Transcribe your podcast

No, please. Hey.


Welcome Matt's. In Texas. It was Chito Vera and Luis j. Gomez and all Hispanic.


Episode la Miguel's gonna come pick us up here.


Yeah, we need La Mira up to get us.


Yeah. I'm not a very good Hispanic. I don't speak Spanish at all. I mean, I can say, like, three things. I can say, Damalaleche, give me the milk. That was really gay, the way that I looked him right in the eyes.


If you say that to a man, it's like, Bro, you're fucking sucking something.


Yeah, I guess if you say, Give.


Me the milk, give me the milk.


In English is gay. Yeah.


But in Spanish, it's super gay. You actually suck if you say that. Unless you ask your mom, like, hey, mom, please, can I get I don't know.


But even then you don't the milk.


Yeah, you say, look it down.


Why do you know the gay phrase?


It's not gay. I just know how to say milk. Damela puma.




That's a pen, right?




Damela cabeza. Give me some head.


Yeah. Do you say cabeza?


No? Chupalo or chupa mela?


Chupala. How do you say Give me some head?


Melapo chupar. Can you suck it, please? I will say please. I'm a gentleman. You got to say please.




Exactly. There you go.


In Madrid. Madrid. Sorry, dude.


That blew my mind. Dude, that was crazy.


And sounds pretty Spanish. It doesn't even sound like an accent.


I got there and all I knew was Mexican accent. And they speak not even close. It's like going to Australia.


You were doing, like, the sleepy mouse from the cartoon.


Yeah, I need that hotel. Hotel was all I could say. I thought I knew Spanish. I was like, I know Spanish pretty well. I got down there, they would talk to me, I was like, oh, shit.


Yeah. The dialects are fully opposite in every single Spanish country, and there's not even a close speaking country. If you're a Spanish person, you will understand everything, but they have little words for everything, and they all mean something else.


What is something? Like because we were talking before we got on, obviously Cheetah is a fucking professional fighter. You're a bad. But there's fighters that are like athletes that kind of carry themselves buttoned up and kind of know, this is my job. And then there's guys who are fucking fighter. You come off like a fighter. You come off like a guy who you don't want to get on your bad side. Like you're fucking ready to throw down. If somebody says some shit what is some shit in Spanish? That if somebody says to you in Spanish, we're like, that is fucking disrespect. And that's it. It's on.


I mean, when you grow up as a kid, like, if somebody goes like, Chucha tomari, which means your mom's pussy. You teach as a little kid. Anybody can say Fuck you, or you're an asshole, or whatever. But somebody says that and you swinging.


Yeah, your N word is your mom's pussy.


But we don't cancel any words out there ever. Until today, I haven't heard of one Spanish word that is like you can say it. You can go online and go bananas and you're cool. But the thing is, like, they're giving the power to the words. But fuck with the word. The word means nothing. Yeah, unless you are a real piece of shit. But I haven't met one yet.


Yeah. What happens if you don't like your mother? Because you could talk about my mom supposed to all day long. I'm like, all right. You got a good point. You're not wrong about that.


That's just like a little thing when I was a kid. But if you're old enough, you go like, cool, dude. But if you keep crossing the line and you're getting, like on punching range, then we're talking different.


Because I talked to a lot of fighters in my day. And it's like people don't often challenge you, right? But how quickly do you ever think about that? If somebody fucks with you in life, do you ever think like, oh, shit, I'm a fighter. I have to hold myself to a different standard?


Fuck no. I step on your head on the ground, I swear to God.


But this is the thing that's a bummer.




Today get crazy with social media, what they say, but everything comes from a fake account. Nothing really comes from, like, Luis Gomez saying, hey, I fucking will rape your mom. That will never happen. It's a guy.


My third Twitter account.


But you might, right? You're a comedian. But that really doesn't happen. You didn't never see a truth for, like, a real person.


Yeah, of course.


It's a funny thing to me, that's funny. If I read, I'm like, I will laugh. Even if this is the most fucked up thing about me or my family, I'm like, that's actually fucked up. And I do laugh. But not everybody have the same mind. There's people that see that and get depressed. But I mean, if I'm walking on the street and you're across the street and say it's hunting, I might flip. You say, well, come here. But I will keep walking. I'm not going to chase you. Yeah, but if I see somebody, like, really getting close to but if you get close to me and you're saying, fuck you. Happen to Jorge and Leon. Leon going too close, thinking like, what do you think is going to happen if you get any close? I'm fucking letting it go. Just in case. Some people were like, oh, I didn't want to punch you. Just want to say fuck you. I'm like I mean, yeah, that's fighting.


To what about what about getting if? Because that's the other thing you figure people are always trying to, like trying to keep going.


I mean, this is exactly what I.


Was hoping for look what happened to Jorge. He punched Kobe and he went free. They proved he started the thing. I mean, you can go online saying some shit about some kids and then expect you to be like, hey, dude, fuck you. But just because the cops won't punch you, I hit you with a bat, and then I take the because if you can prove they got to be some kind of repercussion for what? Some crazy shit you say unless you're saying it for fun to your friends, that's different. But if you don't know me, don't tell me. My daughter this and that. That's crazy. I don't know.


That's what Gardini was saying before you got before you got here. He was like, I fucking about your daughter.


I don't want to say what he.


Was saying, dude, really? After that, the one night we met, I thought, we're cool. That was a great night. That was a great night.


That was a fun fucking that was a good night. The first time we met was good, too. We was at Steakhouse. We were getting fucked. We were shipping wine.


I got excited. I mean, we were leaving the fights. Joe is like, yo, you want to go get steaks? I was like with Joe Ron. I eat the fucking liver. And I do eat liver a lot. But we went to the steakhouse, and everybody was kind of shy. We're talking some shit. And then give me some wine after. At least, like, two in the morning, because the fight and late. I didn't realize that we was fucking.


We were there all night.


Like, maybe four or five bottles of wine.




The room full of testosterone. Bunch of lies.




Two bottles of wine, eating meat.


It was a good night. That was a good night.




We got to do it again.


Wine drunk is fucking catches up to you.


Don't realize it.


I only drink wine I'm kind of good at, like, I know when to stop. But wine will fool you. Like, two cups get you drunk.




Oh, yeah.


And honestly, I don't regularly drink that type of wine. I drink natural wine. We hit you harder, but there's no hungover that wine. My wife was laughing the next day. I was fucking. My head was out of my brain. I was fucked up. The headache of wine is crazy.


Yeah. I love drinking wine, dude. I drank a bottle and a half of wine last night. We did that fucking fight. We did a comedian fighting event this past weekend, and I fought another comedian.


Like fighting fighting?






We boxed each other.


Tim Barterley.




Tim Barley. Shout out my new son.




The loser is being legally adopted by the winner. So we're filing paperwork right now. So I'm legally adopting him.


That's fucking wild.


Is that actually going to happen?


That's actually happening. He's my fucking son. Look at his Twitter right now. It says Tim Gomez.


You can't do it.


You don't think so? No.


I mean, I think you legally probably can, but no, I think I legally can. If he's smart, he should just run away.


No, I'm going to also I'm definitely cutting him out of my will.


Yeah, be careful with that. He might fucking kill you and take all your maybe.


But yeah, I've been just fucking since then. I've been eating everything in sight.


Yeah, you look so handsome.


I put on 22 pounds in three days. 22 pounds in three days. I'm not even exaggerating.




I was like, mad when I saw you because I was like, I like Fat Louis.


You got to see people worse than you so you feel better about yourself.


Shane's a bully.


No, I like my friends being fat. I don't like them to do well.


You want it worse than you. I see. Yeah.


Which now.


You want them broke without a job, fucking feeling sorry for them. So you're like, oh, I fucking love this guy. Why?


I wonder if it does that with fighters, too, because I always see similarities between comedy and fighters. Right? It's a one man sport. You do it for the love that there's no money in the beginning. You're just fucking doing it for this crazy masochistic reason. You're just sort of like going in there to do it. And you get to a certain level of success where you start to go like, oh, shit. I can be happy for my friends, right? And then everyone's like, oh, this is pretty good. And then your friends get that much more successful. Like, Shane's so successful that I stopped being happy for him. Now. I was watching selling sunset with my girlfriend. Dude, it's a show on Netflix.


It's very gay show.


It's a very gay show. I was like, babe. I was like, I don't know if I could watch a show. I don't know that I'm ever going to be able to afford a $15 million house. And it's kind of like I don't know if it's inspiring me or if it's bumming me out. And just as we paused it literally Nikki Glaser walked into the room to buy a $15 million house. And I was like, oh, my god, I hate my life.


I mean, that show is crazy. They sell crazy houses. But wait, you watch it too? No, I just hear about it.


Oh, yeah, I'm sure.


They asked me to be on one, just chill with them. And I was like, I'm not doing that.


Oh, wow.


I can't be around that type of people.


They're all hot chicks. Smoking hot fuck.


I mean, but depressed, depressing. You don't want to wear that's. Like the couple shows. You don't want to see that shit.


Yeah, having that much, like $15 million for a house is wild. Just a wild amount of money.


I mean, that means you at least got to have 50.


I mean, who knows? I don't even know. These numbers sound like magic numbers.


It's like bazillions after the first check. That's ten grand for a weekend. You're like, oh, I thought the top.


Because I was opening for Big J for years, I thought $2,000 a weekend was the most you could make up until three years ago. Three years ago, I was like, Dude, two K a weekend? What?


That's exactly what I thought.


But I mean, that's the ladder you climb. I mean, I fought for $80. Yeah, $80. My MMA debute, they paid me $70 then for a few fights for free. My first fight out of the country in Panama was 95. It wasn't even 100. I pay my flight tickets out of my hotel. Not me. So my sponsor that's what it is with comedy.


In the beginning, you're literally going on the road. You're losing money. You buy your flight just to have the opportunity to get up and to just cut your teeth and to try to figure it all out. And then slowly but surely, after a decade, you go, oh, now I'm making a little bit of money. And then it just doesn't feel like.


But because we always want more.


I like comparing it, though, to doing a fight in Panama.


Yeah, dude. My first open mic was just like, you're fighting Panama for $90.


I had to do a black room in Philadelphia. I understand.


I remember it's. Whoever said more consistent that get it to the other side. Because everybody have the same desire, but not everybody's willing to fucking walk the walk and stay there because it's fucking.


Shitty, and it's, like, embarrassing. People are like, you went to Cleveland for $80. Did bombing an old Ecuadorian. My dad, every time I'd leave, he asked me every show I'd do, he'd be like, how much are they paying you?


And I'd be like, I hate when my dad asked me at the beginning, how much are you making? I'm like, Fuck, 200.


Now they don't ask no, now my dad will ask me. I'll be like, I'll go see my dad. Big. You want to know how much they fucking paid me on this one? I'll buy your house right now.


I can buy you, motherfucker. Come on, Daddy. Who's Daddy now?


For real? That's what I say to my raven.


Put your pants down, Phil.


That's what I say to my dad. I'm like, yeah, I'll buy your house right now, dude. He's like, Shane, you're an asshole.


He told me that he'd give me a million dollars if he killed himself. He said, just no strings. You don't remember this? I promised you. You promised me if you said if you kill yourself, you give me a million dollars, no strings attached, before you killed yourself without saying anything.


Can I get some of that? I helped you kill yourself.


I promise.


If you kill yourself yeah.


Which is actually like it's a decent bet.


Can I get some of that too.


I help you die.


Just a million dude. Who gives a shit?


Will you beat me to death.


If you put the money back here and you sign that you wanted to do it euthanas. I fucking step on your face until you melt.


How quickly?


I don't use soccer shoes. The one with the.


Know. How quickly could you beat Shane to death with your bare hands? In a very realistic way, it's a.


Real question to death. I know. I think in order to kill somebody, it's not like 20 points. You got to solid for a minute nonstop.


You have to take a break, get some water.


It's not easy to kill somebody. That's why when people are like gangs and I'm like, kill people is not cool. Well, but for a million dogs and if he's accepting it, I like, you bad. That minute we can far.


I think to kill him with your bare hands, you probably just choke him.


Yeah, that would be quick.


The quickest way.


Yeah. But you got to really choke him. Because if you choke him a little bit, he will come back and let's fuck that.


You got to fucking do it again.


You're counting your money, he wakes up, you're like, oh.


And if you beat the fuck out of him, he's only fucking agonizing. Just give me a fucking knife, dude. Maybe fucking slice you up in like a no, dude. Why?


Let's do a gun.


No, dude, you gotta do a gun.


Beat to death is fucking way to go.


I mean, you really want to win the money?


Yeah. And you gotta make sure he's dead. Otherwise he's gonna come back with a vengeance years later.




When I hire someone to beat his.


Eye half closed, his jaw fucking twisted.


And Shane's a tough, so Shane doesn't realize how tough he is because we've played sports together. You're so strong. If you wanted to beat me up, all you'd have to do because you said this because you're like, oh, you were talking about me and Butterly fighting. You're like, oh, Tim would piece me up. I was like, no, dude, you're so strong. All you would have to do is grab me by my shoulders and start pushing my head into but you really dude, I'm telling you right now. Remember the pool? You grabbed me in the pool and just picked me up. I felt like a child.


I thought, yeah, but you guys know fucking jujitsu.


No, not really, dude.


But check this out. That's a little difference between knowing jiu jitsu taking a boxing class into saying fuck you in the like it's a different animal, it's a different energy. If you get to grab anybody and just fucking throw them against a wall, I don't give a fuck how you're a fighter. You're going to hurt yourself. And most people out there will be like, oh my God, he's actually strong. They will push down.


Yeah, he's not throwing up an armball.


If he smashes his head into a to. I've talked about it before, but after a podcast I was all fucked up. And I started pushing like or like Mark Holleman.


You saw that one?


No, that one.


Keep going. That till later.


But we just got done. And obviously I knew Rogan was going to kill me. I wasn't like, I have a chance here. But I started like run blocking, like offensive line football. I was like, you can't do shit. My arms are too long. I was like, pushing him. And then he just pushed my arms out of the way. Chokes me in 2 seconds.


It's also different. A black belt is much different. And he's a strong motherfucker.


He can be fucking five. What? Five. Five? Yeah, he's like my size, but he's fucking a fucking refrigerator.


Huge dude.


Full of elk. Yeah, that's a big motherfucker.


Yeah, he was huge. But I was hammered. So he had me in an armbar and I was like, this is nothing, you pussy. I'll never tap you. Fucking bitch. He really cranked it. I'm still hurt. He fucked my shoulder up.


If your homie saying fuck you, you.


Got to and then he felt bad. I called him the next day. I was like, dude, you fucked my shoulder up. And he's like, oh, fuck, dude. Come back to Austin.


He's like, dude, I'll hook you up my stem cell.


He's like, I'll get you stem cell.


My knee was fucked up. He's like, oh, dude. He's like, hit up the knees over toes guy. The world famous DMing him and he's going to answer me. Joe?


Yeah, I mean, Joe is Joe. That's a fucking legend. And he can fucking fight guy. That guy can kick your head at any day. Even with those tight jeans, he will fucking take your head off. Tactical, they're probably like stretching shit.




It's funny how much, like, Ari doesn't know about a fight. We'll be talking. It'll be me, Ari and Norman. And he'll be like, do you think we could take Joe? It's like, no, dude. We have no shot.


You mean all three of you together?


Yeah, Ari and Norman.


I mean, Ari looks very fragile. I don't know. He looks like a guy that you would have speed on his face and fall. He's like a guy who smokes cigarettes all day with sugar.


I think Ari's got a chin.


Yeah, because he got slapped. Michael Rappaport laughed right in his face.


He laughed right at him.


Somebody smacked him, slapped him in his.


Face and he just laughed.


He's a famous actor, Michael Rappaport. He was in the movie Higher Learning.


And he didn't do anything about it?


No, Ari just laughed. That was his defense was to laugh.


That's kind of fucked.


But then they kicked Rappaport out of the bar. It was pretty funny.


Oh, they kick him out?




Why is laughing just because you're comedian.


Ari was talking. So Ari got canceled for making fun of Kobe Bryant when Kobe Bryant when he died in the helicopter crash. Ari hates the Lakers.


I like Kobe Bryant. It was a joke.


Or it was the way that Ari does literally a minute before it's announced that Kobe and his daughter die. And then Ari puts, like, an Instagram live video, and he's, like, tackling, laughing.


It was bad.


It was bad. And if you know ori you understand why it's funny, he would do videos like that for a lot of celebrities when they would die.


I'm sure he's funny. If I'm in charge of the cancelation group, I'll be like, let's give you the guy a pass.


But it was just look, here's the reality. Ari's, number one, a really funny person. And number two, he's actually a genuinely really good person. Like a legitimately, like, sweetheart of a person, very selfless. Really helps people out.


When I hear him on shows, it sounds good.


Yeah, he's the man.


There's a problem with the cancelation thing. I feel if you do comer for a living and you get to a point that you're actually good, you can get away with anything because it's fucking comedy. People that pay doesn't matter what race they are, whatever they want to laugh of the jokes.


Of course you're Hispanic, right? So if you're in a comedy club and somebody's making Hispanic jokes, for me, personally, I love that I feel like I'm a part of the show if they're making fun of everybody but my race or my like, I'm like, what is going on here?


A friend had tickets for your Rogue, and this is fucking seven years ago, a long time ago, he invited me, and Whitney Cummins was right before him. And she locked eyes like, who the fuck is this Mexican? I said, Like, Bitch, I'm from well, she wasn't expecting me to answer.




Then she just looked away and keep going. I was like, I got because she was expecting me to be like, yeah, Mexico. Yeah.


I feel like cancel culture doesn't affect fighters as much, though, because not at all.


We were just talking about that.


Staple for that. Now I think I can say anything.


I mean, I think I watched Conor McGregor bite the nose off a 90 year old man in a bar.


By the way, speaking of already taking a punch, that geezer took that punch.


Yeah, he did.


He took a hook from behind. What the fuck?


I mean, that guy's been drunk since the 70s. He don't even know who Connor is. He's like, Bro, I went to war, bro. You think I give a fuck about you? I think Connor offered him a drink, and he'd say, Fuck off.




And it's Connor. He was probably cocked out. He's like, Fuck you.


He took my fucking that was that was actually the worst look for Connor.


It's crazy. uncancelable. The amount of things that like not.


Just hitting the old guy, but the old guy swallowing the punch and just.


Being yeah, the old man should get canceled.


That was disrespectful.


Yeah, that was to the chick that.


And then he went in the bathroom at the Lakers game or whatever. And then it came out later was a picture of like a fat chick. And I was like, wow, nobody buys oh, no.


It came out later. She was sitting with him. She was still around. It was clearly but I mean, in.


Defense of him, let's see what the media put happened. He told security, kick out the boyfriend. Tell the girl to wait from in the restroom. Whatever happened. Whatever happened.


Oh, she had a boyfriend with her.


I mean, that's what one side of the media say, whore.


Anyway. So that made me angry. I apologize.


But I don't know.


Imagine my girlfriend, you bitch.


Yeah. I mean, that's heavy. But I mean, is that true? Or is just this one chick saying like, I'm going to sue this asshole. I'm going to flirt with him and then say, I don't want to do this. And then say, tell everybody. It could be both. I don't know anything.


If you have the opportunity to sue a celebrity or a corporation, it's almost stupid not to because you're going to win every time there's going to settle out. They're like, fucking let me just get this out of my way. So you sort of see it happen all the time. You see people come up with frivolous.


But Connor, it is a little out of control. He's with a beer every day. Could be just for the picture. But doesn't seems like it's for the picture. And he's fucking lord. He don't even need to fight. Yeah, he's fighting just to earn some respect back. Because I think that's what is bogging him. He have like no one is like, fuck yeah. That's a man. He's rich, famous.


But being the best, that has to be something that very few people are the best in the world, right? The absolute best. And there was a time where Connor was genuinely the best. And he's chasing that dragon, the money, the fame. He's got everything.


He sometimes you chase so hard the wrong thing. I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't want to be fucking broke. I want to be loaded. But you want to be that loaded and everybody disrespect you. It's kind of like, yeah, kind of fucked up.


Yeah, it does suck when he made it. And now he's a money fight, obviously. So people are just like, fuck. You constantly trying to fucking goad him into it.




And he's fucked up. He's doing blow.


He's so famous that he get on Twitter.


He's like, Joe.


Yeah, dick. Yeah, Joe.


That was my favorite. You ever listen to his fucking I love Connor's. Twitter is so funny.


He don't write on Twitter. He put like, not on Twitter.


Oh, it is the voice.


And he was watching the Khabib fight. Obviously. I don't say obviously, but it sounded like he was probably doing blow watching his Khabib fight. And he was making fun of Rogan for being like, that's an illegal headstrike. He's like, that's an illegal headstrike.


Shut up, Joe. I'm assuming. And I'm pretty sure he's a really cool guy.


If you're partying with Connor and you're on his good side, I'm sure he's the fucking coolest dude in the world to party with. You're just in private jets doing the.


Best blow in the cocaine he does is probably actually good for you.


When he's below the blow.


It actually gives you a better mind. I don't know.


It's like, dude, I want to fix my relationships.


I mean, it's probably using like 91 gas instead of like 84. Yeah, for the preparation. Or maybe jet fuel. Something a little higher.


Dude, Conor McGregor blow has to be the best blow in the world.


Maybe not. There's a lot of people that die with shitty blow, too.


That is true.


I think everybody at least one guy. You like a musician, celebrity die out of a fucking wrong line.




And how you prove is the good line. There's not like a machine that goes peepee peep. Oh, this is fucking good.


No, you got to give it to one of your loser friends and watch them do it first.


Gas digital staff go at it. And then I go, those fucking guys are that's what podcast producers are for.


I'll let Gardini go first. Come on, buddy. Get the first line. Yeah, I mean, one bad line can really send your heart to a fucking boom boom.


Yeah, I had to chill on that.


When was the last time you did coke, Shane?


I did I did it I did it once this year. That's pretty good.


That's great for a comedian.


When I first got to New York, I was like, what? You or me? Really?


You can see the couple of shirts.


I'm usually drinking a little, so there could be a couple bumps in there I forgot about.


Yeah, I did one little escank fest. Somebody gave me and DeRosa a bag. And we're like, fuck, dude, this probably isn't real. And I was like, I'm not going to do I just didn't feel like doing it. But I did do a little fucking gummer.


Yeah, that doesn't count.


And then I was like I was like, this isn't even real coke. And then like 35 seconds later, my whole face was frozen.


A lot of my friends for years like, come on. Did you just get a little bit? I'm like, no, bro, I'm fucking bearding. And I want to keep it like that because I don't know what's going to happen if I give it a try.


Don't do it. You should definitely you've never tried coke?


Never. I get to 30 years. Old with. I don't want to disrespect the non cocaine ones, but I will say seven out of ten are weekly users. Very functionals, great people. They have a job. They don't cause they don't say the N word. They're good people but they do a.


Lot of cocaine standard now. I mean what are we doing here?


And they do a lot of cocaine and they're fine dude. And they're always like, come on, this is tiny. I'm like, Bro, I'm cool. Fuck. It's not a dig. I'm like yeah, I can tell you fucking doing it for this.


I know you if you beat Sean O'Malley for the title, you got to do a bump. Just one bump as.


It'S just not happening. I mean the Capricorn offered me one. I pass on it.


Is there any person in the world that can offer you cocaine where you could not pass on it? There's got to be a person.


I would a check this out. I'm getting an Adam Sanders tattoo from Happy Gilmore on my leg.




Maybe maybe that guy. But even him I think I pass it on. It some other drug. Which other drug is not as hubie halloween offered you? That's a great movie. I love that's.


A great fucking halloween is so fucking funny, bro.


On five week I watch every single Alan Sander movie.


Happy Gilmore.


Water Boy.


Water Boy.


Water Boy is sick when he's a Jude and he's Diamonds. That's a good one too.


Oh, that's a great movie.


Gem. The gem. Something like that. I'm about with names, uncut gems.


What Happy Gilmore tattoo are you getting? What is it?


I got to go through Google. Anything funny? Yeah, it's going to be up behind my leg.


Yeah, that movie made me laugh harder than any movie.


I thought it was a kid with.


The clown fucking pieces, dude.


When I was a kid.


As of today, I keep rewatching every him and dead son. Washington I can watch every movie every day. And I'm really good at stop watching movies at all for a few months and then I go back again. Wedding singer is great too.


Wedding singer is great.


That's how my son is. He's going to watch the same movie.


Over and over and over.


If it's a movie that makes me laugh, I love it. I laugh like a motherfucker watching shit.


Yeah, I saw Waterboy five times in theater.


Wow, that's aggressive.


That's how dumb I am. Yeah, I saw it five times. I would go to the movies.


You're funny.


That's why like every day for yeah.


I mean maybe if Alan was like, come on dude. I started speaking like Happy Gilmore. I'd be like yeah, how much? Let me cool.


Just a little bump with the sandman.


I will do fucking like psychedelics with any guy I like that's right.


You love psychedelics. In fact, the last time I saw you at Ruka, you had just taken yeah, you was out back. There was a van. Did you have a van there? No, somebody had a van that was like parked there for a little while. And I remember they were like, oh yeah, cheetos are mushrooms right now. They told me. And you were hanging out out back, like outside?


Oh, yeah. It's room that is parked there for years, empty. And my friend gave me one by it. So it looks like we were coming out of the Airstream, but the Airstream has been dead there for a few years. I like mushrooms. You want to take a dab?


Oh, I'll take a dab.


Hell yeah. I got you.


You take dabs. That's what I usually do. Actually, I just gave up dabs today, but now I'm taking a Dab machine over. Obviously, I exclusively take Dabs and spoke once and I was like, this is too much. I'm starting to cough. So I was like, I'm going to do just joints.


This is not the problem. It's the blunts. The tobacco will fuck you up. Yeah, I love a nice split, but this is the cleanest way.


Yeah, I know. In my head, I'm like I don't know why. As I'm getting older, I feel like I'm going to get cancer. And I know that nobody's ever gotten cancer from weed or we don't know.


Actually, check this out. If you have that thought in your head, it's not good, right? Because you think about it, fasting will kill every single cancer cell in your body. If you fast for like you start shit with intermission fasting fast. But if you eat let's see, you go six to six every day and you get in a good habit and then you go for a day. It's a process, right? It's like running. You don't start at 13 miles. You start at half a mile. Yeah, I do three day fast every just water fast every six months.


Three days.


Three days. Wow. Just water and coffee and dude.


Thank you, my friend.


When vibrates suck it. No, when vibrates is heating up. But like, fast helps with that. And of course a clean diet.


Yeah, there it is.


I don't think about it. That's not a good thought.


Don't dude, I got to do an interview.


Who are you interviewing with?


Bannington. I got to do one.


But that's the best way to do an interview.


High. I cannot get high.


When I did Joey's podcast, I almost pulled out.


I took a little too much mushroom.


And that was so weird.


I've taken a lot of mushrooms during that podcast and it's like the fucking roof with the stars staring at that.


It was heavy.


We do it and we'll take mushrooms. And I'll just not talk. I'll just sit there. I'll sit there for like 2 hours just not talking. Then they'll be like, what's going on? I'll be like, dude, I can't do this.


You know, I literally almost pulled out. I almost texted him, like, I didn't want to say I'm sick, because that's weird.




I was like, dude, I just get in a car accident. I'm going to the hospital. Sounds like, excuse I'm sick, but if you crash, that's more real. When I was in the Uber, going to the studio, I suggest things were kind of, like, shaking. Oh, fuck, I don't want this to move. And the Uber driver was kind of, like, talking a lot.


I was, yeah, man. Yeah.


So how are you in town?


I have no idea.


Three days. How you like Austin? I'm like, very cute. I was like, leave me fucking alone.




Getting fucked up in Joe's studio is scary. He's fine. Joe can take whatever.


Well, he doesn't understand. Maybe you guys are different. For me, I'm so in my head about everything. Last time I was on this, I'm uncomfortable. If I'm uncomfortable, I'll do this a lot. Like, I'm thinking, dude, it's a nervous tick that I have to comfort. Like a self comforting thing where I'm touching my face. And the whole time I'm on Joe's podcast doing this. Really, Joe?


Tell me I can be fucked up. What really hurt me was in my head, I was thinking half a gram, which I take that all the time. And I took a gram by accident of mushrooms. Of mushrooms.




So instead of took two pills, I took four. I don't know why make me took four on that day. I got ballsy out of all the days I went there, because half a gram is nothing. I do my 13 miles on it. I'm fine. I go you'll train on only running or surfing. Anything related to fighting, I don't do it high.


Why not?


Because I'm not going to fight high.


You're afraid of what could happen?


No. I mean, I spar few times high, but the reason I don't like it is because most of the time make me feel better than not. But I'm not going to fight high, so keep it the way it's going to be.


When Bisping took us to Ruka, I brought Diego. And Diego sparred with Cheeto, and Cheeto fucked him up.


Yeah, I bet it was fucking.


But Diego, diego is pretty good.


He's a tough guy. But check this out. He came at the cage and just told us, like, hey, I want to spar.


Oh, you remember this?


Yeah, I remember that. And Parillo was like, wrong people.


Yeah, okay.


Gear up.


Yeah, but I mean, for him, what a cool experience.


Literally, fucker can take a punch.


He could take a punch.


I was cracking him. I mean, I wasn't being 100% addict, but I was touching him.


Where's the echo from?




No. What's his?


Oh, Colombian.


He's Colombian.


You're redheaded Colombian?




That's a weird mix. He was probably mixed with a cow, something like that.


Got that right. Wasn't that right, Pele Roja?


Pele roja.




He's probably half human half cow.


I'm fucking jealous from the mountains.


There's no gingers in South America.




I don't know if I met a ginger growing up. Yeah, we don't got the gino there.


It's weird people. Weird people.


You look like a ginger cheeto. You got a little cheeto in there.


Yeah, I see when I leave the mouse on. Longer hair. Let me see. Yeah, you can be my ginger algorithm.


You guys should spar. You should see who spar.


But the way that happened was like.


He was a wrestler. Yeah, he can wrestle.


I don't really defend tegas. I write a grapple. But wrestling is a very important thing to have. I'm guessing. But that day, instead of guessing, not like, you need to rest, right? But we're hitting meat. It wasn't a sporting day. And these guys were like fucking around. Beachwick was there and he literally walked to the cage with gloves, shingles, and a headgear. It's like, yo, you want to give a run? And I was like I'm always kind of like as coach.




I act pretty good in the gym and perdoin come up, jesus the wrong guy.


And then Bising put me down with a body at will. He was just like he was like, watch this, guys. It felt like I was shot with a shotgun, dude.


When I was done a sparring bitch, he was like, hey, man, give me a round. Like touching, right? Yeah, I'm punching in the air. I'm not even going to get close to him. He was sipping punches. I'm like, yo, what the fuck is like, don't be a fucking bitch. I'm not punching you. I'm like, yeah, it says it 220. Cool.


And then what's his name? Luke. Rockhold will be training there as well. And Luke and Bisping always had like obviously, because Bisping gets weird. But they would kind of like just like alpha, like energy and kind of like look at each other weird and fucking then one day they were just like we were there. They were like, let's just have a grappling match. And they just went fucking hard. Just rolling around on the mats and such a yeah. What what a cool like a really cool gym. One of the coolest gyms I've ever been.


That's a cool gym. Yeah, it's gone now.


Oh, they closed it down.


They closed it down. But they're making something better right now. It'll be ready soon. Yeah.




Those two award in the gym is scary because two big guys both think they won because they actually won one apiece. It's like, if they fight, I wouldn't separate it. They're too big. I'm going to kill each other. But the birds like bees. We got like 20 fake everything. He got a fake arms, fake leg, fake knees. Half robotic RoboCop. He's getting there.


Yeah. It's almost not fair. He's more fucking cyborg than human at this point.


He got two fucking metal knees. Titans are a little cooler. He got, I think, both shoulders, neck.


He won the title with one eye. It's bonkers. It's bonkers. The whole story is.


I drove with Vegas once with him, and his bad eyes is the left one, so when he's driving no, the right one. So when he's driving, he's like, hey, mate, there's cars coming that way. And he was fucking going fast. And I was like, when you came by yourself, you fucking got to go, like, all the way like that. He's like, yeah. I say one line. I'm like bullshit.


Every time he merges, you're like, two.


Times I saw, like, the you know, with the big cars are like, honking. Like I was like, yo, yo, yo, yo. No, stop. I will find zoom. I was like, one time and ever. No more. I say I enjoy with you at all. You're missing one eye. You're one eye away. You don't see nothing.


All it is is one little fucking dust money.


Bro. Being blind is as scary. That's why that motherfucker is that tough. Just think close your eyes, and that's your new now. Fuck that. Yeah, that's.


Definitely a tough breed of human. I went to England and just there's like just something about did you go.


To Scotland and Ireland?


Yeah, we went to Scotland.


Those guys are like a toughness to.


The trying to fight patchy, hairy, yellow teeth, hard drinking fuck. Yeah, they don't give a fuck over there.


Yeah, they try to fight.


You part of the culture. It's part of the culture. That was not part of my culture growing up. I was a fat theater kid.


You're a cool goth.


I was a cool goth. You were? I was the toughest of the goths.


That is a dangerous goth. That is, like the most scary goth, because if you get beat up by a goth, it's very embarrassing.


Yeah, but I was, like, beat up.


Most of the goth.


The monaguillo, the one that works with the boys eyeliner. Oh, no. What is a goth? I thought it was you know, when you go to church, there's the two kids doing the bells underneath the table. Yeah. Is that a goth?




How you call those?


Talk about an altar boy.


Those are victims. Cheetah.


Yeah. What is a goth?


Because I thought black eyeliner, they were.


Like Marilyn Manson T shirts.


Oh, you were an emo.




Kind of like emo, but darker.


Not as gay.


It was emo.


Cooler than emo.


If you wouldn't be on my a.


Little more manly than emo. Can we admit that goth is more manly than emo?


I wouldn't ruin your life if you were to make sounds like the ones I was talking about. They do the same things.




The only difference, like, one is doing by choice. The other ones are doing by pressure.


Damn, that sucks. You were a goth.


Well, I wasn't a real goth. There was goths, and the goths didn't accept I would like I would wear, like, Marilyn Manson T shirts and wear, like, eyeliner, but I was like, yo, those goths are, you know, I walked to the beat of my own drum.


You were a loner.


I was nominated for most individualistic in my class of relatives.




Yeah. I didn't win. It was on record.


You didn't have friends.


Number one loner. You have a diploma.


They could have just put virgin in the yearbook, but they didn't do that.


Yeah, I don't think not many chicks are fucking goth out there.


What did you say?


Not many chicks are looking for goth.


But goth chicks at the time. I lost my virginity to a goth girl in high school.


How was that?


Cutting your arms and fucking?


Yeah, we listened to Pantera. Cemetery to pantera.


I can't fuck to that. I don't think my D will go hard with that music.


I can't listen to music.


You can't listen to music while you.


Can'T listen to music? Yeah.


Oh, dude.


It throws me.


I just want to do what Leonardo DiCaprio does. I want to put the earbuds in.


And that I could handle.


That is awesome.


Put a mask and I got a rubbing tug.


I got a rubbing tug one. And I put music on, dude, while I got the massage and the rubbing tug. I had music on the whole time. It was so disassociative. It was so disrespectful to this woman. Yeah, it was the best.


I can do that without the fucking heavy metal on my ears. I despise that music. I can't even be near.




I got one friend out of my whole group that listened to heavy metal. When we're in the car, I told me, you put your music, I kill you. Like, literally. Not for the million. I can be in that car because that specific music, they crank it at 100. I can listen to that shit. I like Bob Marling. I like to be chilling.


Yeah. Chill music.




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But I mean, I respect damn.


Fucking the metal. Yeah, that's hot, dude.


A hot goth chick.


Yeah, but was she hot? The thing with me with the music is like, I can't take myself seriously. It's like if I'm fucking the music.


I'm like, I'm going to fuck to the bid.


Well, yeah, but I don't take myself seriously. Like, I can't be like I can't get into it.


You don't like, what do you do?


Just pump until you literally laugh during sex?


You're never like, OOH.


I mean, I have to be drunk to like, genuinely be like, dude, I.


Remember one time I was fucking a chick and I like, whatever sound I was making, she like, mocked me.


Oh my God.


She went and then I really got in my head. I was like, oh, shit. Do I make sounds like a bitch?


That's a delete. You didn't fucking more than once, right?


No, I did a couple of times.




Funny, though, that crazy Canadian chick.


I would like it a little. Yeah, I don't mind a laugh during it.




You're having a good time?


Yeah, the most fun.


I mean, it's fucking it's the best.


Thing you can but a mirror like that in like, a hotel room, and.


I catch I perform like a champ.


American psycho, dude, I flex, dude.


My wife hates when I look at the mirror. I just look at myself and I'm like, fuck, that's even better than anything else in this room.


Latino thing. Because I look at myself, I'm like, damn, I'm fucking her good. Look at me go.


You guys are out of.


I think that's why I have a good personality and I believe in myself. When I was a kid, I look at the mirror, I'm like, holy shit, you're fucking pretty. I mean, you're the best thing in this world. I look at the mirror, I can see nothing better than me.


That's good. Yeah, I think that's exactly narcissism. I think that's literally the tale of narcissists.


He said, you want to know why I'm so great? Because when I used to look in the mirror, I would say, god, you're good looking. That's what made my personality honestly, what.


Made me good at stand up was looking in the mirror and going, what the fuck?


Having a little dick. Having a little dick made me funny. If I had a big dick, I would be the biggest piece of shit in the world.


Little dick. I mean, football, you got to get in the shower with the whole team. You better be funny.




If you're taking yourself seriously with a small dick.


Oh, you're fuck. Yeah, you're fuck. That's the first joke I throw. I talk shit about myself. That's the best thing you can do. If you don't talk shit about yourself, you won't make it too far.


That's it.


Yeah, but a mirror while I'm fucking looks, I'll catch a glimpse of it and be like, holy shit.


I practice my interviews on the mirror.


You do what?


I practice my positive speech on fight on the mirror. Like, my wife is like, your brain is out of control. I look at myself and I start moving my hands and I speak. She's like, what the fuck are you doing? I'm like, don't fucking throw me. And I keep talking. Yeah, and I talk about how I won. It's crazy.


That's nice.


Action was my friend Action, the rapper, he was laughing at me the other day because they give me, like, a CD of Just Beats by Alchemist. It's just beats. It's like jazz, for instance. And sometimes I'm listening to that shit and I started rapping in the car and I kind of like confess that to them, bro. They're having some making fun of me.


Where you rap?


I don't rap.


I know. Can I get some bars?


Fuck. Let me get excited.


All right. I'm going to have to bob my head, be like, yo, that's good, dude.


When I went back home, we did like, a carpool interview and the guy something happened and he told me, like, well, you can sing. I said, I can sing for shit. And I started talking shit about the guy and in my head, some of those were like, fuck, that's actually pretty good.


We did that on this podcast where if you make your friend genuinely try to sing as the best they can, it's hilarious.


It's impossible.


Try to sing.




Yeah, please.


You want me to try to sing right now?


Sing any song the best you can. But it can't be like it can't.


No, I'm not going to fake it.


No, I know, but I'm saying it can't be like you can't pick, like, Johnny Cash no. Where like it's no. A song that has, like, singing.


No, I'm not going to just pick some monotone shit. You want something with notes? Yeah. All right.


Go for there.


Out in the darkness a fugitive running fallen from grace fallen from God lord be my witness I never shall be revealed till we come face to face till we come face to face I.


Don'T know that much.


It's called stars.


You sang like this.


I was in theater. Yeah.




No, I can't sing for shit. But I did use that song as an audition in high school.


For example, there's no one song I know that many lyrics. The most I know is like, who let the Dog suck? I mean, that's all I got.


Sing it again, though. Sing it with like try to sing it.


Well, actually, I was pretty upset I didn't get to get injured on my last fight because that was the me and my son were like walking on the lobby and we're like, who let the dogs out? And then my son will be like a little fucking eight year old skinny me. It was epic. And I was trying to do that for him. And this fucking ass was run out of time on ESPN. Damn shame on you.


So you'll get the next one?


Fuck yeah. Fighting for the belt, dude. That's exciting.


How's that feel?


I'm still processing it. Coming from a place like, I will just dream about being signed to the UFC. Even thinking winning a fight in the UFC to like Dana just announced it and I was like, wow.


Wait, they announced it before they told you?


Oh, yeah. That's mean. Let me explain this thing. There's two ways to go about it. I can go in Ghana, go fake news. Fuck you.


Pay me more.


Yeah. When you can just go, hey, let's meet up. No, let's meet up. Let's talk. What's the offer? Everything is doable and approachable. If you're just not a fucking I mean, in Gano didn't went crazy, but most fighters go like, fuck you, piece of shit. Suck my dick. There. I'm like, if you work at a construction center and you go to the guy with the yellow helmet and the Timberlands, you go like, fuck you, piece of shit. Pay me, you're fired. Yeah, even you can go to jail. One megas think that we can go on Twitter just because we got like 2000 followers who can do that.


Yeah, it's also like and I'm out of business.


Do you hear this business advice?


Well, no, I look, I know.


Look, every comedy club, you're looking good.


No, but like, the UFC, I mean, I they with that. I mean, I've been I've been a fan of the UFC since I ordered the first Pay per View 1993. I ordered it. I was a big pro wrestling fan as a kid. So I went and I watched Hoist Gracie win the first one. And I've been a hardcore fan for a really long time. I'm not as hardcore as I used to be. Because once things become really popular, then I'm like, it's just not as cool to me. That's what happened with pro wrestling with me in high school as Miz the.


Movie came out, you're like, I'm done, dude.


But like, the UFC has genuinely it wasn't even a thing. They created an entire industry. And I think that a lot of people are very critical of the UFC. When I go like, they've made millionaires out of so many know guys that this wasn't even an it wasn't even a thing. So I really support the UFC and a lot of their business decisions. I think that they're really great overall for the fighters and for the sport. I know that I guess people complain about the fighter pay or whatever, but I feel like they've just created an entire industry.


People that exactly they talk about, like, oh, my weather, McMillan's. Yes, motherfucker. They born every 20 years. My weather. Canelo maybe fury. The rest of those fuckers doesn't there's few real boxers in there like Haney Gerbonta and what's the other guy, Terrence Crawford. Like, they're making money to female, but it's like those are like old champions and guys with undefeated records. The rest of the fighter is making probably $75.






And you're talking there's hundreds of guys on the UFC roster, and a lot of them are really feeding their families. I mean, there's journalists, there's podcasters. There's an entire industry that was created out of this didn't exist.


The guys at the bottom of the line making ten and ten. Their families are eating like they have a job. I get the insurance. I'm like, don't get too fucking beach. Maybe it's because I'm from Ecuador and I kind of assume life is a little harder, but it's a bunch of fucking soft pussies, including the guy I'm fighting next. Like, that they're kind of like frail little fucking pussies. And that don't help progression. They don't help the world around us because people that follow them think that's the way to be. Oh, I deserve this. I deserve that. You don't deserve nothing. Go and fuck yourself.


But it's also like the bones or the foundation of the UFC, if you really consider what it initially was. It was no weight classes. You didn't know who you were fighting that night. It was a tournament. You had to fight three times within one night. And it was just like, the foundation. No, no. Fuck you. Put the guy in front of me. I don't give a fuck who it is. I'm the toughest man on the planet.


Dude, I was just watching the I know it wasn't no holds bar to the I watched the one where the.


Dude was technically yeah. I mean, you couldn't fish hook. You couldn't gouge people's eyes, but you could punch in the balls.


Back in the day, I was just watching that video. That fucking dude.


It was Josan and Gary Goodrich. I believe it was. Right. Yeah. And Joe Son, he ended up going to jail for murdering a chick. And he was also in the Austin Powers movies.


I'm without CT. Yep.


Without CC's. Balls hurt so bad.


Yeah, he held in, though.


He took, like seven of those I'm crying. That guy took solid elbows to the straight. The head of the cock. That's wrong.


It's the only way I can come.


Oh, really?


It's a guy in the head?


Like a big black guy.


Just fucking jack.


All right.


Hell yeah.


I think we're good.


It's been fun.




Oh, we're only at 57. I can keep it going. Yeah, this is great. So what's going on, man? How's it feel, though? Like, when did they announce this?


Two days ago?




I mean, I was on the car going to Brooklyn and then people started. Cool. I say, Maybe no, no, they allows it. And I'm like, oh, cool.




But it was like, wow. They kind of told me they did say, like, yo, you're fighting in March? But they just announced. I was like, wow, I feel fucking grateful. My life already changed. That's a life changer, right?


You have the win over him the first fight, right? And I guess it was an injury. I guess you kicked him in the knee, right? And then something happened with his knee.


We have nerves everywhere, right? I can explain it because I've been kicked on the leg and my shit goes numb. But I'm just like, I'm in a fucking fight. I'm not expecting that to not happen. I'm walking to the cage, kind of like expecting to get caught injured, because I'm going to fight through it. I mean, I kick his leg and there's a fucking nerve in there. All these doctors came out like, oh, there's a motherfucking. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I mean, I get tattoos. I was getting my tattoo stomach. I felt it on the tip of my dick. Nerves are real. I kick him in the leg and he should just die. But I mean, you can pull guard. You can sit down. The fight doesn't stop if you sit down because you can kind of like crawl to me, whatever. And that shit goes away in a minute.


So there was no injury with the kick. It was just that you hit the nerve and then it just sent him.


By fuck by accident. I mean, God bless me.


Was it the first round that happened?


First round. Then he found the ground.


It was quick, right?


I went to the guard. He tries to set up a triangle and I throw I was in his face and I'm guessing the nerve make him go to sleep.


And it was guessing it was in the apex.




So you can hear the elbows and it's like, Jesus Christ.


But are you looking at that fight at all? Or do you completely get that out of your mind? Or do you kind of like, look at that fight and go, no, I beat this guy already. I already know what it's like to be in there with him. Or are you expecting a completely different guy at this point?


I mean, I'm honestly the type of people that I let shit go. I'm not thinking, like, three years ago, you say this about me, or three years ago I beat me or you beat me, or whatever. I generally don't give a fuck. I'm not really searching on social media what people say, what he's saying, or just in general. I'm living a pretty good life, a pretty good, cool life. I'm hanging out with the people I look up. I hang out with people I love. My circle is cool, so I'm not worried about this type of shit. Don't get me wrong. My goal in life is to be world champion. I did what I did for my daughter at the beginning of my career. I'm just accomplish all my fucking goals, be a homeowner. I mean, I'm fucking worried about if I beat the fucking idiot three years ago. I don't even dislike him. I don't have a serial feelings, but that's the guy in front of me. I'm going to beat the shit out of him on March. And that's not shit talking. It's going to happen. It's going to be a different fight. It's been a few years.


I'm on my pride. I'm 30, he's what, 29, 28. We're in a fight.


How much have you changed since that fight? As a fighter? There's something to somebody becomes a world champion, they have a lot of money, a lot of sources, you know what I'm saying? Some people could get complacent. You watch people like Ronda Rousey. I think it happens once in a while, but I think more often than not, I think you see the best version of a fighter after they get that title, they don't want to lose it. They don't want to lose that heat, right? So I'm assuming he's going to be a better version of himself, right?


100%. But he have a style of fighting, right? He is a sniper. He's a guy that he don't really set too much out. He don't really throw too much. He really waits for an opening to throw. That's how he catch Aljamin. But fuck Aljamin, no offense. He's fucking suck on a kickboxing fight. On a kickboxing fight, he suck. He could throw a punch. I'm sure he's tough. I'm sure he gets ballsy. But he's a wrestler that happens to be a great athlete. That's why he's so out of balance. If that guy spars a real boxer, he's fucked. I spar pro boxes. I know what he'd been there with. A real motherfucker that throw crazy punches. I feel the energy. I feel the speed, because that's what Parillo makes me do. He makes me spar with like these guys are really going to sharp my eyes and my defense and everything. And it is risky, but fuck, you don't learn how to race formula una by driving at 60. So you got to go a little crazy in there. And I'm sure he's going to be better. I'm sure he's motivated, but fuck him. I'm sure I'm doing the same thing I mean, it really comes down to who's willing to go a little far.


And I'm fucking down.


And he doesn't got kids, right? I think that's another side of it as well.


Dude, he have a kid.


He does have a kid. Okay, never mind.


Yeah, I think he's married.


Oh, shit.


You're in trouble.


I don't know. Oh, boy. Never mind.


I got three I got more than him.


You have three times the motivation.


Yeah, I'm sure he have a kid. I don't know if he's married or not, but he have a kid.


Are you going to hit the who let the dogs out, bro?


When I fought in Boston. Nacho. That was so epic. Every time I would yell for like far Away and he was barking, I was like, that fucking mad dog. That is my fucking kid.


That's great.


Yeah, but it's a big fight, dude. It's fucking huge. I mean, he definitely brings that TikTok YouTube attention, even if people think it's bullshit. People don't like influencer. I mean, it brings something to the table. And why not take over all that? The winner gets it also.


That's part of it, right? It's like these guys that look the guys who have the big personalities and have huge followings on social media. All it takes is you beating them. And then you take all of that power right there and then.


I mean, it's it's really that I mean, it's really you're robbing the guy's house. Who's taking more? But like, it's a huge fight. And I mean, it's a fight that makes sense. And I said this before. There's like two guys ahead of me in the rankings.


But San Hagen's piss, right?


I think he's Marabbish piss. But they can suck dick because one, not even their moms are watching the fight. Let's be honest. I don't like this new world of social media. And everything is a pose. And you walk, look sideways and the guy take the picture. It's not my thing. But if I can make money of it, fuck it. Why not? Rather make it than don't make it. I'm in the UFC longer than them. I fought the whole we have the.


Win over Sean as well, which is the story is right there.


And I have 22 fights in the UFC. I mean, they're fucking newbies. They got to wait. And my fight with Sanheg was close. It's not like, if you would have beat the fuck out of me, I would be like, you know what? Get it, man. I'm a man. That fight was a shit. It was a shitty fight. I performed shit. I was like, if you're really that good, why you didn't try to push it? I mean, he was fucking running all over the place. And it is what it is. I lost. I took it. I'm not making any excuse, but if you're going to try to get it back for you, at least be like, I stopped him. I stopped O'miley before I stopped Cruz. I stopped all these former mean.


Yeah, there's also some just as a like the politics behind the scenes aside, you almost just want to know. I don't want to hear Sanhagen talking about how it should be him. I just want to see him just go take the next fight and fucking get the knockout and make the statement and make the case, and then he's next in line, very obviously. And the story is right there. I don't know. You don't want to hear excuses after a fight. You don't want to hear people complaining about the opportunities that they're not getting. You just want to see people taking the opportunity.


That's the way I live. I mean, it took me 22 fights to get what I am, and I'm not fucking complaining about, like, oh, in my times, I didn't get this. I didn't get that. It's like, fuck it. That was my road. We all got different paths in life. Everybody. So you cannot see the guy next to you and be like, fuck, he made it faster or harder.


That's why I feel about Shane. Like, Shane put a special out on Netflix, right? Which was fine. I put mine out on YouTube. 172,000 views, one or two months. That's all it took.


Yeah, I'm going to be doing blow and punching an old guy.


I announced my special. Netflix is like, you know what we're going to do? We're going to release Shane's special the same exact day. Why not?


Maybe use the same banu, too?


What did you say?


Use the same banu, too.


You too.


The same venue. Venue?


I thought you were saying bathroom. I was.


No, no, like the same place to film it.


Oh, did we know he did it at a massive theater? I did in 160 person comedy club. Tonight I'm going to kill myself. Dude, this is it.


You give me money if you kill yourself.


I'll give you $180 if I kill myself. No strings attached. Dude, I'm serious. You get 180.


You still got to show your dick.


No, you said you give me another way to not show my dick.


All right, let's do that again. That was fun. I just watched him play call of duty, and he livestream, and he bets.


Me $1,000 showing my dick. I play war zone.


I know, but you show your cognitive.


No, but I owe him a cock show right now.


I'm not going to watch.


I have to show my dick.


He has to show his dick on his show. But you get another shot. One more shot, you get another play.


Rock, paper, scissors, the loser. You got to post a dick pic.


On the dude, I got a hilarious picture of your ass. Every day I see it, I think about posting it. It's so funny. Dude, it's so funny.


$1,000 if you send it to me.


Not a bidding war.


I PayPal or bank. What do you got?


I love it. Fail.


I got you.


It's a fucking gay ass.


So funny, dude. On his belly.


Make a shade of it.


It's so funny.


Make a shirt.


And I have no ass. I have a flat, fucking disgusting ass.


But that's normal. People like you. Yeah, my cousin is like, you have the same ass.


You you know the picture of what's his name? John Lennon and Yoko Ono where they're both naked from behind?


I have one of their ass.


No, my ass is a combination of both of their asses. It's just flat and long and wide. It's fucking crazy. I have a large non existent ass.


That's what I'm saying. That's why I don't understand how you guys look in the mirror when you're fucking dude, if I look in the mirror and I see my I actually.


Look pretty good, bro.


I don't see my ass.


How do you see your ass in the mirror, though? I'd have to hold another mirror to the mirror behind.


If we're sideways, I can see it.


I mean, you probably won't be able to see it even sideways because it's flat.


Yeah, I know. But then you can see that there's nothing there.


I have a video of me fucking in my phone that I'll show you after the podcast where I look like a fucking king. I look like a fucking king, dude, whatever the angle is, I got the fucking angle on it, dude. Oh, shit. My chick will be mad if I show to you. I won't show that to you. Never mind.


Yeah, don't do that.


For sure. We're not going to do that. We promise.


Louise would never do that. I love her.


You do love her.


I do love her. She's the one.


Yeah, she's great.


That's a good chick. The one is good. Yeah, the one time you show the.


Video yeah, you can't show the video of the one.


I'm off bluetooth with her.


Oh, no.


I'm off bluetooth. I'm going all natural.


That's probably a letdown for her.


No, dude, I'm telling you right now. That's how into her I am.


That's nice.


I don't even blue chew because once in a while I take a bluetooth. I was like, what am I even doing?




Why am I doing I'm trying to give her more.


What is that? Yeah, you guys take that.




Hard rules.


That's wrong.


I don't take it.




I have, though, and it's great.


I feel you use it when you need and know when you want. You're way too low. You feel drunk.


Well, at night if I want to.


Fuck when I'm drunk, it's a machete, bro.


Yeah, I think we're talking different levels of drunk.


Well, if you slop yeah, no, if.


I'm banging at night, I want also.


I'm not fasting and running 13 fucking miles.


Yeah. I got a car. I can fucking dig a fucking hole to find oil. I'm back with testosterone.


Geo is so fucking funny.


It's all the organs I eat.


You do a lot of that Liver King shit.


He's a lame as mother.


Do you see the latest video of him where he's just dying?




They have, like, electrical things on his muscles. So they're like, trying to shock his muscles alive. And he's like liver king here, bro. That guy, he's going to be dead in five years. I promise you. Liver King will not be alive.


Your heart cannot sustain that amount of drugs. Doing that much steroids is like doing, like, exorcism cocaine and phantom on the same night. You can live like that. And the fact that he's actually telling people, yeah, just eat the liver, like me is crazy for the people out there. If you're a normal person and you think by taking those pills you look like that, you're a fucking idiot, shame on you. That's fucking well, that's his problem.


It's like, I don't look if he was just like, all right, I make these things and that's that. And it's part of the marketing. But he was claiming straight up, like, I look like this because I'm fucking eating this shit. And I almost can't look away. It's like watching a car crash. I watch him eat an entire cow's head. He like, popped out the eyes like, King.


How many dudes got tricked by that? Just eating a fucking cow?


I know guys. I know guys.


I won't say on the Liver King thing specifically.


Yeah, I mean, it's Coleman. Yeah, he's older too, so he needs anything to get healthier too. I get it. If you're older, you're former fighter. You're getting out of shape. And he might be drinking a lot. So he's like, you got to find anything to get healthy. But if you're younger and you can do a lot, don't get fooled by this fucking scum. Like I said, legitimate scum. Like, I eat liver. I eat kidney. I eat heart. I fucking feed brains. I eat it all. I'm super healthy. Don't fucking look like that.


I mean, there are benefits to eating organs, obviously.


They are. Yeah, but you don't look like that.


Yeah, it's a scam. It's all steroid. And then he got caught using steroids, which I also don't give a shit. Like, if you use steroids, more power to you.


Exactly. But it's like, yo, you use the steroids. Yes, I do a little bit. But I take these pills to maintain health and blah, blah. I will buy that even more that you was like, I don't know. And he walks by me once, all natural, and he smells like a trash can do, bro. He walked by me super tight, fucking short jeans, like the Thai ones. Like a Dominican gay guy, long hair, like curly, no shirt, walks in a UFC event. And I'm like I went, Whoa. And I really given the benefit of that. That wasn't him. That was probably something in there comes back. Oh, my god, my nose hurt. I was like, ow. Like that bad.


What? He doesn't shower at all?


He doesn't shower because he's all natural. So he showers only, like, on fountains.


Oh, he won't use like soap or deodorant and shit.


Nothing. I'm a hippie like that. I use everything. Very low ingredients. My soap, I'm fucking metrosexual. Something for the face, something for the hand, something for the body. But doesn't mean that I'm going to stink. You know what I'm saying? I mean, no one on his team is like, hey, I love you. You're a little stinky right now. Yeah, I will tell my homie like, yo, it's clean. I don't fucking know. I won't let my homie walk out like that to that. That's fucked up.


You saw what happened to his eye?




So he's got one eye now. He was doing like I don't know what the exact exercise was, but it was like a fucking rubber band type thing, dude. And it snapped off the door and.


Hit him in the eye. So he's legitimately blind.


Dougie's got one eye patch now, and he's like, liver is cream.


I'm kind of liking more now.


I like it.


I got empathy for him. I mean, I don't hate him. He just bothered me. Like, you lie in two people.


Yeah, it's just kind of cringey. It's kind of funny. I don't know if I follow him, but he definitely comes up in my feed a lot.


I haven't seen him in a while. Last time I saw him, he was doing great.


Dude. Liver King is falling apart. His organs are failing before our oh.


But what about the Liver Queen?


Liver Queen died a year ago.


How are the liver kids?


I mean, they eat, like raw liver and don't really I want to expose my family like that. My kids, they love meat because I cook meat almost every day like I would Big Tomahawks and steaks. I'm a great chef, by the way. And when I eat liver, I cut them really small. And I tell the kids, like, it's ribeye. And they believe me. So like, oh, this is fucking great. They don't know they're getting the best vitamins they can. And those fucking kids do not get sick. Thank God for the good food because they're healthy, dude. You can see the energy. They're more bright. Skin looks good.


God damn, I got to start eating liver.


Yeah, you should start eating better overall.


Eventually you have some Fog Raw once in a while.


Yeah, duck is great, dude. I love duck breast.


Duck's my favorite bird, but Fog Raw, they torture the duck. They make it, dude.




Don't they force feed it to get so fat and its liver becomes so decadent and delightful that's fuck yeah, dude. If you watch videos, dude, it's like literally a tube down a duck. Fucking just fucking pumping.


Fucking that's wrong.


It's wrong.


Ducks are cute.


Ducks are adorable.


I like ducks. I don't like that.


Yeah, that's fucked up. That's super fucked up. It's true.


If you watch any of those documentaries on what they do to food, that's why I just don't watch them. People are like, oh, do you want to watch fucking the meat industry?


I'm like, no way.


I want to enjoy a cheeseburger. I don't fucking if they tortured this cow, I do feel bad, but I.


Don'T want where I get my things. I believe it's same place, Joseph. And they are like, cows are fucking happy eating grass all day.


My friend Nate Bargazzi is a great comedian. Super squeaky clean comedian. But he's got a great joke about that. He was like, you got to get a free range chicken. He was like, yeah, they get to roam free. He was like, yeah, they're happy. Don't you want to get the ones that want to die.


So you treat them like shit? He's not wrong. He's kind of right. He's making sense to be a little.


Bit killing all those happy guys.


There's a great YouTube video where it's like this dude, he goes like, he'll kill cows on your farm. That's his whole thing. He just shoots cows in the head. But you'll be raising cows, and he's like, yeah, it's time to like this cow. It's time to go. And he comes over, just fucking shoots a bolt into their head. And it's a whole YouTube channel. And the first two or three cows that they kill, he'll be right here. And he'll be like, hey, cow. And the cow's like and he goes, boom. And then the cow just drops. And the first two or three are like, that is fucking disturbing, dude. Four cows in you're like, this is the greatest thing. The funniest thing you'll ever see is this guy murdering cows.


That's crazy. When I was a kid, I was in a farm my whole life. So, like, on Vaccination Day, they line them up. You go one by one. All that thing. I love when they have to put an animal down. I was like, I'm cool. I eat it. But I don't want to be part of the card. In taking everything apart, a pork was easy to watch. Like, they will bring the pork coating right in the middle. Letting ham for, like, few hours, that was okay. A cow. I was like, I can see a cow die.


Why not a cow?


They're cute, bro.


They're too cute.


Don't they have, like, personalities, like dogs?


I'm more okay with a pig dying. And I don't really eat pigs, so I can actually kill one, and I won't eat it. But a cow?


Have you hunted before?


No. I ask every hunter that we know, please take me as your fucking servant. I want to be there. I haven't got any invite yet.




But I'm in crazy shape. I can go up under with a fucking little but you would hunt.


I got offered to go hunting in Texas last time I went. They go hog hunters? Yeah, dude. Dean Stanfield, he was like, dude, we're going to go hog hunting in the night. And it was like, it's not even for the food. Like in Texas, I guess wild hogs are a problem. They're all over the place. So they'll pay you, like $30 per hog that you kill. So they just go with, like machine guns and fucking they just put, like a big thing of bait in the middle of a field with night vision goggles.


It's very weak.


Those four guys are eating and you that's not even fair. At least go in the fucking in the woods and find I just would.


Feel so bad if I like because I have friends who go, like, deer hunting. I live in Jersey. I live out in the suburbs. I have friends who go deer hunting. And I just feel like I'm going to feel so bad if I shoot a deer and I don't kill it. I'm like just listening to it wail.


Yeah, you got to follow it. Follow the trail to try to find it.


Yeah, I would love to hunt. And I will really carry packages and fucking clean. I like that type of shit, bro. Being outdoors. If you haven't been outdoors like that in the middle of nowhere, you don't know how the sounds of the silence out there, the sunrise, the sunset, bro. And I give props to that of how my mental health is today. Because I grew up with that shit every day. Been on a horse until I don't even know where I am.


Did you go fishing a lot?


I don't do nothing.




I just grew up on a fish farm a lot.


Fishing. Yeah, I love fishing.


You catch the fucking thing, you got to rip the hook out of its stomach.


I went to fish once.




And I caught a little shark. That was fucked up.


A little shark?


Yeah. I was like, tibanito.


That would have been awesome.


I took it off on it.


No, I meant the word. I said tiberonito.


You said tibero.


I said little shark. Tiberonito.


Tiboron. Sito.


Tiberon sito.


Fuck yeah.


Stop embarrassing me in front of Cheetah.


I was like, fuck yeah. Because I was thinking, what I catch, I'm going to eat it. I'm not eating that thing. Send him back. His body was all fucked up from the hook. That was my only time I said, no more. I don't want to catch another non usable animal.


I struggled with fucking putting the night crawlers on the hook.




You ever get a big ass worm? Yeah. They know what's up. They're trying hard as fuck to get away from that.


Yeah. Every time I go on vacation with the family, we'll do like a catch and cook. You like, rent a little boat. They bring. You out. You catch a couple of fish. You fish a lot, dude. Yeah, I remember when I went rainbow or peacock bass fishing. Everyone was like, oh, you got a fucking garden. He's going to be so jealous. But yeah, I love you catching a fish in the morning and then bringing it back to a restaurant, cooking it that day and fucking eating it.


Oh, my god, that's happiness. You're eating something that you fucking went and it's a different feeling.


It's the best. That's the thing. I could hunt. If I knew we were going to kill it and eat it, I knew we were going to eat that fucking food. I think I could get there.




But I can kill anything. I know I'm going to eat with no bad feelings. I mean, it's just living.


I killed a mouse the other day, and it haunts me. I had a mouse in my drawer. I had a bag of bread. It was like a hole. And I was like, oh, fuck. I got a mouse. So then I got two traps. I put peanut butter on one and I put cheese in the other. And I put them both in the drawer. Took everything out of the drawer. I was like, let's see if this fucking mouse comes. I went smoked weed or I came back like 20 minutes later and I heard it bouncing around in there. This mouse got caught on the one trap and then it sort of flopping around and the other trap so the other trap snapped on its half its body, and the other one snapped on his face. I was just living, dude.


And it was looking at you like, that's fucked up.


It was twitching like this. And I was looking at it and it was kind of cute. It wasn't gray, was like a brown one. Like almost like a field mouse or whatever.


If I see one of those, I let them be.


I felt so bad, dude. And then I was like, fuck, dude. I was like, I can't just take it and put it in the garbage and let it be tortured. So I brought it outside and I fucking made it bite the curb. I fucking stepped on it, dude.


We had a mouse. I had to do that. I had to do that.


It was brutal.


Three months ago, I was upstairs. It got its leg.


If he's a rat, I don't have nobody feeling stepping on the head. But if it's a mouse, I see them. You're good, bro?


Just his leg that got trapped. So he was running.


Oh, no.


And I had to fucking hold the mousetrap. I got a boot. And just fucking I put a towel over him and just fucking yeah, I.


Put it in a loaded bag. I put it in a bag and I folded in half. And then it was just and it.


Went yeah, it yeah. I probably will let them suffer. I don't think if I can do the last shot you have to. Unless you get me mad you got.


To do it well then I feel that's the thing the last shot is what fucked me up. But the idea of this guy just being in the garbage suffering all night.


Or down the toilet he drowned.


Quick drowning he water tortures it.


I got a good one. The guy who used to live here one of the guys who used to live here he was at his parents house it was over COVID I think. And something kept eating the food in the garden so he set up a trap and he caught a possum and then he was like I got to kill this fucking possum dude the possum.


I kill 1000 of those in my garden.


It feels like homicide.


He took the possum, he didn't know how to kill it. So he just took the cage and dipped it in a rain barrel and he drowned this fucking thing.


Oh my god.


I thought he drowned it he lifts the thing up dude, it's holding on he took a picture this thing's holding on to the cage like what the fuck? So while it's in the cage holding on he took a railroad spike and put it through it he told me about this and I was like bro, you're a fucking piece of shit. He was like possums these like they're bad and I was like dude, I don't think possums eat it's.


Raccoons. Raccoons.


So I googled it possums are good for gardens they're good, they help your garden. That guy was not the one eating the tomatoes he just tortured this fucking.


What they do is like raccoons make holes to eat the worms so they don't want the food but they destroy your plants I had one point of.


Time are the best did you killing raccoons?


Oh, I haven't catch it yet but I've been fucking waiting to.


I will leave that raccoon alone.


I'm going to shoot that motherfucker field. I'm going to shoot him right now. Check this out I had a beautiful garden like seven rows dude, I could feed families I will give veggies to all my friends. I will do the crazy solids and these raccoons figured it out that my soil was fucking the best with the thickest worms and dude started destroying destroying and I will fix it. I will keep fixing it there was a point couldn't do it they just.


Fuck it up you got killed.


So I literally just let it go and dude I started putting alarm in the middle of the night coming with the BB gun check I catch one yeah I fucking drill a hole to his face fucking sit in the middle he was keep destroying the destroyed plant. So I was like I already let the garden go everything was dying I was sad I see like 10ft away I see like 10ft away. And I was just like, if I catch it, catch you. And I fucking let it go.


Yeah. Did you drop it? Was he dead?


Fuck, yeah. He's probably like, no, my BB gun is late. I have one that said in the boxes, I have the same speed as a real gun. Okay, you don't have to pump gas. It's just one chuk. Chuk. Dude, that thing sounds heavy.


Oh, no. Killed a fucking adorable raccoon.


They're not adorable.


They are adorable.


That's my food, dude. I mean, if you are an animal, you pass by my house. If I see a rat and you're not inside, I'm like, Cool. I won't even put poison outside. They fuck with my foot. That's another thing. I was like, you're not fucking with.


My what'd you do with the body with the dead rat?


Put his head in a spike for.


All the other raccoon.


Back. Yeah, just dropping the alley.


I call adorable.


I call the animal service. And I said, yeah, I thought it was some of my house there. I don't know what happened. They came and picked it up.


Sir, did you execute a fucking raccoon?


No. The guy didn't ask.


Did you carve Cheeto vera into his chest?


He just put in the car and left. But I mean don't fuck with the food.


Yeah. Raccoons are a son of a bitches. When I was in Costa Rica, the raccoons figured out how to open the doors and come in the room in the middle of the night, I wake up and there's a raccoon. There's three raccoons sitting on my counter, just opening cookies and eating them, looking.


At me with their fucking lie. They're really cute, dude, but they are poisoning. If they bite you or they touch you, whatever, they're actually poisoning. They're not good. The other ones are pretty good.


The ugly ones, dude, possums are horrifying looking. I saw a baby one. I was like, taking out my garbage, and I had an empty soda. Like a twelve pack of soda. Like just a box. And I pick it up. It was heavy. And I was like, what the fuck is this? And I look inside.






It was a baby possum.


It wasn't dead.


I know it wasn't. I open it and he goes, literally, it's playing possum. I didn't realize, dude. I didn't realize that's what it was. I'm just an idiot, dude. And I was like, oh, it's dead. This poor thing. And I was like, I got to get rid of its fucking body now. And then I fucking go to pick it up again. And it went down again, dude. And its whole thing is like it's weird.


The moment the song comes out, they just lay down in the street.




Curled up in a ball with its mouth.


But if you see people pet them on YouTube and shit, they're like, pretty kind of cute. Once you get over the fact that they look like they're from hell. They're kind of cute.


When I was growing up, there was a at our bus stop in the morning, there was a possum we all just thought was dead. It was laying it was curled like that. A fucking cop showed up and shot it in front of the kids. They were like, this thing must have been rabid. Years later. Recently, I googled it. I don't think they can even get rabies. I think they're wrong again.


No, I think the bosoms have nothing. Like, really nothing for you. Like, nothing bad.


They're good guys.




They actually god made them. So horrifying when I kill you, you've got a gun.


That's crazy.




Apostles are ugly as fuck. Raccoons are cute, but they're small and they're mean, dude. They're like a bad dog. They really want to hurt you. Yeah, I don't like those fuckers.


Yeah, they hiss. It's fun. You ever watch people try to feed it's a great video of this gay dude trying to feed a raccoon. He walks outside, there's 30 raccoons. So he comes out with food, and he's like, hey. It just comes up to him, like, slow, and he goes bites his ass. He runs. Yeah. Anyway, we should go. We should wrap this up. Cheeto, you're the fucking man.


Thank you, bro.




Hell, yeah.


Thank you.


Thank you.


Dude, I forgot how good at interviewing you.


Stop it. Check out my half hour special.


Yeah, check out his half hour special.


Check it out.


And obviously watch Cheeto win the title. Win the fucking title, dude.


Thank you, boys.


You better say, who let the dogs out in your post feature?


I will, actually. For your next special, I can introduce you.


Yo, please.


I come with like a singlet like a resin singlet, please. Resin. Shoes, bread, my hair. Yeah, I think we can do something good.


I would do that. All right. Peace.