Editor's Note: This transcript was automatically transcribed, so mistakes are inevitable. You can contribute by proofreading the transcript or highlighting the mistakes. Sign up to be amongst the first contributors.
The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only, so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up? You call me? Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, meaning my show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
I'm your middle brother, Travis McElroy.
I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy.
Exciting news, boys. Oh, God. You're finally doing it. Yeah, they're making a movie about bad man. I have heard about this.
Yeah. So he's like. He's like a cop, right. Do you know it well, because he wears a silly costume and I can't I can't make heads or tails of this. He's kind of an amateur detective.
Right. Right. Because he doesn't he's not sanctioned by anyone.
So he kind of is taking the law into his own hands. But here's the thing. I thought that's what the law was doing already.
It's pretty weird. Yeah, it's huge. It's like confusing writing. And add on to that.
He dresses up as a whimsical character, I assume, from merchandising reasons or krastev cynical travel might just be copyright, I don't know.
But they're making a movie about him.
There's a chance I ask him some questions like.
And the Batman is trying to give me can you give me can you give me example of the questions you would ask a Batman?
Well, he's just kind of like, who? Who are you, Batman? And he's like, I can't type. That's the whole point. That's why I wear the mask.
Hey, it's not clear that you don't that you don't use your real name. I agree. You know, he's looking for Harvey Dent. He knows Harvey Dent's name.
But people people aren't like, what's your name? And he's never like John or whatever his name is. I don't know the guy's name. Yeah.
I also here's the other thing that is weird and maybe I'm anonymous.
I'm not saying that he doesn't use his real name, I guess, to protect those he loves, but he also doesn't seem to love anybody.
So let's just call you then just call yourself John John Richards or whatever is the man.
Yeah, I know the man's name. I don't know what you think. You are protecting you. Do you think that Batman would have the same weight if he were like, why won't you reveal your secret identity? And he actually had to say with a straight face to protect my butler.
Yeah. All right.
I don't want it. I have a really nice house and he's wealthy.
I have a nice house and a cool butler, and I don't want to get messed up. So I'm worried that people will throw eggs at my house.
What's he got? He's got like strong, strong bones or like hover jets. He's got good brain. Oh, yeah, he's got real good brain and he's got some cash on hand, he's got like a lot of liquid assets, don't you think that the do you think criminals would be like even more intimidated if they knew that even if they beat the Batman up in a fight, he could still buy their grandma's house? Yeah. And knock it down.
Or at the very least, he probably has access to high powered lawyers, you know.
Yeah. Oh. Oh, the Joker beat up the Batman Again and now Batman is suing him.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. And then you're going to put him in jail for for damages for his negligence.
Now you're telling me this guy knows the Joker movie from the from the from the movie The Joker with Joaquin Phoenix.
They know each other in passing. They have certain familiarity with one another. I wouldn't say they're intimate. I'm real then, man. I'm all I'm all in now.
I'm now I'm remembering the Joker. Remember, a couple of times he met the little kid dressed up like a bat.
Yeah, well, he didn't grow out of it like everybody in the movie says he's going to the sticks with it. This is this is a spinoff.
Yes. A spinoff of the Joker. Maybe, I don't know, spinoff sequel. They're going to make a sequel, The Joker.
Right. It seems inevitable they got to make a billion dollars.
Can I give you guys I want to give you guys a pitch, OK, picture jokers.
Oh, oh. And yeah. And he just makes other ones by biting them off.
He finds common criminals, bites them, turn them into jokers, creates an army of jokers, is filled with games.
I think this is about me being gay. Still no Batman. Oh no, no, no. There's no Batman makes more and more jokers and they get more and more power.
And then if they if they let me ask you a question, just go and just to, like, punch it up a little bit and a little bit of that. Griffin's zest and spice.
The pilots here always whipping up is if those if those jokers by other people do they then also become joke. Oh, huh.
Yes, you're getting it. That's a little bit you're getting in the act three. Good guys.
I want to reserve some of this for for, you know, the, ah, pitch meetings.
But yes, that is we could do like and we may be touching a live wire right here, but could have a little bit of like coronaviruses commentary. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is hey, can we punch up a little punch up a little bit. Can I just do a little punch. Wait, wait. I just want to stick with this kernohan.
No, no, I'm going with it now but I'm no I'm not.
The mass the mass massive big smiley face is on it. OK, what if what if the ending is that now he sees the evil he's created and he turns good to fight the other joker.
No, no, no, no. And the and OK, so maybe he and Spiderman team up and they fight carnage together.
Can you stop saying dumb shit. What if the Joker turns into Batman is good. The Joker turns into Batman at the end of Joker's it it's like this is where I came from.
I have to set right well what went wrong.
And Alfred turns into Joker in the past that that's what's the hardest is Batman.
It's got to stay Calthrop.
Yeah, but it's a complicated thing and it's a whole thing and it turns out it's like you're selling, it turns out for biting people.
Attorney Dhimmitude Butler's, which is peculiar. Hey, can I hold on?
Let me just step out of the pit for a second. Who is Zack Snyder and why should I care so much about this man's cut?
I will I will admit to not watching any of the DC superhero movies. I did see Man of Steel after drinking two mimosas and promptly fell asleep for one and one half hours in after too much booze.
Man of steel, too. It's a fantastic experience, bad film. And from what I can tell, the rest of them have been quite bad too. So that's I could tell.
Zack Snyder is either the writer director, maker of some of these films and people really think he got the shaft on his cut, which I guess means the edit or there's the extra bonus scenes with Superman. But he's bad. I don't know, man.
I can explain it to you, please. You know how I do keep it short.
Let me I feel like a voice box for our audience and I only barely give a shit about, OK, I get I get like thirty seconds, OK, you know how everyone walks out of every movie saying the problem with that movie was it was too short and that's why it wasn't good.
And I would like that movie more if it was like an hour and 20 minutes longer.
Yeah. That's the Snyder. It's almost three hours long. Fuck yeah baby.
That's what I want. Yes.
And they added it in unfinished scenes that they spent thirty million dollars to finish.
OK, ok. All right. Why didn't they finish on the first go around. Zach, that seems like you fucked up pal. Yeah. The assumption with the Zack Snyder cut and. I can sort of boil it down for you, we please the assumption being made by the fan base of the snarky is that a man who has not made a good film since 2004's Dawn of the Dead did actually secretly make a good film. Yes.
And and Joss Whedon messed it up that Josh went against all odds, inspirationally, had not managed to make a good film for 15 years, but did do it. And then it was taken away from him for being too good.
The point is that Joss Whedon acted it up real bad, fucked, fucked up the work of the director of the Legends of the Guardians.
The Owls of Google. Yes.
Is that visionary behind Suckerpunch would have nailed it. Exactly.
But instead, Joss Whedon, Zack Snyder had to step down because of, I believe, a death in the family.
But then Joss Whedon came in and fucked it up real bad.
And so then Zack Snyder came back in and reinjected an hour and 20 minutes about into the movie.
And now it's great. OK, all I needed was that Owls of Ga'Hoole, that was really the codex that unlocked this entire sort of mystery for me. So now, now, now I'm fully pumped and I've got my digital reservation ready to go on my Roku.
So we do some questions. I love that this is an advice show, obviously. Obviously, there is a Snyder kind of this episode. Yeah. Which is a joke that would have been funnier three months ago.
Indeed, and not a joke.
My boyfriend's birthday is coming up and he has previously requested a specific hat from a TV show he likes just say James hat from Firefly.
Just saying the problem is we live together because the global pandemic, we're always together.
How can I make him a hat without noticing secret nater? OK, it is. James has said absolutely 100 percent.
Can you guys think of another notable TV notable TV at midnight, especially another notable netted TV hat except for Cassells Baret from Kassala.
Obviously, that's obviously out. There's the NCIS thinking hat. Yeah, and that's the one. That's the one that they when they're having a really tough time with the murder mystery or whatever on NCIS, then the one the lady who wears a sort of Gothic aesthetic goes into the box where they keep the NCIS thinking and they call it that.
And there's the one that Lucifer wears and Lucifer. And it's like a knitted Viking helmet that he puts on every time he has sex.
And he and he calls it my sexy time Viking hat, which isn't good. It's not like but it's like three times an episode. It comes out.
He's OK, not Joe Montana. In the hit series Criminal Mind, everyone tries to bring me the criminal mind hat.
Yeah, that's how he gets into the criminals head.
It's sort of a well, how would you it looks like kind of a beer. One of the beer drinking hats. Yeah, but it's completely knitted.
So that could be the hat they're dealing with. And you know how in the good doctor he asked for his hat. But it's just it's just kind of like a mask that makes them look like the anonymous guy, makes them look like Guy Fawkes.
But it's yeah. That show got got really hacker hackery. Yeah. I turned really a lot of. Yeah I was weird's. Well there's the justice have from night court.
Of course. Of course.
How can you knit in private a secret knitting while you the Colonel picked on the talent.
That's high stakes in knitting.
Yeah. The problem with this is if you haven't what happened? What the fuck just happened to you?
Well, I was thinking about knitting on the toilet and then I slipped your microphone upside down. Yeah.
Then I thought, what happens if you if your boyfriend knows that you're kind of a fast bathroom right now? You're in there for like twenty minutes at a time, you're going to have to develop a condition.
Well, sorry, NBC just just referenced our meme. That's so strange.
What at the NBC Twitter account just tweeted, We are very uncomfortable with the energy we've created in the studio today, which is a tick, tick tock meme from the Bambam TV show.
That's so fucking right that sorry, everybody that really derailed us. But like, let's talk about this. Let's pick on this. The other thing we were doing was an interesting spookiness and let's speak to it. Yeah.
Hey, so we've we've interrupted the knitting question. Do it on the toilet. Travis got it in one. NBC has just tweeted, We are very comfortable with the energy we've created in the studio today.
And then a link to a video about office.
Right. So they take it and they've turned out they're comfortable. What is it the Satake taught me from the hit series now.
OK, so here is the weird fucking Uroboros that I do not even know that NBC knows that they have until they have references.
Based on a TV show that they say that they unknowingly accidentally that they secretly own the oh, not Moema is good shit and they have once again built into them the McElroy apple with, ah, the work we are doing with them on a on a Tazz animated series on Peacock, which is definitely coloring every word of what I've been saying for the past couple of minutes.
And that's why I'm not a fan of this and I'm a fan of this.
I love to see that NBC has is kind of one of the weirdest relationships in entertainment, I think us in the NBC brand. Wouldn't you say that that is true?
You know, good in a weird, weird in a good way when NBC picked back up or picked up Brooklyn nine nine because they were like, Mike Shuster belongs here. This is Mike Short's home. That's kind of like us, but it's like they keep finding us in the attic and they're like, I guess this is the magariaf I got. We did we not get rid of them? I thought we got no, they're still OK. Cool. Like, OK.
Yeah, we are.
Where they were the salamander under the couch. You thought it was all run out the front but was actually in the vent the whole time. They're back. Let's try to make a cartoon of them I guess.
Can you knit together the hat in small quadrants like you, you know, a sixteenth of the hat and he's like, what is that? And you say, a coaster, right? And then you can knit those sixteen pieces together to make the hat and then you can kind of divide up the work. And it's never a completely obvious what it is that you're making. Oh, but and also during the interim, in the interim you have so many coaster's but then you got a really lined that up.
You know, that's going to take a lot of precision because if you do it in like sixteen pieces and even the scale is slightly off on some of them.
Oh boy. It's going to look it's going, it's going to look silly.
We've got to do it all, all sort of sep.
Oh, you know, you could do you know how sometimes businesses will ship things separately from internationally to try to skirt tariffs? You do like tariff engineering by dismantling something in December. Components. We all know those before they're assembled.
That's basically what you could do with this hat. Just leave different sections of it lying around the house and all that. That was just like a scrap project I did. And then one furious night, you assemble all of the pre knitted pieces.
I also, for the record, do not know how knitting works. I should have established that earlier.
So you can up to my SO and we just you rock can fast.
You roll. Feels like, oh my gosh, yes. All you want. I'm so large.
It's all fierce David and you Colma fish. And to me yeah.
You change the name of the song and I fish in to fucking get it.
Dave Matthews man let's start. Hi it's me.
You're your host, the host of Under the Table in Fishing America's number one game show about Dave Matthews Band and Phish.
Sorry. Right now are you Travis or Dave Mack? No, I'm Travis. Now, you can tell because I sound like Travis. And I'm Dave Matthews. I'm the co-host. I'm not here.
Oh, thank you for having me again. This is my court ordered community service now.
OK, Foghorn Leghorn Matthews. Where am I from? Nobody knows.
Under the table. And Ryan. Very good.
Oh, Travis, do you want to tell him about the twist this week? Yes, thank you, Dave. And this week's Under the Table in fishing. As always, I will be reading you lyrics from Dave Matthews Band and Fish, and you'll be trying to guess who did what.
But this week, there will also be one lyric by the band three eleven thrown in there. You stink. And you'll have to you'll have to identify that. I don't want to make it too easy for you or the folks at home.
Let's go. OK, don't let it get away. And if we did, we're going to get it back.
And in time, you and me, we will. We will. We will. We will be over.
And again and again. Jesus Christ fish.
I want to say fish. I'm going to. I'm going to this is a this this will be a wild move on your part, but I'm going to start out guessing 311. No, I'm sorry, that is Dave Matthews.
But fuck that up the Dave Matthews experience. OK, next, coconut's and chloroform, some liquor and some calk toxic waste, some purple Paiste, she hopes was not explosive.
Fish, fish. That is fish. That is Rheba.
Yeah, by fish. I need to start identifying something as fish or not fish. I think it's the introduction of Dave Matthews Band that is messing with my head because I the fish ones are pretty obvious.
I need to just start there and work backwards. OK, you're you're there. I'm here. Let's dance, my dear. What's your name. How do you do. What's the game. Hallelujah.
Dave Matthews Band. I'm going to say three eleven. That is Dave Matthews Band.
Nice job, girl. That girl, will you. Yes.
This is Dave Matthews again. What I realized helping Travis put together this quiz. My lyrics are dumb.
Now, don't say Dave could be listening right now. A lot of people like Dave Matthews Band.
I love your fucking self included. OK, tell me you've never looked at ants differently. I or that man. Don't get me wrong, I guess they are marching folks at home.
I love Dave Matthews Band. OK, ok.
Well I don't but I bet every time I do get indigestion, Rachel does get very annoyed that I instantly just go Hi Tom.
That's the last time I have you. That's great.
Don't you rob yourself of what you're feeling don't you rob yourself of all that. You could be real hard till midnight.
Roll till it's light fish. Oh no, hold on. That's interesting. Is that one three eleven. No, that one is Dave Matthews Band so. Right. This is so hard.
Griffin is one up curve. It is one up. Where is the Joker. Have you seen him around with his three konda crap is three is three.
Is three going to cap that he wears like a clown Batman.
Well, that's not what options, Justin, I'm weirdly, I must say that no, uh, fish guy feels like fish, but I think it's I think it's one of those trick fish.
I think this is this is 311 writing in the mode of fish as a as a pastiche in their fish period to fish.
It is fish could be Griffin or it could be so three writing so.
Well, OK, to be fair, I don't know who wrote the songs for Fish three 11 wrote it for Fish right sweetly.
This is our cover of the 311 song. We are the band Phish.
Let us begin our concert sweetly in every way that you treat me a fish story. But you know that it's picture perfect.
Our Morning Glory every time that we wake the morning ride is the longest ride Taika. Now, you said the word fish in there to try and try and catch us up, didn't you? I can't. I don't fish.
Fish has written some truly rough lyrics in the past. I do not think that they would do that.
I also didn't get a daily vibe from that. So I'm going to actually I'm going to put it.
I'm put three 11. That is three 11. Yes and No. Three 11, Gary. 11 in the fucking dragnet.
OK, I'm building you a pyramid with limestone blocks so large I dragged them from the mountaintop.
You'll need a two car garage that feels Dave Matthew Thevenard. Fuck, fuck.
And you read it again. That's really hard. Yes. I'm building you a pyramid with limestone blocks so large I dragged them from the mountaintop.
You'll need a two car garage. See, that doesn't feel like Dave to me.
And there's no more three 11. Right. You can guarantee that fish then.
I agree with Chris. That is fish. OK, one more one more time. Yes, OK. Oh, hold tight.
Because the road can be a crazy ride and I know we're going to be all right because you are here with me.
Dave, Dave, that is Dave Matthews. Well done, boys. Well, Doug, I feel really weird about how good I did. Yeah, yeah.
I think you won the last time to Griffin. Yeah, he won the last time I well, I like this bit because I've finally found something I'm good at.
Why are you so good at Under the table in Fisher.
I don't know. I don't really like any of the bands involved. Can I do a Yahoo! Yes, I love that. Thank you. Someone sent in by Aaron.
Thank you, Aaron. It's anonymous Yahoo! Answers user who I'm going to call. Well, somebody responded to it and their name their name is Deadpool, which is fun, cool and funny. So Deadpool asks, I'm going to kick that bull's ass.
Do you remember that one time we were at a hotel and there was a conference going on and someone was like on like the tenth floor looking out the window and they saw someone was playing as Deadpool and just said to themselves, I'm going to kick that ass. Yeah, it was it was at Comic-Con and there were so many people there.
And it's like we're on the tenth floor of the hotel. How are you going to get down there and find that Deadpool and why that specific Deadpool?
There's other debris to Comic-Con. There's 50000 fucking dead pools here. How are you going to find out? What did that one Deadpool do to you?
Is that the real Deadpool and your Deadpool enemy whose name?
I don't know. Anyway, where's the Deadpool? This excited that Deadpool asks.
Just when I thought cowboy culture was dead, it only seems to be growing. Agree or disagree, growing up, my friends were ashamed of their cowboy parents.
Hey, son, you want me to come in to Career Day?
No, Dad, no, no, please.
I can do some of my lasso tricks. No mom's shit. Come on. Now, growing up, my friends were ashamed of their cowboy parents. They refused to dress cowboys and made comments like, I hate country music, but now they are older, most of them with families.
I noticed how they changed and have accepted the cowboy lifestyle. They now dress in cowboy clothes and listen to country music. Have you noticed this, or is this just something that happened in my city that's from dead?
No, it's definitely all over. I've seen that all over. You know, you get cowboy culture. It's yeah. When they're like 18, you know, they're getting tatted up and pierced all over. But then by thirty six, a cowboy bolo ties maybe.
Yeah, they're wearing Stetsons, they're wearing some, some Dann's boots.
Looking close, getting closer with the Lord, getting close with the Lord and enjoying a country music, little Carrie Underwood, I bet they enjoy and they do not like it when you take their cows and they're like they don't get back together.
Can I put a hot, hot piece of metal on that cow? It's mine, but I see it on your lawn.
Dave and I just wandered over here. Me and my family is going to eat that cow later took them.
So now I have to get coffee to get you. And now do you want some of these beings in the meantime that I've been cooking over this open fire? That's huge. Now, holy shit.
Like let's put jokes away for a second use are cooking beans on campfires.
Yeah. Right on there. Called Tenby and. They're full of protein and actually really good on the glycemic index. Yeah, that I love.
I said, though, that it was leading to a lot of injuries and like kids.
So fuck that. I get fucking sucks that, like, beans come up organically. And you know what? A big part beans plan my life. And I've probably got a lot of good being material saved up.
And the fact that you would just trample me like that is extremely. He's the beans man. He's the beans man.
I'm sorry I trampled your beans. I just have so many great insights about beans. Yeah, yeah. OK, see, I was taking on like a tide pod way. It's like eating a thousand tiny loaves of bread really.
So let's just sit in it for a second and let justice sit down and sit and be.
Yeah, we'll see that time. I told Patch Adams my dream was to sit in a swimming pool full of beans.
Yeah. Why did you do that? Because I'm nasty. You asked us if you should do that. We said no. You know what's going to happen. He's going to make you sit in beans and then you're going to get in and you're going to instantly realize, oh, I don't like this, and he's going to make you stay in it until you're better.
Know for a one hundred percent fact.
Two things. One, our audience has never seen the film Pirates out of two, we have definitely talked about the seedier Patch Adams, where he allows that old woman her life's goal of sitting in a vat full of noodles.
That is true. These two things.
And I know a third thing. I have a new joke about it.
OK, how long did that old lady, do you think after five minutes she was like, I know this probably took a long time to engineer, but I'd like very much to get out of the noodles. Yeah, that would be OK. I think if she made it five minutes.
That's the triumph of the human spirit, because I would get in and be like, there's not a lot to do now what.
OK, and now what do I do? Yeah. What's next for me?
One time I went into like a resale shop to look for furniture for the feeders is working out and they had a bunch of TV set up for sale.
And like you do it like a lot of electronic stores. They had like a movie playing on it and the movie they were playing on, it was Patch Adams.
It was such an interesting choice to me because they were like, you know, it's going to get people really hyped to buy these TVs. It's going to really show the top quality of these TV's and get people energized.
And so there was just a row of twenty televisions all showing Patch Adams.
One time I was in the waiting room on my oil was getting changed and they're showing Hancock nice.
There's not anything else I have to say about that's a bad ass flick. I enjoyed it. Superheroes, but he's he's not good.
And we've also talked about Hancock before. So let's let's maybe we've talked about everything before, though.
We can't talk about cowboy culture. And I think here I knew I listen, I wasn't ashamed of our cowboy parents. I thought I thought they were I thought they were putting in honest work to raise their family. You know what? And you know what I appreciated, Dad, Dad's best friend was his horse.
And like that relationship. And people have asked us time and time again, what's the deal with you guys and horses? And that's really it is.
You know, there was it was Uncle Honey, and he was around all the time. And we love that guy, you know, and sometimes dad let him babysit or take the car out when he had big plans. And the horse.
Yeah, we knew growing up and this was fine with us.
We knew that if you'd asked our dad to list his great love of his life, we would be three.
Mom would be to the open prairie at dawn would be number one.
Absolutely. That's our dad's heart. Our dads heart is in that that wide open trail and the promise of fortune and misfortune that is imbued with him.
And do you guys remember when dad retired from being a sheriff and moved to that town because he wanted to make some money, not in the gold trade, but rather selling equipment to people in the gold trade?
But the town was so lawless that he was forced to take up the badge again and become the law in that town. And I respected that. Yeah, I did.
I understood it, too, for sure. Yeah. I fucking hated Bad Mustache Man. Now, you remember when Dad had to fight bad mustache man did not like, keep this city safe.
He made six cool friends and they were, they were magnificent. And and I've run out of cowboy reference.
I did. Yeah. I do know this dad played for the Dallas Cowboys but then he broke his shoulder, had to retire Marrawah.
Dad played cowboy kadence. Yeah. Do you remember when our dad was a young male cow?
Yeah, gosh, OK. So what do you guys want to do? Another question you want give the money?
What's what are you all feeling right now that such a good money on hand off and you've botched it? You have dropped the ball just like our dad did in Super Bowl.
Thirty seconds, OK. OK, my dad got really good at bebop, OK? Shut up, shut up. Our dad works at a drugstore now. It's a very different lifestyle.
OK, now we are going to go there, the money zone.
It's more important than ever to use the postal service there. I said support the Postal Service and you can do that without even leaving your home by using Stamps.com. With Stamps.com, you can print postage on demand and avoid going to the post office. Stamps.com also offers up services with discounts up to 62 percent and no residential surcharges.
Simply use your computer to print official U.S. postage 24/7 for any letter, any package, any class of mail, anywhere you want to send it.
Once your mail is ready, just leave it for your mail carrier, maybe with a little note that says thank you so much. We couldn't do this without you scheduled. Pick up a drop it in the mailbox. It's that simple. And we stamps.com, you get great discounts to five cents off every stamp and up to 60 percent off USPS and UPS shipping rates. Right now, our listeners get a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale without any long term commitment.
Just go to Stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in my brother. All one word that stamps.com into my brother. All one word. Got a depression.
Teeth? Yep. They get dirty when you eat food, and that's unavoidable. There's no way there's no such thing as clean food. It's all going to get on there and it's all going to sustain them and get them filthy, filthy. It's not just not just the food service.
You're like on a motorbike and you have your mouth open or you get in there are you trip, you trip while you're on a farm and you lay on a big puddle of hog shit.
Whatever the situation quip has this amazing smart electric toothbrush that could teach you good habits like, you know, brushing your teeth correctly for the right amount of time and for the right reasons, for the correct reasons.
I'm just sick of all these sellouts out there brushing their teeth just to get ads on their shows.
I fight for the right reasons.
Well, quip has another good reason for you to do it. They have this new smart brush for adults and kids and it connects to this quip app on your frickin phone and it measures how good a brochure you are, how and you get points and you can redeem those points for rewards like free products, gift cards and discounts from Kiwibank partners.
That's the right reason I'm going to do that now. I've changed my mind.
This is the right reason. It's very strong. It's a very strong it's a powerful idea from quip innovators in the space walk.
Yes. Feel like you're going to Chuck E. Cheese every time you brush your teeth. It's amazing.
You can get a brush, you can get a brush, had toothpaste and floss refills delivered from five bucks. And you can start getting rewarded for brushing your teeth today by going to get quip dotcom slash my brother right now to get your first refill free. That's your first refill free at get quip dotcom slash my brother.
That's get QIP dot com slash my brother quip better oral health made simple and rewarding manners noun definition, rules of etiquette designed not to judge others, but rather to guide ourselves through everyday social situations.
I'm your husband host Travis McElroy and I'm your wife. Host Teresa McElroy. Every week on Sweetners, we take a look at a topic that has to do with society or manners. We talk about the history of it. We take a look at how it applies to everyday life and we take some of your questions.
And sometimes we do a biography about a really cool person that had an impact on how we view etiquette.
So join us every Friday and listen to Manners on Maximum Fun Dog or wherever podcasts are found. Manners, manners. Get it.
De de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de de jong. No drugs, John.
I want to munch squad squad walking a Squad is a somber podcast within a podcast dedicated to the latest and greatest in brand eating. And today we're saying goodbye to some friends.
I have three different stories for you all by saying goodbye. Oh no. And I think in these times it's important to embrace change. But it's also also very important to take a look back and say, like, this is where we were.
This is who we were.
This is what we were the first and most notable.
And this one is going to be a kind of a harder much square because it's not a lot of jokes in this one. We're going to send jokes, jokes kind of presence there because the door in case they hear something really important. But for the most part, I just want to take a moment to say goodbye, because on August 13th, Taco Bell trimmed their menu at stores across the country and we said goodbye to kind of just real quick, well, really great items travel.
I, I can I make one joke? Well, let's say it's weird to me that Taco Bell would have to cut their items when they are all made from the same five basic ingredients. That's so bad.
Yeah, I was thinking, OK, I heard you out, though. So they're streamlining as a result. covid-19. I mean, these are today's calamities and casualties are all covid-19 related. So they're streamlining their menu. A lot of restaurants have done this. You can't get a fucking grilled chicken sandwich at McDonald's to save your life, even if you're the kind of boy that just eats the loose breast of chicken to get him through the day. It's not available to you anymore.
Taco Bell is following suit.
We're going to say goodbye to some friends in the grilled steaks off Taco No. The seven layer burrito. What? The case down. Which is weirdly still available via the app for order ahead, so I guess it's kind of like if you want to get Syria, you've got to let us know. We got to go into the closet. We got a high shelf. We got to get some stuff out of Nacho Supreme. So this is the category.
This is where it really starts to hurt for me because the beefy Fritos burrito is like my.
Fucking shit, along with the loaded grillers, both of which are now gone now, how no spicy tostada, no triple layer nachos, potatoes, they don't have them anymore.
Spicy potato, soft taco gone, chips and dips out, cheesy fiesta potatoes gone. So I just want to say I want to I want to say this once this one really stings, a lot of my road dogs are in that list and I'm going to miss those boys and all the different things they did to my body.
So rest rest in peace, my friends.
You know, I hope to see you back again sometime, you know?
Let's take a trip over to Belgium. Let's fly this sad funeral plane over to Belgium, where we're going to say goodbye to just basic human dignity.
Burger King is offering in Belgium is offering to print customers orders on face masks so they can avoid mass mumbling ha.
So they can avoid mask. Mumbling They will print.
How do they get the orders to 250 of justice or die?
Burger King fans everywhere are going to get their order printed on a face mask that they can wear into Burger King at this point in in the in the biggest, boldest steps we've taken towards the Wolly future yet.
You'll just be the point at your mass to get your food slurry shaped in whatever form you want.
And what this what this assumes is that every employee at the same thing a fucking lot.
I don't know how you're winnowing it down, but that every employee at a Belgian at every Belgian Burger King will know about this with only two hundred and fifty of them being made so that when one person for the first time and maybe only time ever walks into one location and just points at their own face mask, they'll be like, oh, of course, of course I know what that means.
It also assumes that you will get the exact same thing every time you go to Burger King or is it dry erase what's happening?
The the the last one is is rough. Kentucky Fried Chicken, KFC, to its friends, is. It's saying goodbye to finger licking good, no, well, because of how I see. I want to say a huge thank you to just not me, to different does the person that is my way, but of course, yes, he has now on today, as we recorded this year of our Lord and perhaps the day or listen to our August 24th.
Give our Lord and an almighty 20 20 today. KFC was like, hey, are we still saying people shouldn't do that?
Wait, I. I mean, I will I will raise the point that if you're eating the chicken. Yeah. The damage is done right, and so my transmission surfaces does not seem to be a huge vector for infection, but that's not a good slogan.
That's a very long slogan, actually.
So Katherine Tan, Gillispie global chief marketing officer at KFC, said in the statement, We find ourselves in a unique situation, having an iconic slogan that doesn't quite fit in the current environment.
This is, of course, a problem shared by a lot of different chains.
You know what a burger has?
They're a longtime slogan, jam that virus inside me. And they have had to suspend that. Of course, making kids had to change their liquids.
Now there is while we are pausing the use of its finger lickin good reporting, it's on hiatus.
It's just it's just on hiatus until the day that I assume the day the vaccine is made widely available, you will know this is the reverse canary in the coal mine. You will know that the danger has passed because the colonel will proudly announce that you can once more like your face and there will be a global balloon drop.
It'll be the first one of its kind.
While we are pausing the use of its finger licking good, rest assured, the food craved by so many people around the world isn't changing one bit. It would actually be patently insane if they are like this.
Food's too fucking good.
It's is licking their fingers because it's so damn delicious. We we have to fix. We have to fix it. Just wash your hands before you eat the chicken.
Oh, Steve, I see you got some KFC for lunch. How is it.
I mean, it's good. It's fine. I left my fingers selfie though. I washed my hands, which is weird.
It just said during a year when the pandemic is upended, businesses and lives around the globe, use of the slogan, quote, doesn't feel quite right.
It is August twenty fucking fourth. OK, April, May, June, July.
We're five months and change into this and they've just now been like, No. One, lick your finger.
All right, that sucks. Well, he has tough times all around, but, you know, you do what you can. Let's let's do another question. Yeah. Is there a way to make exercise feel good?
Lots of people claim exercise feels good, but I find it actually feels bad for muscles hurt.
It's hard to breathe. Yeah. Ah, my endorphins broken in my permanently messed up from being the slowest kid in elementary school gym class. Or is there some way I can convince myself that exercise for its own sake, is it basically a form of punishment. And that's from pushups in Pasadena.
If I exercise felt good I'd be doing it right. Right now. Yeah, for sure. Yep. This is exercise. Exercise does not feel good. This is a lot. If exercise felt good, we'd all be carved.
Yes. We don't have our Beach Boys. Right 24 hours state. I've feel good.
I'll be shredded wheat, you know what I mean. We'd all be amazing. But the thing is, I think it's it feels good.
I think the idea of it makes you feel good, but the actual practice of it hurts your body and hurts your body to jump up and down and lift things that are heavy for no reason, that that one's going to make the old muscles and body and bones and tissue and organs hurt. I think the exercise felt good.
It doesn't feel good though, like, you know, in retrospect you can get to the end of a run and be all sweaty, but then the sweat goes away and you're like, man, that felt good.
Now that's just your body thanking you for not running anymore. Right.
And even then it will feel bad again later.
When you sit down for too long and go to stand up and your legs are like, fuck you. You've used me all up today. Check in again tomorrow.
I guess I have a friend who did a big run and life with lots of other people and his his nipples were.
Gone. And it's like I want to ask him in that moment, as he crosses crosses the finish line, they dump milk on him or whatever, like how do you how do you feel?
Because I bet you right, Dan? Actually, you know what? Ten feet before the finish line, how do you feel maybe the middle of the mayor marathon is when you're 10 feet from the finish line, you're probably like, oh, God, it's almost over halfway through when you could take or leave it and your nipples are already gone.
Yeah, I bet you don't feel good.
I bet this exercise feels quite bad in there is there is a point in there where your nipples begin to chafe and you think I'm going to keep going. And that for me is where the disconnect occurs, because I would be thinking, oh, my feet are tired and my legs are kind of hurt weight.
My nipples are hurting. I'm pretty sure they're not doing anything right now. This is clearly wrong.
I'm going to go to a doctor. The time when I bet it would feel good is when I was like eighteen nineteen twenty. Yes.
That's just more of the your body when you're young is filled with good genes. Yes. If you exercise it triggers your muscles to release more good juice.
That just makes them feel good and go forever.
And you hit a point I believe it's twenty eight where your body's like that's all the juice I have. There's no more good juice production. So if you exercise now, you're just using up what little juice you have left at. That and I think that's where I'm at now.
I went for a walk with my dogs yesterday and noticed about three hours later my arms hurt. And that's when it's like my body was like, I don't know what other signals I can send you my dude, that we are not outdoor kids, you and me, buddy.
We're chair friends.
Yeah, I got gaymer hands. Yeah, that's tough, that's tough.
And the problem is people look at me and they think Travis is a big, strong boy who can do anything. Oh, no. And they'll ask me, like, hey, can you run this marathon for charity? Or like, I need a big, strong man to, like, lift this car off of this person who's trapped underneath it.
And I'm like, oh, no, this is all for show. Yeah, it's decorative meat. Yeah.
This is for show and not for going, you know what I mean. Like, I can't lift that car off of your loved one. I'm sorry, but I can take a picture of it and put it on Instagram.
I, I, I have been having to wear carpal tunnel brace on my wrist because I mess my body up because I'm old and I tried to start woodworking in my late 30s and my body is like, that's too much.
You can't squeeze that drill for that long. And now my body is so ruined by the carpal tunnel that I can't even game.
And that's rude. Well, can you imagine doing that unless I wanted to connect.
Oh, that's nice. Yeah, I guess I could do that. Just dance with the kids. Yeah. No, I can't dance.
No, my body is riddled with pain. I can't. It was selling this it i it's hard to sleep it, it's a large brace and I thought you and your body it's hard to sleep with my body.
It ain't easy.
Thank you Mr. Hill.
Appreciate it. Anyway, getting old is bad. Yesterday I was reading them a woodworking magazine and there was an ad for very small oxygen tanks that let you keep woodworking.
You would have needed one of those fucking spiraled so bad I had to lay down on the floor. This is not a I was joking. There's a man with a very tiny oxygen fuck and doing some carving in his shop.
First off, I still don't think that's a great idea.
But secondly, I just fucking lay down spiral. I was I was in a bad state.
Hey, can't do you wait. I forgot that. I have a great new segment for you guys.
OK, so I already did the one about fast food, but that one's over. We've all seen it coming for some time. We've been sunsetting it.
It's in its twilight.
I have been getting Wood magazine and Wood magazine has pack in advertisements. All right. And I just wanted to share with you guys as a member of the Wood magazine target demographic, some of the products that are coming my way. OK, first off is.
It's a huge ad for advanced digital hearing aid technology, which is now rechargeable. It's about how a Chicago doctor shook up hearing aid industry with his newest invention.
It's a very good it's very good hearing. Aid seems great. Here's one. This is good. Celebrate your team in style and it's a decanter and for small glasses with my favorite football team.
Oh, and then the stopper on the decanter is a little glass football helmet. So when did you retire?
The crystal glasses and decanter rimmed with gleaming twenty twelve karat gold for beauty and years of use.
So this is these advertisers are not necessarily for woodworking except for exactly the demographic woodworking example.
Here's a model a Lecoq refresh you behind the wheel of a daring Bel Air.
This is an exclusive Hamilton debut of a small scale model of one one one to 18 scale, 11 inch long Coca-Cola car. It's a Chevrolet Bel Air with Coca-Cola graphics, beautiful to be beautiful.
And just three payments of thirty three. Thirty three.
And then you could own this fucking Bel Air with Coke logos all over for one hundred dollars.
Justin, does every advertisement begin with you're reading a woodworking magazine so we assume you've got disposable income.
You we assume you're burning your old and ready to blow it all.
You don't want to leave anything to your ungrateful kids. So check out this decanter with your favorite sports team on it.
Now, in that same price range, limited to ninety five casting days, skillfully handcrafted and painted by hand, this all new collectible pays tribute to Budweiser, the king of beers in the classic woody wagon for just one hundred dollars.
I can have a small car with Bud Rise. Why is a written on it?
And it looks like a wagon and it's 11 inches long and I can buy it for one hundred dollars. It's a Studebaker, Woody.
I can say that Studebaker. You say it. Funny guy. Vintage slogans and graphics complete.
It's classic look and you can just buy that and you can own this small, you see these things and you're like, how do these you see these things second right at secondary places? And you're like, that's a weird item. How did this get what was the primary entrance of this item into the ecosystem? You know what I'm saying?
Somebody must have called Budweiser enough times. It's like, hey, do you guys sell, like, models of yore?
I mean, like, you see this kind of stuff at a secondhand store and you're like, that's fucking weird.
But you don't have to consider, like, how it made its primary interest entrance into Earth. And this is how they're getting in to the Braford exchange.
I have one more Braford exchange piece.
I think also U.S. is a slight tangent, but you mentioning Budweiser, it suddenly clicked for me. A really good spokesperson for Budweiser would be Paul Reiser and like to say, like, I'm Paul Reiser for Budweiser. And that's just made me really happy.
That kicks ass. I think it's cool, dude. Spirit of the West Express Silver Edition, huh? You can celebrate the one hundredth anniversary of the Indian head nickel with this real working electric train collection.
What, are you fucking kidding me with this?
Here's some things that said, oh, I did want to tell you, by the way, on the Budweiser thing, it has this big star emblazoned on it and written in there is an officially licensed by Anheuser-Busch. It be pretty fucking crazy. Wasn't up there a lot, just like, hey, we're just making a Budweiser car.
We can't fuck with the exchange. You can't touch us, can't touch us.
You know who we are. So there's this. Imagine a person who's like, I did want to mark the centennial of this great Niccolò. So I'm going to buy a silver train to mark this exciting occasion. It's an electric train and you get some pieces of track need to run your train.
And it's got one of the it's got a nickel replica on the front.
It's made a silver and it's to say three easy payments at twenty six. Sixty six.
And then you get other cars for more money minted for only twenty six years. That seems like you feel like you can make a lot of nickels in there.
Considering that considering the Budweiser car only has ninety five casting days, I have to say six years. Seems like a twenty six years is a very well.
I've never made a nickel before and I think I could make a lot of nickels in twenty six years.
I bet you could. What's great about that is that trains sitting on the shelf would be the best way of like it's like a prime example of a thing that like a like an adult kid would walk into and see on a parent's shelf and think, fuck you, Dad.
I remember, Dad when you told me you wouldn't help me by my first car because I had to learn to be responsible with money.
Fuck you, Dad. Now you're blowing one hundred.
Think of all the times in your life you didn't have one hundred dollars and now you have one hundred dollars to buy a Budweiser truck that you won't let your grandkids play with.
Because I know you have this silver trick on this silver train set. It says that you pay the twenty 666 for three easy payments, then you keep getting the fucking trains and then it said you can cancel any time.
What and I, I the idea that you would change from a person that would want this to a person that wouldn't want this at this point in your life is unfathomable to me.
I'm assuming the only cancellations are usually part of a state settlement that I have to imagine.
That is the only actual cancellation of this product that ever occurs.
Why am I still getting this? Oh, wow.
Thank you so much for listening to our program. My brother, my brother. Maybe we hope you have enjoyed yourself.
Hey, will you get our podcasting book? It's right over there. Maybe just hand it to me. I know we make this look easy, but it's actually quite a challenge. We could teach you how we do it.
It's called Everybody Has a Pocket. Is it everyone I can ever remember?
I came up with the name and I still don't remember. Everybody has a podcast except you, and it's coming out in January, but you can preorder it now.
So please do that at wherever fine books are sold.
I wanted to say the last 72 hours have been pretty sort of horrifying, nationally speaking, and I would encourage everybody to find some way to chip in to help both with the the California wildfires.
There's no shortage of places that you can donate to or, you know, mutual aid funds that you can support for specific communities affected by the wildfires and also finding ways to support Black Lives Matter and the the Milwaukee Freedom Fund, who's working with protesters over Jacob Blake shooting, which is fucking infuriating in Kenosha. Yeah, we'll have links in the episode description and yeah. Think about helping out with that because it's shit is shit is super rough right now along those same lines.
Make sure that you are registered to vote. There are there was a lot of like voter registration purging over time. And if you change addresses, anything like that, it's really easy to check. Don't wait on it because we're probably going to need to do a lot of early and mail in and absentee ballots.
And that is going to probably be a fucking fucking fucking shitty.
Yeah, fucking sucks.
So make sure that you're registered now, if not, get registered and then vote against Donald Trump. Yeah.
Also thanks to John Rodrik and a long winter series for a theme song instead of Parcher off the album, putting the days to bed. And thank you for listening. Thanks. Maximum fun for having us on the network. And let's let's take it to the bridge, by which I mean the the conclusion.
Let's do it, let's find out who was sent in by Adrian Cowls. Thank you, Adrian. Yahoo! Answers User Anonymous. Deadpool also asked this one, very irreverent and very funny.
And Kickett, he kicks ass and he asks, Is the TNT movie from 1990 significant?
It's just an hour, Travis McElroy. Yeah, I'm Griffin Knackery, sorry, it's that question has been has me on a journey. It's been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad square on the lips. Maximum fun dog comedy and culture, artist owned, audience supported.