This is exactly right. Hello, hello and welcome to my favorite murder, but many soad that's right. Man, he said was your line shit. You were looking over like off to the side.
So I thought maybe you were holding your breath before you. That was my way of keeping you by looking away. I wasn't trying to maddog you and saying the line. I was trying to give you space.
Thank you. To say or say you're line. Thank you. And I did it. You're welcome. That's Karen Kilgariff. That's Georgia hard start high. And our entire state is burning to the ground. But we're here for you. Yeah, so. But we're podcasting through it. That's right. That's what we do. Just like any in any good disaster movie. We're the people that are getting the exposition out as it melts down.
That's right. You wanna go first? Sure.
This one is a postal worker hero story. Cool. Hi all. I was listening to the latest MFM, many Soad 190 this morning. The story from the postal worker reminded me that I had an amazing story about a postal worker hero way back in 2005. I was going to the University of Arizona go fill in the blank.
I was in my last year of school and of course, keeping college student hours and burning the candle at both ends. This meant that I was taking a nice nap on my couch in the early afternoon when I was awoken to a frantic knocking on my door. I looked at the people and saw it was my mail carrier. So I opened the door. He asked me, Are you OK? I heard screaming, I. I sleepily shook my head and let him know that everything was OK here.
And we both heard a scream again. The postal worker said close and lock your door and then took off. Oh my God. It turned out the scream was coming from next door. The girls who were living in the house next to ours had someone new moving in. No one else was home and the girl was moving boxes from her car into the house and of course, keeping the front door open while she was going back and forth, while a man had apparently been watching her and assessed that she was alone.
So during one of her trips from her car to the house, he followed her inside and tried to assault her. Thankfully, the asshole left the door open. The mail carrier ran in and scared the guy out.
Oh, my God. He called the police and stayed with her until her roommates were able to get there. Unfortunately, I don't know if the asshole assaulter was ever caught, but our mail mail carrier was forever. Our hero stays sexy and think a mail carrier by postage and send someone a letter free. Wow.
We need. The hero Knight has so good he could have saved her life by just, you know, so many people are just like, that's not my problem, not my problem. But I feel like mail carriers, though there everyone is their problem because they have to go to every single house they deal with. Like my poor mail carrier at my old house, my dogs would jump at the front window and bark like she was trying to do something terrible for a single day for years, every day.
I mean, they really deal with so much bullshit or, you know, who else does?
Oh, you know, what we need is stories from parking a parking ticket.
People like meter maids, I guess they probably don't call them any parking at 10 parking attendant stories or is that a valet now to pass out a ticket?
You know, we needed someone to tell us what that is and then write a story or waiter. It's like, hold on, we can figure this out. Well, figure it out. OK, this one's called family curse and grandparent stuff. Hello and welcome to my email.
Oh, yeah, I love it. Yeah, I've been meaning to send this bad boy in for a very long time. So now so let's cut the shit and get right to it please.
Ever since is she here. It's from my sister. Ever since I was little, my grandmother has been telling me the story of our family curse and the number twenty one.
In fact, she would often tell me the story right before bedtime when I would sleep over as a child. Thank you for the nightmares. So here's the basic premise. Every first born female and each family branch dies an untimely death and it always correlates with the number twenty one.
But is this that Jim Carrey movie?
He writes it all over the wall is so is this is this from Jim Carrey.
He writes in the plot of his own movie from 2005. This isn't a hometown, but it is a lot of a movie I was in. But it's a pretty good movie if I do say so myself.
Here is Liar Liar.
It starts with my great grandmother who had a daughter named Shirley. Shirley passed away when she was just 21 days old from the measles. Luckily, my great grandmother went on to have two other daughters that after that, both who are alive and well to this day, one daughter being my great Aunt Pat and the other being my very own grandmother, Joan, including names in here, because I know you love it. Yes. My Aunt Pat went on to have her first born child, a daughter, to be named Tiffany.
Tiffany, sadly, died exactly 21 days before her due date. And my Aunt Pat never had any other children after that. Oh, I know. Heartbreaking. That brings us to my grandmother who went on to have three children. And you guessed it. The first one was a girl. Her name was Beverly. Beverly goes on to pass away in a freak car accident on her twenty first birthday. What a tragic, weird, spooky.
All of the above. And hey, guess what? It gets worse. All caps. I am the first born girl for the following generation.
Oh also my name is Beverly which is such a good name. Bring it back. I fucking love it. That is a great name. Especially for a like a three year old girl named Beverly. Are you joking. Can you get the lights back. Bev, darling.
Bev, can you take off those of sunglasses for one second. I'm trying to talk to you.
I am named after my late Aunt Beverly mentioned above. Hopefully this means I will pass away when I am still kicking ass at one hundred and twenty one years old or something. But let me tell you one thing. I am always hella cautious on the twenty first of every month.
Phew, it gives me the willies, she says. Thanks for reading my email and thanks for doing the cool shit you do. I will not miss your live show when you come back to Philly again. Also, my grandparents names are John and Ed and they are amazing and bad ass. If I do die an untimely death involving the number twenty one, I will try to haunt everyone and give you guys an update on how it all went down to Beverly.
And then it says, My friends call me beef. Oh, names Beverly Heath. That was a full journey of any email. I mean, really great entertaining, great information. A family fucking curse is a first, I think. I think so. And incredible and horrifying. Horrifying, awful.
But then like light funny part. So you're not like it's just everything you want. It's it's really. You know what, Beverly and I hope I hope you do live to one hundred and twenty one. But if you go early at least you wrote that email a perfect game.
I just think your lifecycle amount to complete. Georgia with Georgia just did the classic comedy take of nodding along with me until I got to the end of them. Our eyes wide like, oh, I don't play. I don't agree. What do you say? OK, this just. Starts, hey, ladies, this isn't really a murder story, but I do have some stories about Action Park. Yes, right. Yes, a first hand action park.
Sorry I got this one because it was your story. I got an action park one, too, but I didn't pick it.
Oh, reason we haven't done the full. Has anyone. You might do the full. No, but has anyone. OK, it's just for anyone who doesn't know action park is this. Well read your letter. Whatever. Yeah. They might hear. OK, I live in northern New Jersey. I'm only twenty two but my dad was a frequent guest of action park as a teenager. Whenever he talks about Action Park, he says you didn't have fun if you didn't get hurt.
That's the lady saying you're not.
Have you ever hurt. It's like a dude with his hair parted down the middle and wearing a jean jacket and he says that and he smiles and then his front tooth falls out in his arms in a sling.
But he's doing a thumbs up in traction. You didn't have fun. If you didn't get hurt big, he'll love it. OK, so. Oh, then they say, which is not really my definition of fun, but I was the eighties, I guess. There you go. That's right.
He was one of those people who got to go on the cannibal loop slide before I should know you.
He busted his nose pretty badly, but he did say it was worth it. Not sure if you got scraped up by the teeth embedded in the slide, huh?
Did you hear about the is that in the teeth embedded in the slide that other kids get scared?
Yeah, that is like that is maybe beyond. But I'm assuming he did get he did because he mentioned it right before I got brought up in the documentary. Aside from the various other minor injuries, he came out relatively unscathed, though he did have a friend ride the Alpine slide down that.
Right. Right, right, right. I'm sorry. This is just such a weird throwback. It's like it's so I did have a friend ride the Alpine slide shirtless and have his entire back completely covered in road. Oh, my gosh. Like the eighties was the last era of shirtless dudes in public just chilling out. Yeah, that was a thin, tiny, short hair, tiny show. Had to put up signs at McDonald's saying you're not allowed to do that in here.
It was very common. Yeah. Yes. And tiny corduroy op. Sure. Yeah. Bring it back.
One thing I thought was wild that they didn't mention that in the documentary was the fact that the park had actually bought the town of Vernon New Ambulance's because their first aid squad was called out to the park so often stay sexy and don't go to poorly designed water parks.
Tory Oh, that was great. Sorry, everyone ask your surrogate mom or dad what happened to them. Why children of New Jersey love is amazing. This one's called CIA grandfather. That short and sweet, but I like it.
Karen in Georgia, A few minutes ago, you read a story about someone CIA grandfather. My family similarly believes that my grandfather was in the CIA. He traveled a lot for work, often narrowly missing significant historical events, most notably leaving Tehran just hours before the Iran hostage crisis.
He knew to get out of here. Yeah, when my sister and I graduated high school, we were both targeted by the CIA for recruitment. How come that didn't happen to me?
Is it because I didn't go to college? Your grandfather wasn't in the CIA, right. And I barely graduated high school. OK, yeah.
Were you there to be recruited? You have to be present to be recruited. Obviously not. And I would like the government not like Bill.
That's awesome. Yes. Our theory is that as grandchildren of one of their best, we seemed like the perfect candidates.
Although other high schoolers in our neighborhood were targeted, including a childhood friend of mine who mysteriously gained the ability to speak perfect Russian in the past few years after having her college seemingly entirely paid for by a nameless prospective employer.
Oh, you are just gossiping now, and that's rude. Oh, my God. Wait for that waitress. Although my grandfather died when I was young, one thing I learned from him was to always take a different route home every day. Fifteen extra minutes won't kill you, but the people tailing you might.
She Ekso Ekso, Gossip Girl, Gossip Girl.
Like the TV show sidekick, total CIA psychic powers. Yeah, I think that they never recruited me and they really they missed up. I really did. I just like anyone. It was short and sweet with like a lot of information packed in there and you know, it was good.
It was great. I mean, there's always time for the CIA. Any information that we can get. That's right. Hey, Georgia. Yeah, you know, it's hard enough to be a business owner right now with everything that's going on in the world without hiring being a big, difficult task for them to have to take care of.
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OK, this subject line is Drug dealers saved a life, but hello to my favorite ladies, pets and mustache.
Just kidding, Steven, you're more than just a mustache. I was listening to Minnesota one eighty nine when you guys asked for drug dealer stories and how they saved your life. Yes. You really did ask for that.
No, that's the way to. Well, yeah. I'm like Ned doesn't sound familiar.
OK, well, here's here's mine. There was this quiet guy in my college dorm that I was interested in.
You are singing my song, girl.
The quiet ones make me extra loud and then they really don't like you before they just regular didn't like me.
And then it would be like, oh God, that loud girl's coming over here again.
It's because you make her nervous because you won't speak. So she has your huch you keep your brooding act would take a brooding break and chit chat with me, you son of a bitch.
Dick, he was new to campus and I'd see him in passing. I was so intrigued by this mysterious man, one crazy college night. My friend was working the night shift at the front desk of the dorm. I sat down there with her to help keep her awake and watch the drunks roll in. Late that night, In walks the mystery man. He was completely covered in mud sticks and missing his shirt.
We just sat there with our mouths open, confused and staring. He walks in, gives us a couple of finger guns and heads upstairs saying nothing. A few months later, I end up having this guy is my accounting tutor and I ask I ask him about that night. Turns out that he was at a party with some shady characters and he did a few too many shots of Everclear. He stumbled out of the house and was offered cocaine from a dealer, which he accepted his quote unquote friend told him to go home and put him on the public bus, which goes to campus.
However, it was the wrong bus.
Of course it was.
This bus took him over two miles away from campus on the edge of a marsh pond. It was October in the Midwest and about forty degrees out. So instead of taking the long way home, he just decided to cut through a mile of wet marsh and swamp land to get home, hence the mud sticks and missing shirt. I'm convinced that the cocaine actually saved his life. Frankly, it's a miracle he could have passed out in the marsh and died from hypothermia or drowned and no one would have known.
But the cocaine kept him going and he was able to make it.
I love it.
We've, uh, we've since been together six years and are getting married in twenty twenty one. I didn't read the last paragraph. Oh. Oh my goodness. This is it's amazing. His party days, she married the guy covered in mud cocaine guy covered in mud. She married with muddy finger gun. Hey Mom and dad, how did you guys meet? When you love Dad, it's hard to explain also. Oh, I need to know you.
The part of the story is how you figured out how to get him to be your accounting tutor. Did you you find out he was tutoring people in accounting? Yeah. And then signed up for an accounting cloud.
It's probably what she didn't like. Hey, I'm bad at this. Yeah. Oh, God. This class, it's like I never wanted to take it or plan to enroll in it ever at all. It's like it has nothing to do with my, my major in zoology. But I guess I got to take this accounting class. You know it zoos make money. Someone's got to balance those books. You better teach me how that's going to count for all that tiger feet.
Might as well be me. His party days are done and he's now a full time accountant.
Yeah, if if it wasn't for the drug dealer, I would have missed out on marrying the love of my life. Don't do drugs, stay in school, stay sexy and don't get murdered. T t that is. I love how unfair I was and I gave myself my own surprise at the end. I'm coming to your side. Good. We're coming to your wedding.
We'll bring the cocaine. She got a quiet guy. I know you guys are sometimes just shy.
Vince was a quiet guy when I met him. Really. Yeah. And I was just and I knew he wasn't because when we met we had like a great conversation all night. And then we went on dates and he wouldn't fucking speak. And I was just like, I know you're cool. And so I had to say to him, I need you to talk or I'm just going to I'm going to talk to you much and hate myself because, you know, you, like, fill in the silence because.
Yes. So just like ba ba ba ba ba. And I can't eat in silence. And so I kind of yelled at him and he's like, OK, I got it. And that it busted out. I know. I can't even imagine him being that way. That's what's funny. Yeah. Yeah.
He's such a mister like hey everybody who needs a totally he can figure you can find anything to talk about.
OK, this one. But you made him shy George.
I made him shy.
I mean we were still making out every date but OK, you were working through it and that's what's important.
The chemistry was there baby. Yeah. Yeah. This all of. They are a little bit connected. This one is a mailman story. Yes. So, hey, guys, I'm a Canadian mail lady. And I'll let and let me tell you, there's some fucked up shit out there, I think created by basically naked men more times than I care to count.
I've delivered active sex toys like these, a chicken and even a whole black bear.
But this story isn't about that. As with all mail carriers, I have a few favorite customers on my route. A few years ago on my old route, my favorite was Jimmy McGraw, a lovely 70 something widower living off the grid on the mountain side. Jimmy was my last stop, so I'd always stay and chat with him as he didn't get much company. He would typically offer me a cup of coffee or whatever sweets he had picked up. This particular visit started with the usual small talk, and then the sweet man looked me dead in the eyes and asked, Can I interest you in a line?
A line? I reply, Would you like a little cocaine? Feel free to feel free to come up over the weekend, bring your husband.
It turns out I had delivered that very cocaine the day before. You really can mail anything. I never did take him up on the offer, but I'm fairly certain I know where he got his remarkable energy and it's just signed Cale?
S OK, the idea of going out like living a respectable life and doing what needs to get done for whatever you think that is becoming a widower, then you're just like, guess what, I'm just going to I'm just going to roll on out of here like drug style off the grid.
I'm not bothering anyone. I'm not, like, making cocaine person noises for my neighbors to get annoyed by, you know, lasting fuckin Freebird and shit.
I'm just like living my life on the mountain side as my career friends.
They and I'm kind of excited. I yeah, I get a lot I get a lot of baking done. I like Marlboro Reds for some reason, but hey, it's good for the in the nature.
I thought about opening a restaurant, but it had to be off the ground. No one to talk to about it. I don't want any customers is the thing.
Hi. Oh I love that. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
That's really you should sit. Don't do drugs now until you're seventy five. That's right. Then do all the drugs you want.
That means that you have a year until you can start doing drugs. We can't talk shit to you at all. That's right. Marty gets to start doing that shit. Oh I bet he'll enjoy it for the first time when he's seventy five.
Yeah. Because he's been sober his whole life. Oh my dad. Such a square. Send us all your stories about anything. Ticket. Take a take. Are you a ticket taker or a ticket. Give or take a giver then.
What are you called. If the if you understand what we're saying right now and you know it's you explain everything to us please.
Parking ticket attendant, valet valet stories would be great to valet stars would be amazing.
But I don't think you're an attendant because they have to keep moving. Yeah.
You're attending to the tickets, not to the cars. Can we just have the reveal now and find out what the fuck we're trying to say? Hey, let me look it up.
Let's posit parking enforcement officer. Yeah. Oh, God. Parking enforcement officer enforcing parking all day long, doing it for the people, the good, the people, even if they hate you. Hey, look, that's what enforcement is all about. It's forcing things and forcing things.
All right. We're done with this, right? I mean, we've given a given all we can and we've got what you guys want.
This might be the Minnesota of all time where we've been wild fire fumes for days.
I mean, I don't I don't even know what's going on anymore. Well, thanks for listening.
If you've gotten this far. Yeah. Thanks for sticking in there. Stay sexy and don't get murdered. Good bye, Elvis.
You want a cookie?