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[00:00:01]

This is exactly right. Hello and welcome to my favorite murder, the podcast, The True Crime Comedy Podcast, starring George A Hard Start High and Karen Kilgariff. Hi, how are you? Welcome, everyone. How how are you? Answer the question. How's your how's your pandemic going? Oh, it's the full global meltdown working out for you.

[00:00:44]

Did you did you see there was a story about how a new and a province, China there they had a huge like pool party with thousands of people because they could find there finally opened up again. OK, and that's OK. I'm it must be I would hope that they're making good decisions. They they started all this quarantining. So I think they're saying we're finally done with it. Look, I'm I'm as bored as everyone else, but I feel like I wouldn't go to that.

[00:01:09]

I would need two solid years of inoculations and some guarantees also.

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Just it's the kind of thing that's such a good point, because when I saw the story, I was like, oh, yeah, I was like a pool party.

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Never, never be. Unless it's my own private. Yeah. Be like a nighttime pool party, which is like every horrible a party you've ever like. It was a good idea. And then you showed up, you were like, this is like this is a zombie.

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I wore the wrong thing. No matter what you wore. It was the wrong fucking thing.

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Yes. And no matter where you stand, you're in a bad spot. Right. And there is no we also don't there's not immunity to this yet because just because you had it doesn't mean you're now immune to it.

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That's not how diseases work. No, unless they're unless it's being kept from us. We don't know anything about. Oh, no work whatsoever.

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I feel like a pool party is a little premature, but I am not a doctor, nor have I ever pretended to be. One is. Hold on. Why do you have that medical advice podcast then? It doesn't make sense. Why would you open yourself up like medical advice I guess. Back on it, spit on it and put it back, put some back in your mouth and spit on it. You know, what you need to do is suck out the bacteria and then put in a snake poison.

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Yes, spit it in. Yes. Leeches from everywhere, from head to toe, leech your shit. And then here comes the mirch that says leech your shit on the front of it. People don't understand what it means. Your mom's upset, your cousins asking questions. We're doing it again. We're having at it we, as we tend to do, going for it. Now, we don't know where you are right now while you're listening to this mentor.

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Listener. Yeah. Mentally or literally. Yeah. Where I am personally, it's one hundred and six degrees outside, which is not common for California, especially Los Angeles. We're having this crazy heat wave, but none of us are leaving the house anyway, so. Right. It doesn't matter. But if you're OK with it's just like my there's no air conditioning duct into the bathroom. Oh. So like you go into the bathroom and it's like muggy.

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It's like a tropical blues or any place for air conditioning because blow drying your hair, like the thing of getting out of the shower and immediately sweating again is my fucking least. I remember last week I postponed a meeting we were having because I was like, I'm sweating out of the shower.

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So I take this meeting, but nothing feels worse. I know. I don't remember that being the reason, because anytime you're like, hey, do you mind if I I'm all caps guessing you so hard. Postponed like everything. Anything, please.

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Always. Yes. Please cancel you all day. Love. Yes.

[00:04:10]

Anding my laziness or my whatever it is your needs you it's you choosing to have needs and just declaring them. I think it's important. It's hard for us to do some time. There's, there's times where are just like you know what, I can't get on this Zoome. I can't do it now and I don't have to you even though you know, I'm here by myself sitting here staring. I still don't have to get on that. Zoome with you.

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That's my right as an American in twenty twenty.

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Thank you. What are you talking about. Is there a listen. I've been meaning to ask you this for a while now. Ever since we've been zooming at home and recording at home. Is there a framed photo because there's like you're sitting in front of like some nice family framed photos. Is there a two headed person framed and to take a Sotos? Let's go over and take a look from where I'm sitting.

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It's a it's a man's body with two legs. Now, let me go get that and I'll tell you what.

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Oh, my gosh. It does look like a, doesn't it? What is that?

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I've been wondering for months and never asked. I feel like now's as good a time as any, but where are you talking? I was saying I've just been watching, I've just been noticing it and never said anything for months. But now is as good a time as any to ask you. Yes. What's so that is. This is a gift that was given to me at the end of a job by America's sweetheart and banana boys star Scotty Landow, Craig T.

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Nelson from Coach, because that's how we met is he was a writer and I was the head writer on a talk show. And so he gave me it was assigned photo by Craig T. Nelson of him as coach. But you can't see the signature anymore because it's sat on my desk at my old house and it got exposed to the sun.

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But you see how I would think that he's holding a football, like, up, facing up. So it looked like a two headed person, but its not its coach with a coach and his best friend, the football. Steven, can we get that up on the Instagram for this episode please. Thank you. Yes please. And thank you. All right. Well we've solved that mystery.

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Any other questions or concerns about what's in the background of my zoom shot? Just email us at MFM. No series is and there definitely send it there. You know, what I was going to say is it is crazy boiling hot, like unlike any even though it's been getting hotter lately, today just went nuts. And I'm drinking a very large cup of hot coffee right now, just like the Bedouins do in the desert. I'm just some black tea and water.

[00:06:45]

It's little bit of whiskey and they're sweet because it's what's that drink called? George is having a day. Hey, George is having a day. Put it in there.

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It's that feeling of I've been doing some when the commercial comes on where there's a bunch of people standing in a bar starting to have a fake funny conversation, it genuinely makes me want to cry when I hold on the male ladies here and she's coming up to the front door.

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Tell me she tell her we appreciate her and thank you for your service and we support you. And we've been we've been pushing your merch, Mr. Zappa. We're big fans of Mr. and Mr. Zepp. You can get little outfits for your small dog.

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You make it look like I'm carrying the mail or all dogs or large cats.

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It's pretty. She got she's going to have to leave it there anyway. I'm actually getting a thing delivered. Oh, that's like USPS as we speak.

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Oh, sure. Go. I hate you. I said you could stay in here if you did bark.

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Well, that was like a stare down and then almost. Hey, you got a sharp.

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Oh, hi, Steven.

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Take a photo that gee, is this what you do when I'm not here? Is this what you do? And I mean, you stare out the window, go, go.

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Get up on that bed. George, thanks for the warning. No problem.

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Shit. Wait, I did this this post person.

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Oh. Singing some of the things I like to do in my day. Little little exposure is I'll go ahead and put in the old ear buds and then just I'm now the lead singer of the day or whatever.

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Right. Let's do especially if you're by yourself and the freedom. I just have to go around, make sure all the windows and doors are closed because I've definitely done that where it's full concert and the side windows open. And I'm like, it's such it's so early in our relationship for my neighbors to be like, oh, no, there's never a good time for your neighbors to hear you saying so the other day.

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And I'm pretty sure it was wait by the IRS.

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Oh, so, you know, I love like I love apps map. Thank you. Such a good it's like wait maps by the IRS really delivering that.

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And I turned around just like the dog did something and the mail person was just standing there staring at me through the window.

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No. And it could have been I didn't have my glasses on so they could have been doing something. Yeah. You know, like on a clipboard and I just didn't see it or whatever. But to me, it just look like they're just standing there staring with their mouth open like this, just so disappointed in their their lives because of what happened when they caught you. They're like, where am I going if I'm catching people singing this is my job.

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Yeah, exactly. I mean, not for me. I don't know why we didn't request this earlier, but can kind of mail people, write us, please, and tell us like, their craziest experience or they're like, you know, amazing, interesting story for our hometowns, please. Yeah. Tell us what it's like to be a postal worker. I'm dying to know ERBY. Incredible. Well, because also and the people that also the people that deliver on foot.

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So you're getting whatever your weird experiences in the car. But then there's also all the experiences you get just walking around neighborhoods.

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Yes, walking around neighborhoods. Like tell us like what? You know what. Should we do to support you guys more should. What do you want, like when we leave you for the holidays? You know, like what? What what's it like? I want to I want a day in the life. Plus a weird, crazy story from people and people. Yeah, that'll be fun. That'll be great. Good idea. Let's do that. What was going.

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I thought you were going to say we want to hear what people are doing to fill their time during the day to make them selves not go crazy. And aside from watching TV or listening to podcast, aside from media, how do you fill those additional hours of the day?

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Like, for example, tell me you give a three to five thousand person concert as well as the great lead singer of a band that's never existed or something along those lines like this. I know this will eat up a half an hour if I do this for a while.

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Got what? I don't even know what I do. Here's what here's what some people are doing back into the media today, because we're recording this on Tuesday, the 18th. Today was the first day of the hearings of the Golden State killer trial where victims got to come and give either of their own victim impact report or that of a family member who couldn't be there. Amazing. They're doing that until Friday when they sentence him. Fuck, yes, I love it.

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Even though he pleaded pled guilty, we still get to hear and the victim still get to speak their fucking lives and their trauma. So it's like I love that's still part of it. It's so important. And yeah, it's great. I want to hear everything about it. And Paul Hodes is there, right? Yeah. Empson That's what he said in that email. Yeah.

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You guys, Paul's emails, us guys sometimes sometimes I'll drop an email just as much as Paul's boss as Paul Hodes bosses who control his career in our palms of our hands.

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No, we don't like to tell him that. But it is kind of exciting that he would email us and be like, well, I'm up here in Sacramento for the and we're just like, really cool because it's exactly where, of course, you are.

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Oh, I love it. It's very well. And it's also just like the conclusion, the thing, the inevitable conclusion of a thing that no one ever thought was ever going to have one. And it's happening and, you know, yeah, for two years, it's never going to be fulfilling.

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He'll never speak about it. I bet he's such a piece of shit. He'll never cop up to the cop, to the fact that he is pretending to be a feeble old man. Right. We all know is bullshit.

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Yeah, I think that is well known, well known rumor that he he in his private time is in no way a feeble old man. But that's a rumor. That's the kind of thing that absolutely would kick up around something like this. But still, it's great you love hearing it because you're just like, yeah. And also it's the thing we were talking about last week where it's just like there's no he's not going to have a crisis of conscience.

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Right. And then say something satisfying. No, none of that is part of it. But but it doesn't matter. It's not about participation. Yeah, it's not. It's about those people standing up and being like, you fucking mom, you're a monster.

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I get to say it. Yeah. You're just a man. You are not you're not a monster and you're not supernatural. And you don't have any powers over me except for the fact that you are so creepy and crazy that you did what you did. But now that's over.

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Let's do exactly right corner real quick. Yeah. Yeah. Our podcast. What's Going On? The old network this week.

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That's right. To do this just in what's going on this week. Well, I'm glad you asked Aaron Bridger. Why? Because I said no good times.

[00:14:07]

The wonderful Laci Mosley, a.k.a. scam goddess on the scam goddess. Right. And listen to Scam Goddess. And you like stories about people getting ripped off and people ripping people off. Go over to the scam goddess on your wall and listen to her. And I said, no gifts. Yeah, I get a taste on your show, see what happens, and then go over and try scam go. There's nothing, nothing better.

[00:14:30]

And then this week on this podcast will kill you. The Arun's are talking about sickle cell disease and they have guests who are sharing their first hand, first hand experiences with sickle cell. And they also talk about genome editing tools to create genetic conditions. It's a really interesting episode. If you're at all interested in sickle cell disease or don't know anything about it. This is a really great episode. So that's. Yeah, go learn the fascinating thing that, like, they're basically they're fixing like genome science and all that.

[00:15:00]

Oh, my God. Insane atomic atomic surgeries and stuff like that. Thank you. Smart people. Yeah, for real. Also, just really quick on bananas this week, friend of the family, Mandy Johnson is on with Scotty and Kurt. She is a producer for the long running and. Dependent stand up show here in L.A. called Super Serious, and she has made a book of photography, that's all the pictures she takes of the comics before their sets.

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And then she interviewed like 50 comics to talk about that book. So she's she's on bananas doing stories with them. But then she's kind of there to plug that book a little bit. So and she's definitely a friend of the family. She did our first photo shoot together in my appart my old apartment, remember? Yeah. She's been with us. She was the photographer at the Santa Barbara weekend and our big L.A. show. She's definitely a friend of the family.

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Yeah, she's a good friend of mine.

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And this book is if you're interested in comedy and you know, the comics that either started in or like made L.A., the L.A. scene, their home for the past 10, 15 years. She's been a huge part of it. And that's this book is just a compilation that's all about that. So if that's an interest of yours, the book's called Super Serious. Her name's Mandy Johnson. And I think it's coming out in out today, I think.

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Is it? Yeah, well, it's actually available. It's out this week. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah. So you can get it look it up if that's something you're interested in. I have a picture in there. I know you do. It's a great one. It's a great it's like a one of your all time greats. She's such a good fit. She's so good.

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And then oh hey, let's talk about Cruise's Karen. Hey let's do it. We have causes for sale. We have a here's the thing, fuck everyone cuzzi and then a cuzzi with our cool new fingerprint, Rambow Design on it. And it hasn't sold out. It got restocked. It's so summertime. We use Causey's here at the house all the time for my Arcand wines. Vince drinks beer exclusively, so we are always competing to see who's podcast cuzzi is going to be used that day and they really work.

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They do something about cruises. Yeah, yeah. I'm a big fan of cruises. We have so much cool merch right now. I, I'm loving everything we have and everything we've got coming in. It's, it's exciting. It's yeah. If you're looking for something to do during your day of shopping might be a part of it. Don't be afraid to go over to the MFM store just, just kind of look around where we really do have a full line of items.

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And apparently the fuck you, I'm divorced. Sweatpants are are selling like hotcakes. Amazing. I love it. It's my favorite dotcom. And then there's like a store like you can go to.

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And my friend Heather Anthony, a shout out. What's up? She made that suggestion. Now we should make sweatpants that say, fuck you, I'm remarried.

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I love it.

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We just keep following the relationship arcs of relationship arcs through sweatpants.

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What about. Fuck you, it's complicated. Can I do that? That's right. How about fuck you. I don't owe you an explanation. It's none of your just because it's the holidays and I'm sitting at your dinner table. Fuck you. I'm single. Would be great to wear to holiday parties or like, you know, the weekend at your family's house. Yeah.

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If, if you're not in quarantine when you realize that you probably need your sweatpants to speak for you. Yeah. Yeah.

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Like it's loud and proud and you need it. And I'm proud of you and I'm like, yeah. And I'm loud at you.

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I'm loud at you. But I'm more than that. I'm proud of you.

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Let me see if I have anything. Oh, did you watch the show, Dave. I might not talk about it if you haven't. I have not. You know, it's show we just started watching. It premiered on Sunday. It's so good. Hold on. Let me look it up really quick. It's called Lovecraft Country.

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Yes. Do you love it? Yes, it's amazing. Oh, my God. Love craft country. It's so good. Yeah. And it ended on such a cliffhanger. I'm so excited to keep watching it. This this might be incorrect. It's just an observation and it could be incorrect. But what's exciting to me is it feels to me like there's going to be this new wave of of black centric stories in media and especially in like TV and that kind of like fancy TV where it's not about that.

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Right. Just getting heroes and experiences and it's just being treated like every other any other story instead of having to be, you know, like it. It's not typical and it's not it's just like everything else, like sci fi.

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It's just fucking cool sci fi. It's historic. It's interesting because it is. Yeah. There's so much to learn as well. But that's sundown fucking towns. And there was a guide book for black people went how to travel across the country without going to the wrong places, which is so heartbreakingly awful. But it's like true and it's such a strange secret. I believe a lot of people are very upset because Green Book was such a whitewashed version of that story.

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And that makes perfect sense to me. But the idea that we're just learning about that, I mean, like I'm just talking about that in, you know, in. Whenever that was 18 or 19, it's just so crazy, it's just like it's yeah, it's the second they walked into that shop. First of all, I got teary eyed because I want to go into a store and browse again. Just really lame.

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Just straight immediate, like fucking like immediate is I miss shopping.

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I miss I miss going into a store that set up cool, which is that first store he went into that had the green book in the front window. Oh, I never saw that. Yeah. It was like right at the beginning and he was going in to talk to. Well anyway it doesn't. Oh I'm sorry. I thought you meant green book. Yeah, OK. Oh no, sorry. In the in the country and there's just the it was supposed to you know, because it's supposed to be the 50s.

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I think it's like. It's like. Right. It's really I think it's late forties because it's super post. Oh no it's post carea so. Yeah you're right. So probably mid 50s or early 60s.

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No 50s. Jesus. I'm saying Korea is if I know in Korea was it's 50s, Korea was in the fifties. OK, so it's fifty. I know that from MASH. It doesn't matter.

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The point is that he's in this beautiful store. That is because they, they made it look like the time. So nothing in the store. It looks like a vintage shop. Yes, it is. And it has all these windows. So it's like the regular front windows. But then they also have the top line, which there's a bunch of stores in my hometown that have this too. It was like store. If your store faced the the the West, then there is extra windows at the top that brought in even more light so that your light wasn't affected by the tallest building across the street.

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Anyway, the whole thing was just very like, yeah, I remember when we could just go into a store and stand around and not think about anything. Yeah, it's good.

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It's exciting. It's like I fucking love sci fi to begin with, but it's also like an adventure story. So, you know that heartbreaking. It's beautiful. Yeah. The opening itself where I was like, wait, who is the red lady. What is what is this whole thing. And it was it was in the trenches and then they're not.

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Yeah. So love Lovecraft country. The first episode is out. I wish I could bend it. Let's all let's all watch it and talk about it every week.

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I mean because there I was like this show is going to suffer no matter how good it is because it has to replace my Sunday night period.

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And we have room in our heart now. We do so right. It's HBO, no prime, but it's HBO. Yeah. So so the thing you can rely on with HBO is they know how to the teams they hire where it's it's completely you're never just going to get great actors are just going to get, you know, pretty cool looking set. But then like they they just know how to turn in the entire perfect paper and get an A plus on it.

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Yeah. So it just like the second it started, I was like, oh thank you. Yeah. It's easier to let go of that one when this one you're delivering right into my hands. It has. It's the same thing where it's period, it's perfectly produced, beautiful self sustaining. The outfits are incredible. Everyone looks so fucking good. Yeah.

[00:23:24]

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So should we explain what we're going to be doing today? Yeah, storywise, yeah, this was this is great. So we have so many live shows that we've done. Of course, we've posted a lot. And then we have and they're all, you know, these fun shows, we had the best time. And then we have some shows where either, you know, we did then the night before. So they're kind of repeats in the beginning.

[00:26:22]

But the stories we did are the murder stories are still, you know, mean a lot to us. And they were great. And we still want to play them, even though we can't play the entire show. So we. Yeah, that we. Yeah, well, I was just going to say there's also the piece of it too, where we used to in the early days and some of you remember this, we would we would do two shows a night and that almost always meant that it was basically the same.

[00:26:46]

We'd never do the same stories for both shows. We learned that quickly when we did that the first time in Seattle and saw the faces in the front row go, oh, why did I buy tickets to both of these for the people in the meet and greet that were like, are you going to do the same thing?

[00:27:00]

And then I was just like, oh, no, that's true. This is two separate shows increasing our home workload. Yeah, that much more. But so yeah. So some of these are some of the shows are it reflects directly that we this we are now on our five of performing. We'll just say that there's no judgment. There's always people that are like, oh my city didn't get posted. And that means this.

[00:27:26]

It's like no release the storyline of whatever reasoning you think it is. It's usually something much weirder and more specific than that. But what we want to do is get the greatest hits out of there. So that's what we've done. Stephen's gone through and listen through and pulled the stories that are like, this one's great. These are these are usable stories. Yeah. And then so we're going to do almost like you said today, like a quilt where it's like Karen's story from this city and my story from this city.

[00:27:52]

And that's really great hometown. That's so sad. It's languishing and like it should be because there's so many great hometowns that, like, never got posted except this week. Right. Or maybe the worst hometown we've ever had. I argue. I argue and say the best hometown we've ever had, the simply the best hometown we've ever had.

[00:28:12]

We'll introduce it. We'll get to it.

[00:28:14]

So my story this week is from our North Charleston show in South Carolina. It takes I did the story on September 21st, twenty eighteen, which actually was the first of our fall tour that year. And Hurricane Florence was going on. Oh, yeah, time. And so there's flooding everywhere. So we had done Durham the night before we were supposed to drive to North Charleston, ended up having to fly because all the roads were closed. Yeah, right.

[00:28:42]

I remember that. I do. And it was really great theater. And I did the old exchange and Provost Dungen story. So there's a bunch of like people who who had been jailed. They're ghosts that people saw lots of like creepy stories from it, which I it's one of my favorite things to do is just like take a place like Disneyland or whatever and be like here are the fucked up stories from it. So that's what you guys are going to hear today.

[00:29:07]

North Charleston, Pacific Arts Center, I think something probably so. This is from the North Charleston Performing Arts Center on September 21st. Twenty eighteen. Enjoy.

[00:29:17]

This is so comfortable. All right. Well, I'm going for us tonight, right? Yes, you are. Yeah. Guys, you know how much I love American history. That's one thing everyone knows about me. This is just my thing. So in that with that, I am going to do the promos Dungen.

[00:29:39]

Oh, is it historical? It's so historical and hysterical. OK, Karen, let me let me give you a history lesson, please, and I bet you guys have heard this story in elementary school for some because it plays about it. And, you know, everyone had to be a thing and everything happened. Plays about a dungeon. Yeah. It's like it's a historical story. Yes. It's a historical place. And so but we in California, we don't talk about that, this stuff.

[00:30:13]

So we just on high inserts, fucking man, you got a surf class, you go to high stoner class, you go to snack class, and then you go back to Starner class and take a nap and you stand by a tree. So but it turns out that no historic landmark in Charleston is as well recognized as the old exchange and Provost Dungen. Karen, OK, at the intersection. What I'm saying it wrong. Good. It's at the intersection carrying you other layer of Broad Street and East Bay Street and Main Street.

[00:30:53]

Is it apartments? How do you guys live there? The exchange was constructed on the site of a half moon bastion, which is which is just where they found it. I had to look all this shit up, which is just where they would, like, shoot the fucking people from, like not like this bastion. That's right. OK. Like with cannonballs, boom, boom, boom. The exchange was made in 1767 as a Mercantile Exchange and Customs House, which is basically like where you get your shit, like do your city stuff like mail letters.

[00:31:28]

So this was long ago before they had stores and ammo or anything Mom Theresa put in there and she's pissed. So beneath the fuckin where people are doing everyday business, though, is a fucking legit dungeon, like how often do you see a dungeon? I mean, you guys see it a lot, but. It's been called one of the worst prisons in U.S. history, prisoners are subject to anything that happened which could be contagious diseases. There was no fresh air.

[00:32:03]

There was contaminated food. Fucking rats hanging out, always rats. And they were attached to the people, not the rats. But the people were attached to heavy iron shackles. And they were just a cute little shackle. Oh, my God. It's like seven paperclips. It's like a little ring, OK, and they're left to suffer there in the dungeon until their execution. So it sucked. Let's see, we have a photo of it. Let's see if we can figure this thing out.

[00:32:40]

I bet we can. Yes, I did bring my glasses back to look closer now. This is Bay Street here. Just kidding. She's asking me. Just getting. I don't care. So as we always say, when we look at this beautiful historical pictures that are like, oh, my God, it's so incredible, is what did it smell like at that moment on this street with the smell like? You got to wonder. Well, there's a pile of donkey shit right here in the foreground.

[00:33:11]

But it does look beautiful and then, you know, it's weird when you see that and there's no electric electric poles, there's no wires of any kind because they were underground. No, it was. Yes. Yeah, totally. OK, you're not that into my observation. Yeah. So this was the majestic building, as you just saw. That's the old exchange. It's built by the British and 774 to accommodate the needs of the trading and shipping business.

[00:33:41]

You know, you're bartering. Sure. That flourished in that harbour, bartering, etc., pelts and service, spices and spices of all kinds. T I bet you guys did not play the team the tea they love. And Duran Duran was always there. And it was also the cultural center of old Charles Town. And they called it I'm not saying it wrong, but from now on I will call it Charleston because I don't want to get yelled at.

[00:34:10]

But at the time it was called Charles Town. That's what it says with an E on the end of town. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And how small are your glasses? Ben Franklin out of here. So the building has a shit ton of American history, as you got that quote from the history book, was where the Declaration of Independence is probably read to South Carolinians. And where is that real? It doesn't hurt South Carolinians, man.

[00:34:47]

Sorry, South Carolinians, I've never heard. We've never heard of anything or heard anything new, we've come out of a pod and walked on stage. We're new here and we're South Carolina, ratified the US Constitution. George Washington used to fucking chill banquets there and like dance and stuff, always leaning news, just like, of course, chilling. But underneath all this lovely shit going on is a place where prisoners were subject to fucking unspeakable torture that I'm going to speak about right now.

[00:35:23]

Just directly below, like one floor below, there's three floors and it's like a nice floor. George coming out here, it's fucking daughter everyone and let the rats hang out here. I kind of love that. It's all in one building. Yes. It's kind of it's like an early mall that's really convenient. It's also like it's also that it still exists. And you can take tours of it, including the dungeon being like we're not we're going to pretend that this didn't happen, like it's just not open that floor.

[00:35:49]

It's like, no, no, this whole it was great. But for a lot of people, it's yes, I got a lot like today. So so the whole building, of course, is is haunted. I'm not going to say allegedly because I believe it now. I don't know the ghosts. They say the ghosts upstairs. But there's a ghost. So the goats took over the third floor. And they started arresting everyone and sending them down to the dungeon, they hunt now, they hunt the wrists.

[00:36:21]

God, ghosts are the scariest go. My God, have you guys seen a ghost and horns on those goat? Really sharp. So, of course, I'm like the top two floors that are like a nice and classy and shit, the ghosts are like nice and classy and shit. So so goes the floor and they walk like this. They walk like this. Except for George. George, I wrote the old Ghostbusters and the exchange are typically less pissed off than those in the former dungeon, I would imagine.

[00:36:55]

You imagine they were like, I'm going to spend eternity sipping tea at this cup. Yeah. And I'm not trying to scare you. Calm down like they don't do that. It's now the whole thing is now a museum operated by the Daughters of the American Revolution. They bought the building in 1912 and they were like, let's make let's let people look around. And the staff all wear revolutionary period clothing fund, which has to suck. I bet they get paid minimum wage.

[00:37:20]

Well, because, you know, I would it would be interesting to know, but I bet you you just get the outfit that's there, right? Unless you can make one yourself. It's like when you work at, like a theme park and you have to put the head the like the head of Mickey Mouse on that. Someone that's like you don't get your own Mickey Mouse. Yeah. And if if 9:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. Mickey Mouse, eat Doritos, your fucking Doritos.

[00:37:43]

Yeah, that's right. It's that feeling. But in a weird pilgram dress. Yeah. Just like and all the women have to just like wear the shit that's so uncomfortable. I had a job once where I had to wear overalls. And let me tell you, that sucks job as a waitress. I thought you were a farmer. Like I was a cashew farmer around that. And I tell you, I was like a ghost farmer herding goat ghost.

[00:38:10]

It's hard to say in my overalls. It is. It's harder to deal with is they were niños overalls like you just describe them. OK, this is I was so fresh out of Orange County that they were Dickie's overalls. Sure they were. Which is like what? Like McCart. Like people who listen to Social Distortion, Mechanicsburg, which is fine. Great. I'm good with that. I didn't look in on me. That's fine. But what kind of a restaurant makes you wear dickeys, overalls.

[00:38:40]

It was like a country themed. It was like country themed in Santa Monica. You know, the country is country and country though. They know country. You know, they serve blueberry fucking pancakes. So they thought it was a country thing and shit. Did did you cuff those overalls on the bottom? Probably. What kind of a shoe do you wear? Just like I'm stressed out. Like now I have to wear overalls, which if you think they look bad on you, simply imagine.

[00:39:07]

Can you imagine the farmer that the decision to dress what we were going to wear for this for live shows because we were like, what should be where we got this? No, let's just wear black dresses. It's easier. What if it hadn't been between black dresses and over and I fought really hard for overalls? Oh, none of us would be here tonight. It would be like night three of Theresa Caputo. Your future can't do it, and that's what the have the podcast fell apart.

[00:39:33]

OK, so the South, they were revolutionary revolution period clothings. And so some visitors have approached, being approached, approaching someone that they thought was a stockman or like, excuse me, can I can you tell me where the train is or whatever, and then only to watch in horror as that person would then disappear into thin air. But if that exchange happened in front of me, I wouldn't know who the ghost was, because you fucking says military.

[00:40:01]

Your husband is able to between all the time. Is he real? This is how we find out. I just fucking go crazy. And then I wrote, I'm not sure if they were on mushrooms. The person who saw the ghost, that would be OK. But it was just we were touching. They weren't touching. They were just asking a person they thought was in period dress a question, allegedly, allegedly. And then that person and then, like, I still have to pee.

[00:40:35]

Where the fuck is the latrine come back? It's like when they put you on hold, but they just disappear. But you have to do it one moment. Terrible music. OK, so let's get into who the ghost would be if there were ghosts there, which there definitely are. There are for the sake of the story. So Charlestown Arcare Charleston was a mix of wealthy socialites, poor immigrants, labor, slaves and pirates. And and so.

[00:41:02]

Yeah. All right. That's what I thought. They smelled so bad.

[00:41:08]

Hey, yeah. No, just salty. I mean, hangings or super popular, of course, in this era. Yes, they were. And not everyone who was sentenced to death was guilty. So that is like ripe for ghosting, like haunting. Like I'm pissed off. I wasn't guilty, you know. Sure. So that's that's must be true. What we call ghost logic. So there's, of course, legends that in the early eighteenth century, Blackbeard would fucking get locked up and chill out there.

[00:41:40]

Of course, you know that pirate. Yes, the living pirate. But when he was alive, you're saying. Yes, sorry, I was I just love ghosts. So I thought we were slaves as a as a fully formed human being that didn't disappear. Shit. Blackbeard allegedly black there came here. Was he American? No, no. We'll talk about it later. We'll talk about Jesus. Why am I out here? Is yeah. He came here because it was like a harbor and shit, you know.

[00:42:12]

Oh, so he was in prison in protest after blockading the Charleston Harbor, taking he took a bunch of local citizens hostages because he wanted leverage, because what he needed was a medicine, because he needed he had all these his pirate friends on the ship. They needed medicine because they all had fucking crazy beds. Oh, yeah. I thought you're just going to say scurvy. No, no. They weren't pretending they had downstair scurvy. No line will help you there, my friend.

[00:42:46]

I just realized how much this telling sounds like an episode of drunk history and I'm not drunk. I did not take a big gulp of that yeti of Brown Liquor and Bubar. I wish I had. I know, OK. Both taken a long pull off that thing, but eventually the time was like, all right, just get your fucking bead meds and let our people go. Was just all too curious. Did you. Wow. Yeah. They really embarrassed as they were taking hostages.

[00:43:16]

Could you please come here and help me just like you're really itchy. OK, so one of the people that everyone says is a ghost here is a dude in 17, 18, a dude who was, quote, a gentleman pirate. And I was like, I don't know what that is. I'm going to look it up. And you think of me like he wasn't a dick to like his the people he captured, you know, he was a terrible one of the worst pirates in history.

[00:43:43]

And it was because. So his name is Steve Bonnett.

[00:43:48]

Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve is a little cooler than Steve. I went to high school, Steve Bonnett, and he was a dick. So he was he was initially this like kind of wealthy landowner. His he came from a good family and then he got bored, he married, had kids and was like, I hate this. My wife nags me all the time. I'm going to build a pirate ship, which you don't do.

[00:44:11]

You're supposed to steal a pirate ship. I'm going to pay the pirate the my friends on the pirate ship. But you're not supposed to do you're supposed to, like, divvy up the goods booty, you know. And so no one respected him and he just was like this. Like it's like when you know, when you know something of a rich kid, a rich kid wants to be like a punk rocker. They just get a bunch of tattoos and then they panhandle on.

[00:44:37]

They're like, he can raise five cents. And I'm like, I have three jobs. And you have more gold in your face than I've ever seen in my life. Porn, something. There you go. That's exactly it. On something that was me living in the upper Haight in San Francisco is like getting off the bus for my job at the Gap to get on the bus to go to my job at bare essentials. Early days. Thank you.

[00:44:59]

Very essential. Some wonderful mineral makeup products. Thank you. I didn't mean to ad placement and there will always be like 19 year olds from Marin County to be like, Hey man, can I have a dollar? And I'd just be like, you motherfucking asshole. I know that's your outI get into it and drive away. OK, so he eventually Blackbeard like took him under his wing because he felt bad for him. The gentleman pirate. He was like, you fucking idiot.

[00:45:30]

Let me help you out. And they got caught. So they got caught escaping the dungeon and they were brought back and then Bonnet's crew was imprisoned in the dungeon. But because he was a gentleman, Steve got put in the town marshals house because he's rich. Yeah, essentially. But the twenty nine dudes that he was fucking sailing around with had to stay in this shitty dungeon. Oh, there's a photo ready. No, you're ready for this.

[00:45:57]

Yes. There you go. What? Look at that. Is this from that play? You guys were in high school. Look at that shit right there. There's George Washington on the left. The guy looks really bored with his head in his hands and tights on is Steve. And everyone looks pretty, mom, that doesn't look fun. This is what is when you take a tour, this is what it looks like. Love it. I know, right?

[00:46:30]

There's nothing worse than a sad pirate. I'd rather I'd rather be waving their sword around. That's like. No, I mean, it just looks. And you have a bead in there. Yeah, that's such a bummer. They're just like, we're just down here with our gonorrhea. Yeah. We're never going to get out. Yeah. This this sucks. We miss the ocean. What does that night when everything closes up, those dudes come to life.

[00:46:56]

They're just really pouty. I don't do anything. Being digs downstairs, so they're all there and they all are, the twenty nine men are executed by hanging after they had been stuck in the dungeon and sentenced to be hanged by the neck until you are dead. Wow. And he wrote to the governor this morning, he was like, OK, I'm done with this fucking little game I'm playing. I want to go back to my nagging wife. I'm not calling her nagging.

[00:47:25]

He called her nagging. I'm sure she was lovely. And so he wrote to the governor and begged for clemency. And he said that if you let me go, I'll I swear I'll even cut my arms and fucking legs off to ensure I'll never pirate again. Like, that's how he that's what a big fucking liar he was. Yeah. So, yeah, did it work? No. December 10, 17, 18, he was put to death, so goodbye.

[00:47:51]

Now, if you're hung with an STD, do you have it as a ghost? Do you think these are things that we could have asked Teresa if she was just. A double bill with that's what she says she won't do. Yeah, that was Teresa's legacy. It's an elusive goal, as I told you, is that paper I read to it. I mean, sorry, I feel like that's the first time that's ever happened on on stage.

[00:48:24]

I think I've done it a couple of times. Yeah. OK, let's let's move on, children. I'd love to. OK, so then the British took Charleston in 1780 and under British control, the Patriots. So we're like, you know, we don't want you here. They put them in the dungeon alongside the Pirates and Raiders and like so they are like these like normal people and they're like scary pirates. I heard pirates are scary and they're left to die.

[00:48:51]

They're from disease and injury, parasites and rats. And because it was below the waterline and right there on the harbor, the dungeon would flood sometimes and drown the fucking captain. Oh, my gosh. It's like I would haunt the shit out of that place with I would rattle some windows. Exactly the right windows. It was a dungeon. Oh, shit. I can go upstairs into the tea room book and shit. And often they would just leave the dead there in the dungeon with the living.

[00:49:20]

Really? Yeah. Jesus. You know, it's almost like it's a dungeon. It's almost bad. Soon after the British took over, they locked up a local trader named Casper Strobel. He's a sixty three year old dude whose only crime was that his two sons were fighting for the rebels, meaning our side. And in retaliation, he was detained in the previous dungeon where he remained and he, quote, remained in chains until he was insensible. And then he was released and he died the next fucking day from madness.

[00:49:50]

So that's how crazy it made you there. Wow. The exchanges most notorious execution came in seventeen eighty one with the advent of the American advent and the American Revolution. This is where you guys did the play. But yeah. So Isaac Kane was born in seventeen forty five to a pretty well-off family. He married a woman named Elizabeth Hudson. They had seven children. They were just like, oh, wait, there's a dungeon again. Who it's kind of beautiful though.

[00:50:17]

It's pretty well, you know, it it's it. You got to love and art, don't you see, I'm kind of like if I ever buy a house, I'm going to give this to the fucking interior designer and be like and be like. And can you pick colors that go good with floodwater and rat shit? Yeah. And I want around the house tiny rats and chains. It's tiny. It's an inside job. Yeah. You should listen to the podcast sometime.

[00:50:46]

OK, so that's him right here. She's laughing at your dude like he's yellow. He's a superhero. If I have that same ruddy skin, I understand it looks like a I understand it looks like a light explosion. Yeah. Which means that the painter was like, I'm not going to put the full Exuma, but I feel like we need to let everyone know in the future. This is rosacea. That's the way it's residuals. Please excuse me.

[00:51:19]

I mean, it's on his chin. It's everywhere. It also could be that he just fucking loved this.

[00:51:25]

I think I drink like seven mugs of meat and then get my portrait taken a little Carol on that navia perhaps a bit of navia. And I say, though, excellent eyebrows. Oh. At those I mean, he's very patrician, but he also he just looks like someone that would park in a handicapped space to make. OK, question, you have to go around. With a haircut for a month, but you get a million dollars, you have to go to your normal shed.

[00:52:08]

Yes. OK, here's how about a hundred dollars out, five hundred thousand, you know, it needs to be up in the six figure. Yeah, yeah. Because it's really. Six to seven. Which is why we have allocated. If I'm going to get a million dollars, it has to have six numbers in it. Karen supporters, she worked so hard, she just said she doesn't know how she always goes backwards with the zero. She's like, No, I'll only take six.

[00:52:49]

Oh, like at the end of the night, someone hands me a 20 dollar bill. Thank you. My 20 million dollars. But I was just going to say I can't take a bob that short. Sure. That's why that's why it have to be. I don't think it's that's the only that's not the problem. What other products do you. I don't mean are you saying I can't wear an ascot motherfucker because I can. No one's questioning your ascot wearing ability to buy what you said to me in the airport this morning.

[00:53:21]

Well, I almost accidentally insulted me. I went like I feel like I look like this person today. I kind of had this like I had this vibe of the kid from sometimes that I love. I kind of felt it. And I told her and she goes, Yeah, but he's attractive.

[00:53:38]

But she meant it's okay that you look like him because he's attractive. But it sounded like I didn't say the first part first. Yeah. Yeah. So it sounds like I was arguing and I was like, oh, I want to cry in an airport. And this is this is what we have to go to therapy also. It was fucking eight in the morning. That's just not fair. That OK? No, it was not on you. It was on Freaks and Geeks.

[00:54:06]

That happens to me all the time. Something comes out of my mouth and then I'm like, did I tell you what I did in Bloomingdale's? This is amazing. It was it was Labor Day weekend. I was in Bloomingdale's. I thought it was going to be so crowded that like it was the mall and it's just the store attached to the mall. So I thought it was going to be packed. And I was walking through and there was, of course, hardly anybody there because fucking Bloomingdale's isn't where everybody wants to shop.

[00:54:36]

When Labor Day, everyone is like, you know, where I really want to spend Labor Day. Blue is just maxing out my credit card for two pairs of shoes. But as I was walking around, I looked over and there was a girl that was just standing. It's like the thing that never happens, at least in California at Macy's, where, you know, Macy's, you can't get anyone to ring. You know, it's just like you have to chase people down.

[00:54:56]

There was just a girl standing at the cash register, like waiting for someone to buy something. And so I meant to ask her, like, has it been busy this weekend? But what I did was yell across the store, are you busy this weekend? You're out. Are you busy this weekend and she's like. And I just started laughing. No. OK. No, what I meant then you can't explain it, it's come out of your mouth as a full sentence.

[00:55:33]

There's no there's nothing else to be done. So now I'm dating this fucking cashier. I love it. You get the discount, you get a discount. Friends and family, baby. Yes. OK. There was pot involved. All right. It was the weekend, but it's California where you have to do it. Yeah, they make us I mean, I guess you the mayor comes around your house and makes you and they give you your rations for the week.

[00:56:10]

They're like, smoke this in the mall parking structure before you go in and then have a real good time. And then ask out whoever you see. I don't think I've ever asked anyone out in my life, really. No, I want you to never I I'm going to make you I'm that friend. I'm fucking bread. And I'm going to fucking make you. Well, I mean, it worked the last time. Yeah, you just have breakfast.

[00:56:40]

Let's talk about murder, OK? It was just so loud. OK, so he lived in the night. He lived in a nice mansion and all this shit, he was super rich. We're talking about Isaac Cain again. Yes. Not yeah. OK, Yellowjacket. Yes. By 1776, in the middle of the Revolutionary War, he becomes a captain in the Patriot militia. He's like, let's fucking do this. You know, like he's in it, like, you know, he's a patriot.

[00:57:07]

We're so glad that guy talk like that because they're like they wanted to defend his country against, you know, the British. They're coming. How many times do I have to say, you know, the British or the U.S. see that? So then a British commander who captures the town, Sir Harvey Clinton, which I'm sure was played by the kid that everyone hated in elementary school, he captures the town in the siege of Charleston. He threatens to confiscate the property of anyone who continues to be loyal to, you know, our town.

[00:57:44]

And he's like, you can't resist the royal anymore. Take your fucking shit. And so but he promised protection to anyone who would support the British. So, of course, he's totally a patriot, but he's like, I don't want to lose my shit. But also his he got locked up and his wife and his children were on their deathbed from smallpox. So he's like, I just don't I can't lose all this shit. I'm just going to sign it.

[00:58:06]

And he signed it. And he was like he took like there was this agreement that he was like, OK, I swear I'll be on your side while you're here. But when you're not here anymore, I won't be on your side anymore. Still, that's that's when it counts the most. When they're there, it doesn't work like one hundred percent, but like they were like, great. So so the Patriot forces push back. They get them out of there and he is like, great, I'm not in the world militia anymore.

[00:58:35]

The success of the Patriots allow him to believe that they were gone. So he wasn't he didn't have the obligation to, you know, yell about how great they were. And I love stuff like that. So I said, OK, but then a few months later, he's captured by General Andrew Williamson. He's an American spy working for the British, a.k.a. a snitch. Come on, dude, be cool. We mean this second guy because the first guy is not cool either.

[00:59:06]

Know which one under Isaac Hayes. No, no, he's we like him. We do get along. He yeah. He did what he had to do for his wife and children were dying. Right. And he was like but I'm also like but I also like won't be on your side when it doesn't count. Right. Right. OK, but the really bad guy, the really bad guy is like secretly be this guy. I'm, I'm actually that guy.

[00:59:31]

He's the snitch. So they started to fear that. So they catch him and decide that Isaac Kane should be made an example for what happened to those who commit treason. So like all he did was tell them he was going to be on their side, then he wasn't. And then they're like, we're going to set an example of, you know, that's treason. OK, technically, yes, 100 percent technically to people who know nothing about history now fighting about history, it's such a great place to start.

[01:00:03]

It's the new TV show on History Channel. It's happening. So he's in prison in the post dungeon, and he begs the officials to let him see his children one last time. But they're like, nope. And on the day of his execution, which is August four, 1781, all the citizens go to the street. He's escorted by a party of soldiers to the gallows, hands tied behind him, and he's hanged until he dies. Yeah, OK.

[01:00:28]

So he is one of the most prominent Americans to be executed by the British during the American War of Independence. And he probably is haunting the dungeon. Maybe some of the old exchanges, its accompanying dungeon spent them, spent the 20th century under the threat of redevelopment. It was say, like I told you about the daughters of the revolution in all records identified at least one hundred and twenty South Carolina residents or patriots who spent time as prisoners on site for treason, sedition, sedition and rebellious speech.

[01:00:59]

And down in the dungeon, you can still see what's left of the original visitors and staff have reported that they hear fuckin ghosts and shit all the time, as well as moaning like someone's in a lot of pain. There's rancid odours that come and go at will, which is like those are the costumes, those we went over that already and visions of apparitions in period clothing with blank stares will walk aimlessly through the halls. Can I just tell you something that just reminded me of one time I was at work and.

[01:01:32]

I kept smelling this really bad, like cologne or perfume. It's really strong. It's got to be a ghost and it was really gross. And I kept going, who's wearing that perfume to smell so bad? It's also about who's wearing it. And I couldn't stop saying it. I walk up and smell people and be like, I really want to find who is wearing this terrible. And it turned out it was me of I had switched. Normally I wear secrets, secret shower fresh and I switch to spring fresh or some other flavor of fresh.

[01:02:04]

And it did not agree with my armpits. And it created a smell that was like it was like, it was like a bit dirty. 13 year old's like not ready for a dance without taking a shower. But it was on me all day. Or the year I was haunted myself. And some have seen chains being boten and stuff and dancing orbs are reported cold spots and a few visitors are reported to be pushed and choked by invisible hands and like actual hands coming out of the air.

[01:02:40]

I mean, it was probably seven year old Suzy who just likes to get attention. At least these hands come up from really low. You're like, what do you want me to lean to? A little clip reaching this little kid was like, I can do some soul. And Susie, like, I got kicked by a goat. Susie, Susie. And it's all got to be the ghosts of those who are left to suffer in the previous dungeon.

[01:03:07]

And that's the. I like learning do it without just handed down it. There it was, we did it, you did it, you did your story, thank you. Did I knock it out of the park? I'm sure you did. You missed it. I probably did a great job. Thank you. Here now we're going to we're going to then go back in time, even one year before that, because my story on today's podcast quilt is from Kansas City.

[01:03:46]

And this was December 9th. Twenty seventeen. So this was basically the one year anniversary of when we first started touring. Holy shit. Really? Yeah. Because our our first technically first live show, like on the road was the Bell House show in Brooklyn, which was in December, and the Bell House held 300 people. Many more than that wanted to go. We didn't understand that. Again, apologies to the staff and management of the Bell House who absolutely have our faces up like bag check writers in the back of that do not.

[01:04:22]

It was a show here. Again, pure insanity also. That was back when I was the tour, the tour manager. Right. I'll take care of it. I said to Georgia. So anyways, this is one year later. We're in Kansas City, which we Kansas City, we always have the best shows there. Those crowds are fucking nuts. So this was a night where we did two shows in one night and my story was the last.

[01:04:45]

This is the story, the last story on the second show.

[01:04:48]

So when Stephen put this on the list, because Stephen Perry listens to all the live shows, but obviously takes notes because we I'm so sick.

[01:04:58]

I'm so sick of my own voice and everything around it. So he basically says this is good. That means everything around.

[01:05:06]

It is my voice. So you're sick of my voice here. This isn't about you. It's not even about you. So so this is the last. So when Stephen put this on, the list of this was a good one, I said, how is this possible? I remember doing this and feeling physically ill. Yeah. And then when we put it together and Vince just we were trying to think of, hey, do we have any stories like do you remember from this long ago?

[01:05:32]

And we were just saying if it was the if it was the second story on the second show, that's what the bad feeling was. Not that I didn't have a good time, but that we shouldn't have been doing two shows. And we stopped doing it, I think after that tour, because it's like four hours on stage is too many hours on stage. It just like drains you mentally and you just don't have the heart. You can't I mean, God bless fucking musical theater people and people who can actually do Broadway.

[01:05:59]

People would like to on Sunday fucking we're not even singing. So I do sometimes.

[01:06:04]

But that's very low efforts, right?

[01:06:08]

Yeah. We want to we want to do the best show. And so we stop doing even though we could make a shit ton of more money, we were like, but we're going to put out a shitty product.

[01:06:16]

So we were feeling also because the energy in those were so intense and so big and so much like to doing two of that in a night, I couldn't even imagine doing that anymore was it was pure ignorance that we were able to do it in the first place totally anyhow.

[01:06:32]

So please enjoy this is it the Midland Theatre in Kansas City, Missouri, and one of those big, beautiful old theaters that is so insane looking. I just took a tour of it online today just to see if I could remember any specifics. But, you know, twenty seven.

[01:06:49]

I was thirty seven years old. It was three years ago. Baby, it's it's crazy. It's so funny. So anyway, all that in mind. Please enjoy my story of the small cemetery.

[01:07:03]

Well, mine is mine is slightly away. But this this place has been of interest to me for such a long time. And I was so excited because it's only an hour away from where we are right now. And it is apparently, according to the Internet, the most haunted evil place on Earth. It's the little cemetery. For the bride or the bride ghost's lives. Oh, my God, I'm scared. You should be. You fucking should be.

[01:07:35]

Because guess what? Where the devil comes out of hell twice a year to visit his child's grave, which is somewhere in the cemetery and I believe on the headstone, they say the name is something it looks like witches, but it also kind of looks like it could be someone's last name. And so apparently the devil, although he is the Antichrist and and the lord of all evil, also cares deeply for his dead son. So, OK, apparently that's the story.

[01:08:07]

All right. Stull is a city, an unknown portal. No Stull with a T I thought we found it was called Skull, but I mean, it would be fun, but then I bet it's a bit on the nose. Yeah. Don't you think. Yeah. It's a it's a tattoo. Oh I guess so. We'll go one letter. OK, and we'll call it St.. OK, it's an unincorporated community. I said city. It does not qualify as a city.

[01:08:31]

It's also quite small, smaller than your town. But sorry I wanted to win. This is it's in Douglas County, Kansas. Kansas representing see, all right. It's that small then they're all here tonight. Yeah, all of Stoller's here and there. I'm so happy to hear you make that noise at us, Kansas, because when I discovered so basically I had I had what I thought I was doing and then I changed my mind. Yeah.

[01:09:07]

So I had Stephen. I was like, can you send me creepy things? I want to do a creepy one for the second show. It's more fun. And so he sent me a bunch of choices. Will I see the Stull Cemetery? And I'm like, yes, this is it. It's my passion. Not so much so that I know what state it's in. So then when I'm at like 6:00 p.m. this evening, I saw that it was in Missouri.

[01:09:31]

I was like pouring sweat at the desk. I was just like, oh, holy fuck. And I texted Steve and I was like, yeah. So that's not actually where we are. So I need a new story. Every fire season. The I fired him. But then I rehired him at a lower rate. OK. Thank you. That's Elaine Sports, you know, it's actually but then when I looked at a bit on the map, it's so fucking close that I was like, whoever's mad at this, fuck them.

[01:10:05]

And then I always forget we have such amazing listeners who drive for hours at a time to come to these live shows. Thank you. And now let's journey to Hell together.

[01:10:22]

Founded in eighteen fifty six, Stull was originally known as Deer Creek, but it was renamed after its first post master Sylvester Stull. Now, some say it was renamed the city was renamed after him, but some say that the post office, if a town was unimportant out of town, if an area was unincorporated and didn't have a name, they would just call it by the postmaster's last name. So that was that was what they used to do back then.

[01:10:49]

So either way, here's to Sylvester Stallone. What is a haunted collecting name right there? I know I call them Stolley. They tour the post office down in nineteen oh three.

[01:11:02]

Oh, I don't know why they were they were mad about mail, the price of stamps. So this area was settled mostly by Germans and the Pennsylvania Dutch, a.k.a. the Amish. You guys are here tonight. What have we got a big Amish following and they have to leave like three months before a show because they're they have to go by carriage. Oh, alongside a freeway all slow with the reflective triangle on the back. And I love the Amish.

[01:11:37]

Do you imagine they'd bring us, like, homemade, homemade? Well, that's what everybody does. Yeah. It's you know, to imagine that. OK, so eighteen fifty seven, there's six families that live in style that I love. So the same year they construct a stone church on land donated by Jacob Hildenbrand and it's later called the Evangelical Emanuel Church. And then in 1859, Hildebrand donated more land for the cemetery area until nineteen eighty eight.

[01:12:14]

Sermons at the small county chapel were preached in German. Oh, you buy a gorgeous language. This small community never grew larger than 50 people at the time. Now it's up to 200. Congratulations. Keep it up there. All every single one of those two hundred people is pissed about how many people tried to come to the small cemetery cemetery and look around. Made it OK. Someone named Chris Christ Craft.

[01:12:49]

What's. This has got to be right, it's got to be right. Oh, Christ Novoselic from Nirvana. It's Christ craft and inhabitant of the settlement during the 20th century, recalls that life in this small town was quiet, easy, sometimes even boring. Well, shit. Everyone here, right? Yeah, until. So this is all directly taken from a website called the Weak and Weird. And this the guy that writes his website went to the Soul Cemetery.

[01:13:23]

So a lot of his stuff was first hand. It's really hilarious because he's like, I got there and there were fires in all four corners of the cemetery. No place, dude. Are you sure? OK, so he writes For over a century still, Cemetery has been linked to countless legends involving witchcraft, satanic cult. Are you pointing at me because you love it? I love it, but I'm making you love it. And, of course, the infamous gateway to hell.

[01:13:50]

Have you ever heard about this now? It's the best. Is it a gateway to hell? It is. It's not a highway to hell. AC DC owns that.

[01:14:00]

They have the copyright, according to legends, Lucifer, the Devil, that's who I was talking about earlier, he once used this, that the church that was in the center of the cemetery.

[01:14:17]

Then it became abandoned and he used it as his own personal doorway from the netherworld. It was installed where he could rouse the spirits who had been buried inside the gates of the most evil cemetery in existence. Sorry, people who are buried in this cemetery.

[01:14:35]

I don't know what you did wrong. You fucking fucked up. Amish people know you're alienating your own listeners. That's got our office lessler. Can crank podcast, Christine. It plays podcast's and makes Buttar at the same time, so good. I just feel like they wouldn't be the devil wouldn't be like this. I feel like he'd be like, you know, Transilvania. No, no. I mean, like that's not against Kansas. It's like, why, you know, I mean, it's like too late.

[01:15:13]

They're better than that. You're better than Transilvania. Oh, no. I'm insulting the Transilvania listeners to look at that guy in a cape standing outside. I was like back. Oh, I know. He's livid. He's putting his hands out and walking really slowly toward us. Not scared of you. I'm scared. OK, so this is really awesome. So this church in the center of the cemetery is like basically the center of all this evil doings and all this kind of stories around it.

[01:15:46]

So there is outside of the church, there is a there's like a platform. And underneath it they said the grass has grown over it. But if you lift it up, there's a set of stairs that go down to nowhere. No one knows where they go to for real, though. Well, I mean, yeah, OK. You know, it's like we're like a half creepy pasta real mess right now, I would say. Got it.

[01:16:12]

But they say and those who have done it, no names, no no dates, no nothing verifiable. But those who have walked down these stairs say that as you walk down, a very strong force tries to pull you to the bottom of the stairs. Grafitti. Don't fuck up our scary story with science. Sorry, I got a lot of sugar today, just the one person started walking too fast at the top of the stairs and they like went down there like the devil is making me.

[01:16:50]

Oh, he did what I did the opposite of what I did earlier. And it tripped up a upstair. I tripped up a step today. Yeah, he fell. And it's just gravity. Right. Did you just fall all the way down on the ground when you told me it was really in front of people? Don't worry. It was in front of people. The whole valet stand. No one tried to help me. I think that's best when I fall all the way down.

[01:17:16]

I want everyone to leave me the fuck I did. They were like, OK, OK, leave her to look away, look away. Let her have her shame alone. One time I fell in quick sidebar. I fell out of a cab in Chicago. Was very odd, it was like I thought I had it, I thought I had it like getting out of a car, I'd done it before. I thought I had this shit on lock.

[01:17:40]

I stepping up a fucking curb. I know the devil tricks you. It does. The devil pulls you down. You don't need stairs. It's a weird force. I fell down in front of this busy movie theater in Chicago out of the cab. It didn't make sense. Like if you had seen it, you'd have been like, but you're supposed to step up. And I just like kind of came out and down and I did it where it was like hard.

[01:18:07]

And it's like my toe caught on this curb that I didn't see or whatever. So I went full splayed and then my stupid tote bag, my purse fell in front of me. So all of my things just went like this. And then so I was like, OK, I don't really live here. So I go, I'm going to survive this. I never see these people again. But the saddest part of it was an old lady came and helped me up.

[01:18:33]

Oh, I mean, you did this to me. So any house. But here's the twist of the stairs, when you turn around to come back up the stairs, it takes longer, sometimes two weeks.

[01:18:56]

This article said to get back up the stairs. Now, you don't know it at the time. You're you're walking. You think, oh, that just took me four seconds. Should have never gone down the dark stairs. I don't know where they go to or why did I do that to begin with. Then you come out and you're like two weeks later. This impacts my life in a very minor way. And I is my favorite murder liar.

[01:19:20]

I didn't put the garbage out those two seats right there to empty those empty seats. They're down just walking in place in the still cemetery stares down the murderer. They'll do God damn that devil. Oh, man, I love that. No one talking about going up or down those stairs reports that it is hot or any. There's no hellish aspect that I've read there. It might be in there. I haven't dug hard enough to the stairs. Those are rumors that it's not OK.

[01:19:50]

Go on. So I don't know. So these are apparently the stairs. The devil comes up out of every spring equinox and Halloween to visit his poor dead son, who was the devil's wife. When did they have kids? I have so many more questions now that I'm done reading story not done, but OK.

[01:20:12]

So the most widely accepted theory behind the origins of Stoll's evil reputation, this again, word for word from the weak and weird, is tied to a large tree which once stood in the cemetery and an old tombstone.

[01:20:26]

Oh, there it is, described with the word with it. So it's w i t i c h no, it's not a word. Yeah, I t t I see it. It's OK. It's just lightly misspelled, which I guess now that I look at it, it's not that big of a deal.

[01:20:51]

Now the tree is said to be the hanging tree for the condemned witches who are put to death there by torch wielding townspeople. So like this, seven Amish people got together like you.

[01:21:05]

You you make candles. We don't like you. There are candles are our thing. And then the the tombstone with the word which engraved on it is none other than Satan son himself, who was legend says was born deformed and covered in warfare. Hey, maybe that's just a dog. OK, so a couple sad things that have happened in Seoul and around still in the early nineteen hundreds, a boy was accidentally burned to death by his own father, took a weird turn.

[01:21:48]

It could have been. Now, keep in mind, that could have been the devil and his son. That's why he's so sad. Visits him so often. In the early nineteen hundreds, a local man in Seoul was reported missing and he was later found hanged from that pine tree in the cemetery in the old church and still is believed to have been built in evidence at the 1867 Cut-and-paste. But then in the early nineteen hundred, it fell victim to a fire.

[01:22:17]

OK, so here's some here's some other things.

[01:22:21]

One story tells of two young men who are visiting still cemetery. One night they become frightened when a strong wind begins blowing out of nowhere.

[01:22:31]

It's called wind. Isn't that how wind works? If it doesn't start by going wind? Like, wait, hold on your ass. Out of nowhere, I hear the cry of an owl. That means wind is coming. So they run back to their car, only to find that it had been moved to the other side of the highway and was now facing the opposite direction. That's creepy. That's something only the devil can do. He just plays his practical joke.

[01:23:01]

Once it comes up those stairs, he's ready to have some fun. He's been bummed out by the death in the family. And now he's like, let's fuck with some people's cars. I'm the devil, OK?

[01:23:13]

Another man claimed that about the same that same mysterious wind that he was in the church. And he said that the wind came up, knocked him to the floor and held him down on the floor for some time. Some time he was a drunk. I don't know. Yeah, I was going to say that, but I don't want to like at this now every single time. Maybe there's something spooky on one of these things, land. OK, so you're going to of all the things you could pick, you're picking wind, sending a man to the ground at your pick.

[01:23:51]

There's no going back. OK. OK, all right. No matter what I come up with later, ok. Is there something good. No. OK, now, I love this, like I would go to this oh, I mean, in one second, but they don't want people there and I think it's very hard to find. Great. Let's go. Right. OK, so this church, it's been missing its roof since the 20s.

[01:24:20]

And they say any time it rains, it never rains into the church. They to a new roof, an invisible Wonderwoman roof. Yes. No water ever drops inside that the square of the inside church.

[01:24:35]

OK, not blowing your mind the way I wanted it to.

[01:24:38]

Sorry. Oh, my God. There it is.

[01:24:42]

But people would see this see this firsthand with their eyeball awestruck visitors would report that the tiny church would stay bone dry no matter what time of year or the weather conditions.

[01:24:54]

That reminds me of like a depression commercial, like a commercial for a pill, for depression when it's like the little thing and it only rains and you walk around all sad. And then he gets his bill and he's happy again. What if what if the devil just looks like that? A little blue circle that rolls around with depression? Yeah, for what's that? For Cymbalta or something. Be Cymbalta. It's about a circle. Is that a heart attack medicine.

[01:25:17]

It could be. I don't know. I don't know my. You guys know what I mean.

[01:25:22]

Zoloft. This bitch knows her fucking pharmaceutical. Let's hear that. Wellbutrin. Zinat. There's a wealthy up here being like, yes, I can write this so I can take it off just to get to my favorite murder business expense.

[01:25:45]

So they say that, oh, supernatural attributes of the time the town finally gathered together to take this church apart because of all these creepy things that are happening and people seeing things that were happening and then people coming to look to see if anything's happening in there. Like I can take it down. Burn this church to the ground. But that destruction made the spirits angry. And so that's when the hauntings in the graveyard flared up. Why didn't they just put a fucking roof on the goddamn church?

[01:26:15]

Oops. I probably shouldn't say goddamn church. I'm Jewish. I'm Jewish. It doesn't matter. You know, they can't just be your part. I know. Not everything. Not I don't care. It's not real. OK, they said that this is this is one that you may wish you'd picked, OK?

[01:26:36]

They say before the church was demolished, if bottles were thrown at the walls, they would not break. Who the fuck is throwing bottles at the wall? And also, it's not scary. It's like they're especially devilish. It's also like I mean, like, I don't know how many angry questions. And they say around me is like fucking bubbling to the surface. Well, they say that if the bottle didn't break, you were going to hell. And if it broke, you were going to have it.

[01:27:06]

Well, that's true. So then they all didn't break up. So we're all going to hell. Got to. Got to, got to get it. But at least we'll be together. When Pope John Paul the second visited Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado for World Youth Day in nineteen ninety three, remember how fun that was? Who like who planned that was like, you know, who we should get for World Youth Day, you know, the kids love the youngest man on the planet.

[01:27:31]

Pope John Paul the second. Let's get him out here for World Youth Day. He loves youth and the blood of Christ. OK, so but they say there's a rumor or whatever that when he he is so scared of Stoll that he made his plane fly around the area on his way. All right. To Colorado, OK, which is I guess he's the pope and he is probably the most power of any religious person. But do pilots take requests like.

[01:28:03]

I wonder, could you go over to the left about 7000 feet for a little while, devil, devil, you know, I'm in the middle of the stupidest one I've ever done. But is it also the best or the best and the best? Oh, wait, it was in oh. The urban legend would cite a Time magazine article stating the Pope John Paul, the second we his flight, his plan to fly far around the section of Kansas because he.

[01:28:36]

Oh, because he didn't want to fly over unholy ground. But it sounds like what they're saying here. Oh, that article never existed.

[01:28:47]

This is a comedy podcast. We never promised you that. I like I like doing gossip more than facts. I think it's just it's better. This is now a true gossip podcast. Also, his the pope's plane was nowhere near Kansas during like they're not even making me try to say anything they're doing to themselves. I don't like the thing about Stull, as you just have to you have to believe, no matter what I tell you, no matter what happens.

[01:29:18]

OK, so on October 30th, nineteen ninety eight, the pine tree that the hanging chad. No, that was you do remember. OK, from it was cut down. And then a man from the Lawrence Journal World quote Steve is that the best newspaper ever.

[01:29:39]

OK, so whatever happens now has to be true, OK? And it's it's wrong. It's your guys fault because we believe you. What does he say? Well, he quotes the official. Everyone says that they the rumor is that they took the tree down because wicked witches would go dance around it and do a book in which he thinks black masses and stuff like that. But Kedrick Blackwood of the law journal World quotes the official position of the town's citizens on that.

[01:30:08]

The tree had to be removed because it had died. Lawrence, but then it was buried in a grave with a tombstone marked edge. So now the tree is related to the devil on Halloween night, nineteen ninety nine reporters from local newspapers and TV stations went to the cemetery to join all of the onlookers because everyone was there to see if the devil is going to walk up the stairs. Sounds like a fucking party. I want to be there with a blueberry and a fucking Long Island.

[01:30:40]

Right. I'm seeing the devil you no. And then you guys sneak up and you come out of the window. How did you go down those? I went down three weeks ago. I was ready for this fucking master prank. Damn.

[01:30:58]

So basically, they let people hang out.

[01:31:04]

The sheriffs were there, but they were letting people hang out, show up until 11, 30. And then a man who was the representative of the owners showed up and insisted everyone leave. And so then the deputies had no choice but to honor his wishes and make everybody, including reporters, leave. Well, he sounds like the fuckin devil party pooper. No, that's right. With his hair slicked back and he is wearing a red velvet coat and a cape.

[01:31:28]

That was the devil posing as the landowner, you fools. OK, in early 2002, a large crack also opened in one of the stone walls after the church was struck by lightning. When I thought the church got taken apart. Third, it's the new church. It's the new church. Never letting Steven Wright my thing again. Wait, what? Not really. What kind of should you be punished for picking the wrong things? Like, OK, I get it.

[01:31:58]

It was it was it was still up because then on May on March twenty nine, 2002, it was mysteriously torn down. This for real this time.

[01:32:08]

Now you guys, I'm serious. But the man who own the property now here, it says that man is named Major Weiss said he didn't authorize that demolition. Do you think? There hasn't been. Well, there hasn't been a church in 25 years.

[01:32:25]

Did that used to be more of an old miner, but I just turned it into like Blanche from Golden Girl. I don't know what I was doing, I had to change and I just got excited. He just sounds like it's like an episode of Scooby Doo. This is the Scooby dubious story I've ever done. It really is. It really is. No, Mr. So-and-so. It's the devil. I feel like now that I'm reading this out loud, I feel like the key to this story, especially in stories like this, is when you're reading it on a website that has black background and the writing is green.

[01:32:58]

Yes, it only lives there. Once you pull it off of that, it's all ruined because like, you know what, the banner top of almost every website ever seen about the cemetery, it's like a dead tree and fog. But it's nighttime and it's like you're lashing out and the devil is on earth. And now I'm saying out loud and I sound like a big dumb ass in this. The Superdome in twenty sixteen, an earthquake hit Kansas.

[01:33:30]

That's really a big one. Right. So there was there was a picture that was going around on the Internet that said this is stuff like still the devil is storm torn, still apart or whatever. And it was actually a picture from Christchurch, New Zealand, when they had the earthquake and their roads were like insanely torn up. So people were like, look at stoled dead. Yeah, truly, the devil is with us now. Now, OK, this is the last and best.

[01:34:00]

In 2013, Ariana Grande did a show right here at this theatre on this stage with this same audience. She did a concert stop here at the Midland, and then she they knew about stole already, so they decided they were all going to drive there and their big Ariana Black SUVs, you know, Ariana Grande de Ariana, whatever. I find her to be very talented. She's she's done it all. She's very, very good at what she does.

[01:34:31]

When she hosted SNL, she was awesome. So I just want that's going to preclude everything I'm about to say by saying that first time ever, however, she has her bodyguards carry her around like a dog. And it's so funny. Maybe they want to do that. Maybe they're like, you're so cute and tiny. Can we carry you? Well, she didn't care how tired. I work really hard, but here's something I love. There's a guy that I follow that's super funny on Twitter.

[01:35:03]

I believe his last name is MacLaren. And he did a thing where he tried to reenact Aria Grundy's album cover, where he sits on the stool with his feet tucked under. And he was like basically pretending to start a thing, saying this album cover is fake because he couldn't sit on a stool like that. And then it got around. It was like kind of became a meme a little bit. And then she fucking sent him a picture of herself not being able to sit on a stool like she got in on the party herself.

[01:35:28]

Girl, which makes me love her. How are you going to do it? So and I also love her because she went to the style cemetery. So here's what she said. Did they care and are there they care her. She said, I felt sick. Overwhelming feeling of negativity in the whole car.

[01:35:45]

Oh, that's your makeup artist, dude. She's a real big. She's nice. Only you. That's right. She Orianna says we smelled sulfur, which is the sign of a demon. That's a fart. It's one of our top. But everything I say it again, but think of it from the beginning of the negativity, I felt a sick, overwhelming feeling of negative negativity in the whole car and then the next line and then we smelled sulfur, which is sorry, but that didn't fire.

[01:36:20]

That's the sign of an internal intestinal demon debunked. You saw it here. I wonder if this also supports your theory, she said. Then there was a fly in the car. Also the sign of a demon. There was a fly in the car. Suddenly a fly out of nowhere, a fly. You know, normally, you know, flies are there. You see them feel them on this one. This was a surprise flight. So they got so freaked out that there were two signs of demons in the car when they got there that that she rolled down the window and said to the cell cemetery, we apologize.

[01:37:00]

We didn't mean to disrupt your piece. And then she took a picture.

[01:37:07]

Artists man and like feeling negativity in their fuckin apologizing to spirit. What have I just got struck by lightning. Right now I could die. How funny. With that photo album, so many pictures on social media tomorrow. So she takes a picture and then says there were three distinct faces and she said, quote, their from their faces of textbook demons, you know, and then when they interview that she was telling that she was telling a reporter about this and the reporter says, OK, can I see the picture?

[01:37:39]

And she goes, I deleted it because I gave it to my manager to upload and he couldn't upload it. And then when he checked, it had six hundred and sixty six megabytes of.

[01:37:52]

So it was to the file was too big, filled with demon faces, the demon is like, I'm going to make the state come. Sorry, I'm truly sainted, and that is the worst retelling of the Soul Cemetery, everybody.

[01:38:16]

Look exemplary. Look at this. Wow, that was amazing. Can you believe I say this thing? You did all those things, so many things. You were here. You were there. We all laughed. Now let's get to what everyone's been waiting for, which is the hometown. So you see now the point here is we've cobbled together a live show with all our favorite live show moments without having to have you listen to three. You just get best of.

[01:38:40]

Yeah, this is a hometown that has gone down in the books. It's legendary. It it's an example of what not what we everything remember how we always go on stage and say, here are the rules and everyone's like, we know the rules.

[01:38:56]

Well, you don't listen to them sometimes. So we have to actually tell you them every time.

[01:39:00]

Yeah. And you're all responsible for other people in your town as you as all murderer murdering knows? Well, no, because after the first time we were like, yeah, we kind of get heckled too much.

[01:39:10]

And the next live show we did, you could hear people just going like I want to be that guy. Totally self policing, which is so such a murdering quality that I adore. It's just like nobody is going to be that person ever and they won't allow you. It's incredible work. So this was absolutely an anomaly. Someone snuck through.

[01:39:34]

It was my turn to take. It was all on me. I had I was picking at the time and the song is on you. I always put it on you. But this girl seemed really enthusiastic and she was really close to the stage, which is helpful in Washington, D.C., right? Yes. And this theater was very old fashioned. It looked like a place where there would be a convention of some kind where the there was almost like big, huge box set up on the side and then the floor.

[01:40:00]

Right. So she was on one of the boxes on your side. Right. And so she was close. Yeah. And as soon as she started running up, it was time and it continued to be a time. Enjoy the sort of time with the, in my opinion, greatest hometown anyone's ever delivered.

[01:40:16]

We have time for a yeah, let's do a hometown. Ever since April, everybody. Kruse's superhit history, dad, you're fucking talking about. Hey, listen, you don't listen to this podcast. Don't worry about it. All right, tell him the rules, not yet. Quick rules and you know these rules, but I have to say them anyway. First of all, we want it to be a hometown murder. We would love it to be a Washington, D.C. story.

[01:40:58]

Please, Maryland, OK, if like, it's really good, but but don't know where else. Virginia and Virginia. The answer is the one. Fucking time, we'll let it slide. Seriously, don't get any ideas. No Baltimore shit. Just kidding. Just kidding. That's like inside Baltimore comedy. You can't be so drunk. You can't tell your own story. It has to go fast because everyone hates you for getting kicked. Don't shout out your friends because nobody cares.

[01:41:37]

Not a good idea to tell jokes. It's very nerve wracking to be up here. But but just tell the story that this is a new rule is don't don't make jokes. OK, coming up. Hi. Oh, doctor, do you want to you have to go up there? There she just screamed real loud, though, I guess I should have picked someone at a full drink in their hand. Sorry, we were. I you can bring the lights out.

[01:42:16]

It happened so sorry, sorry. Here we go. Oh, my God. Karen. What's your name, Maria? I mean. OK, let's go. Hi. Hi, my name's Mariah. Where are you from? I'm from Virginia. This is some crazy shit. OK, they're OK, huh? I know, I know it's nerve wracking. Maybe I just get down here, please, Katy, if you get down here, I will fucking strangle her.

[01:43:08]

Do it. I got this. You don't need to you don't need anybody. This is your story. I'm serious. Do it. Is everything OK? I'm a restaurant manager. I just retired. I work for Navy Federal Credit Union. All of a sudden, I worked. Shut up. I worked for Carrabba's Italian Grill. Oh, yeah. Plug Katie. We love it. That's my baby sister. Stay out of this 80 percent of the time, this tape.

[01:43:42]

And I kid you not. OK, I'm from Manassas. Yeah. What's his name, huh? Oh, I was a candy striper. Oh, I was John Wayne Bobbitt. Yeah, that was me. But you just a little girl. John Wayne Bobbitt. Yeah. I love your hair. Thank you. So, my dear, have we got to focus. We got to focus and tell the story here. I know. Me too John.

[01:44:16]

We love it. I know. Do. Did he get his dick cut off? Everyone knows, they know. OK, tell your story. I was just a little girl in Manassas, Virginia. I can't believe I'm here. No one can. Yeah, OK, that's it. You got your candy striper and I'm a candy striper, OK? And it's around the corner in. Go, Manassas, go, you got that? What do I say?

[01:44:53]

I mean, are you just telling the John with that story involving the. That's the best way that's the best one we've ever had. That's the best one we've ever had. OK. No, no, no, no, no, no, sit down. No, no. That was your hometown. That was it. It was John Wayne Bobbitt, and we all had a moment together. That was beautiful. It was everything we love. And listen, I feel like what John Wayne Bobbitt, it wasn't going to be a huge payoff.

[01:45:48]

It's a fucking we all know the story. And also it's not a murder. All right.

[01:45:54]

They say they did it. Good for her.

[01:46:00]

She did it. She did it. Stephen, are you going to leave in the part where they the everyone says pick another one. And I say no to that.

[01:46:07]

I leave it. It's really bad. I have to get the full experience just making sure because I.

[01:46:14]

I know it's something that's wrong with me and a bad thing about me, but there's moments like that are my absolute favorite were that audience was just like, get rid of her.

[01:46:24]

We're doing this again. It's like, no, no, you're not. I get to say this is are you run this channel, you don't run this channel.

[01:46:32]

Oh, yeah. So we were basically like and also because that same night that audience didn't get ripped off because then after all that was over, just as a backup FOIA, I we read from the book, I remember we what's right. We read from the book. So that was we were just like, OK, moving and we read a chapter from Stay Sexy and Don't Get Murdered, which hadn't come out yet. And we were recording it for the audio book.

[01:46:55]

So the line so that we if you listen to the audio book, there's a couple live readings and that's one of them. That's right. I forgot about that. All right, awesome. Let's do some fucking hoorays then. Let's do it. Go ahead. OK, this is from Heidi. Joy went on Instagram my fuckin Harrar yesterday. My fifteen year old and I had a one hour car ride together, just the two of us. It's been a while.

[01:47:17]

He decided to deejay the event. And what followed was an hour of us singing at the top of our lungs. Paul Simon, C. S and Y, Bjork, Peter Gabriel and the Gorillas. Both of us had goosebumps and were near tears several times. I had this overwhelming feeling that I had done my job as a mama well, that he would be OK and that I couldn't feel more love for him or the life he has ahead of him being teenagers.

[01:47:43]

There's so hard. That's great. That's very sweet. But OK, well then this one I'll read this one. It's kind of coming the other direction. This is my teenagers.

[01:47:53]

Oh yeah. Where do I drop this one off?

[01:47:58]

This is from someone named Alissa and they say fucking and my stepdad adopted me last month. He's the most wonderful man to my mom walked me down the aisle at my wedding and he's loved me unconditionally since he and my mom got married over ten years ago. I'm an adult and married, so this really is only symbolic. But I got a new birth certificate and a new maiden name without going into too much detail. My biological father is trash and I don't wish to be associated with him and we haven't spoken many years.

[01:48:27]

I was worried covid would delay what I've waited for for so long. But via zoom in a lawyer's office, it was made official and I couldn't be happier. My new birth certificate arrived and I've never felt more free, much love to my murder. Girls love Alyssa.

[01:48:42]

That is so beautiful. I've seen a couple those where it's either like, you know, adults or teenager present that to their step father. The ones I've seen are stepfathers and it is the cutest. Like they immediately burst into tears and like, oh, it's so lovely.

[01:49:02]

I love that. And I think symbolic acts of like stuff like that is so important, too, because even like us, Jack, I mean anything.

[01:49:11]

Yeah. But means something to you and you're able to move on from this past that you don't want.

[01:49:16]

And it's also that thing of I think that step parent thing where it's like whatever step parent you might be, that you're always kind of this outsider or an insider.

[01:49:24]

And so how much that would mean to the parent who parented, you know, as she said, as Alissa said, like parented her photo, her actual life was her real father. Like, that's beautiful. That's why I love it.

[01:49:37]

OK, my last one's from Mawji. Underscore why my fucking her is that I just finished as a marine animal rehabilitation and environmental education intern at the National Marine Life Center. And before I left, we released for harbor seal pups back into the ocean.

[01:49:56]

They were separated from their moms due to human interaction, and it was one of the most fulfilling things to see them successfully rehabilitated and going back to their homes.

[01:50:05]

Oh, beautiful. That's so good. Did you see the story of the man who punched the great white shark because he was attacking his wife? I saw it on the bananas Instagram feed, actually.

[01:50:17]

OK, here's my last one. And actually, I found this one. This one's from an older set of these. And I lost it because I printed them all up and lost it and have been looking for it.

[01:50:27]

And I finally found it. This is from control shift. My looking array is that today is my brother's birthday and we're all quarantined together in our childhood home, the big doofus, when asked what he wants for the big two seven dinner goes, I don't know, tacos, probably thinking of supporting a local business or the nearby Taco Bell. He forgets that I'm furloughed, anxious, and that my motto is cooking is cheaper than therapy. Boy, is he getting a full taco bar in our kitchen tonight and a cake delivered by a friend who is a supermarket worker and will get us an ice cream cake same day Buchen Haret and I.

[01:51:10]

I mean, I know there's lots of people with our stories, but I do love that idea of of people, just everybody going back to their parents house or apartment or whatever and just having to go be with their siblings again and spend time with people that you would have never had a chance to spend as much time with again in your life. Probably. You know, it's like when Qasam, you know, get in there, play some, you know, do a puzzle, eat some tacos.

[01:51:36]

I mean, have an ice cream cake. Whatmore delivered.

[01:51:40]

You pull your pull that those strings that you have in your town, use that juice, get some pizza delivery. I love that. She's like ice cream cake. Same day, same David. I've got fuckin annexion.

[01:51:53]

What do you what are you, the mayor of your town, your lucky deck?

[01:51:59]

Well, everybody. Yeah, I don't.

[01:52:01]

Yeah. Send us your fucking array's wherever you feel like it. Yeah. Are we the littlest things. Yeah, little things. Doing a taco bar for your brother is a beautiful gesture. You don't need to hear about it. Totally. Things that are wrong, enjoy and bring any things you're doing to bring other people.

[01:52:16]

Joy, you can brag about yourself, any of that and of course any story about your grandma is welcome. And that's right. That's right. Anything always. All right.

[01:52:24]

Well, I think that's it for this week. Yeah, I think so. We we re literally quilted something together for you. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful quilt. It'll be for sale.

[01:52:35]

And then my favorite murder store, fuck, I'm a quilt. We'll start selling shitty quilts that say, fuck you, I'm a quilt across it.

[01:52:46]

What else do we have to do here anyway.

[01:52:51]

All right. Stay sexy and don't get murdered. Good bye bye.

[01:52:55]

Oh this. Do you want a cookie? OK.