Yes, I.

Was a damn builder. A place called Boulder on the wild Colorado.

He wasted away.

That's pretty good. I slipped and fell into the wet semen below.

You need a guitar.

Nobody ever pause those dudes.

No one ever pause them.

He fell in a.

Wet semen. He said, semen.

But yeah. At least I fell in a little wet semen below. Yeah, dude. That must have been funny. If you got the three, the highway man, if you did get stuff.

To them, they would have.

Fucking lost it, dude. Hey, knock it the fuck off, man. We're trying to play the guitar. No, stop fucking showing me your dick, pal. That ain't funny around here. -yeah, that's aYeah, that's aYeah, your balls. What the hell?

My horny needed cock.

Sure I'll take a piece of bubble gum. What the hell? That's your testical skin, partner.

Get your goddamn scrotum out of here.

-kick his ass.

-don't show your.

Scrotum in this. Fuck you, Donnie French. Get him.

Funky. God damn it, Funky. Don't touch him.

How the fuck did you guys get into that? What? That song?

Highway, man. Old Country?

That was Matt's. -that was Matt's. What was the name of your playlist?

Oh, Introspective Badass playlist.

Introspective Badasses.

You've come across the same genre yourself. At a certain point, you can only listen to introspective, badass songs.

Your brother's turned me on some beat songs in Florida.

What was he? Some Yachtrock?

No, but he's got like a deeper Yachtrock. It's like more.

Emotionally and mentally. -sofrock. -interrespective, badass.

-you're talking Softrock. -interpective Badass Softrock.

-yeah, Itry to say. Softrock is like for the ladies. There's two families of Softrock. One's for the ladies and one's just for a dude. -yeah, one's for party time. -where am I going with myself?

One's for sitting in your bed.

Just staring at the wall. Exactly. It's all dudes do. They don't have a girlfriend who's staring at the wall.

And they die. They have to stare for the wall.

Slowly fucking die.

You need a woman that's filling you with bad ideas and you go, Wait, what?

-that's who keeps you alive. It does. Her mouth and bad ideas.

Otherwise, you wouldn't move otherwise. Dude, if I didn't have a wife if I'd stop moving tomorrow, I'd just be like, Yeah. Yes. I would be like, This is so relaxing. I'd just be like...

I know this isn't good to talk about, but if your family left, how many days do you think you would lay down? That's a great question. For real, to catch some Z's.

Dude, not exaggerating.

Catch up on some Z's.

Not even depressing Z's.

Just like-It.

Would be all the.

Z's he's lost left. If you were to suspend my physical organism out of my family structure or I was just laying there, yeah, dude, I'd catch Z's.

You'd catch Z's. A week. You'd have to go back to being that you'd become a feral pig again.

Dude, I'd wait-Go to your horns. I would sleep for a week straight.

I always thought about that in Jack Bauer. You know what I'd say? 24 hours to do some wild shit. Like just show a sketch of him the next 24 hours.

Just get off the.

Pitch at 8:00 McDonald's.

I knew a dude who used to hold it down where he would tell his wife, he's like, I need two weeks. No questions asked. Catch you later. And he said he would.

Just-fuck.

Chicks. -just go.

Nuts, dude. Like with the puss?

Everything. Really? Co. Cook. Everything.

How often would the two weeks come in?

Huh?

How often?

What's the distance? I think the wolf would howl within him and he'd be like, I got to go. I got to go. And he would just go fucking nuts.

That's introspective, badass, though. It is. Hey, ma'am, I got to hit to the tavern. Yeah, where's my gift card? I got to quench my thirst with whiskey.

Yeah, he explained this to me. I'm like, Okay.

And she was cool with it.

Yeah, I don't think so.

No, I don't think it worked, right?

Didn't you tell me? I think the party got away from... I think the Dr. Jekyl, Mr.

Hyde situation. Yes, that party week.

Mr.

Hyde fucking took over. There you go. I'm never going home. I like the party week.

You.

Bring the.

Party closer to you. You bring the party right down the street.

And.

Then.

The party. I always keep the party right here.

-the party takes over. I remember being younger, being like, it's boss to be. When I was younger, I was like, Yeah, it makes sense. You just disappear for two weeks and do blow and.

Do those. Two weeks is a lot.

I've heard what is a long fucking time.

Every few months you get a weekend to go AC and fuck off. Two weeks. He's got no kids?

I don't want to give them too much identifying information, but he is. -oh, man, I'm so interested. -he was so interested. He's embedded in.

A shit in a family. Yeah. Although he's embedded.

He's embedded in a family. But yeah, it's got to be nuts, though, because then when you're like, Okay, I've had enough. It's got to.

Be-you got to be the saddest dude. After those two weeks, you'd be like, I love you so much. Yeah. Probably helps a little. I could see it. Coming home and being like, I love my wife so fucking much. I never want to go back to those two weeks. You know, four days. It doesn't have to be two weeks. You just scream. Four days go by and you go, Fuck, I miss those two weeks. I fucking hate my wife.

But there has to be, dude, imagine the post not clarity of like, you scream cummed into a hooker. And then you.

Crash on-I have fucking black eyes.

The Coke war is off and you're just like, You want to go wild.

For a while. I have to go back to my family.

Yeah, the screamcumb guy is still the funniest. Maybe the funniest thing, but that ChuckBerry farting in the hooker's face and the Screamcumb guy are the two funniest dudes.

What's the loudest grunt you've made coming?

I've settled it, but I used to scream. I was an.

As-you were a loud lover.

I was a loud.

Dude, yeah. I could hear you make love.

I couldn't help it. Now, yeah.

I've heard you made love. I've heard.

You make love with me. You make love with me. You make love with sex or you.

Just a loud cumber? I was just a loud cumber. I would think I was quiet.

What decibel are we talk in here?

Yeah. If there was no roommates around, I would just fully let it go. I couldn't help it. It felt so damn good.

If you do release an orgasm that loud where you're screaming, I am always worried I'm going to fart. Oh, yeah. Because that's like a, you know? Because you're not pushing all the… Everything's going out.

Brother, I've done it. I've farted during orgasm multiple times, dude.

It happens. Yeah, it happens.

It's all right. There was ones, I got reminded of one recently. That one time you farted. I was like, What? I was like, Oh, dude, I forgot. I was getting head. It's probably like a year ago. I farted during head. I'm not lying.

You've.

Chucked marriage. It felt too damn good. Chuck your wife. I was like, Damn, baby, you felt too damn good. It's not my fault. It snatched my soul.

That's an immediate stoppage, right?

Yeah, I.

Mean, that's the nut. I was coming. The ball was in the engine. Okay. Yeah, the coming brought it on. He made his.

Blue horn while I was just.

Popping it was popping. Blue horn. As soon as she started...

Let.

Me get settled in, babe. It's also got to be like a urinal fart, too. It's not like a loud. It's just got to be like a run.

Sweatty butt. It's also a sweaty butt. Dude, it's a sweaty butt. His head, sweaty butt.

Just flapping like a pth.

Your legs are completely straight.

That.

Is my personal curse that I can't come unless I'm the nutcrack.

My legs.

Fucking Elf on the show.

For real. Proper pop. No, you're not wrong.

I need a chestnut right in my jaw.

I'm going to pop. I'm going to pop.

His legs locked is a thing. Sometimes I'll be jacking off and be like, God damn. My knee. You hurt your knee. It's like your elbow.

After throwing darts.

For an hour.

What the fuck did I do yesterday? Just limp out of the shower. God damn, what the fuck. I just ran a mile.

I feel like I get more vocal the more I come. Like if it's like a three-day beat off or three-beat off day.

Like the third, like the half. You're going feral. Yeah, you start growing tust.

It's tust time.

Yeah, it's tust time. There's nothing coming out. The more, the better.

It feels. You're saying, Oh, the deeper you get into it. You're saying once you get rid of all.

The days. Once you get rid of all the cum. But it's a grunt.

It's a gutt. It's your body straight up. That's your body screaming. Your body's like, Stop.

Just one more, babe. Yeah, just one more body.

I'm come rich right now, I'll be honest. Personally, I'm come rich. I'm loaded, bro. Yeah, it's crazy.

I just found out I want to get my sperm tested, and they'd say you can't beat off for three days.

You're out. Up to five.

I'm going to wane off. If I was to quit.

Drinking.

I'm only.

Going to drink five years this day. It's going to be like those ridiculous tests in the desert. It's going to be.

Like, My God.

It's a force unleashed.

Dude, our boy was saying that the jerk-off booths are classic. There's magazines and VHS tapes still.

Really?

It's like people just go in there and they perform like you would in the '70s or '80s instead of just using your phone. They're grabbing VHS tapes, glazed with other dude's comb, popping in a VCR. And hitting buttons.

Touching buttons.

What made you want to get your Spirak.

There's this guy in there jerking off with you.

I turned 44 and I was interested to see what the boys are.

Up to. I just want to see what's going on.

True.

Yeah. It'd be good to know. I'd just get to back swim and... They're just fucking... -they're all going. -sing in a circle.

-see if it's a lose river.

Yeah. See how many dead soldiers we have.

It's just good to know too. It'd be cool to see what's up.

Yeah, just thousands of them bloated on.

A battlefield. Especially if you can't get or you can't disseminate. Yeah. It'd be nice to blame the woman. Never tell her. Yeah, don't ever. Something's wrong with you.

Yeah, I must go away for two weeks to find.

My next piglet. Yeah, 100 % of mine.

Mine works. It's you that's failing us. We need an heir.

Would you break up with the woman if you definitely wanted kids and you found that she couldn't?

I don't know. That's a tough one.

It is.

It depends how much I cared about her, but yeah.

I don't know. Let's get a surrogate or maybe I get a second girlfriend that.

Can actually handle it. -surrogate and Allison, we're talking a very nice fantasy.

Yeah, it's a tough combo.

That'd be nice too. Obviously, you don't fuck the surrogate, but being like my cums in there. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Anytime you see her, you go, God damn. My giz is in there.

Hopefully. Just get reminded of her breakfast. Wait, so this whole thing is mystifying me. Where is my cum exactly? Is it in your lady? Nice.

I'll be right there. In your pussy? It's good to hear. I'll give you 20 grand. I'll carry my seed.

Or just to make it like her feel better about the thing, you could shoot into her and have her drip into the. Oh, my God. Just to keep everyone.

In their life. Just so.

People don't feel left out.

Like.

An.

Avatar tale. Two fucking labious.

Yeah, that's an unfortunate circumstance people run into and you have to be like, you have to be like, all right, we're going to adopt 10 kids. We're going to adopt 10 kids and we're going to hold down a 1950s household where you have to do everything.

If you have the money, it's nice to collect them like trading cards, get all different.

Colors and shit. You can get foster kids and get paid.

You know what I mean?

Yeah. Just get a wild ass family. Yeah.

I'm talking native to Cambodian.

The whole thing. Yeah. There's not a big jump there native to Cambodia. They look the exact same. They look very similar.

It's a point in observation.

It is. Well, it's somewhere close to the equator.

For sure. Yeah, you want more of a continuum. Yeah, I.

Want.

I'm just fucking mad at Beyonce right now. What's wrong with her? Did you read her late? Did you see her movie?

She sucks, dude. She's turning an Oprah for me. I can't stand to look at her now. What happened? She's just too dramatic with all her fucking riches.

Yeah. Yeah, well, her. She put out her movies now. Yeah, exactly. I'm so tired of her. I can.

Fucking look at her. I'm just like, get the fucking moment. You are an actress.

Yeah, she is. Now you sound like a part of the beehive. You called her actress. Yeah, I did. She put out a movie like Taylor. Apparently, it's a thing they're putting out.

Tour movies now. Their concerts.

Concert movie. So she put out a concert movie written, directed, produced by the Queen B herself, obviously.

Nice. She directed it? Yeah, dude.

It just says so much. I mean, a lot of the stuff she puts in there, like what she leaves out says more than the stuff she puts in.

Where did you read that?

I was reading it today. Dude, NPR. Shame on NPR. They ran a headline today saying Beyonce's silence on Israel, Palestine is definite. Something to that point. Like, her silence is so loud. And it was like, So I'm like, They can't be serious about this. I read the article and it was just them describing the podcast that they talked about it on. So they're using it as a plug. Npr used the conflict to boost up their podcast and then said Beyonce should be more vocal about the Palestine-Israel conflict.

It's very Israel of them.

Wait, they think she should be more pro-Palestine?

No, they said.

They just need to take-She needs to.

Pick a side. Npr was totally neutral there. We just need her take.

We need Beyonce. Her not.

Talking about this is fucked. And then they went on to praise, not in this article, but now they're super praising her parenting style. It's like very dude, her parenting style is so fucking good.

What's.

So good about parenting? It's not that shit in the household you'd see. It's gentle with a little bit of like... -because of hands. -yeah. It's gentle parenting the way people.

Just say. That's just at Texas.

I mean, an elder millennial like myself needs...

No, I like where.

We're going. An elder millennial like Beyonce is showing people how to do gentle parenting with just a little bit of like, You better not. They showed a clip of her being stop. That's annoying. They're like, Oh, my God.

So that means you think she's hit on before?

The what? That's why.

They respect.

Her words? No, they're sayingshe doesn't hit, she doesn't hit. She models general parenting, but also with a little bit of queen B. Sass on it. That's not come from her. It's come from one of the six mates. Look, dude, the qualifications would never do what she.

Does, dude. Yeah, the Cardashans can't handle it.

It's like, Dude, this is all just AI media corporate propaganda that just.

Gets to people. Because every time Kim Yell's cum comes out of her mouth.

She randomly spits up like a baby. It hit her back.

I was a two week old that time. Just came out heavy.

There's an old piece of.

Cornbread in the back of you, Mohler.

It's a spetune, the Cardashans.

I've read the news for like-It's old-coming.

I don't think I could care less about anybody's opinion more than who the fuck would be like, What do you think Beyonce thinks about Israel, Palestine?

This is NPR, too. Npr is.

A respected-Not anymore. It's like Vice.

Dude. Yeah, they're gone.

Yeah, true. I got to walk past NPR in, I think, Spokane. They have an NPR studio and it's just wide, big glass windows. I'd walk by and go, Because you could see him in there talking like that. Then just keep walking.

-that's nice.

It was nice. You should have got a brick. You really should.

True.

You should have just put a free Palestine flag on and throwing a brick to it. They'd have to be like, Well, that's fine.

Or put both. Put a flag that was half Israel, half Palestine, and just threw myself through the window. And be like, Beyonce, where are you? I'm not saying, help, speak.

My queen. We need the queen's take. I want Taylor to have been awfully quiet herself as well.

She's been busy with boys. She's boy crazy.

She is boy crazy. She has been. She has been. Now she's got a big football player. She what?

You think she's actually getting… Yeah.

Yeah, dude. I don't understand why that's-You don't.

Believe in the conspiracy and it's not real?

Why?

Because he went from a thick ass black chick that was gorgeous to this fucking frail skeleton.

He's.

Taking a break. Why are you talking about Taylor Swift?

-because I.

Don't like her. -she's a pretty lady.

Who was Kels's original other lover? Huh? Who was his lover before?

Some runway model with bands of steel, dude.

Really? Unbelievable. He's taking a break. He's taking a skinny white lady break.

I guess it is nice to take a shift. This is the two weeks away from thick black ass.

Yeah, he's a break. -yeah, he needs a break.

-that has.

To be tired.

-his pelvis is sore. -yeah.

He's getting thrown back. You're getting thrown back on you. That's like a fucking piston, dude. Oh, true. And he's switched to just a fucking frail-tiny, heiny. -little boy ass. Just tiny, high- I was a little boy. It's tiny, high, dude. You'd be surprised. Yeah. If you get to the depths of basically all that ass and hit like a tiny, high knee, you can start to be like, All right, this is nice. Yeah. It's a little diamond.

I made that shift once and it was the scariest.

Thing in the world. A tiny, heiny?

Yeah, you could see the top of her butt bone right.

Above her. Yeah, the.

Tailbone up there. The tailbone comes out of your skin. You have to fuck standing up in the shower so you don't see any skeletal remains. Whatever.

I'm.

Going to say he's a bit of a connoisseur. Kels is a connoisseur.

Yeah, I guess.

I don't know. I miss.

His old-I didn't know he was with... She wouldn't be a BBW. Would she be? Would she be a.

Classic BBW? No, she was just thick.

Dude, there's a lot. Bbls now are like every chick's getting plastic surgery.

Tell me the story, dude. It's just a circus full of Latinx with fake asses, fake tits.

Fake lips. -it's called upgrades.

-upgrade. No, dude.

I consider it downgrade. Yeah, they're really big. Go to any airport.

Oh.

Yeah. They're everywhere.

I get trip by every time. Brittany is always like, That's a BBL or whatever. I'm always like, Really?

Once they.

Figure out the next generation-You.

Can trip? They have skinny thighs. I know.

Some Latinas have skinny thighs and big butts, though. By some, I mean one. I've not.

Maybe.

It was a BBL, though. It could have been an OG BBL.

It is nice. It's a.

Nice-my whole life might be a fucking lie.

Visual red flag to see someone with all that work done. You're like, That's a fucking….

That's a lunatic. -it's a damaged person. -that's a problem.

Yeah. I mean, dude, now I'm telling you the fucking… What's the shit they call? They all get Botox? Botox. That's like standard. Basic. Yeah, to not get it is weird. Then it's like all the other stuff is like, Yeah, obviously I.

Want to go… God damn, getting facial surgery is so funny. -i hope I go crazy enough.

-me too.

If I go crazy enough too.

Dude, I.

Hope you get mad, crazy. Not get in shape in any way, but just go nuts on my face.

-just.

Do nothing with anything else and just get a crazy face.

Just.

Joan Rivers or something. Matt, we've.

Got to do the Patreon.

Just no expression. And iPads? What the fuck?

Dude, a thick.

Black hair piece.

Hair.

Piece that's sly and all.

It's a turtle neck. Get the hairline down to here. Get the hairline down to the eyebrows.

Get some wig bangs, dude.

I mean, it's like you and Gideon Gates. That's one way to do it, is to just end it. Just keep doing stand-up. People will be so scared. You guys remember Jack and all? My whole act.

You get a Coach Buz. Artificial Coach Buz is a four-inch, sticking straight up.

Even if you had cheek implants would be so fucking.

It'd.

Be awesome. Rich white dudes get those cheek implants.

You could.

See from the side. I mean, you would not be able to resist the cat contacts. You got.

A feline contact. The cat contacts is the ultimate. If you get the feline contacts, you've reached the pinnacle.

Dude, in 10 years, it's just you on TikTok like, cut my life into pieces. It's just all fucking gloping. Yeah, I'm like six pack implants. Six pack implants will be tight and a BBL. I sent you a picture of a male BBL.

Male BBL?

Men get BBLs too now, yeah. Brittany sent me a picture of a male BBL. It just made.

Me laugh. Just gays? Straight guys with Chumpasses?

I was the argument. I was telling her, I was like, You got to be gay. You said Trump?

Trump.

I was going to say Trump. Trump. I was going to say Trump. Trump as a fucking dog. Do you remember that tennis picture? Yeah.

It's got to be gay guys. Although gay guys are on the frontier of male beauty products. Whatever gay guys are doing like 30 years ago straight.

You can't start doing it. It's pretty frightening when they.

Do it right. Sure, tanning? Nobody did that. That was highly, it was wild when I first went.

To-i did in college once.

Before.

I went down to Florida.

Were you Metro? Remember Metro? That's not a thing anymore. I was metrosexual for sure.

Metro is not-You're still here. I've heard somebody just say that. I'm Metro. Everyone's What.

Are you talking about? It's like a guy who combs his hair. It's like a different sexuality. Yeah.

In my hometown, if you were cologne, did your hair put.

Hair gel in. I used to crush this kid for wearing hair gel every day in school. I'd be like, Get that shit out of your fucking hair. He just got mad. And he saw me five years later and I'd gel in my hair. He was like, What.

The fuck?

It's cool when I do it.

I was basically the gay guy with my brother. I would come down with when Carpenter Jeans came out first. I'd have it like six months.

Before that.

-really? -you're a stylish guy.

You're the hammer loops.

Don't take it like that. Don't take it like that. You are a.

Stylish guy. There's all the wrong. They just call.

Me gay for three months. They call me gay. And then they'd have that style six months later for another six years. They would just get stuck in that and then just continue to call me gay every time I was in.

The forefront. And then take it on, yeah, then fucking be like, it.

Was time. There's always something. Every Christmas, I have something they're going to go do. What the fuck? Fuck are you wearing? Yeah.

Yeah.

And I go, You'll be wearing this in three years. It's like Russia with new music.

Vanilla, he's who's this clown? You'll see.

Yeah.

It is weird that I'm getting old enough. Dude, getting old enough and just noticing now chicks wear baggy pants. That's baggy jeans or anything. And I'm just like... Yeah, sucks. Yeah, I like it. It'll come back in our favor. Don't worry. But you watch it and I'm just like… The pendulum is going to swing. The pendulum is swinging back. I can feel the pendulum is not coming back. I swear to God, dude. Well, summertime, this is the what?

You have to be so fucking hot to rock a bellbottom in my eyes.

Yeah.

You got to be long. You can't be under five, five, six.

I like it, yeah, you're right. I do like a tall girl in bellbottom. Yeah, you need.

Like-and the ass has to just be able to directly into a nice thigh.

-that's just a cowpook. I slipped and fell into the wet cement below.

That is a cow boy.

Ain't you? Recently I've become a bit of a cow poke. That's awesome.

I was just in.

A bootstore yesterday. You went to Allen?

I went to Allen. It's nice. It's really nice. -it is. I mean, I felt like I was from the future. Just a fucking greasepal, East Coast maniac.

Yeah, the LINE guys can not put on cowboy boots, dude. That'll bend space time.

I put a hat on and I was like, I got to stop. I'm disrespecting you guys right now. You know what I mean?

I look fucking truly- You look sick. No, I genuinely look like a retarget. If I put a cowboy hat on, I look actually- Shane, if.

I gave you 10 different hats.

You'd look. Yeah, true. Baseball cap is the closest one.

No, I bet you look sick. You just have to commit.

I think it's-Trust me on this. Chris sent down all my shit I left in the apartment. A cowboy hat is in this building. You got to put it on. Put it on. I'll show you.

You put it on and black out.

Yeah, but don't do it funny. You got to do it serious.

That'd be nice. You got to put it on the right-You put it on and wake up and you're building like a development on some dude's fucking nature preserve. What the hell happened?

This nice girl told me how to put it on. You have to like... You put it...

You got to put it on the front.

It's got to be snug enough for the wind not to kick it off. True. You have to get a certain… I'm in between seven and a quarter and seven and three-eighths.

The cowboy hat. You didn't pull the trigger on the cowboy hat.

No, she said she'd have to stretch it for me to get… I was like, I'm not wasting time. I'm not buying a fucking.

Six-hour cowboy hat. I'm picking up what you're putting down. How about you chill out, dude? I'm here to get a fucking cowboy hat.

I should just try it just to have one.

Dude, you know exactly how you look in a cow boy hat. You love every second of it.

Yeah, but then it starts to become like it's a costume. Even if I wanted to wear it, it's.

Too… All of our clothes are costumes. Our personality is a costume, dude. True, man. Just get deep.

Into it. I don't like you listen to introspective music. Just talking like this.

Your personality is a total costume. It is. It's just a thick thing of defense against our childhood.

It's callous.

Look at this, dude.

Are you fucking.

Kidding me?

You're going to talk shit on this?

No, dude.

I think it's nice. Tommy got me this jacket for my B-day. Damn, dude.

It's pretty cool. It's his birthday.

This week. That's fucking nice.

Monday.

I was a damn builder. You don't.

Think you.

Look sick, dude? I don't. I also don't know which way to wear it.

What do you say, dude? Garth. For real, it's nasty as fuck.

10 out of 10, Dripsevere.

I think you just have to commit to it for a week.

And a half. I'll never wear it. -cowboy. -ou here it'd be perfect. Yeah, it's crazy.

I could do that. It is the perfect hat, though, for a dude. It's the straightest hat possible. And when.

You're this big, if I had that size, I'd make some decisions.

Yeah.

In the house and out of the house. You know what I mean?

Pure domination. With a hat like that?

It's time to dominate. I'm going to put on the hat. Yeah.

Chicks love that stuff.

Yeah, I see.

Tommy was explaining how you have to put.

It on and you have a Coca-Cola with my chicken tenders. I'll just have the chicken tenders.

This would be perfect with your future face.

You should start doing that for standup. You guys.

Have a kid's venue.

Can.

I get the case to DIA? Just cheese, no salsa.

You're just on.

A Vespa?

Take it back to the window. What is this green stuff?

I didn't want that.

You should take a nap on stage and put it down over your eyes and just be like, Let me rest. Andand just take a nap. Then just lift your hat up every five minutes. Let me tell you a little.

Something about this. Hey, folks, let me tell you a little story.

I'll be fucking tight.

Let me tell you a little story. My uncle's retarded. Let me tell you a little tale about my retarded uncle. His hunger required some grilled cheese sandwiches.

Boys mean than a rattlesnake.

And boys are sweeter thanthat. Get Mama on front door, lemonade sitting around.

Mama's backstrap, molasses, pancakes.

On a Sunday morning. Oh, you get some of them flapjacks that come out of the water.

Flapjacks. Get back out for half-hour.

This is like...

This is an arena full of people at the.

Edge of their seats. This guy is a fucking genius.

He's a sleepy guy.

This is my favorite part. He reminds me of guys from my hometown. That's what I like about it. Yeah, Cowboy has to make it. They should actually make a comeback. They should not even come back because they haven't really been in there. But the special needs community could get in big into it. You know what I mean? Just be like, I'm just a cowboy.

Yeah.

I'm a.

Simple guy.

To guy. I'm just a simple man. I have a small simple pleasures. I don't know why I'm making like a plantation on you. I don't.

Know what you're Mexican guys. Mexican guys do this. They come up here and they're like, We're cowboys. They are. I mean, they technically were cowboys out there. Before us? We did a little map training on them. We're like, Whoa, here. Check it out. The country is totally different. Sorry, guys.

I mean, you should allow your special needs kid to just dress up every day, right? Because then it's like a little girl being a princess in the afternoon. We're in a whole get-up.

Yeah. I mean, I think people are letting their kids literally change fucking juggles.

Sexes?

Yeah. You can let them wear whatever you want.

You got to let your special needs kid to get sex change? If he's like, I feel like a lady? No.

Wap them off. I'd go, brother. Actually, I don't know. Maybe.

I'd do it. I'd make a million dollars off and I'd be like, This is my journey.

Sell that dog right to Netflix.

True.

Now you got to let them party. Yeah, you got to let people….

I can't stop visualizing your face. Just done like Madonna style.

We should let the Special Olympics compete in women's sports.

Yeah, I bet you'd tear it up.

I would be the.

Ring card holders. The guys in. Yeah, The Ringgirls.

It'd be The Ring Boys.

For the WNBA? Yeah, come out. Carded guys, cowboy hats, holding up.

What quarter it is. Just chiseled, too. They do Wes Watson's program and get fucking chiseled and raced.

And raced. And chiseled and become alien brothers.

That'd be tight too if we got them into gang politics. Let them form a federation.

That would.

Be actually.

Pretty tough. The Galactic Empire have the Galactic Senate have them all dressed like aliens.

They.

Might get that AI fear where they could eventually take over on this. They're going to take over.

Examine it, yeah. If we let them. They might run it better. I don't know if it would be all war or all peace, but it would be one of them.

They're fascists. It would be so fascists.

You think they'd be fascist?

Yeah, dude. It would be.

Airtight, dude. I don't know. They might be good at sharing. Utopian. They might be like-True. They're all happy for each other a lot of the time. True. You know what I mean? Special Olympics, if a dude wins, everyone's like...

Yeah, but then someone's going to catch wind of their peaceful nation. They'll take their peace nation and colonize it.

Yeah, for real. That is Wakanda.

You have some Spanish guy would be like...

The Keystone shows up, takes their.

French fries. They have a ton of Roblox. They have a ton of Roblox gold. We got to get this. Apparently, there's pedophiles on Roblox. What? I didn't know this. There's pedophiles that chill on Roblox. I mean, basically, Xbox Live. You got to start pedo hunting on Xbox Live because there's pedos that chill.

On there. The hunter has become the hunter.

What do you mean Roblox?

Like physical Roblox? I don't know. It's like Minecraft. I never played it or I don't know much about it. Oh, it's a game.

The hunter has become the hunter.

The game.

Within the game. The game within the game. I'm on Call of Duty. He's just like, Hey, what's up? I'm 12. My dick's hard right now.

Just fishing. Just chom in the water.

Just chom in the water. You just hear a mic turn on just like, What? Got him.

I was watching a thing today about a guy. Apparently, Ohio has a pedophile problem, which makes sense. I think every state might. Apparently, Ohio is like number one.

The Buccae state. The Buccae state, number one.

Ohio, for some reason, through something, has the most pedophiles.

Ohio has the most almost everything. Really? It's just a terrible place to live. Great coaches come out, great presidents. Yeah. I think they have the most presidents.

I mean, makes sense.

It's a pressure cooker. It is a pressure. Ohio is a pressure cooker.

It's a pedophile.

Pressure cooker. What's that fucking shit? Billy kept saying, Ohio resident or whatever. True Ohio resident. Yeah. Ohio card revoked.

Yes. What is the Ohio card?

Penalizes? Some internet bullshit. We just, yeah.

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Are we supposed to read all that?

No, that's verbatim, brother.

Yeah.

Yeah, you have to read that.

That's crazy. Well, anyway, it's good you guys got all that information. If we can help one guy in Connecticut.

1,807.

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Them fucking-Yeah, if you're trying to-Be cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do that.

Don't try to be cool for someone younger than you're giving them nicotine. Yeah. We don't stand for that.

We.

Don't. I'm telling you, man, I think Ohio has a serious pedophile problem. I called a shred of information on the internet. I'm here to report it, stated as fact.

I believe that it is true.

It's like KNA with heroin. I think they all stand out there and they're like, Come here.

Enter your address in that app to see where they're all at.

Oh, I've done it before. It's crazy. I did it in my old house, and then I walked to the building, and I stood outside and just menaced.

You found where the pedophiles were?

There were there. Yeah, there was-You.

Can see the one by ours. The three or four block radius, there's like 20. What?

Dude, all of you are just living-Not Piazzitah.

No. No way.

But he should. I mean, he's on the list regardless if you're or not.

Yeah.

There's a lot of fucking unicycle in.

The summer. There's a lot of them around there? Huh? There's a lot of pedophag? Yeah.

Yeah, they were surprising. Around my neighborhood, there was a… Remember I was telling you? I tried to find it and their address was to one of the local trade buildings, but I think they lived in a place above it or they threw it off. But there was one for sure towards like North Philly for my old place. I remember I saw the building and it was just a fucking nest. Because all the addresses were coming up the same unit. This unit, that unit. That. It's truly a nest. I sat outside and I was just like...

They probably go out. One of them goes out and hunts. -shook my fist. -bringes it back. -true.

They follow a little trail.

It's got to be 20 % that aren't really pitos. They just get slammed for like beating off in public or a 19-year-old date and a 16-year-old.

Yeah, but you can read their charge on the Megan's list. Oh, really? Yeah, they'll say.

Like-it doesn't just say.

It doesn't say like weird ass motherfucker. Fuck this weird ass. No, it says like what they did. Freak ball. But yeah, some of them you can get thrown on the list for some bullshit. Yeah. Just trying to catch a beat in the park. Yeah.

How about that girl from Dayton? We saw her yesterday. Putting a dildo on her.

On the beach. Yeah, there was a lady on the beach fingering herself and she got arrested. She snatched on herself right away. Yeah, what do you mean?

She's like, You didn't see it.

Yeah, they came up to this lady who was- Hot.

Yeah.

She was a hot lady.

She was sitting by herself on the beach. She was sitting by herself on the beach. Usa? In America.

Yeah, Daytona.

And they.

Fucking-bike week.

She was honing out. No, I don't think it was bike week. I don't think it was a bike week. But I think it did seem Gulf Coast.

That seems very-Was it for content?

No, no, no. It was a bodycam footage from the cops that showed up like, We got reports of what were you doing here? She's just sitting at the beach bar. She went down the beach, dildoed herself, then went back to the beach bar. Somebody fucking snitch. Who the fuck snitch? I don't know, but that'd be the cool just sitting at a bar.

She had a whole dildo in a backpack.

Yeah, but she came in and she just told her. She was obviously mentally unstable. But she told herself right away.

Yeah, I fucking...

Damn, dude. She was like, Were you touching yourself? The cops were like, Were you touching yourself? She was like, You guys didn't see that.

Yeah, she's like, There's no way. I was just like this. I put the towel over instead of just going, No.

She's like, I had a towel over. I saw you. A family was down there probably taking their fucking.

Beach picture. Imagine being the judge of that case.

Imagine being the cop. Where you're going through a bag. He was a pork. He was turned on to you. He was a chubby man.

It's been used.

Yeah. She had big heaters.

Yeah, little fucking take it away. This is the score.

Yeah, there's pussy on that. There's pussy on that. He puts it in a little vial.

There's pussy juice. I'll bag it and tag it.

That was my friend's deal to I'm wearing my friend's pants. It was in my pockets. Yeah, right. Likely story. I haven't watched Cops in forever. Yeah. It's got to be tight. It's just every criminal they apprehend is just dead from fentanyl. They're like, Come.

On, man, get up. Get up, motherfucker. Yeah. Crap. He's dead. Yeah, they had a good run. Cops? Yeah, the show.

Yeah, it was awesome.

There's that one where the cop spears that lady and she stab herself. Do you ever see that one? No. It's great. It's just a crazy lady in a van and they pull up and they're like, Get out of the van. She takes out a huge knife and it's like...

And.

Then a cop comes around the van and tackles her from behind. It's so funny. When he tackles her, he's like... He spears her. But when he tackles her, she goes... -oh, shit. -just lands on it. They roll her over and all you see is the handle sticking out. -the whole thing. -oh, damn. Yeah, pretty rough one.

Fuck. What was she doing?

Gargling? I don't know. Oh, yeah. She went out cold pretty quick. Really? Yeah. I was a band builder. I was a van driver.

The ultimate bellyache.

That's.

The big tongue bellyache. It was the ultimate bellyache, dude.

She got bellyache. I was the.

Grape stop it. I would o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o.

O, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o.

O, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o, o,Yeah, if you're a lady with a knife, that's true. There's nothing worse. A knife in your gut. If you have a son and he stabs himself fighting a cop, you're sad, but you're like, It's bound to happen. He's a badass. You have your daughter stab herself while wrestling a cop. It's just like.

Fucking Christ. Isn't that the most pain? They say.

Getting shot in the stomach.

I don't know. It's the most painful of all this. Yeah, gut shot.

I could imagine it. I don't know.

I bet that hurts the most.

You saw your lunch leaking.

In your brain. Yeah, all the Chipotle getting out.

The pole.

Being released. The pole being released into the bones.

-bean. Your body just disintegrates.

I might become more powerful if the Chipotle gets released into everything. Because right now it's just in the gut, and I'm pretty powerful. It just heals the wound. It could heal everything. Yeah, it could. Just wolf ring. Unchewed piece of beef.

pops in the hole.

You have a little bean. A little bean-shaped fucking things out of your skin. That'd be actually nice. I think Chipotle is having a renaissance. I really think they are.

Chipotle down here is pretty good. They fucking true.

I mean.

Close to the Masters.

-close to the Masters. -true, Chipotle Kings.

Guys probably walk in there and spit it out. I'm offended. What is this? Much.

Yeah, the Chipotle is coming back.

I think so. They got the Carnisada. They were falling. What's the Chipotle looking like down here? What's the staff?

I haven't even seen the row.

Oh, you're just all digital.

Bring it to me.

Bring.

The Chipotle. You're like the Emperor of China. You're the.

Chinese Emperor. What's your seamless like down here, like Grubhub or whatever. It's good. It is?

Yeah. Thought it'd be fun. I'm not even trying shit. I'm just getting Chipola. Joe. Really? Yeah, I'm crossing Chipotle.

You've had Chipoli multiple.

Times a day? No, not multiple times a day. I have definitely hit back to back days of chipola. I was eating chipole when you walked in.

Yeah, I know. Have you eaten chipole twice in one day? Me?

Yeah. No, I've.

Never eaten it. I don't think you can. I don't think it's physically possible. In one day, I can eat one chipole bowl and not eat for the rest of the day.

100%. That's what I ate yesterday. Yeah. It's the only thing I ate yesterday.

This is a.

Place by us is a knockoff, Chipotle. It's what's it called? Hot peppers.

Hot peppers, yeah.

I split the bowl in half.

It's two meals. He crushed.

He loved hot peppers.

Hot peppers is so good, dude.

Yeah, that.

Was really good. Because they're not commercial, they can give you healthy, bountyful scoops.

True. Dude, I don't want to have anyone lose their job. I hit a Sweet Green yesterday or a.

Couple of days ago. Sweet Green fell off. I was wearing Sweet Green here for a while. They fell off.

The one near me is fucking back. Dude, they're herb-roasted chicken for real. And it's not cutting a little heat. -what are.

The portions like?

Sweet green portions, notoriously... They've been screwing me. Notoriously, girl portions. You go there, it's just like.

Dude, what are you eating? Just lettuce. It's like, Dude, come on.

Dude, I had a sweet lettuce. I said, Double chicken, please.

What's that? $64?

It is a $20 salad for sure. It's crazy. But she's, Dude, this sweet angel gave me my two things. I'm getting ready to get the sweet green sting. I'm going, Fuck, are you serious right now? Then, dude, it was two more and I went, reasonable. I was talking a little. Dude, four more fucking tongue-fulls of chicken. I literally said, God bless you, man. Thank you. God bless you, man. Dude, she hooked me up with the fattest fucking sweet. It was awesome. And their herbarosa chicken is a frill. It's a full chicken filet. I think they half them. So it was like one-half, one-half, one-half. I had four full filets of boneless thigh. Oh, my God. I said, Man, God.

Bless you, man. Ma'am, you're going to fucking make me just-Dude.

For real. And the dressing? I mean. I said medium dressing. I said, That's extra heavy. Oh, my God.

-who's this man? -fully blessed you.

Fully blessed me? Yeah. Dude, that's the thing, too. I'm going to start. If I see a real thin lady at anywhere like that, like a service bar, I'm going to say, Can I please have someone else? Can I have someone a little more girthy? Who understands portion size? You get a thin, frail, communist college lady and it's just.

Like-they.

Used to say that. What are you, starving me to death? -can't trust the skinny chef. -are you trying to kill me? Can't trust a skinny chef?

Or whatever? The what? You can't trust a skinny chef. You can't. That's not true. You see some fat bag of shit sweating all over your chicken.

You'll change your tune, dude.

You see some guy, Chipotle, dripping off his forehead, smell like a hot dog.

Fuck that. Yeah, but you need a big lady. You can't trust with the portions, man. You get a skinny lady who's like a vegetarian doughnut at the meat master at Chipotle.

It depends. If they're Asian, it's nice. Skinny Asians.

You think they.

Doled out? Because they eat like fat men. They just burn it off.

True.

You ever date an Asian girl? Like a little Asian girl?

No, not enough to monitor her calories.

Not in those two weeks.

Yeah, I've had a tryst, but I've never monitored her portions.

I get upset when my girl orders a salad. Because it starts at 15 and then you got to add chicken.

It's like another seven. Chicken and shrimp. No, you got to go chicken and shrimp. That's like, God damn.

You're getting shrimp? Bro.

I have a problem where if I'm adding proteins, it gets out of control real fast. Yes. Then sometimes they'll be like, Oh, you want both? That's a lot. I go, Don't tell me what the fuck my stomach can handle. Don't fucking judge me. Oh, it's actually pretty big. People eat it as a meal, I say, Appetize. We'll see what's going on.

I'll be.

The judge of that. Appetizer, please.

I got it.

From my dad. He's the king, dude, of ensuring portion size at restaurants. He goes, Let me get a salad. Big salad. Well, he's like, No, a big entree size salad. They're like, All right. It crushes it and then it's steak.

Yeah, yeah.

Picking out is just what we do, bro.

Yeah.

It's nice.

How's your bowels? You should see me put a.

Hair on my bowels. It was a pile. Today was a fucking pile. That's nice. I double-burgered last night, though. Really? Double-burgered followed it up with the El Paso or taco. I had taco when we were out.

Wait, you ate two cheeseburgers? Like full-size burgers?

Yes, sir. Wow. You cooked them at home?

Yeah, oven burgers.

Okay, that's fair. Yeah, oven burgers. You definitely need two burgers if.

It's at home. But I'm talking guacamole on top of them, cheese sauce, barbecue sauce.

You cook your burgers in the oven?

Dude, yeah, they're very good. That's crazy. Oven burgers are... I was doubtful too because oven burgers were a thing that I had to do. A boiler or.

Just straight oven?

Straight up. No. Straight up, brother. Brother, I'm telling you, oven burgers, seasoned up. My God. Then you could just munch them, dude. You make like 50 of them in one shot. They all come out at once. In the restaurant industry, we call it Fire. They all Fire at once. Order 42 all day, Fire. You know they have slang in the kitchen. Order 42, Fire all day. Train by day? They do Joe Roe's podcast all day.

Train by day? All day? What is that?

All day means like it's Donner, so I fucking forget. They go, Order 42, Fire. We're hired all day. There's a bunch. They have slang, dude. They for real think they're in the army.

Yeah.

We learn just all pillheads.

I went to college, learned how to boil potatoes. I learned more from my fucking grandmother, dude. Maya Boyla taught me how to cook. Really? Dude, Maya Boyla's kitchen.

Yeah, I didn't know you were such a foodie. You're a foodie.

Dude, Maya Boyla's kitchen was like any other dude.

What did you learn? Spices? She taught you all the spices.

She taught me all the spice. Not even just that, but just the love that goes in the food. It's like a whole thing.

For my family. All the amour.

Just like the secrets of cooking and the patience that she taught me everything about cooking. I like to reflect that through my cooking. It's every dude on the food.

That's why I put my burgers in the oven.

My abode, hello. In the kitchen, I was a young boy, and she'd be pounding fawns. She'd be shaving fawn balls. She'd say, This is a secret to life.

And I.

Learned that. That's what I reflect in my cooking, in my baking meat balls on the food that were a long job.

I.

Never knew myabuela. Most of my Abuela. Most of my Abuelas had passed.

Before I ever met them. I had worn Abuela alive. Did you really? And she was not a cook. She was mean. There was no love in what she was making. Yeah, not either.

Did you wear a bra?

Yeah.

My Irish Abuela showed me the ways of quits.

I always just picture big Irish grandma with their tits.

No, no, no. Why do you think Irish.

Grandmothers have their tits? Because all.

My aunts-I'm telling guys fetishize Irish women, and I hate it. They do it a lot. They fetishize Irish women.

They do it.

You need the.

Product of it. Yeah, it's your wap daddy you.

Got in there.

You're a wap daddy cream-pied your Irish mommy.

-same. -yeah.

Yeah, just talking down. She's like, like a big cloud. I come down as a big fat Irish potato ass. I fucking gizzed.

All over her. Yeah. That's actually literally that's how he talks. That's 100 % how he talks. Fucking flesh freckle monster motherfucker. Every time you do that, I'm like, That's my whole family. But all right. It's literally my entire family.

But usually when they're mean, they don't wear bras. That's why I.

Actually said it. No, she was very conservative mean. You know what I mean? Uptight. My grandma would never let her titties out. Yeah. True. Old Patty Kilcanny. Double-bra. Never going to let the titties out. Patty Kilkenny? Yeah.

My parents are from Kilkenny. Nice.

Swag.

My mother, not my father.

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Send her a new pic of you from that trip you've been telling her about right from your phone. Wow, that is cool. It'd be awesome. Instead of sending it to her phone, you can send it to the Aura picture frame.

And then send it to her. Hey, mom, it's me at the Chicago Bean.

Here I am at the Bean. I mailed you an important patch. This was right before I got in a fight with my wife. Here's us at the Bean. And then we got in a very serious fight. She said a lot of things that she can't take back. This holiday season, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting aureframes. Com/mssp. That's A-U-R-A frames. Com/mssp. Use promo code MSSP to get $30 off their best-selling frames in terms of condition supply. Let's go. Kilkenny's. I like Kilkenny.

Good people, good food. When you're in Kilkenny- TVs are a little small for the game.

-your family. -oh, for sure.

You know what I mean?

When you go to Kilkenny, that's familiar. For sure. My grandma's gnookie. Was a classic Irish gnookie with the moose. I remember when my battle met my fucking grandparents. What did Jewish people call.

Their.

Grandparents? Babba. Babble?

No, that's Russian. It's supposed to be to Bobble. Yes. Oh, Bob-bub. Bob-bub.

I think it's a gubb. Bob-bub. Bob-bub. Bob-bub. Oh, Bob-bub met my abuela. Pop-up swag, though. Pop-up and mom. Mom and pop-up. That's what we went with.

Me too.

I said.

My pop-up's kitchen.

He would bust out a tin of hard cookies.

Yes. If you.

Got the tag grandma, you were not.

Respected by the.

Mother or father. Grandmom? Yeah. Like if they made you say that one to grandma, there's a problem in the family. Yeah, it's not Nana. It's not.

Nana, Nona, my mom. Yeah, I don't like Nona. Yeah, it's too ethnic.

It's too wap-ish for sure. Gigi is cool-wap mom. That's what my mom.

Is, Gigi. Yeah. My mom and pop-up is just so sick. That's nice. Yeah, my mom.

And pop-up and.

His fucking swag. I also think changing from mom.

And pop-up to something unique.

Is because they have a connotation to it.

Like with their history. You don't want to.

Name somebody and it reminds you of an.

Ex-girlfriend or something. Yeah. You got to switch it up.

I gladly in habit.

Pop up. I have all minds.

Dude, he would give us beer when.

We were kids.

He's a fucking man. It was.

Warren Budwiser. If my parents left to be like, Yeah, go drink a beer, dude. I told him I'm a pussy. I'd be like, Fuck yeah, dude. How old are you? 14. Nice. He'd just give you beers.

And be.

Like, Let's go.

Let's party right now.

I think I'll do that. I think I'll give children beer. You have to. You'd be like, Go get me a Budweiser. Yeah, just be like, Chuck on that. Oh, dude, for sure. Chuck that with me.

Please hang out with me. Dude, my brother used to.

Go around to the end tables during house parties and.

Just chug all the wine. We shared the same bed. One night we share.

The same bed, and one.

Night he just woke up like exesist throwing up hot red blood, which I thought he was fucking dying. I'm screaming.

He's going, Grown up. This fucking boot and red table wine. Yeah, not knowing how to drink as a kid. Growing up everywhere is so fucking fun. There was always dudes that would pillage house parties. There were people to have a party and then there'd be four kids who would come.

And.

Steal all the parents' stuff and just leave. It happened.

A lot.

There weren't that many.

Puerto Ricans. You did that? You pillaged? New up. We used to steal. That you're like, what did.

You take? Dvd. Dvds, family pictures, smoke alarms, remote controls. Oh, you like to fuck their house up. Wait, what? You had a whole system?

Yeah.

I'm.

Not proud of it.

Yeah. It's a troubled past.

I can't tell if he's fucking or not.

No, I'm not fucking around.

One time we got caught and we put it all in a big black garbage bag and threw it onto their lawn and drove-.

Back on the lawn?

-in a classic whops. Dude, we got to get rid of this bot.

It fell off the truck, mom.

Wait, were.

These family parties like your friends? No, like a kid will have a party at their parents' house. They would just pillage everything for no reason. My-upper deckers at those were just a bit of.

A mess. Oh, burnt-upper decker was just.

Absolute disrespect. My brother would go to-I don't want to disrespect.

They took her on up a deck. They pinched a fucking loaf. They pinched. They dropped an up a deck at my Nona's.

Not in the.

Kitchen where she makes it. What a.

Fucking smoke of love. Yeah, dude, I knew someone who used to go to.

Frat parties in the whole time, walk around and try.

To find the stash because there would be a.

Knot of five somewhere. You do that or you steal the taps off the keg. You would take the taps. Is there like 75 bucks? Yeah, 75.

Rip the tap and you go find like you go to the bedrooms and someone have a knot of five. You just swipe it and fucking run. Who's that person? My brother, Tom. He tried to steal a keg and he got fucking there. They were like, Get the fuck out of here. My brother, my other brother, Kevin, just got his ass kicked and Tom was.

Like, Peace. Yeah, it's a.

Good dirtball. Yeah, it's a good move. Finding the bag at a frat party and stealing it is fun. Yeah, I never even considered that. That's great. He would just get hammered and be like, I'm going to go grab-You're going to rob.

These folks. We can go grab 350.

Bucks right now. He found a dude laying on the time.

I mean, that's a high risk maneuver. -it's wild.

-that's a whole house of dudes that want.

To.

Jump a guy. It's suicide by frat. -yeah. -it's suicide by frat for sure.

-tall Gony or dentist. The what? Yeah, true Gony. Yeah, he did. His final.

Hurrah was pretty nice where he just got naked at.

A party. He doesn't remember.

Any of this.

He got.

Naked and was just munching the leaves off of plants. He was pretending to be a dinosaur. Had to wake up from just alcohol. Jesus Christ. It is funny. That's the problem. That's very funny. -that's -I have a problem.

With when you're very drunk and you're like, I know this is funny.

Yeah. He was.

Totally right. -you wake up and you're so embarrassed. You're like, Fuck, that is hilarious. -you get naked at a party and munch...

-purp.

And maple leaves. Fuck, that's funny. -munch in the trees at a party naked is... That dump must.

Have been chaos. Fuck, yeah.

There's no.

Way your body breaks. He might have been spitting out.

He might have been spitting out. Yeah. I hope.

He.

Was spitting out. He might.

Have spit up. Yeah, or just.

Real quickly while no one was looking a little.

Slight of hand. I don't think anybody took their eyes off me.

I don't think the party went back to normal at any point. True. I'm sure there were shrieks. You can't get naked at a party.

It's not a gag.

No one.

Likes anymore. Yeah, I remember the open mics people.

Would do that. Really? Yeah, I remember some of the Good Good fellows. Remember that? Oh, you're right. That was a fun gag. They would get their dick and ass out. Two years later, they were like, You're being sex. -you're being sex. -sex. You're insensitive. Yeah, that whole squad was fuss. I'd like to get them.

You put them.

In the air, I bet they flagged.

Come back. You want to hire them.

And have.

Them stand in the back like a mortal combat level. -hire them now? Yeah, just stand in the back.

Just totally stern. Yeah, that'd be nice. And then occasionally point to one of them and go, do a bit. Do one minute. And then go back to your set. You see how fucking bad that was? Get off the stage. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, it's pretty funny. Yeah, they were wild, bro. They're having fun.

Everyone was having so much fun. Everyone was having fun. Dude, you know what I was thinking about recently? Grinding at parties. Yeah, of course. Walk up to a party, stranger, grab their stomachs and just fucking hump them. That was so normal back in the day. And everyone would be like, their friend would be like, yes, or she would fucking be like, yeah, you're good. I'm the other one.

Most times it'd.

Be like, Yeah.

Then you.

Get like, fuck you. I don't know.

She could probably believe that until you... But this one girl had a basement where it was just dungary fire every second. Yeah.

Humping the.

Shit.

Out of your girl. Listening to EI.

Dude, this was up in college in bars.

In Philly. When I was in college, it was totally at least sophomore year. It was not weird to walk up to strangers and try to get your grind on. It was totally normal. And then it just one day. The last few people walked into an absolute industrial.

Fan on.

That one. They were just beat up by the cops. But yeah, that was.

Back in.

The day. That was like, Do they still grind? Does anybody grind? I'm sure the kids are still doing it.

I think kids face each other and jump up and.

Down now. They jump up and down and go. Yeah. Well, it's a different type of kid.

Yeah. Well, it's like Ravers.

Ravers just jump up. I think they grind.

I think they grind. Now they do like mystical Madonna hands, I think-Yeah. -there you go. It's pretty nice, Sean.

Sean was dancing.

Last night in the green room.

You were dancing? Yeah. You were? Yeah. You got angry last night. I liked it.

He's got a good move.

Sean has great moves. He does.

Have that Italian fire in him when he drinks a little. Yeah. I wasn't that angry. You were-You get angry. You were angry.

I was angry. I was angry.

-why were you mad? I was tired.

-italians.

Is drinking. -true. -italians is the disrespect.

-no, I'm very nice to.

Everybody else. Every Italian goes to the fall of Rome in their head every night. Rome declines. There's a.

Height where you're dancing in the green room, little PAX Romana. Then you get out there and the vandals are at the gate. The vandals have arrived. Damn. That was nice. Me and Shawn.

Had a nice weekend.

What did you guys do? Crap City. Oh, yeah.

I was like, Crap City. Matt, I.

Got to tell you.

Crap City. The new hours. Oh, please. So good.

Let's go. I hadn't seen a lot of it. I went to Matt's Thursday show and then watched from the balcony, dude, from the fan. Spied me from the back. I was so nervous. I was like, Dude.

It's all fucking crap. You killed me.

No, it was awesome. It's awesome. Yeah, the new stuff is wonderful. It's getting there. I'm having fun.

I have been having a lot of fun. Dude, I spied a guy in the crowd this weekend. I was just like, bullshitting. I was literally, I forgot what I was talking about, so I started talking to this guy. I was like, How are you doing, man? He looked up at me. He's like, Good. He just caught me totally off guard. He's like a 35-year-old dude with braces. I couldn't stop laughing.

I.

Was like, You have fucking braces.

I lost a dude. Adult braces are so intense. Oh, my God. It fucking killed me. My close friends' dad got braces when he was like, I'm not kidding, 55.

And it was like, Holy shit. Dude, that's like getting.

Divorced at 70. It's like, Just let your ducks go. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, that's ulterior. That's like higher private eye. If your 50-year-old husband gets braces, it's.

Like get a private eye right now.

Also, there's Invisalign, you can get clear braces. I know, that's what I was saying. At least how fucking poor is it? How fucking poor is it?

It's awesome. Invisalign, dude.

It fucking made me... I couldn't stop laughing. It's a good point. Well, I mean, it's got to be something. Yeah, because regular braces are probably like $3,500 and then Invisalign is like five grand. So yeah, it was a budget.

It was a budget. The man.

Was working with a budget.

The smile was going to kill her. I kept telling him, Bro, when you lick your teeth, my God, dude, what did you feel like that teeth did?

That is a nice feeling. You get your favorite color sports team, dude. It's the black and yellow.

Blue.

And.

Yellow. -blue and yellow? -blue and yellow. Every other tooth. I should get braces.

When I get my facial surgery.

Yeah, for sure. I'd just toss them on.

You know when people get fake prescription glasses? -get unnecessary. -totally unnecessary braces. -hairy-cary glasses. If you rocked unnecessary braces, that would be a flex. If you just kept braces.

On like a grill for the rest of your life. Dude, thousands of college kids would be getting braces because of you.

I'm going to pause at the white spots. We've reached it.

Let's head over to the Patrick. Let's go. Goodbye.