that to me is where I had to come back to that center a little bit of like, it's not necessarily me seeking love out in the world. It's me being myself and loving myself within the world.
Within the world. Yeah. A question I love to ask. Someone asked me this question once, and it was so good that I was like, I'm stealing that.
I'm going to ask everybody.
So close your eyes. Okay. And imagine your childhood bedroom. Look around, see what's on the walls, what's in the bookshelves, what are the sheets like? What's the vibe? And just open your eyes and describe it to me.
So my childhood bedroom, my walls are light pink. We got as a kid to my sister and I to choose what color we wanted to paint our bedrooms, and so mine is light pink. My carpet is dark blue. I got a dark blue carpet. I have a small TV on a small dresser. I never turned it on. I didn't watch TV growing up, actually. You didn't? No. Did you want to? No, I had no desire. So it was probably unplugged. As I think about it, the plug was like, it wasn't plugged in. I have a little small, twin size bed. And then on my wall was a painting of a little girl. She's sitting in a chair and she's leaned over a book and she's writing as if she's doing her homework. And it's so interesting because my sister was in town, which you were so lovely to bring her on set. She's amazing. I loved her. It made her whole life. She cried. But my sister brought this up two weeks ago when she was here in New York visiting me. She said, Do you remember the painting you had on your wall as a kid?
My dad, best friend, he used to take care of us when we were kids. He committed suicide when we were young. And so we lost him at a very young age, and so we were talking about him. And she said, Remember that painting? She's like, It's still up to this day because his name is nick. What's nick? Nick gave it to you. We started to unpack this. It was more in a celebration-celebratory way of just remembering him and how much fun we used to have with him and how he gave me this gift. I kept it for so many years to this day. I told her, I said, Do you think I'm that little girl? She's like, You're definitely the little girl. You are the girl always working. You never stop working, Cis. -is that when you were little? -when I was little, I'm doing my homework. I did my homework. I was on time. I was prepared. I was up early. I danced after school. Exactly how I am right now is how I have always been. And she was like, You're still that little girl in your painting. And I was like, Oh my God.
-was that hard to carry that as a kid or was that just what you did?
I have a lot of energy, so it was probably necessary, to be honest. I think everyone wanted me to do the most, so I did not wear them out.
Was there anything else on the walls? Did you have posters?
No, it was just that one painting. Just that one painting. You know what? I have friends who talk about like, Oh, I had this iconic 90s person that I was... I didn't listen to music. I had three albums that I listened to, CDs that I listened to. It was The Greatest Hits of Tupac, the clean version because I couldn't listen to curse words. Okay. Celene, Dionne, Yes, and then Avril Lavine. Those are my three on repeat. Then when I got to college, I started listening to Indyari. That was legit childhood. It was music. I was dancing all the time. I just did work. I was doing my homework all the time. And then one of the things I used to do was cook. I wanted to really make curry chicken very well as a young kid. I'd come home from school and cook curry chicken. I've fed my family some really bad food in this child. It was like six months of curry chicken. That was terrible.
So your mom was the cheerleader? Yes. And how about your dad?
My dad to this day, I always say he's like a hippie. Yeah, is he? Oh, yeah. Yeah. He has long hair all the way down to his waist. Blond. He has blue eyes, wears glasses, always cracking a joke. Right. He's always saying something funny. Yeah, but he's very free spirited. Is he? Yeah. My mom is more structured and she's religious and she plays by the book. We're going to do what we're going to do. We're going to do it well and you're going to be good at it. We had a rule. If anyone in class could get an A, it should be you. Wow. That was our rule. Whereas my dad was like, Who cares?
Do what you want. He's like, If you.
Don't get an A, you're fine. You're okay like my dad is to this day. That balance. And yet and yet and it worked out where, yes, I always say I work hard, but, honey, I party harder. Don't let it flow.
Growing up biracial, how was that for you? What were the challenges and what were the best parts?
I didn't realize for a long time that I was biracial. It wasn't conversation. It was not until one time my sister woke up in the middle of the night and she ran into my parents bedroom and she was like, Mom, you're black, dad, you're white. How old was she? She was probably like six or five or six. And it was one of those revelations. And I think that was the unlock for us and that we started to talk about it where it's like, oh, what does it mean to be white? What does it mean to be black? What does it mean to be both? Growing up in school, there were very many moments where I was bullied, just like most people, we go through, unfortunately, we go through those phases where kids don't know any better. And I'm pretty sure if we did, we'd probably do better. But it would be like, you call me white girl, or you're like, oh, you're not black, or I'm never white enough for the white kids. I'm never black enough for the black kids. So I used to call myself again, what did I know? I was like, Oh, I'm gray.
That's what you said? Yes. When you take a black and white crayon in school because you're coloring, you're like, You get gray. It's like, Well, I'm gray. I don't know what to talk anymore.
That's so beautiful. Did you talk to your parents about it.
Or did they- My mother was just like, You are who you are. She's my mom to this day. It doesn't matter what color you are. You're a child of God. If anybody asks you what color you are, you're a child of God. That's it. That's beautiful. That's all you need to know. That's all you need to worry about. And I really did. And she did tell me. She's like, You have two loving parents. You have a good life. That's what I lean into, to be honest. I didn't really engage in those conversations around my race, my nationality. I didn't shy away from them because of being nervous or scared, but I didn't think they were important. My mom made sure when I was very young, by the age of eight to nine, those are not important conversations. Wow. People are going to have them with you. You're not important. You're not important. You're not important. You're good. You're good. I'm like, Oh, okay. If my mom tells me that I'm good, trust me, she's the only one that I talk to.
Someone said to me, they said there's something that she described as a life sentence. It's a sentence that someone tells you when you're a child and it stays with you throughout your life. And for some, it does become a life sentence. It becomes what defines you, how you identify. And sometimes that can come from someone you don't even know very well, but it's like an ouch that when it comes again, you feel it like a wave. Here it comes. Is there anything that comes to mind for you?
When I was a kid, someone in my family, this again, coming from a good place, we were playing a game, and I think we're putting together a puzzle or something in one of my rooms, and they're like, You're not a finisher. It was like an older cousin. You're not a finisher. And as a kid, I'm like, Huh? What does that mean? Yeah, what does that mean? They're like, You don't finish anything. For some strange reason, this was when I was really young. You remember it. I remember that. To be called that a person that doesn't finish or see things through, I don't know, I didn't even understand it at the time, but I knew it wasn't good. I was like, oh, no.
You were like, Oh, I'll.
Prove that person.
Exactly. Isn't that interesting?
But I think about it on that I do have a new rule as an adult. I will not finish bad books, and I do not have to finish bad movies. Time and life is too short. If the book isn't good, I'm cutting it halfway through, and I'm letting you know, don't read that book. Good. Okay, fair enough. I have felt like I've taken that back a little bit of not trying to finish for the sake of that title. But I do keep it in mind in moments where I do want to give up. Sometimes I'm teaching class or if I'm running by myself. I'm like, I want to give up. And it's like I remember those words, and I use them for energy. By the way.
I'm a finisher. That's really good. There's a script. I think each of us has a script that we have for our lives. When we're 20, there's a script that we say, I'm this. When you get to be in your 30s, you're like, Oh, here's my script now. 40s is different. Every decade your script evolves, and some people get stuck in their same script. It's like you're chasing the same thing you've been chasing. But what are you doing? Because it's been 20 years and you're telling the old stories when we're here now. So I feel like your script obviously has evolved. You started working at the Today show, which is such a thrill for us. It's been evolving. You're on a rocket ship, I feel like, and you're hanging on and you're doing an incredible job. But if you were to describe this script, this chapter, how would you categorize it personally, professionally?
I'm reclaiming my confidence. And I know to people here that they're like, Oh, my God, are you kidding? Ali Love, she's really confident. I'm reclaiming my confidence in that I feel like I've been on in the last couple of years, and I was talking about this last night at a Love Squad event. The last couple of years, I feel like I lost myself a little bit. I started comparing myself a lot. You talk about it. Social media is just tough. It's tough on kids. It's also tough on adults. I started comparing where I was right now in my career and then in my personal life and looking at all the things I didn't have, not necessarily focusing on what I do have. And I would compare it to where my colleagues are or where people that I followed for years where they are and how I either I'm not there or they're progressing so much quicker than I am. And I recognized that it was killing my confidence. It was making me immobile. I would be scared to reach out to people to go to coffee or tea. I like to have a chat because I'm like, well, nobody really likes me.
And I came to the conclusion that I wasn't really in love with myself anymore. I didn't like who I had become because I became a product of the comparison, which is like a shell of myself. And granted, I know how to teach a Peloton class, and I know how to be on camera. So I'm not faking it. I know how to do these things well, but I wasn't doing them fully. And so I think I'm rewriting my script right now to be more confident, to be more secure, to be more grateful. And we hear this all the time. It's like, well, you got to be grateful. Being grateful is active. You're not waking up and saying the birds are jerping and it's sunshine and everything. No, I don't wake up like that. I don't think anyone or rarely people do. I wake up and it's a choice. And I'm going to be grateful. I'm grateful that I can move today. And I have to like, I'm going to yank myself back. And I talk to myself on the way into the Today show. You belong there. They like you. They want you there. You have something to offer.
You're here to help people. This is not for you. This is for other folks, too. So I think that that's where I am, is rewriting the script and reclaiming my confidence and me being myself and liking myself a little bit more. I really showing up how I am a little quirky sometimes all over the place talking fast. But also just-Being you. Yeah. I feel like I didn't do that for the last three years.
I think it's so because I've been having this exact conversation with other friends, too, who are going through a very similar stage. And they're talking about like, what if I'm 100 % myself and people don't like that person? Because it's one thing not to like the TV or the this, but what if they don't like me? I was having a conversation with a friend, and I said, so you're about to be who you are, who God created. And you're worried that Mary Smith, who you don't know, is not going to like the person God created. You're worried about Mary Smith on Twitter and on Instagram that she might not like the person God made. Who God created? And she looked at me and I was talking to myself, really. I was talking to her. I was talking to myself. But it is, I think we're all in the boat. We're all in that boat together, like trying to remember why we're here. And God in your world is your world. Yeah.
Well, you just got me. I'm like, I'm teary eyes because I'm like, Who am I not to like who God created? Who am I tonight? Wow.
But faith has been one of your is your tent pole. I mean, you have a bunch of tent poles in your life, but you've needed God, obviously, throughout, sometimes more than others. Tell me about when you were a little girl. You were just nine, I think, and something life-changing happened.
Yeah. When I was nine years old, I got hit by a car. We were at one of the family gatherings every weekend, like I talked about. And I went to go get it. You hear the magical noise and there's an ice cream chuck coming, and you're like, Can I get a dollar? Can I get two dollars? And so I go across the street to get an ice cream. And as I'm walking back across the street, I look both ways. I'm nine years old. I follow the rules, as I told you. And it just happened where the timing was the car was parked behind the ice cream truck, drove out, hit me. I flew up in the air, body landed on the top of the car. And then I rolled to the side of the road. I broke my left femur, scarred up my body. I cracked all my teeth. And I was passed out and my whole family came out. The ambulance come, I go to the hospital and I'm in traction for five days because young kids don't break their hips, so they have to ship something from China to be made to do surgery.
I'm losing a lot of blood. The doctor pulled my mom to the side and she was just like... He talked to her and he said, It's not looking good. She's in traction. This is a long time for her. So small. It's going to be tough. And my mom came back and she spoke to me. She's like, I have to talk to you. I was like, Yeah. She's just like, You have two options here. You can let go and go on because it's really hard. I can't change places with you. Or you can fight and you pray and fight for your life. But if there's fighting to be done, you're going to have to fight for your life. I can't do it. And I remember looking at my mom and I was just like, I'm going to pray and fight for my life. That was what I was going to do. And my mom doesn't remember exactly like that. She's like, I remember it a little different. And I was like, I'm telling you, this is the conversation we had. I remember looking out of the window in the hospital room thinking, God, I have to come out of this.
It was like a bargaining thing. As a little kid, we grew up in a house. My mom talked freely about God to this day. It was a part of my experience. And I just remember making a deal with God and say, If you're real, I'm going to live. That's the only way. And obviously as a kid, how would I know if I didn't live? But I just remember thinking, if you're real, you're going to save me and I'm going to live. I'm going to fight. My mom says fight. I'm going to fight. And I often say those two things of praying and fighting for my life, I've never stopped doing since the age of nine. I came out of that and I was like, I know what it feels like for your life to almost be taken in a second. So I am... That's why I'm all over the place. I'm everywhere all at once because I get it. Life is so short and it's so temporary. So I want to enjoy it. I want to have a good time. And faith is the epitome of that. It's like, maybe I negotiate with God once in a while, which I know we've had some tough conversations, me and God recently, but it's like I have to trust.
That when I look back and I was talking to a friend of mine, and when I look back over the course of my life in the big moments is that God blesses you in a pattern. And one of my girlfriends was talking about this. She's like, look at the patterns in which you were blessed. How did you react? What were you doing? Did you have to really fight for them? Did you have to be patient? Did you have to be quiet? Look at how God blesses you in the big moment and operate within your pattern of blessings. That's good. Yeah, that's really good. And that's what I do, is I have that faith of let me operate in my pattern of blessings because God has never felt me. This would not have been a thing. And for me to live such a fulfilling lifestyle, I mean, come on.
You're like living the life. You're living the life. That was a life-changing moment for you. When you look back on your life and you were to say, this is the time where I was challenged the most, what memory or thought comes to mind for you?
I think I'm being challenged right now the most. And maybe because I'm in it, it feels greater. I don't have anything to... I have past things, but maybe because they're not close in proximity that I don't think that they're the most biggest thing right now. I don't know how you do it, and it's a learning curve for me. There is something to be said about genuinely want to be the person I am, being strategic around my business, so I navigate the world, wanting to be liked by the world without losing myself, wanting to protect my family and be there for them, want to make my mother proud, make my grandma proud, which is important to me, my husband. It's this thing of wanting to be almost all things to all people, but still be myself, which is highly impossible. Yeah, it is. And do everything that I do, which I love doing so publicly when sometimes I'm hurting.
Yeah, that's hard.
That's hard to do. I think that right now I'm learning how to operate differently as an adult, as in a new space in my life, dealing with some things that aren't going great. But that I know that I have faith that will pan out. Right now, I think I'm in one of those greatest challenges because I'm being shaped like God is molding me into the next version of Ali. I'm fortunate because I have my husband there who's my biggest cheerleader, and he is just so funny and so cute. And he's just like, You're fine. I say this all the time in my class. I always look in the camera and I say, You're okay. I always say that. And every time at home, he looks at me, he goes, You're okay. You're okay. And I'm like, Oh, it works. And I'm like.
You're right. How did you know he was the right one, by the way?
How did I know he was? He's so smart. I think he has the right one came along because it's like a trifecta for me. He has emotional intelligence, which is very hard to find sometimes. Actually, he has IQ, intellectual intelligence, and that's incredible. But then there's this part of him that is so witty and hilarious and just nuts, which I vibe with very well. In my house, if you've ever seen some of those memes where it's like one dog that just lays flat on the floor and then the other little dog just biting on them. I'm the little dog biting on him and just dancing around the house, and then he'll crack a joke. His wittiness and timeline is so funny. I just feel like that the combination of being emotionally connected and emotional intelligence for the folks around us and then really being intelligent, being able... I always say he can solve the world's problems and an Apocalyptic.
Wow. He's that guy.
He's that guy. He'll figure it out.
Coming up, Allie shares the practices that feed her soul and the routines that guide her, including the one question she asks herself every morning. Stay with us.
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Back to you being night and being hurt and going through all that, to imagine that that little nine-year-old would turn into a professional dancer is beyond comprehension. I mean, like... Some kids have to practice. You had a bunch of other stuff to overcome. Did you ever think to yourself because you love dance when you were a kid? Well, that dream is going to have to be on hold because this is God sending you a message right here. I've got another talent. I must because I'm not meant to do this.
I don't know if I thought that I wasn't meant to do it, but I also don't know if I thought I was meant to do it. I think that I was just going to go for it. Once I was nine, it was like, there's nothing. It doesn't matter. Yeah. All of this could be gone. So I had this little bit of a fearlessness to get out in the world. And the way I found dance was after I got hit by a car, I was home schooled. So I was just by myself for a year. And to talk- Who.
Taught you? Your mom taught you?
No, we had a teacher that would come.
And I.
Would put her through the wringer as a little girl.
How come you were home schooled just because of the medical stuff?
I couldn't move. I couldn't walk. You couldn't walk. So for one year, I had on a cast. I had a body cast that would go around my waist all the way down my leg. So I couldn't go anywhere. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't play with kids. Nothing. So I was in the house. Most of our family would come over to our house for the weekends, like I told you, because you couldn't take me. And then after six months, they cut it down to where it was just from the knee up, but still around my waist. Oh, my God. So it was a whole process.
So you couldn't do anything.
Couldn't do. We couldn't do anything. Exactly.
How did you not go crazy?
I think I did, which is why I think I put that teacher through the ring. I should find her and apologize for this day. I would not listen to anything she said and start talking about anything random. Oh, my gosh. But then once it was time to ease back into society, it was summertime and my mom's best friend, who's like a second mom to me, Ms. Lizzie, her daughter, Jasmine, was in a program. She's like, We're going to put Ali in that program, too. And it was just like a- Dance program? Yeah. Well, it was like an after-school, like a summer program, summer camp. We'd go to a day summer camp and they offer dance. I loved it. I fell in love. You did? Yeah. At the end of the summer, you did a performance. You had to pick what performance you want to do. I'm like, I'm going to do dance. I remember the dance teacher going to my mom was like, I think your daughter is really special. She has something. My mom joked and was like, I don't know. I was like, No, mom, I love it. I fell in love with dance.
I was like, I'm going to be a dancer. I'm going to get on stage and I'm going to do this. I did. I started doing... I went to middle school for dance, and then high school I had to audition for New World School of the Arts.
I remember, which was interesting, I auditioned for these high schools for their dance program, and I really wanted to get in, Hoda, I really wanted to get into New World. It was the best. I was like, again, God, come on, you got to give me something here. I go to the audition. I give it my good old college try. As a kid, we get a letter, and I was on the waitlist. And I was like, okay, making up my mind. Good. I got it. When we go back to school, I'm going to go to a different high school. And I remember my dad calling, I was with one of my friends, calling the mom was like, Can I talk to Allie? This was a couple of days in. So I'm thinking, I'm in trouble. Did I not do the dishes? My dad gets on the phone and he's screaming. And I'm just like, What is going on? He's like, You got in. You got in. He's like, New World sent you... They literally sent a letter and said they made a mistake. They sent you the wrong letter. I was like, Are you kidding me?
He's like, You got in. You're going. And it forever changed. And I was like, Remember that faith we're talking about? I was like, This is a sign. I went to that school, forever changed my life. I moved to New York, went to Alvin Ailey, Fordham, for God of Bachelor's and Fine Arts, and I started dancing. I just fell in love with it. And again, I'm not sure if I chose it technically or it chose me, but it was a course where I was like, I'm just going.
To try it. So you majored in dance and you minored in theology?
Theology and the study of religion. I wanted to know why we believe what.
We believe. Was it because you were questioning or wanted to learn or was it you just like the field? What was it at that time?
I moved to New York and New York is such a special place, and everyone was so different in school. I wanted to know why my mom thought what we believed was the right thing to believe versus my roommate's mom, who's also awesome and they believe something different. And so it was more of how do I co-exist in a new state, a new city that I don't know very well with people that are highly different than me, but I know that I love these people. And so it was more of figuring out the roots of what I believe and the roots of what other beliefs were, so I could understand what is that common ground. So I can articulate. And I don't want to compromise what I believe, but I don't want you either to do so. And so how could I relate and be in a space to co-exist and facilitate a good environment? I was very keen on that.
Did you find like there was common ground? Is that what you learned at.
The end of the day? Oh, yeah. I think most people think that. Not all, but many people can say the root of many of the stories, when you go and look back in the history and the way things are written. And genuinely, I think above all, when you look at the epitome of what each book is about, it's based on fundamental principles of that love, of obedience, which is interesting. This idea of love, obedience, of sacrifice instead of suffering in some regard, they're all key principles that come up in our lives. So it's like, how do we deal with them collectively? We're all going through different things, but similarly. Itry to do that. You get what I'm saying? Your thing is your thing, and I'm going through something, but we're going through it at the same time. It brought me back to the alchemist where it's like I took that long, gray home, and I was like, okay, we can all do this together.
To be evolved, I feel like in this world and the way everything is changing is you have to make an effort. You can't sit around and say you're changing as you're going. You have tools, you have books, you have a therapist. I'm not sure what you're doing, but what is your boilerplate so that you realize... Because I think to me, if you're not hungry learning, you're missing the boat. But what are your tools? What do you use day in and day out?
So the number one thing I think that I would probably highlight because I think it's accessible for most people is Iaudible. I listen to a lot of books. I do go to therapy. I do have my group of friends that I cry to and that I talk to, which is so important. But one of the things that I recognize that I find peace is when I can get on and find a book and listen to it because there's a saying, there's nothing new under the sun. I know that while I'm going through my unique experience, there are methods that experts have talked about on how to handle this or how to start thinking about this or to gather perspective. And so I do that in the moments that I feel frustrated or I'm dealing with some anxiety, I will put on my headphones and I'll listen to a book. I'll listen to a sermon. So the last couple of days, I listen to Stephen Ferdick, a couple of sermons just to get me back grounded on what is important, what do I need to know? And for me, those are resources that are accessible to many people.
And that's the thing I hold true. It doesn't have to be fancy. It doesn't have to be fly. It doesn't have to be any of those things.
Just something that.
Speaks to you. Yeah, this is the thing. Catalyst for change is conversation, and even internal dialog can be that conversation for that change. And so I opened my ears and my heart to those books and to the sermons to have that, to find that inner peace a little bit on the left times.
It's like a warm hand on your heart, like you need something, they'll just give you that. So a lot of people, morning and evening routines, they bookend the day, and they're important. I feel like if I mess up my morning routine when I get to work, I am not right.
And it doesn't matter what time.
I get up at 3:00, I.
Do my morning routine every morning because if I don't, I'll be straggling and crazy. So, what is your your eyes open and what's your morning routine before you step out the door?
So my eyes open. Most times my alarm just went off. I don't press the news ever. You don't believe in it. You don't believe in it. Oh, my gosh, I don't. You set the alarm the night before when you were very much in the right mind. So trust yourself. And also if I press snooze, then I'm actually mean to everyone else. To be honest, it puts me in a bad space. So I wake up, I don't press snooze. I get up right away. I do not lay. Feet on the floor. Feet on the floor right away. And then I say prayers, say my prayers. I'll get up and I start like, I go to the bathroom. I start brushing my teeth, getting ready for work. And I always ask myself this question. It's a two part question. How or what do I want to feel today?
So I've gotten up, I've said my prayers, and then I anchor myself in this answer reason because just like many folks, I start to be reactive to everything. If you take the train in New York City and it's late, you start to get frustrated. You're cursing in your head. Somebody gives you a weird look at the coffee shop, and you're just like, Who are you? You're having this. You're making up- Making up the whole conversation.
-you're reacting to this whole thing.
Making up the whole conversation. And so what I've recognized is I don't like her. I don't like the alley that's reactive. I don't like it. And I don't want to give people that much power. Yeah. So in order not to be reactive, to be proactive, I anchor myself in that answer of either what or how do I want to feel today? And some days I can say, I just want to be quiet today. And I let that be my running thing. That is my morning routine. The reason for that, it sets the stage for the rest of the day. If there's a meeting and they ask any more questions, I'm not raising my hand because I'm quiet today. And I feel safe. I feel good. I feel confident and secure and aware. And I feel like those are the things that have really been helpful. Another layer that I recognize is important is on my way to work. I do feed myself. I could talk about books on audio or sermons, but I put on good music. We talked about good music to wake up to. Oh, my gosh. I was listening to lean on me in a class.
That just got me all of my feels. I was like, I'm about to save the world. I'm like, I'm going to go out here and save the world. I'm over here smiling at everyone. They're like, okay, lady, calm down. But I have my feel good playlist in the morning if I need.
That extra boost.
And again, I let that.
Vibe carry me throughout the day.
And then at.
Night when it's time to wind down, I go to bed at nine o'clock. Let me be honest. Honestly, 8:30 on a good night. 8:30. Amen. There's nothing good happening out there at the dark. No, nothing. Nobody's interested. No, nothing.
So I tend to like, I'm home.
I love a good dinner. I do wake up in the morning. I will say while I'm doing my morning routine, I do figure out what I'm eating that night. I live for my food. I'm like a little dog eat.
So are you.
Taking stuff.
Out.
Of the freezer?
Well, sometimes I'll do that.
When I wake up, I'm like, Oh, what's for dinner today? That is so hilarious. Yes. And then I'm like, Oh, certain days. I'm like, Oh, this is what we have, like Fridays. We have Indian. I've talked about this. I'm like, Oh, it's Friday. We're having Indian tonight. I'm going to order at 6:30. I live for it. You plan it for the Indian at 6:30? Yes. So in my nighttime routine, I'm pretty happy because I'm having the food that I've already planned at 4:00 AM. But more importantly.
I realize sometimes.
It's hard for my brain to shut off even though I'm tired. So I tend to play word games.
Or these mindless games like.
Connections or Wordle or WordZ just to really decompress.
I get in the bed, and then once I play my game, I put my phone away. I go back to doing breathing exercises because I think it brings down my levels.
-breathing is good. Yeah.
And then I pray. And then I am, if there was a Guinness Book of World Records on how quickly someone could sleep, I'd win. You could fall right asleep after that. Literally in 60 seconds, less. Wow. Someone once told me that if your mind is spinning and you can't sleep because you have so many thoughts that you should sit there and say to yourself in your brain, I wonder what my next thought is going to be. Oh, my gosh. Really? And if you say that, I wonder what it's going to be. They start dissolving away. You're like, I wonder what it's going to be. And then you wake up next day. And you're like, Oh, it's morning. It worked. I agree with the music thing. The song I have on my wake up is the song that was introduced to me by Maria Schreber, who I adore, and it's By Thy Grace. I said, Maria, why do you like this song? She said to me, when I was going.
Through my.
Breakup, there was one song that.
Soothes me. It's this random song, this chaty, weird.
Song, but it's very soothing.
It reminds.
Me that music, music, music can be like... That's the warm hand on the heart. The music is what does it.
And if you don't.
When I'm on my way home and I always take the train home, I always flood my.
Head with music. And it is all of a sudden, I don't even care. Like all the things that might get.
Stuck in your crawl. Why is that person bumping me? Because no one's paying attention to us. They're not here to disrupt our lives. They're just living theirs. And sometimes I get like, What was that about? Then I realize.
We're all in our own private, Idahos in a weird way. Coming up, what a perfect day for Allie.
Love looks like.
After the break. Hey, everybody.
It's Hoda Coughby. And Jennimah, and Bush Hager. And we got big news, you all.
Our show is now a podcast. That's right.
You can take us anywhere you go, in your car, to the gym, even just at home on your.
Own couch with a glass of wine. We like spending time with each other. And now we love that we can spend even more time with you. Are you sick of us yet? Don't be, because you can never have to miss a moment of fun, laughs or friendships. Subscribe. Listen to today with Hoda and Jenna, where we get to podcast. Hey, it's Mel Robbins. Let's cut to the chase. There is a change you want to make right now, but you're waiting to feel motivated. You don't need motivation. You've got me. You can change your life anytime you want. And when.
You're ready.
The Mel Robbins.
Podcast is here to help you with inspiration and simple science back tools to help you create a better life. Listen to me and you'll feel motivated all right. Listen and follow the Mel Robbins podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Let me just wrap up by asking you this. This is called Making Space. Yes. If has a day that she knows is only for her, your husband is working, you open your eyes, you have not won your calendar, which is now overcrowded that you need to actually start editing. I feel like your life needs an edit, but your overcrowded calendar for some.
Reason is blank. Okay. And it's a miracle. And you've opened your eyes.
And it's your day. And you.
Can do anything.
You want with.
Your day. What would you do? How would you make space for yourself on that day? I think the first thing that comes to mind is I'd get up and go to hot yoga. I love. You love hot yoga? I love hot yoga.
You like sweating and.
Just doing all of it. It's all of the things. Yes, all of the things. I feel like thethen I'd shower, come home. This is going to sound.
Really funny, but I.
Would have Chipotle. Chipotle is awesome. I'd have chipotlay. Then I'd sit down with a cup of tea and take some biscuits and watch British Murder mysteries. I know this time...
This is my perfect day.
I would binge watch British Murder mysteries, and these.
Are the ones that are not scary.
With a endless cup ofT. Yeah, where are you watching British Murder mysteries? What is the-Brit Box? Which is I subscribe to Brit Box. I don't even.
Know what British Murder mysteries are. British people and murders. They recreate like Agatha Christie or like.
Sherlock Holmes. I love Sherlock Holmes. Oh, my God. You're so funny. Weirdo. I know. Okay, so you'd watch all that. I like.
To watch all that.
Now it's five o'clock. Let's pretend. Now it's five o'clock. Can I have dinner with someone? Oh, yes, you would. Now my husband can.
Come back? Then we'd have Indian. You'd order Indian. Oh, my God. I'd order Indian. You would have planned it for in the morning. Yes, I would have.
Planned it in.
The morning, have Indian. And then after we finish eating, I would then open a book and start reading.
And go to bed early. By the way, it sounds like a perfect day. I'm telling you, it sounds like a perfect day. Allie, I love you. I'm so happy you were on the podcast. Come back anytime. Thank you for having me. You're welcome. Hey, guys, thank you so much for listening and for coming on this journey with me. If you like what you heard and I hope that you do, please give Making Space a five star rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Make sure you tell your friends. Follow us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're listening right now. Making Space with Hoda Cotby is produced by Allison Berger and Alexa Kasebeka, with a special thanks to Ali Markowitz. Our production assistant is Megan Celio. Our Associate Audio Engineer is Juliana Mastarili. Our audio engineers are Bob Mallory.
And Catherine Anderson. Original music by John Estes. Bryce and Barnes is our head of audio production. Missy Dunlock-Parsons is our executive producer. Sharise Williams-Laredo is our senior producer. Hi, I'm Tom Yamas, and for me, the.
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