Transcribe your podcast

I gave myself hemorrhoids twice not eating meat.


Yeah, you spent so much money. Hey, we're here. We're here. Live with war mode.


Big Thanksgiving.


Big deal.


Coming off of an amazing game. That was electrifying.


Me and Bill have been having such a fun time playing John Madden football against each other.


I didn't realize he was a contender.


That was it.


That was bill played both sides of the ball in high school, dude.




Allstate he started playing defense.


Were you all state? That's what I'm talking about.


You started playing defense. It was pretty good.


I know, I tried. What else up?


Dude, don't be deflated. You got literally stopped on not even.


The one year finally played on the real skill level.


Yeah, even skill level.


Dude, I know. I, like, fuck around shit, but sometimes I'm actually sad.


It's not fun.


I've always known as the guy joking around stuff, but sometimes I get sad.


Dude, you should start. You got to start a thirst trap. IG I know we talked about it.


Now you're sad. That's a good thirst trap.


Just like dude, there's ones on there that's like a picture of their kid, like, newborn, and then it's like a flashbang sound, and it's like life after my newborn died.


It's like on Instagram.


Do, I swear to God.


How about that girl doing the fucking, like, I love you, TikTok to her baby in a fucking yeah, they had.


Like, an incubator and a nose. Yeah, that was fucked up.


What, she does a TikTok dance and she's like, about pointing to a baby her baby in an incubator.


You know, it's shitty when you go to whatever it's called. NICU. It's like the neonatal intensive care unit. A lot of the babies, you just don't see any parents anywhere around the whole they just people just, like, crap babies out in their home, like, ventilators from the beginning of their life, and nobody comes and visits them. It's really shitty either way. What are you thankful for?


That wasn't me. So thankful. That wasn't me. True.


Spade was left to die on a mountain.


Spade was bald in the dark.


You were for a little bit.


Just a little?


Yeah, just a little bit.


For a minute. For a second. We're all orphans for a second.


Yeah, that's what Mother Teresa was doing with people who were dying. She would just have a whole fucking thing of just people dying on towels.


That's fucking sick.


That was her shit.


The beach.


What beach?




Everyone's in Calcutta? Yeah.


Don't sleep on the fucking don't sleep on the nuns.


Nuns are essential part of the church.


I saw two on my way, and I said, Sister, you can go ahead of me.


You saw a nun?


Yeah, I had a goat. Fourth grade teacher named Sister Elizabeth.


Dude, she was the best nuns.


I've been getting pumped on the nuns lately. I've told you I'm reading that book about the guy making the pilgrimage from the Via Frangelica starting Canterbury, England. Walk to Rome. It's pretty tight.


Hell, yeah.


And you get to stamp your you get to stop at anywhere. Like the monks are chilling. You get to stop and just be.


Like, is this where you're, like, buying your sins out of hell? Like buying your way out of hell?


It was. Now you can just do it. And you have a little pilgrim passport and you stop. They'll be like, yeah, you can sleep here for the night. They have to give you lodging.


Nice. It's pretty tight.


It's like all west rules.


Yeah, it's pretty tight. I want to do it. I want to do the Via Frangelica. You go through all the little cities and they have, like, a little history of every city in France. It was pretty sick.


That'd be really cool, dude.


Like the angel statues get their heads blown off world War II. And then a monk will find them and save them. Put the statue back up. And they'll say, Check this out. This angel got his fucking head blown off. We saved it.


Shit got obliterated.


That's nice.


Oh, it's tons of stuff like that, dude. Do you know St. Omar?




He walked. He wandered the countryside for, like, years trying to beg the lords, like, please give the peasants some of your land. And he just walked so much that his legs stopped working. So he became crippled and then he died. And then all the little crippled kids in France visit his tomb and lay their shoes on his tomb.


That's nice.


I was reading it on the plane.


I was like.


When was this? When was this?


I don't know. Probably in, like, the 17 hundreds, actually. Probably like the 15 hundreds wasn't Napoleon. It was probably like the 1415 hundreds.


Don't even get us started on Napoleon. Napoleon? Napoleon, yeah.


Bill thought Napoleon was from the 14 hundreds.


I could see you. Well, I'll be honest. I didn't really know.


We talked about earlier. I was talking to these two people. They didn't know Napoleon.


I know him.


No, I know, but I'm saying people don't even know.


He had a huge effect on the world. I didn't know that. His whole family? Yeah, dude, his grandson started the FBI.




Yeah, it's crazy.


Federal bureau.


And there's current bonaparts. The one dude looks exactly like him.




Yeah, he married some, like, baroness or something.


They must be loaded.


Yeah, dude, they're the bonaparts.


Fuck. That's pretty. I think he didn't he donate a million francs?


They never try to hit him with, like, racists or anything like that.


What didn't he donate a million francs to the town he went to military school in?


I don't know. I heard that he did help out Korska a lot.


He was a loner at military.


We all know a lot about him.


It's whatever his parents I don't know.


Shit about him compared to the other boys? Yeah, a little.




He was ashamed about it and he.


Wasn'T sure, but, I mean, that's how you make such a man.


I'm spoiler alert. What happens to him? He ends up on an island.


Yeah. Exile his fucking ass twice.




First time so mad about it.


How do you get unexiled?


First time they put him on an island, he broke out and took over Europe.


Jack's Barry.


He's a bit of a papillon.


They put him on they put him on an island. He escaped French for butterfly and did it again.




And then they sent him to fuck, I forget what it's called. It's real far.




That's right.


Wagon. Napoleon, man.


Yeah, big ups.


Big up to motherfucking Napoleon, man.


No, they shouldn't do damn, he got.


How the fuck did he get Helena? St. Helena. Got it.


Not a big deal.


Not a big deal. Nailed it.


Dang, bro.


He's not my favorite. Ulysses Grant's my favorite, dude.


Ulysses grant versus napoleon.


Who would oh, didn't Grant study?


Oh, that's like LeBron and fucking Michael Joel.


I mean, now we're talking.


And Napoleon studied the great and Caesar.




He studied all the boys. He loved those boys.


It's like a lineage. Yeah, studying that shit. But I wish I studied that stuff.


What's his name? Duke of Wellington was like, napoleon was the goat.




I beat him. Napoleon was the goat, though.


He's pretty sick.


Anyway, I'm excited for the film. I've heard negative reviews about it so far.


I'm not liking this whole allegedly. They're making him out to be, like a super simp, which bothers me.


He does have some nasty letters.


He's horny boy.


Wait, so what's the complaints about? Are they saying, like, it's just, like, not real?


Somebody texted me and said it was movie bro. Like maybe an intentional comedy.




I was like, no, it was not.


That would be hilarious.


That'd be great if it ironically did a Napoleon movie.


I think somebody told me that would.


Be so funny if he came out and he's like, I can't even I.


Think they had to do it again because Joaquin Phoenix just changed his interpretation of Napoleon, like, after they wrote it and gave it to him. I don't know. I think I heard that.




I think they had to just change the movie from what it was written to just accommodate sounds familiar. Joaquin? What?


Sounds like Trump Hitler.


Trump Hitler. Yeah. Yeah. I actually think that's going to happen. I think Joaquin just was like, no, this is how he would do it. He's just the joker. He's just the joker the whole time.


True. That role changes people, dude.


It changes people. I told him.


Did you warn him?


I told fucking what's his name? Heath Ledger. I told him. I said watch out. That changes you.


You did.


That ice machine gets going, dude. See how scary that thing is at night, dude?


That would fucking kill me.


Startling you. Guard oh, you can turn that off. Yeah.


I felt bad because I have, like, ceiling fans that have, like, a light on them.


You can use it. She goes nuts. Dude. I thought someone was in my kitchen.


That's crazy.


What's it making?


Like the cubes? Giant blocks of ice, dude. I turned my my remote to trigger other fans in different rooms. I turned my light off my fan on in my room yesterday, and it turned the light on downstairs where the dog sleeps. They just slept in, like, total lightness. I came downstairs in the morning. Matilda was just looking at me, just laid on a thing with her eyes wide open. Like, what the fuck?


Jack's probably was fine.


He's blind. Didn't give a fuck. He passed out. But yeah, dude, I'm under severe duress right now.


Yeah, that ice machine is just going. That's all.


It's just ice bone. I got to make some turkey, dude. I'm tasked with making the turkey for the family this year.


Dang. Oh, that sucks.


How are you doing?


I'm excited. I'm going to brine it. I'm going to brine it. But I have the toughest of judges coming down, dude.


What's? Brining it? Yeah.


You will get accused of under seasoning no matter what.


I get a toughest.


But dude, the brine just intentionally put too much seasoning on. Yeah. So when everyone's like, this is a little be, like, oh, yeah, you guys don't understand seasoning.


Just put habanero.


Like a fruit punch bowl of hot sauce. No, you put it in a sugar, salt, herb combination, and it penetrates into the flesh and flavors. The flesh of the turkey.




I'm going to knock their fucking socks off, dude.


I think you will.


If not, it's going to be the house will totally melt down if that turkey doesn't come out right.


The whole house is dry.


Do you have a baster?


Fuck yeah, I got a baster. I got a flavor injector.


This is big. This is like racial pressure of making it.


I'm representing, dude.


I'm fucking you got to put represent.




We can talk about it. I got bullied, dude. This is why I try not to wear cool stuff. Whenever I wear cool, I literally put on a represent T shirt.


That one not.


This one, a different one. That's all I have. They gave me a box of Represent T shirts. All I wear is represent T shirts. But one of them just says represent huge, across the back. And I was like, I'm just going to get coffee. I literally when I put it on, I was like, why do I care? No one cares. This doesn't matter. Nothing's going to happen. I went into this coffee shop. This guy goes, all right, you can go ahead in front of me. We're going to take a while to order. And I start going and he pulled his wife back from the counter, was like, got to let this guy go first. He's representing right now.


They just got to feel like the big fellow for a little but why.


Do you do that to me?


You should have turned around and said, just out of curiosity, what's the point of it? Why does that make you why do bad things happen? Talk about me like that?


You should have spazzed, dude.


I should have bent down and screamed as loud as I could in his daughter's face. He wasn't big. I could have had him. I could have mangled his family.


Yeah, this fucking dude. When I was in Liverpool, this dude was like, are you filming my kids? And I was like, nah, dude. My GoPro's off. I was just trying to buy a backpack. So my backpack broke, and this fucking guy just goes he starts talking to his wife, pointing at me, basically accusing me of videotaping little kids. I could have killed this fucking dude. He was like, in his 50s.


He accused you being a pedo?


Yeah, man.


He peed a pop. He got a pedophile.


I hope that dude feels andrew, I hope he feels like a big boy right now. Fuck, I wanted to kill this.


What'd you do? Did you just turn around?


I just stood in line. I was, like, laughing. I'm like, yeah, dude. I'm filming your kids, dude. In my head, I was like, I'm going to give him his fantasy. I film little kids, and I really like your kids.


You should have been like, dude, the only reason you're saying that is because you think about filming your kids all the time. I don't play not me.


Yeah, I don't play those games.


Rubber Glow.


I was like, stuttering silent. And for an hour's after that, I thought about rage, dude.


Rage. I'd be so mad if someone accused me of pedophilia. It's a fucking heavy charge if they're like, yo, stop.


That is crazy. That's why I told him. I was like, that's like grounds for a fistfight.


Oh, big time.


There's nothing I was, like, trying to think of things that would give it.


Then you're risking it all. Because if you lose, you are a pedophile or lost the fight. It would be like, I beat the shit out of a pedophile.


A 50 something year old dad. I have so much rage, dude.


I know you got big. You look good.


That'd have been nice to be like, cameras on now. Now I'm going to beat your ass, dude. Bump fights, dude. If you record yourself having duels across.


Europe, you should have fall for the honor of his children. You should have said, if I win, I get them.


Then I was imagining thrown down steps and stuff.


Really? You're thinking bad things?


Yeah, dark stuff. Couldn't imagine what goes on up here.


He invited it, dude. He did invite it on himself. You should have dueled.


It should have just been like full out hockey. Like, drop everything and go throw your.


GoPro down and go that's why I.


Was laughing when you said, he's screaming. A little girl's face, like, that would have been hilarious.




I don't even like you.


You're not even hot to me.


You're going to probably be hot eventually.


But no, it's not even what I'm into right now.


I'd like to kiss. You should have fucking started.


That's not a party. That is not a party.




Getting accused of being a chomo in.


Public in another country, too? They could have fucking literally just have.


A camera on my chest. What the fuck do you want to do? What do you want me to do?


That is wild as fuck, though. Yeah, that's like bums. Seeing drones. If you just see a dude on a public transportation wearing a camera vest, I'd be like, were you fucking child rape really the worst thing I can think?


Well, actually, in fact, sir, I am my intention is to film your children.


I would never touch them. There's a minor attracted person.


It's actually legal. We are in public. I'm filming your kids.


Yeah, like, the Black Panther Party used to do it. They used to film the police. They filmed the police. They squirrel busted the police.


They squirrel busted the police.


They used to just watch them for, like, 10ft away and be like, we are allowed to watch you. They were the first dudes on YouTube to be like, I know my rights, sir. You cannot pull me.


Sovereign citizens.


That is the tightest YouTube hole.


Oh, my God. You can watch it forever.


Sir, I do not have to roll down my window to talk to you. This is enough for me to thank you, sir.


Please give me my pisses me off so much.


They're so funny. Hawser presents himself important.


I know I usually am not supportive, but then I see a dude being like, actually, no. I'm like, beat his ass dude up. The cop pulls his ass out of the car. They do the cops spaz and yank him out of cars and shit.


Yeah, dude.




There's certain states I'm pretty sure this is true, where you can technically try to pull a cop over. There are certain states if you pull.


Up on a cop, run an audit.


Pull over, you can pull them over and be like, I just want to check to make sure you guys are who you say they work for us.


You can audit them. You can audit a cop.


Yeah, you can pull them over. And then you could be like, you.


Have to be a fucking psycho.


Wait, you're allowed to you can pull them over. What's your badge number? What's this? Can I call your and then I think you can verify that they're who they say they are or some point. Pretty tight.


There's a lot of dudes who roll around like, fucking the lights, and they have regular yellow and white ones. And then every now and the Castle point, let me check it all. And it's like red and blue. Why do you have this? I'm like a contract. I do stuff on my I was like, you're not allowed to have this. There's just dudes over there pretending to be cops. That'd be fun to do. That's a nice job.


Auditing cops if you're retired, would be nice.


Hitting the lights on people occasionally. You're going to get a high speed chase. Somebody's going to run when you hit those lights. Then that's a fun night. Yeah.


Oh, my God.


And you just don't even chase them.


Dude, I'm telling you. I thought about being a cop for so long.


You would be I'd be tough.


I'd be cool.


You'd be Matt.


You'd be a brutal cop.


I'd be slow.


You're allowed to be a brutal cop.


Dude, I'd be so fair.


You would be like the wire.


I'd be so chill.


McNulty, bro.


Yeah, you couldn't stay away from the grease. You'd be a dirty cop within.


There's got to be a way to make money. I remember hearing about they used to do these things in Baltimore. They're called backpack pops. If they see a dude with a school bag, they always go the same thing and see if he would like they would throw the backpack down and run. They would just take it, confiscate their drugs. There was a guys in Philly that were just going through, like, convenience stores and just fucking be like, give us money.




They're fully just extorting them. Just be like, Yo, pay us.


That's what people spaz out and say cops are what they just do that shit all the oh, they don't dude, I'm a thin blue. I got man, I got their sex.


You're with cops?


I had their sex until they gave me a speeding ticket in Arizona.


That's literally all it takes. Those pig fuck.


Was it state troopers or was it I don't know.


No, it was Yuma County. Motherfucker got me, motherfuck.


That 310 what?


I don't know what it was, dude. It was so straight and long pause, and I was like, driving down the whole time. And he's like, you lose yourself. The cop sped away.


You lost yourself?




In the music and the moment. Fucking I'm driving down, dude's. Hiding behind a cliff.


Yeah, and then he got you.


He brake checked you. He warned you, and you got caught.


Brake checking someone on the highway.


It's like, dude, how much was the ticket?






How fast were you going?


I was in a Dodge Durango, so I think I was targeted, probably.


That's actually an undercover cop car.




That's why I kept telling Spade the whole time we were driving, I saw a cop. I had a six, and then they fucking pulled me over. I should have ran audit. Autumn you should have?


Yeah. Watch videos where they do audit. They walk. Journalists walk in and start auditing people. It's nuts. It's all in the whole YouTube hole or TikTok hole or whatever. Of busting petos, stealing valor. All this.






Are you on the talk right now?


I was to try to make those dances, but I'm just the IDF girls. I mean, it's hard.


Look at me.


That's a good idea for that one.


That's the only TikTok one I'm confident I could do.


Dude, that was a huge thing before.


You know that one? Yeah. What is it before TikTok? They just do that.


Never saw it's.


Very exciting.




Yeah. It'll get you you watch it.


My wife wants nothing more than for us to do interracial TikTok dance.


Whole love of fuck.


Dude, please do it.


Internet social media couple. Yeah. Please raise your relationship to the next level.


Well, they also those fucking wife. Andy Elliott and his wife.


Are you afraid of success?


Please do.


Can't do it. I see the couple she's talking about. There is like a thing of interracial TikTok, like social media things, where it's like, we're going to do whatever.


I know a dude who like his wife made him start doing this. And it's like for 25 likes wait, his wife?


Nobody makes it full blown. Like it's always for ten likes.


They set up, they buy a camera light.


Wait, Elliot did this?


Not Elliot. I know a dude personally. He got married on a mad one and then started having to do TikTok themes and Instagram stuff.


You can get pulled into your babe's social media world and it's like, dude, I'm fighting it. I'm fighting it like the devil. I did tell her, though. I made a deal with no, dude. No, I'm not doing them.




I told her in order because I.


Was like thinking about as your counsel.


You have to deny I won't do that. But I told her. I was like in order to get your she does love to dance. So I'm like I want her to go start doing like dance classes and all that stuff. And I told her none. I'm telling you, man, she fucking loves to dance. She was a cheerleader.


It's crazy that that's on the table for chicks. And then if like a dude's in his 30s, like, fuck it, I'm just going to go dance class. You're a fucking lunatic.


Dude, it's chill.


It is not Brittany's.


She's going to teach me how to dance. That is like the thing before. Teach me off the record how to dance. I'm going to start doing weekly dance classes.


That was huge when I was in high school.


From step one to step just A to B to C to D. That's actually very nice. Be very fun.




I told her I'll be your pupil, but we're not filming any of it. And stop bothering me.


This is like a romance movie.


Things might get heated.


It's Dirty Dance.


You should document this.


She's going to teach you how to dance, and then you're going to be like, I am good at dancing. Fine. We can do one TikTok.


I'm not going to do a TikTok.


Somebody should see these moves.


I'm telling you, I'm not going to do a TikTok.


Why don't instead of a TikTok one day, we just clear out the area and you guys for the podcast, we can just dance.


That would be sick.


If you guys broke out TikTok on our patreon, that would be kind of tight.


Yeah, if we just came and did like, a 30 minutes routine for the patreon.


Holy fuck, that'd be good.


Is it a type of dancing or what?


Just let me sit here.


Dude, that's even worse.


Mortal Kombat level.


That's as bad as the singing. What are you talking about? Did dead serious. Dance to something.


Dude, I'm going to get nice.


Dead serious dance to something is fucking crazy.


Stone cold sober, almost impossible.


Dude, I'm going to be taught by the best. Dude, she was a professional dancer.


Yeah. Yes.


But that's just fucking crazy. If someone busts out a camera, unless I'm completely inebriated, I can't fucking sit there and do dances. Especially choreographed ones. Comes from the heart.


No, not drunk. A little choreography would help you. No, you need to trust your choreographer.


Soldier Boy dance was huge when I.


That shit was nasty.


I got kicked out of mass for doing it.


No, you didn't.


Swear to God. They stopped the fucking mass and me and my cousin were in the back and, like, behind the glass.


Cranking it, dude.


Stopped there. I was literally going like we thought it was the funniest in the world. You guys either better get in here or leave. And my cousin was like, Fuck you. And then I got fucking dragged in. I was just looking at I knew my aunt was there, so I was like, Fuck, I have to walk in.


You guys get in trouble?


Yeah. You read the paper. You know what's going on with the churches, right?




You guys are pedophiles. Probably shouldn't stop masses. Let me soldier Boy crank it in the back.


So who was at the mass? Do they give word back to mom that you were messing around?


The whole mass stopped. At least I went, Dude, what are you talking about?


Don't talk to me like that.


No, I'm just saying. I'm not. He's getting a little cranky, the dude's sitting there.


I'm not.


I thought he's questioning my fucking dedication.


He was spazzing and I was like.


Dude, at least I'll fucking hear you were not saying Matt did.




Matt went to Mass.


I judge me before I judge anyone else.


Let God do that.


That's why lawyers and judges go to hell.




I just saw an Instagram said that.




Yeah. Are you thinking about doing no, no.


I don't like any social media. It freaks me.


The fuck out.


Whether you're heading into work or heading out for a jog, you're going to want to be wearing Sheath. It's super comfortable underwear with two pouches, one for your dick and one for your balls. Perfect for any activity. The dual pouch design reduces chafing and gives those crown jewels the support they need. So everything isn't flopping around down there.


Yeah, that's always been a problem of mine.


Oh, yeah.


Too much flopping.


My big ass dick just like a fish out of water. Sheath comes in cool colors and patterns, and they're always incredibly comfortable. You never know where the day will take you. So it's about time that your underwear be both functional and stylish.


You're going to want stylish underwear when you take off your pants, dude, big time. And your fat love handles hang out over your elastic and your shit stains. And the girl goes, oh, my God. Is your dick in a pouch?


And you go to and use code Drenched to get 20% off your first order. Plus Sheath underwear is 100% money back guarantee. That's promo code Drenched get Sheath underwear, support the show, support your balls.


Money back guarantee.


I like that.


You ship them back and they don't care. They just issue them to somebody else, like, all quiet on the Western Front. You get it? It has some fucking other guy's name. They're like, it was too small for him.


They just give him a smell test. They come back to the factory. Someone just fucking these are good.


All right. I'm sorry, Matthew.


I haven't I'll keep ripping, dude.


Keep ripping. I didn't find it.


When you want some nicotine in your system, but don't want your hair, clothes, and car to stink, you need Lucy Breakers. They are nicotine pouches with a flavor capsule inside. Crack open the capsule and your pouch will be flavored like apple ice mango, mint berry, citrus, espresso, or apple cider.


You know what I like?


I know exactly what you like. You like that mango.


You know I like that mango.


Freaky ass mango. Each can of breakers has 15 tobacco free pouches. Choose your favorite flavor and pick between four and eight milligrams of nicotine for a totally custom experience.


It's very nice.


Use them on the airplane.


If I'm not mistaken, I fucking every time.


Yeah, dude, I use them to get totally fucking lasered into work projects. Yeah, there are so many upsides to choosing Lucy. You don't have to spit, so you can use the pouches anywhere. Visit Lucy Co and use promo code Drenched to get 20% off. Your first order shipping is always free. That's Lucy Co promo code Drenched to receive 20% off and always free shipping.




Here comes a fine print. Lucy products are for only of adults. Fuck. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age verified. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. You got to get an. Instagram, dude.


No, man. I got to learn how to start. I'm starting my whole life.


Let Billy just manage it for you. Billy can manage it for you.


I do great numbers, dude.


You do?


Yeah, dude, he can manage it for you. And dude, just set up pas, dude. Pussy appointments.


Now you're talking my language.


Yeah. No, I don't like it. Freaks me the fuck out.


You don't want to have pussy appointments?


No Instagram, all that shit just freaks me out, man.


I hear you.


I don't like being out there.




It just makes me feel weird.


But dude, just get out there for 2 seconds.


Let one of the babes take a look at you. I also just want you on there just so I can send you Lord of the Rings. Yeah, I love sending them Lord of the Rings. That rules.


Yeah. If you don't follow anyone, it's actually you don't have anything really to look at except the ads will get you. They got me the ads?


What do you mean?




They just have ads.




Cool. Shit. Bills is just girls hand up.


I mean, for real. Can't put a set of huge ones in front of me and you being honest. Want me to click it?


Billy, he just made a pretty big accusation about you.


It's not an accusation. He showed it to me.


I'm destroyed by Instagram with huge tits. Girls with no names.


With huge tits.


Not famous ones.




It's a fucking legitimate problem.


Fake real.




Fake real?


Nats bro.


Usually now. He showed me in the car.




No one has girls with giant fat tits.




They rule.


That'll get you all bullshit is just.


How to restore 20 year old truck and tits.




And bodybuilders.


And bodybuilders.


There are a lot of men's.


Physique. Awesome.


That's what I'm into right now.


I heard you're in a total whole body right now.


Whole body workout.


Yeah. Whole body workout.


Yeah, it's pretty good. We got to switch up a little bit. Stop trying to do bodybuilding stuff. Because I'm 32 now. In spades.




We just can't do that.




Guys like us, we're natural.




You're the same age as my wife.




I like that.






You're the same age as Brittany. Dude, that's crazy.


I know.


It's crazy what that does.




Young babes?




You a fan?




I have a sweet new bottle vampiric. Yeah, it's fun. I'm telling you. Just set up a landing page. Don't even look at it. Billy can manage it. Start putting cool stuff up there. I'm begging you to get back.




I'm begging him, dude, to get back.


I'm just getting myself together.


Don't even look at it.


Being away for that long messed me up. I went I had a cool pool lesson with Earl Strickland and changed my life. So all I want to do right now is just practice on my pool, work on working out.


Think about posting your pool videos.


I could.


That'd be sick. But I'm not that wear a GoPro.


And fucking film your pool videos.


Put videos, dude, please. Create beautiful works of art, dude.


Yeah. Right now, step one is just my shell. We got to keep the shell going.


Heard that. Same.


But get good sleep, Jim.


Sleep's tough.


I don't try to stay positive. Yeah. My budy Ricky said yeah, my budy Ricky said if you have a kid, you just stop.




If you have a kid, you just stop sleeping.


You do. It's fucked up. Yeah. And then you get used to it and you start drinking. I saw a a. It's like a I this grandma runs on caffeine and kisses. And I was like, for real? No bullshit? That's no cap at all.


Dude, that's nice.


I saw that and I was like, no, that's straight from oh High. You do run on caffeine and kisses. After a while it's pretty sick and your skin just slowly dries out and that's it.




Where the fuck did you find that caffeinated snorters.


We were looking at that last night, right?


That's fucking crazy.


Yeah, Matt, tom said it to me.


It's called bump.


Yeah, it's a caffeine.


Oh, Bump. Yeah, I know Tom.


You've heard of Bump? You party with it?


No, I don't party.


That we should party with a pile.


Of white powder you can buy off. Do that.


Tom told me to replace coffee with it.


Yeah, no, that is pretty sick.


Do it at the gym next time.


We feel like you're doing blow every.


Morning, bring back the snuff box.


I think caffeine will like, burn your nose, though.


People snort.


Fucking snort, bro.


It's not a place for ingesting.


One time, dude, hand up. I fucking cut cocaine with no dose pills. One time. People were not happy. They were like, that hurt. What the fuck? My bust.


I bought some.


No dose.




No dose?


It's like speed, chucker speed.


Crush it up. And I was like, sick. Now I have so much cocaine now. They were like, that hurt me. Why did you do that? And I said, I'm sorry, guys. I figured they're the same.


I was trying to be greedy. I'm a drug dealer trick you for your money.


I thought they'd be the same fucking thing. I'm like, oh, caffeine. You can't tell the difference. And they're like, that really hurt. Whatever the fuck was.


Notice that's probably what, dude, now you.


Can snort coke or snort caffeine.


True. Especially there.


Maybe it's like the this is what you call native ad.




Bump might sponsor you people.


I hope nobody buys Bump, dude. I hope they really don't. Really, dude, you'd be just like, cup of coffee. Cup of coffee.




One of these fools is going to keel over. There was that bodybuilder that died from Joe esthetic.


Don't you fucking do that.




Joe Stack didn't die from fucking caffeine.


You talk about Joe esthetic?


He did.


Dude, come on.


He was drinking 30 fucking he was drinking, like, 20 cups of coffee a day.


You think caffeine real nice?


Fucking just the top of the page. It's all you fucking read. He would do a liter of decaf coffee just because he loved that shit. It was decaf. I swear to God.


Never been a more never been a.


More positive person on the internet.




And he died.


He was worried about his blood. He thought some shit was in his blood.


He did.


He had heavy metals in his blood. He got a fucking transfusion because he got the fucking his legs waxed. And out of nowhere, he started feeling fucking bad.


Yeah, it's real.


He got his legs waxed.




And then he got shit in his blood.




Legs, coffees. Then he had decaf.


A bit of a leg wax.


Why do you get what rhymes with wax?


Oh, you think you got the oh, we're allowed to talk about it.


I don't know if you guys are sponsored by Pfizer or not.


Not yet. I would sponsored by yeah, he died.


He went to a fucking hyperbaric chamber, allegedly, and fucking had like a heart attack or something.


So they were from all the coffee he drank.


I was just getting on the list.


Decaf coffee. That is lot.


That is Pfizer. That's big pharma.


Because I read I was like, damn, this guy was drinking like no, they're like his friends were concerned for him.


No, it was a liter coffee day of decaf.


Wow. That sucks, dude. See, this is how disinfo works on literally really smart, sad, man.


That's crazy. You're going to put Joe joe positive.


Light in this world.


He was dude, he was like a son. He was so ripped, too.


Then he got the.


Zizbro. We're all going to make it, cunts.


All of us.


He was the most positive. I love Joe esthetic.


Yeah, joe esthetic. He seemed like the man. They literally said his friends were concerned for him. Who?


The coffee intake was too much.


They said the coffee intake was concerned.


Who said?




Some fucking friends said it.


Why are you watching? You get news on Snapchat, bro.


Come on, dude. It was a fucking bullshit. It was AP. AP.


Absolute pussies.


What do you think about this upcoming race? Who do you think is going to win?


Fucking Trump.


Dr. Shiva.


Let's go. Dr. Shiva.


Donald Trump. Let's go. I'm not voting. I completely went in. I'm never voting.




It's a sham, bro. They literally said Joe Biden had the most votes of all time.


Yeah. No.


And then they're like, dude, you're fucking insane that you denied that.




And now they're stealing elections again and getting caught.


We were just there's a lot of guys out there.


What, about eight inches and thick?


We were talking about the bar last night. Two nights ago. We were talking about. We were just recapping the whole COVID thing. It's very funny. Just like it's racist to say it was from the factory that they have there. That makes it. Yeah, and it's not racist to say Chinese guy ate a bat. And then everyone's like, upside down world. They just literally were like, no, that's.


How they eat in those wet markets. He ate a pangolin and a bat.


He munched from the pang.


Asians do that.


Everyone's like, yeah, for sure.


I think it came from a lab that did COVID vaccines. That's racist.


That's racist. I know. This has been covered 10 million times.


It really fucking pisses.


Really funny.




You get so lost in everything that's happened. The amount of lies they've hit you with since then is insane.


If you replay one of the lies, you're like, no way. That worked. Yeah, that's racist about saying it came out.


That's why you're like, what? Are they lying to us? What lies going on right now that you don't even know?


Sure, there's a bunch. The election, dude.


Dude, let's never get lied to again.


I agree. I promise I won't lie to you.


I won't lie to you.


I don't think I've ever lied to you.


History just lies that are agreed upon. Who said that?






This movie sucks. We're fucked, dude.


No, dude, if only movie sucks, we're.


Going to fucking kill ourselves.


I think this is just a speed bump into the greatness.


I'm going to be the good stuff.


That'S about to come.


I mean, you know how they say, like, there's all those quotes, the pendulum swinging.


I'm feeling it. The pendulum swinging.


Was this lib feedback you got? There were like a movie I think they give Napoleon.


Everybody that has talked to me about it is for real. I don't think it is anything political. I think it might be a bad movie. I hope.




I'm very, very excited for it. Let's go to the movie theaters tomorrow to watch it.


The woke mob, dude.


Well, at least you got a Parisian mob. You have a low bar for it. So you're going to go. You might be pleasantly surprised.


IMAX. I've never seen a movie in IMAX.


I don't think I have either.


I fucking walked in on IMAX.


Dinosaurs or dinosaur?


Fucking dinosaurs.


It's all dinosaurs. Sorry. I walked in on whatever you guys.


No, I want to hear about the.


No, I saw dinosaurs. Go ahead.


I was telling you the same thing. I walked in on one. It might have been dinosaurs.


It was pretty fun.


Just walked in. I was like, holy shit. Walked right out. I wasn't supposed to be there. Tokyo Hotel.


Oppenheimer. But I don't know why. Everyone was like, yeah, I see it in IMAX.


You saw Barbenheimer.


He dressed up in his suit and top.


I saw oppenheimer. I didn't see Barbie. I'm not watching Barbie, dude. Fucking pink shit. What's the last movie you saw the Creator?


No, no. In theaters. Barbenheimer.


It was Barbara.


Think about going to the double feature?


No, but I didn't realize why dudes were dressed like that. I thought they were just coming from work.


Like Oppenheimer.


Yeah, my budy got in GQ. My Budy's in GQ. EJ's in GQ.


For what?


For Barbenheimer being on the runway.


Yeah. What spades?


Barbenheimer? He's got a room in his house.


Dude, pink was for boys originally. Pink was for boys.


Don't do that. That's disinformation.


See this? Pink was for boys.


You are fake news.


It's not. Look it up. Gardini.


Look it up.


Pink was originally for boys.




I have no fucking clue.


Maybe that's why that weird flag's pink and blue. Because it's boys and girls.


I bet that's exactly why.




What happens if you mix pink with blue? What color do you get?


Maybe like a weird lavender.


Purple, probably. Yeah, some fucked up color trying to unravel the mystery. Gardeni.


Gardeni. Did you find pink was for boys?


Of course. Dude.


What the fuck? What do you mean?


Did you ever watch any Joe esthetics videos?




You have no idea.


I read the whole article.


No, you didn't.


Dude, me and his friends were where's he from?


What else did Reuters tell you?


Where's he from?


Where is he from?


Netherlands. I don't fucking know. Netherlands.


Where's he from?


He's from Germany. He lives in fucking he lives in Thailand.


Do you know how much money our money is worth in Thailand? Their money's called butts.


Yeah, so much fucking his butts, actually so much money.


We looked this up.


Iceland expensive as fuck. Kronos.




Thousands of crohn's. Father of time. Rip, grindovic. Pray for grindovic.


Fucking yes.


Why did he live in Thailand? Chilling.


Cheap as fuck butts. Yeah, you get very cheap rent.


What else was he doing?


He had a beautiful fucking girlfriend.


I swear to God.


Any girl he.


Wants in the whole world. He doesn't have to go to Thailand.


Why do weird why'd he go there?


Chilling. It's nice. It's tropical down there. It's cheap.


I don't know. I don't is you guys are stuck.


In this joe esthetic was up here, you guys.


He was a goat.


I'd never heard of him.


If you listen to I would like to see him. That bradley Martin podcast. Him and Joe settick. You can't.


What'S he preaching?


Yeah, just be fucking positive. Get fucking swallowed.




Be happy. Not make a fucking Associated Press article and say, actually he died because of coffee, not because the experimental vaccine that's.


Actually as high level they didn't even mention it, dude. Oh, obviously, bro. What the fuck do you want me to do? I just heard a bodybuilder die from coffee.


We need to restore faith in journalism.


There's not true.


We need to restore our faith in journalism.


About the lady who died from panera. She drank the fucking supercharged lemonade. I sort of got college student who drank Panera's lemonade. There's 400 milligrams of caffeine.


That's not doing it, bro.


Yo, you know what has a fuck ton of caffeine? Getting all the kids wound up primes. I don't know if they're one of your sponsors.


Shane loves prime.


No, primes are caffeine, bro.


He collects all all the the I do.


I go like that. I flip them over and I go, what are prime?


They're like energy drinks, okay? Yeah, they get all fucked up on them.


Yeah, they love kids. Love flipping them.


If the kids are on Adderall, shout.


Out to the crazy boys.


Kids are on tongues.


Crazy boys, crazy neighbors.


Shout out to the crazy neighbors.


Get the follows up.


This is Ohio, gentlemen.


They are Ohio now. They're Florida residents.


No. Honorary, Ohio.


Visibly Florida boys.




They're the best busted backboard, dude.


If I had cameras, it would literally just be like, yeah, we're going to film ourselves doing Backflips on the trampoline all day.




Can you do a backflip on trampoline?


I used to be able to, yeah. Negative. I'll probably fucking you could do a backflip kink my neck fall off. You ever get double bounce on a trampoline kink your neck? It kills, bro. No, dude. Dude, seriously. I didn't kink my neck. Getting double bounce was fucking what?


Now that we're all grown up, how.


High do you think we I jumped on trampoline a little while ago, and I could feel my heart every jump anymore.


If I got double bounce now, I would shatter everything in my knees. My knees would fucking explode getting on a trampoline. I would tear everything, dude.


We used to have family parties where it was like Steve and all those dudes. They're like Ajax. They were like this close to touching the grass with the trampoline and shooting people literally up in the tree.


Oh, it's crazy.


It looked like you were walking into a dream. Just giants on a trampoline skyrocketing, dude. It was crazy.


Scared on the tramp.


They would double bounce us.


Tramp is scary, dude.


Dude, your older cousin scary sky. They'd be like, we're going to sky you and just fucking hit you up.


And you're just because you're coming down and the springs are and then you.


Just fucking nail that post I humiliation ritual to O'Connor at Notre Dame. I made him get on the trampoline at the airbnb. I was so close to talking him into a flip.


Dude, you can do it.


He easily had the height.


He's athletic.


He is O'Connor's very athletic.


I talked all the shit going to the trampoline park. I was like, I'm going to rip backflips here. It's fucking scary there because it's like little squares next to each other.




I was like, I'm going to do a misty flip into the fucking foam pit, dude.


No such what's a misty flip?


When you misty flips like a half.


Hour at the same time. Imagine doing a 360 in the air and flipping.


I can't misty flip. I literally can't.


It's a misty.


That's crazy.


If you ever try to do a flip in front of your boys and pussy out, you're like, oh, that was a misty flip. I'm going to do a flip.


You were hitting flips in the pool for up until recently, right?


I was doing the Gainer, yeah.


Did you retire?


I said I retired it and I pulled it back.


You mentioned retirement. You're like Tom Brady.




You retired from the gainers. You said, I still got one.


I was gaging myself. I was like, Am I truly getting old yet? I'd rip the gainer.


And my family was like, you got to spend more time to us. You can't keep doing gainers. What do you think got us our fucking house? What do you think got us everything? These fucking gainers, dude.


It was sick the day I watched my cousin do it, and I was like, there's no possible way I can do that. And he was like, Dude, just do it. I jumped up in the air and threw my head back. Paulson was just kind of like for real? Was like it was pretty cool. Just like, damn, dude. I can jump up in the air and do a backflip.


I was in the Gain club.


You were at a gator club?


Yeah, I did it.


You guys are mermen.


I mean, when you're a little kid. I've witnessed it. I'm certain you can. I thought I was doing everything. I just must have looked like a fucking idiot. I for sure. I was like, I skateboarded flips. I skateboarded all the four years. Land straight on my back and stomach. People would be concerned, are you all right? I just did a flip.


Fucking flip.


That's all I did. I skateboarded for three years. I never did anything but an ollie.


That's really.


I would drop in on little half pipes and if I had to go down steps, I wouldn't ollie the steps. I would just go fast enough and raise in front of my skateboard down, and it's like my tails would hit the bottom and then that was a good three set.


That's good. I didn't know you were a skater boy.


They would never let me skate.


We used to build ramps. I didn't let you skate?


Yeah, they were like, have you fallen.


And getting fucking getting busted?




You fell and hurt yourself, you'd be in trouble.


No, dude, I would go for it, too. They would have skate competitions.


You might be forgetting one of your cries, man.


What do you mean?


You might be forgetting one of your cries.


I have a photograph of woodard would.


Run down your cheek like a tear would come out.


But it's not crying, dude, that's so pussy.


I'm not being a dick. You weren't good at skateboarders. We built. Get out of here.


I know.


I was a kid, bro.


Yeah, but still, dude, you could have hurt yourself.


They didn't tell that to Tony Hawk. They let him skate the ball.


We had a ramp like this fucking high we were going on.


It was a four x four and.


A piece of plywood.


It was too high.


And then they had one rail that they would sit there and they would have sessions on it all night. I didn't want no one would grind.


I didn't want the skate life for.


You, dude, I fucking love skating.


What stopped you? You should have stopped.


I literally could. Only me.


Could you hit a kick?


You can suck at skateboard. No, I could heel flip.


I was good enough to be able to drop it on half heel flip, but I couldn't do anything.


I could 180 on a curb, 50 50, grind it and 180 off.


That was my big truck.


So sick. That was my biggest trick.


Shove it and stuff.


That's easy.


Shove it.


Yeah, that was all day.


I was a manualer.


Were you like Rodney Mullen?


I was like young Roddy Mullen.




I was like, no, I'm not doing this. You never skated?


No, my friend did in my neighborhood. He was really good at it.


What did you do?


Fucking I don't know. We played basketball and BMF.


So you guys never got tried?


Me and my friends tried skating one night in my carpeted basement. Yeah, none of us could do it. And we were all like, skating's. Fucking gay bike. It was Tony Hawk. The video game fucked us. Yeah, when that came out, it was like, we're all skaters.


They got everybody. Dude, that got fucking everybody. That was the one thing I couldn't do.


You get in, like, dirt jumps on your bikes or anything?


No, dude, that was nasty.


That is how you get so fucking hurt. I don't know how anyone gets into BMX.


First of all, I never even came close to having a bike that was capable of that. Really? My dad would get me the shittiest fucking bikes he could find.


Like mountain bikes.


I only got no, I never had a cool mountain. Oh, yeah, like shitty bike.


Like a mongoose looking thing.


Or like no, like an Englishman.


It's a real bike.


Just a classic bike.




Like an old person bike.


Big ass front wheel.


Some of them, they would either be it would either be a child's bike or some guy's bike that my dad gave. So my legs could either not touch it or I was on the ground. There were so many times I was riding a bike, the chains just exploded off. I just fell. We would go to the top of my hill and ride the bike down.


We ever did, was just go downhill.


I mean, it makes sense because fate was telling me he was the fucking he got lead of sales at Toys R US and they sent him to.


The bike shop yeah, it's probably so.


Expensive to get a fucking bike. I never had a bike, and there were plenty.


Yeah, I mean, I always had one, but it was always like I said.


What were those things called? Like, devil boards, where it was like a little triangle. It was like a seat that you set, got down on, put your feet.


Up and held the handlebars, get on them and shit.


The shutskies had them. My bros that lived in Phil's neighborhood, you shout out to sit on your fucking ass on this. It'd be this little, like, bicycle seat. You had, like, two little handlebars, and you put your feet up and just fucking flew down a hill, then just.


Crashed into the jackass, came out, and I was very impressionable.


We set up, the cameras get hurt immediately.


Dude, fuck this. This kind of sucks.


Let's go watch jackass.


I jumped into a bush one time. I was like, Dude, I'm never doing that's.


All we did jump off a shed or this small part of the roof into a bush.


I used to jump off sheds pre jackass when I was a little kid. Just climb up, jump off it. Climb up.


They teach parkour to kids now. Do they really take a class?


Yeah. I have a skate park near my house, and it's like, for real, posers.


It's beckoning.


It's posers.


Yeah, but you got to go in and say, Beat it, Posers, and fucking drop in.


Go in there with a Scotty, hit a board.


I wanted to carry yourself. Right. They might think you're somebody.




They think you're an aged fucking knee out.


Yeah, I mean, technically, I am an.


Lord of Dog Ten.


True. It's kind of scary, dude. The terrain is pretty terrifying, dude, honest.


God. Not saying that I could drop in on a half pipe right now, but if you just gave me some mounds and stuff and like, sweet shit, I.


Think I would do it.


They have this at the skate park near my house. It's an area that's just mounds.


That was one of my favorite beezer fibs. We were watching what's that?


Beezer is like a pro skater.


I'm not saying he's not a good skater, but we were sitting there watching the X Games snowboarding. It was a giant half pipe, and he was like, I could drop it on that. We were just sitting there like, Dude, no.


You fuck on a snowboard.


Yeah, dude.


They're snowboarding so fucking hard.


Yeah. And it was an Olympic those things are huge. What's that guy's name?


Who's that?






Isn't that his name?




Yes. We were watching him, and he was like, I could do that. He did, like, a move. It was like, beezer. We were all just sitting there drunk. Beezer.


Beezer was, like, 42.


You would explode your knees. Never seen you walk? I don't know how he gets around. Have you ever seen him walk? Honestly?




He's just in rooms. He's always just in a room. Also, Beezer can't swim.


He cannot swim.


We shouldn't be putting this out. This is mean because he really vehemently defends his ability to swim. My thing is totally uses to swim, dude.


It's very easy to prove true.


That is some skater shit.




Skaters are never out swimming. They're just always at the park.


That makes sense that one time we went to the beach, he was wearing like DC sneakers, like skate sneakers and socks on. That's crazy.


Yeah, join a beach is nice.


Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't remember him walking up. He does appear true.


He doesn't.


I can't picture him walking.


He doesn't.


Dude, we were just sitting there and all of a sudden he were like, whoa, shit. What's up?




He was just in like, full clothes.


He might be a vamp, dude.


Could be. He just does that vamp like flashes up on you. Visa might be a vamp interview with a vampire.


He just shows up. All right.


Hey, guys.


People between the ages of 25 and 34, the most likely to be involved in a car accident. That's almost ten years of your fucking life where you really need to be on your A game. Put down your phone and keep your eyes on the fucking road, would you?


Or if you just happen to get.


In an accident yeah, if you find yourself in an accident, today's sponsor Morgan and Morgan will have your back. Morgan and Morgan is America's largest injury law firm. With over 100 fucking offices nationwide and over 800 lawyers. They have a proven track record to get you full and fair compensation. They've recovered $15 billion for over 300,000 clients, and they can help you, too. They've been fighting for the people for 35 years. Dude. Submitting an injury claim is easy. Get your free case evaluation and let Morgan and Morgan take care of the rest. All right? If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win.


That's what's up.


That's fucking tight. For more information, go to drenched or dial poundlaw pound five two nine from your cell phone. That's F-O-R drenched or poundlaw? Pound five two nine from your cell. This is a paid advertisement.


This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp therapy can give you a much needed boost to make you feel grounded during a really hectic time.


Do you ever get a much needed.


Boost, Matt, during a really hectic time?


Have you ever caught a boost during a hectic?


Big time, dude.


Literally calms the situation.


It's the best.


You go boost somewhere.


Oh, my no, no. It's not just a boost. You get grounded on the boost.




BetterHelp's online therapy makes it so easy to get started. Just take a quick quiz and BetterHelp's Team will match you with a licensed therapist. You can connect with them. Over video chat nice. Over the phone or even by message, so it's convenient and totally suited to your schedule. Reaching out to a trained therapist is a total game changer for your mental health. Talking to somebody who isn't involved in your daily life and can be a.


Neutral party invaluable now go fast.


If you don't mesh with your first therapist, BetterHelp picks for you. It's so easy to switch. With a click of a button. You can get a new therapist, no questions asked. Find your bright spot this season. Visit with BetterHelp. Visit MSSP today to get 10% off your first order. That's BetterHelp. Help MSSP.


Damn, dude, that was so good. It's so hard. That was really good.


Thank you.


I wonder if you go to BetterHelp and you get a lady on Zoom and you say, I'm addicted to masturbating constantly.


Dude, I was just thinking it.


Are they going to have to help you or are they going to go, we don't do that here. Or can you jack off the entire Zoom?


She'd at least have to talk to you about it. And if you're jacking off, that's your business. That's your mental health. So if you're like, dude, I just want to jerk off so bad right now and just over the Zoom.


I know this might sound a little unprofessional.


Yeah, I'm depressed, but I'm going to.


Jack off during this.


My depression is telling me to do this.


Well, anyway, goodbye.


Poor sleep.


You think we're done?


Poor sleep can seriously mess you up. In addition to putting you in a bad mood, sleeping less than six to 7 hours per night is linked to reduced white blood cell.


I know this is meaning that your.


Body is protected against illness and disease. Fuck.


Get to see your worst nightmare.


Yeah, dude.


Sorry. I'm fucking up.


I'm going to dump fucking Beam Powder all over my kids and suffocate them with it. Get the sleep you need with beams. Dream powder. It's healthy hot cocoa that'll knock you out and let you rest without all that brain fog the next morning. Instead, their all natural blend of rishi, magnesium, ltheanine, melatonin, and nanocbd ensures that you wake up refreshed and ready to take on the day. Oh, my God. I did drink this stuff and I did pass out. I'll say this stuff gives you a much better sleep than staying up all night and fighting with your wife. Just mix Beams Dream Powder into hot.


Water or meat beans Dreams tomatoes.


Stir and drink 30 to 45 minutes before bedtime. Today, Matt and Shane listeners get a special discount on Beams Dream Powder, their best selling healthy hot cocoa for sleep with no added sugar, now available in delicious seasonal flavors like cinnamon, cocoa, sea salt, caramel, and white chocolate peppermint.


That actually sounds delicious.


Yeah, I'd like to mix all three of them and just never wake up. Better sleep has never tasted better. A recent clinical study revealed Dream helped 93% of users to wake up feeling more refreshed. And 93% reported that Dream helped them get into more restful night's sleep. If you want to try Beam's best selling dream powder, take advantage of their biggest sale of the year and get up to 50% off for a limited time and go to Drenched. The discount is auto applied at checkouts and no code necessary. That's Drenched for up to 50% off. Cshowdas for details.


Thank you.


Guys, how hot do you think vampire girls are like in vampire movies?


Super hot.


Dude. Are you into that? Me too.


Can't get pregnant.


I would give myself over to turn.


Me into a vampire party.


They would get me in 2 seconds.


Vampire party has got to be a category.


Oh, dude, for sure. I was actually thinking about that this morning.


Vampire Party wife.


I was like, yeah, fucking watch some.


Toss some fangs in.


I was going to tell her to watch some vamp stuff and get hot for me. Watch some vamp stuff and get fucking hot for me. I'm coming and following that.


It works.


They like that stuff.


They're saying someone died from a 400 milligram lemonade.


They claim it dude.


They claim literally just drinking two of these. That's really dumb.


Yes. From what?


From what?


Enough. She had a heart condition. But she's so young. How old was she? 21. With a heart condition. And she died from caffeine? Yeah.


Panera. Well, that's the thing too. You drink.


Bills are getting obliterated by heart diseases.


Buffalo Bills.


Everyone that gets hit is like blitzly.


I don't know what happened up there.


Something got hotshots, bro.


Somebody hotshot. I think it was the jets.


The jets? Jets.


I think the JTS sent up some hot shots.


I've only seen like four Bills games and every single time, every single game.


Someone'S getting fucking they stop the game every game?


Really? Yes.


For like 20 minutes every time.


That is funny when they're like, this has nothing to do with that. This happens all the time. It's like, dude, I've never heard of this happen.


If you get hit perfectly, this will happen six times this season.


If we didn't just have all that pandemic and shit, you would be terrified of sudden death.


You'd think there's like a fucking terrorist thing happening to people?


You know what I mean?


Everyone's like, I have heart problems. Like, why is this happening?


Fuck out.




Like myocarditis is up like 20,000%. Every doctor normal. This happens. Everyone has they just don't talk about that much.


It wasn't us.


You guys are like, it's all actually medical malpractice number three.


I do like how it just kind of ended. And one day they were like, we're good. Everyone was like, yeah, we've been just kind of doing our thing. They're like, no, you're safe now. You can do this. Try to revamp it.


Literally, if you talk through it in complete. Like not trying to be funny. Like a guy ate a bat. That's racist. It did not come from the factory that makes the fucking virus. Yeah, diseases up doesn't have anything to do with it. COVID's done now. We all got it like fucking ten times. Nothing happened.


It didn't work either.


Anyway, dramatically. That fucking lowered our immunity.






No, it's been well, these are the exact words to get you taken off YouTube. Is this exactly what we're saying?


Put the tape on the mouth.


Well, you can say it didn't work as they first thought it would work. Because the fucking variants, dude. Yeah, I was right there. I was like, these fucking variants keep throwing it off.


I was like, of course.


Remember how variants are throwing off the whole room? These fucking variants are fucking up. The whole thing fucked the whole flow up, dude.


It was fine against the vader. B twelve z six.


You guys explained to the boys. This was one of my favorite on stage mats. Yeah, so funny.


I was dying on I was dying in a small room at the Mothership.


And it just happened. I mean, it's such a terrible event where it's like, am I going to be there with your wife? We could do it tonight, but it'll be late.


Yeah, I'll probably fucking pass. But it was fun.




That'd be sick.


It was bad luck. My agent and his fiance who gave us this very wonderful candle.


Thank you.


They were in town. Matt was there with his wife. The three of us show up. His wife's there whenever that happens. And Adam, the guy books the fucking room. I was like, added pressure of like, fuck.


I thought I was just going to try. I was like, I'll try stuff out and have fun. I show up there and I'm like, oh, shit.


Yeah, I got to do good fuck.


And I'm like, god damn it, this sucks. So I go up. I'm just not doing well. The first half the first half of the set's not going my way. And I'm like catching myself doing that thing. You like, disappear inside yourself. And you're like, I'll just speed through this. And I was like, no, you can't do that. So then I started just fucking with the crowd. And these two people were sitting next to each other like elbows touching. I'm like, oh, you guys must be dating. And they were like, no, we're not actually.


I mean, again, what else could go wrong in the middle of bombing, being like, you guys, what's it like being a couple? They're like, we don't know each other.


So then all I did, I was like, what the fuck? I'm like, dude, you've been throwing me off this whole time. You threw the whole fucking room off.


It was so fucking funny.


And then I finally got a laugh and I sipped my water and the can went down and water splashed me right in the eye.


And I was like, so fucking funny. And it was one of those like I was watching it, I was like, Come on, Matt. Come on, man. There's nothing you can do. You got on stage. You've been talking about it. People I get don't like you.


Well, I'm used to just performing for the Bro. Bless you guys of all the fucking podcast bros. So you get spoiled, then you just go in front of people who don't.


Know who you are.


And I'll come out and be yeah, like, just say some normal you literally do.


I have a lot of fan, a lot of reach. I was in Ireland. I was walking along the Liffey, some dude just goes, War mode. Hell yeah.


It's kind of tight.


Then in Iceland again, it's kind of tight.


Yeah. That's where it fucks you up the most.


Oh, yeah. Another country and someone's like this is now it's fun. Encountering just normal people.


What is your fucking little bitch ass problem? That is you. That is you right now.


What was that about?


I don't know. He's being grumpy.


Are you sleepy? Not at all.


Bill lost twice.


I'm chillaxing. He's been very upset about the Madden.


Now he's trying to win with words.


Absolute learning experience.


What with the madden?


Not going to win every day, dude. Every day you get up, it's not going to be a dumb.


You got to win once, though. You heard me, motherfucker. No, that's when Bill gets tired.


He goes, what if I lose at pool? My mental health is gone.


Oh, yeah.


I'm like a six year old that has been at the birthday party for too long. Get him out of the room. I'm like, holding in a tantrum. Like an adult tantrum.


That Madden loss was I got two real tough losses. What do you that's a really tough excited about that.


I got to get scored on a.


Last second, then missing the two point conversion on an insane. You should have scored. I know. The game, like, actually glitched and didn't let you score. Pretty tight.


It's like you're running Game Shark on it.


Maybe I am.


New Grand Theft Auto is coming out.


Maybe I do have a game. Genie.


Can't believe you guys are fighting. When our Eagles won last night, dude, that was fun.


That was a very big victory.


It was awesome, dude.






We needed it, dude. The whole city needed it.


It's been a lot of bad shit happening in that's. I've talked about it before, but that always bothers me. That's like this. Like what?


The hipsters with bad things happening?


Yeah, like the weird merch hips.


About when Trump said bad things happen in Philly.


Is that what it is that's from yeah, but then they wear it like bad things happen in Philadelphia.


It's not good gentrifying people to wear a thing that's celebrating local gun violence. It's fucking 313 year olds so tough where I live.


Beth, nobody likes us and we don't care. It's like, no, nobody likes you because you're a fucking pussy, dude. Nobody likes us and we don't care. There was, like, stores around me where I live that sold all that stuff.


Get vaccinated.


Just like it's got gritty on it.


I'm sorry, did I upset you?


It's like white pussy's top stuff.


Dude, white pussies are fucking pissing me the fuck off.


Nobody fucking likes us.


White pussies have had a near decade run of being complete fucking pussies and in control. It might stop being almost ten straight years. The pendulum has not.


You put your finger at the dam of white pussies early on and almost bit it off.


Dude, I tried my right when I moved to Philly. I was like, you guys got to stop being white pussies.


And they're like, nah, they try to kill you.


Yeah, they try to kill me with just white pussy methods.


It true. He was mean to me one time. Yeah, that was funny.


That's just not a way to live, bro. There's not a word you could say to me that I'd be like, dude, seriously, shut the fuck up. You say, yeah, that's kind of retarded. And you're not even thinking about it. People are like, dude, seriously, that's not cool. My cousin's retarded. I was like, is he good at shit? Yeah, it's like, this is retarded. This isn't good.


Is he good at shit or is he one of the, like, stationary ones? Because stationary ones are cool. I like all of them.


I like to think white pussies have been defeated a little bit.


White pussies? No, this is where they're the most dangerous. They're a wounded animal, right?




It's like an old tiger.




The white pussies still have one more attack in them.


You still see them out there on the airlines. They are all fully masked up.


The white pussies got fucked by Israel Palestine. Oh, yeah. That's such a difficult one to be a white pussy on.


They like to be secretly a lot.


Of the white pussies are a lot of the white pussies are Zionists.


That's what I was telling Spade that there's all these Twitter accounts that make fun of all these people and this happened and it was just like an absolute blender. And they have no idea.


No one knows which side.


I am just going to say this. People dying is bad.


They've all got them just like these.


Hot girls in tight pants are protecting all these kids from Hamas. Body parts everywhere.


What's happening, I think might have been a mistake. No, the weirdest part is all the white pussies will eventually fall off to either losing their mind, trying to fucking turn into a girl, or rape. They sexually assault chicks. They all do.




There is a lot of causation correlation with the pet. They're they're very pest.


The white pussies that we ran into. If you find them on the Internet now, they've all cockroaches. They've disappeared. But when you shine the light on them, you're like, oh, what the fuck happened, dude?


Yeah, why did you change your name?


You changed everything.


They're very paused. If I spent the last ten years of my life, that's rage quit. I'd shake my asses.


This is what I'm saying. The Internet did that because they could talk and say things that weren't to your face.


Yeah, true.


So it ramped up a dark wolf inside them. You don't feed that fucking fascist, dude.


I don't even know what that means, dude.


I'm doing an open mic. I got $50 for this fascist.


No, true. I'm like, Maybe a fascist is someone who works for their dad when they're 35. I guess I'm a fascist fucking capitalist pig.


Anyway, go fund me because the fucking capitalists are turning off my pico.


There's a lot of sassy girls with anti capitalist shit on.


There's this one chick that I know, and she moved, and all of her shit is like, GoFundMe, my friend can't make rent. You guys got to help them. It's like, Dude, get your shit together. Stop missing. Like, this isn't good for you. This is bad. It's like they'll get their surgeries paid for by GoFundMe, all this shit.


Yeah, you're obsessed.


They're ultimate tricksters.


What type of surgeries? Top needed surgeries. No.


Well, that's a tricky question.


That is a tricky question, Bill, and I'm glad you brought that up, because it is, and I was being a little insensitive. Yeah.


But at some point, the white pussies have to go by the wayside and.


Let white they'll get. It could be a time for the white bees to.


Five years left in my life where shit just went back to normal.


I'll be like, what's? Gay? No way.


That is pretty fucking retarded. Just in a deathbed rocketed chair.


Don't touch the Cassidy. Or can I, please? Can I touch the cassette?


Have a fucking.


The doctor comes in.


What's up, pussy?


Sir, we're going to have you removed. Get out of here. You shouldn't have said it, pussy.


You shouldn't have said gay.


We're not offering you health care anymore.


I can't get over about getting angry at shit like that.


Hearing a bad word and being upset, dude.


Being out to dinner, and someone said something day. You're like, you just go eating a cob salad. It's like, bro, chill. Just mind your fucking business.


But it's girl brain. You're taking on girl brain because you're like, that's going to piss my if.


You'Re out to dinner, though. Also, you are in the we both had a nice magical weekend where we went to the theater.




Both of them. Matthew and I happened to both. And you see, he's cultured already.


You dropped your marbles.


But you heard that little squeaky dude. Legs cross squeaker, little buz beater. Matthew and I both had very cultured experiences at theater. Matt's Hall, Hamilton, New York. To go see Hamilton on Broadway.




I will say.


Here's the thing. You go in the beginning is just a never ending Macklemore song.


I'll take your word for it.


Rap. Rap, rap, rap, rap. Please, dude. You almost went to fucking you know where.


Dude, get the hell out of Disney World.


I told you I wasn't going to go.


You almost went, though.


They almost I got out on a technicality.


You got on the wildest technicality. You got out on the funniest possible technicality.


Here's the thing. I'm just collecting experience.


I have a totally open mind.


I agree, Matt. I've just had to take the opportunity to mock you for that.


Hamilton I knew the day was coming anyway. I knew my days were numbered, dude.


So here's a you evaded that for a long ass time.




Yeah. Whose idea was that?


My friend Wes's. He set it up. Here's the thing. I had a good time, dude. I went in there. I had a good time. Don't you fuckers did he bring his.




Wow, dude.


I've really been jonesing to see Hamilton.


It was a great production. He needs some New York.


And let's see hamilton.


You're being wretched.


Dude, I'll be honest. I went in there, I said, I'm not looking forward to this play. Because I saw the beginning of it on TV with Brittany. And I was just like, dude, I can't do this.


It's the worst. How long did you last? I might have gotten two minutes on.


It was honestly about it was fucking she kept stopping and looking at my.


Face and she paused it.


She's like, what? And I was like, this fucking sucks.


Bothering it's making me what do we got, dude? Then you go to theater.


Here's the thing. You go to theater, dude. They give you a pint of wine and you just sit there and you slowly start to sip it. Then they stop rapping at a certain point. And then it's just beautiful songs. I was crying towards the end of it. I'm not going to lie.




They killed his son, dude.


The woke mind.


He told him to fucking shoot his gun. And that was a beautiful as he said, shoot your gun into the sky. Don't shoot the other guy. You shouldn't take human life. And he did it. And the guy just was like, pop. Shot his son, killed him. Then Hamilton goes to do his final duel against fucking face Burr. Hamilton put his gun to the sky and Burr smoked him, dude.


Just like.


Towards the end. And they do have beautiful songs. I am a sucker for musicals.


I didn't know Hamilton didn't try to.


Shoot them unless they just added that.


For flair white pussies. If there's duels.




Not saying we got to bring them back.


I also attended theater, dude. I saw Book of Mormon, which is, I swear to God, one of the hardest I've ever come.


It was good. What?


No, I laughed. I was laughing. I was crying, laughing.


Laugh out loud.


I was so happy. Lulls, I was in the gate. When you go to the gay theater, it feels good.


It's awesome.


Dude, this is nice.


Plays are good.


I know it sounds great. Also, it's Book of Mormon. It was literally a live South Park episode.


Dude, I'm telling you, man, hamilton. If you guys don't cry at Hamilton, I'll give it up to you. The very end, I saw this.


Hey, man, guardians almost got me.


Guardians almost right one seat away.


Guardians. Every seat.


We were in theater. If I was at my house, we.


Were front row in theater.


Yeah, me and Spade were fucking chilling. We couldn't do that.


I was third row on Broadway, not bragging.


I bought fake tickets for the balcony on Sea Geek. And then I got there. We don't even have a balcony.


I was like, Fuck, where'd you sit?


We got in the middle in the orchestra.


Yeah, dude, I'm telling you, man. It was very beautiful. The songs kill me.


See, we're just not cultured.


No, it's just music, dude. You don't need to be cultured to listen to music. You guys are just preventing yourselves.


This is a I like plays.


This is a blockage.


Reverse. Reverse. I like reverse. That was good. Jiu jitsu.


This is a blockage. What would fucking the guy who died from coffee think about this?


I saw the ebenezer.


Scrooge and now ground and pound, dude. Now he's ground and pound. He's in full mount.


You know the block. Is that's what they talk about in the Twin Flames thing? That's a cult mentality.


No, here's the thing with repression. Here's the thing with repression. It's not that your mind gets rid of it. You got to spend all that energy holding the lid on tight, dude.


Like porn.


Exactly. I'm still making a point.


Somebody else jumped into the fight.


I saw the ebenezer. Scrooge play in grade school, and I saw the Easter play.


That's up in Rock, didn't it?


It was fucking goat, dude.


Christmas carol.


I saw the rockets, but I was too young.


Plays was wooded.


I was wooded.


Hamilton's problem is that they really hamilton isn't mind virus. Although if you think about I'm like, super based. I was going like, damn, dude, these guys are praising the founding fathers.


Yeah. Who. Yeah. Reverse. Reverse.


You're talking about colonial sellers, brother.


Go see Book of Mormon. Is it good? It was, dude. So the first half, I'm texting Matt. Also, I've got a VAT of wine. I'm fucking obliterated.


It's great that they give you guys goblets.


They give you got you get a double. It's $500. It's literally so expensive. Pint of wine for the wine. But I'm watching it. I'm texting Matt. I'm like, because I went on Friday. He was on Saturday. I was like, Dude, you're going to love theater. Theater is gay as fuck. You feel it's? Very nice. I was like, I'm literally crying about how happy I am laughing at this. And then there was an intermission. I come back. I go to war with this fucking horse of a woman next to whoa, what's happening now? Whole second half of the show was ruined because I was battling. It was me for your seat? No, it was me and Adam Eagle. Not gay to go with just one guy.


I went to Guardians of Spade.


Then we didn't sit next to each other, though.


There was an autistic woman next to me. And then there was a drunk horse and her husband next to them. She's a girl giant horse. Dude. If you saw this lady, she was for real. That's a mare in heels. Six six unit before the first. She's drunk. She gets up. She's like she's talking the whole time. It's kind of fucking annoying. She gets up to go to the bathroom, just falls directly on me.


He's like, sorry.


And I was like, all good. I wasn't even mad at her. Then I was like, you are not. That's all.


Sorry. And any inconvenience.


Yeah, of course. So we get back from the intermission. She's hogging the armrest talking the whole time. The autistic lady next to me is like, I'm going for it. I was like, I have complete support. She fucking drills the elbow. So now they're fighting. So now those two are fighting. The lady won't. Shut the fuck up. Adam Eagles. Like, I'm going to say something. I was like, yeah, dude, say I support you 100%. He goes, hey, you drunk giant bitch.


Probably, yeah.


Then people are battling.


What did the dude say?


The dude, what did your stable master say? The jockey didn't say shit. I was for real. I was like, me and Adam. I was like, we're going to have to fight. We might have to fight in this. And then finally I was like, dude, that's not how you do it. This is how you do it. I was like, hey. She was like, why are you talking? Then? I was like, well, now I'm fighting you for logic. She owned me with logic. Then she kept talking. I was waiting for her ass to talk again. I just went I was hitting her with aggressive shush.


Oh, my god.


It was a shush battle. Because then I talked to Adam a little later, and she fucking bitch.


And nothing came of us.


Nothing came of it. At the end, she turned around. I was like, that was it. Oh, my very end. We went our separate ways.


And I was like, she's, yeah, right.


We're going to get the footage.


She's going to be rubbing your dick. You're going to be squeezing.


On wine. Wine's a weird drunk.




It got very aggressive.


I had natural wine for the first time in Paris with your friend Sam. Talent dude, that's a weird high, bro.


Wine. Wine fucking rules.


All I wanted to do was drink more of it.


Yeah, that's alcohol. That's going to work. Yeah, that's how it works. Get you a little cocaine, you're going.


To have I had a nice cut off. I had my two tequilas yesterday. And I said, you're very good at that. I don't know what it is. Again, it's all to the vape pen. All power go to the vape pen.




If you get stoned enough while you're drinking, your stone brain is like, dude, let's go home.


You got to make sure the weed wins.


You have to. It's a tough battle, though.


Light always wins.


Because eventually when the weed starts to win, it feels like you know, when you laugh really hard and you're like pressure on the side of your cheekbones? I'll just get that feeling out of nowhere and be like, I'm going to have an all right time tonight. I'll be all right.


That's nice.


I'm going to make it.


I did have an all right time last night. I had a blast. Sorry for making fun of you on the intro. I remember that.


I didn't even realize I came in. And what did I even say?


I was like, yo, what's up? You're like, hey, man, how are you doing? All right. You get like a natural, like entering a party. Uncomfortable. Entering a group of people.


Yeah, people are doing it. Wasn't walking in. I was fine. I was fucking shaking from the bar entrance.


I caught you, bitch.


Dude, I had to walk into that bar and I just like didn't. I was like, where is everybody? A bunch of people looked at me and I went like and then I walked to like near for the Eagles game. I walked to like I was going, maybe that backyard's out this way. And I walked almost behind the bar and was like, oop, excuse me. And then I just walked and just stood there and started looking around. I tapped a guy. I was like, can I get outside? He's like, yeah, through the door. I was like, yes, thank you. That bar was weird. When you walked.


That was a cool bar, though. Someone at the door? Yeah.


Dude. Come on, man. Come on, man.


That smells, dude.


What time are we at? I'm about to bust your ass in Madden. Dude. I'm about to come in you. I'm going to cream pie you Madden.


For what?


You've just done the dishes.


You made me look like a fucking idiot.


Dude, there's pot now. I barely looked. Dude.


I fully turned my neck.


If I was in your seat, I would have looked. I will find that I'm mad at her again right now. After the show, me and Adam walked around trying to find her. Did you? We hated this woman.


He called her a giant bitch.


She didn't hear was I cut him off. He goes. Hey, you drunk giant bitch. I was like, dude, what are you thinking? He literally was like, time to fight.


He's like, I'm going to say something.


She should be quiet.


I was like, yeah, dude, say something.


That's fine.


Hey. No. He does rule Adam.


He continues.


Very funny.




The funniest. Dude, why are you talking?


Reversals nuts.


Why are you talking while being asked to be quiet?


I mean, that's standard girl attack. That's girl infantry first issue. You're actually talking too. So what is that?


She would have been a problem if she got going in there.


Female artillery.


That'd be enough.


You would have had to swing.


Oh, yeah.


You would have had to put her down.


You'd have been within your right. Getting girls activated would be a fun YouTube of just finding women and being.


Shushing them at shows. Any comedy show, a lady loses her fucking mind, they explore somehow. They never know why they're being shushed. They're the only ones talking every show. And the real problem is they're white pussy fucking boyfriends. Can you imagine taking your girl to a show and she's talking the whole fucking time, and somebody comes over and says, please be quiet. And you let your girl talk shit to them. And you're like, yeah, babe, but for.


Real, could you please my girlfriend's dad was just talking about this.




His neighbor when they were kids, they would just be, like, swimming in the pool and shit. And he would come out. It would be like 730 in the summer. And he would have to come out and yell to him, like, dude, can you guys stop being so loud? Like, we have a kid inside and.


All this stuff, dude.


And then the dude got divorced and ran into him and was like, yo, man, I just want to apologize for always, like, having to say shit to you. That was 100% my wife. I did not want to say anything. He was just like sacrificial lamb. Having to yell at the neighbors just to make her stop.


That sucks. Yeah, you got to level with the other you got to tell him that right away. The reason I'm yelling is because please fucking help.


Yeah, that's an easy one, man. Dude, Brittany will send me out. We used to live on, like, 16th in Gerard. I'd have to go to an active drug house and be like, hey, guys, could you maybe give my eye? Always give me a little love.


Just scout you.


Thank God they were always cool because I would go up there just like, heart. You're going to get shot. Like, hey, guys, how are we? Grantur yeah, that's my girlfriend over there. She's trying to sleep. They were being kind, extremely fucking loud.


But you do me just a little kindness. Yeah.


If you approach that cool, usually you get a good response.


And I always say, little Wayne love it.


A millie is good. A little too little too. Speaking of toonchy, could you turn it down a skinchie?


And also, I know you're selling drugs out of this. I know you're selling drugs out of here.


Also, you're selling drugs all at the authorities right now. I am the authorities. All right. We've hit a wall.


We did.


God bless you. Warmo podcast train by Dave what's that guy's name again?


Shout him out.


Guy who died from.




Baby. Yeah. Just say it for real. Everything we said about the vax. We were joking, obviously. All right?


Get vaccinated.




Stop fucking I mean, read the studies for yourself.


Fuck around, do it still get boosted.


Not for you. It's for the other people.


No, you can read the studies for yourself. They had, like, eight participants.


They skipped testing on humans.


That's debunked.




We're all joking the entire time.


They read it together.


Jokes. That's your fucking rule. I got it.


Do you have any final thoughts to the viewers? Do you? Don't have anything to say to everybody.


Yeah, I'm just hanging in there.


Yeah. I got one thing.


I got one thing.


Don't fart.


What do you call an alligator that wears a vest? An investigator.


Let's go. That's fucking good.


That's done, boss.


That's good.


Taking notes.


All right, let me get in the starship, bro.


We built this.


You'Re not allowed to go into the comedy starship. You're not allowed in the starship. Sorry.


Beam me up, Scotty.


Put me on the goodbye.


Built this city on cocking balls.