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[00:00:00]

On today's pardon my take, a huge, huge, huge announcement, you probably saw it in the title of this episode. Deon Sanders is our colleague. Yes, Deon Sanders works with us. Hall of Famer Deon Sanders works at Barstool Sports or his boss? I don't think so. We I might say that he's my boss right now. But please don't tell Deon that I said that. It is not he's not my employee, but we are coworkers with Deon Sanders.

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Yes.

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And I don't know if this is probably momentarily like him being like, oh, I'm co-workers with these guys. That's got to hurt a little bit. Yo looks at us and he's like, what, these guys? But I think it's going to be a great fucking fit. And we have him on the show. We're going to talk to him. We'll talk about everything he's going to do. He's electric, electric, electric.

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He's also going to be on the show every Sunday night in the fall for twenty minutes. Twenty one minutes. We decided it's going to be awesome. So get ready for that.

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We have our greatest Dungeons and Dragons ever.

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It was awesome because Tim Woods came into the studio. Yeah, the first time we had Tim on was during Bastable Gold when we were at the old office. He's been doing this all via Zoome via Skype. He came in. It was amazing. Plot twist coming your way. Yes, huge. Huge. I have I had chills during this episode of Dungeons and Dragons. We have the cancellation of Big Ten in PAC 12 college football on the ropes and hard knocks.

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Oh, and hotsy courtroom packed packed show for you all brought to you by our friends at Kashyap. Pardon. My take is always brought to you by the cash app. We are in the cash app studios. It is the best app in the world. It is the safest, most socially distanced app in the world. You don't need to be handing people money. You don't need to be touching money. You can be linked directly to your bank account.

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It is super easy to do in the cash. App is always giving away money. You can go on their Twitter, you can go on their Instagram, you go on their Twitter.

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The cash app is the greatest app ever, ever point blank ever. So go download it right now. Use the referral code bar stool. You get ten dollars for free, ten dollars the ASPCA and you're going to help someone out. You can help some dogs and cats out and you're also going to help yourself out with some ten free bucks.

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So download the cash out from the App Store Google Play store today and get involved with the cash app. OK, let's go.

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Physical violence, and I'm like, oh, straight guy, and I thought, oh, my God, it's pardon my 10 percent of my bar school sports.

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Welcome to part of my take. Is anybody the cash app? Go download it right now. Use Code Bastable. You get ten dollars for free.

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Ten dollars to the ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, August 12th.

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I'm sad.

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OK, I'm going to paint a picture. I'm just going to paint a picture for you. OK, you wake up, it's late October, you go outside, you're walking the dog, you take that big deep breath in, burns your lungs a little bit. Come on, Piguet. It's beautiful.

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Fall day, that brisk air. You go grab a coffee, you sit down on your couch, you look at the entire board, you plot out all twenty five bets you're going to make on a college football Saturday. You turn on the TV, it's Northwestern and Purdue. They just started the game. They've punted six times in the first four minutes. And you're saying to yourself, we're going to have a day, we're going to have a day.

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FlashForward It's three thirty to thirty Central Time. You're going to watch your team are going to watch the Badgers kick the shit out of Iowa. Ten to six. It's going to be great. And then around, I don't know, six o'clock, maybe go back outside for a little fresh breath there right in the sun is setting that little burnt smell of wood in the air.

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You know what I'm talking about?

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Why are you leave yourself right now and you say to yourself, oh, man, when I go back inside tonight, imagine dragons is going to hit and I'm going to watch Ohio State, Michigan State, and I'm going to sit there and I'm just going to soak it all in. My battery's been on ten percent all day chasing a charge. My eyes feel like they're going to bleed, but I am in absolute football nirvana and all that's gone don't want all that.

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Why?

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Why did you. Because I'm what you just did with some hurt. You just wrote like a Penthouse forum letter to yourself about your perfect Saturday and now you've just taken a vow of celibacy. I'm hurt. I know we're all feeling pain. I am not looking forward to waking up naturally on a Saturday instead of setting my alarm to wake up at the crack of College Gameday.

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I'm not I'm we're very much we're Speth Bolen's going to do. What are you going to do? I want to hear, you know, what they should you want to hear her free idea for the NFL. If there's no college football on Saturday, try try to replace. I know you can't replace it. Try to do your best by just scheduling the game that has the lowest point, total overunder to be the 11:00 AM game. Have it be like Broncos, Redskins 11am.

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Beth can call that and then have the game. That's supposed to be like the highest number of points in turnovers take place at like midnight. So it's the it's the Hawaii replacement.

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So the Big Ten is canceled, the PAC 12 is canceled. College football is officially on the ropes. The swing state swing conference is now the big twelve, which they have announced they're going to go forward. It seems like the big twelve, the big twelve decides to play the SEC, the ACC and some actually some smaller conferences are going to play. So we might have still college football. But today was absolutely heartbreaking. I never thought I thought the day that I wasn't watching Northwestern versus Purdue in the morning on a Saturday was the day I died.

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That was going to be the day I die there. When when that doesn't happen on a Saturday morning in October. It's it that's a wrap six feet under, because I saw that you canceled the fall, I reluctantly agree that the fall is I want to be cremated the way I want to be.

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OK, motion to replace it with autumn. This we're going to it's going to be autumn. Yeah, but there's no fall because they'll be canceled. No fault. There's autumn. I still think that we should have October Fest beer.

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No, I think cancel that sweatshirts without hoods. Cancel Zip's foliage canceled Thanksgiving. Cancelled Christmas. What about Christmas. Christmas can stay but like OK, the Friday after Thanksgiving. Nebraska versus Iowa. What the fuck.

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Well we still might get Iowa. That's the thing is Nebraska and Iowa play ten times. They're going into the Legends, Leaders and Levers Division. They might try to join up with the big twelve or with the ACC or something like that.

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Who's going to wave to the kids in Iowa? Who's going to wave to the sick kids? Fucking sucks.

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I will right now. Yeah, it's pretty good. I'm good. I'll step outside every Saturday in the fall and wave to you guys. God damn butter. This sucks. And I still think there will be college football, but it just won't be the same. It's a conference I love. It's they have abandoned me. I understand everything that goes into this. I'm not going to say it just we're not going to debate it. It's OK to just admit.

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Right. No matter what side you're on in this. And it's stupid as fuck that there are sides in this, but it sucks that there's not going to be Big Ten football xox is not going to be packed. Will I have a specific fuck you. So this is a fuck you to the people who are like, dude, you're being a drama queen. It's just sports. No, it's not. No, it's not just sports. It's literally every Saturday for the entire fall.

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It's my happiness. Yeah, it's not. It's about like what we do for fun. It's mine. It's my mental escape from the world.

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This fall is going to be possibly the least fun autumn excuse me that we'll have in our lifetimes. Well, all right, let's table it here. Maybe college football happens. It as hard as it is for us, it's probably going to be even more difficult on Jim Harbaugh. Do Jim Harbaugh still holding practice today? Yeah, well, he's he's he's going to go insane. He's he's, like, slowly hanging up his game day catches and solemnly putting on his the chinos of despair.

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Did you see that? They're they're going to allow the teams to do twenty hours of practice every week. What? I don't understand that. I don't understand that. I do not understand. I really feel bad for the coaches wives in the situation that they're going to have to spend a lot of time with their husbands and maybe they haven't gotten to hang out with them for like I don't know, thirty, forty years. Are you, are you really you just always walk around the house blowing whistles.

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Fuck, man, it sucks, everything sucks, fuck coronavirus, I fucking hate you coronavirus, you piece of shit. Let's move on.

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I don't want to say that it's Greg Soriano's fault but if you had the under of point five and yes seasons, it would take for the Big Ten to cancel their season due to an infestation of a virus.

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Let's move on that ticket. Let's move on to hard knocks where we could finally escape coronavirus O8. No, it was just an hour of coronavirus. I would like permission to give another fuck you to somebody. Yeah. Fuck you to zoom for you to zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. Yeah. I am sick of zoom. Yes. The first week it was cool. It's like oh my friends are drinking a beer in a different house. That's awesome.

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I'll hang out with them on Zoome. Now every time I see a zoom on hard knocks it's like I'm looking into a kaleidoscope of hell. Yeah it's I can't process it anymore. I'm sick of seeing that interface. Fuck Zoom. Oh and you know what, since we're doing the fuck you, fuck you also to the people who are like, dude, you didn't see this coming. Everyone knew this was going to get canceled. Shut the fuck up.

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Cool. Brag that you have a frontal lobe and can see into the future. I can't. OK, I hope for the best and don't expect for the worst. That's how I live my life. And guess what? When the worst happens, it fucking sucks. It hits me like a ton of bricks because I never saw it coming. It's a sucker punch to the face, so fuck you to the people you like. Dude, I saw this coming from a mile away.

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I never expected there to be college football spending on you. You're going to save a lot of money because you're not going to lose all your bets on Saturday. I was going to get home. Now you go out there, you got. Yeah, well, that's that's another spin doctors. You can always say like this was going where this was going to be. Volkert I was hot when coronavirus took everything. Yeah. So fuck coronavirus. Oh yeah.

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Hard knocks. Hard knocks is back. It was literally technically on. Yeah. Highlights of hard knocks.

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Sean McVay took his shirt off which you know that he's been planning the entire summer. He's like, you know, he's got a photographic memory. So he's like I remember back when they interviewed me the last time on Hard Knocks. I remember that they spent a lot of time at my house. He's like, I'm going to work out this summer. I'm going to teach the dog cool basketball tricks in the pool. And the second the cameras get here, boom.

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Well, his fiancee. Yeah. Suggested to him that was very cool. She was like, hey, Sean, you maybe you want to show him the dog tricks you've been working. They planned that shit out. Sean McVay scripts, everything. It was the Derek Carr last year when he was wrestling with his kids and it was so forced.

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Sean McVay, listen, we love you, Coach McVay, but going for, you know, for a couple of glasses of rosé and then popping the top off.

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Oh, man, that's weird. I thought I had chest hair. Like I'm suspending Sean McVay from winning football game of the week for at least September. Boom. There it is. Easy decisions have been made.

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He he can be added to third trap of the year, though. Yes. Oh, yes, definitely. Julian Edelman saw that and was like, dude, I better get my shirt off immediately. Pop the top. You see, by the way, Jules, I fucking love him. He had a picture the other day, was like Cam and like all the the Patriots wide receivers and they all had their shirts on and and Jules had the fucking midriff.

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Yeah. He had these Gurley going on. That was nice. Like just just peeking out. But OK.

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Other highlights of hard knocks at the Uihlein had coronavirus groeneveld team and he found out because of a golfer. Yep. He owns a Porche. He owns a Ferrari, a Ferrari. A Ferrari. Oh, let no know. That was a Ferrari. Let's see. Oh, Jalen Ramsey still upset about his contract, although in that circumstance well respected his Jalen Ramsey, when a reporter asked you a question, the same question three times in a row, you have to give a different answer three times in a row.

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Right. And all it takes is the first time, I think he said that's between my agent in the front office. You can't repeat it verbatim the second time. Say, that's between the front office and my age. Right. Nuance, flip it on. Yeah, let's see. Oh, Nathan Peterman still catching straights. When you tweeted that out, I actually thought that he was an animal control officer. I thought that's what you meant by that.

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No, Joey Bosa signed his contract was actually a kind of a cool moment. We were we were talking about in the studio. Could you just imagine for a second signing your name on a dotted line and being like everyone in my life is set forever. And then they showed him like putting in the hard work. And he has I don't know how many sacks in the NFL. And it wasn't even a sack. It was a knockdown of Nathan Peterman, just a totally ricochet shot.

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Like, dude, you didn't need to put that in the highlight package. But there it is. Nathan Peterman eating shit on a football field. Melvin showing up in a sling shot in the three wheeler. One person has to do that every year. Always, I think hard knocks has that in their garage and they just loan it to somebody. Yes, roll up with that was cool. It was nice to see Tyrod back on hard knocks. So you said earlier excuse me, before we started taping Jared Goff, first starting quarterback to be on hard knocks twice.

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No, this year. Tyrod Taylor. He was also the starter starter though. I think so. He was the starter back in Cleveland and then Baker came in for him this year. I don't know, just try to run his balls. He's got great balls. That was another highlight was. Hamilton just being stupefied by a competent quarterback play, yeah, after spending three months with Cardale Jones, when he threw he threw that into the net, is that this crazy a spiral against no one.

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And then one of the players walking off the field was like, I'm not going to lie. It's it's cool to see a ball thrown like that. Like a direct shot at Philip Rivers.

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Oh, man. Let's see what else. Oh, Aaron Kromer. Fuck Aaron Kromer forever. You guys were mystified when he popped up on the screen. I had a very visceral reaction to him, but he was the biggest snake of all time when he was the Bears offensive lineman coach and then punched a kid on a beach.

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That's what I remember him for. As he was. He was enjoying the beach with his family and a kid stole like a lawn chair and he punched a kid in the face. Oh, yeah. Football guys fuck Aaron Kromer forever. Other highlights. Let's see. There was oh the fuck. Soon there was a lot of nasal swabs. If you're a fan and nasal swabs, you enjoyed this episode. Tremendously cool montage. We're like, let's show the coronavirus test.

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That's exactly the same seven times in a row. I'm pretty sure that Belichick is collecting DNA samples and he's like, that guy's poorly hydrated all the time. That guy has a clutch gene. That guy's on HGH.

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Let's see. Anything else? I mean, they did the the so fresh and so clean montage that was kind of leaning the the weightlifting equipment. I enjoyed that. But yeah, it was a major bummer. Sean McVay built an inside. Outside. Yes. He was like, I want he did a walk through like he was he was buying a new house and picking out like which brass fixtures he wants in the bathroom. He was like, no, I think we'll have a break out here.

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Offense facing that way, defense facing that way. Just, you know what? Just build me and what I have inside build that time outside. He's he's like the Mugabe brothers. That's a real throwback. Yeah. Remember when they did that? What's that night? The Roxbury shit. I'm Dilday. They're inside of the club on the outside and wait in line to get in. Feels like you're inside.

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They want to feel old. I guarantee you that movie came out before nineteen ninety six was born.

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It came out in 1998.

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So yes, before Billy football was born. Billy Football. So yeah I like dogs. They also have like the stickers everywhere. Somehow the NFL had time to get together when they weren't planning on how to actually put in safety protocols. They had the time to make team branded stickers with a lightning bolt that they would put six feet apart. Six feet away. Yeah. So Richardson could run through this whole stay away from stay far, far away hard knocks was the one long.

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This is life with Kronenburg. I guess we expected that. I think next next episode will probably be a little better. But it's also weird with two teams.

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I need a time lapse of the L.A. Stadium. That was that was a no brainer that was teed up for you. Just check Iceman's Instagram. I don't want to check Rich Iceman's Instagram. I want to watch it on hard knocks. I want to see them put it. All you have to do is put a fucking camera next to the stadium for six months and then just show the stadium getting bigger. That's all I want. It blows my mind because I'm like, wow, that stadium was really small and now it's big real fast.

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Yeah, I think this is going to be a pretty boring, hard knock season because, you know, when they throw two teams at you, it's like we don't really have anything.

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And the whole time I was just thinking how awesome would be if Blake Bortles was in this game and he pulled up in his Tesla and it would have been sick and had like six empty tens of school in his Tesla. So.

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All right, let's get to hotsy cool throw and then let's get to Deon Sanders and Dungeons and Dragons. Huge, huge show, probably. I mean, the fact that we have Deon Sanders announcing that he is coming to barstool sports and then we play forty five minutes of the most electric Dungeons and Dragons game. Do you think Deon's ever played Indy? Probably not, but we should get them into it.

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Yeah, we will put that on the list. Yes. I just want to say I want to I don't want to pat ourselves on the back, but I think that's what they call range in the business. Yes. All right. Hotsy cool throne's brought to you by Bud Light. Seltzer on the hot seat this week. Our beer runs with sports coming back, our friends at Bud Light. No, you can't miss any precious seconds of the game.

[00:18:07]

So head to Bud Light dot com slash delivery and get ice cold. Bud Light and Bud Light seltzer delivered straight to your door so you don't have to miss any action. That's Bud Light dotcom delivery, Bud Light dotcom delivery. OK, Hank, let's go.

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Mahatma's, Hawkie. You know, everyone honkytonk everyone always talks about, you know, they tough it out no matter what happens. There's a five overtime game today, which is electric. The Bruins are supposed to be on after and they just postponed it until the morning because it was going on too late, I guess.

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Yeah. For the kids, that's what the NHL is all about. Dude, that game, five overtimes. Yeah, I've I've won more times like eighty five saves. That drunken hockey like overtime is so funny when when the guys are so gassed that they're getting their second overtime. I know they're doing like like twenty second shifts, they're falling all over the place. It's just a war of attrition, just trying to survive. It's I mean good thing it happened early in the day because you imagine that would have been like 3:00 in the morning.

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Yeah. Yeah. I mean it was how long was the game. Like seven hours. Yeah. That's insane. Insane. Both goalies played. They were both standing on their heads. It's time to break out that old phrase. We love every year, Hawkley, but this is definitely going to lead to some, like Greenberg, some rules about how to fix hockey overtime, even though as a fan, if you don't have an investment in the game, if you're not rooting for one team or the other, it's still a lot of fun to watch.

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If you are a fan of those teams, five overtimes is just insane. Yeah, that that's a marathon. Yes. Literally did the equivalent of running a marathon. So there's going to be somebody out there that throws at a double take of how to fix hockey overtime, I would say. Mike Milbury, what do you say he did?

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Yes, pull it up. All right. I love this. I love it. All right.

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He tweeted, I'm like, super, super, super blurry picture of the Space Needle, OK, whatever the fuck it's called on another worldy night.

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Space Needle is an appropriate backdrop. Insane Columbus TV game. God bless both teams for great effort, even though I believe we should end this game sooner via three v three or a shootout after a time.

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I think I actually do love three on three. Is this so off? It is insane. Yeah. Three threes.

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OK, this before for overtime this third overtime make the coaches put on skates. I would love to see Tortorella get checked on the open ice. You know what they should do. Actually this is actually the fix is you start overtime regular five on five second overtime for and for third overtime three on three. And then if you get all the way to the fifth overtime, it's just one on one that would be electric. Yeah.

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So that's not the Space Needle. People are people are roasting them. Yeah. No, let's face it, Seattle, I think he's talking about the center always there to be the big pin is the big tent in the sky.

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Yeah. So it stands for Canadians.

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Nice hot Sardis me future me. You know stool's stream is coming out today. Obviously been known about it for months and months and months. I put off like a ton of shit until today.

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Tuesday. No to get it together. Future me. Yeah. And I actually had, I had a I had a panic attack first time in my life really like a real life, like I had to sit down and my heart was hurting. I was like freaking out a little bit.

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So we see you. You had all this stuff to do today and you still found time to sit and troll me while we played Mario Party.

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Well, that was I mean, I wasn't trolling you.

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I had to be running the production of it. OK, yeah. And I was just trying to help out the other people. I was just trying to lend strategy to the other teams.

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Hey, can I just say, like, I am concerned for your health, you've been overworking things.

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Do you want to take like some time off this weekend, maybe take off now? You know me. I don't know if you guys insist. Yeah. OK, good. You've earned it, Hank. Oh, wait. You already had one plan. No way. Well, was planned for last week, but then it's actually this week. That's just three days of work. That's a panic attack. Oh man. It's kind of scary. I thought I was having a hard time for serious though.

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I don't really know. I really don't know if it was a heart. I think you had a heart attack.

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Yeah, yeah. We we we joke around with Hank a lot. Hank puts in a lot of work and a lot of a lot of different areas here. Don't let the 16 hours a day that he's playing Call of Duty for you.

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I'm retired. I'm going to pictures taken with his dog. Don't let him do that for you.

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Oh, act like you don't take pictures of your dog. I mean, I don't have an Instagram account. Neither do I. It's true.

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Normy, does my girlfriend and girls girlfriends have Instagram account? Exactly. I don't know what that means, but exactly.

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You know, my cool thing. You have access to it. No, probably you get that. Why? Just in case. Yeah, that's a terrible advice. Because you don't know.

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You don't want you don't want to. She's the curator.

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If I send pictures I just send them her way. OK, we need to get access to big dumpers.

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Who knows what he's doing in there.

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Post screenshots. Actually conversations with that. Yeah. Put that in our particular files. Remind us to get us access to big numbers.

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And then my cool throne is Dame Dame Lillard Dame Time. Yeah. Drop sixty again today. He's like the second NBA player ever to have sixty in one season.

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He's so fun to watch the wilt. Yeah, he's one of my favorite players. Three times in one season.

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He also shot out CJ McCollum for playing with a fractured back. Exactly. That's why Hockey's in the hot seat. Yeah. They can't even fucking have two games one night and CJ McCollum is playing with a broken back.

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That is going to be my cool thrown is just toughness in general.

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CJ McCollum, what's he's podcasts are tough, but he is. Yeah. All those hours he puts in sitting upright carrying all these ad reads that that shit adds up. Yeah. And I mean think about it this way. He can play with a broken back. God forbid he had a pretty much broken hand. Hmm. It'd be lights out.

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And so he's been playing with this for a while, right. A couple of months.

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Still so funny that LeBron said he had a pretty much broken hand. LeBron would have let you know before his back was pretty much pretty much broken hand basically broken. Yeah, it's Carson is broken. Is that hey, we don't. That's a great job, Hank. Thank you, Hank.

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Better to steal all of my hot seats and cool throne's scootering that still serves one o'clock. Yes. Yes. There you go. So I'll just say my my hot seat is the East Coast. Just dovetailing along with hockey real quick is like these are the times that really, really Testerman. As an East Coast sports fan, you stayed up until 1:00 a.m., I'm watching the Blackhawks right now and I still have like another two hours to go with the series.

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You're not going to get any games on Chicago time. It's all going to be West Coast time because no, there's no Thursday's Thursday's game at five thirty. OK, there you go. So we're. So you're safe on Thursday. But, yeah, I personally blame the plane, the ice in Toronto for the five overtime game.

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I don't know that ice and that ice. Hank, I would like a Zamboni Zambonis to explain to me. I would love to have a Zamboni Zamboni.

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Why? If they say after five overtimes, the ice is messed up. But isn't that the point of the Zamboni to do the same? Bonafied it and then it's back to normal. Why don't they just put more water on? Exactly. Yeah. Explain to Hank this.

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You just have have Khateeb and making these stallion walk across the ice just one time each boom. New ice dam frozen. Big time, big time.

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Once you to look at a cascade of Jesus or hotseat Jesus. Oh, that was my take. You can't keep you're not going anymore.

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I'm trying to go know how I was going to say hot Jesus because he's getting shots put on the hot seat.

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The NBA Karkus was better than Jesus when shots up over Jesus. Hog wild thing to say.

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That was mine. That was she's got crossed up once or twice.

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Oh, man. The cleat. All right. So you don't. I'm actually.

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I've said that before. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, yes. Yeah, yes, definitely. What are you done. Yeah, I think that'll be it for me. OK, I guess I have to find a new hot seat. I'll just go. Well let's see. Let's go. And Billy's sheet number three on Billy's sheet is Clay Travis keeps calling Darren Rovell Karen.

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So I guess that proves that Joe loves dearly, loves that, that, that. And Brazzers, if you got those two jokes, we're good to go.

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You have really wanted to steal that joke. The old cheat. That's the old show. Right. OK, I have this right here, but we're falling apart. Get let's get our way to be on in a sec. I'll just say hotseat everybody else in sports for not having Daredevil's brain because he was asked what are the five greatest words that a man can say? And his quote was directly your demand in the whole I repeat, your demand in the whole the famous golf course saying rain that we all know and love and use.

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How what is what?

[00:26:33]

Brazzers, he told a man in the hole he should he tries on his brain to science just so we can figure out how to never have this again. Yeah, a scientist who makes bombs, blow it up, blow up his brain.

[00:26:47]

All right. My cool throne is Steve Spurrier. This hurt. Really? Don't give me that. Look, he's the one that tweeted out JFK getting his head exploded.

[00:26:54]

Yeah, it's like HD at four K forty five in the morning, a cup of coffee and a fucking assassination's.

[00:27:04]

Oh. All right. Digitally remastering it actually has it had the NBC zoom that they do for golfers at the tee box. They went all the way around. Here you go. Here's a bullet exiting his eyeball. Yeah. It had a soundtrack to start out with Rebels on Worldstar. Oh shit. All right. My cool throne is Steve Spurrier. This hurt me, but it's good to know Steve Spurrier still got it. So Pat Dooley tweeted, Coach Spurrier called a few minutes ago, said the SEC in action just play their seasons and winners face off for national title because one conference is going to win it anyway.

[00:27:43]

So that hurt. But but I love Pittsburgh. You know, they still got a little chip spurs. Absolutely. Still getting shots off. Uh huh, uh huh.

[00:27:52]

I hope spurred. I need to see more of them because they're in college football season. Traditionally, I feel like once he retired from the game, he probably doesn't even watch college football. He probably just he's on the course. He's on the Texas scores. He's always down again and then fires off a couple of Rossett, Tennessee. Yes, he's always on the course. All right, Billy, take us home. Hotsy cutrona. You got this dude.

[00:28:13]

I was going to do hotseat a cool thrown Putin. Nice guy.

[00:28:18]

OK, well, for today, he says he has a he's a vaccine. Yeah, I'm grasping at straws here because I got the last dude he's got they got the vaccine. They got good. Good. I don't trust it.

[00:28:30]

I don't trust me. You wouldn't take it. Yeah. I would wait out the Big Ten football back which they just labeled it as a steroid.

[00:28:38]

Hmm. Good point.

[00:28:40]

What if they mixed it with a sweet batch of HGH? You've taken more suspect. That's true. Makes it more suspect things you've put in worse shit in your body than mercury.

[00:28:50]

Mm hmm. On a daily basis, maybe it's crocodile.

[00:28:53]

Remember, crocodile uses gasoline and vodka.

[00:28:56]

I'm pretty sure the pre workout stuff that you take probably has most of the coronavirus vaccine in it.

[00:29:01]

All right. We should just give everyone pre workout. Yeah, just what is Jack brose exactly.

[00:29:07]

All right. Anything else? Billy, Jake. Hocine? Yeah. Go for it. I'm putting a man named, he's got a pretty much broken ankle, to your point, a guy named Emile Schlick in 1917, he invented the crutch and I'm saying the crutch is useless.

[00:29:24]

It is.

[00:29:25]

My armpits are more sore than my foot. We gonna get you a walk on a scooter and we got the scooter. You need it. Oh, here we go. All right. Solsbury versus Klayton. Here we go.

[00:29:35]

Sound off. OK, I have two witnesses in here who saw the injury. I didn't actually. I was looking at the ball, the ball, and I slammed for a winner after you saw it.

[00:29:44]

Then I saw I saw the shot, but she crumpled in pain before the ball actually landed a second time. So who's to say that you want Billy?

[00:29:50]

You're taught hotsy Jake's pain tolerance.

[00:29:54]

That's all I'm going to say. Oh, I walked in the off.

[00:29:58]

I scooted into the office today and I could just see Billy's brain saying, Jake's suppose you for having Jake.

[00:30:05]

You should do you should do a marathon faster than Billy on the treadmill on your scooter. Oh, OK. So you just hold on to the sides then you beat Billy in a race. Billy, do you think Jake's a pussy? No comment, p word, please, p word what, you think he's a wet ass pussy? I think he's yeah. What? Mm hmm. He's not been in the music video. Oh, man. Damn.

[00:30:28]

And that was our Klayton First Solsbury debate. For the record, I'm team in this. Yeah. Oh, we're all twitchy. Yes. Yes, we seem Jack due to a sprained ankle socks. Yeah. It's actually worse than a pretty much break. I hope Billy gets hurt now. Calm. Oh, we forgot the biggest news.

[00:30:46]

Hotseat every band in the entire world. Go ahead, Billing's go through Nickelback, nice. Why? If you don't like because they're coming out with something. They just gave us a date.

[00:31:00]

But cool. Throw Nickelback. If you don't like Nickelback, you're a sheeple.

[00:31:04]

Yeah. Billy, you're also a quarter of a quarterback. So I think that explains itself why you like him.

[00:31:11]

So my move back in the day used to be go into the bar and putting twenty dollars into the jukebox and just playing rock star 20 times in a row until the bartender would actually have to shut down the jukebox and bum everyone out. But I had fun and my friends had fun. But it's a great song, you know, it sucks.

[00:31:26]

Is that at an NHL playoff games this year, we're not going to get Nickelback singing the national anthem. Yeah. Oh, Canada. Damn.

[00:31:33]

And dude, I seriously, I'm worried about. Imagine dragons. The thing that people don't think about. They don't think about what's happened. Yeah. They probably have a banger ready to go and it's just not going to happen.

[00:31:45]

Release it for NCAA Football 2020.

[00:31:48]

Dude, I actually daydreamed about the like aerial of Jerry's world on that, like last August, Saturday and Kirchberg Street.

[00:31:59]

You need to stop being like it's been it's been 200 days since college football. But we're back, OK?

[00:32:06]

You know, we need to do and we have Clemson, we have one against Oregon every Monday show. We just like a big cat. Two minutes I have where he says what happened yesterday on Saturday in his three ball game in college football Saturday, just like give you that time to just write your fanfic and get it all out there on Monday shows, OK. Yeah. Sucks man.

[00:32:26]

Oh. Also Hotsy calling coward. You're a fucking fraud gambler. Did you I mean the fact that you said who cares about the mack in the whack that's you can't talk about gambling anymore. That you don't care. You don't care. And Billy was right. How about the kids out there. Yeah. You don't care about opportunity. You don't care about opportunity.

[00:32:45]

You also don't care about gambling because those are gambling conferences. That's why they exist.

[00:32:50]

He also put Joe Buhrow on the hot seat for getting the Twitter handle at Joey Burrow. He said, Joey Far Joey is a skateboard kid that has his hat backwards.

[00:33:01]

Get out, Joe. Now, that's a quarterback. That's get out of here. All right. Let's get to Deon Sanders, who I don't know if we mentioned, but he's a colleague of ours now. Before we do that, Jimmy Johns, Jimmy John's new sponsor, actually had a lot of tweets on Monday about it because people love Jimmy John's. Jimmy John's is my favorite lunch ever. Turkey sandwich, the perfect turkey sandwich, turkey, Tom, Jimmy John's do it.

[00:33:25]

And guess what? With code take twenty, you get twenty percent off any Jimmy John's order of ten dollars or more. If you go to the Jimmy John's app or Jimmy John's dotcom you can do that with twenty percent off in the order of ten dollars more you can get a sandwich, chips and a pickle or for sandwiches and four drinks or giant gargantuan or a dozen cookies basically combos for days. They actually dropped off some sandwiches on Monday. Definitely made my Monday much, much better.

[00:33:53]

It is the perfect, perfect launch. Jimmy John's We Love You, Jimmy John's take twenty twenty percent off like I told people, get the veto. Get the turkey Tom. Get the Italian nightclub. Yeah. And then get yourself a slim for later. That's the move. Also Jimmy John's brought pickles, great pickles, great cookies, everything, Jimmy John's chips, everything Jimmy John's does is better than everyone else. We love you. Jimmy John's use code.

[00:34:18]

Take twenty, do it right now. Do it for lunch. If you're listening this and it's not lunch yet, get your lunch order ready. Because guess what? It's going to be freaky fast. It's going to get there in like six minutes. And if you go to Jimmy John's nap or Jimmy John's dotcom and put in code take twenty, you get twenty percent off any order of ten dollars or more. Thank you. Jimmy John's lunch is on us.

[00:34:39]

Well, twenty percent of lunch is on us. All right. Here he is, our colleague Deon Sanders.

[00:34:44]

Oh, OK. We now welcome on a recurring guest, NFL Hall of Famer, two time Super Bowl winner and now as officially of today. Our co-worker, it is Deon Sanders, it is prime holy shit, man. Welcome aboard. Thank you. Thank you. I had no idea what I would want you guys last time that this transfer this quickly charming prime. We're very happy. Yeah, I'm happy. We're we're we're we're ecstatic. So Deon is joining the pirate ship.

[00:35:29]

He is going to be launching his own podcast, 21st in Prime. He's going to be doing some video stuff with some of his old friends from the league. He's going to be doing some video stuff for an NFL show, and he's going to be on this podcast for ten, fifteen minutes every Sunday night in the fall. Recapping what we watch on NFL Sundays, all I get is ten to 15 minutes. You guys will bring me on the show for ten or fifteen minutes.

[00:35:56]

That's all I get. That's all at work. You do that fifteen minute, you very fast in this way.

[00:36:02]

We can call it NFL primetime. Yeah, it's Sunday. I don't think anybody's ever done that before.

[00:36:09]

I want more than ten or fifteen points done. You get as much time as the board. Yes, you get as much time as you want, but we're really, really happy. This is very exciting. How do you feel knowing that you can now you can be we're going to get like unfiltered prime. You get to talk about whatever you want.

[00:36:27]

You got to understand when you're on a network show, you got a fifteen second to forty five second shot clock and forty five. There's a lot to get out your thought and flush it out. Now I get to really exhaust my thought and tell you to your true. Yep. In my mind and call my friends to validate the point. Are you kidding me. And then a whole new generation of people that I wouldn't have never come in contact with, 18 to thirty five.

[00:37:02]

I got three kids in 18 to thirty five and I get to talk to them about what. What you're about to put a seat belt. I'm having seat belts put in on my seat right now, put on a seat belt. You install seat belts on every couch in America on every, every like a bus seat in America because when they're listening on Monday mornings, it's going to be a bumpy ride. I'm very excited to have you aboard Prime.

[00:37:26]

I think. I don't know. There's like a bunch of different ways that we can get you on the show on Sundays. One of my ideas, because we talked last time about your tackling, we had a very good conversation about that.

[00:37:35]

I was thinking maybe. Yeah, you were offended. Maybe we could do like Deon Sanders biggest hit of the week, best tackle of the week. So we can reframe now as a big hit.

[00:37:46]

Yes, yes. Because I actually brahmacharya I have a hit real. That's fifty fifty nine minutes long and I just need one more hit to make it an hour so I could package it. And you keep on mix with me. But is it real. I know. Well move. Find this one. Hit it. That's why I take a hit from you.

[00:38:03]

Yeah. I go across the middle against you down. I'm not afraid of that. I'll do anything for content.

[00:38:09]

That's what you learn about us pretty quickly. Ah. We could just have you race people because I know last time you're on the show we had you challenged to go to a race to team.

[00:38:19]

You don't want it, he said, he said first of all, understand Tiel. Don't realize that, first of all, in 40 and oh, that mean I've never lost.

[00:38:32]

OK, he got to understand Import is one of my favorite rapper is E 40. You know that my guy, he got to understand, I've never drank a 40 in my life. He got to understand. I don't even look like I'm 40 and he's not even known for running a 40 and he's going to try to challenge me. That's what I like about these new shows.

[00:38:56]

I get to see all this stuff. Yes. And nobody was to stop me. No, I love it. You want the truth and controversy. Do not scare you guys. It's true. You guys are as controversial as a car, so I get that, too.

[00:39:12]

Yes. Yes. So we should bring up you made controversy last week. You went viral for your thoughts, which. Well, let's read the tweet, do you have the tweet? Yeah, I got the tweet right here. All right. What is your thoughts on it? It says, All players opting out in sports.

[00:39:27]

Please believe the game will go on without you. This is a business. And don't you ever forget that there's no one that's bigger than the game itself. Only the ref umps and officials are that important that you can't play without them, not you hashtag truth, you know.

[00:39:44]

Well, you did.

[00:39:45]

You hashtag truc. So it's hard to argue with that, I would say. Well, I think I don't think you lied. Tone-Deaf maybe. Yes, because. Well, no. What is the way you read it. First of all, was it taking a shot at my guys OK? Yeah. I wouldn't take the issue. I was just allowing them to understand it, guys. If you are down, I'm cool with it. This whole thing.

[00:40:11]

God bless you. Basketball players have guaranteed salaries. Baseball players have guaranteed salaries. Football players are not. The expectancy of your career is only three years anyway if you opt out. I just really want you to know there's a major possibility and chance that you may never play again. Just keep that in mind, because normally football players and athletes don't understand this is a business until business slaps us in the face. Yeah, I actually agree. And when I was reading it, I was reading it with that mindset, saying that the game will move on without you.

[00:40:48]

Whether or not you like it, you might be used to having your starting spot here. You might be a star. I think some people interpret it as saying like like you're not as you're not big, like like don't think that you're bigger than the game. In other words, like some people saw you coming here from a perspective of like pushing the players back a little bit. I didn't read it that way. I didn't read it that way.

[00:41:08]

People only read stuff and interpret things from where they are emotionally and mentally. You got to understand, man, I'm a player's player. I'm always fighting for the players I love to love. I love people. I want people to be happy. So when I take a stance like that, I'm really just trying to educate you like, hey man, I think is sixty nine players who opted out. I can't wait to see the statistics the following year of how many of those players go back to those teams that they opted out for.

[00:41:36]

I can't wait to see it, but whatsoever is going to be fascinating to me.

[00:41:41]

But you do agree, like some of the players opting out for maybe their family has health issues and they can't take that risk.

[00:41:49]

That's totally understandable, right? You're just saying understandable. Yeah. The business side, which I agree with, I think people don't talk about that enough. You know, that the NFL ruthless understand this is their business. Understand there's some games, there's some head coaches. And also you you act it out when I needed you last year. So when I do business on the other side, don't get sensitive. And see the thing about people, even the people got alarmed for what I said.

[00:42:19]

If they see some of these gentlemen in a mall at a grocery store having a good time in public with their kids, they're going to say, well, you had to contain it.

[00:42:30]

Why are you in public? Did you opt out? That's how many people are you know that. Yeah, if a guy on YouTube, if it got upset and you see that same gentleman. Pushing his kids in the playground amongst people, what would you say? I'd probably probably in that circumstance would be like, hey, nice to see you. Hope you're doing well. Hope the family's good. But I have an autograph. But I know I know what you're saying, that it puts you under a little bit of a microscope somehow.

[00:43:00]

And I think you were coming at it from a perspective of just being realistic, not necessarily saying that it's a good thing that the game will steamroll anybody or that like some of these GMs might look at it next year and say, like, oh, this guy didn't want to play with us during a pandemic, I'm going to cut him. I don't think that that I don't think you're saying that that is necessarily a fair or a good thing, but that is the reality of the situation.

[00:43:21]

Like this league does move along.

[00:43:23]

When I say the game will go on, I'm being honest. Hey, man, this game is go home. Whether you agree or not, a game is going to go on. They're going to play football. They're going to find another guy to replace you. And if he does his job, he's really going to replace you. It's the sad truth, but it's the reality.

[00:43:40]

So I'm going to take a spin zone, positive spin zone. What you just said, you're guaranteeing that there's going to be an NFL season because we've had some bad news today. Obviously, the Big Ten 12 guaranteed prime guarantee. I can't guarantee nothing but me. I've been on Cramb. I'm not a betting man, but I've been oppressed, so I don't bet on another man. I don't ever do that. What was a I mean, you don't want to play blackjack with me because I'm playing for me.

[00:44:04]

Matter of fact, I don't care what the draw is, I'm playing for me, OK? I rule in blackjack. I'm not going to hit myself out. Yeah. How am I going to like to establish it? Yeah, it's a whole nother thing, but I really do feel like. OK, I like that also, but I do have one one thing to point out about your tweet I disagree with says only the ref and officials are that important.

[00:44:28]

What about the fans? We pay the salaries.

[00:44:31]

The fans are wonderful. Thank you. But if the fans don't show up, their game is still going to be played. But what about watching? How can you start a game without the optimisations kickoff? Call your own foul.

[00:44:43]

Yeah, I don't know. Thanksgiving every year.

[00:44:45]

Every year on Thanksgiving. Yes. People play. They play football without officials. Yeah. Who in the back yard call your own foul? They don't care.

[00:44:55]

They don't care. They ain't nobody paying to see them play in the back yard. We come on man. It's a league here in Dallas Hood who I have never I want to take you guys there. I have never seen nothing in my life like this. Imagine. It's a brother on every arland you. That's how many brothers own this field in his tackle football saying, look, I watch one game and I saw three ambulances come during one game, this great big brother up and take him off the field.

[00:45:28]

You're talking about hidden. I never. I want to produce it and put it on television because it's better than the Prime now that you're professional podcast.

[00:45:38]

We have to do something about your computer that tells you every hour on the hour. What was that? What was that? The eight o'clock time. That was the day I did. I don't know. So that that's going to be great. Has your computer. Has it been doing that ever since you've had it? Is this something where you're like waiting for your son to commodification old me?

[00:45:56]

Like you guys going to get to know me? You know, I'm not computer literate. I don't know anything about a computer. I don't know anything about Apple, but how to push C++ and to do that. I'm not that guy. So I don't know. I don't know. Matter of fact, I think I need a new one. No, no, no. I like this. When you listen to 21st in prime, which which Dion is going to be debuting very soon on the barstool sports network, you not only are listening to a podcast with a Hall of Famer, but you also get the time told to you every hour.

[00:46:24]

Yeah.

[00:46:25]

You know what else? We'll throw in the quad for free.

[00:46:28]

Why hadn't you guys mentioned that we're going to do a show. Yeah. On Sunday.

[00:46:33]

Yes, we did. Yeah. Yeah, we're going to do a show on Sunday. Prime time. We're going to do there's going be a pregame show that I'm going to do.

[00:46:40]

I'm talking about we're going to get together. Yes, there's going to be a pregame show and then there's going to be the part of my take. You're going to be on this podcast every Sunday as well. We're going to have you busy. You're going to be working hard. Are you ready for that?

[00:46:51]

OK, who is the guy that. I don't know. Excuse me for this being ignorant. Well, who's the guy with the Patriots? Go like, what are you got to. That's right.

[00:47:02]

Yeah, that's Dave. That's Dave. And that's also our producer Hank. Yeah. OK, so. Can you ask this question politely? He's listening. Does he really think if Tom Brady was the quarterback? All these guys would have opted out, Hank. Oh, Hank, good question. I think they would know it's a good question. That's why you think they would have still. Yeah, most of them were defensive players. And you really do think if Tom Brady is there, which Dondi assures you, that you're going to have a shot at the Super Bowl would assure you that you're going to win at least 11 games, would you sure.

[00:47:44]

That you got a shot? You really do think. I think they got I think they have a better shot with Cam than Tom. Oh, holy shit.

[00:47:54]

You think about that. I like it, Hank. That's why I like God.

[00:47:59]

I like this stuff. Oh. Oh, no. No.

[00:48:05]

Oh, well, that's why I like your guns. Because that statement right there, I'm going to bless you. Did you not? I sure did. See, I have the ability to pick up this thing right here and go to the guy. I got it like that. You should go to his early Julian to get us early on that you should call him right now, that you should call him right now. Call him is busy right now.

[00:48:37]

OK, interesting. Mm hmm.

[00:48:40]

Tom's really excited to know that you joined up with us. So I think he listens to the reunion. His you know, when Julian would drive him to work joylessly every episode.

[00:48:48]

Yeah. Just like first of all, I think you and Edelmann I mean Juland stupid Julie and package deal. Yeah you should, he should go with Tom. He should he. That should be automatic. I think you probably try to break up the Jacksons. You can't break up dirnt new additions and neither one of the guys are Bobby. You can't break up that kind of stuff. Peaches and herb, you can't break up guys like that. And you, you can't do that man to make him see it was never the same with him a little too big.

[00:49:20]

You can't break up people like that.

[00:49:22]

I've always said that about him and can't break up and stuff like this man.

[00:49:26]

I think Edelmann probably tried to just curl up into a ball and get into a suitcase when Tom was moving out of Florida and they caught him at TSA because you know that, you know he's going to be missing. Tom. Well, Prime, we're very excited to have you. Yes, this is the beginning of a beautiful thing. Let's let's do this, though, because you're going to flush Hank with that opinion later on in the season. Why don't you give us your weight?

[00:49:47]

Yeah, way too early. Way too early. Super Bowl winner do it. Super Bowl winner, yes, contestant. All right, give us a contestant from each from each conference, AMC. Kansas City is the easy choice. Yeah, but I don't I don't like it. I don't like it. I got to give it some thought, because I haven't had my I got my high school coaching hat on right now. I don't have my pro hat on right now.

[00:50:20]

OK, you know, it's going to be OK. I really like the Saints, man. OK, OK. Like a like the Saints in the NFC. The AFC. Darn it. Oh, OK, I'll I'll give you the hook, I'll give you off the hook with ABC and I'll change the question for a follow up question. Prime in his prime. Going up against Mike Thomas can't guard Mike, what's his stat line? Why would you even ask me something like that, and I'm like, why would you do that?

[00:50:52]

Come on, what's the state line now? And so this is like asking Tyson in his prime he would need to deal with Sugar Ray.

[00:51:00]

Come on, man, to get you know, how daunting it was, the line up in front of a dog that no, you can't get deep. Do you understand how how disruptive that is to understand that you curl your roots one step too far that you could possibly see me dance was six days into the next game occur? Do you understand that I dance or do you not understand that even your parents and your girl are probably going to want to take a picture with me after the game?

[00:51:31]

And that is what I did? No. You want to stand up and say what?

[00:51:37]

One time I played against Jerry Rice, man, Mike Urban, dirty, crisp, cut. I played against Hall of Famer guys, Art Monk, Andre Reed. I played against the greats.

[00:51:51]

See, this is what we're going to do every Sunday night.

[00:51:52]

We're going to have the guy who had the most catches were like, what would a stat line have been against you trying to compare a monument to a moon? What a cool that's. Did you come up with that right now?

[00:52:05]

Or a quote, if this is what you guys got around, this platform will give you all this stuff. I come my. All right. All right. Let me get it. Get it out. Let me give you let me do you one better.

[00:52:19]

We've already established that you would shut Michael Thomas down zero catches zero yards, maybe two pick sixes. Derrick Henry takes a tossed to the outside, he's coming right up prime time. How do you bring him down? I had no idea, right? Yeah, that's true. He had some years ago, Jack, being back, you know. You know, you're in San Francisco. I had a guy named Richard Dent out there to, you know, Yellowjacket eaten by.

[00:52:45]

I just want to shoot it. Yeah, it's a good point. Well, Deon, this is awesome, man. We're so we're so, so pumped. I'm I mean, I'm jacked up just from listening to you for ten minutes. So Sundays will never be the same. Sundays will never be the same. We got it. We got to set it up. We're going to set a time. And now I know your big clock guy.

[00:53:04]

We're going to set a time every Sunday night. We're going to just have you on for, let's say, 20 now, 20 minutes. We're going to break it all down about twenty one. Twenty one. That's awesome. I love it on your computer. We'll tell you in twenty minutes. Twenty one minutes. Happy?

[00:53:20]

Yes, I did have.

[00:53:22]

I have one more question I ask you because I just remember who you were. I saw this, I saw this video yesterday. The NFL throwback Twitter account did a little highlight reel of you and they showed all your best high steps. What is the earliest that you started high stepping into the end zone? Because I think I saw one that started on about the other twenty five yard line. Probably probably against Houston, Warren Moon, but I don't know why he did it, but he threw like a little quick out and I got it and I looked at him, too, and like and he was running, you know, one of those times you have to run it to Guy to make it look good.

[00:53:58]

But, you know, you're not gonna catch it. And that was that it was that kind of thing. I think that was the longest one. Beautiful.

[00:54:06]

God damn it. Well, Deon. Yeah? It's great to have you part of the team. I can't believe that. You know, I can call Deon Sanders a colleague. I think that probably diminishes you and elevates me. Just going to have to, you know, soak that moment in. But welcome aboard. And we look forward to everything that we got in coming up.

[00:54:25]

You know, you guys know what my ultimate goal is? What barstools? I've really thought hard about this because I love the transparency. I love the controversy. I love being able to flush everything on my head. But my ultimate goal, I want to be employee of the week. OK, well, we have that award. We do that award every single week. Yeah, I won.

[00:54:51]

I quickly I plan on winning the war with a perfect perfect. Well, Deon, we'll talk soon. Thanks again, man.

[00:55:01]

We're so pumped that if you hear a toilet flush, it is your guy across from you guys.

[00:55:07]

OK, god, I thought you didn't always flush.

[00:55:10]

Yeah.

[00:55:11]

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[00:57:19]

OK, it is time we've taken a couple of weeks off, but it's time for Dungeons and Dragons and we have our good, good friend Tim Woods in studio with us.

[00:57:29]

Great to be here. Good to see you all. It's great to see you, Tim. It's also great to see all the dye that you brought it. Absolutely.

[00:57:36]

I miss getting to all the physical dye on the table.

[00:57:38]

So now you get to kind of see the scene that Tim, I don't know if you've noticed this. I'm sure that you have. But you have quickly become one of the favorite, if not the favorite recurring guest on part of my take. You are you are universally beloved.

[00:57:51]

I don't think that there's anybody out there that's been like, I hate Tim.

[00:57:54]

I appreciate that so much. I like to think Dungeons and Dragons is a game where people don't realize how much they love it until they see it in action. And then once you see it in action, you can't resist it. It's too much fun.

[00:58:05]

Yes. Yes. So we're excited to have you back. So can we do a quick refresher course on where we're at and then we'll get right into it?

[00:58:13]

No problem.

[00:58:14]

So we are, by all rights now, are adventuring party are the heroes of the village of Greenest because we saved the village from the evil dragon cultists and their evil dragon minion, Levithan, who we kind of drove off after Berserker.

[00:58:29]

Billy did turn upon us in last session, began with us taking down the traitorous Spizer Curbishley and then kind of following up on another quest we discovered from a young Monk's apprentice named Pilo that there were several prisoners taken and we have taken up the pursuit of these cultists who escaped with a few of the villagers.

[00:58:48]

And what sounds like this poor monks master has also been taken prisoner. And we kind of got to where the cult in this Box Canyon seem to have fortified themselves. And we did manage to take out their guards. There had been a bunch of kobolds and one human guard up in a tower.

[00:59:04]

We threw our Kobold Bob Costas up into the tower and then it was our new box wizard arrived, our new teammate, the kind of wizard, scholar, reporter, as it were, who has arrived on the scene to help us.

[00:59:17]

It was his thunder wave spell, as I recall, that had blown all the other minions out of that tower. And we have silenced the initial alarms. And as we are kind of looking into this valley full of cultists who are noticing a couple of things going on, first of all, we can see many tents where all these cultists and kobolds look like they're kind of celebrating their victory. But well, Semih, victory, we kind of thrash them pretty bad.

[00:59:39]

They fled from the town. So they're celebrating their spoils and their prisoners. We can see in the distance beyond what appear to be cook fires where they're all gathering to feast. We can just barely see some people, about five people, it looks like, all tied to posts with their arms behind their back. So we're already spotting just a little bit past all of these cultists, the prisoners that we're looking for. But the prisoners are just below a mountain cliff at the top of which we are seeing a lazily sleeping dragon, the dragon.

[01:00:10]

Levithan is sound asleep at the top of the cliffs, just above the prisoners.

[01:00:15]

And all the cultists look like they're just about to have dinner.

[01:00:18]

There's a big stew pots going on where they're gathering around to feast.

[01:00:22]

We're also noticing there's one big tent in particular. It definitely looks like the leadership tent. If there is a leadership tent here and just behind the leadership tent, there's a cave entrance.

[01:00:33]

But this could be anything, just a cave a little bit past the leadership tent.

[01:00:37]

So this dragon Mullainathan, that's the dragon that Billy attempted to conquer. They had a toxic relationship 100 years. She taking some time off. Is this like self care for one or is she tired or is she is she ready for another relationship yet? She just figured, you know what she wants to be doing with her life by.

[01:00:53]

All right, she is sound asleep, napping right now. And if you were to judge, based on the expression on her sleeping face, she has already forgotten she's doing OK.

[01:01:04]

If I if I could do it like a side Dungeons and Dragons, if I could pick my perfect ending to this would be that we we reanimated Billy. We saved his skull.

[01:01:14]

We reanimated him, then we fucked the dragon in front of him, then killed him again. Hmm. That's just my that's my dream. OK, what should we do?

[01:01:22]

Ideally so. All right. So we need to figure out what it is we want to accomplish here.

[01:01:27]

Like, it sounds like they've got some prisoners that they've taken. Do we want to still care about them? Do you do we just phenomenon's want to go to the dragon? Well, all right.

[01:01:36]

So we have Jake. So Jake is the scholar. I'll let Jake. Jake, why don't you let's get Jake involved and let's Jake, let Jake you decide what our next move is going to be as a group. Mm hmm.

[01:01:48]

Tim, I was kind of first of all, thank you for allowing me to join this journey. Absolutely. No problem.

[01:01:52]

Jake, let me also ask a quick question as a reminder for me. Did your elf wizard have a name yet? You do not know exactly how to name it. I think also you might have said just Jake, possibly I'm not 100 percent sure on that either.

[01:02:03]

That well, we'll cook on that a little bit. Your wizard will have a darling.

[01:02:06]

Are you going to suck big. Yeah. Of cake. Yeah. OK, ok. Cake. The Wizard. Sure. Cake the wizard done.

[01:02:13]

I like to note that the cake the wizard went to a very prestigious school for wizardry. He went. The middle he's a middle grad where he learned all of his magic and spells love it fantastic.

[01:02:24]

As a wizard, you did learn all of your magic from books and schools and stuff like that. So you are a highly intelligent, highly accomplished wizard. But other situations that require you to, like, survive fireball blasts and things like that, those will not be your forte.

[01:02:39]

OK, so how would you decide? Yeah, I was kind of intrigued about the mysterious cave. Absolutely.

[01:02:46]

So if you're curious about the mysterious cave, I'm happy to report there's an elf. You are trained in perception. I'd let you roll the G20 right now and you have a three on perception to see what can I see about this cave? Or since you're kind of a cultist, you know, nearby, you were hiding in the bushes, kind of looking into your you might overhear something to go to go, everybody, 20 plus three calling eighteen.

[01:03:08]

Absolutely love it. Eleven, 11 still very good. And with a plus three, that's a total of of fourteen. I'm going to say you can just barely see in the cave a figure comes stepping out who is wearing a dragon mask.

[01:03:23]

And then you see him pull out these two short swords. He spins one of them in the air. And you can tell this guy knows what he's doing with these two swords. There is a guard there. That much is obvious.

[01:03:33]

And then you overhear one cultist loudly shouting at a kobold. No, you're not allowed to go over there.

[01:03:39]

The hatchery you think you're allowed near there. Forget it. You kobolds can stay by your own tents and eat your own food.

[01:03:46]

And they're really treating these kobolds real bad.

[01:03:48]

But you heard the word hatchery as he pointed at the cave. So you learned those two pieces of info with a fourteen.

[01:03:54]

Whoa, whoa. All right, who's next? And in theory, that's our wizard up first. That's perfect, because then Erlik, that would bring us to next in theory. And then it looks like Wayne and then Norm after that we should go in the water.

[01:04:08]

Wizard There's probably we got some idea. Can I ask you a question about hatcheries?

[01:04:14]

Absolutely. So is a hatchery is it what it sounds like? Are there eggs in there or is it like a nursery where they're like small kobolds or hatchery indicates that there are eggs of some kind?

[01:04:24]

And Ragano, your proteins, growing crops.

[01:04:27]

Mm, yeah. So do I tell you what we want to do before or after in theory.

[01:04:32]

Tell me what you're going to do and then I'll roll will roll to see if it is a I think, I mean there's four of us in one guard. I think we should take the guard out and try and take take the hatchery. Yeah. You could head to the hatchery right now.

[01:04:43]

You can see the prisoners in the distance. We're just kind of going around them right now. We don't care about them.

[01:04:48]

So if you are trying to go for the hatchery, I will let you lead the team in kind of sneaking along.

[01:04:54]

And this if you're trying to avoid the rest of the army right now, you would be getting to a stealth check and that would be a plus two for you, Erlik, to see if you can sneakily get us to the cave entrance.

[01:05:06]

How did you do on that total of four? It's a four. So right now, as we see our no mallock sneaking ahead, suddenly the no more is getting spotted by a few cultists along the way.

[01:05:20]

We're going to see exactly how many call disorients. It seems like a team of three cultists and one kobold who were eating some food.

[01:05:27]

And then they look up and they see you and they're like, wait, who's that gnome? And they start approaching you right now. That would bring us to Wayne's turn next.

[01:05:35]

And when you're kind of traveling with the gnome, right, I've got some experience for sneaking into places.

[01:05:40]

What if we got dressed up as like old people, like an old man, a woman? And I guess Hank could be like our our caretaker that can bring us in. So is that possible? Can we disguise ourselves?

[01:05:53]

Absolutely. We're already kind of dressed up in cultist robes right now, but apparently unknown was a little bit suspicious. So they're coming over to look at us.

[01:06:00]

If you're trying to roll to trick these people into thinking that we're cultists now or something like that, we already kind of look like them. You'd be rolling a deception check and you have a plus five on this.

[01:06:10]

Could I, in theory, dress up like disguise myself as an attractive female gnome and then the gnome would be too concerned with looking at me and then all the other guys just for the game.

[01:06:20]

Just for the game. For real life? No, I don't want to wear a dress. I don't you know, you're not going to put on a dress. But in this circumstance, I think it might be advantageous. Absolutely.

[01:06:28]

I'll let you know that there are two humans and a dwarf approaching this gnome right now. And you are a dwarf. So dressing up like a female dwarf is something that you could do to try to, like, trick this.

[01:06:40]

Just awful humans as well. Go ahead and roll deception to see how good a disguise this is, then.

[01:06:45]

Oh, that's a five. It's not a great.

[01:06:47]

Well, you have a plus five on this though. And with a ten you can see the humans kind of looking at you like and the dwarf is looking at you with smile right now.

[01:06:56]

He seems like he's nodding and they're approaching it.

[01:06:58]

They say we don't know. We don't recognize you. Have you been traveling with this with Rasmus band is what they say for a long time.

[01:07:06]

Yeah. Yeah, my whole life. Well, really. Really. Oh, that long. Oh, interesting role.

[01:07:11]

One more time so far they kind of aren't seeing through your disguise, but this is seventeen seventy five on that.

[01:07:20]

You are. Absolutely. They are eating this up right now.

[01:07:23]

They say you wait years that means you must be in Rasmus inner circle. She must know you very well. Are you. You mean the boss lady.

[01:07:30]

She's a big fan of yours.

[01:07:31]

I've been in her circle once or twice. Oh that's OK. Fantastic. So you can see that the dwarf is hoping to schmooze with you more in order to kind of like get a promotion by getting to know you better. But right now they'll believe anything you tell them. If you need to scamper away from them right now, they'll they'll believe any excuse to give them.

[01:07:49]

What would you like to tell them? So I would like to tell them follow me around this corner where they can't see the rest of my my troop. That's trying.

[01:07:57]

Would you like all three of them and the Kobol to follow or only some of them?

[01:08:02]

I feel like all three. Right? Yeah. I want to give you guys like a wide opening to this man cave.

[01:08:06]

See, you get all four of these individuals kind of like follow you a little bit and the rest of your friends are therefore able to sprint by no problem. Lane, well done. And that would bring us to normed the barbarians turn while this distraction is going on. Norm, you can run for the cave entrance.

[01:08:21]

I'm ready for it. But by the way, before I do my turn to meet you, do you have a lift?

[01:08:26]

Because your arms are looking kind of good. I've been stuck inside for a while. I have indeed noticed, like I whatever working out your biceps are looking fucking appreciate it. Thanks. I that was just outside the strangled with my dust. That's okay. Thank you. I noticed. I know what they should do.

[01:08:42]

They should make weighted dice like huge twenty you. Yeah. As you see my rolling hand strong on your shirt.

[01:08:50]

All right.

[01:08:51]

So I'm going to bum rush it right. I've got to get in there.

[01:08:54]

You, if you sprint for the cave entrance right now, you should be able to attack that guard without anybody seeing you thanks to the distraction provided by. OK, so if you charge this guard, you can see he's wearing this dragon mask, carved a wood, and as soon as he starts to register an enemy rushing at him, he's immediately spinning his blades over to you. He looks like a ninja almost in action. And it looks like he might be tough to take down, but you could swing or you could swing and go reckless and get advantage on the attack.

[01:09:23]

I'm going to let Billy talk.

[01:09:24]

You've got to be careful. Your health is extremely low. All right. Forget that Billy talk anymore. Nope, nope. Billy's done talking. I'm going to go reckless on this bitch. Absolutely. You get to roll tudy twenty.

[01:09:35]

All right. Here we go. Nice. Oh, you didn't even need to go reckless, you got the critical hit, and I know that based on the damage video, which would be four of these days, sixes plus another five for raging, you are insta killing.

[01:09:55]

He likes to do a flip through the air and you just hold up your sword. He lands upon it and then you just shake your sword around slashing him up.

[01:10:03]

Oh, Billy, how fucking jealous are you of what I just did? You would never be able to do that. I ain't killed that dude. I hope Norm died, OK.

[01:10:12]

Now, at this point, Norm, you have absolutely obliterated this dragon man guard, this ninja dragon guard, and you are seeing that he is falling dead to the ground. Unfortunately, you have gone reckless and you did not see that from around a pillar.

[01:10:26]

Another one of these guards is stepping out of. So you take out his friend, but now he's leaping out, trying to take advantage of your mom.

[01:10:35]

He is getting a twenty one on his attack, which is going to hit your armor class. And then with the second attack, luckily that one is a mess. So he manages to get you with one of his swords for another.

[01:10:46]

It's going to be eight points of no problem. No Ormoc, no. Only take four points of damage because you are raging.

[01:10:53]

So you still have a smidgen of hit points left for sure.

[01:10:56]

OK, taking a lot of damage. That's right. I'm concerned with his health through off. So, I mean, is there a way that we can get his health back up, like eating these eggs? Maybe.

[01:11:06]

This is certainly I would say that as we come back to the Wizards turn, one thing that the wizard would have come equipped with was one healing potion.

[01:11:14]

And in theory, if you wanted to run over and try to deliver to normal healing potion, you could or you could launch a powerful spell attack to try to take out the guard that he is messing with you right now.

[01:11:25]

I'm a team player. And there you go, Jake. Give him some, like, ninio bubbles from Russell Wilson, Water Misr Unlimited. Yeah. There you go. Love it. You're giving him you're giving him the healing potions, right? Absolutely.

[01:11:38]

Then I will let you know that you have just healed him. Let's see how much this is going to be total. You have just healed him for seven points of damage. Norm is back up to about nine hit points right now. So he's got that going for him. And you've use your action to kind of like baby bottle this to him a little bit credit to him.

[01:11:55]

I just wanted on the record because people can't see all that's going on in the room. Billy is absolutely beside himself that I am back alive, just fucking people up. And he's a little bitch that's dead.

[01:12:08]

This is Billy's skull that we have on the line. Absolutely. And that would bring us from the Wizards. The Wizards turn to the Wizards. That would bring us to Erlik.

[01:12:19]

And now Erlik luckily got caught, but then Wayne managed to distract the people who are approaching you. What would you like to do? You can run for the cave now and try to do something against this other dragon guard who is here. Or you could try to do something else. You could even try to convince to talk to this guard. If you wanted to know, just take out the guard if they've got a good, good teamwork going.

[01:12:39]

Well, we're all doing our job. I'm just going to roll. And I said, sure, you want to blast at this guard.

[01:12:45]

Who have you do on this? Good, Hank? It's one. It's a one.

[01:12:49]

Oh, I am sorry to say, Hank, I'm going to need you to roll one more time, because right next to this guard, normed the barbarian had been standing. We need to see it with that one. You might have hit Naum instead of the Dragon Fang.

[01:13:04]

Ten, ten with a ten.

[01:13:05]

That is not quite enough, even with your bonus, because his armor class is fifteen and you just got a fourteen total. So I didn't. So no friendly, not no friendly fire in this particular case. Congratulations. Love it.

[01:13:17]

Autumn, are there certain players that are better at rolling dice?

[01:13:21]

You know what, sometimes people are hot on the dice one day and then it can be a streak of bad luck. Unfortunately, sometimes everyone has some lucky days and some bad days in my experience. But the luck of having a bad day, that's how it goes.

[01:13:33]

Wayne, that would bring us to you next. Now, Wayne, just before you go, I would want to let you know you see Norm fighting what appears to be the last of these ninja dragon guards. But you can also see at the command tent, it appears like the flap is moving, like as we've been making a little bit of noise. The command tent is the one closest to the cave. Somebody is moving around in there like any moment they might look out the tent and try to see what we're up to, OK?

[01:14:00]

And I'm already I'm currently distracting these. What for people?

[01:14:03]

You were distracting for people right now. So you see all this happening in the distance, but they do not see what's happened.

[01:14:09]

OK, but if I get into the cave, then they won't see anything going on in the cave, right? Yes, that's true. Yeah. All right. So I feel like I got to leave my four people. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe I teach them. I tell them a joke. So funny they keep laughing.

[01:14:22]

Go ahead and roll a performance check if that's what you want to do. Because right now they want to hear all about Rosemere and you could try to lie and make that up. But performing would probably be better.

[01:14:32]

Yeah, perform some. It's a ten. It's a ten.

[01:14:34]

They already like you a lot. So roll one more time on that advantage.

[01:14:38]

A twelve. 12 plus five is a 17, the dwarf is loving it, but you can tell he's just trying to schmooze up to you right now.

[01:14:46]

The humans are really appreciating the joke.

[01:14:48]

The kobold doesn't get it exactly, but he's not someone we're worried about. You are able to distract all four of these individuals now. Well done.

[01:14:56]

OK. All right. So now I think I want to join my crew. I want to go into the cave, give them back up if they need it.

[01:15:02]

Absolutely. You can run into the cave and now you can see we're still fighting the one dragon guard.

[01:15:07]

You could use your bonus action if you want to, to inspire somebody now at this point to give inspiration to Norm or somebody else.

[01:15:15]

OK, I'm going to fuck them up.

[01:15:16]

I can I can I like this is more of a cake thing, but I would like to write a puff piece about him that he can read his own press clippings and be like, yeah, I really can do this. Like I write a really nice article about how much time that big cat's been putting into his work and he's gotten stronger and in the best shape of his life this off season, something like that.

[01:15:34]

You start shouting out to know him. You've been putting in so much work like we believe in.

[01:15:38]

You love it and he feels inspired. That means if Norm gets close but no cigar on his next hit, he can add Bardic inspiration to his role to pump that up a little bit. I love it.

[01:15:48]

We're going to get back to our quest in just a second. But before we do this, Dungeons Dragons brought to you by zip recruiter. If you're an employer, you have a lot on your plate, especially right now. But ZIP recruiter can make your hiring process quick and it can make it painless. For example, Cafe Alturas CEO Dillane Moscovitz, he agrees he needed to hire a director of coffee for his organic coffee company, but he's having trouble finding qualified applicants.

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Go to zip recruiter dotcom pmed zip recruiter the smartest way to hire and now more Dungeons and Dragons and that'll bring us to Norm's.

[01:17:38]

Turn them, fuck them up. You know that. You don't even ask me Tim. Are you still going to fork them up. Yeah, absolutely. You continue to go reckless with Advanta. You just go reckless every single time if you want to.

[01:17:51]

I mean, I'm a boss. Unlimited. Yeah, I'm not. I am literally unlimited. All right. Here we go.

[01:17:59]

Fourteen. Oh yeah. Oh I get to. Hmm. Thirteen, thirteen.

[01:18:04]

You're going to take the fourteen and with your bonus of plus five that is going to be a solid. Oh yeah. Against this guard and your damage against this dragon fang guard is going to be a total of ten points. That is enough to take the guard down, just barely. You slay this guard and now you can see a tunnel needing deeper in.

[01:18:25]

Now, Norm, you can use your move to start running down that tunnel if you want or. Absolutely.

[01:18:29]

What do you think I should run? You know, what's up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[01:18:33]

Or you could make a perception Charterhouse want to like I'm not really a perception guy. I'm just like oh like I wouldn't trust running all the way through it. Yeah. Yeah I'm a go for it. I'm a go absolutely.

[01:18:42]

As you charge and you can see this kind of cliff troppo off, it doesn't seem like there's any more guards here. You can see a clip drop, a cliff drop off that goes ten feet down into what appears to be a big forest of mushrooms and other fungi down here. It looks like there has just been mold growing all over the walls, dripping down from the ceiling. And all kinds of weird fungus are growing in this cavern. It looks like you could get to the other side and climb up the other side of this kind of fungus pit.

[01:19:10]

But you're not sure. Would you want to jump down or try to climb down?

[01:19:13]

Right now? This seems like a level in hot lava. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

[01:19:19]

You could you could try to climb down, jump down or look around. Now, at this point now you've gone down just a little. I'll go down.

[01:19:24]

I'm going to climb down. I can't believe you start to climb down. Go ahead and roll a deep twenty with the advantage because you are raging to see. How are you.

[01:19:32]

Eighteen already doing great. You might get a critical hit if you're old again, but if you had a critical. And with a critical hit, you start to climb down, but when you're halfway down, you start to notice something in the fungus. Forest is reacting to your movement. Something is starting to move around and you think it's the mushrooms themselves. There are some fungi here that are starting to grow creepy little tendrils and they're slithering towards.

[01:20:03]

And so you could, with that critically, climb back up real quick and you'd be back up on the cliff. Is he high from just being around the mushrooms? He's hallucinating.

[01:20:11]

Doesn't seem like there are spores in the air, but they have an effect on you yet.

[01:20:16]

So yet you guys are going to come. You are going to come join me, though, right? Yeah, totally. Absolutely.

[01:20:23]

So, like, so what am I doing? I just go down, you continue to climb down and then you'll be among these mushrooms and their creepy tentacles, or you can climb back up because you got a critical hit. You spotted this in time.

[01:20:34]

I'll go back up.

[01:20:35]

I go back to my crew and now you can be like you can't reach down to hit these mushrooms, but you could throw, like, javelins. Yeah, it's your turn to and start to look like zombies.

[01:20:45]

Just start uprooting themselves and slowly they're marching towards you. These big purple mushrooms walking like little adorable people, kind of whoa.

[01:20:54]

And then at that point, the people still at the cave entrance start to notice the flap of the command tent flap out for just a moment. A hooded figure looks out and it's very much like kind of a dark Palpatine vibes you are getting. There's definitely like a hooded figure in there who for just a moment puts out a claw hand, puts the flap out, and then pulls the flap back like they're trying to hide themselves. And they're loudly shouting at some people in the room who are scurrying out.

[01:21:24]

And for just a moment, everyone at the cave entrance is seeing this flash of light inside that tent that illuminates the person we saw and the other people running around in there, but also a big slab of maybe like a table that slightly on an angle.

[01:21:40]

And there seems to be somebody rising up from off of that slab maybe, or table in the command tent, the blue injury tent on a sideline.

[01:21:50]

Well, we've got somebody that to work on and somebody is walking towards the entrance.

[01:21:55]

Got it. And that was Norm's turn.

[01:21:58]

We're back to the Wizards turn now. What would you like to you see this all happen at the command tent, but you've also seen Norm rushing ahead down into the cave where the fungal forest is.

[01:22:08]

Yeah. So we can't leave him hanging right now. I don't need to rush in to help him for sure, Jake. Then it'll be too much for my boy. Yeah.

[01:22:15]

I just want to say it's my life is has been like the improvement in my life. Switching you for Billy has been incredible. Billy's on Snapchat right now.

[01:22:27]

No problem. Yeah. OK, so am I wrong? Absolutely.

[01:22:30]

So you can get down to where the Barbarian is. You see, he just climbed up from the cliff and is pointing down at these Vialet Fungai, these purple mushrooms who are marching towards you. You've got a couple of options here.

[01:22:41]

You could try to do a spell that would hit all of these enemies. The two spells I can think of that would hit all of them are either thunder wave that blast that hits a bunch of people and throws them back or your burning hands spell. Just like Hank and Erlik, you have a burning hand spell that is a cone that hits lots of people. Yeah, I would love to. That's a great one. Absolutely.

[01:23:03]

I will go ahead and roll saving throws that represent for all the fun guy that is not quite enough.

[01:23:08]

And so you are going to get to deal three D six damage of fire damage to all these Fungai, all four of the mushrooms as they come slithering out there, reaching their tendrils weakly up towards you and you just give a blast to fire down to them. It hits all four of them and incinerates them instantly. Congratulations. Well done.

[01:23:29]

In two hours. Time out real quick. Are we are we just like the best players ever? You are going through these and crushing everyone to love it. Good job, guys. And Wayne, that was a great turn for Wayne. What would you like to do now?

[01:23:45]

All right. So if I'm to understand. I'm sorry. My mistake. Oh, no. Yeah, absolutely.

[01:23:49]

So, Erlik, you just saw all the mushrooms up ahead, get incinerated. But back at the command tent, something is definitely happening. You know that, too.

[01:23:56]

But if the mushrooms are gone now, can't we go back down and go forward?

[01:24:00]

Absolutely. You should be able to climb down, no problem. Into the fungal forest.

[01:24:04]

Or do we want to take out the people in the tent just so we're safe?

[01:24:07]

Hmm. It looks like somebody is heading our way. Maybe.

[01:24:11]

What do you guys think? Because we don't want to go down into the mushroom force and then get trapped, you know, held held by the by the mysterious figure.

[01:24:17]

I mean, I hate to quit harping on the fact that these are mushrooms, but since we just lit them on fire, can can we breathe in their fumes?

[01:24:23]

You can attempt to certainly. Yes. I'm kind of with amputee's parties. I'm with PFG. Let's let's go see if we can get some residual contact.

[01:24:30]

Hi. Go ahead.

[01:24:32]

This will be a of saving throw is you get a one three three.

[01:24:39]

Very exciting results. It's always a little fun with somebody is getting crazy roles, but unfortunately right now you are inhaling poison that is causing you to let them die a total of just to one point, the poison damage could have been a lot.

[01:24:54]

I mean, just kidding. Just five in damage. I love that.

[01:24:58]

So you've still got a good number of hit points left, just one point of poison damage that I would say that was just part of your move.

[01:25:04]

If you wanted to go further through the Fungai cave now, you could if you want to come on here, we do something else.

[01:25:09]

Let's go. Go ahead and roll at.

[01:25:11]

The athletic director climbed 11, 11, and then you climb up the other side of the Fungai cave and now you are in the next room, which appears to split in two different directions. One is a staircase that leads down to the right, and then one is that tunnel that goes to the left.

[01:25:30]

And from the left tunnel, you hear growling or even maybe barking of some kind coming down, coming from that direction, from the stairs to the right, like a dog, not a dragon, like a dog, maybe.

[01:25:43]

But at the same time, there's something growling and maybe draconic about it like a weird mix of some kind. And you know what? You can roll a knowledge check right now on that to see if you recognize what this is, 18 18.

[01:25:56]

I recall that when we were at the castle, the cultists had things called drakes, which are like a mini dragons without wings. You think you are hearing many drakes growling to the left, say to the right, go now. OK, OK.

[01:26:11]

And then that's your move getting across there. Love it. And we will see what you do on your next turn. But then wait till the Drakes.

[01:26:18]

Yeah, you got to kill the tricks. Yeah. God I hate these tricks. I hate them. I hate them so much. Like a multitracked trick is what you're telling me. So I want to go down. I want to follow Hank into his path.

[01:26:29]

Go ahead and just roll the climb check to make sure you didn't fall while climbing down to or through the funk alive.

[01:26:36]

Oh no. It's it's way to two right now.

[01:26:39]

You are falling a little bit and having trouble climbing back out.

[01:26:42]

You just take one point of damage as you slipped from the rocks, take a tumble, hit the ground.

[01:26:47]

But try one more time to get back out now. Seventeen, seventeen.

[01:26:51]

You climb out the other side. No problem. After one point of damage and you get to the other side, you can hear now the drakes to the left and then stairs down to the right. Which way would you like to.

[01:27:01]

I would like to go to the left side. So I'm already dressed up as a woman, right? Absolutely. No more call.

[01:27:08]

So the Drakes should be very attracted to me. Absolutely.

[01:27:12]

You're certainly dressed. It seems like one of the cultists. So they should be maybe listening to you. And what you're seeing is that there is a staircase leading down and there is some kind of a big cage walling off both the staircase and kind of this cliff that's looking down almost kind of like a batting ring type situation.

[01:27:31]

It's like they didn't or a zoo would be the better metaphor, because you're noticing that down in this pit where the Drakes can't leap out, there are no fewer than five big blue scale drakes prowling around.

[01:27:44]

And the moment they register you, they start barking and how fast the hatcheries can drink.

[01:27:50]

Now, there's there's another tunnel to the left that's going further down.

[01:27:54]

And now you can hear yapping voices like sounds like kobolds have become alerted now that the Drakes are growling and or so.

[01:28:01]

So as I understand it, my character is not good at like just straight up violence. Right. I don't think I'd stand much of a chance against the five Drakes.

[01:28:09]

No, not not really. No. I got you back.

[01:28:12]

I'm coming next. Can I like the room on fire or something like that? Can I, like, throw my mix tape in there? In theory, you don't have like a big fire blast spell like the wizard might have, but in your best you could make one of the drakes certainly start laughing hysterically and that would take one of them out of the fight.

[01:28:28]

You would also be able to try the sleep spell. I know you would have the sleep spell to try to put a certain number of drakes to sleep, but those would be your best options against lots of it.

[01:28:37]

I feel like that's my best option at this point. Right, because I have no interest in going to see a bunch of Coble's like we've already seen that we cover the down there.

[01:28:46]

Sounds like they're going to come rushing up to the where the Drakes are almost like they have the keys to unlock the Drake's cage.

[01:28:52]

Maybe that's OK, huh? I feel like I put some to sleep. There's there's also a chance let's just talk this out. There's also a chance like I've been dominant in this game thus far. There's a chance I show up and all the drinks to start rooting for me. That's also true, right? Yeah. Yeah.

[01:29:07]

You might flip it on their head that way you could set it up so that you start being like the hype man. Announcer For Norm, when he arrived, you gave him advantage of his intimidation comes. Yeah, yeah. Your brakes on it.

[01:29:19]

I'll be like the two time defending champion of Dungeons and Dragons. It's the Barbarian Dorham can't be stopped.

[01:29:27]

And now I throw a bunch like Naum hats and jackets down to the dirt so they can put that on because, yeah, I love that guy.

[01:29:34]

Little break started to see the norm Mirch landing around. Yeah. Looking at it. Like start like growling, like grabbing bits of it and cheering it up when he arrives, he's going to have advantage because they'll look at the face form on the merchandise and I love it. Then, Norm, when we come to your turn, you have advantage if you want to try to use your move to run in first. Just over you had gotten across. Well, yeah, Roll wants to get across the pit in theory to make sure you're doing that for sure.

[01:29:59]

But you have advantage on this because it's athletics and you're raging.

[01:30:02]

So do you roll one more time. Big role here.

[01:30:05]

Five, but you have a five on this. You got ten. Yeah, he's just barely enough, actually. You just barely make it in time.

[01:30:14]

You run over it with your action. Now, you could try to intimidate these drakes. You have a plus four on that and now you're going two times thanks to the natural beauty.

[01:30:26]

You look at the enormous they look up at you and these are. Oh, just howling out to you, Norm.

[01:30:32]

It looks like if you can get this cage door open, these drakes would want to fight for you.

[01:30:37]

They you they think you're a cultist right now. This isn't that big of them.

[01:30:43]

But are they are they standing up out of their chairs and clapping, wearing stupid sweaters? Absolutely.

[01:30:48]

They're putting their paws up on the wall for the show. OK, all right.

[01:30:53]

Go sleep now at the end of your tour, Norm, that is when we were at the bottom of the initiative. And at this point, none of us can see the command tent anymore because we've rushed pretty far into this tunnel.

[01:31:03]

But we do all see someone coming, climbing out of the Fungai pit as though they have been following us.

[01:31:12]

And it looks like an armored figure in a black version of a familiar mask with two horns on either side.

[01:31:19]

I figure I go alive and they're almost like they rose off of a slab in the command tent and you can see stitches all over their body. So a body which had been hacked to pieces has been stitched back together in some kind of zombified form.

[01:31:38]

But what you are seeing is definitely no zombie because you are seeing where their head is behind the mask.

[01:31:45]

There are flames rising up on my ghostwriter Scott style.

[01:31:50]

You think a skull is all that is in this mountain village?

[01:31:53]

They turned him into the mountains. It's music.

[01:31:56]

And Billy, as you hear in your mind, the voice of whoever Rosemere is, the mysterious leader of this group of the cult.

[01:32:05]

You hear Razmi, his voice in your mind, saying, do it, do it now. And Billy, I would like you to charge at Naum. Please tell him I'm going to say this right now. Dude, that was the most electric thing ever I was watching right now.

[01:32:23]

We had one talks where it was like Vader coming off the early. And I was like, well, don't spoil it, everybody. But some people did call it for sure. And Billy, I'm going to be coaching you through your turn.

[01:32:35]

But I would highly advise that you use your to attack option right now and start with a guiding strike, please. You will receive a plus ten to your role on the first strike, Billy.

[01:32:47]

So if you could take a deep 20, Romney rolling with a plus fourteen on this first roll, which is my right.

[01:33:00]

Sixty sixteen is absolutely a hit with a thirty total. I would like you to please roll a detail roll for you this date plus.

[01:33:08]

So so far that's seven points of damage, which only becomes three against the raging barbarians.

[01:33:14]

So Norm has six left and Resume says you must do it now with this second strike, I calling your pitch, you can't do it your bitch toward two.

[01:33:26]

Oh good music baby.

[01:33:30]

And with a total of nine weeks of damage becomes four damage against Norm. Norm, you had six HP left.

[01:33:38]

You still have two left home is still standing. Rosemere says you have failed me for the last time. You will finish him on your next turn. Come on. You better not miss know another turn.

[01:33:52]

Those are your actions right now. So you will get another turn after Norm's next turn.

[01:33:58]

Well, we should do. We should do. I think we have one. Let's go one more round and with Billy. Perfect.

[01:34:05]

Yeah that will be great because someone I imagine is going to be going down at that point. Yes. So Wizzard you have just seen kac, the Wizard of Oz, like this old rival has returned once more.

[01:34:17]

What would you like to do to throw a bunch of soy at him and soy. I don't know.

[01:34:22]

I would like to do anything to attack now.

[01:34:26]

I would say you absolutely could turn upon Beeley and launch. You know, one of your cantrip spells would be like Fireboat or Reya Frost.

[01:34:32]

Your most powerful attack spell might be a. Let's see, not not thunder wave, but you would have certainly a magic missile would be your most reliable strike, but your best your best risky attack would be chromatic or that deals more damage, but it might miss completely.

[01:34:54]

Now, I want to say that your most powerful attack spoke chromatic orb. You charge it up and hopefully hit magic missile doesn't do as much damage, but it never misses its three missiles that always Hohmann and do a little bit of damage. Otherwise, I would also say you have the ability to try to use your mage hand cantrip to try to pick the lock on that cage and release the Drakes. Any of those, I think good ideas.

[01:35:17]

I mean, there's no other choice but to go for it all and use the magic or whatever, the chromatic or not.

[01:35:23]

So you're going all out. So you get to choose an element. Now you get to choose fire, cold, poison, acid, lightning or thunder are your choices.

[01:35:31]

All of these should be pretty good against psychobilly, I'll tell you right now. So it's not so much an important choice as is aesthetics, seeing a thing of lightning just hit the ground.

[01:35:42]

Yeah, absolutely.

[01:35:43]

So you see a sharp jump in orbital lightning and you're going to throw it at possibly role a very important 20 role, plus five now 13.

[01:35:54]

All right. All right. Plus five is 18. And Billy's armor class, as I recall, is 16. So you are hitting him and you really get to deal all of this damage now to, oh, it's 16 so far.

[01:36:08]

And then another two is 18 damage, presumably down to two. So that day, I just want to say I got a well done. Take the wisdom.

[01:36:21]

Do you realize the cake just kicked your ass? Think about that for a second, Billy. Kate just kicked your ass.

[01:36:30]

Gracemere is saying nothing into your mind, right? Psychobilly.

[01:36:35]

Lesnar wants to disown you right now is like, fuck you and I have no son. That would bring us to Flixster.

[01:36:42]

Next, you could do an Eldrick blast. You also have burning hands, same as the wizard does, whichever of these you would like to do. Let me.

[01:36:49]

Blasim Absolutely. To step back to freedom. Blast off in his face. Yes. So bad.

[01:36:55]

Thirteen, thirteen plus year four is a seventeen. That is a hit against rockabilly and you are going to be dealing the last damage against him.

[01:37:04]

Six points of damage and you the one to kill him last time also as I recall.

[01:37:14]

So yes, you just took him down and he falls to the ground and you see the flames burn out on his head. You still have a move in a bonus action.

[01:37:23]

I don't know. You just enjoy it. Can I just stop? Oh, yeah. That's like a dance on his grave.

[01:37:30]

Literally twenty to dance upon his body.

[01:37:34]

Ten.

[01:37:36]

You are managing to climb upon him and like the flames of your hatred or burning in your hands and his corpse just starts to burn beneath your feet up on your infernal power.

[01:37:47]

I love the idea that we're just going to be traveling this mystical world and like every like three miles, just a different form of Billy shows up. We just kill each villain. We'll bring back Massacre Billy.

[01:38:00]

And yes, I think this keep killing his ass.

[01:38:03]

Can I can I play let the bodies hit the floor and then we'll just fucking rock and roll a performance check right now.

[01:38:12]

Love it with me. Absolutely not. Absolutely.

[01:38:15]

No, it's only three. Three.

[01:38:19]

You are doing a pretty the the dogs the drakes start howling along with you, but they are not singing in harmony with you. Unfortunately it's just making a lot more noise than classic drink.

[01:38:29]

Yeah.

[01:38:29]

It's kind of like who becomes who let the dogs out after a certain point that song just transitions, OK? And that this point I will have Berserker Billy just roll.

[01:38:38]

Oh it's my turn. Oh right. Yeah. What would you like to do. I would like to if we could. I don't know if this exists in Dungeons and Dragons, but I would love to pull up Instagram of just dragon dumpers and just take a look at some like Fat Dragon asses, all the boys all around, because it's Billy's favorite thing.

[01:38:55]

Yeah, silly. I tell you, it's a roll. This is this is I know it will happen if you do on nine. It's a nine nine. One more time. One more time for your victory here.

[01:39:05]

Thirteen was a great party with a thirteen. As you start you pull out a book that has a bunch of draconic images in it, just like an artwork of great dragons. And you do pull out the centerfold. Yeah. Yeah, really good. Yeah. Double tap.

[01:39:19]

You are remembering one very important fact as you see a dragon kind of sitting on its nest, you realize that you're not seeing any eggs among the drakes, but you start to remember there is one other creature that this cult loves that does lay eggs. And you start to think that this. Is the kind of cave where a dragon might lay eggs, and since there are no drak eggs in this hatchery, you're starting to put two and two together with this role and realize that somewhere in this cave, a dragon has laid its eggs and the cultists are protecting it.

[01:39:55]

And so that going all my time is realizing that we have a chance to maybe get our hands on psychedelics.

[01:40:05]

Oh, you're the best man. Thank you so much, as always. For sure.

[01:40:09]

Oh, I fucking love football and I fucking love you guys.

[01:40:18]

Billy, do you have any thoughts? Jake, I'm sorry to make fun of you for your injury.

[01:40:27]

It's probably very unfortunate and I wouldn't want to wish bad juju on anybody. That's what this is about.

[01:40:33]

Are you concerned that it's going to come back and get you? Well, you're not apologizing because it's the right thing to do. Now you're thinking the injury gods are frowning on me.

[01:40:42]

Yeah, that's. Yeah. Anyway, thank you. It is a real injury, but I'll be OK.

[01:40:52]

You shouldn't have been doing anything athletic in the first place.

[01:40:54]

Oh. The ping pong table is right there, all play on one foot. Let's go. I'm a three time tennis club champion. Equalitarian Ravell wouldn't have used crutches. Oh.

[01:41:09]

Oh. You live in. I'm telling you, it's pardon my take presented by barstool sports.