Transcribe your podcast

Oh, yeah. Wow. Did I have a dream where we had 11 ads? You might have a dream. I think I had a nightmare recently where they sent us 11 ads, and I was like, God damn it, enough of the ads.


Just two four hours of nonstop ad reads.


Are they ever a normal product?


Of course they are, dude.


You're talking about fabric of our life.


It's always like a funny new bong or a new marijuana place. Is it ever like a... This is a, I don't know, Nike?


We're working towards. I think we had some Morgan & Morgan.


Yeah, we had Morgan Morgan. He's a slip and fall, he's an injury lawyer. At one point, I think Visa reached out to us, too, and wanted us to do a three-minute Visa ad. I would love that. Where we talked about our journey and how...


Talked about our financial journey.


Good credit. Yeah, I think Visa made... Specifically, Visa, not money itself, made our journey.


Yes, Visa was very important. Would you say no to anything?I pulled out this card, and I was like, no.


What's that?


What would you say no to?


I think we said no to Credem.


Credem? No Credem.


What's Kratam?Creatum.


Is-we said no to CPD?


We originally did.Delta 8. We said no to Delta 8. Delta 8. But then they bulldozed us. We have to do Delta 8.


I love Delta 8.


I love Delta 8. People love it. Old heads. I have no idea what it is.


Tell me more about this product.


We use it legal in Australia, right?


It's decriminalized, so we just let it happen.Yeah.Nice..


So they let it go. Here, basically, it's legal. It's fully legal in some states, medically legal, then decriminalized. But then they did a thing where through, I think it's the 2019 Farm Bill, you can grow CPD, which is weed. It's just CPD instead of THC, but there's a little bit of THC. Then through some loophole, they allowed you to sell 0.3% of the product in its dry weight to contain THC. You can sell edibles with THC in them and be like, I got it from a hemp plant. It's nonsense. We've lost the war on marijuana here. It's coming.


Yeah, it's bad. New York was very smelly. There's a lot of marijuana Every week. Yeah, New York, it's-On the street, people with little dogs.


I've actually started a vigilante group. You don't smell it, really. You smell it downtown.


I think it's illegal here. Totally illegal.


I like it.


Totally illegal. It makes it fun.


It makes it fun, and also it's like, Yeah, dude.


It's like jacking off at home.


It is, dude.


You go back to your parents house, you go, There's that spark. You have fun when you can get caught.


It's the rush.


Jacking off alone is-It's very sad. I'll jack off in this empty house, and it's-It's bullshit. It's not as fun.


Well, that's where the toys come out. That's where Dildo is getting involved.


That is where you start to expand and you go, This isn't the...


Have you seen Jake the Snake Roberts in the wrestling documentary where he talks about going on the road?




He's like, You go out on the road, You leave your woman behind, and you got one woman, and then you got two women, and then you got two women with toys. Four women with toys. You go home, you're trying to make love to your wife, and you can't do it anymore. It's the saddest moment in the documentary. That was Jake the Snake. I think that's Jake Snake Roberts. Damn. His intro music was great.


Women with Toys is tough. Four women with Toys.


Four women with Toys, I think, is the end of it.


It's like a fight. It's like Rodney King at that point. He's got four women hitting you with fucking sticks.


You have vibrators on each nipple? I'd be fried. I'd come just from that. We don't want to be too blue.


Yeah, we're not trying to be blue.


If I was getting double-vived on each nipple, I'm fried.


You've been working blue lately.


I have been working on a blue. I want to get Who is that clean man who's blowing up, who just did SNL?


Yeah, I watched him for the first time last week.He's wonderful.He's excellent.


Absolutely wonderful.


Yes, he's a phenomenal man. But he made me rethink my whole dirty act.


Yeah, you do need to clean it up. You're a good Catholic. I do my best. You shouldn't be out here doing dirty stuff.


Yes, it's gotten me into trouble before. I think it's closing doors in the Catholic community. I won't go in too much, but I think I'm not being invited on the speaker circuit.For.


The Catholic Speaker circuit?Yeah.


That's dude. Yeah, that's a little high and mighty for a bunch of fucking pedophiles.


I reckon the Catholic got bad PR and they're a big institution, but I reckon they've raped fewer children than some of the other denominations.


I agree. Then who? The United States government, probably.


Do you have the Uniting Church here? They're like Methodist, happy, klappy. We love gay people. Apparently, they had the highest rates of child rate in Australia. Really? But no one talks about it because they hate climate change. The Methodist app? The Methodist and the Baptists got together and they formed one a big rainbow coalition. Everyone's welcome here. That's who's going to fuck your kids. I'm sorry, we weren't trying to work blue. No, I like it.


Yeah, no, that's fair. I think this is exactly how it went last time. We were like, All right, cut that hole. We're headed down that path.


Sorry, I've been smucking. That's a fair point.


Yeah. The method is to get us... The Catholic church has one institution that everyone can be like, Those are the bad guys. All these other churches are just by themselves, weird pastors, finger and kids. Yeah, true.


Well, our Hillsong got done. Hillsong came out here. I think. Do you have Hillsong?


No, what's that?


It was that big Australian mega church that migrated to America. Justin Bieber was a Hillsong guy. Really? But then they got done for unpleasantness.They.


Were molesting?Yeah.


There were some issues.


Jeez, Louise. What is it?


Why that?I don't know.A lot of trust. I think you would... Yeah, you want to go somewhere where people trust you with their kids and their very tired.


You start talking, though. You start taking confession.




You hear about a cool story from a kid, you go, You want to slide that thing open.


Yeah, especially if you're not releasing the pressure valve yourself, it's like... Yeah, if you're totally pent up, I guess, yeah, you get... I don't know, though.


But you wouldn't go for a child. People always say this. They're like, The celibacy turns people into pedophiles. I don't think not calming would make you go. It's got to be a six-year-old.


No, but the celibacy attracts gay dudes.For.


Sure.yeah, true.


I'm not saying gay guys are pedophiles.


No, but being celibate is gay.


That's what you're saying. Yes.


Being celibate is gay.


I imagine it would be... If you were never going to have a wife, it would be easier to give up not having a wife. It's very nice to have a wife.


It's a good way to be a closet of gay men is to become a priest. I mean, I had to do it. Otherwise, guys, I'd love to be getting pussy with you guys. But I made a covenant with God.


You just got to hang out with the bros. Yeah, true.


No, it'll be much harder to be celibate as a gay man. Because all the opportunities are there all the time. True. If you really wanted to not have sex with anybody, a gay man would have the hardest time.


I meant celibate like not marry a woman.


Celibate is in. You've never a jacu.


Yeah, you can have a sex with men. It doesn't count.


Having sex with men does not count.


It doesn't take. It's not a body count. It doesn't add to it at all. Someone asked, How many people have you sex with? I only include women. I don't count all the men I've had sex with.


You didn't watch Maestro. You haven't seen Maestro.


It's great.


What's Maestro? It's Bradley Cooper being Leonard Bernstein, and he's a gay man.


Did he get in a little trouble where he tossed him on his nose on that one?


He's extremely Jewish.


He tossed him on a prosthetic nose. People were like, Chill, dude.


Because Cooper doesn't. I'm not coming out of it. He's a beautiful man, but he has a decent schnaz. He's got a schnaz. He went for enhancement. He got an upgrade.


He went for a Bernstein nose. They were like, You're playing a Jewish guy.


And he was like, All right. I've been waiting for this moment my whole life.


I'm on a plague mask.


He gave me lots of gold rings. He just hunches over and does that the whole time.Put.


Out a small golden box.He.


Toss that nose on, dude. Look at that thing.


Damn. I mean, dude, if that's where the guy looked like, what's the fuss?


Yeah, what did the guy look like?


He probably had a schnaz. Because if they threw on the peak and it was like a tiny nose. Oh, no. He over-exaggerated. That's a schnaz.


That's what I'm talking about. That's a fucking schnaz, dude. Kupes.


Kupes got a bigger head. It's got to be proportional.


That's also the angle. They're trying to make him look good.


That other guy had, dude, Bernstein had a schnaz. Coop's It does look, someone about it looks strong and more prominent, but I don't know.


I don't think that's why it was controversial. It's an anti-gay movie. It's a secretly... It's the most anti-gay movie I've ever seen.


What happens?


He has sex with men. He's a composer and conductor, and he falls in love with a woman, and he is happy, but he still likes to fuck the men. But he really wants to be serious and a composer and just sit on his own and write. But he loves hot boys in the club too much, and so he just keeps doing that. Then he feels sad that he's not composing that he's having a beautiful time with this felt young men.


Then what's the resolution of the movie?


He's a very sad… His wife dies. He's extremely old and sweaty, and he's in a nightclub with a beautiful young black man dancing together, and then it's over. He never gets to be a great composer.


Because he was just too busy.


He was too busy with a club.


He was in the club?


Yeah. It ends with him. It's like something like pump it up that he's dancing to in the club. I was going to say it. Joe It's a...


I don't know what it is. It's something like pump it up. I was thinking about 50 Cent in the club.


That's a good way to go. He looks old and sad. If you're gay, if he's an old, shitty guy who's with a young, hot... The boys love him. The boys are very happy. He's really the young, hot boy listening to 50 Cent. That fucking rules.


No, it's like, In the damn pump it up.


That's the feeling started.


It's something like that.


People like, I don't know, man. It's like, that really was the reason he He wasn't a great composer because he was having sex with his wife.


When he's with his wife and they're having a family time, then he goes and composes and he comes back and he goes, I've composed.


That makes sense. He needs to escape his wife. Yes. So he comes out and writes good composing. When he's with When he's with the boys, he's like, I'm not doing shit, but sucking.Saturday.


Was for the boys.Sucking rules, dude. Saturday was for the hot boys.


It's very good. I loved it.


I cried.It's a good movie.You cried? I cried.


I didn't cry in All Quiet on the West and Front.I did?Yeah.


I wept.


But it was a mistake to watch that in the afternoon before the show.




All Quiet on the West and Front.


I continued to watch it.I keep watching it.It's good.It's.


A fucking movie.I.


Enjoy it. It was a good movie.


That is a good part. People were saying it's a gay... What? He was supposed to have the gay young boy be the muse for the best song ever? Wait, who was the bad best thing? The movie was about his life, and unfortunately, he wasted his life having sex with young boys when he should have been composing. Maybe his wife-Reality gets in the way of the woke people telling the story they want to tell. True. They should remake it where he writes a hit Lady Gaga song. Everyone's like, Yay, you're our hero. He was having sex with young boy. He was fucking squanher his time.




I mean, it would fill up all your time.


And your butt.


I see him. I think of him as a top.


He was a top.


My guess is that he was a topper or a power bottom. I don't know if that's a term you have.


Yeah, we have that here. We have power bottoms here. Do you have a lot of power bottoms in Australia?


I see them out and about. They were all backwards. The dynamic twinks, they're getting out there. I think I have the bear physique.


I could never have. Bear physique? Yeah. What are bears? Are bears tops or bottoms? What are bears? I never thought about the role they play in terms of the penetrative act. Because I know there's bears, seals.


It's a seal?


Isn't it an otter? I think an otter is a hairless. I'm technically an otter. It's a hairless It's in between. I'm not like a twink, which I think that's not a bad word. That's a regular word. Twink is fine. Twink, okay, good. Twink is like one of the skinny little skinny guys that look like little boys or whatever. And then you have a bear. Then in between a bear and a twink, I'm a seal.


You know a twink. You see a twink, you go, whoa.


Yeah, you see a twink.


But then they become very muscular.


Twinks, they can get shredded.


That might be an otter. Lamair, you got to figure out gay terms.


That's your job.


No, I mean, what do they mean? Lamair, big hairy guy.


Otter is a Jack, a hairless guy.


Appreciate that. Okay, appreciate that.


The twink, the hairless little skinny boy, the Gardini. That guy, he's a hairy boy. What's a tiny hairy man? That's just a wop. A weasel?


Yeah. And then don't forget about the pig. The come pig. Yeah, there's a sexual pig. Yeah, in that mix, there's just this pig who will just do anything.


So there's farm yard animals.


George Orwell is saying there's a come pig truck driver? Yeah. My brother Billy was driving trash trucks, and there was another truck driver who was telling him how he was a sexual pig. It's just one of those things where you'll meet, you'll pull the truck over, drop a dumpster off, stop at a holiday in, and nine dudes will just blast jizz in your mouth, and you'll hold it in your mouth like a half an hour while you drive a truck. That doesn't sound fair. They'll just tell you to do anything. They'll tell you what to do. You have to do anything.


I I stayed in border town once, which is... It's only truckers go there. But the smell of semen in the hotel room was... I remember it to this day.


Nine loads in your mouth. That'd be a bad time to sneeze.


I think they'd say... I think him, specifically, he would keep it under his arm.


He'd He's in the truck. God damn it.


I think what this guy actually did was they'd shoot it into his arm and he just kept loads in his arm and just pushed the rig.


I hope the robots take that job and that he's a homeless man. That's What are they going to do?


You got to keep them. You got to keep the truckers in the truck and just let them just keep partying like meth, like chemsex.


No, they'll protest and they'll be gunned down in the street to make an equilibrium. It'll be Canada, but it'll be big and it'll be nastier. There's no way they're going to keep the truckers. The truckers? The technology is there for the trucks to do it on their own.


It's close. I have little coolers around me that drive food around. Robot coolers. I've seen those. You step in front of them, they're like,.


They're going to get fucking yanked every time.


Yeah, I would... Well, here they could get... Those things in Philly would be so funny. Coolers of sushi just getting fucking jacked.


Just stolen every single time.


Just a couple of cowboys.




Do you have the delivery robots?




Do they get taken?


No. In my area, they don't get taken or mess with.


Do drones come and drop things at your house? I haven't seen that.


I haven't seen that yet. This is the future. This is America. True. We have drones everywhere dropping off all types of packages.


We had two robots at our hospital. It was the most expensive building in the world. It was top three. No, it wasn't. No, it was. It was a big blah.


Most expensive building in the world was in fucking Australia.


It was the third most expensive building in the world. It was a hospital. That was your tax knowledge, by the way. They did it with animated No, we're very unhappy about it. But they built robots that would move around and help people. Then immediately, one of the robots, I think, fell down an elevator shaft and was destroyed.


Oh, no.


Or someone stole the robot. But yeah, it was the third. Adelaide, where I'm from, had two of the top 10 most expensive buildings.


What were the robots there to do?


There's a lot of corruption, I think, going into it. It's true. Are you looking it up? Look up the Maya Center and look up the Adelaide Hospital.What.


Were the robots function?This is true, according to our research. Yeah, true. We got to check this out.


American research at its finest.


What were the names of the buildings again?


The Adelaide Hospital, Royal Adelaide Hospital, the new Royal Adelaide Hospital, and the Maya Center, which was so expensive, it caused our state bank to collapse. Then no one built a new building in Adelaide for another 15 years afterwards.


It's the M-A-Y-A Center.


Myer. It was-Oh, Meyer Center. It's like a department store, but it has a big gap in the middle. It was meant to be you can walk around and there was a roller coaster on the inside, which they shut down because a lot of people were using it for suicide.


You guys tried to have Mall of Australia. The Mall of Australia.


We have Mall of America.


Dude, we have so many indoor fucking roller coasters and Malls that we can't do. This is crazy.


I hate it. Why? What are you talking about, dude? Nothing in Adelaide is... Boys, hit him with the stats. Come on, man. Look at this. Lemuise is on your ass.


You have it, right, Lemuise?


The My Center costs a billion dollars in '91 when a billion dollars meant something. It goes like Burj Khalifa, something else, Adelaide Hospital. It's the most expensive in Australia. No, I'm telling you. Why don't you talk down on my home? I don't know.


We're looking at the We're talking USD here. Yeah, true. We're not talking made-up Australia money.


We're not talking McDonald's money.


2.4 billion.


That's nothing, dude.We.


Piss that.New Royal Adelaide Hospital.


That's literally every NFL stadium.Look at this.Look at this. It comes up. Look at how much Cowboy Stadium costs.


Architecture design, New Royal Adelaide Hospital, named third most expensive building in the world.


What website is this?


I don't know, but it is.


Retardaustralia. Com.


The Rames Stadium cost 5.94 billion.


What did? The Rames Stadium cost 5.9 billion. billion.That's.


More recently. I'm actually frankly embarrassed.


Look how excited they are. It's like two stories and there's a helicopter. They're like, We've got a fucking helicopter that lands on it. Third most expensive building in the West. We weren't happy that it was the third most expensive building in the world.


It was an accident.




They were going to have no waiting rooms. It was going to be so good. You just went in and got a doctor. There's so many more.


That's crazy.


No. Architecture design said it was true.They.


Fucked up.It's.


A small building.


You guys got close. It's a medium-sized hospital.


And they had two robots in there?


Now, one robot.


What are the robots doing?


Carrying people's food around on trails.


Oh, my God, man.Yeah..


You got to see these buildings.


You don't respect that hospital.


This hospital is bullshit. Gold Coast University Hospital. Things an eyesore.


You can only dream of going to the Gold Coast University Hospital.


Fiona Stanley, dude. Jesus Christ, man.


I don't know what the hell that is. What did that Sphere cost in Vegas? Fired up. I was looking into Sphere. Sphere is number one.


I was looking into Sphere yesterday.


Ram Stadium, Sphere. We don't need fucking hospitals.


Yeah, dude. Ours are fine. I think one of them closed down. The Sphere is 2.3 billion. The Sphere?


I knew the Sphere. I knew the Sphere. That's just something fun we have. Have you been to the Sphere? I love it. I've been there. I've seen it. I haven't gone inside. I haven't at all.


I didn't know it existed literally until yesterday.


It's awesome.It's pretty tight. It's pretty cool to see.


Sphirical design is awesome.


I was there when the NBA was there, the summer league. So the whole thing was just a giant basketball. It was very fun to see.


Is it a stadium on the inside? Yeah.


Apparently, It's like a life-changing event.


I imagine it would be the worst space for comedy imaginable.


The Sphere? Most likely.


Just the laugh going a kilometer up.


I do think we're supposed to live in spherical. I think if we all lived in Sphirical buildings, we'd be much happier.


Have you been watching the Kanye breakdown video? No. That was right before the Jewish one. It was, We must all live in spheres. He was drawing circles and saying, We all live in a circle.


There are no room. He's right. The spot was on that, wasn't it? Yeah, there was a Bud want to build one house with no angles?


I think so.It sounds like something.It's something like that. What are those things called? There's a certain type of sphere. Yeah, I was trying to think. Biosphere? No.


Is it Terrarium? Damn, Lameezy is sharp today. Did you smoke a blunt this morning? I knew it, dude. He came in and we were watching Jeopardy. Le Mair dominated.


Yeah, he's dude.


I literally paused it and I was like, Are you watching this?


You watched this yesterday. He got sabbatical.


I didn't even think he knew.


Yeah, man.


Couldn't believe it.


He was in my study, dude, for fucking months. He was in my study.


That was a sabbatical. There was a TV show column. I plowed through it. That's so loud.


He plowed through it, dude. Fuck.


But yeah,. I was upset you didn't like University Challenge. That was difficult for me. He put on… It's this British-It's the greatest television show. It's like British Jeopardy for geniuses from Oxford and Cambridge. I couldn't even understand the question.


How did you like it?


That's my favorite show.


Were you now on any of them?


I watch it with my wife.


It is. I understand why you like it. You were right. It is soothing to see autistic British guys.


Then when you get one that they don't get, you feel better than someone who's defined their whole life on being really smart.


True. He just turned it off and I knew I was smarter.


The host is very judgmental. He had to retire. He is a dickhead. Did you ever watch the Russell Brand interview where the guy's going, What about voting? Don't you… That was a big… Russell Brand was anti-voting. He grilled Russell Brand. Back when that seemed like the worst interview Russell Brand would have to give.


He got into some hot water, but I think he got right out of it.


Russell Brand. He fucked Hermione.


Did he?


Not the actor. He fucked the character Hermione from Harry Potter. She was using her time turner to get out of class. And she fucked Russell Brand.


The British show, it was all British knowledge, though, which is very annoying. Yeah, it's-It's all like, Which monarch executed the Archduke of Kent and Canterbury?




I didn't know you didn't know about-We don't know anything about all your fucking-It's English Civil Wars is great. That's funny.


I was reading about that recently. What's that? They were the arch. Some guy in Canterbury killed this religious guy. One of the Kings or something killed this guy.


There was murder in the Cathedral. Yes, T. S. Elliott wrote a poem about it.A play. It's great.


Canterbury is fucking... I thought it was such a sweet place. It's soaked in blood. I was always thought Canterbury was just guys trotting around.


It is.


They went and murdered a guy.


Their Pope is the Archbishop of Canterbury. Yeah. Although they don't call it that.


Sweat and fuckingiced them in a cathedral. Then they tried to... They would save people's bones. That was still a huge win. Like, We got a piece of his bone. But, Let's go. I think they had to grind his bones up and turn it up.


We still do that.


What's that?


Take Saint's bones and grind them up and hand them out. Every Catholic church has something from a Saint underneath the hole. Yeah. Like a little bit of knuckle.


No one cares about the relics. No one cares about the relics anymore. I care about the relics. The relics were a big deal back in the day. That was like, you got a little piece of something. It was like, Yo, let's go.


We learned about relics in school, and then Age of Empires came out. One of the ways you can win in Age of Empires is to collect relics. Really? I was very excited about it. That is pretty tight. I've been a big fan of relics ever since.


Did you ever play Civilization?


I have.


Civ 5, I went back to over Christmas, and I spent Christmas Day silently in a room in my mother-in-law's house just playing Civ 5 and helping the Jewish- Japanese Empire take over the world.Jewish-Japanese. We didn't make it. We ran into, I don't know, one of the big guys with a sword from the Steppe just dominated us. But I like to be the Japanese. It's the most honorable of all the empires.


Yeah, I like that. How did you link up with the... Did you link up with Israel It was just like-You get to pick your religion.


You can choose your religion, yes.


That's cool. You did the Jewish... You did like, Shinto, Jewish- Christianity was taken, and I thought, I didn't want to be Tengriism because I don't fuck with that. Yeah, I heard that. What is it?


But I thought, 10... It's got a T and a G. What is it? It's like Zoroastrianism or something. Tengri. It's only in Ceef five. I don't know.


I think they made it. It's not a real religion.


Sid Meyers just invented it. That's a great guy. I lost a lot of time.


What do you say to all the Satanists out in the world?


Come back to the church. We still love you. It's not too late.


What's the number one religion in the world?


There's only one religion in the Let's go. Catholicism. Everything else is a perverse heresy or a pagan mistake. That's what I'm about. Nice.


We're back.


Hell, yeah.


Not to say there's not a lot of good people of other religions out there, but they are all wrong.


For sure. They just need to come to church and be fucking silent for 45 minutes. I went to a... On, I think the day before Christmas, I went to... Brittany's friend invited her to us to one of those mega churchy things. It wasn't that big. But it was one of those...


I don't want you in there.


Dude, it was...I.


Don't want you do this?


I don't do it. But that was going on.


I don't want you in there.I had to get in there.


I had to get in there and check it out.


You could get pumped on that shit. Did you get lasers?


I wasn't a fan. I was...




Yeah, it's literally World Gemstones level, like a band. They're like, Oh, yeah. I was just watching it, and it was funny, though, because I'm watching the dudes who grew up in that. It is. It's like your hands are out. And my church training kicked in, and I'm just like a Roman soldier, dude. I just fucking... You stand there perfectly straight. I'm totally devoid of emotion.


It's pretty tight. You heard some buzzwords, took a knee.


Because I was like, I'm just going to go with the flow. I'm going to chill. And then I just noticed I was completely rigid and just so serious the whole time. I go, Yeah, this is my church training.


Well, it's also hard because you could It would be evil, but the skill set for a comedian to a mega church person would be one for one. You could have a private jet really fast. Sometimes I watch the... I call it foxtel, the cable television, the evangelical channel. You've got a man named Bishop TD Jakes, I think is his name. Do you know this man? He's a big fat black guy, and he's the most charismatic man maybe in the world.


That's nice.


We had a, believe it or not, I don't know what they call it there. I guess the homily or whatever. It was just a dude on a giant screen. No dude in person wasn't there. It was just dude on screen.


They call it church planting because it's all based around the charisma of the one guy. They'll have their one big mega church, and then they'll have other churches around the country. All you do is turn up and they put the TV on and you watch the guy do his thing.


Yeah, they had the band was in person. How was the band? The band slap, dude. The band was just Christmas carols. They were just ripping Christmas carols live. And I was like, this is fucking that.


The little drama boy was going high.


It was cool. Then an area, this was suspect. They have an area where you can drive your kids off and their kids will play. So I was like, What are you weirdos doing over there?


I went to one of the day. I don't want to use the word segregate. They split the kids up into... It was like the zero to three, and then it was like four to something.


Yes, they tried to do that, but we made them take both our kids together. We're like, No, we're not selling yourself.


Did you have Sunday school in the Catholic? The kids are all at the mess the whole time from start to finish.


Yeah, there was a couple of times they would make the kids leave. Really?i don't care for that.And they would do that. I remember being very little. We would have to go to the gym.


Kids should be there for the whole week.


We would sit on the basketball court.


We had a priest who used to Jesus out, and he would All the kids come up while I do the homily, and they'd sit at his feet, and he would just fucking Lord with the headset on, and he would just talk. That was it? Yeah, he would have a headset out and step out in front of… He'd have just a kid sitting down. So they'd all sit and fuck around, and he just would talk. He didn't do anything.


The priest should have his face to the wall the whole time.


I agree.


I'm a big… You're Latin mass. I'm a Latin mass person.


True. Face to the wall and just fucking squeezing his nuts. It's not about him.


We're all here together. Yeah, he can do whatever.


He's doing the mass. He's a Latin mass, man.


Yeah, that was a very... What's his name? Bishop Rubber baron. He did a big thing about, I don't like the new masks. It's like they're trying to sell me a car. Yeah. Then sadly, the Padre Pio movie was not great.


Was it not?




I was just going to say I liked it no matter what.


I've had very high threshold for being able to forgive it being a bad movie.


It looks like it was a very low budget.


He was great. was great.The movie stopped.Shia is great in everything. True.


The movie stopped, though.


The movie was really Very bad.


What was it about? What was it?


It was about revolutionary Italians and how Padre Pio is a good man and cries a lot. But also everyone else is putting on a fake Italian accent. Or they're really Italian, but they're… Padre Pio, why did it Why don't you come to help me? And Trial Buff doesn't do the accent.


He's like, Get out of here.


Satan, get behind me. Please Padre, what do you mean?


Just do it.


That is cool.


That's so funny. And he's just like, No.


He's like, I don't want to do the accent. It's not real. And they let him not do it because he's Trial Buff.


That would have been the funniest thing of him being like, Oh, I don't know. I don't know about that. They all did poor red accents.


I don't Have a wife.


Yeah, have my wife. Damn, that sucks. I was going to watch that eventually. I figured I'd watch it on an airplane or something.


I mean, give it a go. Maybe you'll...


No, I believe you. It stinks. I'm waiting for the new, what you might call Passion of the Christ Part 2. Yeah.


It's going to be tight. Come back soon.


That's my number one person I want to meet in America. Mel. Big Mel.




I'm all about Mel Gibson. Have you seen Signs? Yeah. The bit where he loses it at the dinner table and eats everybody's food is maybe my favorite ever seen. Although, Swingaway is very good.Wakeem Phoenix.Swingaway is nice.


Oh, I see this movie. A lot of people are hating on Napoleon, dude, still.I haven't seen it.A Napoleon movie.Let him hate. Yeah, dude. A lot of people. I feel like it's almost like a It was a collective social. Yeah, that movie sucks.


I just watched it.


It was cool. I liked it. It wasn't even true.


I heard there was a bit where he fired a cannon ball into the pyramid.


Yeah, people are very upset about that. It's funny to get upset about that as a historical inaccuracy. Then every single show is like, The Queen of England's Black. What show was that?What was the latest? Every single show. Really? Every single historical documentary.


They say The Queen of England's Black?


They do all types of bullshit. The Black Isaac Newton was the latest big one.


Yeah, they did Cleopatra where it's just 100% just a black lady. Every single thing they do.


True. Yeah, I see what you're saying. I didn't know the Queen was like... Who's Queen?


Didn't they do a Queen movie?


I think it's good to make the Queen black.


Me too.


She's a beautiful woman and a more soulful representation is. It's going to get monarchy out to more people in the community.


You love the monarchy. I love the monarchy. You know that about this?


You love the monarchy? God said, King. You're a monarchy?


I am a monarchy.


Yeah. You don't want Australian independence?


We're never going to get Australian independence.




Because we tried in the '70s, and I think you removed our Prime Minister.


What did you guys try to do? What was the try?


You eased him out the door.


Did you guys dump the tea in the harbor?


No, we've never... We keep trying to have a vote on it, and we had a vote in the '90s, and we got rid of it. But for us to be a Republic, it would just be our woke middle class. People would run the show, and now we get to deprive them one thing that they want.


So you like the right The right wing angle of the monarchy. Yes.


I like big fancy hats. I mean, that is the first estate. It's the most right wing thing is the monarchy. That's where they were sitting in the court.


True. What are your thoughts on Franco? Franco, the Catholic fascist.


Well, he's a phalangist, first of all. He's a phalangist? That was very similar to a fascist. I think there's a stronger defense for Salazar, who was the dictator of Portugal. But Franco was allowed to be there till the '70s, right? Yeah, he made it. I have no serious complaints about Franco. That might get me in trouble. He stayed out of World War II. He didn't have a problem with the Jews, as far as I'm aware. That's pretty nice.


True. He kept his gripes to himself.


Great uniforms. He stopped people massacring nuns in the street.


That's nice. This is your Kanye. This is your Kanye. This is my Kanye moment. I love Franco.


Why were people massacring nuns?


Because you can't trust Republican Spanish people. They just wanted to do it.True that.Yeah.


They were nasty comments.They.


Wanted to get away.




I do like that. I like when France did that whole thing where they tried to set up a whole new calendar based on 10 days.


Culted the Supreme Being.Yeah.


They had fucking 10 day periods. They were like, Today is the day of rationality. Everybody's celebrating the streets.


How do you hate monarchy and love Napoleon? He made himself an Emperor.


I I love the-He got crown. I like looking at history about Napoleon.


You don't worship the man? No. Okay. I have a little bit of Napoleon worship.


It's a good distinction.


This is the United States, brother.


I would love it if you had a king. You would have such a great king. You would have such good parades.


We did have a king, brother. We did have a king.


He got fucking exiled.


You deserve your eye. He got sent to-Oh, you were talking about it. Yeah.


He got sent to Elba. He'll be back.


Yeah, true. The return of the king.


He's coming He, for real, might win.


Like, very good. Yeah, he just got one vote from Australia. True. I don't get to vote. You got to hurry up and get in there.


I'm trying to get a green card.


Do a mailing. They'll let you vote. The Dems will give you a vote.


They'll probably let me vote five or six times if they think I'm voting for a candidate, they won.


The Dems are going to pass them off.


I don't believe that your elections are real. You don't have an independent... Can I say... What?


You can say it, whatever you want.


Yeah, there's so much room. What? There's a lot of room for hijinks.




I'll tell you what happens. No. Don't bring that crap to us. Here's what happens. You get home from your job and you put your little tool pouch down, you walk in, you go, It's about time. I shared a piece of my mind. The guy in Washington goes, Oh, crap. Joe just voted for that. One to one, no fucking money. There's nothing else.


You should get together in a room and all raise your hands.


I think that's it. You would like that. Straight up. Yeah, you would like that.


I love democracy. I think Franco and Franco peacefully handed power back over at the time. What about that?


That's pretty cool. I was in Spain, and a lot of guys are still very, very pro-Franco.


The Italians love Mussolini, not everybody. But a lot of them do. They still go to Mussolini's. They still venerate Mussolini.


Back to what we were talking about a second ago, there's a lot of things me and Matt will joke about on this podcast, and we don't fucking joke about election fraud. Okay. So never do that again.


You only take election fraud very seriously as a problem? Very seriously.


No, not as a problem.


I've never voted because of it. Yeah.


We neither of us have voted once.


I refuse to vote until ever and accept that there's no election fraud in this country.


You can't be against monarchy and in favor of a Republic if you refuse to participate in your democracy.


That's the point of it, though. We're allowed to. We cannot participate if they suck.




We can go, these guys suck.


They suck if you don't participate.


No, they don't. There's nothing we can do.


Our democracy is going well. You could get involved. You could run. What are you talking about? Look at our democracy right now. It's going fantastic.


I think either one of you could run.


We have the oldest president in the world right now, dude.


We have the oldest fucking guy ever. You know how hard that is to keep that guy active? That's such a testament to science is really.


I watched the Konan interview with him, and I had to stop. It was too sad.


It is sad to watch.


Konan O'Brien interviewed him. Did he really? Yeah, and Biden is mumbling and smiling They also have a very greasy lens on the... So they both look like...


Really? Yeah. Why would they have a greasy lens?


So he's not-The eyes wrinkling.


So you can't see his-Oh, really?


His true skin. It's like every other Konan video is crisp and clear and HD, and then the Biden one, and it's like the second Sex in the City movie. You can't really make out what's going on.


You want to see the hologram just fucking in and out.


Someone tell me Howie Mandel has a hologram business? He does. Did you tell me that?


No, I didn't. Sam Talent. Or Matthew.


He does have a hologram business. That's cool.


I started watching Deal or No Deal after the episode you did with him. It's the most high-intensity show. It's just full-blown degenerate gambling in the evening on television for families.


There's the worst show ever. What was that show with the lie detector show?


Dude, they had to stop that. That was a ruin.


That was a real shot. They would bring couples on and hook the wife up or the husband up to a lie detector. And ask them, Have you been cheating? And if they answer correctly and tell the truth to what the lie detector said, they advance and get more money. It's a moment of truth. So there's questions like, Have you cheated on your husband? And the husband will be like... Because you can stop, you can say, I'm done answering, and tap out, and you don't get the money. Or you can get the bag. Or you can secure the bag. Sometimes families... And the families vote on like, Go ahead, mom.


But the lie detector machine doesn't work. It's not admissible.


It's admissible enough. If you're trained, you can get around it.


But if you're an average person-What if they're like, Have you cheated on your wife? And you say no, and it comes up with a yes, but you feel very bad about masturbating sometimes or something.


True. It isn't perfect for sure.


But your life is over.


Yeah, but you can tell when the... You can tell when the woman on stage goes, Yes, I've cheated on my husband. She's not mine.


Yeah, because they're exactly. They're hooked up to it. They're like, Fuck, I can't lie.


I need this money. I'm glad they canceled that shot.


I don't know how real that show was.I.


Hope it's not real.I.


Hope it's not real. Because that was Some of those clips are heartbreaking.


It was devastating. It was absolutely devastating.


Deal or No Deal is as wacky as I'm happy to go.


Yeah, that's fun.


All the sexy ladies with the... This is definitely a pornographic element to Deal or No Deal. For sure. This is a big America thing. If there's something sexual and you will not acknowledge as a society that something sexual is happening.


You don't like that?


We love that. Well, cheerleaders showing their underpants while they do high kicks.


That's sexual. No one's saying that's not sexual.


Every single person. You're at a high school. Oh, at a high school?


And they're full faces of makeup and 14-year-olds.


Well, That's just the cold of the prima donna continuing. We do that. We've sexualized teenage girls for years.


It's a sacrifice. But Brittany Spears' mother, when she was on the cover of Rolling Stone, was like, No one could think that was sexual. She's in little silk pajamas with her tummy out.


Yeah, Yeah, it was totally sexual.


Billy Eilish, sorry. I'm very angry about the Billy Eilish one. Billy Eilish was sexualized before she was 18.


Billy Eilish looks like a little boy.


No, they found ways of showing that she had great big-She's grown up.


Oh, really? I always thought she looked like a little boy.


Every video when she was under 18, she would have things being dripped onto her face from a high-rise camera angle.


That's just getting slimed, dude. That's Nickelodeon.


That's kids doing stuff for kids. It's a little gag. Yeah, that's kids for the kids. Yeah.


Little kids swimming about on someone's face.


You guys don't have teenage pop stars in Australia?


Not. We have the Kid Leroy. I like Kid Leroy. He's great.


He's a beautiful for a girl. If you don't have 16-year-old girls?


No, they jack off to K-pop.




We're very big on Yes, K-pop is increasingly a fantasy.


They jack off to Korean Boys, and then they criticize us. True. For fucking Britney Spears. I'll never say sorry for Britney Spears. That was so long ago. That was awesome.


God forbid, all of our dads got a fucking break. Yeah.


I just wish you acknowledged that.


God damn, that must have been nice. For those dads coming home being like, What do you guys watching? Jesus Christ.


We've actually talked about this a lot on here. That was just a weird surrogate of child sacrifice where we take teenagers and put them out and their minds would be destroyed and everyone just look at their belly buttons and be like, Fuck you. We've discussed that, actually.


Yeah, the music used to be more suicidal and sad. The fact that Lincoln Park was a big thing. They were about it, though. No one's doing that now.


Well, people are just not singing about it now. They're just doing it. Now, they're just fucking doing it. They're like, I don't need to write a song about this. I'm just going to kill myself. A lot of people icing themselves right now.


Do you have a helpline number that could come up on the screen?


Yeah, we have a suicide hotline. Yeah, great. It's also illegal to prank call a federal hotline. Is it? Yes.


Okay, I'll keep that in mind.


How did you find that? I called the 1,800 Gamblers and told them I had a rock, paper, scissors problem. That's good. They told me they were going to call the police.


I always wanted to call the gambling helpline and be like, I'm Come on, 16. What do I do? Do I hit?


The gambling help.


It helped my gamble.


They'll threaten you, dude. They were actually, Oh, the gambling help. I need a tip. What do you think they'll cover this. You think the Broncos will cover this spread? That's actually really funny.


It's illegal. Just call the Canadian one.


Canadian helpline? True. That's probably not a crime. Canada wanted to extrinate me for making fun on their gambling hotline.


England and Australia, you guys were on the betting online way before I remember every year.


Don't take this one away from me, but we're the number one gambling per cafe in the world.


I believe that.


Via country mile. It's like double Singapore or whatever the number. Really?


Yeah, I'm like gambling.


You guys are beating Asians in gambling? Yeah, we fuck.


Asians come to Australia to gamble. We have special casinos built for them.


Really? Yes. They sleep in pods and stuff?


I slept in a pod the night before I came to America. I would never do it again.


Where'd you sleep in a pod for?


Very poor.


Where was the pod?


In Christchurch, New Zealand. It was at something called the... It was the Juicy Snows, but they changed the name. But it was on the.


I'm sleeping in the Juicy Snows in New Zealand. I've got a fine pod here.


Is it like a nap motel where you just lay in the pod?


It's like bunk beds with plastic that looks futuristic. Did you?


Total strangers. Did you-And did you participate in the coming?


Did you have a juicy snooze? I managed to. A Fap nap.


I was happy that there were other people there Because I find it easier not to masturbate if I'm with people. True. Right now, it would be difficult for me to start masturbating, and that's a real relief for me just to have that taken out of my hands.


How was your juicy snooze?


It was really poor. It was not a good time.


What's the bedding situation?


Yeah, explain this. It's very thin. It's like four on one side of the room, four on the other. Very thin mattress.


The room with other people?



Strangers.what?yes. Snoring. It's It's like a hostel, but they call it a pod room. You get a little screen door. Well, not a screen, you get a fly screen.


A little divider. Oh, my God.


Then there's a fan to keep it cool, but the fan's very loud and no one else had their fan on, so I felt bad about having a fan.


Is there a guy shitting in the corner of this room?


There's a group toilet down the way.


You obviously took a massive dump.


I took several big poos. It was nice for about two minutes because there was a big communal area with and flat little Civilization 5 there, and that was good. But that's the-Yeah.


Man, that's a nightmare.


It was very hard. That's tough. But also, I texted you because I was a day later because I said I'd miss the flight, and I had.


You slept in, you hit the Juicy Snows on your alarm.


I was in Greymouth, and it was a foggy day, and they canceled the flight. My wife's mother's husband drove me across New Zealand to get to the airport. That's nice. Across the Southern Alps. But then halfway, I realized that my ticket was the 30th of January, not the 30th of December. That's why I stayed at a Juicy Snows and changed the flight. I felt very silly. Juicy Snows.


Juicy Snows. I mean, that's where you got to kill yourself. That's a sad fucking place, dude.


The good people of the Juicy Snows were very kind to me.


Can you say they're overnight or is it just for napping?


No, people live there longer term. It's now They've tried to rebrand to, I think it's the Lilo. But on Google Maps, it says, Lilo formerly known as Juicy Snows.


They're going to change it to Airbnb. You can just go in and take a piss. Take a piss in this hole and then hang out with your fellow peers. Make a community.


With other vagrants.


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Is that where you crushed the tip of the... Yeah. What's wrong with a good old cigarette?


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Thank you. Those workplaces are crazy. I've been into a WeWork before. I was always on the hunt for office space that I didn't want to spend a ton of money on. Those places are bizarre, dude.


Yeah, I've worked in a couple.


The WeWork? Yeah, they're weird, man.I.


Can't hear that. Have they shut down now, though.


A lot of them.That would be bankrupt.


I think so, yeah. But it's like you just be in a classroom, there'd be four dudes next to you in another classroom.


Then somebody comes in and is like, I actually have this room for this time. You're like, All right. I was trying to write a comedy sketch.


They have video game machines and little snacks.


The snacks in the coffee area, that's nice.


That's cool.


They always have kegs. What are you chuckling about? Juicy snooze. I just thought you were joking.


It does say Delilo, Queens This town formerly known as the Juicy.


They're fact-checking.


I'm going to start Juicy Snooze.


That Juicy Snoos, that's the fifth most expensive building in the entire world.


It was $17 trillion. I I love to start a Juicy Snoos in a We work. Just laid out on the table and it's like, Yo, you can sleep here for 50 cents.


That's the future. Liberals want all rental. You don't own anything.


You live in a community. The liberal dream is exploding, dude. You eat insects. It's all exploding right now. There's a Harvard President, the first black Harvard President. She's gone, right? She's fired. She got caught plagiarizing, by the way. She's getting fired over the Israel-Palestine thing. It's all complete.


Is she pro-Israel?




She was in charge of Harvard and she tried to come out anti Israel?


She just said what she was saying, I think, well, it's sucked because I think they brought her before Congress and they were like, Is it illegal on campus to say, Call for the genocide of the Jewish people? I think she tried to do a nuanced answer and they were just like, Dude.


It's like, Just say it. She's like, If it results in actual violence, yes.


Well, as opposed to one of those nice friendly genocides where people are just-Posed to a group chat. Politely relocated to a new...


Group chat with your boys. You're allowed to call for genocide nonstop. That is the entire group chat every day.


I didn't follow it that closely, but apparently, they claimed that the discontent with this lady started in 4chan of them, people being like, Fuck this black lady, blah, blah, blah. But then, apparently, they unearthed the fact that she had plagiarized. No, they planned white supremacist. They were saying there was that element.


She went in front of Congress and wouldn't say, calling for genocide is hateful. Yeah, exactly.


This one was on her. But they were saying, these dudes, I think they just went into 4chan and saw dudes like, Fucking black They were like these vile white supremacist. Like, dude, they're 13-year-olds. But I think these dudes did have a hand in uncovering the fact that she plagiarized, maybe. But people got in. I saw the thing she plagiarized. You've seen a lot. It was stupid shit. It's like, footnotes. It wasn't really, yeah. We've all done it. You copy and paste from a thing, and then you change a couple of the words, obviously. But they were like, She's a fucking president. We had students, we would get kicked out. So how come she can get away with it?


It was like, fair enough. Nobody's above the law. Nobody's above the law. Not even Dr. Claudia Gay.


Not even Dr. Claudia Gay.


Isn't that funny?


Her name is Claudia Gay?


Yeah. Dr. Gay. That's Dr. Gay to you.


Yeah, man, she got busted. I hope she gets to know what she needs. I don't understand. I don't know, man. I guess it's a pressure cooker, though. If you're fully plugged into that environment where like, dude, when you're in that shit, you have to every word can just take off your head. You get into that game of like, I'm actually the most blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, you lived it.I was in it.Yeah. That's crazy. Obviously, I was a fucking alpha beast. I was a white alpha beast. You did alpha beast. I didn't play by the rules.


Were you in academia?


No, I love to say I was, but I did get my master's. Well, technically, I'm a master's in social work. Yeah, I have an advanced degree. I do have an advanced degree. But, dude, I got into it because, A, I was curious if I wanted to do therapy for a living. Then I also really was curious because I kept hearing Jordan Peterson being like, The colleges are out of control. I was like, I don't have nothing to I was like, I'd love to go see if that's true while I'm doing both of these. Dude, it was as bad, if not worse as he said.


This is recent.


Yeah, this was like 2020, 2019, 2020. But if you're running Harvard and you're fully steeped in all that bullshit, I could see why she was like, Oh, but... Because liberal edge lords now are totally into Hamas. If you want to be a liberal edge lord, you can just be like, Well...


If Kanye came out now with the I love Hitler stuff, I think. Yeah. I mean, you'd phrase it a little differently.


Every genius is ahead of their time, dude. Including. Oh, yeah. True.


Wait, I don't get it. Hitler. Oh, yeah. I'm anti-fascist. I want that to be- Are you sure? Yeah, I mean, Frank- You're anti-far? No, I'm anti-anti-far, and I'm also the anti-the-fa. I don't want people to cut this up and say, James McCand is a Franco. Franco committed great atrocities.


You shouldn't have just said what you don't want.


I don't even know what his atrocities are. I don't know enough about it. Franco? But he put an end to some atrocities.


That's got to count for it. It was the Spanish Civil War. It was almost nothing but atrocities. He was fucking good stuff. He got funded by Hitler.


What? But then he turned around and he said, I'm not helping you now, Hitler. Can we give him a little credit?


That's because it was right before the World War II, they still had to fix their entire country. Otherwise, they would have participated.I.


Mean, they could have.There's no... Here's what I will say. They definitely could have helped in some way.


If Franco was a good guy, he would have helped Hitler. I think Franco helped the hell out. After all Hitler did for Franco.


If he kept his words.


You're telling me this guy's a good guy?


This guy's not only a fascist, he's a traitor. The worst guy.




Now a fascist of his words.


Everybody turned on the off. The Waps, the Spaniards.


They did.


I mean, he had it coming. He was getting a little out of control. He picked out.


He picked out, dude. He picked. He for sure picked out. He was wrong. He was wrong, right? He was defending the man. He was wrong.


I agree.


He was so wrong.Hitler?Yeah.Yes. Now, didn't he… Didn't Hitler cause the state of Israel in a way?


You know the word Holocaust. It was a little before. The word Holocaust means a…Okay, they started before.


But then eventually.


I don't want to get into this.


Why wasn't Hitler trying to get to Israel?


He was trying to relocate people to Mozambique. A lot of countries were offered to take all of the Jews in Germany and said no, including Australia.


Well, that's how it works. You can't just be like, Hey, we're giving you all these people. Other countries are going to go, No. No. They don't think he was going to kill them if they didn't.


When Hong Kong was being invaded, though, a lot of people came out and said, We'll take all the Hong Kong. It's also crazy, too. I mean, you could take any group of people and be like, By the way, we got to take a whole ethnicity. People are like, What's going on? What is going on? It just sounds insane.


I think we have a unique country. It would actually work pretty Yeah.


Why did you guys deny them? That's fucked up.


I agree. I think we should have helped.


You guys would have been crushed. You guys could have been little Israel.


You guys actually might have the third most expensive building in the world. If you had done that, you'd have several expensive buildings.


Don't you ever question the expensiveness of the Royal Outline Hospital?


That is so funny. That phone call must have been so funny of Hitler be like, Take these Jews. What? No, we're not taking the Jews.


Now, listen, Adolf. We're not going to take the Jews off your hands. You're going to have to deal with them. Don't do anything brash.


Why are we Al Capone?


Because it was around then.


Do you think they started trading, too? Do you think they were offering other trades?


We got like 40,000 Mexican guys.


They're like, What? No. We don't want them.


If Hitler only knew. It was a good... You don't want those Mexicans.


Oh my God, bro.


He would have been able to build all his little architectural dreams.


It would have been fine. Sometimes I do look at the Nazi mega structures, and the stadium that was going to house half a million people.


Like a dome. It's now a swamp. Is it like a dome stadium.


He invented the sphere.


He was getting rowdy. He was going to build the sickest shit ever.


Do you know about the V3?


At what cost? Yeah, sure.


The V3? What was the V3? They had the V1 and the V2. But then the V3 was going to be a huge, like fixed. It was like a 10-mile long tube that was just a cannon that fired directly into London over and over again.


In that Hitler book, in this Hitler book, that's the best part is he thinks he's the greatest architect of all time. And literally all he does is make it the biggest one. No matter what it is, he's like, But what if we made it fucking huge? I forget the guy. Who was the guy that was the great architect? Yeah. Hitler I love this guy. He was like, You and me are basically the same.We're great architects.Yeah, we're great architects. I want your opinion on this. And he'd be like, What if we built a gun, but it was fucking a mile long?


It's like a six-year-old got to be in charge of the economy.


It really was. And his boy had to be like, Yeah, that's a great idea.


What if there was a road and you could just go as fast as you want? No one can stop you.


All he did was keep coming up with the dumbest fucking idea as possible, and everybody had to be like, Yes, this is good.


After the big blimp, they might have I'm going to get back a little bit.


He was going to shoot those big Mario bullets with faces on in London?


I swear to God, yes. Those were the types of ideas he was having.


I didn't know about this stuff.


Yeah, he thought he was the greatest architect in the world. And towards the end of World War II, he would keep telling people, he's like, This should have never even fucking happened. I should be an architect right now. But fucking Churchill did all this to us. Now I have to fight. All he wanted to be was a sick architect. Big ass Billy. And build the done. He would love Vegas. He would love that sphere.Oh, my God. He'd love all the giant fake bullshit everywhere.


I think there would be things about Vegas that he would be disappointed with.That.


Would be a good movie.Architectually. Dude, that's a good movie where a guy goes back in time to kill Hitler, but slips and hits his head, and then Hitler just walks through a time machine portal and comes back into the present day and has to be like, wow.


I like that.


What did I do? That'd be a cool movie.


That is.




There's a German film where-He would love Sofie.


I think they made that, Look Who's Back. There's a German movie about Hitler wakes up in the prison.


Oh, really?


He dies, but then-I've seen footage of a guy dressed like Hitler walking through.


It looks like it's from a movie. That's so funny. Walking through current… No. No.


I also abstained from Jojo Rabbit.


What's Jojo Rabbit?Tai.




Liked it.


I like Taiko Watidi a lot. I didn't like the Thor movies, but Hunt for the Wilder People is great.


Why'd you abstain from Jojo Rabbit?


I just had a… I looked at the trailer and I didn't want to… Scarlett Johansson is lovely, and I couldn't control myself if I was watching her in a film.


Can you do some masturbatory episode.


All dressed up like a sweet 1930s maid with honor and dignity. Oh, my God. I've been away for a long time. I miss my sweet wife.


James, no.


I used to work for a website that would attack… It was like a buzz feed type thing where you would just pick someone and hate them. I got there just after the woke thing had happened and it was all like… When the fappening occurred, they were like, How dare? No one should look at these pictures. It was like two Two years before that, Scarlett Johansson's Nudes had leaked. I looked up what my company had said about it, and they were like, Sometimes hackers use their powers for good. Look at these absolutely beautiful big mazumbas on Scarlett Johansson. Then within two years, without ever taking the other one down and saying, It's wrong to look at stolen naked photographs. Yeah. That was just in 2011, you could do that. 2012, it was over.


Yeah, they said that was the de facto. They dropped the hammer like, Yo, if they tell you the hottest celebrity is naked, don't look at your piece of shit.Don't.


You look at your piece of shit. Don't Google it.


Don't Google it, your piece of shit. What if you just Google a witness and just never talk about it? Check it out. Wait, Google witness? I've never looked at it. No, you just Google it and then you witness the photos. Don't share them. Just look at them and go, Nice. Then just keep it to yourself.


I couldn't keep it to myself.


True. You've done it for the math.


I'm trying to live. I'm going to ask in future what the... I shouldn't have gone to that Kill Tony show with all the... There were a lot of ladies with their bottoms out. I was not prepared for that.


None of us were.




You'll see me, dude. I kept the fucking... I slid my night armor down.I did my very best.




Yeah. That is a... They got to start throwing guys in there, too, just to keep it balanced.


I think a big, beautiful penis would have helped your store normal see for the evening.


We did see a penis.


Oh, yeah. The guy showed us his fucking dong. I still can't wrap my head around how that happened.


How he split his dong in half?


The story had some.


Yeah, he was leaving some stuff out.


He said he hit a bone, a pelvis bone. Then it just-But we saw the size of his penis.


Was it a huge penis? No. Was it a normal size?


It was bigger, but-It was injured, too.


You're going to think it's swollen from injury. It was cool. I'd love to show my penis and have it look like that one time to people. It was like wrapped in gauze. When it's injured, it's swollen. I got a poison eye from my dick one time. I know the drill. It swells up.


Which of you... He was about to get it out for everybody. Then he turned around and just showed the stage.


But who stopped him from-I don't think he was allowed to do that. Okay. Maybe not.


He might have been. He did have his shaft wrapped. That's like a lady wearing-But your head's your nipple.


Yeah, it is.Mushroom tip's your nipple.What? You can show a set of shaft.


If you just put tape over the tip of your dick, you can show your dick.


The testicle is the decolletage of the penis.


Certainly is.


I think you can't show your glons, but I think you can show your-I don't think this is true. You're allowed to show, I think, the first this much of your shaft.


To wear in public? Yeah. You can wear-You can wear the Bumsters.


You wear pants that go down so that just your roots stick it out.


Yeah, and then that's that. You got to fucking just keep it tight from there.


That's an American thing.


You should do it. All the cool hot guys are here and show their dick.


No, my pubic hair is thick enough that no one would see it. Wax it. No, I believe in keeping a big, thick-Guys flaunting a little bit of pubes in public would be so funny. It's the new hairy chest. You get a little gold necklace above the pants.


Yeah, women are getting close, dude. They're showing pubic hair. They're showing pubic hair. They're showing pubic hair. The ass cheeks, the camel toes now. The pants are designed for camel toes.


I had a very uncomfortable conversation when I was home for Christmas with my sister. She was going to the gym, and literally, her entire vagina was hanging. You intervened? She came in to the room where me and Phil were watching football, and she was like, Is this fine to the gym? We were both like, No. No, you should go with something else. She's like, Why?


I was like, Sarah, we're not going to say why. Fuck.


I don't have my fucking I'm going to tell right now. I was like, Oh, man. But she did, and it was... It sucked. It really put a damper on me in Phil's day. We were just trying to watch a football. My sister came in and showed us her pussy. We were just trying to watch some Christmas Day football.


Oh, fuck, man. Oh, my God.


Yeah, that was a bad one.


What was the resolution?


I think she did change after we yelled at her.


Tossed on the umbros.


Because she denied it intensely.


We had to be like, You're both ears out. We didn't want to say it. Oh, God.


She came in and was like, Is this fine? We were like, God damn it, dude.


What? Well, now they have the spandax, that cup, the butt cheeks.


It's crazy.


With the lion going, with the piece of fabric that's been tied across the taint. It's great.


Yeah, it's just a bangled asht.


It's great when it's not your fucking sister.


I wish no one would wear them.




Is there a all-male gym that's not homosexual? That's where I'd like to go. I just want to work out with the boys.


I don't want to be-You got to get in touch with Matt's brother.


Yeah, my brother Billy found a gym that was apparently all patriots during COVID. No one wearing masks. It was all dudes in there lifting.


It was a patriots gym.


We did try to tell him it was just all gay men in there, though. Gay patriots.


There's definitely a few.


I would maybe go to a gay gym over.


That would be cool.


You could start it immediately. As soon as a girl walks in, you can just mad dog her. They would start leaving. You slam the waves down, you're like, Get the fuck out.


I did notice that at the mothership, there was no trans toilet. It was shocking. But even to the extent that the male and female handicap toilets are different toilets. You don't have a a neutral handicap. I thought it was nice. I'd never seen the people without legs have to be gendered before. That's just a fun one for me, maybe that I'm not-I'm still confused.


In Australia, you have the-There's like male, female, handicap. Okay.


Well, the special toilet.


We have handicapped stalls.


Like a special cubicle.


Like a bigger stall. Yeah.


We have those. You also don't have a door that closes all the way in the toilet. There's a gap between where the lock is.


There's a half-inch. I don't like that.


Not everyone. You're going to make some eye contact with some people.


Who is that for?


I don't know, man.


It's freaks.


Yeah, I don't like when you're in a bathroom stall and they leave that much on it. It's like, dude, how is that acceptable?


You just watch a guy wash his hands. Yeah, how is that acceptable?He turns around, direct eye contact.


I didn't know to expect that, so I was trying to look at which one to go into, and I just was very tired.


You took a mother shit.


Well, I know. I just saw all these people's legs, hip, penis, the pooping.


When you saw a penis?


I'd like to think I didn't see a penis, but I don't know what I saw.


What are you talking about? You were seeing through the crack to the front, or you could see to the next stall.


I could see through all of the stalls.


When they don't complete that.


Through the crack between the door.


I like all the way high down to the floor. That's what the Delta Lounge.


You're at the Delta Lounge at the airport. Prime shitting.


That's the best. Just straight to the floor divide over. Then you get ones that are set up where it's huge gaps, where it's like, bro.


Or that fucking handles a little jiggly, a little loose. That lock comes open while you're dumping. Scary. Yeah, you're absolutely not.


The hordes, dude. This is World War Z. Yeah, it's tough, man. If I could take a psych med that relieves public shitting anxiety of people knocking on the door. I would take 10 of those a day. Whenever I'm shitting and someone starts knocking on it, I hit that bathroom at the mothership hard. I'm in there dumping.


I support you every time, though.


Yeah, I'm on a bidet. You're like, I got to shit.


I'm like, Dude, go.


Oh, yeah, I do it. You have to. I have no choice. But it's like people knock the door while I'm shitting, and I'm instantly filled with the deepest shame. I'm just like, hello. Because I'm like, no, I'm going to take my time. It's like a second knock, and I'm like, dude, I should kill myself.


I love knowing when someone's shitting. It is very fun. Just go knock seven times. Don't answer.


Can you go in a stranger's home? Have you ever? Oh, yeah. That's, to me, the most anxious.


That is tough.


I once was going to shit. I went on a big walk up Mount Lofty. I got through. There's this big row of houses on the way there. There's no public toilets, and I really had to go. I knocked on a stranger's house. I had to take a shit in their toilet. They did let me. But it was the most embarrassing thing I've done. They had a lot of go-cart trophies and dust.


You knocked on a stranger's door and asked for your shit.


I didn't know what else to do.


Yeah, you had to go pretty bad. I watched my friend got denied one time. He asked to go to the bathroom. The guy was like, What do you got to do? He's like, I got to shit. He's like, No, get out of here. He's like, You're not coming into my house. He was going to let him do the pee, but he was like, No shit.


I think that's reasonable. That's fair. Good for that guy to stand up. I would hate it if a stranger knocked on the door and was like, I got to shit.


Brother, I got to blow up your I had a guy in Philly ask if he could shower in my house, and I was like, No, dude. I was carrying my groceries. He's like, Let me help you. And I'm like, I'm good. He said, Come on, man, don't be like that. Except help. And I'm like, Dude, I'm good for real. He goes, You live with your girl, right? And I was like, Yeah, why? He's like, Can I shower in there? I was like, Dude, get the fuck out of here.Oh my God.Oh my God. He's locked in my door like, Jesus Christ, man. What the fuck lead-up question's that? You live with a girl, right? Can I get naked in your house? No.


Absolutely fucking not. Maybe he wanted to know if you had nice shampoos.


True. It sounds like he wanted to jack off.


Yeah, he probably did want to Jack off.


Yeah, it was very weird. Because his whole thing was like, Dude, you got to accept help from people sometimes. I was like, Man, maybe you're right. But I was like, I'm pretty good. I got these groceries. He's like, Let me get naked in the shower in your house. No. I don't miss that at all. Philly? It's weird interactions. It's constantly weird interactions with people.


But do they not do that here?


Is Austin a more-We both live in a little more suburban. I see. So there's not Homeless guys walking outside.


It's a long drive to the methadone clinic, right? Yeah. Cool.


There's public restries on the streets out there. Yeah.


Yeah, that's crazy, right? Wait, you don't have that?


No. No, it's for homeless people. It's literally a thing built.


Wait, the robot toilets that sing you songs?


It's like a phone booth.


It's a phone booth just on the street.


Yeah, we've got them in Australia, and they sing, What the World Needs Now is Love, Sweet Love, while you're taking a shit. Really? Close the door.


Like a Porta Potty thing?


It's got the door. And then it says, You have 15 minutes. Really?


They give you 15 minutes? I don't like that. That's the monarchy, dude.


That is the monarchy.


America says, Take your time, brother.


I've never had the door spontaneously open, but I think it's so homeless people can't sleep in there.


That makes sense.


Like in the pursuit of happiness.


True. Then the other guys will siege warfare, the Porta Potty, and get up in there. They cut their head off. Yeah, that's... I mean, dude, we're going to... We'll figure out what to do with homeless people. There's going to be something. We're going to do something.


I think Fentanyl was your first attempt to-That was a Chinese government, dude.


Was it? That was a Chinese.


Why would the Chinese send you a drug that was mainly intended to get rid of welfare recipients?


Because we hit them with the opium back in the day. So this is their opium wars rebuttal, hitting us with the fucking Fentanyl.


Have you ever smoked opium?


Yeah, I have, actually.


I think that would be my drug.


It's pretty chill. It was big in the weed smoking community. Your friend will get some open. You put little opium balls on there.




Did you have a little hammock and all relax together?


I was at a bowl. I never really smoked a lot of it. I remember hitting an opium bowl. I was just like, whatever. I'm pretty impervious to opioids, honestly. I've taken them. I guess that's an opiate, but I've taken opiates and opioids, and I was always like, yeah, not a huge fan. That was my favorite. Drank promethazine, take Percasets.Promethazine is sick.I.


Don't know. What is promethazine?


It's a codeine cough syrup.


Oh, yes, the codeine is excellent. I had to come off that. A scissor. I don't. With it, you have the alcohol and the codeine, and you have a bath. It's very nice. I don't do that anymore. I dipped my toe and I was better on stage on codine. Really? It was very loose and I thought, I need this for the future.


Yeah, that would have been terrible.


But I read about Pimp C after I'd managed to quit. Do you know Pimp C? Yeah. Well, he died from it.


Yeah. Isn't that Mac Miller? I think Mac Miller was-He might have two from that as well.


He might have hit the Fent. He might have got a Fent.


You got a Fent?


He hit the Fent. Or whatever. But yeah, Pimp C. I think if the coating, the problem is it's pretty enjoyable, then you start to pig out on it, you just stop breathing.Yes. Then you just go, What? Keekwaukesha.waukesha. The Waukesha.That's it.Waukesha.True. Yeah, true. The scissor.


Little Wayne was getting fucking seizures and shit.


Did he stop? I don't know. I believe he did. The music was very strong when he was taking a lot of it.


Yeah, his voice was always all fucked He's like, Yeah, it's the man. It's no business. It's not none of our business what's in that man's cup, though.


Yeah. Whatever he's drinking. It's working.


Yeah, it's true. Although he made a public statement saying that it messed up his ability to get his dick hard.


He made a public statement. He just thought the world had to know.


He was just saying, I can't keep my... It's fucking up my dick game. So he was like, I can't keep doing it. That must have been crazy, dude.


He was like the last Trump endorsement before the last election.


It was a big one. Yeah.


And little pump.


He got Wayne, Kanye, and 50.


Kanye was after, though. 50? He got 50.


I didn't know that. He was talking about taxes and stuff.


Yeah. And he's now got Sexy Red. Is that her name? She's come out for Trump. She's Trump? She's Trump.


Yeah. If he runs again, it'll... I mean, dude, they are right. He's definitely the most fucking... He's the most geed up President.


You can have fun. You could see real American politics. I'm looking forward to it.


You're here for an election here. That'll be cool.


It's going to be great.


I didn't realize that you have Halloween the week before the election. Do you think it's a problem that you're suffering? You're bringing Satan into your politics through the... It's all like everyone's dressed up like ghosts, and then you try and have the electoral process.I.


Thought that was funny.No..


I'm looking forward to it. I want to see a riot. You will see some riots.I want to go to some rallies.I'm.


Going to go to a Biden rally? Either way, Biden or Trump, there's going to be...


Yeah, people will spade.


The lady is doing increasingly well, though. So when they remove Trump-Hailey? Yeah.


Maybe he'll just bring her on.


I like Vivek Ramiswami. Ramiswami? Ramiswami.


Yeah, what could Americans ever trust a Hindu? That's the question.


Yeah, his answer on that was weak. He was like, We all have a shared background and values. It's like, Hindu values are not Judeo-Christian-Muslim values.


They're pretty conservative, though.


Look, that's It's very conservative.


Hindus are very conservative, and the Hindus, they have beef with Democrats because Democrats attack them for using swastikas. Yeah. There's a billboard on '95. It was like, End Hindu hate. I went to the website, and they're all about being like, Democrats have been fucking with us. We love our traditional... They're very, very, very conservative. Then they give us shit for the fucking swastika. That was our symbol. If we want to use it, we can. They got to get the fuck out of here with it.


Pacific Islanders in New Zealand have swastikas. Not all of them, but in gang members, the Maori and the Pacific people, you'll just see.Swastikas? Because we want the scariest tattoo. Even though they know that Hitler wouldn't have been 100% cool with them.


Yeah, they're like, it's street cred for sure.


I'd never seen as many swastikas on flesh.


He was cool with whoever would help.


Rolled with him? Yeah. He made a big pivot on the Japanese halfway through that.


The Muslim world.


But even then he had to go. He called them honorary errands. Honorary Aaron's. Honorary Aaron. That would go… That's a bar.


They were invited to the picnic, bro.


Yeah, they got invited to the fucking cookout, motherfucking cookout.


They were invited to the picnic.


Was Hitler a proud Muslim?


Yeah. He fucks with them.


I didn't know that. Although he did. He wasn't pro-Muslim.


He was just working with Muslim countries.


He didn't let them fully into the fold, though. He never fully trusted them.


Well, I would have hoped for better from Adolf Hitler, that he was more inclusionary in his policies. Yeah, man.


He was a fucking guy. He was a jerk.


I don't like I don't like Hitler. I don't like any fascists.


Franco. Franco, Paul?


Franco… Man, Salazarism does seem like a good system. The Portuguese, I do get behind that. What did the Portuguese do? He was just their Prime Minister. This is what I understand. I'm not a… Sure. But he was their Prime Minister and he was really good, and they just kept him on for a long, long, long time.


Yeah, when you have a good tyrant, it is good.


It's the best.


But then you get a bad one.


The Righteous King.


Then it's over.


No, you should be able to weather a bad king. There's something in the soul that cries out for royalty. If you don't have it institutionalized, then you just… People worship Kim Kardashian and the Queen of the Rose Bowl.


The Queen of the Rose Bowl. No one knows what that is. You just saw it there in the Rose Bowl.


It was the Queen of the Rose Bowl. Yeah, but you have American royalty. You've venerated celebrities to the point where they replace an actual king and queen. For sure. It's just we get beautiful Kate and William and Yeah. To a lesser extent, the actual king. I don't actually like the king.


Yeah, the king's very private. I don't hear about the king at all. I always hear about the queens, the queen this, queen that. Never hear about the king. The king was...


Do you know Prince Charles, King Charles. No, he was very public. He had a His wife died in the car crash.


Princess died. That was his-Prince Charles' wife was Princess Di.


He was King Charles?


He's King Charles now. He's King Charles III. Now he's the king.


What the fuck is he doing? Did they have a cause?


You thought it was Queen this, Queen that because it was was always the queen. Yeah, it was always the queen. They didn't have a king for a very long time like that.


Why not?


Because the queen was the in charge.


She refused to let her husband be the king. It was a bone of contention, I believe.


What? How did you feel about that in Australia without the king? You guys were lost.Yes.We.


Need a king. I think it's better to have a male ruler.


See, this is stuff we don't do. We don't joke about that.


You exclusively have men in charge of your country.


No, we tried.come.


And run. We tried to have Hillary.


We tried to have Hillary, but the fucking Nazis. She could run again.


It could be time. She blew it so hard. She was so unlikable.


She seems fun behind the scenes. Whenever people tell a story about her, she's doing cocaine and chatting about people. Real nasty. She could have done that and been a boss bitch.


Just bullying fucking bills of victims. Keep my fucking husband's name out of your mouth, bitch. We're going to get this fucking money.


When Trump brought the women who made the accusations to the debate, it was the most savage pimping moment.


It was Yeah, it was very funny. Sat in front row. Yeah, that just got all swept under the rug, though. Everyone was just like, politics are complicated. Things happen.


Are they releasing the flight logs?


Is that really happening? They're supposed to be coming out pretty soon. All right. Yeah, so we'll stay tuned.


Can they come out, Lemeze?


I thought they already... People saw them, so maybe they were the fake ones, but I don't know.


I was sad that Chris Tucker was on the plane.


Yeah. I love Chris Tucker.


Maybe he was there for non-sexual purposes.


Yeah, true.


I don't think the flight always went to Little St. James or whatever that island's called. Yeah. Maybe. He was flying people around the country also.


Yeah, but where?Oh, he had a jet.It.


Was a jet. It wasn't always going to the island.


That makes sense. He'd be like, I dig rush hour a lot. Yeah.


Have you seen what Jacky Chan took?


Go fly to LA. They probably had a rich person party in New York. He's like, We're leaving in an hour.Hop on a jet.Yeah..


That's how it gets you to the island, though.


Then you get on that island, he goes, We're going south.Yeah..


What the hell? God.


Trust me on this.


As you've become more successful, has anyone tried to put you on a special airplane and take you to it? No, don't answer.


Every day, dude. It happens to me every day, you guys. I'm not coming to your pedophile island. Please stop bothering me.


Please leave me alone. Yes, don't even ask.


Don't even ask. I'll go down there and smite everybody. I would flip the tables.


Someone must own that island now, though, right? Huh? Someone must have taken control of that island.


Yeah, I think someone bought it.


You get that on a song, Oh, yeah.


And then you can turn into a nice... It'll still be a sex island, but you can just have adults. Or just even the elderly. Just really elderly ladies. Come down like, Yo, Brad Pitt. We're still the balance of the island. I got a bunch of septigenarians. Do you want to come down there and have sex with them?




I trafficked them.


We're going to kill them. We're going to fuck them so hard, we kill them.


That'd be tight. Yeah.


All right, let's go to the Patreon here. Yes. Yes.