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The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only, so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up? You call? Hello, everybody, welcome my brother, my brother, media adviser for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.


I'm your Mila's brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy.


It's time. That's right. The fall is here. The fall is falling. The fall has fallen. I have an exciting Monch Squad episode right here at the beginning of the show that I that I feel like apropo. I would love to set the tone if I could if I could invite you guys in. Yes. Please come with me. OK, I stand behind this curtain here now. I am going to make a quick call on my phone, but who am I going to be calling you ask?


Well, uh, Stella, this is David Travis Traviss doing some fully work I thought would be fun if I could get Duflo work too. But I didn't know you were.


But you OK? Hello, this is David. Hi, David. What's your role here? I know I'm a vampire on choice.


I don't know what we're fucking like. You know, I like that. We'll get back to just the thing in a second. But let's fuck with this. I'm a I'm an autumn vampire. Halloween, so Halloween is just around the corner.


Starbucks is declared that fall has begun and the pumpkin spice latte is returning.


According to Curis, our magazine, a magazine for the quick service restaurant industry.


And I did want to just set the tone because I'm so excited to say that it's back like it came back two days ago as we're recording this.


But like, as you're listening to it, August 25th, since Starbucks is like, hey, listen, we can't do a lot, but does this do anything like is this anything?


This is sort of like the one gif of Donald Glover walking into the room with pizza from community, remember?


And the whole place is on fire. And you turn around, walk with love that Jeff.


Love that, Jeff. Except he's holding huge cups of pumpkin spice latte and he does attempt to up in the cups onto the fire to see if it does anything. All right. Maybe this does something. Hey, can I also just say, like this year I and maybe Justin Griffin will go along with me on this.


I would like to place a moratorium on making jokes about like a pumpkin spice, lattes and everything, because I think pumpkin spice is the least of our worries is bigger, bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.


Fresh, bigger, fresh. Starbucks has made this like even more exciting.


I mean, this fall with the fall hot line one eight three three get fall, get fucked.


I don't know what to expect, but I'm calling right now. Oh, and we'll just all sort of experiences together. See what happens.


Hey there. All you any writers leaf breakers and broken space lovers. Yeah. You're coming here to spice up your life and you would definitely come to the right place. The one to head out on a hayride to the practice of Pumpkin Bartrop three to cozy up with your cub, thank you both for the flow on repeat pick pick up five to one venture to the pumpkin cream goofballs where you will stick to endless piece of perfection are seven. Again, a lovely leaf crunching school girl made the knit sweaters with grandpa I so many you get lost.


Just known to be directed back to the main menu. Seven Close your eyes, your mind will fall.


Feels nice.


Can I get some more treble in the mix. Starbucks. Oh God.


Being out here reminds me of what life is all about. Finding lasting love can be.


Also I need to borrow like a thousand dollars. I promise you I'll pay you back. Can you imagine I have an opportunity for free money. Hey I could you my pumpkin spice. But that's probably the spice please. It will make them very sick. He's feeding it to the ducks. Let's go on a hayride would.


All this is around the pumpkin patch coming right up, take me.


Oh, no, Tommy fell under the wheel. He said, look, we got to go back a little bit.


I can't play a bad joke, Tommy. He's dead, man. Well, it does sound that sounds great.


I'll tell you the last thing you want to hear. The one about fucking your cup of a. What way is this?


The Cup's voice talking to your house down. You better get your Starbucks quick. It's the only place.


This is for the insurance money. It's what you were hinting at, right?


We both agreed I'd kill your mom.


You kill my dad if he's willing to work for footie pajamas. But I don't want to be right here.


What? The fire is happening. The fire is happening. Also, why would you wear footie pajamas and fuzzy socks?


Yeah, I mean, is my destiny those this endless pursuit of perfection happy both to see the joy. Oh, good. Autumn, Alex. I'll take a grand apple. No, wait. A van tpsac.


Oh, Susan here.


I wasn't expecting to see you in the back behind the counters that Tommy's ghost.


So when we start pulling be start calling.


I like that you like that one more with me. Can you do that? You've had enough lips there.


Hey, I'll tell you more whip.


No more. No more.


He's just he's just blowing the foam off into the guy's face. Is that more oil and gas or. You work for me, Jerry? No, my name's not Jerry. It's Tommy. Oh, no.


Float's off into ghost. So anyway, there is a cult about pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks has been fostering for years.


Just fun. Rush into a Starbucks crowd, fill that place, fill it up with warm bodies and get that as close as you can. Pack them like sardines to the window, to the wall, to the leaves.


Start to fall. It's pumpkin spice latte season.


So welcome to fall. The autumnal energy is strong here on this episode.


It's one hundred and four Fahrenheit degrees outside. Yeah, still doing summer here. Looking forward to the peaceful.


You know what I call that hot with all hot fall, hot fall. There's cold fall. There's green fall and there's fall. Fall. That's it.


Hey, are you guys. I don't want to keep distracting for it. This is an advice show. We will get the advice. It's kind of a weird time.


Things are weird. I just want this to be a weird show.


Sucks. It feels appropriately weird. He has getting a lot of weird political texts from people who supposedly are of your team.


Just fucking fucking pretty. Well, let's talk about the travel. I know you got one and yours tops mine.


OK, so I want to just share mine first.


Literally, as we started recorded, I got this text with just 12 hours to go. Joe Biden is rapidly dropping in the polls.


Undecided voters love trumps convention and no one is donating to our texts.


Oh, fundraising pitch. First of what happens in 2008, are we every voting in twelve hours? That's very unnerving.


It's voting when the leaves start to fall. You have twenty four hours to vote for the American president.


Now I receive a text, James Carville here as a lifelong Cajun, I've seen them all. This is a text in which James Carville is telling me who to vote for in the Louisiana election.


I am uncertain on why I'm on this list and how I might use this information. Have you got any fun texts? Oh, mine are our porny. I just came here porny text and I get the weird Pawni text to me and a bunch of other three or four numbers and there's always somebody in the three of four numbers.


It's like, what's your fucking problem? I'm going to, I'm going to come. I'm going to come fucking.


Somebody'll sit and be like, Do you want to see my wet butt?


And then some random huntingtown and we'll be like, I'm going to fucking kill you in my car.


Like when that happens to me, it's twenty West Virginians, twenty rowdy West Virginians that they've gathered into one text thread who are not pleased. So this is a thread of people.


Each one of the text I'm about to read to you is from a different phone number.


OK, so we all get the spam text and then someone texts a picture of a stop sign. Stop. Next person. No kidding.


Next person, stop, next person, stop.


And then then then they've included the email address of the person that sent out the initial text by person.


Of course, I mean a robot who is not reading this and the next person all caps stop right after that quick texting me asshole.


I'm getting same text messages from a third party. It's called spam. Just delete the damn things. Next person. It's not me. I'm trying to get this mess off my phone. Next person to get these guys off my phone. I am not texting you. They're saying this in a text message to the entire group. Last person, OK? And then they were done and then everyone got the got the memo.


Do you guys ever get these? I get them sometimes. It's like, hey, it's dad. I left my medication at your house. Please call me, please. I need that medication.


And it's using dad's phone number phone. Someone got act. Yes. And I'm like, hey, listen, I am.


And he's like, no, please, I need this. I'm having my dark cravings again. Please. Daddy likes his medicine. Can we do a question, my cat, who I assume was lost for over three years, has reappeared in my neighbor's window, the perfect crime.


I don't want to take her back, but I do want to visit her as she acknowledges my presence through the clear window. Problem is, I'm very socially awkward and I don't know what to say to my elderly woman neighbor in order to visit my courageous calico kitty.


Thank you for that. Alteration is very much appreciated.


Brothers, how do I visit my cat at my neighbor's house? That's from Kitty Conundrum in the Keystone State.


What's wild about this is that the middle road that you're attempting to find here is the wildest option.


The two options you have are nothing or full blown.


Liam Neeson smashing the front door, grab the cat, smoke bomb, rappel out the window like this is my fucking cat that gives me outer.


What's that? The commuter. Huh? So there's a movie called The Commuter starring Liam Neeson. Yeah. About what happens in it, and I change that to the commuter. What happens in the movie? So he steals his cat, it's his neighbor, and he asked me, why wouldn't they just call that movie?


The commander then can say is trademarked by me just now, but this is after the movie came out, LA Love, actually.


Now, that's now that's a movie part of, you know, what you would call it my cat, actually, because you would say that's my cat.


Actually, my cat actually walking into this house to me, like, hey, what's up? You stole my cat. Can I pet it is fucking out of this world or it's so it's the heart of this little one, right?


Because there's not a decent human be on earth who I mean, one or two things will happen, right? If you say, hey, that's my cat, then the neighbor who is also a person with their own thoughts and feelings, will say, well, you should take this cat back.


I don't want to be a cat thief. That sucks. Or I've been watching this cat for two years. You need to go home, this cat, and you don't live together anymore.


They don't know who you are, that there is no middle ground where they're like joint custody. Maybe. May we share the cat nights.


A weekend counterpoint. OK, you ready for this Meander point counterpoint? Yes, hello. Hi, I just I wanted to visit Cinnamon, the Cinnamon Home. Excuse me, Cinnamon, the cat used to live with me now is a view totally cool. I just wanted to check in and see how Cinnamon is doing.


I can tell you're having trouble hearing me. Let me remember my face mask and get even closer to you. OK, go ahead.


I'm here to visit the cat.


I'm willing to do it here on the porch.


If you don't want me to come in your home, can you pretend there's something that the cat left at your house that is probably missing like this? I know a mouse, Mr Cinnamon here.


He left his rape pin at my house, if you please take it back.


So he has his chunky ATV that he craves and just he likes his food warmed up, you know, just open the front door and crack a can of Starquest and just wait.


That's will find a way to kind of get out there, you know, that's a good point. I'm going to open the door, just open a Starquest.


I'll tell you what, if the reason you finally, after all this time saw your cat in the window is your cat is trying to signal you that it needs rescued.


Yeah. Like this is the first time the cat was able to get your attention, like get me out of here. This lady thinks that I am her son. Please.


Cats do have this one unique ability. If you open the stark has can near an open window, they could actually float out on the waves and waves that I've seen that happens and they come and go.


And if it makes you feel any better.


The cat does not remember, you know, if that if that lessens the burden in any way, this cat does not remember you dog would. Yes, yeah, absolutely. I've seen those videos of hero soldiers.


The dog would be OK. Yeah. The cat, you know, does not care.


You ever see whether it is the cat? Absolutely not.


I think we've talked about this before, but it's the most unbelievable part of the incredible journey was it called with the two dogs and the one cat that the two dogs that cross were bound by the incredible animals journeys.


Yes. Where the two dogs I believe that two dogs, they would like jump over the Grand Canyon. The fact that the cats like I'm also going to go with you two dogs know what it was called, pet friends on the road.


I think it was I think it was just called Ramblin Pets.


Hey, Gadir. Yahoo! Yeah, please. This Yahoo! Was sent in by this is an interesting this is an interesting one. And I'm really just going to send it in by and I can't thank you, Emma. It's and I'm just going to ask it and then I'm going to go one, two, three, and then everybody say their answer and we're not going to do anything else on it. I just really like I saw this and I was like, this isn't a good question.


It was just an interesting sort of like Myers Briggs personality test. So I'm going to ask it. It was from Yahoo! Answers user froths or perhaps Frege, who asks and again, I'm going to ask it, and then one, two, three and say it and don't make it. Don't be funny. Don't do your usual joke bullshit.


Like, let's pretend like we have a bit of respect for this podcast and it's fun.


I have never once been funny on this show. Get. Fraser asks. Which chess piece is the sexiest, one, two, three, Michette Rock. OK, we also differentiate.


I thought sure we'd all say Bishop Well the rook is the least sexiest. Justin said, I'm sorry. Well, it's got like a bunch of different. It's got the closest to a hand fair, I think.


OK, well, now, now, hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on. We have not established criteria.


I said we weren't going. I said we weren't going to. I know I'm sorry girlfriend, but I was thinking about it in terms of sexiest to look at night.


The idea is she wasn't even thinking about finishing.


Yeah, I was thinking about like if I was working in an office and it was like a break time. And I looked out the window and I saw this chest piece cracking open a cold Diet Coke whilst working on the construction site across the way.


Which one would I most enjoy? What you would I most enjoy looking. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba night. All right. You're just going to keep it at a distance.


A romantic dalliance for your daydream.


Listen, I'm saying that maybe this is aspirational or maybe it's just perhaps, if you will, fuel for the fire back home. I am not looking for an entanglement with this chest piece, but I like the idea of a night. And I think it's a sexy cause.


I don't know, maybe this isn't the fuckin PC thing to say, but I'd rather get to know the chest piece mind first, because that's what's sexy to me.


Neither one of us went for power, though. None of us went for like Queen or King.


And we all we know our place. Yeah, like we know. We know. We know where we pull back.


But all of us rose above porn. No one said porn. Well, now we're better than that.


There's lots of those.


I'm just saying, if I could have all the puns, then we may be into something of a situation now gripping you said Bishop.


Does the religious aspect not scare you off there at all?


Well, that's that's not what I was thinking about, Travis. But I don't again, I said when I said we're not going to talk about it, it's because I didn't really want to get into it.


And I thought that you guys would share my feelings. But I guess I'm going to guess.


Can I say one word and you tell me if I nailed it? Yeah. Curvature. I want to show on Slote. Here's another Yamhill now, Griffin, who was right. I mean. Depending on how you look at the bishop, it could look like a pyramid joke.


There's Yahoo! Is sent in by Johannes Iohannis. Thank you. It's from Yahoo!


Answers user Christopher, who asks if Adidas started selling T-shirts with photos of your face on them.


Uh huh. How would you react? Confused at first, if I'm being honest, why I was chosen. Yeah, why was I chosen to represent in a sport confusion wouldn't even be.


Well, first of all, you wouldn't be representing a sport, right? Like it wouldn't have you. And then, like, you know, the New England Patriots logo probably is just me saying a team.


I'm saying that Adidas, as you have said, is is a sporting goods company, are they not?


Yeah, but that doesn't that doesn't mean that you represent sports.


It just means Adidas thought that your face would be cool to put on a t shirt. I think confusion would be the first reaction from most of us and then it would continue to be the reaction for a while. I want to know what goes deeper than that.


Can I be honest, Griffin, please, for confusion? Because at first I would be confused why Adidas has chosen me, but then I would start to think, how did Adidas get this photo? Who within the Adidas Corporation was like, I guess looking on perhaps Instagram, my Facebook and your Facebook profile photo, and then you get upset about it.


And fucking Zach is like.


This allowed you put it on Facebook by now, and I gave it to Adidas, they were scrolling by and they they would have just thought this is aesthetically pleasing enough that it will sell T-shirts, then I guess maybe flattered might be that's buried in the photos somewhere with your Facebook like xox, just like, hey, Insuk, I hope you're not reading this legal stuff because I want to sell your shit to Adidas.


Oh yeah. Oh yeah. All day I dream about screwing you over. You know what I mean.


It would be like and then I'll be out on the street and see somebody walking. I'll be like, man, their shoes look like my bare feet. And then it turns out Adidas has gotten my feet off.


Facebook fan explains why they have made those pants that look like my my naked body in the waist down.


So you had your beepers in, but now everything is on these new Adidas track pants. It's your Bizim, but your hairy legs, my feet and Justin's face is like the whole torso.


Now, here's here's what I imagine happens.


I go to Adidas and I say, hey, what the fuck? And then they say, well, turns out your body is perfectly aerodynamic.


Your body is the most part. You are like a blade moving through the wind. And so now every sporter wants their body shape, like your body. And I'll say, can I have some money, please?


And they'll say, You don't own your body. God owns your body. God owns your body.


And also, that explains why all the new Formula One races we've been seeing lately are just big papier mâché. Travis head. Yes, just zooming around the track so far. Which nature's arrow?


Nature's Arrow Traviss, which makes it all the more upsetting when there is a big when there's a big accident on the field, because that's my brother's head just going all topsy turvy.


But it also explains why they've put those amplifiers in the mouth of the cars are just screaming as they go around.


It's really scary. And Travis, you said the first thing you do is and I quote and just back me up on this, you go to Adidas. Uh huh.


Tell me what that looks like. I'm watching you. You are pretty there. Jeyes that I'm there. It's him.


They'll say, OK, stop, stop it. Listen to me, OK? And use your fucking brain. OK, for once, OK? You see someone's face. You see your face on both a t shirt and an Adidas sponsored Formula One race car. You say that's fucked up. I should go to Adidas about that. Now, tell me literally the next thing I happen to and don't say go to Adidas.


I probably tweet at them tonight. Can I see do where can I find you? Where I would say, well, yes, of course. You're the face of Adidas. Please come visit us. Yeah. Not enough people are tweeting at Brandts.


Where are you. Where are you. Where are you right now. I know. I got to get over there. Yeah. You guys know what Adidas stands for all day. I dream about soccer.


Hey, Griffin. That is why it's for name for its owner, Adi Dassler, founded in nineteen twenty four in Germany. Adi Dassler and Daddy Ghazaleh, yeah, but of course. Don't tell that to Jonathan Davis, who heard one day someone said, you know, it stands for all that. You're right. And he's like, fuck, that's funny. I'm going to sit down to write a song about that. Yeah, that's awesome.


I think I would be disappointed. I think that would be the arc, I think I'd be confused and then flattered and then disappointed because I didn't get any money. What if it's your face, Travis?


I know what a fucking face is going to be because you have you have a fucking either the face you make in all the fuckin pics that you're always sharing to people you have you've trademarked you've patented that face. I get it. Yeah. I don't know which one I'm going to have on there. I don't have like a go to face.


I like.


And maybe it's your face that you make when I've just said something that is dumb and you kind of like like curl up one eyebrow and your mouth like twists into this little it's the rock you're thinking of the rocket, dammit.


I don't like that one. The rock does that one.


I've seen a lot of faces. I make a lot of faces in photos that a lot of people see them and have to wonder, what did he just do before this photo?


Oh yeah.


Because it seems on scrupulous.


It's a little your your impish for sure.


You have a certain impish quality about you, but like a stinky bad, you know, like a devilish trickster, like a, like a, a real garbage.


What you make the face that you think would be on the t shirt. Make it right now. OK. Oh yeah. That's it.


That's all right. So my dad owns a small family business that used to be my grandfather's. My siblings and I have made many attempts to bring me that twenty four percent year over the years with very success.


The big hurdle is this.


He brings his work desktop computer with him when he travels, going on a Disney cruise with my mom, brings the desktop and sets it up in the cabin monitor, keyboard, tower, mouse, his favorite mousepad.


Everything comes with him no matter how short or long the trip.


We bought him a laptop last year and set up for him and he and my mom only use it to zoom with us.


He said laptops aren't for work because you can't trust them.


We are fully at the end of our collective rope here, is there no hope for him? Will he never know the joy of a travel sized computer that's from Luddism Long Island? Holy shit.


Holy fuck. That's so good. That's rough. You know, I will say it didn't occur to me until I just was reading it. The you can't trust and comment if you just look at the construction. There is no built in lock point in a desktop computer because no one is ever cruising around the Starbucks looking for an unwatched towers that they might spirit away.


Yeah, no one's going to steal your tower because you see a laptop. And there's also a certain guarantee of this is a functioning computer, but a lot of desktop towers, unless it has some like dope's LEDs and some fucking real gaymer cooler's up in. I'm just going to assume it's random fucking Windows 95.


Yeah. Yeah. With this cat. Yeah. That would be sick if he didn't have like a monstrous face is dark, but he's a bit mining.


Oh yeah.


I can't, I can't go, I can't use my laptop because I melted my third video card this week and mine out that maybe that was your grandfather like an E sports gamer and now your dad has taken over and he's disappointed because you aren't into EA Sports, you're out there, I don't know, maybe studying law or whatever. And he's disappointed that you didn't follow along.


I brought I brought the laptop with me on the trip. Now, look at my fucking frame count. Right now. I'm going to control the whole I was supposed to trade with my group later and fucking look at this. This fucking shit you think anybody else on this cruise is retracing? I'm the only one retracing on this cruise. Come on. This is wild. This is wild.


This laptop melting my dick all fucking ready. That's how I run this shit. That's how I run these hogs. I actually have five computers because I'm I keep burning them up and rebuilding them.


I lost by that going. Someone took my laptop and bitcoin jingle jangle right out of my frickin pocket, man.


Wait, can you just let us know. Can you trust them? They have the built-In camera.


Do you think that's what it means? No, I think I think it's hey, you look at those babies, man, a desktop, a hearty tower.


You could drop that shit of a two story building, a laptop break and explode and break a laptop.


You accidentally leave a pencil in there. It's done.


Why do you have a pencil inside your laptop? Because I forgot it wasn't a book.


Yeah, I had I had a MacBook a few years back, and I lost a particularly frustrating game of chess and I punched the keys so hard and it only took one punch for it to get all built up and not working anymore.


Not like a tower. I'm glad.


I'm glad the media company I was formerly in the employ of, I had to tell them I fell down the stairs.


Oh, you fell down the stairs or it fell down the stairs? I fell down the stairs. I was like, whoa, OK, wait, shut the camera toward the keyboard was the part that was broken.


Right. And so it was open.


Everybody who's not just needs to shut up for the next minute while you tell me every detail about the story you told them eye to eye. I got the email.


Holy shit, see? Oh, by the way, please don't get company if you do, yeah, please nobody tell them like I mean, please don't tell them. But if a media company if you do hear this, let me help you then.


This is good. Hello. Oh yeah. This is all fake. Hello.


My MacBook Pro is having some major problems related to me falling down the stairs.


And then in parentheses, it says, I am OK if I get. Oh, God. Oh, thank God. Hello.


I'm not going to tell him that I fucking got out Kasparov's that had one punch me.


I'm not sure, but just in all you said is related to me falling down. I was trying to I didn't want to get into like a courtroom recreation, like because I couldn't imagine the actual particulars of exactly what happened.


It's what did you did you drop it down the stairs and it fell out of your hand into a big man's fist.


When I when I was thinking what I was thinking happened was that all the. Wait, hold on. Was that all the details, much love just in place in the place.


He doesn't mean to he's not going to do if it's not unsolved mysteries, he's going to do a reenactment of it like he doesn't need more than that.


Holy shit. That's so choice. I guess in my head, what happened was I had the computer open. Yeah. While I was walking down the stairs, which is reckless.


And then I tripped and then used the middle sort of book sized section of the keyboard to break my fall.


I think that's what I ha yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's why you're fine. If you hadn't had your laptop at the time you'd be dead. Yeah.


This one's this one's cash but do something to honor this hero laptop.


Yeah. And I will, I would like to talk to him about that.


I mean you should if I is going to say if you're, if your laptops can't take a punch, they shouldn't run. Yes.


Yeah. Is that fair. Is that fair to say that this is what I'm saying. This is why laptops are for nerds. You can't punch them once. Can't punch it one time.


What if I get very mad? Yeah, just it's not like just punching it over and over again. It was one punch. Can't take one punch card.


It would be so if during one of the press conferences Tim Cook is like pushes the button, he's like and and in this new model, three point six punches, why can't we go wham wham boop record three point six plus your Brock Lesnar.


Fuck it up. So I've read Brock. He and I have been lifting together. Hey Tim, it's me, Brock Lesnar.


I'm so blessed, this new Mac book model. Anyway, I want to punch it for you and then I put it to three.


Stop, stop, stop the oil. You got those first three is you can't punch them, which you would, but you can't tear them in half, which you would never. Yeah, right. Then that seems stupid. You should make them Ontarians laughable.


That's a tower just then, yeah, no, I'm saying. You can punch it, but you can't tear it in half, and I would never try to tear it in half in anger, I would punch it in anger and I actually might try to tear it in half an anger. I have tried to twist. I've twisted comptrollers in half in anger so strong.


Just to get this clear. Your complaint with Lantos is that you can't punch them, you cannot punch them, but you could rip them in half. But just then, I would argue it sounds like you did to punch it. No, I'm saying the problem is they can't take a punch and yet you can't rip them in half.


So they can't be one like what else can I not do?


Just I just saying I'm saying that, like, I would not in anger close my laptop and then to rip it in half. Oh right. It doesn't need that much structural integrity. It does need the power to withstand a medium.


Now see, I thought when you were talking about ripping in half, you meant screen from screaming inside keyboard, which I could do. Anyone traveling on anybody could do that.


If we're going to buy this data, high end, top of the line government like level game or laptop rig, so he can also stream from something else, a twitch from, you know what I mean?


If we're going to turn this into a twitch, Daddy, we're going to need apps. And I by the way, we're not going to that's not a service. We offer the show. Well, not yet, OK, but we're not going to do that.


But we should go to them monism. Hey, honey, it's me, just know, I said that no one will ever know that the guy that I know what I said it first and then we have to start over your waist, your burning time.


Hey, honey, this is an intro I came up with for the company, honey, and I love honey.


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I mean, again, it's best is free, takes a second to install.


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Have you stopped doing the voice in the advertising voices.


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Hey, Jackie.


Hey, Alan. Hey. You've got another true false quiz for me. Yep. Our trivia podcast, Go Fuck Yourself, used to be in front of a live audience.


True. Turns out it's not so safe anymore. Correct.


Next, unfortunately, this means we can no longer record the show falls.


The show still comes out every first and third Friday of the month.


Correct. Finally, we still have great celebrity guests answering trivia about things they love on every episode of Go Back Yourself. Definitely true. And for bonus points, name some of that. Recently we've had a Ophira Eisenberg plus tons of surprised experts like Yeardley Smith and Suzanne Somers.


Perfect score. You can hear and go back to yourself every first and third Friday of the month with all the great guests and trivia that we've always had. And if you don't listen well, then you can go fact yourself. That's the name of our podcast, correct?


Here is a question I have here. I have recently moved into an apartment with a friend from high school. Everything has been great except for one thing. She has grown overly attached to my cat. She's home a lot more than I am and therefore spends more time with her, playing with her and taking her on walks. A lot of pronouns here. It's getting confusing.


I sometimes come home to find lipstick marks from her kissing my cat on the forehead. Whoa, whoa. She even has started calling her cat our cat.


Even when I have made it clear that she is mine, what should I do? Do I need to relax or she overstepping? I just hate the idea of my cat liking my roommates more. That's for miffed in Minnesota. I actually, you know who would be good to help with this?


I cannot fathom.


Well thanks Travis. Read my mind. Yeah Rundfunk just let me see if I can when I think about roommate cat dynamic. Yeah I'm Funchess to a real a real cat kiss.


That's the bed biz. Let me call him real quick. Hi. Hey, Ron, it's whoops.


I was still dialing one of those special phones where all you have to do is sort of hit one of the phone number numbers over and over and over again until you hear him yell hi.


Yeah, I felt like you were knocking. So I just answered, if you ever need to get Ron functions, just keep it in seven and eventually eventually you'll answer me.


And so, Ron, I probably you are probably so familiar with this sort of question that I don't even need to tell you, but it's like the classic sort of roommate to attach to the cat kind of deal. Mm hmm.


You have to find a lipstick on the forehead. Oh, yes. Does this guy does just a regular Tuesday.


Varane, am I right? So we reached out to we're just cycling through our different Troll's World tour co-stars. And I was just in doing haven't gotten JT yet.


Joe hasn't quite been the right fit for him.


He keeps asking about it and I'm like, you know, just nothing up his alley. It's like, Please, Justin, please.


And I'm like, cry me a river cause yeah, he loves it when you reference his song, his favorite thing, he also demanded that Justin legally change his name before he. Yeah.


Did you know he's never been on a thing with another Justin like even like a best boychik grip like they have. They do need to.


He was supposed to swear in Justin Trudeau at his swearing in ceremony that prime minister prime ministers probably have. And he just he wouldn't do it.


He wouldn't do it. Trudeau wouldn't change his name and neither one would. They're at a stalemate. Wow.


So, Ron, where are you at with this with with cats and ownership and roommates where where you and one really own a cat? Ron, that's how I feel about it.


You know, it is really about just the relationship of love and it goes back and forth.


And if you're not home with that cat and and your roommate is and they're building a bond, I say, why? Why stand in the way of it?


It seemed like a little bit of jealousy, if not a little bit of guilt about, you know, maybe they've been working too much, not spending enough time with their cats. So, I mean, I feel that either you have to learn to let go a bit about it and let that cat be loved by a full family.


You know, it takes a village to raise a cat.


Everyone knows that. That's. Yes. So true.


I would I would want to know where, like cat maintenance duties are being assigned at this point.


Right. Because like I have, there's a cat that lives at our house and it belonged to my other cat that died very inconsiderately. My older cat died and left her cat here for us to take care of.


I don't not get any of the transactional love or support or company or anything from this cat. I just clean up its duty and refill this bowl. And I feel like if this person is getting love and affection from the cat, maybe they should step up with, like, some food, some water, some some litter box cleaning, that sort of thing.


Because there is a very real potential here that if you say these roommates only lived together for like a year. Right. When they part ways and the cats like, OK, well, I'm going with her now because she's been the one around. She's been there for me. Oh, so you do it several times.


Yeah, yeah, yeah.


The cat will choose and it will make a choice and you just have to live with it.


So I mean, I think maybe she should consider quitting her job and to spend more time with the cats.


And truly, I've been watching a lot of 90 day fiancee and it seems like one of the best things you could do in a relationship is stop caring about yourself and your responsibilities, whether that's children, jobs, things of that nature, and to start fully focusing on the needs of the other person or cat.


OK, ok. Yeah, she was gay. Oh, clearly. Clearly, yeah.


And this is at such a great point, Ron, because this is if you if there's ever been a moment to start taking economical risks and you quit in jobs willy nilly, this is it. All right. This is the moment to do it.


I mean, it's also money like jobs and money come and go. And that will always be there for you when you need it.


Is this the time for us to get Jackson Galaxies? My cat from hell started back in the mix, but like blended with 90 day fan say just a very intensive sort of spiritual journey that you do go on with your cat for three Grigoryan months.


I think I like the idea. Yeah. If Jackson Galaxy's answer was always, well, maybe you're just not working hard enough. Your relationship with a guy. Oh, what's that? Your. Destroyed all your plants and shit and all your shoes and like your daughter. Well, time to quit your job, Ron. Suggestion that you need to quit your job to take care of your cat is laughable. And all us humans are having a great time chuckling at it.


But make no mistake, if you had a talking cat like in the hit film, a talking cat, this is exactly what they would be saying to you. Like, I am the most important thing in the world. You have to start quitting your job and putting in the time. And also you need to send normal to Abu Dhabi. That's important to Ron.


I'm curious, where do you land vis a vis Kitty Chess's, though? Oh, kisses on the forehead leaving lipstick.


OK, we're talking about two separate things. I'm saying I'm saying no to both. I don't think it's right to kiss an animal unless it's a cute little puppies with a sweet Tobey's but a kitty cat kiss I'm not a fan of.


I think you can all get behind leaving lipstick marks on the kitty cat like the kitty cat is Ricky Martin and you are in the music video. Live in La Vida Loca is not great, right. Correct.


Is there any way I'm going to have to. I hate to disagree. Oh. But I mean a one the best music videos of all time.


And so who doesn't want to live that out in California and be cat.


You know, cat if you get a kiss back from the cat who have the scratches of tongues with your fund, you know, that's just a different experience.




So I mean, you're getting a kiss back. I would I have to say that if I was a cat and you're going to leave lipstick. All right. That's the one fucking heartless play. How could you do it there? I can access almost every other place to my body.


Leave it on my butt. I like I'm there anyway. I'm scheduled to be there at three twenty. Just leave it on my butt and I'll get to it.


Honestly, it sounds like that roommate is leaving a message. You know, it's really she possibly is claiming I want this cat. She used to be your cat. It is now our cat and it will be shortly.


My cat, that is step two is that our cat is now out of the process.


You know, the best part of the Living La Vida Loca music video I a little one here.


All of the sexual, sensual things that Ricky Martin is experiencing in this video, his facial reactions are that of childlike wonderment, as if he has never had these sexual experiences before. It's almost like Ricky Martin has been sort of wizard did away into this sort of sexual dimension. And somebody pours wax on his chest.


He's like, whoa, hey, I'm watching it right now. And he seems like he's really into this. I love on YouTube.


YouTube is like, oh, you like live in the video. May I recommend Lou Bega's mambo number five? And that way they do go hand in hand, truly.


Yeah, actually, we actually found out later on that Lubeck doesn't even like Mambo, so that was actually a big one. Big happy week.


He found what he was looking for.


I absolutely love huge spokesperson's speaking out for all kinds of stuff.


Very active, like Ricky Muffin's and in Corn. Yeah, he's a big, big corn lobbyist.


If you if you you like the low price of petroleum, you think Ricky Martin, power broker, he's up in DC, cleated about one powered car. Ricky Martin did that corn powered car. It's all thanks to him. Yeah.


And I know that corn cob pipes also remember. That's him. That's him. Corn Pops. Oh, I didn't know about the band corn.


He was the co-founder. Yeah.


Kicked him out because they wanted to change it decayed. And he said, I think that's going to be confusing. That's not going to help corn sales at all.


Yeah, he was. Yeah, he was thinking bigger than that. Ron.


What it's all trying to stay busy in our own way in these times. What do you what are you up to these days?


Oh, I just try and, you know, spend time with my wife.


I got married a few weeks ago and congratulations so much enjoy my family.


And I'm also doing a live show Saturday on on the September 5th that people can watch from their homes if they want.


Since I can't go on the road safely right now, you know, I'm and bring a show or have a live audience of ten people that safely distance in a mass and will be live streaming it out on YouTube for for twenty four hours on the fifth.


So I've been preparing for that and just working on trying to, you know, get them to get us bigger parts in the next Troll's movie.


Oh this is the I love this. I love. Yeah we're. Working together now it's collective bargaining, yes. Oh, you like Ron? Ron comes packaged with proper care.


That special is awakening, correct? Yes. I don't think you said the name of it, and I did. They should know it is called awakening and they can get tickets at my website.


Ron functions dot com and ah, if you check any of my social Instagram or Twitter, you can there's links all the way all around.


And I'm just, you know, I'm working on my own game show as well on Quarmby.


That's out right now called Nice twice what's called it's called nice one.


And it's just about it's like looking at me like my comedy, looking at the bright side of bad situations. It's just me and my favorite comedians making fun jokes and me giving out points. Now, I haven't I don't have a lot of time to watch TV.


I can maybe spare one Quarmby to watch something.


How long is an episode is about Equipe. Oh, nice. OK, good. That's a relief.


Ron, I recently saw you on Twitter like telling people who spoke bad about Quamby. I believe that you would fight them.


Yes. Is true. I did say that and I stand behind it.


So if anybody listening to this has ever said anything bad about Klebba and wants to fight Ron Puncher's, this is your chance.


Yeah, as long as you have no background in fighting, that's cheating.


Yeah, that that would be rude if you had a background in it and ah if you were physically fit.


So if you, if you neither of those you talking trash with me then I will fight you.


I like anybody who's in any sort of entertainment that complains about could be the secret subtext and I can absolutely put myself in this category is why didn't I get a QB.


I would love to get a query. Why didn't I say you're crazy? I would love to do it. Could be what I to be a good idea. Come on. Yeah. Oh yeah.


I agree. I mean really it's just I feel I understand making fun of things I love making fun of things and talking trash.


But I when it was just like the actual like wanting people to fail, I'm like, you know, not a lot of people hand out shows so.


Yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's a new place pops up and they need a whole new slate of material. I think that's extremely positive and not a not a negative by any means.


And listen, as people who have had a show on a thing that failed, it's not fun, it's not fun. And it's way better when the thing succeeds and you get to keep making your show.


Oh, truly, I would love that. You know, I'm not putting all the eggs in that basket.


The shoes are very short. I mean, that's too small of a basket. Don't be a goofus.


Watch Ron special September 5th and get tickets around of Dotcom. And Ron, thank you so much for being with us. I very much appreciate you.


Oh, it's a true pleasure. You guys are so much fun to talk to and very enjoyable and truly, I don't know if they were the movie had been successful. You know, without the work that you've done, who knows?


I'd say, yes, that's a great idea.


Probably at least ninety eight percent is as successful as it was, I would say.


Well, but, you know, you need that two percent. You need income.


That's what they put in the milk. Thanks, Rod. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining us on our action packed program. Reminder, go to Ron Funchess Dotcom and get tickets for Awakening.


That's happening Saturday, September 5th on on YouTube.


So don't don't miss out, I'm sure, to be hilarious and I'm sure a specific place on YouTube, not just like I don't think it's a take over. It's not like controlling your horizontal and vertical, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's not a takeover.


It's not going to interrupt the, you know, Kabbage video you're watching. Yeah.


About Kabbage because you're boring as fuck. Thank you to John Rodrik and the long winters for the use of our theme song.


It's a departure off of the album, Putting the days to bed. Good tunes all around. And thank you to maximum fun for having us on the network. Go to maximum fun, Doug. Check out all the shows.


Their shows like Stop Podcasting Yourself and Story Break and Heat Rocks and a whole bunch else at Maximum Fun Dog. And you can find other stuff we do at McElroy Family Hour.


This is a reminder that, you know, we got an election coming up, not registered to vote. You need to get registered to vote and you're going to want to request that. Mail in ballot as soon as you can, make sure that you check what the the state laws where you are about mail in ballots and then send it in as soon as you can, and then you're going to want to vote for the guy who's not Donald Trump.


That's Joe Joseph Gordon by Joseph Gordon by.


That's the that's the name that is on the ballot, says Joseph Gordon Biden on it.


So his vote, Joe Biden.


Oh, also, we have a podcast book coming out called Everybody Has a Podcast Except You.


And if you go to McQuoid podcast book dot com, you can preorder it.


That's going to be coming out in January. It's going to it's got practical, real advice on how to not like this dumb dumb show, like real advice that'll really teach you how to make a podcast you're proud of. It has to like coming up with the idea where to publish it, how to promote it and how to monetize it. So Maghrib podcast book Dotcom.


Preorder it now. Please preorder this book, please.


One last plug. Me and Justin do a video game podcast called The Best That You Can Find on Spotify. We do it with our buddies Chris and Russ from Polygon, and we talk about a game every week.


You don't need to subscribe. You don't need to pay for Spotify. You just need to like, no download just for free Spotify app. And then you'll you'll get a search for a Spotify search first on Spotify and follow us there.


And yeah, listen to it. If you missed hearing me and Justin talk about video games, you don't have to miss us because we're still doing it on the best. I think that's it.


Y'all want that final. Yeah. Yes. Well, my computer. Has crashed, no excuse, no excuse, this guy who was sent in by the prospector, Mayor Palmer. Thank you, Merritt. It's by Yahoo! Answers user, their anonymous call them Bant Banjo asks. Yep. Are Buffalo wings proof that God loves me and wants me to be happy? My name is just a Calatrava's that I'm Griffin. Boy has been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad school.


Well, on the lips. Maximum fun dog comedy and culture, artist owned, audience supported.