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[00:00:00]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only, so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up? You call me? Everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, mean advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy, and I just punch the nose.

[00:00:52]

I'm your middle brother, Trevor McElroy.

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I'm your sweet and I'm your sweet baby brother. No. What? No, Justin.

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I would bring, like, a high energy thing. And you kind of in scary.

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No, I think he I think he's a wild man.

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I was holding that. Yeah.

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Let me go at a point, because a lot of people when they say, like, he's the bad boy, like he talks like this, but he could also be a bad boy like my name because you know, God.

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And then do something like sound effects, like some mouth sounds kind of. Sure, sure.

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Sure, sure, sure. You're and because you know, he's up to some shit.

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Uh huh. Yeah. He's really he's he is a bad boy. That's what I feel like.

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He's a lower case. B lower case. B bad boy. As opposed to like capital D all around or like a bad boy. I'm over here with the boy.

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I'm over here with fucking Bobzilla and the Wolfman. I'm just at boy point.

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You sound like you're like the third house, but also you live in the vents and we can't get rid of him.

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Don't open that closet, boy.

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That's the price closet. If you want something out there, it's your own risk. I have a confession to make. I almost every episode I tend to start now by Googling Britney Spears. I see like how she's doing. Yeah.

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Because I feel like she is on a sort of like. Power groove that no one is like people aren't clocking it, it's a it's a question the fantastical sense that people rarely actually go on.

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She's like every and this is not a mocking of Britney Spears. She's just on some, like, very next level shit and is very much like having a personal journey that is completely about her own power and her own shit.

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So I just like to Google Britney Spears. This is like what is going on right now over there at that camp.

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The fucking first headline that pops up one day ago, Britney Spears, makes eye opening discovery after watching Tim Burton's Big Eyes.

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Kid knows.

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OK, can I may I read the quote as to what the Eye-Opening discovery? No, no, no. I've got the story here. I'm on this tip. Don't fucking Google Britney Spears after I Googled her.

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If you wanted to make it a thing you should have given in the segment, name the thirty year old pop star to thirty eight year old pop star to Instagram on Saturday, August 8th in the year of our Lord twenty twenty to gush about Tim Burton, her favorite director, the whole world and his twenty fourteen drama about American painter Margaret Kane.

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She gives a short synopsis of the film, which star Amy Adams and Christopher Waltz a fucking I mean by any stretch of the imagination, a minor Tim Burton work that does aliment have its moments.

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And here's her quote. It was very weird. The same day I watched this movie, I did a mini photo shoot and look how freaking big my eyes were.

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The singer wrote alongside the photo shoot pictures. I mean, my eyes have never been that big. It's actually kind of crazy and they aren't retouched at all. Coincidence maybe she said.

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And this is like this is powerful.

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I think if the power of what you see and hear can influence your life that much, I mean, literally stay away from bad people and raise your awareness with high energy people.

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That's what I learned from this. And watch Big Eyes while you're at it.

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Thank you. And then it says hashtag ad, which is the weird hashtag ad for the 2014 Sony Pictures film. Now for 2014, Big Eyes.

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I wish somebody would make a movie called Strong Muscles, Big Wiener, because that would be sick to channel that. So that's Britney Spears just coming in. I would just hope I started recording. I jumped it on the boys. Normally we talk about we're going to talk about the beginning. I started the recording and just absolute called shot. Like, I hope Britney Spears is on some dope shit. And there she is, just Britney talking about how good twenty fourteen.

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Big Eyes is Jesse big eyes. No, I did good. It's OK, little flick Hatswell say it's OK, it's been big eyes watch, I guess, like Britney watch his big eyes wide. Yeah, we're watching. Damn, let's revisit.

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Let's do Britney. Watch, Scoob. Watch. Get her take on Scoob.

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Hey, can we start doing the show? I feel like we got a lot of a lot of gas in the tank. And I actually have. I have. If it's not riddle me piston.

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You can it's not riddle me this because this is a different thing. I wanted to say thank you to everybody.

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We you know, we finish the fun drive.

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It was very surprisingly just play along at home or a lot of people to start giving and we weren't expecting all that support means the world.

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So we always talk about how people support we like to put back into the show. Feels like play along now. So I made a bit of an investment here and I wasn't sure how this is going to play out, but I have a special guest here. Hey, everybody, it's me, Dave Matthews. Oh, I was my friend, Travis reached out to me and asked for permission to use some of my songs and I and he told me his idea and I said only if I can play two little.

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They've it's so cool to have you on the show, how have your sordid journeys been going, man?

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Tell me any recent pilgrimages mostly into my own mind.

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Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But let's be honest.

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Yeah, that's probably for the best because of your sort of irresponsible sort of treatment of human waste while you are on a lot of bad track record with my duty.

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I still feel bad about that.

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Say out loud what you did. I like the court order.

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Well, it wasn't me, but my tour bus was filled with Dave Matthews shit.

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Well, not just Dave Matthews, the bishop of the band. Did you figure out how healthy that band aids is?

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Probably just cliff, though, huh? Just to get a lot of roughage.

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And then on my tour manager dumped it over the side of a bridge in Chicago, if I remember correctly. And I landed on a boat full of people.

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Yeah. And I still feel I still feel real terrible about that.

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Yeah, you should feel. But even if it hadn't landed on a boat full of people, Dave Matthews, you shouldn't make your boat shit over a bridge.

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Well, in recompense I. I haven't put in over 20 years.

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So I'd say about Debrett, these though a lot of celebs have black marks on their career. I do have to say in the grand scheme of things, he made his boss take a shit on it. But it's not the worst. No, it's not the worst.

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So Travis and I have cooked up a little game for you all. And here's the theme song.

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We first shot each other wondering what the other is version when I remember being fish playing under that table when I'm fishing. Thank you, Dave.

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I'll take it from here. So this game is called Laying Under the Table and fishing.

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And what we've got here, I've got a collection of Dave Matthews lyrics and fish lyrics like the band, the band Phish, and I'm going to read them and these different rounds that can be any combination of Dave Matthews Band lyrics and Phish lyrics and just ain't going. I want you to guess which is which is which.

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I think we unironically enjoy both of these bands I challenge. No, I do as well. I do as well. They just have a similar jam feeling.

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I mean, ants marching slaps ass and I will cede a few more points to Mr. Matthews asked him out.

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I'm sorry. I just wanted to jump back in here. A lot of my music. Slaps ass Griffin It's very good. I'm very proud of it. All right. I'm proud of everything I've done in my life.

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Dave, can I talk to you? I got you on a yes. I feel terrible about that. I've already said I've been blocked up for years because of the guilt.

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You're kind of turning into a Southern grandpa, Dave Matthews Band. When I go back, no one really knows where I'm from. South Africa, maybe. I don't even know anymore.

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I've traveled so much. All right, now. Sorry. We're running out of time here, Dave. All right.

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Around Mularczyk it boy, it feels like it more and more every episode.

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Round one. Can't you just then hands are in the cookie jar. How can we share when you sneak up and go? I've no intention of losing my beard. How they design and then we go again.

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Fish. I'm going to say fish just because tyrannosaurs you oft has a beard.

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I don't think I've ever seen Dave Matthews, but he loves cookies and.

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Correct. That is Dave Matthews from Fat Cat Jam. Damn it.

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He did it. So I called Kit Kat jam Kit Kat.

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Dan loves those that I love you. Give me a break.

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Whoa, that was weird. You picked up the sentence right where Travis left off.

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Travis and I have been together for so long now, we finish each other's sentences.

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All right. You've been there for all of Travis's major recent life events, like when he picked up a not great Dave Matthews impression.

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Well, I live inside Travis now. This is it's a Being John Malkovich journey we're on. All right.

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Next year, I had to get away. I was losing my interest instead of expanding my world. I was just scanning Pinterest.

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OK, wait. I want to say, Dave Matthews, that feels too concrete for fish. I'm going to say fish every round and hope that I get some right, Griffin is correct.

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That is fish things.

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People do more than one for a song. Great name for a tune. Woman, please.

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I'm in your possession. You are my obsession.

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Let me go down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down. And they both Van Dam.

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I think if I, if I don't hop on that boat when Justin feels so certain about it and get dumped on that beautiful plants. How on a boat driven. Yes. That is great because Dave Matthews Band seven says Justin one, Griffin two.

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OK, you ready. Round two. And then one day you find a Teria intense delight that three wrong turns can really make a right. So why not be like me, be proud of all your crimes, because when I screw up once I do it two more times, that's fish that.

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Is David Matthew's man on the David Mathieu's plan? No, it is fish just described it's two and two. That's from phishers Blaze on next one. I can't stop thinking about you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why would I want to. I like coffee with toast and jelly, but I'd rather be licking from your back to your belly. Fucking Dave Matthews.

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I think I'm going to.

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Oh who is out is whoever it is.

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I'm wearing a wire and I've been waiting for this moment to arrest David Matthews man for days.

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It was me, David Matthews, from my song Shake Me Like a Monkey.

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OK, if you fucking days if a lyric here's a hit, there's my secret tip. If a lyric sends you looking for a hang up button, that does not exist. Who is this? Hey, Dave, how did you get this number? David Matthews. Man, can I ask you a question?

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Yes, please. Is it one? Uninterrupted link, yes. OK, which axis do you rotate the woman now?

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Oh, I have a lathe. I'm glad you have a woman leave David Matthews, man. I don't use it consensually. No, I know, but does it sort of centrally.

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OK, but little baby. Fantastic. You got your dodging the question. Do you go hire Hitwise or do you know what I like from back.

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Depends on the day. It shouldn't. That's that's a great deal of distance difference if you go from her back and then you go around her like side of her tummy to her belly button, you're traveling, you know, half of this, the width circumference of the.

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But if you go from back and then over her head and down her face or down the down the butt is another option. Dave and I feel like we're talking about a few different sort of tongue experiences.

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It all depends on how much time I have in my schedule. Are there more? Is more. OK, round three. Currently, I believe it's two and two. OK. Oh no. How can it possibly be round three? If you give you sorry, if you give you you begin to live, if you give you begin to live, you begin, you get the world. If you give, you begin to give. You get the world to get the world.

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If you give, you begin to live.

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Dave, that was you, Dave, was it? I'm going to say fish, because that feels like a jam, sort of. It was me, Dave Matthews. I can't. I don't know what that means. Dave Matthews man kind of breaks sometimes. And you've got to you've got to get a little needle and you've got to push it in his little reset indentation.

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And it's either on his backers back in his temple that says that that was Dave.

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So it's four to three. Greven is winning. And that's from the song You Might Die Trying. OK, next one.

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Legally, you have to tell me how many more fucking questions there are left.

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One last one. I'm not all bad, but I'm a faithful sinner. I might get lost, but I'll be home for dinner. If if God don't like me, he can send me to hell. But I love the way you love me, girl. I love the way you move.

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I need to say it's Dave. If he says that if he mentions girl I feel like fish doesn't fuck like that. Dave Matthews Band is like Get on my layth girl. I say Dave Matthews man. It was the Dave Matthews Band, yes, Griffin wins five to four, but it was a good, good battle. Thank you, Dave Matthews. Every day, Matthews writes, is like a very creative pervert. Yeah.

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And every song that Phish writes is like a harlequin with gout. If it's a medieval Harlequin's or some sort of like jester in a dark carnival, that that feels more like fish.

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I just want to remind everyone that my song Crash is about a man spying on a woman through a window. I love songs about perverts.

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Stop getting married to it. I love perverts. I might not be one myself, but I celebrate the holiday.

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Thank you so much for having me.

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Do you guys have any snacks or a bathroom I could use?

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OK, bye. Thank you, Dave. This is our advice show obviously.

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Oh, you're kidding me. We're 60 Minutes in. We're just now laying out. I don't think we can say that fucking any more. It is isn't Dave Matthews Show where we sometimes tell people what to do?

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I'm in an air travel related pickle. Next month. I'm moving from Japan to the Czech Republic. I'm in the midst of packing things to ship over, which is expensive as shit. I got three hats. I refuse to part with a couple of bowlers and a wide brim hat. Problem is, they don't fit the last box in my suitcase. I can see what you're about to ask. And so how many hats is too many hats to wear on an airplane without getting caught?

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Stopped.

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How many hats can I wear before I'm too suspicious? And that's from Mariah.

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OK, I can say from experience I have worn one hat and I've had to remove that. Yeah. So they could pat my hair and tell me I'm a good boy. Yeah.

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And then they smelled their hand for a long time. Yeah. So long after that I will just say one hat and now I think you're asking several questions here Mariah.

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Right. Because I don't think, I don't know about the travel laws of either Japan or Czech Republic, but I don't think there's anything illegal about wearing more than one hat on an airplane.

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No, I mean, we can't wager a guess at the sort of cultural differences that would sort of aid us in answering this question. I do think we can say that I can't imagine a society where three hats is great.

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Well, I want to hit I want to hit you guys are the questions. Yeah. Theoretical question. What? OK. Is there a place that is. Less suspicious to put a second hat than on top of the first hat, because I'm sitting here thinking about it like, what have you brought here, here, here?

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I feel like any place you put the second hat is going to be more weird than on top of the first hat.

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Yeah, yeah. It's out there. Could you safety pin the hats together, ok.

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One hat goes on top of your head and the other to hang down on either side of your head.

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OK, so and and and it fashion. Well this is fashion. It's fashion. I feel like you can have one on a carabiners on your waist.

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That's just as great juice. Yeah. That's like listen, I don't know what this day is going to hold. This hat could get, I don't know ruin.

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Yeah. And I don't mind blown away by a jet engine. It could get blown away by a jet engine confiscated by a Hanzi TSA agent. No one knows.

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But I think having what I think you could do one in a on a on your waist, your belt hook.

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And for the third, let me suggest a big teddy bear. You put that on the teddy bear.

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That's fine. That's actually not bad, Travis, I think. Damn it.

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Well, well, I mean, it is you've got it. All you've done there is added a tremendous amount of bulk to your hat.

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It is one of their carry ons. Yeah. It now becomes a car. But you can't carry on a hat. You can't be like I have. But you carry on to my backpack and this hat I'm leans by.

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And that's good for the security too, because you're carrying a bear wearing a hat and they'll say, that's adorable. Yeah. His name is Mr. Not filled with drugs.

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OK, well, let me ask you guys something. What is it?

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Give me a doctor. Uzi belly. What is more suspicious to hats or three hats.

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Two hats is way more suspicious than three had a grade.

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Yeah, because once you here's the thing that's fucked up about what Travis said about it being fashion is if I saw somebody with two hats, I would think it was some sort of like shell game or something terrible's underneath one of the hats. If I see three hats on the person, I'll be like, that must be the style, right?

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For some three hats. You're doing a thing, right thing. Yeah. Now it's an affectation.

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Two hats. You're being an asshole, right? You might have you might have put on a hat for getting you already had a hat on. That's what I'm saying to hats. This is my argument.

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Two hats raises and I think this is what we're finally getting the meat of here. Two hats raises the question of did they not remember that they had already placed a hat on the rise?

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Three, there's just no way where we've kissed possibility goodbye. It's a choice you're making now.

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And I can get on board with that if it's a choice you've chosen. I just remembered the types of hats we are talking about here. And it is two bowlers and a wide brimmed hat. Easy.

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So you go bowler Weyburn hat bowler, wide brimmed hat sandwich, bada bing, boom fashion.

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That is the way to do it. Yeah.

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I guess my question is and please my do not take this as a personal judgement on you, but there is no way to get through this sentence without it being explicitly that.

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Why, why, why do you need these hats.

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Why do hats Griffin to bowlers in a wide brimmed hat.

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Feels like when you're especially when you're doing an uprooting of your life from one sort of region to another clean slate, I think you should clean slate it.

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When I moved from Cincinnati to Chicago, I threw so much stuff in the dumpsters right behind me. The shitty apartment to Travis and I lived in, I threw several swords away. You think I wanted to keep those swords? Yeah, absolutely I did.

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But I'm starting over. I'm rebooting my life. Could maybe maybe now in your new life, your Czech Republic life, you just have one hat that you're very proud of me.

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What if you were all three hats and as you walked into the terminal, you just kept shouting hats for sale, cards for sale. And then you go through security and then you continue yelling hats for sale hats.

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And then everyone's like, why? Why is that person wearing so many hats? Oh, obviously, because they're for sale. Now, obviously, there's a downside here. There is a there is a risk where someone buys by.

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Bye bye. Have a more.

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Yeah, but that's a whole I mean at you got that going for a night. Buy another how when you get there. Yes. I would make the argument there is a being too pragmatic about it. If you can't wear all three of these hats at the same time you don't need three hats.

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Thank you. Huh. Well yeah. Huh. But what about coordinating with different outfits.

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Mm. Just get rid of the outfits that match the other two hats but they only have three outfits.

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Why haven't you ever seen. It's like have you never seen Doug.

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Like just wear the same outfit, the same hat. Never wore a bowler, only he would have been chomping fucking Beebe's.

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Style, if he did that, can we taskmaster this a little bit and like try and why? I think there's a way to do this without it being weird at all. Wide brim hat goes on the head. There is nowhere else that that is going to go. The brim is far too wide. One bowler, you, you, you put some elastic on it and put that around your face. That's your mask and that's okay.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Now we just have one more hat to conceal and I feel like so far boys, I've done the lion's share of the work on this. OK, so you can tell me where the other hat goes, where it's not going to be weird. You say under the shirt and say it's like a tummy. OK, no, you're going to clip two straps onto it, sling it over your shoulders. Now, it's like a hot pack, you know, it's kind of like, oh, that's like a cool looking backpack.

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It looks like just like a bowler thing, but it's a hat.

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It's just a regular hat.

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What do you you like take out a show just like the backs of loose ball out.

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It's very bad and ineffective.

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The hat pack. What do you keep in it? What do you keep in it? The hat. It takes my hat from one to another.

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I do think though, you could do the like, neck thing.

[00:24:08]

Like hang it like a safari guy. Yeah. From your neck hanging. Do your back and maybe no one would question it. I think you might be able to get away with that.

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Actually, I actually think now that I'm thinking about it with all the TSA agents here in the United States that I've encountered, that would be like either drugs or a bomb or whatever in that. And I'd be like, no nearby.

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Then just keep please keep moving. I have a lot of people to get through and I don't care about your dumb ass.

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That's how I do Yahoo! Places.

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I'm so sorry for this one. I stand by the prospect of Palmer. I, I'm not saying your hats are dumb.

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I'm saying all my hats are dumb. No, I'm not saying Mariah's hats are dumb. I'm saying two of them are OK and one of them is good. And that's the that's the one to really invest in this. Yahoo! Was asked by Yahoo! Answers user hanging back. And I'll be honest with you boys, I mostly want to talk about this one for the responses hanging bat asks Pole.

[00:25:04]

If you were a recipe, what ingredients would I need, big open mouth, smiley face emoticon?

[00:25:13]

Is this a sexy thing? I mean, look at it like that. It's on Yahoo!

[00:25:18]

Answers.

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So it's going to be for some people, if I was a recipe, not not what food would I be, but what ingredients.

[00:25:27]

Yeah. So we have 10 responses to this, 10 Yahoo! Answers users have weighed in and given their rest, their purse.

[00:25:36]

I'm on all recipes, dot com, looking at these users recipes to make them as human beings as they are known on the Earth today. And each one is a slam dunk in a different way, which I've never really seen before. And I would like to just sort of doom. These are from two days ago, by the way, I got this one hot and fresh out the kitchen.

[00:25:58]

P says everything sweet and a large oven tongue sticking out emoticon weasel make weasel says a healthy dose of no quit with a liberal splash of charm and wit.

[00:26:12]

Now that's good. But those aren't ingredients that you can buy. I can't go to the store and beg. Where is your don't quit.

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Travis, you can't approach this, I need you to come at this with the open and honest heart of a child's eyes.

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I understand that, but I was sitting here thinking about, I don't know, some salt, like I was, like, trying to do it.

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Travis's recipe is a fucking little pair of glasses. He can push up his nose when he's being national.

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Attention, please. Exactly. Thank you.

[00:26:42]

This one's a little big man says a heart. And as the song goes, handle me with care.

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You know, the song from, I guess, the composer Hot handle me with care. She's brain does say tequila makes orange juice or some Sprite will be fine. Add loads of ice.

[00:27:02]

That's a screwdriver. But those are ingredients, not a screwdriver.

[00:27:07]

If you want to make Travis, you need blood and bone and skin and fat magoo for the eyeballs.

[00:27:13]

But watch out for this. So I don't want to put a soul in there. All right, Elliott.

[00:27:20]

That's rough. Elliott The Corgi says lots of fur, vanilla ice cream and a cozy hoodie hunt and then lots of nectar. Lots of fur. Please let me finish.

[00:27:30]

OK, this one got this is the only one of these ten answers. You can give the answers a thumbs up or thumbs down. This one has two thumbs up and one thumbs down. It's the only one that somebody said. No, lots of fur, vanilla ice cream and a cozy hoodie huhn and then a dog emoji and I don't know if the dog is part of it. That what? Read the username, Elliot, the Corgi. Thank you.

[00:27:55]

It's a corgi. Yeah.

[00:27:57]

Yeah. Got the ability to use a computer then.

[00:28:00]

Why the hoodie. Now, the hoodie is a good question, because it's weird enough here on the Internet, you don't need to draw more attention to yourself by wearing a hoodie.

[00:28:08]

Dogs have nature hoodie. And I love I love a corgi, too. But that is. And please, could you actually go ahead and tweet at me? Corgi lovers, they're not the best smelling breed of dog. They got that coarse hair. They sweat a lot. They're low to the ground. They pick up a lot of detritus.

[00:28:23]

I don't want to continue what is the best recycling that? What's the best smelling dog?

[00:28:28]

Uh huh, my chocolate lab. Because I one's like chocolate. Is that what. Is that what you mean?

[00:28:38]

ABC a gervin. I'm sorry. Does it, does it smell like chocolate. Yeah. Abcam says egg whites, granulated sugar cream of tartar tartar tartar.

[00:28:49]

Nobody's quite sure. Vanilla extract.

[00:28:50]

So they. That's Travis. Thank you my friend.

[00:28:55]

Fucking hell. A peno says high-octane grain alcohol matches and the ability to run really, really, really fast.

[00:29:04]

Can you handle it?

[00:29:15]

Nice. Just the idea.

[00:29:18]

So it's like how fast you're really, really, really fast.

[00:29:24]

We're going to burn some shit down. Why? Because we're making this Yahoo! Answers user in the lab here.

[00:29:31]

I'm going to read the ingredients to this one first and then I'll read the username. Just a vat of high fructose corn syrup and a mold that looks like a roach.

[00:29:40]

And that's from Yahoo! Answers user gummy roach. Oh.

[00:29:47]

They didn't make this account to answer this question, they have eight, they have answered eight thousand six hundred thirty four questions. They have three hundred and fourteen thousand points. This is a power user, this person's name.

[00:29:59]

I can't read because it's made out of weird characters, but I think it might say Shadow Shadow says spy spice and more spice. No, why don't you? Spices hottest peppers, spice so hot you can't handle it. I'm talking about Carolina Rieper Hot, the world's hottest pepper. So OK, just one angry. I guess shadow is just a big pepper.

[00:30:20]

Also Shanteau. I don't tell you this, but spice is like a category of food like you wouldn't like in a recipe book. You know, add eggs and butter and the some spice.

[00:30:30]

This username is corrupted in some way. I can't read it. It's just like two black boxes as passionfruit and Turkish delight. So they're bringing up the rear with the weakest result. They are.

[00:30:39]

But yeah, but I do like I like any of these that I could go, OK, I'm going to make this for the guy Miraj. I can make that.

[00:30:46]

You can make that one with Traviss price. Right.

[00:30:49]

But if it's like you can do attitude and a whole bunch don't quit, can you handle that. I'm like, that's not helpful. That's like if I say how to make a cake and you said lots of silly and delicious.

[00:31:01]

Fuck you. That's nothing. I feel like that could get most people there though.

[00:31:06]

Yeah. If I said make a cake and they said, what do I need to make it easy. You just need some delicious in there like I'm on it now.

[00:31:14]

Yahoo answers. These are hanging back responded updated the question three days ago that said too hot to handle lol.

[00:31:20]

And I don't know what that's rissole. No fucking idea what that's responding to. I'm guessing the Carolina Reaper won.

[00:31:27]

Did they win. Well, anyway, what was the recipe for you to voice? From China, we can do attitude and don't quit, and three eggs and some blood. Mine would be probably neutral colored shorts. Uh. Um. And then I think you could just kind of improvise the rest of it.

[00:31:56]

Yeah, like the neutral colored shorts are so essential to my recipe, like give you my recipe on all recipes would be like neutral shorts, soup, and then in parentheses, griffin macaroni soup. Yeah, because that's what they call it.

[00:32:12]

In some regions, mine would be mustard seed faith and a world class hog, huh, now.

[00:32:21]

Huh. OK, off mountains, I was just with which with which, not exactly.

[00:32:30]

I have faith in my Hogge and Traviss was Traviss eggs and blood and can do attitude because he didn't want play.

[00:32:37]

OK, do you want to hear mine? No, no.

[00:32:39]

You did yours. You just said you didn't want to play.

[00:32:41]

And I know you thought that it was blood and bones stay in the dugout because you didn't want to play and the coach put me in just we're out here fucking swinging, smashing homers.

[00:32:51]

Well, if you want to make a traves, then you need some tea for Tastee and you need some are for ravishing.

[00:32:58]

The game's already over. He's still running around the bases her ass. It's still a V for virginity.

[00:33:06]

Now, the first time I saw in this long ago, somebody asked for sex. I am still going around.

[00:33:18]

And then you need some M for. From 9:00 a.m.. OK, so we're going to take a quick break and when we return to you here, just after the music, we'll be talking about some beloved sponsors.

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Squarespace, conquer. Conquer it all. You got to be ready to like overthrow the fucking economy government. Yeah, do.

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Let's disrupt nothing. All the other stuff that has happened until now that has been so bad. Yeah, that wasn't this was the domino.

[00:35:01]

This was the V for Vendetta. You knocked that shit right over.

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That's right. Can you imagine a V and V for Vendetta. I was like, yes, we have to stop all of this, all of this horrible stuff.

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And also look at the website I created gun photos of all my travels and some pages are protected.

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And now Natalie Portman, check this out.

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Click Did indeed I did a stitch fix. Also, the government tried to shut down my house to dance, but I can't stop the signal.

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We're using that serenity. I love that movie.

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Except it's not even like that because you have a personal stylist who you give a little profile for and they will figure out what clothes are going to look really good. All these boxes are personalized just for you and your colors, styles and budget.

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One last time stitch fix dotcom slash my brother.

[00:36:44]

I am Allegre and I'm Julia Prescott and we host Round Springfield. Round Springfield is a new Simpsons podcast that is Simpsons adjacent and its topic. We talk to Simpsons writers, directors, voiceover actors, you name it about non Simpsons things that they've done because surprise, they're all extremely talented. Absolutely. For example, David Cohen worked on The Simpsons, but then created a little show called Futurama.

[00:37:11]

That's our very first episode. So tune in for stuff like that with Yeardley Smith. Puts him long with different writers and voice actors. It's going to be so much fun. And we are every other week on Maximum Fun Dog or wherever you get your podcasts. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba la la la la la la la la la la la la. I want my money. Wow.

[00:37:37]

But but but I was too much. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Too much squaddies podcasts and a podcast profiling in the latest and greatest in brand eating.

[00:37:49]

I am so excited because America has decided to pretend that coronavirus does not exist and as a result are fast food chains are beginning to awaken from their great slumber for new creations, new ideas, fresh thinking. And who does fresh better than Chipotle? Always that rhetorical.

[00:38:12]

Is that a real question? I mean, there's this I mean, if you would have said like a Hearties, I would have given you some some some shit. But I like Chipotle is middle of the pack.

[00:38:24]

You're thinking fresh. You're thinking you pull the fucking Fiona Apple commercial.

[00:38:28]

Yeah, well, this one is new and Chipotle is launching the Tony Hawk burrito.

[00:38:36]

Fresh is hell. Chipotle Mexican Grill on Monday. This one's fucking fresh. The box came out today. The Chipotle Mexican Monday announced is teaming up with skating legend and brand superfan Tony Hawk to offer his go to Chipotle order exclusively on the Chipotle app and Chipotle.

[00:38:58]

That could, I guess. Guess what, his go to areas. Sure. Yeah, it's just an empty burrito that he later puts a cold, hot dog in does that.

[00:39:08]

Now, can I do a guess? Yeah. Do a fungus. The big burrito sticks for wheels on. They right starting the first two thousand fans finish. What's he doing? He writes it like a school board. Starting today, the wheels are tomatoes, know their wheels. I feel like I might be able, if I act fast, I might be able to be among the first 2000 and you guys are clearly doing your own thing.

[00:39:37]

So just try to get this burrito real quick.

[00:39:43]

The Tony, the first two thousand fans who ordered the Tony Hawk burrito made with brown rice, black beans, chicken, tomato, red chili salsa, pink trucks from a skateboard and guacamole will get access to the Tony Hawk pro skater one and two warehouse demo for PlayStation four, Xbox One or PC.

[00:40:05]

What a weird coincidence that like this would like his brand. A super fan ship would coincide with like a new Tony Hawk like video game experience.

[00:40:16]

Yeah, it is very weird that.

[00:40:19]

Yeah, you're absolutely right, Travis. This is one of the stranger occurrences we've seen in our time. Those two have dovetailed magnificently together.

[00:40:27]

Chipotles So I said that on August 14th at 11 a.m. PT.

[00:40:34]

Anderson will direct a new picture right now at Pacific Time, the launch will culminate in a two hour live stream from his Twitter page that they have featuring Tony Hawk, fellow skateboarder Jagga Eaton, actor Finn Wolf.

[00:40:50]

Ah, fuck. Yeah.

[00:40:52]

Why is a sentient burrito Mick Jagger, Jesus Christ of Nazareth all eating burritos slowly still living.

[00:41:03]

Elvis Presley now dead. Elvis Costello. That's right. He'll be dead by August 14th. Yes.

[00:41:09]

It's just those first three they're going to be playing Tony Persecutor one and two warehouse demo and they're going to be giving out up to 5000 free burritos to viewers throughout the stream.

[00:41:22]

Now, it says they're going to give out up to 5000 free burritos. I do like the reality where they're like we've given away 4000 of these bad boys. The next thousand are coming home with us. Hi, it's me, Finn Wolfert. Oh, no, not again. Yeah.

[00:41:36]

Anyway, I want 30 burritos delivered to my home and the cost of that will be. Let me stop you. Right.

[00:41:43]

There is zero in this first of its kind menu.

[00:41:50]

Integration gives our fans a chance to eat like the greatest skater of all time.

[00:41:54]

Yeah.

[00:41:55]

And get access to the demo for one of the summer's most anticipated video game releases, says Chris Brandt, chief marketing officer.

[00:42:03]

Real athletes need real food, and Chipotle is excited to continue being part of a training routine, whether it's competing at the skate park or.

[00:42:14]

In a video game, hey, this isn't the first time somebody has sold a food item because a celebrity like their at their at their store. Right, like that's people have been doing that for.

[00:42:24]

Let me check all of the time of restaurants.

[00:42:27]

Yeah, but this one's Tony Hawk. Oh, it's a burrito. I just want to step in here very briefly.

[00:42:36]

I know that Tony Hawk body, Tony Hawk is rotting and the body of Anthony Frank Hogger, the birdman's body and my body have several chemical and physical differences. We can all agree on that. This is granted. This is settled law. Yeah.

[00:42:56]

The man is 52 years old, and if I were to make a list of things he felt like doing after pounding a burrito, I can almost guarantee you skateboarding would be extremely low on the list.

[00:43:09]

Tony Hawk has been a Chipotle celebrity cardholder, whatever. Fuck that me. It's an it's an exclusive membership tier afforded to famous friends of the brand. The grants recipients free meals and catering since 2013.

[00:43:23]

Why does hear this? Yeah, I'm it now, baby. Are you hearing this? Are you hearing it now.

[00:43:28]

Baby has been a Chipotle celebrity cardholder and exclusive membership tier afforded to famous friends of the brand. The grant recipients free meals and catering says to Hey, hey, tabbouleh.

[00:43:38]

I was just kidding. I love you. I love you. Yeah, I take it all back. I was just joking.

[00:43:43]

You're you're great. And I've always I've always been a fan and Justin Griffin have never loved you like I love you.

[00:43:51]

Chappellet Burrito's our favorite way to refuel after a long skate sessions adds me. No, it's Tony Hawk. It's a blast to see the enthusiasm for Chappellet. Skating and video games continue to grow and inspire a new generation of presumably burrito eaters. Whether you're a veteran player or near the game. Tony Hawkes, pro skater, one in two team has something for everyone.

[00:44:17]

And also the burrito's still the burrito's.

[00:44:24]

Chappellet has amassed around twenty seven thousand followers on Twitch like finale's for the Chappellet Challenger series. The brand's marquee eSports tournament that allows amateur gamers to compete against gaming stars and celebrities have been live streamed onto Twitch along with exclusive musical performances.

[00:44:42]

Hi, it's me, Mick Jagger. What an honor it is.

[00:44:47]

What an honor it is to be playing on the Chappellet Twitch channel.

[00:44:51]

Start me up the first two thousand account holders to order that Tony Hawk burrito on the Chipotle Mobile app. Or it ordered Chappellet. Dotcom will receive a code to the email associated with the account, allowing the recipient to access a demo version of the relaunch of Tony Hawkes pro skater team one team and two team video game SB rated T for Team Cool.

[00:45:12]

I think they do a course in Superman by Goldfinger, so that's why it's not EA for everyone.

[00:45:19]

I am I, I here's the problem. I want to order this to get the lump. I don't want to go pick up a burrito. I'm recording a podcast and I really don't want my wife to answer the door. And a man in a mask says, Here's Tony Hawk's burrito.

[00:45:34]

Yeah, that's going to be hard for her to pass unless it is the Birdman himself or of Birdman. And it's great.

[00:45:43]

Well, enjoy your remastered skateboarding game.

[00:45:47]

My wife is a big fan of Michael Keaton, so she might enjoy that actually joke. No, the movie had him in it. Yeah, it's just a fun.

[00:45:57]

Yeah, it's just a fun game for the adjustments to give.

[00:46:00]

I recently decided to shed my horder lifestyle and embrace a more minimalistic approach.

[00:46:05]

Has been going well so far. I threw away all my hands. One problem though, what do I do with the yearbooks?

[00:46:11]

I have one for each year K through 12 and I never look at them turning. Seems weird since it's such a weirdly personal item. My name is usually pinned with the inside cover messages from classmates, etc. but it also seems to just throw them away and my doom to carry them forever.

[00:46:24]

As from yearbook reader, I mean you could keep them in your basement in Chicago and then a fateful flood will take care of for you that fateful flood.

[00:46:33]

Boy, I was traveling around with a huge cardboard box full of keepsakes, and then I had to paper Trader Joe's bags full of things like yearbooks and the like in that great flood, the great the Great Flood of 2010. Dunne took care of most of them for me. So and it was rough for a while. I still get sad to think about the things that I lost in there.

[00:46:58]

But whenever I move, we make it easy. But confess that is so.

[00:47:04]

I think that yearbooks fall under the category of things that you keep because you convince yourself that someday someone else will want to know that thing about you. But like I think about this now with two kids, it hypothetically, someday my kids will be in high school and they're like, I want to see Daddy in high school.

[00:47:21]

But let's be honest, that's not going to happen. I'm going to keep them long enough to show them to them. And then they're like, OK, I don't care. We're all flying around in, like, jet packs and like hover dogs now and shit like what do I give two shits about the fact that you were in some club in high school?

[00:47:37]

Yeah. And so now it's just like, well, now I've lug this around like forever. Hey, what if we and I'm just gonna throw this out and I'm going to disrupt the whole year book industry much careful.

[00:47:48]

Travis, are you thinking about your books? Wow. That's it. OK. Wow. Yeah, I imagine they're already doing that. Oh, probably. It seems like it's happening all right. I would. I would, but it's not TMT MTM. Justin's got that cloud tech that's on the next level. I actually don't have any cloud tech I'm sorry. No, no, no, just the Jostens. Yeah, I that's not.

[00:48:15]

No, not. It's Justin and Travis Graffin bravas my brother ADMA. Oh, hi, Justin. Here's here flood notwithstanding. I, I a couple times had to pare down my collection of keepsakes because I feel like there is a I feel like actually the yearbook is one of the best sort of nostalgia per square inch that you can possibly like keep around.

[00:48:48]

Right. Like if you're going to toss all your other keepsakes or whatever. I feel like the yearbook is literally a bunch of literal paper thin, all nostalgia drops.

[00:49:00]

And I kinda the few that survived that fateful flood, I have like, enjoyed looking back on like every two years or so.

[00:49:08]

Could you go through and just remove the pages that have nothing to do with you. That's great. And then combine all of them, all your yearbooks into one long like school book.

[00:49:24]

Yeah, that includes all the years but only the ones that pertain to you because.

[00:49:29]

Streamliner Yeah.

[00:49:30]

Like if you're you know, if you're in 12th grade, do you care about the kids who are in ninth grade. Oh no. You don't know them. Cut it out.

[00:49:39]

You can go through all your photos and photo albums too and just like tear apart the ones that you're not like really a featured player in and then go through all the books you own. Yeah. And if if the author wasn't nice enough to include you in that book, Garbanzos, I'm going to say that in maybe he's got the yearbook.

[00:50:00]

You touch each kid's face and you think, does this face spagnoli joy in me? And you burn it out with a cigarette.

[00:50:07]

And one by one it's totally normal. Just totally cool thing to do. And everyone does. And you don't name off a big list.

[00:50:17]

You don't you don't burn each photo twice over the eyes. That would be fucking while just one cigarette burn in the middle of the face and then you go on.

[00:50:26]

Now you will want to check and make sure the kid behind that kid on the other page you also don't like that is the one thing I can't change the subject. OK, yeah.

[00:50:36]

This is the shit that drives him crazy is these brands put out these deals and then they're like, if if you actually try to do it, it's you can't it's like they don't ever expect you to actually do the dumb thing they said to do. Right. So I go to order Chipotle dot com or whatever the fuck, and I'm like, let me get that Tony hot burrito. And it is not listed anywhere on the page. I know the ingredients of it.

[00:51:03]

I'm wondering if it's like a code. Now I have to put in the right ingredients, you know what I mean? And then it'll just.

[00:51:10]

Didn't you say that they announced it today.

[00:51:12]

But the press release said August 14th.

[00:51:15]

No, that's when it culminates with Fen Woolford playing Tony Hopkins against me.

[00:51:19]

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm going to try. I'm going to try. If you guys are OK with this, we don't normally do this.

[00:51:26]

I'm going to try to call my local triple. OK, but don't put him on speaker. I'm not going to put on speakerphone. I'm just going to call my little jackpot way, OK? And you guys will just hear my part of it. OK, so I'm not you won't hear them just it's really got on the phone.

[00:51:39]

I wish I was as good as Justin on the phone. Please don't take me out, OK?

[00:51:44]

So strong, confident voice, there's just there's a voicemail message. If you're calling about the time burrito, perhaps knowing that they talk about the daily repercussions they've taken, that's got people, I just can't help but eat insightfully. Yes, do you like extreme Berriedale experience? Yes. Are you, like fresh, mostly fresh ingredients where you fucking in stranger thing?

[00:52:17]

Do you think you could totally poun Tony Hawkins like? Hey, Tony Hawk is doing a Chappellet promotion where if you order a special Tony Hawk burrito, you get a demo of the game and they said you have to do online after the first two thousand people.

[00:52:33]

So the clock's ticking on me and I can't find a way to order the Tony Hawk burrito. Do you know anything about it or do I sound like an absolute lunatic to you right now? Yes, it's Justin. Hey, how's it going? That I'm pretty good at this whole lot. OK, I'm recording our episode, my brother, my brother right now kind of put you on speaker real quick. OK, great. Hold on one second. OK, what was your what was your name again, please?

[00:53:13]

Haley, have you so you have you heard about this Tony Hawk burrito? No, no. OK, this isn't I'm not making this up, and you knew me from sound, so I'm imagining, you know, I'm not making it up to. No, no, this yeah, this is a thing that's happening, but they have not corporate has not communicated to you that this is a thing that is going on. Correct. OK, so don't you think it's kind of shitty to be like, no, no, I'm not going to ask you to say something Chipotle is doing is shitty because, like, that's your employer.

[00:53:50]

And I don't want to mess up your whole situation there.

[00:53:52]

But what?

[00:53:56]

You don't have Hayler, you have to pay for things that you put, like, OK, for our benefit, it's OK, Haley, stop.

[00:54:07]

I can't stop it. You're going to get yourself in trouble. I'm not. I'm just saying that I just think it's kind of stinks that Chappellet is doing this. And I would like to have you here. And you definitely have not heard anything about a Tony Hawk burrito, is that correct?

[00:54:23]

OK, well, Chappellet, Tripoli, Hayle, thank you so much. This is my brothers, Travis and Griffin. They're on the line.

[00:54:31]

I hear that. I'm sorry. He just called you Chipotles, Haley. Well, I mean, she's Haley.

[00:54:37]

I'm sorry if I get you in trouble, Chappellet, we can offer you a position, the Macquarie franchise, if something like that happens or maybe we can try to buy that triple like, oh oh oh.

[00:54:47]

Haley, do you know anything about the VIP membership that you can get at Chappellet if you're a celebrity? Tony Hawk has it. And I was just wondering if you had a forum somewhere.

[00:54:57]

I don't have it, but I got OK, that's OK. I don't want you to take it to take a bit more of your valuable time. Thank you so much.

[00:55:05]

OK, I appreciate you. Have a great day. All right. Bye bye.

[00:55:10]

OK, clearly, Haley, what Haley wasn't telling us everything, no, I mean, yeah, Haley is definitely holding out.

[00:55:16]

We're all again, I'm sorry I said last night, clearly Haley knows more than they're telling us. I think Haley was busy either creating or eating or selling one of the last few Tony Hawk burritos. And she also like definitely, definitely has gotten people into the VIP for.

[00:55:32]

For sure. For sure. Yeah, for sure. For sure. For sure.

[00:55:35]

But boy, we really can't do that anymore, huh? Especially you just I feel like you cannot call local places anymore.

[00:55:41]

Oh, it's this guy. Yeah, it's this fucking fucking guy.

[00:55:45]

This fucking acappella guy warned me about you.

[00:55:49]

You like to call fucking people on your podcast.

[00:55:54]

OK, well, I feel like I could do it. My voice is just so bland and ordinary that it's hard to even pick it out. You know what I mean? Justin, are you doing OK?

[00:56:03]

Because when she recognized who you were, I felt from, you know, however many thousand miles away from each other, we are like, I felt your.

[00:56:14]

Gonads go up in your body. Yeah. Fight or flight response, it was not good. It didn't feel good.

[00:56:23]

I felt like I was caught. Yeah, yeah. Doing something wrong.

[00:56:26]

And you should do more doing. You know, I don't I just want to to tell you how brave.

[00:56:31]

Yeah, for sure. For sure. For sure. For sure. For sure. For sure. Yeah.

[00:56:35]

Well we were talking about but I can't talk about anything else. I need to go lie down. Yeah, this is quite a thing. Thank you so much for listening to our podcasts. We love you very much. Thank you to Hayley.

[00:56:49]

We'll be checking in with you periodically to make sure.

[00:56:52]

Oh, by the way, Chappellet, obviously, if anything happens to Hayley as a result of her participation in this, we are covering for you and you will not enjoy a whole lot an idle threat.

[00:57:02]

We have a certain set of skills. We have a certain set of skills. Hey, you know what? I can actually in this in this exact exact situation, I could say with a straight face that I do have a particular set of advice for people.

[00:57:19]

Like if there's one thing that my brothers are known for its weapons using our audience to annoy big corporations into letting us do so, we only use that power to create before.

[00:57:31]

I am kind of curious what it would feel like to destroy big news today.

[00:57:37]

Tripoli was destroyed from the inside out by three weirdos.

[00:57:43]

All right.

[00:57:46]

Thanks again for, by the way, for supporting us in the Max fun drive. It really is very kind of you. And we couldn't do this without you all. And we we it's just very touching every year.

[00:57:56]

Honestly, I keep I keep waiting for the year when it's zero and everybody was up, but thank God it wasn't.

[00:58:02]

This year there will come a point, right. Just the law of averages.

[00:58:06]

There will come a point when people are like, I think we've given enough, you know, it will go well here.

[00:58:13]

Thank you to John Rodrik and the long winters for these for a theme song. It's a departure off the album, putting the days to bed and going long and strong with that jam, keeping it, keeping that wax spinning all summer long gravity ever. Finally Yahoo! Before I do, I do thank you to maximum fine by the way, for having us on.

[00:58:30]

Anyway, um, I see a few people sent this in.

[00:58:34]

Thank you. To an anonymous Yahoo Answers user. I'm going to call Kelly asks in all caps with many exclamation points and question marks. Does kissing your cat count as a first kiss? No, no, it was an accident as an accident. It was an accidental kiss. That's why I'm not going.

[00:58:54]

My name is Justin Makkawi. Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. It's been my brother. My brother, me, because your dad square on the lips. Maximum fun dog comedy and culture, artist owned, audience supported.