Transcribe your podcast

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed, Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only.


So the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? You're coming back.


All right. We've got those and we're going to give advice and your. Laughter It is a common sight and say it's time to start, it's. Hey, everybody, welcome my brother, my brother, mean advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.


I'm your middle this brother, old sporty dog, Travis McElroy.


I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin. MacRay kind of fucked me up that you said hey and not hello, which is.


Yeah, I've never said hey. It felt casual.


I felt it felt like we were on Twitch or something more casual than I get to Fridays. Hey guys.


Yeah. Hey, don't forget to subscribe. Yeah. I've been working on some songs like 14, and I finished one up just recently. All right.


I wanted to see what you guys thought about what kind of songs we talking. Like, what kind of song? It's just one song. It's just one song. But you said I mean, you said it was a play instrument.


There's no instruments. It's a cappella, OK? Is that OK?


Can I sing it and please don't interrupt me or anything while I'm singing it. OK.


Um, and it's just a song. How will we know when the song's over and we can start talking. There is.


There's like one whole rest. So if it goes longer than the whole rest of.


OK, ok. OK, ok.


Here's the song and your brother should never know that you're eating chili while you record. No that's secret. You'll take to your grave.


Now your brothers will never know all the beef and beans you shoving in your gourd. They'd prefer it if you would just behave. It is Thursday at two forty one p.m.. And this is happening in real life on the solong shows sprinkled across the bowl that was chopped up recently by your wife. OK, what you guys think so far, that's verse one now. Oh, it's not. There's more to it than that. That's just the beginning. I want to stop for now.


Let me say this is two forty one PM now.


Yeah, it's 240 to go my clock at this point.


That's not my point. Justin, I think what you were hoping or maybe anticipating here was that we you'll be upset that you're eating chili during recording.


I once said that you're eating lunch at almost three p.m.. I'm quite well.


It is just a I feel like I clarified it. The getting is just a song trap. It's just a song.


Well, it's it's like the it's like confessional stand up. It doesn't always it's not describing what's happening right now. It could be the recording that he did, you know, a couple months back, up to forty one pm now to hear two PM.


Yeah, there were a lot of specifics in there, Griffon. And at one point I believe he said this is happening right now.


Right. But that's in that was. Did you hear that. That was part of the song. You've done this. Five hundred and sixty episodes. You've done five hundred sixty times. So like Orda we have recorded on a Thursday at two forty one now to forty two pm.


I just can't just continue. Yes. Sorry. Thank you. Go ahead.


And the spoon is literally in my hand me Justin McElroy, the person singing this song.


And it's not just a song, it's a story about me eating chili while I record the show.


My brother, my brother read me this episode right now.


Now that's OK Griffin. You have to admit that that seems suspicious, right? It could have it could have described any episode. He said this episode right now is when he's singing it.


It's just a song now you said in there, but it's not just the song Justin know. OK, but that was in the song.


Who are you going to believe Travis are brother or the song? I believe our brother.


No. OK, no, no. This song he says is song. It's not just a song you said in the song. It's not just this.


I said in the song, if the song was just a song, you can't pick and choose what different parts you're going to listen to.


You know what? You're right. I can't decide. You believe the part where I say it's not just a song. No, Justin, I believe all of it. This is the thing. I believe all of it from start to finish that you currently have a spoon in your hand, but you're eating chili that your wife put cilantro on, that you're eating it right now.


As we record this episode, it's you're killing me, dude. It's just a song. And I would sign an affidavit with my legal name in front of a notary say hi reading Gelee. But it will not come to that because my brothers will believe me when I say that this is just a song, even though it's not now. Oh, I was ready to buy it until that very last oh that very last kickflip there. What was different?


What did you think was different? Is it because it didn't rhyme. I know that no.


I'm fine with free verse. It's more of that right there being you said it's not a song again. Still not germane, though, but it's very clearly not a song like O.J. Simpson put out a song like I definitely did it, people will get suspicious. He realized that, right?


Yeah, that's that's I mean, he did put out a book that was kind of like that. Yeah. And he wasn't like it was just a book.


Hey, guys, it's just the book weird called Winky Dink I, I left over Chili for lunch. What does that have to do with right before. Well, because that was the nature of the song.


I'm not saying that that's what you did. Oh thank you. OK, but I washed it down with a probiotic soda that Rachel brought into our house. For some reason it was it was a chunky soda.


And so my body's going to make something new.


What are you guys doing to yourself? I had a fruit smoothie for breakfast and then I had a nice salad. What's wrong with you two?


I had some turkey and celery and hummus.


And then I think I actually I had a quinoa bowl traveled from Panera Bread. So I don't know what you're talking about. That thing I just said about the probiotic soda and the chili was a problem now from this Robert Frost.


So I remember that now that you say, yeah, yeah, yeah, this is my body, dead ass feels quite bad, actually.


Weirdly pretty hungry because I meant to eat lunch before. Yeah. I going to eat lunch before we started recording and now I'm going to be hungry for the whole. Sure.


I did recently. Do not that I'm saying what you said is true Justin, but I did recently do a livestream game in which thirty seconds before it began, my wife lovingly brought me a plate with two big pieces of pizza on it. Oh God, Justin. And then I had to eat it on the stream by ducking down below camera level, taking some of my cheering and eating, then racing back up. Now, Justin, do you want to make any more Harrick?


We hold hold on.


Just one knee slapping. Zeller Guys, guys, hold on one second. Sidneys Come in. No, yeah, no, it was delicious, thank you. Yeah, the cilantro, really. Really help. OK, just got that. Yeah, I was just scared now, Justin, what's up?


You just said Justin a she. Yes, I said what? You said the cilantro was good.


And she suggested the line about cilantro. Yeah. There a comedy writing team.


And they're doing amazing writing team. Yeah. Justin Yeah. I'm not going to rest until I crack this. Yeah, you can't. You can't run for me. Justin. I will hunt you down like a dog and I'll prove you hate that chili during this recording like you ever will.


Justin, I got a whole board set up on my wall already. I got strings running. Yelling Now listen, I was looking at your board via Skype. No, that was just I was just a poem. I don't have a board, Justin. It was just, you know what that was? It wasn't a real board.


Just I even if you did have a board, the only thing you could open up there is that Justin repeatedly stated that he ate chili during the recording.


Right. This a bad board. I'm sorry. There's been a bit the whole time, Justin. I knew it was real and just the song at the same time. I don't even care. He was just a bit.


Yeah. What about a question? You know, what you get for, you know, I deserve that. But a bitcoin. Oh, I get it.


Boy, I wish we got it going for a bit, we did I think it go a little. A little something like this. Did I invent the term Bitcoin?


You did it just now, did I? Coin and I coin did I coin Bitcoin bit, it's just they are taking so long to get mad at me for interrupting you, but everyone knew where you were going 30 seconds before you said going to Bitcoin, Bitcoin coin anticipation.


OK, now this first question is not one we normally do, but it was such a ticket. Are you going to read it? I love it. You should read it. But it's a good setup.


Who is the best farmer in the world? You know how there's the best soccer player or basketball list in the world? Who's the best farmer? Who has the most farmers stats? And that's of Gmail. And what I love about this question and when it makes you think is this is not saying are there good farmers and bad farmers? Because, yes, of course it's true. But is there a best farmer, huh?


Do you know how you know how you know who the best farmer is, how he's outstanding in his fields. OK, huh, that I didn't do this question just to set that up, but it popped in my head. Hmm.


All right. I liked it. I would say whichever farm has the most crows. Oh, you think the Crows have spoken. This farm is is the best one.


It's got the best corn or grapes or whatever.


Whatever crows like to eat. Probably corn. I think it's one it's a I mean, it's it's Mr. Monsanto. Mm.


I love that. And his many in his many farms.


What I like about this question too is he has a deeper implication that every every job there is a best at it. Right. Sure. Like there is out there somewhere the world's best sanitation worker that can, like, pick up a garbage can and kind of do the scoop move that launches the bags 30 yards into the truck without having to walk over there.


Right. That everyone's like, oh, they're the best. Right. Like that has to exist. There is a ticket taker somewhere that rips it right in the middle every time, you know. Right. Like, there has to be a best someone has to be the best at it.


Yeah. And I feel like that's a dream that we all chase is being the best in whatever feel we're enthusiastic about. I feel like for a sanitation worker, it would be the robot arm that lifts up the can and dunks it in and doesn't lose like a pizza box over the side or something like that. Maybe they were right there. They were in the military. They did one of those bomb exploding robots. And so they got good garbage arm training for that.


And now I'm like, no, I'm writing a fucking Tom Clancy novel and our podcast. I do apologize for that.


Is there something that you guys think you the best out in the world? Yeah. Basilone Like when everybody looks at the leaderboard right there at the top, you got no say in the name of Justin McIlroy or Griffin McIlroy. Hmm.


No, that's that's a deep. No, no, no, no. Nothing. No, I'm the best at not remembering to get a napkin or paper towel when I get my food at a restaurant.


Oh, yeah. No, I've said that. I said that about a year before.


Every time I come back to the table with our food and you guys are like, where's the where's the napkins? And I'm like, I did not get those. And then you always say to me, you're the best at that. You're the best that it's the best. Not getting those.


That's probably that's probably up there for me.


Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Not the worst. I mean, there's nothing worse that you don't think there's anything you're not the worst at. Because I would say not I'm not saying that about you, I think it's way easier to be the worst at something.


Oh, sure. You know, like, no, because you get to a base level where. Just lack of any experience is is a great leveler, you know what I mean? Like. You could say worst stock trader and you're going to hit a point of the population where, like, don't know, never looked into it, do not know about it, don't know what it is. And that's like a wide swath. You couldn't be the worst because of your ignorance.


Yeah, there could be one worst. I actually have bad news about this best farmer question.


What's up? Well, I was thinking about it and how it's like all family farms and it's like all a huge family farms over and it's all just these big corporate farms.


Oh, yeah. Oh yeah.


And then I started looking into a little more and here's what they don't want you to know, guys. What's that? There are no more farmers. Oh yeah. We actually don't have farmers anymore in America.


A lot of it comes from China and a lot of it comes from robotically run food farms that are. But there's no farmers anymore.


If you're listen to this and you think that you're a farmer, someone's running the long graft on you because we don't have them anymore.


Now, what about farmers? Only just and that's why that crashed. And that's why that's dotcom. I lost my fucking shirt. Yeah. When farmers only went under.


Luckily, I had Christian mingle there to kind of keep me afloat.


Oh, I'm more of a planet fish guy, but yeah, I do. Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that. Gref Thank you. This one was sent in by Amy Thinks Amy is Yahoo! Answers user. Ray who asks.


How do you become the guy who controls the family dinner table, like in the show Boardwalk Empire, Nucky Thompson, is that I don't know if that's a typo.


I'm Nucky was Nucky. Welcome to invest time for time for.


I'm assuming this is all sort of like Boardwalk Empire centric sub Yahoo! Because that is the only place that program would be summoned up for polite discussion without even knowing the rest of the question.


Tony Soprano should be the reference, right? Not Nucky Thompson. It's Nucky Thompson.


I'm Nucky. Thanks for enjoying the meatloaf today. Nucky, can I ask a question? No, you can't. I'm in the show. Boardwalk Empire. Nucky Thompson is always the guy with the cool stories and stuff to say. A big family parties. I'd love to be like that.


Mm. Huh. How do you become the guy who controls the family dinner table? Now, hold on, though, because the question is about like the person at the head of the table who everyone like looks to.


It's not a locational. It's not. Yeah. Like based on orientation like but I mean that's got to contribute to it somewhat. Right.


Like you want to be the story person though. You want to be in the middle of the table. You want to be because you want to just look slightly to your left and right to be able to see everybody.


Yeah, I love that. Also big hands, bigger the better. You think big helps you be because everyone is kind of quietly, subconsciously threatened by you or with big hands.


Oh, no, sorry.


I meant big hand movements, not just like large. You gesticulates.


OK, I thought you were saying large physical hands and then I was like, maybe that's why they call him Nucky Thompson. Knuckles his knuckles are so ginormous.


Large hands does contribute well to large hand movements though, because you have to do a lot less work to just like now you have seven inches. You know, your hands are so big it doesn't take much.


Does being the source of the food help you help you sort of seize the the day here like, you know? Well, that would certainly be a topic of like a real starter, you know what I mean?


They're like serving sushi off of you, you mean.


Oh, no. I thought you were saying, like, we're eating Knuckey Forearm today and you would kind of have to talk to Knuckey.


Well, kind of both of those things, right? Like, kind of both because you're eating sushi and you're just way too hungry and you get into it.


Oh, God, I'm so sorry about the sushi off a person's body. What's the etiquette for going for the the the pieces on the privacy area that has to be last? You can't eat them first? Yeah, I think hundred percent nipples.


I think that that's a stretch. I feel like when you pick up a little hamachi off the nipple and then you find out the nipples under there, you can plead ignorance a bit and just be like, I didn't think the nipple would be.


I would put it back, by the way, I if I did that, I guess what with this, you know, if somebody saw you pick it up and put it back, the party would be over.


You would be uninvited from all future nude sushi parties.


I would let people eat sushi off of my body if I was fully clothed, if I was wearing a suit, I put sushi on my sushi suit.


I feel like being I feel like it's just whoever is the most proactive, whoever sort of starts the conversations and guides it.


Right, and it's less about power and strength and being naked and having sushi on your body, but you don't have to wrestle that away from from anybody.


Yeah, I'll tell you who's good at dominating conversation, Justin.


So I show you guys Justin is going to do a little practical example here for you. Griffin and I will have a conversation and Justin's going to come in and Knuckey, all of you, right?


Yes. OK, Travis, you watch the blues game last night. Coyotes are really giving them the runaround.


Yeah, but they did some great scoring and shooting, and I like that one of them iced another one.


Yeah. I mean, Benetton's is doing his best out there, but unless that defense solidifies, they are not going to be able to keep it out of their zone, you know. Yeah.


And I was amazed at how many triple decks they got away with it. I mean, yeah, those are lying now to new hockey rules because of covid regulations. That's a slap shot. And it looks like Justin's trying to say something. Justin, you're trying to say something.


Oh, so you finally ran out of steam. See, this is the secret, you hang back and you let everybody else know anyways, yeah, the game was rigged up and you take control of the label.


You've had your shot. All the sushi fell off. Dandala I'll stand out.


Takafumi, don't you talk. I smash them all in your head. Rollo Rod here. He said. I got a 17 plus three at 20, you effortlessly duck out of the way, I attack. I attack Knuckey. Oh hell yeah. Get a fuck him up. That's a 15 plus to 17.


Is that B or C? Did he use pure silver? Yes, of course. I'm not noob. Yes, I am.


OK, that's one that's one way to do it. Yeah. I guess I haven't watched enough Boardwalk Empire to be really use. That's basically how it goes. I guess there was a lot of deals on that show.


There was also that it felt like a little piggy Blinder's in there. Justin was there just a little peaky blinders.


I don't know. Those are those two different shows.


I it's it's like a spinoff, Boardwalk Empire and then Boardwalk Empire, Cole and Peaky Blinders. OK, I see.


I got another way to control the dinner table, the family dinner table, so I don't need to start talking about something.


Hey, Justin, did you see that new episode of Boardwalk Empire? No, that hasn't been on for a really long time.


No, they started making more of them. I don't think that that's actually accurate. Yeah. Tom Wailings and I get this when I was recording my brother and I.


But sorry, guys, I had a phone call. Sorry, guys. I got a phone call. Yeah. No, it's me, yeah, I can talk. So, yeah, we're having dinner, but can you sorry, sorry one second, can you guys please just give me back, please? Just give me up. This is really important. Could you please just give me talk? No, no, no.


Just don't talk. Just don't talk. Thank you.


I'm back. Thankfully we know sign language, huh. When I was recording my brother, my brother, me, earlier this week, I was eating chili during daylight and what I fucking yeah, yeah, I well, this is just in the context of a well, we'll tell him in 20 minutes.


We'll talk about a run that you had. No, no, I'm OK.


Give my love to to Dennis. Kucinich. All right. Oh, yeah, yeah. Thanks, bye. That was when I took another phone call. Sorry, I'm forget your real phone calls.


That was when I might be Dennis Kucinich, his campaign manager in twenty twenty four. Oh, nice. Now, do I know who that is, or is it just a name that I pulled from the void that is mine.


It might be problematic. Is he. I don't know. I literally don't know.


Is he alive. I don't know. I don't know.


Can I show one more way to kind of dominate. Yeah. So good so far. OK, Utøya here to have the conversation. OK.


Hey, thanks for having my back on the chili thing earlier. Yeah it is my pleasure.


Pledge. I would do any Helmar. I will be turning in the coupon that you two gave me for my birthday for one half hour of uninterrupted monologue by me. And I will now be completely recapping the plot of the Brendan Fraser movie Blast from the past. Yeah. Can you see it all began when Christopher Walken character feared that there was going to be a nuclear attack. So he built a bunker in his basement. That bunker, it looked a lot like a house except underground.


And there was like this young Brendan Frasier. And then he became old and he was sent out to the site.


We just used our regular voice. But Travaris doing his weird Alicia Silverstone nerdish and I believe Dave Foley.


It's funny. I think if he knew the plot well enough, he'd go faster, right? Yeah.


And then it turned out that because Brendan Fraser had been raised with 1950s and 60s that idealise everyone loved him. Right. A thing which is demonstrably untrue in today's society.


Let's do the money. Zohn, maybe while he continues to record love that he thinks.


I'd love that. OK.


We all shop online for stuff shoes, for instance.


What else, what else? Sandals.


What else can you give me?


Six more boots, crocs, galoshes and shoes and sneakers on six.


So you see that promo code field at checkout. You're like, is there a way I could save money and not spend as much money? And the answer is honey, which rhymes with money, which is the mnemonic device I use for it. It's a free browser extension. And whenever you buy something that has one of those little coupon code field, it's it scans the Internet, it releases its little bird.


It's little Speros or Beas.


It's little bees into the fucking asshole.


It releases its bees out into the to the Internet and into everybody's phones, looking for looking for coupon codes, who's got the coupon codes, who's got the coupon codes. And then the bees come back and then honey tells you and it's like, here's thirty three dollars.


So that's, that's amazing. It's literally it's everybody should be doing it. It's free. It installs in just a few seconds and you can get money for free at join honey dotcom brother that's join honey dotcom brother.


Have you guys ever eaten food for sustenance? No, let me do this ad, OK? How good is Sun Baskett Very good, Sun Basket is a mail delivery service that has a wild variety of options for you to get into, no matter how you're eating or what you like to eat. I truly believe that they are going to have a meal to suit your needs and more importantly, your desires.


Oh, getting a meal on the table quickly doesn't mean you have to sacrifice nutrition or quality with sun basket. You can actually have it all every single day. So they have the meal kit stuff and there's a huge variety of that's what I love that I've just really gotten into there.


These fresh and ready meals. They're eight ninety nine and they come and you basically like heat them up and it's like a gourmet meal that you're just like insulin joint. They have a chili. Oh yes.


That I just tried to say actually earlier today and it was so delicious earlier today, very recently. But earlier in this day we were in and it was so delicious that I couldn't stop eating it no matter what.


And I would do anything. Anything.


Yeah, to keep eating more of it, no matter what the cost or the podcast or whatever was going on in my life, even if it meant like losing a relationship with one of your brothers.


Yeah, I don't remember exactly, but it was a very strong desire to keep eating the chili. I do remember that right now, son Baskett is offering thirty five dollars off your order when you go right now to sun basket. Com slash my brother and enter promo code my brother at checkout. That's sun basket dot com. Slash my brother and interpret my code. My brother at checkout for thirty five dollars off your order. Sun basket dot com slash my brother and our promo code my brother and I'll go ahead and read the tagline here son.


Baskett let our chili take its dark hold on you huh. I'm Judge John Hodgman, and I believe Jesse thought 10 years ago I came on Jordan Jesse go and judged. My first dispute is chilly, a suit. It's a stew. Obviously, the judge has dispensed a decade of justice. He's the one person wise enough to answer the really important questions, like, should you hire a mime to perform at your own funeral after they cry?


I want them to laugh.


Do you really need a tank full of jellyfish in your den? It's not like living creatures decaying only if they are decaying and which they will be real people. Real justice, real comedy.


Winner of the Webby Award for Best Comedy Podcast.


The Judge John Hodgman podcast every Wednesday on Maximum Fun Dog.


How about another question, we're going to help somebody else. OK, we're going to do that in a I've been a huge Tom Hanks fan for years and currently have a steady girlfriend.


Recently we've been watching movies and I recommended the 2000 Tom Hanks classic Castaway. But when I brought up the film, she refused.


She said she thought Tom Hanks was overrated and had no desire to watch the film, claiming it's too long and probably sad.


Yes and yes. How do I convince her to watch this timeless classic, which I'm sure she would thank me later for getting her to watch Stranded in Stratton Pay?


There's different categories of films of of of this type, I feel like where there's films that are culturally important and then there are films that are like if you want to know what the whole hand on a volleyball thing is, you you got to watch Castaway. Like, you have to do your due diligence and spend two hours watching Tom Hanks, you know, cut his teeth out with ice skates.


Oh, right. Yeah. And and that's the price that you pay. Now, I have a lot of films like this. Whenever people quote Casablanca, I nod my head along. Oh, yes, yes, yes. A classic gray film. I do not know. I have not seen this film.


And so there are parts of it could patch up some of my my lack of cultural knowledge there. But I've decided that my time is better spent elsewhere. And that's what your girlfriend has done.


And, you know, that's what the Internet's for. You Google, what's up with the volleyball hand now? I know I don't have to watch the film. You know, you make a good point, Girvan.


We've entered a new period and time is twenty, twenty one big run. And perhaps now's the time when someone's like you haven't seen Casablanca, you have to watch it. You just go now. I don't. Do you know how many other things there are within my reach at any given time. Yeah. That I could choose to do.


Yeah. It's, it's, it's liberating in a way.


I will never I will never watch a Criterion Collection film and I just I, I that's a huge weight off being able to say that out loud in such a public place. But that's there it is. It's out there now. Aren't I? It's wild to me that that movie exists, isn't it? That seems like Hollywood was like people seem to really like Tom Hanks.


Mm hmm. We should just do just maybe just have him one hand.


Oh, yeah. Like a movie where he's having a good time and bad time. Bad time.


We destroy Tom Hanks for all of America. I want to I want to hurt Tom Hanks.


And I'm a movie executive and this is my pitch. I want to hurt Tom Hanks and see what I'm gonna hurt Tom Hanks for two hours and twenty four minutes.


You guys see the money pit every time Tom Hanks falls in a hole or gets electrocuted or wastes money on this bad house. That was good for me.


And I would like a film that is just about that, about Tom Hanks being hurt over and over again.


There was a period of time that I think here's my theory. There's a period of time where everyone really enjoyed watching Tom Hanks get hurt. Yeah, like the Burbs and Money Pit. And then I think the natural culmination of that period was cast away. And I think after that, everyone went, I don't like this anymore.


I feel bad now that we've done this. The Tom Hanks, can he enter the period of time where the worst thing that happens to him is he's trapped in an airport terminal? You please. The worst thing I have is doing is he has to go back to community college. I think I never saw that one. How long has it been since you guys watched Castaway, the film Castaway?


Well, when did it come out to, say, about twenty one years? Yeah. Yeah, I would estimate it's around there.


Quick spoilers, just because I feel like we're kind of missing the spoilers for just a minute on Castaway. He does get off the island.


Do you guys remember that when he got off the island, his girlfriend married and had a kid and they had a funeral for him before?


Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What a picture. Do you think Bob Zemeckis is?


Like my dream. My my dream is to hang out on an island with Tom Hanks and just me and my friends and we're just getting back.


Why a lot of love in it. And that's what my dream is can do that only.


Also remember that the the big positive ending though is don't worry, he still has that one package to deliver.


So everything's not all bad for old Tom Hanks.


Can everyone real quick do their best impression of Tom Hanks?


This character in the Polar Express is saying, I'm just saying, like, where's your he has to say, like, where's your ticket?


But I'm going to do my back. OK, where's your ticket?


Remember, it's more like my ticket plate.


Now I need to see our ticket say, all right, I'll try.


I need to see I need to see your ticket and Tom Hanks impression.


You do, huh? Yeah.


He just sounds like everybody just kind of says Tom Hanks is the default. All other impressions are in relation to how well do do do Woody.


OK, do there's a snake on the line. Do another line from Toy Story that Woody says you are a toy. Whoa. Hey, Trav, that was that was actually good guess. Hey, Rachel, can we get it again?


You are a toy. It was really good, Travis. Good. It's like actually pretty good dress. Thank you. Thank you very much. You know, I'm never going to try it again. Yeah, that was right off the hip. You can't get nobody ever asked Travis to do it again.


He'll buckle. He'll do a really shit job the next time because he got that magic moment on tape. I'm so happy.


In that moment. I was Tom Hanks guys. I saw his face overlap my face for a moment.


Can I do a Yahoo! Yeah, please. Someone sent him by Graham. Roebuck thinks Graham is an anonymous Yahoo! Answers user who I'm going to call.


Dan asks. Is there a special taste, blood for chicken wings? I like to position the foods in my mouth to taste them according to the taste buds, taste best for that food.


Is there one for hot wings? Mm hmm. I've recently learned that the taste bud map of your tongue is apocryphal.


And this was heartbreaking, really. I thought it was a thing. Now they're all mixed in with each other except for the chicken wing taste buds. Is that dangly thing in the back of your throat?


Oh, that's the chicken wing taste, but it's the dangly dance that dangles down, huh?


So if you want to get the most out of your chicken wings, go shove it back there. Rub it against that dangly thing.


I always thought that was a sort of I. I always called it the throat because it was like a throat, um, is unpleasant.


No, but, you know, in Lampl and she says I'm a gag on it, so I want it to touch that dangly thing in the back of my throat. Yeah, that's what it is. Yes. That's my chicken.


Because she couldn't say my chicken wing taste, but my own blood line. Yeah. Now that's that's why if you just hold the chicken wing on the tip of your tongue, nothing. You can't even it's like there's nothing there. Yeah, that's interesting.


As it slides hold down your gullet, you get all the flavor profile there, maybe cry a little bit out of joy. Do. Yes. I don't want to do well but do you guys know what do you guys know what the radio edit of WAP is now.


The radio edit of WAP and I just want to take a quick call.


The radio editor of WAP is not what ass pussy it is. In fact wet. It's wet and gushy. Oh yeah. Yeah, no it's worse.


Hey, it's worse. Right. Like the radio. It is worse on that one. Yeah.


It falls into a category that another one there is, there is a song by the Ying Yang Twins and the real line is we all like to see ass and titties and this radio it it is, we all like to see Tigo Betties which I would argue is far more offensive.


Yeah. Hugely challenging. A hugely challenging thing.


Yeah. Till the sweat drops down the walls.


OK, whether she although wearing Gucci is good because then it lets her ride the next line where she's like Have you seen my Turkey, which is in the original song.


And it's sort of a silent rhyme with the release. The tapes about Gucci. Yeah. Yeah. Is there's not a special taste, but for chicken wings. I wish there was, though I wish we could hack our tongues. The right chicken wing, engage, engages all the buds.


You know, the right chicken wing has invites over his friend Spicy, but he makes him stand outside and he brings sweet in, but then sends him out and then sour is on.


Zoome huh. Nearby and bitter is occasionally welcomed.


It's better's house, but not all at once. Justin, you're making it sound like it stages like Neapolitan chicken. We're really savoring it.


Yeah you're getting, you're getting the heat and then you're getting a bit of sour.


You know how Trav'lin Justin eats chicken wings. He first dabs it on the tip of his tongue, which he has stuck way, way out of his mouth. And then he just kind of rubs it in a clockwise circle around his tongue and also a little swirl that's going around and then sniff it deep.


Yeah. He says he always found troubling. Yeah. That he says it helps him hit the flavor spot.


And I don't and he'll kind of like half moan, like, look at the legs. Yeah. You have to see it.


But he doesn't actually chew and eat it, which is weird. He sets it right back down.


Yeah. Splits it right there in the bucket. Yeah. I'll make it. Wings that you ever eat in your entire life have been hit by me. That's true. That's weird. But it's true. And if they're a little bit crispy and they been sitting out a long time. Yeah. They've dried has dried in the sun. Yeah.


I've been in logic wings lately. I'll tell me more now. OK.


Yeah. You know what. Here I have this for you. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba oh oh la la la la la la.


But another I want to munch squat jumps up a bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum. I want to munch squat bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.


What I was trying to capture there was like the soul of winter that didn't have.


Oh they feel oh I was thinking, I was feeling very very Georgeann very sure not Victorian Petersberg checkoff three six or seven. Yeah.


We've never had you sort of just lay, lay a mulch squat at our feet which is what it feels like this year. I usually interrupt. Right.


Yeah, but I feel like as you get older you don't always want to be saddled with the bad boy of podcasting. Yeah, sure.


And I mean, you know, especially as the segment moves into its its denouement. Right.


Its final. Right. That's also the other thing is like this one is it's like, OK, yeah.


What I mean and I don't want you guys to be like, it's good of you to know that about you.


Why did you interrupt it. Interrupt interruptus for one. That's OK. Panera Bread.


Did you hear this.


Yes, I believe it translates to bread. Bread, if I'm not mistaken. Panera Bread. Did a kind of really weird, you know, the bread box. Yes, sure. So they've made an ice and toasty bread ball glove.


Wait. OK, so what the thing is with this is that it is a. Hand warmer. That's also a cup holder, so you can drink iced coffee even when it's cold and also it looks like a bread bowl now, OK, until you got to that last part, it's just in love.


But then, huh?


What's it? It's not made out of bread, is it?


No, that's the other thing about the calories. It's not made out of bread. Right. So, like, why did you why did you do it?


Panera Bread, you could add. Oh my God. Think of how much money they could have saved on soup if they had started selling warmed like right there.


Fresh from the oven bread gloves that you would go into a Panera Bread jam, a couple of these on your office and they'd be like, OK, that'll be fourteen ninety nine. And you're like, I can't pay that. Look at my hands. How am I how on earth am I supposed to pay that. That could have been so nice.


And I sent you're an image in slacks.


You can look at it, it looks so wild. It looks like your hand is like a Lego person's hand. Get made out of made out of bread.


What it looks like to me is like like there's some kind of bad guy in Doctor Who where it's like actual living dough that's trying to look like, yeah, OK.


Yeah, I love that. And that's like how you can identify like look at their hands doctor.


There's nothing about it. Where. You know how sometimes you put your ice coffee in your bread bowl, it's like you just combine things that you had around, you know, I mean, like your iconography is getting fucking sloppy. Yeah.


Like, if somebody saw that, even if they thought that a real bread roll their next time, we are using it to hold an iced coffee. What I feel like those realizations would come the other way.


Traffic would be like, why on God's green earth and Christ's earth? Do you have an ice coffee tucked into a bread bowl? And also, is that your hand in there?


Yeah. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. They did it.


So they did this, right? Yeah. It made four hundred and fifty of them. That's fine. Thanks. Like just have sort of some strength of your convictions. Right.


You know, like if you believe people want it, you nasty pervert, then do it. Yeah. Right. Then just do it.


You know what. Nothing can stop me from going in a Panera Bread and ordering an empty of a bread bowl straight up and cream in my little cream in my little pour in there is there there's a there ain't a log in it.


There's nobody who's gonna make it back for me.


No, I paid for it, you know. Least where they they're talking about it, they said they cited a statistic that 78 percent of Americans told them, Piñera, that they continue to drink iced coffee, even in cold weather. Yeah. Then you're fixing a fucking solved problem.


Yeah, we already got this. We've got it.


We're just doing it and going for us. Seventy eight percent said they still drink iced coffee and 100 hundred percent said they want to stick their little paws into one of our bread.


I think anybody, when given that opportunity would leap at it, would jump to, hey, I got hot bread here.


You jam your hand in there. Are you going to eat that bread? It seems like a waste of food. No, this isn't.


If you don't do it, I'm going to let somebody else do it. Oh, OK. Everybody would jam their hand in there. Everybody, everybody, everybody.


Now, if the glove was fresh, bread bowl in. Forget about it. We're done. I'm taking that all day. Every day. Yeah.


I wanted to thank Liam for this one actually. So thank you, Liam.


Real quick, I did go ahead and go to gone over to ice and toasty dotcom. Yeah.


Which is weird that we didn't own that, but I did go to ice and toasty dotcom and there's just a big picture of the bowl and then it says, sorry, we're all out.


Oh man. But then under it there's a link that says, what does this mean?


Oh, it's so good. I guess there's sorry.


In huge letters we're all out, let's say. What's that even mean?


What does this mean? I even read and ah, you're out and you click.


What does this mean? It then gives a really wordy explanation that breaks down to you. We don't have any we don't have any more votes.


I click to here's what it says. This is from Zach. Well, it's probably Zach, isn't it.


Well, then he's doing the raw corn emoji. Yeah. You may receive this message if all of the products in your area have been claimed or you're participating after the promotional period has ended.


So in other words. They're all out. They don't have it. And then down the bottom and then says eleven out of twenty three found this helpful, which means that there were 12 people who are like, I'm still confused.


I'll get it. How does this help me get a Brabo glove? Explain again, Zach. But slower in a way you can't get it.


I don't know why I wasted your time. It's a dumb idea. When Liam sent it, Liam said it's an edible Panera Bread cup holder. That's not right. Well, it's also right in the sense that, like, why the fuck else are they doing it? If they made an edible cupholder, that's like we baked in a slot for your hand because we're absolutely out of a solitary fuck to give that I'm into it. If you want to let me, like, hold an iced coffee and then finish it, then eat the thing out my hand because it doesn't have a purpose anymore.


That's biodegradable. That's twenty, twenty one, you know, I mean, that's new tech.


I think we've talked about it on this show before, but edible doesn't mean digestible. Liam's not wrong. Yeah. We'd love if you tried hard enough.


I'm just saying if they wanted to rebrand is Banaras boutique and they only sold bread clothes, I think that would be a killer swap. Aroney Oh yeah.


What else you guys want you I mean how we do the questions we only did to two I guess. Yeah. Two which actually modern movement is not bad but I will do another one if you want.


You Yahoo! I think the second question is powerful and we should read that. My employer offers a small stipend for purchase of clothing with the company's logo, most of it is pretty bland polo shirts, light jackets, caps, etc..


This year, though, they're offering jeans with the company logo embroidered across the ass. What occasions are appropriate for business casual jerk jeans?


How should I complete the outfit or really impress our clients dressed to impress in D.C. on buttoned white thin fabric shirt?


And there's a fan and there's a fan close by that also you can do a popped collar jean jacket of the same denim material and make sure you're always have your back turned to them and you're looking over his shoulder.


Make sure you tuck that jacket into the pants just to really complete the look. That's good travel.


If you can find denim shoes, I don't know if that's anything, but anything that draws attention back to the app, let me call John John Mellencamp and ask to borrow one of his many pairs of denim shoes.


Hold on. I'll get I'll get them on the horn. OK, this is not a skit I'm going to do because I don't really know anything about John Mellencamp.


But I, I, I feel like a great use of this would be if you're doing a presentation. Oh. And you're like to a new client and then it's like you use it as the punchline of the presentation because it makes it look like you went the extra mile, you know what I mean. Like, it's like and one thing I can say about Fidelity Capital Management, we won't be bringing up the rear.


That's right.


And you show your ass and it's like this this company gets. That's it. Yeah. And then they'll be like, why do your jeans look so dirty and smell so bad?


And you're like, I don't I do not take these off because I love my clothes. I live it. I love I love the company.


You heard the part. I talk about loving the company. Right. So, like, why would I take off my fidelity pants?


You could do another pair of jeans over those jeans. And then when someone's like, I can't believe your jeans to work, you're like, Yeah, sorry, I forgot.


It's a little too casual. And then you tear those pants away and underneath you have your business, J.C. jeans and everyone's like, That's what I talk about, bro. And you are high five a bunch. And then maybe play some volleyball out in the Longines jeans, just some jeans, volleyball like you do. Jeans, volleyball. Right. Chafing is part of the fun.


It's part. Yeah, it's an endurance sport. Geets volleyball. Why do they make these.


What I mean why do they. It's actually really kind of weird isn't it, that they it's kind of weird that they would think you would want to put the company's logo right on your ass.


Yeah, no, it's not a good place for for that. I guess it depends on what the company is.


Is there a company where other than Jussie, do you work at Jussie corporate headquarters. What about endoscopy cameras?


Like if you were like is that the Rylant colonoscopy? That's what I meant.


If you were making like if we were a company that produced animals, OK, colon get or just like a billboard company and then like it's like has it there and it's like you looked in you and this is what you're trying to sell now is hi, my name is Travis, am I right. And for one hundred dollars a month you can buy ad space on my ass.


That's it. For sale jeans.


But advertising work just did because you to look at my hiner didn't you.


Yeah. Are you looking for a house with a great back yard? And then it has like the listing for, you know, some real estate agents in there. But it's on my ass because I have a great backyard.


Yeah, but next, Bucky's exit. Twenty three, a and fifty miles. But it says follow me. Right. You follow me to Buckeye's and it says it right there. It's got basically MapQuest directions to Buckeye's on my dumper.


Yeah, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Now I start as a joke but now I'm starting to think yeah I could maybe sell some ad space on my.


But I think I'm going to make I want to give you guys a challenge for this. This is a thought experiment for thought leaders like ourselves. OK, what if we had to put up a piece of family merchandise where it was jeans but the logo was on the ass? What would you what would you guys do? We have to do it.


What would we advertise on the back or what would it be? What just. Yeah, describe the product.


I guess I probably wouldn't ad for pets dotcom on there, but I think it's because you mentioned the dotcom bubble earlier. Yeah. Yeah.


My brain compared to my brain was so that would be a piece of McIlroy family march that we would sell. Yeah, that would be the dotcom logo. Yeah, something like that.


So you've already hearing it back parroted back on eBay.


The cracks man would be like a truth campaign, but not their anti vaping. They're on now, but like old truth or truth and back in like two thousand one. Yeah, yeah. Check out this person and the machine. They used to talk, but we've put that on there. But of Mirch pants. I think I would advertise the pants on the pants so that when people look at the pants, they're like, well, now I want to get those pants but I don't know how to get them is like, well, the information's right there.


Yeah, you can get add add pants right there.


I like that where it's like the pants are an ad for your ass branding company. Right. About branding a limited let's call it.


And the logo is a pair of jeans that have the ass branding limited word mark on them. Right. Which happens to be shaped like a pair of jeans. Harat you know. So it's just infinite in your jeans all the way down, baby jeans all the way down.


You need a kit yet.


But the good news is if you go to Deep Joseph Gordon Levitt, I'll kick your chair out of the bathtub, kick you out, back up, right out.


The Greens chose the girls over that chair, kicked into the tub, kicked me right out my jeans studio. Thanks for saving for my first. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Where's my top white shirt that I wore with the jeans? JGL damn. Are you wearing those? Were you wearing those jeans when I went in a week?


Oh no, no, no. Kickett My white jeans kick me again JGL. Yeah, I remember my wife's childhood jeans. My wife created jeans for us to living together. It was between our two teens. Let me so no let me spin my magic top. All right. I left it in my jeans.


One layer up look break it down with you car or at least my magic top. It's in the pocket of my jeans. In your jeans layer. Hey, I just want to tell you guys super old now your jeans still a great still way the hell out of jeans, I believe you mean Ken Watanabe.


You said the name the old man. Yes, yes, yes.


Can well wait a spoil. Yeah. Wait especially a page.


I need you to craft some jeans for me with you know the jeans are paying attention to themselves. The jeans are aware we're in them.


I'm a jeans architect. You're a tailor. Know I've said that many times.


I cockayne young and old Michael Caine. All this must be a dream. We're all three in jeans and kissing.


Sydney made fun of me today for falling over in the snow and I said, Why do we fall?


Master Bruce is to get back up again.


And my voice started sounding like Bane Daley and I did Michael Bay. Michael Bay is like a Michael Caine and a bad impression raised together. Mercero are in trouble in the short straw.


For Robert Farrar, it sounds like he's drowning now.


It's ah, Henry. Henry loves Batman. And one time I had him say, Where's Falcone? As deep voice Batman? And now he says any time he plays Batman and I feel like I ruined him, I feel like nothing will satisfy him. Now, where is Falcone? Yeah, he acted in these like who is Falcone and why is Batman want him? And I have to tell him it's because he didn't pay attention in virtual school. You think that's bad?


My daughter said probably to me this week, I don't know that person. Thanks for listening to our podcast. We're three great dads and we're happy to have you here.


We hope you're hanging in there as much as could be expected if you want to buy some merchandise. We don't have any jeans on offer currently, but if you go back to research, you'll find some other stuff.


There's a cute little boy Karpin by Zachary Sterling, our candlelights special.


You can now get that. We got a taste of luxury stimulus, wine glass and a T-shirt designed by Nick.


If you watch that, by the way, sort of say, Solectron on YouTube and watch it. I really feel funny.


So proud of it. Yeah. Speaking of watching things, we've got an Adventure Zone Live, a virtual show this week, February 19th at 9:00 p.m. Eastern Time. It's virtual and interactive. That means there will come moments when we'll need your help deciding what the players do. We're going to be playing Honey Heist with special guest Erika Ishii. Tickets are just ten dollars. You can get them at live dot the McCoy family. It's going to be a blast and a half.


Hey, preorder Crystal Kingdom, the third, third, fourth, fourth, fourth. We've written a lot of books, graphic novel and the Adventure Zone Balance series. It's real good. Go to the Adventure Zone. Comic Book comes out July 13th. Twenty twenty one. But don't wait.


You'll want to find a Yahoo! Yeah, please. It's finally Yahoo is sent in by the Wizard Bin. Can't thank you Ben.


It is Yahoo answers user t who asks How comes bad guys in movies don't eat an apple with a pocket knife no more.


Yes, thank you. My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis Macroom Griffin.


McElroy has been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad on the lips. OK, that was the show. And please don't tell our grandparents all the cuss words we said. Maximum fun dog comedy and culture, artist owned, audience supported, hey, it's Jesse, what you're about to hear is real.


Hey, this is Chris. Hi, Chris.


It's Jesse calling for maximum fun.


Hey, Jesse, I heard that you got into a car accident listening to that podcast, and I just laughed so hard that I slammed into a construction barrier.


You remember what it was that was so funny.


I will never forget. I'm sure they started talking about Vegas and the you know, it happens here. It stays here. And that's going Graham was talking about, oh, you know, wasn't there somebody's slogan for another commercial?


I was like a commercial for food. And I said, like, whatever is in there stays in there. I can't remember what it was, clams or something.


That's just ridiculous and mad.


I got lightheaded. I would laugh. Next thing I know, they are they are just brilliantly funny. So I talk to Dave and Graham from Stop Podcasting Yourself. We would like to pay your car repair bill. Is that OK? That I mean, that would be super nice. I really thank you. I appreciate that.