On today's pardon my take. We have Chris Collins worth on the show, a long discussion with him. Football is coming back.
We talk about his broadcasting career, his career with pro football focus. How they judge players. What's going to happen in the 20/20 season?
Awesome conversation, longtime guy that we want to have on the show. And of course, we get a lot of answers on the slide we have.
Who's back of the week? We have Sports Week. Sports are coming back this week. We have Mark Zuckerberg stay woke. I think he has a fake ass. Yeah, we're going to talk about that. We have the defense that we have never seen before. New in legal world. I'm I don't know if they teach us in the law departments or the law schools.
As a straight guy, Jeremy, chronics new legal defense for being fired for NBC. And a lot, lot more before we get to all of that part. My take is brought to you by the cash app. Now is the easiest place. Send money to your friends. It's the safest. It's the only app I use when I'm trying to send money to and fro. The cash app is the best way to go. You don't have to be face to face.
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OK, let's go. Lands in the red carpet. Welcome to part of my take.
Presented by the cash app, go download it right now. Use Code Barstool. You get ten dollars for free. Ten dollars. The ASPCA today is Monday, July 20th. And sports are back, baby.
Yes. This way. Yes. This week we've made it. Sports. We have Sports Week right now. It's been the longest, what, four and a half months of all time.
Yes. Yeah. First reaction to Kimmorley. Ross here. He's so jittery to get back to betting on sports.
I'm so excited. I also just had the moment that it feels, you know, the stupid tweets we've seen the last four months. Nature's healing in nature isn't healing, but nature truly is healing now that sports are back. Because I tweeted out a picture of Wrigley because the Cubs are playing the Sox right now and someone replied and said, fuck the Sox fans. And someone replied back to him and said, fuck you. And so I asked him, he said, You wish sports are bad, huh?
They'll mass arguments like that. Or, Gee, we need Twitter. I got I got a small taste of that last week.
I was going to go to the Redskins, read it to see if I could get out ahead of whatever the story was going to be. And the first, like five posts on there were all from like fans of different franchises saying, hey, Bills fan here are coming in peace. Yeah. Just reading that as a preview from, like a Bills fan. A Cowboys fan. A Niners fan. Oh, yeah. So good. A little bit of normalcy is great.
I'm so ready to not care about serious shit anymore and just getting back to caring, like caring way, way too much about dumb shit. That's that's our right as Americans. It's our duty as Americans to do that. I'm very, very excited to get back to it. By the way, apologies to MLS and golf. You have been back. Whatever. Oh, I was talking soccer. Yeah. Talking soccer. And also golf is really back now because we had a rules violation that everyone got mad about.
And your best friend, Mike Greenberg, was at the front of it being like, I saw the ball move from sitting on my couch. So he was very upset. But it feels like reports about did Mike call it in? No, I don't think they. I think he got away with that. I think they got rid of that. Oh, that's right. Yeah. You at Long USGA got rid of the special and they migrated. So you just people know that we're at now moved over to work in the NBA.
Speaking of golf violations, at that price I went on Friday was was all tied. Awesome, dude.
So can I can we nominate him? He's like he's the now the number one triple B, I think he's a sports baby back bitch of the year. Oh my God. The fact that he now has his caddy blocking camera guys too. And it was a very relatable moment when he's counting his shots. Every single person who's ever golfed has been in that moment like, fuck. Oh yeah. There was ah there were two by the tree and then fuck.
Oh I've had too many beer. I don't know what. What. Shot him on. But then he kept hitting the same shot out of balance.
Just let that be relatable. Yeah. See a regular dude. He goes up, he goes over the ball. He's like are you sure my ball is out of bounds. And rules officials like unfortunately, Bryson. Yes. And as he goes, I don't believe you. Let's get another rules official. And the second guy comes over is like, yeah, brazen is definitely out of bounds. Yeah, he did on the other side of the fence, without a doubt.
Then he just started like, listen, I think that history is going to vindicate our Bryson takes in sooner rather than later. This is a classic roid rage type. If I'm on a witch hunt, he's roid rage. Not that I stink. Zig time. He looked like like a fucking gorilla trying to find an acorn in a cornfield when he was looking for his ball. And he was just like he was just pacing back and forth, getting so angry and looking like a big loser.
Meanwhile, because he hit that ten hour boy, Brooks made the cut, made the cut. And I'm not going to say, you know, Brooks would never, ever make an excuse ever, because he's just a stand up guy. He's not like price in QAM Blue Jeep. Bryson D Sham's Shammy. Be back, bitches. Boo hoo. Yeah. Oh did. Yeah. Bryson D Shim. I blew it really. Dyson to Shambo You record you want low.
You have that one written down. No I don't. I swear to God Dyson I don't have Dyson. Okay. So Brooks I think his knees still hurt again. I'm not going to make he's dead. He would never say it, but I'm just gonna say it for him. I think his knees still hurt. So that's probably why he hasn't been that great. Well, let me check in on this. Was this a major. No. Okay, then who can tell?
And we're still the sixth major.
We're still at this is the seventh major. It was a city. Yeah, it was the sixth major. So if it counts. Yeah, but yeah. Chandra Rahm. Good job winning by so much that a two points penalty doesn't give you the loss. So good for that sports. Your back feels good. Baseball on Thursday, exhibition games in the NBA and then of course we have all this good news. And it feels like we've got positive momentum.
And then the NFL is just going to fuck everything up. Bye. We mentioned on Friday using our brains to say we got time. We have nothing but time. And now all of a sudden, you have the Texans and Texans in the Chiefs, sexy chiefs, because they play. They're supposed to play the Thursday night game to open the season so they can open their training camp earlier than everyone else. And they can also invite rookies a week earlier than training camps open.
And now everyone's like, hey, do we have a plan? Well, no, we don't. OK, well, we're fine. It seems like this was the last weekend for them to get their shit together. Like if they don't have a plan in place by Monday, that's going to set into effect. This big domino situation where the entire season might get delayed at that point. And you're right.
Roger Goodell treated this offseason like you remember having summer reading when you have a book report due on the first day back in school and you're like fucking. I got two and a half months to take care of this thing. And then all of a sudden it's it's Labor Day weekend and you haven't read the book at all. And then you get to, like, go and spark notes to and try to just you read the summary and write it real quick bullshit report.
You don't even have to do an analogy from like 25 years ago, Hank was literally doing his taxes on Friday on the show. That's true.
You know, like, that's that's what we're working with our brain and thus our brains are leading the NFL. Roger Goodell just filed for an extension on a testing plan. We do it all the time.
We are King Procrastinator's and the NFL. We were hoping that some adults would be like, hey, let's get on this instead. I was reading something today. They don't have anything figured out. It feels like not only talking about the health protocols, like testing how often they're going to test all these things. They had to figure out the money side to where that seems like.
It's probably going to be the harder thing to figure out. Right. Is splitting up the cap and like how much to put off to next year guaranteeing money for guys to shut? Like because obviously players are saying to the NFL, if we show up day one, we want something because we could show up, get sick or show up Jupe training camp for a month and then have the season cancelled and get no dollars. How does that make sense? So it I mean, they're trying the coordinated where you saw the tweets reverends like we want to play.
That was very funny. Yeah. I mean, they taking the page out of baseball's handbook. Every player was just like tweeting at Roger Goodell. You like Roger Dough's opening up his phone and just like, refreshing Bilyk. Oh, fuck. I just got added by Mahomes Deacon Metcalf. Russell Wilson. Oh, fuck. Russell Wilson's wife is pregnant with Fut. kid. We're not going to do about all this. It probably actually wasn't. Roger goes his wife checking his Twitter.
Well, his wife on her burner, right?
Sure. It's got a lot of name searching and say you're playing a children's sport. Just shut up and get there and be happy. Yeah. Millions are out of work.
God, I would love to see her Berner account right now. Yeah. It's poppin. It's poppin. So I don't know, I. Let's not do the negative today. Let's do the pass. Chris Cosworth will tell us. On a scale of eight to 10.
Yeah. Sports are definitely coming back. Football's absolutely. Football's coming back. We have Chris Cosworth coming up. Awesome interview with him. Anything else from the weekend that we had to touch on before we get to who's back? Seemed oh, Billy put together a nice little packet for us. Yes.
Trillian Lawrence got engaged. Trevor Lawrence got in, which is just say say nothing about being like a future NFL superstar. But just getting engaged when you're a senior in college is dumb as shit.
Yeah, but he did it on the court yard line. That's kind of cool. Question making. Yeah. Decision, I wonder. Questionable. Did he touch the rock before? Well, he's touching Iraq as he's on a knee, giving it to giving it to her.
That's a yeah. Yeah, that's about it there. That's Pilchuck.
It looks like they took the picture at seven o'clock in the evening.
That's good decision making. Nice glow up there.
Yeah, we had some baseball games. It's too feiner in the front row, which was hilarious. The baseball fan cut outs.
I really want to buy baseball fan cut outs, but I want to make them be dude perfect and give them all cold sauce. That would be Gabbie's sick or, you know, else had a cold sore.
Okay, let's. Let's do. Ah. Who's back. Week Chatto. Billy, by the way, is Billy. We had the talk on Friday show. He has shown up. He's ready to go. He's got his marching orders. We're going to make a man out of this boy. And it's positive vibes only with Billy. We'll tell you when you can start saying soy boy again. You cannot until he starts acting like a soy boy. But right now, he's acting like a soy man's away man.
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Hank. I got a few shoes back for the week. All right, we do it. My first one is Bat Cracks. Yep. Oh, one of the positive was sports being back.
Empty stadiums in the MLB means a lot more like really solid contact bat cracks, which is one of the best sounds of sports from the Mount Rushmore.
Yeah, sure. Black crack is so much better than the bat ping. Mm hmm. Yes. Bills Mafia is back. Yeah. In a big way. Canada shut down.
The Blue Jays being allowed to play in Toronto. So there's talks about the Buffalo Blue Jays becoming a thing, which would be it. It's electric. I feel like even though, you know, Crono social distancing, no fans in the crowd bills NAAFI still got all show off. They're still going to tailgate. Fellow Blue Jays ya Chris Berman.
I hope it's a situation where they just never go back to Toronto. Buffalo has never turned down a chance to party before sporting events. So I don't think that matters. I mean, there's probably mostly Yankee fans in Buffalo, I would imagine, but they still will come out just to throw themselves through tables before Jays.
Absolutely. It's the same color scheme as the bill, too. So you can wear Zubaz to the baseball game. That's can be said. Chris Berman is definitely thinking about all the buffalo blue cheese references that he's gonna be making once football starts.
And I'm just thinking about how excited I am to hear him make those.
That's it. That's it. Well, now I had other ones, but we're talking about later and we talked about one before it was oh, oh, I love and Zach Love is back. Yeah, I love Ben. Well, is love back? Love is absolutely back. That's my Danica Patrick and Aaron Rodgers. So yeah, that means that we. But he's dating a girl.
They don't buy that house together. He bought himself.
No, he bought that to flex for her to be like Danica, you're so cool that you live in the four I got you a crystal room for like that overlooks the Pacific Ocean would be a real shame if Danica maybe did some crystal, I don't know, put some crystal like bad juju on Aaron when he's going out the door, huh? Real shame.
Wouldn't want that to happen. Absolutely not. Well, he's dating the girl from what's it called?
Outer Banks. Big little lies. Oh, my jam. Shailene Woodley.
So is Red. Aaron Rodgers is obsessed with just dating famous people, huh?
Yeah, I watch I watch that fifty, by the way. It's good, right. So is was going to suck for a season. Was good. Yeah.
Yeah he is, he is obsessed with that. Why is that. I don't know. Why is he. He just he's got he, he dates. I think, I think maybe not guest say it would actually be counterintuitive. You'd probably want to date a non famous person to convince them to move to Green Bay, Wisconsin, like a famous person. Maybe that's why this is always happening, is that you ask someone to move to Green Bay, Wisconsin, in the winter as a famous person, it's probably hard to keep that relationship.
Maybe he just likes living the single life. So he only dates people that are famous that he knows will not move in with him so he can stay up and Green Bay just roam dolo all the time and also probably getting that, like, break up like, whoof.
Now I can do whatever I want, feel every years.
Gotta be exciting. Yeah. For sure. New beginnings.
Is that Hank. That's it. All done by somebody who's back in the week is true love Skip. Well I just did that. No but you said yours was going to be true love but it wasn't so mine is true. Look, even though we discussed it.
But I'm talking about my man. Skip. Skip. Skip.
Skip and Ernestine are more in love than ever.
I don't know if you saw the tweet that Skip put out on on Friday. He said, for 15 years, Ernestine and I have done this. Nearly every Saturday we play catch.
So he's obviously he's a play catch guy. Not have a catch guy, huh? She never played a sport. What kind of a backhanded compliment you can throw as if she starred in college. We talk. Music reconnect. It's become our ritual. In fact, I think I fell in love the first time we played Catch. And it's just a video of them just firing like a Nerf football across our living room.
That's actually not nice. It's like that's my. The question I had was who took this video?
It's got to be well-born. I assume that he just lives with with Skip Bayless and they just, like, fucking debate everything every night.
But we also know that on Saturday, that's when they go they sleep in the same bed. Right. So that's like their that's their foreplay is they just throw a Nerf football around until Skip Bayless gets an erection and then he's like, it's back, honey. And she's like, let's do this. Let's puts the bet, push the beds together.
I actually like this because you can't I mean, it's just a natural thing that if you have a football in a house, you no ball in the house, you can't not end up playing catch. It's I mean, it's you can do it around.
Any single person happens all the time in the partial off. Someone has a basketball football. You just sit there and watch them. You're like, hey, let me see that real quick. And that's probably how it started. And let me see that real quick. Started a beautiful marriage between the two. So I like that. I'm in on that. All right. My who's back in the week is Dad Bot's and people not understanding what a dad, but is because Zac Efron has been accused of having a dad bond.
If you haven't seen this picture, it's a picture of Zac Efron with his eight pack and then a picture of Zac Efron with a six pack. And they're like, since when did Zac Efron get a dad bond? And I've said this many times before. I'll say it again. Fuck the people who have made dad bod culture seem cool, because I know deep down no one actually wants Dashboard's. They want the Zac Efron six pack dad, but they want the, you know, Jason Segel.
Oh, he's got a dad, Bob. But he's also like a struggling musician who's going to make it big in forgetting Sarah Marshall and oh, everything's always a million laughs because I'm dating this dad bad guy instead. Reality is, if you have a true dad bod, you're just really tired all the time because your metabolism metabolism is fucked up and you're overweight and you just really want to nap.
He should go method if he's trying to get into the real dad. Bad culture, like the only workouts that he's allowed to do is mow the lawn like man, the grills pick things up long again. Yeah.
Pick up toys. I just just get puked on by babies all the time. It's bullshit. Here's a dad. Bad thing is bullshit. This isn't like, oh, I love dad but no you don't. No you fucking don't.
This was a successful troll on the Internet by the New York Post because New York Post. I dunno if you noticed our Twitter account recently.
They've just been living high off the horse or eating high get now. I'd click getting those quote tweets by by putting up an article that says Zac Efron's dad. But he does look incredible. Netflix shocks fans and on the right, he still looks very good. But you saw say knew exactly what they were doing when they posted. It just has the beard. It's the dad beard, dad beer. That's not that's not a dad, but that's like a near death bod.
Right. Because didn't Zac Efron almost die a couple months ago?
Yes. Yeah. When he was on his show. Yes, yes, yes.
We got a game show. Is new shows. Good for him back on the show. It's fair to watch. He's saving the world. I think he was yelling and avar in the first photo.
OK, Regulate said he was on Anvar in the first and the steroids. Yeah. Billy rush out. Well I mean I saw a tweet that was like the Zac Efron admitted that in the first picture I was like he was out of rehab and he went on the crazy diet to like focus on staying sober and he was like it was really unhealthy, all this other stuff.
So it's like this really. He was unhealthy when news that this sheep by Billy is this is why Billy's back. Because we asked Billy. We said we gave him a list of things to do. And one of the things to do was we need you to stay on top of the Internet all weekend and write a list of ten different stories that you could think we could discuss. Billy, in ultimate Billy fashion. He actually credit to him. He waited all the way until topic five out of ten on day one of doing this to say we can talk steroids if you want.
So good job. You were able to keep it all the way to topic five, because I know. I know you wanted to be topic one. Hey, you guys won't talk steroids so good on you and did a good job. Billy also waited until the third topic to insert a little joke that he made. It was the Trevor Lawrence thing. And they said, insert Buhrow getting a bigger ring joke.
Oh, now it's no, I guess he didn't even even think of the joke he just said incertain. You just said, like, I know you guys know, if you want to think of you on up.
All right, I would like an amendment to your top ten list, Billy. I want there to be at every list that you give us at least one section that we can talk steroids if we want. All right. So just something that can Segway to steroid talk sexy.
Twelve. I did twelve. Oh, did we did we asked you to make ten. Yeah. There's definitely going to be set out to try hard me seven on to average it out like I did. Twelve on. All right. No, no positive vibes only I pity what you're who's back of the week now.
Who's back in the week is swag. Oh yeah. I see all types of swag. Yeah. Well. Hosain suspect is on the Mets was rocking and awesome. Hey, were Haig had it up. I don't mispronounce highly that pronouncing words.
I love it. Well, it's not his name. What U.A.? It is now Hosa. No, Joanna. Now, this is how I chose this.
Suspenders. Suspenders. Yeah, those. It's okay. Yeah, I know you got it on. I'm not a Mets fan.
Was Rocky awesome glove and belt combo at the game yesterday. Little interest squad scrimmage was really awesome. Also swag. Kelly thinks he's the second fastest quarterback in the NFL, which I agree with.
Yeah. Also, is he is he not in the NFL, though?
I know he's a player. He is on the call. He's a poor stringer. Yeah. He's also been caught by the police multiple times. So unless he's saying that, like the Denver police force.
Well, that would be faster than Lamar Jackson, you're saying. How do you get from a party to someone's house two miles away in that quick of a time?
That's true. They say they blame Time Lam's guy. Really has long said that that Swag Kelly is a steal, that draft swag.
Kelly is going to make a comeback at some point. He was like.
I love it, Bill. Yeah. You got to pick one guy. That's your guy. Remember, you said it three years ago. You're like, watch out for swagged Kelly. He's going to be the steal this strategy from this year. Yeah. Just stick with it. Yeah.
I think he's gonna be like a like a sleeper that's just gonna, like, come out of nowhere and get thrown to a game.
And that's literally what he's done, is he has slept. He's been a sleeper in someone else's house. And that's why he's got the cop you got inside.
I like to stick with him. I'm sticking with swag. All right, good. Who's back? Is that it? Just generals' swag biathletes.
Yeah. In sports. OK. That's so cool.
Coming up, how many different Twitter accounts do you subscribe to that have something like athlete's swag or like swag for jocks? I do not disclose that.
I'll give it to several. I'm mean, student athlete Twitter are very tight.
And don't don't talk about my people like that.
OK. All right, Bill, you should do one of those videos that go viral every like six months, like life as a student athlete, maybe.
Life is a light. Life is a part of my take. In turn, I def you should do that. All right. So that's another thing. Put it on your plate. It's on my plate. So it's like you wake up at, you know, noon, you send us the fact that you're gonna be late. Yeah. You might call your late. You play call to TV. You're late. Like do the whole thing actually do it exactly how it is.
Get Tiko six third. Now I get these guys like chickens. Yo, I take my dog. So do it. Do you have a rooster that we want in the morning.
No, not. It still hasn't grown its voice yet. That's on his set.
Yeah. Like an old school alarm clock. All right. So, Bill, do that. Awesome. As it as part of your job now. All right. Let's get to our awesome, awesome interview with Chris Collins Worth before we do that.
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Worth more. All right.
We now welcome on a very special guest. It is someone that we've wanted on this show for a very long time. You know him. He's always in your living room on a Sunday night in the fall.
It is the one, the only Chris Collins worth. All we went, oh, yeah, yeah. I'm on wheels now, I almost overslept the runway there.
Yeah, you got it. You got to find that center. Listen, it's the off season for you, too. Yeah. You haven't got any reps in recently. Hey, I need champ. Yeah.
So. So answer all of our slide questions. Do it all like. Thirty four thirty on the slide.
Right. Started off is the dumbest thing ever invented ever. So they would put a mark on the on the thing where we would sit like we sit on the on the desk. Right. So we sit there and they would put a mark and they would say, put one leg on either side or the mark. Right. So. Okay, fine. As I sit my butt down and I've got one leg on each side. Well, Al opens the show by himself, right?
That's. Oh, no. He's done it forever. And it's Al Michaels in America. And a one on one sort of bonding exercise that he does. So in order for Al to do the one on one hand, they say, Chris, you got to get out the shot. And I like, OK, well well, you want me to do you want me to put my legs between the mark on the thing? Or you want me in the shot or just lean out.
Right. So just lean out, give Al some room so you can do a stack. All right. So I lean out, so I'm sitting there and I'm in some places. I mean, I'm literally I'm like lying down. So in order to get out the shot and get my hip and my ass and everything out of the shot. So I'm like, over here like this.
And then out when he finishes his monologue, he says, let's bring in Chris Kyle's worth to do it. And then I come out like that. Right. So I was solution. It was a solution to the problem. And we did it. How it became a thing. I have no idea. I mean, it was like it overnight. There was there was one I don't know if you guys ever saw it, but, you know, I'm not the most Internet savvy guy in the world and social media and all that.
So I'm getting better at it. I'm getting better. But there was one where they did it outtake on this thing where they were like thousands of people in a bar and then on a big screen that was on say, yeah.
Was was us. I was on camera and then isolated and the place went crazy. Right. And so being the moron for that, I am for about fifteen seconds. I thought people were really going crazy over my slide. No they were. Yeah they weren't. That was real. That was that's where we got to live. Yeah. That was the initial clip. It was at the Toronto Tavern actually haven't you. And then what we did, like in the future, we would superimpose other images where the slide used to like famous shots in the world companies.
Like we we did one with England in the World Cup with N-word and the point. Right. And we're like, oh, look what's going on with you guys. Did they. Yeah. Yeah.
I've been a huge fan of the slide for for a very long time.
I am so honored that that's amazing. In fact, I've got probably like ten more questions about the site.
I'll limit myself to two more. But do you find that you have to wear a certain type of pants to be able to execute the slide? Like, does it work in jeans or is the friction too much?
Well, you got to be careful because it's sort of like, you know, if you over slide, then people think you're strange with Al, right? That's that's that's not good because, you know, Al's a legend. And if I smash into him or something, they get mad. So I can't do that. It bit under sliding is a problem too. So you can't you can't under slide because and you've got half your head.
All right. So yeah, it's kind of traction that you get with it. With the your pants is. Yeah. It's significant.
And then after it became a big thing on the Internet, you reverse that, you flipped it on everybody and you came in from the other side.
Got all that. Nobody. Nobody. Oh, I love that. You actually saw that. Oh, yeah. It was a big deal like that.
We we pay so much attention to the stupidest parts of sports and that to me that, like, made my week when you slid in from the other side of the camera when you were about to do that, did you have like a little bit of nerves from jitters? Like, I don't know if I can execute from this side. Am I amby sliders? I don't know.
Yeah. Actually there was, but the debate raged that week. So Fred, good dallies our producer and I get you guys made a deal. I never knew this. I'm learning something new on the show.
You know, a lot of people watch Sunday Night Football, right? I heard that. Yeah. And and so Fred Kodaly said, hey, this week. And we were I think we're in and we were somewhere in California, one of those stadiums that had a really small booth. I mean, there was like no room to do anything. And so he said he goes, listen, is just a little wink, wink and a nod to you guys who made this thing up that that.
We're just going to have some fun with it, and so they debate it all wait. They were going to have. Hey, now. Hey, Chris. Slide on in and have Al look the wrong way. And then I was like, no, no, no, no. I said, the Internet is so much cooler than we are. I mean, you can't like you can't do that. I go. We've just got to just if you want to do something, I'll do it from the other side.
But it's got to be totally straight, right? It's got it. You cannot we can't let on that. We know because then it won't be fun anymore. Like, there's got to be some level of doubt that we're just a couple guys that have no idea that people are making fun of us. Right. And that's the only way it survives anything beyond this. And so we decide to do it.
And but it was hilarious because people people like that. Better than pretty much anything I've done in my career. So. Thank you.
Thank you, ladies. Just. Yeah, strictly because you're right. If you had kind of hammed it up a little bit too much, it would lose a little bit of the magic. You guys. It was like a small little gesture. It was subtle. Yeah, the subtlety of it. You absolutely nailed that.
Now, my last slide question is, do you know when you like Crusher Slide, when you're like, oh, that was a good one. Like, flowed well. Perfect timing. We're ready to roll now.
But you know what? And I didn't know this either. It's like, amazing. I'm only on camera for, like, two minutes every week. So this is it. And so this is like the most analyzed part of my life. Whether, you know, your tie's crooked, your shirt does something, you know, whatever it is. But apparently occasionally, right before I start talking, I, like, bite my lip like I go some something like that.
I don't know. And and so then whether I bit my lip was like a betting line or something. I have no idea. And but that became a thing. So then I had to think about not screwing up the slide, not hitting Al and not biting my lip in order to do all this stuff. So now I can't remember what I'm going to talk about. Yeah. So I'm like, this is just overwhelming my brain. I this is this is too much for me.
So but now occasionally I'll, I'll do it and I'll bite my lip. Not on purpose but in it. And I just I went ah crap. I bit my lip and I kind of start laughing a little bit and I go, this is this is insanity. This is my two minutes, two minutes on TV every week. And I'm thinking about whether I bit my lip over, slid my slide or bumped.
And now you're like, this is this is stupid. I think we regrading you at some point. We're doing like a pro football focus, focus on your slide and like, ition you a grade on everything. When the lip bite was a big part of that, there would be like a lip bite. Are you wearing the quarter zip? Are you going to, like, do that thing where you look at the camera and kind of give a little wink to America's Housewives out there?
There were all sorts of elements that that came into play for the college worth side. But I think I think you've got it to a point where you are just constantly in the zone on it. I don't think you screwed one up. And at least like two, three years time, you guys have ruined it for everything.
Like, everything you guys do is funny. And you make a t shirt and you make ten bazillion dollars and I'm sure you've got a sunglasses card and, you know, contract. Now we've got a base of everything Chicago you own and I like I get all that stuff. So now our guys want to do like a t shirt of the slide. I'm like, no, this is the only thing cool that I do in my entire life. I am not screwing it up.
So if you guys want to do a t shirt, don t shirt, make a million dollars. And then when I come to Chicago or I come to Washington or Boston or one of the places and you guys only dinner. OK. Deal.
Deal. And you have to bring out two because I had. We'll move on to football and in broadcasting, you guys, I read a story about how when you started out, you were just stuffing your head with stats all the time and not enjoying the moment, enjoying your friendship with Al Michaels. So was there a moment that you consciously said yourself, I need to just relax because I think you guys have great chemistry and that's paramount stats and information important.
But chemistry in the booth is what makes us successful. Watch for fans.
Yeah, I think the key to broadcasting is eating and drinking. I really do. Because, I mean, seriously, we go to dinner. Al used to wear me out about it because he would get mad. He would say, you know what? What don't you know about these two teams? I know you all week long, your stuff down in the basement and you do all this stuff and you're doing all this homework. And what you need to do is just have a laugh.
I mean, it's here we are the night before the game and it's still a show, right. What do you guys do is sports related, but it's a show. And what we do is football related, but it's a show. So if you talk me into it. So then I started going out on Friday night and we had a great time and I was like, man, show the show actually is getting better. And then we start, as I said, all right, would do it Friday night and we'll do it Saturday night.
And we got on Friday night and Saturday night, and we sometimes we have our wives. Sometimes we have, like, great friends in various cities and cool people that will come and have dinner with us and all that kind of stuff. And now we just it's like we know each other so well. Like you to spend so much time together that you don't have to talk to know what the other one's thinking or are sensing or if it's time to, you know, set them up or whatever.
And we're kind of the same way. You know, we're just like old dolphin farts and we just have fun at work.
Yeah. That that is the key, I think, because you guys make it seamless and it never feels forced.
And if you guys are having fun, America watching at home picks up on that. And we start to have fun because it's always fun to be around guys that are just being dudes. Right.
That's what you guys did, right? I mean, out of out of everything. And I kind of study what you guys do. RPF F is, you know, we're we're like we're like a like a dog little brother of your guys stuff or so. But but we enjoy watching what you guys have been able to do, which I think is to be authentic. Right. To to take yourself too seriously, to have a laugh and and hope that something gets screwed up along the way, because then you're gonna really laugh harder.
Yeah. Yeah. Like Johnny Carson is way too old for you guys. No, that is. But it was a guy it was the first time in my life I ever understood that. Sometimes the best part of why television. But it's the screw ups, right? Like, he had a great way of sort of getting himself out of the screw ups and I've seen enough of your guys shows and you keep reserve tapes right on people. And any time something starts going too well for that person.
One of these clips are going to come out and they're gonna get humiliated back to where they were when they were in the basement, tweeting out a couple of things, trying to, you know, get TFT mad. All right. Our show is like 90 percent screw ups at this point. Yeah. Which is why people love it so much. So. All right.
So it's an interesting point that you bring up about, you know, like having fun and not take yourself too seriously. But your Web site, Pro Football Focus, you guys do grade the players and you give opinions and you give stats and that can sometimes get difficult. So have you had to kind of reconcile that your brain where you're talking to guys, teams before you do a broadcast knowing that, you know, pro football focus might have been harsh on them or graded them a certain way?
And how do you kind of reconcile those two things?
I'll throw my guys under the bus in a heartbeat. Believe me, you guys know all about that. I know that now. But but I, I, I get it because we do do that. Right. And I have had some people really mad at me over that. Yeah.
Sean McCoy, you guys suck a bunch of nerds who never played a lick of football in your whole life. That's an exact tweet.
Yeah. That that's that's appropriate even for me. Actually, that's I think that's dead on.
But, you know, it's it's like the math is the math and the grade is the grade. And like there were games that my son, who was captain at Notre Dame, had a bad game and he got a bad grade. And the A's guys that are friends of his that play in the NFL and he has teammates, we grade the colleges, too, and that they get mad at him and then they get mad at me. And then when I go in for a meeting like I've had three hundred and thirty pound men come up and like chess bought me because they were mad, like walk like down the hallway and like bump into me.
One guy I said, I just need you to know that you can do whatever you want. I said, but I'm related to more lawyers than you know.
So if you want to play for the rest of your life for me, just hit me right there. Yes, go ahead. You can just say that that was Taylor Lewan.
We know there was probably I'll never give it up either. Give it up. I think I could get out the way of Taylor. I'm not sure.
Yeah, absolutely. So, yes. So, yeah. Speaking of pro football focus, I've been on some of you guys podcast before. I know some of the guys over there. I've been. Yeah, exactly. George, Steve, I've been hammering away at the stat for the last couple years. I think that fullbacks are undervalued, but they're making a comeback right now. I think that as the pendulum shifted too far to you, never using a blocking back.
You've seen some coaches take advantage of it with, you know, you got to shake out in San Francisco, San Francisco, who's like more of a H back kind of guy. But you see it, you see it gradually coming back. And we've been hammering on this fullback assistant that we came up with. And I want pro football focus to make it like an actual stat that you guys can track and monitor and a fullback assist, according to us.
And you can weigh in on this and how it should be graded if there's a touchdown scored by a running back from within five yards and there's a blocking back on the field lined up ahead of him, that fullback gets an assist on the touchdown. We think.
So you're more of the Anthony Sherman kind of a guy. Yeah, Anthony Sherman. Like the John Coon, if you want to take it back a couple years, that sort of guy.
Yeah, OK, I how about how about this. All right. We are we play in here a little better. We negotiate. Yeah. Let's negotiate soon. OK. All right. So if, if I, if I get. That stepped in to PFM. And perhaps even not during the slide, not during my feature two minutes, but some point during the game. I find a way to work in the fullback stat during the course of a Sunday night football season that you are no longer PLDT.
You become TFF whose.
Is this bizarre? Chris, I want to get you into this guy. I don't know if I can have it. Yeah, got this. I got this. Chris, I have a counteroffer. I have a stat. It's called the Fullback Assist, and I love it. And I was hoping that I could personally ask to get it into the PFM database. And for you to mentioned on Sunday Night Football game. I'll just take it and then he can't do it with you.
See, I froze him. He doesn't know what to do. No. OK. Are you are you all related to lawyers? I will not. You know what my wife played for Kintyre was a cheerleader for Kentucky and I got nothing. But I guess I would say I've got I've got serious. I think I could even throw a little cash into the equation. I'm just sick. Yeah. I, I cash first heinzerling to buy you. I know you just signed a new multi-million dollar contract and that's good.
I'm happy for you. So Bunnie me and Tony Romo right now huh.
You're thinking of Romo. Yeah. Not me. We get confused. Yeah.
Don't get me started on Romo. I got not sleep for another three.
Yeah. How quickly would did your agent call up the head of NBC after Romo signed his deal? Immediately.
Laughter From here, we talk about Tony Romo. Romo, I love Romo, though. He's the best. He got my son Jack, who was working at ESPN, now works for NBC, for NBC over there. But he got them on Neil Hidden credit card trick. You know where everybody has to buy dinner. Yeah. So I puts in their credit cards. There's like fifteen dudes at the dinner. And you can imagine with NFL players around and Jack was at the table and they had they had all the guys.
So where do all these NFL players through on our credit card. And Jack had to throw in one of his credit cards too. And so he throws events though of course Romo pockets or palms, Jack's card holds them all out one at a time. And now he's got to be he's got to be the guy. And Jacks, you know, he's Slatin over on the side is twenty five thousand dollar debt.
Hey Dad, do you think you could chip in a little money for this leg of the course.
Romo picked up the tab. He's a hell of a dad.
Yes. You know, so I will, I'll change my name to PFM commentor for a week for calendar week and big cattle have to call me PFM during the podcast for that week a week.
Yeah, I think that's fair.
I think if you if you tell him how big our audience is, it's here in less than a thousand each, you know, nine years in a row. And he's gonna get his stat in and he's gonna give me a week.
I'm giving you a stat. I mean, if we're being honest here, I'm hoping the future of PFM, because you guys are woefully behind the times when it comes to measuring fullback efficiency. So I'm doing fine.
If anything, that game is coming up short. Yeah. Anything I should be asking you to change your name.
Hey, flip it. Should I change my name? Why now shifted it on. Yeah, why not. BRISCOE Hollandsworth. I think this is going south. I do think honestly, I think it's a I think it's a chance for you to be bigger than the slide. You could be bigger than the side. I do. I will.
Let's table this will table is negotiation and we'll have an ongoing discussion about it because we need to we need to lawyer up clearly with this. So what we'll do that. I wanted to talk about football coming back. Hopefully will we're we're going to be positive. It's going to happen. Patrick Mahomes signs, the 500 I don't like to face. You just did, Chris. Actually, you know what we're doing a thing with we had Willie McGuinness on last week.
You have to tell us if football is gonna get played because we trust that you know more than us. And then we tell other people that trust us. And then eventually it just becomes a game of telephone where the whole country is like, yeah, of course, football's being played. Someone told me. Oh, my goodness, Chris. All right. Here, here's what I must say. I and I know nothing. All right. I'm just gonna give you my opinion.
Right. I don't I honestly don't know.
I think college football is going to be tough. Yeah. Yeah, because now you've got involved, Mama. Right now you got to get the OK from Momma and the board of Regents and the professors. And are there really gonna be students on campus? And are they going to play in an empty stadium and bubble above a bar? Right. I, I hope they play in the spring, honestly, because I'd never get to watch as much college football as I would like to watch.
So I hope they play in the spring. I'd be great for me personally, but that's my own personal thing. The NFL, though, I do think we'll give it a go. I think they're gonna try. And we'll see where it goes. And there'll be some people who get sick. There'll be some people who opt out. There'll be some people that won't want to play.
But I was around in nineteen eighty seven when the players strike happened and they had replacement players. They came in and they had guys that had never played in the NFL. And they put on Dallas Cowboy jerseys and Washington Redskins jerseys. And after about three weeks. A friend of mine came up to and he goes, Chris, I got some bad news for you. He said, it's about over for you guys. And I said, what are you talking about?
We're going strong where this is a good strike. This is just it's a whole thing. And he said Vegas is betting line is starting to get pretty good and people are starting to wager on those guys in the Redskins uniforms playing against those guys in the Cowboys uniforms. And because it's not like NFL players playing against those guys, it's those guys playing against those guys that it doesn't really matter to the average fan who's coming out. They just want our fantasy football and they want to make it bad and they want to, you know, do whatever the case may be.
So I think that somebody will be playing. Will it be every single NFL player? Maybe not. But I think somebody will be like, OK, we'll have football, OK, we're going to football on a scale of eight to 10.
How likely do you think it is that will have football? Nine nine nine nine. A chance to have football. OK, so let's talk some football then. What you you you watch it, obviously your ear, you're part of the game, but you also have the Web site that we mentioned, pro football focus. Just great stuff. You want your fantasy guide. They have a great one. Honestly, if you're not registered with pro football focus, you're not a football guy.
I'll just say it because it has all the information. What's better than the name?
You have for for like from your perspective. How do teams constantly screw up the draft? And why do you think it's getting better or worse when it comes to scouting and projecting these guys going from college to NFL? Because it's impossible not to take the pretty girl. It's impossible. How do you I mean, I do this all the time. I do. I do the draft every year. And I just pretend like I'm the guy making the decision.
And every year you look back after, like, three years at the guys, you would have draft and you go, oh, moron.
It's like 50 percent. I mean, in the first round, it's like I mean, how can you miss on the top. Thirty two players that are playing college football. Right.
But my theory is it's the pretty girl, because when you get a guy who's six foot six and runs four five and bench presses, you know, 400 pounds and he, you know, and yeah, maybe he's in every fifth play is this freakish play in which he goes around and throws the guy against the wall and he comes in and sacks the quarterback and they put together a ten highlight package and they put it on television and the media gets all wound up.
Look at that as the most incredible 10 plays I've ever seen. And social media takes over. And yet that's not what football is. Football is a grind and football is. I can't move my right knee, my elbow is locked up in this position and shakes during the course of the game. My head is killing me and I've still got to go play the. The world champions. Right. And it's what it is, I mean. So it takes people who have those kinds of bodies and those kind of skills.
But they have that kind of heart that even when they're en mass, even there when they're a total wreck, they're still going to slam their head into that brick wall and make those plays. And those guys exist, right? I mean, those guys exist out there. But a lot of times you find them in the second or third and a fourth round and they run for six or four, seven instead of four or five. And they can't vertical jump.
Forty two inches, which I don't know other than a wide receiver, a defensive back. Why we care about that. So, you know, I think that's what it is. I really do. I just think it's easy to fall in love with a pretty girl.
Yeah, especially if there's not that much tape on Mike. Hypothetically, if there was a player that started 16 games in college, 13 game third excuse me, 13 games and all this is important.
All right. Yeah. He started an important tech NZF. They were BCR eligible, a player like that. It might be easier to miss on the first three picks. It could be.
I personally was surprised that that person did not go in the first three pegs. But, you know, it happened. So it's happened. You know, there's been some great athletes that that just never got a proper opportunity.
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You're going to love this stuff. You're going to love it. You're gonna love it. Now back Chris Collins Worth. I have a question about Al Michaels because you guys do spend so much time around each other. Have you ever seen his top row of teeth?
Come to think of it, yeah. Don't exist. I've never seen him. He's really good at it. He just goes, that's all I see without. All I see with him. Just stare straight. I don't know. It's impossible to sell. Yeah. I don't know. I think it might somehow be related to his golf swing. He knocked out his top teeth. I maybe because, I mean, Al's this guy he plays with sends me a lot of pictures of Al, like every time Al is on one foot with his other foot on a branch and he's standing upside down trying to hit another ball under the tree that he sends.
He snaps that picture and sends it to me. So I think that Al may have knocked his teeth out at one point. I don't know. But I'll ask.
OK, so I have another Al Michaels question. This always is a tricky spot for me when I remember a story and then I Google it, and then the only thing I could find is myself blogging it from like seven years ago. But does Al eat an entire dinner during the broadcast? Yes, I think. He started out with a half rise as I had dinner. Yes, he has appetizers and a main course.
Never seen a super salway through dessert and after dinner drinks? I don't think so.
When he eat in the commercials all the time. That's incredible. He's just eating dinner with us. He's such a pro. He just eats dinner with us on a Sunday night. In the fall.
All the time. I mean. So yeah we. Yeah we have. Although I'm a little worried. I don't know. Can you serve food now with the whole corral. True. That could be a problem. We might have to have delivery. Might have to have Rubert like full in the booth.
Yeah. Do you eat with him during the during the broadcast. No, I can't eat. You know why. Because then I have to like swallow. Oh yes. I mean when you're eating right, you get that thing where you start talking, then you've got go. Hold on America. Let me. But I can do it and everybody knows it. Everybody knows what you're done. Why did you ask the question?
So how does I'll do it. I don't know. He's the best he is any. It's a good kind of mine. Joe Buck was telling us that he used to drink a beer in the fourth quarter, right?
No. Would in a baseball game, he would have you would sometimes sip on a beer to kind of like, relax him, you know, in the later innings.
So anyhow, it's a whole meal.
Joe Buck was the one that told us that Pete into a bottle once. Yes. In the booth. Have you ever had to had to pee during, like an actual game?
All the time. And sometimes they're way down the hallway. And, you know, because you got it. I mean, you guys don't do it. But I've already had a whole glass of water just doing this interview. So you you're drinking and drinking and drinking. Right. And you're trying to do it. And sometimes you gotta go and pick me up here, you know, and you try to wait for the two minute warning or some longer commercial break, but you've got to go.
I've never done the the the. Now the thing under the table.
All right. So this upcoming season, there's obviously seven teams that make the playoffs now, but there's always a team or two teams that come from nowhere and end up being in the playoffs. What teams you have circled this upcoming season and why are they the Chicago Bears?
Well, you know, they have a multitude of quarterbacks. They're true. I was surprised you had not signed, actually. Yes.
No. I still have a chance as a tight end because I think William by eleven right now. So we need twelve or thirteen.
Yeah. Yeah. The Chicago Bears. That is Nick Foles really going to be the quarterback. Is he going to do. You're the expert.
Why don't you like Nick Foles. I love Nick Foles.
Nick Foles was he played the two greatest games I've ever seen played by a quarterback. I think that may have put Brady in the Super Bowl when they were down twenty eight to three. But it was Nick Foles in that Super Bowl. Alan, I called that game. I know that one. That one for sure. And the other one has to do with a quarterback who is no longer in the league right now, who played a game in New England.
That was off the charts. Colin Kaepernick and I don't want to stir this pot again, but the night they played New England and it was a Sunday night game, it was the worst weather night. And I've been in some horrendous stuff in New England. Yes, awful weather up there late in the year. And so we were standing. We did we did our pregame thing in the tunnel, you know, the tunnel on the whichever side that would be the Boston side of.
And the wind was blowing like 50 miles an hour. And it was like thirty one degrees and it was misty, rainy kind of thing. And we couldn't move my lips to do the pregame show. I mean, it was it was horrendous. So I got up to the booth and I go out ten, seven at best, I'm telling you tens. There's no way anybody can throw in this kind of wet and wind and against these teams and all that kind of stuff.
Catherine, it came out there and this thing was thirty seven, thirty four, Brady had just let them down for another touchdown to take the lead late in the game. There's like a minute and a half to go. And Cavanagh takes some right down the field the other way and scores the game winning touchdown. I looked over now and I said, that is impossible.
What those two guys did tonight is absolutely impossible. And so, you know, I I've always struggled with the captioning nick thing and I get it.
And, you know, people, they don't want whatever it is. They don't want distractions and all the different things. But that night, that guy was as good as any quarterback I ever saw a player.
It's crazy. I'm looking at the box score right now and it doesn't pop off in the box here. But I remember that game, too. He had he had he was fourteen for twenty five with four touchdowns and you think fourteen for twenty five. That's not that great. Brady was thirty six for sixty five. When is Tom Brady incomplete. Had that many incompletions like that's crazy. So it was a 41 34 game where they wanted to end scored.
Yeah. Like late your comeback. That's interesting. OK, so Nick Foles, you saw it though. You don't think he can replicate it or do you think it's. Are there guys like that? Let me let me phrase different way. How do you grade someone in pro football focus that has a ceiling that is astronomical? Put that game to game average is tough to kind of grasp what exactly he is.
We grade every single play in every single game for every single player. Right. And so it just is what it is. So there's no difference between an offensive lineman when he's playing against JJ Watt and some fifth string guy. Right. We just we just evaluate and grade what that guy did on every single snap that you play. Right. So there's no denying that we've seen every single play that's happened in college football and NFL football. So whether you want to agree with us, disagree with us, whatever the case, that's fine.
We all understand. We think our grades are the best indicator of what this guy is going to be long term. And it's proven pretty true. So as we as we look at these guys, you go it just is what it is. Right.
I mean, Nick Foles has been one of the most, um, godly playoff quarterbacks in certain situations that we've ever seen. I mean, he has just been phenomenal in that Super Bowl against Tom Brady. I mean, you would have thought he was playing backyard pickup football. I think I even made the comment during the game. It's like he's not nervous at all. I mean, he just looks like he's out, you know, playing catch or something out here.
And I said, all this is going to you know, as we go down the row, we get to the third quarter, we get to the fourth quarter, he's going to fade. There's no way Tom Brady. All right. He never faded. And yet we have not seen that in the game in game out consistency. You know of what he has done throughout the course of his career. Could you put it all together? I hope so.
He's one of the nicest human beings on God's green earth. He's just a great dude. But, you know, you've got to see it. You've got to see it. But I will say this. He's got huge hands. I can throw it in Chicago weather. So and he can. You know, he can move around a little bit too soft. It'll it'll be really interesting to see what they do this year. I can't wait to see who comes out of that one.
So one last question about the grading. How do you have everyone greet every single play? How are there times when the assignment of a player, they're doing something that you guys don't even know or understand or defense is doing something a guy's assigned to do something different than what usually happens? How do you rectify that?
Well, we basically have three people that grade every single play. So we have a blind. One person does it. That's fine. Yeah. How the other, huh? How do you do it? Blind. Yes, listen. No, I mean, like what? What does that actually mean? It's kind of funny blind. But like, now it. He does it. It does it by himself. OK. So. All right. So they're not they're not in the same room.
So this guy grades it. This guy grades it. If they had the same grade. It goes through. If they don't, then we bring in one of our coaches or former players or guys that have standing that have been there for the full 12 or 13 years of the company. And we have debates and we debate those plays. And if none of if we just can't figure it out, we just leave it alone. We make it a zero grade, which means that, you know, we're not giving them positive or negative interest.
What about if it's like Josh Allen? And he drops back and he throws the ball like sixty five yards in the air with just like a flick of the wrist. And it's really cool to watch, but it's an incomplete pass. Does that get a higher grade than a normal incompletion?
No, but you know, stats are great liars. They really are. Like, there was a game where Aaron Rodgers threw a deep ball. Right. And it came down to the receiver's hands and it hit him, right, Nance? Right. Nancy was an incredible throw and it bounced off his hands.
And the defensive back who was beaten by two yards was running behind it, bounced all of his hands, went right to the defensive back who took off and returned it. Right. So in the end, the stat sheet you ago, Aaron Rodgers, that's a horrible player to throw an interception. The wide receiver, you know, got open and dropped the ball. So he's going to get it. And the defensive back was, you know, gets a positive because he got an interception.
But in our system, Rodgers gets the great grade, right. The defensive back gets crushed for getting beat on a deep ball and the wide receiver gets Crawford for dropping the ball. So we don't do what the result was. We do what the guy did on the play, which sometimes make people cry. We had one we had Aaron Rodgers one time, one game. He was player of the week and he threw five touchdown passes in the game.
And we had him as either just a zero grade or maybe even slightly negative because he had three passes that should have been intercepted, that were thrown right in the hands of linebackers or defensive backs that they all dropped. And touchdowns were like a quick flare in the flat screen pass and went on like that. So, you know, I mean, we're I know we make people insane. I know we do it. It makes some crazy. But I always tell the players if they want to debate me, let's go watch the film.
Yeah, I'll go show you the grades. Right. I'll show you. This is what happened on this play. This is why we did it. And so but they get fired up, man. And I'm not that big a guy. You know, I used to play wide receiver and I could use some you know, I could big cat. I could use a heavy, you know. Yeah, I got time to get action.
This stuff is fascinating to me. Can you tell me that maybe Mr. Robiskie isn't as bad as his play is? You're like a spin zone on that. We can cut this. It's truly. Is that bad?
Well, he's a great runner.
And that's what you like from your quarterback, Hardy, you know, and I think that when he gets his feet set, he does OK. And fairly accurately, he's got a good receiver in Allen Robinson. I really like him. He's a good player.
But is there something to be said for the fact that you can be so inaccurate that it makes your balls actually harder to intercept like it's a double edged sword?
Yeah, that's a solid point. Yeah. Yeah.
Do we have to give Josh Allen and some of those guys credit if they throw it so hard that the guy drops?
Yes, exactly. Break. If you break a defensive backs finger just by throwing a tight spiral at him, that's pretty cool. That's what I was going out with Josh Allen. Like, I'm big on grading players and just how cool they look sometimes.
Who's the coolest guy? Who do you think, coolest guy? I mean, Josh Allen. It's tough to beat when he throws like a 70 yard bomb to Sean. Sean Watson's pretty pretty fucking cool when he's moving around.
And how backdrop low. I mean, Garoppolo is like the best looking human being on earth. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Never gets mad.
He never gets mad. It's unbelievable. No matter what anybody says about him, he just he comes in the room and he's got this like, like if you're selling toothpaste this is definitely the dude that you want. You know, doing your commercial. Right. And he's just has that look. And hey, how are you guys? I mean, it's that's amazing. I mean, some of these quarterbacks now are just so, so out of my league.
Yeah. I walk in and you just want to go. You know, I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy of this conversation. Yes. And now they're making a half a billion dollars. I'm intimidated. I would say that Kittel is pretty cool.
Any place to just gets mad and runs people. Oh, he's the best. That's just an awesome play to watch.
He you know, he's the coolest guy out of anybody to interview because he's just he just loves it. Like like Gronk has a little bit of that in it, too. And they both have a little bit of this this little kid thing, you know, like they're just they're just having a good time, you know. And now we're going to party after the game. It's going to be awesome. And you're never going to tackle me like his coach has convinced them that nobody can tackle you.
Go back to that New Orleans game like the biggest play in the year last year. Yep. Fourth and one or whatever, and dragged the whole Saints real down the sideline. And I mean, he's really he really thinks that they can't tackle.
Yeah. They need to pay him, too. I think you can make the argument that a great tight end, like a Gronkowski or like Greg Kittle is what we call him. If you're that good at that position, I think you're more if you're worth more to your team than like an elite wide receiver. So I actually think, like, there's some there's some merit to that argument. Like when Jimmy Graham was trying to get paid as a wide receiver with a franchise tag a couple of years ago, I think that Kittel can make that same argument.
Well, and here's here's the argument. I'm going to take up your cause here for a minute, because in San Francisco's offense and Kyle Shanahan's offense, it's all about getting that outside zone running thing going. You don't have time out. We're all five offensive linemen move one way at the same time, and then the running back just kind of goes. And so the tight end is either at the point of attack, if they're going wide or if they're cutting back, usually he's coming back across the other way to block.
This guy's an SLB block. And now I'm telling you, he and Brock and a handful of guys are ungodly blockers as they as they play and they can do everything the other guys can do as receivers. Out to me, Travis callouses the best receiving tight end. You know, he has he has legitimate wide receiver kind of moves play in tight end. But the combo package right now, George Kendall, I think we had him as the best player in the NFL last year, Ryan.
Wow. I read that your dad was named Abraham Lincoln. Is that true? He was the principal of my school, too.
Your dad was named Abraham. Why did why did he decide to not name you Abraham Lincoln? Like when when you were born, he took one look at you was like, now he's not going be able to live up to that name.
I could have been so close to being like a, b, j to you know, I had like a cool name like B.J. or something like that.
Now his his father, I probably skewes they should do this whole story, but. My my other. His other two brothers were named after presidents. His mother got so sick of my grandfather name and all the after presidents, he came in and told the doctor that his name was Abraham Lincoln. And. His mother turned around and said that his name is Charles.
And so my father needed a birth certificate. He tried to he tried to go to the hospital where he was born and get a birth certificate. And they said, I'm sorry, sir, there is no Abraham Lincoln, Colins Worth. He said, but there there is a a George here and Charles here. And that would you be interested in him? And say, look up. And of course, it's his date. And they had he had no idea for seventy five years of his life that his real name on his birth certificate was actually Charles, while not Abraham Lincoln.
Cottle's. Wow. Sweet.
What were the other president names about? Well, actually, I don't know. Are they all presidents? I won't embarrass myself. Alexander Hamilton, Ben for a fee up here nailing it out. Allison Adams and William McKinley. OK.
OK. That's kind of a cool move. I like that. All right. If I had to give you I said you, Chris, for the rest of your broadcasting career, you can say one of these two phrases, but you can't see the other one.
Now, here's a guy or we talked about which one do you take him with you. Here's a guy, OK, guy. I figured that I can't I can't walk. Fifteen feet.
No, I mean, seriously, do you guys have those kind of. All the time? All the time. It's impossible.
If you would ask me if you would have bet me a million dollars if I've ever said. Now, here's a guy more than 15 times in my life, you would have taken my million dollars. I had no idea. It's a great thing about the Internet. Yes. Like all all the zits and all the the ugliness of anything you've ever done in your life. People point it out to you. Well, I do.
What it's going to fall on deaf ears because were you talking from a point of having a podcast being on Sunday Night Football, when you get taped constantly, everything you say played back to you. It's so clear that guess what? I don't know a lot of words. I'm kind of an idiot. So when it's played back to me and like you use this word a lot of Mike. Yeah, I probably learned it last week. That's probably why I started throwing it in my repertoire.
Look, even that was impressive repertoire.
So Al knows a lot of words, so he probably is never said. Now, here's a guy in his whole life. Right.
Right. But I just it's going to come out. It's tough. All right, you guys, you got to come up with a new phrase for me.
I've you know, I've been doing this long enough. Now, I should have, you know, at least one new phrase per decade that I've been on Broadway.
You should throw in a dude every now and then like. Like a dog. Oh, is that. Yeah. Does that add me though. Is dude like 70, you know.
Oh it could be a football. It's only when Don Brown, we interviewed a Michigan defensive coordinator, actually invented that like the phrase the calling guys dudes. So he he basically breaks down his entire roster and he has guys and then he has dudes and dudes are the guys that are like, you know, you can trust in their blue chip guys. So I think every now and then, like, if if George Kittle breaks a bunch of blocks or tackles, you be like, that is a dude.
So it's not something you say all often, but every now and then you could break it out and be like, that was a dude. What if I what if I just narrowed it a little bit, you know, like I've seen this a couple of times in movies or something like that happens where it's just like so cool and you just go, dude, they're not I don't even have to say now there's that. Right. Yes. This.
Yeah. I think. Well, how do you think Al would react to that? Just a dude you'd probably call you Spike coli. Coli. Oh yeah. And I feel like that's right in his wheelhouse.
Bacalar is like the greatest of all time. You had to be in college for college at least once or twice.
Yeah, once or twice I have. What about just thrown out. This guy's a horse. I love hearing the word horse. Yeah.
But, you know, that was Keith Jackson and I think it was on. Yeah, I know. So I just. I need.
We have homework. We have two things we've got to figure out our negotiation for the fullback system. We'll give you a new phrase. I think we were up for the challenge. So I had two final questions. The first was, does Al write down what his bets are on a card beforehand so that he doesn't forget it during the game? Or how does that work?
Al doesn't forget.
And he and the and I'm I'm sure that Al Michaels would never bet or gamble on anything type of sporting event. Correct. That would be it might damage his reputation. Correct.
But it just sends you down onto the field before the game and given the weather report and come back, be like, Alex, 10 to seven. No more. I swear to God, when scoring 15 points in this game, I'm the bagman.
That's not bad. Well, how do you.
Have you had that discussion with him at all, though, about gambling becoming legalized across the country? And as it becomes more and popular culture, will you guys be working that more into broadcast? Because clearly, Al loves it. Ely drops nuggets and he he talks, you know, guys, guy talk with the end of games, knows why people are still watching a blow out because the over unders and doubt or whatever it may be.
But have you guys had that conversation about how you're going to adapt? You know what?
Al Al loves being the rascal, and you know what I mean. That's his word for it. He goes, you know, and you guys can't be rascals because you're allowed to say anything at any time. I was gonna be dickheads, right?
You can't you can't be rascals because this is this is what you do. But Al, because he's on national television and there are certain roles and NBC would fire us for certain things that we would say he has to. Let the devil sneak out every once in a while. Right. And so the gambling thing, I think, had always been his a little bit of the rascal. But now, are you still a rascal if you talk about gambling, because that is legal and you've got you know, the NFL is tied to casinos and you know, and you got.
Is it a rascal anymore? So now he's got to come up with, you know, something new, I think.
OK. OK, I'll become a rascal in this modern day legalized.
That's a third. That's a third homework assignment. Yes. All right. We got down to three now, huh? I'm going to put my brain to that because I think I could figure out a way that Al could kind of, like, still maintain his bad boy quite a bit. I just need to know where that line is. Yeah, it's to elegantly cross titillation.
We need a little titillation that used to be able to come from a gambling reference.
What if he just started? What is it now? Yeah. What if he did the broadcast topless? Man, did Smokey the Bear out. There's been too much hair, I have to wear a tie. He has to otherwise, like his hair would explode out. It would just be too much. All right.
So my last question, you can you can say this is totally fake, but were you on the Jeff Ruby's waterfront restaurant when it when the morons came across, came off and you guys just floated the restaurant, floated down the Ohio River?
Yes, I was. I was on the boat. And so I was a part owner of the restaurant. Right. So I own basically like a toilet. That's how much of that restaurant I own. There's a multi-million dollar restaurant. And so the river know if you guys have ever lived on a river, but the river, instead of being at pool, which is like twenty five feet, was raging at like 60 feet. It's like a white water rafting kind of river.
Right. And this this. So this usually the ramps to get on this floating boat were like down in this day. It was like almost straight up. And so at some point we're in there having dinner in a restaurant and everything starts doing like the Titanic, things like snap pop in and the boat starts moving. And it's and this restaurant is way top heavy. So it literally could have come over at any time. Luckily, it kind of got caught in its own little mourning's there.
But now all the ramps to get off have been destroyed. You know, they're all gone. You're on a boat, on a boat. And so it's like 30 feet between the fire department, which is now there, and the boat with still like 200 people on here. So as one of the owners of the restaurant, the general manager and I go outside and the fire department slides this ladder up to the thing. Right. And so it's like a 30 foot.
But we got to tie it on or something. And so none of us are, I see. Were the kind of guys. So I'm sitting there gone. I guess I'm tying granny knots with, like, my shoelaces to get this thing to stay on there. And so kind of test it a little bit. And but now somebody has got to try. And I was like, well, I tied to granny knots. Let me let me try it so and remember, now the water is raging right beneath me and I get on this ladder.
I don't know if I can show you this properly. So the boat's like here and the ladders like this. So I say there's about two feet of lag up here. I step my foot on this ladder and it goes like that. Like I've got like six inches of reserve ladder now on this thing. But I'm firmly on the ladder and I go, screw it. I'm going down the ladder. So I go down the ladder. I make it fine.
Right. And so it's it's good. So now my wife, my family, my friends are all back on the boats. I turn around and I'm going to get back up on the boat. And the fireman goes, Oh, hell no. I got two hundred people to get off this boat off not ladder. You're not getting back on. And I got OK. That's logical. That makes sense. Unbeknownst to me, there are at least 12 news stations that have now parked themselves up on the hillside and they are watching all this as it's taking place.
So they're all shooting me as the first one to come off the boat. Right. Yeah. And not going back on. No, now worse, not with us, possibly with Earth. Now you're the guy in Titanic, huh? Now let's be real careful. Not time. You're Billy Zane on National.
Al Michaels is in Europe and he's seeing the news feed of this thing. And all they can do is take a shot of me as the first guy off the boat.
Yeah. So I'm on talk radio the next day, and one of my partners on there is a guy named Bill Cunningham, and Bill Cunningham opens the broadcast with this. Last night, Chris Collins where says, damn the women and children.
I guess I'm not for this.
I'm telling you, I have never had anything stick to me like the rest of my life. I wish I had jumped in the water and been in Lowville instead of what happened today with that. He crushed me.
You're George Costanza. You're running out. You know the fire. You're just pushing all the women and children out of the way. So you get off first. But you know what? We need you. We needed you because who else is going to say, here's a guy on Sunday night? None of the other people.
That's it. I think I have to retire. I honest. I don't think I could stop saying here.
No. Yeah. You know, I love just hearing you say right now. Makes me feel like there's a football game going.
Yeah, it's great. Yeah, it's great. Don't let the haters get you. Well, Chris, there's been awesome. You're now a recurrent guest, so you have to come on whenever we ask you to. Which will be frequent in the football season, which ends on the negotiations.
Yes. Yeah. And the conscience kind of don't want to let him go right now because I feel like, you know, if someone's in trying to buy a car, you want to keep them in the dealership.
But we just don't want to get our fucking deal right now. We just need to get our. He's a PFG, PIDF TFF, but he's got a small change.
I think he'll be back one line to the other side. He'll be back.
I'll be back a month. Just don't put Eric on it. I just got finished with dealing with Erica. She's too tough. I guess I'm negotiating strictly with you, too. I'm not dealing with her.
You'll be hearing from our attorney, Marlin's man. Yes. Oh, yes. Yeah. You don't want to. You don't want my man. Don't want them. Will lawyer up. We can't decide. We'll think of something good. We'll think of something good. We'll make this deal work.
Maybe you know what?
What we're actually gonna do is we're gonna get him a new awesome catchphrase free of charge. He does. Let's toss that end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we'll think of the free a couple of different levers we can pull in this nigger.
So some give here, some take there. We'll get back to you with our final offer. Yes.
Yes. And you've got to come up with a new rascal. OK. We can have that. Yes. Well, we have a new recipe. Yes. Chris has been awesome. Really, really appreciate it. Tons of fun. And you're welcome back. Any time you guys are the best man.
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OK. Let's get to some segments. We'll wrap up the show. Are we gonna run. Are we gonna run Creed Bratten on Wednesday. Do it for sports.
Awesome. Awesome interview. Good. Good point. You have to. Yeah. We'll see. Maybe we'll see them up with somebody else. OK. I mean he was pretty cool. He was. He told some very tense drug iStore. Very cool. All right. So we have. By the way. Check our store was put them on sale tomorrow. We're going to sell not a drug guy shirts. They're awesome. We're gonna put them up.
There'll be an in-store or not drug guy. The number one way to tell everyone that you're not a drug guy, wink. It's absolutely a great way to find out.
It's it's a shirt that will probably get you a lot of drugs.
I wonder if you remember those old Dair shirts that people used to wear. That's a fight. Yeah. Yeah. What percentage of the people that were wearing those their shirts were doing so?
Ironically, a lot.
I would say that like the federal government or whoever was getting funding other probably got 90 percent of their budget from people who are just like big drug use users. They made a sign contracts is like 10 year old saying we'd never do drugs, not legally binding and saying it's fucking insane. Like, this is going to fix it. We'll have a bunch of fucking kids sign these contracts and just say, no, just say what a great if we lost like fools like you on the basketball grave, someone just showed up with a contract is like.
Sorry, man. Busted. You said 25 years ago you'd never do drugs.
All right. We have a new segment, new segment alert.
It's been OK. Yeah. Wow. I cut you on that one. Yeah. You're segmental. Go ahead, Hank. Oh, no. OK. He was his idol. That was fucked.
No, I'm actually I'm going after Hank right now because he's being very mean to our darling Jake. OK.
Well, how to side beating on people? Yeah, but you're you're rubbing it in a little bit. No, I just I'm through no person today. He hasn't come close to beating me. That's just Jake.
He's actually mad. No, no. Of course. Taping Ference very tight three times. I just did not make it public. The 84 other times Ibraham.
Right. Right, right. That's fair. There we go, Jake. Fight it. Fight for yourself. All right.
A spin off of as a white guy we have as a straight guy for Jeremy Rolnik, who is suing NBC actually as a straight guy. He's saying that he's been he has been persecuted as a straight guy for his comments made on spit and checklists last year. Sexual discrimination is what he's suing as a straight guy, as a straight guy, because he said that Johnny Weir has made similar comments and was fined and it was totally fine because he's he's gay.
And Jeremy Rolnick made comments, which one of which was that Patrick Sharp is so hot he would be fine having a threesome with him as a straight guy. Right. Well, I mean, if NBC is going to fire people for wanting to fuck Patrick Sharp, you're not gonna be able to go move football talk anymore.
No, I mean, I've long wanted to. Yeah. Right. It's gonna be hilarious if this goes to trial. Right. If this becomes an actual like if this becomes litigation that people have to study in the future, like Jeremy Rolnik is going to have to prove how straight he is, which will be awesome.
He's going to like bring up his PornHub search history shows other shows like book show, all the dick pics that he sent unsolicited people. If you're he's been drinking. Yeah. All his man cave, his his, you know, like little pool house that he converted into a mini bar. Yeah. Jeremy Jeremy Rolnik. Fans parking only.
How many how many convertibles do you own. How many are how many crede albums do you own.
Oh man. That's perfect. I need to watch this. Yeah. The PowerPoint of Jeremy Run proving how straight here. I hope this goes to the Supreme Court. Yeah. Yeah. Charles, Clarence Thomas would actually ask questions about this. If it goes there's that fact.
I'll be asked Marbury vs. Chad Issan, as I recall, as a straight guy.
So good job, Jeremy Rohnert. You have. You've done something that I didn't legally think was possible as a strike, and that would mean that Whitney and Biz would be involved in a court case.
So when they would have to Tesla Runic City to have a threesome with Patrick Sharp, did it look like he had truth in his eyes?
God. Going on there, seeing RJ testify.
I guess he wouldn't want to fire at the Supreme Court but testify in the court of law about how straight he thought Jeremy Rolnick is pray for the transcriber that day.
Yeah, we love RJ. All right. So we have stay woke. Yeah. He's not waking queer.
Proves he's getting a way with NBC, proves that he was like a little, you know, like dad.
Yeah. I don't know why, but how goes out the window. Right? Oh no he hasn't. Jeremy Rolnik has a 100 percent chance to win this caucus.
He has to be like off the charts on the Kinzie. Yes. He has to basically be an insult. Yeah. Yeah. He used to go all the way in. He needs to be so straight that he doesn't fuck at all. Right. That he hates his edges all the time. Yeah. Yeah.
They're they're gonna have to hook him up to a polygraph. And just like with pictures in front of his face and just measure like it does is Paul's credit. Well, when he sees it. When he sees a nipple. Well, guess what, Jeremy? It's actually guy's nipple.
Yeah. All right. We have a stay woke. Mark Zuckerberg surfing has hit the Internet. And I most people are talking about the fact that he is wearing way too much sunscreen. I noticed right away that dude's got a fucking donc. He's got cheeks, big time cheeks. You gotta ask for day. He does.
It is it is a dunk dunk in the trunk. When he's on that. And you know what I know? I think that he knew exactly where the camera was. He's like looking so coyly over his shoulder, back at the camera. Like, I know you're going to picture this cake. Yeah. Maybe it's maybe just cake peaches. Back in stocks. It's peach season. So he. I think it's an ass implant. And I was thinking about this like Mark Zuckerberg, every famous rich person.
I feel like does some type of cosmetic surgery. You would, too, if you had a ton of money and you could fix something. He'd be like, all right. Find him or fix it. Mark Zuckerberg is a nerd, though, so he can't, like, go get a new face or I think he can't just do something that's so obvious. What he can do is get a fake fat ass. Yeah. I mean, I don't think so.
No, because, like, tech guys are so like he wears the same thing every day. But when does he have time to squat? There's no chance Mark Zuckerberg is fucking pushing the line that ends up with those. Bono, he was not.
This is that's not learn what it is. Not nerd blood at all. Yeah, that's not an eye.
He has one of those standing desks. No.
Well, if he has a standing desk right now, I definitely spend at least 30 years of his life sitting on his ass.
Right. That would flatten that thing right out.
Billy, you think he might be on steroids?
I mean, those like super rich dudes definitely get HGH in tests, don't you? Yeah. Yeah. Like a hundred percent. Yeah. Heg like Nagbe. That's like I mean I to get to that level. Right. Get shot up by like a you're on that path.
I've a theory actually. Yeah. It makes sense with the timing of it. So member Mark Zuckerberg wants every 50.
So he went to all 50 states because he was think about running for president. He is just trying to get Kanye West to pick him as his vice president. So he's like, I got to get a big ass. And he will, like, be attracted me like a moth to a flame. Yup, that might be true.
By the way, what no one talks about in this photo is he's on an electric surfboard. Yes.
Like this. And there's a boat right next to him that's like ready to save him. It's the it is the glam thing of surfing. He's he's doing the whitest. Like I like. Don't. Don't let me be in the ocean by myself every second. Yeah.
I'm sure he's also bought like he looks like Mrs. Doubtfire when his mask goes out, the window is stuck with all this shit on his head.
Yeah. A clown came on his face. Yeah. Just like it's Zorn's. He's a weird looking doo. He is. He is the only person in the history of the world that makes being standing up on a surfboard look lame. Like that is the coolest thing you could do is be on a surfboard in Hawaii. And then you look at him and outside the fucking huge ass that looks sick. He is lame.
Do you think that this ass is as good as the fake ass that Tom Cruise had in Valkyrie number, that one that we reviewed? Speaking of which, we should Zukerberg show up Jeremy Roddick's trial. That is a tape like haha bad ass. Listen, bad ass will turn anyone.
Jeremy, if you look at Mark Zuckerberg, picture for longer than two seconds. Fuck, man. Dismissed. Fucking sorry, bro. Ass ass suck. Who would've thought as Zuckerberg had a fucking ass. Damn. I think it's it's 90 percent the stance that he's in. Yeah.
I like a thick Zuck. There we go. Good job. All right. The only other thing I had was just a. It's not even a new segment. It's just a new thing that we need to start saying. Dwight Howard. Nope. Not Nazi. Dwight Howard saying he did Instagram live. And he said, do I believe in vaccinations? No, I don't. That's my personal opinion. But no, I don't. So I think we just need to start doing personal opinions out there for things that people really, really, really should believe in science.
I mean, is anybody surprised that.
No, Howard would have this take? No. He also said I didn't know that the Corona virus be flying through the air looking for people. OK.
I mean, that's true. Yeah, it probably is not looking for people. Exactly. No, it is it up there like tiny little doe. Yeah, actually they are.
Yeah. That's viruses. They definitely are looking for host bodies, looking for bats and took a wrong turn.
Yeah. Kruzan they're just looking for Brose to hang out with. But my personal opinion. Yeah. No vaccinations. Dwight Howard. That's I mean, come on. We'll just cut that before you said Dwight Howard. Yeah, yeah. Well, Novak, I vaccinated my Novak's eye over vaccinated. I may I'd said give him to you to give him more shot. Everything shots. Shout, shout, shout, shout, shout so I can double it up.
Might as well. I love vaccin. Wants to be calling the shots dugs. Yes. What. RHP RHP went out a champion. We think we're about to play the game. We don't know.
But this is way funnier if you lose. Fuck. All right. Well, let's see. You played against Dan Holgersson, huh? Yes, yes. Yes.
Twenty twenty one. Even though he's not there. Re yes or no. Twenty. Twenty. Right. Twenty twenty. January. Twenty. Twenty, twenty. Twenty one. OK.
He is my. It's in the future. So college football will exist. Yes. In 2014. Exact with this. All right. We will see everyone Wednesday. Stay tuned. Because we have Billy's monologue overtake on me that he's going to have to do everything.
Building his final thoughts. Coming up next. Let me guess, my folks. So football is not my senior football seasons not happening. So I'm living in a post football life.
I like my career is over.
And it actually really messed up my life cycle of the year like. So usually I'm always preparing for the fall, like I work out in summer and like my life fluctuation weight really just sort of relies on football.
And like, I sort of always planned my life football. But up to this point, now that it's gone, I don't really know how to operate in a way. So like, for example, I usually get fat in the winter and then I trim down my time football seasons here, but now it's not coming.
I'm now just fat and I don't have a reason to not get fat. It's getting really hard. I don't really know what to do. So it's how weird. I think I'm going to try to be like a science teacher.
Football coach. Oh, I think that's my dream job is with some other ideas for guys. I can't be in the Special Forces kids to my face nowadays.
And I wanted to be is actually really does point.
Every time I like more people like recognize me, it gets me really pretext for keeping Navy SEAL kidney, Navy SEAL.
Yeah, well my other plan was, well first I want to be an NFL player and then if I were gonna be a Navy SEAL and then like four or five, a science teacher, football coach and you know, it it's a really hard time for everyone. You.