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On today's pardon my take. We have Creed Bratton, very interesting guest, you know, from the office. You probably don't know him from his music career and tell some awesome stories about doing acid in San Francisco in the late 60s. We have hotseat cool thrown.

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We have the Mount Rushmore of things that happened during quarantine or since sports have been canceled because we will have sports back on Thursday nights.

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This is not one that I would have liked to do a month ago. Correct. It would just make me sad and writing about all the things that could be happening.

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Now, that is sports Eve finish line.

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Let's do it. Finish line. So and then we have guys on schick's. We've got a packed show for you on Wednesday. Before we get to all that part, my take is brought to you by the cash app. Not always the easiest place. Send money to your friends. It's the safest. It's the number one social distancing app. It's the number one app in the world. You can link it directly to your bank account. It is super, super easy to use.

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Use the cash app all the time. Send money to your friends, family, bartenders, whoever you need to use it. Use it. Use it. Finish football's coming up. Cash apps. A great way to send money to those league fees. You're not the loser who waits to last second. And of course, when you download the cash app and into the referral code bar stool, you'll receive ten dollars and ten dollars. You go to the ASPCA.

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And that is why the cash app is the best app in the world. Download the cash out from the App Store Google Play store today and get involved with the cash. OK, let's go.

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It's pardon my take.

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By bar stools.

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Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash Shapiro downloader. Right now use code bar stool. You get five or ten dollars free, ten dollars the ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, July 20 seconds. And the next time you hear our voices, we'll be talking about real live sports.

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Baby, let me be the first to wish you all a very merry sports Eve. I'm so excited. So surfers. But I don't know about you, but just even recording Sunday night's show when it's like sports art. Yeah. That's that's like a natural cocain that I've got in my system. Right.

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I also am realizing now that this is when Hank always laughs at us. How? Like starting around August 1st. We do like 16 different shows that say football is back. Yeah. This is our second straight show saying sports are back without sports, actually, but it is sports. I you got back. But it is you like this costs. And the irony in all this is if this were last year or the year before, usually, you know, mid to late July, that's when we're coming on the show.

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And we're like, well, there was some regular season baseball yesterday. Not a lot to get into. So let's dive into guys on chicks. Now it's like, holy shit, sports are almost back. I would kill an elephant with my bare hands just to have one interleague baseball game going. And we're gonna get some baseball on Thursday night. We're gonna we're gonna stay in the studio, watch the game. We'll record after the game. So we'll have a real breakdown of actual sports.

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So before we get to that, we still have two more days to get through. And we have the NBA bubble has been debuted.

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Is that was that the right word? It's just basically been a bunch of people, the journalists who are allowed in the bubble now get the primo content. They're like, look at what the court looks like and ever is like, oh, fuck, a basketball court. It was not a debut. His first look first, when you had when you put out the video, you had to title it first. Look, NBA court, it's surrounded by Jumbotron.

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It's on all sides. You might even call it a great wall. Yep. That's around the court.

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I just like trysting. I just like seeing Dak chronics everywhere. That just makes me feel better. And it has I think so depending on what team is technically home, they're gonna have like the home team's graphics because I saw it look like a heat themed court. So that was one. They're gonna be it. The whole thing is going to be crazy. I actually think it's not going to be that weird to start. But once we get into, like the conference finals, it's going to be fucking bizarre to have, like, games go on with no fans.

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And just like big, big moments happen to, you know, no twenty people in in in the room, basically Brian Windhorst and the bench players cheering. So I do I am a little jealous of the people who are in the bubble just because they do get all these scoops and they get to be like new bubble scoop. Everything is a story in the bubble. Yeah. Meyers Leonard chugged a beer. That's a story. Dwight Howard doesn't think vaccines are real.

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That's a story Jimmy Butler got. The cops called on him because he was dribbling the ball in his hotel room at 1:00 a.m. That's the story right here. Salted fish pay players, coaches, players with the Spurs went on a boat. That's a story we're soke. We are craving sports content so much that they are just sitting on a goldmine of stories. You've got to think that there's we should actually do a quick list. Who's most mad that they're not getting these stories?

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I mean, rivals, number one rival. Yeah, he first look, he also should be there. He stepped in it by tweeting. It would mean. Did you see that?

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He deleted it right away. I saw that. So that's what we said on this show a couple weeks ago.

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Yeah, we said Earl, we said, no, no, no. We said that, oh, I would one million guys stay in the stands as a cardboard cut out and somebody sent him a photo shop of wood in the stands.

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He was like, this looks real and I'm going to do something. I'm going to do something I rarely do. I'm going to actually defend Revelle because I screenshot it when he did it, then he deleted it. Then I tweeted it and he's he wrote. Glad you got it. And people assumed Revelle was saying that he knew the joke and he was in on the joke. No, he was saying, I'm glad I screenshot it. He did not see it.

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He fucked up. No, because he would not have deleted it if he had done that on camera, although that would be like in next level thing. Right there is to tweeted out, then delete it, knowing that you would get more eyes on the stri Santa Fe. Yes, that is beyond Darren Ravel's scope of imagination. He doesn't have object permanent.

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Yeah, I can dog when you had a tennis ball behind your back. ChAFTA definitely mad. He's not in the bubble getting these scoops. Yeah, I would go Windhorst in the book. I mean, watch. Whoa. Yeah but watch George Hadal. You know what? The first look is beneath woad to tweet that.

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I know who no one is. It's WAB. Oh yeah. WOB is definitely upset that he's not in the bubble getting these because it's just primo content. You know what, I wouldn't be surprised though if woad when he comes back, he has like a timestamped notarised public notary public like stamped. I had these scoops before everyone else. Yeah. This is the time that I had this scoop. Oh yeah. Everyone else, like he's just been collecting scoops, loads, probably has a list of every player's name and what they're going to have on the back of their jersey ready to go that he's had Notre you know his thing about earlier today.

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This would be ibi. So LeBron, if he came out with the James senior on the back of his Jersey three.

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If he did just a little update to his Georgias father through a very tasteful. Yeah. Father of. And then Roman numerals III. Yes. What else. What else do we have? Dr. Foushee is throwing out the first pitch on Thursday night. He better not bounce it. Yeah, better not about. He's he's he's in good shape. He's in good shape. But he's he's up there in age drafted. Not the tallest guy. Trump's gonna be in the dugout just banging a trash can.

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They said he was a diehard Nationals fan, but I don't know, release more junk from Foushee. Can you be a diehard Nationals fan? He sure. Yeah. York.

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Yes, we can. There are dozens of us. Hank read like the Never Nude is such a new team. Well, it's been around for 14 years, 15 years ish.

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All right. So he was like 60. He could have been an Expos fan before. You never know. He probably thought it was senators.

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He was probably a senators fan back in the day before he moved to Texas and to Minnesota. He's he's just happy that sports are back. I think Dr. Grouchy, at least one doctor Foushee, is throwing out the first pitch. He can't be saying that football can't happen. It goes like 30 seconds. Or if he does, you won't be able to see his lips move because he'll be wearing a mask. Right. So that will be. Did you say if I choose a senator?

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No, a senator's fan. Okay. Gotcha. Gotcha. Yes. I was going to have to fact check that.

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OK, so, yeah, that's that's pretty much all we got with sports. Eve, Eve. NFL is figuring it out. NFL is figuring it out. I think the I think everyone sat down. It was like, this is stupid. Like we can't be the NFL is gonna happen. It's again, they're the one league that can't even pretend that they care about player safety. So just fucking play.

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And there might be a little silver lining behind this, which is if indeed college sports don't happen. And again, we're all very much rooting for it to happen if it's safe. If there's no college football on Saturdays, they're probably going to play a lot of NFL games. So on Saturdays. In which case, if you're the Falcons, you have to play every home game so that you can serve that Chick fil A. Yeah, a stadium.

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That would be a big, big plus for you, huh? All right. So let's get to Hotsy Calderon, then we'll get to Creed Bratton. Hotsy Calderon is brought to you by Bud Light Seltzer on the hot seat this week. Our beer runs with sports coming back. Our friends at Bud Light know you can't miss any precious seconds of the game. So head to Bud Likeme slash delivery and get ice cold. Bud Light and Bud Light seltzer delivered straight to your door so you don't have to miss any action.

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That's Bud Light dot com slash delivery. Hank, why don't you kick us off? Billy, do you have a hotsy to. Yeah. All right, cool. So we'll be ready for it. For yours.

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My hotseat is the Marlins. They're just taken ricochet shots pretty much every night. Every time, you know, they ask players like, what's it like to play in front of no fans? Everyone just like, well, it's like playing in Miami.

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Hey, I heard about this. What are it? Shouldn't be too much of a change for the Chargers, right. Chargers cancelled all season ticket holders this past week. They called those three people also. And that was The Colbert Report. To Vais and Alex Bregman. They might have thought like they got away with it after, you know, everyone hopefully forgot about the whole cheating scandal. They both got hit consecutively today. So they're kind of just fucked.

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Good. Yes, good. I'm fine with that. Yeah, they're fine. Right. They didn't, like, get severely enough. Don't go. Okay. I'm fine with it. Yeah.

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And then, like, I just want I'm gonna be waking up extremely sore every morning.

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Is that is that bad for me to wish that his network spent. No. I just want them to be mildly inconvenienced by like 88 mile an hour fastballs like Coulthart, his life, sports.

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So you guys might think, you know, he said to sports, come back in two days, but they're actually back today. Wednesday. Oh, it's not going to be baseball's mean baseball's like me football. It's going to be Jenga. Oh, we're live streaming. We're doing a giveaway. We put the not a drug guy shirts on sale. We're only giving away ten. Not a drug guy. Shirts people that they can guess the. So it's gonna be Puffy and Kate from bar stool.

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And then for first Nick and cabi who are big cats also from Barstow. Yeah. They work with the cat in the yak. I don't know how you describe them to someone that doesn't know them. You just say them tweedle dee and Tweedle smart. Yeah. You just don't.

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They're going at it to want to Jenga. Three thirty pm t twitch if you can guess the team that wins and then the person that picks the losing block and how many total blocks you win a. Not a drug guy T-shirt. Oh, OK. 330 day kalbi on the call. Jake Marsh, Jeffrey Lowe, part of my take.

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Which, by the way, I just realized how offensive visited. Is it that we keep talking about sports being back in MLS has been back for like two weeks. Yeah, they get no respect.

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They're turning out. Fire tournament is called the MLS is back, Turnham. Yeah. They're trying to make us say MLS. Specter even playing games like 9:00 a.m.. Yeah. And I still haven't watched.

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You know what? I've watched a couple of them. It's exactly what you think it would be.

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No, there's no there's nobody in the stands. Not for me. It's like a Chargers game out there.

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Well, you have and this is thing it's like, you know, a jaelynn here, another season ticket announce they canceled the season tickets just this week. Oh, really? Yeah. Both of them. Yep. And tune in next week for Late Night with Katie Nolan. Fifty year. Your. Whoo hoo!

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Hat's my throat. My hotseat. I got two of them. One is professionalism because the Dallas stars have announced that they're not going to be wearing suits in the hockey bubble. They're gonna be showing up wearing. They're gonna be looking.

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Daniel Jones chic, which is wearing like a Brooks Brothers shirt and nice jeans.

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Speaking of booties, do you see Dan Daniel Jones Bootie? He's got nice. How many Zuks? Nice ass. Probably two and a half xox. It's like the Zuks sucks 7000 annual. Joan's gotten the got a nice booty. I've not seen it, but yeah, I thought he was. You know what real swag is no swag. And that if you really work out and if you're a student of the game instead of the weight room, you probably have a big ass and might not have the popcorn muscles like the bench press muscle.

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Yeah. So my other hot seat. Actually that's my only hot seat because Hingston my other one, my cool throne is Glory Halls.

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Oh I see. So I believe this is the government of Toronto is saying you're encouraging gloryhole use to encourage social distancing. So you don't get any like respiratory droplets on you whilst having sex with a stranger in a bathroom. You just put your dick through the hole. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah. Let's do it. Yeah, why not? Let's bring back gloryhole. Because there's one thing that that sex is missing at times, and that's just the thrill of not knowing who you're having sex with.

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I have glory holes even. I wouldn't even say that they're gone by the wayside. I feel like I've never seen a gloryhole in person.

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I've seen one or two, but they're in very, very short. Which side are you on? I was on the goods. I was understanding upside. OK. They should make Jeremy Rolnick.

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The guy was seven feet tall.

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They should make sure Jeremy Rohtak testify in a gloryhole and he should have to just stand there with his dick through thick through the wall.

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And if he enjoys it and guess what, Jeremy? You're fucking lawsuits against it. If you really hate it, then yep, we can proceed. Yep. So, yeah. Gloria, they should actually do a gloryhole for the handshake lines in the playoffs. You bring out just like a plexiglass thing.

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Get your hands through their F.. Scott. Maybe like 15 or 16 holes in it so the guys can I like can shake hands at the end this year because I don't think it's gonna happen this year.

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Now, they might do fist bumps, elbows. Not the same. Yeah.

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Now it's not the same, especially when the goalies get a little like extra to do little extra juice. Really shake hands.

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I'm all right. My hot seats is your iPhone. I don't know if you guys had the same thought, but I. My iPhone on Saturday started like rapidly losing battery, getting way overheated. And I've just it's been crap the last few days. And then I Googled it cause I was like, oh, I shipwright get a new one. Oh weird iPhone twelve coming out soon. Oh it's fucking every single time. I don't understand how they're able to get away with this.

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Steve Jobs. Like I had thought I was like, ah, I really could use a new iPhone. Oh you mean there's like the iPhone 12 just got leaked a day ago? No way.

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It's gone to the point where I would almost rather have a gas powered phone. Well, the one that I have to go to a gas station and fill up with like ten dollars worth of juice per week as opposed to having to trade my phone and every exactly one every like. Was it 19, 20 months? Yes. Is when they really start to drain. What I really want to know is someone out there who has like an iPhone six, does a battery comeback.

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Do they then leave? They're like, all right, we're done fucking with the last two or three iterations of iPhone. Like, we can just move on to the next one. Like, is there is there a way where there's someone out there who's waited it out and your iPhone, your iPhone six or seven, suck for a while. And then when they got to 10, 11, 12, it started being good again. It turned back on like, yeah, Independence Day when the mothership got back to Earth.

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They're like, yeah, we're done. We don't need to fuck with these iPhone six anymore. No one has them. So someone tweet us something I don't even know. Do they have Twitter for iPhone on iPhone six? Probably not. Yeah. So do citizen. I don't know what somehow get in touch with us through your MySpace.

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US. Yeah. I'm your iPhone six.

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You know what I thought or who's got the oldest. Get someone prove their oldest iPhone that is still out there. I used to have a friend who had like an iPhone five, I want to say. Until like a year and a half ago, that was impressed. You know what? I've got an ESPN phone and I think that those came out in 2002, 2003. People don't give the ESPN phone enough credit because it was essentially an iPhone before an iPhone.

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It was the first phone to imagine Internet technology being able to watch sports highlights. Watch video. But the problem was they made it just like exclusive to ESPN products. Yeah, people are so obsessed with their company that they'll check in only for us on their phone. And the digital network obviously sucked. It was like 2G, but it didn't 2G didn't give anyone coronavirus. So in many ways it was a lot stronger. Right. We have today.

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So, yeah.

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So the iPhones, I'm sure everyone's noticed it's going to happen. Your iPhones probably is going to blow up. It was like hot to the touch.

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I actually think that Steve Jobs or whoever is in charge of Apple is somewhere in a layer. And they have a bar. They've got a bar graph. And when it dips down below, like 30 or 20 percent of people are still out there, like they have it planned out to maximize their new iPhone sales when they can tell how good or how bad everyone's battery right is. So they hit the switch. They're like, okay, drop the 12th.

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I also saw on the new iPhone 12, it's got four cameras, which I don't know, like I think they're just doing it to be like, how many cameras can you break? Like, I, i two out of three of my cameras are broken. Yeah. I can't be responsible for your case.

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Well, yeah, because I'm a adrenaline adrenaline junkie dude. What about not a pussy like you who's like, oh, I'm in a fucking. Make sure there's a case on my iPhone.

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What about the people that freaked out when there were three holes, three cameras. Yeah. No, those those people are in the clear. The trip, the tri phobics. Yeah. Now we now we've got the perfect square. But it seriously is like how many more things can we put on this to break.

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I hope they make it a little bit like off center with the different camera holes. So it still fucks those people.

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All right. So. Oh, my cool throne is Carmelo Anthony and the many iterations of Carmelo Anthony. You've heard of Olympic's Melo, you've heard of Hooty Melo. He's now Slim Melo. So he actually does look skinny and it's crazy. I'ma say something nice about Carmelo Anthony. It is crazy to watch him in practice and just realize how fucking good he is at scoring like everything else. Maybe not there anymore, but he's just he's a walking bucket.

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So slim Milos here. Goodbye Hoodie Melo. Goodbye Olympic smell Slim Melo season.

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This is actually the perfect environment for Carmelo Anthony because when does he perform at his best in the Olympics. Right. When the athletes are confined to a certain type of village with each other living under the bubble in a forbidden city, if you will. And this is exactly what's happening in Atlanta, right?

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I, I am rooting so hard for Melo to play. Well, I don't know what it is about him, but I feel like everyone that's a casual NBA fan is absolutely behind him, that we want to see Melo go out there and score like thirty five points right there. Why are you mad. Because he did Chicago.

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I know. I just saw I don't cattle think about him that much. I mean I, I'm sure he could be fine. I don't care.

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It just be sick to see Carmelo go out there and dominate one series in this playoffs.

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Yeah. I guess I just don't see it happening but yeah. Yeah. If it up it'll be a good story. Slim Melo though. He's looking good. Bill, you ready. You've done a great job of not talking. Thank you. William are soy man football.

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My hotseat is maddin every year talking to the madding ratings come out and there's always quite an uproar on certain ratings. A little late this last week chimed in.

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Yeah, we saw this from the update. Billy sent us another great packet today for today's show, the list of the ten slash fourteen things that we need to talk about. And he included everything that we didn't talk about from last time, including Lil Wayne's tweet about The Maddin ratings, be it being absurd from July 14th. Yeah. So this was I do like this.

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You think that the things we passed over were just we miss them. Kerins don't like adults.

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Hotseat whales.

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Oh, recorded the first recorded shark attack on a whale night where it drowned the whale underwater was recorded.

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A shark named Helen drowned a whale off the coast of Massachusetts.

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Meyera, they wait, wasn't it? Why are they are racing the whales name in all this way? Why is the shark named Helen?

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I'm not sure. But they track sharks because of you know, they it's good to track great white sharks, especially doing beach season to make sure that there's no shark attacks.

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So they know the shark, but they don't know the whale.

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I love when we get like nature killings like this and people are like, oh, my God, you it's the poor whale got eaten in this, like, coronavirus deaths.

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One hundred and forty thousand. Who cares? It's fucking hoax.

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Now, what they really should have done is they watch the whales. No, I, I don't care about nature. Like I care about nature. I don't care about natural selection in the world. Like the zebra getting mauled by a tiger is what should be happening. What about. I'm not like, oh my God, that poor zebra. His name was probably like Butchie and he had a family and everything. And what about when I said Western dentists fulfills his need?

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That's right. Oh yeah. Go hunt. Humans get involved. It's different.

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See, I think that they should have named this will posthumously. I say that right. Puss who mislead posthuman posthumously.

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Because then you get that because it's from the New York Post and the Post has mastered the art of getting the, quote, tweets there on a fucking roll when it comes to that. If they given this whale a name, then they could get in on that sweet Harambee action. Willy the whale. Yeah, people would say our AIPA, sweet Prince William Will William the Whale York.

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I'm asking you, murder and an plaints, you know, in broad daylight. Billy, we could only be so lucky. Billy the whale got murdered because we got too fat over the stability the whale got murdered in.

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The last thing he said was. People are really mad about mad and ratings.

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My cool thrill doing a great job of taking it to like you're the NBA itude, you're crushing it. Everyone in the NBA tested negative for the crown. Yeah. Bubble.

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We should all thrown for sports. We should have mentioned that. Good job, Billy. We should mention that and good that that was all there were negative.

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I think I think the bubble works. Works. I mean, on bubble honestly.

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Sports could heal the entire world. Sports could figure out a way to solve this corona virus thing. Because if you can test if you have a test case and a model for how to solve it amongst a given population, you can expand that out like sports might save millions of lives. And this is definitely not just me talking insane because I haven't had any sports on TV.

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If the bubble works, why don't we make the world a bubble? Kyrie already believes it.

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Well, think about it, Billy Train.

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We should. We should. You know what we should do. We should do like aggressive testing, tracing an ambush where a mass ad in the world could be a bubble. Now, that's crazy. That's not stupid.

[00:23:25]

Let's get back to the stupid dumb my bad guys. All right. Let's get to our interview with Creed Bratton. Awesome interview. One of those ones were we. I didn't even know his name was Creed Bratton until we had him on. But it actually is Creed Bratton. Before we do that, a quick word from our friends at three.

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[00:25:16]

OK, here he is. KRI bread.

[00:25:21]

OK, we now welcome on a very special guest.

[00:25:24]

It is Creed Bratton. You know him from the office. He has a new album out called Slightly Altered.

[00:25:32]

First of all, thank you for joining us, Crede. We appreciate it.

[00:25:36]

I am sure that you guys I actually wanted to start with I think I think I knew this, but I didn't know it fully until we were getting ready for this interview. That your name actually is Creed Bratton. Does that get confusing at all to people to have your real name be your character's name? No.

[00:25:51]

Well, it's a good it's a good thing. Good thing, obviously. Yeah. So I'm evermore more recognizable. Sure.

[00:25:58]

That's true. I guess when people are yelling your name, it's better that they're yelling you're real. Well, there are a lot of people on that show that use their real name as their character's name as well. Right?

[00:26:07]

Well, that that yeah. That was Angela and Oscar and trying to think who else, Phyllis. But they used my. They used their last names. They just use their first names. I use about. Well they did Greg Dennis did that because of my being in the grass roots because he, he was he utilized several times on the show that I was in the grass roots and he wanted to use that rock, that rock thing. And even though it didn't use and deleted scenes didn't come out really till the finale, actually.

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Yeah.

[00:26:39]

So, yeah. So you're always listeners playing a fictionalized version of yourself. And I've been curious how close to to the real creed Bratton is the creed Bratton that we got to get glimpses of in the r.i.

[00:26:52]

Right. Well as most. As most.

[00:26:59]

Actors who play, play, play, play characters, you know, they're not we're not as funny in real life, although I find myself rather humorous, actually. Steve Carell is just is very, very quiet and a calm, gentle soul. And he's hysterically funny when he when he's in the character of Michael Scott.

[00:27:22]

No, I was there is obviously some of my demented rock and roll characteristics in the Creed character, but he is still an actor playing a part at the end of the day for sure.

[00:27:36]

When you were, you know, signed up to be in the office and you guys are going through the seasons, did you have any feeling that it would be as big as it is even today? Like I actually during quarantine, I just started back at, you know, season one and just watch you re watch it all the time. Seen all the episodes a million times and you can still watch it. Did you ever feel like that was happening while it was going on?

[00:28:01]

No.

[00:28:02]

I mean, some other other people in the show have commented that they knew it. They knew it. I didn't. I didn't know it. I didn't know I was just there day to day, just trying to not fuck up my parts. Do do the guy.

[00:28:16]

Right, until I think we went to an upfront in New York and we're staying at the Plaza Hotel and we're doing the red carpet stuff and you start doing that stuff. You said, wait a second, this is like this is real. This is like happening. And then people come up to you and markets stuff and comment and they see you and they wave. And then you saw it slowly dawned on me that the show was maybe going to make it OK, but not to the point that it's part of the Zeichner case, which it is now.

[00:28:47]

Right. Not only did people watch it then, but there their younger siblings and stuff are watching it and it just keeps on going. It's more popular now. It's true. I think it's still no streaming show out there. I believe it is. Yes, it's interesting. So how could anyone predict something like that?

[00:29:07]

I got us during during the filming of the show. Like, I never really knew what Crede did for a living. I knew he was quality control. Right. That was that was his party. Quality assurance. Quality assurance. Yeah. I knew that was your job title, but they never really got into the nuts and bolts of what Creed did day in and day out in the office. Besides just like sit at his desk.

[00:29:32]

Do you know what, Jack? He did. I was gonna say, do you know what his day to day job description was in that show?

[00:29:39]

You know, a Dilbert cartoon, Dilbert? Yes, he's been. Yeah. Wally, you know, he's created Wally. Yeah. Okay.

[00:29:48]

Wally, he he doesn't do anything. He avoids work at all times. He'll he can. He's a. He never goes to that one time he got. They put the cartoon characters having sex. Yeah. Paper, the paper stock. He he had been to that to check on this people in a year. That's right. And they get blames on somebody else. You know, kind of reminds me of somebody else. I know now.

[00:30:11]

But how could you not? How have you not secured creat thoughts and made that your personal blog?

[00:30:18]

Because it was owned by NBC in the beginning. Yeah. OK. We need that. You need that. That's the best. I would love it. I would love. But I, they did such a great job I would do as well. Although now all the videos I'm putting out on Instagram and ticktock and stuff, I'm writing all those. And you know, obviously I have to know. Yes. Well, yeah.

[00:30:40]

I just typed in Crete dot dot com. I know that's not the official site. I think there was a dot gov and something in there, but I'm pretty sure my computer got a virus from that. So that's kind of on the nose.

[00:30:49]

That's what if I had one, that's what it would be. And you probably know your credit card information. That's phishing scam. Yeah, I love it. We do did they did do a reboot. That's exactly what created would have to do. Yeah. You guys hacking the rest of the people's computer create.

[00:31:04]

I don't know how much weight you pull over at Netflix, but if you could do me a favor and tell them, could you please turn down the volume on the intro song? It's always very jarring when it goes from the cold open to the office theme song and then back to the normal volume. You have to play some like some some volume adjustment Olympics with your remote. So could you just pass that along to them? Me.

[00:31:25]

You mean when it's going and now. Yeah. Got Bob Barr. Yeah. Jump. Yeah. I know. I know. I don't have any polling networks. I wish I did. You know I lobby for my show. Yeah.

[00:31:38]

Yeah. Yes. Let's talk a little bit about your other career as a musician.

[00:31:44]

It's crazy, you know, reading through how long you been a musician? How much music you put out in the world. And when you were a musician, when you started in the 1960s, late 1960s, what was it like, you know, starting around then when rock and roll and everything is coming up and you're in a scene that, you know, some of the folk scenes and Woodstock now that you played Woodstock, but that kind of world, what was it like?

[00:32:11]

I started play I played trumpet from a very young age. And both my both sides of my family were musicians. My grandparents were semi-professional country, western band. My learned guitar started playing guitar. I'm 13 at seventeen, so I'm seventy seven now. So I've been playing professionally. I got my first gig playing with these older guys when I was 17 on guitar. I've been playing this, I've been playing for 60 years now. Guitar. And so to answer your question, I played with several bands all the way to college over two years with this folk tree in Europe.

[00:32:48]

And then when the grass roots happened there we were Mount Tembo, Pious Miami Pop Festival, Devon Shore Downs, which is arguably one of the biggest at twenty thousand people at the time and every rock band ever. We had that time. Hendrix, everybody. It was the summer of love, of course, in the late 60s. It was amazing, guys. Yeah, absolutely amazing. We thought we were going to change the world for the better.

[00:33:17]

We thought that the message of love and peace was going to be taken on by the establishment, that we're gonna stop fighting and that the world would not be Russia and America and different countries, but it would be the world, the planet. We'd all be saying this is what gets us. Why fight? We need to be this earth. That's what we believed. And it still hasn't happened. But I'm still ones that would like to see that occur.

[00:33:42]

I believe that's the only way we're going to as human beings are going to exist if we stop this just fighting stuff. That's ridiculous.

[00:33:49]

Do you think it was not enough? People did acid back then that to change?

[00:33:54]

Absolutely. Literally more drugs would have saved the world.

[00:33:57]

Yes, yes. Yes, yes. I feel like acid needs to make a comeback right now. I've personally never done acid. I'm not a drug guy except if I'm overseas. But I feel like that's one drug that people take and usually like 90 percent the time you're like. Yeah, I have a totally different perspective on life and it's better. Absolutely.

[00:34:15]

I mean, I don't advocate drugs for any youth at all, but if they're I certainly had some very, very profound and life changing. But I didn't go into it as an escape. I mean, I would. There was there was certainly cocaine and alcohol for that. But when I went what I want to do psychedelics, I would really fast I'd get myself in a headspace. I would meditate. I would go out by my not in in a city, but go out in the desert, go up the mountains and get by yourself and take it.

[00:34:46]

And certainly grok nature, as Robert Heinlein said, and stranger in a strange land you get. That feeling of like one with the universe. Yes. Yes. It's the most benign feeling there is. Were you ever were you ever at some of the. I know I read a book a while ago, the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, and, you know, the Grateful Dead. Were you ever in that scene or around that scene?

[00:35:11]

Well, we when we played Malick, Tamil, Pious, everybody to the audience and the people on stage, everybody there was on acid. They were it was just flowing or ever was handed out everywhere. It was just insane. Just insane. I remember we were out in People's Park before a film or show. I think there's a famous story, but I'll tell it anyway. A girl comes up to Rickie at the drummer and she's a little, you know, hippie little tattoo flower on a cheek and a little gingham dress.

[00:35:42]

And she goes for you. And she's got the little white squares with blue dots in them. And I read the Newsweek article, so I knew it was acid. It was awfully, awfully acid. I took it to do the show, started hallucinating onstage. It was am I'm going to get it right now. But yes, I was there. No.

[00:36:05]

Feel free to get into it. I mean, you just told the start of a great story. I'd like to hear more. All right.

[00:36:11]

All right. So I popped the acid in. We get in the car and Ricky says The Jeffersons. That was really nice of that girl. We should take the stuff after the show. And what. Yeah. Too late then. Yeah, it is a. We get there, we get into our cool rock and I will outfits and walk out on the stage. And also I'm looking like this. And my hands. Are glowing. And there's like rainbow colors between the peak, the vortexes in my hand.

[00:36:41]

And I'm also I can't go like this, there's this this theory tapi to my hands and I'm playing, I play, I'm God's concertinaed split player.

[00:36:50]

And I hear Bill Graham going play, play, but it's Bargewell, like crude way to go.

[00:37:04]

Well, well, well, well, well. So I take the guitar and start live today as ever and ever. And ever. And ever. And ever and ever. And I hit the notes and I looked behind me at the speaker and out of the speaker. And so I'm listening now. And there's the notes that I played on staff paper comes out of the speaker and the notes fall off onto the floor. And I go, oh, the poor notes.

[00:37:33]

So I think it is with a dust, imaginary dustpan and a broom. And I'm sweeping up the notes and trying to push the back into my my amplifier. And I couldn't I walked. I dropped my patch. I got Mollet that mony that gave it some air.

[00:37:54]

I heard that it pays to advertise. And they were not happy. Bill Graham was certainly not happy to come back the next week, make that show up. But that was the only time that ever done anything like that on stage. And it was just something that wasn't planned, right? It was it was just no spur of the moment because, again, acid was everywhere. Yeah, that.

[00:38:14]

Getting back to your question again, what a life to to be in that whole scene and then be part of, like, one of the funniest, most critically acclaimed shows of all time.

[00:38:23]

Jeez, you aren't your crew. Your career began at your career.

[00:38:27]

Great. You made a lot of. Right.

[00:38:29]

You made a lot of good decisions along the way to lead yourself to that one moment in time.

[00:38:34]

I don't think I made them myself, per say. I believe that I am intuitive, an intuitive person, not an intellectual person. I'm always very, very tuned to the voice. You know, we all have the inner voice telling us this the right way to go. Don't do this is the wrong way to go. Many, many times people just avoid it. We don't pay attention to it.

[00:38:56]

I pay very close attention to to be involved in an area like that. And in a seminal moment in like, you know, some would say rock history like that. And then to also later on in life. Now you're involved like a new generation gets to be introduced to you. You just seem like you were in the right place at the right time all the time. And that's actually a good quality to have. I think that's a very it's an underestimated quality that some people have in life to just always find nice guys and be good position.

[00:39:24]

If I thought I was consciously doing that, I'd say thank you. That's exactly how I planned it. I mean, obviously, you what's what's all that you did all the commentary, the philosophy that you make, you make love.

[00:39:38]

You make your luck by hard work, hard work makes your luck. And I certainly have not been a lazy guy. I was I was written and stayed in shape. And and when I was on Bernie Mac and I heard that the directors came, I was going to do at the office, they lit flares, went off a little red alongside lights went up. Boom. You've got to do it. It really is no joke. It was bap bap.

[00:39:59]

You've got to be on the show. And I lobbied. I called him up and it got on that show, shot my own character, made it happen. There's no way that I was going to do that show. But I knew that this is some place I'd had to be. And so it. Yes. OK, I'll take responsibility for that. Yes. Falling my my intuition. Yes.

[00:40:18]

And now you also have we talked about this with guests all the time, how they have like an even more of an afterlife from their careers with the gifts and you have a couple that are great, that are always used on Twitter, the ride, the bull one, the dark hair when you have. Yeah. Yeah. So you have a couple of those screenshots or GIFs that basically we'll just live forever and people use all the time and you become a cult classic.

[00:40:47]

I, I don't know. What can you say. I'm, I'm so lucky. I'm just so lucky and and I. I just hope I keep right. Making the right moves and don't fuck this up, you know.

[00:40:58]

Yeah. Can you do a cartwheel. But you do a fucking car. Can you do one. No, of course I can. You can. Yeah. Of course I can.

[00:41:06]

OK. All right. Well, that was your New Year's resolution or was your New Year's resolution. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[00:41:11]

And that's that's the thing. People always yell at me from the audience and you have to understand when I'm on stage playing my acoustic guitar. I and I know that if I don't get this out of the way, I'll be playing that song from the finale. Oh, The Faces a beautiful song. At the end.

[00:41:27]

And people who are going through you, full body, you know which ones? So I tell them early in the show, just Greenmount all you reached up and get out of the way. Yeah, I do. And I say, OK, you're happy now. I know. Let's let's proceed with show. Yes. Do you think.

[00:41:44]

Did you watch every episode of the office as it came out?

[00:41:48]

No, I haven't seen them all. Actually I really I a shoot me. Well I mean I'm writing I read a lot of read a lot of books. I'm a voracious reader. So I have any extra time I'm going to be reading or playing guitar or writing songs.

[00:42:01]

Give us some books. Where do you read right now. Yeah.

[00:42:04]

Oh gosh. What am I got right now up here? Big readers. I read Monboddo Alexievich second hand time. Through the Magic Mountain, Thomas Mann. Marcus Aurelius managed well, that matched by my stoic philosophy. I've read that all the time. Yeah, that's a lie.

[00:42:26]

That's not such a gentleman. Stroner loss of reference we've had in the shewn last week. That's incredible. Yes. I've been for Eric Abel my was my tour manager. Now he's my agent. We will be listed Tim Ferriss on the road. And he had a guy in there. And you start talking about Steuer philosophy. This was years ago when I first started touring and I read really struck home to me. This is something, by the way, that I wish I had when I was your guys age stoic philosophy, because it's a grounding philosophy.

[00:42:58]

It just gets rid of all the bullshit. And yeah, I, I now I read Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Epic, Titus, the big boys, you know, and it's all I never lets me down.

[00:43:11]

Good, really good stuff out of this, out of the episodes. The what are the offers that you have watched. What would be your top three called opening's best interest.

[00:43:22]

Obviously I loved what I got to be the manager. That's just selfish. It opens. Are the keys to that to nobody. No, that's that's not my favorite. The one. Oh my gosh. Where we're all where we have their music playing. I'm playing guitar and Kate's got her thing written on her belly and everyone's jumping up on that's that's was a one shot deal. That was that's pretty amazing. Oh, gosh. Cold opening. I guess what about the scene, where would that Dweik Dwight fake fix the fire?

[00:43:57]

That's yeah. Yes, that's probably the guy that everybody lead.

[00:44:01]

But this damn thing ever. Yes. And maybe I don't know. There's so many Steve Carell moments where he like prison Mike or he comes in The Big with Ben. And Amy Ryder are doing the dance and singing. We're just we're biting their cheeks that to laugh on that one. Yeah.

[00:44:26]

All right. So, Creed Bratton slightly altered. His album is out now. Are you gonna get. Do you think you're gonna get back on tour anytime soon or what's what's the guys?

[00:44:36]

Guys, I turned I had to cancel to place to go to Australia, New Zealand before the fires. And then they said, you can come down. We'll have oxygen tanks by the side of the stage for this show. Smoke in this place. No, that's okay. I need to breathe. To sing. Thank you. Then now, of course, the pandemic. And so now I'm planning to go back down a march. It may or may not happen.

[00:44:58]

And then it may. I want to go back. I'd like to start a great tour. Europe and England and Ireland. This time we'll see. I miss playing for the fans because obviously that's what I live for. Getting up on stage. Yeah.

[00:45:12]

Well, my last question isn't even a question. I just want to say congratulations on the new dog, Iggy Pop, who you gave me, baby pup Iggy.

[00:45:21]

Thanks, my friend. Linda's done a dog, OK? She's not randomized, but I went over there a day to meeting and you saw that look, you look if you go close, but those are the lies. He is an old soul. He's the sweetest little guy.

[00:45:34]

That's the ass kicking and creed now looking in the dog's eyes.

[00:45:37]

And you're like, I've known. I've I met you before.

[00:45:40]

Yeah, well, then he has I've met him before orientation. He's he's he's trying to become a human. Yeah.

[00:45:45]

You look him up right now. I mean, let me be the judge of this dog's eyes street is on Instagram. Yeah. Iggy Pop.

[00:45:52]

Creed Bratton, my Instagram. Also, by the way, we do agree that's a that's a cute scabbed. That is very cute. We do. We do. Mount Rushmore when when sports aren't going on in on this show. And we did Mount Rushmore offers characters. And Hank, our producer, picked you with his first round pick. Crazy.

[00:46:12]

Hank, crazy. He's the biggest. Deserve it, man. You deserve it. I agree. This dog does have an old soul. This dog is looking at me like it's seen some shit.

[00:46:20]

Yeah. It sees fit. It looks right through you, right? Yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah. It's the is Judge Oudeh and analog. That's a grounded dog.

[00:46:28]

Yes. Well thank you so much. Everyone go out and get Creed's new album slightly altered. Thank you so much. Really appreciate this.

[00:46:36]

Hey guys. Thanks. I've enjoyed talking with both. It was fun. Yeah. Hope to see you when you come in New York on your next tour sometime, too. I'm glad I was there. I played the Highline Ballroom. That was my second time there. Had a great show, but it's closed. I think they closed the island. Unfortunately. Well, I'll find out eventually when I can play. When you come back to your life, I will be there.

[00:46:59]

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[00:48:25]

Okay, let's get some segments. Let's do our Mount Rushmore. We're gonna do it. Mount Rushmore of things that happened since quarantine started, since sports were gone because sports are gonna be back by Friday. Where are you gonna have sports back? So we figured we would do this. It's basically, though. Oh, my God. That that happened in the last four months in Mount Rushmore.

[00:48:46]

I just came up with a terrible poem. Would you like to hear it? Sure. Twas the night before sports again. And all through the house, we were awaiting the first pitch from the good doctor Fouche.

[00:48:58]

Hoo! Nice. Right. Boom. You should tweet that. Should I? Yeah. Now, let's not go do a bill. You tweet the bill. You tweet and save people.

[00:49:06]

Yassa, wait until. Tomorrow to tweet it out, because it's not sports yet. Yes, we do it. Hank, you want to start? So this is the Mount Rushmore of things that happened since sports were canceled. And then Billy is going to do a bonus at Mount Rushmore, Mount Rushmore of soy based products, not a soy, not because he's a soy boy, soy man. It's just that he knows them in and out soy based products.

[00:49:30]

It's a twofer for the people to start. Wait, what. What kind of. You can looniest let's dowson.

[00:49:35]

It's not like draft lag. Not your kids who to start trying to do a two headed snake to do one but it's two.

[00:49:43]

No, that's not fair. All right.

[00:49:44]

So you got to pick what your first and then we'll determine whether or not you get to say, say, Bronk, sign with the bucks. That's one. OK. You were gonna say Tom Brady. No, no, no. I know what he's going to say, but I have that too. And that shouldn't be you. That shouldn't be a twofer. All right, fine.

[00:50:02]

PepsiCo first, but easy first pick that's gonna go with Tiger King. Hmm. Tiger King. Remember that we got we got a painting up there from, I don't know, much else. OK.

[00:50:11]

All right. I'll go easy. So first pick off that. Remember Tiger King, because like a month ago it was like, remember how long ago Tiger came?

[00:50:21]

One leg. Yeah. No, that was a long time.

[00:50:23]

Hey, let Adam stay on the couch. It does count. I that absolutely counts. But I think it counts. That absolutely counts. We've been doing remember Tiger King for so long. No one remembers. But you'll remember Rushmore. Remember? Fine. You don't want to. No, no, no, no. You said it yourself. What are you want to know? I would tell you that I could win. I think I might. Go ahead.

[00:50:42]

Your pick for your for your first two picks of my first two picks for so many people have been being like. Remember Tiger King that is now old, like to remember Tiger King. People have been doing that for fucking two months now. I know you're sorry. King was in four months. I'm going I'm going to allow it as a pick. I'm not saying it's a great pick.

[00:50:59]

What I hate why you back and say we love Jay. Give me half what I can face. Give me the face again. I can do the. Hey, I've got you. Now explain.

[00:51:07]

I've got one from an expert. Remember. Remember. Remember Tiger. Yeah. Yeah. You can do that. That's fine. There has been so much time that has elapsed that doing. Remember, Tiger King tweets have now expired. That's literally how long it's been. There was a whole fucking month where people were like, dude, remember, Tiger came. But it's still a thing that happened in court.

[00:51:27]

I understand. I just saying, I think it's more than worthy of my top pick, if not the one overall.

[00:51:32]

I'm saying I'm remembering how how we did a whole month of remembering Tiger came, which was stupid. And I just wanted to use that as like my fourth pick.

[00:51:40]

All right. That's fun. Soymilk, swimmable. You get to. Are you saying that you are Milkin Spanish or what is sort of a whoknows?

[00:51:49]

It's a. I think no one knows. All right. Go ahead. Number two, tofu. OK, good one. Hi. My second one will be. Wait. Did you would you pick Gronk? I'll do Tom Brady. The Bucs. Yeah. That's fun. Tom Brady. Another one. So, yeah, I know what your other one is. What did you do it?

[00:52:07]

Because I think Tom Brady, the Bucs was even longer and like, holy shit, that happened before sports canceled or after sports were canceled. I mean, I you you're gonna say Leray retiring team member.

[00:52:20]

That could take you can have my a dog. That wasn't it. Yes, it was. Yeah.

[00:52:24]

Was my second one is going to be Earl Thomas's entanglement.

[00:52:30]

Remember that. Remember that. That was like. Yeah. A few months. That was a wild fucking story. Yeah. His incest tangled in with his brother.

[00:52:36]

Was that before sports were canceled. I mean, I know sports were canceled. That was absolutely OK. I mean, it's. Yeah. Time. Time doesn't exist anymore. Time doesn't exist anymore. All right.

[00:52:48]

Hank, zoom. Happy hours. Maumoon, I was trying to make that a thing. I won't acted like, oh, we don't see our friends. So let's do a happy hour on Zoome and then not like. And then I think people did it for like a week or two.

[00:52:59]

Everyone realized it sucked. Yeah. The novelty of being like, oh hey look at us. We're, we're drinking alcohol.

[00:53:04]

Using software that we normally use at work is that we're all this is my background bar. Hey, slack sex me real quick.

[00:53:12]

And then my next one will be murderer retiring.

[00:53:14]

Oh, what was it? Murder hornets. Murder horns. I'm fucking terrified. They're so scary. Girl here. A lot of shit. I don't remember. Okay, that's good. That's good pick. I forgot about that. Thanks.

[00:53:25]

Yeah, no problem. My next one is going to be just the NFL draft.

[00:53:35]

You guys remember the NFL draft? Yeah.

[00:53:37]

Remember Roger Goodell getting fucked up in his man cave? Yeah. Yeah.

[00:53:40]

Taking off is doing like a strip draft. Or by the end of it, he was just like basically wearing a G-string and crushing like a thousand Eminem's and handful as a preeminent football podcast.

[00:53:50]

We can not let Roger Goodell back out of his man cave donation thing because Dave, like someone has to do.

[00:53:57]

Yes. Some Garlan bondsman's guys that can't like they can't just they can't get about.

[00:54:01]

Did they cancel the entire thing? Well, don't Maalin Marlow's man said he was in second place and he hasn't come forward and said. One, so, like, they can't just be like, oh, you gave your cancer. And can you text Marlen's man and find out if they've reached out to share his? I would be lost. I would be breaking news on our part.

[00:54:17]

Good one.

[00:54:17]

All right. I know. But I'll go with. I'll go with. We talked about it. Begin the show. Would Meems when they were just. That was all anyone could text for about a week and a half hours. More than that as play three weeks. Just that that dude's big fucking cock. Every fucking text you opened, every link you've clicked on. And everyone has that one friend who held on for a little too long.

[00:54:37]

When? Yeah. The one friend that started making their own would me. Yeah.

[00:54:41]

But then they did like I'm not going to. He's a friend of mine. So knockers say his name, but I have a friend. Well no one knows him. I have a friend in Chicago who's I think as of like three days ago, still sent me one.

[00:54:54]

Yeah, I know. It's like it's tough to have that conversation been like, dude, it's been over a nonstop.

[00:55:00]

I'm trying to remember when I got my last would mean I believe it was it was probably over a month ago, which I feel like that's acceptable today.

[00:55:08]

If you my problem was you're still sending would Meems in July, then you you have an issue, then you're making your own at home, even your own like setup where you've got you purchased a Photoshop subscription just to Photoshop this guy's cock onto thing.

[00:55:21]

Yes, I had a group text where I was tonday a lot of the ones that you guys are sending us. I thought they were funny and then that basically like brought them into the fold and then now they're still going with it.

[00:55:29]

So I feel partly responsible because it's like I brought you guys into this world and you haven't picked up on the fact that you're good at.

[00:55:36]

So then their clock started behind everybody else, right? Right. So it's still going strong.

[00:55:40]

What do you think that they think that you invented the word Meems because you introduced.

[00:55:44]

Probably. Potentially, yeah. I mean, that's not big Internet guys. There's like, what are you God, you keep sending this guys big ass dick.

[00:55:50]

You start doing you start predicting things like this year, I guarantee you that Mark Zuckerberg will have a big ass and then like in six months be like, look at this picture, Bill, your last two soy based products, you're not soy boy.

[00:56:03]

So us. Okay, that's pulling.

[00:56:06]

Yeah, that's good. Yeah. That's should be number one. Yeah.

[00:56:10]

And and a mommy.

[00:56:11]

Oh OK. I would I you don't have soy sauce on your list. That's kind of weird. Soy sauce is delicious. Too obvious.

[00:56:19]

Yeah. Okay. All right. My last pick will be the last dance and being like. Oh yeah. The last it like this come out to perfect time. It will get us to the end of quarantine and it's like two months ago. Huh. It's fucking it's now on Netflix.

[00:56:34]

Oh wait. I had to. They did one last time around. You probably should've thought of that. That's something that's on you. That's on you. That's on you. Don't worry unduly when you retire.

[00:56:46]

Yeah. You can do your last throes number at the last dance. Let's dance. I actually think that the last dance was our first sports are back. You have this entire day. But do you remember what it was like two days? It was a god. We have six weeks of this.

[00:57:01]

It will totally get us to the finish line.

[00:57:03]

It was it was honestly like two or three weeks after quarantine started. We're done. Yeah. Last name's Ryan Sportsbet. This is Gronk. All right. Your last pick, PFC.

[00:57:14]

My last one is going to be the celebrity imagined video with Gallant Godot, all the celebrities in their house.

[00:57:21]

Yeah, that was gonna get us through this. Through the power of song. Yep. Yeah. It was so ridiculous.

[00:57:27]

I miss laughing at that. Now it's like that now is actually kind of sweet.

[00:57:30]

Yeah. Nice try, guys. All right, pant. You have three to fit. No. Two to finish to to finish Outer Banks.

[00:57:36]

Yep. And then the novelty of our sweet our sweet boy Billy coming back in the fold.

[00:57:42]

Everyone was like, oh, we missed Billy footballers, Billy boy. Oh my God. Billy's back. Gives.

[00:57:48]

I actually think that Bill has been doing a great job. I do know a little. But I miss any. When he came back, I was like, oh, my God. Billy's back. Bill, finally, if Billy was one hundred dollars stock when he came back, he went down to like a penny. But now he's back to like sixty five dollars. But to be fair, he went down because of mismanagement. Because of gross incompetence at the executive level.

[00:58:08]

We were the drinking coffee guys. Yes. Just fucking remember that we were Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah.

[00:58:14]

We dragged him down to Penny stock so we could then buy shares jacket back.

[00:58:18]

I want to be like, Billy is incredible. Like, yeah, we told you. Yeah but Billy, you've been doing great recently and I do mean it when I say that we did not set you up well. So I accept our polychaete. Yes. I feel like you guys just being nice to me.

[00:58:32]

No means no, no, no. We love you. Dancers love you. Hi. She still weak and sucking. They're terrible. They're awful. We missed a few.

[00:58:40]

Love is blind. Yeah. Love is blind is up there. Remember when O Leroy retiring?

[00:58:46]

Well you can say I five. Target. You did five. All right. Put up. Put five on there for Hank. Make sure you put five. Oh she want to do. We'll do our fit. Yes. So we should get a fifth wheel. You go ahead. Okay. She's just fifth. You can do love like you can pick was another one.

[00:58:59]

Love is blind was on my list but I feel like that's cheating since you've already said it out loud so I won't say it.

[00:59:05]

Instead I will go with the word retirement. Leroy retiring. There we go. You have to do a fit to Billy. Can you like a real one? No. Yes. But let me do mine. For my fifth is when Jay Glazer held the world hostage for 24 hours. Think he was gonna break the biggest news ever. And then just told us a guy got coronavirus that ended up like he was fined hundreds of thousands of, I think millions.

[00:59:33]

Yet millions of people have had coronavirus. And he was like. Big news coming tomorrow. That was a long time ago.

[00:59:40]

Panic buying. Oh, yeah. I bought a lot of junk.

[00:59:44]

I can't spinach for like a month. I had.

[00:59:47]

Oh, you're talking about that. Yeah, that too. I was I was thinking more like I bought a trumpet. I bought like a StairMaster that was like only like this big I got sunlamp. I bought this thing, this this. I never I was too embarrassed to even use it. It's a thing you wear around your neck and it's like a big rubber ball and you chew it and it's supposed to make your jaw line better. So it's like a ThighMaster for your mouth.

[01:00:11]

It's it's like a fucking ball gag.

[01:00:14]

You just butterball. Yeah. Right. Just like I saw. I got my own. He has a lot of good deals on Isaac. Eye opening. I was like, I'm not going to fucking do this. This is insane.

[01:00:25]

So it's it's basically like synthetic chewing gum. Yes.

[01:00:28]

Yes. Troy, you're you're basically you're sound a dog. And I was like, this is insane. This is too far, actually. Great idea. Yeah. You never use it. No, I. I did. Can I use it. I think I in the movie got lost. I can shut.

[01:00:40]

I could use a little bit of work. I could point in the right direction. OK. We also had push up challenges. Yes. OK. We're going to get in shape. Oh we're gonna.

[01:00:50]

Yeah. We're going in the we're gonna get in shape. People also are closely related to the. This is going to last two to three weeks people.

[01:00:58]

What about remember freaking out when oil hits zero. Yeah. No one was worried about that. For some reason we all pretended to know what that meant. That means that everyone is gonna have to store oil in their backyard until the government allows you to remember when Duke withdrew from the and simply ternary before, they can't sell the tournament.

[01:01:15]

Remember when Britney Spears burnt down a gym? Yup. Yup. Because she ran too fast. Yeah. So, yeah, there's been a lot of things that have happened.

[01:01:22]

Harrison Ford got into another plane crash. He did? Yeah. That's how you can measure time actually is how many Harrison Ford aviation incidents have taken place.

[01:01:30]

By the way, the Earl Thomas thing, it looked up. Guess what date it was? May 1st is May 7th. Yeah, I would have guessed. That it was like April. I would do that to April, late March, early April, being like that was borderline when sports were recants violence, Benson. No, they would not let me.

[01:01:46]

Breaking news. Roger Goodell. Breaking news. How much money did he bid, Dave? Bed like two hundred fifty grand.

[01:01:52]

No, I mean, Marlin's man probably bid about one hundred fifty thousand two hundred. That Goodell is not accepting for children. It's fucked up.

[01:02:00]

Hates the kid. This is more of a story. It is. Well, let's. Let's raise the awareness level right now in America. Mm hmm. Never forget that Roger Goodell elected to starve children instead of accepting money from Arlin's man.

[01:02:12]

Sad. Very, very sad. All right, let's finish up because, Jack, those great Mount Rushmore guys in sports are back now. But this is they'll write a history book.

[01:02:20]

We should just write that. We should do another coloring book.

[01:02:23]

Oh, we learn. Yeah. Remember?

[01:02:25]

We should do a coloring book of corona virus of stuff that happened during the quarantine and just have the big dick in every picture in just different woods.

[01:02:32]

Where would we always would. Where's would pop up. Oh you.

[01:02:36]

Oh it could be like six books in one. It could be a coloring book.

[01:02:39]

Whereas wood. And then the last page you just open up and it's three dimensional. Just his cock.

[01:02:44]

I like that. All right. We're gonna do that. Not but yeah. No, we're not. We're not. We'll talk about it. We just need to talk about it.

[01:02:51]

Someone might make it. And then we can maybe sell it.

[01:02:55]

Hey, guys, we just keep drills like homework. Remember a memory. That's why you do this where it's like riding around Manhattan. Oh yeah. Now, to be fair, that was something that we were planning. The weather gets nice.

[01:03:05]

Once the weather gets, he will do well. No, now it's too hot. Yeah. Now, Suha, to be fair, my my lord, five Fridays in a row and I got a new one.

[01:03:12]

All right. It was down pouring so we couldn't do it. And then it just became one of those things where if you if you cancel a plan in good faith enough times.

[01:03:19]

Yeah. You just kind of ellson happy people just kind of let you slide.

[01:03:23]

I am down to do it now that I have an electric bike and don't actually have to bike a motorcycle. It's pretty good to get up.

[01:03:28]

And she has got a leather jacket. It's a motor.

[01:03:30]

I will. Revel's scooter around Manhattan. Okay. Hey guys on. Hey, guys. My boyfriend and I got in a big fight recently because I only wear sunglasses on my head. Never on my face, even when it's sunny. I just don't feel comfortable or confident wearing them. So I only use them to keep my hair back. Is that not normal? We only on your head.

[01:03:49]

Yes. I've actually considered getting a second pair. Just so I can do the same thing. Yeah. I mean, you're in a unique situation. That's so. That's weird, though. Like who doesn't like wearing sunglasses? I don't like wearing sunglasses. Really. In the summertime. I mean, I just don't have a good face for sunglasses.

[01:04:03]

That's just something I think everyone face.

[01:04:05]

The whole point of sunglasses is that you can make a really stupid face look better. Now you're just wearing the wrong sunglasses. Trust me. Shady race. I've I've even the sugary drinks are great. Great little green on everyone. Are they. You don't like wearing. I look like bug eyes here.

[01:04:19]

Well you should do is you should get the flip up sunglasses like outfielder's wear those. That's one are the ones I got for group with that look like I was like a porn director that I got as a joke. But they're kind of look good.

[01:04:28]

Those weren't some those majorly or not even guys to sunglasses. You look good. Hey, you look like you could rob a bank. What you raise makes you look sick. You look like a California teenager. You look so good.

[01:04:41]

Hey, wait. What's up? CFB Hall of Fame, Kat, six three PFG in Shonk Tankless. Hank. I think that's what say chinless be spelled wrong.

[01:04:49]

I realize what Hank doesn't Hank look like like a wildlife photographer for Shark Week? Yeah. On a boat somewhere. Yeah, for sure. Actually do an entire series where you go fishing hawk with my bare hands.

[01:05:02]

Everyone tweets me videos everyday of people catching fish with their bare hands. I've never been more proven right.

[01:05:06]

Everyone treats me every day literally. Knew long, long, long time AWOL and Toledo resident here wondering if there was any plans for Coach Doug accepting the key to the city. I know this may not happen anytime soon due to the encouragement of social distancing. But once life starts returning back to normal, I know that for one, I would love to have you guys.

[01:05:22]

This is this guy of chicks. Was in the like that. I was actually curious myself, OK? Yes, we are going through Twitter. I have spoken with Jason Carter, who is a friend of ours. We saw him on a great week couple years ago. We're absolutely going to go to Toledo once the real world comes back. OBEs probably next year we'll get a key to the city. And we've had preliminary discussion actually just amongst ourselves of PFG, possibly enrolling and kicking.

[01:05:52]

Yeah, it has been dismissed, actually. Haven't asked anyone if we can do it.

[01:05:56]

We've just talked about it ourselves, which count. I've got to get tape out there somehow and I'm sure your eligibility. Yeah.

[01:06:01]

Do you want to play Philly? You know what I mean. Scott Haddaway. Years of eligibility to come given Scully's away.

[01:06:06]

How much does it cost to enroll at the University of Toledo for out of state people? Because I was thinking about doing one that's closer. But our private schools are like we're on thousand dollars a year and there's it's like no one is on the arm for us. It's free.

[01:06:17]

Hey, guys, we've got a key to the city. You don't think he does?

[01:06:20]

City opens up free tuition and should not open up the weight room. Yeah, I won't go to class. Hey, guys, my boyfriend likes to refer to my butt as an absolute dump truck. Except that it's not. It's an average, if not kind of small. But should I be insulted when it says because it's sarcastic? Or is he trying to give me a compliment?

[01:06:37]

No, I think guys just look at any butt and they're like, wow, that's a huge butt. You like, how can I. How can I compare this body to some type of big machinery? Yeah.

[01:06:48]

Do you remember at the start? I think I was at the start of Charlie's Angels who could forget, but Cameron Diaz like danced in the mirror too. I like big butts and she has like a negative. But you got Hank Hill.

[01:06:58]

But you in the real truth here is that your boyfriend just doesn't know what a dump truck looks like. Don't be the one to break it to him. Let him just think that you got the dump truck.

[01:07:09]

It's actually the highest compliment that you can give as a male to compare something to like machinery you thought was kick ass when you were six years old.

[01:07:16]

And this also just means that he's not on Instagram. So good. That's good as well. Like, he's just not looking at dump trucks on it. We should act. He's not unperfect, but we should. Billy created Instagram account for us. I wanted to be dump trucks, so it's just one asked picture next to an actual dump truck.

[01:07:38]

Or the school. Or it could be dump trucks. And the picture, the avatar is just a big ass and a swimsuit. But then all the pictures are just different heavy machinery.

[01:07:47]

And then you just D.M. people and see how many followers you can or we get actual models to pose in front of heavy machinery.

[01:07:54]

That would be cool. Check out this. Backer's a lot of things you can do at the dump truck. Instagram. Nice. Get her.

[01:07:59]

Dear PMRC. I'm embarrassed to say this, even though it's anonymous. My boyfriend is really a cereal bread eater. I love bread. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those gluten free girls. But he eats it with every meal. Literally, he eats burgers and hot dogs just like anyone else. But it started to worry me. After seven months of dating and getting normalized, his daily routine was cereal.

[01:08:19]

He dips the bread in cereal.

[01:08:21]

His main choice is Wonder Bread.

[01:08:23]

And it absolutely disgusts me. The corn on the bread of choice. But the bread being dumped into the cereal, Suhad, it is a scoop. And when I tell him it's gross, he says it's just like a spoon. It's true. I really don't know how to get him to stop or if I should get him to stop. What do I do?

[01:08:37]

I think you just let the man live his life. Everyone's got a thing ha about seeing if you will crush two to two buns with a hotdog like a cheese bun.

[01:08:45]

If that's the weirdest thing about him, then you're doing really well. Yeah. I also this is one of those things where he is. I don't know how he grew up, but I'm sure that there were just bread all the time. And he thinks that everyone else just eats bread all the time.

[01:08:58]

And another one might be another case where he is probably not on Instagram looking at like how to stay lean, like all x lean muscle. He's just fucking pounding. Yeah.

[01:09:09]

At least, you know, he's not a celiac. Yeah. His shits are probably wonderful if he can handle all that bread. I like this.

[01:09:14]

This guy is just living in not 2020. He's living in like 1982.

[01:09:20]

Here's what you do suggest that you guys go on a gluten free diet together and just see how long it takes him to dump you.

[01:09:28]

I'm at a weird point in my relationship with this guy and I don't quite know how to label us. Regardless, we've been off and on for a year and a half despite living in different cities. We've definitely closed down the pandemic, especially since I've moved back home to my parents house four months ago. I need help. What the fuck do I buy him for his birthday? I don't want to screw relationship, but I also don't want to be a dick and just buy him a birthday card.

[01:09:47]

Cash. I think we've said that before. I should just give him just give him a fat stack of fives.

[01:09:53]

Everyone wants cash. Always. Cash is the greatest gift anyone can ever get. Cash is king.

[01:09:58]

If you give him one hundred dollars worth of five dollar bills, that's actually the best present. I think I could ever get. I would rather have one hundred dollars with the fives than just get like 620 dollar bills.

[01:10:08]

Yes, it's it's like the scene from Donnie Brasco when when Al Pacino and Johnny Depp, which is Johnny Depp, you know, is. He's canceled, though.

[01:10:20]

And they they a Christmas, they exchange cards and they both have cash in them. And then when Johnny. Depp is walking out. Al Pacino is like, hey, can I. Can I get a few few dollars off you? I need to lend some money, airline loan some money to me. And then he just takes his card back.

[01:10:33]

He takes his 10 percent. No, sir. Right. Immediately. No, he takes his whole card back. So he just ends up with all the money. Just give him.

[01:10:39]

You would actually be sweet. I wish I'd gotten this president some point. Just a suitcase filled with ones.

[01:10:45]

And maybe you handcuff it to him and be like, don't open this until you get home. Now just be sick.

[01:10:51]

Hey, guys, what alpha would each of you wear if you were girls? Not now. Oh, 50. I don't know. I guess I can just Google it. Do you talk about like some. That's never gonna happen.

[01:11:00]

I think tube tiree my brassicas from my breast size tube tops. Tube tops.

[01:11:05]

Yeah. You would make a tube top pop. I would like the new trend. It seems like girls are just wearing handkerchiefs as tops.

[01:11:14]

That seems kind of fun. I would wear a dress. I wouldn't know it many times. I would wear a dress. I would if I was a woman, I would wear a dress. And only if I was a woman. Yoga pants are. Last one, dear.

[01:11:29]

Vacation honk. My boyfriend always asked me, are you mad at me? He is really bad anxiety and he always needs to make sure.

[01:11:35]

But I was. I think I saw him asking start interrupting.

[01:11:38]

But I was actually thinking about this this week. I don't want to forget. Somebody just needs to invent. If you slap like a like an Under Armour logo onto a kilt or onto just like any sort of nice floaty, like long skirt, you can make a dude wear anything.

[01:11:53]

Just like this is a sport performance kilt. Yeah. A guy will wear a dress. Dolphin cool.

[01:11:57]

I'm gonna be honest. Rompers are actually like.

[01:12:01]

There you go. Really. Like if you remember male rompers. I want one of those once you did. Yeah. They sent us a bunch to rob him.

[01:12:09]

Yeah. Rob. Hey, how's my invest.

[01:12:11]

My balls are too. Mike Moore. My dick is too small. My balls ruined your. ESMO lace shorts. Yeah. Yeah I remember that. That was not long ago because the shatter that somebody sent me.

[01:12:22]

Somebody sent me lace shorts.

[01:12:24]

Right. I think you ask me to. Yeah. Samisen sent you.

[01:12:28]

Somebody sent me. I think it was the same their dresses here at your ballgame from the last one. So my boyfriend always asks, are you mad at me? He has really bad anxiety and he always needs to make sure. But I am so sick of him asking when I'm not mad. What should I do to get him stop asking. This has started become a deal breaker. This is like a reverse. This is like just say yes, just be mad at him.

[01:12:47]

One time you had to be like man. Yes. Because you asked me if I'm mad and that's really pissing me off. Right. I actually know why she's got a resting place.

[01:12:55]

Oh.

[01:12:57]

I don't like that ability. That's a misogynist misogyny. You're going to be canceled for that. Billy So if. Yes. If I were to just sit around so. Well, Billy, do you think she should smile more? Billy. You know, I did.

[01:13:06]

Dude, Daddy thinks you're mad. Oh, hi. It's a non. Hey, hey, hey. Billy's canceled. Canceled. Yeah.

[01:13:18]

Well, that's actually awesome. Yeah. You got one last monologue before you the kids to love you guys.

[01:13:24]

Thank you guys for having me. While sports were gone, I think I would go back to where it came from.

[01:13:32]

Now our sports are here. Just once you remember how fun it was to not talk about sports and just making a break. It really wasn't. No, I'm saying. But anyway, if you're having a bad time, you might just want to climb a mountain and look around and see the stars clearly. Tell them that you're not actually the show. I, I'm not really sure he's not leaving his cancer.

[01:13:57]

You cancel by telling him he can apply for reinstatement. I'll I'll reply to a council of Amy Schumer, Ellen DeGeneres. Just go on like official involved. Jesus. And there's no end table.

[01:14:09]

Meghan McCain. Yeah.

[01:14:11]

The council also please DME if you want to buy Vanney on Twitter, ideally really takes because they use HOTAS, then it runs actually really well to get their spin 3D. It's pardon my take presented by bar stool sports.